GOD BLESS POLICE!

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MAKAYLA JANE:
GOD'S Spirit Reborn With
HIS Loving
JESUS HEart.

MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/13/24

TITLE:  Ice Princess

BOX OFFICE RATED: G (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2005  Walt Disney Pictures / Buena Vista Pictures Distribution / Bridget Johnson Films / On The Ice Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the small town of Millbrook, Connecticut. High-schooler Casey Carlyle was a physics whiz who got straight A-pluses on all of her exams, so her teacher Mr. Bast recommended that she apply for a physics scholarship and do a summer project to get their attention. Casey was interested in ice skating and practiced on the frozen pond outside her single mom’s house. Casey went to the Harwood skating club to do a project about the dynamics of figure skating. She got permission from Tina Harwood, the rink owner and a former skating champion, and the parents of the girl skaters to video their techniques for her project but not to distract them from their training for the regional championship. Tina’s daughter, Gennifer “Gen,” and her friends, Tiffany Lai and Nikki Fletcher (The Jumping Shrimp), were the best skaters at the rink. They were mean to Casey when she worked at the food stand in the rink. Tina agreed to give Casey beginner skating lessons for a few weeks for $800 so she could get experience. Casey decided to participate in the recital with other kids as young as six-years-old, and Tina let her borrow one of her old skater girl dresses. Casey hid the flashy red skater outfit under the dress that she wore to the Harvard alumni tea party with her mom Joan, an English professor at a university. Casey was late to the recital, and she and the young performers skated to “It’s Oh So Quiet” (an adult song about dating). Gen wasn’t pleased that Casey was wearing Tina’s old costume and that she got a junior pass two levels higher than the passes that the other kids received. Casey hoped to participate in regionals, but Tina discouraged her from it because it took commitment, time and a lot of money and other girls’ parents worked multiple jobs and even took out second mortgages to afford their kid’s skating careers. Casey got the idea from Mr. Bast to sell her physics project for the money to afford serious lessons, and she used her computer program to help Gen, Nikki and Tiffany improve their skating routines. Joan wasn’t pleased when she discovered that Casey was spending her time at the rink instead of focusing on her future. Tina wanted Gen to stayed focused on her training in the early mornings before school, but she reluctantly let Gen go to a teen party on the weekend. Gen convinced Casey to go with her by not revealing that it was a party. Gen made out with her boyfriend Brian and tried to hook Casey up with Kyle Dayton the hockey player, but he was put off by Casey’s smarts. The mean girls gave Casey a hard time, so Teddy stood up for Casey at the party. Casey learned that Teddy was Gen’s older brother and Tina bought the rink and remodeled it with money from her divorce. Casey lied to Joan that she spent her time studying instead of skating, but she got caught. Joan was concerned that Casey’s grade went below average because of Tina’s influence and the new people she hung out with and she risked jeopardizing the Harvard scholarship that she worked so many years in school to achieve. All of Casey’s thoughts were now filled with an ice skating career that would end in 8 years or less as an athlete and she began hiding things from her devoted mom that spent years helping her stay focused and the teen even began sneaking out of the house. One night, Casey snuck out and took a bus to the regionals with the other skaters to perform. Tiffany had a wipeout on the ice and Nikki won first and Gen won forth. Zoey Bloch was a goth competitor who always gave flawless performances to rock music. Zoey tried to get into Casey’s head before her performance, and it wasn’t perfect so Casey settled for fifth. Gen believed that Casey was good enough to place higher than Gen in the next segment and move onto the sectionals. Tina suddenly gifted Casey with a new pair of skating boots since Casey’s own pair were older and worn out. Zoey won first, Nikki second, Tiffany third and Gen fourth so they were all headed to the sectionals. Casey stayed in fifth and didn’t qualify because Casey’s new skates that Tina gave to her left her feet bloody and caused her to fall. Zoey informed Casey that Tina sabotaged her to lose because new skates had to be broken in many days before they could be used for competition. Casey was upset and accused Gen and Teddy of participating in their mom Tina’s scheme even though they denied knowing anything about it. Casey called Joan to pick her up from the skating arena, and Joan confronted Tina for abusing Casey and sabotaging her chance at doing well because of Tina’s own jealousy. Joan declared that Casey was capable at succeeding at whatever she chose in spite of the obstacles that Tina put in her way that caused her harm, and added that bad parent Tina set a wrong example for Gen and her son of cheating, lying and sneaking around. Gen announced to her mom inside the school that she was giving up skating because Tina pushed her too hard to accomplish something that she no longer wanted to do. Gen told Casey that she hoped that by her dropping out of the competition Casey would take her place in the sectionals, but Casey told Gem she had to go to her Harvard interview with Dr. Chip Healy because that is what Casey’s mom wanted. Gem and Tina told Casey she had to go after her own dream and not pursue a career in physics if skating was in her heart. As a result of the influence of Tina’s gang in the past few months, Casey walked out of the Harvard interview and decided that she was passionate about skating and not Harvard. Teddy used the Zamboni on Casey’s skating pond so she could practice, and then she went to see Tina. Tina admitted that she was suspended from professional skating after an incident at Sarajevo where she ran into another skater and injured her, and then Tina didn’t have another chance to pursue her career. Casey was able to convince Tina to be her coach for sectionals, and Joan was upset that Casey was involving herself with Tina again so mother and daughter rarely spoke to each other for the next two months. At the sectionals, Zoey took first, Nikki took second, Chantal DeGroat took third and Casey was in fourth. Tina discouraged Casey from calling Joan before her performance but Casey said she needed to hear her mom’s voice because her mom was her best friend. Casey’s performance started out with a hard fall, but she made a comeback after mom Joan appeared in the crowd to cheer her on. Casey’s score was as good as Nikki’s, so she took silver and was headed to nationals. Casey and Joan made amends, and Casey and Teddy kissed. The two single moms, Joan and Tina, (no husbands or father figures in picture) argued about sponsors, and Joan believed that daughter trumped skater but Tina argued that coach trumped mom. The soundtrack that the skaters danced to featured Offenbach, Vivaldi, Caleigh, Emma, Jesse, Michelle, Diana, Aly & AJ, Lucy, Superchick, Hayden, Jump5, Raven-Symone, Tina, Natasha, Avril, Madonna, Pink and Britney. This movie had a budget of $25 million and grossed over $25 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Leonard Maltin, Entertainment Tonight, “Ideal family entertainment!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/12/24

TITLE:  The House Bunny 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2008 Columbia Pictures / Relativity Media / Happy Madison Productions / Alta Loma Entertainment / Sony Pictures Releasing / Axe Media Limited 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in California and is about Shelley Darlingson, an orphan who never got adopted from the orphanage until she found her family at age eighteen at the Playboy Mansion, where she lived for the past nine years with Hef and his harem. Hugh Hefner was the old man who kept around dozens of young women called Playboy bunnies. He paid for their makeovers and scanty clothes and bought them luxurious gifts. Shelley hoped to become a centerfold because she believed it was the highest honor anyone could have, and she and the bunnies wore dirty girl attire and did butt-spanking dance moves at Shelley’s 27thbirthday party at the Mansion. Matt Leinart was a guest, and Shaq too and he helped Shelley by lifting her up to blow out her candles. The next morning, Hef left for Vegas with his chosen girls Holly Madison, Kendra Wilkinson and Bridget Marquardt. Marvin Dixon, the bartender, then delivered a note from Hef to Shelley in bed. The note said Shelley was evicted immediately from the Mansion because of her age. She left her cat Pooter behind with Marvin and only took with her what she came with (junkie station wagon) because Marvin told her the pink Toyota Prius car that Hef gave her belonged to the Playboy company. Shelley camped in her worn-out car in the woods, where she was ticketed by a police officer for spitting and sleeping in the car. The officer thought Shelley was drunk and instructed her to blow in the Breathalyzer, but because she had been around sex addicts for the past many years at the Playboy mansion, Shelley thought the officer wanted a blowjob so when she tried to do that, so she was arrested. Shelley ended up sharing a jail cell with actual hookers who didn’t believe Shelley wasn’t a prostitute too, as well as a transgender man dressed as a woman. Shelly was released from jail and exited the Mid-Wilshire courthouse. She followed a group of college girls to the hoity-toity Phi Iota Mu, the most popular and prestigious sorority on campus. She learned that she couldn’t live there because she didn’t attend the University school, so she volunteered to be a housemother. The other housemothers dismissed Shelley as a prostitute and sent her to Zeta Alpha Zeta, the sorority full of unpopular girls led by Natalie Sandler. Dean Simmons announced that Zeta had no pledges, lost their charters and there were complaints that they were getting special treatment. Zeta needed 30 pledges by October 15th, otherwise the university would dismantle them. Zeta’s last house-mother left because of hallucinations (mayhap caused by the questionable females inside who were far from God). The Zeta sisters recruited ex-Playboy bunny Shelley as their housemother since the boys were sexually interested in Shelley and she was their ticket to throwing the kinds of wild parties that the other sororities hosted for popularity. The sisters were Natalie, Mona Rita the goth girl, very pregnant Harmony Bowels, Joanne Davis in a body brace, Lilly Carrie Mae Staten the trailer park tomboy, petite Tanya Spirko and Lilly Marsen who spoke to her sisters using texts. Shelley was used to wandering almost nude around the Playboy Mansion and exposing her bare buttafter her shower, but the Zeta sisters recommended that she cover up. Natalie wanted to dress up mice or beekeeping to raise money for the Zeta philanthropy charity, but Shelley dismissed it and started a sexy carwash. The Zeta sisters were skeptical, so Shelley called them sexy bit**es to get the boys’ attention after she drew them in with her revealing top and shorty-shorts. The boys invited the girls over for drinks but decided against it after Mona sabotaged Natalie so she accidentally squirted water in the face of Colby Emmett, the boy she liked. Shelly met Oliver Hauser, who invited her to volunteer at the Larchmont nursing home that he managed. Shelley took the other girls to a club that night to teach them how to flirt with boys, but they had no luck and scared the boys off. Ashley, the snobby leader of Phi, believed that her sorority would buy Zeta’s house once it was shut down and use the building to possibly expand Phi. Ashley and her friend, Courtney, set up the Zeta girls to look like fools by changing the karaoke lyrics on screen of “Like A Virgin” so that they sang that they were fat bags of poop and losers.After the mean girls and boys released a pig inside Zeta’s house, the girls set out to save their sorority. They remodeled the house, and Shelley helped them picked out sexy clothes and taught them how to flirt. They got makeovers and were noticed by the boys, and they put together a Playboy-style calendar that quickly sold out. Shelley gave Oliver a donation for his senior home, and the girls gave all the elderly residents with various medical conditions a dance lesson. Hef and his trio of females returned from Vegas to his LA Playboy home. Hef was upset to learn that Shelley left because he didn’t evict her so he became depressed and gorged himself on ice cream. It was the scheming of evil Cassandra, who wanted to take Shelley’s place and forced Marvin to help her by using his nipple weakness against him. Marvin had given Hef a letter that Shelley didn’t write stating that she was helping the orphans in Africa, and Cassandra agreed that Shelley was unhappy at the Mansion. Ashley tried to recruit girls to Phi, but they were more interested in Zeta. Joanne still wore her body brace even though she no longer needed it, and Shelley convinced her to invite her love interest Steve to the party. Joanne’s brace fell off when she ran to catch up with Steve because Shelley messed with it using a screwdriver, and Steve agreed to go to the party. Mrs. Hagstrom, the housemother of Phi, threatened Shelley and was on Ashley’s side hoping to shut down Zeta. Shelley hosted an Aztec party at the sorority to get pledges, and she sacrificed Natalie as the only virgin. Shelley refused to let Natalie interact with Colby and advised her to stop being so smart and to hang out with the other boys to make Colby jealous. The party was a hit and Zeta became the most popular sorority. Shelley wanted to date Oliver, so the two went out to dinner and she did the Marilyn move on him with a manhole. The only small talk that Shelley knew how to make with Oliver involved sex, and she lied that she had another date so he walked out after he paid for the meal. The Zeta women believed that Oliver was the kind of guy who wanted to get to know a girl before dating her, so they suggested that Shelley smarten herself up and learn topics for conversation so she wouldn’t be a sex-obsessed dumb blonde. She joined the girls in their classes, and they dressed Shelley up to look book-smart with Natalie’s glasses. Oliver questioned Shelley who she would vote for, and she mistook it for American Idol voting and not the presidential voting. A waiter recognized Shelley from Playboy magazine, and she denied it and then made a fool of herself knocking over tables at the restaurant. The Zeta sisters reviewed their pledge applicants and made fun of the girls, so Lilly put them in her place by finally revealing that she could speak and that she had a thick British accent and Brit Lilly seemed to have more power with the sisters after that. Marvin ratted Cassandra out to Hef, so he called Shelley and announced that her wanted her to be Miss November centerfold and go on tour around the world. She turned Hef took down and decided that Zeta was her home, but she took Hef up on his offer after the girls tore into Shelley and blamed Shelley for trying to change them into something they were not. Shelley wrote a letter to Oliver that she was joining the Peace Corps and working in Peru. Shelley returned to the Playboy Mansion, where Cassandra was kicked out of the house for her wicked scheming. The Zeta girls decided to be half Shelley and half whoever they wanted to be, and they collected names for possible pledges and pulled them randomly out of a bowl. Natalie and Colby got together and kissed. Lilly left to mail the bids. Ashley used Cole Trickle, a man Lilly liked, to distract Lilly with the bid envelopes to mail, while Ashley trashed the Zeta bids and mailed invitations to her own rush. Marvin took the girls to see Shelley, who walked out of her Centerfold photo-shoot and agreed to help the girls save their sorority house since nobody showed up at their house because the mail was thrown in the trash. Before the Zeta house could be officially closed down, they burst in on the official meeting. Shelley gave a speech about how she found out she was allergic to erythromycin when she was 16, but she took it anyway for her flu cold because it made her skin glow and that made her the popular one. Shelley realized that beauty didn’t last, so she announced that the new Zeta motto was inner beauty. Twenty-nine girls pledged to Zeta, and Harmony had just delivered her baby and tried to pledge the newborn as the 30th pledge, but Dean Simmons wouldn’t allow it. Courtney was fed up with being in leader Ashley’s shadow, so she left Ashley and joined team Zeta and that saved Zeta house despite Ashley and Mrs. Hagstrom’s protests. Natalie had called Oliver, and he came over to Zeta house, gave Shelley roses and he knew her Playboy past and that she never went to Peru so the two agreed to give their romance a second chance. They started dating, and the girls threw a party for Shelley and Shelley wrote a letter to Hef about her new Zeta home. This movie had a budget of $25 million and grossed over $70 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/12/24

TITLE:  Blue Crush 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2002 Universal Pictures / Imagine Entertainment / Brian Grazer Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Oahu, Hawaii, where three older teen girls Anne Marie Chadwick, Eden and Lena surfed on the North Shore in the early morning with Anne’s young 14-year-old sister Penny. Big sister Anne raised little sister Penny after their mom ditched them to go to Vegas with her boyfriend from California. Anne won the Junior NSSA, but she stopped competing after a near-drowning accident at the Banzai Pipe Masters three years before when she hit her head on the rocks while underwater. She now hoped to win the girls-only Pipe and pursue a pro career with sponsorship like Keala Kennelly, a pro surfer whose sponsor Billabong gave her free travel among other things. Anne’s ex-boyfriend, Drew, and his boy surfer pals tried to convince Anne to surf the more dangerous waves, but she was too afraid. Anne dropped Penny off at school, where Mr. Pakui scolded Anne for letting Penny be late again. Penny was more interested in surfing like her big sis than school and often ditched school. Anne discovered that Penny was smoking (possibly drugs) and stealing beer, so she went to a wild older teen party were Penny was hanging out and drinking with Drew and the older teen guys. Anne tried to convince Penny to leave, but they got in a fight so Anne left her little sister behind to fend for herself in the drug infested sex crazed environment. Anne and her friends worked as maids at the Lanakai luxury hotel, where they almost got caught trying on the guests’ clothes. The female maids were stuck cleaning a trashed room with used condoms flung around, urine and vomit everywhere. The room belonged to Leslie the NFL Minnesota pro football player in Hawaii with some of his teammates on vacation. Anne left the room and went down to the beach and yelled for the owner of the room number and then confronted Leslie and showed him how to dispose of the used condom by putting it inside the trash can in her hand. Leslie argued that it wasn’t his responsibility to clean his room while he was on vacation and ran back to the water. Later on, the hotel boss fired Anne for it. Eden and Lena wanted to quit since their girlfriend was fired. They didn’t quit after Anne told them they wouldn’t be able to pay rent. Leslie’s quarterback football friend, Matt Tollman, asked Anne to give him surfing lessons, but she wasn’t interested. Eden and Lena figured they could use the money from the lessons, so they and Anne drove recklessly in the wrong lane to catch up with Matt. Matt agreed to pay them $150 a day for each surf lesson, and he brought along Leslie and his other overweight jock muscle friends. Penny helped Eden and Lena, and Anne personally tutored Matt. Anne went with him to his hotel room at the Lanakai, where Matt paid her $1,000 up front to give him “surf” lessons for a week. The two made out and almost had sex, but they were interrupted by a phone call. Matt claimed it was his niece back home and not his wife, nor his girlfriend or boyfriend that Anne had suspected was on the phone. Eden and Anne made plans to practice for Pipe since Anne was getting distracted from her practice and spending too much time with Matt. Anne took Matt to a private beach for another lesson, where Matt got into a fistfight with Drew and his crazy Hawaiian gang who argued that the spot was only for locals. Anne broke up the fight between her old boyfriend and Matt and left the scene with her new lover. Anne never showed up to the surfing practice with Eden, so Eden was angry because she didn’t’ want her friend to blow her chance for surf stardom over a guy and for some reason Eden wasn’t able to surf on her own and enter the competition and lived through Anne. Anne and Matt had sex that night, and Eden reminded Anne that winning the Masters was more important than a boyfriend who would leave soon. Anne practiced with Eden, but they were overtaken by the monster waves and separated from the Jet Ski. Eden refused to participate in the contest herself and instead pushed Anne too hard to win, so Anne quit and ran crying to Matt. Anne and Matt spent their time together at the hotel getting luxury massages, spa treatment and room service. They planned to attend a luau at Lanakai, so Matt bought Anne shoes and an ungodly low-cut dress that was slit almost to her waist and partially exposed her breasts. Leslie donned a coconut bra and hula skirt to dance as Chief Poon Daddy with the Hawaiian girls. Anne retreated into the bathroom, where she overheard the girlfriends and/or wives of the other pro football players gossiping about how Anne was hoping to get in on Matt’s $10 million annual salary by staying with him. They discussed how Matt had dolled up a waitress once at Denny’s too and it was Matt’s style to dress up his low class females and turn them into his sexy arm candy. One of them liked Anne’s shoes, so Anne took them off in her bathroom stall and walked out and gave them to the admiring female and then left the party and went for a swim. Matt followed Anne into the ocean water, and she told him her hopes that Penny would quit smoking and go to college, that a girl would be on the cover of Surf magazine and that she would surf the Pipe the following day without dying. Anne told Matt she didn’t know what to do so Matt advised Anne to be the girl he met on the beach that didn’t ask anybody what to do. The Pipe was the most dangerous surfing spot in the country with giant waves and more deaths than anywhere else, so the competitors signed release forms in case of death or dismemberment. Anne went up against Kate Skarratt, an Australian champion. Kate wiped out on her second wave, so she had to be rescued by water patrol and given medical attention by Dr. Leland Dao. Anne’s first wave started out fine until she went down and was trapped under the surface by her board that was attacked to her ankle and stuck in the rocks. She got free but was then pounded by giant wave after wave that kept her under. She was brought back to the shore by the water patrol, but Anne ended up moving to the next round and scored higher than Kate. Matt gave Anne a pep talk about his first football game, where Warren struck him down hard. Leslie had told Matt to get back on the field, where Omar scored a touchdown but they still lost the game and basically told Anne not to quit or she would never get anywhere and always wonder and have regrets. As Matt left Drew alone to her thoughts on the med bed, outside Drew had met a few girls who recognized Matt as a famous athlete, so Drew pretended to be buddies with Matt and take a picture with so he could pick up the girls on the beach. Anne moved onto the next round competing against Keala, who surfed two successful waves. Keala was in the lead and would likely win the contest, so she gave Anne pointers on how to catch a wave since she witnessed Anne afraid and holding back as the two were out on the monstrous waves together. Anne wiped out and hit the rocks, but with Keala’s help she surfed her second wave perfectly within the two minutes left on the clock. Anne got tens and didn’t have enough points to move onto the next round, but she was totally OK with that because she surfed the Pipe and wasn’t dead. Anne wore a Billabong surfer suit so a female Billabong rep approached her next and offered to sponsor Anne. Female Anne got on the front cover of a popular surfing magazine. Her friends and the crowd cheered her on, and Anne and Matt kissed. This movie had a budget of $25 million and grossed $55 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Leah Rozen, PEOPLE Magazine, “…A fun ride!” Ebert & Roeper, “Two thumbs up!” The Washington Post, “a big, sexy, sun-splashed thrill.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/11/24

