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MAKAYLA JANE:
GOD'S Spirit Reborn With
HIS Loving
JESUS HEart.

MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart.

  ONE OF TWO 

DATE REVIEWED: 7/16/23

TITLE: What To Expect When You’re Expecting

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2012 Lionsgate/Alcon Entertainment/Phoenix Pictures/What To Expect Productions/Georgia Public

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie took place in Georgia and began with Hutch Davidson, the host on Celebrity Dance Factor, broadcasting live from Hollywood by announcing that they were about to crown their Season champion (show on for many years). The first two finalists were Whitney Port and Dwyane Wade, and the last finalists were Jules Baxter and Evan Webber and Jules and Evan won. Right after the trophy was presented, Jules threw up in it onstage on live TV. Hutch joked to the audience in the studio and those thousands watching at home that they should hope she’s not pregnant. Jules and Evan then gave each other a shocked look. At Jules’s house, Evan read a What To Expect When You’re Expecting book and Jules asked him if he was freaking out about the situation. Jules explained that she would continue her workout TV show and she would get fat while everybody else was getting thin. Jules and Evan went to their first doctor’s visit and were told to follow up in a month and everything looked fine and they grabbed some pamphlets and then left. Evan and Jules found out at their appointment they were having a boy. Jules posed for photos of her baby bump and was told by a man that the magazine was excited to have her as the Spring cover mom, but Jules was more concerned that her large breasts be visible in the picture versus her stomach. Jules took a call from Evan because he called her after she sent him a circumcision video while he was eating lunch and he said he was scarred for life and so was his female coworker. They discussed it further on what to do about their baby’s penis, and Evan was for the circumcision because he was Jewish, to which Jules, who was against it, replied that he was half Jewish, the Christmas tree kind of Jewish, and he added that his penis was full Jew and it was his jurisdiction to say what his son’s was. This happened as Evan was eating a donut while Jules ate a banana, and after he hung up Evan’s coworker told him that she liked an uncut guy and when she was younger she banged her way across Eastern Europe and that was fun for her. As Jules taught her workout class, Evan showed up with the FitPregnancy magazine that had Jules Baxter on the front cover and the caption about how she was not circumcising her baby and posed like the “You Can Do It,” thing (women power). They argued about who the alpha was in their relationship because they both said they were the alpha, and then Evan walked away saying he was going to stay at his house and not hers that night. On Evan’s live TV show, his coworker told the camera that Evan promised to knock her up to so she and Jules could be sister-wives. Jules told her viewers on live TV that she was going to be dropping in on her contestants to make sure they were following their program at home. Afterward, Evan told Jules that he didn’t like her traveling for her work that late in her pregnancy, and she replied that she wanted to be there for her contestants during their weight loss during and after. They argued about naming the boy Jackson and how Evan was welcome to come along with his crew since Jules had her own film crew. Jules said that she thought it would be easier if she handled everything on her own with the baby because she and Evan danced together on a show for three months and now they were parents. Evan replied for Jules to send him an email when she had everything figured out. In her butt-cheek showing shorty-shorts and pregnant workout shirt, Jules and her cameraman arrived in Atlanta, Georgia at the food truck venue and surprised Gary from season 4 at the Big Pig. On camera Jules told her viewers she wanted to pop in and see how Gary was maintaining his weight and how healthy his lifestyle was. Jules was armed with photographs of Gary that were shot days before from her spying on him before they were live on air to give her fan club watchers more drama that her target wasn’t aware of. Gary at the time Jules and her crew snuck up on him was getting something very unhealthy to eat he was holding it in his hand but lied and said it wasn’t his. Jules whipped out a picture of him with that same unhealthy food a few days before and held up his fat picture before he lost weight on her televised program. Marco and his buddy were in the van laughing about it. Gary said he was going through he “Couvade Syndrome,” or “Sympathetic Pregnancy” where men put on weight when their wives got pregnant to make their now wives feel better about getting larger. Jules lectured Gary that was called a crutch and he needed to deal with the little bit of weight he gained and not worry about it when he was at 100 more pounds because it was harder to take off all that fat in the end. Gary wanted the camera stopped immediately, but they didn’t even when Jules went on to talk about the baby’s penis inside her body that was being exploited by the crazy news people on the front-page news articles so they could make a profit. Jules then took Jesus’ name in vain. As Jules looked down at his food that Gary held (pork in a bun) in his hand, she told him that looked really good and then told the camera people to cut her saying out of the tape and they continued rolling film. Gary and Jules yelled “I can do it!” together and started doing lunges there on the sidewalk, but then Jules got a sharp pain in her stomach and keeled over so the bystanders called 911. In Jules’s suite room, she told the medical staffer that she could fly back to L.A. so she could finish her show, and the medical personnel responded nice try because Jules wasn’t going anywhere because they had to keep her contractions under control and she would have the baby in Atlanta. Jules bragged that she climbed Everest and told the nurse that she was confident she could keep the baby from coming out at 30,000 feet in the air in a plane and he could wait to be born until she landed in California. The medical staffer told Jules that she had to stay in bed and didn’t have a choice and she needed to call somebody to take care of her. Jules watched Evan and his coworker Megan with her hands around her breasts on Celebrity Dance Factor, and then in walked Evan and surprised Jules in bed telling her that he wasn’t live on the show anymore because he and Megan got kicked off. They watched on the TV Evan throw his samba routine and he fell on the floor on purpose with the judges calling it a “national disaster.” Evan told Jules that it was his job to take care of her and he didn’t want anybody else to do it so that was why he came. On the live Lose It and Weep finale, the host announced that he had a surprise for them and then Jules appeared on her Georgia cam and told everybody that they were all winners and then she said SOB and then the f-word on live TV because she got a contraction and the baby was coming. The host said they were still filming live hoping Jules would stop swearing. 

Another main female of the movie, Wendy Cooper, had a book signing and story reading event for her children’s book called “Milk It!” The book had a picture of two breasts on the cover. Wendy read her book to a small group of children and parents inside her Breast Choice store. An employee named Janice was outside the building and tried to get everyone to come inside for the book signing by yelling that there were pictures of breasts inside the book. When Wendy read the very short kids’ book, Wendy (with no children of her own) told the little children present to make sure they thanked their moms for breast-feeding them.  Wendy was upset afterward with her husband for not chasing down the boy that interrupted her reading yelling the word “tits,” and running off, and her husband Gary, who had been filming Wendy with a camera, said that he said some choice words to the boy even though he wasn’t able to catch him. Gary had to leave because he was a dentist and had an appointment with Lil Wayne to give him a grill and Gary was excited because that was his first time doing a grill. Wendy got an alert to her phone that she was ovulating at the same time Gary got a Tarzan alert on his phone. His wife was ovulating and she told him to come back so they could have sex (in the baby store). Wendy told her assistant Janice that she was taking Gary to the back of the store (sex) and wanted Janice to man the store. Wendy and Gary went to watch Dirty Dancing at the Delta Atlanta movie screen on the lawn with others at the social community gathering, and then they drank wine and toasted to taking a break from trying to have a baby and the next step would be three rounds of IVF or adoption. Gary went to get food at the Big Pig food truck, but the owner, Marco, left because he was mad that his ex-female love interest from high school started serving bacon at her cheese food truck and that led to a competition of whoever sold the most food that night would drink the most beer. After the movie was over, Wendy and Gary came out of the bushes after they had sex. While Wendy was asleep in her store, Janice asked her if she could go on her 15-minute Facebook break and wanted to know if Wendy was dead because she wasn’t responding. She woke up and told Janice that she dreamt she had a kangaroo pouch and then she started rubbing her breasts, and Janice said she liked to rub her breasts too. Wendy realized something and went to find her husband who was swimming at the community pool doing laps, and since he was underwater he didn’t hear her so she jumped into the water and squealed that they were pregnant and the five positive pregnancy test sticks floated around them in the water with other people swimming too. Wendy and Gary went to eat with Gary’s dad, Ramsey, and his much younger new wife, Skyler, at his house and announced that they were pregnant. Ramsey and Skyler then announced that they were pregnant too. Ramsey was an ex-racecar driver and he told everyone there was no blanks in his pistol and used a gun signal to point to his private parts. As though a competition, Ramsey mentioned how long Gary and his wife had been trying to get pregnant (couple of years) when he, Ramsey, wasn’t even trying at all. Dad said they should celebrate, and then he pushed a button and instantly a Margaritaville shack appeared on his outdoor million-dollar patio. The two females discussed how their bodies were changing and Skyler said she could still do her strip-aerobics and kickboxing and she didn’t have to give up those activities and others because she had a lot of extra energy. She added that she was also crazy horny and mentioned how she constantly wanted to pounce on Ramsey (Gary’s dad) whenever she smelled him. The men did shots together at 11:00 a.m., and then as Gary and Wendy left, Ramsey pulled out a huge wad of cash he kept in his pocket and said money wasn’t everything but it sure connected you to your kids and asked Gary how much he needed for his Walmart shopping trip. Gary refused the money from his millionaire father, and instead told his dad that Skyler wasn’t his mom. After Gary kissed Skyler goodbye and he exited the house with his wife, Wendy told Gary never to kiss that woman again. Wendy had a business call and ended it by saying “Have the Breast Day,” which was her company slogan. Excited Wendy then shouted to Janice that she was going to be a keynote speaker at the next regional ABC Kids Expo. Janice’s cell phone then rang, and wacky Wendy smashed it to pieces and said no more cell phones and only landlines because she was protecting her baby. Wendy and Gary had an ultrasound and found out the baby was a boy. Ramsey and Skyler also had an ultrasound and found out she was carrying a girl. At dinner with Gary’s parents, the two couples exchanged ultrasound photos and it turned out that Ramsey and his wife were having twins. Ramsey showed them on his 4-D ultrasound video that Gary didn’t want even though his dad offered to pay for his video. At Wendy’s store, she and Janice talked about calling the baby a Mini Cooper and having that as a theme for her baby shower. But, then Skyler showed up in her Mini Cooper car and gave Wendy her baby shower invitation. Skyler’s invite had two pink Mini Cooper cars, which was exactly what Janice and Wendy were working on for Wendy’s baby boy shower invites. Skyler and Wendy sat down and talked about their pregnancies, and Wendy said acne, bleeding gums and constipation were common at their stage or pregnancy.Janice tried to say her sister got herpes when she was pregnant, and Wendy said that wasn’t from her pregnancy, and Janice went on about her phantom pregnancy. Wendy couldn’t stand how energetic and happy Skyler was doing during her pregnancy and how she could still do her preg-aerobics classes when Wendy had so many side effects. On her way out the door, there was a business card for Holly’s photography and Skyler took one because Ramsey had been getting onto her about getting her pregnancy portraits done. Wendy said Holly was the best and would make Skyler look amazing. Wendy and Gary later watched Lose It and Weep and weren’t happy about Skyler and Ramsey copying the Mini Coopers idea because that was Wendy and Gary’s thing (even though Skyler drove a mini cooper.) As Wendy and Gary arrived to Ramsey’s house for his baby shower, Gary didn’t think it was a good idea for Wendy, who was feeling poorly with gas and peeing herself a little, to speak at the Kids Expo next week, but she said she was needed support so she was going. Ramsey welcomed them in and told Gary his mom was going to be glad to see him, and Gary replied that Skyler still wasn’t his mom and she was born in 1986. Gary then decided to join everybody and threw the gift he was holding on the floor with the others and it shattered when it landed because he was mad at his dad for always trying to compete with him. As they went to the poolside Jimmy Buffett’s “Why don’t we get drunk and screw,” Wendy got a massage with her bikini-clad mother-in-law Skyler stood above her strutting her henna-tattooed body with a mandala tattoo around her belly button on her baby bump stomach and Ramsey told his son that perhaps Wendy was having twins was so fat compared to Skyler who was a lot slimmer than Wendy and having twins with them both being at the same stage of their pregnancies. Ramsey and his drinking buddies made jokes about Gary being on the weight loss show and told him that he could have a Skinny Girl drink after he said he couldn’t drink his calories. Gary left and drove off in a pink golf cart matching his pink shirt when there were many other colors of golf cart to pick from mad as heck again. Skyler came over and chewed out Ram Bam (Ramsey) for his mean treatment of her son and causing strife in the family and didn’t want Gary’s newborn siblings to be subject to that abuse so she told her husband to go fix things with Gary immediately and put his drink down. Gary told his Tater Tot he would and left and she gave the other two chums a dirty look before she left. Daddy drove his red golf cart caught up to his son’s pink golf cart to hear his son talking to himself. Gary got a few things off his chest, one of which was his dad named him Gary Cooper and his dad was the reason Gary was fat because of all the constant competition since Ramsey was a retired racecar driver that made his behavior competitive. Gary turned around and talked to his dad, and Ramsey told his son that he had all of Gary’s Lose It episodes on Blu-Ray and watched the whole season, and then started laughing because he didn’t stay up late at night watching them over and over again like he said he did and drove off fast telling Gary that he was beating him home. Gary yelled after Ramsey that wasn’t good parenting and tried to win the race when Ramsey added that if Gary could beat him home they would never have to race each other again. As they headed back to the house, they played bumper cars with the golf carts and Ramsey ended up knocking Gary through the Margaritaville display and into the pool. Gary came out from underneath the water with his arms raised because he finally beat his dad at something even though it almost killed the people in the pool and those in front of the Margaritaville bar. Wendy went to the ABC Kids Expo and walked by the Dove, ivillage.com, Plum, Britax, Glidden, Gerber, Earth’s Best, Carter’s, and Dun Widdy’s exhibits. Wendy met up with Janice in her rainbow unicorn shirt and told her boss that they needed to get some of the pacifiers Janice was sucking on for their store because they tasted like real nipples. Wendy didn’t think she could go out there and speak in front of the crowd, and then she peed herself a lot more than she usually did. The announcer called Wendy Cooper of The Breast Choice to speak, and with ABC blocks around her and the Welcome to MyPregnancyTV Salon, Wendy walked out into the audience wearing Janice’s very large rainbow-colored unicorn shirt and dress. Wendy called Janice out from backstage, and Janice came out wearing Wendy’s dress that was much too small for her and revealed a lot of her bra as her boobs hung out of her outfit. Wendy told Janice to get her speech for her and the audience of pregnant people and kids laughed at Janice’s inappropriate attire. Janice walked out onstage almost splitting the dress open so Wendy could reach inside Janice’s lower pocket and pull out her speech. Janice asked everybody as she turned around what the liquid was on her butt that was on the dress that Wendy was just wearing. As Wendy started to give her prepared speech about angel kisses and pregnancy, she got up and apologized because she couldn’t give her speech because that wasn’t how she felt about her pregnancy and explained to her audience as she took her bra off that she called one giant piece of Granny spandex that was very uncomfortable that she could fit twenty of her old bras inside. Janice came to take the bra away Wendy and wanted to know if all the women should take their bras off because Janice’s was a bit small. Wendy ignored her dimwit helper and explained that before she got pregnant she just wanted the glow they promised on the cover of those magazines with the pretty lady looking down at her pregnant belly with a sweet smile on her face. Wendy said she was calling that BS because pregnancy sucked and making a human being was very hard because she had no control over her emotions or hormones and then apologized to her husband Gar Bear who was standing in the audience since all she wanted to do was punch him in the face and she loved him so much. Gary called Wendy Squeaks and said he loved her too, and then Wendy told the audience that she didn’t get the glow and didn’t know if they did but she got the bacne, hemorrhoids, purple stretch marks everywhere, and pressure hanging from her uterus that made her walk like she was kicked in the vag. Janice cut in and picked Wendy up off the floor telling Wendy it was time for her to stop there, and before she left the stage Wendy told the audience said people say you forget the whole pregnancy when it was all over and she hoped that was true. The “Baby Lady Meltdown,” video of Wendy went viral on YouTube with over 8,000 views. As the views went up to over 10,000, Gary tried to console his wife that nobody would be watching it, as she was afraid the video would ruin her business, and then it went to over 13,000. As Gary drove Wendy to her business, there was a crowd of people lined up outside the door with the line continuing around the side of the building and she thought it was a mob. Inside, on the Apple laptop Janice showed Wendy and Gary the video that got more hits than the cow dancing video at two million hits, which they turned into a song about hormones with the punchline being punching Gary in the face. People started banging on the door outside because they wanted the store to be open, and Janice told them to hold onto their va-jay-jays and she would open the door. The mob of females went inside and got their pictures taken with Wendy like she was a celebrity, and Gary left because he didn’t want to deal with it. Wendy and Gary took the doctor’s advice and walked in the park because he said that would help invoke labor, and they walked past the daddy group and Patel shouted out to try having sex and Vic added the tweak the nipples which would also induce labor. Ramsey was watching Jules’ show on the couch drinking and his Budweiser beer and said the censors were going to love that and then called to his wife to see how she was doing on her balance ball. She told him her contractions were 17 minutes apart, and he replied they could leave for the hospital whenever she wanted but he was just trying to catch the part with Gary and could always record it. Skyler told her husband that she could wait so he could watch his son on TV. Meanwhile, Gary tried to get his wife to the hospital and freaked out because he couldn’t find his keys so Wendy threw something at him and hit him to calm him down. Gary drove like a maniac and ran a red light almost hitting the Big Pig food truck and continued on with Wendy in the small car screaming for him to slow down and using Jesus’ name in vain and calling Gary a worthless piece of crap in the process. 

TWO OF TWO 

DATE REVIEWED: 7/16/23

TITLE: What To Expect When You’re Expecting

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2012 Lionsgate/Alcon Entertainment/Phoenix Pictures/What To Expect Productions/Georgia Public

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1  


After their work was finished, Marco won the food truck sales bet and brought four beers over, three for Rosie and one for him. They discussed how at prom he asked Rosie to go and she said maybe so he asked somebody else and then Rosie said yes so Marco tried to take both girls to prom with him but that didn’t work out well. They discussed battle scars from cooking in their food trucks, such as second-degree burns, almost slicing their thumb off, and five stitches. As the mood changed, Rosie and Marco started making out and that led to them having sex. Rosie then had an issue with her roommates, Molly and Courtney, because Rosie took a pregnancy test and hogged the shared bathroom one day a few weeks after having sex with Marco, as she was late for her period, and hadn’t spoke been with Marco since their one night stand. Outside at a different food truck location, Rosie sat down with Marco and told him that she was pregnant. Marco didn’t know what to do and said he thought it was her choice and wasn’t sure if they should get married. However, the way he said that set Rosie off so she walked away to go back to work at her food truck job but told Marco she would handle it and to forget she ever told him about the pregnancy because it was just one night and they hadn’t been together since. Later on, Rosie brought Marco home to her apartment where her roommates were on the couch laughing as they watched overweight people going down a Slip N’ Slide on Jules’s weight loss show, Lose It and Weep. At Marco and Rosie’s appointment the doctor told them it was too early to tell the gender. In the middle of the night, Rosie woke up Marco because she started bleeding, so he took her to the hospital and it turned out Rosie miscarried the child. As Marco dropped Rosie off at her apartment afterward, she told him it was her fault because she wished it to happen and sarcastically congratulated Marco because now he was off the hook. As they stood out in the pouring rain, Rosie told Marco they had never been a real couple or even on a real date and to stop pretending, and then one of Rosie’s roommates stumbled down the sidewalk telling Rosie she only did a few tequila shots and not to judge her, so the two girls went inside and Marco left. Rosie and her two gal pals went out clubbing to the same bar place as Holly’s baby shower but in a different room with different music. Rosie spotted Marco in the crowd and left the building after she told her girlfriends she would be right back. Marco chased after Rosie out the back exit into the alley, and they both told each other they missed each other. But, out came blondie onto the top of the stairwell asking her date Marco what he was doing outside with Rosie. Marco told Rosie that other girl was just a friend, and Rosie stormed off. Rosie walked back up the stairs to go back to her girlfirends inside and bumped into Holly and Alex carrying a big yellow inflatable rubbery duck. Days later, Marco and Rosie spoke at the food truck venue and he had his left hand bandaged and told Rosie that he wanted to take her out on a real date. He handed her some caramels he made and told her he burned his hand on the double boiler when he made them. Rosie told Marco that the reason they weren’t together wasn’t because of the baby, it was because he didn’t have a car and he replied says the one driving a duct-taped Honda Civic. Rosie said the real reason was because every time she looked at Marco’s face it killed her on the inside, and she tried to give him back the caramels he made for her but he told her to keep them. At their destination, the Big Pig with Marco driving backed over his coworker’s foot with the tire as he was parking and told him not to be such a baby even though his foot might be broken. His buddy then hopped on one foot up and down and spilled his beer everywhere. Marco and his friend and the Great Big Pig made it to the Southern Regional Medical Center. 

Another main female character, Holly Castillo was at her home studio and photographed a baby with her Canon camera. After the session, the female customer told Holly she shouldn’t wait too long otherwise she would miss her window of having children and Holly replied she hoped to have kids soon. Holly and her husband Alex discussed her freaking out and trying to cover up the dolphin tattoo on her shoulder because they were meeting with an adoption person in hopes of adopting a child from Ethiopia and having their home study done. Alex told Holly to relax because she wasn’t the only mom out there with that Spring Break tattoo. They told the female social worker, Renee Thompson, that they planned on moving out of their apartment and getting a nice home in a neighborhood. Holly said she would be happy to adopt from anywhere and they had been on a waiting list for Guatemala but they closed their adoptions (Why aren’t USA citizens adopting USA children that need forever homes?). The internatioal adoption worker looked at the framed pictures on the wall of Spring Break of a few women wearing thongs on the beach with men beneath them. The hopeful adoptive parents said they researched Ethiopia and fell in love with their culture, and Alex added that plus all the white babies were taken. Holly explained that Alex picked songs for commercial ads, which got them great health insurance, and he was currently working on a big ad for Delta Air Lines while Holly did her photography at the aquarium and other side jobs that paid the bills. Renee said on average it took a year or more for the adoption to be finalized and she didn’t see any red flags but they needed to baby-proof the apartment if they were going to stay there and do that before the child could live with them. Holly had hid her wedding photo under the couch cushion because she didn’t’ want Renee to see it, but when she asked for a wedding picture to send to the Ethiopian officials, Alex took the photo out from underneath his seat and handed it to Renee. Alex explained that they married in Vegas where he was Prince and Holly was a showgirl and Holly added that Alex loved Purple Rain and that was why he was dressed up like that. Renee said let’s just say the picture who burned in a fire because she wasn’t going to give that to any official. Holly and Alex went house-looking and she wanted to buy one of the houses but he reminded her they were just looking because they couldn’t afford it. At the Georgia Aquarium, Holly took photographs of a small white buluga whale in the water named Aristotle. Afterwards, Holly talked to her friend and coworker Kara about Alex not ready to be a father yet. Kara told her friend that Alex ought to join Dude’s group with her husband Craig, which was like Fight Club only there was no fighting and all the dads had babies and didn’t talk about what they did there. Kara said Craig started going when she was pregnant with Henri. Kara told Holly to send Alex to the Dudes Group to be ready for fatherhood. Holly barged in on her husband working at his home office and told him that if he went to Dude’s group, then she would give him something (insinuating sexual) on the spot so he agreed. Alex later joined up with the Dude’s group with all the dads and their kids in the park. Craig was in a grumpy mood because he had to take care of his kid, Henri, for three days because Kara had to go out of town. They handed Craig a drink canteen (possibly alcohol) as they walked and told Alex that rule number one was not to talk about what they walked about. They explained they were free to do whatever they wanted in their club with the kids and if they wanted to ditch carrot sticks and feed the kids nuggets they were going to do that and their wives couldn’t do anything about. As one of the dads asked for sunscreen to put on one of the kids, another replied that sunburn was full of Vitamin D. They met up with runner Davis and discussed how he was in Costa Rica doing surf photographs and then they looked on his phone and talked about how he shot pictures of mountains because there was a woman with big breasts in her bikini. They discussed Patel who wasn’t going to sell his ’69 Camaro but had gone shopping for minivans. The conversation got back around to Alex who was told that if they were going to look at minivans they were going to buy a minivan, and it was the same with houses so his wife was going to buy a house. Meanwhile, as Alex was in a business meeting for the Delta Air ad, Holly showed up and pulled him out so they could take a call from Renee because they got lucky and there was a little six-week old Ethiopian boy named Kaleb who needed placement and there was no family medical history and there wouldn’t ever be any on the child. They saw a picture of Kaleb on the computer screen. Later on, they applied to purchase the house that Holly liked. Alex met up with the Dude’s group again. As they walked in the park with their strollers, the men discussed how having a baby would change Alex’s life tremendously and nobody was ever ready for it. One of Vic’s four kids, toddler Jordan, who trailed behind them tripped over a soccer ball but nobody noticed and just kept going because they were too busy talking. After it was said that Alex was adopting, the dads thought that was the easy way. Alex was concerned that the child might try to kill him in his sleep when he reached the age of fifteen. One said that if that happened Alex wasn’t a good father, but Craig said that was normal and was like every Greek tragedy. Alex was told to get over his fear of babies because they could smell fear like bears and wives and he needed some practice so Craig suggested Alex hold little Henry. But, it turned out Henry was a grenade, so they picked the one who was quiet Evander, Vic’s kid, because last week she fell off the changing table and didn’t make a sound. Rule number two was they didn’t judge, and stuff happened such as Gabe’s kid eating a cigarette in his care. Craig said he caught his child playing in the dryer the other day, Patel said he picked up the wrong kid from daycare. Gabe said he found his baby swimming in the toilet. Vic threw Evander at Alex to hold, and he luckily caught the little girl but she started crying so Alex quickly gave the scared female girl back to Vic. Vic replied that he hoped for Alex’s sake the adoption agency had a return policy. Davis (D-Bone) showed up just as Jordan got his foot caught in the soccer net. Davis ran off quickly because Craig wanted a high-five from Davis but he didn’t want to give him one. Meanwhile, Holly rushed from work to the crib sale at Babies-R-Us to stock up on things she needed. Kara told Holly that they had a budget meeting and they didn’t know if they were going to renew Holly’s contract because they were cutting down on all the freelancers. Holly said that was her main job and she and Alex were about to close on their house, and Kara replied that Holly was the last one hired and she was doing what she could to keep Holly but didn’t believe it was going to work out. Holly asked Kara not to tell Alex until she could find other work because she didn’t want him to know she was being laid off from her job at the aquarium. As Holly drove by the house that her and Alex had under contract, she saw an already pregnant couple that looked at the house at the same time Holly and Alex did, walking around it sadly because it appeared they wanted the house even though it was under contract. 

Alex surprised Holly with a baby shower at a local bar for their soon-to-be adopted child to celebrate with all their friends and everyone taking turns singing karaoke with lyrics about “addicted to love,” and “call me Big Poppa,” and drinking and partying it up to anything to the word “baby,” in the song lyrics. Vic’s wife took his alcoholic beverage away from him because he shouted out to the crowd they should have another baby and she didn’t want to have any more children because they were all very young. Drunken Holly didn’t like it when the Dude’s group had to leave because the babysitter charged extra and would steal their stuff if they came home after 10:00 and it was 9:30 pm. Kara was there and told Alex and Holly to go home and have sex because it would be awhile before they got their adopted child. Kara, in her drunken state, blurted out that Holly lost her job. As they left the bar, Alex and Holly argued about Holly not telling her husband she lost her job. Holly said she didn’t want Alex to know because she was trying to find a job before they weren’t able to pay their bills and he found out, and she didn’t want another thing to be her fault, such as her bad eggs and spending their 401K money on IVF and she became very upset because she couldn’t give birth to a child of God. Craig walked by and burped and yelled at Holly that he couldn’t believe she didn’t tell her husband that. Craig’s wife, Kara, followed close behind, so Holly replied to Craig this coming from the one who called his son “Henry,” when Kara wasn’t around instead of “Henri,” (on-ree) which was what Kara demanded the child be called. That set Kara and Craig off on their own warpath with one another as they got in their own taxi cab with Kara saying he wasn’t getting any sex that night and him telling her he loved her so much and she told him to shut up. As Alex sat on his motorcycle, the Dude’s group, with brightly colored baby accessories walked by ignoring him with little Jordan trailing behind as usual. Vic told Alex that because of his big mouth, he was going to break up families and Craig shouldn’t see his kid only on the weekends and that was because Alex decided to blab what they talked about and break the rules by telling his wife about Henry’s name. Vic then told Alex to adopt some new friends and the men started to walk away. Alex called after the daddy gang and told them that he had to back out of the purchase of the house and he wasn’t even sure if he wanted to adopt a kid. The guys called Alex a spaz and said he wouldn’t know true love until he wiped someone’s butt and they all loved being dads. Gabe said he loved his baby so much he was afraid he was going to eat him, Craig said he was a lackluster husband but an above-average dad, and Vic told Alex to figure it out because he was on his own so they all walked away with Craig saying “burn.” D-Bone jogged by and knocked roughly into Alex and told him that he broke the Dude’s code and went past the dads, and when Alex told D-Bone to go do his pull-ups, D-Bone gave Alex the middle finger in front of the kids with the dad cheering Davis on and young Jordan nowhere in sight. Holly and Skyler met up so Holly could give her the photoshopped picture Holly created per the Coopers request. Holly told Skyler she might want to wait until she got home to open it because there were other people in the room and she shouldn’t open it in public. Skyler said no and wanted to see it right now, so the wrapping was taken off and it showed Ramsey and pregnant Skyler naked with flames around them and champagne splashing above them with Ramsey holding it in front of him to make it look like a male body part with Skyler using checkered flags to cover her boobs and a racecar helmet at her feet and his bare knee covering her lower female private parts and Ramsey’s racecar in the background. Skyler said she loved the picture and that when Holly got back from Africa that Skyler was going to make Holly the permanent family photographer once the twins were born (obviously the job for the millionaires paid well). The babies were kicking Skyler, so she had Holly feel the twins moving inside her stomach. Holly and Alex made it to Africa, and a lady holding an adoption sign met them, and they also met another couple there to adopt a child for the fifth time. As the Dude’s group walked, they talked among themselves and Craig told his boys that he owed Alex big because now even Kara was calling their child Henry (not On-ree). D-Bone met up with the Dude gang and quieted everybody because he had important news about the girl in Australia and the photos that were slutty but artful which the dudes were shown of her. He showed them a picture of a female toddler named Ruby that he just found out about and his Australian baby mama and Ruby was planned on moving to the USA and that made D-Bone freak out. Vic invited D-Bone into the group to learn how to be a dad and was told he walked now and doesn’t run, and then Vic Jr. walked out of the bushes (hopefully not poison ivy although there are red leaves) holding a very dead stiff cat and playing with it as his toy. After being bussed to Ethiopia, Holly and Alex collected themselves at a table and he told his wife he was scared and she said she was too and they just had to be all in together.

