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MAKAYLA JANE:
GOD'S Spirit Reborn With
HIS Loving
JESUS HEart.

MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 5/2/23

TITLE: Phoebe In Wonderland

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2008 Image Entertainment/THINK Film Company/Capitol /Silverwood Films/Salty Features/Lifetime Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with nine-year-old Phoebe Lichten’s parents, Hillary and Peter, giving her a very eccentric, Alice In Wonderland themed birthday present. It moved on to a bizarre school system with Good Job Jenny and several teachers involved that appeared depressed in their teaching positions. One day, Miss Dodger, the new theater teacher, opened a classroom door and recited lines from one of her plays. She closed the door after she was done disturbing everyone but then popped back in and told everybody to attend the tea party. At home, Peter told Hillary that Blackthorne, a tiny academic press, was going to publish his writing. Later that night, as the parents held a formal adult dinner party at their house, Phoebe and her younger seven-year-old sister Olivia, played in the other room. Out of boredom, one daugher threw a paper airplane with writing on it into the dining room to interrupt the meal. Olivia came into the room shouting that Mozart was six when he wrote his first opera, and when she walked away, an adult said it was a house of women speaking their minds. Hillary said that Olivia and Phoebe’s poetry was like E.E. Cumming, and then she said that her book in progress titled Precarious Enchantment: Wonderland and Perversion, was coming along God-awfully. In the school hallway by herself, Phoebe walked around repeating “Step on a crack, break your mother’s back,” and tried to decide whether or not to add her name to the auditions list for the Alice in Wonderland school play that Miss Dodger was putting on. On the playground, two other girls Phoebe’s age, Jenny and Sally, discussed with Phoebe how there was a Patriot Girl doll in Phoebe’s locker. Phoebe replied it was Katherine, a girl of strength and spirit growing up in Philadelphia during the American Revolution. Jenny replied that she had that doll and stuck needles in her eyes, and then the two girls laughed about it and ran off. A boy named Jamie told Phoebe that he had Mary, a Patriot Girl too, except she was Britishand escaped the bombing of London during World War II. Phoebe said she knew who Mary was and she was a loser. Jamie walked away looking for money on the playground because he was saving up to buy Sings With Birds, the noble Sioux girl growing up in 1732. Phoebe offered Jamie her Patriot Katherine doll as she helped him look, but he replied that he already had her. Phoebe had issues on the playground when the kids were playing tag, and she didn’t want to be “it” so she spit at one of the girls, who called Miss Reiter the teacher over. Phoebe’s parents were later called into the school to discuss the matter because Miss Reiter didn’t want Phoebe disrupting recess. Hillary replied this was why little boys who kissed little got expelled for sexual assault when it was all-innocent to Hillary. Miss Reiter asked if there was something going on at home because she didn’t like Hillary’s response, and Peter replied that he was finishing his book and that was about it. Miss Reiter pressed that something else must be going on for Phoebe to behave that way at school, but Phoebe’s parents repeated that there was nothing. Later on, in bed, Phoebe’s parents discussed their school visit, and Hillary said that something was always going on with Phoebe and she was just different from the other kids. Hillary swore because she wasn’t happy the teacher was questioning her parenting, and then told her husband she hoped her daughter spit a big loogie on the other student. Hillary thought maybe she wasn’t spending enough time with her daughter, so she decided to take Phoebe and Olivia to the Swan Lake ballet. They made it backstage afterwards to see the female ballerina playing the princess now back in her normal clothing, and Phoebe said she would pick the right part and one day would never have to change out of her beautiful outfit so she could stay that character forever. The next day at school, Phoebe signed up for the Wonderland play. Bossy Sally, now wearing a pink, purple, and blue outfit, told Miss Dodger that she always got the lead part, so the teacher gave Sally a paper to go on stage and give her audition for Alice. Jenny auditioned next and so did other girls afterwards. Jamie showed up and wanted to audition for the Queen of Hearts, and Miss Dodger encouraged the young boy to play the part of the female. He went up on stage and donned a crown and red cape, and all he said was “Off with her head,” in a British accent. Phoebe later arrived to audition, and Miss Dodger was abrupt and dismissed her without letting her say more than a sentence. Phoebe apologized and explained that she had to wash her hands a certain number of times, and when the teacher looked at the sores on Phoebe’s hands and realized she had a condition, Miss Dodger allowed Phoebe to audition once more. Phoebe and Jamie later spoke about their auditions, where he said you had to pray or do something you hated in order to get what you wanted. Phoebe said she didn’t believe in God, and Jamie replied that he didn’t either. At home, Phoebe continued to have focus issues and was rude to her mom upon arrival. Hillary figured out that Phoebe attempted to step on the walkway squares in the right order otherwise Phoebe decided she wouldn’t get the part in the play. Phoebe refused to stop when Hillary tried to come near her, and Phoebe instead yelled at her parent to get back. Phoebe arrived late to the table for dinner, and when she did her hands were blistered from washing them obsessively again (that began at school). Her parents just noticed it now because she was obsessively washing them in the school bathroom earlier that day (and no teacher went to check on her). Phoebe had an appointment alone with a psychiatrist (that may or may not believe in God which is alarming considering how then can someone without HIM daily in his or her own life, help GOD’s children), who told her that in school she had rules, but in his office there were no rules and she could say whatever she wanted whenever she wanted and basically there was nothing she couldn’t say. However, Phoebe told him she didn’t want to say nothing. The next day in the auditorium, Miss Dodger called out the roles awarded to the students who auditioned. Jamie (a boy) was very excited because he got the female Queen of Hearts drama role he wanted (public school), and Jenny and Sally were not happy that they got the roles Card 1 and Card 2 and that Jamie got a girl’s part. Jenny said she was going to kidnap Jamie’s Patriot Girl because he was a fruitcake. Phoebe was very happy she got the Alice part and was nice to her mom that night because she got the part she wanted. The next day at school, when the kids attended theater class, they got dressed up in their assigned costumes. As the boy Queen of Hearts said his lines, Sally called Jamie a homo and he replied that the homo got the part and Jamie told Sally “off with her head” (for not supporting his trans way). Phoebe and Jamie (young kids) later sat on the school roof with their legs dangling off, and he said that he wanted the girl’s part because it was a play and he could do whatever he wanted. He asked Phoebe why she spit, and she replied that she didn’t use to and sometimes she got this feeling to jump off a roof. She went on to say that she didn’t want to die, but that was how she felt all the time with the things she did and knew she shouldn’t but she couldn’t help it. As Hillary went down the stairs and allowed Phoebe to keep jumping up and down them practicing something for her part, she asked where Olivia was. She found Olivia in her play area under the table. Olivia told her mom she wasn’t going to school that day because she was sick of Phoebe and asked Hillary for another sibling who she wouldn’t have to take care of and didn’t have what Phoebe had (constant disturbing mental challenges). Hillary yelled at Phoebe to quit playing on the stairs, and Phoebe told her mom to leave her alone. Olivia said that Phoebe got her mom’s attention the majority of the time whereas Olivia did not. Hillary went to check on Phoebe, who had now scraped her legs on the stairs so bad that they caused rug burns on both knees. In Phoebe’s imagination, she heard a woman laughing and talking to her as though they were in a play. Phoebe went outside to see the yard transformed into a Wonderland scene, and she chased the Red Queen, who told her to run faster. Hillary came outside calling for Phoebe, and it snapped her out of her dream-like state of mind and Phoebe realized that she had fallen while running in place with the imaginary Red Queen. Phoebe explained to her mom that she was talking to the Red Queen, and Hillary could relate, as she liked Wonderland too (maybe why Phoebe was so obsessed with the questionable and fake Wonderland). Hillary told Phoebe that she was happy she talked to the Red Queen, and Phoebe replied that the Red Queen told her everything wasn’t so fixed and it was freer in Wonderland. In the next session, Phoebe told the psychiatrist about the Red Queen and how she hid things from her parents that would make them nervous. She went on to say that she and the Red Queen talked about Wonderland and how it was the opposite there from what it was in Phoebe’s real world with laws and rules every day. She added that it would be nice if it were the same in this world as it was in Wonderland. At the next rehearsal, Miss Dodger tried to tell Jenny and Sally that the executioners were walking down the hall at that very moment in her attempt to obtain a convincing drama performance from the two girls that were about to have their heads chopped off since they were not believable to their part and boring to the audience. Miss Dodger added that there would be weeping and sobs and cries, and plans for escape (sounded like she was describing a school shooting scenerio). They still weren’t getting it, and so the teacher told them in next week’s performance she wanted to feel the terror of the last moments of their lives. The girls walked away and couldn’t understand what the teacher wanted from them because they were only ten, and Miss Dodger said that when she was ten, she played Cleopatra as she fed the asp to her breast and bragged that it was breathtaking and her performance had the audience on the edge of their seats. She added that her ten-year-old niece was hard at work unlocking the mysteries of Stonehenge and they would be reading about her in a year. Phoebe and the White Queen practiced next, and Hillary snuck in and took a seat after they read their lines and the teacher congratulated Phoebe on going from utter despondency to complete joy in two lines. Hillary snuck back out, and then Principal Davis came into the room as the students practiced trust falls from the stage (think Mean Girls with catching the people who fell backwards into their arms). The principal thought that was reckless and dangerous, but the drama teacher told him it was liberating, and then he left the room clapping after another student did a “trust fall.” Later on, when the kids were gone, Hillary showed up again in the auditorium to retrieve Phoebe’s backpack. Miss Dodger told Hillary that Phoebe was a remarkable girl (which surprised Hillary to say the least). After school, Phoebe (as Alice) and Olivia (as a boy, Karl Marx) went trick-or-treating on Halloween. Peter and Hillary were there with their two daughters but stayed back while the girls went to the door. The parents discussed how the psychiatrist so far had only identified Phoebe’s challenges as OCD at the moment because she didn’t really talk to him either. Hillary mentioned that when she was a kid, she counted telephone poles from the car and if she missed one, they would crash but nobody labeled her and it was no different now than it was then. As they continued on to the next house, Hillary asked Peter if he ever read Alice in Wonderland, and he replied once a long time ago. Hillary responded that considering that was what her writing was all about, it was pretty f-ed up (she actually said the word) that her husband wasn’t more into her work. Peter decided to leave Hillary to the girls to retrieve an item, and when Phoebe got raisins in her bag at the next house she told the woman who answered the door that she didn’t like raisins and called her fat since it wasn’t candy. Olivia had to apologize to the woman and lied that Phoebe was her younger sister and didn’t know what she was saying, when Phoebe was clearly the eldest and totally rude. Peter caught back up with Hillary and told her that he couldn’t care about something she didn’t work on and mentioned that she didn’t even make the time to work on it. Hillary told Peter that thirty children were coming to Olivia’s birthday party the following day, and he told her that he didn’t ask her to stop working. The girls overheard their parents arguing, and Hillary corrected Peter as he walked away telling him that the poppies were in Oz and not Wonderland because he mentioned that to the girls earlier. Then some teen goons in masks came up behind the females after Peter left and scared the crap out of them, and Phoebe said she hated Halloween. Phoebe woke up in the middle of the night screaming for her mom, and it was then that Hillary saw her daughter’s torn-up knees from falling on the stairs (because she had to take the steps three at a time) that mom didn’t notice early and told Phoebe that she thought they were done with that. Phoebe hysterically cried in her mom’s arms that she didn’t know why she did all those things that left her body injured, and Hillary said she would find out. The next day, Hillary went to speak with the child psychiatrist herself, where she told him no, Phoebe didn’t have that, and said that people were so ready to label, medicate, and move on as if a name meant something and as if all the answers were in a bottle. She added that she had seen that solution around her and it was a life of side effects and dulled minds, and that the shrink’s profession just didn’t like kids to be kids. Hillary explained that she would tell him what it was because this was something new and Phoebe was never this bad before. It was a little girl who got it into her mind that Hillary didn’t love her because Phoebe was obsessed with Wonderland and Hillary was writing a book on it, and she realized Phoebe was doing it to be close to Hillary because she could tell that her mom was distracted with her work, and Hillary said it was her own fault for letting her daughter see her distraction. As the students arrived for their drama class, Miss Dodger waited until they all sat next to her on the stage and then held up the Queen’s outfit that belonged to Jamie and asked who wrote “fagot,” on it in white letters. Jamie told her to forget about it, but then Miss Dodger told the students that they misspelled the word because it had two g’s in it and gave Jamie the dictionary to read aloud the definition of the word to the class. The definition was a bundle of sticks, and Miss Dodger then asked anyone present if they wanted to own up to idiocy on top of their cruelty. Phoebe held Jamie’s hand to help support him. The drama teacher then told everyone about the time in Shakespeare’s day when girls weren’t allowed to act and boys would play the parts of the women. The great women, Ophelia and Rosalind, were played by young boys (we don’t live in the Shakespearian time error, and we live in One Nation Under GOD and can identify and raise HIS children accordingly). Teacher Dodger went on to say that Jamie was only doing what boys had done for centuries…dress up like girls (not in the USA). In Miss Reiter’s classroom later on, one of the students shouted that Carlita, the class gerbil, was dead as Miss Reiter was trying to explain that a tragedy occurred and Mr. Jacob found Carlita when he was cleaning that morning. She added that Carlita died because gerbils were fragile creatures and assured the kids that she lived a long and fulfilling life, and Phoebe corrected the teacher that Carlita lived only six weeks. Another student said that Mr. Jacob said Carlita ate something bad and died, and Miss Reiter agreed that she did and that it had nothing to do with whose turn it was to feed the class pet the previous day. Sally pointed out that Phoebe fed Carlita and declared that she poisoned the gerbil, and Phoebe countered that she didn’t and she gave Carlita her normal food. The other students ganged up on Phoebe agreeing that she poisoned Carlita. Jamie tried to lie that he fed Carlita when it was Phoebe, and the kids called Phoebe a killer so she responded by spitting at them. Miss Reiter shouted for Phoebe to stop and did nothing to the gang-hating class except take it out on Phoebe. At home later that night, Phoebe (as she chewed on her fingers) told her parents that they needed to come to her with Principal Davis’s office because Carlita died and everybody thought it was Phoebe’s fault. Hillary said of course it wasn’t Phoebe’s fault, and Phoebe clarified that they had to speak with the principal because she spit on the other kids who were mean to her, even though she couldn’t help it. Peter asked if Phoebe told Dr. Miles about it, and Hillary said that their daughter was not seeing the psychiatrist anymore as of that day because he was a jacka**. Hillary told her husband she was looking for somebody else because the shrink told her nothing. As Peter was trying to tell Phoebe she had the choice of not to spit at people, Hillary chimed in and told Peter to leave Phoebe alone and told Phoebe not to worry because they were going to handle her prick-cipal. Olivia asked for the second time what the gerbil died from, to which Phoebe responded natural causes. Peter ended up accidentally cutting his left hand with a knife as he was helping make dinner because he was trying to also help Phoebe through her bad choices and at the same time was not happy with the poor choices of language his spouse was using with the children present. Before the meeting with the principal, Hillary went to see Miss Dodger and introduce herself formally, and she quickly told the teacher that she was writing her dissertation on Alice and was turning it into a book, so there was a lot of Wonderland at her house. Hillary pointed out it was a coincidence that she was doing that at home and Miss Dodger was putting on a play about Wonderland, but the teacher replied she didn’t believe in coincidence. Hillary asked if Phoebe ever did anything inappropriate in Miss Dodger’s class, and the teacher replied never because Phoebe was marvelous and very happy there. Principal Davis told Phoebe and her parents in his office that he stayed out of the classrooms because he didn’t like the sticky stuff that went on inside and thought the teachers could handle the children better than him. He pointed out that the kids were upset because of the dead pet, so their hate toward Phoebe was understandable, but what was not acceptable was Phoebe spitting on her classmates. When Phoebe blurted out that Tommy spat at her first, the principal decided that Phoebe was no longer going to be part of the conversation (because he didn’t like dealing