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MAKAYLA JANE:
GOD'S Spirit Reborn With
HIS Loving
JESUS HEart.

MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/29/24

TITLE:  Back to School 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1986  MGM / Orion Pictures / Paper Clip Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in New York City in 1940, where young tween age Thornton Meloni brought home a bad report card from school so his single dad, the owner of the Meloni tailor shop, was disappointed and told his son he needed to make something of himself and go to college, when his dad was successful without a college education. Years later, Thornton inherited the tailor shop so he turned it into the first Tall and Fat clothing store. The one NYC shop eventually grew into giant Melon Enterprises and grew to have 150 locations across America, so Thornton’s was a mega millionaire. His adult son, Jason, attended college at Grand Lakes University, and Jason didn’t like his stepmom, Vanessa, and didn’t want his dad Thornton to visit him at school. Thornton and Vanessa had a five-year wedding anniversary party that night. Thornton caught Vanessa and Giorgio making out passionately in the kitchen after he went in search of a beer since Vanessa didn’t allow that to be served at their wino champagne party. Thornton pointed out the obvious to his cheating wife that Vanessa’s so called “friends” guests showed up only for free food and to get large donations from him for their questionable charities. Vanessa accused Thornton of going out of his way to embarrass them and Vanessa. Vanessa demanded a divorce during the party and claimed it would cost her husband a great deal of money that he owed to her. So, Thornton handed over the divorce papers he had in his pocket and showed his marriage vow-breaking wife the pictures that his hired staffers took of Vanessa and Giorgio having sex inside the house on many different occasions. Thornton and his chauffeur, Lou, then headed to Grand Lakes to visit Jason. Upon arrival at the university, in his search for Jason, Thornton walked in on a female in the shower that showed her bare breasts on screen and then Thornton paid off a police officer not to say anything. Once Thornton found his son on campus, Jason then revealed to his dad that he had lied about being a member of the fraternity and he wasn’t on the diving team, but instead was the diving team’s towel boy. Jason planned to drop out of college because he didn’t fit in, so Thornton decided to enroll as a freshman and go to school with his son. Dean Martin was reluctant about accepting Thornton because of his age and the fact that he was a high-school dropout. Martin quickly changed his mind when Thornton wrote a large check to start the Melon School of Business. Thornton broke ground on the administration building and dedicated it to himself, and then he got in the favor of the other students by buying all their school supplies and throwing massive alcohol and crazy sexual dorm parties. In one university classroom taught by, Dr. Philip Barbay was a British professor of economics who thought it wrong that Thornton bought his way into the university. Dr. Philip was bloody upset with Thornton who gave him business advice in Philip’s class and for suggesting that he bribe politicians and others. In Contemporary American history, Professor Terguson’s anger issues showed when Thornton argued with him about Americans fighting Asians and the druggie hippies. Dr. Diane Turner was another Brit but this female professor taught English to students and Thornton was attracted to this teacher from abroad. Diane and Philip dated and had history and shared England as their homeland, but she wasn’t into it because he wasn’t a bore and not romantic and wanted a business-like relationship as though he were some fake celebrity royal who spent most of his free time practicing public behavior and believed he was holier than the rest of God’s children when behind the scenes he would throw his own mum under the bus to gain what he craved. Jason didn’t do well on the Hooters diving team the last time he tried out even though his dad Thornton, an expert diver, had coached him. That all changed when daddy thorntonbucks got to town because Jason suddenly got a spot on the diving team and was no longer a towel boy. Thornton rocked out at the bar instead of studying, and then a barroom brawl occurred when the football team went after Jason’s only friend, questionable Derek Lutz, for getting paint on them at the anti-football rally he participated in. Thornton had trouble in class and asked teacher Diane to tutor him at her house, and she agreed. Thornton said he preferred to watch the movies that were made about the books instead of reading the books themselves, and professor Diane argued that it wasn’t the same as personally reading the author’s work, because a movie no doubt butchered the author’s original story. Diane went to dinner with Thornton and totally forgot about her dinner plans with Philip, so Dr. Phillip was mad as Diane walked into her house and ignored him in the street with his classic car. Phillip was even more disgusted when Thornton got out of his limo then and went inside Diane’s house to possibly spend the night and have sex with his teacher. As the days progressed, Thornton still refused to study and spent more time partying. Thornton hired the actual author to write a paper about the author himself for Thornton’s English class, and when the paper that the author wrote describing himself wasn’t satisfactory to the university staffer, Thornton used the f-word and chewed the authorout on the phone because Professor Diane claimed it was nothing like the author.  Thornton then paid his private secretary, Marge Sweetwater, to take notes for him in Dr. Philip’s class. She typed beside Jason who thought it was all very funny. Dr. Philip didn’t like the clicking of the keys as she typed word for word as instructed by her boss so the professor told secretary Marge to type to Thornton that Thornton would never pass the class. Thornton assigned a team to write all his school papers and do his homework for him and offered them all large amounts of money and even a Hawaii vacation as a reward for an A plus grade. The team also did Jason’s homework for him, but he was angry and wanted to do the work himself so he could learn something and told his dad that and stormed out. Valerie Desmond, a female student that Jason had a crush on, asked Jason to do her astronomy homework for her. Popular Valerie’s so-called popular mean boy boyfriend, Chas Osbourne, told Jason that Thornton bribed Coach Turnbull to give Jason a spot on the diving team. Jason, mad at his dad, then messed up his dive on purpose at the meet, so his team lost. Jason was still upset later on, so he sat out on Thornton’s next huge dorm party. Derek tried to get Jason into the mood by gyrating his hips on the floor and begging Jason to do him, but Thornton arrived and told Derek to get his gay self off the floor and away from his son. Dr. Philip was close by and disgusted by the party and told Diane so. The university employees watched as the police officers arrived in squad cars and delivered the beer to the campus party for Thornton. Diane ditched Phillip and went inside to find Thornton. Diane wasn’t happy to see Thornton in a hot tub with a bunch of young women discussing poetry and hoping they could straighten out his Longfellow. Valerie left Chas’ Neanderthal costume alcohol party he had at his place on school grounds to go see Jason at his dad’s party, but Jason didn’t want to talk to Valerie. Chas gave Jason a hard time, so Jason punched Chas and then told Thornton that he was leaving. Thornton argued that he didn’t bribe Coach Turnbull to get his son on the team after Chas told Jason his dad did bribe the coach. Diane figured out that Thornton didn’t write his English paper, so she failed him. Philip accused Thornton of fraud for not doing his own homework and complained to Dean Martin. Thornton lied that it was his own work, and Martin refused to believe otherwise because of Thornton’s generous donations to the University. Dr. Philip suggested that all the professors give Thornton an oral exam to see if he was telling the truth, and he would be expelled if he didn’t pass. Lou had a talk with Jason since he knew and worked with Thornton for over three decades. Lou said that he put one of his sons through college and the other son of his he put through a wall, and then Lou advised Jason to take it easy on Thornton. Jason made amends with Thornton and told him not to give up on school. Jason and Derek helped Thornton study, and Jason apologized to Valerie for what happened the night of the party. Jason professed his love for her, and she felt the same way so the two kissed and Chas wasn’t happy to see them together. Thornton passed Philip’s question in multiple parts, and then Diane had Thornton recite a poem that he interrupted it to mean that he would not take sh@# from nobody and that gave him confidence to pass the test and stay in school. At the next dive meet, Derek used mirrors and air horns to mess up the members of the opposite dive team so they would perform badly. Chas was mad that Jason took Valerie away, so Chas faked having a cramp in hopes that the team would lose because he was supposed to dive next. Coach Turnbull called Thornton from the audience to take Chas’s place, and Thornton succeeded in doing the almost-impossible Triple Lindy, that only he could accomplish. Coach had seen Thornton do that dive years ago in Atlantic City. The Hooters University dive team won. Diane latched on to Thornton’s wet body and the English teacher revealed to her extremely wealthy love interest student that he got all Ds except for the A that Diane gave him so he passed. Thornton stayed at school to finish the year and later the freshman student gave a speech for those who graduated that year and their loved ones in attendance at the ceremony. Thornton advised the university age students to save money by moving back in with their parents so they wouldn’t have to face the world broke. This movie had a budget of $11 million and grossed over $91 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Los Angeles Times, “A big belly-laugh of a comedy!” The Hollywood Reporter, “Dangerfield is sensational.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/28/24

TITLE:  Charlie and the Chocolate Factory 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2005 Warner Bros. Pictures / Village Roadshow Pictures / Zanuck Company / Plan B Entertainment / Theobald Film Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: The movie is based on a British book. The Bucket family were extremely poor and lived in the same town as the world’s largest and most famous chocolate factory belonging to Willy Wonka. Joe Bucket used to work for Wonka, who made a chocolate palace for Prince and Princess Pondicherry of India that quickly melted. After other chocolate factories sent spies disguised as employees to spy at Wonka’s factory and steal the secret recipes so that made his candy world-famous. As a result, Wonka dismissed all his employees and closed the factory. The factory reopened years later, and it was a mystery about the person running the show because no humans worked there. Wonka locked himself away in the factory and hadn’t been seen since. One night, factory workers posted signs around town. The posters stated that the five children who found the five golden tickets hidden in the wrappers of their Wonka bars would be allowed to tour Wonka’s factory. One of them would receive a prize at the end of the tour, so children around the world bought Wonka bars in hopes of getting a golden ticket. Candy-loving and overweight Augustus Gloop in Germany found the first golden ticket, and spoiled rich girl Veruca Salt in England found the second ticket because her dad’s factory workers unwrapped thousands of bars until they found the ticket. Joe’s young grandson Charlie received a Wonka bar as his one birthday present, but there was no golden ticket inside so Charlie shared the chocolate with his family. Violet Beauregarde in Georgia found the third ticket, and she was the conceited winner of hundreds of trophies and the holder of chewing gum records. Mike Teavee in Colorado, who played violent video games, found the fourth ticket from one candy bar because he beat the system. Charlie’s dad was laid off from the toothpaste factory where he worked after the modernization of the chocolate factory meant Mr. Bucket was no longer needed. Grandpa Joe gave Charlie money to buy another Wonka bar, and they opened it together but there was no ticket. Charlie then found money in the street and used it to buy another bar, and inside the wrapper was the last golden ticket. Charlie wanted to help his family by selling the ticket to one of the desperate people who wanted to buy it for a lot of money. Charlie’s other grandparents George, Josephine and Georgina advised Charlie to keep the ticket because it was worth more than money. Charlie kept the ticket and Grandpa Joe was picked to accompany Charlie since each child could only have one adult chaperoning. Upon arrival, the very eccentric Wonka took them on a tour of the factory, which was filled with edible candy of all kinds that everyone devoured. Wonka explained that his current employees were the Oompa-Loompas, a society of dwarf humanoids who were all identical and who danced and sang as they made candy. Wonka found the tribe in the dangerous jungles of Loompaland, where they survived on nothing but caterpillars but they worshiped rare cocoa beans, the source of chocolate. Wonka made a deal with the chief that the Oompa-Loompas could have an endless supply of cocoa beans if they worked at the factory, and the chief agreed. Boy Augustus fell into the chocolate river and was sucked up into the pipe. He was sent to the Fudge Room, and Mrs. Gloop was taken there to rescue him. When Wonka was a child, he wore braces and a head contraption. His dad Wilbur was a dentist who allowed Wonka to go trick-or-treating but refused to let him eat the candy and instead burned it. Wonka ate a piece of candy that he found and he became obsessed with it. Wilbur refused to let Wonka become a chocolatier, so Wonka ran away. The Oompa-Loompas then whipped a real cow to make (bloody) whipped cream, and then the tour went on a wild boat ride down the chocolate river. New candies were made in the Invention Room, where Violet insisted on trying Wonka’s new chewing gum that wasn’t quite perfected yet and supposed to taste like a three course meal. However, the recipe wasn’t quite right so Violet turned into a giant blueberry. The Oompa-Loompas rolled Violet to the Juicing Room to have all the juice squeezed out of her, and Mrs. Beauregarde went with them. Wonka used squirrels to chew apart nutshells in the Nut Room. Veruca demanded that her dad get her a squirrel for her collection of dozens of other pets, but Wonka refused to sell one of the squirrels so Veruca went to get one herself. Wonka advised young Veruca not to touch the squirrel’s nuts and make him crazy, but then the squirrels climbed on Veruca and decided that she was a bad nut. They sent her down the garbage chute, and Veruca’s dad Mr. Salt tried to pull Veruca out of the chute but the squirrels knocked him in. The incinerator was broken, so Veruca and Mr. Salt faced no danger of burning up. Wonka took the rest of the tour to Fudge Mountain in a glass elevator, and Mike picked the Television Room as the next stop. Wonka showed off his latest work-in-progress, which was a machine that could teleport chocolate bars into people’s TVs for them to pull out of the TV and eat. Mike was convinced that the machine could be used to teleport people, so he tested it and ended up inside the TV. When he was pulled out, he was shrunk to a tiny size so Wonka sent Mike and his dad Mr. Teavee to the taffy puller to stretch Mike back to his normal size. Wonka, Charlie and Joe boarded the glass elevator, and Wonka pushed the Up and Out button for the first time. The elevator rocketed through the ceiling and then transformed into a flying elevator, which crashed through the Bucket house. The children and their parents emerged from the factory, but Augustus was still covered in chocolate, Violet was still blue, Veruca was covered in garbage and Mike was super skinny and tall. Charlie was the only child who didn’t have an incident at the factory, so he was the winner of the prize and Wonka offered for him to come and live at the factory and become Wonka’s heir. However, Charlie refused to leave his family and never see them again so he stayed at home. Mr. Bucket got a higher-paying job at the toothpaste factory repairing the machine that replaced his old job, so the family had more money.Meanwhile, Wonka’s candies weren’t turning out right because he wasn’t feeling like himself. He visited his Oompa-Loompa shrink and then asked Charlie to go with him to visit his dad Wilbur. They discovered that Wilbur cared about Wonka’s success and had saved newspaper clippings about the factory over the years. Wilbur didn’t recognize Wonka until he examined Willie Wonka’s teeth, and then the two hugged and made amends. Charlie accepted Wonka’s offer to work at the factory and be the heir as long as Charlie could go home to his family every night. This movie had a budget of $150 million and grossed over $475 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, A.O. Scott, The New York Times, “Wondrous. You’ve never seen anything like this before.” Leonard Maltin, Entertainment Tonight, “A feast for the eyes and the imagination.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/27/24

TITLE:  I Heart Shakey

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2012  Phase 4 Films / Amarok Productions / Kaboom Entertainment 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with J.T. O’Neil, his nine-year-old daughter, Chandler, and their dog, Shakey, moving from small town Toledo, Ohio, to Chicago, Illinois after the death of J.T.’s wife to live his dream. They had a going-away party at their home and said goodbye to the Ohio people they knew and then left for Chicago. J.T. planned to work as a chef for the eccentric Mattias Ober. Ober was a member of the board at the elite Independence Plaza apartment building and was able to get J.T.’s family a place to live at the Chicago high-rise building. However, when the family arrived, the maintenance man, Oskar Jerski, was angry when J.T. parked his vehicle illegally out front and didn’t believe he was who he said he was until Estelle Willinger, the landlady, confirmed it. However, Miss WIllingger then announced that the dog Shakey had to leave her building immediately, even though J.T. and Chandler were unaware of the no-pets (four-legged family member) rule at the high-end apartment skyscraper. Miss Willinger refused to refund the family’s deposit so they could rent another place, and she then ordered her minion Jerski to get Shakey out pronto.  J.T. bribed Jerski with money to let Shakey stay the night since he was not just an animal but also a family member, who helped them cope with the loss of their loved one (wife/mom). Chandler went to her first day at a new school. J.T. left Shakey at the posh Chateau Bow Wow kennel. The receptionist wasn’t pleased to have a mutt staying there, so she locked Shakey in the storage room but he got out. Shakey shook soapy water all over the hoity-toity dogs and their owners and then ran to the IP, where Flavio, the greeter, snuck him inside past co-worker Jerski. Miss Willinger appeared on scene and she was angry when she discovered that Shakey wasn’t gone yet.  J.T. and Chandler planned to keep Shakey hidden in the apartment during the day. At work, J.T. asked for an advance on his paycheck, and Ober wasn’t pleased and stuck his fingers in J.T.’s nose. Sergei, the school bully, was mean to Chandler’s new male school friend, Sanjay, so Chandler retaliated against Sergei and caused a food fight. Questionable Jerski let himself into the O’Neil apartment when they were gone from the place and he and found ways to fine the family, and then he chased after Shakey. Jerski angrily called J.T. on the phone from J.T’s apartment and informed J.T. of the problem with him having the dog there, so J.T. planned to move out of the apartment to resolve it. Ober let J.T. borrow the keys to his Lamborghini for joyriding and impressing Ober’s stockholders. J.T. picked Chandler up from school in the Lamborghini after she got in trouble with Miss Frankenfurter the school counselor for the food fight and J.T. said his daughter’s behavior was due to losing her dog. Chandler had dinner with Sanjay and his Indian Hindu family. Chandler didn’t want to give Shakey up, but J.T. insisted and he interviewed possible owners. J.T. interviewed some possible homes interested in Shakey and he passed up a mob boss, a homeless man and a butcher who wanted to make Shakey into food and instead decided on Sergeant Curtis Stubbs, a retired Marine (so J.T. left Shakey with Stubbs and drove back to the apartment). Stubbs had a vendetta against the military for making him a recruiter for 30 years because he had flat feet. Stubbs misled J.T. into believing that he was mourning the death of his wife Delilah when Delilah was in fact Stubbs’ favorite military gun that he lost in the river when he was drinking. Young Chandler convinced young Sanjay to go on a train to meet Stubbs without telling their parents. Madman Stubbs, who already had two vicious Dobermans, had locked Shakey in his gunshed. Stubbs then played a sick good guy-bad guy war game with Shakey by putting a shock collar on him that would zap him with electricity if he tried to go past the invisible fence. Sanjay went to the door and distracted Stubbs selling cookies (he didn’t have with him) while Chandler went in the open backyard to find Shakey. That did not work out for the kids because Stubbs trapped the kids in a fish net. They were able to put the shock collar on Stubbs, so he got zapped by the fence while the kids and Shakey ran. The children returned to the IP, where Jerski was irate to see Shakey. The dog bit Jerski in the private parts. Jerski chased Shakey around and made a mess, and Flavio tried to distract Miss Willinger and the board members who were arriving for a dinner at the restaurant in the building, and would be cooked by J.T., the head chef Raoul, and Ober’s other kitchen employees. The board members witnessed the scene, and Miss WIllinger fired Jerski and evicted J.T. Sanjay and Chandler went door to door in the IP apartment building and asked for signatures on their petition to change the no-pets policy, and almost everyone signed. Disgrunted employee Jerski got revenge on Miss Willinger by messing with the lights, fans and other electric controls in the kitchen to cause fires. Miss Willinger blamed J.T., and the two fought over the duck that was intended for dinner. Pies ended up in the faces of the board members, and two police officers freaked out when the duck landed on their car. J.T. quit his job, and Chandler gave a speech about how pets were members of the family and should be allowed at the IP. The board members were moved, but then Jerski appeared with a power drill. Jerski demanded to have his severance pay and Shakey so he could destroy the dog. However, Shakey bit Jerski and then the two officers arrested Jerski and Miss Willinger. Miss Willinger ended up working as a maid at the IP. Flavio became the manager and allowed pets (four-legged family members) in the building. J.T., Chandler and Shakey continued living at the IP and they invited people they knew from Toledo to Chicago for a party. This movie was Dove Family Approved.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/26/24

TITLE:  Spanglish 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children…especially the ungodly sex scene.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2004  Columbia Pictures / Gracie Films / Sony Pictures Releasing

