GOD BLESS POLICE!

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MAKAYLA JANE:
GOD'S Spirit Reborn With
HIS Loving
JESUS HEart.

MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/5/24

TITLE:  Divergent

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014  Summit Entertainment / Lionsgate / Red Wagon Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Chicago. A border fence separated the city from the outside world after a war that occurred 100 years before. The citizens were divided into five groups called factions in order to keep the peace. The smart people in blue (water-eye) led by a mean evil-hearted female Jeanine Matthews were Erudite.The kind farmers in orange (earth-tree) were Amity. The honest council people in white were (glass-scales) Candor. The city’s police protectors in black (coal-fire) were Dauntless. The selfless people who cared for the homeless Factionless and also ran the government wore gray (stones-holding hands) and were Abnegation, led by heavy hitter male Marcus Eaton. Andrew Prior worked for Marcus. Andrew’s 16-year-old daughter Beatricewould soon take her aptitude test to find out which faction she belonged to. She wanted to have the freedom of the Dauntless and not be stuck as a public servant in Abnegation who helped people. The mandatory teen test that the teens took would tell them which faction was their best match, but regardless of the test results, the teens would choose for themselves what gang to belong to, but once chosen, the had to be part of that group for life and could never change again. Beatrice’s test administrator was Tori Wu, who gave her a serum so she would hallucinate. While under the drug, the teen was confronted with snarling dogs and refused to take a knife or piece of meat, and instead she tackled the dogs. Beatrice’s test results were inconclusive per Tori and Tori proved that Beatrice belonged to three factions…Abnegation, Erudite and Dauntless. She was a rare Divergent, so Tori Wu instructed Beatrice to hide the true results of her test from everyone and live with her family as Abnegation because Wu said she would lie on the results and only show that Beatrice was Abnegation. Divergents were being hunted down and killed everywhere to keep the peace. Erudite started attacking Abnegation and watched people in hopes to steal the governing power away from Abnegation. Beatrice and her brother Caleb (also being tested around the same age) refused to exchange test results, but he advised his sister that they both think of their families and themselves when they made their choice, because if a teen chose outside their parents group then the teen could never have contact with their parents again. Jeanine Matthews, the leader of Erudite, lectured Beatrice to choose for herself at the ceremony the next day. The teens (16-yr-old) would become members of adult society after they made their choices, and no matter what they chose the motto was “Faction before (HIS) blood,” and their faction was above their family ties (to keep peace in the city). As part of the city counsel’s choosing ceremony the teens used knives to prick their hands and then drip their blood into the bowl of the faction of their choice. Caleb chose Erudite, and Beatrice chose Dauntless.  All the members and new cadets of Dauntless after the ceremony ended then ran to jump on a moving train and then jumped off the fast moving train onto a rooftop. Anyone Dauntless who didn’t do what they were told would become factionless/homeless since none were allowed to return to their former homes and parents or join another gang. Eric Coulter, the leader of Dauntless, then made everyone jump off the high-rise city building roof into a black hole without knowing that there was anything below. Beatrice volunteered to go first and she (and others that followed) landed in a net far below that turned out to be the location of the Dauntless lair. Beatrice permanently changed her name to Tris on the spot since she had the opportunity and could never change it again, per the law of the land. Some of the Dauntless trainees went with Lauren while the others stayed with their instructor Tobias “Four” Eaton…Marcus Eaton’s son. The newbies were assigned their living quarters and told that the boys and girls would sleep and change clothes in the same open bedroom (cots) and both sexes would also share an open bathroom/shower area. The teens were instructed to change in front of each other and burn their old clothes and wear only the assigned black colored Dauntless gang clothing. The trainees would undergo a 10-week training program in two phases, physical and mental. The lowest-ranking trainees would be cut at the end of the program and end up factionless with no home and no family. They trained in the Pit in the early mornings, and Peter Hayes taunted Tris that she would end up with the factionless because she was falling behind and couldn’t shoot a gun right. Tris was the first jumper so she was put into the ring to fight with a female who was the last jumper. The two teen girls fought hard punching and kicking until Tris couldn’t fight anymore and was beat. Tris was one of the lowest-ranking ones on the list, but Tris wouldn’t choose to go back to her parents even if they could take her back, which they couldn’t. Tris and her teen friends, Christina, Will and Albert cheered themselves up by getting tattoos. Tori Wu was not only the drug administrator but also the tattoo artist so Tori tattooed three black birds on Tris’s shoulder. Tori believed that Tris didn’t fit in to society and would be found out as a Divergent. Tris worked harder and did trained overtime fighting and shooting guns to catch up and get out of the red on the list. Christina fought the last jumper and gave up, so Eric Coulter taught quitter Christina a lesson by pushing her off a high walkway above the city and leaving her hanging onto the railing for her life. Adult Eric gave teen Christina ultimatums to hang on until he called time, drop to her death or give up and be homeless. Christiana chose to hang on until Eric called for time and was then pulled up to safety. Tris soon discovered that she was good at knife throwing. Will mouthed off to Eric, so he taught Will a lesson by forcing him to stand in front of the knife target while adult Four threw knives at him. Will would be kicked out and homeless if he flinched, but Tris stood up for her Will and ended up taking Will’s place while Four threw knives near Tris’s head. Eric wanted Four to teach Tris and the other teens a lesson and had Four draw blood and Four did when he threw a knife and nicked the top of her right ear and the teen bled. Four told Tris that he barely cut her on purpose because Eric wouldn’t let him off if he didn’t aim close and he could have hurt her worse but he didn’t. Later on, Peter read the news from a device he had, and the media questioned why Tris and Caleb left Abnegation and suggested that it was because their parents beat them like Marcus beat his son Four. Female in charge Eurdites Jeanine visited Dauntless and revealed that she had all access to private records and had seen Tris’s test resultsand she believed that Tris made the right choice to go against her parents. Will believed that Jeanine and the Erudites were there to hunt rogue Divergents. Eric got revenge on Tris by matching Tris and Peter to fight each other in the Pit ring. Four coached female Tris about how to take Peter down that included punching the bigger male in the throat. The fight was brutal and Peter easily overpowered Tris and gave her a bloody nose. Four didn’t stick around to watch so he walked off just as Peter kicked Tris while she was down in the back of the head and knocked Tris unconscious. Tris woke up a day later. Will and Christina informed her at her bedside that Eric kicked her out of Dauntless and wouldn’t let her participate in the war games that Christina and Will were headed to. Tris didn’t want to go home even though her dad, Andrew, was on the council and might be able to pull some strings. After Will and Christina left to catch the train, Tris followed after Dauntless anyway and caught up to the train so Four helped her onboard and Eric said it was fine that she made that decision. The trainees were separated into two teams and played a game similar to Capture the Flag. They used guns containing neuro-stim darts that simulated the pain of being shot but only lasted a few minutes. Tris had an idea and she then started climbing to the top of the broke down Ferris wheel and Four followed after her, and caught her when Tris almost fell off. Four had a fear of heights but he liked Tris romantically and didn’t want anything to happen to her. From that high vantage point, the two were able to spot the opponent’s flag. Soon after that, Tris and Christina off together by themselves shot Peter multiple times and then the two females were able to capture the flag while the rest of the team covered them. Everyone returned to headquarters by ziplining high above ground from the rooftops of skyscrapers. Tris almost couldn’t reach the brake to stop herself from colliding with a wall, but at the last minute she luckily pulled the brake. Once there, teacher Four personally congratulated Tris on her bravery. Tris and her friends moved onto the second stage of training while the lowest-ranking left to live with the homeless factionless. Dauntless helped load supplies in the city so spying mom used a flashlight to get her daughter’s attention.Tris left her gang to investigate the strange signal light that came from inside a building. Tris told Natalie that they were not supposed to be together. Natalie confessed that she too was a Divergent. Natalie warned the young female Tris that she was in danger and not to tell anyone who she was. Natalie instructed Tris how to get through Dauntless in the second phase, the mental one, where they would get into Tris’s head and use her fears against her. Natalie quickly hid out of sight when a Dauntless instructor came looking for Tris. Back at the Dauntless building, the remaining teen trainees were injected with a serum that produced hallucinations and forced them to confront their worst fears in their minds. Four, in a private room, conducted this part of the training one on one with the rookies. He told Tris he would be able to see her fears and advised her to be calm and face them. While under the drug, Tris encountered quicksand, burning fire, and a flock of crows. Tris reminded herself it wasn’t real. The birds attacked Tris viciously so she escaped by jumping into the water. Four was surprised that Tris finished her hallucination four times faster than anyone else and suspected something was not right with the records in the system concerning Tris. Tris continued practicing extra so she could get out of the red and not be cut. Peter made Tris’s friends wary of her by declaring that one of them would have to take her old place at the bottom now that she was rising in the ranks. Tris then refused to share with her friends how she got through her hallucinations so fast, so they believed she was keeping things from them. In Tris’s next drugged hallucination mental test, she was locked into a glass tank that filled up with water. Tris again reminded herself it wasn’t real. She was able to find a crack in the glass and used that to break the glass cage tank and free herself. Once Tris awoke, Four asked Tris what her real test results were because he knew how she handled herself in fearful situations that Tris was very different from the majority. Tris again said she was Abnegation, but Four knew that she was lying because normal Dauntless people wouldn’t know to break the glass to escape death the way she did. Tris had more questions so she went to speak to Tori Wu for advice. Tori told Tris that her brother was going well in the second phase like Tris until the Dauntless leaders discovered he was Divergent and they killed him and left his dead body in the chasm. Tori warned Tris to again hide her identity and added that Tris might be dead already if they knew. Tris was determined to find a way out to help others and save herself so she went to the Erudite faction to see Caleb. However, brother Caleb had been brainwashed into agreeing that Erudite should be in charge and he predicted that they, with female Matthews behind the bloody scenes, would take over the government soon by stealing it. Caleb put faction over (GOD’s) blood and didn’t care that Tris could die, so he told her to leave since she could never go back to Abnegation. Jeanine’s thugs inside the building then tried to grab Tris, but pretend nice Jeanine called off her mercenaries and instead sat down with Tris and slyly questioned her. Jeanine explained her quest to keep the peace by cutting all family ties because of the lies, stealing and havoc that came with keeping them. Jeanine wanted to be able to rely on Tris to be able to police the system to keep the peace (to Matthews command) and not harbor hostility against the system. Ms. Matthews then arranged for Tris to be driven back to Dauntless in a car. As Tris walked back into the dark lit Dauntless building, black-clad and black masked thugs, one of them Tris’s friend (Al) Albert, tried to throw her into the chasm but teacher Four came to her rescue and fought them all off. Four took Tris to his large secluded chambers to stay the night. Four tended her wounds and explained that her fear made her alert so she could overcome it whereas fear drove the others to hate themselves and hate everyone else, especially those around them. Tris confided in Four what she learned from her brother that Erudite would try to overthrow Abnegation and she was worried about her parents, but Four advised her to be more worried about herself. The next day, Al tried to talk to Tris at lunch, but she yelled at him and threatened to kill him if he didn’t stay away from her because of what Al did to her the night before and almost succeeded in killing her. Al was upset and left and shortly after Al jumped into the chasm and had killed himself. Tris confided in Four that she wouldn’t pass the last test because everyone would find out that she was Divergent and kill her. Four refused to let that happen, so he and tris both shot up with drugs and faced their fears together in joint private hallucination behind closed doors. While in their fear state, Four taught Tris how to do everything the Dauntless way so she could hide that she was Divergent. Four explained to Tris that he went by Four name because he had four fears, so together he and Tris confronted them starting with fear of heights and confinement. Four was ordered by Dauntless to shoot an innocent girl in the head that resembled Tris, so he looked away as he shot her and Tris watched. Four’s last fear was being beat with an object by his dad, Marcus, and Four with the help of Tris fought Marcus off. After the two woke up and the drug wore off, Four took off his shirt and showed Tris the tattoo covering his back per her request. It featured the symbols of the five factions because he wanted to be all of them and not limited to just one. Four then passionately kissed Tris. From their room, the two lovers spotted the Erudites who showed up every morning at the police headquarters to load up on supplies of computers and questionable drugs that could be used to create any army because whoever was injected with the drug would be forced to do whatever they were told without protest. Tris went to her final test and faced her fears from the drugged hallucinations and was told that everyone in attendance watching the computer screens would be able to see inside her mind.She fought off the crows and found herself tied to a burning stake, and she freed herself by burning through the ropes and putting her hands in water to cool the burns. She blocked the flow of water from drowning her in the tank with her shirt, not by breaking the glass. Unexpectedly, Tris then fought Four off when he tried to rape her. The last part was when Nazi Jeanine gave Tris a gun and instructed the teen to shoot dead her brother and parents if she wanted to be Dauntless, so Tris shot her brother first and then the test was over and she woke up. Tris and the others trainees passed and were now members of Dauntless, and the teens all were immediately implanted (drug shot to the neck) with what the leaders called “tracking devices”. Oddly, Four was missing and Tris didn’t want a device, but Eric shot up Tris anyway with the drug. Tris realized that it wasn’t a tracking device at all but in fact a shot of the mind-control drug so the Dauntless (black) police could be the drugged mercenary army for the evil no-queen Janine so Erudite (blue) could take over the government. However, the drug had no affect on Divergents, so Tris played along with the gang of zombie Dauntless in order to stay alive. The leaders soon identified one Divergent because he questioned what was going on and didn’t act like the other silenced and conformed ones, so they shot that one dead since he was a threat to their evil takeover. The Dauntless were loaded onto a train and taken to the Abnegation faction. Four was among them and he too pretended to go along with it but then revealed to Tris that he was also a Divergent by holding her hand as she stood next to him. The Dauntless searched the Abnegation houses and shot those people as part of the overall plan. Tris and Four went to find Tris’s parents but they were gone from their house. Eric recognized Tris and Four were Divergents. Tris and Four were captured and brought before Jeanine, who decided that Tris would die and Four would be kept alive. Four tried to attack Jeanine, but he was overpowered and separated from Tris who was taken away behind a building to be shot and killed. Mom hiding close by wouldn’t stand for it and shot the bad cops before they could shoot her daughter. Natalie then admitted that she used to be Dauntless herself. Natalie and Tris then headed to Monroe and State to find Andrew. Along the way, Tris had to shoot Will dead and then dropped her gun because she didn’t like killing her drugged up friend. Natalie tried to help Tris get it together and out of danger and took bullets for her daughter and then was shot dead. Tris found Andrew, Marcus and other Abnegation hiding out in a building. They all mourned Natalie, and her brother Caleb said he left Erudite and rejoined Abnegation when he realized that Tris was right about the wickedness of the female in charge. Tris led her small group to board a train and jump off onto a rooftop, and then they jumped into the net to get into Dauntless the secret way she knew from her first day on the force. Peter wasn’t under the influence of the drugs, so Tris shot him and forced him to take them to the control room. Andrew (dad) was then shot and killed after he used his gun to clear a path into the room for his children and others. Four was now under mind-control and drugged, so Tris tried to rescue him but he turned on her and attacked the teen violently. After she told Tris she loved him, she was able to snap him out of it and together they fought off the Erudite goons. Dragon lady Matthews explained that Divergents were too strong-willed and independent and therefore were a threat to the system. She used the controls to force the Dauntless to kill off their Abnegation hostages, so Tris threw a knife into Jeanine’s hand and then injected her with the drug. Tris used the mind-control on Jeanine, and she shut the program down to snap all the Dauntless out of their trances and wipe out and erase the mind-control program altogether. Tris knocked Jeanine out. Tris, Four, Four’s dad, Caleb, and the others were now homeless. Eric tried to hunt them down, but they escaped onto a train and planned to ride it to the end of the line and jump having no idea where they would go or who they would fight tomorrow. This movie had a budget of $85 million and grossed over $288 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Owen Gleiberman, Entertainment Weekly “Exciting.” Bill Zwecker, Chicago Sun-Times “Spectacular.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/4/24

TITLE:  Life of Pi 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2012 20th Century Fox / Fox 2000 Pictures / Haishang Films / Gil Netter Productions / Dune Entertainment / Ingenious Media

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with a writer from Montreal, Canada interviewing Pi Patel about his life. Pi’s uncle, Francis “Mamaji” Adirubasamy, had suggested the Canadian writer do so he could get inspiration for his next book. As told, Pi was raised at his parents’ zoo in Pondicherry, a French area of India. Young Pi was given swimming lessons by uncle Francis where it was said that Pi was named after the Piscine Molitor pool in France. The kids at school picked on Pi for his name and called him “Pissing,” until the boy decided to go by the name Pi. Pi was brought up with the Hindu religion, but later he met Christ when he was 12 and he and his family was visiting relatives. Pi’s older brother, Ravi, offered Pi money if he drank the holy water from the church, and he did and learned about God and Jesus from the priest. Pi Patel eventually become a follower of Hinduism, Christianity and Islam Muslim, and Ravi mocked Pi about it.Pi’s dad, Santosh, advised against having three religions, but Pi wanted to be baptized. As an adult in present day, Pi Patel was a professor at a local university where he sometimes taught Judaism. Pi recalled a childhood memory where Pi wanted to hand feed Richard Parker, the new zoo tiger, so he and Ravi snuck into the tiger enclosure. Pi was caught and scolded by Santosh, who declared that the tiger was dangerous and had no soul. Santosh taught Pi a lesson by forcing his son to watch Richard kill a goat. Pi’s life felt meaningless until he was a late teen and met Anandi, a dancer who became his girlfriend. The India town council owned the zoo and stopped supporting it, so the Patel family planned to move to Winnipeg, Canada, where Santosh would get a job. Pi was sad about leaving India and girlfriend Anandi, but the Patels set off as passengers on a Japanese freighter called Tsimtsum with the zoo animals that they owned and would eventually sell.The ship encountered stormy seas in the Pacific, and Pi went above deck to experience the torrential thunderstorm. The ship started flooding with water and sinking, and PI wanted to rescue his family but the sailors forced teen Pi alone into the lifeboat, which was knocked into the water when a zebra jumped into it. The lifeboat drifted out to sea, and Pi threw a buoy to what he thought was a person but turned out to be tiger Richard Parker. The tiger climbed into the small boat and went into hiding under the tarp. Pi then witnessed the sinking of the huge vessel as it went below the surface and took all other animals and people, including Pi’s family, down with it. The seas eventually calmed, and Pi was left with the tiger, zebra, an orangutan that he rescued out of the water and a hyena that constantly tried to attack him. The hyena killed the zebra and the orangutan, and then tiger Richard Parker killed the hyena, and tried to also kill Pi. Pi alternated between a makeshift raft that he built to stay safe from the tiger and the lifeboat that still had his storage of biscuits and safe drinking water. Pi prayed to God and wrote a note asking for help that he put into a water can and then into the sea. Pi read the survival manuals and tried to assert himself as the dominant one over the tiger and used a whistle, screaming and urine, but the tiger urinated in Pi’s face. Pi attempted to catch fish for the tiger’s food, but he had no success so the tiger jumped into the water but the big cat was also unsuccessful at fishing.  The tiger then went after Pi, but Pi escaped into the boat and left Richard Parker treading water for many hours. Pi eventually took pity on the tiger and helped him back into the boat. Pi finally captured a fish and beat it to death. Pi thanked Lord Vishnu for his food and fed it to the tiger. A whale then surfaced to eat jellyfish and dumped everything on the raft, which was now filled with the food and drinking water that Pi had moved there away from the tiger in the boat, thus the teen lost all his supplies. Pi and Richard Parker encountered hordes of flying fish which piled up in the boat, and Richard tried to claim all the fish for himself but Pi proved himself to be tougher and took away the largest fish. Pi used meat to train the tiger to follow commands. Pi shot off flares to get the attention of a ship in the far distance, but they didn’t see him. Pi and Richard were subject to another ferocious storm, and Pi surrendered himself to God. The raft was swept away, and Pi and the tiger were both close to death when they washed up on an island. Pi explored and discovered that the island was carnivorous. There were pools of freshwater and thousands of meerkats by day, but by night the chemicals in the pools turned the water to acid and dissolved the fish, which sent the meerkats and the tiger running. It was said that God had given Pi the things he needed to survive in that place and hope to continue his journey, including a sign in the form of a human tooth. Pi realized that he didn’t want to end up like the dead tooth human that was stranded on the island and lived out the rest of his days there, so Pi and Richard Parker left in their shared boat. They made it to the Mexican shore, where Pi was too weak to move. Richard Parker the tiger disappeared into the jungle without a single look back at Pi, which upset Pi greatly because he loved the beast. A group of people found PI and took him to the hospital. At the Mexican hospital, two Japanese men doing insurance claims from the shipwreck visited Pi. They wanted to know why the ship sank, so they questioned Pi and wanted a report from the teenage boy. They didn’t believe Pi’s fantastical survival story, so they asked for the truth. Pi crafted a different story for the Japanese men and based the characters off from the animals involved in the true story. Pi claimed that he survived the shipwreck along with a rat-eating cook, a Buddhist sailor and Pi’s mom Gita. The sailor died, and the cook killed his mom, Gita, and fed her to the sharks so Pi killed the cook and then set out alone in a lifeboat. The newspaper article clippings that older Pi saved showed that the insurance agents reported the details about the ship and crew members and only mentioned Pi’s brief and simple and very shortened (non-detail) story of Pi’s survival with the help of a tiger. The Canadian writer decided that he liked the tiger story best and would write it in his next book, and then he met Pi’s wife, his son Ravi and daughter Adita. This movie had a budget of $120 million and grossed $609 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Time, “The next Avatar. A visual miracle.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/3/24