with children even though he was a school principal) and told her to go wait outside so he could speak to Hillary and Peter alone and offered her candy from his desk, but she didn’t take it and just left the room. Hillary spoke up and said her daughter was imaginative, sensitive, and passionate in character and her excitement was a result of being provoked about the dead gerbil. The principal agreed that the other student spat at Phoebe first, but whether she was imaginative was not the issue. Hillary chimed in that it was and that her drama teacher would testify Phoebe did not act that way during play practice. Hillary answered Principal Davis’s question that Phoebe didn’t act like that at home either.As they spoke, Phoebe was outside the office doing her square-stepping and clapping her hands. Hillary and Peter then walked out of the glass-doored office and told Phoebe that the consequence of her spitting in the classroom was she could no longer be in the Wonderland play. Phoebe’s reaction was that she hated everyone for it and took it out on her parents. She went up onto the school rooftop again, where in her imagination she saw Humpty Dumpty sitting on the wall, who told her to go talk to the king and he would help her. She asked if the king could help, and Humpty Dumpty told her that was a very provoking thing to say because of course the king could help. Sally interrupted Phoebe and wanted to know where the person was she was talking to because she couldn’t see anybody since the fairytale character was only in Phoebe’s imagination. Sally and Jenny stood on the other side of the wall, and Phoebe told them to go away but Humpty Dumpty disappeared instead. Later that night after Phoebe found her way home, Hillary went in to say goodnight to Phoebe and checked her daughter’s knees to make sure she didn’t have any more wounds on her legs. When Hillary told Phoebe she loved her and gave her five more minutes to play with the bizarre Wonderland birthday gift from her parents, unstable Phoebe didn’t say anything back. She picked up the Red Queen out of her playset and asked her to come back and talk to her. The next day at school, as Principal Davis was on the phone giggling like a schoolboy, Miss Dodger the drama teacher barged in and told him they needed to talk about Phoebe. After he hung up the phone, Miss Dodger said Phoebe needed to be put back in the play and Principal Davis agreed. The principal said he would put Phoebe back, but because she spat that wasn’t an option and Miss Dodger was upset that he didn’t consult her. He tried to weasel out of the decision and told her to talk to the parents and teachers because he had little control over the situation, and when she questioned why that was since he was the principal, he decided to use a big boy voice and responded that when the child did wrong, the child needed to be punished. Miss Dodger used her drama to attempt to change the principal’s mind by making an outburst and then apologizing and using facial expressions as though she were deeply wounded by the outburst and left the room, leaving the principal thinking he made the wrong choice because the teacher knew he was probably going to remedy the situation because of her great, convincing screenplay act. Miss Dodger walked back to the auditorium and heard noises coming from the stage and couldn’t figure out who was there, so she went up the dangerous spiral staircase and climbed a ladder up to the catwalk above the stage, where she found Phoebe sitting there with her feet dangling over. Miss Dodger asked Phoebe why she was there, and Phoebe replied that she thought about Alice falling and got scared when she looked down from the height she was above the stage (don’t the other teachers care Phoebe’s missing from academic classes?).Phoebe confided in her drama teacher that she had no control over the things she did or said, except in drama class where she felt in control of her emotions and actions and everywhere else she felt ugly. Miss Dodger told Phoebe that years from now, she would look back on her life and realize that she was herself all along because everybody was different. At the family dinner table, Olivia said she didn’t want to give thanks for her meal and she was on a hunger strike anyway because the chicken meal was not cage-free. She launched into an explanation of how the chicken came from a factory where chickens were electrocuted just a little, where they feel their throats being slit and was still alive for the last part of their lives when they got dropped into boiling water. Olivia added that she learned it in social studies with a substitute teacher because Miss Linney was sick. Phoebe didn’t want to say anything she was thankful for, and then Hillary told Phoebe that she had something to be thankful for because she was being put back into the play on a trial basis. She explained that she and Phoebe’s drama teacher (she included Peter but he scoffed at that) fought very hard to get Phoebe back into the play and it worked, but if Phoebe acted up in the classroom again, she would not have that opportunity. Phoebe smiled because she got her way and said she was thankful for being Alice. Peter was thankful for the Vicodin that was dulling the searing pain in his hand that he cut open with a knife earlier. Hillary asked the girls who wanted to go shopping and blow next month’s mortgage money, and Olivia spoke up and said that she and Phoebe would rather have a brother as Phoebe was dancing around the table and not listening to her parents to sit down and eat. Olivia jumped up from the table and grabbed a book she and Phoebe found called Where Babies Come From. Hillary said not to talk about that at the moment, but Olivia went on and said that according to the book, her parents needed to go to bed and skoogy around. The kids asked their dad what “skoogy,” meant, and then they laughed and sneezed saying they made a baby, and then they sneezed twice and said they had twins as they acted out-of-control and inappropriate. The girls (at nine and seven years old) then pranced around the table clapping their hands and obnoxiously shouting that they wanted a baby. Peter didn’t think it was funny and ended their fun by asking Phoebe if she thought her mom could handle another child like her, and Phoebe ran out of the room telling everybody to stay away from her. Phoebe went into a room and stomped on the floor, angrily venting to the tile below her. Her Wonderland friends then appeared (with the Red Queen, who looked like Hillary, smoking from a device and Humpty Dumpty and the other male character looking like the psychiatrist and school principal) and talked in riddles after Phoebe asked if it was true that her mom didn’t want to have another child because of Phoebe’s mental challenges. Phoebe yelled at the Red Queen that she (Phoebe) needed help, but the characters then went away ignoring her pleas. Peter later went into Phoebe’s dark bedroom and told her he had never been so ashamed of himself and the words just came out. Phoebe spoke up and told her dad that was how she felt too when things just came out of her mouth uncontrollably. The next day, as Hillary raked the leaves in the backyard, Peter offered to finish the job if she wanted to go write her book. She said no, so he went on and said he was sorry for what he said at the dinner table the previous night. He said he talked to Phoebe and she said she was okay, but he didn’t believe her. Hillary then went on a bizarre rant about everything she was mad about, which included being mad that she thought mothers were just mothers, that she cared about being a good mother, and that only Phoebe’s drama teacher could get through to her. Hillary added that when her husband said that to Phoebe, she realized he was right and she could never take of another Phoebe. Hillary was mad that she wasn’t writing, and she was mad that when she was seventy years old she would be going on about her kids because she would have nothing else since she didn’t do anything important in her life. She was also mad that she wasn’t afraid of that at all because her children made her live. Phoebe then had an upset in drama class where she refused to listen to the teacher and repeated the total oppositeof what Miss Dodger asked when she was saying her lines. Jamie told Phoebe to stop it and Phoebe called him a fag, and then she went up the dangerous staircase alone to the catwalk, where she sat with her legs dangling. Phoebe had a strange interaction with a Wonderland character (who Phoebe later explained was the Red Queen even though nobody could be seen with her), who apparently told her to look down below her where she saw herself in her Alice dress floating on the royal flush of hearts cards. Phoebe looked back to the Red Queen and said she was ready, and then she jumped (for real) the far distance down to the stage with a thud as she landed. The next scene had Phoebe in the principal’s office, where he told her that he was extremely glad that she was not considerably hurt in her dangerous fall and assured her she was in no kind of trouble and they were just there to have a lovely, sweet, amiable chat. The principal offered her candy that she refused again and he then asked about Phoebe’s drama teacher. Phoebe told him she liked Miss Dodger a lot and considered her a good teacher because she let the kids do whatever things they wanted to do. Principal Davis asked the question again what were some of the things they were allowed to do in the class, but Phoebe’s imaginary characters from Wonderland distracted Phoebe. The school principal had a hard time keeping her attention focused on their real conversation because of the drama play inside the child’s head. Phoebe told the principal that her teacher didn’t let her to go on the catwalk even though she had been on the catwalk once before with Miss Dodger. Principal Davis added that the drama teacher was very friendly and he loved it when friendly people let you do what you want. As the characters in Phoebe’s mind were talking about verdicts and off with people’s heads, the principal was firmly asking Phoebe whether she jumped or fell from the catwalk in an attempt to keep her attention on reality versus fantasy. Phoebe saw her dad and another teacher with Good Job Jenny as some of the characters now in her head. Phoebe told Principal Davis that she didn’t fall but she jumped off the catwalk for no reason and repeated from the voices in her head “Consider your verdict. Jump.” Unanimously, the characters called for silence in the court as the principal removed his glasses and asked if Phoebe jumping had anything to do with those trust falls. Phoebe replied that the Red Queen in her imagination told her to jump and was just repeating what Miss Dodger always said, which was “jump.” The voices continued with “Guilty. Now let the jury proceed,” as they argued back and forth about considering the verdict and replying no guilty verdict. With tears in her eyes because of what was going on in her head messing with her everyday life, Principal Davis asked if the drama teacher told Phoebe to jump from the catwalk, but she didn’t reply and he all but dismissed Phoebe. However, after the voices in her head said “guilty, guilty, guilty,” because Phoebe knew her drama teacher would get in trouble if she didn’t say something, she spoke up that Miss Dodger never told her to jump from the catwalk. Principal Davis didn’t understand that Phoebe was confused by the words that the characters in her mind were telling her when she jumped because he had no idea about Phoebe’s “special” behavioral issues. Hillary and Peter picked Phoebe up from school after the principal finished, and in the car Phoebe told her parents she felt hope in Wonderland, which was why she jumped, but she didn’t have hope in the real world. She went on to say that she could see herself wrecking and ruining, but she couldn’t stop herself. Hillary then excused herself to run into the school, and Peter got out of the car and sat in the backseat beside his daughter and put his head on her shoulder, hugging her close. Hillary made it to Miss Dodger’s office and asked if the chain on the staircase that went up to the catwalk was always there, to which the teacher replied no because she always found children went where they wanted to and wouldn’t be stopped if they didn’t want to be stopped. Hillary said that children shouldn’t be in the theater alone, and Miss Dodger replied that would be a shame. Hillary said she was upset because her child had been hurt and because Miss Dodger had brought Phoebe up to the catwalk once before, and she wanted to know why the teacher didn’t think she was to blame for what happened. Hillary said that her daughter was nine years old and wondering if she should feel hope, and Miss Dodger replied that even though you don’t think you have hope, you keep on hoping and then know you have it. Hillary left in a huff. Later on, as the kids were onstage in costume rehearsal, Principal Davis whispered something to Miss Dodger. When she stood up, the kids asked what was going on because they noticed she was leaving, and she told them to keep going and not to stop with their act that she taught them. Principal Davis left the children unattended, but not before he told them to please sit onstage quietly without supervision (the same area where Phoebe jumped) and then the adults left the room. One of the boys started screaming and destroying the props on stage because he was angry that their teacher just left them alone for several minutes, if not hours. The other kids joined in with their juvenile, terroristic destruction of property behavior from lack of proper supervision. Phoebe was the only one not participating and was staring at them in horrified shock that their madness was destroying her Wonderland and yelled at everybody to stop. The boy who started it told Phoebe that was what they did in Wonderland, break rules and break stuff, but Phoebe said no they didn’t and it was different because they didn’t hurt things or break things that were good. Phoebe corrected the boy who said the teacher got up and left without saying anything because Miss Dodger told them not to stop and to continue on acting as they were under her instruction. Phoebe told her classmates that they would tell themselves what they needed to do like their teacher had them do from their first rehearsal, and young Phoebe had Queen of Hearts (boy Jamie) lead the way. After he said some lines, Phoebe called places from the top of act two, Looking Glass Land. Everybody did so and they practiced accordingly. Hillary and Peter later took the girls to see another ballet, and Phoebe wanted to know when the female was going to wake up on stage. Olivia replied maybe she wouldn’t because she was medicated, and Hillary corrected her that someone put a spell on the ballerina. Phoebe started shouting “wake up,” from the audience and Hillary tried to quiet her down so as not to ruin the show for everybody else, and youngest Olivia tried to tell the other viewers that her sister couldn’t help her outbursts and be silent when they shushed her. Even after the female woke up, Phoebe was still repeating those words, so Hillary had to remove her daughter from the room. Phoebe stopped and then at her wits end, Hillary, broke down in tears apologizing to Phoebe. Later on, without the girls around, Hillary came home and gave a book to Peter, who was sitting at the table reading, and told him that was the one he was looking for. Hillary explained that the book was about children who suddenly got rude at Phoebe’s age and obsessed over ritual, and how it was sometimes hard to identify because it wasn’t always consistent, especially not when the challenged kids were participating in a play as a different character, such as people who cursed. Hillary told Peter that Wonderland wasn’t part of Phoebe’s behavioral issues, it was just Phoebe wanting to be someplace else in her life. Peter asked if the book was the reason why Hillary fired Dr. Miles, and she replied yes because she thought she could help her daughter and she believed it was her parenting fault since she got bored with the children and so angry she wanted to shake them. Peter told Hillary she wasn’t the only mother who felt that way and that none of it was her fault, especially not the jumping, and he couldn’t understand why Hillary never told him before her feelings about the children and parenting. Phoebe replied it was because she didn’t want Phoebe to be less. The next day, Phoebe, standing in front of the children, told Miss Reiter’s class about “Gilles de la Tourette syndrome,” and told her audience that it was a beautiful name and she was born with it. She said it started recently and the symptoms were going to get worse before they got better, with her shoulders, fingers, imitating, and spitting. She went on to explain that it was a voice in your head that made you do the opposite of what you were supposed to do, which made you break rules and the condition would last her entire lifetime. The students asked if it was contagious or AIDS or if it would ever go away, and she replied no to all of those questions. Later on, drama students were all dressed up and rehearsing alone onstage without their drama teacher because they no longer had one. Principal Davis interrupted the young children and asked what they were doing, and when he asked who was leading the rehearsal, Phoebe spoke up and said she was because no adult teacher was present. The other students all joined in and said “I am,” as well. Phoebe cleverly told the principal that if he wanted, he could call all their parents (and there were a lot of parents involved) and they could all work things out together, or he could take a seat and watch their rehearsal. The principal watched and was blown away by their stage performance and odd song lyrics. Obviously the students were allowed to continue their drama class unsupervised because their drama play was eventually held for the parents. On performance night, Phoebe stood near the chained-off staircase nervous around all the people, and Queen Jamie tried to call her to the stage to get ready. She ducked under the chain and climbed the stairs to the catwalk where she jumped before, and now found her old drama teacher Miss Dodger standing there. Miss Dodger gave Phoebe a kiss after she asked if the teacher let the principal take her away so the kids could continue their performance on their own. Miss Dodger, without saying a word, stepped back and Phoebe saw another girl (possibly the teacher’s niece from abroad Stonehenge) at the other end of the catwalk dressed like Alice who waved at Phoebe. Miss Dodger and the other girl ran in place (like the Red Queen) hand in hand to give Phoebe encouragement to go perform her own drama act, and then a bright light appeared and they were gone. Phoebe made it down to the stage (using the stairs this time) and successfully performed her part in front of the audience without a hitch. The movie ended with Phoebe saying her lines that turning into a butterfly from a chrysalis would make a person feel very different. This movie had the following listed on the cover art: USA Today “Thought-provoking.” New York Post “Poignant, magical.” Leonard Maltin “Fanning is absolutely extraordinary.” People Magazine “Huffman gives a marvelous, complex performance.” Rolling Stone “Clarkson is at her brilliant best.” The film also received the Heartland Truly Moving Picture Award. 