In the ending, Gary and Wendy made it to the Southern Regional Medical Center. In his corvette, Ramsey pulled up to the same hospital with Skyler. Jules arrived with Evan driving. Wendy first arrived at The Baby Center with Gary and then Skyler and Ramsey. The nurse thought he was her dad but she said he was her husband. Obviously, Ramsey and Skyler were in the deluxe suite chilling while the others were put in regular rooms. Wendy was asked if she wanted an epidural, and she responded that she wasn’t someone who drugged her baby, and Skyler replied she guessed she would get the epidural but they would see how it went first, and Jules said she didn’t want an epidural. After Wendy slapped her husband in the face because she told him not to give her an epidural even if she asked for one, he decided to go get her the juice that she wanted. The doctor told Gary that he couldn’t get to Wendy’s epidural because he had five women before her having babies at the moment, so Gary ran and got his dad’s money roll (thousands of dollars’ worth) from him because Ramsey was in the hallway and then Gary went back to the doctor to pay him off to get the drug sooner for his wife. He gave the entire wad of cash to the doctor and told him the crazy lady in room 408 needed the epidural next, and the doctor said he would definitely do that and took the cash. There was a medical emergency with Wendy’s birthing where the baby wasn’t moving and a C-section was required because the baby’s heart rate was falling. When the doctor told Skyler to push with everything she had during the delivery, she sneezed and the baby came out. As Wendy was high on morphine and alert and awake during the C-section, she was talking out the pig in flippers painted on the ceiling and how loved morphine as the doctors were operating and told Gary they should get some morphine for the house and then the baby boy was delivered by C-section. Jules delivered a baby girl and not a boy because the doctor was wrong during the ultrasound and she and Evan were happy and laughing because now they didn’t have to fight over the circumcision. Jules came up with the name Emerson for their daughter on the spot and Evan said he loved it. As Gary held Theo close to Wendy’s face, she touched him with her finger and then she blacked out because something was going wrong with the surgery and she had a lot of internal bleeding. Gary had to leave because the doctors needed to focus on trying to save Wendy, and Ramsey showed up in the waiting room and Gary explained that the baby was okay but Wendy was not and his dad hugged him and said he was there for him. Holly and Alex did the traditional adoption ceremony along with other couples and they lit a candle and the Ethiopian officials with one wearing the Ethiopian flag symbol on his white robe. The couples recited the pledge to promise to bring the male children up proud and strong and always made certain they remembered their Ethiopian heritage, so help them God. Holly and Alex held onto Kaleb and in Holly’s tears of happiness they were told they were now parents. Meanwhile, the nurse came into the waiting area and told Gary and Ramsey that Wendy was awake, and Gary ran to see his wife. Evan sat in bed beside Jules and the baby and he filled out the birth certificate with the name Emerson Jane Webber, and they both agreed that was the right name. Evan proposed to Jules on the spot, and she said yes. Skyler and Ramsey held their twins and were happy they were healthy, and he congratulated his wife on the very fast and painless delivery. As they lay in bed together holding onto their son Theo, Wendy told Gary that she finally found her glow and it was her son.  Rosie entered the hospital and walked past the Atlanta police officer, she encountered Marco and his friend coming out of the hospital with him on crutches. They explained that Marco ran over his friend’s foot and Rosie burst out laughing and then apologized that happened, and Rosie explained to Marco that she was there to congratulate her cousin, Skyler, who married the old racecar dude, on her twin babies. Rosie and Marco went together to see the twins after she invited him along with her. Ramsey and Gary looked through the window at his twin girls and Theo, and Ramsey said that he wasn’t there for Gary’s delivery but now knew that family was all that mattered and not the races, the trophies, the endorsements, not the money, the women, the sex, the drugs, and partying with Jimmy Buffett on the back of Willie Nelson’s bus. Ramsey added that none of that stuff would mean anything when he was dead and gone, but the kids he left behind did matter. The movie ended with Gary, Alex and D-Bone walking into the park and hooking up with the other guys, and Marco and Rosie started their own food truck together called The Cheesy Pig. Patel drove by in his new big colorful spacey Dodge van instead of in a minivan with a changing table and supplies in the back with a beer cooler with Bud Light beers in a hidden compartment under the table along with the kids’ juices. Patel threw a beer can to D-Bone and he missed catching it and it hit little Jordan hard in the head with Patel and Alex looking more worried than Vic. That made Jordan fall down the stairs so they all ran and looked down and Jordan got up and dusted off the sand with Craig dressed up like D-Bone to match him who finally high-fived Craig. This movie was inspired by the book with the same title, and it had a $30+ million budget and grossed over $84 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/15/23

TITLE: Flushed Away 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2006 Dreamworks Animation SKG/Aardman Features/Paramount Pictures/Universal Pictures/United International Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place in London, England, in the Kensington division and began with a couple and their young daughter, Tabitha, going on a trip and leaving their pet rat, Roddy St. James, to have the run of the house. Later that night, Roddy heard strange noises, and when he went to investigate he discovered that his friend, Sid, was in the kitchen wearing a shirt that showed his midsection because it was too small for him. He was also covered in poop because he just came from the sewer, and he belched loudly in Roddy’s face, which literally caused the crap to get all over the floor. Roddy wanted scruffy and obnoxious Sid to leave, but Sid got comfy on the couch to watch the 2006 World Cup Final soccer game, where he cheered for England but booed Germany and threw a German sausage at the TV. Sid said it was his house and he was going to camp out for the game, and he ordered Roddy to bring him food but instead Roddy suggested that Sid take a whirl in the Jacuzzi, which was actually the toilet. Sid pretended to play along, but he knew Roddy was trying to trick him into jumping into the toilet bowl and being flushed. Sid flushed Roddy down the toilet, and Roddy ended up in the sewer where he came upon Ratropolis, an underground city full of rats. He landed on top of a sidewalk painting and upset the painter, who was dressed in a French outfit but spoke like an Italian, because it took him three years to paint it. There was a dopey American tourist rat couple, with the male dressed up in a sheriff hat and a shirt that said “I Like Steak,” and the female in purple pants with yellow flowers and a Stars & Stripes shirt, trying to get a picture of a Queen’s Guard moving. Harold walked up to Roddy and told him that the floodgates wouldn’t hold forever and they would soon be washed away, and then he told his policeman buddy Collin that Roddy was a bit loony so Collin was going to give Roddy an escort home until he said that he lived Up Top (in the human world). Collin said the humans didn’t like rats, to which Roddy responded that they liked him, and Collin also didn’t like Roddy’s attitude and said he would keep his eye on him. A fisherman rat brought Roddy to a boat called the Jammy Dodger to speak to someone who could help get him home. However, he didn’t get a very friendly greeting from Rita Malone, the female captain wearing British flag pants, because she was hiding from a group of rats trying to kill her to get a ruby that they said Rita stole from their boss, The Toad, but she argued belonged to her dad. Rita and Roddy were surrounded, and Rita denied knowing where the ruby was and then used Roddy as her scapegoat and lied that he was so nicely dressed because he was an international jewel thief and stole the ruby from Rita. Spike was going to use a creepy nutcracker doll he called “The Persuader,” to get the answer out of Roddy, but then he pointed out that Rita’s bottom was irregularly shaped and the rats realized the booty was in the booty. They retrieved the ruby and took their hostages to the floodgate, where The Toad was going to have them disposed of but then he changed his attitude and showed Roddy, the gentleman of quality, his private collection of art made in tribute to the Royal Family because Roddy said he was from Kensington. The Toad returned the ancient ruby to his collection, but he got upset when Roddy said the collection was amusing. Roddy then accidentally broke some of the items in the room. The Toad ordered for Roddy and Rita to be iced (think of the mobster mouse from Zootopia), which was to put them in the freezer where other double-crossers, thieves, and do-gooders (there was a frozen nun who had been collecting donations) were in blocks of ice. However, before Rita and Roddy could be frozen solid using liquid nitrogen, they escaped and got back the ruby. Rita also stole the master cable that, which shut down the power in the floodgate. The Toad sent his henchrats, Whitey and Spike, after them. Rita ziplined down a pole as Roddy held onto Rita’s legs and Roddy ended up pulling Rita’s pants down to show her underwear. Rita jumped down to the ground acrobatically, and when Roddy tried to copy her he ended up landing hard on his private parts on four different objects as he went down (making the male a weaker character). Then two young rodents threw a soccer ball at Roddy in his male private parts. Roddy emerged into Ratropolis and caught up with Rita on the Jammy Dodger. He got ahold of the ruby and he and Rita argued about the ruby’s authenticity until Roddy smashed the ruby into a bunch of little pieces because he said it was made of glass and wouldn’t break if it were real. Rita punched Roddy in the face and then chased after him throwing objects at him shouting that the ruby had been in Queen Elizabeth’s crown but fell down the drain of Buckingham Palace. Roddy suggested that maybe the Queen wore fake jewelry, and Rita said that ruby would have changed her life whether it was real or not. Rita used a bow to shoot arrow crayons at Roddy, and he held up a phone and one of the crayons hit a button and called Han Chin Chinese takeout, who took Roddy’s order of wonton and fried rice. He then canceled the order and Rita, much calmer now, explained that she and her dad had searched the drains for years in search of the ruby, and her dad broke every bone in his body and was now in a full-body cast and wheelchair. Roddy told Rita that there was a box full of real jewels in his house and he would make her rich beyond her wildest dreams if she helped him get to Kensington, and she agreed and they did a spit shake on it. Whitey and Spike returned to The Toad with the shattered pieces of the ruby, and he told them he wanted his hired thugs to get the master cable back from Rita by halftime of the World Cup Final. Rita and Roddy went to Rita’s house where she lived with her parents, grandmother, and dozens of siblings. The family wanted Roddy to eat dinner with them despite Rita’s protests, and her grandmother kept shouting that Roddy was Tom Jones (think Granny Sloth calling for “Precious” her pet whale in the Ice Age movies) and wanted Roddy to sing a song. Roddy got up on the table and held up Granny’s undies and sang about those commenting on how huge they were. Rita’s dad took Rita into the kitchen for a private conversation and told her that she didn’t need to go Up Top because they didn’t need the money. Roddy overheard one of Rita’s brothers, Liam, suggesting that Rita sell Roddy to The Toad in exchange for a fortune. Roddy was mad and stole Rita’s boat, but he didn’t get far before it stopped working. Roddy went to the electrical box to fix it but ended up burning himself multiple times, and then Rita appeared and called Roddy a double-crosser. Roddy told Rita what he heard and she explained that was Liam’s dumb ideaand she wasn’t going to do it. She threw Roddy into the water with a pink guitar, which he used to strum a tune and sing about how Rita was stranding him on a rubber ducky. Some slugs joined in to convince Rita to have a change of heart and help Roddy, and she did just that. Rita and Roddy were chased by the henchrats but were able to escape, and The Toad was mad about that and called in his French cousin, Le Frog, to retrieve the master cable before the World Cup Final and get rid of the rats once and for all. Le Frog agreed to get back the cable, but he said that The Toad’s bizarre obsession with rats was not good for him and he was becoming what the French would call “le fruitcake.” The Toad then got out the scrapbook and read volume one, which detailed the dire and tragic story of his youth, when young Prince Charles favored The Toad more than any other animal at Buckingham Palace and they were inseparable until Charles got a pet rat for a present. The rat distracted young Charles, and a pompous palace official flushed The Toad down the toilet, which was how he ended up in the sewer. Rita and Roddy ate dinner, and Roddy thought he was eating rice but then the slugs started singing that he was actually eating maggots and the maggots sang “larva” (sounding like Alvin and the Chipmunks). Rita wanted to know about Roddy’s family, and he lied that he had a big family Up Top and couldn’t wait to get back to them. The next morning, Le Frog and his henchfrogs appeared on the boat to get the cable, and Rita and Roddy defeated them but Rita’s boat went down with the frogs. They used a paper bag like a parachute to get Up Top and drop into Roddy’s chimney into his house, where Roddy gave Rita the crazy wealthy human’s unbreakable Kensington ruby that would be enough to take care of her family. Rita wanted a quick tour of the house to meet Roddy’s family, and she discovered that Roddy was a pet and lived in a cage. Sid appeared and Roddy introduced him as Rupert, but Sid and Rita knew each other and that Roddy had lied. Rita said goodbye to Roddy and left by flushing herself down the toilet, and Roddy took a seat next to Sid so they could watch the World Cup Final. Sid announced that he was holding his bladder until halftime so he wouldn’t miss any of the game, and that was when Roddy realized that The Toad was waiting until halftime to plug in the master cable and restore power to the floodgate, so when all the humans went to use the toilet at halftime, Ratropolis would be flushed away. Whitey and Spike captured Rita and The Toad got his master cable, because Rita wore it as a belt, and he turned the power back on. Roddy told Spike to flush him down the toilet in exchange for Spike taking Roddy’s place as Tabitha’s pet and having the house to himself. Roddy rescued Rita, and The Toad announced that he planned to flush away all the rats and repopulate the city with his hundreds of tadpole children. A giant wave of water came rushing right towards the city, but everything went according to Rita and Roddy’s plan and the pipe burst, spilling liquid nitrogen and freezing the wave before it hit the city. Ratropolis was saved, England lost the game, The Toad and Le Frog were defeated, and Rita and Roddy built the Jammy Dodger II and sailed away on it to destination unknown. The following was listed on the movie cover art: James Verniere, the Boston Herald, “The best animated film of the year.” Neil Rosen, NY-1, “More fun than Cars.” Bill Bregoli, Westwood One, “Better than Ice Age 2.” This movie had a budget of $149 million and grossed $178 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/14/23

TITLE: Five Feet Apart

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2019  Lionsgate / CBS Films Home Entertainment / Welle Entertainment / Wayfarer Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with seventeen-year-old Stella Grant narrating that people needed touch from the one they loved almost as much as they needed air to breathe, and she never understood a touch until she couldn’t have it from the boy that she liked. In the next scene, three teenage girls Maya and Camilla talked about clothes covering their boobs and looked for clothes that weren’t too trampy but just trampy enough as the three were gathered in Stella’s room in the Saint Grace Regional Hospital. They then discussed how Taylor and Mason were going to meet them at the airport the following day. Maya was excited because Brooke and Mason broke up and she was interested in Mason. Stella said goodbye to the other teens and told them to use protection when they went to meet the others tomorrowas they left Stella’s room because she wouldn’t be there. Stella did a vlog on her laptop and told the crowd that she was back in the hospital to get some antibiotics to take care of her sore throat. The nurses interrupted and gave Stella her medicine. They told her what room Poe (a male teen) was in so she texted him and he replied that he just had bronchitis and they would meet up later. Stella got back on her vlog and showed everyone the pills on the medicine cart that the nurse Barb left behind because she trusted Stella to keep the drugs in her roomand explained to everyone what the medication was for. Stella said she would reorganize the medicine cart because she was OCD on top of everything else. She then crossed off the things she wrote down in her journal that she accomplished that day. Barb came back and told Stella there was a new baby upstairs, so Stella put a face mask and gloves on and went there, but once she got past Cynthia and the other nurses in the station she took her mask off. Will Newman approached Stella outside the baby room and she didn’t like the fact that he let his friends borrow his room for sex, which she saw when she walked by Will’s room where the two were bouncing around on the bed together. The two had a conversation about sex, and then nurse Barb barged in and scolded the two teens for not standing six feet apart because they both knew the rules, and Will introduced himself. Before Will put his teeth themed mask on and walked out, he told Stella to lighten up because it was just life and would be over before she knew it. Nurse Barb and Stella then discussed Will’s medical condition which was B. Cepacia which was worse than Stella’s condition and he was on a new drug trial for Cevaflomalin and Barb told Stella that if she contracted that she could kiss the possibility of new lungs good—bye because there was no overcoming that bacteria and told Stella to stay away from Will. Will googled Stella and watched her vlog. Will saw one of the videos from a while ago with Stella talking about her cystic fibrosis and being born terminal, meaning she knew she would die but she didn’t know what day and explained how Dr. Hamid said since her lungs were at 50% function by the time she was a junior in high school so she would need a lung transplant. In another Youtube video, Stella explained that nurse Barb let her go by herself to see the babies and also that she had to be careful around other people with CF and stay six feet apart so they wouldn’t catch each other’s bacteria. Stella explained that new lungs only lasted about five years, and that was okay because most patients were trying to stay alive long enough for a new treatment to come out.The next day, as Stella ate her breakfast, Poe Ramirez Facetimed her and shared how he was eating truffles for breakfast because he brought them along and then they discussed Poe and him no longer dating his boyfriend, Michael. As they were talking about Poe having sex with Michael, Poe choked on his drink and then couldn’t catch his breath so he had a medical emergency. A couple of nurses ran to the room along with Stella without a mask, and Poe apologized to the nurse because he was no longer choking and gave Stella the middle finger and she called him an a-hole as she walked away. Meanwhile, Will, Dr. Hamid, and his Will’s mom had a meeting in his room and Dr. Hamid told Will that he needed to keep up with his regimen and stay a distance away from other CF patients because his risk of infection was higher so he shouldn’t cough on or touch other patients for their safety and his, meaning six feet at all times. As Stella Facetimed with her girlfriends at a pool party, she looked out the window and saw Will sitting with his legs dangling on the rooftop coughing so Stella got off the phone and went up the stairs to the roof (out of breath) to talk to him. Stella told Will he was lucky to be part of the drug trial, and he wanted to know how she knew about because he didn’t tell her. She told him that if he didn’t want to live then to leave and give his to someone else, so he stood up on the icy ledge and pretended he was going to jump. He got down and she didn’t think his joke was funny pretending to fall, so she went back to her room. Will discovered that the door which he had pried open was no longer ajar (Stella closed it completely when she stormed off) so he was locked out of the hospital building and stuck in the cold weather on the rooftop. When Stella tried to get her medicine, she was in a mood and the prescription pills went flying so she went to Will’s room with her mask and gloves on and he opened the door without a mask. She asked for his regimen, and after she found out his medication was not optional, he replied that was why the medical staff kept shoving them down his throat. Stella walked off and Will followed her without a mask, and as the elevator door was closing she pulled down her mask and said six feet as they were about two feet away from each other. Stella went to the baby ward and Will followed her in so they were without masks standing in the small room together. She explained as calmly as she could that she had OCD and liked things to be in order and knew that Will wasn’t following his regimen as instructed and that was messing Stella up. She told Will that by twelve years old all CFers were practically doctors and knew how to administer their own treatment but Will wasn’t doing that and that bothered Stella tremendously. He wanted to draw a picture of her, and she refused so he said then he wasn’t going to try to stick to his regimen because they were on borrowed air and nothing they did would save their lives. Will left and Stella followed him and told him he could draw her but he was going to do his regimen her way and the first thing he had to do was get a med cart in his room. Will said deal and wanted to shake on it (neither wearing gloves), and Stella almost did but walked the other way instead. Poe and Will then met each other in the hallway and Poe confirmed that he was gay and that was why he wasn’t dating Stella, and Poe added not to worry because he didn’t like white boys…like Will. Barb rolled in the med cart to Will’s room and told him not to make her regret her giving it to him after Dr. Hamid said it was okay. Later on, Will was the lookout in the hallway for nurses as Stella had scrubs on and her mask gloves and protective glasses inside Will’s room and organized his med cart for him and also built an app for chronic illnesses onto his phone which would alert him when to do his treatments, and organized his drawing materials to tidy his room up. Afterward, back in her room, Stella went to the bathroom and washed herself at the sink showing the teen in her bra. Stella called Will to check up on him and see if he was doing his regimen, and he wasn’t so Stella said she couldn’t trust him so from now on they would both be doing their treatments together. They mixed their many pills in pudding cups and ate them together, and they lay upside down on their beds in their AffloVests together, via Factime. Stella’s mom came to see her, and Stella told her that she lost a lot of weight after her divorce. Mom told Stella she loved her very much and started crying because of what her daughter had to go through, and Stella responded that she loved her mom too. Later on, Stella showed Dr. Hamid the very painful rash that was developing around the plastic device attached to her stomach, and the doctor prescribed Stella Bactroban to help her clean it up. Stella went to the gym and met up with Will where neither of them wore masksand he was on the treadmill and she was on the exercise bike. Afterward, they had a drawing session with Will drawing sweaty Stella in the workout room. They discussed the things she had on her master list that she had already done, which were volunteer in an important political campaign, study all of Shakespeare’s writing, learn to play piano, and sharing everything she knew with other people (with her YouTube page). The things she didn’t do yet but wanted to accomplish in her life included speaking fluent French (even though she knew some French) and going to the Sistine Chapel with her sister Abby. Will said his list would be a painting class with Bob Ross, sex in the Vatican, and traveling the world. Nurse Julie told Will that he looked better and hopeful now and said she liked seeing him like that as she gave him his medication. Will finished his drawing and put it in an envelope that he slid under Stella’s door, but he made her into a caricature comic book-style dragon lady cartoon female breathing fire. As Stella and Will face-timed afterward to discuss the cartoon, Will noticed a painting of lungs on the wall hanging up behind Stella and she said that her older sister Abby drew it. Will thought it was cool and wanted to see more of Abby’s stuff, but that upset Stella and she said they didn’t need to share their stories they just needed do their treatments together and hung up on Will. Later on in Will’s room, his two friends visited and they discussed Abby because Will couldn’t find anything else in Stella’s vlogs with Abby in them for the past year, and his friends said that on Abby’s art on Instagram there hadn’t been a post for a year so something was up with Abby. Stella was meditating in a room and wanted to make certain that Barb didn’t see him sneak in and he said no nurse Barb didn’t and then sat across from Stella both of them without masks. Will asked if Abby died, and Stella was very upset and responded to please stop talking about death because every birthday she celebrated nobody knew if it would be her last, but now her sister Abby was dead and now her parents’ marriage was dead because they were divorced but Stella was still alive. Will tried to say that Stella had survivor’s guilt and knew she was dying but wouldn’t accept it, and Stella replied that she couldn’t die because her parents needed her and stormed out of the room. Stella went and talked to Poe afterward and he tried to calm her down by telling her that her sister’s death wasn’t her fault, and then he said that the disease they had was a prison and he wanted to hug her but couldn’tat that moment so she needed to imagine that Poe was hugging her. Poe and Stella then went to get ice cream. Stella’s infection on her abdomen worsened and Dr. Hamid was concerned that the infection would get into her bloodstream and told her that sepsis was the biggest monster. Dr. Hamid left telling Stella that the following morning they would schedule her treatment and the doctor would phone and tell Stella’s parents about it. As Stella hugged a stuffed panda on her bed, Will slipped a cartoon picture that resembled him under the door with apology words on the drawing. Will then knocked on Stella’s door and wanted to know why she missed one of their treatment session. Stella told Will to back up because he had his mask pulled down and she wasn’t wearing hers, and she thanked Will for his cartoon and told him he was forgiven. She went on to say that she had an infected G-tube and Dr. Hamid was worried about sepsis so she would replace the tube in the morning, and since Stella was going under anesthesia Will was concerned her lungs weren’t up for that. Stella quickly changed the subject and told Will to make certain he kept his regimen plan going the following day and closed the door on him. The next morning, Will was in his protective gear and snuck into Abby’s surgery prep room, but he took his goggles and mask off and sang “A bushel and a peck,” because that was what Abby used to sing to Stella before she had surgeries in the past (Will learned that and more info from watching Stella’s Youtube channel videos). Dr. Hamid and a nurse then came in because they were ready for the procedure, and Will jumped up from his chair unnoticed by the hospital staff and slipped out of the room on the other side of the curtain so they didn’t see him. Will then walked past the waiting room with Stella’s parents sitting there with Barb, and nurse Barb recognized Will in his hospital staff disguise and ran after him because she knew he was the last person who needed to be in the room with Stella. After they arrived back on the teen’s floor, Will got out of the elevator with Barb and told her that Stella was in more danger being under the anesthesia than with him. Nurse Barb responded that Will reminded her of Trevor Von and Amy Presley who were two people who were in love and Barb let them break the rules so they could be happy. Barb added that they both died on her watch and she wasn’t going to let that happen again. Will had also snuck into the operating room and Stella’s room too and took down Abby’s picture of lungs that she drew off the wall and hung it on the ceiling of the operating room. Abby woke up in her room with a wrapped present beside her bed, and she opened it to find a pop-up card with colorful butterflies. The B. Cepecia could be resistant to be many common antibiotics, and there was an immense danger of cross-infection between other CF patients, and there were no successful drug trials as of current date and those who were infected with it were not eligible for lung transplants. Will read the grim chances he had of survival, and then he drew the Grim Reaper and wouldn’t take Stella’s calls and ignored her voicemails and wouldn’t call her back. Stella eventually got out of bed and was feeling better so she put makeup on to impress Will. She text Will asking him to meet her in the atrium in ten minutes, and she wasn’t wearing a mask because she put lipstick on. Poe showed up and told her that Will wasn’t coming, so Stella went and banged on his door. She said she didn’t care what Nurse Barb said, she wanted Will to open the door so they could talk but he said no so she put her head against the door. Poe appeared and he and Stella got into an argument because he told her that maybe it was better that way that Stella and Will didn’t see each other. Stella mentioned all the romantic relationships Poe was in (with Rick, Tim and Michael) and how all three of those boys loved Poe but he ran from the relationships so he shouldn’t be giving out advice to Stella and she walked away. Days passed and Stella didn’t want to talk to Poe or anyone, but then Poe knocked at the door and left a glass jar with some truffles for Stella with a note apologizing. Poe met up with Stella for a snack in the lobby and explained that after he turned eighteen he would have to start paying for his own medical bills because the insurance ran out, and he wasn’t going put that on his boyfriend or his family. Stella suggested that perhaps Will could marry Poe since he was loaded. Stella got up and looked at a hand washing procedural sign on the wall and walked away in a hurry. She put a drawing of stick figures under Will’s door with the caption being five feet apart at all times, and then Will got an alert on his Apple laptop and watched a new video of Stella talking about and how B. Cepacia was so hardy that if fed off from penicillin. The first line of defense was Cal Stat, a hospital-grade hand sterilizer that needed to be applied liberally and often. Next was tried and true good old-fashioned latex that was used for protection in all types of activities and Stella demonstrated with latex gloves on her hands. She went on to say that B. cepacia thrived best in saliva or phlegm, and she added fun facts such as a cough can travel six feet and a sneeze could travel up to 200 miles per hours. The saliva part also meant no kissing ever so the best defense was distance six feet at all times. Stella went on to say that after everything CF patients had to give up, such as not being able to live a full life and have children, she didn’t mind stealing one foot and keeping a distance of five feet instead of six. Stella said the f word and told CF that it wasn’t the thief anymore, she was. Stella then appeared at Will’s door holding her pool cue stick that measured five feet to hand off to him, and he made the deal with her that he was so in. She left but not before she made a date for 9:00 at the atrium. Stella wore a possibly see-through dress for her date. Instead of holding hands, they held either end of the pool cue as the two teens walked around the hospital. As they walked, Will told Stella that his dad ran out on the family when Will was young because he didn’t want to take care of a sick kid and Will’s mom was totally focused on him and always there for him. Will added that his eighteenth birthday was the following day so then he would have to make his own decisions (unless of course his physical birth defects caused daily mental challenges and then his mom would still need to help with her son’s decision making throughout his adult life too). As they sat with their bare feet dangling in the pool, the kids discussed life and death and Abby, who died because she was cliff diving in California and landed wrong and broke her neck and drowned (this happened after older sister Abby had already jumped out of a plane parachuting on another extreme adventure trip). Will told Stella how beautiful and brave she was and he wished he could touch her, so Stella picked up the cue stick and started touching her body with it as though it were his hands. Stella told Will that she lied when they met because she had never had sex and she didn’t want anybody to see her scars and the tube because nothing about it was sexy, but Will told her it was. Stella stood up and took her nightgown all the way off to reveal her bra and her many scars on her stomach and stood in front of Will in her only bra and underwear. Will stood up and took his pants off. The two then jumped into the water and went swimming. Just as Barb arrived to work on her early morning shift, Stella and Will walked back to their rooms without any masks on and stopped to look out the window at the stars. As Barb said good morning to Nurse Robert, she noticed Will’s door ajar and looked inside and he wasn’t there, so she went to search and found Stella’s bed completely made and not even slept in it. Barb demanded to know from Poe where the missing kids were, and Poe played dumb and didn’t know what she was talking about so nurse Barb rushed out. As soon as the door closed, Poe texted Stella and Will to warn them that nurse Barb was on the prowl, and Stella knew Barb would look for her at the NICU first so the two lovebirds quickly said byeso Stella ran up the stairs coughing just as Barb came up the elevator. Nurse Barb saw Stella sleeping on a couch outside the NICU in the viewing room and Barb walked out relieved and unaware that Stella was faking it. Stella then started coughing and tried to catch her breath from taking the stairs. The running was too much for her. Will had made it back to his room. The next morning, Stella forgot about Will’s birthday because she was studying microeconomics and told Will on the phone that she was busy at the moment and couldn’t hang out with him, and he said his friends were coming later and he would be busy then but they would figure something out. Will then received a call from Jason who canceled on him and couldn’t swing by for his birthday. Will got a present from his mom that he found when he woke up. Later on, Will heard a knock on the door and a purple balloon was in the hallway with a note inside telling Will to go on a treasure hunt and start where they first me. Will retrieved another purple balloon from the nurse at the NICU, and he popped the balloon and read that roses are red, or are they? He found another balloon in the midst of all the white ones in the atrium and popped that one to get the note that directed him to the swimming pool. He fished the balloon out of the water, popped it, which said twenty-hours from their first date. He got a text from Stella that their second date had just begun, and then they met up in the cafeteria with her holding a purple balloon and neither of them wearing masks. Stella said it was late but they had to wait until the cafeteria closed, and he was wondering what she meant by “we,” and she opened the door and his friends who canceled earlier were there and shouted surprise, as well as Poe and Stella’s friends. Stella went into the kitchen to see how Poe was doing on the food, and the roses he made wowed her. He replied that he was practicing because next month he and Michael were going to see his mom and the two of them were going to try again on their love relationship. Poe said Michael loved him and he loved Michael too, and Stella squealed her happiness. The (many teens) set up a fancy candlelit dinner with champagne, and Poe said that hospital had VIP kitchens where they kept all the good stuff for celebrities and politicians but tonight it was all for Will. They sat around the table with nobody wearing masks laughed about putting sheets over their heads and running into the dementia ward which started pandemonium with the dementia patients on Halloween and Abby came up with that idea years ago. Will got up from the table coughing but quickly came back. They took a group Polaroid picture of everyone together. But then, Barb in her butterfly scrubs, broke up the party with everybody still unmasked and Poe told her that they thought she was off that night and wanted to know if she wanted to join them which she didn’t and had everyone leave. Nurse Barb confined Stella, Will and Poe to their rooms until they could get respiratory cultures done on them, and she added that Will would be transferred out of there in the morning. Stella and Will Facetimed each other from bed and had a good laugh about what they did at the party, they said good night and got off their laptops. A little while later, Poe called the nursing desk where Julie and Barb were chatting as Barb filled out Will’s transer paperwork. Julie joked that Poe probably sat on his call button again and said she would go check on him. When she opened the door, Poe was passed out on the floor unresponsive so Julie yelled Code Blue with no pulse. Stella and Will ran out of their rooms with no masks on and watched all of the medical staff trying to revive Poe because one of his lungs collapsed. Barb yelled for a staff member to close the door and swore at God for Poe to breathe as she gave him CPR. As Dr. Hamid arrived on scene, she opened the door to Barb apologizing to Poe because he was dead and Stella saw his lifeless body on the floor because the door was still open and she began hysterically crying (as only hours ago the teens were all partying together). Stella walked back to her room and Will followed her. When he caught up to Stella she was sobbing that Michael, his family and she was never going to see Poe again and she was upset that she was his f-ing best friend and she never got to hug him. After Stella said she was losing everyone, Will walked over to Stella and put his hand in her hair and on her shoulder (not wearing a glove) and told her she wasn’t losing him. Stella freaked out because he touched her and she didn’t want to get the stage of CF that he had and told Will to get out. After he left, Stella knocked over all of her medication bottles and ripped off the pictures from her wall and threw her books and truffle jar, and ran her ungloved hands in her hair that Will touched. Will went back to his room and packed his green army duffel bag to leave for his transfer. Stella, a little calmer, picked up a glass shard from the jar and then picked up the truffles. It was now evening and Stella’s hospital room was still a mess and it didn’t appear like any of the hospital medical staffers came to check on her otherwise there wouldn’t be food, medicine bottles and glass on the floor still. Stella got dressed in her winter clothes and went outside and noticed through the window Will sitting in the lobby, so she went to the glass window and they both put their hands against the glass able to get closer to each other, but still not touching. Will came outside in the winter snowy cold and Stella wanted to walk in the frigid night weather and see the lights two miles away, and he told her this wasn’t the time to be rebellious. Stella said it was time for her to start taking her medication so she could live instead of living to take her medication. Will suggested they get a cab because it was snowing, but Stella said she wanted to walk and enjoy the night. Since Stella had winter gloved hands and he didn’t she held his hand as they walked about three feet away. They made it up a hill and Will breathed heavily and didn’t make snow angels next to Stella in the snow, who was giggled and made an angel. Stella took out her stuffed panda bear and explained that Abby got it for Stella the first visit she ever went to the hospital and she had never been without her panda since. Will said that was a relief because he didn’t have the heart to tell her that a third boob might be a deal breaker (pretty sure when he saw her in her bra earlier he knew that wasn’t true). They then continued on their journey to see the lights. At the bridge Stella went out onto the water below when Will stopped to take a rest, and she said it was frozen solid ice so he followed her. Meanwhile, Julie and Barb sat at the nursing station and were crying over Poe, and then Dr. Hamid interrupted the nurses and told them she got a call from St. Luke’s in Kansas City about a car accident with fatalities and one dead female (AB negative, 5’2”, thoracic cage size) fit the criteria of the lungs that Stella needed for a transplant and Dr. Hamid told the nurses to get Stella ready for surgery immediately because the ETA was three hours. Dr. Hamid rushed off. Barb ran into Stella’s room and for the first time witnessed the tornado that happened in the midst of Stella’s breakdown and realized Stella was missing (miles from the hospital ice-skating with Will). Stella then got a text on her phone that told her that she had to get back to the hospital from wherever she was at and get prepped for surgery because new lungs were flying in in less than three hours. Stella told Will she was good and spun around on the ice and didn’t tell Will what the text was about and instead ignored it. Will then he told Stella he loved her. She ran over and fell on top of Will (not even one foot apart) and in each other’s faces with no masks on and she told Will she loved him too once they sat up. They almost kissed but didn’t, and Will told her they couldn’t and then the ice started cracking underneath them so they ran the short distance back to safety and luckily made it. Stella’s parents and Will’s mom showed up at the hospital because both of the teens were missing, as Stella and Will sat on the low bridge talking. When Will’s mom found out from the others that Stella was supposed to be getting a lung transplant, Will’s mom text him because she knew that he would bring Stella back. Stella told Will not to answer it but he read the text anyway and found out that Stella was going to get new lungs and tried to get her to the hospital but she wouldn’t budge because she hadn’t seen the lights yet. They got into an argument where Stella said that the lungs would only last five years, to which Will replied that was a lifetime for CFers and still tried to convince her to get to the hospital. Will started walking away telling her to go, and Stella fell backwards a few feet onto the ice below, and by the time he walked around to get Stella off the ice, she had fallen through into the water below. Will tried to fish her out but he couldn’t figure out where she was and her waterlogged heavy winter coat did little to help her already poor breathing. Stella saw stars and then reached up for Will’s hand and he pulled her out but she was unconscious so Will sent a text for help. Will gave Stella mouth-to-mouth and CPR to revive her and his worse CF stage had him gasping for breathes while coughing on her. Will had to stop and lay down next to Stella wheezing. A few seconds later, Stella coughed up water and started breathing. They then heard the sirens and the staff was able to get the teens back to the hospital and the medical staff took it from there trying to undo the damage the unsupervised and sick teens did to themselves. Stella in her bed a few feet away from Will told her parents and the staff that she didn’t want the new lungs and was putting up a fight about getting them. Will told Stella to please take the lungs for him, so she said she would. Will told Dr. Hamid that he didn’t have a choice so he gave Stella mouth-to-mouth, and Dr. Hamid responded that he saved Stella’s life and if she contracted B. cepacia then they would deal with it when that happened. The surgery was successful and nurse Barb walked into Will’s room and told him and his mom who were waiting for an updated status on Stella that Stella didn’t contract what Will had because she was clean when the bacterial culture came back but that didn’t mean she wouldn’t get it. Will’s mom asked if the treatment program was working for her son, and nurse Barb replied no. Later on, Will held a meeting with the parents, his friends and nurse Barb so he could surprise Stella with something when she woke up and everyone said they would help him with his plan. They rearranged the hospital after they got in a bunch of supplies they needed to pull off Will’s surprise and everyone pitched in to happen (except for nurse Barb who said she was done with it and walked off). After Stella woke up with Dr. Hamid and her parents and the nurses in the room, a video from Will for Stella was played with him telling her that his trial wasn’t working and his only regret was that she couldn’t see her lights. The lights in the room were shut off and Will plugged something in and lit up the lights that Stella could see through the glass divider. Stella and Will were able to communicate through the window using his earbuds and her cell phone. Will told Stella that it scared the heck out of him when she almost died and he didn’t want to die himself but he wanted to have a life with her but he couldn’t. He said he wanted her to be safe but she couldn’t be safe with him and told her to close her eyes so she couldn’t see him walking away. Will told Stella he loved her and he walked away after she closed her eyes. Stella’s mom then handed her a sketchbook that Will left for her, and it included Will’s drawings. The cover picture showed the nurses and the three teens with Stella holding her panda bear and a balloon. Inside the book were real sketches without her oxygen and mask of her sitting after her sweaty workout not sweating, Stella sitting on a bench with her sister Abby and the stuffed panda bear, another one of Stella kissing her panda bear, another a sketch of Poe, and another of Stella touching herself with the pool cue when she was at the pool with Will. The book ended with a comic cartoon of Will holding up his master list and showing Stella wearing overalls holding a balloon and the number one thing Will’s master list was to love Stella forever. The movie ended with Stella saying the words from the beginning of the movie about loving and touching but this time around included photos of Will too. Stella told everyone if they are able to, touch those males and females that you love. The movie coverart listed Anne Cohen with Refinery29, “A genuinely moving and intimate moment between the star-crossed protagonists that evokes a smiliar scene from The Notebook.” The movie was released a few months before the China Virus pandemic and it had a 7 million budget and it went on to gross over 92 million at the box office.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/13/23

TITLE: Home

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2015 Dreamworks Animation SKG / 20th Century Fox