TITLE:  First Wives Club

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1996  Paramount Pictures / Scott Rudin Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is about four girl friends, Brenda Morelli-Cushman, Elise Eliot-Atchison, Annie MacDuggan-Paradis and Cynthia Swann-Griffin. They graduated from Middlebury College in Vermont in the year 1969…Woodstock and when Pope Paul VI eliminated 200 saints. As a parting gift, Cynthia gave everyone pearls. 20 years later, all four women were middle-aged and lived around Manhattan, New York City, but hadn’t spoken since the Middlebury graduation ceremony and had appeared to live separate lives for the past two decades. Cynthia’s husband, Gill, was a Wall Street tycoon who left her to marry the woman he was having an affair with. Cynthia became depressed and drunk once the divorce was final after reading many tabloid smut papers about the new princess with her king ex-husband, so Cynthia wrote three letters to her old Vermont girlfriends and asked her Hispanic maid, Teresa, to mail them. Cynthia also gave Teresa her pearl necklace jewelry from Middelbury College and let her have the day off. Cynthia then jumped off the balcony of her penthouse and killed herself. Annie and her husband, Aaron, the CEO of an advertising agency, were separated in marriage, but they snuck around together. Both spouses saw the same ungodly Dr. Leslie Rosen, a local therapist, who advised Annie to vent her anger by hitting Leslie. Annie’s college age daughter, Christine “Chris,” revealed to her mom that she was now a lesbian and she planned to tell her dad Aaron on Christmas or Father’s Day. Movie star Elise was a one-time Oscar-winning actress, but now that she was older she couldn’t get parts in movies so she resorted to plastic surgery done by Dr. Morris Packman to make her look younger. Male Dr. Morris warned Elise to cut down on her alcohol and cigarettes, and to stop overdosing on plastic surgery, but Elise wouldn’t and insisted on having Tina Turner and Jagger plumped lips, which made Elise look like a monkey. The news reported around the Big Apple about Cynthia’s suicide, so Cynthia’s Vermont girlfriends attended her funeral. Elise thought she was better than Brenda and Annie and didn’t want to acknowledge them, but then the three got reacquainted over lunch. The older gal pals all got drunk and hated on men, their lives, and plastic surgery. Brenda’s husband, Morty, the owner of Morty’s Electronics, left her after she supported him and helped grow his business and helped him be successful during their many years of marriage to get engaged to young and seriously airheaded Shelly Stewart, who was hateful to Brenda. Brenda, now a single mom, had serious money troubles and worked for Duarto Feliz, a bad interior decorator. Elise and her husband, Bill, were both older now and going through a divorce too, had no children, and he wanted alimony and half of everything accumulated together during their marriage. Elise was unemployed and couldn’t get an acting job without plastic surgery, while Bill was now a successful film producer only because Elise starred in his movies and she taught Bill everything concerning his career during their many years of marriage, which he would not be successful today if not for his wife and her constant support. One of Bill’s films featured a policewoman by day, hooker by night and Elise was upset when she didn’t get to star in it. Elise tried to get a part in a Brett Artounian film “Of a Certain Age” but was upset that he wanted to cast her for the part of Monique’s older mom with no makeup and wrinkles. Meanwhile, Aaron took Annie out for romantic dinner, dancing and sex, and she was convinced that they were getting back together until he announced that he wanted a divorce. Dr. Leslie (their shrink) came over to share the hotel room with Bill, and Annie discovered that they were lovers and she left upset, especially after the crazy no-doctor of GOD’s people kept trying to treat Annie as a patient…as though Annie had a mental problem, when it was the female doctor and Annie’s husband doing seedy things behind Annie’s back and intentionally hating on the innocent wife with their lies and deceitfully evil ways (the same donkey doctor who told Annie that her elderly mom was too controlling and not healthy in Annie’s life). After that, the USPS finally delivered the three girlfriends mailed letters from Cynthia, that were actually personalized suicide notes in which Cynthia told them her troubles and how she missed their college days friendship. The three women decided to start the First Wives Club so they could get revenge on their male exes by finding out as much information about the men as they could and then using it to their advantage and ruin the men that hurt them. They recruited Annie’s lesbian daughter, Chris, at a gay bar, where the lesbians had the hots for Elise and Brenda sympathized with a woman whose female lover left her for a teenager. Chris spied for the First Wives Cluband went undercover as a personal assistant for her dad at Aaron’s advertising agency to find out information. Morty and Shelly attended Brenda’s son, Jason’s, bar mitzvah, which Brenda wasn’t pleased about. Brenda’s Sicilian uncle, Carmine, attended as well, and was a member of the Sicilian Mafia (in USA) and offered to get rid of (kill) Morty. The mobster relative gave the ladies a tip that Morty was doing fraudulent things in his company. Elise consolidated all of the property belonging to her and Bill, ordered by the courts, including the high-dollar antiques in his office and his Lamborghini, and she planned to split the cash with him after the items were sold. Elise then discovered that Brett was the director of the new movie that she interviewed for, and her husband Bill was the producer. Phoebe Lavelle, who lived with Bill and was his new young lover, would play the main female character, Monique. Elise met Phoebe and Phoebe, a big fan of Elise, hoped that Elise would play her mom. With all the ugly drama from their failed marriages, The First Wives poured everything they had into making their revenge against their ex-husbands a reality. Elise found work and was a star actress at a live theater clubhouse event. The trio of women plotted to steal Morty’s account books from his penthouse home that he purchased for Shelly, and then use those records to prove that Morty was guilty of fraud. The First Wives Club recruited Gunilla Garson-Goldberg, a wealthy socialite, and she invited “do anything for wealth and fame” Shelly to lunch and recommended that she hire Duarto to decorate her penthouse. Duarto dismissed Shelly and Morty and needed alone time in the penthouse to get a vibe for the place (Durato faking it so he could let the others inside) so the First Wives could sneak inside the home and search for the accounting books. After the women found what they needed, they escaped from the penthouse using the window-washing machine while Duarto distracted Morty and Shelly again. To appease the courts and maintain her fortune, Elise sold all of the things accumulated during marriage to her girlfriend, Annie for next to nothing. The antique and high valued items were then put them up for auction and planned to use the money to buy Aaron’s partners’ share of the agency which spy daughter Chris found out the partners were selling. In another scene, Gunilla and Duarto convinced Shelly to spend hundreds of thousands of dollars on items, including the Lamborghini. Morty was angry, but Shelly gave her sugar daddy sex so he wouldn’t be mad about her purchases. The First Wives couldn’t find any fraud to nail Bill, so things weren’t going right and the three irate females got into heated arguments saying degrading things and had hissy fits slapping each other around. They went their separate ways until Elise decided that she didn’t want to be like suicide Cynthia and made amends with Brenda. They convinced Annie to rejoin the club so they could finish off their ex-husbands and then go global, which meant making their ex-husbands suffer repeatedly instead of just one time. The First Wives Club started Operation Hell’s Fury. As Morty recorded a commercial with ditzy Shelly who couldn’t get the lines correct, Morty was interrupted by fake IRS government agents and kidnapped by two of Uncle Carmine’s Mafia goons posing as federal marshals from the IRS who arrested Morty on the spot of the commercial filming. Brenda confronted Morty soon after in an unknown building about his fraud and threatened to send him to jail if he didn’t give her all of his money and let her have control of his company where she would let him be president with a lousy salary. Elise sold all of her and Bill’s high-end belongings to Annie for a dollar, and so Elise gave Bill the dollar in change and told Bill he could have the entire one-dollar that he was legally entitled to from the sale of their things accumulated during years of marriage.Elise, not done with her husband, produced a fake yearbook and fake birth certificate declaring that Phoebe lied about being 21 when she was actually 16 and Bill committed a felony by having sex with an underage girl. Annie used her girlfriend’s money from the auction of Elise and Bill’s things to buy a large share in Aaron’s company, and he was astonished and threatened to leave the agency with all of his clients, but Annie claimed that she had just landed a $45 million account. The First Wives Clubbers then instructed their exes to all meet at the clubhouse together. Daughter Chris told dad Aaron that she was a big lesbian after he told her upon arrival that he couldn’t deal with anymore surprises that day and demanded to know what her mom was up to.  As a result of their pow-wow, the three women forced all of their exes to write checks to them for hundreds of thousands of dollars. Elise starred in the play “Of A Certain Age,” as Monique’s mom. The First Wives girlfriends didn’t want another friend to commit suicide because of a husband leaving after years of marriage for a college-age oversexed gold-digger, so they used the money to open a crisis center for women in Cynthia’s name that offered counseling and therapy. A reporter, Kathie Lee Gifford, was in attendanceand reported the grand opening, and the First Wives explained that it all started when their husbands left them for younger women. Ivana Trump advised the founding women First Wives Club, “Don’t get mad, and get everything.” Shelly refused to go inside with Morty into the grand opening party and waited in the red sports car. Morty and Brenda danced in the building while Bill and Shelly hooked up outside in the car. Elise started dating an actor from the play, while Aaron and Dr. Leslie split up. Aaron tried to get back together with Annie, but she told him to drop dead. The movie ended with the three Vermont Middlebury College girlfriends, Brenda, Elise and Annie dancing down the NYC street singing, “You Don’t Own Me,” in honor of suicidal Cynthia. This movie had a budget of $26 million and grossed $181 million at the box office. Peter Travers, Rolling Stone “A comedy dream team. It’s irresistible fun.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/2/24

TITLE:  The Sum of All Fears 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2002 Paramount Pictures / Mace Neufeld Production / MFP Munich Film Partners / S.O.A.F. Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: In 1973, Egypt and Syria unexpectedly attacked Israel and overwhelmed them. An Israeli jet left with a nuclear bomb to drop on the enemy countries, but the pilot was distracted by a picture of his family he carried with him and was struck by a missile that sent his jet up in flames. The bomb was intact and buried under the sand in Syria. Twenty-nine years later at Mt. Weather in Virginia, US President J. Robert Fowler, CIA Director William Cabot and the secretaries, military staff, and advisors practiced a drill in case the Russians attacked them with nuclear bombs. The CIA planned a trip to Russia to inspect their nuclear decommissioning facility in Arzamas, and William Cabot insisted on going himself so Fowler allowed it. In Vienna, Austrian billionaire Richard Dressler, whose dad was executed at Nuremberg. Dressler bought himself a seat in parliament until he was kicked out for being a Nazi supporter. He gave a speech and compared Chechnya, Russia, asking the West for protection was like a maiden going to Bill Clinton to help her save her virginity. A couple of rogue Syrians unearthed the nuke bomb by accident in the desert, and they sold the bomb to Derek Olson from Damascus who told them it was only worth $400 and he was given the man more than it was worth since he heard the seller’s son died in the 1973 battle. Derek Olson then sent an encrypted email to Dressler demanding $50 million for the bomb. Jack Ryan was a CIA agent in Baltimore, but he told his lover Dr. Cathy Muller, a surgeon at the local Baltimore Memorial Hospital, that he was a historian. Jack refused to answer his phone because he was in bed with his lover, so he was called on Cathy’s phone and informed that the Russian President Zorkin died and was being replaced by the new president Alexander Nemerov, the man that Ryan had predicted months earlier would take over Russia’s presidency. Cabot took Jack to a meeting with the confidential intelligence committee to determine Nemerov’s intentions, and Cabot planned to investigate before Nemerov’s character was judged. Cabot took Jack to Russia to inspect the nuclear facility in Arzamas, and Cabot on the luxury plane insisted that Jack tell Cathy what his real CIA job was and why he had to cancel their date. The doctor didn’t believe that Jack was with the CIA and hung up on him (as they had only been dating a short time). Russian President Nemerov wasn’t pleased that the US wanted to be involved in Russia affairs, and he compared it to someone having an affair and expecting the one spouse to live happily with the home wrecker and the third wheel person when the cheated-on spouse would likely get a gun. Cabot told Jack that he had already sent three spies to Arzamas, and they all died trying to get in. Jack noticed that three of the Russian nuclear scientists were missing on site, and Nemerov’s person, Anatoli Grushkov, quickly claimed that one was sick, one was on vacation and one was dead. However, Cabot later informed Jack that he knew from his insider man (Spinnaker) Russian contact that Grushkov lied and didn’t know where the scientists were. One of the two tickets that Cabot had to a White House Correspondents Dinner at the Hilton, tickets intended for agent John Clark, were given to Jack so he could take his Doctor girlfriend out on the town and impress her as a make up date. Cabot then sent Clark to find the three missing scientists off on the plane he just came back to the USA, again to Russia. The Hilton dinner was soon interrupted (where the President made crude jokes about how to get the votes of targeted people in various states and the electoral votes in his favor) by the news that the Russians gassed Grozny, the capital of Chechnya, 80% of its citizens died from a chemical nerve agent. Fowler and the committee wanted to send in peacekeepers, but Jack didn’t think that Nemerov ordered the strike until he saw Nemerov on TV claim that he was responsible. Russian President Nemerov lied about issuing the attack and privately told his advisor to execute the guilty party that did the bombing. Monsieur Monceau backed out of Dressler’s deal, so he was strangled to death. Meanwhile, Dressler’s bot, Mason Jod, in Baltimore USA (told a co-worker he got his tattoo in the Navy) was emailed at his work and told that it was time for him to do his part of the deal. Jack and his fellow CIA agents soon figured out that President Nemerov wasn’t responsible for the bombing. Clark visited the elderly mother of one of the missing scientists in Russia at a facility and he created a believable story up about knowing her son and got her phone number after she told him that her son recently phoned her (even though her adult son was told not to call her.) Clark gave the number to the USA government officials and they traced the call to an army base in the Ukraine, so it was believed that the scientists were secretly building a bomb outside of the Arzamas facility so the bomb couldn’t be traced back to Russia. Clark went to the Ukraine facility and spied on the three missing Russia scientists and got footage, confirming that they had a bomb. Jack was military trained, so Cabot sent him to Ukraine to deliver a portable drive with government info personally to Clark and then return to America with the information that Clark had. Clark returned to the facility and searched the bomb making building and then discovered that the scientists had been shot and killed and wild dogs were chewing up the dead bodies. The Ukraine guards drove onsite and caught Clark, but Jack talked to them since Jake spoke the Ukrainian language fluently, and then he and Clark escaped using their small boat to go back to their larger boat. Later on, they identified one of the guards as South African, and questioned why a South African and three Russian scientists were in Ukraine with an Israel crate. Dressler videoed himself and explained that he was a supporter of Hitler, who didn’t succeed because people believed that fascism was a virus but now the world had global communications, Internet and TV and thought fascism could now succeed. Dressler’s plan was to start a war between Russia and America so they would destroy each other by using an outside gang to make it all happen. A bomb in the USA, disguised as a cigarette vending machine, terrorist Mason delivered it to the pro football game in Baltimore on game night where President Fowler was scheduled to attend. Jack headed back to America, and his CIA buddy Dillon tracked down a crate the size of a bomb that shipped from Ukraine to the Canary Islands and then Baltimore. President Fowler was at the football game, so Jack couldn’t get ahold of him but told Cabot, also at the football game, about the bomb. Cabot explained to secret service about the bomb quickly, and Fowler was rushed out of the stadium and wanted everyone evacuated, but that didn’t happen. There was no time for evacuation and soon after the President was in his car, the bomb exploded. The blast caused damage to Fowler’s convoy, killing several police escorts. The Marines were able to get Fowler out alive but Cabot was severely injured and was taken to the Memorial Hospital. Jack’s helicopter had been knocked out of the sky, and he was the only survivor and communicated with CIA headquarters to find out where Fowler was so he could tell the president that it wasn’t the Russians and knew they would retaliate against them. President Nemerov gave a sympathetic speech and declared that Russia was not responsible for the bomb. Fowler and his team headed off on Air Force One, where he and Nemerov sent messages back and forth. Herr Haft on the terrorist gang then headed to America, and Dressler instructed his contact to finish the job. The Russian army pilots were lied to that America attacked the first, so the Russian pilots then retaliated by blowing up the American ships in the water. President Nemerov was adamant that Russia had nothing to do with the bomb, but now both countries were more suspicious of each other and increased their alert statues. Fowler’s government team of people gave him speculations and not facts, so he swore at them after he was almost killed by the bomb and he wanted to nuke Russia if that country were responsible, but wasn’t certain because none of the government agencies could confirm. A rover collected samples from the Baltimore bomb since the men in masks and suits couldn’t get close because of the heat, and the plutonium was confirmed to be American from the 60s. The bomb shattered the glass windows of the hospital when it went off, so Cathy and the medical staff treated the many injured patients with fatal glass wounds and comforted the dying ones that had severed arteries. Cabot was there at the hospital barely alive, and before he died he told Jack to talk to his Russian contact, Spinnaker and get the help he needed to clear Russia’s name. Jack stole Cabot’s government bag with clearances and personal belongings and communication device off his bed after he died inside the overcrowded hospital. The CIA instructed Jack to go and find Mason at the “Trans-Con” warehouse on the docks. Jack told Spinnaker everything that was happening, and Spinnaker explained that that ’68 bomb came from Israel and the US stole it and gave it to them. Fowler gave the go-ahead for America to bomb the Russian air base so the USA wouldn’t appear weak, and then President Fowler learned that his close friend Billy (William) Cabot died. Defense Secretary David Becker refused to listen to Jack’s Russian innocence theory and hung up the call after Jack called in to speak to a high-ranking official to prevent war. Clark posed as a doctor and agreed to doctor-patient confidentiality when he visited Mr. Ghazi, one of the men who sold the bomb to Olson. Ghazi was sick from coming in contact with the nuke bomb and was about to die, so he revealed that Olson bought the bomb. The Russians considered bombing Colorado Springs with nuclear weapons, and Fowler was advised to nuke Russia and take out all military defenses. President Fowler gave the go-ahead order for SNAPCOUNT with what little info he had from this team of advisors. The CIA learned that Olson had wire payments of $45 million from Dressler. Jack refused to wait for the police and went ahead to the docks, where he found Mason hanging dead. A mercenary attacked Jack and they fought, and Jack tried to choke the goon to learn Dressler’s whereabouts but the police who took him to the Pentagon, pulled off Jack the suspect. David distracted the President with a sudden heart problem that required emergency treatment, at the same time, the General Lasseter demanded from the President the launch codes to retaliate against the Russians who Nemerov sent to shoot down the American planes without giving President Fowler time to think. The CIA refused to put Jack through to Fowler, so he used Cabot’s pass to get into a government facility and wouldn’t show the security guard the pass that took several attempts to work. Inside, the General wanted Jack escorted out but then agreed to let him tell Fowler all the facts otherwise everyone would die in 30 minutes. The American military traveled over Poland, so Nemerov activated the missiles, as the Russians knew every move the USA Government did as they did it. Fowler and Secretary of State Sidney Owens used their codes to activate the nuclear system, because a two-man system was required to launch nukes. Lasseter called to start the sequence, buth offsite Jack then sent messages to Fowler and Nemerov and explained about Dressler and confirmed that the bomb didn’t come from Russia. Fowler couldn’t cut Jack off in that stage, so Jack kept communicating and asked Russian President Nemerov to back down without confirmation that USA President Fowler would do the same. Nemerov agreed and alerted Fowler, who ordered everyone to stand down. Fowler and Nemerov later met together in person and signed a campaign to destroy weapons of mass destruction. The rogue terrorists were tracked down and killed off. Clark killed Olson as Dressler died from a car bomb. President Fowler gave a speech at the White House where Russian President Nemerov quoted Kennedy. Grushkov was in D.C., and revealed to Jack and Cathy having a picnic on the lawn that he was Cabot’s friend, Spinnaker, and then he gave Cathy a gift for her engagement. Dr. Cathy Muller and CIA Jack Ryan couldn’t understand how Grushkov knew because Jack had just proposed to Muller that morning (nobody else was told yet) but the Russian spy Grushkov refused to reveal his sources. This movie had a budget of $64 million and grossed $194 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Roger Ebert, Ebert & Roeper “Four and a half stars. Thumbs up!” Paul Clinton, CNN, “You’ll find yourself totally caught up in this exhilarating adventure.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/1/24