  

DATE REVIEWED: 5/1/23

TITLE: G-Force

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009 Walt Disney Pictures/Jerry Bruckheimer Films 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1 

REASON: The movie began with Ben Kendall from Homeland Security meeting with Darwin, the guinea pig leader of G-Force (a group of specially bred, genetically altered special agent guinea pigs named Darwin, Blaster, and Juarez, as well as a fly named Mooch and a tech expert mole named Speckles). Ben told him that the FBI was shutting down G-Force the following day after all the training they did and before they had even been on a single mission. The only way for them to save G-Force was to solve a case the FBI had been trying to crack for two years so they wouldn’t be shut down and would instead be made special agents. Ben informed Darwin that their target was Leonard Saber, a former arms dealer and current CEO of Saberling Industries, an appliance company. The FBI’s Intel showed that Saber developed a new microchip with possible military applications, and they suspected that Saber sold the technology to the Far East under the code name Clusterstorm. G-Force’s mission was to find out what Saber was up to by downloading the Clusterstorm files from his personal computer in his library estate mansion. Later that night, G-Force broke into Saber’s mansion, where a high-security business party took place. Darwin and his team had worked together (with the help of Speckles the mole and even a fly named Mooch that used spy cameras to see what was going on at the party) to get inside the estate. Australian accented Saber told his guests that in 48 hours, he would press a button on a device in the room that would activate a wireless system called Sabersense. That would awaken the chips already in the logic boards of all Saberling appliances, and Saber explained that would enable a coffeemaker to detect how many coffee beans in the machine had been used, communicate with the user’s home computer, and add coffee beans to their shopping list. Sabersense would also link every old and new Saberling appliance in existence to create one big family. Saber ended his speech and headed upstairs to his study just as Darwin hacked into Saber’s Clusterstorm file, where he discovered that Clusterstorm was about global extermination and not selling weapons. Darwin downloaded the file onto his PDA, after G-Force saved Speckles from being eaten by a Doberman dog outside. A man then, in an exterminator, suit got out of a truck and sprayed what looked like gas at the rodents. However, it turned out to be smoke, and it was Ben (homeland security) in the bug suit that used his disguise as a means to pick up G-Force and drive to safety at their warehouse headquarters. The next day, Speckles used Darwin’s PDA to decode Saber’s crypto-system. Ben brought three FBI agents (Trigstad, Carter, and Kip Killian, the new task force director) to the warehouse and explained to them that since the Civil War, animals were used to gather strategic intelligence. Homeland Security (Ben) was working on developing communication between humans and animals, which included training cockroaches to carry microcameras into surveillance zones. Ben showed the agents the human-like intelligence skills of the guinea pigs, and they were really shocked when they witnessed first-hand the technology that allowed the animals to speak to the humans. FBI Killian wanted to see the Clusterstorm file that G-Force illegally retrieved without a warrant, but the file turned out to contain a Saberling coffeemaker instead of Clusterstorm. FBI Killian took Homeland Security Ben outside and told him he was shutting him down, and Ben was escorted away from the building in the back of FBI Killian’s government vehicle. The FBI shut down the facility and evacuated the animals, except for G-Force, who stowed away in the back of a delivery truck. Darwin told female Marcie, the Homeland Security agent on their side, that he knew he downloaded the right file. FBI Killian was told that the animals fled the warehouse, and he replied that he wanted them all back, dead or alive, with zero exposure. The delivery truck arrived at the pet store, where G-Force was put in a cage with a bad-tempered hamster named Bucky (who told them not to cross the line he drew in the cage, otherwise they would be dead) and another guinea pig named Hurley. Darwin told Mooch to find Ben and tell him where they were. HS Marcie told HS Ben what FBI Darwin told her about the file, and they headed back to the warehouse to get the PDA. Hurley told the guinea pigs how to get adopted, which they planned to use as an escape route. Grandpa Goodman and his two grandchildren, Penny and Connor, then arrived. Penny picked out Juarez and Connor picked out Blaster, and the kids took them to their house. Meanwhile, FBI agent Killian informed the FBI director that using their FISA tap, they discovered that Saber’s last call to Mr. Yanshu in Beijing was a message Saber left him concerning Clusterstorm’s launch. FBI Killian tried to get a search warrant for millionaire, possibly billionaire, Saber’s house, but the FBI director replied that he couldn’t authorize the warrant without probable cause, and Saber knew that because he came from the defense supply industry and knew how to cover his tracks. Speckles came up with the plan that he could play dead so he would be buried in the backyard and could tunnel his way through the ground and find a way to rescue G-Force, but the plan went awry when the trash truck pulled up outside. The store employee tossed Speckles into the back of the garbage truck. Ben and Marcie sent cockroaches into the warehouse, where two FBI agents were eating. The FBI agents jumped up from the table after one agent almost ate a cockroach that got into his food, and another roach grabbed the PDA and made a run for it. Ben and Marcie checked out the PDA and discovered that Darwin was right about the file being named Clusterstorm, but then the computer malfunctioned and they unplugged the PDA. Ben announced that the PDA had been infected with an extermination virus. Back at the pet store, Darwin and Hurley discovered that Bucky knew all along about a trap door that opened beneath the cage. Darwin made his escape, and evil Bucky pushed Hurley out the trap door. Darwin agreed to let Hurley tag along until they found him another pet store, and Juarez and Blaster escaped from their new owners and made it to Ben’s house. Darwin and Hurley stopped at a store to investigate a model of the Saberling coffeemaker that was on the Clusterstorm file. Inside the machine, Darwin discovered a transceiver chip developed for the military’s Unmanned Weapons Program that he wanted to give to Ben. However, the machine then sprouted robot legs and started using deadly weapons to attack Darin and Hurley. Darwin led the machine out into the street in front of a car, and the coffeemaker was crushed under the tires. The two guinea pigs put the machine on a skateboard and got it to Ben’s house. When HS Ben learned that Speckles wasn’t with them because he was crushed in a garbage truck, he decided to tell them the truth that he misled them into thinking they were genetically engineered or enhanced because he didn’t want them to feel like ordinary rodents. Ben explained their true identities: Juarez was rescued from a roadside tapas stand in the Pyrenees, where guinea pigs were a delicacy. Blaster was rescued from a cosmetics company where he was used for animal testing, and Speckles was rescued before his home was dug out to build a golf course. Darwin’s parents abandoned him because he was the runt of the litter, and Ben purchased him from a pet store. G-Force explained the situation to Ben that the coffeemaker was Clusterstorm (the reason why it was on the Clusterstorm file) and that if every Saber product in the world had the microchip that was in the coffeemaker, then every appliance would be turned into a killing machine. Hurley then outsmarted the humans and suggested that they use the virus-ridden PDA to destroy Saber’s mainframe. Ben gave G-Force his new prototype, the Rapid Deployment Vehicle, which was a small vehicle with sidecars that the guineas could drives. Agents Trigstad and Carter then banged on the door, and G-Force drove the RDV out through the glass window and into the street. The three hamster ball spheres separated as more backup FBI agents arrived in their black SUVS and wanted to know why they were chasing rodents. G-Force escaped and infiltrated Saber’s mansion, where he was having another videoconference with Mr. Yanshu, Ms. Wong, Mr. Nabokov, Mr. Phillips, and others (only Mr. Yanshu’s voice could be heard because he insisted upon not showing his face for secrecy purposes). G-Force told Hurley to guard the exfil, but he decided to go to the kitchen and get a snack. Saber pressed the Sabersense button telling his co-conspirators that they were moving forward to a brave new world order owned and operated by Saberling. As Hurley was gorging on cherries, Sabersense was activated and a microwave door opened, revealing a slice of cake. Hurley went to get the cake and the door shut behind him. In stores and homes all over, Saber appliances came to life and went haywire, chasing and attacking people. G-Force managed to get Hurley out of the killer microwave before it started cooking him. FBI agents stormed the mansion and quickly escorted Saber from the building, and Homeland Security Ben and Homeland Security Marcie arrived and joined them in the FBI van. They witnessed on the video feed Darwin discovering that the mole was literally Speckles the mole. Speckles explained that he wasn’t killed in the garbage truck because he stowed away in a soup can, and he was actually Mr. Yanshu, Saber’s business associate, and he tricked Saber into helping him build Clusterstorm. Saber was shocked to learn that the mysterious Yanshu was hiding out in his basement all along. Speckles went on to say that Yanshu was Chinese for “mole,” and that he created an army of robotic appliances, which created giant nodes capable of pulling down all the space junk orbiting Earth and driving every human underground. He admitted that he sabotaged the presentation, and it turned out that, before Speckles’ family was killed by human exterminators, his father told him to bring mankind to its knees if he ever got the chance, so that was exactly what Speckles was doing now. Speckles broke out of the house riding a giant electronic monster that he used to bring space junk crashing down on top of the FBI outside. Darwin talked Speckles out of his revenge plan by telling him that Ben adopted the animals in when nobody wanted them or believed in them and made them all a family, and Speckles realized his wrong and shut down the Global Extermination system. Darwin put the PDA into the machine and completed the virus transfer, and then he and Speckles made it safely to the ground thanks to Juarez’s parachuteas the electronic monster fell to the ground in pieces. G-Force found Hurley in the debris. They thought he was dead, and it was only after Darwin said Hurley was a hero and Darwin would be proud for him and Hurley and him would be brothers at heart that he woke up. G-Force welcomed Hurley to their team with the new name Rookie, and back at the warehouse Marcie welcomed Bucky and the mice from the pet shop to their team as well. The FBI director then appeared before them in a video conference and told them that Saber was forced to undertake the largest recall of consumer products in history and he was getting help from Speckles, who said he would like to rejoin G-Force when he was done. FBI agent Killian was reassigned to the South Pole, and the FBI director told G-Force that it was an honor and a privilege to say “thank you,” to them on behalf of the entire country. The FBI Director ended by saying that the little guinea pigs packed more courage and heart into their tiny bodies than any human agent he had ever seen, and he added that G-Force’s funding had been restored. Ben then handed the guinea pigs their FBI badges, which made them official special agents. The movie had the following listed on the cover art: Pete Hammond, Boxoffice Magazine “Pure family fun: action, laughs and heart.” The movie had a budget of $150 million and it grossed over $292 million at the box office. 


  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/30/23

TITLE: Ava & Lala (Chinese version titled Yugo & Lala)

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014 Arc Entertainment/Jiangsu Broadcasting Corporation/Youman Animation Satellite Channel/JBSC/Cheerland Entertainment Co. LTD/It’s Cartoon Animation Studio/Jiangyin Go & Do Media Co. LTD/Eagle Entertainment/Golden Network Asia Limited

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with the narrator, Cloud, “What do they know?” Cloud went on to say that even though adults and parents didn’t believe in a magical land where you could fly on clouds didn’t mean it wasn’t real. On Earth, a martial arts teacher named Master Shan was angry to discover that his young daughter (one of his students), Ava, rode a pig through his yard and wrecked. Mr. Shan threw Ava onto her bed and told her to stay there and think about what she did because by tomorrow he wanted a daughter who understood discipline and sacrifice. However, Ava snuck out of the house and into the woods, where she searched for the pig but instead came across a tiger-like cub. She followed after the tiger into the mouth of a giant whale called the Cloud Whale. Shan and the other villagers went looking for Ava, but they were too late and the whale floated away. In the stomach of the Cloud Whale were 99 animals from earth that were selected from the nine herds to be brought to Cloud Land to live, where no harm would come to them. Cloud Land was a sanctuary founded generations ago by the ancestors of the animals because animal and man could not live peacefully on Earth. Every year, 99 new recruits were chosen. Ava exited the whale and demanded to know what kind of animal the cub was, and he (voiced by a female)) explained that his name was Lala and he was a liger (should be a tigon in this case because it was stated that Lala’s dad was a tiger and his mom was a lion, and a liger is the opposite), but his parents weren’t with him. A bear named Mr. Bear then appeared and was shocked to see Ava there, Mr. Bear scolded Lala thinking he led the human to their secret world where humans weren’t allowed. Mr. Bear tried to warn Ava (referring to her as “it” and “that”) that if she didn’t go home, she would turn into an animal in three days and never be able to leave Cloud Land. Ava refused to listen and said it would be fun to be an animal because she would have no homework, no school, and no dad to tell her what to do. Mr. Bear warned Lala to stay away from Ava, but Lala was able to convince the Bear to bring Ava to his house because they couldn’t leave her behind.Meanwhile, the General was told by a female foxlike creature that the prophecy stated the anointed one would combine the powers of the nine herds, and she assured the Tiger General that the chosen one was in Cloud Land and they would find him. That night, Mr. Bear informed Lala that in order to get Ava home, they needed to get the crystal flute to call the Cloud Whale. The next day, Ava was already starting to transform into an animal with whiskers and a tail. The trio went to the temple, where the initiation ceremony took place for the new recruits. It was then discovered that Lala was the anointed one, and Mr. Bear grabbed the crystal flute and they made a run for it. They were chased out of the temple, and Ava was separated from Mr. Bear and Lala. She was chased after by a group of animals led by Dog (who were really searching for Lala to bring him to the General) but she managed to escape. Ava had a strange dream where a wise creature appeared to her and explained that Lala was different from the other animals because Lala was the child of the universe and his parents were no one and everyone, and he was in danger of having his powers stolen by the evil Tiger General. Ava was told that the choice was hers if she wanted to help Lala and possibly never be able to leave Cloud Land, or go home and lose Lala as a friend. Ava woke up from her dream and was instructed to follow Cloud, an actual floating cloud with a female voice. Mr. Bear and Lala were found and chased by Dog and the other animals, and Ava appeared on Cloud to help attack them.However, the General appeared and Mr. Bear and Lala were unable to fight him off, so the General captured Lala.In the next scene, the General and his female companion watched as the power of the nine herds were sucked out of Lala. They waited for the moment when he would turn to stone and be sacrificed to the spirits of the nine herds. All the power would then belong to the Tiger General, and he would use it to destroy the humans and make them serve the animals until the end of time because humans had been destroying nature for too long. The creature from Lala’s dream appeared and used his powers to hold off the fox (who had powers of her own). Mr. Bear fought the Tiger General, and the Tiger General was defeated. Ava and Lala hugged each other. Ava was turned back to her human self and the stone disappeared and Lala was himself again. Cloud explained that the power of the nine herds was strong, but it was no match for the power of sacrifice because Ava chose to save Lala and ultimately saved herself. Ava and Lala said goodbye and Ava was sent home to Earth. This movie is Dove Family Approved.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/28/23