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place around Christmastime and began with the entire civilization of alien creatures called Boov getting ready to move from a planet to their new home, planet Earth, where they would live safe from their enemy, the Gorg. The Boovs hacked human computer systems to tell the humans that they were turning off their gravity, which caused everyone to float in the air so they could be relocated to the Australian mega neighborhood full of small houses called Happy Humanstown and the Boovs could move into the human cities. A teenage girl named Gratuity Tucci (Tip) and her cat, named Pig, were separated from Tip’s mom, Lucy, when relocation occurred so Tip didn’t know where Lucy was. Tip and Pig hid out in an apartment and sped off in a car when Boovs moved into the complex. One male Boov, Oh, moved into his apartment and set up a housewarming party, but the other Boovs didn’t like Oh and so they refused to come to the party. Oh had to eat his meal of toilet papers and nuts and bolts alone. Oh tried to invite his friend, Kyle the Boovcop (police officer), to his party, and officer Kyle argued he wasn’t Oh’s friend and didn’t want to be invited.However, Oh sent Kyle an e-vite anyway and ended up accidentally pressing the “send all,” button, which started a countdown of forty hours until the e-vite reached the entire galaxy. The Boovs freaked out when they realized that the e-vite, which included Oh’s home address, could be used by the Gorg to find the Boovs. Kyle declared that Oh doomed their species and ordered for Oh to be arrested. Oh failed to escape in his bubble saucer ship and hid out in a convenience store as the other Boovs searched for him. Tip was in the store at the same time, and she locked Oh in a freezer because she was angry that his kind kidnapped her mom. Tip’s car wouldn’t start, so she ended up letting Oh out of the freezer and he transformed the car into a flying contraption. Tip didn’t plan on bringing Oh along until he mentioned that the information necessary to find Lucy was at the Boov Central Command inside the Great Antenna in Paris. Oh explained that the Boovs leader, Captain Smek, was an expert at running away, and long ago he had a peace meeting witht eh Gorg but ran out on the meeting because he was afraid. He stole what looked like a rock and put it on the end of a stick. Captain Smek carried the weapon around, and called it the Shusher, because he hit Boovs on the head with it to make them be quiet. While OH was printing out scratch-offs from the lottery machine he installed in the car, Tip noticed that the Boov changed the Statue of Liberty to the Statue of Smek and put Smek’s face on it, and Tip said they wouldn’t get away with that. Meanwhile, Smek stole an idea from another Boov to log into Oh’s email and cancel the invitation so the Gorg would never receive it. Smek made sure all Boov email passwords were “password,” but it turned out Oh had a different password than everyone else so Smek put Kyle and all the Boovcops in charge of finding Oh. Tip and Oh stopped at a store for a bathroom break, and Oh went into the men’s room and ate the “blue mints,” and drank the lemonade that was the urine water from the toilet. Tip was still in the ladies’ room, so Oh was going to steal the car so he could go to Antarctica, the last place on Earth not inhabited by Boovs. Kyle who had been following them, appeared to arrest Oh, but then Tip knocked officer Kyle out and sped off in the car after she taped Oh to the seat because she needed him to help her get to Paris and find her mom. Kyle returned to the Great Antenna without the fugitive, and Captain Smek was angry and smacked officer Kyle on the head with the Shusher. Tip turned on some pop music and Oh started dancing uncontrollably, and then he announced that he was overheating and needed to cool off so he jumped into the ocean below. Tip waited all day for Oh to resurface, and when he finally did she told him not to do that again because she was just a kid and not supposed to be by herself all the time, and it was child endangerment. Tip and Oh made amends, and when they arrived in Paris they sneaked into the Great Antenna. Oh keyed in his password and stopped the e-vite with just one second on the clock, and they used the computer system to locate Tip’s mom and discovered that Lucy was in Australia. The computer recognized Oh as the fugitive Boov, and before they could leave the Boovs surrounded Oh and Tip. The Boovs planned to “erase,” Oh so he would not make any more mistakes. The duo were able to escape, and Oh apologized to Tip and told her that he didn’t agree with what he was told that humans were simple and backwards like animals, and now he thought that was wrong and so was Smek. Tip and Oh headed to Australia, and along the way they discovered that the Boovs were running away because the Gorg appeared in their triangular spacecraft. Tip and Oh crashed into the jungle when they tried to escape, and the car wouldn’t start until they used a Gorg super-chip they found from a downed ship and got the car up and flying. In Happy Humanstown in Australia, all the Boovs were boarding ships to evacuate Earth because the Gorg mothership was coming. Oh wanted to leave too and tried to convince Tip to come with him instead of find her mom, but she refused and was angry that Oh lied to her that he was going to help her. Oh boarded the last escape pod and was taken with the other Boovs to their mothership, and when the Gorg mothership appeared Oh used the super-chip to supercharge the Boov ship so they could escape. Oh made a speech about how they needed a new captain, and Kyle suggested that Oh be the new captain. Everyone agreed with that, and then officer Kyle took the Shusher away from Smek and shushed him. Oh took the Shusher and reluctantly accepted the responsibility of captain, and then he returned to Earth to help Tip find her mom because she was having no luck. Oh opened the Shusher and realized that the Boovs were the takers, not the Gorg, because Smek stole the Shusher which was full of tiny little starfish beings that were the next generation of Gorg. The Gorg mothership appeared to destroy the planet, and Oh left Tip and Lucy in the car so he could give the Shusher back to the Gorg. Tip distracted the driver of the mothership by using a mirror to catch his eye so he would look down and see Oh. The Gorg stopped the ship, but it didn’t stop in time and Oh allowed himself to be crushed under it after throwing the rock like object to Tip. It turned out that Oh was actually okay, and he gave the Shusher to the Gorg, who climbed out of his scary Transformer-type costume and revealed that he was just a starfish. The Gorg came to Earth not because of Oh’s e-vite, but because he was tracking the Shusher and needed to retrieve it otherwise he would be the last Gorg. Two weeks later, the humans left Smek’s town in Australia and went back to their homes, and the majority of the Boovs, including Smek, went to another planet while Oh, Tip, Lucy and the other Boovs stayed behind and partied. This movie had the following listed on the cover art: “Smart, fun and funny.”/ “Heartwarming and hilarious.”/ “A new animated classic!” It had a budget of $135 million and grossed $386 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/12/23

TITLE: Sophia Grace & Rosie’s Royal Adventure 

BOX OFFICE RATED: G (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014 Warner Home Video/A Very Good Production/Film Afrika

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is about two very young British girls named Sophia Grace Brownlee and Rosie McClelland dressed up as princesses singing and dancing while performing on The Ellen DeGeneres show alongside people wearing “Ellen” shirts (where the girls got famous). The two little girls rapped about Katy Perry, Justin Bieber, Pink and Nicki Minaj (Sophia Grace’s favorite singer). Backstage, the girls met Phyllis Bundt (like the cake), the new segment producer who would accompany the girls to the country of Switzelvania as their guardian (there were no parents in the picture) so the young females could be correspondents for Ellen for the coronation of the new queen. King Edward’s wife died, and now he was stepping down and would name one of his three daughters, Princess Imogen, Princess Cordelia, or Princess Abigail to succeed him. During the plane flight to Switelvania, both girls were very hyper and basically screamed the whole time, causing a scene that disturbed the peace for many passengers. Guardian Phyllis (early twenties) didn’t get any sleep on the plane because both girls were nonstop talking, so Phyllis fell asleep standing up while waiting outside with the girls for transportation to arrive. Sophia Grace and Rosie, without their guardian, got into a cab and drove off unsupervised to the castle. While Phyllis slept on the job, the luggage was then stolen (identification and passport, money, etc. included) by Sheryl von Mon, a female with piercings and purple-streaked hair. Criminal Sheryl then checked into Phyllis’s hotel room pretending to be Phyllis. After Phyllis woke up, she got in another cab (leaving behind the two matching pink suitcases belonging to the children) and was taken to the wrong destination. Phyllis freaked out when she realized that she lost the girls, her luggage, and her money, and the cab driver wasn’t happy that Phyllis wasn’t paying him so he dragged her out of the cab and sped off. Phyllis ran after him, but her high heel broke and she fell face-first into a mud puddle and then made her way to the hotel. At the hotel, Sheryl went through Phyllis’s things and put on her Ellen logo clothes. Crewmembers from the Ellen Show came to the door and told Sheryl (who they thought was Phyllis) that they were there to air the show in Switzelvania. Sheryl said that Sophia Grace and Rosie didn’t even come on the trip, but Sheryl said she would get ready to go on the air and was excited about being on the Ellen Show. Phyllis arrived at the hotel and the clerk refused to give her the room she reserved because he claimed that he already checked Phyllis in that morning. Phyllis hung around the lobby until someone called for Phyllis Bundt and both Phyllis and Sheryl stood up. Phyllis started screaming at the imposter until the police showed up and took her away to prison because the hotel clerk called them and told them about the female who refused to leave the hotel. Meanwhile, Sophia Grace and Rosie alone sat in the park and tried to figure out how to break into the castle because the guard at the gate wouldn’t let the two very young unaccompanied females inside. Rosie said they needed a miracle and then a talking ceramic duck calling himself the Magic Duck appeared and said he could grant them three wishes. The girls came up with the idea to sneak into the castle and pretend to be part of the service staff bearing gifts (flowers and a magic duck) for the princesses. Felicity Cornish, the coronation planner, stopped the youngins in the hallway. Felicity mistook them for the king’s great-great-great-grandnieces, Beatrice and Pippa. Felicity said the girls would present the new queen’s coronation bouquet. The girls then met the two eldest self-centered princesses, Imogen and Cordelia, who didn’t want anything to do with the girls and told the servants to put the flowers and magic duck in water. They then directed Sophia Grace and Rosie to Princess Abigail’s room. The girls couldn’t find Abigail’s room, and Rosie accidentally wasted her first wish by saying that she wished they had a map to get to Abigail’s room. It was there Princess Abigail practiced archery dressed in her green half-shirt hunter costume to look like Artemis from the Teen Titans comic books. Abigail said that she was pretending to be Artemis because she didn’t want to be a princess and didn’t like people always taking her photo and talking about her on Twitter. That night at dinner, Rosie wished for dessert first for their dinner and the second wish came true. The princesses were then supposed to give their speeches, and instead of reciting something, Imogen did a dramatic interpretation of her name and made it up as she went along (“I” for integrity, “M” for majesty, “O” for the only real choice for queen, “G” for generosity or gentleness, “E” for getting even with anyone who crossed her, and “N” for now was the time to crown her queen). Cordelia did a sexy South American-style dance on the table that ended with a split. Abigail, still in her Artemis outfit, stumbled over the words of her speech and kept clearing her throat. She didn’t even get through the speech and ended up knocking a tray out of a waiter’s hands and spilling food all over Imogen and Cordelia. Older sister Imogen told youngest Abigail that she was like a plague that had been ruining the family photos for the past twenty years and so she needed to leave governing the country to the people who could. Back in Abigail’s room, Sophia Grace and Rosie sang a song to encourage Abigail that she had what it took to be a queen, and it involved a parallel scene with Abigail wearing a dress and the maids in dresses dancing and doing high kicks showing their underwear. Later that night, Sophia Grace and Rosie were sitting in their shared bed planning to teach Abigail how to be a queen, and the king’s advisor, Reginald, used a camera to spy on the two little girls. He overheard Rosie say she had one “W,” left, and he thought that meant she had a secret weapon. Reginald had a private conversation with Imogen and announced that he would tell the king Imogen should be queen, and all she would have to do was wear the crown while Reginald took care of the leadership responsibilities. Cordelia appeared and wanted in on the scheme, and Reginald explained that the girls were teaching Abigail to be queen and it was possible that the king would pick Abigail and then she wouldn’t give her sisters or Reginald any power. Reginald mentioned the secret weapon that the girls had, and Imogen ran off to look for it while Reginald flirted with Cordelia and told the same things he told Imogen about her being his personal favorite. The next day, Sophia Grace and Rosie gave Abigail queen lessons, and then the other princesses came along acting fake and apologized for the bad things they said about Abigail. They got Abigail out of the room by telling her that the king wanted to see her (which wasn’t true) so Imogen and Cordelia could spend some alone time with Sophia Grace and Rosie. Imogen said that Abigail couldn’t be queen unless she gained some confidence and learned to like being in the spotlight like the other princesses, so she suggested they take Abigail to a “quiet little pub,” to practice. As that happened, Phyllis sat in a female prison worker’s office and tried to convince the female in charge that she was a victim of identity theft but the official didn’t’ believe her. When Phyllis got under the impression that she would be released if she said her real name, she found inspiration from items on the desk and came up with the fake name Dynasty Composition. The female worker then revealed that Phyllis wouldn’t be released and was probably a lifer because identity thieves more likely would be repeat offenders. Phyllis screamed and jumped over the desk and attacked the other woman, and then she tied her up and gagged over. Phyllis jumped over the prison wall and stole a bicycle to make her getaway. The bike owner and other people chased after Phyllis. As a way to hide from those chasing her, Phyllis then walked up to a stranger man that stood by the dock and demanded that he kiss her so she wouldn’t be seen. They kissed, and then Phyllis jumped into the water.The princesses took Abigail to a pub to compete in a princess look-alike sing-along competition, and Abigail didn’t know what to do until Sophia Grace and Rosie ran out onstage and started rapping along to a rendition of “You Can’t Touch This,” and changing most of the lyrics. When Abigail joined in, her sisters came onstage to stop her, but then Sophia Grace and Rosie bit both Imogen and Cordelia on the legs and rolled around on the stage fighting with them. Back at the castle, Reginald informed the princesses that the king wanted to see them, and Imogen told Reginald that the little girls must be stopped because their princess lessons were working on Abigail. Reginald brought the girls into their room and told them that he knew they were liars and traitors because he called Beatrice and Pippa’s mom and discovered that they were sick at home as everyone thought. Sophia Grace and Rosie argued that they never actually said they were the king’s grandnieces so they didn’t lie, and then Reginald locked the girls in the room telling them that Abigail would never be queen, the girls’ coronation privileges were revoked, and they would stay in their room until their guardian was found. The king expressed his anger that “Wild Princess Brawl,” the lead news story, and then he sent all his daughters to bed to think about what they did. He said he was especially disappointed in Abigail, but she refused to leave and announced that she wasn’t an embarrassment to their country. She went on to say that she spent her entire life pretending to be somebody else because her sisters told her she wasn’t good enough and she believed them, but then she discovered Artemis in the comic books and learned from her courage, honesty and integrity and how to fight for her people. On coronation day, Reginald learned from the king that he was going to pick Abigailbecause her speech the previous night impressed him. Reginald told Imogen and Cordelia his plan to stop that from happening. Sophia Grace and Rosie escaped out of their locked room by shimmying along a ledge outside their window into another room, but Imogen and Cordelia were there waiting for them and took them to the rat-filled dungeon, where they locked the girls in a cell with Abigail. Imogen announced that if anybody asked where Abigail was, they would say their little sister was off in her fantasy world and no one would doubt it. Phyllis hitched a ride by grabbing onto the underside of a vehicle and being dragged across the road. The driver heard her “ow,” noises and stopped the car in front of the castle to check it out. The guards spotted Phyllis and started to lead her away but the man from the dock who Phyliss kissed stopped her. That same man got out of the car and demanded for the guards to unhand Phyllis. He introduced himself as Armand, Prince of Iberia, and got down on one knee to ask Phyllis to marry him. She said he barely knew her, and he replied that he knew some things about her and he knew he loved her, so there was nothing else to know. Phyllis accepted Armand’s proposal and they kissed again. While Sophia Grace was trying to free Abigail, Rosie got out of the cell by crawling out of a large hole in the cell door. Rosie ran to their bedroom and grabbed Magic Duck, and then she used the keys to free Abigail and Sophia Grace. The trio ran into the coronation room as Imogen was being crowned and tried to explain everything, but the crown was already on elder sister Imogen’s head and so the evil queen ordered for the three traitors to be arrested. As they were being led away, Rosie wished for it to be earlier and Magic Duck granted her third and final wish and they found themselves back in the dungeon. They returned to the coronation room for a redo, where Abigail gave a speech and the king decided that all the qualities a queen should have were in Abigail. She was crowned queen, and then there was a party with Sophia Grace and Rosie rapping about a new national anthem and dancing with even the other princess sisters singing. Reginald was apprehended by the guards and put in the stocks in the dungeon, Sheryl the Phyllis imposter was arrested for identity theft, and Phyllis and Armand got married the same day. The movie ended with bonus features of Sophia Grace and Rosie on the Ellen Show with Nicki Minaj as a special guest because she was Sophia Grace’s favorite singer.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/11/23

TITLE: Captain Underpants – The First Epic Movie (Hero Edition)

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2017 20th Century Fox/Dreamworks Animation SKG

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie began with fourth-grade best friends, George Beard and Harold Hutchins, writing a comic book outside Jerome Horwitz Elementary school about the super hero Captain Underpants. The story began on the planet Underpantyworld, where everybody wore only underwear. It was a peaceful planet until it started blowing up, so the world leaders, Big Daddy Longjohns and his wife, Princess Pantyhose, saved their baby, Underpants, by stretching his underwear on either side of a catapult and sending him to earth, where he was raised by a dolphin farmer couple and grew up to be Captain Underpants. George and Harold worked on writing a comic book series they called, Tree House Comix, Inc., because their headquarters was stationed inside their treehouse. However, Benjamin Krupp, the school principal that hated comic books, recess, Christmas, and kittens, interrupted them. Principal Krupp ripped the comic into shreds and ordered them into his office (with a flashback of Mr. Krupp shown cutting a girl’s jump rope at recess, popping up out of a chimney scaring Santa Claus away, and setting a kitten on fire). Principal Krupp wanted to know why the school sign read “Come see my hairy armpits,” instead of announcing that the students would be taking a field trip to the sewage plant that day. He said he didn’t have the proof that George and Harold changed the sign, but they had been pulling hundreds of pranks on the teachers for four years they had attended that school so Principal Krupp was waiting for the day when he could catch them in the act. The boys walked out of the office saying that the school was more like a penitentiary with kids hiding themselves in lockers, tallying their days, and memorizing dates and words with boring teachers speaking in monotones. George and Harold claimed that their pranks were their only line of defense against the injustice of their terrible principal, and getting out of school was everyone’s favorite time of the day. George and Harold went to their treehouse, where they explained that they met in kindergarten when Ms. Dayken was teaching about the planet Uranus. It was then that George and Harold became instant friends because they were the only students laughing when the teacher said that “your anus” was a “gas giant.” The boys lived next door to each other, and the next morning they woke up singing about how they loved Saturday because they could wear their pajamas all day, watch TV all day, and pee in their underwear a little bit and no one would mind. It then turned out they had to go to school because of the Invention Convention, which Principal Krupp mandated the students attend almost every Saturday for the whole day. Principal Krupp told the students that their science teacher Mr. Fyde was no longer with them, not because he was dead but because he wanted to spend Saturday with his family so Mr. Krupp fired him and announced that he would soon find a replacement. Melvin Sneedly spent the next few hours demonstrating his many inventions, and Principal Krupp fell asleep and all the kids were bored out of their minds so George and Harold decided to mess with Melvin’s musical toilet invention to make it shoot toilet paper rolls everywhere. Principal Krupp ordered the boys into his office, where they learned that he told Melvin to build the Tattle Turtle 200, a stuffed turtle with a nanny cam inside it, which got video footage of George and Harold messing with the toilet. Principal Krupp announced that his day to get the boys was finally there, and instead of telling their parents who he said were total failures, his idea of punishment was putting George and Harold in separate classes to annihilate their friendship. After Harold predicted a dark future where being in separate classes would lead to separate lives and robots shooting other robots at the mall, he and George tried to steal the turtle from Principal Krupp’s office when he was out of the room. They got distracted when they found the drawer where Principal Krupp held all of the items he ever confiscated from them (including a hypnotism ring), and then Principal Krupp appeared and revealed that he had the turtle taped to his leg and took it everywhere with him, even in the shower. He started to sign the classroom change paperwork, and George whipped out his Hypno-Ring and held it in Principal Krupp’s face saying the ring was forged from the molten plastic of Shandong, China. George was just bluffing because he got the Hypno-Ring out of a cereal box, but the ring actually worked and the boys hypnotized Principal Krupp into believing he was Captain Underpants from their comic books. The principal stripped down to his underpants and put on a red cape in front of the schoolboys, and since the transformation turned him into a dimwit, he jumped through the window and wandered around town looking for crime to fight. He spotted a mime pretending to be trapped in an invisible box, and Captain Underpants ended up punching the mime in the face to break his “prison.” Captain Underpants “helped,” an old lady trying to get her cat down from a tree by throwing the lady up into the tree, and then he climbed onto a roof to attack an inflatable monkey. George and Harold used a crane they stole from a construction worker to pop the monkey, and that led to Captain Underpants stopping two men from robbing Frank’s Bank. He shouted never to underestimate the power of underwear just as Officer McPiggly showed up and George and Harold escorted Captain Underpants away from the scene saying that he was their sleepwalking grandpa. Meanwhile, an evil man who went by the name of Professor P saw an advertisement for the science teacher position, and he decided it was the perfect cover for whatever devious plan he had in mind. The two not yet tween boys took their adult principal in his underpants to their treehouse, where they discovered that spraying water at him turned him into Principal Krupp, and snapping fingers turned him into Captain Underpants. George and Harold played around turning him back and forth, and then he fell asleep so they wheeled him on a wagon to his house and put him to bed.They snooped around Principal Krupp’s house and discovered that he lived by himself, and then they realized that they no longer had to worry about Principal Krupp putting them in separate classes because now they controlled their principal and all they had to do was snap their fingers and he was Captain Underpants and all their problems went away.They showed up to school the next day blasting loud music with disco lights, and when Principal Krupp appeared Harold snapped his fingers and the principal took off his clothes down to his underwear and cape. The boys didn’t want him wandering around the school in his underpants, so they put the principal clothes back on Captain Underpants. In Principal Krupp’s office, Professor P was waiting to apply for the science teacher job and said that he was admiring the view from the broken window in the shape of a man (from where Captain Underpants jumped through the window). After sorting through the weapons he had in his briefcase (nunchaku, saw, dynamite, axe), Professor P took out his resume. The boys read that the professor had no teaching experience and was never a counselor (although he did have counseling for trauma he experienced as a child), but he was a mad scientist and had been known as the Revenge Seeker for the last few years getting “Revenge at all costs. Die! Die!” Captain Underpants (looking like Principal Krupp) announced that the professor sounded terrific and he was hired, and then George and Harold told Captain Underpants to stay in the office and look mean while they went to science class. Professor P said that he would get rid of laughter if he could change something about the world, and Melvin agreed. Harold asked if laughter was the best medicine, and Professor P replied that medicine was the best medicine. George wanted to know what the “P,” in the professor’s name stood for, and he replied that it was private so George said that meant his name was Professor Privates, to which all the students laughed (except for humorless Melvin). Professor P ordered George and Harold to the principal’s office, and it was there they discovered that Captain Underpants was Principal Krupp again because right after they left he was messing around with a toy water gun and sprayed himself with water. Of course, all the boys had to do was snap their fingers and Captain Underpants went to get the Professor’s file. George and Harold discovered that his real name was Professor Poopypants (full name Pippy P. Poopypants) and his citizenship was New Swissland. The boys started singing “Hallelujah,” from Handel’s Messiah but changed the lyrics so they were singing about Poopypants. In the hallway, Professor Poopypants encountered two giggling girls, and he pulled a large cage out of his briefcase and locked the girls in it because he hated laughter and children. He went to the cafeteria, where all the kids were laughing as they read George and Harold’s newest comic book, Captain Underpants and the Perilous Plot of Professor Poopypants. The professor had a flashback of when he demonstrated his invention of a shrinking and enlarging ray gun called the Sizerator and was about to be presented the Nobel Peace Prize for invention, but the female presenting the trophy couldn’t get over the Professor’s last name. Everyone laughed, and Professor Poopypants went livid and said he should be famous, dating models twice his size, doing the talk show circuit, and protecting baby seals as a cause that he said he cared about but didn’t really. He took George and Harold outside and showed the comic book to the principal, who flipped through it and announced that it was not a comic, but a history book that should be taught in every classroom, and it was so good Professor Poopypants would be required to teach it. Professor Poopypants looked through the comic and discovered that Melvin was the only person not laughing at the professor because Melvin was Anti-Humor Boy. That gave Professor Poopypants an idea, and set up a temporary headquarters inside an ice cream truck (after he turned away a little girl who wanted ice cream by telling her they were closed for the Ebola virus) where he did an experiment on Melvin and discovered that he didn’t even have the laughing area of the brain that most children did, so he had no sense of humor. Professor Poopypants realized that he and Melvin could work together to wipe out laughter forever. Captain Underpants reinstated the art program that Professor Krupp refused to fund, and then he set up a carnival and announced that he put all the teachers in detention to free the children. Things went wrong when Captain Underpants started going back and forth between himself and Principal Krupp every time he came in contact with water, and George and Harold had to chase after him and snap their fingers to switch him back. It then started raining, and finger snapping didn’t work anymore so Principal Krupp announced that George and Harold’s friendship was no more and sent them into separate classrooms once and for all. Meanwhile, Professor Poopypants announced that Poopageddon would begin, and he changed into a bright pink suit and glasses (think of gay Rixel from Mia & Me) and used his Sizerator to largify Melvin’s toilet invention. From his control room inside the toilet, the professor went to the school, where he told the students that the world as they knew it was about to go extinct and a new world order was about to rise. Professor Poopypants stationed Melvin on top of the toilet and used his neurology to disable the laughing mechanism in every school child’s brain. George and Harold, the only ones not affected by the ray, recruited Captain Underpants to fight the toilet while the two boys climbed to the top of the toilet to confront Professor Poopypants. They came up with silly names with Buttcheeks and Toiletnose, but the professor interrupted them by screaming that there was nothing funny about having the name Professor Pee-Pee Diarrheastein Poopypants Esquire. George and Harold couldn’t help laughing at that, and George told the professor that his problem wasn’t people laughing at him, it was him not being able to laugh at himself. Professor Poopypants thanked Oprah for the advice and then dropped Captain Underpants into the green slime-filled toilet bowl while he zapped George and Harold with the Melvin ray. However, it didn’t work so Professor Poopypants did a brain scan on the two boys and learned that their laughing mechanisms were much larger than average and took up most of their brains. He turned the power up to full blast and removed the laughing section from their brains, turning them into zombies like all the other children. Professor Poopypants announced that he was going to wipe out laughter from the entire planet, and then he would move onto other planets including Uranus. George and Harold started laughing again when they heard that, and the toilet had a malfunctioning error and shot giant toilet paper rolls which the kids, their laughter restored, played with. Professor Poopypants then climbed out of the toilet and largified his lip balm containers to make a cage around George and Harold so he could shrink them too. Captain Underpants, still floating around in the toilet bowl, heard the boys’ cries for help and escaped. He fired his endless supply of underpants at Professor Poopypants, and then Captain Underpants got ahold of the Sizerator and largified Professor Poopypants while smallifying himself. Harold grabbed the Sizerator and reversed the process, and tiny little Professor Poopypants rode off on the back of a bee. Back in their treehouse, George and Harold decided they would change Captain Underpants back to President Krupp permanently because they realized that they could still be friends even if they were in separate classes. They didn’t want to do a blood oath or spitshake because that was unsanitary, so they settled on a verbal declaration of their friendship where they said vows (which were friendship vows somewhat like marriage vows). They then stomped on the Hypno-Ring and Principal Krupp was back to his usual self. He fell backwards out of the treehouse wondering what he was doing there, and the school principal told the boys that they were in big trouble as he tried to cover himself with his cape when he realized that he was only wearing his underwear. George and Harold then pulled off their “prank for good,” by sending a heart-shaped card to Principal Krupp from Edith and one from Edith to Principal Krupp asking each other on a date because the boys knew the lunch lady like-liked the principal. Principal Krupp, now in a good mood, gave George and Harold back their confiscated comic books and admitted that he read them and thought they were funny with the potty humor. The boys spied on Edith and Principal Krupp on their date at the fancy Italian Restaurant, It’s Amore! and they promised they would never again do another nice thing for Principal Krupp again. George and Harold thought that was the happy conclusion to the story, but then a bunch of killer toilets appeared and started snatching people up and flushing them (because the giant toilet was taken to the dump where its slime contents spilled out onto the other toilets and transformed them).  Principal Krupp snapped his fingers to get the check, and that led to him being turned into Captain Underpants because destroying the Hypno-Ring didn’t get rid of his powers. The movie ended with Captain Underpants flying up into the sky in his underwear with George and Harold hanging onto the end of his cape. The following were listed on the cover art: Gary Wolcott, Tri-City Herald, “The year’s funniest movie,” and also Leah Greenblatt, Entertainment Weekly, “A tighty-whitey triumph!” This movie had a $38 million budget and grossed over $125 million at the box office.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/10/23

TITLE: The Journey Home 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG Canada/Italy 

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014 RLJ Entertainment/Hyde Park Entertainment/Merced Media Partners/Mediabiz Capital/Image Nation/Image Entertainment/Telefilm Canada/Northern Ontario Heritage Fund Corporation/Manitoba Film & Music/Shaw Rocket Fund/Ontario Media Development Corporation/Italian Ministry of Cultural Heritage and Activities-MIBAC/Quebec/Original Pictures/HD Productions/Entertainment One/Medusa Film/Mediaset Premium/Seville Pictures/Media-Max/Rob Heydon Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 2

REASON: This movie takes place in Devon, Canada in the wintertime and began with Madison Mercier leaving her two young teenage kids, Luke and Abbie, with their Aunt Rita so Madison could go research beluga whales like she used to with her husband, Victor, before he died. Later that night, Luke heard strange noises outside, so he went to investigate and spotted a polar bear coming out of a nearby shed. The police showed up and said they had been tracking the bear all night and planned to tranquilize her, and Luke didn’t like that and tried to scare the bear off but that only angered the bear so the police tranquilized her anyway. The sheriff explained to Luke that the bear came too close to human civilization in search of food so she was a menace, and if she came around again the police would use bullets to shoot her. Luke explored the shed and found a bear cub (who was later named Pizu, short for Pizucktuk which meant vagabond), and he lured it into the house with food and hid it in his bedroom for the night. The next morning, mama bear was flown by helicopter to Cape Resonance to be released back into the wild, and Luke realized that was Pizu’s mother. Pizu knocked over something that made a loud noise, and Aunt Rita came upstairs wanting to know what Luke was up doing at five in the morning. Luke lied that he was organizing his room, and then Pizu popped his head out from behind Luke. Luke lied again to his Aunt and told her it was a stray dog but Aunt Rita saw it was a bear that pooped on the floor. She told Luke to call somebody and get rid of Pizu, and she refused to listen to Luke’s suggestion that they call the old family friend, Muktuk, who he thought would know what to do since his dad, Victor, had told him that Muktuk would help Luke if he ever needed it. Aunt Rita said that her brother Victor would still be alive if Muktuk knew what to do because Victor fell through the ice and Muktuk wasn’t able to save him. Luke drove to Muktuk’s house with Pizu in a cage on the back of his snowmobile and asked Muktuk for help, but Muktuk argued that polar bear cubs learned everything from their mothers and stayed with them for two and a half years. Muktuk announced that he was going to call the sheriff later that day so Pizu could be taken away, and teen Luke was mad about that so he walked away giving Muktuk the middle finger. Luke later returned with a sled attached to his snowmobile and smuggled Pizu away from Muktuk’s house. Aunt Rita and Abbie discovered that Luke and the snowmobile were missing, so they told Muktuk. Muktuk announced that Luke was headed to Cape Resolute, about 100 miles away and over ten hours to reunite Pizu with mama bear. Luke drove over some thin ice on his snowmobile and Luke fell through into the freezing water, but Pizu didn’t and helped rescue Luke. Muktuk came upon them and brought both Luke and Pizu to a nearby Inuit whaling camp for medical attention since Luke was almost hypothermic. Abbie was able to get ahold of Madison and tried to explain to her what happened, but the reception wasn’t good and they lost contact. At the camp, Eta said that Luke wasn’t getting any warmer so she stripped down to her tank while her teenage daughter, Nuvua, stripped down to her bra so they could snuggle down next to Luke and share body heat, which worked. The next day, the Inuit people sent Luke and Muktuk on their way with whale meat and a loon necklace carved from whalebonegiven to Luke by Nuvua so the spirits could keep his safe on his journey. Madison decided that she would find a pilot crazy enough to fly through the snowstorm that was coming so she could get back to Devon and look for Luke. The sheriff and others tried to communicate with Muktuk, but his radio wasn’t working. He noticed the storm that was brewing and headed for shelter, and then he spotted some polar bears and heard gunshots. There was a group of men sitting around a stranded plane drinking, and Muktuk went to see if he knew the pilot so he could get Luke out of there. The hunters had a dead polar bear they shot at their campsite, and they said they would take Luke back to Devon (after the storm blew over and they went to Resolute to shoot some more bears) if Muktuk gave them Pizu so they could shoot him and turn him into a bathroom rug, which one of the men demonstrated by making a gun signal with his hands at Pizu. Muktuk refused and continued on his way, and then he decided that they couldn’t outrun the snowstorm so he used a tarp to make a tent. Luke put a leash on Pizu so he wouldn’t run off even though Muktuk told him not to because the little cub could take care of himself. Luke put the leash on, but he wasn’t holding onto it so Pizu ran off when the tarp came loose. Muktuk tried to fix the tarp, but he was swept away by the storm and Pizu came back to Luke. Luke and Pizu took shelter in an igloo. Madison arrived back in Devon and was told by the police that they didn’t know where Luke was but he was with Muktuk, who probably took shelter. Muktuk was buried under a pile of snow, and when he finally got out he discovered that Luke and Pizu were stranded on an iceberg far away with no ice between them and Muktuk. Muktuk drove away on his snowmobile to get help, and back in Devon, when Muktuk arrived Madison was mad that he left her son behind. Muktuk explained the situation and told them he came back for help and demanded they get the plane up in the air immediately, and Madison tagged along. Luke and Pizu jumped across the ice floes in the other direction to solid ground, where Luke cracked open some bird’s eggs and ate the insides. He and Pizu started walking, and when Luke collapsed from the cold he fired the flare gun that he had with him. It was seen from a nearby boat and Luke was rescued. Simon turned the airplane around and headed back to Devon because a second storm was coming. Madison explained to everyone then (after the angry people blamed Muktuk for the failed rescue attempt) that she let everyone assume that Muktuk was with Victor when he died and it was Muktuk’s fault all those years, but the truth was Victor told Muktuk to stay with Madison to protect her after a bear attacked their camp one day. Muktuk and Madison were with each other when Victor died. Victor went to rescue other researchers, and Victor (Madison’s husband and father of the children) led them onto bad ice where Victor died and the others he was with nearly died.On the boat, a doctor who said that he was going to have Pizu sent to a zoo cared for Luke. The doctor radioed in to Devon and told them that Luke was fine except for some frostbite. The first chance Luke got, he snuck off the boat and rescued Pizu, who was chained up in a room. Luke found an old canoe buried in the snow, made a sail and then went windsurfing to Cape Resolute. The doctor told the people in Devon, who were now back on the helicopter searching for Luke again, that Luke and Pizu were missing, and Muktuk said that Luke was still adamant about getting Pizu home. At Resolute, Pizu was reunited with mama bear. Luke was reunited with his family too. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/9/23