TITLE:  Pooh’s Heffalump Halloween Movie 

BOX OFFICE RATED: G

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2005  Walt Disney Pictures 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 2

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place in the 100 Acre Wood, where the young animals prepared for Halloween. Tigger, the tiger, scared everyone with the legend of the Gobloon, a terrifying creature who lived in the Tree of Terror and came out on Halloween night to turn its victims into jaggedy lanterns. If someone caught the Gobloon, they could make any wish they wanted. The story scared Lumpy, the Heffalump elephant, and he considered missing out on his first Halloween but he faced his fears and decided to go trick-or-treating with his friend Roo the kangaroo, and the others at the woodland houses. However, Winnie the Pooh, a yellow bear, then ate all the candy so Lumpy and Roo traveled into the woods to find the Gobloon and wish for more candy. Lumpy elephant was nervous and skittish. They traveled through the Creepy Cave and down the Slimy Slide. Lumpy was too timid to investigate the Tree of Terror so Roo kangaroo went alone and there was no Gobloon. They waited for the creature to return because both lil’ ones wanted more candy. Roo helped Lumpy overcome his fears of Halloween by telling the story of how Piglet, the pig, overcame his fears one Halloween in the past. Piglet was skeptical but went out trick-or-treating with the gang. Pooh tried to collect honey from a hive, but he fell from the tree and then everyone ran from the angry bees that chased them. They ruined Rabbit’s pumpkin patch, and Tigger drew scary faces on the remaining pumpkins which frightened Piglet more so he decided to stay home for Halloween. Pooh decided that everyone would skip out on trick-or-treating and celebrate “Hallo-wasn’t” with Piglet like they did every year. Pooh, Tigger and Eeyore, the moody donkey, went to Piglet’s house, but he saw them only in their costumes so he ran scared into the woods thinking they were Spookables. The trio were worried that Piglet was pignapped by real Spookables, so they went to find him. Pooh got stuck in a tree, and Tigger and Eeyore were in their costumesand tried to free Pooh. Piglet believed they were Spookables attacking Pooh, so he braved up and created a costume for himself so he could scare them off and save Pooh. Piglet got over his fears and went trick-or-treating with his animal friends. Lumpy decided that he too could be brave. Lumpy and Roo built a trap door over the Tree so they could capture the Gobloon. They went to investigate the squeaking sounds they heard on the bridge, and they ran scared when they encountered a costumed figure with a wheelbarrow of runaway jack-o-lanterns. The two got separated in their escape to safety. Lumpy tried to find Roo and ended up getting trapped inside the Tree. Roo searched for Lumpy and found a jack-o-lantern that looked like Lumpy’s head, so Roo thought the Gobloon turned Lumpy into a jaggedy-lantern.Meanwhile, the other woodland animals went trick-or-treating using the same vegetables until everyone had a turn at being the host house with the veggies and dressing up in costume, as Rabbit suggested. Tigger was a superhero, Piglet was an angel, Pooh was a honey pot, Rabbit was a farmer and Eeyore was a masked bandit. Roo later got help from the gang and they went to find the Gobloon and wish for Lumpy the elephant to be turned back to normal. They thought the Gobloon was already trapped inside the tree, so Roo made the wish. Lumpy broke free from the trap. Lumpy and Roo, both pirates, were happy to see each other again. Everyone went trick-or-treating and celebrated at Roo’s house, where his mom, Kanga, was a witch. Kanga explained that she was the person Roo and Lumpy spotted on the bridge, and Kanga added that she made jack-o-lanterns to resembled all of the animals, including Lumpy.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/31/24

TITLE:  Godzilla 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1998 Tristar Pictures / Centropolis Entertainment / Fried Films / Independent Pictures / Sony Pictures Releasing / Toho (Japan)

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: The movie began by showing a past nuclear bomb explosion in the South Pacific waters. In present day, it showed a 400-foot tall fire-breathing monster sinking a Japanese cannery ship in the French Polynesia. Only one crew member survived and was taken to Papeete, Tahiti, where undercover DGSE (French Secret Service) agent Philippe Roache posed as a doctor treating the survivor so he could find out the creature’s name was Godzilla. Meanwhile, Dr. Niko “Nick” Tatopoulos was a biologist working for the Nuclear Regulatory Commission. He was in Chernobyl, Ukraine, studying the native worms that were contaminated and enlarged by radioactive material. Kyle Terrington from the US State Department and the US military reassigned Nick to a new government project. He was taken to the Golfo De San Miguel in Panama to study a giant footprint. There, he met Dr. Elsie Chapman, a paleontologist and Nick’s boss. Elsie and Nick headed to the Great Pedro Bluff in Jamaica, where they investigated the cannery ship that washed up onshore. Philippe posed as an insurance agent doing a report on the damage. Godzilla then sank three fishing trawlers on the US Eastern Seaboard, and the army investigated the incidents. Elsie believed that Godzilla was a prehistoric dinosaur that was thought to have died off 60 million years ago, but Nick was adamant that Godzilla was mutated by radiation since he was first sighted in the heavily radioactive French Polynesia. Meanwhile in Manhattan, Nick’s ex-girlfriend Audrey Timmonds was now an assistant to Charles Caiman, the star news anchor for the WIDF News Center. Audrey hoped to get a job as a reporter, but instead Charles flirted with her and invited her to dinner that she refused. Audrey and Nick had dated for four years in college until he proposed and she turned him down and left him. Fisherman Joe went fishing on the dock and reeled in Godzilla, which came ashore out of the ocean. Godzilla wreaked havoc in the city and crashed Mayor Ebert’s re-election speech. Many people were killed and injured, and Audrey’s friend, Lucy Palotti’s husband, Victor “Animal” was a cameraman for WIDF. Victor videoed Godzilla and was nearly crushed under its foot, and then the footage was broadcast on the news. The officials considered calling in the National Guard and evacuate the island of Manhattan. The military, Elsie and Nick set up base in New Jersey at the Mobile Command Center. As it turned out, Mayor Ebert ended up dispatching the National Guard, military and police and ordered everyone to evacuate the island of Manhattan since Godzilla’s reign of terror was as bad as the World Trade Center bombing. Philippe and his fellow French agents Jean-Luc, Jean-Claude, Jean-Pierre and Jean-Philippe set up cameras around the city to watch the action. Philippe also put a listening device on the back of Ebert’s neck so they could listen to his conversations. Audrey had seen Nick on TV and tried to talk to Charles about it, but he refused to listen to her so Audrey stole a press pass and Lucy glued Audrey’s picture onto it so Audrey could pose as a reporter. Godzilla disappeared into hiding, and the military patrolled the city streets and inspected all the buildings and the subway system to try and find the monster. Colonel Hicks ordered the subway tunnels to be sealed and set with bombs so Godzilla couldn’t leave the island.Nick suggested that they lure Godzilla to them using fish, and Godzilla emerged from the sewer system to eat. The military shot at Godzilla, but the firepower did nothing to the creature. The missiles fired destroyed skyscrapers and the New York Chrysler Building instead of Godzilla because he was too cold-blooded for the heat sensor missiles to lock onto him. Mayor Ebert was irate that the military was causing such large-scale damage and making Ebert look like a fool before his run for re-election. Nick and Audrey ran into each other, and he used a pregnancy test on the blood samplethat he took of Godzilla. Nick determined that the male monster was pregnant and could reproduce asexually without a mate, and he traveled to NYC to build a nest and lay his eggs. Audrey stole Nick’s top-secret tape featuring footage of the other places that Godzilla attacked, and she went on TV live and did a report. Nick delivered his findings to the military and wanted them to find and destroy the eggs before a dozen more creatures could be born and reproduce. Charles stole Audrey’s story for himself, and Nick was mentioned in Charles’ report so the military believed he gave the tape and information to the press. The government kicked Nick off the project, and he realized that Audrey stole his tapes when the two were alone together. However, Audrey showed up and she revealed to Nick that she lied about being a reporter when she never got the chance to succeed as a reporter. Nick was upset with her for ruining his career and left in a cab driven by Phillipe who took Nick to the warehouse. Philippe explained who he was and how that he wanted to right the wrongs that France did when they ran nuclear tests in the French Polynesia and the radiation affected iguana eggs and created Godzilla. The USA military didn’t believe Nick and were focused only on killing the creature instead of the eggs, so Nick joined forces with the foreign French agents in the New York City to find Godzilla’s nest. They planned to sneak into the city that night disguised as USA military soldiers. Animal had followed Nick to the warehouse and discovered the French plan, so he convinced Audrey to help him spy on Nick. They encountered Godzilla in the now-destroyed Madison Square Garden, and Godzilla emerged into the city where the military waited for him to enter Central Park where they could shoot him down. However, the shots the soldiers fired caused more harm to the city than to Godzilla, who escaped into the water. The Navy attacked Godzilla with torpedoes, and he sunk so the military believed Godzilla was dead. Nick and the French discovered that Godzilla laid over 200 eggs inside the Garden, and the young Godzillas measuring nine feet tall hatched and attacked Nick and the French agents, many were killed. Elsie convinced Colonel Hicks and the military to search for the nest, and they organized a search party despite Ebert’s protests. Nick tried to call the military and tell them to send a bomber to blow up the building, but the lines were busy. Philippe and the remaining agents held off the Godzillas while Nick went to get help. Nick was cornered by the creatures but escaped into the elevator. Nick and Philippe caught Audrey and Animal spying on them, but then they worked together to convince Audrey’s friend Ed to put her and Nick live on TV to broadcast what was happening. Nick explained that all the Godzillas were born pregnant and would multiply fast enough to entirely replace humans so their nest must be destroyed. Everyone watched the broadcast, and the military gave Nick and the others six minutes to get out of the Garden building before the fighter jets blew it up. They got out just in time and Nick and Audrey kissed. It then turned out the original Godzilla had survived, and now he was angry that his children were dead so he chased after Nick’s group in a taxi. Nick threw the cab ID to Sergeant O’Neal, and he used it to get in contact with them. The taxi escaped into the Park Avenue Tunnel, and O’Neal instructed them to lure Godzilla into an open area so the fighter jets could shoot down Godzilla. The taxi made a break for the Brooklyn Bridge, where Godzilla grabbed the taxi in his mouth but they were able to get free. Godzilla got caught in the cables, and the fighter jets shot missiles at Godzilla until he collapsed and died.Everyone celebrated, and Mayor Ebert wanted to use the headline that he destroyed Godzilla to get re-elected but his advisor Gene quit. Audrey quit her job, and Philippe Roache (French Secret Service Agent) called to say that he took Nick’s tape with all the footage of Godzilla and he planned to use the information before he returned it. The movie ended with one egg surviving the explosion at Madison Square Garden and then it hatched. The characters in this movie frequently take God’s name in vain. This movie had a budget of $130-150 million and grossed $379 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Joel Sigel, Good Morning America “It’s big, it’s loud, it’s fun!” Ron Brewington, American Urban Radio Networks “Awesome.” Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times “Godzilla is back, bigger and much better than ever…its size defies comprehension…an expertly designed theme park ride of a movie that packs nonstop thrills…one jaw-dropping scene after another, the film never loses either momentum or its human scale.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/30/24

TITLE: Hotel Rwanda

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2004 MGM / United Artists / Lionsgate Entertainment / South Africa / United Kingdom / Italy / The Industrial Development Corporation of South Africa / Miracle Pictures / Seamus Productions / Inside Track / Endgame Entertainment / Entertainment Films Distribution / Makado Films 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is based on a true story and takes place in 1994 in Rwanda, where the Hutu and Tutsi people were at war. The Belgians divided the two peoples and put the minority Tutsis in power, but then the Hutus got back in power and retaliated against the Tutsis for oppressing them and stealing their land. Now the two groups were fighting and killing, and the news televised that President Clinton was involved in the conflict. Paul Rusesabagina was the manager of the four-star Hotel Des Mille Collines in Kigali. Paul a high profile guest possibly politician then gifted Cohiba cigars straight from Havana, Cuba to Paul. Paul gave some Cuban cigars to George Rutaganda who sold Paul supplies for the hotel in exchange for Paul’s bribes. George was worried after Paul discovered when Paul was at George’s to buy more beer such as Heineken, that George had a large supply of machetes that were purchased from China for ten cents each in crates. Paul was a Hutu, and his wife, Tatiana, was Tutsi. Tatiana’s Tutsi brother Thomas Mirama, his wife Fedens and their daughters Anais and Carine came for a visit. They witnessed the Hutu soldiers, called the Interhamwe, arresting their Hutu neighbor Victorbecause they falsely suspected him of being a spy for the Tutsi rebels. Paul gave more bribed gifts to the high-ranking people who stayed at his hotel, including General Augustin Bizimungu of the Rwandan army, so those people would do him favors for him when he needed them to. Tatiana wanted Paul to use the favors to help Victor, but Paul insisted on saving the favors to help his own family. The UN suggested that the Rwandan army were taking the side of the Interhamwe and secretly training them, but Bizimungu denied it. The Rwandan president Habyarimana was on his way to sign a peace treaty with the Tutsis that would end the fighting.Thomas and Fedens told Paul and Tatiana that their Interhamwe friend suggested they leave the area before the fighting escalated, but Paul didn’t believe it was true. He went home to find a group of Tutsis hiding out in Paul’s house with Tatiana after the Hutus burned their houses. Paul and Tatiana found their son, Roger, outside covered in blood and were horrified until they discovered that Roger was uninjured and it was someone else’s blood. The news then came that the Tutsis lied about wanting a peace agreement to lure the president to them, and then they murdered the President by shooting the President’s plane out of the sky. A group of Interhamwe soldiers confronted Paul, his family and the Tutsis and accused Paul of being a traitor for helping the Tutsis. They ordered Paul to shoot the Tutsis (Paul’s own wife and kids included), but he refused so the soldiers held a gun to Paul’s headand threatened to shoot him. Paul bribed the man in charge with $1,000 USD to have his family freed, and the Tutsis people also gave up their money and belongings in exchange for their freedom but the soldiers refused to let them live until Paul paid the evil man in charge an additional 100,000 francs (which Paul was allowed to leave and go and retrieve from his stash). Afterward, Paul took the refugees to stay at the hotel, and then more refugees, both Tutsi and Hutu, poured into Paul’s hotel. The Hutus killed more Tutsis with the machetes given to them by George, the leader of the Interhamwe. Pat Archer with the Red Cross rescuedthe Tutsi children from the St. Francis orphanage and delivered them to the hotel after the Interhamwe forced (Pat) her to watch them kill some of the other children. Red Cross Pat agreed to try and find Thomas, Fedens and their daughters. She later brought the news that the whereabouts of Thomas and Fedens were unknown and a neighbor was caring for the daughters, but Pat couldn’t bring them to the hotel because of the roadblocks. A group of UN soldiers, led by (poss based on Canadian General Romeo Dallaire) UN leader Colonel Oliver, tried to keep the peace at the gates as news reporters led by Dave Fleming covered the incident. The hotel belonged to the Sabena Company in Belgium, and Paul convinced the president Mr. Tillens to let the hotel remain in operation during the war so they could maintain their good reputation. The hotel employees didn’t want to work anymore, but Paul convinced them to. Gregoire checked himself into the presidential suite, and he slacked off and hooked up with women instead of working. News reporters were on scene and shot footage of the dead bodies piling up in the streets to show everyone what was happening. The lady prime minister in Europe was killed, so the Europeans sent an intervention force to the hotel to help the refugees. However, the Europeans only evacuated the upper-class white people who were staying at the hotel and left the blacks behind including the children from the Catholic orphanages. Tatiana asked Paul to take Roger and their daughters Diane and Elys to safety because Paul was Hutu and he would be safe, but he refused to leave. The Interhamwe ordered Paul, his family, the 100 employees and the 800 refugees leave the hotel. Paul told Mr. Tillens, and he informed the UN and contacted the French, president who was in charge of the Hutus. The Interhamwe demanded to have a list of all the Tutsi guests and the Hutu traitors who were at the hotel so they could be killed, and Paul gave them the wrong list but they weren’t fooled. The French ordered the Interhamwe to leave, and then Mr. Tillens from Belgium tried to convince the French, British, Americans and Belgians to rescue the Africans but they refused. Paul advised all the refugees to call their influential friends in power and convince them to send help.General Bizimungu learned that the Americans used their satellites and spies to watch everything that was happening in Rwanda. Paul and Gregoire went to George to buy food and supplies, which were now double the price. George and his Hutu men were going after the Tutsi prostitutes, and George predicted that they would succeed in killing all the Tutsis so the Hutus could rule. Paul and George in their truck then encountered hundreds of dead bodies blocking the roadway to/from the hotel, and Paul fell over the bodies and was distressed by it. Paul treated Tatiana to a candlelit dinner on the roof, and Paul confessed that he bribed the Minister of Health with a car to transfer Tatiana to Kigali when she was a nurse so she and Paul could be together. Paul made Tatiana promise that she and the children would jump off the roof to kill themselves if Paul didn’t come for them. The refugees’ contacts came through, and UN Colonel Oliver came with a list of the families whose friends got them exit visas to leave the country. Paul asked Red Cross Pat to rescue Anais and Elys, and she agreed to try even though it was possible the girls were dead. The Red Cross reported that 500,000 Rwandans so far had died in the conflict. Paul decided to stay behind to help the remaining refugees instead of leaving on the UN convoy with his family, so they were hysterical. Gregoire ratted Paul out and told the Hutus about the Tutsis leaving on the UN buses. The Hutus ambushed the UN convoy and attacked and killed some of the Tutsis. The Hutus and UN officials had a shootout in the roadway, and the convoy was able to escape back to the hotel where the injured received medical attention. Tatiana almost had her slit throat, and she was angry with Paul for leaving her and wanted to give him back her wedding ring for deserting her and the children. The water at the hotel was shut off, so they rationed out the water from the swimming pool. Bizimungu demanded to have supplies as his form of bribe, but Paul didn’t have any and instead offered money. Bizimungu refused to accept it and took away Paul’s police protection. That night, the Hutus shot an explosive through a window of the hotel and the storeroom went up in flames. The Tutsi rebels proposed a deal that they would exchange their Hutu prisoners for the Tutsi refugees, and the Hutus accepted. Colonel Oliver couldn’t get the Tutsis to safety behind the rebel lines in less than two days, and it was possible they would all be dead by then. Paul went to the Diplomat with Bizimungu to retrieve the contents of his safe and give alcohol to the army as more bribes. Bizimungu wanted to take Paul to the Rwandan army’s new headquarters in Gitarama because he was a five-star general and wrongly believed that everyone was safe with him since he was such a high ranking general so Paul schooled the general that he would be the first target of the terrorists. Paul refused to leave without his family. Paul blackmailed Bizimungu into taking him back to the hotel by threatening to keep his silence as everyone accused Bizimungu of being a war criminal at fault for the massacres. Bizimingu agreed, and his army fought off the Hutus who took the refugees hostage at the hotel. Gregoire was a traitor and sent the Hutus after Paul, and he barely escaped being killed. Paul was relieved to discover that his family hadn’t jumped off the hotel roof yet, and he found them hiding in the shower. The UN took the remaining refugees away on convoys, and Paul locked up the hotel and left with them. Thousands more Tutsi refugees walked in the opposite direction of the convoy to escape the Hutus (towards the abandoned hotel that Paul left behind). The Tutsi rebels came to the rescue and fought off the Hutus, which allowed the vans to make it to a refugee camp where everyone was loaded onto buses that would take them to other countries. Red Cross Pat caught up with Paul and his family at camp before they left on the bus to Tanzania, and she helped them find Anais and Carine, but not their parents. It was stated that over 1200 refugees, both Tutsi and Hutu, took shelter in Paul’s hotel. Paul and Tatiana now live in Belgium with their children Roger, Diane, Elys, Tresor and their adopted nieces Anais and Carine, but Thomas and Fedens were never found. In 2002, Bizimungu was captured in Angola and taken to the UN War Crimes Tribunal in Tanzania, where the Interhamwe leader George was given a life sentence in prison (after hundreds of thousands died). Almost a million people died in total. The civil war ended when the Rwandan Patriotic Front drove the Democratic Republic of the Congo into Congo. This movie had a budget of over $17.5 million and grossed over $33 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Time, “A riveting story of courage.” Richard Roeper, Ebert & Roeper and the Movies, “One of the most inspirational films I’ve ever seen.” Los Angeles Times “Don Cheadle gives the performance of a lifetime.” Newsweek “Remarkable.” Houston Chronicle, “Profoundly affecting.” Joel Sigel, Good Morning America, “The kind of film that can change the world.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/29/24