TITLE: Just Where I Belong or The Christmas Bunny

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2010 Screen Media Films / Honey Creek Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Michigan at Christmastime and began with the Helping Hands Foster Placement Services van driving down the road. The two social workers, Tamara Williams and Hank Vanee, discussed a potential home for nine-year-old Julia Haggen, who was in the backseat holding onto her VHS copy of the Velveteen Rabbit with her clothes in plastic bags next to her. The Coopers, Scott (who was an interior automotive systems engineer and skied cross-country) and Patti (who painted furniture), had been married for thirteen years and had one child, Billy. Scott hadn’t been working for over a year, and Tamara told Hank that people thought $15 a day on state payments by taking in a child was going to make a difference in their income when they were unemployed. Hank tried to get Julia to talk, but she still didn’t want to because she was very traumatized by the whole situation. Scott had been skiing through the woods during this, and he gasped for breath and fell to the ground in the snow. He made it back home, where Patti asked him where he was because the foster people were going to arrive soon. Scott replied that he had an accident, and Patti assured Scott that he would find work and the Lord always provided, and his response was Jesus didn’t save the people at the Grand Rapids bank because most of the employees were out of work there. Scott told Patti not to worry about what the state workers would think about the house because she took good care of it. Apparently, there was some miscommunication within the marriage because Patti wanted a permanent child in her home, whereas Scott only wanted it to be temporary and the child to be there for a maximum of six months. Julia (dressed in pink, purple and blue with a red hat and heart-patterned clothing) was told by Tamara to get out of the car when they pulled up outside the house. Patti tried to interfere, and Tamara turned around and told her not to coddle the young child. Julia decided to get out of the van and walk quickly into the house without waiting for anybody. Scott told Patti to go inside to assist Julia while he grabbed the bags of clothes. Inside, Julia sat in a chair watching the Velveteen Rabbit on the TV. It was discussed inside with the workers that Billy would be getting off early from school for Christmas and home soon. Patti tried to explain that she had wanted more children, but she had some internal woman’s problems and couldn’t, and Scott told her to spare the workers the details. Patti said they were interested in fostering and adopting, and Scott said possibly adopting. Tamara confirmed that it was a trial run and they would have their hands full with Julia. She said it was a typical situation; meaning Julia came from a background that involved drug possession, solicitation, and negligence of course. Every time Julia was given back, her mother, Pamela (Pam), would move (seedy motels) and would then repeat her habitual addiction process and lose custody of Julia again, and on and on for years. Hank chimed in that this was Julia’s third foster home in the past six months (how many homes had she been in during the last nine years of her life? Why in GOD’s name are children subject to such horrific conditions in a broken system that leaves HIS children unable to cope with real life issues as grow into adulthood?). Billy came home at that moment and yelled from the other room that Fred threw his math book in the slush, so Billy hit him. He came into the room sliding across the rug and was introduced to the workers. Patti had to remind Billy to use his manners and dismissed him because he was being sarcastic in front of the company, and so Patti told him to go see if Julia needed anything and to introduce himself to her. However, Julia sat in her chair wanted nothing to do with Billy and completely ignored him. He told her that he would get the TV when her movie was over, and that since she already had hot chocolate he was going to get some for himself. As the workers were leaving, Tamara told Patti that they liked to leave the kids with some spending money, so Julia had three dollars and change in her pocket. Tamara told Patti that Julia would watch The Velveteen Rabbit video over and over all day, and to have Julia call the Coopers whatever they felt comfortable with as far as names went since Julia would only be there a few months. Billy came to get his mom because Julia wouldn’t move and was staring at the static on the TV even though her movie was over, and he wanted to play video games. Later on, Patti told Julia where she put her clothes in the dresser but Julia still wasn’t talkingand Patti couldn’t even get a response out of her after telling the young child that she was part of the family as long as she was with them. As Patti tucked Julia into bed, she said that it was one more day until Christmas and the following day they would go to Uncle Chip’s new house, where Julia would meet Johnny and Rebecca, who was about her age. Patti kissed Julia good night on the forehead and asked her to give them a chance. On Scott’s Apple laptop in bed, Patti asked him what he thought about Julia and he informed her that he was considering applying for a job rather than answering what he thought about their new foster child, which was what their whole day was about. As Scott was applying, he just told Patti that they were there to give Julia some time and hoped she would start talking soon. In the middle of the night, Julia sat in another chair and held onto her VHS Velveteen Rabbit as she had a flashback to another time. She was in a motel room alone by herself with the movie as her only company as she waited on her mom (Pam), who appeared in her micro miniskirt and high heels. Pam told the (john) man who was trying to force his way into the motel room that he couldn’t come in because the brat was still up, and to come back in fifteen minutes. Pam closed the door and went over to Julia and slapped her hard across the face telling her that she was supposed to sleep in the tub that night (because Pam was protstituting herself out while Julia was in the small shared room). Julia told Pam she couldn’t eat cereal for dinner because there was no milk and that the motel lady gave her the Velveteen Rabbit to watch while Pam was gone. Pam laid down on the bed next to Julia and passed out (illegal drugs in her system), and then the man outside started banging on the door calling Pam’s name while Julia was inside trying to wake up her mom because she was afraid the man outside was going to break down the door and hurt her. The next day, the Cooper family drove with Julia to the relatives’ house, and on the way the parents discussed that people were still building in that part of the country and how expensive the houses were at $900,000, which the relatives said was a great deal, but not to normal people. When they pulled up to the house, they couldn’t believe it was so big for four people and Scott asked his wife who they were planning on entertaining, Donald Trump? No sooner than Billy got out the car door then his cousin Johnny threw a snowball at him and then they both ran off to play the new Mario Kart video game. The inside of the house looked more like a shopping mall even though the relatives welcomed the Coopers into their “cabin.” Julia was standoffish when everybody tried to say hi to her and hid behind Patti. At the family dinner, Julia wouldn’t hold hands with the others to say grace, so Patti and Billy reached across her and held each other’s hands. They celebrated Christmas that day because Chip’s family was flying to Mexico on Christmas Day. The boys got BB guns as presents and Patti wasn’t happy about it, and Scott knew about it because he talked to his wife’s brother Chip about it and they decided the boys were old enough. Julia didn’t want to open her own present, so Patti helped her and it turned out be a Victorian doll. Scott took Chip aside and wanted to know why he bought the doll because it cost well over $200 and $300 and Scott didn’t have the money to compete with that because he was currently out of work. Chip argued that it wasn’t a competition, it was Christmas, and he just wanted the little girl to be happy and to welcome her into the family. Patti called Julia over, and in front of the whole family Julia smacked the doll across the face, and with everybody gasping at why she would do such a thing, ran outside into the snow without her coat. Patti ran after Julia, who threw herself into a snowbank sobbing and Patti comforted her. Julia then put her winter clothes back on in the house because she felt more comfortable wearing them, and Patti sat with her on the couch so she wouldn’t be alone even though she still wasn’t talking. Chip was on the back porch smoking a cigar and offered Scott one when he came outside, but he didn’t want it. Scott apologized to Chip for what he said inside and understood that he was just being nice at Christmas, and they discussed how another company was having a second round of layoffs. Chip told Scott that his offer still stood, and Scott said he was an engineer and he knew nothing about mortgages, which was what Chip was into. Chip said Scott didn’t need to know because he would give Scott a list of people in debt. He explained that when people were behind on their payments, you asked them three questions and when they found out they could refinance for about 40% less than what they were currently paying, they fell over themselves just to sign up. Scott argued he could take care of his own family, and Chip asked him how, by taking other people’s mixed-up kids into his home? Scott told Chip to stay out of his personal affairs, and then little Rebecca below came running and told them that her brother and Billy shot the Easter bunny with their BB guns. Everybody, except Julia, was called out into the woods. Scott said it looked like the rabbit was just in shock and it wasn’t going to die since it was only bleeding a little, and Rebecca started crying hysterically because she didn’t want the Easter bunny to die. Rebecca’s mom, Diana, said the Easter bunny wasn’t going to die and that her daddy Chip and Uncle Scott were going to take care of it. Chip went back to the house to get a box and some old towels so Scott could help the bunny. Scott told the boys to go back to the house, put their guns in the boxes, and put the boxes in Uncle Chip’s office and to wait for Scott. Scott told Patti to possibly try to call a vet on Christmas Eve and that the bunny was probably somebody’s pet because nobody had wild, lop-eared rabbits like that in Michigan. Julia heard what was going on, so she made her way outside to see the bunny as Patti went back to the house. Patti yelled that she called the vet, Candy Ryan, and she wanted to know if they could make it all the way to Lansing. Scott said he would be right there to take the call and told Julia to stay with the hurt bunny (who she later named Rumple) but not to touch it, and she nodded okay. Right after Scott left, Julia spoke to Rumple and said, “You came back.” As they were loading up the car to leave, Chip and Diana said they would put up posters and thought somebody would claim the bunny, and they thanked Coopers for taking care of the bunny. Scott tried to load the box with Rumple in the back of the SUV, but someone did already claim it because Julia took the box into the backseat and put it on her lap. Julia was petting Rumple when Billy asked Scott when he could have his BB gun back. Scott turned it around and asked Billy when he thought he should get it back, and replied when he was about age twenty and Scott agreed. They got back home really late and Billy wanted to watch The Nightmare Before Christmas before bed, but Patti said no and that they were going to read Christmas stories by the fireplace. Julia ignored Patti more than one time when she was told to go put her pajamas on and instead sat on the floor petting the bunny. Scott told Julia that if she didn’t put her PJs on, the bunny would go in the parents’ room, so Julia went to do as she was told after being told several times. After Tiny Tim story time, Billy went to bed and Patti answered her phone and the vet doc said they had a 10:00 a.m. appointment the following day. Scott carried Julia to bed because she was asleep on the floor next to the bunny in the box. Billy griped in the car because he didn’t get to open even one present from Santa because they had to go to the vet on Christmas morning, to which Patti replied the presents would still be there when they got back home. Billy told everyone that Julia didn’t share well because she wouldn’t let him see the bunny in her lap. The doctor said the tibia was fractured on the rabbit’s foot, but the good news was the BB fell out on its own. The bunny wasn’t eating, urinating, or defecating so the vet said they had a few options and he wanted to discuss them alone with the adults. Billy and Julia left to go into the waiting room, but not before Patti had to do an ultimatum about Julia not being able to ride with the bunny on the way home, which worked because she left with Billy. The vet told Scott and Patti they had three options: one, they could put a splint on the leg, two they could go in and operate, and three was to put the bunny to sleep. Of course, the vet said the best solution of surgery to go in and operate and it was the most expensive. Scott was considering euthanasia, but Patti corrected him that would break Julia’s heart. The vet informed them that the surgery would cost $800 to $1,000, and a splint would be $500. The vet said they could wait and see if the bone mended without his care, but they still had the problem of why the bunny wasn’t eating. He added that they didn’t see a lot of rabbits in the vet office because they were considered an exotic pet, and then he told them about a woman named Betsy Ross who dealt with rabbits and then gave the Coopers her contact information. Scott knew about Betsy because of a past incident when he brought Billy to her house to sell things and the Bunny Lady ran them off her property with a pitchfork and Scott called her nuts. Dr. DeVos replied she was a bit eccentric, but she knew more about rabbits than anybody the vet knew. The vet didn’t charge them for the visit because he said his wife would kill him if he did and wished the two a Merry Christmas. As they were walking down the hall out of the building, Scott told everybody that it was time to go because Peter Cottontail was going home with them. Julia, now holding the box, actually spoke directly to them and said that the rabbit’s name was Rumple.Another day, the Coopers (without Billy) stopped at Betsy’s farm. Scott told Betsy through the door that they weren’t selling anything and Dr. Devass sent them to her with a sick rabbit. Betsy opened the door and wanted to know what they did to the rabbit and after they explained she asked Julia if she shot the rabbit, and she shook her head no. Betsy asked if they had any money, but she wanted to know if the little girl had any money and not the adults. Julia nodded and quickly gave the box to Patti and handed her three dollars and change to Betsy, who took it and said that would cover it before she put the money in her pocket and took Rumple inside and closed the door in their faces. She wouldn’t open the door back up and Scott called her a wacko. Betsy said through the door to come back next Tuesday (a week away). When they asked Julia what to do she walked back to the car and left Rumple at Betsy’s house, meaning she wanted to wait. Scott and Billy played in the snow outside while Patti crafted inside and Julia watched the Velveteen Rabbit again. Patti spoke to Julia and told her that school would start soon and it was only three more days before they would get Rumple, and then she took Julia upstairs and showed her out the window the direction where the Bunny Lady’s house in the woods was so whenever Julia felt lonely for Rumple, she could go to that spot and look out the window and imagine that Rumple was waiting for her too. Julia moved her chair in front of the window so she could sit there. Scott was in his suit and was excited that he had a job interview at the Foremost Center and was headed to drop the kids off at school. Patti reminded him to make sure the kids were coming home on the bus. At recess, Julia sat alone on the bench while the other children played. After school, the teacher told Julia that her school bus was 305 and to remember that number and her “mom” would be waiting for her at the bus stop. However, on the way home the bus drove past Betsy’s house and stopped to drop off some kids, so Julia got off the bus and went to the house to check on Rumple. When nobody answered the door, she walked around back to the barn, where she saw a bunch of goats and lambs in pens. She found a huge playground for the many dozens of bunnies that ran around while others sat on haybales. Betsy came around the corner and pointed at Julia and told her she knew she was the little girl that shot the rabbit. Betsy took Julia who wasn’t talking to her at all into another room where there were several dozens more rabbits, most of those in cages. Betsy showed Julia Rumple and told her that he was all plugged up because somebody fed him junk food like candy and bread. Betsy told Julia she had to feed the rabbit hay every day and that if she learned how to take care of a rabbit, then Betsy might let Julia have Rumple back. Betsy asked where her parents were and asked if they knew she was there and Julia shook her head no and wasn’t happy she had to drive Julia home. Julia pulled out a tag attached to the inside of her parka coat to show Betsy where she lived. Meanwhile, Patti was on the phone with Ms. McPherson and explained that Julia didn’t get off the bus at the stop even though the teacher put her on the bus. Betsy pulled up outside in her truck, so Patti told the teacher she would call her back and ran outside to see Julia get out of the truck. Patti scolded Julia to get inside the house, and Betsy explained that she told Julia never to get off the bus again at her house unless she had permission from her parents. Betsy also told Patti that Julia needed to learn how to take care of the rabbit and that the school bus went by the house twice so it could drop her off the first time and she would spend two hours every day after school learning and then the school bus would come by the second time and take Julia home. Betsy added she wouldn’t have the rabbit until she learned how to take care of it and then Betsy drove off. Scott got home and said it was crazy how Betsy was holding the bunny hostage until Julia graduated from “bunny school.” Patti told Scott that Julia actually said she wanted to do it and verbally communicated that to Patti. Scott said that Johnson & Bauer wanted him to come back the following week for a second interview. Patti decided that she would go to Betsy’s house the next time with Julia to make sure everything was okay there and the rest of the time Julia would go by herself. When Patti and Julia went to see Betsy, Patti asked where all the rabbits came from and Betsy replied kids because they got bored with them for presents at Easter and birthdays and didn’t want them anymore and neither did the parents want to be bothered with the rabbits anymore and so Betsy took them in. She said she used to have a helper but not anymore and that person never helped that much anyway, and she said there were enough rabbits there to keep her quite busy. Betsy mentioned that the rabbits couldn’t digest their food the first time, so they ate their “poopsicles,” which made Julia burst out laughing for the first time. Julia had a blast working with Betsy and the animals on the farm after school, with barn chores from feeding the chickens and other animals to gathering wood. She was taught how to handle the rabbits and groom them. In the middle of the night, Julia would get up, but this time to stare out the window over at Betsy’s farm and say goodnight to Rumple versus sitting in the chair holding onto her VHS Velveteen Rabbit video. Another day, Betsy introduced Betsy to the special rabbits, Old Fred, who was eighteen years old (another birthday coming up) and the oldest rabbit in Michigan. She taught Julia that the rabbits’ teeth never stopped growing and that they had to always chew on things to wear them down. Julia met Gabby, whose back legs were paralyzed and she couldn’t move and somebody dropped her off at Betsy’s thinking she would put the rabbit out of her misery, but she didn’t and three years later Gabby was still going strong. Betsy gave Julia a hug and told her that everybody and everything had a purpose, even though they were broken down in some way and kept Julia busy with work. As they were walking in the woods to find an idared tree for the rabbits because they liked it best, Julia swung a stick around and almost hit Betsy with it, so Betsy turned and asked Julia if she was paying attention because if Betsy dropped dead right there she would have no idea how to get back to the house and told her to watch her surroundings and focus. Besty told the story about how when she was about Julia’s age she and her dad were out in the woods picking blueberries, and Betsy wandered off and got lost so she climbed to the top of the tallest tree and saw the church steeple and walked toward it and found the road and a man from Bissell picked her up and brought her home, where she got a whooping from her dad. The lesson was that you never knew how much somebody meant to you until you were put into a situation where you didn’t know if you were ever going to see him or her again. That was when Betsy was happy to see her dad so she didn’t care about the whooping, and when she looked over she saw Julia crying and told her that girls were always crying about something and tried to help Julia with humor to get her through those bad experiences from her past. Patti stopped by the vet office to give Dr. Devass a gift and thank him for his kindness and recommendation of Betsy because Rumple was probably getting better. The gift was a bunny-shaped business card holder. Patti also wanted to know since Julia was staying with Betsy after school every day to confirm that Betsy was a stable-minded person. Dr. Devass explained the situation that Betsy lost her husband years ago and she had a daughter named Sarah, who she was close to and helped Betsy around the big farm until they got into an argument and Sarah left and never came back and now refused to have anything to do with her mom and that was almost twenty years ago. The vet added that didn’t make Betsy dangerous or anything (lonely yes), especially when the vet didn’t know Sarah or the kind of person Sarah is (word of mouth and rumors). At home, as Julia watched the Velveteen Rabbit yet again, Billy came over and said it was his turn for the TV and took the remote, but Julia jumped up out of her chair and stood in front of the TV with her arms crossed. Patti chimed in and told Billy to let Julia finish her video, so he left telling Julia he didn’t like her anymore. Scott came home excited and told Patti that his second interview went well and even discussed cross-country skiing (making a connection) between him and the interviewer at the company. The phone rang, and Patti answered it to Tamara (Julia’s assigned worker) where Patti told her that Julia was doing ok and spoke a few works. After Patti hung up, she told Scott that Julia’s mom (Pam) wanted to see Julia and so they had a five o’clock visit scheduled at the Cooper house. As Patti tidied up the house, Scott told her to relax because Pam was not the queen of England…far from it. Patti told Scott that she was concerned for the long-term welfare of Julia and that she became attached to Patti and didn’t want her to go back into an abusively neglectful situation that endangered her life more times than not, and Scott replied to leave it up to Patti’s friend (God), meaning he didn’t believe in God and Patti agreed but told Scott that God was also his friend. Patti knocked on Julia’s door to have her come out to the living room, and when she went into the room she saw Julia dressed on the bed in her outdoor winter clothes with some of her clothes in her plastic bags (she came with) and other clothes on the floor thinking she was going to have to leave again. Julia refused to take off her winter clothes but came into the living room only because she had so many times repeated this process in her young life it was mentally draining to her to say the least.It was almost six o’clock and Pam still hadn’t shown up, but Julia sat in the same chair with her warm outdoor clothes on inside the house. Patti made a call to to the assigned state child worker Tamara about a quarter after six and told her that Pam was a no-show and that Patti called Pam four times and she didn’t answer her phone. Tamara told Patti that this wasn’t the first time because Pam had done this to other foster people more than once too, and so that’s what Patti told Scott when she got off the phone. Patti lied and told Julia that Pam got caught up in some work thing per Tamara and couldn’t make it to see them that night. Julia got up in the midst of Patti talking and went to her room. On the school bus home, Julia blankly stared out the window with her own thoughts and acted deeply depressed again because of the upset and disruption with mentally unstable Pam the night before. She didn’t even get off the bus at Betsy’s house that day, which made Betsy disappointed because she had a happy birthday party for Old Fred planned with balloons and banners and Betsy even wore a dress for the occasion and had some of the bunnies inside the house and looked forward to Julia’s arrival all day. Elder Betsy took down the balloons and banners decorations and threw them on the floor after Julia didn’t get off at her house. In the next scene, someone insistently ringing the doorbell interrupted Patti from her painting, and she answered it with paint on her clothes. Betsy was there it drop Rumble off so Patti called Julia downstairs. Betsy reminded Julia how to take care of the bunny but Julia refused to talk. Betsy didn’t realize the reason because she was unaware of the Pam upset and thought Julia was just being mean to her out of the blue for no reason. Betsy left as quickly as she came. Julia stared out the window as she left with a sad heart.  Julia liked the older woman, Betsy, and felt happiest around the animals. Julia realized she no longer had a reason to keep going back to the farm and would miss her. Betsy hand wrote about thirty pages of notes about how to take care of the rabbit that she left with the Cooper family.  Julia seemed to love being around Rumple and they even watched Velveteen Rabbit together with Julia smiling while she held Rumple. The sister-in-law, Chip’s wife, and her children came over for a visit after they got back from their Mexico Christmas vacation. Patti took younger Rebecca over to see Rumple and told Julia that she was there to see the bunny, but Julia turned away with the bunny in her arms and wouldn’t let her. Julia then put the bunny in the pen and stood in front of it with her arms folded and wouldn’t listen to Patti who told Julia to move away so they could get closer to the rabbit. Julia was sent to her room for her bad behavior. However, Rumple went into his little house after Julia left, so they all left the room and retreated to the kitchen and decided they would come back later to see Rumple. Patti and Chip’s wife talked about Julia and how she hid her bunny in her backpack and tried to take him to school and the teacher called Patti to come get the rabbit. From Julia’s window, she spotted the two boys outside building a snow ramp that Billy and his dad made a few days ago. However, they found an old baby carriage with some logs and rocks underneath it that they planned to push down the ramp. Johnny (the questionable cousin) said they needed a passenger to do that. The boys snuck inside the house to get Rumple and a towel that they wrapped Rumple in and brought him back outside. Scott arrived back home and slammed the door and started angrily ripping up the Johnson & Bauer paperwork because he didn’t get the job. The position was awarded to a consultant from Chrysler in Detroit. Julia went back to the window and saw what the boys were doing and noticed the towel now in their hands. Scott and Patti argued about God again with Scott thinking that Patti’s friend (God) didn’t even know their family existed. Scott tripped over a chair that Patti painted as he walked away and saw that the rabbit had chewed the leg, so now he was mad at Julia and screamed at her to put the rabbit back in its cage. Julia watched the boys put the rabbit in the baby carriage on top of their ramp from her upstairs window. Julia screamed and ran outside after them and the boys actually pushed the carriage down the ramp with Rumple inside. The carriage was knocked over and Rumple in the towel fell out of it onto the hard, cold snow covered icy ground.  Julia started attacking Billy. Scott didn’t even know what was going on, so he yelled at Julia because she was hitting Billy for his and his cousin’s cruelty to animals. Julia then bit Billy and drew blood and the parents still cared not that Rumple was still in the towel and possibly hurt too. Later that night, Scott told Patti it wasn’t working with Julia because she could hurt them at any time and she was a disturbed little girl and said that Julia needed full-time professional help around the clock and wasn’t ready for a family. Patti said that Julia was ready for a family and she already made a connection with the rabbit. Julia overheard Patti and Scott’s loud voices from her bedroom where Scott believed the whole fiasco was caused by the rabbit (and of course Scott wasn’t disciplining Billy and his whacko cousin Johnny for their delinquent behavior). Julia got up from bed and heard Scott say that Julia was a wild animal and that she had caused nothing but problems ever since she came into their house and that since the rabbit ruined Patti’s new chair, the rabbit and Julia both had to go and that Julia had problems they couldn’t handle themselves. Julia went back to her room and got dressed into her winter clothes and decided she was going to walk in the dark through the freezing cold temperatures in snow with Rumple, apparently uninjured from the earlier incident. The next morning, Patti went to wake up the children and discovered that Julia was gone. Patti called the police and told them Julia was nine years old and she was gone. Patti told Scott that she believed the reason why Julia left was because she overheard Scott the previous night about how Julia and Rumple had to go. Scott then left to search for Julia on foot, and he found her footprint trail so he called Patti to tell her that Julia was headed into the woods. The police search and rescue team showed up with dogs and started looking in the woods for the missing girl and bunny (nobody seemed to follow the tracks). Scott told one of the officers that he really needed to go out and search for Julia too, and the officer replied to stay where he was at because they were following very specific procedures.However, once the officer went inside the command trailer Scott stole one of the police radios and a pair of police skis and ran for the woods. Julia lay down on the ground and made a partial snow angel because she was still holding onto Rumple and needed a rest. Hank, Julia’s worker in training, showed up then on scene and Patti was concerned that Pam didn’t know anything about Julia missing. Hank replied it didn’t really matter because Pam probably didn’t care since she was arrested again the previous day, not just for having drugs but selling them this time. Pam would probably get a sentence and as far as Julia was concerned it might not make much difference. Hank added that Pam was giving up her parental rights after speaking with Ms. Williams. The police then got a weather update in their commander vehicle and it was predicted to be minus ten degrees by midnight so they were in a serious life and death rescue situation to find Julia. Meanwhile, as Betsy was did her barn chores she heard on the radio about the search for missing Julia in the wooded area. Scott then found God in the woods alone when he was looking for the lost girl and asked God for help finding Julia. Betsy showed up at the search and rescue camp and told everybody that she thought she knew where Julia went. On the police radios, it was broadcast to the team members (including Scott) that Christmas Oak was the location Julia was at and the coordinates were given. Scott hurried over to that location and under the oak tree he found Julia lying on the ground holding Rumple. Julia told Scott as he picked her up in his arms that she couldn’t climb the tree to find her way out of the woods (and the key here was Julia spoke in her tired and exhausted battered and worn out little being of life that God blessed her with). Scott told her it was okay and the bunny and her were safe now and it was obvious that if Betsy had not come over Julia would have died. The paramedics took care of Julia and Rumple back at the camp, and then Chip showed up and before Chip could go see Patti and Julia, Scott told Chip that he would work for (his brother-in-law) Chip until he could find an engineering design job, to which Chip replied that was great. Betsy stood off in the distance and Julia took Rumple from Patti and tried to give him to Betsy, but Betsy said no and Scott confirmed that and said Rumple was hers and always would be. Scott, Patti, and Julia left with Rumple and walked away leaving elder Betsy and the police standing around camp. Scott and Patti put Julia to bed and then discussed giving Julia another chance. Patti told Scott that she spoke to Ms. Williams the social worker. Tamara told her that they handled the situation just right and apparently runaways were quite common. Scott then called Patti over to his laptop to see an email with the Rabbit Notice At Market dated 1/15/10 from H. Tramwell telling them that they saw the note they put at Kroger’s about the missing rabbit and they wanted to come pick it up because they claimed to be the owners. The Tramwells came to the house the next day with a very destructive little boy named Bobby who picked up things around the house, asked his mom what they were, and then threw them on the floor afterwards. Mrs. Tramwell claimed that Bobby was very curious and he had an extremely high IQ, and then the female told the Patti and Scott while covering Bobby’s ears that the rabbit wasn’t doing well in their house, so her husband released it into the wild. She tried to say that Bobby hardly visited the rabbit except to give it candy every now and then, yet his reaction to it being gone made them want to find the animal and take it back. She picked on the name Rumple and said that they never even named the rabbit and thought it was a female bunny and Scott had to correct her it was a male bunny. Julia came into the room and Patti said they needed to give it back, and Julia walked right up to Bobby and said no and then she started quizzing him on how to take care of the rabbit (things she learned from Betsy), but he didn’t have any of the answers. Julia even included that the rabbit ate poop, which didn’t settle well with Bobby because he pitched a baby fit. Mrs. Tramwell ended up taking $100 for the bunny and leaving the house with crying Bobby because he didn’t want any part of a bunny that ate its own poop. Mrs. Tramwell sped off in her Escalade like suv squealing her tires. Betsy then pulled up outside the house while Patti and Scott were still outside the house from following the Tramwells outside to make certain they left the property. Betsy got out of her truck and told them that she needed a helper at her farm and she had come by to see how Julia was doing. Betsy wanted that helper to be Julia, who had just come outside to join them. Betsy said Julia could work on the farm a couple of hours a day, three days a week and since Julia knew all the animals, Betsy thought Julia would be the one. Scott said to ask Julia if she wanted to do the work, so Julia walked up to Betsy and asked how much, which was funny because she had never spoken to Betsy before. They shook on a dollar an hour to start. After Betsy left, they went inside where Patti and Scott held a meeting in a family circle on the living room floor, which Billy complained about. Julia jumped up and decided that Rumple needed to be included and brought the bunny to play inside their circle. Patti told Julia that Helping Hands called and said she was ready for a forever family. Pam was discussed and Julia wanted to know if she (Julia) would finally be real now (based on the Velveteen Rabbit by the British children’s book author, Margery Williams). Julia and Rumple were then adopted into their new forever family. The movie cover had the following listed: Brian J. De Vos, Bethany Christian Services “A great family movie accurately portraying the challenges of children in foster care and the importance of foster parents for these children.” The Dove Foundation “Five out of Five Doves-Approved for the whole Family.” This film also received three awards: Official Selection – Kids First! Film Festival, Winner of the Redemptive Film Festival, and Best Child Actor at the International Family Film Festival. 