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with officials at Princeton University reviewing the admissions paperwork and essays written by potential students. Cristina Moreno, illegal Hispanic female, applied and stated in her essay that her (illegal) mom, Flor, was the most influential person in her life. She went on to tell the story that started in Mexico when she was six years old. After Flor’s husband left, she and Cristina immigrated illegally to America. The aliens entered the USA from Texas, 34% Hispanic, and travelled to live in LA, 48% Hispanic. They hid out in the Spanish area of town with Flor’s cousin, Monica, for the next six years. Flor worked two jobs but decided to get a new job that paid more when Cristina was 12 years old and only keep the new job. Flor ventured into the upper class area of town for the first time and interviewed for a job as a housekeeper for the Clasky family, using cousin Monica as an interpreter. Deborah Clasky explained that she lost her job when the company she worked for downsized her position, and her husband John was a top chef who owned a restaurant, and he worked nights. Their children were Bernice “Bernie” and 9-year-old Georgie. Deborah’s elderly mom, Evelyn Wright, also lived with them and used to be a famous singer. Flor spoke no English and needed help from Monica and other English-speaking Hispanics in the hood to translate English into Spanish. Monica translated the Claskys’ English into Spanish for Flor. Deborah hired Flor to work six days a week for $650. In every day life, Deborah and John frequently argued over their differences in parenting methods and how he went against her. John was upset that Deborah took daughter Bernie shopping and bought smaller size clothes than Bernie’s actual size to encourage Bernie to lose weight. Flor was also upset and asked her daughter Cristina, who spoke good English, to teach her a few English words so she could help Bernie. Flor adjusted the clothes to fit Bernie, and Bernie was happy. The family was then ecstatic about a newspaper article that stated John was one of the best four-star chefs in the country. Not long after, Deborah and John had a borderline porn sex scene and immediately after she had an emotional breakdown. The Claskys then rented a house for the summer in Malibu (with the help of a realtor) and wanted Flor to stay with them, but she refused because of Cristina. The Claskys didn’t know even Flor had a daughter and used another Hispanic in the area that spoke Spanish to help interpret in order to communicate with their hired help. Flor chose to bring Cristina with her to the summerhouse so she wouldn’t lose her job. Deborah was always admiring the beauty of Flor and believed that illegal Flor could get rich off from surrogate pregnancy because of her looks. The same day they moved to the Malibu house, Deborah took Cristina out on the town to get temporary pink and blue hair dye streaks without Flor’s permission, so Flor was upset that Cristina was gone with a woman that appeared mentally unstable and treated her own daughter horribly (Deborah also thought Cristina was beautiful). Bernie was sad and upset that her own mom Deborah didn’t spend time with her the way she did with Cristina. Flor gave Deborah a note telling her how she felt about Deborah’s actions. To entertain the children, John promised to pay the kids money for the sea glass they found on the beach and included Cristina. His own kids didn’t care to do that but Cristina found $640 worth. John insisted on paying Cristina and left the young girl an envelope with the cash money. Flor was livid about that. Cristina then translated Flor’s angry words to John and scolded the man for giving young Cristina so much money for a game while Flor worked hard six days a week for him and his family to earn the same amount of cash. John apologized that it wouldn’t happen again. Flor insisted that John keep the cash and Cristina was not happy about that. John argued that he and Deborah did the same thing to Cristina that Flor did to Bernie with fixing her clothes and making them a size bigger so they would fit Bernie. Flor agreed and planned to quit her job. John insisted that Flor stay otherwise Cristina would feel guilty that she caused the problem. Flor stayed employed and decided to use resources such as a language program to finally learn English. John came home drunk, and Flor sent the family dog Chum to keep him company. Deborah started having an affair with realtor Mike, who found them the summerhouse. Deborah wanted Cristina to go to the private school that Bernie attended. Deborah setup the whole thing with her contacts and was able to get Cristina a $20,000 charity scholarship since she was Hispanic. Cristina prayed to God that Flor would let her to go to the school, and Flor was uncertain and asked John for advice. John and Flor hit it off as they talked, and agreed that nothing was wrong with Bernie even though Deborah believed otherwise. Flor sent Cristina to school, but Flor wasn’t pleased when Deborah gave Cristina a personal necklace on her first day. Flor was also upset when Deborah asked Cristina to stay at the Clasky house while Flor and Monica threw a party for their relatives visited from Mexico. Nobody noticed that grandma Evelyn sobered up and stopped heavily drinking alcohol weeks ago. Ms. Wright advised Deborah to stop going out with Mike so she wouldn’t lose her husband. Deborah stopped her affair and decided to confess everything to John. Deborah said that she had been with Mike for 11 weeks and they had sex. John was upset and left with Flor, who came to the house to quit her job (Ms. Wright told Flor earlier not to wake Christina who was sleeping in the same bed with the other two females from school). Deborah wasn’t happy to see John and Flor leaving together but Ms. Wright consoled her basket case daughter. John took Flor to John’s restaurant. Flor didn’t want John to drink any alcohol so they could remember the time together sober. John cooked dinner for Flor and believed that a gender should be named after her. They kissed. Flor told John that she loved him before she ran off to go back home to Monica’s place. Deborah had a breakdown and cried for hours. Deborah blamed Ms. Wright and said she was cheating on her husband because Evelyn did the same thing and was an alcoholic. John returned home and refused to sleep with Deborah in their bed. Bernie overheard Deborah and Evelyn and was upset. Bernie explained to John that she was usually surviving her home life so they hugged and John told Bernie he loved Bernie. Cristina was very upset when Flor revealed that she quit her job and was leaving. Everyone said goodbyes and Deborah gave Cristina gifts and a computer to take with her. As they left the house and walked in the street, craving the rich lifestyle alien Cristina screamed at alien Flor mom for ruining her life because Flor told Cristina that Cristina would no longer attend the private school. Cristina and Flor quickly made amends, and Cristina decided that she didn’t want to be different from her mom. Cristina finished her admissions essay and stated that it didn’t matter to her if she got into Princeton or not because she was her mom’s daughter. This movie had a budget of $80 million and grossed $55 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Ebert & Roeper, “Two thumbs up!” Peter Travers, Rolling Stone, “You’re in for a treat with this sweetheart of a romantic comedy. Director James L. Brooks doesn’t just write comedy, he crafts it. A rich blend of humor and heartbreak. Irresistible.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/25/24

TITLE:  47 Meters Down 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2016  Lionsgate / Entertainment Studios Motion Pictures / Entertainment One (UK) / The Tea Shop & Film Company / Film Company / Dimension Films / The Fyzz Facility / Altitude Film Sales / Dragon Root / Flexibon Films / Lantica Pictures/Anchor Bay Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with older sister Lisa and her younger sister Kate (no last names) on vacation in Mexico. Lisa’s boyfriend Stuart broke up with her before the trip, and she was upset that she f**ked it up, and her parents back in the USA believed Lisa was still with Stuart. To get over her relationship issues, rebel Kate took Lisa out to party at a beach club at 1 AM in the morning. Lisa had hoped to get back together with Stuart, but then Stuart later text Lisa that it was definitely over and he was moving his things out of their shared home. Kate and Lisa’s vacation love interests they just met and kissed from the previous clubbing night, Louis and Benjamin, claimed that their friend Captain Taylor could take them on a “safe” shark cage diving adventure for $100 per sister. Lisa was hesitant about the whole offshore (“no way I’m shark bait…”) experience, but Kate talked her sister into the dive so the photos could prove to Stuart that Lisa wasn’t the boring woman he believed Lisa to be, which is why Stuart left. After seeing the very unprofessional equipment and older boat, Lisa again had a bad feeling about going outside the legitimate guides recommended by the hotel. Kate was adamant about going and begged sister Lisa to do the dive, knowing that she, Kate, was the only one who had diving experience and training whereas Lisa had none.  To go along and get along and do this for her sister, Lisa lied to the crew that she had diving experience too. Captain Taylor and the other men took the female siblings (Lisa and Kate) out on a boat into the very secluded deep ocean water off the Mexican coast. Taylor illegally dumped bloody fish into the water to attract great white sharks and Lisa called Taylor out on breaking the law by dumping bloody body parts in the ocean. Two guys went down in the unsafe metal cage first to prove it was safe, and were pulled back to the surface a few minutes later. The two sisters then got into the jerry-rigged metal cage (holes that fish could swim through) and were lowered into the shark-infested waters. They communicated with Taylor on the boat using techy underwater long distance radios, but then they almost immediately dropped the borrowed camera once under the surface that their dates gave them and were unable to retrieve it because two huge sharks appeared and one ate the camera (and almost the sister’s hand as she reached outside the cage to grab the camera). The older cage dropped slightly, and Taylor lied that it was nothing. Kate didn’t want to leave, but Lisa insisted they return to the boat, so Taylor used the winch to reel the cage back up to the surface. However, the older cable then snapped and the cage plummeted 47 meters down to the bottom of the ocean floor (about 154 feet), along with the crane that landed on top of the door, so the sisters were trapped inside the cage. Lisa was injured and bleeding and hysterical. Kate helped her older sister slow her breathing so they wouldn’t use up their precious air and then Kate apologized for getting her and Lisa stuck in their current situation. Despite Lisa’s concerns and repeatedly telling her sister not to take her mask off, Kate took her tank and oxygen mask off and squeezed through the bars so she could swim upward to 40 meters (est. 131 feet away) to get into communication zone and speak to Taylor via radio again. Once outside the cage, Kate rushed to put her equipment back on so she would not drown and then worked to move the crane off the latch door so the two could come and go as needed from the cage and not be trapped inside. Kate then swam up about 23 feet and Taylor responded to Kate by instructing Kate to go back to the cage and stay inside the cage because the shark waters were not safe. Taylor advised that Javier was on his way down to hook the cage up to a spare winch so Taylor and Co. could pull the caged females out of the deep water before they used up all of their oxygen and died. Kate made it back to the cage safely but then both sisters were worried that Taylor’s crew deserted them after they heard a boat engine start up and believed Taylor deserted them to die and nobody knew where the sisters were or was with them or the ones responsible for endangering their lives (Taylor) on their nightmare journey. There was no answer when Kate swam out of the cage again and back up to radio signal range to try and talk to Taylor. A shark appeared and almost took a bite out of Kate, but she was able to get back into the cage. The sisters saw Javier’s flashlight in the distance but couldn’t see him, and Kate was almost out of air from all of her excursions so Lisa went out of the cage to find Javier. Lisa had several close encounters with a shark, and she had to swim out in the open ocean (her sister warned her not to and to stay at the ocean bottom since sharks attacked from below) to follow the flashlight even though she was more susceptible to a shark attack from below. Lisa found the flashlight, but there was no Javier. She was lost and could not remember what direction the cage was and her sister didn’t respond on the radio. But, then Lisa encountered Javier’s bloody body that had been killed by the shark. Javier had no air left in his tank, so Lisa took the winch and the spear gun from Javier’s dead body. Kate, now more alert, called to her sister and helped Lisa find her way back to the cage and attach the winch. They were able to get contact with Taylor, and Taylor told the sisters to stay in the cage while the crew used the second winch to pull them back up. However, while lifting the caged females out of the ocean, the second winch snapped and dropped to the bottom again, but this time it flipped around and upon landing Lisa’s leg was trapped underneath the heavy cage. Kate swam out of the cage with very little air left to talk to Taylor, and Taylor announced that the Coast Guard was on its way and would be there within an hour. Taylor dropped down flares and extra oxygen tanks (without endangering another human on Taylor’s boatload team), even though switching tanks raised the risk of nitrogen narcosis, which could cause hallucinations. Kate retrieved a tank and was able to switch her tank out before she ran out of air, while the other tank was just out of reach beside Lisa’s cage. Not long after, a shark then attacked Kate before she could get back to the cage and the water turned bloody. Lisa decided she would not die there, so she tried to reach for the gun but ended up spearing herself in the hand after it was dragged across the bottom and went off after grabbing hold of it. Lisa fought the pain and was able to use the spear, rope the tank and reel in the other spare oxygen tank that Kate dropped. Lisa quickly switched her tank after it was down to zero and having never done a tank switch before was able to successfully accomplish the task and get the much-needed air to breathe again. Soon after, Kate supposedly spoke to Lisa on the radio and revealed that she was bleeding to death and was running out of oxygen because the shark punctured her BCD. Lisa inflated her BCD under the cage to lift the cage off her leg so she could free her leg and help her dying sister. She succeeded and was able to find Kate, and they used the flares to keep the circling sharks at bay. Taylor came on the radio and didn’t want the sisters to swim up to the surface, but they insisted so Taylor advised them to go slowly otherwise they would get the bends, aka decompression sickness that caused deadly nitrogen bubbles in the brain. Taylor had Kate and Lisa stop on their way up at 20 meters up (about 66 feet) for a five-minute decompression stop. Kate dropped their second flare out of reach so only had one safety flare left. When the third and final flare went out, dictator Taylor ordered the sisters to drop their BCDs and swim fast to the surface. Taylor threw the sisters a small lifesaver while the men stayed in the boat and tried to pull the sisters inside the boat, but that didn’t work out because a huge shark attacked the helpless females. Lisa was dragged under but was able to get free when she went after the shark’s eye. The sisters finally made it out of the bloody water onto the boat, and the men used a small first-aid kit on the sisters’ shredded legs and wounded body. In the end, none of that last part ever happened and Taylor told Lisa who was still alone, trapped and wounded inside the foreign cage that she was hallucinating because of the narcosis. Sister Kate was dead in reality right after the shark attacked her. The Coast Guard arrived and rescued Lisa underwater, and had spear guns to ward off the sharks and any other attacks on Lisa. The Coast Guard men freed Lisa and brought her to safety above the surface. This movie had a budget of $5.3 million and grossed over $62 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Scott Menzel, WE LIVE ENTERTAINMENT.COM, “A must-see that will leave you gasping for air.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/24/24

TITLE:  Sinbad: Legend of The Seven Seas 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2003  Dreamworks Animation / Dreamworks Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie began with Sinbad the Arabian pirate and his crew (Sinbad’s first mate Kale, Rat, Luca, Jed, Jin, Li, Grum and Chum) planning their last crime spree raid before they retired to Fiji. They organized to steal the priceless Book of Peace that Prince Proteus had on his ship destined for his hometown city of Syracuse. The Book would protect the Twelve Cities. Also masquerading about was Eris, the Goddess of Discord who spent her time causing chaos in the world. The wicked Eris sent her sea monster, Cetus, to steal the Book. Sinbad and Proteus used to be childhood friends, but they hadn’t seen each other for ten years and had gone their own directions in life. As Sinbad and his gang were on board the prince’s boat trying to steal the Book, the two old friends called a truce after battling against each other with swords so they could instead defeat Cetus. However, the monster then dragged Sinbad underwater to face Eris. Eris gave her lying word that she would let Sinbad live and make him rich if he brought the Book to her in Tartarus. Sinbad made the deal with the questionable female, and then his crew rescued him out of the water. Sinbad and his gang headed to the gathering party being held at Syracuse by King Dymas to celebrate the safe arrival of the Book when his prince son arrived on his boat. Sinbad distracted Proteus while his crew members went to steal the Book, but then Sinbad changed his mind when he recognized Princess Marina, the ambassador to Thrace and now Proteus’s fiancée in an arranged marriage. Eris showed up and disguised herself as Sinbad (female dressed as man) and stole the Book. Sinbad was blamed for the theft and was arrested. Sinbad argued that he was innocent and Eris stole the Book, but the Delegation accused Sinbad of treason and sentenced him to death. Proteus believed that Sinbad was telling the truth so the prince offered himself in Sinbad’s place so Sinbad could prove his innocence and travel to Tartarus and retrieve the Book, since Sinbad was the best man for that job. The Delegation gave Sinbad ten days to find the Book and return it to Syracuse, otherwise prince Proteus would be put to death. Once free, Sinbad had planned to escape to Fiji and let Proteus die even though Sinbad’s best friend, Kale, didn’t think it was a good idea. Sinbad soon discovered that Marina had stowed away on his ship, the Chimera, and she found a bra that Sinbad had as a souvenir from a Syracuse brothel. Marina went along because she had her doubts about Sinbad going to retrieve the book. As it turned out, princess Marina used jewels and diamonds to bribe Sinbad into going to Tartarus, and he took the bait and agreed to bring Marina with them. Sinbad left the princess in a bunk with Sinbad’s dog Spike. Sinbad told her that Spike gave hugs by humping her leg and that was how to tell if the dog liked her. The crew followed the star to Tartarus and sailed through the Dragon’s Teeth, where the song of the Sirens seduced the men. Marina steered the Chimera to safety, and Sinbad was upset that Marina banged up his ship. Sinbad claimed that women shouldn’t drive. Dymas didn’t believe that Sinbad would keep his word and planned to sneak his son out of prison, but Proteus refused to leave and was adamant that Sinbad would follow through. Sinbad’s crew stopped off on an island where Marina tried to repair the ship, but she and Sinbad constantly bickering. The crew then discovered that they landed on a giant fish and not an island, but they made it back onto the Chimera. Sinbad explained to Marina that he and Proteus met when they were children when thugs outside the palace in Syracuse confronted Sinbad. Proteus came to Sinbad’s rescue and they fought off the thugs, and the two became friends. They considered joining the Royal Navy and serving Syracuse, but they grew apart when they chose different life paths and Sinbad left Syracuse after Marina arrived. Evil Eris then caused it to snow and the Chimera was trapped in ice, so the crew worked on digging it out. However, a giant snowbird then appeared and took Marina away to eat her. Sinbad left to rescue the princess, so the two made amends and snowboarded down the mountain back to the Chimera to escape from the bird. The crew then arrived at the gates of Tartarus, where the ocean ended. They turned the Chimera into a flying ship and became the first humans to ever make it to Tartarus alive. Sinbad and Marina went to the Realm of Chaos, where Eris revealed that she framed Sinbad knowing that Proteus would take his place, Sinbad would betray him and run away and then Proteus would die and leave Syracuse in chaos with no future king. Eris gave Sinbad the opportunity to have the Book if he answered a question truthfully. Sinbad responded and declared that he would go back to Syracuse with the Book and die if he had to. However, Eris decided that wasn’t true so Sinbad lost his chance and the Book. Princess Marina then professed her love to Sinbad and told him she didn’t want him to die. Proteus’ head was put on the chopping block, but then Sinbad and his crew appeared without the Book and Sinbad took Proteus’ place. However, before the ax could fall it shattered and Eris appeared. She was forced to give the Book up because she gave her word that she would do so if Sinbad told the truth, which he eventually did because he switched places with the prince so the prince would not die. Eris left to continue her world destruction, stealing what didn’t belong to her, and causing massive chaos for everyone. Sinbad gave the Book to King Dymas. The crew prepared to leave Syracuse for Fiji with Sinbad. Prince Proteus broke off the engagement because he saw her already pining for her lost love, Sinbad. The prince told Marina to sail the seas and be with her lover, because his place was in his Syracuse kingdom. Princess Marina boarded the Chimera and kissed Sinbad. The Sinbad crew embarked on a new journey on their way to Fiji, and set sail to many places, that included the China Seas, the Jasmine Sea, and beyond. This movie had a budget of $60 million and grossed $80 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Ebert & Roeper, “Two thumbs up!” Leonard Maltin, Hot Ticket, “A lot of fun for the whole family!” Joel Siegel, Good Morning America, “Spectacular and funny!”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/23/24