TITLE:  Cloudy With A Chance of Meatballs

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009  Columbia Pictures / Sony Pictures Animation / Sony Pictures Releasing

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place in Swallow Falls, an island in the Atlantic Ocean that made its fortune off from the Baby Brent Sardine Cannery that Brent McHale was the face of until he grew up. Young Flint Lockwood was a scientist and inventor, but the other school kids laughed at him when his experiments went wrong. Flint’s mom, Fran, encouraged him to become like his idols Tesla and Newton, but then Fran died and the cannery went out of business ten years later. The townspeople were forced to eat all the sardines themselves, and now adult Flint invented a machine that could turn water into food. Flint’s fisherman dad, Tim, insisted that he get a job at his sardine bait and tackle shop and help the family business. Mayor Shelbourne held the unveiling for Sardine Land, a sardine-themed amusement park to attract tourists, and Brent cut the ribbon in his underwear. Samantha Sparks, a meteorologist intern, was sent to do weather reports in Swallow Falls from the Weather News Network in NYC. Flint tried to hook up his food machine during the ceremony, but it went haywire and turned into a rocket that dragged around town. The machine then shot up into the clouds and disappeared, and the fish bowl holding Shamo the sardine rolled around town and caused havoc. Everyone was mad at Flint until his machine worked and it started raining cheeseburgers. Flint became a local celebrity and sent signals to the machine to produce the kinds of food that the townspeople requested. Mayor Shelbourne announced that they would reopen the island as a tourist destination in 30 days if Flint could produce three meals a day for everyone. The mayor gorged himself on all the food and became grotesquely overweight. Police officer Earl Devereaux was always trying to arrest Flint when his inventions went wrong, so Flint refused to do officer Earl a favor for his son Cal’s birthday. Flint then changed his mind and produced ice cream for Cal and the other kids to eat and play in like snow. Sam reported the food weather on TV, and people around the world watched. Flint had fallen in love with Sam at first sight and surprised her with a house made of Jell-O. Sam confessed that she used to be a weather-obsessed nerd when she was a kid. The other kids made fun of her glasses and ponytail, so she changed her look but Flint convinced her to be herself and go back to her old look. Tim’s bait shop no longer received any business, and dad believed that Flint should turn off the machine but he refused. The machine started over-mutating the food and making it bigger, and Flint tried to tell Mayor Shelbourne about the danger but the mayor argued that it was more important to have the approval of millions of people than one family member like Tim…as the mayor stuck a huge hotdog in his mouth. Flint agreed to do the unveiling of the grand re-opening and make spaghetti and meatballs fall from the sky. People from China to West Virginia visited Swallow Falls, and Sam was worried about the large and dangerous food but Flint ignored her. A spaghetti tornado and giant meatballs caused destruction and pandemonium in town. Flint tried to upload the kill code to the overloading machine, but the mayor refused to let him and busted the control center that was used to communicate with the food machine. Cal suffered a food coma from overeating, and Sam’s cameraman Manny was a doctor (as well as a pilot and comedian from Guatemala) and he woke Cal up. Reporter Sam reported a global food storm, and Flint was discouraged but Tim gave him a pep talk. Flint planned to use flying car #2 to fly into the eye of the food storm and shut the machine down by uploading the kill code to it from a flash drive. Flint tried to explain to the townspeople, and they were angry and tried to attack but then Earl stood up for Flint and convinced everyone to build boats in case they needed to evacuate the island. Flint, with his pet monkey, Steve, talked using the Monkey Thought Translator that Flint invented.Brett and Manny flew the car into the clouds. A giant meatball surrounded the machine. Water went into the top and food came out of the bottom. Flint lost his flash drive, so he called Tim and asked him to email the kill code to Flint’s cell phone. Tim had trouble because he was not a techy person and didn’t know how to use a computer, but he finally managed to send the email to his son from his son’s computer. Flint and his team ventured inside the meatball and were attacked by man-eating chickens, one of which swallowed Brent but then he became Chicken Brent and took over the chicken suit. The food storm attacked the world’s big cities and landmarks in NYC, Paris, London and China. Pies landed in the faces of the figures on Mount Rushmore, and pie oozed out of Lincoln’s nose and eyes. Sam lowered Flint into a cavern so he could shut down the machine, but then Sam got cut by peanut brittle and her body started swelling up from an allergic reaction because she was allergic to nuts. Flint insisted that Sam drop the rope so Brent could take her back to the car and get an allergy shot from Manny. Sam refused because she liked Flint romantically, but he let go of the rope. Flint tried to upload the kill code to the food machine, but dad Tim had sent him the wrong e-mail to his phone, so it didn’t work. Flint found another away and used his invention of Spray-On Shoes to freeze the machine and destroy it. The others returned to Swallow Falls thinking that Flint was killed in the explosion of the meatball, but the rat-birds that Flint had experimented with carried him to safety. Flint and Tom exchanged love-yous, and Flint and Sam kissed. Mayor Shelbourne was the only person who left the island on a boat, so he was stuck in the middle of the ocean. This movie had a budget of $100 million and grossed $243 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Pete Hammond, Box Office Magazine, “It’s raining big food and big laughs!” Michelle Tan, People Magazine, “A perfect storm of humor, heart and hot dogs!”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/28/24

TITLE:  The Town That Banned Christmas 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2008  AMLC Productions / Kaboom Entertainment / Peace Arch Entertainment / Quantum Releasing 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with Norbert Bridges, his wife Madeline, their teen son Kevin and his older sister Rachel moving to a small New York town called Greenlawn. The new neighbors took over their home and welcomed the newcomers in the midst of unpacking. A local, Donnie Manning boasted that he had won the annual Christmas decorating contest for the past 10 years. Norbert was an ungodly teacher and took time off to write a book about human behavior in various group settings. He changed houses and moved next to people with the sole purpose to get inspiration for his non-CHRISTmas book by telling lies to see what people’s reactions would be. He purposefully stole the peace of his neighbors to cause nightmare situations for HIS targeted families that involved police. Teacher Norbert (pathological and very believable liar) told the neighbors that his family was from Rhode Island and Texas, and he was there to write a book about orangutans and silenced his wife, Madeline, from telling the truth. Norbert (to get an animated reaction out of Donnie) added that he had won several Christmas decorating contests in the past when he truly didn’t like Christmas at all. Norbert announced that he would enter the Christmas contest, so as Norbert expected, Donnie felt challenged by it and planned to go all out decorating this year to beat Norbert. Kevin had a crush on Donnie and Irene’s teen daughter Holly. Holly and Kevin agreed to go skateboarding together as friends since Holly had an online boyfriend named Anthony in Arkansas. Kevin lied that he had a girlfriend named Cynthia in Oregon who he met in a Jessica Simpson chat room. Humphrey Walden and Cleveland Tyrell (the plumber) warned Norbert not to challenge Donnie for the title “King of Christmas,” but Norbert bought construction supplies from Uncle Elmo, who alerted Donnie that Norbert wanted to start war with him. However, Norbert had no plans to decorate at all because schoolteacher Norbert didn’t even believe in Christmas and thought it was a pagan holiday. Kevin told Holly the truth about his dad not liking Christmas, so she told Donnie and Donnie confronted Norbert about his Christmas beliefs and past. Do anything to be on Oprah’s book list, Norbert lied that his son Kevin hit his head when he went skateboarding without a helmet, and now he had no short-term memory and couldn’t remember the accident or ever celebrating Christmas with his family. Donnie promised not to tell anyone else in the hood about Norbert’s special needs son. Humphrey and his wife Claudia Walden’s two adult daughters came for Christmas. That unexpected visit from his adult children led to Humphrey having frequent nervous attacks and downing pills. Daughter Janine quit her high paying job, and daughter Annette broke up with her fiancé and brought her new boyfriend Johnny Mongrel. Meanwhile, Kevin and Rachel had a heart to heart with mom Madeline and confessed that over the years they didn’t feel liked let alone loved by Norbert because their dad spent most of his time ignoring them and writing his questionable book. Norbert was given the ultimatum by his wife to shape up and put his family first since she sacrificed years to help him through his behavioral issues. Her husband said he would spend more time with the family, but again that was a lie as Norbert continued to only care about himself, ruining CHRISTmas for others so he kept up his ungodly ways that wrecked GOD’s people in his path. Norbet continued putting most of his efforts toward finishing his book. Donnie, obsessed with winning the contest, started building a Leaning Tower of Pisa in his front yard, and he refused to tell anyone except Holly and Kevin who were helping him. A female neighbor flirted with Donnie and spied on him using a camera in the front of her shirt to find out what he was up to. Madeline didn’t believe that Donnie was really building a tower when Norbert told her. Donnie’s cousin, Barnaby, was the building inspector, and he informed Donnie that there were no rules against him building the tower but the neighbors were filing noise complaints against Donnie for the loud hammering and the loud Christmas music that he blasted at night which kept everyone awake. Soon there was a legal battle in the courts as a result of the staged drama that Norbert created on purpose. Cleveland sued Donnie for it and took him to court, and Humphrey bailed on Cleveland and refused to be his attorney so Cleveland and Donnie represented themselves. New York Judge Jeremiah Priestley ruled in favor of Cleveland and against Donnie and delayed the construction of the tower until an environmental impact study could be completed. Donnie blackmailed Holly (as he saw his daughter break her curfew and was going to tell her mom if she didn’t do what Donnie wanted) into spying on Kevin to find out what Norbert was up to. Holly told her dad she would spy for him as long Donnie kept quiet about the curfew thing and didn’t tell mom on her. Later on, the two teens hooked up in the neighborhood and Holly announced that she and Anthony broke up because she found out he was 12 and not 16, so Kevin said he and (fake) Cynthia broke up too. Kevin and Holly told their parents that they were now dating one another. His daughter dating did not sit well with Donnie so he forbid Holly from having a boyfriend so she was mad at him and refused to talk to him. Janine told her parents that she was not moving away again but was staying in town to attend the Greenlawn School of Oriental Medicine, and Annette announced that she and Mongrel eloped. Rachel complained that her family didn’t decorate for Christmas, so Norbert finally put up a junky decoration outside his house covered in Christmas lights. The far-out townspeople believed that Norbert’s one junk art decoration was more meaningful than Donnie’s entire extravagant Christmas display. Kevin soon realized that Holly was hanging out with him to spy on Norbert, but she argued that she never did and told her boyfriend that she only told dad Donnie she would spy on Kevin so he would leave her alone. The neighborhood decorating committee appeared on scene to judge the community’s decorated houses participating in the contest, and they were more interested in Norbert’s decoration than Donnie’s. Donnie had blabbed to Cleveland about Kevin being mentally impaired after his accident, so Cleveland’s wife Tamisha offered sympathy to Madeline for having to help her special needs child every day because that took constant sacrifice and HIS constant and sober love. Madeline immediately confronted Norbert and told him to tell everyone about his horrific lies. The mayor held the annual Christmas tree lighting festival and announced that the committee couldn’t pick one winner and therefore decided to give everyone who entered the contest a prize. The mayor set Donnie off with his suddent change at Christmas so Donnie grabbed the trophy, and the angry townspeople went after Donnie to get the award back. The people ended up in jail. In the jail cell Norbert confessed that he lied about winning other decorating contests and his son Kevin’s brain damage. To further hate on CHRISTmas and silence JESUS from the lives of GOD’s children, the local mayor misused his power and officially banned Christmas in Greenlawn where it became taboo to even say the word “Christmas,” and the police were instructed to confiscate everyone’s Christmas decorations. Kevin stayed up and used a knife in his bedroom to carve a wooden heart necklace and snuck over to Holly’s house on Christmas morning to give it to her. The two teens kissed outside Donnie’s house. Donnie called the police on Kevin. However, when the police arrived, the officers confiscated the heart on Christmas day and took Holly and Kevin away in handcuffs. Holly and Kevin were released from jail and the town celebrated after Norbert made his case in court with Humphrey representing him. The mayor brought Christmas back to Greenlawn after the majority of the day was silenced and ruined in court. The movie ended with Norbert at his book signing as he published his book “A Merry Little Christmas: A Study In Pluralistic Ignorance,” and it became an Oprah-approved bestseller, and Donnie and Irene were there at the bookstore and bought a signed copy. Donnie tried to make amends with Norbert until Norbert mentioned the upcoming Easter decorating contest that was being held by the rotary club. The ungodly fool teacher turned author Norbert hoped to ruin another sacred JESUS Holiday in the USA, because evidently CHRISTmas wasn’t enough for the devil’s OWN.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/27/24

TITLE:  The Last Sin Eater

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2007 Fox Faith / Believe Pictures / Daystar / 20th Century Fox 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the 1850’s, where the Welsh people from Wales immigrated to America and lived in a farming mountain community in Appalachia. It began with ten-year-old Cadi Forbes sent in to the woods to pick flowers for her beloved grandmother, Gorawen, who had died in her rocking chair by the time Cadi returned a short while later. The Welsh brought with them a centuries-old Celtic ritual, so they rang the large passing bell to summon the Sin Eater, a cloaked man who would perform Granny’s funeral ritual and take her sins for himself. Everyone turned their backs and refused to look at the Sin Eater otherwise the sins and evil would get transferred to their souls, but Cadi, who was warned not to just before the ceremony, looked anyway and gazed into the Sin Eater’s blue eyes. Cadi felt responsible for her younger sister, Elen’s, death because Elen fell off the tree bridge into the raging rapids of the Narrows below after following her eldest sister into the woods. Cadi imagined that she jumped off that same bridge that killed her sister. A girl named, Lilybet, soon interrupted Cadi. Lilybet was only visible to Cadi and she called Cadi by Katrina Anice. Lilybet offered to take Cadi to the Sin Eater so she could have her sins taken away. Cadi encountered Fagan Kai and other kids, and they thought Cadi was wrong for looking at the Sin Eater and crazy since Lilybet was only visible to Cadi’s eyes. Cadi asked the elderly Miz Elda where to find the Sin Eater, but she advised Cadi not to worry about her one black mark in life. Cadi and Fagan brought gifts to Miz Elda, and Fagan had asked his dad Brogan about the Sin Eater so his dad had punched Fagan hard and gave his son a black eye because Fagan’s dad didn’t want to talk about he Sin Eater. Miz Elda explained that Cadi’s Granny used to leave food and gifts on her deceased husband’s grave for the Sin Eater, who appreciated the kindness that no one else showed him. Cadi had a nightmare about the Sin Eater coming to her in the night. Fagan warned Cadi that Lilybet might be an evil spirit, but Cadi protested that Lilybet was a friend and left to go to Dead Man’s Mountain. Fagan went along to protect her, but they couldn’t find the Sin Eater. Cadi stole a jar of preserves from her home and left it on Granny’s grave in hopes of luring the Sin Eater. Cadi fell asleep and the jar was gone when she woke up. Cadi’s mom, Fia, had found the jar and was upset over Cadi’s theft and over Elen’s death and took it out on her eldest daughter. An evangelist preacher arrived on the mountain and camped out in the woods of the Cove, and abusive leader of the mountain folk Brogan believed the man of God was crazy and wanted to get rid of him. Fia gave Cadi back the preserves later than night to do whatever she wanted with them. Lilybet suggested that Cadi take them to Bletsung MacLeod, the bee-keeper who lived on the mountain. Cadi spotted the Sin Eater and Bletsung together when she arrived alone, and Cadi chased after the Sin Eater when he fled. Cadi threatened to kill herself if the Sin Eater wouldn’t take her sins away while she was alive, so he instructed her to bring items for the ceremony and return the following day when Bletsung would show Cadi where to find the Sin Eater. Cadi promised to never return to the mountain after the ceremony. The Sin Eater’s ceremony didn’t work because Cadi still felt guilt over the death of her sister so the Sin Eater couldn’t help Cadi and they left each other’s company. Cadi then tried to kill herself by jumping off the bridge, but the preacher stopped her. Brogan spotted Cadi in the woods with the preacher and blamed her sins for the stranger’s appearance. Brogan slapped Cadi around and threatened to kill her if she associated with the preacher again, and then he squeezed her throat until she passed out. Cadi’s dad Angor found her, and he believed that the preacher did it to her, when it was the clan leader. Cadi had a nightmare that Brogan killed the preacher, so she went to find him. He called himself a man of God and explained that he was there to redeem the sinful mountain people in the name of God. He preached the Bible to Cadi, and she told him where to find the Sin Eater. The man told Cadi that Jesus died for everyone’s sins and showed her the Bible. Cadi then explained her biggest sin how her sister Elen died. Granny had made a doll for Cadi, but Elen wanted it so they fought over it until Fia confiscated it and slapped Cadi for being selfish. Cadi declared that she hated Elen and Fia and ran off across the bridge, and Elen followed her and fell to her death in the fast moving water below, and her sister’s body was never found. The preacher explained that no human man could ever take someone’s sins away, and Jesus was the only real Sin Eater who died to forgive everyone’s sins. Cadi asked for Jesus’ forgiveness, and then she and the preacher hugged and Cadi then no longer felt the weight of her sin in her life. Cadi told Miz Elda and Fagan that the Sin Eater was a pagan ritual and a lie they had been led to believe for centuries. Miz Elda explained that Fagan’s grandfather Laochailand was sinful and was on his deathbed when he asked his son Brogan to start the tradition of the Sin Eater in America. They used chicken bones and the will of God to decide who would be the Sin Eater, and the man who was chosen left behind his love Bletsung to do his duty of taking the sins of all the people and never touching any of them otherwise they might get the sins of the dead the sin eater carried with him. Cadi and Fagan listened to the preacher read from the Bible in the woods until Brogan and his eldest son found the younger children. Brogan had threatened to kill the preacher, and now he followed through with it and brutally beat the preacher who refused to fight back. Fagan’s older brother, Cleet, held his younger brother, and then father Brogan gave Fagan a massive beating and broke his son’s ribs. Cadi threw a rock at Brogan’s head before he and Cleet left the preacher and Fagan behind. Before the preacher died, with his last breath he told Cadi to take his Bible and share its truth with the other mountain people. Cadi helped Fagan to Bletsung’s house to hideout at Lilybet’s suggestion. Cadi overheard Bletsung tell the Sin Eater that she wouldn’t marry or have kids with anyone but him. Fagan’s mom Iona came to fetch him, and Bletsung accused Iona of lying that Bletsung was a witch and turning the community against her so Brogan would marry Iona instead of Bletsung. Brogan hunted Fagan down too, so Cadi ran into the mountain with Fagan and hid. Fagan wouldn’t reveal himself to Brogan, so Brogan announced that Fagan was dead to him and was no longer his son. Angor went out searching for Cadi and couldn’t find her, so he and Fia believed that Cadi was dead. The Sin Eater took Fagan and Cadi to his cave for the night, and he explained that he hadn’t touched anyone in 20 years and anything of his that anyone touched would be tainted with evil so he advised the children not to touch anything inside the cave he used. Cadi gave the Sin Eater the Bible to learn about Jesus, but he refused to read it and accept that his life was a lie and he wasn’t chosen by God to take away the sins of others as he was made to believe and wasted the past 20 years of his life hiding out isolated from others and forced to wear masks. Cadi explored the cave with Fagan after the Sin Eater left. They stumbled across some cave drawings and interpreted the cave paintings to mean that the white men killed off the Native American Indians by shooting them so they would fall off the bridge. One of the men escaped the killings, and Cadi and Fagan found his skeleton in the cave and realized that he was dying and used his own blood to make the drawings. Fagan left to talk to Miz Elda, and Lilybet convinced Cadi to go with him since Fagan went with her to protect her in the woods. Miz Elda decided it was time the community knew the horrible truth from the past so she rang the passing bell and called all the mountain people to reveal their secrets and bury them in a freshly dug grave. Miz Elda explained that the Welsh arrived to the beautiful mountain land in their wagon train and were greeted by an Indian village in the beautiful cove land. Laochailand Kai, the leader of the white people from England, gave the Native American chief peace offerings of a blanket, but then he held a gun in his other hand and shot the chief point-blank in the head. Kai and the other men, including Miz Elda’s husband Donal and most of the other men in the community, then hunted and shot and killed the other Indian men. Laochailand Kai even had young Brogan set fire to the teepees, and the women and children fled and fell to their deaths off the bridge when the Welsh men shot one of them and then they all went down into the fast moving water below and drowned. One lone injured Indian man escaped into the cave and used his blood to draw the story of what happened (where the Cadi and Fagan recently had found his bones and cave drawings). Miz Elda announced that they should have left the Sin Eater ritual back in Wales. Brogan’s wife, Iona came forward with the truth that the Sin Eater, Sim Gillivry, was wrongly put in his position because Brogan marked all the chicken bones with Sim’s mark. Iona found the chicken bones when Fagan was a younger boy and was hiding from his dad after being beaten. Brogan called his wife Iona crazy and demanded she be removed from the crowd meeting, but she quickly pulled out the chicken bones she carried with her as proof and showed everyone the rigged election chicken bones and explained that Brogan was in love with Bletsung not Iona, but Bletsung loved Sim so Brogan separated them by making Sim the Sin Eater. Cadi told everyone about the Bible and Jesus. Cadi walked over and removed Sim’s hooded mask to show his face and showed the people that nothing happened to her after she touched the man. Sim buried the mask in the dug grave. Cadi went home to Fia to let her know that she was alive since her dad told her at the meeting that her mom didn’t show up because she thought Cadi was dead and was in mourning for a second daughter. Mom confessed that she gave Elen most of the attention because Elen had been sick child since birth. Fia confessed that she had sent Elen to follow Cadi instead of going herself after runaway Cadi. Fia and Cadi agreed that Elen would still be alive if they hadn’t both done what they did. Cadi never saw Lilybet after that. Sim baptized many of the mountain people in the end. Abuser burnee Brogan was a no show. This movie had a budget of over $2 million and grossed over $388,000 at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Phil Boatwright, Baptist Press, “Expertly done…original & touching.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/27/24