TITLE: Prom 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2011 Walt Disney Pictures / Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Michigan and centered on the Brookside High community, mostly the seniors and the Starry Night high school prom that was three weeks away. The students believed that prom was the one night when everyone was brought together to hang out even though they were divided during the previous four years, and on this one “prom” night…nobody cared about anybody’s social class status or who was who. High Honors student Nova Prescott was in charge of getting the decorations ready and set up the voting system for king and queen. Nova hoped her crush, Brandon Roberts, would ask her out to prom…but he didn’t. Nova found a dress in a magazine that Rachel, a girl with blue and green streaked hair as well as a lip and nose piercing, wanted to wear to prom and Nova gave it to her. Lloyd Taylor didn’t plan to go to prom and told his stepsister, Tess, that prom was like the Olympics of high school because you waited four years for it, three people had a good time, and everybody else got to live on with shattered dreams. Two sophomore boys, Lucas Arnaz and Corey Doyle, spotted younger sophomore girls standing around hoping to be asked to prom by seniors, and they discussed how they had nothing to offer the girls because they had no cars, no cool parties, and no prom. A problematic student Jesse Richter sat outside Principal Bill Dunnan’s office with Nova, and Jesse told Rhoda Wainwright the detention teacher that he just turned eighteen and asked her if she knew what that meant (they could date), and teacher Rhoda replied that it meant they could try Jesse as an adult. He asked Nova if she was in for trouble at the model UN, prom poster crisis or receiving an award for having the most awards. Nova replied that they caught her riding around school grounds on her little moped, and Jesse corrected her that it wasn’t a moped, and that he had a 1972 Norton Commando. Principal Dunnan told Jesse to get into his office now and told Nova he would have her paperwork soon. Principal Dunnan lectured Jesse for cutting too many classes and fighting too much in the cafeteria, and the principal told the student that he was going nowhere in life. Principal Dunnan stated that the really good news in the situation was that he was going on summer vacation in a month and half and Jesse would disappear forever. Jesse responded that he would finish his last six weeks with the school in one piece, and his bonus was that he knew Principal Dunnan would be right back there behind his desk having to deal with troubled kids all over again in the fall after his summer vacation. Jordan Lundley and her boyfriend, Tyler Barso, had a private conversation because she found an earring that didn’t belong to her in Tyler’s vehicle. Tyler said he drove half the girls’ soccer team to Papa Gino’s last week and told Jordan to stop acting crazy because he was going to be king and she would be his queen (prom). Nova thanked her friends Ali Gomez, Mei Kwan, Rolo and Brandon for their help in putting up the décor, and she gave them each two free tickets to the prom. Rolo told Ali that he was going to take Athena, his Greek-Canadian girlfriend, to prom. Mei told Nova that she didn’t yet tell her boyfriend, Justin Wexler, that she wasn’t going to Michigan University but planned on going to Parsons School of Design in New York. Over the next couple of weeks at school, students found clever ways to ask each other to the prom, and when they agreed they starting kissing on school property. One student had the male varsity team members write the prom letters on their bare chests, and another student, Darrel, interrupted detention class to ask a girl out and had the teacher running down the hall after Darrel who ran away from the teacher and wouldn’t stop running in the hall when told. Brandon asked Nova to carpool with him to prom because they needed to arrive early to make sure everything went smoothly, and he gave her one of the tickets back, which confused Nova and she was wasn’t sure if Brandon just asked her out to prom or not even after he said it was a date. Jesse’s mom, Sandra, came home early from her waitress job at Le Roy’s diner to surprise Jesse and his seven-year-old brother, Charlie, and told him that she wanted to spend some time with them since it was dead at work. Jesse said he was going to go to work and pick up some extra hours since now he didn’t have to watch Charlie. He walked right by his graduation cap and gown that came in the mail and didn’t want to try it on, and then he complained about the basement door being open because he didn’t want to think about what was on the other side of the door that he called garbage (his estranged dad’s things). At Nova’s house, she helped her mechanic dad, Frank, set up his computer so when she was in Georgetown in the fall on her scholarship, they could communicate with each other via Facetime/Skype. When Tyler asked Jordan to prom, he set up a Taco King candlelit dinner inside the school’s shed on school property that held the prom decorations. The shed was engulfed in flames and completely destroyed after the teen couple left because careless Tyler left the candles lit. The next morning, Nova told the prom committee that she wasn’t canceling prom otherwise the terrorists would win, and they still had three weeks to fix the decorations. However, the prom committee announced that they couldn’t help Nova rebuild because they all had other commitments such as exam studying throughout the end of the school year. Nova asked Principal Dunnan what they were going to do about the destroyed decorations. Jesse drove up on his motorcycle and told the principal that driving in the back part of the school grounds might damage school property as he stared at the burned-down shed in front of him. Jesse added sarcastically with a straight face…oh no, prom was ruined and the boys and girls of Brookside had been robbed of their right to stand around in a gym and drink punch, and Jesse told Principal Dunnan to put the flags at half-mast. Principal Dunnan decided on the spot that Jesse’s punishment was to help Nova rebuild the destroyed decorations, and if the prom wasn’t rebuilt to Nova’s specifications, then Principal Dunnan wouldn’t let Jesse graduate. Lloyd thanked Mei, sitting next to Justin, for being Oprah by offering a nugget of wisdom when she suggested that Lloyd ask any girl to prom. Alice was then shown in tears because she mistook Lloyd’s invitation to prom as a creepy serial killer letter and thought it was a sick joke because he cut out letters (“I’ve been watching you”) and pasted them on a piece of paper which he put on her locker. Lloyd was watching Alice to see her reaction, and he rapidly left the area telling sister Tess that he was never there and she never saw him. Tyler invited sophomore Lucas to his barbeque and told Lucas to bring a girl and not his friend Corey. Nova and Jesse met up inside in a school storage room, and she was mad that he was late so when he finally showed up she told him to move stuff from one place to another. He was as mean to Nova as she was to him, and he upset her by giving her tips on how to pick up heavy things instead of just helping her pick them up. Nova ranted to her parents at home about Jesse’s obnoxious behavior, and Frank said that he used to run with Jesse’s dad and the apple didn’t fall far from the tree (meaning that Frank may have been bad as Jesse’s dad because they were school chums). Nova’s mom, Kitty, was more optimistic and told Nova that perhaps Jesse could help her a lot if she gave him a chance. Frank kept calling Jesse a punk and a walking misdemeanor while Kitty said that time was running out and Nova needed Jesse’s help to get prom accomplished. Kitty went to answer the doorbell that rung while Frank told Nova to come to him if Jesse gave her any more trouble. Brandon was at the door and Frank sent another plate at the table for him, and Brandon excitedly told Nova that he got into Princeton and he was a finalist for the dean’s scholarship. Brandon went on to say that the scholarship interview was the same weekend as prom, so he wouldn’t be able to go to prom and told Nova there was still time for her to find another date, and she agreed and said she would be fine. The girls were in the bathroom hating on Brandon for doing that to their friend Nova, but Nova said it wasn’t that big of a deal. Nova stayed behind while the other two girls left to go to class because the bell rang, and then Rolo (male student) came out of the girls’ bathroom stall and washed his hands beside Nova. He obviously overheard the conversation and then walked out as if nothing happened while Nova stood there looking startled because she couldn’t figure out why Rolo (a male) was in the girls’ bathroom to begin with. Lloyd put a prom invitation made out of sticky notes on the windshield of a blue car, but then he realized that it was the wrong car (and actually belonged to Rhoda the teacher) because the girl Lloyd had wanted to invite then pulled up and got out of her very similar blue car in her super short skirt at school. In the science lab classroom, Corey told Lucas that his Jimmy Hendrix Woodstock moment could be when he asked Simone Daniels the sophomore, who just walked into the room, out on a date. Corey made Lucas do a fly (zipper) check, an armpit check, and a breath check where Lucas breathed all over Corey so he could make sure Lucas’s breath smelled all right. Simone walked up behind them wondering what they were doing because it looked like the two boys were kissing from her angle. When they were alone working on a science project, Lucas worked up the nerve and got all the words out at once to ask Simone to the lacrosse barbecue that Tyler invited him to, and she accepted. Jesse showed up fifteen minutes late and irritated Nova by calling her a dude as she was cleaning her celestial fountain. Jesse told her it was going to leak all over her “celestial,” floor unless she fixed it, and she said she already knew. At the school computers, Ali sat down next to Rolo and he was on his social media Facebook account and she asked to see Athena’s girlfriend, but he said she didn’t have a profile because she had to take it down after being grounded for staying out clubbing (Canada) too late. Lloyd hung a sheet from the highway overpass with letters asking Jen to prom, but before Jen could see it, a semi drove under the overpass and the sheet caught on the back of the big rig, tearing it down. Lloyd yelled to Jen as she drove by seconds later saying she missed his sign, but she didn’t hear him. Later on, as Nova was trying to fix the leaky fountain in dark lighting, she called Jesse out on his tough-guy act and reminded him that he was the only one who cried in third grade when Heady the class hamster died. Jesse replied that the hamster didn’t make him build a cosmic canopy for prom like Nova did. The two got into an argument about the meaning of prom and how it was overrated, and Jesse schooled Nova on real tragedies like hurricanes, smallpox and locusts, not minor setbacks like damaged prom decorations or not having prom in general. Jesse added that nobody remembered prom and any photos that were taken were stored in boxes in the attic and forgotten. Jesse then apologized because he knew how important prom was to Nova and he decided to help her out. She said that prom was the last night and the last dance, and it was all of the high schoolers (some with adults as dates) together at school for one perfect moment, which she wanted to be part of.  Corey drove Simone and Lucas to Tyler’s barbecue and said that he was a driver, and his Corey’s mom corrected him in front of Simone and Lucas that Corey was only driving as long as it was during daylight hours and with adult supervision. When Lucas and Simone went to the door, Tyler welcomed people in and Simone told Lucas that she and Tyler already metand she didn’t seem too happy about being at Tyler’s house. When they had a moment alone, Tyler tried to have a private conversation with Simone, but she didn’t want to be reminded about their past relationship and told him not to talk her to her. Simone instead gave Lucas a private guitar lesson up close and personal. Lucas asked Simone if she had a boyfriend, she replied that there was one guy (Tyler) but it turned out he wasn’t available and she was over it. In school, Lloyd asked Kristen to the prom, and she replied that she thought everybody knew she had a boyfriend because she was Kristen and he was Anton, so the Hollywood name was Kranton. Anton then showed up and he and Kristen started making out crazily by the lockers. When Nova went into the storage room, she discovered that the celestial fountain was on and in perfect working order because Jesse fixed it. Nova loved it, and then Jesse explained that because of his mom’s work schedule, he had to pick his little brother up from elementary school, which was why he was late helping Nova and why he cut class, not because he was a slacker. She changed their meeting time to 3:15 when he usually showed up instead of the original 3:00 (even though 3:30 would give Jesse extra time so he wouldn’t have to rush). Lucas waited for Simone to show up in the library because he blew off Corey to study with Simone. Simone was in the hallway making her way to the library until Tyler appeared and offered to give her a ride home. She tried to blow him off, but he said that he needed to discuss something with her and she was the only one he could talk to, so she agreed. Lucas tapped his pencil on the desk and disturbed everybody studying in the library and he didn’t focus on his studies because he wasn’t happy that his female love interest didn’t show up. In his jeep, Tyler wanted to know why Simone wouldn’t answer his texts, and she told him it was because he lied to her and she never would have gone out with him if she had known he was still dating Jordan. Tyler tried to convince Simone that Jordan had been planning prom for years and expected him to go with her, so he wasn’t going to break off the relationship until after prom and then he would dump Jordan and be with Simone. Tyler told the sophmore that he was seriously interested in a romantic relationship with her. However, Jordan walked up behind them and saw Tyler and Simone talking with their heads bowed close toward each other in the front of his topless Jeep. Jordan left the scene before she could be seen. Nova later told Jesse that the neighboring high school was having the same “Starry, Starry Night,” theme with an extra Starry, so Nova thought that their prom theme would be lame because of it. Jesse had the idea of taking Nova on his motorcycle to check out the other school’s theme. They discovered that the high school’s front door was locked (obviously because it was nighttime), but then they noticed that the janitor’s side door was open and they figured they could sneak in through that door. After they were able to find the decorations and said they were lame compared to their own, they were caught by the janitor so they ran out of the school, but not before they had to run around the whole inside of the building to make their escape because they weren’t familiar with the surroundings. Just as Nova on the back of the getaway bike told Jesse that they did it, a police car with lights and sirens pulled up behind them and Jesse pulled over. As they sat alongside the side of the road waiting for Nova’s parent to pick her up, she complained to Jesse that she now had a rap sheet, but he said it wouldn’t go to that extent and not to worry about it. Frank showed up and wanted to know what Jesse did to Nova, and then Frank took his daughter away telling her that Jesse was a loser even after she told Frank that it was her idea to break into the other high school because the other school copied theme at Brookside. Simone apologized to Lucas, and he lied that he forgot about the whole library thing because Tyler wanted to show him some moves on varsity stuff (of course Simone knew Lucas wasn’t being truthful because she was with Tyler at that time). At the same time, Jordan walked over to Tyler’s locker and told him that she knew about him and his little sophomore girlfriend and she was breaking up with him. Jordan walked away telling Tyler to keep thinking about himself because that was what he was best at doing and not to worry about her. Jesse on his bike went to pick up his little brother Charlie at his school, and when he arrived Nova was talking to Charlie, who informed Nova that the expensive baseball cards he showed her were from his dad who left them behind (dad abandoned family). Jesse grabbed the cards away from Charlie and told him not to carry those around because they were supposed to stay in the basement. Nova told Jesse that the way her dad and Principal Dunnan and even herself judged Jesse’s character and talked bad about him was wrong, and she apologized for her part in it. She admitted that she ditched school to go all there and tell Jesse that. Meanwhile, Mei had a hissy fit when she tried on a prom dress, and she put it in the trash and took her anger out on Justin and told him that it wasn’t the right color or style and she looked like a manatee so no one would ever see her with that dress on. Justin thought Mei’s bad behavior with the limo (black vs. white color) and now the dress was because she didn’t want to go to prom, and he had no idea it was because she planned on going to a different college than him that was many states away. He told her that prom was off, and she let him walk away still not knowing what her issue was even after they had been dating for a long time. Jordan went home and took down the many dozens of photos accumulated over the years of her and Tyler from her dressing mirror in her bedroom and put them in the trashcan and her little sister came in Jordan’s room and told her the mirror looked better that way (obviously she had a bad vibe about Tyler and his behavior over the years). At the diner where Sandra worked, Charlie, Jesse and Nova sat at the counter and had milkshakes as they talked to Sandra (Charlie and Jesse’s mom). There were three men at a nearby table that spillied their food on purpose and then told Jesse’s mom to clean it up. Jesse wasn’t happy about that and got up to tell the other males to clean it up, but then Nova got between them and told Jesse that she wanted him to come with her so he wouldn’t fight with them and get arrested. Outside, Nova told Jesse that things didn’t come easy for anybody and even she had to work her butt off to get things accomplished. She told Jesse that he needed to grow up, stop getting into fights and driving off angry on his motorcycle. He laughed and told Nova he thought she could beat people up, and she said she could and took him dress shopping because she too had to go to prom (leaving Charlie with Sandra at the diner and the questionable delinquent males). After a few dresses that didn’t appeal to Jesse at all, he brought Nova a little black dress to try on but she handed it back to him through the curtain. Jesse asked Nova why she didn’t have a date, and after he learned that Brandon bailed on Nova, he said that maybe the class president could take her, to which she replied that she was the class president. When Nova came out of the dressing room, Jesse’s breath caught because he thought she was pretty in her sparkly beige dress. Later on, at school, Simone gave Corey and Lucas two tickets to a concert where their favorite band, Stick Hippo, was performing. Corey was excited about it but then figured out that the tickets were for Lucas and Simone only. In the library, Lloyd talked to Betsy (Elizabeth) about how boring the assigned book, Ethan’s Frome, was because it was about a guy who fell in love with his wife’s cousin and they went sledding and she got paralyzed. Lloyd used that moment to invite Betsy to the prom, but she said she already had a date and even though they were just going as friends she couldn’t cancel since prom was a few days away. Simone practiced her guitar at home, and when she heard the doorbell she went inside to find a letter on the doorstep with her name on it. It was from Tyler asking her to prom, and he told her to bring him her answer. There were two rocks, one huge one with “no,” written on it on the left side and one very small one with “yes,” written on it on the right side. Tyler appeared from behind a vehicle and smiled, and then he explained that it was over with Jordan and he ended it for real. He gave Simone a present of a guitar pick in a ring box and told her that he would love to hear her play sometime, and Simone was very happy and hugged Tyler. Ali saw Rolo trying on tuxedos in a store, and she told him she liked the white one that he was wearing and then he pulled out a picture of the dress that Athena would be wearing. Ali told him that was impossible unless Athena was a supermodel, and she wanted to know what magazine he got the picture out of. Ali said she would see both Rolo and Athena at prom. Later on, Ali and Mei were at Nova’s house and were all giggly over Nova liking bad boy Jesse, and they hoped he would ask her to the prom since the following day would be the last day they would work on the decorations together. As the girls talked, Frank was listening outside the door and he walked away unhappy when he heard his daughter say there were more important things than being valedictorian or class president. Jesse got Nova a candy necklace to wear with her dress because she said she couldn’t afford anything else except candy jewelry to go with her dress. Frank then showed up at Jesse’s work and told him that Nova was the top of her class with a full scholarship next year, and she had big plans and was in the home stretch, which was where Jesse came in right at the end. Frank said he knew Jesse’s type who struggled to get by and were mad at the world, and Frank didn’t want Jesse dragging Nova down with him as he tried to get his life figured out while Nova had her own life all together and planned out. Before he walked away, Frank told Jesse that if he cared about Nova as much as Frank thought, Jesse wouldn’t hold Nova back. As they walked out of class at school, Lucas and Corey discussed the President of the United States coming to them and saying that the country needed a new national anthem, any band, any era. Lucas stopped the conversation so he could catch up with Simone and ask her if she wanted to be picked up at six on Saturday for their concert date. Simone said that she tried to find Lucas earlier and tell him that she wouldn’t be able to make it to the concert because the guy that she liked before was now available and they were going to prom on Saturday. Jesse walked in on their last day together decorating, and he was all business and didn’t want to have any kind of conversation with Nova because of what her dad said to him. He set the disco ball light to the speed Nova wanted to and said little to her because now he wanted their prom decoration chore to be over with. Jesse said he wouldn’t be there for prom night to turn on the lights for the fountain, and he packed up his stuff saying the opposite of how he felt when Nova tried to talk about their relationship. Jesse stormed out after he lied and told Nova that he didn’t have the same feelings for her that she did for him. Lloyd, after getting turned down by another girl, sat with Lucas and discussed Simone and prom. Lloyd said that prom was a soul-crushing mistress, and he told Lucas to tell Simone how he felt about her. Lloyd had always been the shy nice guy like Lucas, so he gave Lucas some good advice to stop waiting around for the right moment and to just make it happen because he had nothing to lose. Justin threw away his corsage, and then the doorbell rang and it was Mei who wanted to talk to him out on the front porch. Mei told him that she got accepted to Parsons in New York for design, and she explained that she didn’t believe she would get in, but then she was wait-listed and got in. She told Justin that she was going to go, and he wondered why Mei thought he wouldn’t be proud of her and understood now why she was acting so crazy about prombecause it wasn’t actually about that, it was about her keeping a college secret. Mei told Justin that prom was supposed to be a “forever,” thing and couples were supposed to be a “forever,” thing too. Justin said that nobody knew the future. Mei then planned to wear her homecoming dress because it was too late to get a prom dress. Later on, Jesse showed up outside his mom’s diner, and the three delinquent males were stumbling out the door. Jesse picked a fistfight with them until Sandra came out with the manager to break it up. Sandra brought Jesse inside with Charlie to clean up Jesse’s bloody face, and the other males left the premises. Nova sobbed on her bed in the dark. Lloyd ended up taking his stepsister, Tess, to prom. In the living room as Nova was getting ready Frank confessed that he had a talk with Jesse, so it was his fault, not Nova’s, that Jesse wouldn’t take her to prom. With mom and dad in the room, Nova told her dad that he took away one of those great things that could have happened to her by removing Jesse from the picture on prom night. Nova stormed out of the house, and Kitty tried to console her husband. Lucas climbed up in a tree in the dark as Simone was dressing for prom and got her attention so he could talk to her. Lucas told Simone that he loved her as more than a friend and asked her not to go to prom, and he added that if she walked out the door then he might as well stay in the tree forever. The limo arrived and Lucas saw Tyler get out of it, and Simone told Lucas she didn’t know how to tell him that she cared for Tyler and left with Tyler to go to prom. Brandon appeared at prom and told Nova that he was there because he finished his interview early, and he congratulated Nova on pulling off the Starry Night theme. Nova walked away telling Brandon everything was not okay as he stared blankly at her. Other couples stared at Jordan as she arrived because they couldn’t believe that she came by herself like Nova. Meanwhile, as Jesse was cleaning out the basement, Sandra came down and told him he wasn’t like his dad because his dad was an idiot who got into fights whereas Jesse was a fighter who took care of his family. Sandra was proud of the way Jesse turned out, not like her husband who ran away and walked out on his responsibilities of a family. Sandra then gave Jesse a tuxedo to wear to the prom. Lucas showed up at Corey’s house and apologized and asked him to go to the concert with Lucas, and they both went. As the DJ played Katy Perry’s “Firework,” Tess went to dance with the other girls because Lloyd told her to go enjoy her youth while he sat at the table alone. When Tyler was away from Simone’s table, she heard two girls talking about how Jordan dumped Tyler and came to prom alone. Tyler came back and Simone told him off for not telling her the truth (when she wasn’t telling anybody the truth either) because Jordan dumped Tyler and he lied about it to make Simone believe that he broke up with Jordan to be with her. Mei came onstage and announced they were going to crown the king and queen as Nova held the crowns. Tyler Barso was crowned king, and then Jordan Lundley was announced as Tyler’s queen and it was a landslide vote for her. Not long after, the smile left the king’s face when he heard the queen tell Mei that she wasn’t going to dance with the king even though that was custom. Mei told everybody that the queen would be sitting the dance out so it would just be the king’s dance, by order of the queen. Tyler went over to Simone and wanted to take her out on the dancefloor, but she told him there was somewhere else she had to be and left him standing there alone with no dance partner. The partygoers skipped the king and queen dance and everybody returned to the dancefloor to dance to Neon Trees, Your Surrender. Ali turned around and saw Rolo arriving with his Greek-Canadian supermodel girlfriend. Rachel sat beside Lloyd and told him she thought it rocked that he brought his sister to prom. As Lucas and Corey came out of the concert venue they saw Simone standing in the parking lot in her prom dress waiting for them (think Sixteen Candles and Jake outside the Church) and Corey told his friend it was his Hendrix and Woodstock. Mei asked Nova to dance, but she told her girlfriend that she was all prom’d out and walked away. Ali ran over and told Nova that the fountain stopped working, and Nova replied that Ali and the others could figure it out or just leave it off because Nova was going home. Nova walked past a kissing couple and then the fountain mysteriously turned back on, and when she turned around Jesse was standing there in his tux. He asked Nova to prom, and she said yes and he gave her the candy necklace to match her dress. The DJ played Band of Horses, “No One’s Gonna Love You,” as the two lovebirds went out on the dancefloor. Meanwhile, Simone and Lucas danced in the parking lot together as Corey and his mom watched from the car. The movie ended with high school teens Nova and Jesse kissing on the dancefloor like some of the other students were doing throughout the evening. Jordan and Tyler, the supposed prom king and queen, never even came forward to say they were the ones who caused the fire that destroyed the shed and original Prom decorations.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/8/23

TITLE: Heaven Sent 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2016 Lionsgate/Cantinas Entertainment LLC/Antennae Film Production/A&E Television Networkers/ Lifetime Entertainment/Christmastime, LLC

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Boulder, Colorado at Christmastime and began with married couple Maire and Billy Taylor praying to God, with her asking for Billy to let go while he prayed for her to hold on because they were having marriage issues.An eight year old little girl with blonde hair and blue eyes and Shirley Temple curley hair then came down from heaven to earth in the form of a meteor and she ended up by some Christmas lightbulbs that hung outside of the Taylor owned Poet’s Walk shop in the city. At home, as Billy Taylor put up the Christmas lights on the outside of his two-story house, George the mailman arrived and gave Billy a Christmas card and an envelope from Haggerty and Kaufman which contained divorce papers. That news caused Billy to fall backwards off the ladder a far distance to the ground.  Billy tried to use the large real Christmas tree branches that grew close to the house to hold on to on his way down but that did little to help so he landed hard. Mailman George put the mail on Billy’s chest and walked off leaving him on the ground. After nine years of marriage, Billy felt like it was his turn to crash because he was getting divorced. Billy went to the city and stood in front of Poet’s Walk glaring up at his wife Maire as she glared back down at him from their shared office window. Billy and Maire were not only GOD’s husband and wife family marriage partners, but also business partners in Poet’s Walk and owned the company together. Maire had Sean Miller, a potential buyer for Poet’s Walk and a very close male “friend” to Maire, upstairs alone with her and the two discussed Sean’s second offer that she said wasn’t quite enough yet and that she wasn’t hesitant about selling Poet’s Walk. Maire said it was Billy who didn’t want to sell and wanted Sean to leave to she could talk to Billy and told him that Billy just arrived in the building. Maire told Sean that she started Poet’s Walk eleven years before and she wanted her husband’s blessing to sell the company but she didn’t need his permission because she started the company without him. After Maire revealed that she and Billy were soon to be divorced, Sean said he had been through that too and his offer to “talk” to Maire still stood. Billy walked between Maire and Sean and broke them up as he walked into his office with his wife. Sean left suddenly. Billy looked at Sean’s second offer that Maire had showed him and said Sean upped it a lot, and Billy told his wife to tell Sean to up it again. Billy handed Maire the divorce papers to sign and told her that was their life and it was her call if she wanted to go through with it. Maire didn’t hesitate at all and sat down and had the papers signed in less than thirty seconds. Billy said he wanted Maire and didn’t want to sign for divorce, and Maire told Billy that they made awesome partners in business and that was the problem and not the solution to their marriage because at home, it was a different story. As Billy tried to talk about sex and how good they were together there, Maire was furious with him by that point and threw a tape dispenser at Billy’s private parts and just as Sean opened the door to pop his head inside, Billy keeled over and fell backwards onto the floor. Billy got up and told Sean to get out and went to the desk to sign the divorce papers, and Maire left the room to go get some caffeine (or talk to Sean). The window in the office mysteriously opened by itself and all the divorce papers fell out the window, so when Maire came back into the room she thought Billy did that on purpose because he hadn’t signed them yet. A city sweeper came by and swept up all the papers, and Billy left the building whistling, “Joy to the World.” Later that night, there was a strange man walking around in the dark and weirdly all the Christmas lights shut off in city as he walked by and he bent down and picked up glowing angel dust. Maire, the next day, arrived at Billy’s house (she moved out), and he didn’t come to the door but then the door opened for Maire by itself. She caught Billy upstairs coming out of the shower and looking for a clean pair of underwear, and she told him that his house was a pig sty and he wasn’t taking care of it as it had been when she was still living there and she would wait downstairs for him. Maire gazed at one of Billy’s drawing sketches, and when he came into the room she asked him if it was her as a little girl, and Billy replied that even though Maire was his muse, that small girl happened to be something he dreamt up in his head. They discussed printing the picture on a Mother’s Day or Father’s Day card, and then Billy kissed his wife and asked her if she still wanted to go through with the divorce. Maire reminded Billy what Dr. Sheila from therapy told them it was prefectly natural for them to still be physically attracted to each other and still be able to divorce and separate from each other because they no longer had anything in common. Billy didn’t want to sign the new copy of the divorce agreement papers that his wife brought to the house but he did. Maire signed the paperwork too. Marie said that Dr. Sheila’s words made sense that sometimes you had to end a relationship to save it. Billy replied that he knew and he agreed because that was why he ended the relationship with Dr. Sheila and not his wife. The hot water cannister brought over by Billy when he took the teakettle off the stove then broke apart as Maire tried to pour herself a cup of tea and that spill ruined the signed divorce paper agreements. Billy laughed about it and said that if that wasn’t a sign he didn’t know what was. Then, a little eight-year-old girl wearing only one of Billy’s t-shirts (the little girl he sketched but Billy had never seen before) appeared and looked in the refrigerator and asked for almond silk because she was lactose tolerant.The frightened little girl fled the room and hid around the corner when the doorbell rang, and she told the two adults that if a seven-foot man with a flaming sword was at the door, then she wasn’t there and told them to play dumb. That was when Maire caught a glimpse of the little girl and realized that she was the one from the picture that Billy drew. It was a UPS delivery guy who dropped off a kids’ yellow suitcase at the front door, and she wheeled the suitcase inside and told Billy don’t you just love Amazon because she ordered that stuff online. In the next scene, a city Police Officer (Chuck Evans) from the City of Boulder Police showed up at the front door with a CPS worker (Pamela Burke) Billy had called them about the run away child in his house. Billy told the city workers that the little girl said her name was Taylor. Evidently, the officer and social worker could not see the little girl, so Pamela walked over and used her talk-to-child voice on Maire thinking that she was little Taylor because she couldn’t see little girl Taylor sitting next to adult Maire who was coloring. Pamela wasn’t quite sure what was going on because there was no kid that she could see in the room. Pamela walked back to Billy and told him that CPS protected children, and not the challenged adult, that she believed Maire to be. The conversation got weird because Pamela told Billy that his adult wife was not what an eight-year-old girl looked like and Pamela said she was a professional and knew and could identify that. Billy still didn’t realize that the two couldn’t see Taylor and he didn’t know they were talking about Maire. Billy explained how the little girl showed up at his house and was wearing his T-shirt so she wouldn’t run around the house naked, and Officer Evans and Pamela were then thinking that Billy was a child predator at that moment. Officer Evans wanted to know if Billy wanted to press charges for trespassing (mentally challenged Maire), and Billy said no and he just wanted to get the poor little girl home (the city workers thought Billy was talking about his wife). So, Officer Evans went to Maire and asked her how she would like to go for a ride with him. Maire was flabbergasted and at her wits’ end, and she said it wasn’t about her it was about the little girl beside her (that the police officer couldn’t see). Officer Evans walked around to the side of Maire and took Billy’s wife by the arm and said the two of them were going to go for a ride now (mental hospital) and planned to take her outside, but when the police officer squatted beside Maire (because she was sitting down coloring), Maire sprang up and kicked the police officer hard and he fell backwards to the floor. The little ghost Taylor then ran around and quickly handcuffed the officer while he was down. Officer Evans shouted at them to get him out of the handcuffs and told Pamela to go get backup and she ran out of the house while Billy told the social worker that she didn’t need backup. When Billy dug the handcuff keys out of the officer’s front left pant’s pocket, Billy noticed in the mirror that Maire had a reflection but Taylor did not. Billy nodded to Maire to look in the mirror, and Maire too noticed that Taylor had zero reflection and was not in the picture. As the other officers arrived later on to back up Officer Evans, it was now nighttime. The two jesting officers walked out of the house and held their hands behind their back as if handcuffed when they walked by Officer Evans. Officer Evans then wrote Billy a ticket for false reporting and obstructing a police officer in the course of his duties. Billy went back into the house and heard laughter from coming from upstairs, so he went to investigate and found Maire giving ghost Taylor a bubble bath. Maire had Taylor turn around in the tub so Maire could show Billy her back and wanted to know what those two bulges were on her shoulder blades, and Billy said he didn’t want to discuss it then and asked to see Maire outside of the bathroom. Out in the hallway, Maire told Billy they might want to take Taylor to see the doctor, and Billy replied the question was could the doctor see Taylor because she was invisible. Billy told Maire that he didn’t want to see her get hurt again by getting attached to this child, and Maire said she wouldn’t be and she had already asked Taylor some questions and Maire didn’t think she was lost, and Maire believed that, after talking to Taylor, that the little girl knew she was in the right place but either wouldn’t or couldn’t tell Billy and Maire why she was there because it was against the rules. Maire said that she didn’t know why they were the only two who could see Taylor but they were all in it together and it was their job to take care of Taylor while she was with them. Billy told Maire that she needed to remember that what they were experiencing was not real. As Taylor sang Christmas carols from the tub, Maire shrugged Billy off and went to get Taylor out of the tub so she could read Christmas stories to her before bed, so Billy walked away. After Maire put Taylor to bed, she locked the window and looked outside and didn’t see anything, but when she walked away the strange man with the cane from earlier appeared in the dark street below the child’s window. The next morning, Billy and Maire called Taylor outside to help them build Frosty the snowman, and when Billy’s back was turned he was so involved in working on the snowman that he gave Taylor the okay to climb all the way up the ladder to the roof and put the Christmas lights up because Maire was distracted on her phone. Billy and Maire noticed Taylor just as the little girl spotted the man with the cane walking towards herso she jumped off the ladder and Billy and Maire freaked out but then realized that Taylor was floating in midair hiding behind the tree. However, when a bus drove by, the man was no longer there after it passed by. Billy told Taylor to come down now, and she returned to the ground and ran into the house. They found her hiding behind a curtain because she thought they were mad at her, but Maire said they weren’t mad at her so Taylor came out from behind the curtain. Taylor took off her coat, apologized, and then revealed two little angel wings on her back. Taylor explained that she didn’t tell Billy and Maire about her being an angel because she was afraid they would send her back to heaven. Taylor said she ran away from Heaven because she wanted to see what it was like to have real parents. Maire then told Taylor that she and Billy had always wondered what it would be like to have a little girl, so Taylor made them very happy by coming to live with them. Maire said they would never send her away, and then Taylor asked if it would be okay with her to call them Mommy and Daddy, and Maire replied yes. Maire ran out of the room sobbing, and Billy went after her and they agreed that if Taylor was a runaway that meant somebody was looking for her so they agreed they wouldn’t let her out of their sight. The next day, Maire took Taylor to work with her, and Sean was there with a large bouquet of red roses for Maire, and Taylor said that Sean was a butt kisser but of course he didn’t know she was there. Taylor decided to see what was so special about Sean, so as he worked at Maire’s desk, Taylor investigated Sean’s clothes and told Maire that his collar was starched, it was likely that he starched his underwear, and he was wearing whitey tighties. Taylor wanted to go home, so Maire handed Sean some paperwork and said she was leaving because she wasn’t feeling well. After they left, Sean discovered that the words “Dude, get some boxers!!!!” was written on the paper by the little girl. Maire and Taylor went Christmas shopping, and when they got home Taylor ran upstairs into her Daddy’s arms as he was painting a bedroom for Taylor with white clouds and a blue sky (he already did a painting of Taylor with angel wings on a canvas) and he was pleasantly happy that she ran into his arms and called him Daddy. At work another day, Sean told Maire that he and his wife, Jen, were together for four years, before they got divorced. After Sean got out of the army he wanted to start his own business so he was on the road a lot. Jen was focused on her own career so they went their separate ways and it was a clean break because they didn’t have any baggage (kids). Later that night, Billy and Maire had an argument where he said that he thought Taylor would be more than a distraction because neither of them had mentioned divorce in the last week, but now Billy realized that things weren’t going to work out. The next morning at the house (Maire was living there now with Billy and sleeping with him), Maire wanted to tell Taylor about the divorce, but Taylor used her powers to make Maire’s memory blank so she would forget what she was going to say. Taylor wanted to know what made Maire fall in love with Billy, and she replied that it was because he was cool, intelligent, handsome and talented and he was a serious poet. Taylor went into the bathroom where Billy was shaving and told him that Maire was trying to remember what Billy looked like back in the day when he was a serious rhyming Simon and a great catch. Billy replied that contrary to what Maire said, he was still a dangerous man and believed it was all about “tude.” He went on to say that Maire was the queen of tude back in the day when she was hot and knew how to spice things up, and then Taylor put shaving scream on her cheeks and Billy gave her a razor to shave her face. Before Taylor left the room, Billy told her there was no reason to tell mom about their conversation. After that, Billy realized that he could do better so he cleaned up and got dressed up for dinner that night. Billy started eating the spicy stir-fry that Maire cooked, and he said a little burn was good but it was obviously very hot even though he kept stuffing his mouth. Maire worked late nights staying at Poet’s Walk with Sean, and had dinner with him at a fancy restaurant. Sean and Maire went over the legal paperwork and Maire stated that Billy would have to subject his art to a copy editor and she said she couldn’t ask Billy to do that. However, Sean just wanted to drink wine instead of discuss business. Billy and Taylor went out and about in town because they were planning to go to Maire’s office and give her the present that Taylor made for her, and it was then that Billy saw Sean and Maire sitting together in the restaurant and he wasn’t happy about that. Sean told Maire that he wanted to make her a final offer and when the deal was done he was hoping they would get to know each other better outside the office, and then he took Maire’s hand in his with Billy watching. Billy told Taylor she could give Mommy the present later, but she threw it in the trash. Donatello, Taylor’s heavenly guardian that watched over Taylor, was right behind them and picked up the wrapped present out of the trash. When Maire got home, Taylor told her a story about the angels of heaven singing Christmas songs until a dark stranger, who was said to be the most beautiful angel of all, appeared and sang his own song. When he was finished, he was allowed to take anyone who wanted to go with him and he tempted many away, and Donatello said that it was painful to watch the angels join the stranger because they knew they were making a mistake. Taylor said that Donatello didn’t try to stop the angels because he said a kingdom divided against itself cannot stand, and Taylor added that she thought the same could be true for a family. The next morning, Billy told Maire that he wanted a divorce, and she said that whatever he saw with her and Sean wasn’t what it looked like. Billy said that the third time was the charm for them to finish signing the divorce papers, and then Maire admitted that Sean hit on her and she responded to Sean’s romantic advances the wrong way. As they argued, Donatello was upstairs in Taylor’s room and had her get ready to leave. Taylor started crying and Donatello told her that God’s plans were revealed in His timing. Maire told Billy that Taylor would never leave her, and then she ran upstairs looking for Taylor but she couldn’t see her any longer and she couldn’t see Donatello walking down the stairs through her with Taylor beside him. Maire told Billy that Taylor was gone, and he replied that of course she was because they let her down. Taylor paused at the front door next to Donatello crying because she didn’t want to leave as Maire was on the stairs crying too. Billy took down all the Christmas lights outside and threw them in the trash as Maire moved out of the house again. Later on, in the streets of Boulder, Donatello and Taylor discussed how they both cheated and broke the rules and how sometimes that was okay with GOD. The next day at work, Sean didn’t leave on his plane and surprised Maire at the office, and she called him out on something she told him not to put in the paperwork that he had just handed her to review. The documents subjected Billy’s artwork to a copy editor, and Sean tried to say that that was standard procedure. Maire realized that Sean had been planning to dump Billy from the company all along because Sean wanted him completely out of the picture and didn’t think Billy was a great illustrator. Maire said that artistic control was a deal-breaker after Sean said not to worry about Billy because he was about to be over-compensated. Sean said that nobody would ever give Billy artistic control ever, and Maire replied that she would and she always will. Sean left the office telling Maire that it wasn’t about business and it was about her still being in love with Billy. Maire received a certified delivery from the “mailman” at the office and she had to go and sign for it herself. Meanwhile, Billy dropped an ornament as he was taking the Christmas tree down at home and he discovered a wrapped package underneath the tree addressed to Mommy and Daddy, Love Tara (not Taylor). Donatello then impersonated a mail carrier to give Maire her package, and one of her coworkers told her it looked like a kid wrapped it and then she recognized Donatello’s name that she saw on his uniform and ran after him but he was gone. The tag on Maire’s package was addressed to Mommy and Daddy from Taylor. Inside Billy’s box were yellow baby clothes with a CD titled,“Tara Marie Taylor.” As Maire unwrapped her present and stared at the drawing, Billy called her and asked his wife to come home. Billy showed Maire the ultrasound footage of God's child that was on the CD when she arrived home and told Maire that Taylor was actually their eight-year-old daughter that they had named Tara Marie Taylor that they miscarried. Maire handed the gifted drawing to Billy that she received at work and told him she knew why Tara came and on the picture was the angel Tara with wings with the two parents below holding a baby because Tara’s little brother needed to be born and he was already on his way because Maire was pregnant. The movie ended with Maire and Billy and their new little baby boy together next Christmas and Billy wishing Tara in heaven Merry Christmas with much love as Maire left to change a dirty lil Taylor diaper. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/7/23