TITLE:  Surrogates

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009  Touchstone Pictures / Mandeville Films / Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures / Brownstone Productions / Top Shelf Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: The movie began showing how Dr. Lionel Canter, over a course of 14 years, started his company VSI (Virtual Self Industries), and invented the Surrogates, robotic bodies with superhuman abilities that humans could control with their minds using a stim chair at home (like Avatar and virtual reality). Disease and crime almost vanished entirely now that humans could use their Surrogates to be whoever they wanted to be (male or female) and look however they wanted to (child or adult) from the comfort of his or her own home since the robots went outside in place of a person. Men could use female Surrogate bodies and women could use male Surrogate bodies, and they could also choose Surrogates of different races than themselves.Humans alternated between their own bodies in their homes and their Surrogate bodies in public, but Surrogates dominated society and the majority of the world population used their preferred robot image out in the public eye in place of their real selves. However, the humans who lived at the Human Coalition Reservation refused to use Surrogates and followed The Prophet, a human cult figure who ruled them and believed that Surrogates were wrongful abominations. In present day, Dr. Canter’s son, Jared, visited Boston from West San Diego College. Canter let Jared use Armando, one of Canter’s many Surrogates, to go to the opera. Jared went to the Fort Point nightclub instead and hooked up with a female stripper JJ. JJ was a female Surrogate bot operated by a male human, Cameron McAllister. The Jared and JJ Surrogates went out back to have sex, but Miles Strickland was there and Miles was a human assassin who followed Jared on a motorcycle. Strickland blasted both Surrogates with an electrical zapper and then fled the scene on his motorcycle, which caused a car to flip over and crash into many Surrogates in line at the club after the vehicle swerved to avoid Strickland’s reckless driving. FBI agents Tom Greer and Jennifer Peters, using their own higher end Surrogates on the job that the government paid for, investigated the crime scene surrounding the nightclub. As it turned out, Jared’s Surrogate was unidentifiable because his identity chip had been fried, but Greer and Peters were able to track down male Cameron (disguised as female JJ Surrogate) when he was found dead in his stim chair. Greer and his wife, Maggie, had challenges coping with the loss of their young son who died in a car accident. Greer suggested that he and Maggie go on a vacation to Hawaii without their Surrogates, but Maggie refused to go outside the house in her own body and instead used the robot disguise because she had survived the accident and had scars as a result. Jared’s college roommates then found his body dead and bloody in his stim chair inside the school dorm room. The students called the police, and the FBI discovered that Strickland used a high tech weapon on Cameron and Jared’s Surrogates and somehow when the robot got zapped it that sent a charge back to the human using the device, which ultimately liquefied the human’s brain and killed the human connected to the robot. The FBI refused to release the information to the media so nobody would suspect that using a surrogate could get them killed and they didn’t want a widespread panic among the people. Greer and Peters believed that Jared’s death was a homicide. They received a call from Lee and were advised that the next of kin to Jared was his dad Canter, who had been fired from VSI over a disagreement seven years before. However, the news got ahold of the story and reported it. Greer and Peters met with Dr. Canter in the form of one of the doctor’s many Surrogate disguises. Doc explained that Jared’s mom raised Jared with her in California, so Canter never knew Jared personally. It was a felony for someone to use a Surrogate that didn’t belong to the registered person so the FBI informed the doctor that because he had committed a crime by allowing his son to use it. Dr. Canter then realized it was because he let Jared use one of his own Surrogates that caused Jared to be murdered instead of Canter, because the assassin was after the father and not the son. Greer and Peters left the doctor and then met up with the Surrogate reps being used by Victor Welch at VSI and his two attorneys inside VSI headquarters. The bigwigs offered the agents police discounts on their products and then assured them that the Surrogates could be harmed or blown up and the human operators would be safe. Greer basically told the female attorney bot that she could be some male in a dress for all he knew and her word wasn’t gold. Greer and Peters left the useless executive meeting and took the elevator to a different floor to get the information they were looking for. Greer and Peters visited Seth Steinberg inside the lab to examine the Surrogates that were brought in for repair after humans used them in military combat training. Some broken Surrogates were missing optics and identity chips. Colonel Brendan explained to the FBI agents that those parts were routinely removed and the Colonel denied that there was anything wrong because the government would know if there was a weapon that could destroy Surrogates. Meanwhile, another government agent, Bobby Saunders, who didn’t use a Surrogate, and preferred his real human form, used the video footage from the JJ Surrogate and facial recognition to almost instantly find Strickland in the system. Miles was the assassin who had already been arrested for armed robbery, but someone on the inside let him loose on the streets as soon as he is arrested. Bobby could access any Surrogate at any time, and he compared it to being inside God’s head. Bobby showed Peters an example of how he could shut down the human operators of Surrogates who were being violent...such as two male Surrogates tried to beat or rape a woman in a hotel room, and Bobby froze the Surrogates in action and the woman was able to escape. Peters didn’t think it was legal, and Bobby confirmed that it wasn’t. Soon after, Strickland was found outside the Human Coalition Reservation where he lived, and he fled on his motorcycle. The police followed the repeat offender in a high-speed chase that resulted in crashed vehicles. Strickland used the same dangerous high tech weapon that he used on Jared on all five police Surrogates, which destroyed all five Surrogates and killed all five human police officers that operated the robots. Strickland then used the weapon to kill the pilot Surrogate flying the helicopter Greer was in, but Greer was able to disconnect from his Surrogate at home before he was completely zapped since he knew he would be dead if he didn’t (obviously the pilot died cause he didn’t know what Greer knew). The helicopter crashed and went up in flames. Greer’s Surrogate was damaged and lost an arm but he was still able to use it. Greer got back online and reconnected to the robot body and went after Strickland with a machine gun. Strickland’s deadly weapon stopped working. The other humans at the human coalition dread reservation were against Surrogates and crashed into Greer’s Surrogate hard with their truck. Strickland ran off, and a female human shot FBI Greer in the head and then the chest. Greer was able to disconnect, but he was still injured from being zapped and was able to get out of his virtual chair and crawl around on the floor to get help. Maggie arrived home with her friend Bridget from the Surrogate beauty salon where they both worked. They called the ambulance, and Greer was sent to the hospital while FBI Peters was sent home for not stopping her partner. The Prophet and his men then trashed Strickland’s apartment and demanded to know who paid him to use the weapon against the Surrogates. Strickland had no answer, so the human cult Prophet killed him. Greer and Peters’ FBI supervisor, Andrew Stone, announced that Greer was suspended and the FBI refused to give Greer a new Surrogate. Greer had difficulty adapting to the outside world noises and peace stealing overcrowded city as a human, without his Surrogate, since he had used one for years. Greer left the hospital on his own free will, and Peters was worried about Greer’s safety as she met him outside the building. Peters tried to convince him to use a base model Surrogate to walk around in the city in, but he refused and wanted to be human for a change. Greer was still hung up on the case and went to the reservation to get the weapon from Strickland. The gang of humans against robots had attached Greer’s Surrogate to a large outdoor cross (Jesus), as The Prophet set fire to Strickland’s body to get rid of the murder evidence. Greer tried to talk to The Prophet, but The Prophet’s bodyguards beat Greer up because they thought he was a cop. The Prophet lied that he didn’t have the weapon and then dismissed Greer.Dr. Canter, who was now using a child Surrogate as his disguise, picked up Greer in a car. Greer explained that Jared’s murderer (Miles) was dead and it was case closed, but Dr. Canter wanted FBI Greer to find the deadly weapon because Canter believed there was a billion-dollar weapons project involved. Greer went back to his house to find that Maggie’s friend coworker from the salon, Bridget, brought over her friends for a jacking (zap their Surrogate bodies with electricity and get high off the charge) party. Maggie claimed that she never participated, but she (Surrogate) was dressed sexy and flirted with a male Surrogate. Greer lost it and attacked the supposed male Surrogate, and then he told Maggie that he wanted his real wife. However, Maggie had been in the car accident with her son and was scarred, so she didn’t want to go anywhere as herself and she abused prescription pills at home when she locked her human self in her bedroom and wasn’t virtually connected to her Surrogate. Greer then used the FBI database to figure out that the Pentagon granted a weapons contract to VSI, but later on the army canceled the contract. Meanwhile, one of Dr. Canter’s Surrogates broke into Agent Peters’ house while she was sleeping and shot the human female FBI agent dead. Dr. Cantor watched Peters’ video feed and then hijacked the FBI agent’s Surrogate so the doctor could masquerade as the FBI agent and gain the government information he needed to put his deadly plan into action. Greer went to see Colonel Brendan and refused to say where the weapon was (at the Human Coalition Reservation). Brendan explained that the high tech gun electrical weapon was an overload device that was developed by VSI for warfare purposes. It could instantly immobilize Surrogates with one shot by sending a virus to the CPU, but the army ended the program after they discovered that the OD killed both the Surrogates and their human operators. Greer then told the military man that the weapon was on the reservation with the Human Coalition people. On the reservation land, the fake Prophet instructed his goons to take the weapon to the federal building and give it to Agent Peters, who was now being controlled by Dr. Canter. Greer went to see Maggie at her beauty salon job, but she refused to talk to him and didn’t want to ever be her real self in public or discuss their dead son, which caused both parents to lose sleep. Maggie confessed when she wasn’t in her Surrogate was abusing prescription pills. Upon arrival of the heavily armed military, the Prophet’s goons came out of their reservation building, which happened to be a elementary school, and had a shootout outside. The human (against Surrogates) henchmen were arrested. The Prophet was hit during the gunfire exchange, and it was revealed that the fake reservation Prophet was actually a Surrogate being controlled by Dr. Canter. Dr. Canter then got inside the female fake Agent Peters Surrogate at the FBI building and looked through the FBI financial records. Dr. Canter dressed as Agent Peters then met up with Greer and gave Greer (not knowing the real Agent Peters was murdered) information that Stone gave Strickland the weapon and ordered him to kill Canter. Greer confronted Stone at the FBI building and accused Stone of doing an inside job with VSI. Stone tried to call security on Greer, but he zapped Stone’s Surrogate and used his identity chip to download all of Stone’s classified files from his computer onto a portable USB drive. Greer and Canter as Peters made an escape from the FBI building. Greer explained to fake Peters that Canter was funding the anti-surrogacy revolution and planned to destroy all the Surrogates that he created, so VSI wanted him dead.Peters (actually Dr. Canter) instructed Greer to find the access codes that could be used to link Stone to the weapon. While Greer searched the FBI codes on his laptop, Peters driving the car then staged an accident for a car to hit Greer on the passenger side of the vehicle as Peters simultaneously called in 9/11 emergency that she found Greer and he was in an car accident because (Dr. Canter) Peters caused the vehicle accident on purpose to get rid of Greer and carry out the master plan. Peters (Dr. Canter) stole the codes and made a run for it with the weapon, and she jumped from car to car and caused accidents as Greer followed the Surrogate in the damaged car. Greer drove into multiple Surrogates (looked like real people) in his pursuit and then crashed through the Komeko building but was able to escape while the FBI investigated the crash. Greer called Bobby at his government office and told him to shut down Agent Peters’ Surrogate because it was compromised, but (Dr. Canter) Peters had handcuffed Bobby and was using his computer to download the codes of all the Surrogates. Greer quickly left Maggie a message to get out of her Surrogate body before something bad happened, but she was at work at the body hair salon and ignored the phone call. FBI supervisor Stone confronted Agent Peters, so she (Dr. Canter) killed him with the high tech zapper weapon (which also killed Stone’s human self). Greer went to visit Dr. Canter at his residence again and discovered that The Prophet was one of Canter’s Surrogates. Dr. Canter (disabled and used a wheelchair for life) held a gun on Greer and explained that Surrogates were not in favor of humankind and needed to be destroyed (in the way an addict had to be killed to kill their addiction) in order for the rebirth of humanity to occur. Dr. Canter had already completed his mission and transmitted the destruction of all Surrogates via computer so he committed suicide by taking a pill that instantly put his human self to death.  Greer put the doctor’s dead body on the floor and took over the stim chair and used Agent Peters’ Surrogate to female figure out what the murderous doctor did. Bobby helped Greer/Peters to override the virus that would also kill the billion people who were hooked up to their Surrogates. Greer was able to shut down the first part of the transmission but had to choose between yes or not in the final step as to whether or not to save the fake bots. Yes would save the Surrogates and the humans, but no would save only the humans and destroy the Surrogates. Greer wanted Maggie and everyone else to be real, so he chose no so then all of the Surrogates got wiped out. The government agents put a bullet in Peters’ Surrogate head. All the Surrogates around the world dropped lifeless where they were at, and those who were driving caused a massive car pileup. The real people came out of hiding inside their homes and were shocked at the sight of mess left behind by their controlled robots. Greer went home and kicked Maggie’s bedroom door down but it was empty. He found her in their son’s room, and Greer and Maggie finally hugged out the tragedy as two real humans grieved over the loss of a loved one, without the interference of bots. VSI had no comment regarding the destruction of all the Surrogates in the USA, Paris, London, Beijing and other places worldwide. This movie had a budget of $80 million and grossed over $122 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Matt Goldberg, Collider.com, “High-octane action.” Leonard Maltin, Entertainment Tonight, “Entertaining. Bruce Willis remains a stalwart among movie action heroes.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/22/24

TITLE:  Moulin Rouge 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2001  20th Century Fox / Bazmark Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the village of Montmartre in Paris in 1900, where a British man named Christian wrote a story about how moving from London to Paris in 1899 to join the bohemian revolution, which revolved around the Moulin Rouge, a nightclub and prostitution ring for the wealthy. Christian then met a group of circus performers from the club after the narcoleptic Unconscious Argentinean fell through Christian’s rented apartment ceiling. The performers tried to invent “The Sound of Music,” for their upcoming show at Moulin Rouge, and it was not until after Christianfinished the lyrics for the theme song that the performers wanted him to help produce a show. The performers introduced Christian to ungodly Moulin Rouge, which was filled with sinful cancan dancers and singers consisting of prostitutes dancing provocatively and men dressed as women. Christian fell in love at first sight with Satine, the courtesan who was the “sparkling diamond” of the show and sang Madonna’s words about being “a material girl in a material world.” Satine also sang about her love of diamonds over human love. Harold (Harry) Zidler, the manager at Moulin Rouge, arranged for Satine to hook up and have sex with the Duke of Monroth that night so he could make Satine a star actress like she wanted and she would do anything to get. However, Satine mistook Christian for the Duke and chose Christian to be her dance partner. Later on, Satine fainted and fell from her showgirl high wire swing, and Le Chocolat caught her before she fell to her death, while “show must go on” Zidler made the audience believe it was all part of the show. Satine was severely ill and was coughed up blood, but she hid it and gave the audience the show they craved. Satine and Christian went to a bedroom inside the questionable adult club, where he thought he was supposed to read poetry but she believed he was the Duke and prepared to have sex with him in her negligee. She played Mummy and gave Christian inspiration by grabbing his private parts and throwing him onto the bed and unbuttoned his pants to reveal his manhood. Christian didn’t understand and began his poetry, which Satine moaned and groaned about and pretended to be turned on by it as Christian’s male gay entertainer friends watched from windows outside. Christian broke out in Elton John’s “Your Song,” and he and Satine danced. Actress wannabe Satine professed her love to Christian until she learned that he was a writer and not the Duke. Satine tried to kick Christian out of her room to prepare herself for the real Duke but since the Duke was outside her door, she hid Christian inside. Satine used theatrics to distract the real Duke to keep Christian’s presence secret. Satine dismissed the Duke after convincing him that sex must wait until the opening night of the “Spectacular Spectacular” show the Duke had just agreed to finance. The Duke left but returned just as Satine fainted into Christian’s arms. They, Zidler and the other entertainers were able to fool the Duke into thinking it was a rehearsal for the show. Christian used his inspiration from the situation to invent a romance between a Hindu courtesan (Satine) and a penniless sitar player (Christian) even though the courtesan was supposed to be in love with an Indian maharajah (the Duke). The Duke agreed to invest in the show and turned Moulin Rouge into a theater. The entertainers and others celebrated with an orgy party. Christian asked Satine if she was really in love with him, and she explained that she couldn’t love anyone without a price and Satine was paid to pretend. Satine) and Christian then sang and professed their love for each other and kissed. Zidler signed the contract for the Duke to exclusively have Satine (Sa-teen) and to have access to the deeds to Moulin Rouge as collateral. Christian helped Satine and the other performers practice for the show. Christian and Satine made out passionately whenever they could. Satine canceled her appointments and dinners with the Duke to be with Christian. The Duke was angry and declared that he would leave if he didn’t get to spend time with Satine. Zidler was also upset and ordered Satine to end her relationship with Christian so she wouldn’t ruin things with the Duke. Satine continued to faint and have coughing fits, so she was bedridden for a time. Zidler explained Satine’s absence to the Duke as her confessing her sins to a priest, and then Zidler dressed up like a bride and acting girly as he sang “Like A Virgin” to the Duke. The doctor told Zidler only that Satine was dying from consumption. Satine told Christian that she needed to have sex with the Duke on opening night, but she and Christian continued their love affair and had sex. The Duke wanted to change the ending so that the courtesan chose the maharajah over the sitar player, but Christian blurted out that she didn’t love him. The Duke realized that Satine and Christian were in love, so he demanded that the ending would be rewritten the way he wanted it and without a lovers’ song. Satine pretended not to love Christian and offered herself to the Duke the night before the opening so he wouldn’t change the show. Christian tried to talk Satine out of it, but she had dinner with the Duke as the performers sang “Roxanne, by The Police.” The Duke gave Satine a high dollar diamond necklace and announced that he would let her keep the original ending of the play. Satine changed her mind about having sex with the Duke when she saw Christian. The Duke tried to rape Satine but Chocolat knocked him out and rescued Satine. She went into Christian’s arms, and they decided to run away together. However, the mad Duke told Zidler that he would have his manservant Warner kill Christian if Satine didn’t sleep with the Duke and do the show his way. Zidler told Satine, and she was upset with her pimp boss because he always told her nobody wanted her unless they paid for her body. Satine planned to leave Moulin Rouge with Christian, but then Zidler revealed that Christian could never be with Satine because she was dying and since the doctor never told her what was wrong with her but gave the information to someone else to use against her for his own profit, Satin never knew she was about to die. Zidler told Satine that the creatures of the underworld like them couldn’t love and she needed to lie to Christian that she didn’t love him so Christian would leave but didn’t mention the threat against Christian’s life if he stayed. Satine told Christian that she was leaving him for the Duke because he offered her riches and an acting career. She said she (Satine) was the Hindu courtesan and she chose the maharajah (Duke) and Moulin Rouge was her home. Christian was upset and called for Satine at the gates of Moulin Rouge, but Christian was thrown out into the street. Henri de Toulouse-Lautrec, one of the many gay performers, told Christian that Satine loved him but Christian screamed at Toulouse to go away and leave him alone at Christian’s bedside. Christian snuck into the opening night performance at Moulin Rouge, where Satine played the courtesan and Zidler played the maharajah, and the theatre was packed with well dressed people, including the Duke. The Argentinean was supposed to play the sitar player, but fell asleep so Christian took his clothes and went after Satine. Hired security Warner followed them with his gun, and Christian and Satine were onstage as the curtains opened to the audience. Zidler (show must go on) made Christian part of the show and announced that the sitar player changed his disguise but didn’t fool him. Christian threw money at Satine and announced that it was payment for his whore and said she was nothing to him. Christian started to leave, but then Toulouse announced that the greatest thing one could ever learn was to love and be loved in return. Satine broke out in a love song, and Christian joined her. Warner aimed his gun at Christian and was about to kill him, so Toulouse and another performer knocked the gun out of the slayer's hand…twice. The Duke then picked up the gun to kill Christian, but Zidler punched Duke in the face and the gun flew out the window and ricocheted off the Eiffel Tower. The sin filled performers all sang better together about freedom and were given a standing ovation for their performance. Satine had another bloody coughing fit. Satine told Christian to tell their prostitute love story, even though Satine never said she loved Christian before she dramatically died in his arms. In present day 1900, Christian finished the story. This movie had a budget of $50 million and grossed over $179 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Jan Wahl, NBC-TV San Francisco, “One of the most incredible movies I’ve ever seen!” Time Magazine, “You’ve never seen anything like it!” This movie was released just prior to 9/11.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/21/24

TITLE:  Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2016  Warner Bros. Pictures / Heyday Films

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in 1926 and began with Newt Scamander, a British wizard and member of the Ministry of Magic, traveling to the USA (New York City) to buy an Appaloosa Puffskein from the only breeder in the world. Newt got through customs by using his magic to hide the otherworldly creatures that he had already collected from around the world places, inside his suitcase. Mary Lou Barebone led the New Salem Preservation Society, aka the Second Salemers, whose goal was to exterminate the hidden witches and wizards for safety reasons. Porpentina “Tina” Goldstein, a witch who worked for the Magical Congress of the USA (MACUSA), attended Mary Lou’s rally when she wasn’t supposed to. Tina lost her job as an Auror after she attacked Mary Lou for beating her adopted children. Newt ran into Jacob Kowalski, a human non-wizard (called a No-Maj or Muggle) who worked in a cannery and hated his job but was headed to the bank in hopes of getting a loan to open a bakery. Bank superior Mr. Bingley denied Jacob the loan because he had no collateral. Jacob basically told the bank man that he had fought in the army too long and it was lousy pay so he had no savings. As it turned out, British Newt never served in the war and instead worked with Ukrainian Ironbellies at the time. Newt’s Niffler (looked like an Echidna from Australia) got loose then inside the bank and the creature stole shiny metal objects and coins, so Newt chased after him. Newt accidently left behind an egg on the bench with Jacob, from an unknown creature, which Jacob picked up, and Jacob returned it to Newt as it hatched. The Niffler escaped into the vault on its stealing spree, so Newt used his wand and magic powers take Jacob and himself inside the vault and open the NYC bank’s vault door. Mr. Bingley suspected Jacob of stealing money, so Newt froze Mr. Bingley and then transported himself, Jacob and the Niffler out of the bank before security could arrest them. Jacob was confused and ran off before Newt could Obliviate him, which was to erase any memory of magic Jacob had witnessed, since the law stated that the wizard world must never he revealed to the non-wizarding world. Tina followed Newt and took him to MACUSA to be investigated, and she explained that the breeder Newt was looking for had been shut down long ago. Madam President Seraphina Picquery of MACUSA refused to listen to Tina’s story because MACUSA was busy investigating the evil magic that wreaked havoc through the city by destroying the roadways and shattering the glass from local businesses. They believed that the beast, later revealed to be an Obscurial, had attacked the No-Majs and was connected to Gellert Grindelwald, a dark wizard who had been attacking Europe in hopes of starting a new wizarding order. Newt then discovered that he and Jacob had accidentally swapped suitcases and Jacob had the case full of Newt’s not so “harmless” creatures from other countries, three of which escaped into the city. Newt and Tina went to find Jacob at his apartment building that had been destroyed by the evil beast. Jacob was unconscious after a Murtlap bit him, and the side effects of the bite were a flaming butt for 48 hours. The Second Salemers opened the door of their building and rang the bell to summon the street kids. They examined the young children’s birthmarks and identified the marks they believed belonged to witches. Mary Lou visited Henry Shaw, Sr., the owner of a newspaper, and wanted to publish a story about the dangerous happenings in the city caused by witchcraft. However, newsman Shaw Sr. refused and was more concerned with getting his eldest son Shaw Jr. reelected as New York Senator. Tina took Newt and Jacob home to her apartment where she lived with her younger sister Queenie, a Legilimens who could read minds and flirted with Jacob. Percival Graves, an Auror at MACUSA and head of security, had a vision of an Obscurial in the form of a dying child. An Obscurial couldn’t live past the age of 10, and they were dark forces created by young witches and wizards that attacked people and then vanished. Graves instructed Credence, the eldest of Mary Lou’s three adopted children, to find the child in exchange for Graves giving Credence a place in the wizarding world like he wanted. Credence was home late, so Mary Lou spanked him with a belt, for his behavioral issues. Later on, Newt brought Jacob his bizarre created world inside his suitcase to treat Jacob’s bite and then showed him the creatures that Newt rescued. Newt planned to write a book called, “Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them,” in hopes that other wizards would follow his example and protect the ungodly creatures, instead of kill them. Newt came to the USA in order to return a giant bird creature with three pairs of wings named Frank, to Arizona, after Newt rescued Frank from captivity in Egypt. Newt and Jacob captured the escaped Niffler who was robbing a jewelry store, but then the NYC police blamed the robbery on Newt and Jacob. They escaped the police using magic and tracked down the escaped Erumpent, which went after Jacob but Newt was able to get the Erumpent into the suitcase. Senator Shaw gave a speech, but it was interrupted by the appearance of the Obscurial, who trashed the building and killed NY Senator Shaw (son of the newsman). Tina brought Newt and Jacob to Seraphina, and Newt claimed that an Obscurial killed Shaw and not one of Newt’s creatures.However, MACUSA didn’t believe Newt because it was thought that Obscurials no longer existed but they did. Newt’s suitcase was taken away and he, Jacob and Tina were arrested. Graves interrogated Newt, who endangered a human life with one of his beasts and therefore was expelled from the Hogwarts’ School of Witchcraft and Wizardry (the UK equivalent of America’s Ilvermorny) even though his teacher Albus Dumbledore argued in Newt’s favor. An Obscurial was found inside Newt’s suitcase, and Graves accused Newt of bringing it into the city with the intention to cause destruction and wage war between wizards and non-wizards. Newt argued that he was the studying the Obscurial and it was harmless after he removed it from a young girl who it killed. Graves announced that Newt was guilty of treason and betrayed other wizards by exposing their world to Non-Majs. Newt was sentenced to death, and so was Tina for being involved. Queenie, who also worked at MACUSA, rescued Jacob from a worker by threatening to reveal the affair that the worker was having. Newt rescued Tina from execution, and then they, Jacob and Queenie went to find the last missing creature that escaped Newt’s illegal creatures inside his suitcase that entered the USA illegally, which was Newt’s invisible Demiguise Dougal. They spoke to Tina’s informant named Gnarlak, and Newt traded one of his pets for information. Gnarlak revealed that Dougal was at Macy’s, and then Gnarlak betrayed the foursome by calling MACUSA to have them captured. They escaped and found Dougal and an Occamy creature that also escaped, and both were returned to the suitcase. Queenie read Newt’s mind and found out about Leta Lestrange, a woman in a photograph who Newt used to love but it didn’t work out. Meanwhile, Mary Lou discovered that adopted son Credence had a wizard wand and was practicing black magic. Mom planned to discipline Credence again, but her youngest adopted daughter Modesty lied and claimed that the wand was hers. Credence again lost control of his violence and turned into the Obscurial, and he killed his adopted mom, Mary Lou. Credence was the first Obscurial ever known to survive past age 10 because he was very powerful in his evil doings. Graves announced that Credence was useless and couldn’t be taught wizardry after all, and his reward for helping Graves was the death of his mother so the boy could continue practicing his evil without parents involved and teach his younger siblings to do the same. Graves believed that young Modesty was the Obscurial, but then eldest sibling Credence transformed into the dark beast and escaped into the city. Credence wreaked havoc and the police department’s bullets could do anything to stop him. Newt went to City Hall to try and talk Credence out of destroying everything while Graves and MACUSA barred off the area. Graves attacked Newt with magic, and Tina tried to calm Credence down. However, Madam President Seraphina then ordered for the death of Credence, and the Aurors used their magic to destroy evil Credence. Graves argued that it was wrong, and Newt magically restrained Graves who then turned out to be Grindelwald in disguise. MACUSA arrested him, and then Newt gave Frank a vial of venom from one of Newt’s creatures. Frank spread the venom over the city in the form of rain, and it Obliviated the magic from the memories of all the Non-Majs. The wizards put the city back together and changed the newspaper headlines like nothing ever happened. Madam President Seraphina insisted that they follow the law and Obliviate Jacob, and Queenie kissed Jacob before his memory was erased. As Jacob returned to his job at the cannery, England’s Newt intentionally and literally bumped into Jacob as they walked on the busy NYC sidewalk. Jacob looked down at the suitcase beside him, opened it, and then discovered that the suitcase contained a personal note from Newt and inside was a large amount of highly valuable silver Occamy eggshells that Newt gifted Jacob to use as collateral for his NYC bakery.The movie ended with Jacob opening his NYC bakery and Queenie was inside. Newt headed back across the pond to the Ministry of Magic to get his book published, and he and his new USA love interest, Tina, said their goodbyes. Tina thanked English Newt for speaking on her behalf and using his magic (perhaps bribed Madam President) to get her MACUSA job back. England’s Newt then agreed to come back to NYC and give her a copy of the book in person. This movie had a budget of $175-200 million and grossed $814 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Dave Morales, FOX-TV, “A magical adventure!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/20/24