TITLE:  Family Of Cops III 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1999 Trimark Pictures / Alliance Atlantis Communications / CBS Network / The Cramer Company / Joel Blasberg Company

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Milwaukee, where Commissioner/Inspector Paul Fein was called away from family time at home after midnight in order to deal with a double homicide of a high-profile couple. Art historian Caroline Chandler came home from her girlfriend’s house to find the high-tech security system down and her dad Phillip Chandler and mom dead with bullet holes to the head in their bedroom. Chandler was a multi millionaire wealthy banker connected to Mayor Edwards’ campaign the previous year, so the police woke the mayor about the incident. The police planned to interrogate Caroline’s 26-year-old brother Evan, at his own huge mansion home, who had a Harvard lawdegree and bought his father’s (Chandler) bank two years before. Evan knew about the murders of his parents (not really upset they died) and was in the garage and nearly ran Paul’s eldest son, Detective Ben, down in the driveway with his Porsche fleeing from the police. The police chased after and then arrested Evan. Evan’s alibi was his presence at a fancy hotel with 400 guests. It was odd then that Evan had been on his way to the airport to flee the country with $400 grand after the shooting and Evan’s attorney, William Warden knew where Eric was going. Meanwhile, Paul’s youngest son, Eddie, was a rookie officer on the SWAT team. The Police team did a drug bust at a rundown building and had a shootout with the drug dealers. Some bad guys escaped but before they did, they shot and killed two police officers. Eddie had hesitated to open the door and join in the shootout, so his partner, Phillip Carr, opened the door and took bullets because the timing was off and they were a few seconds behind because Eddie had second thoughts. Phillip was rushed to the ICU, and Eddie was also taken to the hospital because a bullet grazed his forehead. At the hospital, local Channel 7 news badgered the hospital staff admissions desk for information, and reporter Fran Smollen bombarded Paul with questions but he refused to give her an interview or talk about Mayor Edwards picking Paul to replace Police Chief Jim Grkowski, who was retiring (News the reporter had before the Inspector did). Caroline claimed that she loved her parents, but her half brother Evan didn’tand he had $900 million in the bank. Milwaukee was the new Miami (drug infested), so Detective Larry Milliken and the police investigated local banks for possible money laundering, drug money and wire transfers. For an unknown reason to all, Paul had told them to take Chandler’s bank (now Evan’s) off the list of suspects to investigate a week earlier, but now Milliken investigated it. Paul’s daughter, Jackie, was a new recruit at the police academy who got through it by what she said was “putting out.” Paul’s other daughter, Kate, started throwing up at the family gathering. She discovered that she was pregnant with a baby by Matthew, a parole officer she had been dating on and off and wasn’t in love with. Kate planned to keep the baby but not tell Matthew yet. Eddie didn’t want to participate in family time, so Jackie recommended a strip club she used to hang out at. Officer Eddie felt up a girl and touched her boob at the bar and then got into a bar fight. Officer Eddie was put in jail, and Kate soon picked him up using the back door exit. Eddie got two days suspension with pay and the police in charge promised to back Eddie about the incident at the warehouse and cover up for him since his relatives on the force were in high places. Eddie didn’t like the special treatment, so he planned to quit the crooked police force. Not long after, Evan was shot dead at a stoplight in his convertible, and the police investigated and put a tail on Caroline, who was at another girlfriend’s house and would inherit everything now that Evan and her parents were dead. Paul refused to tell his son Ben why he stopped the investigation on Chandler’s bank before Chandler died. Kate was a state’s attorney and she gave Ben the information of Sam Lehman, an IRS agent for the CID who she defended in a case. The CID set up office in Milwaukee to take down a big fish money- laundering criminal, but Sam refused to tell Ben anything. Police Chief Jim privately confessed to Paul that he (Chief Jim) was taking drug money and set Paul up for the fall and had Paul put his name on the cease and desist Chandler bank investigation that occurred two years before so Jim wouldn’t get found out. Jim arranged for him and Paul to meet with Jim’s contact, Ernesto Gasparro, at a private club cigar bar. Gasparro told Paul to let him know when he was the next chief, and then Gasparro and his goons left the club. A shooter waited outside and followed Paul and Jim to the bar. The suspect shot at the two high-ranking police officers as they left the club. Detective Ben was outside the private club on stakeout and alerted the older officers of the gunman and then participated in the shootout with the assassin, who escaped. However, Chief of Police Jim was shot dead, and newscaster Fran reported that Paul was involved in Jim’s death and his money-laundering scheme. Soon after reporter Fran tried to flirt and offer herself to Ben knowing he was married so he would reveal information about the case. She gave him the name of Vincent Coelle, who came to America with his mom at age six and was involved with the Colombians in New York.  Days after she found out about her pregnancy, Kate made an appointment and told Matthew about the baby, and he “Uh” offered marriage without really meaning it and neither of the two adults were thrilled about spending the rest of their lives married to someone they did not love just to raise GOD’s child. Deputy Mayor Albright visited the police department and reassured Paul that the mayor’s office was behind him, but then Police Inspector Tom announced that the DA ordered Paul and Ben off the Chandler case. Inspector Tom investigated Jim’s death and he believed that there were insiders within the department so Tom and Paul pointed fingers at each other. At another family meal, Jackie revealed that Coelle was the owner of the Havana Norte cigar club, and Kate informed Ben and Paul that they would be called in to testify for Jim’s death and it would be hard to clear Paul’s name since Jim was murdered. Kate and Ben interrogated Sam, and he spilled the beans so he wouldn’t get on Larry King Live or have to deal with prego flirty Kate’s DA bosses either. Sam told them not to trust the DA and explained that CID was after Coelle, also called The Master Fixer, who set up a launder-by-wire scheme in Milwaukee. Inspector Tom, behind closed doors with others at the police department, interrogated Gasparro without Paul or Ben present inside the room. Caroline went to the police station to finally reveal the person she believed the murderer was and thought the criminal was now after Caroline. Before Caroline could talk to an officer, Detective Anne Meyers confronted Caroline and then drove Caroline to Paul’s house to tell him. As they arrived at Police Commissioner Paul’s home, there was a drive-by shooting with return fire from the police home (none of the officers there were able to hit the suspect’s car) and the suspect drove away. Caroline explained that Coelle was the murderer and Evan told Caroline before he was killed that he let Columbian Coelle used the Chandler family’s bank for his money laundering. Coelle killed Chandler when he planned to expose Coelle’s criminal activity, and somehow Mayor Edwards was involved. Paul hid Caroline out in the house while he gave the police officers that arrived a police report and they left a squad car outside overnight. Ben’s wife Mel (Melanie), who had two daughters and a baby, encouraged Kate to marry Matthew for the child’s sake because it was better than being a single mom. Paul went to Mayor Edwards’ office and accused him of using Coelle’s drug money to help him get elected to office. The mayor refused to reveal anything and threatened Paul. Eddie and Caroline helped each other get through their tough breaks, and they decided that doors were closed for a reason and it brought them together. Caroline cried out in Eddie’s arms all her grief from the deaths in her family, and then Eddie and Caroline kissed and sex in Eddie’s old bedroom that was decorated still from his youth. CID Sam showed Ben the files his office had on Coelle. Meanwhile, dressed well for date night, Paul and Anne went to Coelle’s private high-dollar cigar club for dinner. They met Coelle, who offered them Cuban cigars but Paul refused the illegal smokes. Evan’s attorney William Warden was at the club, William later came forward with information that Evan knew his parents’ murderer. William refused to reveal it to anyone but Caroline, who once dated Coelle. Paul went home to question Caroline, but he found her naked in bed with Eddie. Anne cooked Ben and Eddie breakfast the next morning in Paul’s nightshirt, and Eddie announced that he was quitting his police job. Ben told his little brother the story of when he was 22 and he tried to save a group of women who were in a sweatshop when it caught fire. Ben got most of them out. Ben felt trapped inside and couldn’t breathe, so he jumped out of the three-story window and injured his ankles. Nine women had died in the fire. When Caroline emerged from the bedroom and came into the kitchen, Caroline explained after Paul asked that she dated Coelle until Chandler told her to break up with him, and Caroline withheld the information so nobody would know that she slept with her parents’ murderer. Eddie took Caroline home per Paul’s instructions because he knew Caroline and Eddie would need to talk after what was revealed and about their instant sexual relationship. Larry found something in one of the bank files and gave it to Paul and Ben (were supposed to be off the case) who had a plan. Ben invited reporter Fran out on a dinner date and made her believe that he would take care of his wife and they would start an affair. But, then the detective took the reporter to his house for kasha dinner with his wife, children, and the rest of his police family. Fran refused to reveal the source that told her it was Coelle, so the police family Feins invited her to cover the news story of Coelle’s arrest so Fran could get the big break she wanted and newscaster job promotion. The police (with Frans news gang filming) searched the lockers at the cigar club with a warrant and found illegal Cuban cigars in Mayor Edwards’ locker, so Fran exposed him on camera. The police took Edwards, Albright, Coelle and Gasparro to the station for questioning. Inspector Tom was mad at Commissioner Paul and stormed off and didn’t want to be involved with his career funeral. Sam angrily called Ben and accused him of compromising the CID investigation, so detective Ben hung up on CID Sam. William showed up and represented all of the suspects, and Paul pieced it together and explained that William was the executor of the bank and killed the Chandlers to get total control of the bank and its $900 million, and then he told everyone that Coelle was behind it.The police tried to arrest William, but inside the police department surrounded my many officers, William made a run for it and stole an random woman’s car outside in the street. The police chased him and cornered him on a drawbridge. Devil-hearted William crashed the vehicle after he tried again to flee and run down officers but soon his stolen car exploded into a ball of fire with him inside. The CID planned to indict Coelle and Gasparro, and Mayor Edwards was let go and gave a press conference on Channel 7 announcing that he would not be running for re-election. Kate told her dad Paul that Matthew left to take a job in Eagle River. Kate’s dad told his daughter Kate that they would have a baby together. The movie ended with the Fein family holding the Sukkoth Jewish harvest festival at their house, and they invited Caroline and Anne. Anne read from the Bible and said a prayer. (Fein family role in this movie is very similar to the Reagan family role on Blue Bloods.)

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/26/24

TITLE:  My Date With Drew 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2004  DEJ Productions / Rusty Bear Entertainment / Lucky Crow Films 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is about 27-year-old Brian Herzlinger, who lived in LA and was interviewed in an Ally McBeal ball cap and told everyone on camera about the crush he had on Drew Barrymore (whose quote was “If you don’t take risks, you’ll have a wasted soul.”) since he was six years old when he saw her in E.T. Brian was currently in a rut between jobs, and now he decided to make his dream to get a date with Drew come true. On a pilot game show, Brian won $1,100 after he correctly answered that Drew was a celebrity druggie and was born into a Hollywood dynasty family.Brian and his friends, Brett Winn and Jon Gunn, bought a camera from Circuit City and planned to make a documentary about Brian’s quest within 30 days and then return the camera by the end of the month. The grown men asked random people on the street for advice about how to date Barrymore.  Brian talked to his director friend, Bill D’Elia, who didn’t think it was a good idea. One of Brian’s options was attending the upcoming “Charlie’s Angels 2” movie premiere where Barrymore and other celebrities would make an appearance (across the pond royal family wannabes and supporters while knowing that JESUS is the only royal in the USA) screen the film at the Mann’s Chinese Theater, but it was a last resort for Brian because Brian had already met Drew at the first movie’s premiere and he froze up without talking to her. Brian went to Jersey for his family reunion. Brian’s mom believed that Drew was a slut. Other relatives told Brian to go after Cameron Diaz or Lucy Liu because they were hotter than Drew. Brian’s parents tried to help him again and told their now adult son to focus on getting a real job to pay his bills, but he refused because he was all about the stardom and was obsessed with Barrymore. Brian met with Kerry David, an Australian who used to have a crush on Tom Cruise and got the chance to work for him and Nicole. Kerry agreed to help Brian and directed him to her male screenwriter friend Allison Burnett, who met Drew and gave Brian the contacts for Dylan, a celebrity limo driver who could take Brian to the premiere, and John August, the writer of Charlie’s Angels. Brian and his friends made a trailer for their movie “My Date With Drew,” and sent it to Flower Films in a letter, and George Delhoyo did the trailer voiceover for free. Brian met with Eric Roberts, who advised Brian to get himself in shape. He worked out for free with his personal fitness trainer Andrea Logan White, and then Brian talked to Drew’s cousin Stephanie Bedell about his body hair and decided against waxing. Brian had major money trouble as his credit cards were maxed out, so he applied for jobs while his still supporting parents gave him a $100 check. Brian met with John August and got advice about Barrymore, and then Brian posted ads and picked out a Drew look-alike so he could practice his date at a free dinner donated to him for his questionable cause. Brian’s friends and their wives, Pam and Lisa, gave Brian pointers about his table manners, but he was worried about messing up with the real Drew. Brian went to Kimberly Padula the psychic, who predicted that Brian would get his date but not yet. Flower Films said no to the dateand claimed that Drew was too busy and had a serious boyfriend. Brian’s ex-girlfriend repeatedly called him (after he called her out of the blue to figure out what went wrong in the relationship) and she argued with him since she thought the Barrymore date was a bad idea. Brian’s ex blamed his lack of trust in her as the reason why they broke up, but after the call Brian told the camera that he didn’t trust her because she was cheating on him. Brian met with Corey Feldman, who started dating Drew when the young celebrity kids were both about 10 years old, and then Brian booked an appointment with Drew’s beauty spa female Sonya, who popped Brian’s pimples on camerabut had nothing to say about hooking him up with Drew. Brian resorted to celebrity limo driver Dylan driving him to the premiere, where Brian planned to ask Drew out at the afterparty. One of Brian’s California friends’ friends was a graphic artist who illegally created two sets of fake press passes because the first color (red) badge was incorrect and didn’t match the mandated blue color of all of Hollywood’s press people at the Barrymore and Co event. With their fake blue press passes, Brian, Pam and Lisa got into the after party with no trouble. They saw a Pussycat Dolls show and met Natasha Henstridge and Bruce Willis. Brian walked up to Drew but was too nervous to talk to her, so he was going to leave but his friends voices on the hidden communication device worn by Brian who were back at the bar convinced Brian not to leave without speaking to Drew because of all the time, money and trouble they all went through to get Brian in front of Barrymore. Brian said one sentence to Drew, shook her hand weirdly, and left no closer to getting a date with her than when he started. Brian actually got a job interview and was 20 minutes late for his job interview with E! Entertainment, but he got the job anyway after telling the employer his priority was still Barrymore. Brian and his friends created a website over the next twenty-four hours so Brian could get his date, and they hung huge signs from bridge overpasses with the website address. Brian called into a popular radio station, and gave his website address and asked everyone to call in to help Brian. Right after, the server then went down and the website wasn’t visible to the fans. On the 29th day, Brian had nothing and he read in The Star that Drew was getting married to Fabrizio at Spielberg’s house. Brian was emotional about returning the used camera to Circuit City on the 30th day to get his refundwithout getting a date with Drew. He started his boring job with E a few days later. But then miraculously Brian’s website was back up and running. People from all over the world responded to Brian and wanted to help him get his date. Brian and his adult buddies bought another video camera at a different Circuit City to continue the movie, and Brian went on radio stations, TV shows and Yahoo! Movies conducting interviews and trying to still get a date with Barrymore.On Day 87, Brian borrowed a copy of the DVD of his movie trailer from Kerry since he had none left and sent the DVD overnight via FedEx it to Drew in New York. Gwen and Kerry helped Brian get in touch with Drew’s business partner Nancy Juvonen, who called them to confirm that Drew finally watched it so Brian would get his staged date with Barrymore and Drew would gain more publicity and stardom. She and Brian were set for a date at The Miracle Grill in NYC, and Brian went back to working out. To prepare, Brian got a makeover and some casual clothes and then flew to NYC, where Drew was also dressed casually in a Rolling Stones t-shirt. Brian and Drew talked during their awkward and bizarre lunch date for a few short minutes and drank white wine and had fruit on the table, and then they exchanged gifts. Brian got Barrymore a Snoopy snow cone machine and she gave Herzlinger a video camera he didn’t have to return to Circuit City ever. This movie had a budget of $1,100 and grossed over $262,000 at the box office.  It is criminal to say the least how gaylebrities and their back-pocket associated political party of haters in high government places get away with in the USA gang murdering souls and such using and abusing innocent people in order to get richer, while stealing, lying, deceiving, buying and bribing media outlets and giant corps on their speed dials for soiled fame, and much more just to get in the spotlight as though the sicko idol they attempt to make their fake self to be is worship worthy above GOD HIMself. Newsflash…JESUS is real so find HIM before its too late because HIS real people know the truth about hellywood and pray for y’all WHO can’t relate to HIM on a daily basis to live healthy sober lives that won’t endanger HIS children as you crazily follow ungodly so-called dream paths that lead to the devil’s hell. It is time to stop influencing HIS children to be sexually romantic by age 10 years old. Stop confusing gender identifies because GOD created HIS child to be male or female and identify as such. Stop bloody trashing HIS Biblical rainbow on a global scale because those that use the rainbow as a sex symbol are without doubt mentally unstable…just like the transgender bribed bots. The movie cover art listed, Jeffrey Lyons, WNBC New York, “Undeniable and infectious!” Ain’titCool.com “My Date With Drew is the sleeper hit of the summer…it’s short and sweet, and has a big heart, just like Drew.” JP Sami, SIRIUS Satellite Radio, “Brilliant! You simply have to see this film!” Claudia Puig, USA Today, “…A classic crowd-pleaser!” It received awards at the HBO Comedy Arts Festival, Sonoma Valley Film Festival, and New York Gen Art Festival. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/25/24