TITLE: Sarah’s Choice

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This movie is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009 PureFlix Entertainment / EMI CMG Distribution

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with Sarah Collins, a female (thick Australian accent) in her twenties, getting up to go to work at the Carson Group. She collected a note from her apartment landlord that was left at the door asking for the rent money, and Sarah put the note in a stack of several other rent due notes that she had accumulated. In the parking garage, Sarah met up with Megan, her friend and coworker, and discussed how Audrey, a pregnant employee, wasn’t coming back to work after her maternity leave so her Con-Ex account position would be open and Sarah and Megan hoped that Sarah would get it. A male employee, Thad, followed Audrey around helping her with things in hopes of getting her job, and Megan thought that Thad should be chasing after Megan instead of Audrey. Sarah then had an interview for Audrey’s job with three supervisors at her work.  Mr. Carson, Nick and Jennifer, and Sarah discussed the promotion and a higher salary that went with it, and they wanted to give Sarah $55,000 a year but she was looking for $60,000. Sarah was told that Audrey’s position was a temporary fill-in until they figured out whether or not Audrey was coming back, and the three bigwigs hadn’t yet decided who they would choose to be the fill-in so they weren’t going to discuss salary further with Sarah at that time. Nick added that Audrey had spent the last two years running up the company’s insurance costs trying to get pregnant.Meanwhile, other office employees raced down the hallway in their chairs (how much do they get paid for doing that?) Sarah and her boyfriend, Matt, went out for dinner that night to celebrate because Sarah was sure that she was going to get the job. She ordered a diet drink and told Matt that it was because she threw up that morning at home, and he said that she should have thrown up at work so she would have an excuse to take the day off. Sarah went on to say that she didn’t understand why Audrey went to college and spent years getting to her current position just to throw it all away by getting pregnant, which was something any fifteen-year-old girl could do. Sarah added that she wanted to have kids someday, but she wasn’t going to throw away her life to do it. Matt told Sarah that his Uncle Clay and Aunt Geri were having their fourth child. The next morning, Sarah’s mom, Agnes, called Sarah and told her that she was worried about waking up both Sarah and Matt because Agnes knew that Matt stayed over at Sarah’s apartment sometimes. Sarah argued that she was responsible, and Agnes said that what Sarah was doing by having the pleasures of marriage without the responsibilities was not God’s plan for her life. Agnes asked Sarah to come to church on Sunday for Agnes’s birthday, and Sarah reluctantly agreed because she hadn’t been to church since before she moved out of her mom’s house. Sarah mentioned that she received one of her dad’s medical bills from the hospital that got lost in the system and was just now resurfacing, even though her dad died ten years before (how is that possible or is the hospital just making it up to get money?). Sarah was about to get her Christmas bonus and would use that to pay the bill so her mom wouldn’t have to. Matt went to church with Sarah, where Pastor Al Smith preached about Mary, and after Agnes’s birthday celebration at home as Sarah and Matt were leaving, Sarah didn’t want to hear the God talk from her mom or Matt. Sarah’s nephew then wiped frosting on Matt’s dress pants, and Matt was mad because they were his best pair of pants since they were the only pair without food on them (until now). When Sarah went in to work the next day, she told Megan that she feeling sick. Megan took her into the work bathroom and gave her a pregnancy test. The test was positive, and Sarah agreed to see the doctor even though she thought the accuracy of the test was sketchy. Megan told Sarah that it was her body and her choice, and if she told Matt he would just screw things up. She added that if Sarah wanted to continue her relationship with Matt, it was best not to tell him about the baby at all if she decided not to have it. In the parking garage at his work, Matt played a prank on Clay by having another coworker, Jim, swipe Clay’s keys and move his car so Jim could put a baby stroller in the parking space because Clay and his wife, Geri, were about to have their fourth child (and Clay was most concerned about the costs of sending the child to Harvard). Matt took a picture of Clay when he saw the stroller and reminded his uncle that he hired Matt because he loved his nephew. Sarah went to the doctor, who informed her that she was six weeks pregnant and then lectured her about the costs to raise the child on her own if Matt decided to desert Sarah. Sarah said she didn’t know how she was going to keep her job and care for the child, but she didn’t want an abortion for religious reasons. The doctor told Sarah that she too was raised in a Christian environment, and she thought the Bible was filled with good stories but it was not a science textbook, meaning that currently the fetus was no bigger than an eraser and no more alive than tonsils or a wart, and so Sarah shouldn’t let a wart destroy her life. In the elevator, an older female who Sarah had never seen before gave her a Christmas card with a picture of the Nativity scene and told her that the Lord would give her three visions. As Megan and Sarah drove down the street, there were people on the sidewalk picketing against abortion, and Megan called them judgmental hypocrites and told them to get a life. Megan explained to Sarah that she got pregnant at sixteen in high school, and even though she wanted to have the baby her mom made her get an abortion. Megan said that her mom was right even though Megan hated her for it, but now Megan was happy she did the abortion because she wouldn’t have her current job if she were raising a teenager that she had when she herself was a teenager. Megan added that the would-have-been father was now a pizza delivery guy. Later that night at dinner, Matt told Sarah about the stroller prank he pulled on Clay, and Sarah didn’t think it was funny and asked Matt how he would feel if he were in Clay’s position. Matt replied that he would never be in Clay’s position, and then Sarah told Matt that he was in that position and she was pregnant. Matt didn’t know what to say, and Sarah told him that his options were either to give her a wedding ring so they could get married or give her a ride to the abortion clinic. Matt replied that he had plans, and Sarah went off on him for his failed get-rich-quick schemes and his gambling habit, and she added that the only reason he had a job was because his uncle gave it to him. Matt said he wasn’t sure if they were going to have a future together, but he did know that they as a couple weren’t ready for a baby now. Sarah stormed out of 4thStreet Bar & Grill, and back at her apartment she went on the internet and discovered that the baby’s brain was already developing at six weeks and she said it didn’t seem like a wart to her. Later that night, Sarah had her first vision that took place in the future and showed her what would happen if she didn’t abort the baby. Agnes (Sarah’s mom) handed Sarah her crying baby named Daisy and told her to the change the diaper, and when Sarah asked why Agnes replied that Sarah needed to take care of the baby because Daisy was Sarah’s. Agnes left, and Sarah noticed that she was wearing a wedding ring.At work, Megan told Sarah that there was nothing for her to decide because a baby would ruin everything, not to mention the company wouldn’t give the Con-Ex account to another pregnant woman. Sarah said that the job was the least of her worries at the moment, and Megan added that Sarah should have the baby if she wanted three hours of sleep a night, no social life, and no money. Megan went on to say that if she never told her old boyfriend about her pregnancy and abortion, then he would have gotten a college scholarship instead of going off the deep end and maybe they would have ended up together. Megan added that she would do the same thing again if she had to, but this time she wouldn’t tell the father about it. Sarah mentioned her dream and how it was so real, and Megan (so-called friend to Sarah) told her that the old lady in the elevator was probably a protestor and that was why Sarah couldn’t talk to religious people because they would get her at an emotional moment and put thoughts into her head. Megan told Sarah that she was very vulnerable and advised her to ignore the dreams. Matt then called Sarah and tried to tell her that one of their options was for her to have the baby and then they could give it to a rich couple to adopt it, but Sarah hung up on him. As Sarah and Matt were at Agnes’s house putting up the Christmas tree, Sarah had a private conversation with her sister Denise to tell her about the pregnant. Denise thought that Sarah and Matt should get married and she didn’t like the abortion idea. Sarah said it was her only option because Matt wasn’t ready and he was immature and couldn’t hold a job for more than six months. Denise said that nobody was ready to have a baby, and despite all the difficulties and mess it was rewarding in the end. Denise flat-out told Sarah to have the baby and look at it as life’s next challenge, and she offered to look after the baby while Sarah wasn’t at work and if she decided she didn’t want the responsibility, Denise and her husband, Justin, would adopt it. Sarah was adamant that her only choice was abortion, and Agnes overheard and told Sarah that she couldn’t do that. Sarah asked her mom if it was because abortion was a sin and if being pregnant and unmarried was a sin too, and Agnes mom replied that wasn’t but what Sarah did to get pregnant was a sin and that she couldn’t negate her first sin by committing another. Sarah suggested that there was no sin and no God, and after Agnes told Sarah that God knew best for her. Sarah said that God didn’t even know she existed and stormed out of the house. In the car, Sarah called the Women’s Clinic but hung up after giving her name. Meanwhile, Matt was at the bar with Clay and told his uncle that he had been thinking about proposing to Sarah after he passed his Series 65 (investment advisor’s law exam), but now things were more complicated. He explained that if he proposed to Sarah before the pregnancy and she accepted it meant she loved him, but now if he proposed and she accepted he thought it meant that she was just marrying him so he could help her take care of the baby. Clay told Matt that nowadays, people fell in love and got married, and then they fell out of love and got divorced. Clay said that most people gave up before they got to the great stuff, and Clay was happy that he stuck by his wife’s side and got three and he had no regrets. Clay told Matt that the only way for him to get to the great stuff was by getting through the bad stuff first. That night, Sarah had her next dream where her unborn daughter, Daisy, was now six years old and made her mom a birthday breakfast. Daisy said grace, and after breakfast she and Sarah went sledding out in the snow. When Sarah woke up the next morning, she asked God if the baby was worth more than her dad, and she ripped the Nativity card in half. Meanwhile, Denise told Agnes that her prayers for Sarah would be answered (even if not in the way Agnes was hoping), and that they would both love Sarah as they always had that even if she had the abortion. At work, Jennifer (female boss in room with two men interviewing candidates to take place of Audrey) told Sarah to get rid of the baby by the following day if she wanted the job, and Jennifer added that Sarah was still young and had plenty of time for a family later on in life. Sarah told Megan that Jennifer found out she was pregnant, and Megan replied that she knew because Megan told Jennifer. Megan added that she might have lost her job if the company found out that she knew about Sarah’s pregnancy but didn’t tell them. Sarah mentioned her second vision to Megan, who told her to stop thinking about it because those religious people were just making her feel guilty for something she hadn’t even done. Megan said she probably never would have finished high school let alone college if she kept her child, and she would likely be living in an awful apartment on welfare and that would be no life for her and a baby. Megan added that she still thought about it sometimes, and there was no telling whether or not Sarah would feel guilty like Megan after the abortion. Megan announced that she made her choice and now it was time for Sarah to make hers, but she needed to make sure it was a decision she could live with. Afterwards, Sarah discovered that the Nativity card she tore up was in her pocket back in one piece. She asked a receptionist if she knew anything about an old woman handing out Christmas cards in the building, and she replied no and Sarah told her to keep the card. Sarah went outside and was told by a female with a camera that the women gathered across the street were not protestors, but members of a post-abortion recovery group. She explained that the pink and blue balloons the females were holding gave them an opportunity to write a letter to God’s unborn child, name God’s child and release God’s child to heaven because the photographer claimed that was a healing process for the women who knew that God had forgiven them but they were struggling to forgive themselves. Sarah went to the church and asked Pastor Smith if he thought that God still appeared to people through visions and dreams like in Bible times, and he replied that he believed that God still revealed himself to His children that He loved. Pastor Smith asked Sarah if she was having visions, and she replied she thought so and they showed her what would happen based off the decisions she made. He replied that the only way to figure out the truth of dreams was to measure them to the Bible, but since Sarah said she didn’t have time to read through the whole Bible, Pastor Smith simply told Sarah that she was at a crossroads in her life and God was there for her no matter what. She found the Christmas card on the seat when Sarah got back to her car. In Sarah’s third and final dream that night, adult Daisy came to visit Sarah and Matt for the holidays with her husband and their baby. Sarah then found herself in a hospital room, where she met Ms. Collins, the old lady in the elevator who gave her the card and told her about the dreams. Ms. Collins explained that she was Sarah, just a lot older and little bit smarter, and she told her younger self to have courage and faith and make her choice regardless of the consequences. The next day, Sarah went to work and told the three supervisors she interviewed with earlier that she was pregnant. After she walked out of the room, Nick remarked that Thad was their man and at least he wouldn’t get pregnant with the other male and female decision-makers present. Sarah went home and cried to Jesus telling him that she was scared and she needed God to help her through. She cried about missing her deceased dad so much, but she knew he was with God now and she asked for forgiveness and thanked God for the visions that helped her decide to not get rid of God’s child. She told God that she loved him and wanted Jesus in her life and wanted HIS help with being a mom. Matt then barged in the door and held up a ring telling Sarah that he wanted her and with God’s help, they could work together to raise the child that God blessed them with. Matt put the ring on Sarah’s finger and told her that it was time he carried his weight in their relationship and that he would never leave her and if anyone tried to hurt her they would have to go through him first. In church on Christmas Day (with Sarah and her family, Matt, and even Megan attending), Pastor Smith announced Sarah’s upcoming marriage and welcomed her and Matt into the church as members. Outside in the snow, Sarah helped Megan write a note to God’s aborted child and then released it on a blue balloon into the sky. The movie cover art had Tom Saab, CFFA, “#1 pro-life film in America,”and Christian Movies Direct, “Moving…Two Thumbs Up.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/6/23

TITLE: The Trump Prophecy

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2018 ReelWorksStudios / Liberty University’s Cinematic Arts/ Fathom Events / Film Guardian

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 2

REASON: This movie began with God telling firefighter Mark Taylor that Trump would be to the USA as Benjamin Netanyahu was to Israel. In Bedford County, Virginia, a purple-haired female and her kids were in their house. The adult addict female then used a lighter to heat a substance (illegal drugs) in a spoon and then she ate it and soon passed out. That caused a huge and deadly fire in the house, and then the BFD firefighters got ready to respond to the structure fire. Mark Taylor was woken in his bed by the alarm inside the fire station and when he got up suddenly his Bible flew out of his hands onto the floor. On the radio, it was broadcast that Hurricane Katrina was ongoing. The firemen arrived on scene and carted away the unresponsive dead female inside, and then Taylor found the little girl hiding inside the closet and was able to rescue her. As she was put on the back of an ambulance vehicle, the tramatized female child (under 10 yo) told the firemen that her baby brother (around 6-7 yo) was still inside, so they went back into the burning two-story home engulfed in flames. Taylor found the boy who was near the window and brought him outside, and young boy was non-responsive (dead). The firemen made it back to their fire station and discussed why of all days did a child have to die. The firefighter who said that, Bri, told Taylor that his eldest daughter’s birthday was that day and he had a total of four daughters. Later on, as Mark tried to sleep in bed at the department, he had a nightmare as he held his Bible. The nightmare was that the devil stepped in front of Taylor as Mark attempted to get to the boy by the window. The firefighters responded to another fire alarm call, and from then on Mark was in a daze in the truck and at home with his wife, Mary Jo (MJ) later on. Mary Jo told Mark that they would be all right if he wanted to retire since he already put in twenty years, but Mark replied that twenty-five years would get a better pension. Mark’s wife suggested he take some time off because he wasn’t sure he could handle five more years of work, and he said he had four months sick leave and vacation time saved up. He asked Mary Jo if she missed being a dispatcher, and she said it was all right for a time and didn’t seem to want to go back to it. Mary Jo left for work because the judge was waiting for her, and Mark said he would clean out his bass boat and thought about selling it because they didn’t use it. He found photographs of his now deceased grandfather who the boat belonged and younger Mark was in the picture too (and Mark’s as a boy and teen had his hair length past his shoulders at that time). As Mark looked at his grandfather’s old fishing stuff, out of the blue, something dropped from the sky and heavily landed on the tacklebox that Mark was holding and it knocked him to the floor of the boat. He started shaking like he did when he returned to the firestation following the little boy’s death in the senseless fire set by a mentally disturbed selfish addict that was in no state of mind to parent God’s child. Mark went to a medical doctor to get checked out and told him that a lot of firemen guys from his department were having some of the same symptoms as Mark, and the doctor said nobody knew what PTSD was until recently. He added he didn’t want to label Mark, so he was going to put Mark on medication such as SSRI to stabilize him for the next six months and then the doctor would re-evaluate him then. Mark then went to see the fire chief and told him he wanted to take his four months off all at one time and when he came back on January 1st, he would have been working there for twenty years. The FD Chief asked Mark if he was thinking about retiring, and Taylor said he was considering it. The Chief said he would see Mark the first of the year and wished Mark an early happy holiday. Mark and Mary Jo both worked on cleaning the boat later on, which had a Reagan/Bush ’84 sticker on the side of it. Mark continued to have nightmares, and his wife used a towel to wipe away his sweat in the middle of the night. Mark got up at 4:30 in the morning and wrote in a journal trying and said aloud that the pen was real and the dreams were not. The papers fell on the floor all around him, and then Mary Jo woke him up in the next morning when it was after 10 am and said it was time for him to get up. He tried to get up but he couldn’t so he lay back down and rested the whole day and next night. Mark’s wife went to bed around 11:30 pm. Mark had more nightmares with fire exploding around him, and at 3:00 am he was back to writing in his journal. At 1:00 am another night, Mark had another nightmare and saw the half-burned face of the little boy that died and Mark couldn’t understand why God took the young child boy’s life. Mary Jo got back in bed because his wife couldn’t sleep either. Mark told her that he wasn’t going to take the pills that the doctor prescribed him. One night, Mark stood outside the fire station and then walked away without going inside and then got in bed and hugged his wife at 3:00 in the morning. Another day, Mark sat on the front of the bumper of a fire truck actually in the fire station.Later on, at home, Mark packed away in a box all of the photographs on his wall framed ones of him and his fellow firemen. Mary Jo asked him if he prayed about what he was doing and told him it was like having a conversation with God. Mark said he had never been more certain of anything in his life (retiring). Mark then packed up his locker at the station and told his friend who talked about his daughters that he put in twenty years and was done. Mark went to see the Chief and told him he was burned out and couldn’t do the job anymore, the chief tried to convince Mark differently because there was a big difference between a twenty and a twenty-five-year pension (That’s asinine that there is such a huge difference in pension (20 years and 25 years) because the job of these first responders requires the individuals to repeatedly put his or her own life on the line…multiple times a day (police and fire). Not to mention, it is not good for anyone when a burned out person stays on the job more years than he or she can handle just to collect a bigger paycheck, as careless mistakes then become a huge factor and so does the success of all involved. The USA ought to be rewarding our Police Officers and Firefighters with honest salaries and respectable pensions to say the least, and not have them wait so long to receive it, because those Godly heroes have earned it and deserve it and so do the families at home who love and support the first responders through each day and night. Mark replied that money wouldn’t matter if he was dead and added that he couldn’t function at home. The Chief offered to make Mark a roving lieutenant and go from station to station making sure everything was in line and he wouldn’t have to go out into the fire field. Mark said he couldn’t explain it but he felt like God was telling him to do something different so he was done. The Chief, like Mary Jo, asked Mark if he prayed about it because prayer was the strongest and most powerful tool he had. Mark replied he hadn’t prayed in a long time and forgot how. The Chief added that all he had to do was talk to God. Mark signed the necessary paperwork for his retirement. Mark and the chief shook hands with the chief saying that he would be praying for Mark and then they both hugged. Mary Jo was waiting in the truck for Mark. The two switched seats with Mary Jo driving because Mark was still having mental challenges. As the days went by, Mark and Mary Jo went fishing, to the fair, and played frisbee, and it seemed like Mark’s mood was improving. Mark then packed away all his firefighter stuff in boxes, including his certificates and awards that he received which were framed on the wall. But then, Mark had another nightmare around 1:30 am, which had him floating up out of his body toward the ceiling where a fiery demon crawled around, and then he came face-to-face with the devil. The next morning, Mark explained his dream to Mary Jo. Mark said he had seen everything (bad) at work but what he saw in his dream the previous night was nothing compared to the bad things he witnessed in reality. Mary Jo said that he was sleeping like a rock and noticed his voice sounded deeper and more authoritative than usual. Mark said that he hadn’t noticed and joked that maybe he should sing bass. Mary Jo suggested that Mark get a second opinion about his condition. Another doctor said that they got the test results back quicker than normal, and it wasn’t all in Mark’s head and it turned out he had an extremely low thyroid, severe adrenal burnout, and the hormones of a 70-year-old. The doctor said that with numbers like Mark’s he wasn’t sure how Mark was getting out of bed, and Mark replied he wasn’t most of the time. The doctor said that he wanted to work on a plan to restore Mark’s health: physically, mentally and spiritually and it wasn’t an overnight fix. The doctor wanted to know how Mark coped, and Mark replied that he coped by building up a wall around his emotions in order to tackle the high-stress rigors of his daily firefighter jobs. He added that he faced death and injury every day, as well as running toward the danger constantly, so he didn’t have time to think about it and he couldn’t afford to have feelings about it otherwise it would get you killed. The doctor replied that the trauma would happen, but how he coped with it could become the prison that we get stuck in. He went on to say that was where God’s grace came in, with Him being able to do what we’re not able to do and tuning into God’s voice would help quiet what was raging inside of Mark. At 3:00 a.m. in the morning, Mark had the football game on TV and sat in his chair but just stared blankly, instead of trying to connect with God. Mary Jo’s sleep was interrupted by Mark’s behavior. Mark fell asleep in the chair and the next morning Mary Jo kissed him goodbye as she left for work. Later that day, Mary Jo came home and the teakettle was whistling on the stove and Mark was asleep in the chair in the living room with the TV blasting. Mary Jo shut the TV off and told Mark that he couldn’t keep living like that. Mark replied that he didn’t want to keep living if that was how it was going to be. She hugged him, and later that night Mark was sound asleep in bed next to his wife. Mark then dreamed about himself being alone on the bed while the devil’s burning arms came through the mattress and choked Mark. Mark’s arms flailed out because he was trying to get the devil to stop choking him and he hit his wife in the process. She woke up and jumped out of bed and she yelled at him to wake up too, and she shouted for the Lord to help them and Mark woke up. Mary Jo asked what Mark was trying to say during the dream because he was trying to shout something as he was being choked so it came out as gibberish, and Mark replied he tried to say “Jesus,” but the devil tried to take his voice and silenced Jesus in the process. Mark wrote down his dream in his journal and tried to understand if that was what PTSD was all about. Mary Jo gave her husband a kiss before she went to work, and in the car in the driveway before she left she spoke to God in tears and begged GOD to help her husband and asked God to heal Mark. As she drove away, Mark then had a light dream with what looked like a moon rising up out of the bed and he fell on the floor. He said he wasn’t afraid of it, and then it shot a beam of light at him and he woke up smiling seeming to breathe easier. He wrote in his journal about it and said he thought he saw God, and then he took out his Bible and found a bookmark with Bill “Pops” Taylor’s photo in it and Mark started reading Isaiah 45. As the armchair in the living room was being engulfed in flames with Mark sitting in it, Trump’s voice was on TV talking about money being drained out of the USA with $350 billion this year from China alone and billions from other countries. Mark then woke up in the same chair, no longer on fire, and he immediately wrote in his journal that he heard God’s voice telling him that Mark heard the voice of a president…President Trump. He added that the Spirit of God told Mark that he chose Donald Trump for such a time as this and he wrote what was said earlier about Trump being to the USA what Benjamin was to Israel. Mark went to see Dr. Vander again and showed him his journal entry about God and President Trump, and Dr. Vander said he was going to refer him to Dr. Don. Colbert as Dr. Vander would be closing his practice soon and be taking a new position at the hospital. Dr. Vander added that Mark was a special person and he got the sense that God was trying to do something with Mark but he wasn’t sure what. Mark went to see Dr. Colbert and told him that he read the doctor’s book. Dr. Colbert said he believed Mark would be a different man if he followed the doctor’s PTSD treatment plan program because it wasn’t all about diet, exercise and water. Mark told Dr. Colbert about his very graphic nightmares where he was struggling and fighting, but sometimes he had nice dreams involving angels. Mark wasn’t sure if the doctor would think he was crazy for that, after Dr. Colbert asked if the angels ever spoke to Mark, and the doctor said that dreams were not crazy and they were important because it gave you a window of what was going on inside and most dreams had some kind of insight to give us. Mark added that sometimes he thought God was talking to him, and then Mark came home with two jugs of filtered water and he told Mary Jo that he liked the doctor and was going to go to a follow-up appointment the following week and Dr. Colbert wanted him to drink all that water. Later that night, Mary Jo soothed Mark and wiped away his sweat trying to stop another nightmare he was having. Later on, as they sat and watched Mitt Romney and anti-Obama stuff on TV, Mark told Mary Jo that he didn’t understand any of it because Trump wasn’t even in the picture. Mary Jo suggested that Mark have Dr. Colbert read his journal to help him, and Mark replied that when the time was right he would. Three years later, Trump was seen coming down the escalator with his wife Melania and announced on a press conference where he told “We The People” that he was running for President and was going to Make America Great Again. Mark then typed up what he wrote about Trump years earlier from his journal on a Word document and printed it out and titled it “The Commander in Chief Prophecy.” Mark took the original handwritten journal book to Dr. Colbert. The doctor wanted to share the journal entry from April 2011 with his wife, and Mark replied that he printed off a copy of it for him and gave it to him. Dr. Colbert said his wife had a keen sense for interpreting things like that. Mary worked in his office, and the Doctor called her into the room and explained to his wife that Mark got his visit from God in April 28th 2011. Mary read Mark’s writing and she came back into the room and told Mark in a session with Dr. Colbert and told Mark that what he wrote had a rhythm to it and the Holy Spirit was bearing witness to the truth. She added that Mark needed to let the whole world know about it. Mark told the two that the strange thing was it felt distinct and real, and Trump never even ran in 2011, which was four years before. Mary said she believed God was up to something and then they all prayed together about the message of Hope that the Heavenly Father sent to Mark. That night, Mark felt a surge of uplifting energy flow through him unlike the nightmares he had been experiencing for years. He was still dreaming and got down on his knees to pray to God, and when he looked over he saw one of the devils from his past but he kept praying and now wrote on an invisible window between him and the devil and recited the Bible that no weapon formed against him shall prosper. The devil was thrown back into his own burning hell and disappeared. The next day, Mary called her son DJ Daly (who was currently at a KBA conference establishing the “Seven Steps to Success”), and she told him that the Holy Spirit told her to call DJ and he would know what to do and take it from there because she felt she needed to get involved somehow. He told Mary that this was a call to prayer and she needed to start a national prayer chain by talking to all the ministries and leaders she knew and mobilize them from prayer. DJ explained that God was telling them to pray for their country and that was what they needed to do, and he suggested that she have a prayer conference call with everyone on a daily basis for the will of God to be done for the next election. Before they hung up, they both stated how neither of them were Trump fans. Mary called George, a student at a school, that led the school prayer group, and he asked him to lead a prayer for Donald Trump (the billionaire with the big orange hair, George said). He hung because he said he was in the middle of a basketball game and would get back to Mary on it. Mary called Pastor Bob, and he joked that Trump needed a lot of prayers and then the pastor hung up on Mary after she told him her belief was that God chose Donald Trump to be the next President of the United States. Mary called Billie in North Carolina to be a part of the Nation Builder’s Prayer Call for Donald Trump, and Billie replied she wasn’t a fan of Trump. Mark was able to clean the boat up and put a For Sale sign on it. As Mary and Don boarded an airplane, he was having trouble fitting his luggage in the overhead bin and it fell out and hit somebody in the head while Mary told the flight attendant that she had to go take a prayer call in the bathroom right before they were about to take off. Dr. Don Colbert was in his seat at laughing because there was a lady behind him asking the attendant what was going on in the bathroom as the passengers heard Mary talking to God from the toilet holding her prayer call with thousands of people. The attendant knocked on the bathroom door and asked Mary if everything was okay as she was ignoring the attendant and shouting Bible verses from inside the bathroom. Dr. Don had to use a pillow to stifle his hysterical laughter. The female sitting behind Don and the flight attendant told her after coming back over that the lady in the bathroom was on a prayer conference call for Donald Trump and she would be out soon and the lady said she wanted a double martini even though it was 9:00 in the morning. Mary became quite busy after that with her prayer work and told people that she was for Ted Cruz prior to Mark’s prophecy, and the doctor’s office was turned into a prayer hotline with multiple people volunteering to help pray for Donald Trump. Mark watched TV as Marco Rubio bashed Trump saying that if Trump built the wall the way he built Trump Towers, he would be using illegal immigrant labor to do it. Rubio went on and told everybody to Google Donald Trump Polish workers and you would see it, and the second thing about the trade war he didn’t understand because Trump’s ties and the clothes he made were made in Mexico and in China so Trump would start a trade war against the wrong sides. The headlines in the newspapers were hateful and targeted after that saying that Trump’s chances of winning were zero, he may be the ultimate “Biggest Loser,” the electoral votes said Clinton had 352 votes. Mary sat down and had a talk with her doctor husband because she was concerned that because the news was attacking Trump so viciously that he might not make it to the Republican Convention after she and the other people spent all that time praying for naught. Don told Mary that all they could do was pray. In the hospital hallway, Mark bumped into Mary and she told him he looked good and he said he just went to the gym. Mary she asked him to do a prayer call some time soon and he said he would. Jimmy bought the boat, and he got into his truck and told his son that he got a tacklebox and Jimmy got the boat before he drove off happily. On a prayer call, Mary reminded everybody that they were going to blow the Shofar on Election Day. Everyone blew their Shofar horns together, which turned it into a supernatural weapon and was a declaration by God’s people and that they were putting Him on the throne over our nation. Next, Mary and Don watched Lorie Johnson on the CBN NewsWatch TV broadcast announcing that the 2016 Election Day had final arrived and the national polls showed Democrat Hillary Clinton ahead of GOP (Republican) rival Donald Trump, but the two candidates were in a dead heat in several key battleground states. Sharlene Aron then had her story and discussed the small community of Dixville Notch, New Hampshire, kicked off the voting at midnight, and Clinton still had a slight lead. Mary Jo and Mark watched from their house and Mark was not sure what God was doing. Mary Jo replied that it would take a miracle for Trump to win based off the news reports on TV. Mark said he had all he could take and went to bed after saying it was in God’s hands. An elder male reporter, Pat, came on the TV and discussed that were many states considered to be battleground states, such as Pennsylvania, North Carolina, Florida, and eleven other states. Mary got a text on her phone from O telling her that something funky was going down in Brevard County, Florida. Mary Jo prayed to God before she went to bed and understood it was His plan in the end that would win. Around 11:30 p.m. that night, it was reported on the news that Donald Trump won Florida one percent ahead of Hillary. Mary was excited and was jumping up and down on the couch beside her husband who told her to keep praying because there was a lot of night to get through in the voting tallies. The next morning, Mary Jo woke up before Mark who was peacefully sleeping beside her. She turned the TV on and yelled for Mark after she heard Pat the newscaster announce that Donald Trump made history and won the presidential election. She woke Mark up and told him that Trump won the election, it was called at 2:30 a.m. and it was all over the news, and she added that Clinton officially conceded at 2:35 am. Mark and Mary Jo then listened to Donald Trump give his speech as well of millions of other godly supporters across the USA, and world. Mark said it was a miracle, and Mary Jo said it was certainly a testament to the power of prayer. Dr. Don Colbert and his wife Mary at their home agreed it was a miracle and God made it happen. The news reporters discussed Macomb County in Michigan and how that was a Reagan Democrat part of the state who lived out there. Mary told her doctor husband that on her tablet in the news was a video of people in Israel who heard about an American woman leading a grand blowing of the Shofar, and now those people were in the streets of Israel doing the same thing. Mark wrote in his journal that the Spirit of God was Israel, and he added that Israel would be protected by America once again, and America would once again stand hand in hand with Israel and the two shall be as one. After the movie ended, there were many people voicing his or her opinion:  Lt. General William Boykin, Former Deputy Undersecretary of Defense/Delta Force spoke about Second Chronicles, Seven 14 about my people and we were called by my name, which meant those were the Christians who believed in God and had an obligation to pray for our country. William said that America’s military are the only ones that can stand up to some of the despots, dictators and bullies around the world. The socialist countries in Europe have cut their militaries to the point that they barely had a constabulary force and they put all that money into social programs and become socialist. William added that it was critical to the strength of the international community for the USA to maintain their top military status. Chris Delaney, International Business Executive, Former Canadian Politician mentioned that passage saying God wasn’t talking about all of America of all of the world, just His people. He went on to say that America’s economy was the largest in the world and had the largest GDP, and because of that the rest of the world’s wealth and prosperity was dependent upon the United States. There was trade with China and Europe, and he said that 85% of Canada’s trade was with the United States, which meant that the Canadian economy was totally dependent upon the United States. Lance Wallnau, author/international speaker spoke about the promises that Solomon gave in the Chronicles, and if the people turned from their wicked ways then God would hear from Heaven, and added that so much of the repentance, awakening and revival and hope of Christians in America was all about what God was going to do with the un-Christian community and how God was going to change them, but he said that the verse didn’t concern the non-Christians but the believers and it was about how the believers were going to get their act together and not let their country fall apart and God be silenced within. Lance said that Israel and Donald Trump had global enemies in common that were interested in developing a narrative that would destroy them. Mark Nuttle, lawyer/author/adviser to President and & World Leaders, said that the mandate of the Bible was two-fold and you pray away from other people individually to find God’s will for yourself, and God knows what you want before you pray and you pray to build a relationship with God. He added that the Bible also said to pray together, such as in church, in small groups, and where three were gathered, God was there with them. Terry Osborne, small business owner, said that the founding fathers often had some of the most critical meetings and accomplish many things, and then they would leave those meetings when they were over and automatically their next stop would usually be to a religious facility and have prayer afterwards and thank God for what was accomplished in their assembly. Terry thought that was what was missing and needed to be restored to the USA, and he added that the Commander-in-Chief was still God and all politicians seemed to have forgot that. Nicholas Papanicolaou, International Business Executive/Former Co-Chairman Aston Martin Lagonda, said that presidents like Adams and Madison called every year for a national day of prayer and humiliation, which was observed by the whole nation. Nicholas said that when America was strong and its military is strong piracy and tyrants all over the world is phased down. David Barton, author/historian said that the founding father, John Hancock had a quote about how not only do you pray but also you act. David spoke that the American values in the Declaration of Independence produce stability that no other nations have. The average nation had a new Constitution every 17 years, whereas the USA has gone 200 plus years with ours and number one, is because God is first. David also mentioned the other four points based on the Declaration and Constitution which made up out God-friendly, God-conscious society and a government that believed it was not God but was there to serve God’s people. Michael Freund, Former Chief of Communications for Benjamin Netanyahu, told everyone that he can’t sit back and wait for redemption to come, and that we were put in this world to be God’s partner and accomplish God’s things into bringing holiness and sanctity into the material world. Bishop Larry Jackson, pastor/author/international speaker, said the passage was important to leaders and discussed how humility was needed to in addition to prayer from leaders now more than ever. He added that humility was what God was looking for, and he wanted the passage to be famous for humility, as well as prayer. The Bishop added that when America sneezes, all the other countries catch a cold, so if we were not strong in our economics, then the rest of the world would suffer tremendously. He said we are the most charitable people on the planet because we give more than we get and the result of that is we are taking care of a lot of people around the world that wouldn’t get what they needed if America didn’t have its concept of freedom. He added that God said if you bless Israel, then you’re going to be blessed and you can’t make it any simpler than that. Michelle Bachmann, Former Member of Congress/House of Representatives, said that the goal of the country should be for the people to get on their knees and pray for the maintenance of liberty and have a solid relationship with God. She added that America was a free market enterprise, which made us able to help others when disasters strike in other areas of the world because you couldn’t help others without wealth. Michelle went on to say that there were people from China who went to Jerusalem to pray for the American Election. She said that the United States was really a beacon for the world, so as long as we name the name of our God and as long as we follow Biblical attributes, America will be strong. Janet Porter, President of Faith 2 Action/National Right to Life Activist, spoke about the Chronicles passage and said there was a checklist we’re supposed to follow and that we all know it was to humble ourselves and pray and to seek God’s face and not just his hand. But the essential thing for us to do to heal God’s land is to turn from our wicked ways to make America great again. Janet said that if you want to be on the right side of God then you must be a supporter of Israel, because God supports Israel and pray for the peace of Jerusalem. Janet was happily crying as she watched President Trump’s speeches, where he said that he was going to move the embassy to Jerusalem. She believed that not only do we support Israel, but also we cut off the funding for Israel’s enemies because they weren’t real fond of the United States either. Al Wood, retired professional basketball player/Intercity Ministry, believed that the Constitution had been really challenged over the past eight or nine years in many areas, and the challenge that we face is having the right person on the Supreme Court who would abide by the Constitution. Chris Mitchell, Middle East News Correspondent, said he had been reporting in that area of the world since 2000, and when President Trump was elected in 2016, you could notice a marked change in the Middle East because the United States could be trusted to back up its word and had projected strength throughout the region, and because of President Trump leading the USA, it makes its allies more trusted and its enemies more feared. The movie ended with the song “American, America,” with Mount Rushmore and other parts of GOD’s USA Country shown. On the movie cover art Charisma stated, “The film encourages viewers that through the power of prayer…we each can make a positive impact on the world around us.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/4/23

TITLE: The American Heritage Collection with Historian David Barton– The Influence of the Bible

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2011 Bridgestone Multimedia Group

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 3

REASON: This documentary is based upon truth and fact and David Barton does an excellent job explaining in depth how America’s foundation is built on Judeo Christian values and how America soon established representative governments based on Scriptural principles. David talked about the Pilgrims and how they heavily relied on the Geneva Bible. David brought up The New England Primer that taught, and still teaches, God’s children of all ages to read. David explains how Thomas Jefferson’s Danbury letter used the term separation between church and state and how that phrase is NOT found in the Constitution nor is it in The First Amendment. David references “The Old Deluder Satan Act,” where schools not only would one receive an academic education, but also a sound academic education based upon God’s word.  David explained how Noah Webster provided example sentences in his first English dictionary using Bible verses. David discussed the Christian Ministry and the Religious Instruction of the Young was delivered in the Supreme Court of the USA on 2/10/1844. David mentioned a Dallas High School that had a course on Bible Study. It was discussed how the full congress approved the Bible, “Resolved, that the United States in Congress assembled…recommend this edition of the Bible to the inhabitants of the United States.” There were many quotes from our Forefathers who made the Bible a centerpiece of their lives. We are One Nation Under GOD because We The People put our Faith in HIM. All schools must have the LOVE of JESUS inside.