TITLE:  Josie and the Pussycats

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2001 Universal Pictures / MGM Pictures / Marc Platt Productions / Riverdale Productions / 20thCentury Fox 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with the pop band Dujour (members D.J., Travis, Marco and Les) kicking off their world tour with a performance of “Backdoor Lover” at the airport tarmac for their screaming teen fans. The band noticed strange sounds in the background of their music tape, but their British manager Wyatt from MegaRecords dismissed it. Later on, Wyatt and the pilot then parachuted out of the private aircraft and left it to crash in a field outside the small town of Riverdale in hopes that Dujour would die in the downed plane since the young males were catching on to the corruption behind the scenes of the record label. An aspiring rock band called the Pussycats lived in Riverdale and wanted to be famous more than anything. Josie McCoy was the lead singer/guitarist/songwriter, Valerie Brown was bass and a backup singer, and Melody Valentine was the ditzy drummer who held up signs alongside the road asking for honks from people who loved hugs and rainbows. The teenager was ignored until she held up a sign about pussy (with the cat portion hidden behind an object) and cars slammed on their brakes and caused rear-end accidents. Later on, the Pussycats discussed how they only had the chance to play low-paying gigs at the bowling alley, and three girls who were Dujour fans were mean to them. Josie was secretly in love with Alan M. Mayberry, a guitarist, but was disappointed that he didn’t seem to feel the same way. The Pussycats’ manager, Alexander Cabot, and his tagalong twin sister, Alexandra, were at odds and were more interested in Dujour since they had little luck in promoting their only clients. MTV news reported the disappearance and likely deaths of Dujour in the plane crash, and the Pussycats were determined to do anything to get a record deal like Dujour, but not end up like them. Wyatt played a special tape of one Dujour’s albums in a Riverdale media store, and the music affected the teens and caused them to buy things they wouldn’t usually. One teen girl didn’t like the music, so Wyatt had her kidnapped as he lured her out the back door alley where men in a white van stopped quickly and grabbed the female and left as though they were never there. Wyatt’s boss Fiona, the CEO of the MegaRecords, instructed him to find a new band to replace Dujour and do it immediately because they were running out of time. Wyatt almost hit the Pussycats with his SUV as the young females crossed the street when the trio were running from the police because they weren’t allowed to play on the street in front of the storefront and the clerk called the police to make them leave. Wyatt picked up the women and drove them to Starbucks and offered to sign them to the label without hearing them play, and they didn’t give it much thought and signed. They and Alan headed to New York City on the Motorola private jet, and Wyatt took them to the John Frieda salon to get makeovers. MegaRecords put up a giant billboard in the city promoting Josie and the Pussycats, and the girls were skeptical about it. Meanwhile, Fiona brought a group of foreign delegates and US government agent Kelly to the secret bunker inside the record company. They were shown a video starring Eugene Levy and a bikini-clad Asian female declaring God bless America. Eugene boasted about how the government stole money from teens by putting subliminal messages voiced by Mr. Moviefone in the rock music they listened to in order to manipulate them into impulsively buying things and following the new trends that were dictated to them. Fiona explained that the music industry used plane crashes and drug overdoses to kill off the rock stars that questioned the subtle suggestions being put into their music, and the deaths were explained away by a TV show. Within a week, Wyatt turned the Pussycats into major stars who were catapulted to the number one spot on the billboard and on the cover of Rolling Stone. The teen showgirl Pussycats idols dressed sexy and rocked out to sell albums, and Wyatt used the Mega Sound at the recording studio to insert the subliminal messages into the music and control teens’ thoughts. The girls who hated the Pussycats were now huge fans of them and got Pussycat tattoos in weird places. Fiona held a party in Josie’s honor and arranged for the Pussycats to play at a stadium concert, where Fiona planned to sell mandatory 3DX headsets to all the teen concertgoers and the ones watching the webcast. Instead of the teens hearing music, they would hear brainwashing ideals about conformity and lack of free will. Melody got out of the shower to discover that someone wrote a warning about the music on the mirror, but she was too silly to understand it. At the party that night, Fiona invited the Pussycats into her girls’ only room to gain their trust. She slipped up and revealed that she had a lisp that caused her to pronounce “song” as “thong.” The girls suspected that something was up with Fiona, and Wyatt wanted to dispose of them since they were becoming suspicious. However, Fiona needed the Pussycats for the concert so she instructed Wyatt to keep Josie and kill her backup singers. Josie and Alan went to the aquarium, where they almost kissed but went on the run from her fans. Melody and Valerie were upset that Josie was being singled out as the star and getting all the attention, so Wyatt arranged for the backups to go on TRL with Carson Daly. However, Melody and Valerie then discovered that TRL was a staged fake setup, and the real Carson and a Carson impersonator were hired to kill them with baseball bats. Melody fought Carson off with cardboard cutouts of what looked like Gwen Stefani, Johnny Depp, Christina Aguilera, Brittany Spears and Matt Damon. Melody and Valerie escaped and returned to Josie, who had planned to attend Alan’s guitar gig until Wyatt lied that the show was canceled. Wyatt gave Josie a brainwashing tape of her songs, which told her that Valerie and Melody were evil. Josie repeated what she heard on the tape to her band mate friends and became a self-centered wannabe star who treated her backup singers like less than her. Melody and Valerie were upset, and Alan was upset that Josie didn’t come to his show. Josie then realized that something was wrong with the music, so she enlisted help from twins Alexander and Alexandra. They discovered that Wyatt and Fiona were using the Mega Sound to record Moviefone’s background tracks that told teens that Heath Ledger was the new Matt Damon and they should buy everything Pussycats. Alexandra didn’t take it seriously and suspected that Josie slept with Moviefone to make it happen. Josie planned to bring her findings to the police, but then Fiona captured her, the other Pussycats, and the twins. The Pussycats refused to play at the concert and indoctrinate the teens, so Wyatt and Fiona threatened to kill the Pussycats in a car explosion before the concert if they didn’t. Josie agreed to the deal and made amends with her friends. Dujour then appeared alive, but three of the band members were in body casts after they safely landed the plane at a Metallica concert and the injuries they claimed were from the fans at the heavy metal concert. Les revealed that he wrote the warning on the mirror for Melody. Josie and Fiona had a catfight while Valerie and Melody fought off Wyatt and Fiona’s guards. Fiona tried to knock Josie out with a guitar but ended up destroying the Mega Sound instead. It came out how Fiona had planned to play messages through the teens’ headsets and other devices they used at the concert to convince them that Fiona was cool. Fiona explained that she was a victim of teasing since high school because of her lisp, and her real name was Lisa Snyder. Wyatt revealed that his real name was Wally, and he pretended to be British and wore makeup so he could be popular because he was picked on for being albino. Lisa and Wyatt remembered each other from their days at Huntington High School, so they got together and were then arrested by Agent Kelly for conspiring against America’s young people. Government agent Kelly was in on their scheme but used Lisa and Wyatt as scapegoats while the government pretended to know nothing about the criminal business so they wouldn’t get caught for being part of the teen brainwashing plot. The Pussycats rocked out onstage for the crowd, who were no longer wearing the headsets, and Josie dedicated a song to Alan. Alan appeared and professed his love to Josie since he had loved her all along, and the two kissed. “Sensationally exuberant, imaginatively crafted and intoxicatingly clever,” Joe Leydon, Variety. “This movie rocks,” K-MAX TV. This movie had a budget of $22-$39 million and grossed over $14 million at the box office. The movie was in theaters months prior to 9/11.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/10/24

TITLE:  Turnaround Jake 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014 Pure Flix / La Mission Media / Turnaround Films

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in California and began with Jacob Zaker, a do anything to get super rich man, at his suited job with O’Malley Capital. Jacob moved up the ladder because he made millions for the company and was engaged to Nancy, the niece of Jake’s boss, Russell O’Malley. Another employee moved down the food chain after he got caught stealing petty cash for his drug addiction that had been going on for some time. Russell wouldn’t acknowledge Carter Beckingham’s existence, and Angela the secretary scolded Carter for complimenting her in the same way that Jake did. As everyone prepared for a meeting in the conference room, the FBI and SWAT team showed up on site and raided the building, and everyone ran scared and hid under desks. The FBI confiscated the main servers and left a warrant stating that they were investigating government contracts with energy companies. Russell suspected that one of the employees ratted them out, and Jake was the one in charge of doing a geothermal bid with Green Earth Technology. Jake was convinced that they wouldn’t get found out for illegal practices, but he was fired and confided in Carter that the company made money by underbidding and then inflating the profits so they could have an excuse to move the production overseas. Meanwhile, high maintenance Nancy was embarrassed in public when she couldn’t use her credit cards and the bank account was frozen. She broke up with Jake for being a criminal, and she kept the high valued engagement ring and got money from her uncle Russell while Jake had no money since the FBI froze all his assets. Jake’s dad, Leo, called and sent him a plane ticket so he could return to his hometown in rural Texas for Thanksgiving. That was the last place Jake wanted to be, so he threw up as he was on the phone with Leo. Jake then tried to convince Murray, the pawnshop owner, to buy the ticket from him. Murray reluctantly agreed and paid $100 for it. Jake returned home to find the FBI searching his apartment, so he ran and they let him go. He called Carter and wanted to stay at his place, but Carter refused to get involved but he agreed to talk to Russell and help Jake out. Jake took a bus to his hometown in Texas, which he had left six years before. He lied to Leo about why he was really there, and Leo helped out at the church soup kitchen with Sandra Brown, who he married two years before but didn’t tell Jake. Sandra used to be an accountant at a local company, but she and other people lost their jobs when the company was shut down. Jake believed that it was necessary to shut down some businesses, but Sandra argued that dishonest people making ungodly profits by outsourcing product to other countries were tearing apart small towns in the USA. Strangely, Jake’s ex-girlfriend from high school, Jessica Henry, and her six-year-old daughter, Emma, lived with Leo and Sandra after Jessica lost her job at the company. Emma called Leo her Papa (Godfather). Jake was upset to learn that he never knew about Emma, so he went to Smokey’s for a drink. He discovered that it had been converted into a coffee shop because of liquor laws passed. Jack ran into Jessica there who worked night shifts at the coffee shop. She didn’t want to talk to Jake after he left her alone in Texas to go to Los Angeles, California and Jake pointed out that they had agreed to be friends, so Jessica put cinnamon in Jake’s coffee that he didn’t like. Jake used to sing and write songs for the struggling Fortune Five band that was still singing Jake’s songs and performing at Smokey’s, and they believed they could have made it big if Jake didn’t leave because Jake was the lead singer. Drake invited Jake back to the band, but Jake bragged about his high-paying job in CA being better than low-paying singing gigs in TX. Allen replaced Jake as the lead singer, and Allen was fruity and wore eye makeup to look like a British rocker freak. The band couldn’t stand Allen, so they got him off stage by sabotaging him so that his tight leather pants ripped when he bent over and he wasn’t wearing underwear. The band and Jessica convinced Jake to sing in Allen’s absence and the last time Jake sang was in 2006 at prom (probably when he got Jessica got pregnant in high school). Jake believed that Jessica moved on after he left town and got in another relationship that left her with Emma. Jessica couldn’t believe that Jake was oblivious to the fact that he left her, a teen, pregnant to follow his dream in the big city. Jake met little Emma and he told her about his FBI raid and ex fiancé Nancy leaving him, and then he sang Emma a hymn on his guitar and Emma fell asleep on Jake’s bed since Jessica was still back at Smokey’s. Jake reluctantly agreed to help Leo clean up the church for the big Thanksgiving buffet. Inside the church, Jessica confirmed that Emma was Jake’s daughter and she didn’t tell him because he had plans in LA and she refused to go with him because he didn’t want her there anyway and especially he didn’t want a baby around. Leo and Sandra revealed in church to Jake that they were married, and Jessica had the opportunity to move on and get married but she didn’t. Leo explained that he never had the opportunity to tell Jake anything because he only talked to Leo for about one minute each time when he called Jake because Jake didn’t care anything about his family back in Texas and was living it up in LA and traveling to many different places like Hawaii, according to Jake’s postcards he sent. Jake said he stayed in town until his mom died, and he didn’t take advantage of his college scholarships even though his parents encouraged him to so he had to get out of Texas because he didn’t like the small town environment. Leo questioned why Jake came back now since Leo had sent him tickets before, so Jake told Leo about the government trouble he was in. Jessica took Jake to a farm to milk the cows and harvest food, and she explained that everyone used to work at the Walden mining company until they sold to Green Earth who manufactured geothermal generators with the help of government contracts. Jessica didn’t plan to tell Emma that Jake was her dad until later when the little girl knew him better. Meanwhile, Carter met with Russell. He declared that he did shady business to quickly clear up the trouble with the FBI in record time and he wanted Jake back in LA to sign the bid on the geothermal project with the wrongly inflated profits. Russell threatened to fire Carter if he couldn’t convince Jake to return, so Carter called Jake to tell him the news but he was worried that he would go to federal prison if he signed the bid. Carter declared that Nancy loved Jake and helped him get his job back, so Jake agreed to fly back to LA the following day. Jake told Leo last-minute and he wished that Jake could stay for Thanksgiving. Jake met with Drake, who announced that they fired Allen with the fake Brit accent and wanted Jake to sing with the band at the Thanksgiving church dinner. Jake refused and explained to his old high school friend that he now knew that he was involved in shutting down the local Green Earth business because his California company intentionally bid too low so they could win the bid and bankrupt Green Earth in TX out of business and 200 Americans out of work, and then they sent the work overseas to be produced cheaper. Drake’s dad lost his job, so Drake didn’t want anything to do with Jake’s criminal activity and he walked out on Jake. Jessica was upset when she learned that Jake was leaving again, and he argued that he was coming back because Emma changed his life but Jessica didn’t believe him. Jake flew to LA and found in his suitcase a Bible and a note from Jessica that she forgave him. Jake prayed to God for forgiveness and help and surrendered his life. Jake then confronted boss Russell about his corrupt California business practices and announced that he wouldn’t sign the bid but he found a legal way for them to bid the contract and make more money. Russell was impressed with the idea, but Jake didn’t stick around and went back to Texas for Thanksgiving. Jack told Carter off for setting him up for the fall and then Jake took the high dollar engagement ring back from Nancy. As it turned out, Carter and Nancy hooked up while Jake was in Texas. Jake returned to Texas in time for Thanksgiving. Drake got a parking ticket while picking Jake up from the airport, so Jake paid him back by bing the lead singer with his old band after they hired and fired Allen again. Inside the church Jake announced that he got the Texas factory back up and running and he would be the head boss in Texas, even though he wouldn’t have the higher salary that he received in California, but that was OK. Jake made amends with Jessica and proposed to her after time around the farm. The movie cover art listed, The Dove Foundation “Turnaround Jake is an inspiring movie that highlights the adage that there is no place like home.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/10/24

TITLE: Mr. & Mrs. Smith 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2005 20th Century Fox / Regency Enterprises / New Regency / Summit Entertainment / Weed Road Pictures / Epsilon Motion Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON:  The movie began with couple John and Jane Smith attending a godless marriage counseling session with Dr. Wexler. They met five or six years before in Bogotá, Colombia, where the undercover assassins claimed that they were traveling together since any tourist found alone would be suspects for a local shooting. John and Jane spent the rest of the day together and dirty danced and heavily drank alcohol that night, and then they had sex. They went to the carnival, where Jane pretended not to know how to shoot but then she outshot John. John proposed to Jane after six weeks of dating despite his friend Eddie’s advice to wait until they were good friends and not to base a marriage on sex. Six years later in present time, John and Jane were married and lived in colonel style mansion home in New York. John and Jane Smith had a strained relationship, so they continued attending more uneventful sessions with relationship Dr. Wexler. John was a construction contractor and Jane was a computer whiz, but unbeknownst to each other they were both assassins. Jane had killed over 300 people and she worked for a female-only organization with an elusive and anonymous male boss who went by Father. Their headquarters were hidden inside the I-Temp building where she worked. She left the house for a quickie and went to a hotel where she pretended to be and dressed like a high-end hooker for her target, Mr. Racin, the arms dealer who sold guns on the black market, and then she snapped his neck. Meanwhile, John went to a bar and went to the back room and pretended to be drunk as he stumbled into the private game of a few men at a table playing poker, and then John shot all the guys dead. Afterwards it was like nothing happened, and John and Jane went to a party at their Christian friends’ Martin and Susan Coleman’s house. John kept his guns and explosives hidden in the shed, and Jane kept her guns and knives in a secret compartment in the oven. The power mercenary couple was both assigned to kill the same target, a young man named Benjamin “The Tank” Danz who was being moved to a federal facility across the border in Mexico. Jane set up a bomb in the desert to explode the convoy, but John interfered in her plan when he appeared and drove off-road. They didn’t know it was each other, so Jane shot at John and he retaliated by blowing up her hideout. The bombs went off early because of John and the convoy got away, and Jane escaped before John could identify her. Father chewed Jane out for her failure and assigned her to kill the player who interfered with her mission. John found Jane’s charred laptop in the desert, so he took it to Gwen who had a girlfriend. She used her widespread knowledge of computers and used the laptop to trace its owner’s address to Jane’s workplace at the I-Temp. John discovered that Jane was his target, and rushed home to see if she was there. She had analyzed footage from the desert and discovered that her target was John, so the two were extremely suspicious of each other at dinner. John suspected that Jane poisoned his drink with Drano, so he dumped it and then tested her lightning reflexes by dropping the wine bottle. He got his gun to shoot Janey, but she sped off in her car and John chased after her on foot. John shot Jane’s windshield, so she hit him with the car and then jumped out before the car crashed. Jane confided in her friend and associate Jasmine that John was her next target, so Jasmine convinced Jane that she didn’t love John and she had to kill him. Jane spent the night at I-Temp while John stayed with his adult friend Eddie who still lived at his mom’s house. Eddie was worried that Jane would attack the house, and he figured that it had been her mission since she and John first met for her to get close to him so she could kill him. The next morning, Jane and her associates cleaned out the house and took all of John’s weapons from his shed. John wasn’t pleased and snuck through the shafts of the I-Temp building to find Jane. She and her partners hid their computers and evacuated the building by zip-lining out the window, and John had the chance to shoot Jane but he didn’t. Their anonymous rouge and unlawful employers gave them 48 hours to kill each other, so they devised murder plans. Jane and her associates trapped John in an elevator at a construction area, and he refused to leave town so Jane plummeted the elevator to the ground. John survived the crash and met with Jane at a restaurant, where they held hidden guns and then danced with their sexual connections and disarmed each other. Jane set off a bomb upstairs as a distraction and slipped outside among the panicked crowd. John ditched his jacket when he realized that Jane planted a bomb on him, and then he stole a car and headed home. Jane did the same and smashed into John’s car once there. She locked him out of the house, so he snuck in through a window. They armed themselves with machine guns and shotguns and had a shootout that destroyed their neighborhood house and caused an explosion in the kitchen and shattered glass everywhere. They resorted to violent hand-to-hand combat until they both had guns pointed at each other’s heads, but neither of them could take the shot so they made out wildly and then had sex. Martin and Susan (Christians) heard the ruckus and went to the door with the police to check things out, and John and Jane pretended they were fine. A $400,000 hit then went out on both John and Jane, and people from their agencies attacked the house with guns. John and Jane escaped into the basement to arm themselves and escaped in their underwear before a bomb went off. It exploded next to a fuel tank and the entire house went up in flames. John and Jane stole the (Christian) Colemans’ minivan that had a cross hanging from the mirror, and went on a high-speed car chase as the assassins chased John and Jane targets down the highway. Jane drove recklessly while John shot at the cars, and one of them exploded when John pulled the pin on a grenade. John revealed that he got married when he was drunk in Vegas, and Jane told John that her parents died when she was five so she paid an actor to give her away at their wedding. The two escaped but left an enormous amount of destruction in their wake. They donned Jesus Rocks uniforms and met with Eddie, who advised them to split up so they would be safer. John and Jane decided to find Benjamin and question him as to why their agencies wanted them to kill him. Jasmine found Benjamin in the subbasement of a federal courthouse where he was being held hostage. John traveled through the tunnels while Jane instructed him from the back of their van, but then John did his own thing without her help. He shot all the guards and took Benjamin to a hotel room, where he and Jane threatened to kill Benjamin if he didn’t talk. Benjamin explained that John and Jane’s organizations were rivals, so they joined forces when they figured out their agents married. They sent John and Jane to kill Benjamin so they would become each other’s targets, and Benjamin went along with it because he was promised a promotion. Armed members of both agencies then stormed the motel and broke down the door, but John and Jane escaped by breaking into a store because he wanted to stay and finish the fight even though she wanted to run. The mercenaries searched the store, and John and Jane downed them with fists and her knife-throwing skills and then they worked together to shoot dead all of their enemies. The Smiths later met with counselor Wexler again and bragged about themselves, and John and Jane agreed that their marriage improved and their sex life was now a ten. The characters in this movie swore and frequently used Jesus’ name in vain. This movie had a budget of $110 million and grossed over $487 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, New York Daily News, “Smart and sexy.” Us Weekly “Sexy, funny and dead-on.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/8/24