TITLE: Fast Color 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2018  Lionsgate / Codeblack Films / LD Entertainment / Original Headquarters Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the Midwest, where water prices skyrocketed (like $50 per gallon water) because of an eight-year drought. Unstable teen Ruth left her single mom, Bonnie’s (Bo), farmhouse, battled addiction problems, and became a wanderer for many years while associating with other addicts like her. In present day, Ruth escaped an abandoned building in View Park from government employee Joe and with a gun (possibly from Joe) and then fled the scene when the police came. Ruth got a room at the Downtown Inn, where the sight of the innkeeper’s daughter gave Ruth flashbacks of daughter Lila, who lived with grandmother Bo for the majority of the child’s life. Lila had no memory of Ruth because addict Ruth deserted Lila soon after Lila was born. Ruth’s wrists were bloody from the ropes she used to tie herself up with when her seizures started. Inside the dingy rented room, Ruth sensed a seizure before it started so she called the innkeeper and her daughter on the phone and told them to hide under the counter and keep away from the shattered window glass. The seizure caused an earthquake. When the world stopped shaking, Ruth left the damaged mess behind her and stole a car on the street and fled town as the police arrived on scene to investigate. Several miles away, Ruth met undercover Bill at a café, and he bought her coffee and lied that he was married and had kids to gain her trust. A police officer showed up outside and had tracked down the stolen car to the cafe, so Bill pretended that he and Ruth were together and they left in his big station wagon. As he drove along further from civilization out in the deserted flatland, Bill then revealed that he was a government scientist and he called the police on Ruth because Joe gave Bill a tip to track Ruth down. Bill played his cards knew that Ruth would have no other option than to accept his ride otherwise she would be arrested for car theft. While driving, Bill pulled out a needle tried to take a DNA blood sample from Ruth, so Ruth pulled out the gun she had with her and shot Bill in the hand. Ruth tried to shoot again to kill Bill but the click told of the empty round and no bullets to finish Bill off. Ruth escaped Bill and his boat car and ran through the dried up crop field to Jimo’s gas station in the small town of Garrison. Bill abandoned the car and left the station wagon in the roadway in order to go after Ruth. Bill took Ruth’s purse bag with him that Ruth left behind in her flight to safety. Ruth went inside a bar, where she played “Germfree Adolescents,” on the jukebox. She had no money, so she traded cleaning services for food and water at a bar and the female native bartender let her stay in one of the old motel rooms (outside the bar) that long ago had been closed down and not open to the public. Ruth later left the area and walked the rest of the way to her mama’s house in the rural country where the neighbors had all deserted their property and moved away because of the drought so there was nobody for miles around. Upon arrival, Bo was on the front porch and smoked her cigarette while listening to, “New World Coming” song about the seven plagues from the Bible. Ruth scared Bo in the dark by taking the cigarette out of her mom’s her hand using black magic to make the cigarette disintegrate toward the dry ground, while Ruth stood a ways away. Soon after, Lila was introduced to Ruth. Bo didn’t want Ruth to ruin young Lila’s life (now tween) because the child was healthy, and told her daughter that when Ruth left the last time Ruth told her to pretend that she was dead and gone. Ruth slept in the barn, where she had a seizure that caused another earthquake. All the women of Ruth’s family, excluding her, had strange powers to take things apart and put them back together as they were and could see things in many bright dazzling colors. Bo had seen the “colors” for the last 52 years she had been using her powers, while Lila was still mastering hers and showed her ability to take apart a cereal bowl and put it back together. Ruth used to have powers when she was a child, and hers were unique but dangerous. Ruth’s magic quickly got out of control, and Ruth lost her ability when her seizures started. At a young age, Ruth became a drug addict and left home, and Ruth only returned to her mom’s house after she got pregnant and Lila was born so she could leave the child with her mom to raise as her own while Ruth deserted her family and left again to live elsewhere her addict life. Ruth then claimed she had been sober for almost a year, but then the seizures came back. Bo’s great-grandmother started a diary for the women of the family to write in about their life experiences and Bo often read from it. Bo tried to teach Ruth to control her powers but she had a hard time. One day, Ruth suggested that Lila try to use her abilities to put back pieces of broken glass from a window so Ruth dumped the broken glass on the floor at the little girl’s feet. Lila attempted to fix the broken glass window but couldn’t so she was upset. Bonnie and Lila went into town so Lila could get supplies to fix up the old blue Ford truck and get it running because Bo promised her granddaughter that if she fixed it, the truck was hers. Grandma also needed to get more water since there was an extra person to support. While in town, Lila ran into Bill and a government agent at the store and Bill went through Ruth’s bag and figured Lila was related to Ruth. Bill’s government boss was angry with him for not capturing Ruth when he had the chance but since Bill was a scientist and not agent so Bill defended his real position within the government and told him he wasn’t qualified for that job and Joe failed to do his job. Someone left Bo a message on the answering machine at her house when she got home, but it was nothing but silence. Out of character, Ruth prayed to God for help to harness her abilities as she made the sky above her change and form storm clouds, she almost succeeded but didn’t. With Ruth’s influence, Lila was convinced that there was something more to their powers than they thought so she wanted to go into the world and find out. Ruth gave Lila some old Lauryn Hill, Nina Simone and X-Ray Spex (Sex Pistol) records to listen to. Meanwhile, Sheriff Dean found Bill’s car in the roadway, and collected blood samples (Bill bled profusely from his wound) and evidence samples from the crime scene, but the lab took the samples and gave them to Bill and the government officials, which made the Sheriff unhappy about not being able to solve the open case and losing his evidence. Sheriff Dean asked the gas male gas station owner and the female motel bartender about Bill and Ruth, and then the Sheriff discussed what he found out with Bo. Mama Bo was irate that Ruth was messed up in more criminal activities and shot a man. Ruth refused to leave and argued that she defended herself against Bill when he attacked her. Bo explained to Ruth that her own mom wouldn’t let her go to town when she was a child, so Bonnie snuck out of her home to the candy store where she met Ruth’s dad, now Sheriff Dean. Bo’s mom grounded her when she found out, but (black) teen Bo eventually met with (white) teen Dean outside the high school in the middle of the night where Bo got pregnant with Ruth. Meanwhile, little Lila fixed up the truck and was able to get the old Ford running. Bo was then angry with her grandchild after she discovered that Lila stole new tools from the store, used her magic to turn them into dust and hid the dust in her pocket and purse so she could get them out of the store unnoticed and once home she ran to her bedroom and then reassembled the dust into the form of the brand new tools as in the store in order to use on the truck. Lila lied about it and swore the f-word. Bo then gave Ruth the truck keys as Sheriff Dean explained that Ruth needed to make a run for it to escape the government agents now in town and wanted to run tests on Ruth. Lila wanted to go with Ruth, but she declared that she was a drug addict and didn’t even know whom Lila’s birth dad was. Ruth blurted out to Lila that Sheriff Dean was her dad and Lila’s grandfather. Sheriff Dean explained that it was Bo’s idea for Dean and Bonnie to live separate lives while she lived alone in the farmhouse and he lived in a different home. Ruth left the farmhouse alone and refused to let Lila go with her into the terrible world with all its inhabitants. The truck ran out of gas on the side of the road, so Ruth went to get gas on foot. In a field, Ruth had a seizure but was able to stop it, and she had a flashback of the first seizure she had after Lila was born. Ruth woke up to find the room filled with water, and she was able to rescue baby Lila out of the water after GOD’s baby fell in the water and Ruth was out of it, and Lila almost drowned. The sky then filled with GOD’s rainbow colors, so Ruth returned to Bo’s house. Once there, Ruth found the inside of the house trashed and empty and went to see Sheriff Dean at his home. Sheriff Dean explained that the government agents went to Bo’s house looking for Ruth, and they took Lila to the sheriff station when she revealed her abilities, and Bo was on her way to see Dean. Ruth explained to Bo that she was the person who could take apart the sky and she could finally control her powers. Bo and Dean went with Ruth to rescue Lila, and Bo was afraid of her own magic and that she might hurt the men if she tried to stop them. Ruth was able to make it rain, and the government agents pointed their guns at her but Bo was able to disintegrate their government guns. Bo used her powers to disintegrate the door of the jail cell so Lila could leave, and then Bo announced that the new world was coming as Lila stepped over the second door rubble that Bo crumbled in order for her grand-daughter to come out. Bo gave Lila a note to give to Ruth and told Lila to run to Ruth by the old Ford truck to make a getaway. Bo gave herself up in place of the others, and went to the jail cell where she used her powers to put the front door back together on the Sheriff’s office and blocked out the government agents. Ungodly Ruth allowed her own mom to be locked up so she could have her freedom to run away with GOD’s child, Lila, who never stole or committed a crime until questionable Ruth appeared in her life again. Inside the old blue Ford truck, Lila gave Ruth the note from Bo and Ruth read it whiling driving down the country road. The note explained that Simona Lott from the stories that Bo told younger Ruth was a real person. Simona lived in Rome with other people like Ruth, and the note told Ruth to go find them and take apart the sky with innocent Lila. Sheriff Dean had no women (his lover, questionable daughter, and Italy bonded grand-daughter) left in his life in the end and stayed behind in that small hick town. The movie cover art listed, Soraya Nadia McDonald, The Undefeated, “An exceptional poetic ride.” Pete Hammond, Deadline, “A female-empowered superhero movie unlike any other you have ever seen – and that’s a very good thing.” Richard Roeper, Chicago Sun-Times, “One of my favorite movies of the year so far.”

  

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/19/24

TITLE:  White House Down 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2013 Columbia Pictures / Sony Pictures Releasing / Mythology Entertainment / Centropolis Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Washington, D.C., with USA President James William Sawyer (who had a smoking problem) chose to again abandon scheduled Route Omaha and do a fly-by over the city in a presidential helicopter. Capitol policeman John Cale asked Jenna Buydwell, a young female advisor to Vice President Alvin Hammond, to get him a pass to the White House tour for Cale’s 11-year-old daughter, Emily. Emily lived with her mom, Melanie Schopp, who was divorced from Cale. Cale was so involved in his work that he missed Emily’s talent show by a week, so she was upset with him until he revealed that they would tour the White House, and on the same day, Cale had a job interview (he took Emily on his interview) to work for the Secret Service. A trillion dollars had been spent on warfare (and helping other countries succeed) since 9/11, so President Sawyer came up with a controversial treaty to make peace with the Middle East by removing US troops from Iran, and both political parties had mixed votes on the matter. President Sawyer’s wife, Alison, the First Lady, was in France with their 15-year-old daughter, Amber, trying to sell the treaty. Alison had given her husband Sawyer a Mary Todd watch that Lincoln had and told him to keep it close to his heart (so he put it in his inside suit chest pocket). Cale met with Carol Wilkes-Finnerty, a divorced special agent in charge of President Sawyer’s presidential Secret Service detail. Cale had a Silver Star for saving another solider in Afghanistan (served 3 terms in Afghanistan), but he still had a questionable background even after he tried to clean himself up for the government job. Carol refused to give Cale a chance at the job, but then she overheard him tell Emily that he may have a job but the hiring process took a lot of time. Martin Walker, the head of the Secret Service, and Carol’s boss, was soon to retire, so agents threw him a surprise party with cake in the building. Martin was the mastermind behind a grand scheme to capture President Sawyer.Walker was not happy to hear the news that Alison and Amber were returning that night from Paris and may interfere with his well thought out government takeover. Walker’s group of mercenaries, led by Emil Stenz, entered the White house disguised as technicians and Cale saw them as they looked out of place. Cale and Emily joined the White House tour with tour guide Donnie Donaldson leading the way around the approved White House grounds. Emily was excited to meet President Sawyer in person when he suddenly made an appearance. She received permission and did a video of the President on her cell phone for her YouTube blog and asked one question about the Middle East treaty. Before he left, the President whispered to Cale not to lie to Emily about the job because Emily had told Sawyer her dad would be working for him soon. The tour group walked by the Presidential movie theatre that the guests were not supposed to tour but since the door was opened, Cale had a peek and saw the hired service technicians wearing fake company clothing doing a lot of busy work inside. Donnie came back to tell Cale to catch up with the group. Soon after, one of the mercenary hired guns posing as a janitor left a cleaning cart inside the Capitol building’s Rotunda, and the cart exploded.  The Capital building explosion was a diversion so the bad guys could take control of the white house and steal the Presidency. Everything was then put on lockdown and the tour wasn’t allowed to leave the White House so Cale wasn’t aloud to leave and find Emily, who had just left to go alone to the bathroom downstairs. Emily hid in the lower part of the White House and made videos of the deadly mercenaries. Cale was able to call Emily but was interrupted by the gunmen then took the tour members hostage. The other mercenaries shot dead all the security officers and the government snipers on the roof, and Cale got away and ran with a gun to rescue Emily. A mercenary confronted Cale, and he acted innocent and begged not to be shot and said he was just looking for his daughter, but then Cale shot the bad guy dead and took his gun and walkie-talkie that Cale used to overhear Walker’s instructions to the mercenaries. Walker, acting as though he were helping the President, took Sawyer to the vault where he would supposedly be safe, but then Walker shot dead all the Secret Service there. Cale rescued President Sawyer from the madmen, and the two learned that Walker wanted Sawyer alive. Walker refused to let the mercenaries deter from the original plan and not go after Cale even after Stenz’s friend (buddy who saved Stenz’s life more than once) Bobby got killed. Sawyer believed that Walker had a vendetta against Sawyer because he ordered covert Marine action that Walker’s son Kevin Charles got killed in. Walker and Stenz took the secretaries in high-ranking positions hostage, and Stenz shot the secretary of defense dead. General Caulfield, the Vice Chairman of the Joint Chiefs of Staff, ordered the nuclear launch codes switched out. The control center then figured out that the Capitol explosion was a diversion so the mercenaries could get into the White House. Carol had communicated with Walker just minutes before and believed that he was taking care of President Sawyer because the female closest to her boss Walker had no idea he was filled with evil. The news reported the incident from outside the gate of the White House lawn and announced that the paramilitary group were Arab terrorists when they had zero clue what was really going on but instead fed lies and spread worldwide panic to millions of people. Emily uploaded the videos of the real criminals inside to her YouTube channel, and then she was found and put with the other hostages. Donnie begged the mercenaries not to damage the artifacts, so they smashed to pieces the Ming Dynasty vase that was gifted to them by Queen Elizabeth II. The mercenaries set up javelin missiles on the roof to shoot down any military aircraft that came near. VP Hammond left on Air Force Two, and he considered removing Sawyer from power and the army couldn’t easily be called in and used against the terrorists. The government people in charge officials contacted Walker, and he demanded to have $400 million from the federal reserve (on an average day) loaded onto a plane for him within two hours, otherwise he would kill the hostages and President Sawyer. Carol was shocked to discover that Walker was behind it all because she even had Thanksgiving meals with boss Walker and his wife Muriel every year. Cale then called Jenna on Air Force II in the sky with the VP and she connected him to the control center after President Sawyer came on the phone so she put the President on hold. Carol instructed Cale and President Sawyer to go to the basement and escape using the secret tunnels, which Carol confirmed were real and were used by JFK to sneak Marilyn in even after Donnie claimed it wasn’t true on the tour when Emily asked to see the tunnels. The mercenaries found Cale and Sawyer in the Presidential suite after the two escaped from the elevator shaft they hid in. President Sawyer now wearing the Jordan sneakers he changed into then killed a terrorist with a heavy powered gun by shooting the hitman who attacked Cale. The news stations then reported Emily’s YouTube videos that had hundreds of millions of hits, and Melanie saw it on TV and went to the government building to find out what was going on with her child. Stenz also saw the video on the TV and slapped Emily and put a gun to her head so she would give up her phone, and then he threatened that she (child) would be the first hostage dead.The government officials then used Facial recognition on the YouTube videos proved the identities of the mercenaries. Stenz was ex-Delta Force and a rogue CIA agent who was once trapped in a Taliban prison. Carl Killick was arrested at age 12 for trying to blow up the post office because of the black people working there, and Conrad Cern operated a white-only hate blog against black President Sawyer. Skip Tyler, who was currently videoing himself hacking into the security system inside the White House, used to work for the NSA but he was fired for rewriting the nuclear launch coordinates so Apple headquarters would get bombed since he didn’t like the way Apple operated its music business. Walker found Cale and Sawyer in the elevator shaft again, and Cale was able to shoot Walker and injure Walker. Carol gave them directions through the tunnels, and Cale wanted Sawyer to escape to safety while Cale stayed behind to rescue Emily. However, there was an alarm camera in the basement that the mercenaries had setup and it went off, so the mercenaries knew where to find them. Cale and Sawyer encountered a gate armed with explosives, so they escaped into the garage and sped off in the presidential limo. The gunmen chased after them and shot at them, and President Sawyer ordered the National Guard to use their tanks and shoot the mercenaries on the roof. However, the mercenaries shot the tanks first with their high-powered weaponry of mass destruction.  President Sawyer used a rocket launcher from inside the limo to shoot a hole in the fence so they could get out. However, the terrorist mercenaries holding onto Emily at gunpoint on the balcony then distracted Cale. Cale wasn’t able to avoid the missile, and it hit the limo that then caused them to crash into the pool of water. Cale and Sawyer threw a grenade at Walker and Stenz and then escaped into the pool house. A mercenary shot up the building, and it exploded when the firepower came in contact with propane. Cale and Sawyer used a tunnel to get out alive, but Sawyer had been shot so Cale nursed the President. It was reported that Sawyer was dead, so Hammond was sworn in as the 47thpresident while the money from the reserve was moved to deliver to Walker and his evil gang of terrorists. Walker’s wife, Muriel, went to the command center, and she revealed that her husband Walker was on a suicide mission because his doctor told him that he would die in three months from a cancerous brain tumor. Muriel called Walker and tried to talk him out of it, but he refused and then Muriel revealed that she was in on the scheme and encouraged Walker to go through with his plan to avenge their son’s (Kevin) death. Muriel was taken away, and Carol was dismissed because her department government agency turned out to be corrupt. However, Carol convinced a security agent to secretly help her and get her database files on the mercenaries. Delta Force was called in to take down the mercenaries on the roof, but all three helicopters were shot down with missiles even after Cale tried to fight off the criminals. Donnie almost got chopped when a helicopter crashed through the ceiling.Cale and Stenz fought each other. Cale got away, but Stenz found the tour passes and realized that Emily was Cale’s daughter so he would use that against Cale. Meanwhile, Tyler successfully hacked into the NORAD system. He deleted his file from the system and then set off a missile to hit Air Force Two over Ohio. The government VP plane went crashing to the ground on an Ohio farmer’s land as he drove a tractor nearby that ruined the crops in his field. VP Hammond and all others onboard were confirmed dead . Eli Raphelson, the Speaker of the House, took a moment to (supposedly) call his wife before he was sworn in as the new president. Walker was now capable of shooting missiles at Russia, Pakistan and the Arabians, so President Raphelson called for an air strike on the White House to destroy it with no regard to the lives of the hostages. Roger Skinner, a political commentator who trashed President Sawyer on his talk show TV, stood between Stenz and Emily. Stenz shot the President Sawyer trash talker and took Emily to Walker, who announced over the speaker that he would shoot Emily in the stomach if Sawyer didn’t appear on the count of three. President Sawyer was hiding close by and gave himself up. Carol informed Cale on the phone that he had eight minutes left before the bomb hit the White House and destroyed everyone in it. Walker explained his plan to end the Middle East war once and for all by using nuclear weapons against the Iranians because President Sawyer didn’t have the nuts to do it while he had the chance and just wanted to aid the terrorists overseas. Walker instructed Sawyer to open a briefcase and enter his nuclear launch codes, but Sawyer refused. Walker put a gun to Emily’s head, and President Sawyer still refused to open it because he didn’t want millions of lives to be lost in the Middle East. Cale setting fires inside the White House that set off the sprinklers then interrupted them. Killick tried to shoot Cale but Donnie saved him by beating Killick up with a German mantle clock artifact. Donnie got a gun and led the hostages outside to safety while Cale headed to the Oval Office to rescue Emily. Tyler tried to use the bombs in the basement but they exploded because Cale may have rewired the device. One of the mercenaries decided that he wouldn’t get involved with nukes and that was not part of the deal so he abandoned his post and planned to make off with the money, so Walker shot him dead. Sawyer stabbed Walker with a pen, but Walker was able to knock Sawyer out and get the presidential hand scan that unlocked the nuclear launch system. Meanwhile, President Raphelson gave the go-ahead for the White House to be destroyed so Russia and China wouldn’t launch their missiles back at America, who the bad guys set to fire missiles at those countries. Carol called Cale, and he got distracted and was then attacked by Stenz. Emily wouldn’t leave without her dad, and Sawyer and Walker fought with each other as Cale and Stenz fought. Stenz called Emily a bit**, so Cale put explosives around Stenz’s neck and blew him up and called Stenz the bit**. Walker then shot Sawyer in the chest, so little Emily tried to attack crazed man Walker. Cale drove a car through the Oval Office to save his daughter and used a machine gun to kill Walker before he could finish the nuclear missile launch in Iran. Cale went to get Sawyer and told Emily to run, so Emily went outside and stood on the White House lawn and waved a huge Presidential flag to signal the military officers in the aircraft not to blow up the building with her dad inside (as she believed Sawyer was dead). The military airmen didn’t wait for President Raphelson’s final word (Raphelson delayed his response) to not drop the bombs and instead the pilots aborted the mission on their own. Inside the White House, Sawyer revealed to Cale that he was still alive and Honest Abe took a second bullet for him because the pocket watch in Sawyer’s pocket saved him from certain death. Carol received the databases and called Cale to tell him that Walker had help from an unknown insider to get the codes. Cale went outside alone to greet everyone and Cale led (President) Raphelson to believe that Sawyer was dead. The first order of business for Speaker of the House (President) Raphelson (no mourning over dead President or VP) was to order troops back into Iran. Cale had figured it all out because Walker and Raphelson used the same old tech equipment pager system. Cale explained that Raphelson was the insider who gave Walker the codes in exchange for becoming president. President Sawyer then exited what was left of the White House and revealed that he was alive and he had Raphelson arrested. Sawyer gave Cale a job on Secret Service detail and then told Cale he wasn’t traveling without Cale protecting him, so Cale took Emily with him for a ride in the presidential helicopter. Donnie hit on Melanie on the White House grounds as the Presidential helicopters did their non-scheduled fly-by around the government buildings. As it turned out, the presidents of Iran, Russia, Israel and France agreed to President Sawyer’s terms for the peace treaty.This movie had a budget of $150 million and grossed over $205 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Claudia Puig, USA Today, “A Die Hard-style thriller that will make pulses race!” Nikki Novak, Young Hollywood, “A non-stop thrill ride that will have you leaping out of your seat.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/18/24