TITLE:  Frankenweenie 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2012  Walt Disney Pictures / Tim Burton Productions / Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place in the town of New Holland, where Mayor Bob Burgemeister lived next door to the Frankensteins. Burgemeister’s niece, Elsa Von Helsing, stayed at her uncle Bob’s house, since Elsa’s parents were out of town. Mayor Bob insisted that Elsa sing at the Dutch Day festival as the Little Dutch Girl. Victor Frankenstein attended elementary school. While at school, Weird Girl told him that her cat, Mr. Whiskers, pooped in the shape of a “V” and that meant the cat dreamed about Victor and something important would happen to him. Edgar E. Gore wanted to be Victor’s partner for the upcoming science fair project, but Victor refused. Victor’s dad, Mr. Frankenstein, suggested that he go to the science fair and then try out as a batter for baseball. Victor hit the ball out of the park during practice, so his dog Sparky went to fetch it and was hit by a car and killed. Victor became depressed after the loss of his four-legged loved one, until Mr. Rzykruski, the new science teacher, demonstrated how a frog’s body could still respond to electric sparks even after it died. Victor got an idea and dug his dead dog Sparky’s body up out of the pet cemetery. Victor created a setup in the attic, where he spent his free time doing science experiments and building things. Victor sewed Sparky up and attached metal screws to his neck, and then Victor harnessed the lightning during a thunderstorm (which occurred every night) and successfully brought Sparky back to life. Sparky now ran on electricity and had to be regularly powered up to stay alive. Victor locked Sparky in the attic to keep him a secret, but Sparky escaped and chased Mr. Whiskers. Sparky made a mess of mayor Burgemeister’s yard and wandered around town, where Edgar spotted him. Edgar blackmailed Victor into telling him how he did the experiment by threatening to tell everyone about Sparky. Victor helped Edgar resurrect a dead goldfish, and it turned invisible but then disappeared altogether after he showed it to his fellow classmates Bob, Toshiaki and Nassor. Bob and Toshiaki were partners for the science fair and planned to outdo Edgar’s school science project. Toshiaki tested a rocket on Bob, and Bob fell off the roof and ended up in the hospital with a broken arm. Bob and Toshiaki blamed the backfired experiment on teacherMr. Rzykruski, so Burgemeister, the school and the kids’ parents held a meeting. Mr. Rzykruski used the metaphor that he taught the children by cracking their heads open, and everyone twisted it the wrong way and took it literally and was horrified by Mr. Rzykruski’s outlandish teachings. The school fired science teacher Mr. Rzykruski over the unsupervised children at home. Victor asked Mr. Rzykruski for advice and realized that the experiment went wrong the second time because Victor did it for the wrong reason and with no love in his heart. Edgar blabbed about Sparky’s resurrection to the three boys and Weird Girl, so they demanded that Edgar show them Victor’s attic. Victor’s parents soon discovered that Sparky was alive, and Sparky ran away scared after he saw his own reflection in the mirror. The family went out searching for Sparky at Dutch Day, but Victor eventually found him at the cemetery. Edgar, Weird Girl, Toshiaki, Bob (school boy and not the mayor) and Nassor snuck into the attic to take a look at Victor’s equipment. The children planned to resurrect their deceased pets and other animals using Victor’s method of lightning. However, the experiments went wrong for everyone and turned the animals into vicious monsters that terrorized the town. Weird Girl tried to resurrect a bat, but she zapped both the bat and Mr. Whiskers so he turned into a bat cat. Toshiaki dug up his deceased turtle, Shelley, from the cemetery, and Shelley became a giant turtle. Nassor did the same with his dead hamster Colossus, who emerged from his grave virtually unchanged. Edgar resurrected a rat in the school lab, and the rat went after the gym teacher (now the science teacher) while Bob created Sea-Monkeys in his swimming pool. The resurrected animals crashed the Dutch Day festival and attacked people, and Colossus was crushed under Shelley’s foot. Victor and Bob tempted the freshwater Sea-Monkeys with salty popcorn, which destroyed them. The rat attacked Elsa, but Sparky used his electric screws to kill the rat again. Shelley grabbed Toshiaki, and Victor rescued him by zapping Shelley the turtle with electricity, which turned Shelley into a small dead turtle again. Mr. Whiskers grabbed Elsa’s dog, Persephone, (who Sparky was in love with) and carried her away to the town windmill. Elsa went after them and lost her wig, and Sparky brought it to the adults who believed that Sparky killed Elsa. They chased Sparky with torches planning to kill him, and he led them to the windmill. Mayor Burgemeister accidentally set fire to the windmill, and Sparky fought off Mr. Whiskers while Victor used a rope to rescue Elsa and Persephone, who almost fell off the top of the windmill into the flames below. Victor fell from the windmill and was knocked unconscious, so Sparky dragged Victor to safety out of the burning building. A falling piece of debris grossly impaled Mr. Whiskers before he could hurt Sparky, and then the windmill collapsed on both of them. Sparky’s dead body was carried out, and Victor’s parents and the townspeople were able to generate enough electricity with their cars to bring Sparky back to life. He and Persephone got together after he zapped her and gave her a classic Frankenstein streak in her hair. This movie had a budget of $39 million and grossed over $81 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Richard Corliss, Time “Glorious.” Peter Travers, Rolling Stone “It’s a knockout!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/25/24

TITLE:  The Walk 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2015 TriStar Pictures /LStar Capital / ImageMovers Productions / Sony Pictures Releasing

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is based on a true story.It began in 1974 with Philippe Petit, a wire walker turned street performer from France, telling the story of how he illegally walked a high wire between the New York Twin Towers at the World Trade Center in the USA. Philippe lived in Paris in 1973. The French police tried to arrest him for performing without a permit. Philippe performed one showbiz stunt with hard candy and as a result he went to the dentist for a massively painful toothache. As he waited for emergency treatment, he discovered in the newspaper that the Twin Towers were under construction in NYC and would be the tallest towers in the world when they were finished. Philippe became obsessed with the USA twin towers and planned to make history and accomplish the illegal feat of hanging a wire between the two towers and walking it. His fascination with wire walking began when he was eight years old and he saw the White Devils wire-walking family; led by the Czech-speaking Rudy Omankowsky, Sr., perform at the circus. Papa Rudy tried to teach Philippe performing tricks, but he refused to listen. Soon after, Papa Rudy kicked Philippe out of his circus, so did Philippe’s own dad (army pilot in France) kick Philippe out of his house. Annie Allix, another street performer in France (guitar player and singer), was angry with Philippe for stealing her audience for his act, but the two made amends and kissed after Philippe explained his dream to travel to the USA and do his highly illegal stunt…which Annie greatly encouraged him to do. Jean-Louis, another Frenchman, agreed to be Philippe’s photographer, and Philippe paid Papa Rudy to reveal his high-wire secrets to help him. Papa Rudy became Philippe’s mentor and let him travel with the circus. Philippe’s first performance ended in disaster when he walked a wire across a lake but fell and embarrassed himself because the insults from his audience distracted him. Philippe and Jean-Louis then went under the cover of darkness to set up a wire between the two towers of the Notre Dame cathedral. Philippe successfully made the walk and was applauded by his audience, but the police arrested him and the news bashed him. Philippe and his French crew of criminal accomplices then flew to NYC, where Papa Rudy wanted Philippe do the Twin Tower walk wearing a safety line. Philippe refused because he believed it was cowardly, but then the two made amends and Papa Rudy returned Philippe’s money to him and gave him advice for setting up the wire. Jean-Louis invited his French friend Jean-Francois (Jeff) to be another accomplice, and Jeff was a high school math teacher in France who was afraid of heights. Jean-Louis came up with the idea to use a bow and arrow to get the wire between the New York skyscrapers. Philippe chose August 6th, 1974, for his coup day,even though Jean-Louis thought they should wait. To prepare, every day Philippe snuck into the twin towers wearing different disguises so he could do spy work and take photographs of everything he needed in order to carry out his master plan. He stepped on a nail and injured his foot, but he was convinced that he could still walk. One day, Barry Greenhouse, a life insurance agent who worked at the Twin Towers, recognized Philippe. Philippe befriended Barry and convinced him to become an accomplice on the inside of the buildings. Philippe bought a wired intercom phone from shopkeeper Jean-Pierre (J.P.), who tried to sell him a wireless walkie-talkie but he was adamant on the wired intercom phone system so the police couldn’t listen in on their communication plans. J.P. joined the team of accomplices, and he recruited his USA friends David (druggie) and Albert (hobby photographer) who were skeptical because they believed Philippe was crazy and they didn’t want to go to jail but they agreed to help. The team began the coup. Barry took Albert and Jean-Louis, disguised as executives and snuck in equipment in briefcases, to Barry’s insurance office in the North Tower, where the men would hide out until nightfall. Philippe, Jeff and David disguised themselves as construction workers for the Fisher Fence Company so they could get access to the South Tower by making a delivery, which happened to be the supplies they needed to pull off their illegal circus act against US. Frank Cielani the foreman inside one tower tried to hold them up, so they waited for hours since the elevators were all booked for the day. J.P. was able to bond with Frank and cleverly used topics that would gain trust of the employee such as Sicilian and Nixon-bashing. It wasn’t long before Frank eventually let the Philippe’s gang transport their load up the elevators. Jimmy took them to the 110thfloor, and J.P. got rid of Jimmy by talking construction lingo and making up lies. Jimmy didn’t want to stick around and listen to since it was the end of his shift and he wanted to go home so he left the trio of men alone. That night, the watchmen police came around to do checks in the twin towers. David ran off scared while Philippe and Jeff hid by balancing on a beam underneath a tarp. They didn’t leave their hiding spot until they were sure the tower guard was gone, so they were three hours behind schedule by the time they made it to the roof. Jean-Louis shot the fishing line bow and arrow across to the South Tower, but Philippe couldn’t find it so he took all his clothes off and was completely naked with his bare butt exposed for some bizarre scene and passed it off as him feeling for the thin fish line. He found the line and put his clothes back on. Philippe and Jeff spent the night setting up the equipment so Philippe could do the walk at dawn before the construction workers arrived for the day. The security guard almost caught them, but they were saved when the guard got called away on his radio to join the other security employees on shift for pizza. Philippe and Jeff dropped the cable, but they and the team on the North Tower were able to raise the cable and finish setting it up just as the sun rose. Albert refused to help anymore, but he stayed behind to take pictures of Philippe’s walk and sell the pictures to profit off their illegal gang doings. Out of the blue, a questionable businessman dressed in a suit appeared on the roof and went close to the edge and appeared to contemplate suicide. Philippe had grabbed a large pipe and planned to injure the guy if he messed with his plans, but the man left after he saw Philippe and Jeff. Philippe suddenly lost his costume off the Twin Tower when he dropped it, so he made do without it and began his walk from the South Tower to the North Tower. Annie thought at first it was Philippe who fell but was relieved to know it were just his stunt uniform as she had stayed outside the Twin Towers all night with her binoculars watching and waiting. As soon as Annie identified her lover Philippe (they shared a bed together while in NYC), Annie and Jean-Pierre then alerted the New Yorkers walking the street to look up and see the event as Philippe successfully walked the wire between the Twin Towers. However, Philippe wasn’t satisfied with just one time, so he walked back to the South Tower, stopped, and saluted halfway across before continuing on. Local Police officers appeared on the roofs of both towers, and Jean-Louis and Albert made a run for it. Philippe taunted the officers with stunts and then walked back and forth knowing none of the officers would pursue him but still endangered the life of every officer on the multiple story rooftops, as well as the citizens far below in the street. A Port Authority helicopter appeared and ordered Philippe to get down from his wire otherwise they threatened to cut the cable. A seagull bird flew by Philippe and the wire started coming loose from their makeshift cable. Two police officers waited on the other side, so Philippe went back to the South Tower one-handed, while holding his large pole in the other hand. The police tried to pull Philippe down from the wire when he was close, but Philippe instead threw his pole at the leaning officers that were balanced out over the high-rise building. Once Philippe decided to jump safety to the building, he was arrested, along with Jeff. The crowd below was in awe and loved the free performance. The police listened to Philippe and unwired the cable instead of cutting it so it wouldn’t hurt anyone. The news reporters bombarded Philippe with questions, and he received worldwide publicity, which was his game plan all along. The lenient donkey New York judge sentenced Philippe to just a walk on a low wire in Central Park for kids as his punishment and none of his French or USA accomplishes received felony charges or jail time either. Papa Rudy was back in Paris and was happy to read about Philippe’s walk in the news. Philippe and his criminal gang celebrated. Soon after Jean-Louis, Jeff and Annie all returned to France, while Philippe stayed in NYC. Guy Tozzoli, one of the creators of the Twin Towers, gave Phillipe a pass to the Twin Tower observation deck so he (and anyone with Philippe) could walk on the Tower roof whenever he wanted. (WOW…fast forward decades later and perhaps the Twin Towers would still be standing today had real USA law and order been served in our courtrooms against the terrorists invading our USA from foreign countries.) This movie had a budget of $35-$45 million and grossed over $61 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times, “An exciting thrill ride.” Jaime N. Christley, Slant Magazine, “A loving tribute to the World Trade Center towers.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/24/24

TITLE:  Aliens in the Attic 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009  20th Century Fox / Regency Enterprises / Josephson Entertainment / Dune Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in Illinois, where teenager Tom Pearson hacked into the online public school system and changed his bad grades to good ones as his parents Stu and Nina reviewed his report card and saw the grades strangely change before their eyes and knew it was their techy son’s doing. Stu scolded Tom in his room. Minutes earlier, Tom’s older teenage sister, Bethany, snuck back into the house through her brother’s bedroom window as she had been out with her adult boyfriend, Ricky Dillman in Ricky’s yellow sports car. Needless to say, the parents knew nothing about their eldest daughter’s romantic rendezvous with an older man, as Bethany demanded that her younger siblings not tell their parents. The Pearsons left Illinois on summer vacation and checked into their rental house at Creek Landing, Michigan, that they shared with Stu’s divorced brother Nate, their elderly mom, Nana Rose, and Nate’s three sons, teenage Jake and twin boys Art and Lee. Ricky had planned all along to drive and hook up with Bethany in Michigan. Upon arrival, Ricky sabotaged his own car and claimed that it wouldn’t start so he could stay with Bethany overnight. Jake gave Tom his Punisher paintball gun, which Tom used to shoot Ricky in the private parts. Bethany nursed Ricky with an icepack and the family felt sorry for Ricky so Ricky used that sympathy in his favor. The TV stopped working because of a thunderstorm, so Ricky pretended that he would fix the dish for Nana, but then insisted that Tom help him and when the two were alone Ricky demanded that Tom fix it. Ricky revealed to Tom then that he had lied about his car breaking down and his parents having a lake house, and he wasn’t a senior in high school like he led everyone to believe, but a senior in college. Jake followed Tom out on the roof form the attic and the two discovered that the dish was destroyed by a group of four talking (majority violent) aliens called Zirkonians that crashed on the roof. The aliens were Skip, Sparks, Tazer and Razor, and they tried to attack Tom and Jake. The aliens shot Ricky with a mind-control plug so they could control his body like a zombie and speak through him using a device. The aliens gave the boys the choice to either be enslaved to the aliens or suffer instant death, and the boys ran so Ricky, controlled by the aliens, went after the two teens and tried to kill them. Ricky ended up falling off the roof. The aliens followed Tom and Jake into the attic part of the house after breaking the glass window and tried to shoot the kids with mind-control plugs. However, it didn’t work and the boys were able to lock the aliens in the attic. The kids realized that the mind control plugs only worked on adults and their parents were the next targets. The children called Sheriff Doug Armstrong to report the alien invasion, but the officer of the law didn’t believe them and the kids’ parents didn’t believe it either when Tom’s sock monkey-toting little sister Hannah told them about the aliens. Tom and Jake climbed up to the attic window and spied on the aliens, who were after something in the basement. Jake wanted to charge into battle against the aliens and recruited Art and Lee the twins to help him instead of thinking it out logically like Tom wanted to. The aliens used a device to turn off the gravity and make the kids float in the room, but they were able to stop the aliens from escaping into the house and they retreated back into the attic leaving behind the mind-control device. Twins Art and Lee were video-game fanatics and used the device to control Ricky’s body and turn him on and off, which got him in trouble with Bethany and made her believe that Ricky was ignoring her when she tried to talk to him about their relationship. The aliens tried to get to the basement using the vents, so the kids flushed the aliens out by turning on the heat so Stu scolded them and Tom admitted that he failed his grades on purpose so he could be cool and not a dorky mathlete like his dad. The unsupervised kids then attached a camera to Hannah’s remote-control Barbie car and drove it through the vents until the aliens threw it out with Barbie in pieces and Barbie’s blonde hair a rat’s nest. Lee, Art and Tom then mind-controlled Ricky to tell parents Stu, Nina and Nate that they needed to take care of contract problems at the leasing office concerning the lease house. The lying kids insisted that all parents had to sign and assured the folks that Ricky would watch them. The kids turned off the power and the phones in the house to make it more convincing, so the parents left. Jake exploded firecrackers in the vents to hold off the aliens, and Sparks, the rookie engineer alien, fell into Hannah’s bedroom. Sparks proved that he was friendly and explained that the aliens’ mission was to retrieve an alien capsule that had been sent to Earth years ago and was located under the basement. Meanwhile, the dangerous aliens put Nana Rose under mind control and sent her to retrieve Sparks so the aliens could force him to do their dirty work. Nana bit the kids and pushed them around, but they protected Spark from her and were able to trap the alien commander in a box. Sheriff Armstrong paid a visit and scolded the kids for making a fraudulent call to the police about aliens since the Sheriff was the only law while his deputy was on maternity leave. The parents arrived back and Armstrong told them off for leaving their kids unsupervised but the Sheriff agreed to stay for a cookout and let the kids off with a warning. The aliens then tried to shoot the sheriff with a plug. Jake stopped them but then the aliens retaliated with paintballs, tied Jake up in the basement and captured their own Sparks. They dug up the capsule from under the basement and the aliens forced Sparks to build their weapon of mass destruction. The aliens got control of Ricky and announced that an alien fleet was on its way to assist them and Jake would be killed if the kids tried to stop them. Lee and Art mind-controlled Nana to battle with Ricky, and she beat Ricky up and punched the plug out of his neck so he returned to normal. Bethany caught on about the aliens and agreed to help the other kids stop them, and she explained to Ricky what was going on. Ricky didn’t believe Bethany and broke up with her, and he planned to leave and hook up with Annie Filkins but Tom sabotaged Ricky’s car so he couldn’t go anywhere. Jake created Mentos bombs to attack the aliens with, but then the aliens used the machine to enlarge themselves and become giants. The aliens sent signals into outer space to summon the rest of their fleet, and the adults believed that the lights in the sky were part of a Fourth of July show so Sheriff Armstrong helped light the high-powered (illegal) fireworks that Nate brought.Tom used his math skills to shoot plugs into the aliens’ necks so the Lee and Art could mind-control them to fight each other. Sparks reversed the machine, and the aliens were turned back to normal size and disappeared as the machine destroyed itself. The rest of the fleet arrived from Zirkon, but Sparks told them to retreat. Hannah wanted Sparks to stay, but he returned to Zirkon to be with his family so Hannah gave him her sock monkey. The adults knew nothing about the alien invasion, so they went fishing the next day and Tom apologized to Stu for flunking school. Tom and Bethany got revenge on Ricky by using the mind-control on him to make him dance like a doofus, give himself wedgies, eat flowers and then fall on his private parts so Annie and her girlfriends wanted nothing to do with him. This movie had a budget of $45 million and grossed $58 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Edwin Carpenter, The Dove Foundation, “A family comedy with heart!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/24/24