TITLE:  The Island 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2005 Dreamworks Pictures / Warner Bros. Pictures / Parkes / MacDonald Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the future in 2019, when the men and women who survived the “contamination” were said to be chosen but lived as hostages in a high-tech and high-security underground compound called the Merrick Institute. The people were known as agnates, and futuristic machines that analyzed their urine and sleep routines constantly monitored their health. They weren’t allowed to touch each other closely, and security cameras always watched them. They dressed in identical white uniforms while the supervisors wore black uniforms, and they were only allowed to eat specific foods based on the results from their daily health monitor. The agnates had access to exercise machines, pools and bars, as well as children’s books like Dick and Jane that they recited robotically. They slaved monotonous work hours in the labs every day, and were told more survivors from the outside world were regularly found and brought to the Institute for decontamination and then transition into compound society. There was a nightly lottery in which the residents were chosen at random and relocated to the Island, the last bacteria-free place in the world that was considered to be paradise. Starkweather Two Delta was ecstatic to win the lottery even though he had only been at the Institute for six months, whereas most of the other residents had been there for many years. Lincoln Six Echo had been in the compound for three years, and Dr. Merrick summoned him for counseling. Lincoln’s monitors showed that he had poor nutrition, recurring nightmares and too much interaction with Jordan Two Delta, a female who had been there for four years. Lincoln’s dream involved him traveling to the Island on a boat named Renovatio, but he drowned before he could get there. Lincoln always questioned things and was skeptical about his purpose in the compound, and Merrick told him that it was his assignment to repopulate the Garden of Eden while Merrick and the other employees weren’t allowed to enter the lottery and therefore would never go to the Island. Merrick did a synaptic brain scan on Lincoln that involved releasing micro-sensors to painfully crawl into Lincoln’s eye where they would send readings of his brain activity for the next 24 hours. Lincoln’s friend, Jones Three Echo, believed that the lottery was rigged, so he made a chart of the last 20 men that went to the Island. The women were excluded because they were selected for breeding purposes. There was a distraction when Lima One Alpha went into labor and so it was said that they would take Lima One Alpha to the Island to have the infant. Jones used the letters of the names and numbers determine who would be picked next in the lottery, and he figured that it would be him. Lincoln visited his friend James “Mac” McCord, a supervisor in Sector 6 where they wore gas masks to counteract the deadly gases. Mac explained that doctors had the God complex and believed they knew everything, and the definition of God was the being that ignored people’s requests and prayers. Lincoln told Jordan about the flying bug he found in the ventilation shaft when there wasn’t supposed to be any such thing because of the contamination. Lincoln believed it meant the outside world was safe even though they were told that all creatures went extinct in the contamination. Jordan won the lottery that night. Lincoln snuck around after hours and released the bug into the ventilation shaft where he found it. He followed the bug into the hospital upstairs, where he witnessed the doctors delivering a baby and then euthanizing Lima One Alpha afterward so they could give the baby to a mixed-race adoptive couple. Starkweather did not go to The Island and instead was there and he underwent a surgery to extract his organs, and he woke up and ran scared during surgery but he was tackled by security and dragged back to the operating room. The guards believed that Lincoln was part of the medical staff since he wore one of their medical coats, so Lincoln escaped back to the lower level of the compound. Merrick replayed the video footage and discovered that Lincoln had escaped, so the compound was put in contamination lockdown. An announcement went out that Lincoln was contaminated and anyone who touched him would be quarantined so everyone panicked and ran from him. The men and women’s sleeping quarters were separated in different towers, and Lincoln found Jordan before she was taken away to have her organs harvested or for other reasons. Lincoln told Jordan to trust him and he explained that the Island didn’t exist and the people who won the lottery were operated on and then killed. Lincoln and Jordan escaped into the sector 6 basement and were followed by guards armed with laser guns. Lincoln was brutally beaten when he tried to fight off one of the guards, so Jordan knocked the guard out with a wrench to the head. Lincoln and Jordan continued to be pursued, but they found an exit and walked the plank bridge to the outside world. They emerged from Silo 3 into the real world and fled through the Arizona desert. Meanwhile, everyone was told that Jordan was taken to the Island. Wealthy humans visited the compound looking to buy Merrick’s agnates, which he lied to the potential buyers and investors that they were inhuman organisms that were incapable of emotions. They were created in accordance with the 2015 eugenics law with the purpose of replenishing human bodies of any age by harvesting organs from the agnates and giving them to the stinking rich humans (celebrities and athletes and millionaires) and enable them to live 60 to 70 years longer. Albert Laurent, a former member of the French Special Forces and member of Blackhawk Security, was hired to recover Lincoln and Jordan. $120 billion was at stake if the escapees were not recovered, so Laurent and his team of ex-SEALS agreed to do the job for a price. Merrick explained that Lincoln was the first agnate to question why he was at the compound. Jordan’s sponsor, the human who had her created as an insurance policy, was in a coma after a car accident and needed immediate organ transplants from Jordan within three days or she would die. The supervisors kept the agnates’ knowledge of the outside world to a minimum and told them the lie that the world was contaminated so they would be afraid of leaving the compound. The agnates were given games, books and TV to develop their social skills and prevent them from being aggressive. Their sex drive was removed to avoid problems, and they were in a sense like children with the education level of a 15-year-old. Lincoln explained to Jordan that the contamination was a lie and they would be dead if it was true since they were out in the real world and OK. Mac had given Lincoln a matchbox from the Aces and Spades bar in Tucson (real world), so Lincoln and Jordan followed the roadway to that address. Lincoln was told inside the bar that Mac was there so Lincoln burst in on Mac in the bathroom, pulled Mac off the toilet and with his pants down and up against the wall, Lincoln demanded to know why Mac never revealed that he was a human from sector five (the outside world) and why he didn’t tell Lincoln when Mac knew everything going on at the Institute. A regular bar buddy of Mac’s, Mike, came in the men’s room and thought Lincoln and Mac were having a gay moment. Mac decided to help the escapees so he took Lincoln and Jordan to his house where he lived with his girlfriend Suzie, a short-skirted bimbo that Mac dismissed to go get him a six pack at the store. Mac explained that Lincoln and Jordan were identical clones of wealthy and famous people who bought the clones in case they were ever injured and needed the clones’ organs for themselves. Merrick was breaking the eugenics law by harvesting organs from live (cloned) people, so he lied to his customers that they were receiving parts and organs from an unconscious, unfeeling organism so the rich and famous sponsors felt no guilt for killing the clones. Mac explained that fake memories that never happened were implanted in the clones’ heads to make them believe they had lives before the contamination (such as parents and grandparents and learning to ride a bicycle as a little girl), and they were shown images that brainwashed them into thinking they were specialand wanted to go to the island. Each clone was grown inside a womb-like pod, and the umbilical cord was severed and the pod cut open when it was time for the clone to be “born.” Lincoln’s sponsor was a Scottish boat designer in New York named Tom Lincoln, and Jordan’s was a Calvin Klein model in LA named Sarah Jordan. Starkweather’s sponsor, Jamal Starkweather, was a football player. Lincoln and Jordan wanted to find their sponsors and tell them the truth about the goings-on at the Institute, and Mac argued that the ungodly sponsors didn’t care where they got their parts from but he reluctantly agreed to help them. Mac outfitted Lincoln and Jordan with human clothes and gave them cash to use last and a credit card to use for the next 24 hours until Mac reported it stolen so he wouldn’t get in trouble. He advised them that humans would do anything to survive and not to trust anyone. Lincoln passed the micro-sensors in his urine at the train station. Laurent and his men shot Mac dead and followed Lincoln and Jordan, who escaped onto the train to LA. Laurent and his mercenaries searched for the fugitives using the facial recognition on city traffic cameras and tracked them to their current location when they used Mac’s credit card. Lincoln and Jordan called Sarah, and her young son answered the phone and said that his mom was in the hospital. Lincoln and Jordan were the suspects for Mac’s murder, so the LAPD arrested him. Laurent planted a tracker on the police car and followed it, and then the mercenaries’ huge military style armored trucked smashed hard into the police car at an intersection. The mercenaries set off tear gas in the streets and posed as police officers who shot the real police. Lincoln and Jordan escaped onto the back of a big rig, where they dumped giant machinery off the back of the truck onto the highway to stop the mercenaries in their vehicles. That smashed the pursuing cars to pieces and blew them up, so Laurent sent the Black Wasp mercenary on a flying motorcycle to stop the big rig with bullets. The Wasp was injured, so Lincoln and Jordan took his flying bike. They dodged traffic and outran the police cars as the mercenaries shot at them from other flying bikes. Jordan and Lincoln crashed through glass skyscraper (9/11 with planes Twin Towers) and lost the bike, and they found themselves stuck inside the logo on the outside of the building. Lincoln rescued Jordan from falling off, and the hired guns shot at them until the logo plummeted to the ground and took down a helicopter with it. Lincoln and Jordan survived and hid out until it was safe. From California, they went to Tom’s house in New York, where the Scottish born Tom was shocked to see his clone in person. Tom explained that he designed the Renavatio boat and it meant “rebirth,” in Latin, and he paid $5 million to create clone Lincoln. Tom had hepatitis because he was a sex addict and would die within two years without a liver. Lincoln recognized the US President on TV because Lincoln told Tom that he had seen the USA President’s clone at the Merrick Institute. Tom agreed to help Lincoln and Jordan, but he excused himself and then Tom called the Institute and set up a trap so Lincoln would be captured and Tom could use his clone’s liver. Jordan sensed that Tom was up to something, so she stayed behind while Tom and Lincoln left in Tom’s high dollar sports car for the KNBC news studio to tell them everything. However, Laurent’s men surrounded them, and Lincoln sped off with Laurent in pursuit. Tom held a gun to Lincoln’s head, so Lincoln put his clone ID bracelet on Tom and was able to confuse Laurent since they looked identical and the clone could speak in the Scottish accent. They argued about who was who until Laurent shot Tom dead thinking he was clone Lincoln. Lincoln mimicked Tom’s accent to make it more believable. Jordan held a gun to Lincoln’s head when he returned to the house. She realized it was Lincoln, so the two made out and the two clones had sex (Tom told Lincoln earlier that sex was what he was missing out on). Meanwhile, Merrick discovered that the word Renavatio that Lincoln associated with his dream was Latin even though the clones were never imprinted with the Latin language. The test results from Lincoln’s brain scan came in and revealed that his mind grew significantly in his three years at the institute and contained Tom’s memories. Lincoln’s friend, Gandu Three Echo, confided in Merrick what Lincoln told him about the bug and the fake decontamination, so Merrick killed Gandu by injecting him with a needle to the neck. Merrick realized that four generations of Echos might be like Lincoln and have smart human traits, so he ordered for the destruction of all of the Echo clones that meant a $200 million loss. Charlie Whitman, the public relations director at the Institute, sent a message to Tom explaining about the recall. Merrick held a mass lottery to pick out the defective clones, and the board gave the approval for all of them to be euthanized. Jordan served Ben & Jerry’s to the children at the beach, and then she followed the plan and let herself be captured by Laurent and taken to the Institute. Before she could be operated on to remove her organs, she shot one of the guards with a hidden gun and escaped. Lincoln (Tom) was brought to the Institute to be re-scanned so a new clone could be made for him free of charge. Tom (Lincoln) knocked Whitman out and donned a lab boat like Jordan did. They found each other, and then Lincoln went to the Hologram Room. Merrick gave Laurent his check and revealed that Sarah suffered brain damage in the accident and might not recover even with transplants. Laurent believed it was wrong that Merrick planned to harvest Jordan’s organs anyway and then kill her for nothing, so Laurent turned against Merrick. Laurent found Jordan, and the two joined forces and held guns on the guards. The guards were forced to release the lottery winners from the chamber that the clones were locked into to be killed. Tom’s body was brought to the Institute, and the doctors informed Merrick that the client was dead and the clone was on the loose because the clone bracelet was on the wrong wrist. Lincoln shut down the system and the tower started self-destruction. Merrick attacked Lincoln, so he speared Merrick in the neck and strangled him to death as the tower collapsed. The thousands of clones were released into the “real” outside world, and Lincoln and Jordan set sail on the Renavatio boat in New York and the Lincoln clone assumed Scottish Tom’s human identify and happy he was wealthy. This movie had a budget of $126 million and grossed over $162 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Jeffrey Lyons, NBC-TV “An enormously entertaining thriller…” Paul Clinton, CNN-Online “Great story, great action, great film!” Clay Smith, The Insider “Explosive, mind-blowing assault on the senses!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/8/24

TITLE:  Mission to the Moon (Norway) 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2018  Viva Kids Entertainment / Maipo Films / Qvisten Animation / The Creative Europe Programme of the European Union / Norwegian Film Institute

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place in Norway. Alfie Clarke, an inventor, lived with his friends Louis Gundersen the duck and Luca the hedgehog. Louis and Luca had already tried to trick everyone into believing they went to the moon by using a fake picture in the newspaper but their attempt failed. A news anchor reported that the resolution the UN made stating that no country could own the moon was now expired, and any country that built a rocket and planted a flag on the moon before a new resolution was put into effect in three months would own it. Vigfus Skonken, the head of Norway’s government space program, announced that Norway was joining the space race. It was reported that Russia’s rocket fell apart soon after launching, and the USA’s rocket fell over before it could be launched. Widow Stengen Von Glad, the female Lord Mayor of Flakypa for the Centurist Social, Labour and Conservative Party, visited Alfie to see the rocket model he built called the La Pollo 0. Alfie did a test launch of the rocket, and it took off out of control until it exploded in Alfie’s workshop. He was discouraged and decided to give up the space race. The female Lord Mayor revealed that the city council couldn’t afford to support the project financially and they were just there for moral support. Louis was determined to go to the moon and aired the footage he took of the disastrous test on the news. Louis didn’t show the crash part, so the viewers believed that Alfie’s attempt at the space race was closer to success than the ones made by the Italians, Germans, Greek, British and French. Vigfus met with Alfie and declared that the government would pay for everything needed to build Alfie’s rocket and they assigned workers to help. Louis and Vigfus would fly the rocket, and Louis promised to bring Luca some moon dust. Before they could take off, they discovered that Luca snuck onboard to give Louis the moon dust jar. Louis and Vigfus dropped Luca off, and then Alfie launched the rocket from ground control. He lost control of the steering when the female Lord Mayor opened another bottle of champagne to celebrate and the cork became lodged in the wheel. She wasn’t concerned about the possible injuries that a crash could cause because it was covered in the insurance. Alfie gave Louis and Vigfus instructions to fly the rocket themselves. It picked up the outhouse on its way up with Luca inside, so Louis used the rocket’s claws to rescue Luca before the outhouse went to pieces. Frederick Hansen and the news anchor covered the story from Earth as the rocket entered outer space. Louis and Luca knew the Russians and Americans had been there because they threw their junk into the void of space in the form of vodka and a Burger (minus the king) box. A satellite tore a hole in the rocket’s machinery and they started losing oxygen, so Louis went out into space with a jetpack powered by a six-pack of beer to patch up the hole. He spun out of control when he was struck by a wrench, but Vigfus rescued him using the rocket claw. Louis fixed the hole and then went to the cargo hold to drink some beer. Two dots appeared on the radar, so Louis investigated the cargo and discovered that Emanuel Desperados, a gorilla dressed in human clothes, stowed away onboard. Emanuel’s boss Oliver Clifford had instructed him to smuggle a wheel of Oliver’s cheese onboard and then bring it back to Earth so it could be sold for more money as “moon cheese.” Alfie told Vigfus to abort the mission and return to Earth because there wasn’t enough oxygen left to keep four people alive. Vigfus ignored Alfie and disconnected from him. Lush female Lord Mayor accidentally spilled champagne on Alfie’s machinery and caused a fire, so he kicked her out of his workshop and tried to get ahold of the rocket to repeat his message. Vigfus lied to Louis and Luca that Alfie’s instructions were to land on the moon. Louis wasn’t pleased when Vigfus went ahead of him and took the first step, but Vigfus insisted that he should get the fame and glory for being the first Norwegian on the moon because he was a government official. Vigfus then kicked the American flag away and replaced it with the Norwegian flag. He then revealed that the government built a robot to vacuum up the moon dust, which contained a metal that wasn’t present on Earth. He named it Vigfusium after himself and planned to leave the robot to vacuum all the dust and then return in a few years to collect it and sell it for billions once their oil resources ran out. Vigfus wasn’t concerned that the absence of moon dust meant the moon would no longer give off light, but Louis and Luca protested. Emanuel did Vigfus’ bidding and tied them up, and Vigfus released the robot and then unsuccessfully tried to teach Emanuel how to help him fly the rocket back to Earth. Alfie was able to relay a Morse code message to the rocket, and Luca interpreted it to mean that they were almost out of oxygen. Vigfus then plugged the communication back in so Alfie could give them instructions to return to Earth. Before they could take off, Luca decided to save the moon from the robot and Louis helped him. Luca climbed onto the robot and tried to power it off, but Vigfus used the remote control to send the robot in circles around a crater. Luca fell off and was stuck in the crater, and Louis tried to help him. The robot almost ran both of them over, but Emanuel stopped it and destroyed the robot. Vigfus apologized for the trouble he caused and confessed it was his fault that they wouldn’t survive the return trip because he hid the fact about the low oxygen from them. He revealed that the Vigfusium could be used as fuel that would cause engines to run five times faster than regular fuel. Louis got the idea to power the rocket with Vigfusium so they could make it back to Earth faster and their remaining oxygen would last long enough to get them there. There were doubts that the crew would survive because the rocket wasn’t designed to go so fast. They ran out of oxygen and blacked out just as the rocket heated up and entered the Earth’s atmosphere, and then the rocket landed outside Alfie’s workshop intact with its passengers alive. Emanuel delivered the wheel of cheese to Clifford, and he was upset when it melted into a puddle. Frederick reported the story, and Vigfus declared that no one could own the moon even though they planted their flag. The astronauts and Alfie announced that there would be no more space travel for them because their future was on Earth.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/7/24