TITLE:  Desperately Seeking Susan 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1985   20thCentury Fox / MGM / Orion Pictures / KL (Kino Lorber) Studio Classics 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in New Jersey, where Roberta Glass was an unhappy childless housewife in Fort Lee because her husband, Gary, was unkind and self absorbed. Gary starred in his own television commercials with half-clothed women to sell hot tubs for his business, Gary’s Oasis. Roberta hung out at the beauty salon and regularly searched the want ads in the newspaper, sometimes for a job, and she was obsessed with reading the personal ads that Jim Dandy put out telling his unstable lover, Susan Thomas, where to find him. The two lost souls had already met up in Mexico City and Seattle, and now Jim asked Susan to meet him in New York City. Susan left a European punk heavy metal rocker destructive path, favored a stripper clothing style and often wore black, wore a JESUS cross around her neck and preferred skulls to accessorize with. Susan woke up in hotel room 1313 in Atlantic City after she slept with her latest hookup, mobster Bruce Meeker. She used a camera and snapped instant printed photos of Bruce asleep. Susan then stole things from the hotel (towels and silverware) and stole from Bruce’s bag, a pair of ancient Egyptian earrings that belonged to Nefertiti. Susan then left Bruce alive in bed and walked out with her skull hatbox full of stolen goods. The television news reported about the artifact that was stolen from a Cairo collection in NYC by Bruce and his accomplice Richard Nolan. Soon after, Wayne Nolan spotted Susan as she left Bruce’s room in the hallway when she dropped the earrings and other things after her hatbox popped open. Wayne studied Susan and would be sure to remember her green jacket with a gold pyramid and eye symbol on the back like a dollar bill. Susan made her escape in the elevator and Wayne headed to 1313. Susan took a bus to NYC, and she changed her clothes in the bus terminal and then exposed her see-through bra to anyone watching. She went to the Magic Club on Broadway and asked to stay with her friend Crystal, who was still an assistant to the performing magician Ian. Susan discovered in the newspaper she was wanted for questioning after Wayne pushed mobster Bruce out the hotel window to his death. Roberta decided to liven up her life so she drove from Fort Lee to the NYC park, where she spotted Jim and Susan meeting and passionately making out. Jim couldn’t stay and was in a rock band and headed to Buffalo, New York for a gig in his skull van with his coed band mates. Susan refused to go with Jim and company but explained to him about the trouble she was in with the dead mobster. Jim gave Susan the number of his friend, Dez in NYC in case Susan needed help while he was away. Roberta decided to follow Susan around, after Jim drove off to NY near the Canadian border, and see what Susan did and where Susan went. Susan went into a resale shop and swapped her pyramid jacket for a pair of rhinestone boots. Roberta bought the pyramid jacket after Susan left and was told by the lying male clerk it used to belong to Elvis. Susan arrived home and started cooking but then Gary rushed out to dinner with a German to help him get his hot tubs through customs. Roberta was so distracted by Susan that she forgot to pick up the car radio that Gary asked her to get in NYC because he installed a tub in the salesman’s home and so the salesman gave him a good deal on a radio. Roberta then found the key to Susan’s Port Authority locker in the pyramid jacket pocket, as well as a picture of Susan taken in the Atlantic City hotel room with Bruce, and the NYC newspaper clipping reporting the murder. Roberta studied them in the bathtub with Roberta’s naked breasts were exposed. Donkey Susan returned to the resale shop after she remembered she left things inside her old pyramid jacket and was upset that the coat got sold. Susan left her name and number at the store in the event the stranger returned the valued things inside the resale jacket. Roberta then decided to go to the Mirror newspaper office and she put out a want ad signed as a stranger who was desperately seeking Susan so the key could be returned. Jim read the newspaper ad in the Buffalo area and so Jim called his NYC buddy Dez to go to the meeting place and check on Susan because he was very upset and jealous and wanted to know the “stranger’s” identity.Dez reluctantly agreed and got a quick description of Susan since the two had never met and he only knew Susan from the little conversations Jim and him had about Susan, and Susan from that Dez knew that Susan could not be trusted. However, Roberta matched the description that Jim gave his friend for Susan. Susan went to the park in a cab, but then she shortchanged the taxi driver so he called the police on her and Susan was arrested before she could meet up with stranger Roberta. Wayne was there too and he thought that Roberta was Susan since Roberta wore the pyramid jacket so he grabbed Susan as they walked in the crowded park area. Dez appeared on his Dragon Noodle scooter and called out Susan’s name when he saw the man assaulting the female. Roberta fought to get free from Wayne, lost her purse in the water and also hit her head hard on a lamppost. She was knocked unconscious, and when she woke up Roberta had amnesia and didn’t remember her name or past events and people. Dez was convinced that Roberta was Susan since there was no identification on the injured female so he claimed Roberta was with him and told the crowd to leave. After finding the key inside the jacket pocket, Dez recognized it from the Port Authority location and then drove Roberta to the locker to see if anything inside Susan’s locker jogged her memory. Roberta remembered nothing after going through the skull box of things, so Dez agreed to let Roberta stay at his apartment for the night. Soon after, Susan was released from jail and discovered that the contents of her PA locker were gone. As it turned out, Dez’s girlfriend, Victoria, had just dumped him, and as they arrived at his apartment, Dez discovered that his ex Victoria and her new Porsche-driving boyfriend moved most everything out of his Chinatown place, including the fridge and some of Dez’s belongings. Killer Wayne staked out the apartment as Roberta and Dez ate Chinese food and drank lots of alcohol. Roberta explained that she knew nothing about Bruce’s murder after seeing the newspaper clipping in her jacket. Roberta kissed Dez, but Dez stopped it from going further because of Jim. Dez woke up the next morning after sleeping on the floor and witnessed Roberta’s completely bare breasts, as she put on a showgirl green dress from the skull box. Roberta found a $100 bill in the suitcase that Susan stole from mobster Bruce’s wallet, so Roberta and Dez went to Gunny’s Coffee Shop from the matchbook in her skull box to see if anything was familiar to Roberta since Susan was said to have worked at the shop and met Jim there. Stalker Wayne followed and pretended to read from an E-Man comic book and spied on Roberta and Dez inside the eatery.However, the staffers then thought Roberta was Susan because she wore the pyramid jacket so Dez and Roberta were kicked out of the place on to the street with threats by the owner pressing charges if Susan ever showed her face there again. Roberta found the Magic Club postcard inside Susan’s suitcase and headed there, but when she was roughly shown to the door, she dropped the card and evil Wayne found the postcard on the floor and planned to go there too. Right before Roberta arrived at the Magic Club, Crystal got fired from the Magic club and left with Susan to catch a movie at the Bleecker Street Cinema, where Dez also headed because he worked at the movie place in the film room. Roberta walked in and quickly auditioned to replace Crystal as Ian’s assistant at the Magic Club. Roberta got the job as Davina, Queen of the Night. Meanwhile, Gary reported Roberta’s disappearance to the police, and Gary’s sister Leslie suggested that Roberta left Gary to have an affair with another man because Gary had a long-term affair with Becky Shuman (during his four year marriage to Roberta). Gary later fought with the accented housekeeper, Daisy, for the NYC thrift store bag that Roberta gave to the hired help. Gary used the bag to find the store where Roberta bought the jacket that he was disgusted with Roberta buying in the first place because it was used, even though his wife said that Jimmy Hendrix used to own in (per Susan when Susan traded it with the clerk). The clerk at the store gave Gary the name and number of Susan that Susan left, so later on back in Fort Lee, Gary called Susan at Crystal’s apartment and the two agreed to meet up at the NYC  dope filled club where mentally unstable ones hung out, including transgenders. Gary told Susan that Roberta was the straightest person in Fort Lee and never did drugs, and Gary refused to drink alcohol so Susan took him out on the groupie dance floor. Susan twisted the facts and made up nasty lies and tried to blame Bruce’s murder on Roberta and claimed that the other female was trying to frame Susan for the death of the mobster. After Roberta finished work that night, crazy Wayne followed Roberta out of the Magic club, but she escaped into a building where security officer Enrique checked to make sure the bad guy was gone.  However, Enrique didn’t come back from the scary deserted NYC gangster streets. Roberta saw the Gary’s Oasis commercial on TV in Spanish before Roberta left the unmanned security office building. As she walked, Wayne grabbed Roberta from his hiding place and held a gun to her head. The criminal demanded to have the stolen Egyptian earrings, but Roberta knew nothing about the earrings. Roberta was again knocked unconscious when Wayne threw her to the ground hard. Wayne ran away with Roberta’s bag leaving her there only with her live birds in a birdcage to practice for the next magic show when the police arrived. The officers believed that Roberta was a prostitute and Wayne was her pimp that escaped the scene after roughing her up. The cops put Roberta in the back of the car with a real prostitute and took the housewife to jail. Gary and Susan left NYC and drove back to the Glass home in Fort Lee, NJ together, where Susan took Roberta’s sparkle jacket to replace her pyramid jacket since Susan believed that Roberta owed her a jacket. Susan sat in the bathtub and asked Gary for pot. Gary had no drugs so Susan pulled a joint out of her rhinestone boot and she and Gary shared and smoked it. Gary was too stoned to answer the phone when Roberta called him from jail so Susan answered the call and heard Gary calling himself the spa king, so Roberta figured that he was with his lover and was having an affair so Roberta hung up. Roberta then called Dez and he paid her $200 jail bail and took Roberta back to his apartment. Gary and Leslie heard about Roberta’s arrest and went to the police station to collect the missing Roberta, but Roberta’s was already gone. Once inside Dez’s apartment, the two discovered it had been trashed and all the movie reel tapes that he operated at the movie theater where he worked were unwound and appeared ruined. Dez was angry that Susan (Roberta) was nothing but trouble, and she was upset that he refused to believe she wasn’t Susan and he didn’t care that Wayne tried to kill her. Roberta and Dez quickly made amends and had sex, and she told him the truth about her real name but he still thought she was lying. Leslie was insistent that Roberta was a prostitute and possibly a lesbian on their way back to Fort Lee and told her brother so. Susan went swimming in Gary’s pool in her see-through bra and then read Roberta’s diary. Susan informed Gary that Roberta wrote about Susan and left as Leslie decided to read Roberta’s diary in her absence. Susan went to the New York Mirror dressed like a prostitute wearing a man’s shirt as covering with garter stockings and bought a want ad asking Roberta to meet her at the Magic Club. Jim snuck into Dez’s apartment, and Dez thought it was an intruder so Dez temporarily knocked him out not knowing who he was. Dez then announced that he was having a sexual relationship with Susan (Roberta), and Jim wasn’t happy about it but Roberta had bailed when she heard the two men arguing over her. Outside on the street, Roberta found the want ad listing that Susan wrote in the newspaper and went to the meeting place. Jim and Dez found the Susan seeking stranger ad too and thought that Susan was playing them both so they headed to the club too. Susan with Gary, Leslie and Larry Stillman the dentist were also there. Jim went to the ladies’ bathroom to see the real Susan after he spotted her inside the club, and Dez was confused because he still believed that Roberta was Susan and the Susan Dez went after was not his Susan. On stage, Roberta performed with Ian as Davina, and everyone was shocked to see her working there dressed in a tutu costume. Wayne grabbed Roberta’s wig and ran, and Dez realized that Roberta was telling the truth about her being Roberta and not Susan. In another part of the building, Susan and Jim had sex and his pants down as she sat on top of a pinball machine (porn scene), but they were interrupted by Wayne grabbing Susan and held a gun on her. Gary insisted on getting Roberta professional help because he believed that she was a lesbian and prostitute and refused to listen to her explanation. Roberta told Dez she needed to speak to her husband alone so he left the club. Roberta was adamant that she wouldn’t return to her old life with Gary in Fort Lee cooking with Childs and Ms. Glass told Mr. Glass that she wasn’t ever going back to that GOD awful-Lee place again. Gary left. Wayne dragged Susan into the dressing room through an open window where Roberta sat. Susan silently mouthed to Roberta to help her since she was shoved through the opening first, so Roberta knocked Wayne out with a glass bottle to the head.Later on, Roberta showed up to see Dez at the his place of work at the movie theater. The two lovebirds made out and messed up the movie that Susan and Jim were watching in the audience. In the end, the valuable Egyptian stolen earrings were recovered, so Roberta and Susan took the credit and the two questionable females were front-page news of the Mirror paper and listed as heroes. Their picture featured them holding a reward check given to them by the Egyptian Ambassador who was present. This movie had a budget of $5 million and grossed over $27 million at the box office.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/17/24