TITLE:  New In Town 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009 Lionsgate / Gold Circle Films / Epidemic Pictures / Edmonds Entertainment / The Safran Company / Maple Pictures (Canada) / Mandate Pictures 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON:  The movie began with Munck Foods, a Fortune 500 company based in Miami. An executive team there discussed the hiring of a new plant manager to oversee the modernization of the plant they just acquired, in small-town New Ulm, Minnesota. They planned to produce Rocket protein bars for kids instead of shutting the plant down and lay off all the employees since it was losing money. The Minnesota plant employees had sabotaged the first three plant managers that Miami sent because the new boss tried to eliminate jobs. Miami executive Lucy Hill (late for the meeting) volunteered to oversee the plant since none of the men present did. It was revealed then to Lucy that the plant was located in Minnesota and it was the middle of winter (extremely bitter cold up north), so she regretted it and wasn’t used to the frigid temperatures. Blanche Gunderson, the plant’s secretary of the plant, gossiped the information about the new manager to her scrapbooking club (Scrapies). Upon arrival to Minnesota, Blanche with Trudy Van Uuden the realtor decided on a house for Lucy to rent. Blanche tried to show Lucy scrapbook pictures of her dead dog Winston Churchill and dead cat Snowflake while Lucy was driving down the snowy road in the dark. Blanche asked Lucy if she found Jesus, so Lucy joked that she didn’t know Jesus was missing. Blanche invited Lucy to dinner at her house that night. The directions were not great and it took Lucy some time to find it because there were so many bodies of water in the area. While there, Lucy met Ted Mitchell, a local fireman. Lucy boasted that the city was great for meeting celebrities like Justin Timberlake and Fergie. City slicker Lucy believed that Ted’s 13-year-old daughter, Bobbie, was old enough to decide what music she listened to. Ted argued that he didn’t want Bobbie role-modeling after trampy women that used sex to sell their music. Lucy and Ted didn’t see eye-to-eye on other things and both stormed out of dinner at the Blanche and co. house. At the plant, Ted overheard Lucy talking trash about him to Blanche, and then Lucy learned that Ted was the union representative. The two argued over Lucy’s ideas for the plant and her list of people whose jobs she wanted to terminate. The employees didn’t like Lucy trying to change things, so the foreman, Stu Kopenhafer, insisted that they have Gopher Day and ice Day off in exchange to make some of the changes that Lucy requested. Lucy then realized that the workers invented the fake holidays because they didn’t want Lucy around, so Lucy fired Stu and refused to listen to union rep Ted when he protested at her front door at home. Lucy was fed up when next the factory workers lied that all the machines broke, and she tried to fly to Miami but all the flights were canceled. Lucy drove back to New Ulm, but her car got stuck in a snow bank after she swerved to avoid hitting a cow in the road. Lucy had no cell phone reception to call for help, so she camped out in her car and got drunk until Ted came by. Ted rescued her and drove Lucy to her rental home after she passed out. Blanche’s scrapbook club gave Lucy a quilt that they made with their names and phone numbers. Lucy gave Blanche a cash bonus for Christmas, and Blanche reminded Lucy that Jesus was always there for her. Blanche gave Lucy some of her secret-recipe tapioca and a scrapbook that she made filled with pictures she had already taken of Lucy. Lucy went caroling with the townspeople and thanked Ted for saving her. Bobbie wanted to attend the Valentine’s Day dance with her date Waylon, so Ted took Bobbie to get a perm but it went wrong so he asked the ladies for help. Lucy took Bobbie into the big city beauty parlor, where she had Bobbie’s hair fixed at a salon while Lucy left the young teen at the beauty parlor with strangers to go shopping for high heels and a dress for Bobbie’s date night, that was sexier than the one Ted bought. That night, Bobbie waited for her dad to finish talking to her date. Ted threatened to do to Waylon anything that Waylon did to Bobbie because he knew what was going on in the head of a young teen boy, and then the two teens left for the dance. Ted explained to Lucy that he was from North Carolina and he and his wife, Brenda, moved to New Ulm six years before so Brenda could get treatment for her heart defect at the Mayo Clinic in Minnesota, until she died. Lucy and Ted then kissed at Ted’s house while his daughter, Bobbie, was out on her date. However, hours later, the two adults pretended nothing happened when Bobbie returned home. Lucy, Ted and Stu went out crow hunting, and Lucy walked off to go to the bathroom in the woods, but then the zipper on her overalls got stuck. Ted cut the middle of the overalls open to expose Lucy and pointed out that she wore a thong and then walked off. Lucy bent to relieve herself and as she did she fell on her gun and accidentally shot Ted in the butt. The local news reported that either Lucy was insane or it was a lover’s revenge. The factory workers teased Lucy by wearing bulls-eyes taped to their butts at work. Lucy asked Blanche to retrieve something out of her locked files for her while after Lucy went to Miami for an emergency meeting. In Miami, the executives announced that the Rocket Bars were a flop and they were shutting down the product line and the plant. Lucy argued that it was wrong, but the decision was made and she returned to New Ulm. Blanche had found Lucy’s termination list in Lucy’s locked files while she was away, and discovered that her own name was included, so she was upset and confronted Lucy when she returned to Minnesota. Blanche told Ted about it, and he refused to talk to Lucy even though she argued that she changed her mind and no longer felt that way about the employees. Blanche packed up her office to leave, but Lucy convinced Blanche to replace the Rocket Bars with Blanche’s tapioca, called Zappy-oca, which was her own secret recipe. Blanche and Lucy went to town, where Blanche marketed the new product to the townspeople and gave out free samples. Lucy made a deal with the executives that the plant could remain open if they succeeded in turning Zappy-oca into a best-selling product and getting it on the shelf within a month. Lucy went to see Stu, who was paying rent to his ex-wife Flo so he could live in live in the basement of his old house (she got in the divorce), and told Stu the plan. Stu didn’t think it would work and refused to help, but then he changed his mind and he and Lucy were able to convince the employees to work on the new product line. Ted came to fix one of their broken machines, and it led to a food fight among the employees. Zappy-oca made it onto the shelf in record time, and the Miami executives led by Donald Arling came from Miami to inspect and were impressed that the plant succeeded in its mission without downsizing any of the employees or getting new equipment and machines. Arling planned to make Lucy vice president of the company, so she went back to her old life in Miami but was unhappy there. Stu told Ted the news that the plant was being sold so Munck could profit, and Ted tried to negotiate employee compensation over the phone. Out of the blue, Lucy came back to Minnesota from Miami and announced that she found investors to help them buy the plant and the product line and Lucy’s goal was for the employees to eventually own the plant, and Lucy would be the company CEO. Lucy and Ted sealed the deal with a kiss at work and the plant employees celebrated. Munck Foods later sent Blanche a UPS envelope with a check in the amount of $250,000 for her royalties’ payment for her secret recipe. The characters in this movie made sexual innuendos and swore often. This movie had a budget of $8 million and grossed $30 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel “Genuinely funny” and “This is what romantic chemistry looks like.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/23/24

TITLE:  Joe Dirt 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2001  Columbia Pictures / Happy Madison Productions / Robert Simonds Productions / Sony Pictures Releasing / RSC Media

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in LA, California, where Joe Dirt worked as the janitor at the KXLA radio station and he made his home in the building’s boiler room. One day, he had a run-in with KXLA’s security guard and some other trash-talkers who pushed him around and picked on his name. Talk show radio DJ Zander Kelly took Joe live on the air to tell his life story over the course of the next few days. Zander called Joe on the air a white-trash dirtbag, so Joe warned him not to make fun of Joe when Jesus came back and Zander thought Yahweh with agree with Zander about dirt bag Joe. Joe was born without the top of his skull, so he had worn a long-haired wig all his life. When Joe was eight in 1979, he and his sister and their parents visited the Grand Canyon. Little Joe had done what his parents asked him to do and dug through the trashcan at the GC in his half-shirt and he looked like a girl verses a boy. Soon boy Joe discovered that his family left without him and deserted him in the middle of nowhere to fend for himself. Joe was eventually found by the police and put into foster care,and one of his many foster homes was a farm where he lit bottle rockets after attaching the explosive to a cow’s tail. Later on, when Joe was 11, he ended up in juvie but he ran away. In the woods, Joe found a meteorite and carted it around in a wagon, and a group of neighborhood boys harassed him for eating off the meteor and talking to it. Joe headed to Silvertown, where he learned that it wasn’t a meteor but a frozen ball of poop dropped from an airplane. Adult Joe regularly stole food and other things from a house in Silvertown nearby, and then he encountered a dog named Charlie whose private parts were frozen to the porch. Charlie’s owner, teen Brandy, an older girl, tried to use pruners to detach Charlie from the ice, but Joe freed Charlie with warm water. Brandy and Joe then became just friends, and he lived with her for the new few years. Brandy’s dad, Don, took Charlie out to wander the railroad when Don was drunk, and Don got his foot stuck in the train tracks. Don sent Charlie to get help, but he detoured to mate with a female dog. Don’s leg had to be amputated, so Don shot Charlie dead after he returned home. Joe decided to leave Brandy’s and go in search of his parents, whose last name he didn’t know because Joe’s dad always called him Dirt. Joe got a job in the big city holding advertising signs for Molar World. A lady was selling her Hemi car and claimed that she killed her husband by pushing him into the woodchipper but told the police that her husband fell. The lady’s dead husband used to be a police sketch artist, so Joe figured that he could hire an artist for $360 to draw his parents. The lady sold Joe her dead husband’s hemi car for all the money Joe had in his pocket and then she ran off. Soon after Joe drifted away in the Molar World hot air balloon when he went onto the roof to fix it. Joe floated to North Dakota, where he fell from the sky and got a job at an oilrig.However, Joe couldn’t do the job and got fired but he still received a paycheck for $360. On his way out, Joe got in a fight with another worker, and it so happened that the man went up in flames from the oil on the other guy’s clothes. The police sketches didn’t pan out and Joe’s mom looked manly Butch but he put the flyers up around the area anyway. Joe hitchhiked to the desert to get help from Kicking Wing, a Native American tracker who was unsuccessful in his small business of selling fireworks at a desert stand, and aspired to be a vet one day. Joe suggested to Kicking Wing to get bigger explosives, like Roman candles, church-burners, screaming meemies and crap flappers, and then the two played with gasoline and fireworks together. Joe ended up tripping over a tank and hit his head, and he imagined that it was an atom bomb which he blew up to create a huge explosion and turn Kicking Wing to ash. After Joe woke up, he and Kicking Wing then headed to a Grand Canyon tour bus company to find the records of everyone who toured the Canyon on the day he got lost in hopes that one of the tourists would have pictures of his parents. Joe got the list of names from the bus company and a peek at a lady’s breasts by threatening to blow up the atomic bomb, which was in fact a tank. A police officer opened the tank, and Joe got covered in crap and he kept talking as the nasty poop dripped in his mouth. Joe and Kicking Wing parted ways, and Joe hitchhiked from town to town searching for the names on his list. Joe got a job at the carnival, where he sprayed the games with Pam so people would lose and he could get their money easy. Joe was then seduced by a female and went to get back his impounded Hemi so he could impress her. However, Joe couldn’t afford the thousand of dollars in fees to release his car so he bought a different car with the money he had. He took the female on a date at the carnival and they made out. She wanted to have sex with Joe at his place, but he ditched her and figured that she might be his sister after her parents left her behind on vacation. Joe had sex with her anyway, and then she revealed that they weren’t related. They had sex again, and Joe was only successful when he thought of the female as his sister and yelled “sister” when Joe and the circus female had sex the second time. Joe made his way to Indiana, where Buffalo Bob (Tim) was one of the names on his list. Buffalo Bob, invited Joe inside and it turned out to be a horror house where Buffalo Bob dressed up like a woman and held on to a little dog as he kept Joe as a sex slave in a huge pit inside the house. Buffalo Bob decided that he liked Joe and planned to flay Joe alive and then wear the skin over his private parts like a woman. The police then arrested Buffalo Bob, a cannibal that spent years trying to find someone with skin he liked. Joe found Buffalo Bob’s photos from the Grand Canyon, and there was a picture of Joe’s parents’ car with Louisiana plates. Joe headed to Louisiana, where an elementary school janitor named Clem Doore hired Joe as an assistant. A student created killer mustard gas in the school lab that made everyone pass out, and Clem carried them out to safety but told everyone that Joe rescued them. Joe got on the news for it, but then he revealed that Clem was the hero. That night, the mob broke into Clem’s house and shot him to death in the way that his wife was killed. The police explained to Joe that Clem was actually Anthony Benedetti, a former boss in the Cameleri crime family. He was now a member of the witness protection program, and his new identity was compromised when Joe gave out his name on TV. Clem pretended to be dead so he could be relocated to a new town. He advised Joe to go to a dealership and get a list with the names of all 73 people who bought the rare car that Joe’s parents had in the picture. Joe got money by working at a gator farm owned by Charlene. He stuck his head inside a gator’s mouth to prove a point to a kid, and the gator tried to swallow Joe but he got free. Charlene said something that triggered Joe’s memory, and he remembered that his abusive parents’ last name was Nunamaker. That name was on Joe’s list, so Joe went to their house in Baton Rouge but the house had long been condemned. A man explained that the Nunamakers moved away 15 years before and home was where you made it, and Joe mistook the man for saying that he liked to see homos naked. Joe contemplated his situation and Joe realized that he belonged with Brandy because she was his family. Joe left Brandy a message but that was deleted by Robbie, the guy who had been after Brandy for years, before Brandy could hear Joe’s phone message. Joe went home to Silvertown, where Robbie declared that he and Brandy were getting married. Robbie claimed that Brandy found Joe’s parents in California, but she asked Robbie not to tell Joe so he would leave Silvertown on a wild goose-chase and never come back. Zander, the radio talk show celebrity, then called Brandy in present day to find out what happened, and she explained that she did what she did because she wanted to tell Joe in person that his parents were killed in a car accident when a truck hit them after they left the Grand Canyon. Joe then became a local celebrity since everyone in town had listened to his story on the popular talk show radio and were fans of him. Joe got on the news in the National Enquirer and People, and he went on TRL where lady called in claiming to be Joe’s mom Mrs. Nunamaker. Joe got help with tracing the phone call to a trailer park in California, and Joe went there to meet his criminal parents who were still alive and many news media channels followed him for his reunion. Upon arrival, Mr. and Mrs. Nunamaker just wanted publicity and tried to pass a sob story about searching high and low for Joe, but then they admitted that they intentionally left him behind at the Canyon because they didn’t want the child of GOD. Joe stormed off, and the news followed Joe to a bridge where he planned to jump off and commit suicide to end his life. Brandy arrived at the bridge to see Joe and explained that she lied about Mr. and Mrs. Nunamaker being dead because she didn’t want Joe to associate with awful people like his birth NO-parents. Brandy professed her love for Joe and wanted to marry him, but then a mounted officer tried to lasso Joe to pull him down. He plunged off the bridge suspended by the bungee cord and hit his head. Joe woke up in Silvertown and was visited by Brandy, Kicking Wing, Charlene and Clem. Kicking Wing now owned many successful fireworks stands and he used the proceeds to operate several animal shelters. A gator bit two of Charlene’s finger off, so she sold the farm and was getting married to Clem, who relocated to Silvertown under the new identity of Gert B. Frobe. When Joe was in the hospital, Brandy had the doctors give Joe a dreadlock wig. They all got Joe’s Hemi back for him, and now Brandy had Charlie Two, one of Charlie’s puppies. Robbie came around trashing Joe, so Gert threatened to stab Robbie in the face with a soldering iron if he picked on Joe’s new family. This movie had a budget of over $17 million and grossed $31 million at the box office.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/22/24

TITLE:  Big Eyes 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014  The Weinstein Company / Tim Burton Productions / Silverwood Films / Electric City Entertainment / Anchor Bay Entertainment / Starz Media 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is based on a true story and began in 1958 in California, where Margaret was the first wife in the area to ever leave her husband, Frank Ulbrich. Margaret took her young daughter, Janie, to live in North Beach in San Francisco. Margaret put Janie in school and then met up with an old girl friend and bridesmaid, Deirdre “Dee-Ann,” who never liked Frank. Margaret liked to paint child waifs (mainly female) with big eyes. Margaret studied at the Watkins Institute in Nashville, her home state, and took classes in New York. Soon Margaret interviewed for a new job with a furniture company (left her daughter in the car) and was hired to paint things on baby cribs. At the local farmers market, Margaret tried to sell her paintings in the park and agreed to paint portraits for $1 instead of $2. Walter Keane was at the booth beside Margaret and claimed to have painted street scenes from the time he (wife he left abroad) was in Paris, and he told Margaret not to undervalue herself. Walter tried to demonstrate and picked out Jane (just returning to her mom’s booth after buying ice cream) to buy one of Margaret’s pictures, but then he learned that Margaret used Jane as a model for all of her big eye paintings. Including the one of a Chinese boy (painted her daughter as a boy). Walter took Margaret out to eat at a French restaurant, where Walter always ate for free because the chef liked his paintings and had one on the wall by the table they sat at. Walter revealed that he was only a part-time painter and his job was selling high-end real estate. Walter and Margaret kissed when she brought him home to show him the rest of her paintings.  Jane wasn’t happy to see Walter again or him being romantic with her mom, especially after they just met a couple days ago. Margaret received a letter from Frank in the mail and Frank explained that he wanted to take Jane away and he told the courts that Margaret was an unfit single mother. Walter took advantage of Margaret’s vulnerability and her dire situation and convinced Margaret that he would take care of her and marry her in Hawaii and they could all honeymoon there. Margaret reluctantly agreed to the marriage so she could keep her daughter and appease the California judges and court people. In Hawaii they prayed to Kane, the Hawaiian creator. Back in California, Walter tried to get his street scenes displayed in Ruben’s local gallery again, and then Walter showed Ruben his wife’s art but Ruben wasn’t interested in those “big-eyes paintings either.” Walter rented the walls (near the bathroom) of Enrico Banducci’s well known, “Hungry i” jazz club to sell the paintings. A man and woman bought one of Margaret’s paintings, and Walter claimed that he painted it. Walter then got drunk and was mad at Enrico for putting the paintings near the bathroom. The two got into a fight and it ended up on the front page of the newspaper. Margaret bailed Walter out of jail, and Walter and Enrico made a deal that they would pretend to hate each other in public so that customers would come to the club (which was now packed on a Monday with no headliner) to see the drama and buy the paintings and they would both profit from it. Margaret’s paintings all sold out, so Walter claimed they were his and talked to Dick Nolan about it, a reporter from the Examiner who lied for a living. Margaret (told to stay home and paint while husband worked the bar scene) was excited about the large amounts of cash from the sales of her paintings and believed Walter when he said that people liked her paintings. However, one night Margaret showed up at the club and was in tears when she discovered that Walter was taking the credit for her art. Dino Olivetti the millionaire from the Italian Typewriters business showed up at the bar and was interested in the paintings and asked who the artist was. Walter convinced Margaret to let him take credit for being the artist so the world could see her paintings and they could get rich since he was the salesman and social butterfly. Walter brought a check home from Olivetti who bought a painting for $5,000. Margaret locked herself in her studio most of the day and painted and hid away from her daughter because Walter told his wife that the child could not know that she was the artist and needed Janie to tell everyone that Walter painted the “big eye” pictures. Walter soaked up the celebrity fame behind being an (fake) artist and presented paintings to the mayor, the Soviet ambassador and Joan Crawford, and Dick gave Walter publicity and recognition in the Examiner newspapers. Walter and Margaret convinced Jane that Margaret was no longer painting and Walter was now an artist. Margaret felt sick about deceiving everyone so she went and confessed her lies to a Catholic priest and vaguely explained the situation to the clergyman. The Catholic churchman advised her to let Walter be the head of the household, as a man ought to be, and told her to trust him to do what was best for his family even though she didn’t like it and thought it was immoral. Walter opened the Keane Gallery in 1960, and he had no answers to people’s skeptical questions about the personal aspects of the art and didn’t know how he felt because he didn’t paint the pictures. Walter tried to ask Margaret details about her inspiration behind the art and she told her husband he had better come up with something because it was strange for a man to always paint little girls in “his” artwork. The Keane gallery got all the business while Ruben’s gallery got none. Walter decided to mass-produce posters of the painted pictures in addition to selling Margaret’s original paintings. Some people bashed the art, so Walter went on TV and made up a lying sob story about getting inspiration for the paintings from helpless and homeless children. Margaret became depressed and when she went out shopping she saw her own self and others with big eyes because Walter kept her and Jane apart. One day, Margaret painted a self-portrait without big eyes so she could tell people that she painted, and Walter reluctantly agreed but warned that they would both be in trouble for fraud if Margaret spilled the beans. Margaret took her painting to reporter Dick. Out of the blue, Walter revealed that he had a daughter named Lily from his first marriage and she would be staying with them while her mom went on a trip to Vegas. Margaret created her own style of paintings and hung them in the gallery, and Walter refused to let Margaret talk to people about her own works. In 1963, the Keanes moved into a lavish house that Walter bought in Woodside, California, where they entertained all of Walter’s so-called friends; even the Beach Boys came for a visit. Dee-Ann visited the new house and was suspicious about what was happening with the paintings, and she almost found out the truth when she went to investigate the studio so Walter kicked her out and refused to let Margaret invite Dee-Ann to their home again. Janie was growing up as years passed, and because Margaret could not be honest with her daughter she instead told the family dog that she was the real “Big Eye” painter since the four-legged family member was in her private studio that Janie was forbidden to enter. It was then that Margaret discovered that Walter had always been a fraud after she found a hidden box with Walter’s French paintings and discovered that Walter had painted his own name over that of artist S. Cenic, the real artist. Walter came home and then asked Margaret to paint a big-eyes in Chinatown as a gift for a Taiwanese dignitary, but Margaret refused. Margaret revealed that she knew about Walter’s deceit and showed him by scraping off his name on one of the Paris street paintings to under the real artist. Walter admitted that he had never been to Paris and threatened to have one of his connections kill Margaret if she told anyone. Not long after, Jane, now a teen, found the key to the studio and unlocked it to discover Margaret asleep on the floor (or passed out from the paint fumes because she didn’t leave a window open). Janie was able to revive her mom on the floor and Margaret claimed that it was Walter’s studio, but now Jane knew the truth. In 1964, Margaret painted “Tomorrow Forever,” which would be displayed in the Hall of Education, sponsored by UNICEF, at the New York World’s Fair. John Canaday, the senior art critic at The New York Times, trashed the painting in the Times so Walter angrily confronted John and tried to stab him in the eye with a fork at a party but John stopped him. The World’s Fair refused to exhibit Tomorrow Forever, so Walter became a drunken madman threatening to sue everyone. Once home, Walter threw lit matches at Margaret and Jane, so they hid in the art studio and locked the door. Walter tried to burn them out by lighting matches and dropping them through the keyhole. Inside the art room, after a few attempted murder tries, the turpentine caught fire, but Margaret and Jane were able to exit out the sliding glass door that led to the pool and used the backyard gate and then mother and daughter hurriedly escaped in the car and moved to Honolulu without any belongings. One year later, Margaret sent Walter legal decree papers so they could become separated and she could get a divorce. Walter tracked Margaret down in Hawaii and called her and refused to sign the paperwork unless Margaret gave him the rights to all her paintings during the marriage and she also had to paint 100 more new “big eye” paintings that he would claim as Walter Keane paintings. Margaret agreed and sent him 100 more paintings to California at the high dollar home she had left him with. Margaret soon resorted to drinking alcohol to drown out her troubles. One day, two female Jehovah’s Witnesses came preaching the Bible at Margaret’s door, and she invited them in and Margaret became a Jehovah Witness too. The Witnesses in Hawaii refused to let Jane go to the prom, and they wouldn’t salute the flag or celebrate Christmas. Meanwhile, Walter in California had ladies over at Woodside and wasn’t pleased when Margaret sent him the requested paintings signed with her initials. Margaret decided to tell the truth so she then went on a local Hawaiian radio to expose Walter’s lies and reveal that she was the painter. That story got in the newspapers everywhere. Walter in California countered by having lying Dick (Dick was mad at Margaret for not going to him with the real story) publish in his highly read Examiner publication lies about Margaret that she copied him and she needed psychiatric help for her insanity. Later on, in court, the Gannett News company was on Walter’s side and presented the judge with 692 interviews from various interviews and reporting agencies over the years in which Margaret admitted that Walter was the painter. Gannett argued that the press couldn’t be sued because they didn’t know that what they published was false, so the charge for libel against them was dropped. Margaret revealed the truth under oath and confessed everything about Walter’s secret Jekyll and Hyde abusive behavior and how he pressured her into participating in the big lie and tried to convince everybody on the outside that he rubbed shoulders with that she (his wife) was crazy when in reality he kept her silenced at home under his sicko control. Walter was charged with slander and he had no attorney and represented himself. As his own witness, Walter made a dramatic scene and falsely testified with a made up story and used his salesman actor self to sell it to and convince the jury to rule in his favor, right after he took an oath to tell the truth using a Bible. The judge decided to have both Margaret and Walter each paint a picture in the courtroom to determine what spouse was the real “big eye” painter. Walter couldn’t paint at all so he faked an arm injury that he claimed he took medication for. Margaret painted with her heart and soon produced a new big-eyes painting with her daughter, Janie, again with her as true inspiration. Margaret won her court case on all charges of defamation, emotional distress and damaged reputation. Two things that mattered to Margaret were her paintings and her daughter, and in the end she had both. Walter never admitted that he lied and he still insisted that he was the painter, so he died poor and bitter in 2000 without another painting to his name. Margaret remarried, and many years later she moved from Hawaii back to San Francisco where she opened an art gallery. This movie had a budget of $10 million and grossed over $29 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Scott Mendelson, Forbes “One of Tim Burton’s best film.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/22/24