TITLE:  The Adjustment Bureau 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2011  Universal Pictures aka NBC Universal / Media Rights Capital / Gambit Pictures / Electric Shepherd Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in New York, where Congressman David Norris ran for senator. David’s campaign targeted young voters and was endorsed by the firefighters, and his political career started eight years before when he was arrested by the NYPD for a bar brawl. However, David plummeted in the polls after someone exposed a picture of him mooning his friends at a college reunion and decided he was too immature for the position. The older people doubted David’s maturity and capability in the Senate, and David’s opponent Roger Linfield became the new favorite. As he practiced his concede speech out loud and thought he was alone, David encountered a British lady named Elise Sellas in the men’s bathroom at the Waldorf. The female she was hiding out in the men’s bathroom stall from security after she crashed a wedding upstairs. Elise learned information from David during his most vulnerable moment when he was about to admit defeat to Linfield. David’s campaign chairman, Charles Traynor, then walked in on David and Elise as the Congressman and the delinquent foreign female made out passionately in the men’s hotel bathroom.  Elise ran off from the security down the stairs and David was hurried away to give his concession speech. David turned on Charlie and his campaign aides and tried to win back the crowds by making fun of the thousands they spent on picking out the right tie and the right scuffing on David’s shoes that working people and lawyers could relate to. Charlie was also an investment banker who founded the RSR venture capital firm, and he made David senior partner so he would have a job since Linfield became senator. Another day, David encountered Elise again but this time on a bus, and she encouraged him to run for Senate again and gave him her number. Harry Mitchell was assigned to create a staged encounter with David, but Harry was late and David boarded the bus. Harry ran after the bus and was hit by a taxi. At RSR, David discovered that everyone was frozen in time. He found a group of men using devices on Charlie, and they chased after David. David ran but was unable to call 911 or escape. The men chloroformed him, and he woke up in a room behind the curtain surrounded by the strange men. They explained that they were members of the Adjustment Bureau who were responsible for making slight “adjustments” in people’s lives to make sure things happened according to the Chairman’s master plan. Richardson was the leader of the team and claimed that he could read David’s mind. David was supposed to have been late to work because of a delay caused by Harry, but Harry messed up so David saw the Adjustment Bureau (AB) before they could leave the RSR. A more drastic measure involved the Intervention Team resetting people’s minds to change their thought process. Richardson explained that David would be released but the team would erase all his memories and personality and make sure everyone he knew thought he was insane if he told anyone about their existence. David wasn’t supposed to have met Elise a second time, so Richardson burned her phone number so David could have no contact with her. David was returned to Charlie’s office, and the room where David had been moments before was no longer there. David was confused, and Charlie had no knowledge of what happened and thought David was crazy. Everyone returned to normal and time resumed, but David was haunted by his eerie experience. Harry approached David and explained that the AB needed authorization from their boss the Chairman in order to do recalibrations. Charlie’s mind was recalibrated so he would rethink his business and take RSR in the direction that the Chairman wanted it to go. The AB couldn’t actually read David’s thoughts, but they could sense when he was about to make decisions and they were there to keep him on the course that was set for him by the Chairman. Therefore, some called the men angels and the Chairman could be called God. The AB was set on keeping David and Elise apart for reasons that Harry didn’t know, and he warned David that he would never find Elise but David never stopped searching for his lost love. David rode the same bus for the next three years in hopes of seeing Elise, and he finally did. Richardson wasn’t pleased to hear about the chance encounter and blamed Harry for the mistake. The AB worked on separating David and Elise, but it would be out of Richardson’s hands to make more adjustments if the two kissed. The AB arranged for Charlie to interrupt the lovebirds and whisk David away to a speech at the Brooklyn Bridge where he announced that he was running for Senate. Elise was a dancer at the Cedar Lake ballet company, and she invited David to her rehearsal prior to the interruption. The agents repeatedly changed the location of Elise’s rehearsal so David would miss it, and Charlie was furious that David left to find Elise and wouldn’t stick around for news publicity after his speech. Richardson and the other agents continued putting obstacles in David’s path by disconnecting all the phones in the area and diverting the path of the taxis. David found his way around the challenges and witnessed the car accident that occurred as a result of Richardson messing with fate. A police officer badgered David for a statement about the accident, but David realized that the officer was a member of the AB and he was trying to prevent David from getting to Elise. David paid a cab driver $100 to speed recklessly through traffic to the ballet company, and the driver nearly caused accidents and ran over pedestrians. Richardson frantically chased David but couldn’t stop him because Richardson hit his “ripple limit” and any adjustments he made would affect too many other people. David made it to Elise, and the two partied at a club. Richardson learned from Donaldson that David and Elise were drawn to each other like magnets because they were destined to be together from the day he was born in the 70’s. The Chairman then changed the plan and arranged for Elise to get engaged to Adrian Troussant, but they broke up. Donaldson assigned Thompson “The Hammer” to tear the two lovers apart. David revealed to Elise that he knew he wanted to be a senator when he was ten and his dad, a JFK fan, took him to the Senate Gallery after the death of his mom and then his brother from overdose. David and Elise kissed and had sex, and the next morning Adrian called Elise several times. David realized that the ex fiancé was the handy work of the AB, and Elise explained that Adrian was a choreographer/dancer but she broke it off with him and didn’t get married because she was in love with David. David found himself back in the curtain room with Thompson, who explained that the AB repeatedly gave and took away free will from humans throughout the course of history. Wars, holocausts and fascism occurred when people had control of the world, but humanity prospered when the people upstairs stepped back in and fixed things. Thompson predicted that David would win the upcoming senatorial election and possibly become president if he moved on without Elise. David refused and declared that he loved Elise and wanted to spend his life with her, so Thompson let David attend one of Elise’s ballet performances. However, David had second thoughts when Thompson further explained that David’s selfish decision would prevent Elise from becoming a world-famous dancer/choreographer and she would end up as a children’s dance teacher. Elise sprained her ankle during her dance and ended up in the hospital, where Thompson warned David that Elise would have to give up her dreams if he stayed with her. David left Elise without an explanation. Eleven months later, David was on the campaign trail and was in the lead on his way to the senate. He learned that Elise was dancing again and planned to marry Adrian. Harry met with David and explained that he was forced to take the lives of David’s dad and brother in order to fulfill the questionable Bureau Chairman’s plan, but David’s mom died by chance. David knew that Elise wasn’t happy with Adrian, and Harry agreed to help stop Elise and Adrian’s marriage. Harry showed David what route to take to the courthouse and how to open the doors around the city that the AB used to travel from one place to another. Harry gave David a hat like the one the agents wore that enabled them to use the doors. David ran through the streets traveling through doors in the rain since water blocked Thompson and the men’s ability to sense his location so easily. They followed him to the courthouse bathroom, where David found Elise and tried to explain the predicament but she was confused and upset that David left her in the hospital. He knocked out one of the agents who followed him and showed Elise the book that featured a real-time map of David’s whereabouts. By doing so David exposed the existence of the AB, so Thompson sent the Intervention Team to reset David. David convinced Elise to follow him, and the two randomly burst through doors around the city in hopes of finding the Chairman and being able to change their fate. They found themselves trapped on a rooftop and surrounded by the Intervention Team, so they made out passionately and the team disappeared. Harry explained that nobody knew when they had an encounter with the Chairman because the supreme being appeared to everyone at some point in an unrecognizable male or female form. Harry received a message from the Chairman, who rewrote the plan so David and Elise could be together. Harry believed that the Chairman’s plan was for humans to have free will and write the plan, and they knock down all the obstacles (uniformed police officers shown on screen when “obstacles” was said) in their way. This movie had a budget of $62 million and grossed over $127 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Ann Hornaday, The Washington Post, “A smart, stylish thriller!” Roger Moore, Orlando Sentinel “Damon and Blunt have spectacular chemistry.” Katey Rich, Cinemablend.com “Entertaining and thought-provoking.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/7/24

TITLE:  Charlie’s Angels 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2000 Columbia Pictures / Leonard Goldberg Productions / Flower Films / Tall Tree Productions / Sony Pictures Releasing 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in California and is about three loyal female spies employed by Charles “Charlie” Townsend, an anonymous millionaire and owner of the Townsend Detective Agency who gave his “Angels” dangerous missions at his own beck and call. White female angel with a lawless past, Dylan Sanders, went in disguise as a burly black man in traditional African garb and boarded a passenger plane to stop a terrorist called Pasqual from blowing up the plane with a bomb strapped to his body in first class seating. Dylan opened the door of the airborne plane and jumped out the emergency exit and went into free-fall with Pasqual, but then Asian angel with a diehard anything to win attitude, Alex Munday, dove out a waiting helicopter and removed the bomb as they all were free-falling toward the ground. Alex, Pasqual and Dylan parachuted down to a waiting boat in the water below driven by White social party angel Natalie Cook.Once inside the boat, Dylan removed her Hollywood style male blackface mask to reveal her paleface female identity. When Charlie’s Angels were teen girls, Natalie Cook was the dorky one in driver’s ed class, Alex Munday was the expert horse show jumper and Dylan Sanders was the rock and roll weirdo who smoked in the bathroom and flipped off the camera with her middle finger. Natalie grew up to win Jeopardy, Alex became an astronaut and Dylan had the heart of a rino and was a police academy trainee until she punched the police captain in the face for yelling at her and then quit the police force. Presently Dylan had meaningless sex with Chad, a fisherman, and then ditched him. Natalie opened the door to a UPS delivery guy in her boy underwear, and Alex starred in Hollywood action movies with her boyfriend Jason Gibbons and she had trouble keeping her identity secret from him, as was boss Charlie’s rule. The only communication the Angels had with Charlie was over the phone when Charlie called them through John Bosley, Charlie’s assistant. Millionaire Charlie had a new job for his team of under cover females with double lives that worked out of office and assigned the angels to find out who kidnapped Eric Knox and stole his voice identification software. Knox was an engineer and the founder of Knox Technologies, and Vivian Wood was the president of the company. Roger Corwin, the British owner of the world’s largest communications satellite company called Red Star, was the prime suspect for the kidnapping because he tried to buy Knox Technologies six months before but Knox refused to sell and the bloody Brit went crazy mad. Natalie, Dylan and Alex posed as Asian spa masseuses at Madame Wong’s spa where Corwin visited to get his massage. Alex used moves on Corwin that knocked him unconscious with her feet by twisting his neck as he lay on the spa table, and then she and the other Angels broke into Corwin’s locker to steal his Palm Pilot information and make a copy of his car key. Corwin never knew because Alex was back in the room when he woke up and told him he fell asleep. The trio went next to a Red Star business party in Chinatown that night to look for the Thin Man, an assassin who they identified from the garage footage as being involved in the kidnapping. The dolled up and waitress Angels’ communicated with John Bosley using microphones. John was there as a distraction and played the role of someone famous to get close to their target Corwin. Bosley tried to get information about Knox out of Corwin, while Dylan and Alex advised Natalie to flirt with the bartender, Pete Kominsky, who she was interested in and he asked her out. The Angels spotted the Thin Man and chased him after he recognized them at the social gathering. Outside, the Thin Man wielded a sword and shot at the females, now dressed in their spy attire, but somehow managed to dodge all the bullets using Olympic gymnast moves and black belt martial arts. Thin Man ran, and the Angels followed him and found Knox tied up in a rat-infested building. They rescued Knox and brought him back to the agency, where he explained that his software was audio DNA and meant that voices couldn’t be disguised or scrambled. Corwin stole the software so he could use it in combination with his many satellites’ GPS to turn all cell phones into homing devices that would eliminate privacy. Corwin assigned his hit man Thin Man to drive his Red Star racecar at the California Speedway. At the CA Speedway, Natalie flirted with Corwin, Dylan flirted with Corwin’s driver and exposed extreme cleavage, and Alex planted a hidden camera on Corwin’s briefcase in the trunk of the car. Natalie drove another racer and challenged Thin Man on the track, and that led to a high-speed car chase off the track where both drove recklessly and caused road accidents on the city streets. They played chicken until Thin Man’s racer flipped off the bridge into the water below. The Angels used the hidden camera to stake out the Red Star building and its high-tech security measures in the mainframe where Eric’s software was hidden. Only two directors could get into the mainframe, so Natalie and Alex did belly-dancing at a club to distract one of them. Dylan took the director’s fingerprints from a bottle and used it to make a hand model that she would use on the fingerprint scanner at the mainframe. The so-called Charlie’s angels then put on a sexy yodeling Dutch girl performance at the second director’s house that involved spanking each other’s butts when they bent over in their very short dresses. Bosley played the tuba and used the hidden device inside the instrument to get a copy of the director’s retinal scan outside his home as the guy was distracted with the free nasty girl show, which was then put into contact lenses for Natalie to wear. Alexplayed the part of the dragon lady who used a stick to intimidate the male programmers at Red Star and distract them. Females Natalie and Dylan dressed up as businessmen and broke into the mainframe, which they downloaded onto a laptop and gave it to Bosley. Bosley ran a search on it to find out if Knox’s software was in the system but there was no sign of it. The Angels refused to give Vivian access to the computer, so she made out with Bosley and tried to seduce him into giving her information. Bosley refused, so Vivian put something in his drink to knock Bosley out. Natalie and Pete went on a date at the black club Soul Train, where he convinced her to dance so she took center stage and danced for the majority black in the room. Alex and Jason acted in a movie, and she planned to tell him who she really was but didn’t get the chance before bad guys shot up Alex and Jason’s trailer with machine guns. Alex stayed safe on the ceiling while a man tried to choke Natalie in the bathroom at the club. She got the upper hand and forced the assassin to reveal that he was working for Vivian. Natalie kissed Pete and left, and she called Dylan to tell her that Vivian was the mastermind and sent assassins to kill the Angels. Dylan and Knox had just has sex, and then Vivian appeared in Knox’s house with Thin Man who had just slit Corwin’s throat. Knox revealed that he was in on it with Vivian, so Dylan realized that the kidnapping was a setup and Corwin had nothing to do with the evil plan. The software had never been stolen, so Knox and Vivian used the Angels to break into the Red Star mainframe so they could get control of the GPS system. Knox planned to use his system to mimic Charlie’s voice over the phone and the Red Star satellites to pinpoint Charlie’s location using his phone. Knox would then kill Charlie because he believed that Charlie befriended his dad in Army Intelligence and then killed him. Knox shot at Dylan, but she somehow dodged the bullet pointed right at her and fell backwards through the glass window. She was left dangling by the sheet she had wrapped around her naked body, and she fell and landed naked in the backyard of two young boys inside the home playing video games by the window. She got the little boys attention through the glass and borrowed their clothes and electric bike to go find Natalie and Alex. Knox and Vivian believed that all the Angels were dead, so they blew up Charlie’s agency and then locked their hostage Bosley in a locked room inside a fort on the shoreline. The trio found a speaker in the rubble of the agency that Bosley spoke to them through using his microphone. Bosley had befriended a Baltimore Oriole (Icterus galbula), which Natalie misidentified its birdsong as belonging to the pygmy nuthatch (Sitta pygmaea) that only lived in Carmel. The Angels figured out where Bosley was, and Chad took them there on his boat. The threesome snuck into the fort, where Knox captured Dylan. Dylan told her one night stand that she believed they could have been a couple if he hadn’t tried to shoot her and throw her out a glass window and kill everybody that she loved. Natalie found Bosley but was she was distracted by a cell phone call from Pete who was interested in dating her. Natalie freed Bosley and then fought off Knox’s goons and battled with Vivian. Knox got a call from Charlie asking for Bosley’s whereabouts, and Knox traced Charlie’s location to his cabin on the beach. Knox left in his helicopter to kill Charlie, and Dylan used martial arts to down five men with her hands tied together. Alex fought with Thin Man as she worked on tracing Charlie’s phone. Knox fired a helicopter missile at the fort, and the Angels and Bosley jumped to safety before the fort went up in flames. They followed Knox in a car, and the Angels used a grappling hook to climb onto the helicopter. Dylan punched Knox around, Natalie disabled Knox’s steering controls and Alex engaged heat seeking on the missile that Knox released to destroy Charlie’s cabin. The missile did a roundabout and came back to explode the helicopter with Knox in it after the Angels jumped to safety into the ocean. The Angels later washed up at Charlie’s cabin, but he had already left and spoke to them over the phone as usual and didn’t accept their initiation to have drinks with them on the beach in their bikinis. Charlie explained that Knox’s real name was John McCadden and it was the other side, not Charlie, that killed Knox’s dad when he was found out for being a double agent in the army. The females and Bosley played on the beach together in the end with Charlie nearby watching them from his hiding place. Charlie worked on rebuilding the agency and had another mission planned for his Angels. This movie had a budget of $93 million and grossed over $264 million at the box office. It was released months before 9/11. The movie cover art listed, Peter Travers, Rolling “Babe-a-licious…with relentless action!” Bill Zwecker, FOX-TV “Non-stop laughs and fun! A great ride!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/6/24

TITLE:  God’s Country 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2011 Image Entertainment / Triumphant Entertainment / Slingshot Pictures / Silent Noise Films