TITLE: Gone With the Wind

BOX OFFICE RATED: G (This is not suitable for GOD’s children and this is not G content)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1939  Warner Bros. Pictures / Selznick International Pictures / MGM / Loew’s Inc. 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the South in 1861, where everyone was preparing for the start of the Civil War. In Clayton County, Georgia, was the Tara plantation, owned by Gerald O’Hara the Irishman who believed that land was the most important thing. Tara’s neighbor was the Twelve Oaks plantation, owned by John Wilkes. John’s son, Ashley, had planned to marry his adult cousin Melanie Hamilton. Gerald’s eldest sixteen-year-old daughter, Katie Scarlett, was upset because she was in love with older adult Ashley.Gerald’s wife, Ellen Robillard, delivered young teen (13-14 years old) Emmie Slattery’s baby (from a poor family that lived nearby). Ellen returned to Tara and told hired help (adult) Jonas Wilkerson, the overseer at Tara, that his baby died in childbirth. Ellen had Jonas fired because he was a Yankee enemy and Emmie was white trash. Gerald, Ellen, and their three daughters, Scarlett (16), Suellen (15) and 13-year-old Carreen attended a jubilee at Twelve Oaks. All the men swooned over Scarlett.  Scarlett was all about being the center of attention and she gave the women compliments that she didn’t mean and then shamelessly flirted with their boyfriends so much so that they swooned over her and did Scarlett favors as though she were an ungodly celebrity like creature, and ignored the other females who were decent and lived in the real world. The women gossiped amongst themselves about Scarlett’s obscene and offensive behavior. Captain Rhett Butler (in his early thirties) from Charleston was present and he had a bad reputation for getting expelled from West Point, being ousted from his family and taking a girl out without a chaperone and then ruining her by refusing to marry her. The Southerners believed that they would win the war, but Rhett argued that the Union States were better equipped, had the waterways, and would beat the Confederate States. Scarlett and her sisters fought during their daytime nap about Scarlett’s behavior while in a shared room. Scarlett pretended sleep but then she got dressed again and snuck out and professed her love to Ashley. However, Ashley didn’t feel the same way about Scarlett and was insistent that he would marry Melanie. Dramatic Scarlett hated on Ashley then and slapped his face in a crazy performance, and it was after Ashley left the room and Scarlett threw a fit for not getting her way and a vase that she discovered that Rhett was in the room and overheard. Rhett told young Scarlett that her passion was more suited to his and not dull Ashley. The ball that night never happened because Lincoln declared war and all the men rushed off to enlist. Melanie’s brother, Charles, professed his love to Scarlett and proposed to her, so even though she had no romantic feelings for Charles Scarlett agreed to marry him after seeing Ashley and Melanie kissing. Ashley and Mellie married and so did Scarlett and Charles before the men left for the war.  Scarlett later got a letter from Wade Hamilton that Captain Charles died of pneumonia and measles. Scarlett wasn’t upset about the death of Charles and she didn’t want to wear black and pretend to be in mourning for Charles. Mama Ellen suggested that she go to Atlanta with the maid Prissy and stay with Mellie and her Aunt Pittypat and Uncle Peter. Mammy, the housekeeper slave who helped raise Scarlett since birth, knew that Scarlett’s intentions in Atlanta were to get ahold of Ashley. A fundraiser was then held in Atlanta after Scarlett arrived to raise money for the Cause and the soldier hospital. Melanie gave up her wedding ring out of love and Scarlett gave hers up because she never wanted it in the first place and still wished it were Ashley’s ring. Dr. Meade led the men to bid on the women for dancing rights to help raise money. Rhett bid $150in gold for Scarlett and danced with her as Scarlett wore her black mourning dress, causing more gossip about her wicked ways. She accepted and shocked everyone with her actions because it was inappropriate to act so gay. Rhett wanted Scarlett to love him like she loved Ashley, and she refused. Rhettlater wrote a letter to Melanie from another of his extravagant travel destinations and returned her wedding ring and Scarlett’s, knowing Melanie would be the only one who appreciated his gesture and not Scarlett. Rhett brought Scarlett gifts and clothes from Paris and told her what to wear and what not to wear. Scarlett wanted to pay for the gifts by kissing Rhett, but he didn’t want to and was upset that Scarlett was still pining away for Ashley. Stuart and Brent died in the Battle of Gettysburg, and Scarlett and Melanie were glad that Ashley was still alive. The soldiers were granted a short Christmas holiday to return home to their families, and Scarlett begged Ashley to profess his love for her but again he wouldn’t and left. Belle Watling from the local cathouse and gambling place arrived in Rhett’s carriage and offered Melanie money in gold for the hospital (with a Jesus stain glass window inside). Melanie took the money when no one else in the area would because they didn’t want Belle’s dirty brothel money, where Rhett frequented. Dr. Meade cared for the wounded soldiers at the hospital, and Suellen’s boyfriend, Frank Kennedy, was one a patient. Scarlett volunteered as a nurse but ran out after a soldier’s leg was amputated and she didn’t want to be around war or hear the screams of the wounded soldiers. Big Sam, the foreman of Tara, was there in Atlanta as a digger and informed Scarlett that her mom, Ellen, was ill. Rhett told Scarlett that Mellie would have Ashley’s baby soon, even though she was warned there would be complications and doctor advised not to have a baby. Everyone in Atlanta was in a panic to leave town before the Yankees invaded because canons went off close by. Rhett wanted Scarlett to leave with him but she refused and wanted to leave with Aunt Pitty. Dr. Meade convinced Scarlett to stay and deliver Melanie’s baby, and Scarlett did after she remembered her promise to Ashley that she would take care of Melanie. Prissy claimed that she had delivered babies before and could help. Melanie went into troubled labor and wanted Scarlett to have the baby if she died. Prissy went out to get Dr. Meade, but she returned without him because she was scared of the dead people he was treating. Scarlett left Mellie  to fetch Dr. Meade herself, but the doctor refused to leave the hundreds of dying and suffering men for one female having a baby. Prissy then revealed that to Scarlett upon her return that she lied and never birthed a baby so Scarlett slapped Prissy across the face and then planned to do the delivery with Prissy’s help. The two females were able to successfully deliver the baby boy named Beau. Scarlett sent Prissy to tell Rhett, who was with Belle at the whorehouse. Rhett went to see Scarlett, and she was hysterical and wanted to go back to Tara to her mom so she insisted that Rhett help Scarlett move everyone there. They encountered scavengers in town who tried to steal Rhett’s horse and carriage, and he fought them off. The warehouses full of explosives was set on fire, and the horse was afraid so Rhett blindfolded the horse and led the carriage through the warehouse and out of town before it went up in flames. Rhett then left the women to travel to Tara alone while Rhett left to join the army. He announced that Scarlett was the only woman he ever loved and kissed her, but she wished him death. Scarlett drove the carriage through fields of dead men and arrived at Twelve Oaks, which was destroyed and long-abandoned. John Wilkes was dead. However, when she arrived at Tara, it was still standing. It was revealed that the Yankees had used Tara as their headquarters and burned the barn for firewood, and they stole everything including the rosaries, clothes and rugs. All the O’Hara family had left were useless Confederate bonds. Mammy and Pork were the only remaining house slaves after the others ran away to the war. Suellen and Carreen came down with the typhoid and so did Ellen when she went to nurse Emmie. Ellen died the previous night so Scarlett never got to say goodbye to her mom. Gerald couldn’t accept his wife’s death and believed that his wife was still alive. The eldest daughter Scarlett then declared that with God as her witness, she would never go hungry again even if she had to lie, cheat, steal and kill her remaining days. The Yankees continued to burn down everything in their path, but Scarlett in charge of everyone since her dad was incapable started growing cotton at Tara to survive. Suellen and Carreen were unhappy to work the fields, and Suellen said she hated Tara so Scarlett slapped her sister across the face and said hating Tara was the same as hating their parents. Gerald told Scarlett to be firm but gentle with the darkies. Melanie wanted to help but was still too weak so Scarlett sent her back to bed. A lone Yankee deserter then broke into the Tara plantation house to rob them, so Scarlett used the pistol Rhett gave her and shot the Yankee dead in the head. Melanie opened a window and lied to Scarlett’s family outside in the fields about the gunshot so they wouldn’t come inside. The two women went through the soldier’s belongings and took his money that would help them all eat. Scarlett had Melanie remove her nightgown (naked underneath it) in order to wrap the soldier’s bloody head in so it wouldn’t leave a trail when they dragged the dead man away to bury him where nobody would find him. Riding fast and recklessly on horseback, Gerald announced that General Lee surrendered and the civil war was over. The inhabitants of Tara took care of the wounded and hungry soldiers returning from war on their travels back from the warzone areas. Ashley was supposed to come home but one soldier said that the Yankees captured Ashley and his whereabouts were unknown. Frank Kennedy wanted to propose to Suellen, and Scarlett gave her blessing (in place of her mentally unstable dad). Frank planned to go start a business before the wedding and make something for him and his bride-to-be. Ashley then returned and walked the path to Tara. Melanie ran to greet her husband while Mammy held Scarlett back and reminded her that Ashley was Melanie’s husband. The stranger soldiers babysat little boy beau. In Georgia, the black people were offered 40 acres, a mule and voting rights, while the carpetbaggers from the North came and raised the taxes on Tara to $300, in order to force the already poor families out of their homes. Scarlett went to her beloved Ashley for help, but he had no money and lost everything. He was despondent because he saw his friends killed and he took the bloody lives of others in the war. Scarlett wanted to run away to Mexico with Ashley, where he would enlist in the Mexican army and Scarlett could give him more children since Melanie couldn’t. Scarlett accused Ashley of not loving Melanie and then kissed Ashley. However, Ashley declared that he didn’t love Scarlett and wouldn’t forget his wife and baby, so Scarlett agreed that she would live for Tara instead of Ashley and not try to seduce him anymore and told Ashley that he and his family could keep on living with her. Jonas Wilkerson and his new wife Emmie came to buy Tara, but Scarlett refused and threw dirt in Wilkerson’s face. Gerald was angry and chased after the Wilkerson carriage on horseback, and dad fell off and was killed when his horse jumped a fence. Scarlett gave Pork her dad’s watch. Mammy made Scarlett a new dress out of the drapes so she could go to Atlanta and ask Rhett for the tax money that Tara needed. As it turned out, Rhett told Scarlett that the Yankees trumped up a charge that Rhett stole millions from the Confederate treasury, so he was ended up in a Yankee jail playing poker with the Yankee captains. Scarlett tried to fool Rhett into thinking she had grown into the kind of woman he wanted, but he realized that she hadn’t and she was just after his money after he saw her calloused hands. Scarlett offered her hand in marriage and then offered herself as collateral, but Rhett didn’t want any of it. Rhett admitted that he couldn’t give Scarlett money anyway because his stolen funds were hidden in Liverpool and he would get caught if he tried to go for the hidden stash in England. Scarlett left Rhett in his temporary horse stall jail and decided to do whatever it took to keep Tara. She soon bumped into Frank Kennedy in Atlanta so once Scarlett discovered that Frank owned a general store in Atlanta and would soon be rich, she told Frank that Suellen decided to marry one of the country boys instead of Frank. Scarlett then married Frank herself and got the money to pay the taxes on Tara. Scarlett returned to Tara, and her sister Suellen wanted to kill her for stealing and marrying Frank Kennedy for his money and not love. Ashley blamed himself for Scarlett’s behavior and thought he should have committed robbery to get the scornful female the money she craved and that second hapless innocent male soul wouldn’t have fallen victim to the wicked witch Scarlett and her scheming. Ashley then announced to Scarlett that he was going to New York for a bank job and taking his family with him. Crazed Scarlett didn’t want Ashley to leave, so she fake cried and lied to Melanie that Ashley was hateful. Melanie believed Scarlett and owed Scarlett her life since Scarlett took care of Millie, so Melanie convinced Ashley to go to Atlanta and help Scarlett with Scarlett’s new business venture lumber business. Ashley agreed to go to Atlanta. In Atlanta Scarlett was in control of everything and Scarlett sent her husband Frank home to take his medicine. Ashley wanted to hire darkies instead of prisoners to work in the mill, but Scarlett insisted that darkies were too expensive so she hired prisoners and had the questionable Johnnie Gallagher oversee the prison workers using any means necessary to accomplish what Scarlett dictated. Scarlett insisted that Ashley help her befriend the carpetbaggers so she could then beat them all at their own game. Rhett soon got out of jail and wanted to know why Scarlett kept marrying men she didn’t love. Scarlett alone in a horse and buddy traveled to the mill through the shady part of town, and two men tried to steal the wagon on a bridge in the wooded area. Scarlett’s screams for help brought Big Sam running to help her, and he fought off the men after Scarlett fainted from the attackers. Sam took Scarlett to Frank’s where Sam was given payment money for his help with Scarlett and sent back to Tara. Frank pretended he didn’t care about what happened to Scarlett as she was in tears from the ordeal of travelling into the woods alone. Frank said he had to leave for an important political meeting. Rhett learned from playing poker with the Yankees that Ashley and Frank went into the woods to hunt down the homeless people living there so no one else would be attacked. Rhett warned Scarlett, Melanie, Ashley’s sister, India, and Mrs. Meade that Ashley and Frank were walking into a trap. The Yankees figured out that the two men lied about having a political meeting and went to the house to question the women about their husbands’ whereabouts. Rhett arrived at the house with Ashley and Dr. Meade, and they all pretended to be drunk so the women played along to fool the officers. The head soldier, Tom, wanted to arrest Ashley for burning down shanties and killing the homeless people in the woods and taking the law into their own hands, but Rhett told the story that the men went to visit Belle’s prostitutes (which the men did only for an alibi on their way home), and officer Tom also visited the place. Rhett gave his word as a gentleman that it was true, so the soldiers left but not before Rhett took it a step further to make it more believable and told Tom now the wives would be mad at their husbands for quite some time for Rhett having to tell on the men’s infidelities. Once free from the authorities, everybody scrambled to take off Ashley’s coat because it covered his blood from having been shot in the shoulder and the sober Dr. Meade doctored him. Rhett revealed to the women that Frank Kennedy was now dead, after Kennedy was shot in the head.  Belle went to see Melanie so she wouldn’t have to go to the whorehouse and thank Belle for helping her Melanie’s husband. Belle said she respected Melanie for taking her hospital money when others turned their back on her, but she despised Scarlett. Melanie thanked Belle for saving Ashley’s life. Belle (claimed she was a parent and sent GOD’s child off to boarding school while she had a business and ran the nasty whorehouse) believed that Scarlett killed her husband by behaving the way that she did. Scarlett drank her guilt away with hard alcohol and had hiccups when Rhett came to visit. Scarlett in her usual theatrical way cried out her sorrows to Rhett, and he knew she was faking it. Rhett still proposed to Scarlett anyway since the two of them were suited for each other with always craving the rich and famous lifestyle even though they would never love each other. He passionately kissed her unlike Frank, Charles or Ashley ever did, so Scarlett agreed to marry Rhett for fun and his money. Rhett promised Scarlett a big fancy diamond ring and a elaborate New Orleans honeymoon. While there, Scarlett refused to get Mammy a gift before they left because Mammy thought the two were scoundrel mules but Rhett got old maid Mammy a red petticoat to win her over because he said his Mammy always dreamed of one. Scarlett had nightmares and asked Rhett to take her back to Tara, where he let her spend unlimited amounts of money to fix up the plantation up like it was before the war. Mammy finally wore the red petticoat, and Scarlett’s sisters were angry with her again because the eldest sister sold herself again to get what she wanted while they had no suitors, better morals, and were stuck in poverty since their parents died and Scarlett took everything. Scarlett and Rhett’s daughter was born soon after, and they had planned to name her Eugenia Victoria but Melanie and Rhett discussed the baby’s eyes so Rhett thought Bonnie Blue because of her blue eyes was a better name. Scarlett’s 18 ½’’ waist increased to 20’’, so she decided that she wouldn’t have any more children. Again Scarlett stopped being nice to Rhett, neglected her newborn baby, and kept thinking about Ashley and kept Ashley’s photo with her. Rhett found out. He decided that he would seek pleasure elsewhere since Scarlett no longer wanted children and that could be a means for divorce. Rhett stormed out and talked to Belle, who told him that little Bonnie was worth 10 of Scarlett. Rhett and Scarlett then walked baby Bonnie in town and pretended to be friendly to everyone they didn’t like so they would respect Bonnie and she could have a place in society. The old biddies gossiped and argued about the parties they were throwing for Bonnie and how Rhett donated loads of (stolen money no doubt) money to societies around town. As Bonnie grew up, Mammy was displeased that Rhett taught her to ride astride so he agreed to teach her sidesaddle. Scarlett put on another show to get into Ashley’s arms and she didn’t want to bring up the past about the war. Melanie was upset to see them together, so Scarlett refused to go to the surprise birthday party for Ashley. Rhett dragged his scandalous wife out of bed and made her go to the party alone so she wouldn’t ruin Bonnie’s chances and had her wear a revealing red dress and wear extra rouge to show everyone what she was about. Scarlett and Rhett had drinks that night and argued as usual, and then he took her to bed and they had sex. Scarlett woke up the next morning in a great mood and happy about her husband pleasuring her but Rhett showed up and wanted to get a divorce and said he would take Bonnie since Scarlett was a worse mother than a cat and rarely spent time with Bonnie. Scarlett refused but Rhett announced that he and Bonnie were leaving for London (to retrieve his hidden Confederate gold now that things cooled down and the officers were no longer investigating him) that day. Bonnie didn’t like London and had nightmares about a bear sitting on her chest. The nurse abroad had turned off the lights to help Bonnie get over her fear of the dark and not be cowardly, so Rhett fired the nursemaid. Bonnie wanted to go home to her mom and pony, so Rhett gave Bonnie a kitten and they returned to the USA. Scarlett announced that she was pregnant again as Rhett and her were at the top of the large staircase. They argued as usual and Scarlett said she would rather have anybody’s child but Rhett. He suggested that maybe Scarlett would have an accident, and then she fell down the stairs and lost the baby. Rhett told Melanie his troubles, and she told him not to blame himself because Scarlett would have more children. Melanie planned to have another child even though Dr. Meade told her it would be life-threatening, so Rhett prayed to God that it worked out for Mellie. Rhett wanted to take Scarlett and Bonnie on a second honeymoon and told Scarlett to give the mill to Ashley because the Butlers didn’t need the money. While the parents talked on the patio, Bonnie was outside with her pony. The under six year old had just learned to ride sidesaddle and wanted to show off her limited jumping skills on her pony. Scarlett told Bonnie not to after she remembered that Gerald died while jumping and asked her husband to stop their spoiled daughter. Bonnie jumped anyway and broke her neck on the fence and died, so Rhett shot the pony dead. Melanie came to visit because Mammy called for her and Mammy cried hysterically as she explained that Rhett locked himself in the nursery for days and wouldn’t let anyone bury Bonnie because she was afraid of the dark. Mammy prayed for Rhett, and Melanie talked him into having the funeral for the young child of GOD. Melanie then passed out and was put on her deathbed, where Scarlett promised to look after Ashley and Rhett and give Beau college and trips to Europe. Scarlett left Mellie’s bedside and walked outside into Ashley’s arms so disgusted Rhett stormed out. Ashley admitted that he couldn’t live without Melanie and he loved her and not Scarlett. Scarlett couldn’t believe that she wasted all her years away longing for Ashley when he never loved her at all, so in that instant she was completely over Ashley. Scarlett ran out of the house back to her Atlanta home down the street to find Rhett there. Scarlett confirmed Mellie died. Scarlett then professed her love to Rhett, but he packed his bags to leave for Charleston and planned to get a divorce. Scarlett asked Rhett what she would do, and he told her “Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.” Scarlett then realized that Tara was the answer, and she planned to go there and figure out a way to get Rhett back. This is far from a family movie as the eldest sister killed those in her way to power and wealth, broke endless laws, manipulated her family members and acquaintances, and ruined many lives in order to get the sick things she craved, including marrying men she didn’t love as well as endangering HIS children in her care. Ghastly, the movie won 10 Academy Awards, and on a budget of $3.85 million, it grossed over $390 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Roger Ebert, Chicago Sun-Times, “A towering landmark of a film.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/16/24

TITLE:  Big Fish & Begonia 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2016 Shout! Studios / SC Films / B&T Studio / Horgos / Coloroom Pictures / Beijin Enlight Media / Biantain (Beijing) Media / Studio Mir

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This anime movie took place in a village beneath the ocean, where a group of people who were neither god nor human lived. The movie began with a naked boy in the water, showing his bare buttocks. They controlled the tide and the changing of the seasons, and it was believed that human beings returned to the sea in the form of huge fish after they died and the mythical beings took care of their souls. A rite of passage ceremony was held for all the children who were turning 16 years old, and they would be turned into dolphins and allowed to explore the human world for seven days without communicating with humans. Qiu had already been to the human world, and it was his 15-year-old friend Chun’s turn. Chun lived to be 117 years old and narrated the movie. A horse pooped on Qiu’s head while at the ceremony, and bare-breasted women walked about with face coverings. Chun’s mom, Feng, was upset that her daughter was leaving because not all mystic children returned from the human world. On the seventh day, Chun hurried back home to get through the gateway before it closed. She was trapped in a net, and a human boy her age (who was later named Kun) jumped into the stormy waters to free her. However, human Kun was knocked into a whirlpool and drowned, and Kun’s little sister was hysterical. Chun took Kun’s dolphin flute and returned to her home under the sea. Teen Chun was extremely upset that Kun died because of her, so she planned to make it right. A spirit spoke to her through a statue and gave her a bell to ring at midnight so she could summon a boat to Lingpo, the Lady of Souls. Qiu followed Chun to the statue that night, and when she rung the bell a one-eyed creature appeared and took Chun to the House of Rusheng Life. Lingpo was no lady and not female but appeared and talked more like a man. Lingpo made a deal to take teen Chun’s eyes as payment to resurrect Kun from the dead. Chun agreed and searched through the Hall of Souls to find human Kun’s soul. Lingpo brought human Kun back to life in the form of a little fish in a bowl.Chun was assigned to protect Kun until he grew big enough to return to the human world and be restored to his true form, but after that Kun’s soul would vanish forever if Chun failed. Qiu suggested that the fish be named Kun after the huge flying fish in the ocean. Kun revealed that he had the ability to fly, and he gradually started growing bigger. However, mama Feng didn’t know that little Kun was a human soul inside the fish body, so she threw Kun away. Teen Chun was upset so teen Qiu swam into the sewer to retrieve the fish. The Rat Matron emerged from the sewer and helped them find Kun. As it turned out, Kun was just barely alive. Chun and Qiu hid Kun in the well, and a young boy spotted them and told on them. They moved Kun to the pond before Chun’s grandfather Houtu and the other villagers could find Kun. Chun and Qiu then encountered a vicious two-headed serpent that bit Qiu when he tried to fight it off. Chun took Qiu to Houtu, the village herb and medicine expert, and he magically healed Qiu. However, that drained the life out of elder Houtu and he told Chun on his deathbed to follow her heart. Houtu predicted that he would become a begonia tree and spend eternity with his deceased wife, who transformed into a phoenix when she died. Houtu died two days later, and the village elders were concerned about the sudden appearance of such bad omens as salty rain and snow in summer. Qiu asked Chun if she thought God existed, and she didn’t but Qiu did. Chun revealed that her parents would outlive her because the teen girl had traded away half of her life so Kun could live. The Rat Matron told Qiu that the elders suspected Chun and Kun as the reason for the seasons being out of balance. Qiu hid Kun away in the river so Chun wouldn’t get in trouble, but Chun was upset and jumped into the icy river to find Kun. The Rat Matron sent her rats to bring teen Chun’s now unconscious body back to the surface. The dirty rats stole the dolphin flute, and the wicked Rat Matron planned to use it as a token from the human world so she could travel there. Qiu found Chun and Kun and carried them through the snow back to the village, where they both eventually woke up. When Qiu learned that Chun traded away half of her life so Kun could live, Qiu went to see Lingpo and asked to trade half of his life so Chun could have hers back because Qiu was in love with Chun even though she thought of him like a brother. Lingpo explained that Qiu would have to give up his whole life in exchange for Chun’s, but even then mystic Chun was connected to human Kun and would die when Kun died. Qiu made the trade for his life anyway and went in search of a potion to make his sorrows go away, but the male teen resorted to wine and a cure for the hangover he would get after he got drunk. The mystic elders decided that human Kun was a monster and destroying him was the only way to restore the seasons. The mystic village people injured Kun, but Chun fought back against her mom’s magic to give them a chance to escape. Qiu opened the gateway, but he wasn’t strong enough to keep it open. The Rat Matron passed through to the human world, and then a flood swept the villagers away. Most were rescued, but Tingmu was missing and his mystic little sister was upset like Kun’s human sister was. Chun and Kun were swept underneath the begonia tree, and Kun was weak but Chun encouraged him to fly up to the gateway and get back home. The begonia tree burst into flames, and Chun’s grandmother the phoenix took the blasts of fire that the elders shot at Kun. The elders held back the approaching waves and used their magic to create a bridge so the villagers could get to the top of the mountain. Teen Chun dove into the river below with teen Qiu’s encouragement, and sacrificed herself to save the villagers. She was engulfed inside the trunk of the begonia tree, and it grew into a gigantic tree and brought the villagers, including Tingmu, to safety on its branches. Kun decided not to go through the gateway and instead turned back. Kun gave his life in exchange for Chun’s, and she was brought back to life naked and Lingpo gave her clothes. All of Chun’s powers were gone so she couldn’t go back home, but the villagers were alive and the seasons were back in balance. Lingpo agreed to tell Feng that Chun was alive and instructed her to accompany Kun on his journey home, where he would forget that Chun ever existed. Chun and Kun picked up Qiu on the way, and he opened a gateway. Qiu then revealed to Chun that he gave up his life so she could live hers in the human world with Kun. She was upset to see Qui go, but then Chun turned into a dolphin and she swam away with Kun. Kun turned back into a human and floated naked in the water (unlike the beginning of the movie with his backside showing he was now face up) with his lower body parts more like a girl’s. Chun then turned into a human and she was also naked, and she and Kun left the ocean together. This movie grossed over $79 million USD at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Variety, “Marvelous and mind-blowing animated feature.” Film Journal International, “A fantastic story bolstered by gorgeous visuals.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/15/24