“But select capable men from all the people-men who fear God, trustworthy men who hate dishonest gain-and appoint them as officials over thousands, hundreds, fifties, and tens.”

Exodus 18:21

“The Bible is the chief moral cause of all that is good and the best corrector of all that is evil in human society – the best book for regulating the temporal (that is secular) concerns of men.”

Noah Webster

“The Bible…should be read in our schools in preference to all other books from its containing the greatest portion of that kind of knowledge which is calculated to produce private and public happiness.” Dr. Benjamin Rush

“In contemplating the political institutions of this United States, I lament that (if we remove the Bible from schools) we waste so much time and money in punishing crimes and take so little pains to prevent them…” Benjamin Rush

“To the free and universal reading of the Bible…men (are) much indebted for right views of civil liberty. The Bible is…a book which teaches man his own individual responsibility, his own dignity, and his equality with his fellow man.” Daniel Webster

“There is scares a king in a hundred who would not, if he could, follow the example of Pharoh: get first all the people’s money, then all their lands, and then make them and their children servants forever.” Benjamin Franklin

“The reverence for the Sacred Book that is thus early impressed lasts long, and probably, if not impressed in infancy, never takes firm hold of the mind.” Fisher Ames

“Were you to ask me to recommend the most valuable book in the world, I should fix on the Bible as the most instructive-both to the wise and ignorant. Were you to ask me for one book affording the most rational and pleasing entertainment to the enquiring mind, I would still say the Bible. And should you ask again about the best philosophy, or the most interesting history, I would urge you to look into your Bible. I would make it, in short, the alpha and omega of knowledge.” Elias Boudinot

“Why may not the Bible, and especially the New Testament, without note or comment, be read and taught as a Divine revelation in the (school)-it’s general precepts expounded…and its glorious principles of morality inculcated? Where can the purest principles of morality be learned so clearly or so perfectly as from the New Testament? Where are benevolence, the love of truth, sobriety, and industry, so powerfully and irresistibly inculcated as in the Sacred Volume?” Justice Joseph Story

“The first and almost the only book deserving of universal attention is the Bible. I have myself for many years made it a practice to read the Bible once every year. I have always endeavored to read it with the same spirit and with the same temper of mind which now I recommend to you: that is, with the intention and desire that it may contribute to my advance in wisdom and virtue.” John Quincy Adams

“Suppose a nation in some distant region should take the Bible for their only law book and every member should regulate his conduct by the precepts there exhibited…what a utopia – what a paradise would this region be.” John Adams

“The Bible is the best of all books, for it is the Word of GOD and teaches us the way to be happy in this world and in the next. Continue therefore to read it and to regulate your life by its precepts.” John Jay

“This brief exposition of the Constitution of the United States will unfold to young persons the principles of republican government, and…our citizens should early understand that the genuine source of correct republican principles is the Bible.” Noah Webster

“The moral principles and precepts contained in the Scriptures ought to form the basis of all of our civil constitutions and laws…All of the miseries and evils which men suffer from vice, crime, ambition, injustice, oppression, slavery and war, proceed from them despising or neglecting the precepts contained in the Bible.” Noah Webster

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/3/23

TITLE: Welcome to Mooseport 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2003 20th Century Fox / Intermedia

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the small town of Mooseport, Maine, and began with a man named Morris Gutman jogging down the street naked with his bare butt exposed on screen and Springsteen’s “Small Town,” playing. Meanwhile, the former president of the United States, Monroe “Eagle” Cole, played golf as his secret service agents stationed around the woods and threw the balls that landed in the trees back onto the green to make it look like the balls bounced off the trees and the president got a good shot. Cole planned to permanently move into his vacation home in Mooseport because his wife, Charlotte, got the Baltimore house in the divorce but Cole said he would rather have Mooseport. As Cole flew there in his presidential plane, a vet named Sally Mannis was rescuing a donkey via helicopter. She was told that the president’s aircraft had precedence over her landing, so she had to wait for Cole to land first. When Cole arrived at his house, he went to the bathroom and met Harold “Handy” Harrison, the plumber, was installing the toilets. Cole and his people discussed his presidential library that was 40,000 square feet, and Cole was worried that wasn’t big enough until his assistant, Will Bullard, told him that Clinton’s library was 20,000 square feet. When Handy went outside, his dog, Plunger, was humping a Westie (the president’s dog) and Handy scolded Plunger and told him to keep that thing inside his body. Later that night at a party, Morris and others informed Cole that their mayor of 24 years, Amos Harmon, just died and the town council had a meeting and decided that it would be an honor to have Cole, the most popular president in history, as their new mayor (Reuben kept shouting that it was his idea). Cole wasn’t sure what to do, and then he met Sally, who told Cole that she thought it would be a good idea for him to run for mayor. Sally was just leaving the party as her boyfriend, Handy, showed up, and he thought she wasn’t happy with him because he was late and didn’t shower (when in fact she was upset that she and Handy had been dating for six years and he hadn’t asked her to marry him yet). Bullard and Cole’s other assistant, Grace Sutherland, planned to tell the council the following morning that Cole declined, but Cole made up his mind that he wanted to run for mayor even though his assistants tried to talk him out of it. However, right after Cole told the council the good news, they discovered that Irma Brisker, the town registrar, persuaded Handy to run for mayor as well. Cole was angry that he was running against the man who was installing his toilets, and he had a private conversation with Handy in his hardware store. Handy explained that he thought he was the only person running for mayor, and Cole said that he would be happy to withdraw to fix the situation but he had a P.R. problem because it got out of the press that he gave his “Eagle’s word,” so now he couldn’t back out. Cole compared politics to golf and said that you wouldn’t start a golf career by playing against Tiger Woods, just like you wouldn’t start a political career by running against the former president of the United States. That convinced Handy to withdraw, and then Sally appeared and Cole told her that her words the previous night helped him make up his mind about running. He said he was considering getting another dog and he wanted to discuss it with Sally over dinner. She agreed, and Handy wasn’t happy about it so he ran outside and told Cole that he wasn’t going to drop out of the mayor race and was going to keep his word to run even though he was sure Cole would slaughter him. As Sally was headed back home, Sally was bombarded by questions from reporters asking if she was dating the president and if they had sex yet, but Sally rushed into the house without answering. The townspeople wanted Handy to campaign, but he wasn’t going to until the ladies told him that he would lose Sally if he lost the election, even though Handy insisted that Sally and Cole’s first date wouldn’t go any further than that. The next morning, with reporters present, Cole told Handy that he had no idea that he and Sally were dating when Cole asked her out, and because she said yes Cole intended to go on the date whether Handy liked it or not and he could chew on that, and Handy agreed. Grace found a way to fix some of Cole’s money problems, which was to make the library slighter smaller and save him $3 million. As Sally got ready for her date with Cole, Handy told her that she needed to cancel the date because her plan to get Handy jealous was working and now she needed to stop. Sally argued that she was only going to talk to the president about dogs, and Handy asked her why was she wearing black underwear if that was the case and admitted that he looked up her dress when he was on the floor fixing the sink. She couldn’t understand what difference the color of her underwear made, and Handy said that it was an unconscious indicator of her subconscious intentions. Sally opened her underwear drawer and started throwing a bunch of panties at Handy, and then she wondered aloud what it would indicate if she went on her date with no underwear at all. Cole told Grace that he was taking Sally to a steakhouse and asked Grace for advice, and she told Cole not to order meat because Dr. Sally might not appreciate him wolfing down the animal she spent all day trying to save. At the restaurant, there was a gaggle of reporters outside the window photographing Cole and Sally at their table. Cole wasn’t sure what to order because Sally hadn’t ordered yet, so he ordered a no-meat meal so as not to offend Sally, but then she ordered a T-bone steak. Handy appeared and announced to the diners that he was campaigning, and they suggested that he and Cole have a debate at the town hall. Handy put a flyer on Sally and Cole’s table (Sally’s side) and said he was headed to the bar because maybe there were people drunk enough to vote for him in there. Sally picked up the flyer and saw there was a box that Handy had hidden underneath it, and Cole noticed Sally looking in the box. She walked away to the bar to tell Handy to leave, and Cole had a secret service agent check the box. The agent saw a pair or white women’s underwear with a black “no” symbol written in marker on the underwear, and he said it was beyond him and asked if Cole wanted him to take it to the FBI. Cole said yes but then corrected himself no as Sally came back. When Cole brought Sally to her front door afterwards, he tried to kiss her but she put her hand up and they settled on a handshake. The news reporters had a field day with that, and then Handy couldn’t get into Sally’s house because she locked him out. She opened the window and threw the underwear box at Handy, and he said it was just a bad joke. At the debate, Cole got the crowd’s favor by telling them that he would gladly take care of their minor environmental and street city problems, and Handy was only able to come up with one clever answer to a question before Mandy, daughter of Morris, wanted to know if Handy was available since Sally was dating Cole. Handy told Sally in the audience that he truly did care about Sally and if he didn’t he wouldn’t have been so mad about the black underwear. The reporters started snapping pictures of Sally and demanded to know about the underwear and if it was a thong. The crowd shouted their opinions of whom they thought Sally should date, and she stormed out. Handy went after her and tried to talk to her, but she was mad and shoved Handy to the ground. The news got a kick out of that and reported that Sally was probably going to vote for Cole. When Cole discovered that Handy was getting ahead of him in the polls, the secret service suggested they eliminate Handy by messing with his brakes or causing him to slip in oil. Cole said they were insane, and then he was told that Charlotte, his ex-wife and the former First Lady, Charlotte was coming to Mooseport. The next day, Charlotte was seen in town trying to convince people to vote for Handy, and then Handy challenged Cole to a golf game with the stakes that the loser would back off of Sally. Charlotte appeared on the green and exposed that Cole was going to cheat by calling out all the secret service that were hiding in the woods ready to throw back the balls. Bullard whispered to Cole that Cole couldn’t win without his people doing the lucky bounces and scorecard fudging. Cole lost the game, and when Cole got back to the house he told his people that Handy must have done something incriminating, such as knocking up a local or growing marijuana (because even Cole grew marijuana). Cole’s campaign manager, Bert Langdon, replied that they would find some dirt on Handy even if they had to make it up. Grace then announced that she was resigning (after 15 years working for Cole) because this was the first time he ever stooped to threats and harassment. Cole came up with the idea that he would give the election to Handy, meaning he wouldn’t technically be quitting but instead convincing everyone that Handy was the best man for the job. Sally dropped off Handy’s belongings from her house at his house because she was mad that he played a golf game to try and win her. Before the second and final mayoral debate, Handy made a speech that he thought an election should be about the town working together to get things done, not about the people they were dating. He apologized to Sally if she was watching on TV (which she was) that he brought their relationship into it. Handy then announced that the following morning he was going to vote for Cole, and Cole said he was going to vote for Harrison. The next morning, Cole and Handy went to the polls at the school to vote, and Cole voted for himself. Grace later told Cole that it was wrong for him to try and win a position he didn’t even want against the person who deserved it, and she said that Cole used to be a matter man and then she kissed him. The next day, it was announced that Cole won the mayoral race by one vote (his own vote). Cole then confessed that he lied to the people and voted for himself, and if he hadn’t done that Handy would have won. Cole said his first action as mayor was to turn the job over to Handy, the rightful winner, and then Handy confessed that he voted for himself and was going to turn the job over to Cole. In the crowd, Bullard told somebody on the phone to tell HarperCollins that Random House was back up to $20 million (book deal), and as he got off the phone Charlotte told Bullard to send her half the money. Charlotte then groped Bullard on the butt and said she would see him in D.C. as she walked away. Reuben literally bumped into Handy to tell him that Reuben voted for Handy as Handy stood on the sidewalk rehearsing his proposal to Sally. That caused Handy to drop the engagement ring into the culvert, and Sally walked by as Handy had his hand down in the culvert trying to get the ring. He proposed to Sally and put the muddy ring on her finger, and she happily accepted and they kissed. As they walked inside, Sally pushed Handy as she did quite often and he fell to the ground, and he told her that she needed to start realizing that she was a lot stronger than him and watch her physical strength because he wanted none of it after they were married because the female hurt the male with her rough idea of play. Cole caught up to Grace before she left Mooseport on her flight, and he got down on one knee and proposed to Grace. She accepted, and Cole admitted that he used his new position as mayor to delay her flight so he could get there in time. The next day, Bert showed up at Handy’s hardware store and wanted to know what Handy would be doing in two years so he could run for governor. Handy turned him down and said he was happy where he was, but then he asked Bert if a governor could tell a mayor what to do. Bert replied yes, so Handy was considering running for governor because he liked the idea of being able to boss Cole around. This movie had the following listed on the cover art: Los Angeles Times “Hackman and Romano are terrific!” / Roger Ebert, Ebert & Roeper “Thumbs up! A very good time!”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/2/23

TITLE: Broken Hill 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009 Audience Alliance Motion Picture Studios/Entertainment One/PorchLight Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place on a sheep ranch in Willyama, Australia, and began with High School teenager Thomas (Tommy) McAlpine trying to put up a fence, but he got distracted and to pass the time of his mundane work, he daydreamed about being a conductor for an orchestra because that was the career he wanted. Tommy’s dad, George, drove up behind himand couldn’t hear the music Tommy was hearing (in Tommy’s head) and just saw him waving his arms around. Later that night, Tommy and George discovered a man lying in the middle of the road who was dehydrated and near death, and the next day the news report was shown in Tommy’s school classroom about how the man was Kalai Takalua, an escaped convict who was picked up by the police after a third escape from jail. Kalai was imprisoned for stealing diamonds worth millions of dollars from his employer while he worked in the mines, and the diamonds were never recovered. After class on school property, Tommy and his wheelchair-bound friend, Scott Price, raced down the hallway with Tommy on foot and Scott in his wheelchair. Scott fell out of his wheelchair but crawled the rest of the way to the finish line, so he won. Scott then mentioned Kat Rogers, the American honey who just moved to the area temporarily with her parents, and said that Tommy was obsessed with her and stalked the Yankee. Tommy helped Scott back into his wheelchair and denied both those things, and Scott corrected himself that Tommy was fancying Kat from afar. Scott added that it was unlikely Tommy would get a date with Kat because he had never even spoken to her. Right before Tommy’s performance for the school talent show, a man named Maestro told Tommy that he a sent a CD Tommy made to the Sydney Conservatorium of Music, a music school Tommy wanted to attend that was rumored to be the best in the country, and even though Tommy said that CD was awful it actually got him an audition with a talent scout named David Wooley who would travel to the venue of Tommy’s choice for a live audition. Tommy conducted the orchestral performance of a piece he composed, and it started out okay but then the music became discordant and someone even dropped their instrument, so the audience laughed. Tommy started working on a new composition for his audition, and later that night he went to play in a football game (#6 on George’s team as his dad was the coach).  However, Tommy was late to the game, so George wouldn’t let him play. Afterwards, Scott gave Tommy a piece of paper and told him to memorize the romantic words that Scott wrote and recite them in front of Kat to ask her out to the school dance. Tommy was very nervous, and when he finished Kat told him that what he just said was freaky so she walked away laughing with her girlfriends. Scott wanted to know how it went, and Tommy asked Scott if he could do Tommy a favor and roll over Tommy’s neck with his wheelchair until he was dead. George told Tommy to do fifty hellbenders because he was late, and it was dark out by the time Tommy finished. Kat appeared and wanted to go for a ride in Tommy’s truck, and they went to an alley that delinquent Kat requested he drive her to. American Kat summoned three other teens to jump on the back of the truck and throw watermelons at cars and motorcycles so they did and the large watermelons broke windshield glass on those vehicles as Tommy drove down the street. Tommy was having fun being a rebel without a cause with his newfound female love interest, and he pointed out a car that was sitting around the corner to hit next. The teens threw a watermelon at the car and smashed the windshield, but it turned out to be a police car that went after them. They tried to lose the officer by taking a sharp turn, but they ran into a dead end at a gate so Kat and the other teens ran leaving Tommy in the truck to face the music of what the little American girl got him into. The four teens, however, were all caught later that night, and the others signed some papers at the police station and left the facility while Tommy was put in a jail cell. George came to see him and told him that what he did was wrong and he needed to start taking his future more seriously. Tommy said it was because he got an audition for the conservatorium, and George told Tommy that his musical performance earlier that day was a disaster and he should at least find something he was good at to do for a living if he didn’t want to inherit the family farm. George had Tommy spend the night in the jail to get his head straight, and Tommy talked to repeat offender adult Kalai in the next cell over, who mentioned that a choir came to one of the jails he was in and sang for the inmates. The next day, all five teens involved in the watermelon rampage the previous day appeared in court and pleaded guilty, and the judge let them off easy after all the damage they caused and dismissed three of them into their parents’ care with the warning that she would prosecute them to the full extent of the law if it happened again. However, Kat and Tommy stayed behind because they were the ringleaders so the judge sentenced them to 20 hours of community service each that they had to do together since they were such a “good team.” Afterwards while they sat in an office, Tommy asked Kat if she could call the embassy to help her out because she was an American, and she replied sarcastically that she was above the law because she was from the U.S.The teens were then read their choices for community service, and Tommy mentioned the jail choir that wasn’t on the list but the female behind the desk said was an option years ago and she would check and see if it was still a possibility (why would that ever be an option for kids?). It was approved and the female thought it was a great idea. Even though Kat objected and called Tommy a choir boy because she wanted to do the easiest thing (like putting books on a shelf in the library) to just get the service over with. Kat decided that the jail choir must be better than going to jail and getting shanked for drug money. Tommy told Kat that he would do all the work and Kat just had to show up. Kat hated classical music and would rather be run over by a truck, whereas Tommy loved it and offered up his truck to run Kat over with. Kat was still mad and sped off in her car ignored Tommy as they exited the building. Scott came by. Tommy said he was going to start a prison band for his audition, but all Aussie Scott could think about was how Tommy was seen in public with the hottest chick in school, even though Aussie Tommy said American Kat was a head case and got him arrested. Tommy and Kat showed up at the jail to work off their community service. The children were put in a room guarded by police and full of the adult inmates who volunteered for the band. Tommy said that it was going to be a band with orchestral and choir elements, and everybody except one inmate got up and left because they didn’t like that kind of music. Once Tommy borrowed some instruments from Maestro, more inmates joined the band to practice. Tommy’s plan was to have the prison band leave the jail to compete in the jail nationals competition taking place in Broken Hill to compete against other prisoners, and then possibly go to another competition with the jailed inmates at an exhibition in Sydney. It turned out that Kat could play the piano, and she and Tommy bonded over that and she started treating him better. The warden had originally refused to let Kalai join the band because he was a very troubled and unpredictable prisoner and was in solitary confinement, but then the warden decided that Kalai could join with the teens if he wanted to. Kalai brought along some of his inmate buddies to join the band, and they picked out their instruments and sounded good together playing a nursery rhyme until Tommy had them play his composition. Kalai told Tommy that he needed to switch the song to something that everybody liked so they wouldn’t walk out. Tommy asked Kat to go to the school dance with him, and she said she would have liked to but she was already going with someone else and that Tommy should have asked her earlier (which he did). Kat danced with another football player at the school dance when Tommy showed up and interrupted to take Kat outside. He showed her how to imagine the natural sounds around her as orchestral instruments so she would see that the music was already there. Kat and Tommy then slow-danced together. Another day, Tommy had the inmates play their own style of music, and it was obvious they liked making noise and so they perfected that style of music for their performance. Tommy stopped at a payphone to call George, and he lied to his dad that he was going to be late getting home that night because he was staying at the jail to finish off his service hours. Tommy was actually headed to the exhibition with the inmates on the police bus, and when they arrived, Kat took her place at the piano, as Tommy was about to conduct the inmate orchestra and choir. However, before they could start the police realized that Kalai was missing. David the talent scout headed out of the building, and Tommy caught up to him and tried to reschedule the audition, but David said that wasn’t possible and his coming there was just a waste of time. The inmates were angry that they didn’t get to perform and wouldn’t go to Sydney after Tommy made them a deal, and they added that each of them put more time into practicing than Kalai did. It was reported on the news that Kalai was still at large, and escape tools were found inside his didgeridoo instrument that the officer who checked all the instruments didn’t know about. But, the warden’s plan (warden didn’t include the police because the news made the police appear incompetent and no doubt the tool to escape was with the warden at that time the police searched the instrument) all along was for Kalai to join the band so Kalai would use it as a means of escape and the authorities could recover the stolen diamonds (meaning the warden likely orchestrated the escape while endangering minors in the process). George was mad when he found out that Tommy lied to him about where he went, so George threw his son a bag and told him to leave Willyama if that was what he wanted so badly. Tommy stopped talking to Kat, and she left messages for Scott and tried to get a hold of Tommy. Scott showed Tommy the news report that stated Kalai had been caught again, this time with $2 million worth of stolen diamonds that weren’t recovered previously. Kat’s dad told her that they were going to move to New Zealand soon, but Kat’s mom wasn’t going with them. Kat later told Tommy that she talked to the warden and he agreed to let the prison band perform in Sydney since it didn’t work out so well in Broken Hill. Tommy then kissed Kat, and she said it was about time. In Sydney, Tommy the conductor, Kat the pianist, and the inmate band and choir received a standing ovation for their performance, and teens Tommy and Kat kissed onstage. It did not show any parents of the two teens in the audience. This flick is Dove approved. On the movie cover art, The Dove Foundation said, “A WONDERFUL story about understanding, giving and the important people around us.”

ONE OF TWO  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/1/23

TITLE: Crazy Rich Asians

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2018 Warner Bros. Pictures / SK Global / Starlight Culture / Colorforce-Ivanhoe Pictures / Electric Somewhere Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

 REASON: This movie began with the Napoleon Bonaparte quote “Let China sleep, for when she wakes, she will shake the world.” In London in 1995, Eleanor Young and, two Chinese women, brought two kids to the Calthorpe private hotel to get out of the rain. Eleanor and her group tried to check into the Lancaster Suite because Eleanor had a reservation as she told the clerk that she said she made the previous day when they spoke on the phone. However, the man replied that there was no reservation. Reginald Ormsby, the Caucasian hotel manager, then appeared and told Eleanor that they were fully booked and perhaps Eleanor and her family could go explore their hotel vacancies in Chinatown. Eleanor asked to use the phone to call her husband, and Ormsby sent her outside to the payphone in the pouring rain as the other female called the clerk a dog in Cantonese. Eleanor came back inside and Ormsby told her to leave or he would call the police, and she told him to go right ahead and then Lord Calthorpe came out of the elevator. He immediately greeted Eleanor and said he just spoke to her husband and ignored his hotel employees altogether to give his attention to Eleanor. Then, Lord Calthrope turned around and demanded that Ormsby get the Lancaster Suite ready now immediately. Lord Calthorpe announced that as of that evening, he was selling his hotel to the Young family of Singapore, and he introduced the new lady of the house, Eleanor Young. As Lord Calthorpe went away to toast to the Young family, Eleanor turned around and told Ormsby to get a mop and mop the floors because it was wet from her traveling luggage. In New York in 2018, Rachel Chu, a professor taught her university students psychology using a poker game as an example and said that everybody hated losing something valuable to them so they abandon all rational thought and make some really poor decisions. That was the reason her student opponent, Curtis, didn’t play to win, and only played not to lose so therefore, he lost the game. Professor Chu won with nothing in her hand and she bluffed to get the win. Rachel reminded the class before she dismissed them that their essays were due on conditional probability the following week. Nick Young, Eleanor’s grown son from London/Singapore, told his girlfriend Rachel that he had been dating for a year that he wanted her to go with him to his best friend Colin Khoo’s wedding in Singapore where he grew up for their spring break. Nick wanted Rachel to meet his Ah Ma and Rachel could hook back up with Peik Lin, her college girlfriend. The two kissed, and then there were two females watching them and one got up and walked by holding up her phone to take a picture of Rachel and Nick as she walked by pretending she was taking a selfie of herself. The female sent an instant text alert as Radio1Asia to a blue-haired Asian female and told her she saw Nick Young and then text his picture kissing Rachel. It went to a group text on Instagram in different areas of the world and other social media outlets with people googling the name of the female Nick was with, Rachel Chu, to figure out who she was. Meanwhile, Eleanor Young was reading from a biblical book at her Methodist bible study group with a bunch of females, and one of them interrupted Eleanor and asked her if her son Nick was bringing a date to Colin’s wedding. The other females chimed in that they already knew that Nick girlfriend’s name was Rachel Chu and went on about the gossip they heard about Nick instead of listening to the holy words. One female said she would hire a private investigator that was very discreet to find out more about Rachel. Eleanor said she didn’t know about Rachel because her son dated many girls and then told them after the investigator thing that they needed to return to the word of God. However, the females couldn’t get over the news so one they told Eleanor they hoped that Nick was dating a good Christian girl. Eleanor stopped the meeting to call Nick at that moment, and he was a bit shocked to find out that his mom knew about him bringing Rachel to Singapore when just minutes ago he and Rachel talked about going as they sat in their restaurant bar stools. Eleanor replied that everybody knew, and when he saw the two females exit that text his photo to everyone, he told his mom Radio One Asia because he recognized the spies for the Singapore community who were in the building. As the eavesdropping bible study females listened in on the conversation, they heard Eleanor tell her son that only his room was ready for him because the house was being redone and she said that Rachel would be better off staying somewhere else after Nick told his mom that Rachel and him would be staying together. In the next scene, Rachel tried to pick out a dress to wear to meet Nick’s mom, and she showed her mom, Kerry, a white and blue striped one but her mom said she couldn’t wear that to meet Nick’s mom because those colors were for Chinese funerals and gave Rachel a red dress because it symbolized good fortune and fertility, but Rachel said she wasn’t going for that “lucky baby maker,” vibe. Evidently, Rachel didn’t know anything about Nick’s parents, and her mom said perhaps he never talked about them and was ashamed so maybe she thought his parents were poor and he could be sending money to them because that was what all good Chinese children did. Kerry told her daughter to have a good time because she had always wanted to go to Asia and she just might come back engaged and held up a ring to show Rachel. Rachel asked her mom how could the Chinese over there be so different from the Chinese in the USA, and she added that she was a lactose intolerant economics professor. Kerry told Rachel that she was different because she grew up in the USA and her heart and head was American even though she spoke Chinese and looked Chinese. Kerry assured Rachel that wearing a lucky color would make a good first impression. As they arrived at the airport, an airport attendant approached Nick and Rachel and told them they would handle their luggage and she told them where to go to board for first class. Rachel thought there was a mistake, but Nick told her to just go with it because Rachel didn’t know he was rich enough for first class. As they arrived in first class at Pacific Asean Airlines, they were given a drink and shown to their private suite. The attendant asked if they wanted to turn their suite into a bedroom after they ate, and Rachel freaked out and told the attendant they were fine, and after the attendant left Rachel told Nick that they couldn’t afford all this luxury. Nick explained that his family had real estate/investment business with the airlines so tickets were an added perk. Rachel was surprised to find out that Nick’s family was super-rich. Rachel spouted off that Nick played basketball at the smelly Y place, and he had a Jamba Juice card and used Rachel’s Netflix password and she couldn’t understand why he did all of that because he had money himself. He replied that it was his family’s money and not his, and he went on to say that Rachel would be meeting his cousin Alistair who worked in the movies in Taiwan who was dating Kitty Pong the actress (and while he was talking there was a scene in one of the movies being directed by Alistair and his girlfriend Kitty pressing up against him with his hand on her breast talking sexually to each other and then heavily groping each other while the others waited for them to be done finish so they could continue filming). Cousin Edison Eddie Cheng was a big finance guy in Hong Kong who was a real family man. Eddie and his family at that moment were being photographed by Russell, the infamous Vogue photographer and told the family they would be in Hong Kong Vogue. Right after Russell left, Eddie yelled at his wife and told her upset with her that she should have worn the Bottega gown and because she didn’t they didn’t get into the American Vogue, so she told him (as the hired help took care of their three children and the parents both walked away) that he could wear her gown to Hell. They then discussed Astrid, who Rachel liked and Nick said was the only one he was close to because she was so grounded and down-to-earth. In Shanghai was where Astrid Leong was, and Nick said that she graduated at the top of her class at Oxford, started multiple charities and was now a fashion icon, and she had the biggest heart of all of Nick’s cousins. Astrid approached a little girl holding a stuffed bunny and Astrid told her that she had good fashion sense because her bunny had a bow. Astrid then walked into a private back room to view expensive jewelry. She was shown a pair of earrings with gemstones that were worn by Queen Supayalat at her self-anointed coronation in 1878. The salesman said that having Astrid wear the earrings would get him more publicity than them being stored in a box and not worn at all for $1.2 million at cost so she bought them on the spot. Later that night in their separated airline beds, Nick told Rachel that they were going to stay at a hotel and not with his parents because he wasn’t a very good son and he just wanted them to be by themselves without the family drama. Nick crawled over onto Rachel’s bed as they kissed in agreement and passed the time having sex. When they arrived at the Singapore airport, Rachel couldn’t believe that it had a butterfly garden and a movie theater and said that the JFK airport was just salmonella and despair compared to Singapore’s. They were then met by Araminta happy to see Nick and ran and introduced herself to Rachel holding onto a bunch of balloons, accompanied by Colin. The fouresome went to the street food vendor place, where Nick told Rachel that it was one of the few places in the world where the street food vendors earned Michelin stars, and then Nick’s uncle served them some food. They ate Satay, and Rachel loved it. Colin told Nick he didn’t want to go it alone with Bernard Tai the following day for wedding preparations, and Colin wanted Nick to come along. Colin said it wasn’t his choice to have Bernard in the wedding and he was a human douche nozzle who used to steal Colin’s tuck shop money when they were kids until Nick beat Bernard up. Colin and Nick talked about the bachelor party, and Araminta asked Rachel to come to her bachelorette party that weekend. She told Rachel that she had never seen Nick happier than when he was with Rachel. Astrid made it home to half a dozen maids and asked if her husband Michael was there, and since he wasn’t yet they told Astrid that her son woke up and wanted to see her, and Astrid told her many servants that they knew what to do so they all scrambled away with Astrid’s many shopping bags and hid her purchases throughout the apartment house. When Michael returned home and got out of the shower he apologized to Astrid in bed because he got stuck in a meeting. Astrid told Michael that the upcoming wedding wouldn’t be so bad because he would be able to meet Nick’s new girlfriend and he would like her. Michael asked why, was she a commoner like him (because he married into wealth by marrying Astrid), and then he mentioned that he caught the maids trying to put a pair of Jimmy Choos behind the dryer. He told her it was silly for her to hide her shopping spree purchases because everybody knew that she wore the money pants in the family. Astrid replied that pants were overrated. Astrid presented Michael with a gift of a watch and told him that it was for the tech startup of his new business because he was no longer a captain in the army but he was now a CEO and he should look the part. Michael told Astrid that he loved the watch and thanked her. The next morning, Nick got out of bed and told Rachel that he had to go do groomsman duties and she told him that she was going to spend the day with her old college buddy, Peik Lin. Nick reminded Rachel about their dinner later that night to meet his mom and the whole family and he would meet her there. Rachel showed up at Peik Lin’s family’s mansion wearing the red dress (with a very revealing back) that Kerry insisted was appropriate for the occasion. Once Rachel was in the gate, Peik Lin greeted her friend as a bit** outside with her three little white dogs following. The house belonged to Peik Lin’s parents where she met her friend’s mom, Neenah Goh, and she wanted to be called Auntie Neenah. The house was elaborately decorated, and Neenah said she was inspired by the Hall of Mirrors in Versailles, and Peik Lin whispered to Rachel that Donald Trump’s bathroom was an inspiration as well.Rachel told Neenah that she liked the house and that the gold was very brilliant. Wye Mun, Peik Lin’s dad dressed like Elvis, messed with Rachel at the dinner table later pretending he had a foreign accent but then announced he studied in the states at Cal State Fullerton and majored in Thought. The small twin girls at the end of the table said they wanted to go play on the trampoline, but Wye Mun told his daughters that they hadn’t finished their chicken nuggets and he added that they needed to finish them because there was a lot of kids starving in America. Wye Mun pointed at Rachel and said she was American really skinny and his daughters wouldn’t want to look like her. Neenah fed the crying baby beside her with chopsticks as Wye Mun told Rachel that he couldn’t believe that both his daughter and her went to the same college and only Rachel came back with a useful decent degree while his daughter Peik Lin came back as Asian Ellen. Wye Mun didn’t’ stop there and told his son that Rachel was a hottie and that was the kind of girl he should be dating because Rachel was smart and beautiful, not like K-Pop skanks with no brains, big eyes and small backsides and told everyone that Rachel had an amazing backside and it was Goh standard. He encouraged his son to talk to Rachel, and after P.T. told Rachel that he loved her. Rachel informed everybody that she was there on the island to attend a wedding with her boyfriend and his relatives, and then she told everyone that Nick Young was her boyfriend and they all went silent and stared at her in shock. Peik Lin couldn’t believe that the Nick that Rachel was dating was Nick Young. Neenah couldn’t believe that Rachel was going to Colin’s wedding. The son took a picture of Rachel on his phone, and Wye Mun went on to explain who didn’t know the Youngs because they and they Khoos were the biggest developers in all of Singapore, Malaysia, Thailand, Brunei, and New Mexico. Peik Lin told Rachel that Colin and Araminta’s wedding was the event of the century and the Youngs were like royalty. Rachel said she didn’t know Nick’s family because she hadn’t met them yet but was going to meet them that night, and they all laughed that she was going to meet them wearing the red dress that she had on as Peik Lin’s brother snapped more pictures of Rachel with his cell phone. They told her that red was a lucky color if you were an envelope, so Peik Lin took Rachel upstairs to her closet and told her that the Youngs were not just rich, they were crazy rich. Peik Lin explained that there billionaires in Beijing and tycoons in Taiwan but the Youngs were old money rich and they had money when they left China in the 1800s and went down to Singapore, where there was nothing but jungle and pig farmers and a snake eating an apple. The Youngs built all of Singapore and were now the landlords of the most expensive city in the world. Peik Lin told Rachel tonight she couldn’t look like Sebastian the crab from The Little Mermaid and lent her a low-cut (slit down almost to her stomach) gold evening dress to wear with a pink and blue stripe down it. Peik Lin used God’s name in vain and drove like a maniac in traffic to get Rachel to Nick’s grandma’s, and Peik Lin was happy to be driving Rachel in her sports car because it was the only time she would get to see the Young family mansion. However, Peik Lin asked Rachel if she got the right address because they ended up in the middle of nowhere and the GPS told them there was nothing on that road. There were armed Middle Eastern male guards at the gate wearing red turbans, and Rachel gave them her name, and the guards used their radios to clear them through the gate. The guards had long knife spear guns, so Peik Lin told them not to stab the car as she drove through the gate. As they drove up to the mansion, Rachel said it was beautiful, and Peik Lin said it was $200 million worth of real estate and it was spectacular. Nick greeted Rachel at the door coming down the stairs wearing a white tuxedo, so Rachel was thankful for her friend in giving her a dress to replace the informal dress she was going to wear. Peik Lin told Rachel that Nick looked like the Asian Bachelor, and after they kissed and Peik Lin got their attention, she was introduced to Nick. Nick invited Peik Lin inside, and she said yes she would f-ing come to dinner. Peik Lin had worn her dog-themed clothes that looked like pajamas, but went to the trunk of the car because in the back she had just-in case dresses for clubbing, cocktail, and walk of shame, and she decided to change into her cocktail dress. As they went inside, there were hundreds of people at the tan hua party, and Peik Lin went upstairs to change in the bathroom and as she went, she took selfies inside the house. Rachel told Nick she couldn’t believe he grew up there at his grandmother’s house and she wasn’t expecting it to look like that and then she tried to drink the water from the bowls the waiter carried around for people to wash their hands in. Inside was a giant stuffed tiger, and Nick told Rachel that was Mr. Harimau and that Nick’s great-grandfather shot the tiger when it ran into the house. Nick added that he and Astrid used to hide their cigarettes in the tiger’s paws. In the kitchen where rainbow cake was being prepared with a lot of other food, Nick introduced Rachel to his mom Eleanor. Eleanor told her son he looked tired from his trip so she ordered some herbal soup for him. Eleanor didn’t seem joyful when Rachel gave her a hug (think Queen and Michelle staged hug). Eleanor apologized that Nick’s dad couldn’t make it because he was in Shanghai on business. Rachel explained that she taught economics at NYU, and then Eleanor walked away to oversee the staff but still kept up the conversation. Rachel told Eleanor that she never knew her dad because he died before she was born and he was a factory worker in China and her mom never went to college and immigrated to the USA, but she worked really hard and studied and got her real estate license while she waited tables to support her children, and her mom liked to claim that she was Flushing’s top real estate broker. Eleanor told Rachel that her mom was very open-minded because she was from the USA, not like the parents in Singapore who were obsessed with shaping the lives of their children. As they walked away to go to dinner because the bell rang, Rachel told Nick that his mom hated her, and he assured her that it took a while for Eleanor to warm up to people. They met up with Astrid, Michael, Eddie and his wife, Fiona, and everyone was introduced. Astrid asked Nick if he prepped Rachel for the wolves, and he replied that Rachel was a New York and lectured millennials for a living and he believed she would manage their family fine. Rachel was introduced to Auntie Alix, Auntie Felicity, Auntie Jacqueline, Ling Cheh who was Nick’s old nanny and Rachel thought was his grandmother and thanked her in Mandarin for inviting her to her home. Michael snuck into a room to take a business call and told them now was the time and they needed all hands on deck as Astrid walked into the room with a platter of food for him. She told Michael that if he needed bodies at the office then she could come in and help out because she was trying to get out of going to Araminta’s bachelorette party, but Michael told Astrid he had everything covered. Astrid forget his fork, so Michael said he would go get it but he left his cell phone behind so Astrid picked it up because it rang. She called out to Michael that she thought it was the office, but he didn’t hear her and then he received a text from something telling him “The bed feels empty without you,” and she quickly put the phone down upset that her husband was cheating on her. Meanwhile, as Nick and Rachel talked, she spilled wine all over his white tuxedo so he left to change while Oli kept her company. Oli told her that her dress was the talk of the party as it was a chic 70s dress that was disco like Cleopatra in a good way. Peik Lin appeared in her black cocktail dress and told Oliver that she put it together for Rachel. Oli told Rachel that he was one of the poorer relations and he was the rainbow sheep of the family, but he said he made himself useful and got anything for the Youngs that they wanted. As Rachel asked why the Youngs would buy a rare Cambodian gong, somebody banged the gong in the background and Oli said they bought it because they could. Eleanor helped Nick pick out a new outfit and she told him that everything was washed every two weeks since he left and his room hadn’t changed at all and it was how he left it. As he looked for his cigars, Eleanor said she had them thrown out years ago, and then they spoke about how Nick was supposed to move back to Singapore to help out his dad the previous year, but Nick never did and it took a toll on his dad because he wasn’t getting any younger, and Nick replied that he still had things to do in New York. Later on, the aunts gathered everyone and explained that the tan hua plants very rarely bloomed, and even then, only at night and by dawn they would be gone so everyone hovered about to see the plant. Oli told Rachel outside that somebody forgot to wear a bra, and he was referring to Cousin Alistair’s latest flame, Kitty Pong, and rumor was she was in a porno film called Two Girls, One Cup of Noodles. Rachel felt that everybody was staring at her as they were walking, and Oli told her that was because they were all jealous that Rachel nabbed the crown prince since Nick would inherit everything. Nick introduced Rachel to his grandmother, and the tan hua flowers were in full bloom at that exact moment. Jacqueline told Eleanor that Nick acted different, and Eleanor responded that when children were away from home too long they forgot who they were. The next day Rachel was handed off to Minty (Araminta) by Nick to go to the bachoreltte party and he said he would see her in the next 36 hours. Araminta told Rachel then they were flying to her mom’s home in Sumatra and her mom closed down the whole place just for their party. At Colin’s party, Bernard showed up and told the groom this was for you a@@hole. As more adult females (twins) arrived at the airport, Rachel met Amanda Ling the Young Family’s corporate general counsel attorney as she waited to board the flight. Araminta left with the females. Then, blue helicopters arrived to pick up the men for their party and flew over International waters. Bernard told the men on board with his headphone radio that, any a@@hole can plan a normal stag party. Hookers, drugs, dog-fighting. That’s minor league sh##. To organize a party this massive…takes a goddamn mastermind..” And then, the helicopters arrived at their destination that was Ballin Collin’s Bachelor Party freightliner boat in the middle of the ocean. Once on board ship, there were hundreds of swimsuit clad adults cheering with big screens in the background. Later that night, as everyone drank and danced to loud music and Bernard shot off fireworks into the sky with his high tech launcher. Eddie spoke as he hung on to a female (possible Fiona) to Nick and told him that his dad gave him so much crap about marrying Fiona and her parents own the biggest shipping company in Hong Kong. Another man was seated between two females, one wearing a Miss Israel sash, listening to the conversation as he wore his fake crown. Eddie told Colin that Araminta’s adorable but Colin’s parents would not be spending anything on the wedding if Araminta’s parents didn’t own a billion-dollar resort chain. Eddie asked what Rachel would bring to the table. Bernard, wearing a Brazil sash, told everyone the party was boring so it was massage time and told Colin he would get a massage before the weekend was over or they would tie him up and shave his coo coo chara. Colin and Nick walked away together and Colin said they had to get off the ship.  