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in Los Angeles, California where investment banker Meghan Doherty worked at the Whitaker and Associates firm. Meghan played a high stakes game and went between rooms making deals with the buyers and her sellers, Bill and Nora Charles. Meghan used her tricks and charades and talked the buyers into paying an ungodly amount over the going rate in order for Meghan to get a bigger commission out of the deal. On another deal, the Japanese brothers Kana and Hoshi Yakamota wanted to build a casino, golf course and country club on 5,000 acres in the Mojave Desert. However, the Christian resort called God’s Country that was located on 1,000 acres in the middle of the property was in foreclosure and the minister Eden Graham refused to sell. Meghan’s boss, Randolph Whitaker, the firm CEO, gave her an assignment that would make or break her career to meet with Eden and convince him to sell the property to them for development before it went to auction in a week. Meghan was self-centered, high maintenance, conniving and well off because of the thousands of dollars in commissions from the money she cheated out of people. She drove a Ferrari and purchased expensive jewelry from dealer Jasonfor herself and her Spanish friend Valentina’s birthday party. Meghan refused to talk to her mom Emmain Pasadena when she called, and Valentina didn’t think it was right that Meghan only sent Emma checks and hadn’t visited her for six months. Meghan overslept one day and was late to her Yakamoto presentation, so her personal assistant / friend, Adam, claimed to have called her and stalled for her until she made it to work. Meghan finally gave Emma the time of day on the phone, and she wanted Meghan to visit her for her birthday next weekend and Meghan agreed. The Japanese would be returning in a few days to finish the deal, and Meghan had only until then to get back to LA with the land rights. Meghan got lost in the Mojave but eventually found the resort. Eden took Meghan on a tour and explained that he was declining Whitaker’s offer even though he was behind in payment because the resort meant too much for him to give it up and he was putting its fate in God’s hands. Meghan was adamant that Eden would lose the resort to the bank she worked for, so he announced that he would take the offer only if Meghan stayed there for six days to see what the ministry was all about. She reluctantly agreed and tried to call the office, but there was no cell reception in the desert. Meghan then met Eden’s wife Carolyn, their son and head counselor Jake, Geri and Lenny the other counselors and Pastor Tinsley and his church group who were guests at the camp. Meghan wasn’t pleased to discover that her living quarters was a trailer home, and she camped out in her car after she encountered a large bug. Jake thought Megan was overreacting and called for Geri to stay with Meghan in the small trailer. Meghan overslept, but Eden insisted that get up early each morning and do the mandatory Christian activities and prayers with the other guests (mostly teens) before breakfast, otherwise the deal was off. The guests hiked to the tennis court, where Lenny instructed them to clean up the messy court. Meghan protested and refused to participate, and she offered Eden more money for the resort in hopes that he would sell and she could get out of there. He insisted that Meghan honor their agreement otherwise there wouldn’t be one. Meghan had a hissy fit but then returned to the tennis court in the Mojave and joined the other guests in cleaning. She switched out of her high heels for boots and her dress clothes for more practical ones that she borrowed from Geri. Meghan faked having a back injury that left her confined to bed, and she tried to flee in her car after Geri left the temporary housing to tell Eden. Jake checked on Meghan, and she used the same trick on him and convinced him to go with her to town so she could make a call. Before they could leave, Meghan lied to Eden why she was leaving but then returned to camp because she had a guilty conscience. Meghan threatened to tell Eden’s family about the financial difficulty they were in. Meghan couldn’t understand why Jake went to business school at Harvard but then returned to God’s Country to help his parents run the place. He explained his dream to build a Christian college connected to the main road that offered student housing, a daycare for single moms and the ability for students to receive credit and scholarships by working at the camp. However, the college couldn’t be established because the ministry was non-profit and no one would invest in them. Adam and Valentina continued leaving Meghan messages, but she couldn’t answer them without cell reception so they were worried about her. Emma was also concerned about Meghan and asked Adam to call the police and report her missing, but he wouldn’t. Valentina wanted to call 911, but Adam refused to put his job and the deal at stake and instead left it in the hands of Whitaker, who made the Yakamoto brothers to believe that everything was going according to plan. Adam heard from somebody at the camp that Meghan was staying there, and he planned to call the police if Meghan didn’t return by auction time. Meghan had fun playing games with the guests, and Jake tried to kiss her but she stopped him. Meghan offered to take Geri to LA for a girls’ weekend out shopping and getting makeovers. Geri’s mom had died, and she wanted to follow in her dad’s footsteps and become a pro bono lawyer who didn’t take advantage of people’s misfortunes and instead helped them. Geri and Meghan read the Bible together, and Meghan had a change of heart and didn’t answer when boss Whitaker called her. Meghan told Eden about the Yakamoto brothers’ plan to build the casino, and Eden agreed to tell his family, the counselors and the guests about the foreclosure because Meghan called Eden out on him keeping that from his family when they soon would be homeless. They were upset and didn’t want to sell the resort and use the money to start over in a different city. Jake sped off in a golf cart and was angry that Meghan’s bank wouldn’t get them out of their debt and she lied to him by not telling him why she was there, but his dad told him it wasn’t Meghan’s fault.  Meghan prayed with Pastor Tinsley and the others and then went to find Jake. She told Jake that she changed her mind and wanted to save the resort, but he wanted nothing to do with her. After Pastor Tinsley left with his church and told Meghan that it was God’s will, she convinced Jake to bring his business plans and go with her to Los Angeles, California because Meghan wanted to save his dream and would use all her sources and contacts to do so. Meghan sold her Ferrari to dealer Jason and asked him to invest in the college because he was always looking for a deal to get in on with Meghan’s insider advantage. The Japanese brothers put pressure on Whitaker to get the deal done since it was delayed past the deadline they agreed upon. Meghan and Jake returned to the resort just as the auction began and handed over a $150,000 check in Whitaker’s name to settle outstanding debts and bring it up to date. The auction was called off, and Whitaker arrived furious. Whitaker fired Meghan for going against him and leading him to believe that the deal was done. Jake agreed that keeping God’s Country in business was better than building a casino that would break up families. Jake drove Meghan back to Los Angeles, and he offered her a job teaching business at the college but she planned to return to the Mojave as a partner in the college venture. Meghan, Jake, Adam and Valentina then surprised Emma with flowers and a birthday celebration at Emma’s house, and Emma was ecstatic. The movie cover art listed, Scott Rolfe, The Dove Foundation “Five Doves…Wonderfully made story of friendship, trust and faith.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/6/24

TITLE: Nancy Drew 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2007 Warner Bros. Pictures / Virtual Studios / Jerry Weintraub Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in the small town of River Heights, Illinois where sixteen-year-old teenage rogue detective Nancy Drew apprehended Steve and Gary, two dangerous burglars that broke into a church, while Police Chief McGinnis and the police waited outside because they were incompetent and needed a child to handle their police work. Inside the holy place, Nancy worked a deal and told the criminals she would convince Pastor Murray to drop the charges against Steve and Gary if they went to counseling. Nancy then fled onto the roof and the police arrested the burglars (knowing the young girl was inside handling the situation as they waited outside and the chief believed lil Nancy did a better job than the police). Nancy nearly fell off the roof, but she got herself down without the help of the fire department so she was celebrated as the hero of the day in her small town. Nancy’s mom had died when she was young so she grew up without a mother and a father that was never around. Nancy and her dad Carson headed to Hollywood for his work as an attorney. Pastor Murray prayed for Nancy’s safe journey and the chance for her to take down criminals that the police were incapable of doing. Wrapped around his unparented daughter’s finger, Carson made Nancy promise not to do any mystery solving while in California and to try and be a normal teen. Nancy’s bestie male friend Ned Nickerson gave her a new compass as an early birthday gift, and she left behind her female friends Bess Marvin and George Fayne. Nancy and Carson rented a house in LA, and Nancy had picked one with a dark mystery. It was the former home of Dehlia Draycott, the star actress that disappeared to an unknown location for five months and then returned to her home where she hosted a party but was then found dead in her pool. The mystery to Dehlia’s death had remained unsolved for 24 years. Barbara Barbara the realtor showed Nancy and Carson around Dehlia’s mansion, which was dilapidated, overgrown landscape, and had the creepy feel of a haunted house. Nancy’s moccasins and folder went missing, so she called the local police department to report the theft but the police laughed. Nancy heard strange noises in the attic at night and went to investigate, but John Leshing, the estate caretaker, thought nothing of the “haunting.” Nancy went through Dehlia’s belongings in the attic and found a letter that she wrote to a mystery man known as “Z” explaining that she was writing a new will and making provisions for an unknown person. Nancy convinced herself to not try and solve the mystery, so she went to her first day of school at Hollywood High. She was a whiz in all her classes and advised Principal Fineman to take safety measures at the school and offer a CPR course that Nancy was skilled in. Trish and Inga Veinshtein, two mean girls, were set on being hateful to Nancy. They enlisted the help of Inga’s 12-year-old brother Corky, whose dad used his connections so Corky could skip grades and get into high school. The girls put Corky up to trying to get a kiss from Nancy, so he pretended to choke during a basketball game. Nancy gave him CPR in front of everyone, but Corky gave it away before she could give him mouth-to-mouth. The school students laughed, and Nancy was publically embarrassed. She heard more noises in the house that night, so she watched the outtakes of one of Dehlia’s last movies where she felt too sick to finish the scene. John caught Nancy, and he explained that he was there the night Dehlia died but he didn’t know where she disappeared to and if she ever had a lover. Corky visited Nancy’s home to apologize and help Nancy go over her clues because he was Nancy’s fan. Nancy researched Dehlia on the internet using her Apple laptop and discovered that her last movie footage only showed her top half meaning she might have been pregnant even though she was known for being single and childless. Dehlia was seen wearing a robe with the letter “X” on it in a newspaper photo after her reappearance, and there was a man barely visible in Dehlia’s pictures who Nancy figured was “Z.” Nancy and Corky went to find the costume department on the film set of an action police detective movie starring Bruce Willis. Nancy interrupted the Hollywood film scene and informed Bruce and the director that the Miranda rights weren’t read to suspects until after the time when the movie was supposed to take place. Nancy realized that the X insignia on Dehlia’s robe were two palm trees with crossed trunks, which was the symbol of the Twin Palms spa. She went to the spa to investigate but learned that the records burned in a fire and the guest list was confidential. Nancy then tried to steal a look at sealed adoption records at the hospital in hopes of figuring out if Dehlia had a child and gave it up for adoption, but Nancy needed a court order to do so unless she was the child in question. Teen short skirt wearing Nancy then bribed the male worker with a blondie brownie, and he gave her the contact information for the pediatrician with unsealed files that the county recommended to all adoptive parents. The ditzy female records clerk at the office found the records and left the book open and refused to release the names of the three children born in the specific week that Nancy inquired about without authorization from headquarters. The phone suddenly rang inside the records room so the clerk was distracted with the call, so delinquent Nancy wrote down the names from the records she needed from the opened record book and left (Jane Brighton, Susan Thabit and Martine Dahlberg). Nancy used her laptop again to look up the three names. She found a dozen or more people for each name so she printed out a list of the thirty possible addresses to find the missing adopted child. Nancy (with her dad never around or caring what she was about) went door-to-door asking all the ladies (named Jane, Susan or Martine) if they were adopted, and only one of them disclosed it. The one that claimed to be adopted was a late teenage or early twenties Jane Brighton that lived in a dingy motel like apartment with a bunch of questionable people around with her toddler daughter Allie. Jane said she figured she was adopted because she didn’t look like either of her parents, and her mom died and she moved away from her possibly abusive dad or because she was pregnant at a young age. Nancy told poor Jane that Jane might be Dehlia’s daughter and she would inherit money that birth female Dehlia left in her will if it could be proven. Later on, a car then tried to run teen Nancy and tween Corky over on the street, but the vehicle got away as the car hit a gate. Nancy took note of the make, model and year of the car and planned to use that and any damage the car may have sustained from the impact to identify her attacker. Nancy then received a call from a man who threatened to hurt her if she continued investigating Dehlia’s case, and she told Carson that it was someone selling insurance (and kept everything from her dad who was always gone). Nancy tried to meet with now wealthy estate lawyer Dashiel Biedermeyer who used to be Dehlia’s manager, but he was too busy to speak to Nancy. Dashiel was on the phone with a California senator who owed him favors. Jane decided she didn’t want anything more to do with Nancy and asked her to stay away from her and her small child. Nancy watched one of Dehlia’s movies and realized that she left a clue to the whereabouts of her will hidden in a Chinese box. All of the chinoiserie that Dehlia collected had been sold, but John refused to reveal who the dealer was and warned Nancy to keep her nose out of the case. Carson (busy with work) believed that Nancy was respecting his wishes and not sleuthing, so he arranged for teenage Ned to drive Nancy’s car to Los Angeles, California. Nancy wasn’t as excited to see Ned as he expected and she wouldn’t tell Corky that Ned was her boyfriend because he was just a friend even though Nancy wanted to date Ned. The trio went to Chinatown, and Inga and Trish followed them because half-shirt wearing Inga was interested in dating Ned. The kids goofed around inside the antique shop while searching the antique boxes in Mr. Louie’s store, which upset him, but the will was nowhere to be found. When the children went outside the China shop in Chinatown, there was a bomb in the driver’s seat of Nancy’s car, so she picked it up and threw it into an open manhole where it exploded but injured no one and damaged the area and knocked Nancy to the ground. The car that tried to kill Nancy and Corky fled the scene, so the kids followed the attempted murderer’s car that drove recklessly through the streets. Ned reminded Nancy of her promise to Carson, so she let the suspects get away. Back at the house, Ned then revealed that his shirt was wrinkled because a wall blocked off his closet inside the rental home and he had only six inches of depth. Nancy ran off to Ned’s bedroom to investigate and then ran to different rooms until she discovered a secret passageway in the attic in the inner walls of the house that contained levers that opened to rooms inside the house. Nancy went down a tunnel in the basement, and it led into the laundry room of the building where John the caretaker was staying. Nancy returned to Jane and Allie’s apartment and discovered that the young mom and toddler were evicted. At school, Nancy handed out invitations for her 17th birthday party to teens, and Inga and Trish invited pretty much the entire school. During the underage teen unsupervised party, Nancy found John sneaking around in the passageway, and he confirmed that he used the passageways but he refused to tell Nancy if he was Z. Nancy received another threatening call, and one of the scary teen, possibly adult male that showed up to the party knocked the birthday cake out of Ned’s hands. Trish then had a life and death medical emergency when she kissed a boy who ate peanuts that she was allergic to. Nancy used a knife and a pen on Trish to save her, who was then taken to the hospital. Sergeant Billings showed up and waited for Carson to arrive home because he was delayed at work. Carson congratulated Nancy on the wild party and delinquent behavior that Carson believed was normal for teens. Officer Billings was in shock that Carson encouraged his daughter’s crazy freedom and delinquent life choices so he left the questionable family’s home. Inga and Trish then took Nancy shopping for new clothes at Trina Turk’s store, but Inga hated the store after the clerk preferred Nancy’s outfit to Inga’s and snapped Nancy’s photo. Ned left to return to River Heights. Later on inside the house, Nancy found a new cell phone with a note that was a birthday gift from dad Carson. Then Jane showed up on Nancy’s doorstep and explained that CPS took Allie away because they claimed that Jane was an unfit parent (perhaps the police found the young woman homeless and living on the streets with GOD’s very young child subjecting the little one to illegal drugs, dangerous needles, bad weather, and questionable people). Jane argued that their accusations were false, so Nancy convinced Carson to represent Jane so she could get Allie back. Nancy confused her dad by controlling their conversation so she wouldn’t have to admit that she disobeyed him so he went to bed and listened to her that they would discuss it in the morning. Jane explained that a man with two different eye colors (blue and dark brown) visited her apartment and threatened her for being involved in Nancy’s case, which is why Jane had stopped talking to Nancy. Carson met with Biedermeyer, Dehlia’s manager and estate attorney and was suddenly interested in teen Nancy’s dad to go to work for him. Now staying at the rental house with Nancy, Nancy and Jane reviewed Dehlia’s Chinese movie, where she used the dragon lever on the Chinese box to open it. Nancy realized that the box in the movie was the same as the one at Mr. Louie’s store that she looked at but nothing was inside since she didn’t know about the lever. Nancy left Jane alone in her home while Nancy drove to Chinatown and banged on the closed business until the shop owner opened the door. Nancy opened the box as the actress did in the movie, to reveal Dehlia’s will dated 10/17/81. Mr. Louie let Nancy have the will for free so Nancy left the China shop into the nighttime streets outside. Nancy took out her cellphone and called Carson on the new phone. Her dad revealed that the phone wasn’t from him so Nancy ended the call. Three bad guys who left the phone for Nancy used the GPS tracker on the cellphone to find her location. They chloroformed her, took the will and sped off with her in their van. Nancy woke up in a building, where she snuck out of her locked room and retrieved the will. Nancy escaped on the back of a garbage truck and fled in her car. The three kidnappers chased after Nancy and then rear-ended her, which caused her to crash her vehicle. Carson found Nancy at the hospital, and she revealed that she was working on a case behind his back because she felt she had to do the right thing (in her teenage mind). Biedermeyer offered Carson a job with a much higher salary doing consulting work for him from River Heights. Nancy and Carson left in a limo car with Biedermeyer, who asked questions about the will because his firm would lose money if Jane inherited the estate as Dehlia changed to Jane as the beneficiary. Biedermeyer signed a document confirming employment in the limo with Carson and Nancy noticed he signed with the letter Z for his middle name Zachary. Nancy realized that he was Z and the driver was the man who harassed Jane with two different eye colors. Nancy left her dad and jumped out of the moving car and it sped off with Carson. Nancy went to John’s house to call Billings, and she learned that Biedermeyer owned the caretaker house and Dehlia’s mansion (two houses tunneled together with secret passageways). The bad guys showed up and chased Nancy, but she escaped into the passageway where Biedermeyer grabbed her. Biedermeyer planned to kill teen Nancy but she got him to talk before he did. He explained that Dehlia had planned to run off with John, Jane’s birth dad, and fire Biedermeyer. She was his only client and he spent 20 years making her successful, so he killed her. Biedermeyer demanded to have the will, but Nancy got away from him by kicking in the private parts and then again on the stairs but was cornered by all the bad guys. John appeared out of the passageway and knocked some of the guys out with his shovel, and the other hired guns ran when John got the gun and held them at gunpoint. Nancy had recorded Biedermeyer’s confession on her recording device and played a portion for John and Biedermeyer to hear. Then Inga and Trish arrived and showed Nancy the picture that Trina Turk took of her. Nancy was now in Ellegirl magazine, and Nancy’s penny loafer style was a new trend and even the mean girls had a pair on. The police finally came on scene and arrested the bad guys after teen Nancy did the majority of the work that the police and her dad knew little about. Carson had escaped from the trunk of the bad guys car that he was locked inside. Attorney Carson was able to get Allie back for Jane (now that Jane was had lots of money and was no longer homeless). Nancy told Jane that John was her birth dad. Jane refused to rent out Dehlia’s estate like Barbara Barbara wanted her to and she told Barbara Barbara to get off her property. Instead Jane established the Draycott House where she, Allie and other homeless single moms and their children could live. Nancy returned to River Heights, and Jane sent her a video to watch the single mothers and young children playing with John around the estate. Ned fixed up Nancy’s car, and the two teens kissed before Nancy was called away about a new case to solve in Scotland involving the Loch Ness monster and missing diamonds. This movie had a budget of $20 million and grossed over $30 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Alanna Slepitsky, AOL “Irresistible, charming and fun.” Jeffrey Lyons, REEL Talk/NBC-TV “A delightful adventure for the whole family with charming performances!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/5/24