TITLE: Star Wars – Episode II – Attack of the Clones 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG  (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2002  20th Century Fox / Lucasfilm Ltd. 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the galaxy, where thousands of solar systems left the Galactic Republic and joined the separatist movement led by Count Dooku. Female senator Padme Amidala, the former queen of the Planet Naboo, headed to the Galactic Senate to vote on creating an Army of the Republic to help the Jedi, who were peacekeepers (like police) and not military soldiers and therefore didn’t have the means to fight a war if it came to that. The Republic had always been united as one, and Supreme Chancellor Palpatine was worried that they would split apart. After female Cordé voted, she died when her spaceship blew up with her inside. Padme had just arrived and barely escaped with her life as well so the former queen now senator believed that Dooku made an assassination attempt on her even though he was a former Jedi. However, the officials quickly dismissed that accusation because violence did not fit the character of a Jedi. Captain Typho, the head of security for Queen Jamillia of Naboo, joined the investigation to find the assassin. Palpatine assigned the Jedi master Obi-Wan-Kenobi to protect senator Padme. Soon Obi arrived with his 19-year-old Padawan apprentice Anakin Skywalker. Anakin couldn’t sleep because of dreams he had about his mom Shmi, and instead he wanted to dream about his love interest senator Padme but Obi warned that politicians couldn’t be trusted and would do anything to get money. A masked female changeling called Zam Wesell was sent out to kill Padme. Zam sent a droid to release poisonous creatures into Padme’s room while she slept, and Anakin’s droid R2-D2 was oblivious. Anakin and Obi sensed something wrong and were able to destroy the creatures, and then Obi jumped through the glass window to stop the droid bot that released the creatures. Anakin went after Obi handing from the criminal’s flying car and then rushed to catch Obi after Zam shot at him and he fell. Anakin jumped on top of Zam’s car and caused it to crash and go up in flames, with both escaping. Anakin and Obi followed Zam into a night club bar. Zam came up behind Obi at the bar with his back turned and she tried to kill Obi but he retaliated with his lightsaber. Zam revealed that she was hired by a bounty hunter to kill senator Padme, and then Zam was shot with a toxic dart by an assassin from above so she could not reveal more information to the Jedi team and then she changed back into her true monster self on the outside before she died. The Council assigned Jedi Obi to track down the unknown bounty hunter while Supreme Chancellor Palpatine gave senator Padme an executive order to return to Naboo with Jedi Anakin. The group was instructed to travel as refugees without registered transport. Obi was concerned that Anakin was too young and arrogant to successfully accomplish a solo mission. But, teen Anakin was destined to reunite the Force and become a greater Jedi than Yoda…the ancient alien creature who was the grand Jedi master. Senator Padme assigned representative Jar Jar Binks to take her place as senator while she was gone. Next, Anakin and senator Padme set off with R2-D2. Obi went to see his friend Dexter Jettster, who explained that the dart that killed the changeling was a Kamino saberdart. The Kaminoans were cloners and their planet was located outside the Republic. Obi tried to research Kamino in the archives but it didn’t exist, so Obi asked Yoda and his young Jedi students for help. It was revealed that Kamino did exist but a Jedi erased it from the archives. Obi traveled into the galaxy and found ocean planet Kamino, and Prime Minister Lama Su mistook Obi for the apprentice of Master Sifo-Dyas and had been expecting him for years. As it turned out, Jedi Sifo-Dyas went rogue and had placed an order for a clone army for the Republic ten years before at the senate’s request, and now the army was complete with millions of soldiers. Obi revealed that Sifo-Dyas was killed immediately after placing the order, and then Obi played along with the part to learn as much as he could and was taken to see the clone army. The genetically modified clones varied in age from children to adults. Jango Fett was the overpriced highly paid bounty hunter who gave his DNA for the clones and Jango even requested and had his very own unaltered clone. Obi met with Fett. Fett stated that Darth Tyranus (aka Count Dooku) from Bogden recruited him. Obi reported his findings to boss Yoda and Mace Windu, another Jedi master, and they confirmed that Sifo-Dyas did not have permission from the Jedi Council to have the clones created. Meanwhile, senator Padme and Jedi Anakin hid out in the countryside of Naboo, where Jedi Anakin believed that the political system should be a dictatorship led by a wise person and the senator seemed to agree. Anakin and Padme kissed, and he professed his love for her and declared that he (Jedi) would do anything for the senator. Padme argued that they led different lives and couldn’t be together, and Anakin wanted to keep their relationship a secret but Padme refused to live a lie. Anakin had more dreams about his mom Shmi and realized that she was in pain. Senator Padme insisted on going with Anakin to find his slave mom Shmi on the planet Tatooine, where Anakin used to live as a slave. Fett attacked Obi and then fled with his clone son Boba, and Obi was able to put a tracking device on Fett’s space ship. Fett fired at Obi to down his space ship, and Obi pretended that they succeeded but then followed the bad ones to the factory on the planet Geonosis where a droid army was being built. Obi overheard Dooku’s hopes that 10,000 more solar systems join his separatist cause. The evil villains planned to combine the battle droids of the Trade Federation with those of the Techno Union army and Banking Clan to overwhelm the Jedi so the Republic would agree to do anything the separatists wanted. Anakin asked his former slave owner the whereabouts of Shmi, but he had already sold Shmi to the farmer Cliegg Lars who married Shmi. Anakin and Padme went to the farm, where they met C-3PO, the droid who worked for the Lars family, and Cliegg’s son Own and his girlfriend Beru. Cliegg explained that a hunting party of Tusken Raiders captured Shmi a month before and it was doubtful that his mom was still alive. Anakin insisted that senator Padme stay with the Lars family while he went in search of Shmi. The Jedi found his mom with a nasty bloody face wound with scars and bloody wrists and from being tied up outside the raiders’ camp. Shmi was not able to say what she wanted that she loved her son before she died in his arms. Anakin was extremely upset and then the Jedi killed many of the abusive devil raiders. Yoda sensed Anakin’s deep pain, and then Obi discovered that Anakin went to Tatooine instead of staying on Naboo as Obi instructed him to do. Anakin brought his mom’s body to the Lars farm and they buried her. Anakin admitted to senator Padme that he slaughtered all the men, women and children of the raider party in his rage for justice and the constant abuse shown to his mother that eventually killed the innocent woman. R2 delivered a message to Anakin and senator Padme from Obi, and he asked them to tell Coruscant that Viceroy Nute Gunray of the Trade Federation was trying to assassinate senator Padme and there were droid factories on Geonosis. A Geonosian that attacked Obi and took him captive cut off the rest of the message. Yoda and Windu went to take care of Dooku and instructed Anakin to protect senator Padme. Senator Padme insisted that they go help Obi since he was a father figure to Anakin, so she and Anakin headed to the planet Geonosis with R2 and C-3PO. Obi was brought before Count Dooku, who explained that the Republic and the senators were under the control of Supreme Chancellor Palpatine, who was also known as Darth Sidious, the dark lord of Sith. Dooku asked Obi to join him so they could defeat the Sith but Obi didn’t believe him and refused. Fill-in senator Jar-Jar and the senate granted Supreme Chancellor Palpatine emergency powers, and he agreed to assemble an army of clones to fight the separatists. Jedi Windu took the remaining Jedi to Geonosis to help Obi, and Yoda went to Kamino to visit the clone troopers. Senator Padme and Jedi Anakin arrived on Geonosis, and R2 insisted that he and C-3PO follow them. They encountered vicious Geonosians and their droids in the factory, and Anakin tried to battle them but his lightsaber malfunctioned and he and senator Padme were taken captive. Senator Padme then confessed her love to Jedi Anakin and they kissed before they were brought into an arena where Obi was tied up so the monsters, with a crowd of the Geonosians watching (Roman Colosseum style sport style), would execute the trio. The three were able to free themselves from their chains and fight the bloodthirsty creatures. Senator Padme’s shirt was ripped in half during the battle so she and her half-shirt warrior attire called her way of handling things in battle aggressive negotiations instead of a diplomatic solution. Jedi Windu and the Jedi appeared and battled the hundreds of droid bots, and they refused to surrender and prepared to finish the battle to the death. C-3PO’s head had previously been removed and put on a clone body, so he was forced to fight the Jedi but then R2 put his head back on his own body. Yoda arrived with the clone army and they fought the droids on the desert land. Obi killed Fetti in battle. Senator Padme, and Jedi’s Obi and Anakin escaped on a warship, and Padme fell out of the ship and Anakin wanted to go after the senator he loved. Obi talked Anakin out of it and to put the Force first and they both went after Dooku to defeat him and end the war. The Jedi warship was then destroyed by other war aircraft after they left it outside the secret cave headquarters to battle Dooku inside with their lightsabers. Dooku zapped teen Anakin and then battled Obi and downed him. Anakin recovered and then fought Dooku, who cut Anakin’s arm completely off (teen Jedi had no blood). Viceroy Nute Gunray hid away the designs for a weapon of mass destruction because he didn’t want the Jedi’s to find out about his master plan. Senator Padme was found by the clones and taken to the place of battle. Yoda then appeared and he and Dooku fought with their lightsabers. Dooku set off a heavy column to fall on Obi, who was injured and couldn’t move, but Yoda stopped the column before it crashed on top of the Jedi and diverted the large object to fall elsewhere. Dooku made his escape and met with up Supreme Chancellor Palpatine/Darth Sidious…Dooku’s master and lord. Meanwhile, everyone decided to pay more attention to the senate, and Yoda announced there was no Victory for the Jedi for it was the start of the Clone War. Jedi Anakin got a mechanical arm and escorted Senator Padme back to Naboo, where the Jedi and Senator were married. This movie had a budget of $115 million and grossed over $653 million at the box office.  This was released months after 9/11 and the creation of the movie began months before 9/11.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/14/24

TITLE:  The Great Outdoors 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children and it is NOT PG material.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1988  Universal Pictures / Hughes Entertainment 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: The characters in this movie swore often and used sexual innuendos. It began with Chet Ripley, his wife, Connie, and their two sons, Buck and Benny, driving from Chicago to vacation in the woods of Pechoggin, Wisconsin, Clare County. They rented a cabin at Wally and Juanita’s Perks Pine Log Resort. Chet’s brother-in-law, Roman Craig, a wealthy businessman, took his wife, Katie, and twin identical daughters, Cara and Mara, to the same resort to stay with the relative Ripleys in their cabin, uninvited. Roman made his grand entrance by videoing Chet and Connie making out with Connie’s breasts partially exposed. Chet and Roman had conflicting opinions about everything and the family members argued most of the time. Chet scared everyone with a story about a bear that he encountered outside the cabin. The bear went running when Chet shot the fur off the top of the bear’s head, so it became known as the bald-headed bear. Chet then revealed that it never happened to him and was just a legend that he heard about. Two raccoons ransacked the garbage cans that night and Chet cleaned up the mess while Cara and Mara laughed at their dad itching his butt as he wore a bath towel and talked on the phone to a reverend trying to swindle $25k out of the church official for a questionable investment opportunity, but the reverend hung up the phone on Roman. Buck and Benny went against their dad, Chet, and wanted to rent a jet boat and go water-skiing with Uncle Roman. Chet wrecked one boat because he didn’t know how to drive it, and then he ended up being pulled dangerously through the water by Roman when Chet tried to teach Benny to ski. Chet was angry and planned to leave so Roman wouldn’t ruin his vacation anymore, but Connie convinced her husband to stay. Wally found under 8 year twins Cara and Mara playing alone in the woods by the old mine where the teenagers were known to hang out and do sexual things to one another. Chet took his kids to the birthday party for Bill Tompkins, a 109-year-old man who visited the Wisconsin lodge in the USA from Canada and was the oldest person in Canada. The kids tried to take a picture with Bill but were freaked out when they learned that Canadian Bill died in the car on the way to the party in the USA. Chet took Benny to the dump, where Chet went against the rules and used food to lure a bear to the car and then two bears climbed onto the car’s roof. Meanwhile, teenage Buck met teen Cammie after he stuck his pool cue between her legs at a local small town tourist handout. He tried to talk to her and she refused and the local girl smoked her cigarettes.Later on, Buck found Cammie again in town, but this time she worked a waitress job at A&W. Cammie agreed to hang out with Buck if he could find her, and he found her at the fair. The teens later that night went out on Lake Potowotominimac on a boat, where they decided that they were boyfriend and girlfriend so they kissed and more than likely did a lot more. The out of control sexual active teens continued meeting up after Cammie got off work for the remaining days until the family headed back to Chicago. The Ripleys and the Craigs then went out golfing and horseback riding, and Chet’s horse was stubborn and refused to be ridden so it ran off. Chet and Roman went to the bar, where Roman picked on Reg for his stuttering and hair because he was struck by lightning in the head 66 times. Everyone ran scared out of the cabin that night because of a bat, so Roman and Chet went after the bat and were able to kill it.At dinner, Chet took on the challenge of eating the 96er, a huge steak that nobody had ever finished before, in hopes that everyone would eat free if he could finish it. Chet was able to do it and everyone applauded him and the whole family’s meal was free of charge because of it. However, Chet threw up when they returned to the cabin, which the raccoons had trashed in search of food. Roman, Chet and Buck went out fishing and encountered leeches. Chet and Roman then got into a fight, and Chet told Roman and Kate that they were buttheads and weren’t welcome in the Ripleys’ cabin. Roman then announced that he abandoned the idea of a European vacation and went to see Chet instead so he could ask Chet to invest $25,000 in a business deal which was inside but not illegal. Roman was upset with Chet for calling Roman a SOB, so Chet apologized and wrote roman a check for the very large amount of money that his relative swindled him into, even though his family could not afford it. The Craigs left quickly, and Katie believed that the money was for the boys’ college so Roman had a guilty conscience and returned to the cabin. He confessed that he lied about Chet calling him names. Roman then revealed that he wanted money from Chet’s family because Roman lost his job at the exchange and was bankrupt, which he kept a secret from his family and misled them to believe that they were rich. Everyone then realized that the young girls Cara and Mara were missing, so Chet and Roman went out in the thunderstorm to find them. The girls were trapped in a cave in the woods, and Roman was claustrophobic and didn’t want to go into the cave but Chet convinced him to save his daughters. Chet went back to the cabin to get a rope, and by the time he returned to the cave Roman had already carried the girls to safety after he realized there was dynamite in the cave. Chet thought they were still trapped and threw down the rope, and he played tug-of-war with the bald-headed bear and dragged it out of the cave. The monster bear chased Chet back to the cabin, where he tried to explain about the bear but then the bear broke the door down on top of Chet and everyone ran scared. Roman tried to hold the bear off, and Wally appeared with a shotgun lamp. Chet shot the hair off the back of the bear to make it not only bald-headed but also bare-bottomed, and the scary bear ran off. The two families packed up to go home, and teens Buck met with Cammie and they kissed one last time. Chet wasn’t pleased to learn that the Craigs were moving in with the Ripleys in Chicago until Roman got a new job and a new house since he had neither for his family.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/13/24

TITLE:  Solaris 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 but previously rated R (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2002  20th Century Fox / Lightstorm Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with two emissaries going to the apartment of Dr. Chris Kelvin, a psychologist who held group therapy sessions for mentally challenged people (without GOD and with his life being as bad as the patients he attempted to diagnose and treat). The emissaries showed Kelvin a video message from his friend Dr. Gibarian at the DBA. He asked shrink Kelvin to navigate a spacecraft to the space station, which was orbiting the planet Solaris, and negotiate the safe return of those onboard. Kelvin navigated his own spacecraft and then boarded the station and found blood in the lab and the dead and frozen bodies of Dr. Gibarian and another person in the cooling room inside body bags. Snow, a man there who would kill to go back to Earth, explained that Gibarian committed suicide, Reese disappeared off the ship, Gibarian’s young under five year old son Michael was with them on the spacecraft. Dr. Gordon locked herself in her space room onboard and didn’t want to talk about the strange happenings but Kelvin convinced her to. She said she suffered from unexplainable emotional and physical distress, psychotic hallucinations, and depression caused by Solaris. Dr. Gordon was assigned as one of the space researchers on the Solaris project, which had been operated by NASA until it was sold to DBA. Kelvin then started having flashbacks of his dead wife Rheya, including times when they had sex with Kelvin’s bare butt completely exposed onscreen, as the naked couple lay on a bed together. Kelvin was shocked to wake up and discover that Rheya was actually in bed with him. Dr. Kelvin was confused about this clone woman that appeared real in the image of his dead wife so he put her in a pod that he released into space to get rid of her. However, the clone Rheya came back again and had no memory of anything or how she got there. Imposter Rheya was one of the strange “visitors” which each of the crewmembers had encountered created from a memory of a lost loved one from his or her past. Rheya appeared to Dr. Kelvin, Snow’s brother appeared to him and Dr. Gordon refused to say who her visitor was. Dr. Kelvin gave Rheya pills to ease her stress about her memory loss and then took pills himself. Back on Earth from a supposed recalled memory, Dr. Kevin had a meeting with his friends and told them that God was fake and was something dreamed up by man. Gibarian and a female at the dinner table claimed that the Pope was a woman, and Rheya tried to defend the opposite argument that maybe God existed but she ended up leaving to get away from the messed up in the head f-ing ungodly people. Shortly after it revealed that Rheya had been pregnant and didn’t know how to tell the questionable Dr. Kelvin, so she got rid of the baby. He was upset because may have wanted a child, and he screamed at Rheya and acted as though he were leaving for good and then stormed out of their home. Back on the spacecraft, Kelvin, Rheya, Gordon and Snow had a discussion to decide what to do. Dr. Gordon wanted to try and destroy the visitors so the aliens would not hitch a ride to Earth, but Dr. Chris wanted to return to Earth and tell the world about Solaris. Gordon was concerned that the visitors would follow them and spread havoc on Earth. Fake Rheya from Solaris was upset to learn that Kelvin sent her away the first time she visited by releasing her in space. Dr. Chris Kevin was convinced that the imposter female was the real Rheya from Earth, but Dr. Gordon argued that it was a visitor disguised as Rheya to get into Kelvin’s head and make him crazy and she added that they weren’t taking alien Rheya back to Earth with them like Dr. Kelvin wanted. Gibarian appeared to Kelvin in a dream and told him that the boy onboard was a Solaris visitor and not his son Michael, who was back on Earth. Gibarian told Kelvin to go home and stop trying to figure out what was going on otherwise he would die. Dr. Kelvin then found alien Rheya unconscious after she drank liquid oxygen, and then she underwent a resurrection with a series of convulsions that led to the burns on her face healing instantly and her being resurrected back from the dead. Alien Rheya didn’t want to be called by Rheya since that was not her name and she didn’t want to be there with Kelvin and wanted to return to Solaris and be the person she was before she was assigned to be the female in Chris’ memory onboard the spacecraft. Imposter Rheya said the real Rheya she didn’t know and was somewhere else on Solaris. Dr. Gordon created a Higgs device to get rid of the alien visitors, and she tried it on her alien from Solaris and the visitor disappeared and never came back again. She told Kelvin that imposter Rheya would wait until Kelvin was sleeping to go to her and ask Dr. Gordon to send Rheya back to Solaris where she came from so Kelvin decided that he wouldn’t sleep, but Dr. Gordon said she would get rid of fake Rheya when he was asleep because the alien didn’t belong with humans and she would save humankind. Alien Rheya explained to Kelvin that even if the doctor’s memory of the real Rheya was wrong and his diagnose of the real Rheya being suicidal was incorrect, the alien Rheya had to play out the part and be the suicidal person that he remembered or created in his head that Rheya was, whether it was a lie or truth of her actual human character.  Rheya told Kelvin to have Gordon send Rheya back to Solaris while Kelvin returned to Earth but he didn’t want to leave Rheya. Kelvin had another flashback of when he returned to the apartment after his argument with Rheya and discovered that she killed herself with the Dylan Thomas poem “Death Shall Have No Dominion,” in her hand. Hours later after Dr. Kelvin woke up (fake Rheya convinced Dr. Chris to sleep), he watched the pre-recorded video that told him that she wasn’t the real Rheya and the alien had begged Dr. Gordon to get rid of her and not to blame Dr. Gordon for ending her fake life for good. Kelvin was irate that Gordon went through with it, but she argued that alien Rheya wasn’t human. Gordon then planned to use the AI in the Athenapod to get back home. Kelvin and Gordon then found the human Snow’s dead bloody body hidden in the ceiling, and the identical looks and behavior imposter alien named Snow explained that the real Snow attacked him so the alien visitor killed him. Gordon wanted to use the Higgs on fake Snow, but he told them that they wouldn’t be able to escape if they did because using the device drained their fuel system and pulled them closer to Solaris that would kill the remaining two humans on board. Kelvin decided to stay behind on the space station and let Dr. Gordon return to Earth riding Athena. After Gordon left in the pod, the station traveled through Solaris, and child visitor alien Michael took Kelvin’s hand. Kelvin then found himself back in his dreary gray home city on Earth, where he tried to adjust to his normal gloomy life where everything was depressing sod he forced smiles on his face to get through the day while the doctor took money from others and diagnosed the souls that were similar to his own messed up life. He then questioned whether the memories he had of wife Rheya were accurate and wasn’t sure if he assessed her correctly. Dr. Chris wondered if he had her all wrong and she wasn’t really suicidal, and if his ungodly ways and thoughts had him walking the crooked path in life. Kelvin again cut his finger with a knife while preparing a meal but this time the wound healed instantly, so he suspected he was no longer among the living.  His dead wife Rheya then appeared in what looked like his Earth apartment. However, she explained that they were both dead, and they weren’t in heaven but they were together and all of their sins were forgiven, so they kissed. The movie was created and released shortly after 9/11. It was bizarre to say the least and the nudity scenes were not appropriate for HIS children while the hating on GOD was crystal clear to the point it basically said that all terrorists would all be forgiven for their killing and hate crimes and those evil beings would live together forever in eternal bliss.  The movie cover art listed, Ebert & Roeper “Two thumbs up!” Newsday “Four stars. A return to what sci-fi was meant to be.” New York Daily News “brilliant sci-fi movie.” Rolling Stone “mind-bending!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/12/24