ONE OF TWO  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/27/23

TITLE: Where The Heart Is 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2000 20th Century Fox/Wind Dancer Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON:   This movie began in Tennessee with a very pregnant teenager named Novalee Nation packing up her stuff from the trailer camper house (in the mobile home park close by the train tracks) to drive with her boyfriend, Willy Jack, to California to live. She told her female friend that Willy got the whole car for eighty bucks and he had to fix everything on it, and yes, she knew there was a hole in the floorboard on the front passenger side. Novalee told her friends that on her fifth birthday, her mama ran off with a baseball player and never came back. There was no dad in her life either. After Novalee dropped out of school and was a waitress at Red’s, one of the regulars named Gladys went crazy and jumped at Novalee with a steak knife. When she tried to calm Gladys down, Gladys cut Novalee from her wrist to her elbow and it took fifty-five stitches to close her wound. Because of all those things that happened to Novalee concerning the number five, that was not her lucky number and she was happy that the Monroe county license plate on Willy’s car didn’t have any fives in it. As Willy swore “Jesus,” because Novalee wouldn’t hurry up and get in the car, he took off while her passenger door was still open and flipped his cigarette out the window, which created a fire on the ground in front of the camper house. Novalee daydreamed about living in a place that didn’t have wheels under it, perhaps by the ocean, but Willy didn’t seem to care and instead told Novalee to move her legs so he could throw his soda cup down through the hole in the floorboard and it fell to the road. Novalee fell asleep (pretty dangerous considering her feet could fall through the hole at any moment and pull her underneath the car) and was snoring, but Willy didn’t want her to sleep because he was too busy blasting his radio and trying to sing rock to her so he woke her up. Willy swore Jesus again, and then Novalee discovered that she lost her shoes through the hole as she slept. Novalee put Willy’s hand on her stomach and told him that was where the baby’s heart was after he said he didn’t want to feel it. Willy said he didn’t feel anything. As they pulled into Wal-Mart because Novalee had to go to the bathroom again, Willy almost sideswiped a car making the turn. She asked him for money to get some shoes, and Novalee went into the Wal-Mart bathroom. She pounded on one stall door telling the user to hurry up, and when the little girl of about six years old came out and washed her hands, she heard Novalee in the stall moaning and groaning as she relieved herself. The little child ran out of the bathroom calling for her mommy because the child’s mommy wasn’t in the bathroom with her. When Novalee paid for her house shoes (flip-flops), her change was five dollars and fifty-five cents, so Novalee ran out of the store without her shoes and change to discover that Willy was gone and left the camera where his car had been. Novalee sat down in the parking space, and a Wal-Mart employee named Susan followed her outside and gave Novalee her change and her shoes. Novalee told Susan that her boyfriend went to get the car fixed and he would be back to pick her up, so Susan left her there on the ground and told her to have a nice day. A strange lady who called herself Sister Husband (Thelma) then appeared and called Novalee by Ruth Ann Mott and asked her how she had been doing as if she knew Novalee from years ago. Thelma told Novalee that “Home is where your history begins. Home is where they catch you when you fall,” and that was what Brother Husband used to say. She explained that he wasn’t her husband, but her brother, a man of God. Novalee said she didn’t read the Bible as much as she should, and Thelma said good because folks read too much of the Bible and they got confused, so she liked to hand information out one chapter at a time so people could handle their confusion as they went along. Thelma went to her pickup truck and, on behalf of the Merchants and Businessmen’s Association of the city of Sequoyah, Oklahoma, she presented Novalee with a basket of gifts and merchandise and a buckeye tree for good luck. Thelma said she already wrote down a couple of her own appointments in the appointment book in the basket, and told Novalee to disregard them if she wasn’t an alcoholic. Thelma told Novalee she was in the phone book and to come see Thelma whenever she wanted and bring the baby. Novalee sat inside the Wal-Mart fast food restaurant and counted the few dollars she had left as she ate some potato chips and a large soft drink. Novalee spoke with Moses Whitecotton, the black photographer who took pictures of children inside the store, and found out that he had a rare Rollei camera. She told Moses that she was thinking of naming her baby Wendi with an “I,” and he told her not to even think of that name and to instead find a good, sturdy name that meant something. Moses gave Novalee his business card and walked away. Just as the store was closing at nine, Novalee ran to the bathroom to be sick, leaving Thelma’s gifts behind. She came out of the stall and, without washing her hands, sat down on the bathroom floor to rest. Meanwhile, Willy was driving and spotted a damsel in distress standing alongside the road with her overheated car, so Willy stopped to help this young female instead of his very pregnant girlfriend who he left stranded at Wal-Mart with absolutely nothing to survive on. As it turned out, the damsel was a young teen girl named Jolene who had her suitcase with her and needed a lift. She ditched her car and put her luggage in the back of Willy’s car telling him that she wanted to go anywhere but there. When he said he was headed to Vegas, Jolene replied cool. Once everyone was out of the Walmart store and the lights were shut off, Novalee retrieved Thelma’s gifts and read pregnancy magazines and used the exercise equipment in the store to work out to hip-hop music. She ate Chips-Ahoy cookies and drank chocolate milk afterwards, and it started raining outside. Jolene told Willy that he was almost out of gas, and he lied and said somebody stole his wallet from his hotel room the night before. She pulled out a bunch of cash and Willy snatched it out of her hand, and he stuck it down his pants and told her to come get the money if she wanted it. Jolene started to, but then police sirens went off behind them and they were pulled over. Willy had $218 in his pocket and fourteen cartons of Winston Light 100s (cigarettes), and the officer said the strange coincidence of it all was those were the exact items stolen from the 7-11 store two hours before. The officer knew Jolene and asked her how old she was these days. She replied that she was fourteen and then Willy tried to run, but the other two officers apprehended him. Novalee set up a routine for her new life at Wal-Mart and slept the night in a sleeping bag in the camping section and used alarm clocks from the store to be woken up at 5:30 each morning, hours before the store was open. She used the bathroom sink and a showerhead attachment from the store to give herself a sponge bath, and then she stole clothes from the store to wear. When the weather permitted, Novalee walked to the park across the street from the Sequoyah Public Library and ate the Wal-Mart food she stole. Each day after she was done using the showerheads, alarm clocks, and the sleeping bag, she put the items back on the shelves in their original packaging. Willy was checked into jail with the other men calling him a sweet thing as he walked past to his cell. As the weeks went on, Novalee kept a daily journal of how much she owed Wal-Mart for the items she took like dresses, vitamins, nail polish remover, food, etc. One day, Novalee carried her buckeye tree and new Wal-Mart backpack inside the library and ended up knocking over some books on a table. She told Forney Hull, the spastic young man running the library that she was looking for a book about buckeye trees. He didn’t seem to want to make the time to help Novalee, so he was rude and gave her a very quick lesson on how to find the information she needed. Novalee then went to Thelma’s house. Thelma said grace with her friend, Mr. Sprock, at the table eating with her and Thelma. Thelma (grace) asked for a healthy baby, and she also asked forgiveness for her and Mr. Sprock’s fornication earlier that day. Outside, Thelma and Novalee worked on planting the buckeye tree in Thelma’s yard, and Thelma told Novalee she didn’t know what kind of people she was staying with who wouldn’t let her plant a tree, and Novalee replied she wasn’t sure. Later that night, Novalee walked back to Wal-Mart with Forney spying on her to see what she was up to going into the store after hours. Novalee woke up in the middle of the night in extreme pain, and when she stood up to get some supplies her water broke. She tried to wipe the water up with paper towels, but the pain became too much so she started crying and keeled over. She managed to walk, but then she fell and knocked things off the shelf fell as she landed on her back on the floor. Novalee noticed that she was lying in aisle five, but she quickly crawled into the next aisle. Forney heard Novalee’s screaming, so he ran through the thunderstorm and jumped through the glass window to help deliver the baby. The next day, Novalee woke up in a hospital bed with flowers and get-well gifts. Nurse Lexie Coop introduced herself to Novalee and said it was Tuesday. She added that Novalee that she was a big celebrity and there were even reporters and FOX-23 TV outside who had waited all night because everybody wanted to talk to the mother of the Wal-Mart baby. Novalee was worried that Wal-Mart was going to have her arrested for living in the store and that the hospital would keep her baby since she couldn’t pay. Novalee said she was broke and had no family, no job, and now a baby. Lexie told Novalee she knew what she needed and brought in the little baby girl with a blue hat and a pink blanket. Lexie said Forney was okay too and the doctor stitched him up and sent him home, and Lexie had to remind Novalee that Forney was the one who jumped through the plate-glass window in order to deliver her baby, even though she didn’t remember that it was him helping her. Novalee decided to name the baby Americus Nation with a DOB of 7/5/1995 (which was strange because there were no Fourth of July decorations seen anywhere the day before). Small town nurse Lexie said she couldn’t say anything about Novalee’s name choice since she named her kids after snack foods: Brownie, Praline, Cherry and Baby Ruth. The nurse went on to say that she started having kids when she was fifteen and then just couldn’t stop. She wanted to find the first one a daddy, but all she got out of that was another baby and then she wanted to find them both a daddy and so on and so on until she now had four children. FOX reporters caught up with Novalee and Lexie in the hallway and chased them down to get a TV interview. Novalee told them that she had been living in Wal-Mart for the past six weeks and that she hadn’t spoken to the father. Novalee and Lexie sat on the bed watching the interview later, and the nurse told Novalee to rule out a career in broadcasting because she bombed on live TV. Novalee read a note from Midnight, Mississippi that was written to her, and she called it hateful because it read “A baby born out of holy wedlock is an abomination in the eyes of God,” to which nurse Lexie replied screw them. One female included a $10 in her letter and said she didn’t have much to give but hoped the money would help, and added that her baby died when she gave birth to it in the back of a Volkswagen van. Lexie read a letter from a woman in Duda, Texas, who said she didn’t have any money to offer Novalee but could offer her a home, so Novalee told Lexie to send that lady the $10. Lexie was then interrupted because one of her kids was on the phone and the male nurse didn’t know which one, either Pez or Twinkie. Novalee’s estranged so-called mom, Mama Lil, then showed up (after missing from the majority of the child’s life) in Novalee’s room and told her that she hoped the baby wouldn’t call her grandma. The male nurse tried to tell Lil she wasn’t able to visit yet, so Lil grabbed his man parts to silence him and told him otherwise, and he left the room. Lil gave Novalee flowers and told her that she saw her on the fabulous TV interview and so she hopped in the car and there she was because she wanted to be back in the life of her now celebrity-teen-pregnancy daughter. Lil took out a cigarette out then and told Novalee that she was in the car for ten hours driving from New Orleans. She added that she was no longer living with that sh**head Fred the umpire and laughed about it using Jesus’ name in vain. The questionable female told Novalee that she didn’t drive ten hours to reminisce about why she left her own daughter at five years old because that was water under the bridge now. Lil told Novalee that living in a Wal-Mart wasn’t her idea of a big success, yet she had nothing better to offer and found out then that Novalee had no man to help her because the male that put her in that mess went to California. Lil replied that all the pricks moved to California and they ought to call it “Prick-ifornia,” and then told Novalee that she needed a place to raise the baby and suggested she move into Sears or Kmart, which was fairly nice, but she herself wasn’t offering Novalee a place to stay with the newborn. Lil kept using God and Jesus’ name in vain and then stamped out her cigarette on the floor of the hospital room and started another cigarette. Novalee said she was being released from the hospital the following day, and Lil told Novalee she wasn’t in any hurry to move in so maybe she could find a place (a home or apartment) for all three of them to stay together temporarily until Novalee got on her feet because Lil had a little money saved. Novalee said she had $500 that the president of Wal-Mart sent her, and she showed off the cash and said he just wanted to be nice, which was the reason why he sent the money and not because he was the father of the child. Novalee added that they even offered her any job in any Wal-Mart in the country, and Lil took the money from Novalee and said she would put it with her money and not to worry about anything anymore because Mama Lil was there to take care of everything and she would use the money to find them a place to live. Novalee told Lil to pick her and Americus at nine in the morning the following day. Lil didn’t give her so-called daughter a hug or a kiss bye or hi after all of that time part and instead left the room (with stargazer lilies and yellow roses by the door) saying she needed to get some diapers, blankets, and a cradle. Novalee thanked Lil for coming before she left. At twelve p.m. the next afternoon, Novalee was still in the waiting room with the newborn baby fussing in her arms. The receptionist suggested that Novalee call the person who was supposed to pick her up, but she replied that she didn’t have the number and didn’t know where the person was staying, so a cab wouldn’t be helpful either. Novalee went outside the hospital to wait on the bench with all of her stuff and Americus thinking to herself that $500 dollars, she should have known (not to mention the mentally disturbed female suddenly reappearing in her life who had no sense to give and was far from trust-worthy). Thelma then showed up in her Welcome Woman truck and told Novalee that she didn’t have time to take care of the tree they planted together in the yard, so she invited Novalee and the baby to come stay with her for a while and Novalee could take care of the tree. Novalee said okay and they left the Rogers County Hospital. Another day, Novalee went back to the library with Americus to see Forney, and he yelled that it was closed until he realized that it was Novalee there to see him so he let her in. There was a woman upstairs whining that she needed a towel and screaming at Forney. Novalee thanked Forney for saving her and her daughter’s life and asked him if he wanted to hold Americus, and he did. She took out her new camera, which Moses Whitecotton gave her as a baby gift, and used it to take a picture of Forney and Americus. Novalee then left telling Forney she would see him soon because the lady upstairs were desperately needing his help. Meanwhile, in his jail cell with a guitar, Willy was attempting to write a song with an inmate screaming at him to shut up. The inmate then hit him in the head with a book when Willy didn’t stop singing, and they got into a violent fistfight over it. At Thelma’s house, Novalee with her new shorter haircut and pretty dress on, told Thelma that it took her over a month to get back to her old clothing size, to which Thelma replied that a little weight on a woman was no harm. Novalee told Thelma that before work, she was going to take the truck to get the brakes fixed and she would pay for it. Mr. Sprock interrupted and called Thelma “Sister,” (the female he was having sex with) and told her somebody was at the door, so Thelma gave him the baby to hold so she could go see who it was. The people that sent the letter from Midnight, Mississippi were at the door and said they drove all the way there to bring the Word of God to the young, unwed woman who had the Wal-Mart baby. Thelma replied they could have saved themselves a trip because the Word of God had been in that house for a very long time and then closed the door in their face. Novalee rushed out the door, barely saying goodbye to her newborn baby that was on the table about to fall off. Mr. Sprock and Thelma prayed before they ate, and again Thelma asked for the blessing of the food and forgiveness for the fornication that she and Mr. Sprock had that morning on the table they sat at. Novalee obviously didn’t know how to drive well, and when she arrived at Murray’s Garage she ran into the trash oilcan. The mechanic and Novalee argued that she couldn’t park her vehicle there, but then she came around the corner and took at a look at him and he took a look at her and it was googly eyes at first sight between the two young people (which resulted in a child the first time around). As Novalee, in her Wal-Mart employee smock, was shopping with Lexie and her four children, Novalee thought she might be pregnant with the mechanic’s child and said that whole relationship was a mistake. Lexie said that after her twins’ birth, the guy she was dating now was perfect for her because he had mumps at fifteen, which made him as sterile as a cotton ball so she couldn’t have children.Lexie said she didn’t think Novalee was pregnant, but she would have to wait it out. At the library later on, without Americus with Novalee, Forney asked Novalee if she found the information she needed, and she said it took her too long to figure things out in the books. Novalee then rushed to the ladies’ room and discovered that she was having her period, so she shouted to God thanking Him for her not being pregnant again. As Novalee explained what she didn’t want in a guy, she told Forney that she didn’t want men at all. He wasn’t happy to hear that and ran upstairs to see what the needy lady knocked over. It turned out she had actually fallen out of bed, and Novalee came upstairs behind Forney. He introduced his sister, Mary Elizabeth Hull, who was the librarian. Another day, Forney and Novalee walked around a flea market (with her baby still not with her) and he told her that Mary Elizabeth was a lot older than him and she started drinking heavily when he was a kid. Forney was ten when his dad put Mary Elizabeth away in a sanitorium back east. Forney went on to say that he was studying to be a history teacher at college until his dad died nine years ago and his sister couldn’t be left alone, so he took on that responsibility of caring for her himself because Mary Elizabeth begged him never to send her away again, and if he did she would kill herself. Novalee was looking for a gift for the sixth-year boyfriend-girlfriend anniversary of Mr. Sprock and Thelma, and she found an old camera that she brought to Moses, who cleaned it up for her and got it working again (still no baby with Novalee while she visited Moses’ studio alone). Novalee told Moses that she wanted to be a photographer and he supported it wholeheartedly because he was one. After Willy got out of jail, he decided to take a bus to Nashville because he wanted to be the next big country music singer-songwriter. By Christmastime, Forney got a Christmas tree and Novalee said she never had a Christmas tree before, not even aluminum one because they cost too much money. She explained that when she was eight, she lived with an old lady who spent all of her money on bagpipes instead of getting the Christmas tree she promised Novalee, so Novalee called the the woman insane but added that the old lady must have felt bad afterwards because the next morning she painted a Christmas tree for Novalee on her living room wall, from floor to ceiling. That was Novalee’s only Christmas tree until that moment. Lexie joined them with her four children, and she was now pregnant because her boyfriend lied about having mumps and showed Novalee and Forney that his “mumps,” resulted in her fifth baby. The nurse sent her young kids away on their own to go find a tree under $40 and responded to Novalee’s question that she hadn’t heard from Mumps until he stole her brand-new Dutch oven and king-size pillows and then rode out of town on his Harley. Lexie wished them both a Merry Christmas and said she didn’t need a ride and maybe she would get knocked up again on the way home. As they went their separate ways, Forney asked Novalee why a man on a Harley would steal a woman’s pillows, and she replied just because he could. Without Americus again, they drove back to Thelma’s house. As Novalee drove back home in the truck without Americus, Forney commented not to expect too much of a reaction out of the baby about the Christmas tree since she was exactly five months old that day. At the mention of the number five, Novalee freaked out and drove recklessly and quickly back to Thelma’s house thinking there might be something wrong with Americus. Upon arrival, a police car was outside with the lights on and Thelma was screaming that she turned around no more than five minutes and baby Americus was gone. However, inside the chaotic house, she explained to small-town Officer Harry that she went to the shed for more Christmas decorations and wasn’t gone two minutes. Another officer interrogated Novalee, who told him that there was a woman at her work who might have a grudge against her for parking in her parking space even though the employees didn’t have regular spaces at Wal-Mart to park in. Harry asked Thelma if anyone at the Alcoholics Anonymous place she was going had a grudge against her or would want to hurt her for some reason, and Sister told Harry that they were alcoholics and they just hurt themselves. The sheriff asked if the Bible was always in the baby’s crib, and Thelma replied that wasn’t her Bible and then told everyone that it was the exact same kind that belonged to the Bible-thumping Mississippians who came to the door the day before asking for Novalee. Thelma smart-mouthed them and sent them on their way, but not before they told her they had come all the way from Midnight, Mississippi. Later on, Novalee, with no tears, told Forney that she was being punished because she had a baby out of wedlock. They then heard the sheriff speeding away with sirens and lights and their conversation was interrupted. Novalee and Forney got in the truck and followed the police car. They stopped near the town Nativity scene, and the officers tried to hold back the two young people because there was a possible crime scene across the street, but Novalee and Forney decided they weren’t going to be stopped and pushed the officers out of the way to the ground. Novalee ran across the street find Americus alive and well inside the manger. Novalee picked Americus up, and Harry caught up to her and said the highway patrol spotted a Mississippi plate and stopped them, and the couple admitted they took the baby and said the police would find Americus right there in the manger. Forney smiled at the sight across the street when Novalee walked back toward him with Americus as the officers were restraining him for his obstruction of justice and assault on law enforcement. In Nashville, Willy went to a recording studio, where the female, Ruth Meyers, took Jesus Christ’s name in vain, another guitar player, and Willy Jack Pickens introduced himself then. He asked Ruth if he could play for, so she said what the f (actually used the word) and said what did he think she wanted him to do, call bingo. As Ruth took pills from a bottle, Willy played the song that he said he wrote himself. Ruth said it would cost her $1,000 to clean Willy up, and pictures were another $200. She introduced herself as Ruth Meyers, meaning Willy had a deal. Ruth took Willy Jack to the salon for a makeover and told him that she changed his name to Billy Shadow because one Willy in the business was enough. Ruth gave Billy a roll of quarters to put in the front of his pants for his performances to make him appear bigger in that area than he actually was and on stage the crowd attcked each other and breaking beer bottles over heads. Two years later, Billy talked to Ruth and told her it had been two years and he still wasn’t on the radio like she told him he would be and instead he was playing at honky-tonk bars. Ruth decided that it was going to take another year for Billy to be on the radio. Later on, when Billy’s song “Beat of a Heart,” hit the radio, Thelma sang along to it with Americus, now about four years old, as Thelma made a pie. Novalee stormed into the room and shut the radio off because she didn’t like the song and told Thelma that something about the guy’s voice rubbed her the wrong way. Forney was the babysitter to take Americus on a possible pony ride if it didn’t rain because Novalee was on her way to shoot an outdoor wedding since she was now a photographer. Later on at Thelma’s house, Thelma and Americus came in and Thelma told Novalee that the Weather Channel just put out a tornado warning and they needed to get to shelter in the cellar. They quickly looked through the wedding photos, where some ex-girlfriend of the groom showed up and the bridesmaids beat her to a pulp and she was carried out on a stretcher. Novalee took pictures of all of that and she and Thelma laughed about it. Thelma told Novalee she would meet her and Americus in the cellar because she had to run an errand by bringing soup to the neighbor and would be right back. Forney helped Mary Elizabeth down the stairs to safety and tried to call Novalee on the way, but she didn’t answer because she was already on her way to the shelter with Americus since the tornado was in the area. Rosita (possibly illegal family) was already in the storm shelter and helped Americus downstairs with Novalee trailing behind them. Americus asked where Grandma Sister (Thelma) was, and Novalee replied she was on her way. Rosita’s children sat at a small table playing cards and Americus joined them, and Rosita was concerned about her husband who was at work somewhere painting a house in the city. Novalee went out to look for Thelma with the storm door still open, and it started hailing really hard when she poked her head out. They didn’t shut the door because they were still waiting for Thelma, but then the tornado siren started wailing and they could see the tornado cloud above them. Novalee ran outside with Rosita pleading for her to come back, and Novalee saw the monster tornado coming in their direction. She was almost hit in the head by a scrap metal piece and she ducked in time, but the winds were so strong she couldn’t close the shelter door behind her so she started back down the stairs to safety with the tornado trying to suck her out the doorway. Rosita crawled over and grabbed Novalee’s arm to pull her inside while the kids were huddled in the corner on the other side of the wall screaming because the wind was tearing everything apart. Americus tried to go help her mom, and the older kids tried to hold her back from doing so but Americus got free and the teddy bear she was holding flew up into the tornado. Americus herself was sucked towards the tornado, but Novalee grabbed onto her with her one free hand while she was trying to hold onto Rosita’s arm with the other. The door then slammed closed behind them, which stopped the powerful winds from sucking them into the very powerful tornado. In Thelma’s birth and death record logbook, Novalee wrote Thelma’s name on the death side at the funeral. Novalee took pictures of the destroyed house and property, and in the midst of all of that, Americus wandered around by herself and found her teddy bear. Novalee went alone to see Moses and showed him some of the pictures she took of the tornado aftermath. Novalee was then with Lexie, who didn’t know why they couldn’t reopen the Wal-Mart there, and Novalee replied that there was too much structural damage. Lexie told Novalee that with her living in Poteau, they would never see each other, and Novalee said she was moving because that Poteau was where they built the new Wal-Mart store. They were waiting on a guy named Ray who they were supposed to be meeting, so they stopped at the meeting place. Lexie had none of her four kids with her, and Novalee sent Americus off to play alone unsupervised and out of sight. Novalee said she would be living in a trailer with wheels again, and Lexie changed the subject and said Forney called her the night before and wanted to find a job for Novalee so she could stay in the area because he didn’t want her to move to Poteau either. Lexie told Novalee that Forney wasn’t crazy about Americus, he was in love with Novalee, and she didn’t feel the same about Forney so she told Lexie that they were just friends, not to mention he was different because he went to college and his family had money. Ray, from the A.A. meetings that Thelma attended, then showed up (Americus was out of sight and hadn’t been seen her for many minutes). He explained that he used to call in the middle of the night and Sister Thelma would come pick up his drunk self from bars he was passed out in, and she never gave up on him even after he got disbarred. He admitted that he once went into court and started defending the wrong person and Thelma was the one who helped him get his license and his life back. He handed Novalee an envelope and told her everything was in there and explained it was Thelma’s estate which she left to Novalee (the land, the insurance on the trailer and contents, life insurance, and old oil stock Thelma’s grandfather bought from the Comanches back in 1909, which was worth about $41,000). Lexie spit out her Big Gulp drink all over Ray because she couldn’t believe it. Novalee had people volunteer to build her a log-sided house without wheels on the land. As they all worked together, Mr. Sprock told Novalee that the one only thing he wanted in exchange for helping with the house was the kitchen table because he had a lot of fine memories of Thelma from it. Billy was still playing at clubs because his last good song was “Beat of a Heart,” eight months ago, and he was currently having drinks in a bar in “Santa-friggin’-Fe,” with Johnny Desoto.  CONTINUED BELOW