TITLE:  Heartbeeps 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children. The content is a hateful depiction of HIS real police officers in HIS real USA.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1981 Universal Studios / Michael Phillips Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in California, where a factory manufactured robots that assisted humans in everyday life. The robots were all worth more than the salaries that factory workers Charlie and Max could make in ten years. ValCom 17485, a human-like robot in the intelligent Companion-Series was designed as a butler valet, and the bot severed a foot after Russel Percival Wyatt instructed him to help out in sanitation even though he wasn’t built for hard labor. Mr. Weston, the boss man, was going to be angry with Wyatt for not following standard operating procedure and causing the robot’s worth to lose value. Val was useless until he could be fixed, so Charlie and Max put him on the high warehouse repair shelf next to AquaCom 89045, a female robot designed to be hostess at pool parties and social events and was capable of using a male voice to talk about God. The two robots made small talk from the stored-up data in their heads. Catskil 55602, an actual cigar-smoking comedian robot (tis a wonder the malfunctioning robot didn’t burn down the place or cause a forest fire), was later put on the shelf next to Val. There was even a (bucket of bolts that often went haywire) Crimebuster 00719 Deluxe robot police officer whose purpose was to keep people safe by fighting crime on land, sea and air using explosives. Crimebuster Deluxe bot was tested and shot the bad guy targets, but the police robot failed horrifically by blowtorching a target of elderly Grandma pushing a baby carriage. Val and Aqua bots then left the factory without being programmed to do so and headed to the woods so Val could gather information about trees the two admired through the high window of the warehouse building. They had planned to walk, but the robots stole a truck instead and Catskil joined them. Meanwhile, the human employees were in the break room together. Robin was mad at Charlie and Max for playing cards instead of working, and he gave them until the following day to find the Coms and Catskil. Crimebuster Deluxe robot-cop overheard and decided to take on the task of finding the missing robots. Val drove recklessly because he wasn’t designed to be a driver, so he crashed the truck in the woods. Val robot and Aqua robot used parts from the truck to build a little robot named Philco that could tow a wagon full of spare parts they might need later. They all set off in the woods. Val declared that the definition of God was “God is an irrational unknown variable which humans associate with the value judgment known as goodness.” Charlie and Max searched the area and found the truck in pieces, and then Robin sent Babe Aldrin in a helicopter to assist the humans in their wilderness search. Babe believed that Charlie and Max would have get in trouble and pay dearly for their mistake of letting the robots escape. Philco went missing, so Val and Aqua split up and found him using Val’s bow-tie finder. They planned to take shelter in a cave for the night, but a bear occupied it so Val confronted the bear that the robot believed was a camel. The bear attacked Val, and then Phil approached the bear but it was scared away by Babe’s helicopter. The robots hid out in the cave and the helicopter didn’t see them, so the human search party left the area. Aqua nursed Val’s wounds and asked him to give Phil her unit safety monitor. The robots dug up tree specimens and used them as disguises. The robots walked to a small town, where they broke into a hardware store and stole parts. The energy packs that powered the robots were running out of juice, and the store had none in stock. Phil threw a fit when Val and Aqua wouldn’t let him have a traffic control helmet, so Catskil gave the lil Phil bot the traffic control helmet to play with. Meanwhile, Crimebuster had found the cave and spare robot parts, and he used his deductive reasoning to figure out where the robots went to get energy packs. The police robot confronted the runaway robots and interrogated them, and they refused to reveal who they were so Crimebuster shot at them and threatened to destroy them to get the answer out of them. They then identified themselves as Bushbots, but Crimebuster didn’t believe them and ran ID checks on them. It didn’t check out, so Crimebuster assumed they were criminals and called the human police (human police never showed up). Val and Aqua argued that it was against their programming for them to be criminals, which confused Crimebuster and overloaded his police system. That gave the robots a chance to escape to a human party, where Catskil entertained everyone, Phil eyed the women and Val and Aqua served alcohol drinks to the guests. Crimebuster caught up to the rogue bots, so the robot suspects fled and the police bot smashed through the window and fired explosives in his pursuit of them and managed to escape. Crimebuster followed their trail through the woods, where the police robot sang “America” while blasted things that sent the forest animals into hiding. The robots found a junkyard filled with spare parts, and Val and Aqua searched for energy packs. Crimebuster found the perpetraitors again and shot wildly at them with his guns and a flamethrower in hopes of incinerating them. Susan and Calvin, two humans who lived in a trailer house in the junkyard, jumped on police Crimebuster and shut down his system down. Phil was injured in the process, and Susan and Calvin were knowledgeable in robotics and offered to do repairs on Phil. However, Phil had to be taken to the factory in order to be given a function that would make him useful to humans otherwise he would be disassembled for spare parts. Val and Aqua couldn’t find energy pack and their power continued depleting, but they set out to do what was best for young robot Phil. Phil’s power levels were the lowest and were almost completely depleted, so Catskil swapped his energy pack for Phil’s. Catskil powered off and had to be left behind, and Phil was upset because he had grown attached to Catskil and was the only one who laughed at his lame jokes. Charlie and Max were still out searching for the robots, and they found Catskil and picked the lifeless robot up. Val and Aqua made it to a field where they could see the factory, but then their energy ran out and they powered off. Charlie and Max found them holding hands because they had fallen in love, and the humans took the robots back to the factory. Babe later asked Charlie and Max what happened to the runaway robots, and they didn’t believe that robots were capable of free will and they left the factory because they malfunctioned. Val, Aqua and Catskil were given new energy packs and were circuit washed, but they continued to “malfunction” and were repeatedly sent back to the factory by their owners. They were tossed into the scrap heap and ended up at the junkyard, where Susan and Calvin reassembled them using new parts. The junkyard humans also built a robot named Sophia as a companion for Phil, and the robots lived with Susan and Calvin. Crimebuster’s circuits were washed, but the police robot escaped from the factory and continued blowing things up and believed that was the way of a police crime-fighting hero (using ungodly violence) to protect his country and keep humans safe. This movie had a budget of $12 million and grossed over $2 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/4/24

TITLE:  The Real McCoy 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1993 Universal Pictures / Bregman / Baer Productions / Capella International 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with master criminal Karen McCoy breaking into the Atlanta (Georgia) Union Bank to do a robbery. Karen disabled the alarms, but they sounded anyway and she was unable to escape off the roof before a police helicopter arrested her. Six years later, Karen finished her sentence at the Athens Correctional Facility in Georgia and headed back to Atlanta. Karen called her ex-husband Roy Sweeney, who was now married to Cheryl Sweeney and they had a daughter, Kelly. They lived in the house that Karen paid for with stolen money, and Roy warned Karen to stay away from their son Patrick who was too young to remember Karen when she first went to prison and chose her crime life over her family. Roy and Karen agreed to meet up the following day at Mario’s so Karen could get her clothes she left behind. Later that day, J.T. Barker held up the Dixie Mart that Karen was at, but he was an amateur who couldn’t keep his gun in one piece. The cashier shot at him as J.T. ran out of the store while the customers fled with armfuls of stolen goods as the shop owner was distracted. The next day, Karen went to check in with her parole officer. Gary Buckner was assigned as Karen’s parole officer, and he creepily hit on her and touched her inappropriately. Gary demanded that Karen stay in a halfway house for a month before she got a job, and he threatened to put her back in prison if she didn’t do everything that he told her to do. J.T. was there too and he followed Karen out of the office and badgered her about how she pulled off all her heists because she was his idol. Karen missed her bus, so J.T. gave her a ride. Karen tried to get a job, but nobody would hire her because she was a convict. She got a job at the laundromat only because a worker there told her to lie on her application and put that she was self-employed as previous employment. J.T. hung around and followed Karen. J.T. sweet on Karen refused to let Karen stay at the halfway house, so he set her up in a room for rent. Karen went to see Roy at his used car dealershipsince he failed to show up at Mario’s. Roy was wheeling and dealing in his shady business way and tried to evade the IRS because he was broke and scheduled for an IRS audit. Roy told Karen that he told Patrick that Karen was dead and Roy told Karen that he burned all the letters she wrote from prison. Karen punched Roy in the face. Young Patrick came on scene and met Karen and Karen was introduced as an old friend of Patrick’s mom (not the child’s mom). J.T. visited Jack Schmidt, the wealthy crime boss who was his dad’s cousin, to tell him that Karen was out of prison and available for Jack’s next job. Jack declared that he was now working in real estate and wasn’t interested. Six years ago, Karen had refused to do the Atlanta bank robbery for Jack, so he sabotaged her heist and got her arrested. Karen visited an attorney and the female lawyer explained that Karen lost her rights to be involved in Patrick’s life, and advised Karen to move on and get her life together and understand that just because she served her jail sentence doesn’t make her fit to have God’s vulnerable and innocent child in her life again, regardless if Karen believed she was a better person after all these years. Karen decided she would stalk Patrick so she watched Patrick and other children playing soccer in the park on a bench, where she was approached by one of Jack’s goons. The man held a gun on Karen just a few feet away from the children and wanted to take Karen with him to meet Jack, but she kneed the man in the crotch and then carelessly threw the man’s gun on the ground near the kids playing and walked away. J.T. took Karen out to dinner and suggested that she do a crime job for Jack, but she stormed out and wanted nothing more to do with J.T. because she didn’t know he was related to mob boss Jack. Mr. Katarich at Karen’s workplace did a background check on Karen using her social security number and discovered that she had been in prison and lied on her job application concerning her former employer so Karen was fired. Government worker Gary announced that he would forget about the mandatory halfway house if Karen gave him what he wanted (sexual) favors. Gary took Karen out for drinks but then he took her to Jack’s house since Gary was on the dark side with Jack. Gary wouldn’t let Karen leave and the parole officer threatened to plant drugs in Karen’s home bathroom to get her back in prison if she left. Jack wanted Karen to rob Atlanta Union again, but she refused and left. Shortly after that, Patrick went missing from school, and Roy accused Karen of kidnapping him. Roy refused to call the police (and so did ex con Karen). Karen figured Karen’s crazy crime past people had something to do with Patrick’s sudden disappearance. Karen thought it was Jack so she took Roy’s unreliable used car to find the missing boy. Karen fed steaks dosed with sleeping powder to Jack’s vicious Dobermans to knock them out, and then she snuck into Jack’s mansion. Patrick wasn’t there. Karen broke into parole officer Gary’s house next and found a picture of him at Lake Lucille. Karen drove the 40 miles away to secluded small town Lake Lucille area and asked elder Mr. Sam in town where Gary’s lake cabin in the woods was and he told her. Karen parked her car a distance away and walked through the woods and broke into the secluded woods cabin as government worker Gary drove off alone in his vehicle. Karen found Patrick in the cabin bed and woke the boy up and then left with him in Roy’s junkie car that broke down a few minutes later. Sam stopped Gary in town and told him about Karen looking for him the night before, so Sam turned his vehicle around and sped off back to the cabin where he confronted Karen and Patrick with his gun on the roadside. Gary punched Karen multiple times in the head and face until she was unconscious in front of young Patrick. Karen woke up in Jack’s house with Patrick as hostages. Roy called Karen and wanted her to bring Patrick home, but she told her ex husband that she couldn’t at the moment and Patrick was safe and she had to do something before she brought the boy back to Roy. That something was a job for Jack to help do the $18 million bank heist at the Atlanta Union if she and Patrick wanted to stay alive. Karen went to see J.T. at his trailer house, which was filled with stolen electronics that he sold online to Nigeria. J.T. agreed to be her getaway driver, and Jack and four other robbers would assist them in the robbery. Karen went to Atlanta Union disguised as Beth Baxter, and she opened a safety deposit box with Mr. Kroll. She staked out the bank and learned that it had been upgraded since she was last there and it was now state-of-the-art with high-security. Karen tried to tell Jack that the job was impossible, but he reminded her that Patrick’s life was at stake if she didn’t succeed. J.T. and Karen spent time with Patrick at Jack’s gangster mansion in their spare time, and the rest of the time Karen plotted the heist while J.T. practiced driving his getaway route. J.T. then opened a safety deposit box at the bank and put a gun inside it, and Karen continued making appearances at the bank as Beth to do business. The robbers couldn’t get around the sound-activated security system, so they planned to set off the alarms multiple times to make it look like a malfunction. It would take the security guards six minutes to get to the bank for each false alarm, and while they were distracted Karen and the others would rob the vault. J.T. advised Karen to tell Patrick that she was his birth mom, but she was skeptical so J.T. told Patrick that Karen was going to rob a bank. Parole Officer Gary babysat Patrick at Jack’s house as the bank heist began. Jack distracted a security guard by pretending to be a driver with a broken-down truck, and he held a gun to the guard’s head so he, Karen, J.T. and the others could station themselves in the building next to the bank. Karen used a remote-control car that she hid under a trashcan to move the can onto the floor and trigger the alarm. It took six minutes each time for the security guards and police officers to answer the call, but they couldn’t find the source so they left. The robbers unlocked the back door and set off the alarm a second time, and the police came back but left again. Karen and her team triggered it a third time, so the police returned while Karen and her team snuck inside, unlocked the armored elevator and took it to the vault. The police were fed up with the false alarms, and three officers were assigned to stay at the bank until the system could be fixed. Karen tampered with the cameras to show that the robbers weren’t in the building, but J.T. tripped a wire. One of the officers saw the robbers, but Karen fixed the camera before they were found out. They succeeded in torching a hole in the vault with a rod, and they inserted a device that they used to break the code and open the vault. Jack and his thugs filled their bags with $18 million in cash, as Karen collected the gun from J.T.’s box. Karen then held her gun on Jack and his goons and used a remote to lock them into the vault. Jack shot at Karen and J.T, and they narrowly escaped with a bullet grazing J.T.’s arm. J.T. wanted to take the bank millions in money, but Karen refused. The rogue Bonnie and Clyde (Karen and J.T.) criminals set off smoke bombs to make the police unconscious, and then they headed to Jack’s house. Gary tried to leave the house in his car because he got word of the botched bank job, but J.T. floored his (and Karen’s) stolen vehicle and rear-ended Gary until Gary’s car with him inside crashed into the enclosure where Jack kept tigers as exotic pets. Gary bled profusely and was nearly attacked by a tiger, but he escaped and held Patrick at gunpoint inside Jack’s estate home, where Karen and J.T. were searching for the child. The criminal couple was able to take criminal Gary down. J.T. ran with Patrick while Gary tried to beat up Karen, but she got the upper hand and bludgeoned Gary with his shotgun. Karen stayed behind and broke into (she used an explosive to blow it up) Jack’s home safe and stole $3 million in cash that she knew he kept inside. Karen then called Roy from the Atlanta airport to come pick Patrick up. However, J.T. advised Karen to take Patrick to Rio de Janeiro with her. She, J.T. and Patrick had disguised themselves as the Baxter family and had fake passports and ID that J.T. got for them. Karen met with Roy, who had seen the news report about how Jack and henchmen were arrested and Karen and J.T. escaped and were wanted. Roy demanded to have the bank money, and Karen argued that she didn’t have it so ex husband Roy forced Karen into the men’s airport bathroom with his gun. Before he could steal the duffle bag full of millions in US Dollars that Karen had as her carryon, J.T. reached over the stall and knocked Roy out from the next stall (as he left little Patrick alone outside in the wait area). Patrick didn’t understand why female Karen was in the boy’s bathroom because he saw her come out of it from his seat. Horrifically, Karen and J.T. then told Patrick that Karen was his mom, and then the three boarded their flight to Rio and the boy was happy to get a new name and play along with the criminal adults escape scheme to flee the country with the stolen cash and leave behind their multiple crime spree that constantly endangered the young boy’s life and he knew nothing about as they kept it all hidden from him. Before the plane was in the air, it was delayed when the Atlanta police boarded the plane. Karen and J.T. were worried they were caught, but the police were there to deliver an organ transplant (from the USA going to Rio) in a cooler and after that, the plane was in the air with two very dangerous criminals parenting HIS innocent child and buying their way to freedom using an enormous amount of stolen money. This movie had a budget of $24 million and grossed over $6 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/4/24

TITLE:  Big Trip 2: Special Delivery (Russia, aka Little Bear’s Big Trip in UK) 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2022 Lionsgate/Grindstone Entertainment Group 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie began with Mic-Mic, a bear that dreamt about a group of storks delivering him to Africa because they believed he was a baby crocodile. Mic-Mic jumped out of his cage and woke up in his bed, which his friend Oscar the hare attached to a rollercoaster. Oscar sent Mic-Mic on a dangerous ride in hopes of waking him up since he spent all his time eating and sleeping. The ride crashed, and Mic-Mic threatened to murder Oscar and was angry with him for building the rollercoaster and turning Mic-Mic’s house into an airship. Old Stork tasked Arnold, the best delivery stork, with bringing his 10,000th baby of the year to John and his wife Mary Grizzly. John was the presidential candidate for the United Woods of America, and he was going up against Don Vulture, the current American president who was running for re-election. Don was disliked by the citizens because of his policies of not helping the less fortunate animals and instead leaving them to suffer while the fortunate ones prospered. The animals agreed with John’s agenda of freedom, social justice and equal rights for everyone, but the law stated that only parents could run for president. John had no children to-date, therefore he was not an eligible candidate while Don had hundreds of children who all supported him. Chairman Stag considered disqualifying John from the race as a result, but he argued that the storks would deliver his baby in time for the constitution that would make John an eligible candidate. The debate ended, and Stag agreed to wait for Baby Grizzly’s arrival. Don planned to change the Constitution to get rid of John and the other animals once he was re-elected. His young son, Billy, and one of his older sons, Doug, the captain of the National Guard, offered to steal the baby to sabotage John’s chance of becoming president. Don agreed to let Billy do it and prove himself useful but threatened to replace him with another child if he failed. Billy distracted Arnold by pretending to be a fan of his and convincing him to do stunts. Both birds wrestled over Baby Grizzly, who fell and drifted down the river in a cradle. Baby Panda, who Mic-Mic and Oscar delivered a while ago, went to visit them. Baby Panda’s parents sent him away after he had an incident with a girl panda and he made a python kite with the help of the monkeys, who ended up in physical therapy. Baby Grizzly washed up outside Mic-Mic’s house, and Karl the stork followed and planned to take the baby to his potential presidential parents. Mic-Mic recognized Karl as the stork who was demoted to the mail department after he botched a delivery and took Baby Panda to Russia instead of China. Mic-Mic and Oscar had to save the day, and those weren’t fond memories for Mic-Mic. Mic-Mic planned to send Baby Grizzly to the delivery department, but Karl wanted a chance to redeem himself and take the baby home. Oscar and Baby Panda agreed and tried to convince Mic-Mic to join them and Karl on another trip, but Mic-Mic refused to leave the forest. That night, Baby Panda and Karl set out on their own to do the delivery, but Karl had no idea which way to go so they ended up in the bottom of a pit trap that Billy set. Oscar and Mic-Mic found them. They rescued them and set off for America in the airship for. They successfully made it through a lightning storm. Baby Panda dreamed that his parents decided he was old enough to do whatever he wanted and didn’t have to go to school. Karl dreamed that Old Stork assigned him to deliver a lion cub to its parents, the King and Queen of Africa, as his 50,000th baby. The female storks were gaga over Karl just like Arnold, and one hoped to have Karl’s egg. Mic-Mic dreamed that Oscar left for America and might never return, and Mic-Mic celebrated finally being alone until he was attacked by his own honeybees. Oscar dreamed that he dug a tunnel and a railway so Mr. and Mrs. Panda could visit Mic-Mic and go to America. For the first time, Mic-Mic wasn’t furious with Oscar’s invention and instead congratulated him and offered to let him destroy Mic-Mic’s property to build more things. Billy hitched a ride on top of the airship, and he dreamed that he successfully disposed of Baby Grizzly and Don and his siblings were proud of him. The airship flew over a snowy mountain, so Billy poked a hole in the balloon and the ship started going down. Karl flew away with the baby, and Mic-Mic started hibernating but Oscar and Baby Panda woke him up by punching him in the face. The airship crashed, but everyone survived. Billy had been trapped under the ship and broke his wing, and he declared that he was an American citizen and had a right to compensation for the group’s careless actions so they agreed to take Billy with them to America. They narrowly escaped a rapidly moving wall of ice, and then they trekked up the snowy mountain following Karl’s inner GPS. Baby Panda got sick from the cold, so Oscar used some of Mic-Mic’s hair to knit a scarf. Billy remembered when he got sick and Don called him a weak loser for it and wished that the eagles ate him when he was in his egg. The winter and snow caused Mic-Mic to go into a trance that would end with him licking his paws and going into hibernation. Oscar tied logs to Mic-Mic’s arms so he couldn’t lick himself, and the group dragged the bear with them in his zombie-like state. Baby Panda ignored Oscar’s warnings and shouted in the mountains as loud as he couldto hear the echoes. It started an avalanche, so Karl flew away with Baby Grizzly while Oscar, Baby Panda and Billy slid down the mountainside on Mic-Mic’s back. They disturbed a female bear named Michaela from her hibernation, so she was furious but Mic-Mic fell in love with her at first sight. They told her their story, and Michaela explained that her parents died during a flood. They were able to get Michaela to safety, and the American forest raised her. Mic-Mic discovered that Oscar took more of his hair to make scarves for everyone and left a heart-shaped bald spot on his backside. Doug reminded Billy about the task at hand, so Billy tried to eat Baby Grizzly that night but then decided not to. Doug reported back to Don that Billy betrayed them, so Don instructed the vultures and the hyenas to assemble an army to attack the group and get rid of the baby. Billy told Mic-Mic and the others everything he did and agreed to help them protect Baby Grizzly, so Oscar hatched a plan to distract the army. Meanwhile, international animals from India, Africa, Antarctica and other continents came as poll watchers for the American election. Don wanted to be appointed president immediately since Baby Grizzly hadn’t yet arrived, but Stag insisted that they follow the law and wait. Karl flew in one direction with a baby bear decoy made out of their scarves, Billy went the other way with another decoy, and Oscar and Baby Panda had a third decoy. The hyenas chased after them, and the duo led them to the cave where Mic-Mic and Michaela were with Baby Grizzly. Mic-Mic fought off the hyenas and sent them flying through the air, and the hyenas knocked out the vultures that were following Karl and Billy. Mic-Mic and the others entrusted Karl and Billy to deliver Baby Grizzly to his parents. The vultures found them, so Billy distracted them while Karl fled with the baby. Doug followed Karl, and Doug crashed into a rock where his beak sparked and started a forest fire. Don demanded that he be put in charge so he could deal with the emergency situation, and the animals protested but Stag agreed. Karl then appeared with Baby Grizzly, and John and Mary were grateful because without the baby they would not be able to run for President of America. Karl revealed Don’s evil plans, and he denied everything but Don’s son, Billy, and other questionable souls confirmed that it was the truth. Stag announced that Don was banned from running for Presidential office because he schemed against free and fair elections, so John was elected as the new president. Oscar stayed in the forest and built a rollercoaster for all the animals, and he sent President John on a wild ride like he did with Mic-Mic. Baby Panda went home and told his parents about his heroics, and they were proud of him. One year later, Mic-Mic and Michaela settled down together at his house and Karl dropped off their twin children, a boy and a girl. The storks then held a celebration ceremony for Karl, and he was assigned to deliver a baby lion to the King and Queen of Africa just like in his dream. However, Karl made another mistake and dropped the lion cub off in Antarctica, where it chased after the penguins that boasted about Karl’s achievements.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/3/24