TWO OF TWO  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/1/23

TITLE: Crazy Rich Asians

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2018 Warner Bros. Pictures / SK Global / Starlight Culture / Colorforce-Ivanhoe Pictures / Electric Somewhere Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

 Meanwhile, on Samsara Island, Araminta gave a speech to the females saying this weekend was about sisterhood and connecting with the divine and told everyone that she hoped they find their bliss and it all started with an all paid (and timed) shopping spree at the fashion boutique for all that they could carry. It turned into a manic frenzy with girls argued over chest size and how they couldn’t fill out the dresses. Amanda told Rachel that nobody loved free stuff more than rich people. Rachel had only picked out one dress because she didn’t want to lose an arm. Amanda then walked over to complete Rachel’s outfit and took a necklace off the shelf for Rachel. Araminta then announced their next stop was the spa. In the next scene, on Rawa Island, Nick and Collin escaped to the area and were on a raft because Nick had a pilot’s license and perhaps stole a helicopter to get away from the party boat. Colin joked that if it were not for Araminta then he would ask Nick to marry him. Nick pulled out an engagement ring then and told Colin there is something that would get in the way of Colin’s plan as he was going to propose to Rachel. Colin was happy for his friend. Colin told Nick he was concerned about the fact that Rachel loved New York and Nick’s home was in Singapore and Nick hadn’t figured that part out yet. Colin then told Nick that Nick was groomed since primary school to take over the family business and that Nick could not just walk away and leave it to Eddie or Alistair. Nick assured Colin he was not walking away from anything. Colin said Nick is untouchable but Rachel wasn’t and if she became Mrs. Nicolas Young every day for her would be a struggle. Colin said he wasn’t sure Rachel was ready for that. As the bachelorette party females lay on their outdoor spa beds naked, covered in sheets, Amanda told Rachel she could see why Nick put off his return to Singapore the previous year and then explained how he was supposed to return but didn’t. Amanda told Rachel that now Nick is back she is sure all is forgiven. Rachel replied Nick is not back for good and just for the wedding. Amanda put doubts in Rachel’s mind about Nick since Nick had his family’s business responsibilities and he was a gorgeous man and he hadn’t decided what he wanted in a wife yet because Amanda used to date Nick but their romance was ancient history now. Amanda added that Nick’s mom always wanted Amanda and Nick to get married. Amanda told Rachel it took guts coming all that way to meet Nick’s family especially when Eleanor wasn’t on her side. Rachel got up then from the massage and left. Right after Rachel left, Amanda text another female and told her Rachel was on the move…hook, line, and SINK HER. Other females at the spa hatefully talked about Rachel and how she is not that pretty and it’s like she’s never heard of plastic surgery. Astrid stopped Rachel and together they went inside a building to have a private conversation and told Rachel to camp out there and relax. However, Rachel looked at the bed in the room and there was bloody fish on the pillow with “Catch this you gold digging bit@@” written on the glass in blood above the bed and flies buzzing around. Astrid said she would call security but Rachel told her not to because she would not make a scene and give them the satisfaction. Later on that night on the beach with some females dancing by lantern lights, Rachel told Astrid she didn’t understand how Araminta could have such mean friends. Astrid told Rachel when you grow up your whole lives together you make excuses for each other, especially the morons. Rachel said she knew Michael didn’t have to deal with catty, fish-killing sociopaths and asked how the two of them got through all that. Astrid said they didn’t have it that bad but it wasn’t pretty either and it got better. But then, Astrid told Rachel she wasn’t ok and started crying and said Michael was having an affair. Rachel told her she was sorry. Rachel and Astrid sat away from the others as Astrid cried on Rachel’s shoulder. When the parties were over and everyone returned home, at the hotel Rachel told Nick that she thought she was going to a wedding, eat some good food, meet his family but instead she felt like she was a villain in a soap opera who’s plotting to steal Nick’s family fortune. Rachel told him she met Amanda who told her everyone thought Rachel the evil person for preventing his return to Singapore when Rachel didn’t even know Nick was supposed to go home. She told him about the bloody fish and hateful words that Araminta’s friends wrote in big fat seriai killer letters. Rachel told him she didn’t care about the stupid girls and their designer clothes but was upset because Nick didn’t tell her anything about what was going on in his life with his family and wanted to know if he were trying to test her. Nick told Rachel he screwed up and that when they first met she had no idea about his rich family or his rich self. Rachel said she doesn’t care about the rich stuff. Nick told Rachel that is exactly why he loves Rachel because she is so different from the women he grew up with that do care about the money. Nick said he loves the person he is when he is around her and he didn’t want that to change and said he was there now and whatever happened they would get through it together. Rachel said it was so gross she buried the fish and he said she dealt with it. Rachel told Nick that she wanted to do something with him alone that evening and he replied that they had to make some dumplings first. Later on, Nick and Rachel made dumplings with his other family members. Nick explained how to make dumplings, “You put the baby in bed,. You tuck, tuck, tuck. Same on the other side. You give him a kiss good night.” Rachel added, That’s so cute. Then you eat the baby after he’s cooked.”Nick and Rachel both laughed with the others. Oli said he was taught not by Nick’s grandmother but by Grand-Auntie Mabel, “You put the Botox in the face, and then, you pinch, pinch, pinch. Then voila.” One Aunt said that they taught the kids how to make dumplings so they knew the blood, sweat, and tears it took to raise and feed their monkey children. Alix said not like the Ang-mohs that microwave macaroni and cheese for their own children…no wonder they put their parents in the old folks’ home when they all grow up. Eleanor said if they don’t pass the traditions down they would be forgotton. Astrid said God forbid they lose the ancient Chinese tradition of guilting children. Nick said his mom waited after school with dumplings for him. Rachel explained that it was nice to see the family gathered around the table like that because when she was growing up it was just her mom and herself. Rachel complimented Eleanor on her pretty green Emerald stoned ring and Eleanor explained that it was her engagement ring when Nick’s dad proposed to her and he had it specially made for Eleanor. Nick told Rachel his parents met at Cambridge and they both studied law together. Eleanor said she wasn’t a lawyer because she withdrew from the University when she got married. Eleanor explained her husband ran the business and Eleanor said it was a privaledge for her to raise a family and thought Rachel would think that was old-fashioned and added it was nice Rachel appreciated the house and everyone wrapping dumplings together and explained that all of that doesn’t just happen on its own and requires someone to handle the preparations and putting family first instead of chasing one’s passion. Grandma arrived then to join the family and told Rachel she had pretty facial features. Grandma told Nick’s mom that her dumplings looked poor and she lost her touch as Grandma sat down at the table. As Rachel later on went upstairs to go to the bathroom she saw Eleanor behind her and told her she was lost in the big house and didn’t know her way. Rachel apologized then to Eleanor for making an assumption about her and told her she didn’t mean to offend her. Eleanor said the truth was that Nick’s dad had her engagement ring specially made for Eleanor because Nick’s grandma would not give Nick’s dad the family ring because Eleanor was not grandma’s first or second choice for her son. Eleanor went on to explain that she herself didn’t come from the right family or have the right connections and Ah Ma thought that Eleanor would not make an adequate wife to her son. Eleanor admitted it took many years for Grandma to like her because Eleanor had no idea the work and the sacrifice it would take to be part of the extremely rich Young family. Creepily, Eleanor then stepped toward Rachel and put her hand on Rachel’s face to make Rachel step back a bit and almost fall down the stairs. Eleanor told Rachel because of her experiences she knew that Rachel would never be good enough for Nick and then walked past Rachel down the stairs but stopped to say that they should head back so Nick would not worry about them. Driving away, Nick told Rachel he knew his mom could be touch at times but there isn’t anything she would not do for him. Nick said his mom let his grandmother raise him and live at his grandmother’s house so that Nick would be the favorite and inherit everything. Nick said he thought he had enough of dumplings for the rest of his life and wanted to know if Rachel wanted Sushi, movies or anything she wanted to do. The same day, Peik Lin then met up with Rachel and Rachel told her friend about the nasty words of Nick’s mom and how she felt like puking and crying at the same time during the verbal attack. Peik Lin said that she bet if Rachel told Eleanor that she would leave Nick alone for a million dollars that Eleanor would write that check. Rachel said she couldn’t even discuss it with Nick because Nick worships his mom. Peik Lin said that Chinese sons think their moms fart Chanel No. 5. Peik Lin asked about the grandma’s opinion and Rachel told her that Ah Ma said Rachel had a nice face and lucky nose and seemed to like Rachel more than Eleanor did. Peik Lin told Rachel that Eleanor could hate Rachel all day but you can’t beat 2000 years of Chinese filial piety. Rachel thought she ought not to go to the wedding because she didn’t want to cause drama for the bride and groom and wanted to sit it out and tell Nick she had food poisoning or sometihng. Peik Lin told Rachel it is not about getting Eleanor to like her but respect Rachel because at the moment all Eleanor thought of Rachel was she was a gold-digging, clueless, trashy, unrefined banana (yellow on the outside and white on the inside). Peik Lin told Rachel when in reality she is a super sophisciated, smart professor of freaking game theory. Peik Lin told Rachel to show Eleanor that side of her. Rachel agreed. Peik Lin told Rachel she ain’t a chicken and she was going to roll up to that wedding and say, “bak-bak bit@@es.” Peik Lin said she was going to Fed Ex that night but would be happy to help her friend get ready for the wedding. Oli and his crew later showed up to help Peik Lin give Rachel a makeover and told Rachel it was about time someone stood up to Auntie Eleanor (her not him). As the people arrived in limos at the church, Material Girl played in Cantonese. Oli called for his staff members to pull all the designer names, Balenciago, the peach Chloé, the Giambattista, all the Bottegas for Rachel to try on as well as the Jason Wu with the deconstructed ruffles. Rachel tried on a colorful abstract dress and Oli told her she looked like a clown’s tampon. Peik Lin added on a heavy day. Oliver then told Rachel in reddish dress she looked a sad lonely flower that nobody wanted to be around/. Rachel tried on another dress that had actual hands on her breasts and Oli said it wasn’t that bad and it was holding her up and Peik Lin added that it was a hands-on dress. Peik Lin’s brother is going hog wild with his camera phone snapping photos of Rachel in the background. As this is happening, people arrived at the church and were being interviewed claiming it was the wedding of the century on the many news channels. The next dress Rachel tried on was see through and Oliver commented that was why disco died. The next pink dress with multi colored splotches had Peik Lin commenting that Rachel looked like a slutty Ebola virus. Oli said it was like a bag of skittles taste the rainbow. This, as the young sisters were sitting in the laps of Peik Lin and her brother. Peik Lin’s parents were dirty dancing and falling on the chaise sofa with the dad’s pants revealing his underwear and then climbed on top of his wife. Oli, Peik Lin and Rachel made it to the wedding and Rachel walked alone after her name was announced with her being from New York and was photographed then by many reporters. Rachel’s dress had flowers pinned around it and was light blue and white with a very plunging neckline that went to her belly. Rachel walked past Amada as she made it to the foot of the church and told the wicked Amanda that she was in her way and Rachel walked on inside the church. Michael got a text in the car telling him that their Chinese investors were getting nervous so he told his wife Astrid that he had to fly in to Shenzhen on Monday to try and talk them down. Astrid told him that was his son’s birthday and Michael replied he hated to miss it but his business was more important. Astrid told Michael to have someone else handle it unless there was another reason Michael desired to be out of town. Astrid rolled up the divider window on the limo and told Michael she knew he was having an affair and just wanted to get through the wedding and deal with it after. Michael took Jesus name in vain then. Michael couldn’t believe his wife handled the affair so calmly and he wished she would make a scene to prove she cared about him and not just what people thought of her and her family. Michael said he was tired of Astrid hiding her purchases and always trying to be the center of attention wherever she went. Michael told Astrid he was sick of nothing mattering including him having an affair so he stopped the car and got out leaving Astrid to go it alone to the wedding. Astrid sobbed in the car. Eleanor appeared with the Aunties and she wore a light blue and nude colored almost see through dress to the wedding and discussed how the whole shindig wedding cost 40 million. One chimed in and said that was too much because they were Methodists and 20 million was their limit. Then the females discussed Princess Intan as she walked by as being a vicious woman and how they heard the Princess demanded a whole row of seating by herself up front so nobody would bother her. Rachel appeared and said hello to the Aunties and Eleanor too but then Eleanor informed Rachel that she could not sit with them because their row was full. Rachel then saw Princess Intan sitting alone and sat down and told her how she read the article the royal wrote about microloans in the Asian Econimics Journal. The princess responded that she received much criticism for that article. Rachel replied that they misunderstood then because the Princess Intan’s microloans helped women, and women lift up economies. The Princess was happy then to have Rachel’s company and Eleanor fumed on from her seat in envy. Everyone seemed startled then to see Ah Ma walking down the aisle with Astrid because grandma never attended things. Ah Ma told Astrid to never thank family and sat down in the row in front of Eleanor. From the back, Colin told Nick that Rachel was a fighter because she was not hiding in the back or sitting with Nick’s family but was right up front with Princess Intan. Bernard walked up then to Colin and told him to make sure Araminta did not take his balls and then hit Colin in the private parts to make him keel over and laughed about it. A female Kina Grannis sang, I can’t help falling in love with you,” as the wedding party made their way down the aisle and the groomsmen took their places at the front by the minister.  After the guests were seated, the aisle filled with water with flowers in it and on both sides and the lightning changed to dim. The guests then held up glowing butterflies as the bride was helped by her dad into the water and then walked down the watered aisle alone. Nick and Rachel mouthed love yous to each other as this was happening. The bridal females followed close behind the bride. Eleanor witnessed the exchange of affections going on between her son and Rachel and was not happy to say the least. After the church wedding ceremony there was an outdoor celebration reception that included fireworks and dancing with a live band on stage. Eleanor caught sight of Alistair and Kitty dirty dancing on the floor and told Oli to handle it. Oli cut in and told Alistair that his dad wanted to talk to him about an overdrawn discretionary account so Allstair took off and left Oli to dance with Kitty. Kitty said she wanted her wedding with Allstair to be bigger than Colin and Araminta’s wedding. Oli told Kitty that Allstair’s family was fourth in line and she would be lucky to get a tea ceremony and better off with Bernard Tai. As Nick and Rachel were kissing on the dance floor, a servant calling “Master” Nicolas interrupted and told him that his grandmother wanted to speak to both him and Rachel. Kitty then walked over to Bernard and put his hands on her hips. Grandma, with Eleanor standing with her, told Rachel she is a smart woman but would not permit her to ruin her grandson with her ambition. Eleanor spoke up and said Rachel lied about her family and her mother. Eleanor said she hired a private investigator to look into Rachel’s past. Rachel claimed her dad died in China but that wasn’t true because Rachel’s mother’s husband is very much alive. Eleanor said that Rachel’s mom cheated during her marriage and became pregnant with another man’s child and before he found out, she ran away to America. Eleanor then handed the file to Rachel and told her son what a scandal something like this would cause his family. Eleanor added they could not be linked to that sort of family. Rachel handed back the paperwork and told Eleanor she didn’t want to be part of their Young family. Grandma told Nick not to chase after Rachel and degrade his family and forbid it and told him if he went then never to come back. Nick left obviously to find Rachel. Grandma then told Eleanor it was all her fault by letting him stay away for so long. Rachel ran through the crowd of drunken people and came upon Bernard and Kitty with Bernard’s pants down and Kitty’s dress up as the news people took photos as Bernard turned around to reveal his bare butt. Rachel ran back the other way then and made her escape as Amanda put her hands on Nick, but Nick removed them immediately. Rachel made it to Peik Lin’s house and slept the night on the couch in her friend’s room. Peik Lin tried to get Rachel out of bed, shower, eat, but Rachel stayed away from everyone and everything. The little girl twins carried a platter of food and placed it beside Rachel later that evening for her to eat and she thanked them both. Nick left several messages on Rachel’s phone but she didn’t return his calls and didn’t see him when he stopped by to talk to her at Peik Lin’s. Peik Lin told Rachel another day that she had a visitor and then Rachel’s mom appeared in the room and she went running into her arms. Her mom had her drink ginseng and dong-quai tea to give her daughter more energy. Mom and daughter spoke about mom’s husband not being a good man and how he hurt Kerry. Kerry said that an old schoolmate of hers helped her through the situation and they fell in love and she got pregnant with his child, which was Rachel. Kerry said she was very afraid her husband would find and and kill mom and baby both so she took off to America. Kerry said she would love to reach out and talk to her old lover but was too afraid her husband would hunt them both down and she didn’t want to now to cause any trouble for anyone. Kerry said everything that happened in her past was the reason she got Rachel, her brave and clever girl. Rachel confessed to her mom then that she really thought Nick was the one and now she just wanted to go home. Kerry told Rachel that Nick was the one who called her and paid for her to travel to Singapore to be with Rachel. Kerry said before they left for the USA, she wanted Rachel to speak to Nick. As the two women were laying on the bed having their private conversation, Kerry looked over and saw Peik Lin’s brother videoing/photographing them on his phone. P.T. told the two he would email them a photo later and added he had only been watching them a short while. Rachel and Nick met at the riverfront and sat and talked. Nick apologized for the damage his family did to her and said it was unforgivable. He told her he was no longer making excuses for his family and pulled out a ring and asked Rachel to marry him and they would start a new life together in New York, just the two of them and he would leave all of Singapore and his relations behind. In the next scene, Eleanor showed up at a gaming center and met with Rachel per Rachel’s request. She invited Eleanor to sit with her and the two other women at the gaming table and they started playing. Rachel said that her mom taught her how to play Mahjong because it would teach Rachel important life skills, negotiation, strategy, and cooperation. Eleanor replied her mom taught her too. Rachel said Eleanor knew the truth about her mom because Nick told Eleanor and Rachel wanted to know why Eleanor hated her since the moment she arrived. Eleanor replied with the Hokkien phrase, “Our own kind of people,” and told Rachel she was not their own kind. Rachel wanted to know if it was because she wasn’t rich, or because she didn’t go to a British boarding school or she wasn’t born into a wealthy family. Eleanor flat out said it was because she was an American foreigner and all Americans thought about were their own happiness. Eleanor said happiness is an illusion and the Asians understand how to build things that last, something Americans know nothing about. Rachel told Eleanor that Eleanor didn’t know her and Eleanor replied Rachel is not what Nick needed. Rachel then told Eleanor that her son proposed marriage to her the day before and that Nick would walk away from his family and his mom and the family fortune for good. Rachel said not to worry because she already turned Nick down. Eleanor replied only a fool folds a winning hand. Rachel replied there is no winning and Eleanor made sure of that, because if Nick chose Rachel he would lose his family and if Nick chose his family he might spend the rest of his life resenting Eleanor. Rachel then gave a piece up on the board that would have helped her win and Eleanor would not let either of the two other players have it and grabbed it for herself and said, so you chose for Nick. Rachel said she was not leaving because she was scared or because she thought she wasn’t enough but because for the first time in her life she knows she is enough. Rachel said she loved Nick so much that she doesn’t want him to lose his mom again. Rachel said that she wanted Eleanor to know that one day when Nick marries another girl who is enough for Eleanor and she is playing with her grandkids while the tan huas are blooming or the birds are chirping that it was all because of Rachel…a poor, raised by a single mother, low class, immigrant nobody. Rachel flipped her pieces over then and revealed that she won and walked away with her mom who was close by waiting for her daughter at another gaming table. Meanwhile, Astrid came in the room as Michael packed and told him to keep the apartment since Astrid owned 14 other apartment buildings and she and her son would live in one of those. Astrid told Michael that he would see their son when it was good for their son, not Michael. Astrid told Michael that the problem with their marriage was he was a coward and gave up on them and it had nothing to do with the money. Astrid said it wasn’t her job to make him feel like a man and she could work miracles and turn him into a man either. Astrid then went into the bathroom and retrieved her million dollar earrings she bought from her hiding place, put them on and strutted past Michael as she left the building. Peik Lin told Rachel as she left for the airport that Rachel walked away from Nick and his portfolio that gave Rachel integrity, which is why Peik Lin respected her. Eleanor showed up at Nick’s hotel room to speak with him. Peik Lin asked Rachel if she wanted to stay since her brother P.T. was still single and he made a heart shape with his hands from the doorway. Rachel and Kerry boarded the Pacific Asean Airlines back to the USA in coach class. Inside the aircraft, Nick came on board and told Rachel he was going back to New York with her. Nick then went into detail as he tried to get passed the passengers in the cramped coach space about how he imagined he would have proposed to Rachel had all the family drama not happened. Nick jumped over the aisle seats to get in the same aisle as Rachel and got down on one knee and proposed again but this time Rachel knew she had Eleanor’s approval and blessing because inside the box was Eleanor’s green stoned engagement ring. Rachel accepted Nick’s proposal and the females behind her cheered along with the other passengers on the plane. Rachel and her mom and Nick stayed in Singapore one more night and exited the flight. Nick and his mom already had a party planned that evening for his engagement to Rachel. The movie ended with Kitty in attendance yelling to “make babies” as Nick and Rachel kissed. On the movie cover art, Entertainment Weekly, “Hilarious, Heartfelt, Historic.” Also listed was Johnny Oleksinski, New York Post, “Crazy Rich Asians is the Rom-Com we all needed.” On a 30 million budget this film grossed more than 238 million at the box office. 


  

DATE REVIEWED: 6/30/23

TITLE: The Lion King

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2019 Walt Disney Pictures/Walt Disney Studios/Fairview Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place in the South African savannah and began with all the animals gathering near Pride Rock, the home of the lions. Rafiki the baboon showed them Simba, the newborn son the king and queen lion, Mufasa and Sarabi. Afterwards, Mufasa went to see his younger brother, Scar, to figure out why he wasn’t there for Simba’s presentation, and Scar said he forgot about it but he meant no disrespect to the royal family (Scar was supposed to be first in line to the throne, but that didn’t happen because of the new child so Scar challenged his brother but was overpowered by Mufasa). Zazu the hornbill bird, a member of the royal court, told Mufasa that Scar should have been expelled from the Pride Lands long ago, but Mufasa said that Scar would live there as long as Mufasa ruled. Zazu informed Mufasa that there was one like Scar in every family, and Zazu once had a cousin who thought he was a woodpecker and gave himself concussions by slamming his head into trees.The next day, Simba joined Mufasa on his morning patrol, and Mufasa explained that everything the light touched was his kingdom and someday Simba would take Mufasa’s place and be king to protect all of it. Mufasa told Simba never to go to the shadows far beyond the Pride Lands, and Mufasa added that while some people searched for what they could take, a true king searched for what he could give after Simba said he thought that kings could take any territory they wanted. Scar later told Simba that the shadow lands were an elephant graveyard with rotting bones and oozing mud, and Scar didn’t want Simba to go there. However, Scar only mentioned the shadow lands in hopes that Simba would go there, where Scar had a hyena ambush waiting to kill Simba. Simba immediately headed towards the elephant graveyard with his best friend, Nala (who was supposed to be his queen someday according to tradition even though they were just friends and didn’t want to be married to each other). Simba told his mom Sarabi that they were going to the watering hole. Simba convinced Nala to go by telling her that everybody had been to the shadow lands and they wouldn’t be treated like cubs if they went. Sarabi sent Zazu along with the cubs, and they got lost in the crowd of animals at the watering hole to escape from Zazu. Hyenas and their leader, Shenzi, then surrounded the cubs but Mufasa rescued them. Later that night, Scar went to the shadow lands, and despite his anger that the hyenas failed to kill the two cubs that Scar sent their way, Scar offered the hyenas the entire Pride Lands as their hunting grounds and they made a plan to kill Mufasa so Scar could be king. The next day, Scar took Simba into a gorge and told him that he needed to give Mufasa a gift to make him forget that his son disobeyed him, and that gift was Simba mastering his roar. Scar left Simba to practice his roar, and then Scar gave the hyenas a signal and they chased a herd of wildebeest down into the gorge. Scar went to tell Mufasa that there was a stampede in the gorge and Simba was down there, and Mufasa got Simba to safety on a ledge.However, Mufasa struggled to get out of the gorge, and Scar refused to help him and said, “long live the king,” as he hit his brother to make Mufasa fall over the cliff. Mufasa was trampled and killed by the wildebeest, and Simba was traumatized when he discovered that he couldn’t wake up his dad. Scar convinced Simba that his dad’s death was his fault and that Mufasa would still be alive if it weren’t for Simba. Scar asked what would Simba’s mother think of a son who caused his father’s death or a boy who killed a king. Simba hysterically cried and asked what was he to do, and he took his evil Uncle Scar’s advice and decided to run away and never return. Scar went to Pride Rock and told the other lions that both Mufasa and Simba were dead, and then Scar put on a show of false grief to convince the pride that he wished he had been there to save them and it was with a heavy heart that he would assume the throne with the help of the hyenas. Meanwhile, Simba traveled through the desert with no food or water, and he collapsed when he became too weak to go on. The vultures tried to eat Simba, but then a warthog named Pumbaa and his meerkat buddy, Timon, scared the vultures off. They decided that they should keep the little lion so he could grow up to protect them. Their advice to Simba was to turn his back on the world when they turned their back on him and to only embrace the future, and turn the “what,” into “so what?” Simba said that wasn’t what he was taught, and Timon said that Simba needed a new lesson so Timon and Pumbaa broke into a song about “Hakuna Matata,” which was their motto because it meant “no worries.” The song had slightly different lyrics than the version from the original movie, when Pumbaa said he thought of changing his name and Timon replied “What’s in a name?” whereas this version had Pumbaa considering changing his name to Brad without a reply from Timon (even though Pumbaa changing his name wouldn’t make him fart any less). Simba had an instant friendship with Timon and Pumbaa, and they brought him to their home, where he lived with them for the next few years surviving off of bugs until he became a full-grown lion. There was an antelope that thought he was a goner when Simba pounced at him, but the male lion was just chasing butterflies. Simba followed the teachings of Timon and Pumbaa, who said there was no circle of life as his parents had taught Simba, but that life was a meaningless line of indifference so they could do anything they wanted because it wouldn’t affect anybody else. Meanwhile, the lions were still living under the oppression of Scar and the hyenas that were overhunting and killing everything. Sarabi was summoned to see Scar, and he told her that the other lions were on her side and rejected Scar as their king. Scar tried to convince Sarabi to be his queen so the lions would accept him, but she refused so Scar said that from now on the lions would eat after the hyenas, and that left hardly any food so the lions were almost starving to death. Nala snuck away from Pride Rock to find help. Timon and Pumbaa sang a song in the valley when Nala suddenly appeared out of nowhere and chased after Pumbaa trying to eat him. Simba appeared and tackled Nala, and they fought until she pinned him to the ground like she used to do when they were cubs and they recognized each other. Nala informed Simba that Scar and the hyenas took over and Simba needed to return to the Pride Lands and take his rightful place as king. She wanted to know why Simba didn’t come back to rule his pride long ago if he was alive, and Simba said they didn’t need them and “hakuna matata,” because sometimes bad things happened and there was nothing you could do about it, so why worry?Nala said that he wasn’t the Simba she remembered and she made a mistake by thinking he would help, so she said goodbye to Simba and walked away. Rafiki approached Simba later that night and said that he knew Mufasa and he was still alive, and Rafiki brought Simba to a pond where Simba saw his own reflection in the water and Rafiki told him that Mufasa lived in him. Simba then heard Mufasa’s voice telling him to remember he was the one true king and that he needed to take his place in the circle of life. Mufasa said that as king he was most proud of having Simba as his son and that was forever, and he never left Simba and never would. Rafiki asked Simba who he was, and Simba announced that he was the son of Mufasa and he would return to the Pride Lands. Simba met up with Nala along the way, and Timon and Pumbaa followed them. They distracted the hyenas away from Pride Rock, where Scar was still trying to convince Sarabi to be his queen. Sarabi refused again, so Scar attacked her but then Simba appeared and told Scar to get away from his mother. Simba gave Scar the choice to step down or fight, and Scar told Simba to tell everyone who was responsible for Mufasa’s death. Simba confessed that he was because that was what his wicked uncle had him believe, so Scar called him a murderer and cornered him at the edge of Pride Rock shouting at him to bow to his king after Scar made Simba admit that he was nothing. Simba fell and was holding onto the cliff edge for dear life just as lightning struck a tree directly below him and started a fire. Scar said this looked familiar because Simba had the same look in his eyes that Mufasa did before his death, and Scar whispered in Simba’s ear that his uncle killed Mufasa. Simba grabbed onto Scar to get back up on the rock, and Scar told everyone not to believe what Simba said when he told them that Scar killed Mufasa. Sarabi asked Scar how he knew the look in Mufasa’s eyes if he didn’t get to the gorge before Mufasa died as he told them before, and Scar realized that he was caught in his lie so he ordered the hyenas to kill Simba. The lionesses, Timon, Pumbaa, Zazu and Rafiki attacked the hyenas while Nala and Shenzi fought each other one-on-one and Nala threw Shenzi off Pride Rock. Scar tried to make a run for it dodging the flames, but Simba went after him. Scar lied that the hyenas, which he called revolting scavengers, forced him to kill Mufasa and he had been planning to kill them afterwards. Simba agreed that he wouldn’t kill his uncle because he wasn’t like Scar, so Scar asked how he could make it up to Simba. Simba gave his uncle the same advice that he gave his nephew years ago, which was to run away and never return. Scar walked away as if he was going to do just that, but then he kicked embers into Simba’s face to stun him so Scar could attack. They fought, and Scar fell off Pride Rock. He survived the fall and didn’t land in the flames, but then he was surrounded by the hyenas that overhead what he said about them to Simba. Scar denied that and said he was trying to fool Simba and added that Scar and the hyenas would build their army and rule together. Shenzi also survived her fall, and she and the other hyenas killed Scar. Simba and Nala became king and queen, and all the animals in the savannah came to see Rafiki showing them the new prince. This movie had a $250+ million budget and grossed over $1.6 billion at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 6/29/23