TITLE: Cop and a Half: New Recruit 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2017  Universal 1440 Entertainment / Imagine Entertainment / Everywhere Studios / 50 Degrees North Production 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is about 12-year-old Karina Foley who lived with her single nurse mom, Sarah. Karina wanted to be a police officer like her dad, Alan, who died when she was young. Karina patrolled Darville Middle School with her deputy friend, Bobby C, and tried to bust mean girl, Farrah, for cyber-bullying on the Internet and posting hateful comments on social media as Gewelz. Karina hacked into Farrah’s account and threatened to delete her 2,000 photos on her Internet account, so Farrah chased Karina through the school halls on her bike until Karina crashed her bike into the lunch cart and fell hard on the floor. She ended up in Principal Miller’s office and the student played back a recording on her phone of Miller to prove that he let her be hall monitor. Meanwhile, Mark Simmons, a divorced and out-of-uniform detective sat in his undercover car conducting a stakeout. The Badge Bandit, a criminal prankster had been vandalizing city buildings and evading police capture, then broke into the library and trashed it with silly string and left behind the trademark police-mocking poem and blue plastic badge (but no DNA or fingerprints). Detective Simmons went inside to investigate the sounds and got covered in silly string and when he walked out of the library, his boss did a live interview about her best guy inside handling the situation so it again it made the police look like fools during the live broadcast with the reporters on scene. Channel 5 news especially trashed the police. Police captain Novack then assigned officer Simmons to desk work because of the public embarrassment, but the rogue officer disobeyed and went to do a stakeout on the Leyden Industries electronics warehouse where the piece of paper the poem was written on came from. The warehouse was next to the school, so Karina got wind of the stakeout and pestered Simmons about helping him. The officer kicked the door down and found batteries and another mocking poem, and then he was found by fellow dopey officers Matthews and O’Leary who were answering a call about a homeless man breaking in. Karina went out back as she played her role as helping the lone officer in his stakeout. However, the young girl encountered a drone that flew out the window and then shot a laser at Karina’s phone as she attempted to record the drone at the warehouse. The drone chased after Karina on her bike to the football field, where Karina downed the drone with a football and was laughed at by the cheerleaders and the football team and coaches. The police Captain chewed out Simmons. The female in charge police captain sent detective Simmons back to his desk and put Matthews and O’Leary in charge of the case since Mayor Marsh was breathing down their necks to catch the Badge Bandit. Karina showed up at the police building and put the drone on Simmons desk for him to inspect and told him it shot at her. The officer drove Karina to her home. Once inside, Karina found her little dog Lucy trapped in a kitchen cabinet under the sink. That night at dinner, Karina’s mom, Sarah, a nurse, boasted to the daughter that she let roam all over the place by herself at such a young age, about melting M&Ms out of a boy’s nose when the doctors didn’t know what to do in the Emergency room. Karina searched Simmons on her computer Internet and discovered that he had a Medal of Honor among other awards and he used to be a rock star police officer until something on the job changed that. Karina found Simmons at the Hilltop Café that he frequented and figured out where to find him because of the Styrofoam coffee cups. It was at the cafe that the little girl explained what she learned from her school tech class about high-tech drones since Simmons still had a flip phone. Karina connected her phone to the drone and showed the officer the drone’s flight path in the old industrial district just before it shot her and she took it out with a football. Simmons didn’t want Karina to come with him to check out the new lead that she gave the officer, so she snuck Lucy’s tracking collar (how she found her four-legged family member in the cabinet at home earlier) into Simmons’ car so she could track the officer on her cell phone. Karina then called and took an Uber ride to the district to assist Simmons, who used his Boy Scout skills to pick the lock. They discovered that the building was used as a drone factory. Inside, the criminal watched Karina and Simmons on camera and then sent the drones after them. Two drones fired at the child and tried to zap Karina, but officer Simmons jumped in front of them and took the lasers for Karina. Officer Simmons couldn’t feel his arms to drive because they both were numb, so Karina helped him using her Need for Speed experience from the video games she played with Bobby C. The drones chased after them as Karina was in the backseat of the undercover car leaning forward to use her hands to maneuver the officer’s hands on the steering wheel. They managed to pull the car into a car wash and that caused the many drones pursuing them to smash and hit the building and go up in flames. Simmons got sprayed in the face by soap but was able to use his hands inside the car wash because the feeling came back. Karina lied and said she had evidence from the factory in order for Simmons to take her to the police station. Upon arrival, the Captain was angry with Simmons because he disobeyed her orders for the third time. Karina told an exaggerated story about the drones, and the Captain suspended Simmons and confiscated his badge and his gun for endangering the life of GOD’s child. Oliver, the police tech specialist, explained that the batteries found at Leyden Industries were military-grade and could keep a drone flying indefinitely. The Captain and other officers searched the warehouse, but it had been cleaned out. Simmons went old school and hit the streets with Karina. He met up with his questionable street peddler hustler buddy, Slim, and the officer bought a supposedly non-counterfeit item (Koach bag) from Slim so Slim could use his shady sources to get the officer some much needed information. After Slim packed up and left the scene, all the toilets at city hall then exploded thanks to another Bandit prank, and the hazmat crew wearing masks and hazard clothing cleaned it up while Karina and Simmons found another poem. A lady came out of the city building and put her soiled toilet urine and feces hands on officer Simmons as she spoke to him about the nasty situation inside the city building. Simmons took Karina home and finally spoke to the supposed parent, Sarah, who had just got off the treadmill and didn’t know where her daughter was again. The officer vaguely explained what Karina was up to and agreed to watch out for Karina after Sarah asked the officer to since she knew Karina never listend to her and she basically gave her young underage daughter unlimited freedom to roam anywhere anytime with whoever she chose. Another time, the Bandit called officer Simmons with an untraceable number and voice, and Simmons reported back to the department. Simmons suggested the Bandit was someone on the inside with a vendetta against the police so the officers searched the records for ex-cops who would know how to stage a crime scene or police recruits who failed to become a police officer. Oliver was told to access the Academy database and then assigned to remove the blur from a photo of one police recruit, Wendell Dewey’s, file using facial recognition software. The police Captain reluctantly agreed to put Simmons in charge of the case, but did it anyway. Oliver gave the police an address for Dewey that turned out to be Mayor Marsh’s house and the lights and sirens outside had the mayor opening his door at night in his bunny slippers before the duped officers broke his door down. In the mayor’s mailboxat the side of his house on the front porch, was another poem that predicted chaos around town the following day and more chaos at the upcoming Harvest Valley Festival. The following day, there were drones in USPS mailboxes around the city, drones that set fires and drones that put people in the hospital. Mayor Marsh postponed the festival on TV and warned that nobody was safe and caused more pandemonium on live TV when a drone appeared to almost attack the mayor. Slim called in a tip to Simmons about drone activity, so Simmons and Karina staked out the apartment and she brought along kale smoothies. Simmons explained that he used to have a partner, but the criminal they were hunting took Simmons’ partner hostage. He hesitated to shoot the criminal because he didn’t want to shoot his partner, and the bad guy escaped and committed ungodly crimes. A drone flew into the apartment window, so Simmons followed it inside the building. The officer broke into the apartment and tried to apprehend Daniel Woo, a drone builder and the president of the drone club, so Woo beat officer Simmons up with his ninja skills and tried to escape. Karina went to help and knocked Woo out with the door when she opened it. As the three sat on Woo’s couch, Woo pled self-defense against and thought the officer was an armed burglar because Simmons didn’t identify himself as an officer. Simmons and Karina took Woo (handcuffs) to the police station, where Oliver used traffic cams and satellites to locate the drones that were swarming all over town. Karina suggested that they all build drone decoys identical to the Bandit’s drones to follow them to the mother ship. Oliver and Karina were assigned by the Captain to fly the decoy drones from the police station while Simmons, the Captain, Matthews and O’Leary followed the drones to a warehouse. The questionable Matthews and O’Leary cops goofed off in the second squad car and ended up rear-ending the front car Simmons and Matthews were in as the two police vehicles were traveling to the drone location. The warehouse was filled with drones and another poem was there and it warned the officers to run. A bomb then exploded, and they barely made it out and Simmons radioed in to Karina that they were safe because she lost contact. Simmons then realized that Oliver was Dewey and Karina was in danger, so Simmons sped back to the station with his boss-riding shotgun. After Oliver left the room, Karina spilled her smoothie on his papers and realized that his O’s matched those on the Bandit’s poems so the O proved that Oliver was the criminal bad guy. Oliver came back in the room and discovered that Karina figured it all out so he destroyed the radio communication and held the young female hostage. Simmons arrived and held his gun on Oliver. Oliver fixed the police software system and the blur photo with one click to show his own photo and profile that he had distorted all along to hide his identity and history. Oliver had a vendetta against the police because he never got to be an officer, so he made police look incompetent in the city’s eyes with his harmful and expensive pranks. Simmons wouldn’t shoot Oliver and risk hurting Karina, so he went old school and shot the computer monitor that zapped Oliver. The police took Oliver to the holding cell, and Captain congratulated Simmons and Karina who hugged. Mayor Marsh acknowledged the police and put the festival back on, so gay offficers Matthews and O’Leary headed off to go on a hayride and sit on a bench with balloons at the festival. Sarah thanked Simmons for catching the Bandit and keeping Karina safe and never had a clue or even cared as to the extent of danger that she let her daughter get into. Meanwhile, madman Oliver had snuck a transmitter into room by hiding it in his mouth, and he used it to activate a giant drone and send a message to Simmons’ phone with another poem. The drone started blasting the festival and everyone ran scared, and Mayor Marshand princess Farrah cried since he had planned to run for governor. Bobby C. and Sarah were together and hid while the veterans offered up their cannon so Simmons and Karina could shoot down the drone. They used Alan’s baton as ammo, and they took out the drone before it could destroy the police station. Matthews and O’Leary hugged each other, while the trio officer Simmons, Sarah and Karina hugged. Karina became cool at school, and she and Bobby C. got invited to a party at Farrah’s. Principal Miller awarded Karina an official hall monitor sash, and Karina regularly texted Simmons while he was on stakeouts. In the end, officer Simmons upgraded to a modern phone and got a new undercover squad car. The officer sent Karina a picture of his cute face drinking a kale smoothie that dripped down his face and on to his business suit that he wore since the officer’s new assignment was a long stakeout. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 8/21/24

TITLE:  An American Girl: Lea to the Rescue 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2016 Universal Studios Home Entertainment/American Girl 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in St. Louis, where ten-year-old Lea Clark gave a school presentation on Brazil. She told the story of when she, her now 20-year-old brother, Zac, and their dad, Rick, were hiking in Brazil. Dad lost his footing and fell and then hung from a cliff. Little Lea ran off alone to get help from a helicopter and Rick was rescued. A school classmate, Jimmy, then called Lea a liar, but then her brother Zac appeared at school and confirmed that it was true to his sister’s word. Zac worked as an intern at an animal sanctuary in Manaus (South America), and he came to visit with his local Brazilian girlfriend, Paula Ferreira. Paula was from the sanctuary’s science lab and visited the USA to give a speech. The kids’ grandmother, Amanda, had worked at the Manaus health clinic and claimed, before she died, to have met a tribe in the Amazon jungle, but her experience was dismissed as a hallucination from anti-malaria medicine. Grandma died in Brazil and left behind her journals for Lea to read. Zac announced that he wouldn’t be returning to St. Louis when his grant was over. Zac planned to attend college at Brazil’s Manaus University to be close to Paula. Zac secretly revealed to Lea that he knew of a group of dangerous South American poachers that had evaded police capture for years and they recently stole animals from the sanctuary. Zac said he tried to track them down and stop them and added that he refused to tell his boss, Bruno, or the police, until he was sure, and his sister Lea promised to keep it a secret and not tell their parents. Brother Zac and girlfriend Paula left for Manaus, and then dad, Rick, left his wife and daughter for a weeklong white-water rafting trip. Two days later, Paula called Carol to inform her that nobody had seen Zac for two days so Carol was worried and reported Zac’s disappearance to the Manaus Brazilian police. Mama Carol refused to listen to daughter Lea about the poachers since Zac claimed that he stopped. Carol and Lea then took a flight to South America to find their missing family member. The Manaus local police refused to investigate the disappearance because there was no obvious criminal activity involved. However, female officer Adriana Costa agreed to help Carol. Lea was adamant that Zac was involved with the poachers, so she convinced Paula to check out the names and addresses that Zac wrote down in his notebook and photograph everything, while mom hung around with the police female. Paula and Lea ended up at a trinket shop, where the shopkeeper, Miguel Belo, said he knew nothing about Zac. However, a truck driven by Ricardo Carvalho then left the shop and it had the black pawprint that Zac drew in his notebook and identified as the symbol of the poachers. Lea and Paula followed the truck into the Amazon until it drove across a river and Paula’s moped got stuck in the mud. Out of control Lea refused to listen to Paula and ran off to follow the truck. Paula ran after the young girl who took off in the dangerous Amazon jungle by herself. The two paddled a log across the river. Lea was starving so she grabbed the first thing she saw which was a deadly poisonous fruit so Paula knocked it out of her hand before the uneducated Lea killed herself by eating it. They then got stuck in a hanging trap, and a young South American tribal girl named Aki alone in the woods rescued them and cut them down. Aki spoke a little English. Aki’s dad was the tribe leader who was taken away by the poachers. Aki agreed to help Lea and Paula and took them to her village people in the jungle. Carol called on the cell phone (had cell reception in the middle of nowhere), and Lea and Paula lied to Lea’s mom that they were safe at Paula’s apartment. Lea then recognized the symbol of the tribe from Grandma Amanda’s notebook and realized that Grandma’s stories were true and she had met the tribe and healed the sick. The tribal elder welcomed them and agreed to let them stay, and he sent out warriors to find missing Zac. Meanwhile, Miguel was the head of the poachers and he instructed Ricardo to find Lea and Paula and kidnap them while the boss sent Zac away (Zac was in an animal cage) with the many caged animals they had already poached. The native warriors found the poachers’ truck and planned to follow it in the morning. Aki and Lea danced with the natives in their tribal ceremony and participated in other activities. Lea saw a vision of Grandma Amanda dancing with them. Back in the city, Carol and officer Adriana asked around for Zac at the local bar he hung out at, and one of the men confirmed that Zac wasn’t there on the night he went missing because the bar was closed. Carol stole a receipt from Zac’s office that led her and officer Adriana to the trinket store. They questioned Miguel about Zac and figured he was up to something. Carol recognized that someone from the sanctuary called Miguel, so he fled the scene on his motorcycle. Carol and officer Adriana in the police car chased after him but lost him down an alley, so they went to the sanctuary to question the workers. Zac’s fellow intern, Luis, made a run for it at the sanctuary, but officer Adriana arrested him and interrogated him about Zac. Luis confessed that he was working for the poachers because he needed money and Zac got caught up in things. A tribal man took Lea, Paula and Aki into the jungle. Young Lea confronted one of the poachers and then the little girl lured the adult male into a hanging trap. The man revealed that the poachers took Zac to the city and were sending him to destination unknown with the stolen animals that would be sold to the highest bidder. They used the man’s cell phone to call Carol, and Lea tried to explain but Carol ordered her and Paula to go to Zac’s apartment and stay there. Lea refused to listen again and did what she wanted and as a result constantly endangered her life and the life of others. They reached the edge of the protected tribal area, and Aki wanted to go with them to the city even though the natives were supposed to remain hidden from outsiders. Lea and Paula insisted that Aki stay behind, so the two young girls exchanged jewelry to remember each other by. Lea and Paula caught a bus to the city, and Ricardo who followed them on foot through the city, found them. They escaped the criminal man with the help of a local farmer’s market female hiding them out, but then Paula used a piece of her expensive jewelry to pay for two bicycles so her and little Lea could follow after Ricardo’s truck to a warehouse. Once there, Lea convinced Paula to let her climb up a dangerously high ladder and balance across a beam many feet in the air in order to get inside the warehouse through a window and climb down from the inside to unlock the door and let Paula inside. Once inside, Lea and Paula found Zac in a cage and freed him, and Paula’s cell phone rang so she left it for the poachers to find and then hid Lea’s bag inside a container. The poachers captured the trio and put them in a cage, but Lea used her pocketknife on the lock while her older brother and Paula did nothing. Soon, they knocked some of the poachers out and ran into Carol and officer Adriana on the street, who took them back to the warehouse after the police traced Paula’s phone there. The warehouse was empty when they made it back and all that was left was a sick baby sloth that Lea named Bailey. Paula took Bailey to the sanctuary. Lea wanted to go after the poachers, but she, Carol and Zac had to return to the apartment to meet Rick, who was flying in to meet his family from the USA. Lea retrieved her camera from her bag and looked at it from the backseat of the officer’s patrol car. Lea referenced one of her pictures to discover that the poachers would use boats to transport the stolen animals. Officer Adriana called for backup with the little girl’s detective work, because it never dawned on any of the police officers to look for poachers to use waterway transportation to get the captured animals out of South America.  Many police cars showed up on the docks and arrested the poachers before they escaped on their large boat. Miguel tried to leave in a boat, but Zac went after him and threw him into the water where a police boat picked criminal Miguel up. The Clarks went to the apartment. Lea and Paula explained to everyone about the rainforest and how Grandma Amanda told everyone that the Amazon tribe didn’t exist to keep the natives safe from outsiders. Zac planned to attend college in St. Louis, but Lea told her brother to go back to Brazil with Paula and live his life where he chose to be. Zac did just that. Zac and Paula later sent Lea a white dress to wear to at her “Amazon Lights” art photography exhibit opening. She displayed the photographs she took in the rainforest. A reporter showed up from the Post Dispatch and asked Lea to do a story on her photographs but Lea said she wanted the photos to speak for themselves (the photos on display didn’t look anything like Lea’s photos). Lea believed that her second trip to Brazil, with her grandmother in her heart, was a better experience than the first trip.The movie cover art listed, Sunny Chanel, Mom.Me, “An epic adventure filled with mystery that every girl will love!”


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