TITLE:  Burlesque 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2010 Screen Gems / De Line Pictures / Sony Pictures Releasing 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in a small town in Iowa, where Alice Marilyn “Ali” Rose quit her job as a waitress at Dwight’s bar. Owner Dwight refused to pay Ali and Loretta, so when he left Ali to close up, she took the money that Dwight owed her from the cash register and then she moved from her trailer house and took a bus to Los Angeles in hopes of making it big as a singer. Alice had no luck with the want ads, and then she stumbled across the struggling Burlesque nightclub as she walked the streets in the nighttime. After seeing the club owner, Tess Scali, singing and dancing provocatively with the showgirls (Nikki, Georgia, Anna, Jesse, Scarlet and Coco), Ali was interested in becoming a dancer. Tess and her close right hand man employee Sean were too busy to give Ali the time of day and wouldn’t listen to her idea that the dangers sing with their voices instead of lip-synching. Tess’s ex-husband, Vince, owned half of the club, and he tried to warn her about the debt that the club was in. Nikki was the star dancer of the show and was always late. Ali met Nikki backstage and Ali accused her of being a man dressed up like a woman. John “Jack” Miller the bartender gave Ali a waitressing job for the night without consulting boss Tess. Jack was from Kentucky, but he figured his calling was songwriting so he moved to Los Angeles, California after he won a Nashville, Tennessee teen contest. Marcus Gerber, a real estate agent who was dating Nikki, was supposed to arrange for a partnership with Tess and Vince but then he offered to buy them out for $1 million. Vince and Marcus tried to talk Tess into doing the deal but she refused to sell her business and property. Ali went home to find her apartment trashed (had money in the toilet tank), so Jack agreed to let her stay with him for the night since she had no family and her mom died when she was seven. Ali had been wearing no pants because she thought Jack was gay, but then he revealed that he was engaged and his fiancée Natalie was starring in a play in New York so Alice put more clothes on. Ali left and waited outside in the pouring rain for a ride, but she got none so Jack dragged her back to his apartment and insisted that she stay. Performer Georgia discovered that she was pregnant, and Tess comforted her and convinced her to tell her boyfriend Damon who was a member of the Bumper Band. Tess and Sean held auditions and hired a few new dancers, including Ali because she knew all the dances and only needed to practice a little to be good enough for the shows. Natalie decided to stay in New York for three months and pay for her own apartment, which meant Jack would have to pay all his own expenses so he let Ali stay with him and pay rent until she could afford her own place. Tess then got the news about her past due two mortgages and would lose the club if she couldn’t come up with the money by the end of the month. Nikki broke the rules and drank alcohol during show hours, so Tess sent her home and instructed Ali to replace Nikki despite both of their protests. Nikki got rid of Dave the DJ by telling Dave that Tess needed to see him so she could sabotage the show, and cut the music off during the performance. The curtain was partially lowered to end the show, but then Ali started singing (not lip sync) and dancing and the band joined in along with the other dancer girls. The crowd loved it, and Tess was impressed and planned a new show around Ali as the lead singer and dancer. Sean recognized that Jack liked Ali and advised him to snatch her up before she was gone. Ali transformed herself into the star of the show, and Nikki was jealous. Ali drew large crowds every night with her short wigs, ungodly sexy outfits and brief nudity in her performances. Marcus doubled his offer for the club and Vince wanted to take it, but Tess was too attached to the club to give it up. Marcus offered to take Ali home, but first he took her to a party at his expensive house. Marcus explained to Alice that bought the “air rights” for a building nearby so one could build a tower that would block his view of the city. Marcus hit on Ali and offered to make her dreams come true. Marcus sent Alice a pair of expensive Christian Louboutin designer sparkly shoes she had admired on a female, and the two stayed out late at parties so Jack was jealous of Marcus. The shows continued to be successful, but the club wouldn’t have enough time to pay off its debts. Marcus introduced Alice to Harold Saint the agent, and Alice got attention on the front page of the newspaper. Tess warned Ali not to trust Marcus, but Alice wouldn’t listen. Nikki confronted Tess for turning against her and replacing her with Ali, and Nikki revealed that she had sex with Vince the night after his honeymoon with Tess (which was a lie). Nikki quit her job and sped off driving drunk, and Tess used a crowbar to smash Nikki’s car window. Georgia and Damon got married at a wedding paid for by Damon’s wealthy dad. Sean had his eye on Mark the DJ at the wedding who Coco thought was eyeing her. Jack got a call from Natalie that she wasn’t coming back from New York, so Jack broke up with Natalie over the phone. Jack and Ali already had a heated argument about her behavior with Marcus, but they danced and made amends at the wedding. Jack and Alice started having sex together after they played a game where Jack stripped out of his pajamas and exposed his bare butt. Natalie (NY) showed up at the apartment in LA to find Ali and Jack in bed together, so Ali left upset. Alice went to Sean’s house where Sean and Mark had sex together and were in bed. Later the two lover males had lunch. Jack went looking for Ali and discovered that she left with Marcus, who invited her to dinner. Tess was upset that she got turned down for a loan and had two days before the bank took the Burlesque club. Sean acted like he didn’t care and advised Tess to sell to Marcus, so she used the f-word on Sean and was adamant that she keep the club, which Sean knew Tess would do. Ali learned that Marcus wanted to buy the club so he could tear it down and build a skyscraper, and she realized that she was wrong about Marcus. She left Marcus and went to tell Tess, who didn’t want to hear it but Ali finally got through to her. Ali and Tess enlisted help from a developer and explained that his million-dollar condos with a view that were located across from the club wouldn’t sell if Marcus built his 20-story skyscraper in the club’s place. The developer gave Tess a $500,000 check, and she used it to buy Vince’s half of the club and ex-husband Vince was happy to take the money and start a new life elsewhere. Nikki revealed to Tess that she didn’t sleep with Vince, and Tess agreed to let Nikki be part of the show again. Jack and Ali got back together again, and he finally finished a song and asked Ali to sing it in the upcoming show. The performance involved Ali and all the other dancers celebrating with singing and dancing the Burlesque way. This movie had a budget of $55 million and grossed over $90 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Bill Zwecker, FOX-TV, “Cher and Christina Aguilera are spectacular!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 11/3/24

TITLE:  Knowing 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009  Summit Entertainment / Escape Artists Productions / Mystery Clock Cinema / DMG Entertainment / Contender Entertainment (UK) / Goldcrest Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Massachusetts and began in 1959 at the William Dawes Elementary School in Lexington. Lucinda Embry’s idea was chosen to represent the official opening day of the school, where they would hold a dedication ceremony and bury a time capsule. The time capsule would contain pictures that the students drew of what they thought the future would be like, and another class of students would open the capsule 50 years later and see how accurate the kids of the past were. However, Lucinda wrote a bunch of seemingly random numbers on a paper instead of drawing a picture, and then the capsule was buried. Lucinda disappeared at the school ceremony, so the staff and police searched for her. Miss Priscilla Taylor, her teacher found Lucinda hiding in a closet, where she was haunted by strange whispering voices and her fingers were bloody from scratching the rest of the numbers into the door that she wasn’t allowed to finish in the classroom. 50 years later in 2009, John Koestler was an astrophysics professor at MIT. John was the son of Reverend Koestler, but they were estranged because John didn’t believe in God and was adamant that there was no grand design and the creation of the universe and everything in it was all coincidence. John’s nine-year-old son, Caleb, was a student of the elementary class that would open the time capsule, and he believed that his deceased mom Allison was in heaven. John’s colleague Phil Beckman announced that his sister-in-law, Kim’s younger sister, wanted John to join her and Phil for dinner because she decided that John wasn’t gay. John was skeptical about going. He was late to the school ceremony, where the now elderly Miss Taylor did the honors. The time capsule was opened, and the envelopes of mostly pictures were handed out to the students. Caleb received Lucinda’s number code paper, and for the first time he saw a strange man watching him and he heard whispers which he thought was his malfunctioning hearing aid. Caleb brought Lucinda’s code home when he was supposed to keep it at school in hopes of deciphering it, and John instructed him to return it to school. However later on after his son went to bed, John looked again at Lucinda’s code and then realized that one sequence of numbers coincided with the date 9/11/01 and the 2,996 people who died in the tragedy. He copied all of the number code onto another paper and divided them into sets, and John was shocked to discover that Lucinda’s code was accurate predictions for many catastrophic disasters that occurred in history. The numbers were dates for the disasters, such as plane crashes, hurricanes and bombings in which hundreds of people died. Three more events were set to happen in the near future, with the next occurring the following day with 81 deaths. Phil didn’t believe John’s rambling about the code and thought he was still grieving his wife Allison, who died in a fire in her sleep from smoke inhalation at the Phoenix hotel where she was staying on business. John took his findings to Miss Taylor, who confirmed that Lucinda wrote those numbers. She informed John that Lucinda was no longer alive and she died years before. The school refused to tell John the names of the janitors that dug up the time capsule. Later at John’s house as he was inside talking on the phone, two strange men in a car drove up and gave Caleb a black rock and then sped off, and John was worried because he didn’t get a license plate. John continued heavily drinking, and he stayed up late watching news reports but no disasters occurred with the designated number of deaths. John accepted Phil and Kim’s dinner invitation, and then he went to pick Caleb up from school since he was late. John got stuck in traffic because of an accident, and he realized that the uncircled numbers on the code were latitude and longitude coordinates for the locations of the disasters because that was the number showing on his truck coordinates that was the disaster area expected that day. Then, a plane then crashed next to the highway and exploded, and John tried to help the victims but that were on fire. 81 people died in the crash, and there was a total of four plane crashes across the country. Caleb was upset that John refused to tell him what happened, and Phil warned John not to try and prevent the remaining two disasters but John was determined. That night, the whispers and one of the strange men appearing in his room awaked Caleb. The man caused Caleb to dream of a raging forest fire outside. John found the news article about Lucinda Embry-Wayland’s death, and then he found Lucinda’s daughter Diana and Diana’s daughter Abby. John and Caleb followed Diana and Abby to the museum one day, and John tried to talk to Diana about how Lucinda predicted that almost 200 people would die within the next few days but Diana didn’t believe him. The FBI believed there would be a terrorist attack in NYC, so John called the FBI and instructed them to section off the street corner where the attack would happen according to Lucinda’s code. John left Caleb with his sister Grace the nurse while he went to New York. The FBI believed that John’s call was a prank, so the police chased him onto the subway and John went after a suspicious man who turned out to be a petty thief and not a terrorist. The tracks then switched, and the subway crashed and killed most of the people onboard and in the station. John went to see Diana, who reluctantly agreed to help him. Diana revealed that Lucinda always predicted that the day of the third disaster was when Diana would die. John, Diana and the kids went to Lucinda’s abandoned mobile home in the woods, where Lucinda supposedly overdosed when Diana was nine. Diana’s dad had already taken her to live with him because Lucinda’s husband deemed his wife crazy. John and Diana found newspaper clippings of the disasters inside Lucinda’s house, as well as a Bible belonging to Lucinda and rocks like the strangers on the roadside gave the one Caleb. The last sequence contained no coordinates, only the letters “EE” written backwards. The words “Everyone Else” were written on the underside of Lucinda’s bed, and John and Diana realized that it meant the world would end and everyone would die the following day. Caleb and Abby were alone outside in the car and were beckoned to by the strange whispering men, but Caleb honked the horn and alerted John and Diana to the danger outside. John followed one of the strangers into the woods with a gun, and the being blinded him and then disappeared. John, Diana and the kids went to MIT the next day, and John informed Phil that the sun would give out a super-flare that would destroy Earth. Diana realized that Lucinda was right all along about her predictions and Diana was wrong to pretend and make others believe that her mom was insane. John and Diana planned to take the kids to secret caves where they would hide out in hopes of surviving the flare. John finally opened his birthday gift from Allison, and inside was a locket with a family picture. John called his dad and told him to get to safety underground with his mom and Grace. The reverend refused to believe the prophecy and declared that God would take his life when it was time and he hoped John lived with God daily too. John found Caleb possessed and madly writing numbers like Lucinda, and he continued scratching them into the desk with his fingernails even after John took the paper and snapped him out of his trance. John realized that Lucinda didn’t have time to write the coordinates of the last disaster on paper, so she scratched them into the door of the school basement closet with her fingernails. John broke into the school through after shattering a glass window and tore off the basement door closet door and took it back to his home. John was able to uncover the coordinates and he refused to go to the caves with Diana, so she took off with the kids, without John knowing. Diana stopped at a gas station, where everyone ransacked the place for supplies after the emergency government TV broadcast about the flares creating the pandemonium. John called to say that the cave couldn’t protect them from the flare and they should follow the coordinates to Lucinda’s mobile home since that is the code he finally deciphered off the door. Diana was hysterical and refused to go back to her mom’s house with John. One of the strangers then sped off in Diana’s car with Caleb and Abby, so Diana raced after them in another car. Diana ran a red light and was hit by a semi-truck which flipped her car and killed her. The police shot off guns to maintain order among the panicked people, and John made it to the accident site where the paramedics were unable to revive Diana and she died. John went to the woods outside Lucinda’s house, where he found a field of the black rocks and confronted the four strangers alien beings that were with Caleb and Abby. The children were both given pet rabbits and the aliens explained that they were two of the “chosen” children who could hear the whispers. The strangers were their protectors and were there to take them to another planet to start over, but they wouldn’t let John go with them because no human adults (parents) were allowed. John gave Caleb the locket with him and his parent’s photos and convinced his young son to leave with the creatures even though he didn’t want to. The strangers transformed into faceless aliens with translucent bodies, and they took Caleb and Abby away in their spaceship with their rabbits. Caleb and Abby joined dozens of other spaceships full of children, who were deposited on a planet with a giant tree at its center. The next day, John traveled through the city full of panicked people in the streets after he left the kids with the aliens. John went to see his parents and Grace just as the flare occurred and the entire Earth went up in flames as the adult family hugged each other and the kids were safe with the aliens and bunnies out of this world. This movie had a budget of $50 million and grossed over $186 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Roger Ebert “A superbly crafted thriller. Four stars.” Maria Salas, CW Miami “A heart-stopping thriller…riveting and suspenseful!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/31/24