  TWO OF TWO 

DATE REVIEWED: 4/27/23

TITLE: Where The Heart Is 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2000 20th Century Fox/Wind Dancer Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON:   Billy said that his career wasn’t going anywhere with Ruth, and he needed a breakthrough and thought Johnny was the one to help him. Johnny warned Billy that Ruth could be a powerful ally, but she made a hell of an enemy and there would be trouble if Billy had some kind of a contract with her. Johnny was even afraid of Ruth because he added that if Billy messed with Ruth, nobody was going to touch him. Billy said that Ruth Meyers didn’t have that kind of clout and walked away to his next gig. As he was waiting for the elevator, he stared at the backside of a female in a blue dress suit walking away from, but he didn’t have time to go after her and got into the elevator. The female happened to be Novalee, who was in Santa Fe (without Americus) to accept first prize for her photo of young Americus and the tornado aftermath that she entered in the Kodak art contest for the greater Southwest area. She dedicated her picture to Thelma, who gave her hope and a life back when those she thought she loved but didn’t took it all away, and so Thelma was a mom to Novalee.In the hotel hallway, Billy found another female victim wearing a half-shirt, and they started making out in the hallway. When they got inside the room, the female asked Billy who the lady on the bed was, and he turned around to see Ruth sitting there waiting for him with a glass of alcohol in her hand. The female asked if Ruth and Billy were married, and he said a sarcastic remark, so the female said she would leave when she was ready but Ruth threw her out the door on her butt after already telling her a couple to times to leave. Billy got himself a beer and Ruth told him that she got a call from an attorney in Albuquerque about a guy named Tommy Reynolds (Billy thought it was about a girl). He tried to play dumb and she took a swing at him with her glass and said that Tommy claimed he was Billy’s cellmate in prison and wrote, “Beat of a Heart.” Billy argued that he wrote the song and Tommy only sold him the guitar, and Billy screamed that he got the crap kicked out of him for writing that song. Ruth said “they,” weren’t going to do anything about it and perhaps Johnny Desoto could help Billy out and left. Billy went out into the hallway after Ruth telling her if they went back to his room they could work it out because she was a sexy sweet thing, so Ruth punched him in the face, and he swore as he fell back out of the elevator. Novalee waited outside the Stop-N-Shop because the bus dropped her off there to come back from Santa Fe and Lexie was late arriving to pick Novalee up. Lexi had five kids now and just met another man named Roger Brisco, who was a C.P.A. and had his own successful business in Fort Worth. They met when they pumped gas together at the Texaco, and Lexie added that he drove a new Buick (Americus was not with Novalee during the trip or there in the car). She told Novalee that in a few months maybe she would be taking pictures of Lexie’s wedding because Roger loved Lexie’s five children too. As Novalee was dropped off at her front porch, she told Lexie that she forgot to get Forney a gift for watching Americus, so Lexie replied that she knew what Novalee could give Forney (sex). Novalee said she would give him a pair of female hotel house slippers instead, and when she got inside Forney was asleep on the couch with Americus on top of him, so Novalee took out her camera to take a picture of the intimate father-daughter moment. Forney woke up in the process and got up from the couch, giving sleeping Americus a kiss goodnight. Before he left, Novalee gave Forney her slippers and they said goodnight to each other before he walked out the door thanking her. The next day, the phone rang as Novalee was looking at photographs of women she took. The call was from Brownie, who said his mama couldn’t come to the phone so Novalee said she would be right over. Novalee rushed to Lexie’s house without her young daughter, and when she walked into the house she saw things spilled over on the floor and static on the TV with the baby highchair tipped over. The twins weren’t speaking but laying in their bed, and there was another baby in the crib. The eldest boy was sitting beside Lexie in a room with a young girl laying on the floor beside him, and Lexie was in the corner with her face all battered and bloody. Later on, Novalee (without Americus) drove over to Moses and asked him if Lexie could keep her things in his barn for a while because she had no more sick leave and she couldn’t pay for her apartment. All the kids stayed with Novalee at her house and slept on the living room floor together. Late at night, Novalee went outside to find Lexie sitting alone on the front porch. Lexie explained she was supposed to work until 4:00, but because Roger was coming in from Fort Worth she got off early and went home at 3:00. She picked up the baby and the twins from daycare, and when she got home she was surprised to see Roger’s car already in the driveway when he said he wouldn’t be there until after 4:00. Brownie and Praline were home, so Lexie knew they had let Roger in, and when she entered the apartment she heard a noise from her bedroom in the back. Lexie put the baby down and found there was something against the bedroom door keeping it closed, and she had to push because it was Praline who was crumpled on the floor covering her eyes, and Roger had Brownie on the bed and was molesting the boy. Lexie attacked Roger to get him away from the young children possibly under ten that she left home alone. She said she wanted to kill Roger and would have, and she only hit Roger twice and that was all she remembered. Lexie added that Roger went after Praline first, but she threw up on him and then Brownie came into the room. Lexie asked Novalee how that could happen and how could Roger easily find her children, and added that he had to have been looking for women just like herself to prey on her children. Nurse Lexie said even her kids saw through the man and could tell her was evil, and all Lexie saw was his brand-new Buick. Novalee told Lexie to tell the kids that lives can change with every breath taken and to let go of what was gone because men like Roger Brisco never won, and to hold on like hell to what they’ve got and to a mother who would die for them and almost did (that is one way to put it…another is that her children suffered greatly as a result of that parent’s care or rather lack of healthy care and attention). Novalee said that everybody had meanness in them but had good too, and the only thing that mattered was the good, so make sure to pass on the good. Lexie then cried it out in Novalee’s arms about her very unsuccessful, irreversibly damaging to children of God, dating nightmare. Americus hung out more with Forney and went for walks in the woods together, and she was happy that he knew a lot of information that he told her was because he worked in the library. At the house, Novalee came across the photo of her daughter and Forney on the couch sleeping. In the next scene, an ambulance pulled up outside the library because Forney’s sister passed away, and the small town paramedic said he didn’t know how Forney was able to keep Mary Elizabeth alive so long. Novalee was there to console Forney, but Americus wasn’t with her parent again. Novalee later went to the Majestic Hotel alone to meet with Forney. She told him she found him because it was a small town and people talked. Forney said he couldn’t stay at the library and had to go away for a while to take Mary Elizabeth back to Maine and bury her in the family plot. He told Novalee that he had planned to go to the service, but the four white roses that he got turned brown on the way and he couldn’t take his sister brown roses. Novalee and Forney then made use of the bed they were sitting on and their friendship turned into more. Afterwards, Forney told Novalee he loved her, but she didn’t say it back. Later on, as Novalee was talking to Lexie while they folded laundry from the outdoor clothesline, Lexie was upset with her friend because she said nothing back after Forney said he loved her and they had sex. Lexie told Novalee that Forney was strange, and then Ernie the Exterminator in a yellow truck with a red-eyed black blowup spider on top, drove by waving and honking at Lexie. Lexie waved lamely back and then told Novalee that she was going to go out with Ernie. She explained that he was Brownie’s soccer coach and he made Brownie laugh, which nobody else could do, and the psychologist told nurse Lexie it would be a good idea for her to date Ernie. As Novalee was photographing the local Thunderbolts baseball team, she told the guys it was a bad idea to have them tuck in their shirts because their beer guts were hanging out and she didn’t want that in the picture. They agreed and all untucked their shirts and told Navalee they weren’t the champions, but they wanted their picture (with one player holding a bag of Doritos in his hand) taken because they were celebrating that they made it through the season. Ray asked Novalee if she knew how to reach Forney because Ray because he needed to discuss some legal works pertaining to the library. She replied that she expected Forney back that day or on the morrow. Ray couldn’t believe Forney was coming back because he thought that with Mary Elizabeth gone, Forney would go back to college or start his life over. Another said that Forney’s great grandfather had been the governor of Maine, and then Ray added that sometimes things worked out for the best and if he were Forney, he would get out of small-town Oklahoma and get a real life. Forney called Novalee in the middle of the night, and she said she would come meet him at his hotel room. He told her that he drove to Bowden and had planned on being there for a few hours, but he ended up staying for two days because he saw a couple of his old professors and he forgot how lovely the state was and what a great library they had. Novalee told Forney that the town hired Mayor Allbert’s daughter as the new librarian. Forney said he didn’t want to go back there anyway and he was thinking about getting a job at the plastics factory where they were hiring. Novalee reminded Forney he had wanted to be a history teacher, but he told her that was a long time ago and what he wanted was to be with her and Americus and that would make him happy because he loved Novalee so much. Novalee interrupted Forney and told him that their one-night stand at the hotel might have been a mistake. He asked her if she loved him, and she responded that he was the best friend she ever had but she didn’t love him. She left him the hotel, and Forney watched her get into her car and start crying. Another day, Lexie and Novalee went rental house shopping without the kids, where Lexie said the house was nice but her kids would turn it into a dump as soon as the door closed if they moved in. Lexie asked if Novalee heard from Joe College, and she replied that Forney wrote to Americus and sent her books every now and then, and Novalee added that at the end of every letter he wrote, “Please tell your mother I extend my best wishes.” She didn’t know what she would say to Forney if she wrote him back, and Lexie jumped in and said how about she loved and missed Forney terribly and the last three months without him were the most miserable of her life and that he should come back. Lexie suggested Forney could work at Wal-Mart, but Novalee said no because that wasn’t good enough for him. They changed the subject to Ernie, who Lexie sort of liked. He had kids of his own and Lexie said she didn’t think Ernie was her type because he killed bugs for a living. However, the next scene showed the wedding of Lexie and Ernie where they smushed cake into each other’s faces with everybody laughing around them and Novalee taking pictures. As the two females talked and Ernie was on the dancefloor entertaining the kids, Lexie told Novalee that she knew Ernie was the one. She explained that Ernie’s daughter, Carol Ann, was not his real daughter because she was from Ernie’s previous marriage with Maxine. Ernie and Maxine had Cody together, and then Maxine decided she was splitting and she didn’t want Cody or Carol Ann until she found out that Ernie did and that she had something to bargain with. Ernie had a beautiful, bright red, fully-restored ‘67 Camaro, and so he traded his car for Maxine’s daughter. When he told nurse Lexie that, she knew he was the pick of the litter and she was happy that she finally found a winner and revealed to Novalee that she was pregnant with number six, which the besties laughed about. As the wedding attendees left, Novalee sat alone at a table and watched the newlyweds dancing to a slow song. Meanwhile, at El Nopalito Verde café, the female driver (possibly Maxine) of a red convertible sports car stopped and told Billy (now looking more like his old Willy self) in the seat next to her that she was hungry and it wouldn’t hurt for him to eat something besides pills and whiskey. She took her keys with her because she knew how shady Willy was, who had been going to stay behind in the car but then stumbled out the door holding his alcohol bottle. He wandered around, and by nighttime he ended up outside the East End Lumber building, where he crossed the street in his drunken state to try and board a freight train. He hit his head, which brought back memories of him and Novalee in the car with her asking him if he wanted to feel the baby and he thought there was a ghost after him. Willy tripped and fell onto the train tracks and injured himself after saying he didn’t feel nothing, the same thing he told Novalee when the teens were in the car before he deserted her. A train then came around the corner and ran Willy Jack over. At Americus’s birthday party, Novalee wouldn’t let Lexie put five on the cake because she told Lexie that at five days old Americus had jaundice, at five weeks old she got ear infection, at five months old she was kidnapped, and at five years old Novalee wasn’t going to light any fires. Lexie complained again and Novalee gave in and said that it was Americus’s birthday so go ahead and light the candles. Novalee and Lexie then read in a news article that a legless man identified as W.J. Pickens was discovered Sunday afternoon in a men’s room at a rest stop near Alva. He lost his legs four months before in a train accident and had been trapped since sometime late Friday when he was robbed of his wheelchair. Novalee went to see Willy in the hospital and said that the story in the paper led her to him. He said that he had been going to see her, and she confronted him and wanted to know why after five years he thought she was going to be there waiting for him at the Wal-Mart where he left her. Novalee told Willy that she gave birth at a Wal-Mart and it was a girl named Americus and to stay away from her and Americus, to which Willy replied he couldn’t even get out of the bed and showed her his legs which had been amputated from the knee down. A nurse heard Novalee and Willy’s loud, heated conversation from all the way down the hall and came to investigate because Novalee asked Willy why he came after her and the baby all of a sudden and wanted to interfere with their lives. He said he came back to tell Novalee that he lied about not feeling the baby’s heart the last day he and Novalee were together because he did feel the heart and wrote a song about it. Willy said that he told a lie so big he would do anything to set it straight, and Novalee understood what he meant because she lied to Forney. Novalee drove without her daughter to Harpswell Hall College in Maine from Oklahoma to speak to Forney, and she searched for him in the library with the beautiful-stained glass windows. Forney wasn’t there, so Novalee took a seat and waited for him outside. She was about to leave when she spotted Forney whispering to a female amidst a group of other students. As Novalee tried to walk away, Forney saw her and went after her. She told him that Americus was okay and that she stopped in Tennessee along the way because she had to drop off an old friend (Willy Jack) who needed to go back to his home (and out of her and her daughter’s life). A female interrupted them and invited Forney to go to Sam’s for coffee, and he said he would catch up with them later. Back in conversation, Novalee told Forney that she lied to him that she didn’t love him because she really did but thought it was too late for them and didn’t matter. She said she lied because she didn’t deserve Forney, and he told her there was nothing better than her and they kissed. That eventually led to Novalee and Forney’s wedding inside a Wal-Mart. The movie cover art had the following listed: The Capital Times “Heartwarming, touching and funny,” and KNX/CBS Radio “brilliantly funny, deeply moving, beautifully acted.”  

  

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/26/23

TITLE: Victory / Escape to Victory

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This movie is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1981  Warner Bros./Paramount Pictures/Carolco Pictures/Lorimar/Victory Company/New Gold Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place at a Nazi German POW (prisoner of war) prison camp during World War II and began with a POW, Williams, trying to escape. He used wire cutters to cut the fence and get on the other side, but he got tangled in barbed wire and there was a dog that alerted the guards to his presence, and so Williams was shot on the spot and killed by several Nazi soldiers. Officials from the Swiss Red Cross arrived at the prison, and introductions were made between Colonel Waldron (the senior British officer), Herr Rinder, Herr Doktor (Red Cross), Oberleutnant Strauss, Major Karl Von Steiner, Major Rose (head of the Intelligence Committee), and Wing Commander Shurlock (head of the Escape Committee). They discussed the death of Williams and the Red Cross there for the ongoing investigation of the death to determine if it was an accident or murder. The Red Cross received access to the entire premises to investigate and the headman ordered the Red Cross people be treated well according to the spirit of the Geneva Convention while they were on-site. Major Von Steiner asked POW Captain John Colby (formerly with Westham United and England and was now head of the sports division) if the POWs had sports matches, to which Colby replied they had a league and four divisions and they even played internationals in England, Ireland, Scotland, and Wales. However, Von Steiner replied it would be considered international only if they played against Germany, and Colby said that if they did they would murder the Germans. Von Steiner mentioned t was a shame that the war ended Colby’s professional sports career, and Colby argued it was interrupted, not ended, because he was currently a POW. The POWs were on lookout when people entered and left the facility, so they witnessed the departure of the Red Cross officials. While they played cards that night, it was discussed how Von Steiner played German football (soccer in the USA) professionally. They even had their own radio hacking device and used it to listened in on conversations, such as the inhumane treatment of prisoners from East European nations and people trying to divert world attention from their losses in North Africa. The next day, Colby asked Von Steiner what the verdict on Williams was, and Von Steiner replied it was a regrettable mistake and Colby said the whole bloody war was a regrettable mistake as well. Von Steiner added that if nations could settle their differences on a football field that would be a challenge and then asked Colby to play against a team from the Wehrmacht, which was from the army base nearby. Colby talked Von Steiner into getting supplies such as boots and other proper clothing gear for the men and added that he needed special conditions and special rations where the POW team would have to live together and eat decent food (meat, fresh vegetables, eggs, and beer) all housed under the same roof. Colby said no matter what Colonel Waldron said, if Von Steiner could supply Colby with the requested items, then Von Steiner had a team to compete against. Colby added that if it was confined to just officers then he wasn’t playing. The committee in charge of the POWS then discussed the POW’s escape rumors that were going around camp where Peter Bailey was going to pole-vault over the south fence, and they all laughed about that. Hatch, an American POW who enlisted in the Canadian army for unknown reasons, told the officials his newest escape plan, and when they asked how he was going to get out of the German compound naked, he replied he had five or six ideas. During practice when Colby was assembling members for his team, Hatch played the soccer game the USA way by tackling people like USA football. British Colby told him he didn’t want the bloody American style, and Hatch replied what kind of game was that, for old ladies and fairies and so he quit. While Hatch was washing his hands afterwards, he watched a guard and counted how many seconds before he turned and walked back the other way as a strategy for his clean getaway. A committee member walked up to Hatch and whispered to him as he washed his hands as well that the committee decided they were going to help him escape. Hatch told Colby that he wasn’t going to be on the team even if Colby paid him. August 15th at the Colombes Stadium in Paris was the date set for the soccer match between the Nazi Germans and the POWs. Brit Colby got his way of having East European players on his team. Hatch had a quick appointment with Captain Lawry, who had bits and pieces of parts that he quickly assembled into a camera and would take apart later and use the pieces as they were before because he had customers like Hatch showing up and dressing in suits, for their passport photographs, which Lawry told Hatch not to smile for because they wanted that solemn and depressed criminal look associated with passport pictures. Hatch chose the identity of Marcel Dupin the electrician for his passport, and he told Lawry that he needed an address in Lyon and papers showing he was a conscripted worker. Hatch then discovered that the guards were switched, which almost ruined his escape plan until Hatch went to Colby and told him that he wanted to join the team as a trainer instead of a player (because he knew that being on the team was a one-way ticket out of the prison). Colby refused because he said he wouldn’t be responsible for Hatch’s death, but then outside Hatch told Colby the truth that he wanted to escape and convinced Colby to let him be on the team because it was Hatch’s choice if he was going to be shot or not. The East European players showed up in very poor condition, and Colby, the captain and the manager, told the newcomers that the extra food was part of the deal and they still responded to roll call three times, and apart from that they made their own rules and there was no rank because it was just a football (soccer) team. After training began, Colby spoke to Waldron, who wanted to know why he insisted on having players from the labor camps on his team because they were all skin and bones, and Waldron declared that London was saying no British officer would ever be involved in such a game. Hatch took charge and told Colby that the five men probably had lice, so they needed to be cleaned and their old clothes burned before they could move into the bunkhouse. Colby told his team that he didn’t want them to be sent back to the hard labor camps because it was certain death for them since they were near-death when they arrived, and it was the other teammates’ job to help them along. Hatch was good using his hands instead of his feet, so Colby assigned him as goalkeeper. Lawry later informed Hatch that Waldron took Hatch’s finished passport and papers and wanted to speak to him. Hatch met with the committee, who suggested he go through Paris to get to Switzerland and if he took that route they would help him along the way with contacts, names, and safe houses. Hatch declined and said he wasn’t interested in going to Paris until after the war. Waldron added that the reason they wanted Hatch in Paris was so he could contact the French Resistance and arrange the escape of the team. Waldron said the match was a propaganda stunt for the Germans, and Hatch took his passport and agreed to do it because if the French didn’t help him, then they would help him get to Spain or Switzerland. As the team showered later that night and Brit Colby distracted the guards with cigarettes and conversation, Canadian/USA Hatch climbed up into the rafters and waited hours for nighttime. In the evening, Colby and the team cleverly used a dummy and held it between them as they walked past the guards so when they took the head count they wouldn’t be one man short because the dummy looked so convincing. After lights out, Hatch was able to squeeze under one of the fences on the rooftop, climb down to the ground, and crawl past a guard with his dog. He waited for the female visitor at the officers’ quarters to leave for the night so he could hang on the side of the car opposite the drivers’ side as it drove out the gate and Hatch wouldn’t be spotted by the guards. Hatch jumped off the car at the first opportunity and fled into the woods. The next day at the train station, Hatch bought a ticket to Paris and faked French to get past the guards and onto the train by telling them he was going to Paris for a funeral. He also used the cover of traveling with a female and a small child by helping them onto the train and carrying their luggage and speaking to them as though family traveling together. The players continued to practice, now coached by Colby. Hatch went to the Rue Du Jourdain and waited for the customers to leave before he drew a “V,” symbol on the table, which the bartender immediately wiped off. Hatch then spoke with the French Resistance, and they told Hatch they didn’t want a battle in the streets and added that the Germans would have a whole battalion at least at the Colombes Stadium. Another member spoke up and said he had friends who worked at the sewer system underneath the stadium, so they had blueprints for the foundations of the stadium and there were sewers going into the Seine that were covered over now. They said they would have a look and Hatch would stay with Renée in the safe house until they got back. After they left, Renée told Hatch that the reason she didn’t want to communicate with him was because they were both on the same side and she was just there to help people escape. If she got to know each of the people who went through her safe house and then they got caught and killed, she would remember everything about them and mourn for them, but if they just passed through without a personal attachment, she would forget them. Renée told Hatch she didn’t want to mourn for him, and then added that her husband was killed the first week of the war. She moved her son, François, out of the bedroom so Hatch could sleep there that night. Meanwhile, the Nazi guards discovered the dummy head on the ground and the POWs started laughing. Von Steiner told Colby that Hatch’s escape put the major in a very bad position with the Kommandant and the high command. Colby gave Von Steiner his Boy Scout honor salute that there would be no escape during their game, but would not give him his word. The French Resistance went to the sewer tunnels below the stadium and started using pickaxes at specific points to seek out an access point for an escape route from the inside. They later told Hatch they found a foundation pipe, but it was important they identify which pipe it was and to do that they needed to get the original blueprint, and the best chance for escape would be from the visitors’ dressing room. Hatch thought that the POWs would be left alone at halftime, and a French Resistance replied that anything could happen and they could run into a concrete wall. The French Resistance told Hatch he had to go back to the POW camp to tell Colby and Waldron the plans, but Hatch didn’t want to because it took him a year to get out. They explained to Hatch that he needed to get captured again and that it was guaranteed the Germans would take him back to the same POW camp to make an example out of him and show the others that nobody could successfully escape. Hatch was told he would leave the following day, and then he gave Renée his passport and papers because they were pretty well forged and he thought that somebody else who came through the safe house would be able to use them.Upon arrival back at the camp, Hatch got out of the truck and started throwing kisses to the crowd. Hatch made a Mercury, messenger of the gods, gesture to the onlooking committee to let them know he had a message from the Resistance before he was shoved around by the guards and put into the solitary punishment block. The committee understood Hatch’s gesture and wanted to find out what the message was. They brought in Colby to tell him they sent Hatch to Paris to find an escape for the team, and even though he succeeded on his mission and had a message to relate to them, he was now in solitary confinement and wouldn’t be out of there until after the match was over. Colby told the committee that they had to get Hatch out before then so they could get his message. It was said that Colby wanted to play for the sake of the Eastern Europeans, yet he risked a court martial after the war was over. For the same reason they wanted to play, Colby must escape when he had the opportunity. The committee said since Hatch was the team trainer, Colby could use that to get him out, but Colby replied that Von Steiner and the camp Kommandant wouldn’t buy that one and they would have to think of something else. Colby and Waldron met with Von Steiner and the Kommandant, and they were informed that they would travel to Paris with other senior officers from other camps to represent their countries. Von Steiner said that he could give Colby a trainer and they didn’t need Hatch, and he mentioned that he thought Tony Lewis was the goalkeeper, not the American (joined with Canada). Colby lied that Tony broke his arm that morning, and Von Steiner replied that if the doctor verified Tony’s broken arm, they could have Hatch released. In the bunkhouse, Colby convinced Tony to take one for his team and Colby was the one who then broke Tony’s arm on the spot. The POW team arrived at the train station with Hatch. The home team was discussed prior to the POW arriving at the stadium, where it was supposed to be confirmed by Von Steiner that Germany was the home team, but he didn’t want to make that decision. The other German asked the stadium director if the room they stood in was assigned to the home team or the visitors. The director replied the visitors, and so it was decided that the prisoners would stay in that room with guards posted outside the window and at the door. The director grinned as he closed the door because he was a member of the French Resistance and worked at the stadium. On the POW train, Hatch asked Colby a serious question about where to stand for the corner kick because he wanted to be convincing enough to make it look like he could really play. Instead of telling Hatch the answer, Colby laughed at him and told him to go to sleep knowing Hatch wasn’t good at the game. Dozens of Nazi soldiers in vehicles with German shepherd dogs arrived at the Colombes Stadium first to get ready to guard the POWs. The flags were raised (such as France, England, Nazi Germany and other European flags), and the POWs were bussed into the stadium from the train station and settled into their visitor room. The Resistance parked their bus-full of armed men a block or two away from the stadium, and the men posed as city workers by putting signs up around a manhole in the street next to an outdoor café, which was part of their escape route plans for the POWs as planned. The Resistance climbed down the manhole and began their work. Meanwhile, the spectators, including Renée and François, entered the stadium to attend the match. Von Steiner spoke with his comrade about how the large crowd was madness for the security to police it. The major then discussed with another official how that official made sure the Germans would win the game because they fixed it by having the referee on their Nazi side. Von Steiner wasn’t happy about that because he gave his word that it would be a fair match, but did nothing to change the situation. In the waiting area, Colby finally told Hatch where to stand for the corner kick, which was the far post facing the ball. The Resistance made great progress in the sewer tunnels preparing for the great escape. There was even a live Nazi band that played at the start of the match. The Nazi German team wore black and white uniforms with a white bird silhouette and white Nazi symbol, and the POW team wore white uniforms with one red and blue stripe with white in between the colors. The excited British radio commentator, wearing a Nazi arm patch and the same bird symbol on his collar, televised to the listeners in England the entire Nazi event with 50,000 spectators in attendance and announced that the Germans picked a neutral to referee the match (bought and bribed ref so the Germans would win) and told his audience the match would be remembered for a long time around the world as a magnificent sporting spectacle. Renée gave flowers to her young son to run out onto the field by himself and give the flowers to Hatch and young François told Hatch “halftime,” which was the French Resistance message to the POWs through an innocent child that appeared to only be delivering a bouquet to wish a player luck. Hatch gave the flowers to Colby and relayed the message that it was on for halftime. Colby ran to the sidelines and threw the flowers into the crowd saying “Here’s to victory.” The Nazi Germans made their first score, and the British newscaster used a device to make it sound like the crowd was cheering for Germany, which fooled the people in England into thinking the was going wild for the Nazis when they weren’t. The second time the referee didn’t call a foul was when a POW player was tripped on the field, which led to a second point for the Germans and a very enthusiastic British announcer and Nazi officials. Down below in the sewers, the Resistance still worked hard to make halftime magic happen for their escapees. Hatch was fed up with the crazy ref not calling plays, and Colby jumped in and told him not to lose his temper. The POWs started doing the Nazi’s own dirty tricks on the field and playing by their rules by tripping the Germans players. One of the POWs was carried off the field on a stretcher because a Nazi German tripped him and fell badly, hurting his leg. No penalty was called on that play, but in the next play when a POW did a similar thing to a German player, a penalty was called against him even though the German player was not taken away on a stretcher and was still in the game, unlike the POW. The penalty kick sailed past Hatch for another goal for the Germans since he wasn’t allowed to move until the kick was made, meaning the score was three to nothing in favor of cheating Nazi Germany. Hatch ran out of the net area to help his team, and by doing so a Nazi was able to make a fourth goal. Colby yelled at Hatch to stay on the bloody line like he was told. Another POW went down after a Nazi German made an illegal play on the field, but it was not called by the ref again and the injured player, Luis, was walked off the field with Colby telling the others they would play ten men because they didn’t have another backup player. Then, as Hatch saved the ball from going into the goal, a Nazi kicked him in the face when he was down as his team took the ball up the field and they scored their first goal as a result and the real crowd went wild. The Resistance announced that they did it and were about to break underneath the stadium where the pipes were just as the first 45 minutes of play ended and halftime began.Back in the visitors’ room, the POWs looked into the bathtub and heard banging from underneath the floor. They gathered around and Hatch told them they were getting out of there and that their escape had been arranged all the way to the Seine River. Once they got out on the other side, they were going to blow up the tunnel and there was a boat waiting for the POWs, meaning they would be in the country within an hour. The French Resistance broke through the floor and the water drained from the tub down into the sewer. One man put up a ladder and told the POWs to follow him in a hurry. Once some of the POWs were already down the ladder, Skipper spoke up and said he didn’t want to leave because he wanted to win the match, and Colby was obviously losing his mind and chimed in that they could win. Hatch told him that this was their one and only chance for freedom which they wanted all along, not to win a game, and he added that with him as goalie, there was no chance they could win. The teammates and Brit Colby convinced Hatch that he couldn’t go it alone and they needed a goalie to win, which was more important to them than freedom. They told Hatch that if they ran now, they would lose more than a game, and even though Hatch thought they were all nuts he agreed. Everybody returned to the field to play the second half with the committee and Renée shocked to say the least to see the POWs still there. The POWs scored shortly after getting back on the field with another standing ovation from the spectators, minus the Nazi officials. Hatch finally figured out how to be goalie and stay near the net where he belonged and prevent the balls from scoring. With fifteen minutes left in the game, the POWs made another score, so it was now the Nazi German all-stars four to the Allied POWs three. As the British announcer told the radio people that the Germans were in top form, a POW stole the ball away from a Nazi German player. The POW scored again for a tied goal, but the British announcer was happy to tell everyone that the goal had been disallowed and there was no goal. Colby raged at the referee because it was a bad call and the ref knew it, as did the onlooking Nazi officials. Injured Luis went back on the field to play, and as he had the ball a Nazi was punching him in the chest area where he was hurt and the referee wasn’t calling a foul. Colby set Luis up after the ball went to Colby so number ten Luis could score the goal that tied the game. Even Von Steiner stood up and applauded the POWs with the other Nazi officials staring at him in horror. The POWs carried Luis around the field, and the crowd started chanting “Victory,” so loud that the British announcer’s voice was drowned out on his radio show.With a minute remaining, the Nazi goalkeeper kicked the ball back onto the field after he saved it from a POW scoring. A foul was called on the POWs, to which the British announcer said rightfully so and dramatized his ridiculousness by saying at the end of the game the POWs had resorted to fouling, when in fact the Brit probably knew the referee was criminal all along. To get under the skin of the Nazi player, Hatch decided to walk up to him and stare him down before he made the penalty kick. Hatch caught the ball so the Nazi Germans didn’t score, and the POWs won. The POW team celebrated their victory as the crowd broke the barriers and spilled onto the field to congratulate them, tackling the Nazi soldiers to the ground and wrestling their guns away from them from their stadium seats. Hatch made it over to Renée and hugged her (with her young son lost somewhere in the crowd of thousands of people). Von Steiner, a fellow football (soccer) player, just stayed where he was happy that the POWs won. The crowd then stormed the gate and went out into the street with the POWs somewhere in the middle of it all.The credits at the end of the movie said the Allied POWs represented the following countries: USA (through Canada), England (four players), Brazil, Argentina, Belgium, Poland, Norway, Holland, Scotland, Denmark, and Ireland. 