TITLE:  Cloud 9

BOX OFFICE RATED: TV-G (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014  Walt Disney Studios Home Entertainment / A Disney Channel Original Movie / Sally Pitchers Inc / Blondie Girl Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the Colorado town of Summit Valley, where Richard Morgan owned the Summit Valley Mountain Resort. Richard’s spoiled high school daughter #7 Kayla and her boyfriend #12 Nick Swift were both snowboarding champs on the Team Swift owned by Nick’s dad Sebastian. The teens competed in a challenges leading up to the main Fire and Ice championship that would be on national TV, and won the boy and girl divisions for the Swift team. Single mom Andrea Cloud started a new business venture and owned the Hot Doggers Kennel and rented space from the resort, but she also worked as a waitress at the local cantina and needed her teenage son Will to take care of the tourists’ dogs. Will used to be a snowboarding legend, but he quit after he broke his leg and suffered life threatening injuries and almost died while trying to perform the Cloud 9 move that he invented in competition. Will’s two friends Dink and Sam wanted him to join their team and compete that season against the Swift team, but Will refused. All the members of Team Swift partied and dressed up with adults at the kickoff gala that night held at the resort hall. Nick, Kayla, Mike Lamb and Burke Brighton were celebrated and they were all members of Team Swift. Nick’s dad, Sebastian, wasn’t ever fully satisfied with Nick’s performance, so Nick felt pressured to attempt the Cloud 9 in his training. Nick convinced Kayla to go for a ride down a slope on Will’s sled outside after the gay jubliee. The sled was soon out of control, so Nick jumped to safety and abandoned Kayla to crash through the huge resort billboard, which destroyed it along with the sled that Will used for the care of the dogs at the kennel. Nick, Mike and Burke ran off and Kayla was left to face her dad’s hired gun resort security officer. Richard instructed the security officer to invent a story about running into the sign with a snowplow instead of telling the truth about what happened and Kayla did not tell anyone that that her Swift teammates were her partners in crime. Since Kayla refused to reveal the names of the other teens involved in the destruction of property, Richard and his wife Madeline announced that Kayla would work at Hot Doggers every day after school to make it up to Will and his mom. Kayla was upset, and Will told her that she wasn’t as good of a snowboarder as she thought and only did well in competition because her dad owned the resort and rigged the competition and possibly paid off the judges. Sebastian left Kayla a message that he was kicking her off the team, so she asked Nick to talk to Sebastian. Nick pretended that he cared about what happened to Kayla but he and the other boys refused to come forward and tell anyone about their involvement and believed they had a better chance to win Fire & Ice without Kayla anyway. Nick explained that Kayla only won the challenges because they were rigged, and Richard confirmed that it was true as he only put her up against other females that were worse than herself, and added that everyone knew Kayla was a fake. At his mom’s business, Will had left inexperienced Kayla alone to do some chores, and she did them half-heartedly. Soon all the dogs got loose from the kennel and ran wild around the resort, thanks to Donald Roadkill, a troublemaker dog who had a habit of playing dead. Kayla was able to catch them but was disappointed that Andrea wouldn’t fire her for the incident because she had no interest in caring for the animals and missed her pampered princess lifestyle. Nick then broke up with Kayla so he could focus on his Swift team training with no distractions, and Kayla was upset so her friends Pia and Linds gave her a pep talk and watched Will’s “Epic Fail” video. Kayla wanted to remodel the kennel to attract more customers and use her money to do it to make it look less drabby and more attractive. Will only cared about what was under the surface and not on the outside because he didn’t much care for fake Barbie dolls polluting the world. Kayla was able to make a deal with Will that she would remodel his mom’s business place if he coached her to compete in Fire and Ice. Will was reluctant but Kayla convinced him to start Team Hot Doggers with her, Sam and Dink. Meanwhile, Team Swift replaced Kayla with Skye Sailor, a pro female snowboarder from Aspen. Kayla turned the kennel into a luxurious dog spa using her parent’s richy rich money and Andrea was shocked and happy about it, since Will’s mom would never be able to afford it otherwise. Kayla then overheard Richard tell Madeline that it was impossible for Kayla to beat the Swifts, so she asked Will to teach her the Cloud 9. Will argued that Kayla wasn’t ready, so Kayla got Will’s attention by snowboarding down Tyson’s Peak. A helicopter recorded her so everyone in Summit Valley could watch, and Kayla caused an avalanche and was buried alive. Luckily, Will was close by on his snowmobile with Donald to rescue Kayla. Donald sniffed Kayla out of the deep snow and Will was able to dig her out before she suffocated and died. Nick and Skye started dating, so Kayla tried to make Nick jealous and held hands with Will. Will agreed to join the Hot Doggers team as a player and not just coach it, and he started teaching Kayla the Cloud 9. Nick told Will that it would be his fault if Kayla failed to do the move and got injured snowboarding the dangerous Coud 9. Skye was impressed with Kayla’s new skills, but Sebastian wasn’t happy about it. However, Kayla had a hard time mastering the Cloud 9 so Will told her to give up on it. Will then kissed Kayla and agreed to believe in her. Sebastian told Kayla that he wanted her back on Team Swift for Fire and Ice, and she accepted but then revealed at the competition that she was pretending and she was still loyal to Will’s Hot Doggers team. Will did well at Fire and Ice, but Nick beat him. After seeing how good Kayla’s performance was, Richard apologized to her and was proud of her. Nick was upset that he didn’t receive the same praise from Sebastian, so Nick announced to everyone that his dad told him to steer the sled into the billboard sign (and bail on Kayla which could have killed Kayla because of her dangerous situation) so Sebastian would have an excuse to kick Kayla off the team. Nick told his dad Sebastian that it was all his dream and not Nick’s, so he left. Kayla went back out on her last run and successfully pulled off the Cloud 9, and she was the first person to ever do so the Hot Doggers won big, and what was left of the Swift team lost badly. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/11/24

TITLE:  Rodgers and Hammerstein’s The Sound Of Music 

BOX OFFICE RATED: G (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1965  20th Century Fox / Argyle Enterprises Inc. 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This musical movie takes place in Salzburg, Austria, in 1938, where young adult Maria lived at the Nonnberg Abbey. However, Maria had unconventional behavior and was often late for important events because she loved nature and the hills most. Sister Berthe and the other nuns didn’t think Maria belonged there, so Reverend Mother told Maria that it was God’s will for her to leave and figure things out before she took her vows to become a nun. Maria was sent to the estate of Captain Georg (gay-org) von Trapp to be the governess of Captain’s seven children. Captain retired from the Imperial Navy and his wife died years before. He was very strict and insisted that the children be disciplined and do military exercises, and he wanted Maria to use a whistle to summon the children but she refused to treat them like animals and instead called them by their names. The kids were 16-year-old Liesl, 14-year-old Friedrich, 13-year-old Louisa, 11-year-old Kurt, 10-year-old Brigitta, 6-year-old (almost 7) Marta and five-year-old Gretl. The unruly children had already sent 11 other governesses packing and planned to do the same to Maria. They told Maria to do rude things to get her in trouble with their dad, and then the siblings put a frog in her pocket and a pinecone in her chair. The children then put on fake tears for Captain when Maria called them out on their questionable behavior at dinner. 17-year-old Rolfe delivered a telegram to Captain. The Captain announced that he would leave for Austria the next morning and bring back with him the Baroness Elsa von Schraeder and Uncle Max Detweiler. Liesl was in love with Rolfe and snuck outside with him to sing and dance in the rain. Frau Schmidt, the housekeeper, delivered the material for Maria to make herself new dresses and she also hoped to make the children play clothes. Frau Schmidt believed that Captain would marry Baroness. Liesl snuck back inside through the window and adult Maria agreed not to say anything to the child’s parent about it. All the children were afraid of the thunderstorm, so they went to Maria’s bedroom. Maria was dressed in her nightgown and sang and danced on the bed and around the room about her favorite things, but the Captain interrupted them and was upset that they weren’t in their own beds. The Captain scolded Maria in her bedroom and wouldn’t approve of the play clothes since the children weren’t allowed to play, so the next day while the Captain was away Maria outfitted the children in girl and boy matching outfits that she made from the drapes in her room. Maria took the siblings out for a picnic and bike ride and taught them how to sing too. The children were hung from the trees when Captain, Baroness and Max arrived but Captain didn’t recognize them. Max encouraged Baroness to marry Captain so they could share their super wealth, as she was richy rich too after her spouse died. Captain caught Rolfe throwing rocks at Liesl’s window, and Rolfe scurried off after a Heil Hitler salute to the Captain. Maria and the children returned home in a canoe singing and ended up falling out of the boat into the water. Captain wasn’t pleased and had a heated argument with Maria, who accused of him not knowing or loving his children because he was hardly ever around and when he was present he paid little attention to their interests nor had healthy conversations with them. Captain told Maria to leave and go back to the Catholic Abbey, but then he heard the children singing, “The Sound of Music” for Baroness that Maria taught them with her singing lessons. Captain joined in on the singing and hugged his own children for the first time in many years.  Captain was thankful to Maria for bringing music back to this family and he apologized to her and asked her to stay. Another day, Maria and the children put on a yodeling puppet show for Captain, Max and Baroness. Max wanted to enter the children in the Salzburg Folk Festival as a singing group, but Captain didn’t want his children exposed to the public. Maria and the children convinced Captain to sing the love song “Edelweiss,” and play the guitar. Afterward, the Baroness convinced Captain to throw an extravagant party. Outside on the patio with the children as Maria tried to teach them to dance, Captain appeared and then danced solo with Maria. Baroness found them and was jealous when she saw the spark between them. The children put on a performance to say goodnight to the guests and everyone was impressed, and Max invited Maria as his dinner guest. Maria left to borrow a more suitable dinner dress from Baroness but then Baroness then told Maria that she was in love with Captain and he was in love with her, so Maria decided to leave on the spot and return to the Abbey without saying goodbye to anyone, just as Baroness was hoping. The children were unhappy with Maria gone, so Captain told them that Maria left a note telling them that she was leaving because she missed the abbey and for no other reason. Captain then announced that they wouldn’t need another governess because he was marrying Baroness and she would be their mother. The children weren’t happy to hear that news and didn’t know that Baroness had already planned to send them all to boarding school either. The children left their estate home and visited the abbey and begged to see Maria, but Sister Margaretta wouldn’t let them and explained that Maria was secluding herself from everyone. Reverend Mother told Maria that just because she loved Captain didn’t mean she loved God any less, so she had to go back to the Captain and not take her vows to face her true feelings and not runaway or hide from the truth. After the von Trapp siblings returned home, they lied to Captain that they went out berry-picking instead of to the abbey but he knew they were lying so he told them since their bellies were full they didn’t need dinner that night. However, Maria returned to the estate and the children were glad to see her and thankful their dad changed his mind about their dinner. Maria was upset to learn that Captain was getting married. Soon after, the Captain told Baroness that the two of them weren’t a good match so he could not marry her. She agreed and left for Vienna telling Captain to go after Maria. Captain and Maria professed their love for each other in the garden under the moonlight, kissed and broke out in song. They had a lavish Catholic weddingshortly after and the children were happy to have Maria as their mom. Captain and Maria left on a month-long honeymoon to Paris. In their absence, Herr Zeller and the Nazi officials put up a Nazi flag outside the von Trapp estate since Captain had refused to do so himself and only flew the Austrian flag. Zeller informed Max and gave him a Heil Hitler, and Max returned the gesture half-heartedly. Rolfe gave Liesl a telegram from Berlin to give to Captain, and Liesl was upset that Rolfe didn’t want to see her anymore because he worked for the Nazis and Hitler who Captain didn’t support. When the newlyweds returned home, Captain tore down the Nazi flag and ripped it in half. Max (babysitter for the honeymooners) had gone against Captain’s wishes and entered the children in the festival. Liesl asked Maria for advice about love, and Maria told Liesel in song to wait until she was at least a year or two older to get involved in love affairs. The telegram offered Captain a commission in the navy and requested that he travel to Bremerhaven and serve the Nazis. Captain refused and tried to escape to Switzerland with his family that night. Zeller and the Nazis, who planned to carry out orders and escort Captain to Bremerhaven since he didn’t accept his commission, confronted the Von Trapps. Captain argued that he and his family were going to sing together at the festival, so Zeller escorted them there and planned to finish the job afterwards. The von Trapp Family Singers sang three songs, and they won first prize but couldn’t collect it because they already fled the scene. Reverend Mother and the nuns tried to hide the family in the Church Abbey, and the Nazis went there to search. Zeller didn’t find them, but Rolfe did and held his gun on Captain. Captain tried to talk Rolfe out of ratting them out, but he did it anyway and the family sped off in their car. The nuns sabotaged the Nazis’ cars so they couldn’t follow, and the von Trapp family escaped into the mountains and walked to safety in Switzerland since the road borders were closed. This movie had a budget of $8 million and grossed over $286 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 7/10/24

TITLE:  Huck & the King of Hearts 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1994  Lionsgate Home Entertainment / Crystal Sky Communications / Prism Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is based on “Huckleberry Finn” and began in rural Hannibal, Missouri, where tween boy Billy “Huck” Thomas lived. Billy was called Huck because he was like the character in Mark Twain’s book. Huck went fishing on no-trespassing land and then returned home to his trailer house, where his alcoholic stepdad Russ beat him with a belt for neglecting his woodcutting duties. Russ confiscated Huck’s watch that belonged to his grandfather Zachary Taylor, and Russ yanked on Huck’s mom Lisa’s hair when she tried to get the watch back. Huck’s dad died a year before. Huck regularly received letters and postcards from Grandpa Zach from places around the world where he traveled. Russ then sold Huck’s bicycle, so Huck decided to run away. Huck snuck into Lisa and Russ’s bedroom that night and took the watch and money from the bike sale, and then he sent a telegram to his wealthy non-working divorced Aunt Darlene without children in Hollywood asking her to pick him up from the bus station in three days. He added not to call and confirm since the phone was disconnected. Huck set his pet frog Willie free in the pond and then hitchhiked to the bus station. Darlene took Huck to the beach, where he encountered a homeless Native American con artist named Jim. Jim pretended to be blind and played music to swindle people out of their money, but Huck caught Jim in his lies and called him out on it. Darlene was irate that Huck ran off from her at the beach and had approached Jim. Darlene then revealed that sister Lisa wrote the letters to Huck and postmarked them from within Hannibal to make Huck believe that his grandfather cared about him when Zach never wrote one letter and actually left his wife and two daughters, Darlene and Lisa, for alcohol and gambling cards. Meanwhile, well-dressed Happy boasted to Jim that he was making a fortune off drug deals with kids. Happy’s boss Max showed up and accused Happy of stealing $20,000 of drug money, so Max shot Happy dead and then tried to shoot Jim in the head but he was able to escape. Huck decided to go to Las Vegas to find Zach, so he stole Darlene’s bicycle (a birthday gift from her boyfriend, Ira, who told Darlene to lose weight) and maps and put the answering machine cassette down the garbage disposal when Lisa left a message about Huck. It wasn’t long before Huck encountered two teen Hispanic gangsters who stole his bike and held a knife on him, but they went running  and riding off on the bike when Jim appeared with a gun. Huck fainted upon seeing big Jim and later explained to Jim that he was headed to Vegas so Jim agreed to take Huck there. Jim told Huck not to call him a redskin because it was offensive. Lisa called Darlene, and Darlene admitted that Huck was with her but he ran off and then she lied that she called the police to report Huck’s disappearance when she hadn’t yet. Max’s boss ordered Max to hunt Jim downand kill him because he was a witness. Max instructed his goon to keep the police away and alert all the motorcycle bikers to keep an eye out for Jim. Lisa left Hannibal to find Huck, and Russ told her to never come back but she argued that it was her house and she wanted him gone by the time she returned. Huck and Jim ran out of gas on the side of the road in his borrowed VW van, so they hitched a ride with a truck of illegals that received slave wagesfrom their boss Nick who supervised workers at an orange grove. Nick insisted that Jim and Huck pick oranges to earn the gas they needed, but instead Jim planned to play cards against Nick and get all Nick’s money. Jim was good at cards and used to work at a casino in Vegas, where he was called the King of Hearts. Nick tried to cheat by putting a King of Hearts card up his pant leg after he said one last game with the King of Hearts would be wild. But, Huck spotted it and slyly retrieved the King of Hearts card using his fishing pole, so Jim won. Jim and Huck hit the road, but then the VW broke down and Charly towed them to Ed’s garage to be repaired. Huck fixed a car that Ed couldn’t because Huck’s dad was a mechanic and taught him a few things. Ed gave Huck a day job fixing up the cars and agreed to let him use Ed’s tools to fix the VW van. Ed’s teenage daughter Mavis was a waitress at the café outside the garage, and he scolded her for showing off her sexy outfit to Huck who now he had a crush on her. Huck fixed a biker’s motorcycle and was mad to see Mavis on the motorcycle with the biker. Huck asked Jim about women, and Jim explained that the kind of woman he wanted was one with a good soul on the inside and not one who was vain and eye candy on the outside. The biker was on drug dealer Max’s payroll and reported Jim’s whereabouts to the boss. Darlene and Lisa figured out that Huck was headed to Vegas, and they stopped by the Ed’s garage but had no idea Huck was there and ran into Jim. The biker hit on Darlene and let her ride his motorcycle, and Ed wasn’t pleased to see Mavis kiss Huck on the lips when he left the two kids alone. Max then appeared and held a gun on Jim, and Huck held another gun on Max and the biker. Jim and Huck were able to run when Ed appeared with his gun, but then Max tricked Ed into letting down his guard and the biker took care of him while Max went after Jim and Huck. Huck was mad at Jim for not mentioning that he was being hunted. Huck took a turn driving the van, and Jim revealed that he was from a South Dakota reservation. Jim said he married Sadie when she was pregnant with their son Jessie, but then Jim’s gambling addiction got the better of him and he sold their car for cash to play cards. He got drunk and robbed a convenience store, and then he spent four years in jail and hadn’t seen Sadie or Jessie since. Huck and Jim went to the Destiny Hotel in Vegas, but Zach wasn’t staying there so they got a room under the name James Bond. Huck called around and found out where Zach Taylor lived. Huck went alone to Zach’s apartment, and there was a man named Joe (actually Zach) living there. Zach was dying from cancer because he was a chain smoker, and he knew Zach was his grandson and told Huck stories about Zach’s fabricated travels. Collie gave Max a tip about where Huck and Jim were staying, so Max was waiting with his gun for Jim in the hotel room when he returned. Max then grabbed Huck too and questioned Jim if he told anyone about what he saw. Huck tased Max, and then Huck and Jim split up. Darlene and Lisa had checked into the same hotel as Jim and Huck, and they bumped into Jim and tased Max. However, Max sped off with Jim into the desert and Huck stowed away in the back of the car and discovered that Max stole the $20,000 drug money and used Happy as a scapegoat. The sisters realized who Jim was and followed. Max shot Jim, so Huck knocked Max out by hitting him in the head with his fishing pole. Jim was uninjured because he had a King of Hearts canister in his pocket and the bullet hit that and saved his life. Darlene was taser-happy and confronted Jim, but she ended up zapping herself after Huck explained that Jim helped him and Huck was only alive because of Jim. Darlene and Lisa were glad for that, and Huck gave Jim his fishing pole and told him to take the $20k drug money back to South Dakota reservation and start over and see his wife and child. Jim agreed and took the money and gave Huck the King of Hearts and left in Max’s car. Huck left with Lisa and Darlene in Darlene’s car. Max was left behind wandering the desert alone in his underclothes. 


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