TITLE:  The Boy in the Striped Pajamas 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2008 Miramax Films / BBC Films / Heyday Films / Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place during World War II and began in Nazi Berlin, Germany. There was a party to celebrate the promotion of an ungodly evil Nazi soldier named Ralf and his move to the countryside with his wife Elsa, eight-year-old son Bruno and 12-year-old daughter Gretel. Ralf’s parents, Nathalie and Matthias, attended the party, and Nathalie voiced her disapproval of Hitler and the Nazis. The family left their extravagant home in the city behind the next morning and Bruno was upset to leave his friends Leon, Martin and Karl. The new country home was gray and drabber than they expected, and Nazi soldiers were stationed there and in and out of the home base a great deal. Bruno was bored and missed his friends and wanted to go back to the city but Ralf declared that his family had to stay and do what was best for the Fatherland. Ralf explained that the people at the “farm” next door who wore striped pajamas were less than people and Bruno couldn’t play with the children there. Elsa was upset to discover that the farm, which was a concentration camp where the Nazis cruelly imprisoned the Jews, was visible from the house and not far away, as Ralf had said it was. Lieutenant Kurt Kotler, a young Nazi soldier chauffeured Elsa to town and hung out with Gretel, and ordered around Pavel, the Jewish man from the camp who did work at the house. Pavel helped Bruno find an old tire so he could build a swing, and he fell and cut his knee. Pavel used to be a doctor so bandaged Bruno’s knee. Elsa was upset to find Bruno interacting with Pavel. Bruno and Gretel wouldn’t attend public school, so Ralf hired Herr Liszt as a home tutor for them. Liszt assigned them to read the brainwashing Deutsch Almanac about the Nazis. The book indoctrinated the children with the idea that Jews were hateful creatures that should be exterminated because they wanted to rule the world and make money while the Germans were left in poverty. Bruno went into the cellar one day in search of his ball and found Gretel’s pile of naked dolls that big sister had thrown away. Gretel’s character changed into a dark personality after the brainwashing schooling she received. The eldest daughter began wearing the uniform of the girls’ Hitler Youth group, and she posted pictures of Hitler and agreed with his ideals, like her pervert father. Young Bruno explored the woods alone behind the house and wandered to the electric barbed-wire fence that separated the Jewish prisoners in the camp from the outside world. He met an eight-year-old Jewish boy named Shmuel, who explained that the soldiers confiscated all the Jews’ clothes and gave them numbered black and white prison pajamas to wear. Bruno was naïve and couldn’t understand that the Jews were forced to give up their professions to do slave labor, so he believed that they resorted to lesser jobs because they couldn’t decide what they wanted to do. Bruno seriously believed that Pavel gave up being a doctor to peel potatoes, and Shmuel’s dad used to be a watchmaker but now he mended soldiers’ boots. Bruno and Shmuel noticed the awful smell coming from the chimneys nearby, and they were led to believe that it was where the soldiers burned trash (but it was bodies). Elsa noticed that Bruno and Gretel were acting differently (not in a good way), so she was concerned about what Liszt was teaching them and asked her husband who was in total control of the children’s studies. Ralf passed it off as what all children were learning, but Elsa wanted to see the books that Bruno was given by Liszt. Bruno lied that they were adventure books because he wanted to be an explorer. Bruno continued visiting Shmuel and bringing him food since he was starving, but Shmuel had to leave Bruno and return quickly whenever the whistle blew otherwise face the horrific punishment. Nazi soldier Kurt revealed to Elsa that the soldiers were burning Jews in the chimneys, and she was horrified and confronted Ralf about not telling her and he responded that he swore on his life to keep silent (and not tell family either). Nathalie and Matthias were supposed to come for a visit, but she fell sick so only he went to dinner with Ralf’s family. Soldier Kurt explained that his dad was a professor of literature at the university but he left the country four years before and they hadn’t been in contact since. Ralf badgered Kurt for his dad’s whereabouts, and he was reluctant to reveal that it was in (neutral) Switzerland because Ralf suspected that Kurt’s dad left Germany just as the war started so he wouldn’t have to serve the Nazis. Pavel (Dr.) accidentally spilled the wine glass, as he served the Nazi family and Nazi soldier, so Kurt dragged him out of the room and brutally beat him. Ralf kept eating like nothing was happening, but Elsa was in tears. Chilling and transformed Gretel now agreed with dad Ralf that the Jew wasn’t a human and deserved the assault. Bruno asked his sister Gretel about the farm, and she explained that it was a work camp for the evil Jews. Shmuel was brought to the house to do chores, and Bruno fed him in secret. Kurt caught the boys, and Bruno denied that he was a friend to Jewish Shmuel. Kurt accused Shmuel of stealing food and threatened to teach him a lesson. Bruno noticed Ralf and several other soldiers at the house watching lying TV footage that falsely stated that the Jews in the camp were well-dressed and entitled to good meals, playtime and entertainment after their days’ work. Bruno didn’t see Shmuel at the camp for several days, and when he finally did Shmuel had a cut black eye but he reluctantly agreed that that they were still friends. Kurt was moved to the frontlines after the authorities discovered that he didn’t report his dad’s disloyalty to Hitler. Ralf received a call from Matthias that Berlin was bombed and mom Nathalie was dead. Bruno’s family attended the funeral, where Elsa was upset to watch Nathalie being buried with the Swastika and the phrase “By The Führer,” because she wasn’t a supporter of the evil-hearted Nazis. Ralf wouldn’t let Elsa remove it and argued that Hitler required it. Shmuel’s grandparents died after they arrived at the camp and they had no funerals. Elsa was fed up with Ralf and didn’t want to subject Bruno and Gretel to his inhumane actions anymore, so she planned to take them to live with Aunt Lottie in Heidelberg the following day while Ralf stayed at the house. Shmuel’s dad went missing, so Bruno planned to dig a hole under the fence so he could join Shmuel in the camp and search for his dad. The next day, Elsa agreed to let Bruno play on the swing before they left. Bruno went to the camp instead, where Shmuel brought him slave pajamas so he could blend in with the Nazi prisoners. Bruno dug the hole and snuck in, but he had second thoughts when he saw the harsh realities of life in the camp. Bruno and Shmuel were caught up in a crowd of dozens of Jews who the soldiers rounded up. Elsa noticed that Bruno wasn’t on the swing, so she, Gretel and Maria the servant searched for him. Elsa interrupted Ralf’s meeting, and he and the soldiers searched the woods frantically. They found Bruno’s clothes and the hole and realized that he tunneled under the fence, so Ralf and the soldiers searched inside their Nazi camp. However, they were too late because Bruno, Shmuel and the Jews had already been herded into the chamber and gassed to death. Elsa passionately cried out for the loss of her beloved son Bruno by the hole in the fence, and Nazi Ralf did not appear that upset because he loved Hitler and the devil’s ways more. This movie had a budget of $12 million and grossed over $44 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Jeffrey Lyons, NBC/Reel Talk, “One of the best films of the year.” The Guardian and The Times/UK, “Four stars.” Pete Hammond, Hollywood.com, “An unforgettable motion picture experience. Powerful and moving beyond words.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/29/24

TITLE:  Trinity Goodheart 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2011 GMC Network / One Village Entertainment (Black Entertainment) / Reelworks Studios / Image Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Boston, Massachusetts where Jeremy Goodheart and his 12-year-old daughter Trinity lived. The father daughter duo both worked at Chester Kwon’s bookstore and deli and in exchange, Mr. Kwon paid them with free room and board in a rundown apartment in the building he owned next door. Jeremy didn’t show up to a bank job he had lined up and instead played the saxophone on a street corner for much-needed money, and he often came home late, leaving his young daughter to fend for herself. Jeremy met with the public Northwest school principal, Willis Thornbull, to discuss Trinity skipping school. Thornbull announced that Trinity had straight A’s, but she skipped school too many times (lied to her neglectful parent where she was all day out wandering the streets by herself or hanging out with Mr. Kwon) to move onto the next grade. Jeremy considered homeschoolingTrinity, but Thornbull argued that Trinity needed to be socialized in public school and fit in with others. Jeremy didn’t agree because the so-called normal kids were smoking in the bathroom and dating behind the backs of their parents and he didn’t want his daughter pregnant and on drugs because of the failed public school system. Mr. Kwon couldn’t understand why Trinity called her dad by his first name Jeremy even after she told him the reason because it made zero sense. Mr. Kwon tried to give Trinity cash money for the paper angel cut-outs she made that the customers bought in his store but she refused to accept payment for leading others to angels. One night, a female angel appeared to Trinity and gave her a broken half of a heart pendant. Trinity believed that it belonged to her birth female Kim Hawthorne, who left when Trinity was a baby (and Trinity never knew). Jeremy didn’t believe his daughter and how she found the heart shaped jewelry but confirmed that it was Kim’s broken pendant. Trinity demanded to know about Kim since she deemed she was old enough so Jeremy explained that he and Kim used to be friends and fell in love at the junior prom in school when they dressed up all fancy and went on a date. Jeremy and Kim’s families were at odds because Kim’s (white) dad Randolph didn’t want them to date since Jeremy was black and Kim was white, and Jeremy’s (black) dad Jonathan also disapproved since Randolph didn’t think Jeremy was good enough for his daughter. Kim didn’t want to choose between Jeremy and her family, so she abandoned baby Trinity to be raised by Jeremy with no steady income. The whereabouts of Jeremy’s parents Jonathan and Maxine were unknown. Trinity was no longer in public school and had many hours of freedom without her dad there to homeschool her, Trinity didn’t believe her grandparents were dead anymore. With the help from Mr. Kwon she called around and discovered that her grandparents and Jeremy’s brother, Lionel, all worked as attorneys at the prestigious high-rise building law firm in their name. Trinity believed that finding the other half of the pendant (with the inscription, “Every broken heart longs to be whole again”) would help her find Kim and bring the Goodhearts and Hawthornes together. Trinity went alone to the Boston firm and waited for hours until Jonathan adjourned from court. He had never expected to meet Trinity, but they spent time together and he took her home. Jeremy wasn’t pleased to see Jonathan, and neither of them spoke and Jeremy told his dad to leave. Jeremy then explained to Trinity that his relationship with his wealthy parents was strained because Jonathan was too focused on being a fierce and successful attorney to be with his family and he didn’t believe that Jeremy and Kim should be with each other. Jeremy warned Trinity to stay away from Jonathan and Maxine, and she promised her dad but the child lied because she had other plans to get what she wanted. Next, Trinity went alone to see Kim’s parents, Melinda and Randolph, who were also wealthy. Kim’s parents hadn’t seen or heard from Kim since she had a fight with Randolph and left for Buffalo. Melinda believed that Trinity’s search for Kim was a lost cause; so Trinity accused (white) Melinda of being racist, which brought Melinda to tears. Melinda explained that (white) Randolph was the self-centered one who rejected Jeremy because of his race and wouldn’t allow Melinda to go after Kim or meet Trinity. Randolph showed up and he didn’t want Trinity there to interrupt an important event he was hosting that night for his development company. Trinity overheard and left upset, and she asked Melinda to find the other half of the pendant since that was the least her white grandmother could do. Trinity lied to Jeremy that she spent the day at the library, but he noticed that something was wrong with her. The next day, Trinity called (black) Maxine and the two secretly met at a restaurant. Maxine was an attorney who represented public school systems, and she didn’t think it was right for children to be homeschooled like Jeremy was doing for Trinity. Maxine also didn’t believe that the druggie and alcoholic homeless people in the neighborhood deserved help and the people like Jeremy who played music for money on the street corner were wasting their time. Trinity was offended and argued that those people didn’t choose to be poor and misfortunate and it happened as a result of circumstance or rich people and she told her privileged grandma that the projects she walked in was her granddaughter and son’s home. As it was, Randolph’s development company planned to tear down a park in the same area to build a shopping center, so the citizens protested in the streets. Trinity gave Randolph food for thought that he was already rich enough and his centers were overlooking local people in need of jobs and he didn’t employ the local people but instead hired people from outside the city. Another day, Trinity by herself again (not being homeschooled) convinced attorney Jonathan to ditch his work and spend the day at the Funland arcade. He then gave all his staff the rest of the day off so they could go to Funland too. Melinda confronted Randolph and declared that he didn’t care about his family and she wouldn’t put up with him controlling her. Randolph told her to leave but said that Melinda could have Trinity in her life but he didn’t want anything to do with the young child. Attorney Maxine took Trinity’s words to heart and went on Channel 7 to announce that she and the women’s club were helping the homeless in Trinity’s hood. The other pendant half suddenly appeared in Melinda’s jewelry box after being missing for several years, but Randolph thought it was there the entire time and his wife overlooked it. Melinda sent a hired man to deliver the missing piece to Trinity (alone in the apartment) with a note explaining about its sudden appearance, and the child was happy to have the whole heart of the jewelry piece. Trinity enlisted help again from Mr. Kwon by having Mr. Kwon deliver notes to both sets of her grandparents (the Hatfields and the McCoys) telling them that Trinity was in trouble and it was a matter of life and death and interrupting them from important business events. They thought Trinity was ill or hurt. Randolph and Melinda were at a business luncheon where he was accepting an award, and he didn’t want to check on Trinity but chased after Melinda when she left. Maxine and Jonathan walked out of their important meeting with Dr. Danson and left Lionel in charge. All four grandparents met at Jeremy’s (minus Jeremy) small apartment, where Trinity was glad they were all together but then they argued when Jeremy came. Trinity was not happy because they didn’t agree to go look for absentee Kim, so Trinity ran off into the streets of Boston alone (which she had done so many times in the past).Jeremy and Jonathan searched for her but couldn’t find her. Jeremy reassured everyone that Trinity was fine because she often wandered the city alone and knew it well. Hours later, Mr. Kwon found Trinity hiding in his store, and she packed her bags to run away to Buffalo, New York (since Jeremy neglected her too and was hardly around and chose a very poor lifestyle) and was convinced that she was in the care of her guardian angel. Trinity left a shame note for Jeremy and her grandparents apologizing for bringing them into her now solo search for Kim in Buffalo. Bigwig Jonathan called Police Commissioner Woodlock’s office directly to report Trinity missing, and Jeremy and the grandparents waited for word about Trinity. At the bus station, Trinity tried to buy a bus ticket, but the clerk couldn’t sell a ticket to Trinity because she was a minor and was without her parents. Trinity then met parentless 17-year-old Rafael, who was also headed to Buffalo but had no money for a ticket. Trinity believed that Rafael was her angel, so the two hitchhiked together. They got a ride with a questionable truck driver, who was being creepy and wasn’t happy when Rafael told Trinity to make a run for it and get out of the truck away from the disturbing man behind the wheel. In Buffalo, they asked around for Kim. Meanwhile, Jeremy figured out that Trinity was in Buffalo, so he and the grandparents headed there to find her. Jeremy cried in Maxine’s arms and prayed to God for help to find Trinity. Randolph gave Jeremy advice not to lose Trinity like he lost Kim. Trinity and Rafael found a Kim Hawthorne (singer) flyer on a poll with a lost dog flyer on the other side that advertised one of Kim’s jazz band performances at the Double Door Inn bar. Jeremy went into that same bar in search of Trinity, and he was in shock when he found a memorial table setup for Kim. One of Kim’s band members was there, Wes. Wes explained that Kim had planned to possibly contact her family. Kim didn’t get the chance because she died in a van accident when the group traveled together to a gig but drove too fast in the rain and the driver was distracted by the conversation inside the vehicle. Most of the band members were injured. It showed that Rafael was one of the people in the van and he also died along with Kim. Rafael appeared to Trinity as a ghost, and the young girl was the only one who could see Rafael. The young runaway female Trinity was really all by herself with the scary adult male truck driver. Trinity then appeared at the bar and was reunited with Jeremy and her grandparents who learned that Kim was dead and read the newspaper clipping about the accident. Back in Boston, both sets of wealthy grandparents dedicated the park in Jeremy’s neighborhood in honor of Kim and planned to develop a job training center and a homeless shelter. The movie cover art listed, Kam Williams, AALBC.com, “Four stars…about forgiveness and the importance of family.” The Dove Foundation, “Five out of five Doves.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/29/24

TITLE: Maleficent 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014  Walt Disney Pictures / Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures / Roth Films 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in a land where two kingdoms were not at peace with each other. King Henry ruled the kingdom of the humans, and the other kingdom was called the Moors and was filled with magical beings that relied on each other with no king or queen. A young fairy named Maleficentwas unlike any other fairy because of her dark wings and horns. The border guards found a poor young human boy named Stefan who stole a jewel, and Maleficent convinced him to put it back. Stefan then threw away his iron ring when it burned Maleficent when the two young children touched. The parents of both children were dead, and they became friends and eventually lovers. Stefan gave Maleficent true love’s kiss on her 16th birthday, but their relationship suffered over the years. Stefan left to become an advisor to the king at the castle where he had always wanted to live while Maleficent became the watchful protector of the Moors. King Henry and his army planned to overtake the Moors, but Maleficent confronted them at the border. She summoned the powerful creatures of the earth to fight the soldiers, and they clashed in a violent battle. King Henry’s injuries from Maleficent’s attack put him on his deathbed, and he declared that whichever man could avenge his death by killing Maleficent would become king and marry Henry’s daughter Princess Leila. Stefan warned Maleficent that she was in danger, and the two made amends. However, after Maleficent drank a vial that put her in a deep sleep, Stefan planned to kill her with a knife but he couldn’t do it. Instead, the king hopeful sawed off her wings and took them to Henry to make him believe that Maleficent was dead. Maleficent was devastated to discover her wings gone the next morning. Maleficent soon freed a raven named Diaval from a hunter and his dogs by transforming him into a man. The hunter ran scared instead of killing Diaval, so Dival pledged his alliance to Maleficent and agreed to be Maleficent’s servant in exchange for saving his life. Dival became the main spy for Maleficent and shapeshifted between his human and animal forms to do her bidding. King Henry died, and Stefan and Leila were crowned as king and queen. Maleficent sought revenge for Stefan’s betrayal, so she turned to the dark side and became the mistress of evil. The entire kingdom attended the christening of Stefan and Leila’s newborn daughter who was named Aurora. Three pixies from the Moors came to give Aurora gifts, and red Knotgrass gave Aurora the gift of beauty and blue Flittle gave her lifelong happiness. Green Thistlewit didn’t get the chance to bestow a gift before Maleficent appeared. Maleficent put an unbreakable curse on Aurora that would cause her to prick her finger on a spinning wheel before sunset on her 16th birthday and then fall into an eternal death-like sleep. Stefan and Leila protested, so Maleficent decided that Aurora could be awoken from her sleep only by true love’s kiss. Stefan ordered his men to burn all the spinning wheels in the kingdom and lock them in the dungeon, and then he locked himself in the castle. His soldiers hunted for Maleficent, but she created a wall of thorns between the Moors and Stefan’s kingdom to keep the humans out. They tried to burn the wall down, but it was indestructible. Stefan refused to visit his wife Leila on her deathbed, but he instructed the iron workers to work at all hours building weapons that could be used against Maleficent. Stefan assigned the three pixies to raise Aurora as her aunts in a secluded forest cottage for 16 years and a day, and they turned themselves into human size but agreed not to use magic or fly. The pixies had trouble taking care of Aurora, so Diaval brought her food. Maleficent quickly found the cottage and used her magic to torment the fairies and turn them against each other. She watched Aurora grow up into a kindhearted teen who was curious about the world on the other side of the wall. When the soldiers came searching for Maleficent, she turned Diaval into a wolf and used her powers to fight them off. Maleficent then took Aurora to the Moors to live, and Aurora believed that Maleficent was her loving fairy godmother who had been watching over her for years. Aurora hoped to live in the Moors forever and was happy there with Maleficent. Maleficent developed feelings for Aurora and tried to revoke the curse, but she failed since no power could reverse it. The young Prince Philip, son of King John of Ulstead, became lost in the Moors on his way to Stefan’s castle, and he met Aurora. She gave him directions, and they hit it off. Diaval believed that Philip and Aurora would fall in love and he would break the spell, but female Maleficent was convinced that it would never happen because true love didn’t exist after her failed relationship with male Stefan. Aurora returned to the pixies and planned to leave them on her 16th birthday the following day. They told her that she was the princess, so she ran upset to Maleficent for advice but then realized that she was the fairy who cursed Aurora. She galloped off to the castle to see King Stefan, but her so-called dad felt no affection toward her and locked her away in her roombecause he believed that the incompetent pixies brought her back too soon. Maleficent rode Diaval in horse form and put Philip under a sleeping spell to take him into the castle. Whispering spirits that put together a broken spinning wheel drew Aurora into the dungeon. She pricked her finger on the spindle and fell asleep. King Stefan was angry and swatted at female Flittle when the pixies tried to keep up hope that Aurora could be saved. Maleficent deposited Philip at the castle, where the pixies took him to Aurora and convinced him to kiss her. She stayed asleep, so the pixies kicked male Philip out. As it turned out, female Aurora only woke up after female Maleficent kissed her on the head because their love was the truest kind. The soldiers then captured Maleficent with an iron net that burned her, so she turned Diaval into a dragon. He freed Maleficent and breathed fire at the soldiers, but they were able to restrain dragon Diaval. Aurora ran to safety and found the case where Maleficent’s still-beating wings were kept. Auroa released the wings, and they joined back to Maleficent’s body just as King Stefan nearly killed her. The soldiers shot at Maleficent with crossbows, but she flew through the window dragging King Stefan by the chain around her leg. They landed on a castle turret, where Maleficent had the chance to kill her old love King Stefan, but didn’t. The two plummeted off the castle fighting, and Maleficent somehow lost hold of king Stefan so he fell and was killed on impact with the ground. In the end, wicked evil female Maleficent destroyed her wall of thorns, and she restored the Moors to its former glory. She removed her crown and crowned Aurora (Sleeping Beauty) as queen of the Moors. Both kingdoms were united with the help of dark magic ungodly female Ceasar Maleficent, who used and abused men to get what she craved and was said to be both hero and villain for it (and she was absolutely no role model for HIS children). This movie had a budget of $180-263 million and grossed over $758 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Betsy Sharkey, Los Angeles Times, “Angelina Jolie is wickedly good.” Andre Barker, Variety, “Visually arresting, brilliantly designed.” 


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