TITLE: Premonition 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2007 Sony Pictures / Tristar Production / MGM Pictures / Hyde Park Entertainment / Ashok Amritraj / Offspring Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with Jim Hanson driving his wife, Linda, in their classic convertible car and surprising her with a 1920s style classic house that he bought for them to live in because he got a promotion, and he was hoping to fill the rooms soon with children. Many years later, Linda woke up in her bed one morning as her youngest daughter, Megan, asked when her dad was coming home. Linda replied that Jim was coming home that day because he went on an overnight trip, and Linda’s other daughter, Bridgette, told her mom to get out of bed otherwise the girls would be late for school. Keep in mind, it is Thursday and Bridgette had no signs of glass cuts on her face. After Linda dropped the girls off at school, she went for a jog, showered, did some laundry, put stickers (flowers, sun, butterflies, dragonflies, and bees) on the sliding glass door, talked to her girlfriend Annie over the phone, and then she found a message from her husband on the answering machine. Jim had told Linda that he meant what he said in front of the girls the other night and he wanted Linda to know that. Linda returned Jim’s call and left him a message telling him to call her back. Sheriff Reilly showed up at the door soon after and told Linda that her husband was in a car accident and died on scene the day before on Wednesday. The sheriff apologized for not alerting Linda sooner and explained that the other driver was in a semi-truck and it jackknifed on the highway mile marker 220, and the truck driver was killed as well after Jim’s instantaneous death. Sheriff Reilly apologized again and asked Linda if there was anything he could do, but she was in shock and just stared blankly at him. She didn’t want him to call anyone for her and said she was okay, so Sheriff Reilly gave Linda his card and told her to call him if she needed anything. After the officer left, crows flew overhead. Linda picked up the girls from school in a daze, and when they got home she told them that their dad was in an accident and was not okay. Linda left Annie a message to call her as soon as possible while the girls were close by doing a puzzle with Linda’s mom. Grandma was able to get the girls to sleep and then came downstairs and told Linda that they needed to start making funeral arrangements for Jim the following day and go through the insurance as well. Linda’s elder mom told Linda she was going to go lay down in the den because she planned to stay and help her daughter and granddaughters get through the tragic loss. Linda lay down on the couch holding onto her wedding picture. The next morning, Linda walked downstairs and saw Jim’s briefcase by the door, and when she went into the kitchen Jim sat there watching the TV and drinking his coffee as if it was a normal day. The girls ran into the room and told their mom that if they were three times late to school, they would get detention and told Linda to get dressed. Jim said he had to get going because he had a Monday morning meeting and had to train a new assistant manager. Linda dropped the girls off at school, and when she got back home she checked the answering machine and there were no messages. Later that day, Linda went out and about, and her mind was not in a good place because her husband just died but was now alive again. She didn’t stop at a stop sign and almost caused an accident, and Sheriff Reilly pulled her over for the traffic violation. Linda told him it happened because she was distracted, and the officer told her to take it easy out there because he didn’t want anybody getting hurt. Linda and Annie later went shopping at Brookshire’s, and Linda wanted to know if she left Annie a message the previous day. Annie said she didn’t get a message from Linda, and Linda wasn’t sure what was going on so she told Annie (her single childless girlfriend dating a lot of different guys) everything was fine and exactly the same with her and Jim. The day went by and Linda realized that it was happening the same as the day Jim died, and the kids’ sweater that she took out of the laundry basket and put aside on Thursday because it wasn’t dirty was back in the laundry basket. When Linda was hanging up the sheets outside to dry, she tripped over a kids’ toy and fell to the ground. Blood from a dead crow in the leaves got all over her hands, and she was in such a hurry to get inside and wash it off that she got blood on the sliding glass door as she opened it. Linda put gloves on afterward and threw the bloody dead bird in the trash. The next morning, Linda woke up wearing Jim’s shirt with a wineglass and bottle on the nightstand, but Jim wasn’t in bed. She went into the bathroom and found a bottle of prescription bottle of Lithium pills in the sink, and she noticed that there were blankets and towels covering all the mirrorsin the house. She made her way downstairs and saw a bunch of people dressed in black who were visiting as part of the funeral service. Linda’s mom and Annie tried to convince Linda to go back upstairs and get some more sleep, but she told them that everything was not fine and her husband was not dead. She went out to the backyard to find her girls (with visible stickers still on the sliding glass door), and they were playing on the swing set in black dresses. Megan came running to see Linda, but Bridgette didn’t move from her seat swinging creepily on the old creaky swing set that came with the house. When Bridgette turned around as Linda and Megan walked towards her, she had cuts all around her eyes and mouth with jagged stitches like a horror scene. Linda asked Bridgette how she got the cuts on her face, and Megan told Linda that there were no cuts and her sister was perfect like a beautiful princess. The girls asked Linda what it was like when their dad died, and she said she didn’t know because she wasn’t there, so Megan asked Linda how she knew her dad died then. Linda was disturbed by her daughter’s comments earlier and had challenges swearing in front of her children as they arrived at the church for the funeral service. She told Annie to take the girls inside while Linda walked over to the hearse in the parking lot and demanded for the casket to be opened to prove her husband was dead. Dorothy Quinn told Linda that they didn’t want her to see Jim’s body because it had been severed during the accident, and the men knew Linda was very upset so they tried to quickly open the casket. However, they ended up dropping it and it broke open, and Linda saw her husband’s bloody decapitated head roll out onto the ground. Linda’s mom had come over and turned away in horror hiding her eyes at the sight because she couldn’t believe her daughter wanted to see that. One man covered up the head with a coat while the other man restrained Linda from going near it and tried to get her into the church. During the funeral service outside at the burial site, Linda noticed a blonde female peeking out from behind a tree a short distance away. She asked her mom who the woman was, and her mom said she didn’t know so Linda went to go see as the Reverend kept going with his sermon. The woman rapidly walked to her car as Linda approached, and when Linda caught up to her and asked her how she knew Jim, the woman replied that she and Linda talked the previous day, but Linda had no recollection of ever speaking to or seeing that woman before in the life. The female sped off in her car. Later on, Linda was in the bathroom playing with the prescription bottle of lithium that was prescribed to her by Dr. Norman Roth the psychiatrist. Linda glanced out the door and saw her two girls watching TV on the bed, and then she read the side effects of the medication, which included drowsiness. Linda sent the girls downstairs to be with Grandma and Aunt Annie so she could call Dr. Roth, but the physician page was torn out of the phone book. Linda found the page in the wastebasket and called Dr. Roth’s number, but the office was closed and she got the recording of their hours. Later that evening, as Aunt Annie was about to take the girls upstairs for bed, the doorbell rang and Mrs. King (Linda’s mom) answered it and let in three men, including Dr. Roth and Sheriff Reilly. Linda didn’t recognize Dr. Roth, who told her that her family was worried about her, and her mom apologized to Linda and then asked her daughter what happened to Bridgette’s face. Linda’s mom was never told what happened and Linda could not remember because she was in shock from her husband dying suddenly. Linda replied that she didn’t know and she would never do anything to harm her child, and then Dr. Roth tried to grab her so she struck out at him and told him to get away from her. The other two men then dragged screaming Linda out the door as the girls screamed from the stairs not to take their mom away. Annie tried to calm the two young girls down as the Balentine Ambulance Services took their mom away while her Mrs. King (who lost her own husband years ago) stood at the door with her hands over her eyes. In the next scene, Linda sat on a bench in a hallway in a mental hospital with her hands tied to the chair and her ankles tied together, had she struggled to get free from her restraints. In a nearby room, Linda overhead Sheriff Reilly say that obviously Linda had never been committed before and her husband was in a fatal car crash on Wednesday and he told Linda on Thursday. Dr. Roth told Sheriff Reilly that was strange because Linda showed up at his office on Tuesday claiming Jim was already dead or was going to die soon. The sheriff asked the doctor how Linda was able to know Jim was going to die before the accident happened, and Dr. Roth asked Sheriff Reilly if he was sure it was an accident (perhaps implying that Linda somehow planned the incident that left her husband dead). Linda was then strapped to a gurney with several restraints. She already had multiple needle wounds on her arms and as Dr. Roth was about to give Linda another injection of unknown substance in his questionably run ungodly experimental psych ward, Linda begged Dr. Roth not to do anything else to her body and give her more medication because she just wanted to go home to her girls, but he ignored her and gave her another shot. The next morning, Linda woke up in her own bed and she checked her arms but there were no wounds, and then she heard somebody in the shower. She went to go check it out, and pulled back the shower curtain on Jim who stood naked in the shower asking her what she wanted. Linda stepped into the shower with Jim with her clothes on and hugged him and didn’t want to let go. But, he said he had to go because he was running late for work. Later that morning, Linda was happy to see Bridgette’s face healed when the girls came to get their breakfast. Linda dropped the girls off at school and she got out of the car and had the girls promise not to play at recess and to be very careful that day. The crossing guard got onto Linda for holding up the line of vehicles (Linda did that because she had no idea what happened to Bridgette’s face and she couldn’t remember and she wasn’t sure if it happened at school so she tried to prevent it from happening again). When she got back home, she checked the trashcan to see if the dead bird was there, and when she opened the lid, there was a bunch of flies that swarmed around the bird and then flew up toward Linda’s face. Linda went searching through the house frantically misplacing things to find the pills, but then she opened the phone book and the doctor page that had been torn out was in the book now. Linda ripped the page out of the phone book and then went to Dr. Roth’s office without an appointment where he and his secretary were discussing his appointment schedule that he had. Linda introduced herself and then told Dr. Roth about the people, such as himself, who knew her but she had never met and how her husband was dead one day and alive the next. Linda told Dr. Roth in a session in his office then that she had no idea where the lithium bottle was but she thought somebody was trying to drug her, and Dr. Roth said he never prescribed that to her. Linda insisted that his name was on the bottle along with hers and she came there to talk to him about it and get some help. Dr. Roth asked how Linda felt and what emotions she had when her husband was dead if she felt sorrowful, resentful, or relieved because he said that it was common for people to daydream that other people were dead. Dr. Roth asked about past history of illnesses and she said she wasn’t imagining that her husband was dead because he was dead. Dr. Roth told Linda that it was odd that the prescription was for lithium because that was the best medication for Linda to be taking at that moment because he said it would help her cope and then he asked her if she could come and see him the following day for an appointment. Linda shook her head and was at her wits’ end, and then she went to Jim’s workplace and recognized Bob when she walked into the building. Linda went to her husband’s office and closed the door because she needed to speak to him alone. Linda told Jim she wanted to go away with Jim and the girls somewhere for a little while on a trip. Jim said he couldn’t because he had to work, and then the mysterious blonde woman from the funeral opened the door to get Jim for their sales meeting. Linda asked the other woman who she was. Claire Francis then introduced herself to Linda, and Jim told his wife that Claire was the new assistant manager who he trained. Jim and Claire smiled at each other in an overly friendly way. Claire added that Jim had been very helpful with her for the last few weeks training her and then she left. Jim walked out of the room and told Linda they could talk about what she needed to say to him later. Jim caught up to Claire so they could walk together to their meeting. Jim subtly touched Claire’s back as they walked through the office, and Linda noticed the extra affection between the two. As the girls played hopscotch alone outside their house on the sidewalk, they sang a song about Cock Robin and the sparrow replying with his bow and arrow, Linda was upstairs about to take the Lithium prescribed pills Dr. Roth gave her to help with her moods. The bottle said to take two pills, but Linda put five in her hand but then dumped the whole bottle as she listened to her girls outside singing the song about how he died. Linda didn’t take any of the pills and threw them and the empty bottle into the sink with all the pills and left the water running. It then started to thunderstorm, so Linda ran downstairs to get the girls inside telling them to hurry and help her with the laundry outside hanging on the clothesline because it was getting wet. She told the girls to start taking stuff down and she would be right there with the laundry basket to help them. Curly haired Bridgette (sneakers wet from the rain out front) ran through the house and smashed right through the glass sliding door (with no stickers on it) and fell through to the other side with the glass that left her face all cut up and body bloody. Linda rushed everybody to the hospital, where she told the doctors upon arrival at the hospital that Bridgette went through a glass door and was allergic to Codeine. Jim showed up at the hospital and Linda explained that Bridgette ran to get the laundry and smashed through the glass sliding door window. Later that night, Linda put towels and blankets over the mirrors in the house telling Bridgette that they were going to forget about those for a while until Bridgette got feeling better. As she was putting the girls to bed that night, Megan asked if Bridgette was going to have ugly scars forever, and Linda replied that she didn’t want to talk about scars and as far as she was concerned there were no scars from the glass wounds. Linda told Bridgette that she was beautiful no matter what anybody told her, and she called her daughters beautiful like two princesses. Jim was outside sweeping the broken glass off the back porch and told Linda that she was supposed to put up stickers on the door so it was more visible, and she replied that maybe she thought she did (which she did). Jim swore in Christ’s name in vain and told Linda that he asked her mom to come stay while he was away on his overnight trip. Linda wasn’t happy because she didn’t want to be separated from her kids and told Jim that she was a good mom. As Linda went upstairs later that evening, she heard the shower going and Jim was in it. She took out the crumpled phone book paper of Doctor Roth from her pocket and threw it in the wastebasket. With blood still all over her shirt from her daughter’s hospital visit earlier that day, Linda took out a big piece of white paper and started making a chart with rows for the seven days of the week. She labeled what she knew was true underneath each day. She wrote that on Thursday she found out Jim died. On Monday Jim was alive again, the funeral, found Lithium, and committed to the mental hospital by Dr. Roth on Saturday. On Tuesday was the meeting with Dr. Roth where the doctor prescribed Lithium, and also Bridgette’s cuts happened. Jim died on Wednesday. After all of that, Jim came into the room and asked Linda what she was doing, and she quickly folded up the paper as he went to the kitchen and hid it under the table and told Jim not to go on the trip. He replied that he had to and he waited a year for the interview and he thought it could be good for him and Linda to take a break from each other. Linda said under her breath that it would be a bigger break than he bargained for and asked Jim what if something happened. He replied sarcastically that something could happen to him when he was on his way home from work and wanted to know if he should stop working, and then Linda begged Jim not to go on the trip. Jim told Linda that he knew he had a family and she didn’t need to be reminded, and she asked him to do her one favor, which was to wake her up before he left in the morning if tomorrow was Wednesday. Jim took Jesus’ name in vain and promised her. The next morning on Friday, Linda woke up on the couch with her wedding photo in her hands. She went to the kitchen table to see if the days of the week charted paper was still under the table, but her mom interrupted Linda saying the den was an awful place to sleep. Linda remembered that her mom stayed over so it was Friday morning, and since mom was out of the room Linda pulled out the paper that she had hidden and she told herself there were two days left and started swearing and trying to figure out who Claire was. She had written Claire Francis and Bridgette’s cuts on the bottom of the paper because she didn’t know what those were, and she crossed cuts out and remembered that she met Claire on Tuesday in Jim’s office so Linda circled Claire’s name and hid the paper under the tablecloth again. Linda rushed out of the house and her mom questioned that because Linda had the shock of her life the previous day with her husband dying. Linda drove to Claire’s house and when Claire opened the door she was red-faced and red-eyed because she had just been crying. Linda asked Claire if there were something they needed to talk about involving Jim. Claire wanted to know who told Linda about her and Jim, and Linda replied that Claire just did then. Linda later went to see her girlfriend Annie and told her that Claire told her everything about Jim and Claire’s business/personal relationship and how he had planned to cheat on his wife on the out-of-town business trip “interview” he was going on with Claire. Annie told Linda that the whole thing was bad…the accident and the other woman, but Linda said that maybe it was supposed to be happen and it wasn’t so bad. Linda told Annie that Jim and her were roommates with two girls, and her roommate (Jim) was a liar. Linda later went to her safety deposit box to look at her life insurance policy, and she spoke to the Nationwide insurance employee and he informed her that the mortgage and the girls’ education was all taken care of, and Linda was all set income-wise with the annuity Jim left her. The man told Linda the timing was odd because Jim stopped in to see him Wednesday morning before the trip and Jim seemed a little anxious and said no matter what happened he wanted to make certain that Linda and the girls were okay and then he tripled his death benefits. The man went on to say it wasn’t a problem and the police reports confirmed it was an accident, and he was going to get it cleared through the main office and would give Linda a check soon.In the next scene, Linda stared out at a peaceful lake and a man approached her and asked her if she had a family. She replied that she had two daughters. The man, a model home salesman, told Linda it was no big deal what was going on in her life and that a lot of people stopped by that lake where the model houses were being built and thought to themselves it was a great place to start over. The man went on to say that he moved to the place after his divorce and it was like a whole new life and it was great living there. Linda went to the funeral home and met Dorothy Quinn (the same woman who told Linda that she couldn’t see Jim’s body at the church before his head rolled out of the casket onto the ground), and Linda said she knew Dorothy. Linda then went home and gave her two girls sitting at the table putting a puzzle together with Linda’s mom each a cupcake from the bakery, but she didn’t bring her mom a cupcake. Linda’s mom stepped into the kitchen to quickly talk to Linda while the girls ate their cupcakes, and she told Linda she didn’t want to upset her, but they needed to go to the funeral home and make arrangements. Linda replied that she already went there and it was done as she put fresh flowers in a vase on the counter that she just bought. She told her mom the funeral was on Saturday, and that surprised her mom that the funeral was so soon, which was the following day (because Linda didn’t want to be carted off to the mental hospital the next day, Saturday, all because everyone jumped to the wrong conclusion with their missing information and didn’t really know the truth of the situation and irreversibly therefore ruined lives). Later that night, Linda drank a glass of wine in bed as she looked at the heart-shaped locket with “Jim & Linda 4 Ever,” engraved on it. Linda’s mom came to the door and asked Linda if she was okay, and Linda asked her mom that if she left Jim die, was it was the same thing as killing him? Linda’s mom replied that Jim was already dead and told her daughter good night with a queer look on her face, so Linda put her wineglass down after she left. Linda went to bed in Jim’s shirt and woke up in her own shirt with Jim in bed next to her and the girls singing in their rooms about grandma. Jim yelled to the girls to keep it down because they were being loud singing, and that was when Linda realized it was Sunday. She suggested that Jim take the girls out for a while to have some fun, and he agreed that sounded nice and he went downstairs with the girls to make them pancakes for breakfast. Linda in her free time went to the Catholic Church and saw Father Kennedy, and he told her it had been a long time since she’d been to church. She had a conversation with him about how scared she was, and Father Kennedy read to Linda about how in 1632 in the Dutch trading colony off the coast of Carolina, a hysterical midwife claimed to have walked through the aftermath of a hurricane when it hadn’t even happened yet. Father Kennedy told Linda that they hung the woman for being a witch, and two days later the entire town was wiped out by a gale force hurricane. He then skipped ahead to the 20thcentury in his book and read that in 1918 in Boston, at the height of the influenza epidemic, a father told his friend that he went to the future and saw the graves of his two young children. The man went insane and shot both his children dead to spare them the disease, and the autopsy showed that the children were never infected with the flu. The man shot himself a week later, and Father Kennedy went on to explain that history was full of unexplained phenomena and nobody knew why. He said some people believed those people suffered from Blasphemare absens fides, which was the dangers of the faithless and added that it was the notion that nature abhorred a vacuum, even a spiritual one. Father Kennedy said that people who lost their faith were like empty vessels were more susceptible to having their lives taken over by forces bigger than themselves. Linda said it was like a curse, and Father Kennedy said it could be a miracle. Father Kennedy explained to Linda that miracles happen every day. Linda said she didn’t believe in miracles. She said it didn’t feel like a miracle for her and told Father Kennedy that something bad was going to happen and she told the Catholic Priest that she needed his help, direction, and faith to get through it. Father Kennedy explained that with faith one had to believe in something beyond you, and you couldn’t feel, smell, or touch it, and was like hope or love. He told Linda to try to get those things back again after she said she thought she lost them, and Father Kennedy added that it was never too to realize what was important in your life and to fight for it. Linda said she didn’t know what to fight for, so Father Kennedy put his hands on Linda and prayed with her. Linda then drove to mile marker 220 where the accident hadn’t happened yet between her husband’s vehicle and the semi-truck, and she stopped alongside the road there. She got out of her Ford SUV and stood in the middle of the road and thought about all the memories that she had of the days that led up to and following Jim’s death. A car slowed down and honked the horn at Linda, and that snapped her out of her trance and she walked back to her car. Later that day after Jim got home, he told Linda that he had a good time with the girls, and then Linda started dinner. Jim helped Linda by getting the platter from the top shelf down that she mentioned earlier since she couldn’t reach it and he was taller. Later that night, as the girls were got ready for bed, Linda had them give their dad an extra hug and tell him how much they loved him. He didn’t say it back, so Linda questioned his love because he refused to say it back to the girls. Jim then he told the girls that he loved them more than anything in the whole wide world and hugged them again. When the girls said mom too more than anything, Jim said he did love their mom very much but not more than anything. Linda got up and left the room, and with no stickers on the sliding glass door and a storm brewing outside, and the girls put to bed, Jim went out into the backyard to call Linda inside. Linda told her husband she missed him and he missed the two of them, and he said there was still an “us,” but it was just different now and she wanted to know why, and he said he didn’t know why. It then started pouring down rain on them, and Linda said she wanted them to be the way they used to be so Jim said they were married, they had a house, a mortgage, and two kids, so what more did she want. Lightning struck the power line and killed the black crow that was sitting on it and a wire broke off loose and the electrical line was swinging dangerously with sparks flying in the wind toward them. Linda and Jim ran inside, and in their bedroom, she helped him out of his wet shoes and apologized for her behavior. The two then made love, and later on as they were lying in bed Linda told Jim that she had a dream he was going to die. He responded it was only a dream and everything would be fine. Linda woke up the next morning alone again, and she immediately called Annie to find out what day it was. She said it was Wednesday and Linda hung up on Annie and ran to find Jim and the girls to see if they were still in the house. However, when she got down to the kitchen she saw that Jim wrote a note saying he took the girls to school and he would be back the following day. Linda called Jim but it went to voicemail because he was out of the car holding up the line at school dropping the girls off with his phone on the seat. Linda in her pajamas wearing a coat over them she rushed out the door and into the car to try to stop the accident from happening because she knew Jim was going to see the Nationwide insurance employee Doug Caruthers before he started on his road trip. Linda drove to school and saw her girls on the playground (Bridgette didn’t even have any cuts on her face when she got them the previous day on Tuesday, but now it was Wednesday and she had no cuts). As Jim pulled onto 57 West, he got a call on his cell phone from Claire saying in her sexy voice she just checked into their hotel room and it was really nice and told Jim she couldn’t wait for him to arrive. When Jim hesitated to reply, Claire asked if something was wrong and he told her yes, he couldn’t do that. Claire asked if he couldn’t do the interview, and Jim said no, he couldn’t do Claire and him and then he hung up on her Claire.Meanwhile, Linda rushed to get caught up on the roadway with Jim and called him as she herself just turned onto 57 West, but at that time Jim was calling to speak to Linda because he needed to tell her something and he left her a message on their home answering machine which was when he said he meant what he said the other night in front of the girls and he wanted Linda to know that he loved her and them and to please always remember it. Jim then answered the phone and was able to speak to Linda, and he said he needed to tell her something but he she said she already knew about Claire. Jim told Linda he thought that Claire was what he wanted but he figured out he didn’t want that and he wanted to make things better between him and Linda whatever it took. Linda said she saw Jim in front of her, and he told her he was going to pull over so he could speak to her, and he pulled over right next to the mile 220 marker. However, Linda quickly asked him to trust her and if he loved her, he would turn his car around right now and get out of there as she herself pulled over at the bottom of the hill a further distance away from Jim’s car. As Jim made a Uturn in the roadway, a car came over the hill and almost rammed into him so he stopped in the middle of the road. Jim reached down to pick up his cell phone that he dropped before getting himself out of danger’s way on the roadway. Linda said she loved Jim and told him let’s go home when he got back on the phone, but then Jim’s car wouldn’t start so he was stuck. Linda told him to get out of the car, and then he saw the truck headed right for him. Jim tried to start his car but his car wouldn’t start again. The trailer truck slammed on his brakes and jackknifed. Jim’s driver side door wouldn’t open either and he could not get out of the car as a result. Jim’s car was caught underneath the back end of the big rig. Linda ran toward Jim and shouted to get out of the car and then both vehicles exploded in flames in front of her. In the next scene, Linda lay on top of her mattress in a pretty dress with moving boxes everywhere and Bridgette’s face had healed nicely but left small scars. Linda had the girls go downstairs by themselves to greet the moving truck that just arrived while she took a moment upstairs to remember Father Kennedy’s words about faith, hope and love, and she also remembered her time with Jim in the house since their wedding. Linda got up from the bed and she was now very pregnant. The movie cover art had Pete Hammond with Maxium saying, “A gripping psychological thriller that will have you guessing from start to finish.” On a 20 million budget, this movie grossed more than 84 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 6/28/23

TITLE: Mosley 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (New Zealand/China)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2019 Paramount / Saban Films / Lotus Entertainment / China Film Co. Ltd., Huhu Studios / China Film Animation / Rialto Distribution / Beijing Huagan International Film Culture Media Co. / Beijing Springbona Culture Media Co. / Beijing Qu Tai Ocean Culture & Media Co. / Wuhan Cultural Development Group Co. / Beijing Shineland Investment Management Co. / Bloomage International Investment Group/ Dunn Family Trust / Fulcrum Media Finance / Media Super 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 2

REASON: This carton movie began with shady businessman Bemus coming to town with his Traveling Auction, where he told the bidders that horses and mules had the strength to do farm work but not the brains, so the thoriphants were brought out to be sold. Bemus said they had both strength and brains, and they could also talk so you could treat a thoriphant like a animal but depend on it like a man. A young thoriphant named Mosley was separated from his mom and sold for $800 to a farmer named Simon, and twenty-five years later Mosley was still plowing fields and now had a pregnant wife, Bera, and young son, Rue. Bemus, Shank and Ollie appeared in the area with the Traveling Medicine Show, and they tried to sell Simon a product but he wanted to know what Bemus was really up to. Bemus said that Rue was ready to go to auction because he was a year older than Mosley was when he went to auction, but Simon refused. Bemus then suggested that Simon started planting in the nearby Beggar’s Field, and Mosley spoke up and told Simon that the soil wasn’t good. Simon glared angrily at Mosley and threw a rock at him because nobody asked for his opinion. Later that night, Mosley was tired from his farm work and wanted to go to bed, but Rue was excited to show his dad his new hiding place, and Bera told Mosley that he should see it. Rue took Mosley into the woods to a cave, where there were paintings of thoriphants who walked upright and had hands instead of animal feet. There was a tunnel leading into the unknown that Rue hadn’t explored. Mosley had a flashback of an old thoriphant named Turpin (who now pulled Bemus’s wagon) telling little Mosley that the drawings depicted Uprights, the other kind of thoriphant who fled to the north long ago to escape evil men while the other thoriphants stayed behind and were forced to work for humans. They gradually turned into animals, and it was believed that someday the Uprights would return to rescue the other thoriphants.Mosley told Rue that the Uprights were just a fairy tale and it was time to go back home. Back at the farm, Mosley and Bera overheard Simon agreeing to let Bemus take Rue to auction once the new calf was born. The next day, Simon put Mosley to work plowing the Beggar’s Field, but there were too many stones and roots and he pulled so hard that the plow snapped. Bemus and his men tried to flee the area quickly as angry Simon made his way toward them and told them that his plow broke. Bemus reminded Simon that ne never said plowing that field would be easy. Mosley remembered Bera’s words from the night before of how their only chance to stop Rue from being taken away was to find the Uprights, and that if Bera was Mosley she would run and run down to that tunnel and not stop until she found the Uprights. Mosley told Rue that he was going back to the cave to find the Uprights, so Rue needed to be like dad and take care of his mom until Mosley got back. Mosley ran into the woods and all the men went after him, but they couldn’t find him and returned to the farm in the pouring rain. Simon told the men to get off his farm, and Bemus told his boys that they would go get Warfield. The next day, they brought scary tattooed Warfield to the farm and told Simon that Warfield was a tracker and hunter who could find any thoriphant, and Simon agreed to pay Warfield $350 to find Mosley. He told Warfield that he wanted Mosley back unharmed, but Warfield showed no sign of acknowledgement and walked away into the woods. Without even knowing where to find Mosley, Warfield went straight to the cave, where Mosley fell into a sinkhole trap and couldn’t get out. Warfiedl told Mosley that he would go back to Simon, but first Warfield was going to get a souvenir and he took out a sharp sword. Shank and Ollie had followed Warfield into the cave and figured that Warfield must have painted the pictures of the Uprights on the walls to lure thoriphants into the cave, where they would fall into the sinkhole and be trapped. Warfield attacked Ollie and Shank and threw them into the hole, and Mosley jumped on top of Ollie so he could get out of the hole. He ran and found the light at the end of the tunnel, and he jumped from ledge to ledge between the waterfalls as Warfield shot arrows at Mosley. Mosley slipped on one ledge and fell down a waterfall, and he woke up in a cave where he met three Uprights, Warnie, his brother Deaver, and Gailin, who was the eldest elder (older than the other two Uprights put together). They explained that they were the elders in their city, Kinesareth, and Warnie and Deaver claimed that Gailin’s mind was fading but his senility enabled him to have visions. His latest dream involving fireflies led them to that part of the world where they thought thoriphants no longer existed. Mosley said that fireflies led him there too, and that their meeting was the fulfillment of a prophecy because now they could go to Kinesareth and get the Upright army, and the elders agreed. Mosley and the Uprights started on their journey to Kinesareth, and along the way Deaver told Mosley that the best part about having hands was fingers. Deaver commented that fingers could be used to pick your nose, and he said it loud enough for his brother to hear so Warnie and Deaver got into an argument and spit in each other’s faces. Deaver then whispered to Mosley that he had seen Warnie pick his nose before, and Mosley said that Rue would be happy to meet the Uprights and they would have to show him how they picked their noses. The foursome reached the Great Orchard, which the Uprights said was haunted and full of dead and decaying trees. They tried to take a shortcut underneath the orchard through a tunnel, but then trees started falling through the ceiling all around them. They all made it out safely just in time and realized that was definitely not intended as a shortcut. Gailin wandered off and followed fireflies to the edge of a cliff, and Mosley stopped him and then they all noticed that Warfield was following them. Warnie and Deaver distracted Warfield while Mosley realized that elder Gailin wasn’t crazy because the fireflies caught Mosley when he stepped off the cliff. The fireflies carried everybody over the treetops to Kinesareth, but Mosley couldn’t believe that all the Uprights were elderly. Warnie said he had planned to tell Mosley that the Uprights didn’t have an army because they were dying and there had been no children born in over a hundred years, and Warnie and Deaver were the youngest Uprights. Mosley was angry that they lied to them about having an army, and he planned to leave because his family was waiting for him. Warnie convinced Mosley to say because they had to meet the queen. The “queen” assured Mosley that if she had known how the thoriphants were suffering, she would have done something to help them long ago. Warfield then showed up in the city and shot elder Gailin dead with an arrow to the heart, and the Uprights threw their rakes and wooden swords at the hunter but to no avail. Mosley decided that he would lead Warfield into the orchard, and then the “queen” told Mosley to find and eat the fruit of the one living tree in the orchard, and that would reverse the corruption inside of him. Warnie warned Mosley that the Orchard Spirit guarded his treasure violently and didn’t kindly to strangers. Meanwhile, Bemus sold Turpin, and before Turpin was taken away he told Rue that he didn’t know if the Uprights were real or not. Bera later went into labor but was having difficulties, so she told Rue to be brave and go get Simon, and Simon helped deliver a baby girl, Rosie. Mosley followed the fireflies through the orchard and almost made it to the living tree, but Warfield shot Mosley with two arrows. Mosley collapsed to the ground and told Warfield that he had a family, and Warfield said he didn’t care and was about to kill Mosley with one last arrow, but he was stopped by the Orchard Spirit, who appeared as an apparition made up of fireflies. The Spirit held a flaming sword to Warfield’s throat one moment, and the next Mosley disappeared and reappeared in the queen’s chambers completely healed of his wounds. The Uprights were happy to discover that Mosley was alive and had not been devoured by the orchard, and when the Orchard Spirit asked Mosley what he wanted, he replied that he wanted his family to be free so the Orchard Spirit gave Mosley a piece of fruit to eat. Meanwhile, Simon hooked Bera up to the plow in Mosley’s place, and before Bemus dragged Rue off to auction Rue told Rosie to take care of their mom. Mosley, now turned into an Upright after he ate the fruit, then walked across the field and told Simon that he was leaving with his family. They all ate the extra fruit that Mosley brought back from the queen’s land, and they too were transformed into Uprights. The Mosley family then walked away from the farm together and left farmer Simon behind staring in shock and without help to harvest his crops. 


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