DATE REVIEWED: 4/25/23

TITLE: The Man In The Moon 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1991 MGM / Pathé Entertainment / Mark Rydell Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the 1950s in rural Louisiana. It began with pictures of full and blue moons and Elvis singing on the record player in the room fourteen-year-old Danielle (Dani) shared with her older sister, Maureen. Maureen was shown undressing down to her bra and underwear before she put on her nightgown. The sisters discussed Maureen’s scholarship to Duke and her leaving in a couple of weeks. She suggested that she could stay where she was and get married, and Dani asked if Maureen was considering her boyfriend, Billy Sanders, but she replied no. The next morning, Dani didn’t want to go to church because she said she hated it, and her dad, Matthew (Matt) went fishing, which was his form of church. The second Dani got home from church, she changed out of her dress and ran to the pond to go swimming, undressing as she went and then jumping into the water with the camera showing her bare bottom and nude backside. Seventeen-year-old Court Foster then undressed, keeping his underwear on (while Dani went swimming naked), and jumped into the water. Court and Dani screamed at each other because Dani said he was on private property and Court argued that she was the one trespassing since his family, the Fosters, just moved back onto the farm after having moved away fourteen years ago. Court Foster made Dani get out of the pond, and she told him to turn around and close his eyes (almost all of Dani’s bare breasts were shown as she climbed out of the water), but once she was out of the water he peeked at her naked self and told her not to hide behind the bushes because she didn’t have anything to hide. Later that evening, as Maureen headed to a country club dance with Billy, Matt stood outside and told Billy to make sure he would have Maureen home by exactly 11:20 and not take any detours, backroads, or alcohol because he was responsible for Matt’s daughter for the next five hours and seven minutes. Dani then came outside holding baby Missy and demanded to know why she had to wear a skirt for the company they were having over at the house, and Matt told Dani that when her mom told her to do something not to stand around asking her reasons. Marie Foster and her three sons, Rob, Dennis and Court, then showed up. Billy’s parents, Will and Eileen, were at the dance. When Maureen said she wanted to leave, Billy took her into the woods and started making aggressive sexual advances on her, almost raping her until she was able to talk him out of it and told him to take her home, and they broke up on the spot. Dani (wearing her underclothing this time) later went back to the pond and Court convinced her to swim with him. Back at home, Dani asked Maureen to teach her how to kiss a boy, even though she wouldn’t say in particular which boy she now liked (Court). Maureen told Dani to practice kissing her hand, and then Dani told Maureen that whenever she thought of the mystery boy, she felt like her stomach was in knots and she was going to throw up. Maureen told Dani that whatever she did not to throw up all over the boy she was trying to kiss. Dani then went and convinced Court to go swimming with her that night because he was currently doing farm work, telling him that her family wouldn’t say anything about it. That night, Dani snuck out of the house and ran to the pond. Dani and Court swam together, and she tried to flirt with him in the water, which angered Court to the point where he got out and told Dani that one of these days, someone was going to get her cherry, but it wasn’t going to be him. This was after Dani lied and said she had been kissed many times before. Mama Abby woke up and found Dani missing from her room, so she went outside and looked for her in the bad rainstorm. Dani arrived back at the house just as Abby tripped and fell on her very pregnant stomach. Matt came outside and found Abby on the ground with her head bloody from hitting it on a tree stump. He told Dani to get in the house and Maureen to get the truck keys and call the hospital because he was taking his wife there. Dr. White informed Matt that Abby had a concussion and toxemia, which meant her body wasn’t throwing off poisons, it was collecting them, and so Doc told Matt to go home because there was nothing he could do to help. When Matt got back to the house, he whipped Dani with his belt a few times. The next day, Court came to the house and apologized to Dani for the things he said to her and that he wanted to still talk and be friends with her. Dani and Court went swimming again (Court naked this time), and afterwards Dani said she wanted to know what Court’s hopes were. He replied jokingly that he hoped Dani’s boobs got bigger and her butt filled out. She told him that she wanted him to be the first boy to ever kiss her, admitting that she had lied before, and so Court kissed her. Later on, Court met Maureen when her parents weren’t home and they hit it off immediately. Court ate dinner with the girls, which didn’t go over well with Dani. Another day, Court knew that Dani was at the hospital visiting Abby, so he went to see Maureen, his new love interest, alone. Maureen asked Court if he liked Elvis, to which he replied who didn’t, and Maureen said that Dani used to adore Elvis until Court came along and basically shot Elvis out of the saddle. Court told Maureen that he and Dani were just close buddies and nothing more, so he tried to kiss Maureen, but she stopped him by telling him that she would be his friend if he wanted. He replied that he didn’t need a friend right now and managed to kiss Maureen before she ran inside to answer the ringing telephone. Just as Court was leaving, Matt drove up in his truck and Maureen told him that the hospital called because mom was having the baby. Matt rushed to the hospital, and Dani was there to give her mom support. Mama Abby later brought the new baby girl home to the family, and eldest teen Maureen came home from the field where she had been having sex with Court as they were not wearing clothes in each other’s arms and were laying on the ground together. Dani went to check on Court, who got on the tractor to finish his farmwork (he had no father and the young teen took on the responsibility at home in place of a missing father) and was distracted in thinking about him and Maureen and their secret hookup in the field. He stood up on the tractor and reached for his hat that he had left hanging on a tree branch, but young Court fell off and his body was pulled underneath the deadly farm equipment that the tractor was hitched to. Mama Marie had been on her way to bring Court his lunch that he forgot yet again, but instead she found her deceased son and saw his bloodied and mangled body. Dani arrived and Marie screamed at Dani to go away because she didn’t want her to be traumatized by the sight of Court, but Dani already saw and ran back home, where she hysterically told Matt what was wrong. Matt drove off in his truck, and when he returned home it was obvious from the look on his face that Court was dead and nothing could be done about that fact now. After the funeral, Maureen tried to tell Dani that she still wanted them to be close, but Dani replied that she never wanted to be close to Maureen ever again and blamed her for Court’s death. On Sunday, Dani told her mom that she wanted to go to her dad’s church that day, and Abby agreed. Dani and Matt went fishing, and he told Dani that hating her sister wasn’t going to bring Court back, and Maureen had always been good to Maureen and was hurting as much, if not more, than Dani. Her dad said that if his daughter got so caught up in her own pain that she didn’t see the pain in others then she might as well dig a whole and pull the dirt in on top of herself because she is not much use to anyone. Dani went to the cemetery, where she saw Maureen crying over Court’s grave, and so she comforted her older sister. The movie ended with Dani asking Maureen if they would always talk to each other even when life didn’t make sense, and Maureen replied always. The movie cover art had the following listed: Siskel & Ebert “Two very enthusiastic thumbs up” and Los Angeles Times “Deeply moving film” and Roger Ebert “A wonderful movie…a victory…a meticulously prepared masterpiece.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/24/23

TITLE: When Sparks Fly

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014 Hallmark Channel ,Bauman Productions, Oh Say Films

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: Amy, in her late teens (after high school graduation) was helping her parents (Charlie and Gloria) with their family business, Peterson Pyrotechnics, set up the fireworks for the small-town Fourth of July celebration. Amy met up with her girlfriend, Sammie, who told her that she got the patriotic outfit she was wearing from thrift stores and not eBay. As Sammie and Amy ate their cupcakes, Sammie commented that was her definition of Nirvana. They discussed Amy hiding the secret that she was leaving town from her boyfriend, Hank, and her parents and told her gal pal she was going to tell them soon. Later that night, on the dock with the loons calling on the lake under the moonlit sky, Amy told Hank that her plans had changed slightly where she was no longer going to take an internship at The Seattle Observer that would be close to his law school, but instead she was going to take her dream job at The Chicago Post. Hank held a wedding ring hidden behind his back because he had been about to propose to Amy, but because their future plans were no longer in sync, he decided to put the ring back in his pocket. Amy said they would figure out their relationship as they went along, and then they watched the fireworks together. Seven years later, in Chicago, at the conference table the boss said they needed real meaty human interest material for their readers because the ratings were down. Amy pitched a profile of everyday people they came in contact with and took for granted, such as the bus driver, the waitress at the diner, and the drycleaner, and to get to know them and their dreams and daily battles. The boss replied that was a snooze fest and he needed something explosive, and Amy replied she would circle back to him.Later on, Amy pitched an idea to her boss about interviewing pyrotechnicians because their job to organize and detonate the explosives at a firework show was pretty intense behind the scenes. The boss thought it might not be bad, (which Amy had wanted to accomplish from the beginning because she wanted to go home and see her parents on the 4thbecause that was what they did for a living and she wanted her company to pay for the vacation). Amy added that the family business was her father, in a manner of speaking, blowing up stuff for a living. After he found out Amy’s dad had been doing that for 30 years, he gave his blessing for a first-person article and gave Amy time off to write about her family and go back to Washington to get the scoop and they would run it front page on Independence Day. The boss added it was nice to see the spark back in Amy because lately it had been missing from her work and he needed more spark from her. Amy’s coworker, Wendy, busy on her phone, had a conversation with Amy about how Wendy had Jack Johnson concert tickets that night, and Amy said she had to pack but she had a dress-up dinner to go to with Phil that night, so rude Wendy told her to either cancel or just go and do it already. Amy later Skyped Sammie on her computer and told her that she hadn’t been back in seven years since the last 4th of July and showed off her black dress to her distant friend that she was wearing to her dinner date with Phil at a French restaurant. Amy took her shoes out of the oven because it was broken and she was using it for storage until the building superintendent could fix it. Amy didn’t have time to hear Sammie’s great news because she had to leave for her date but would check back with Amy. At dinner, Amy tried to order a hamburger at the French restaurant, but Phil told the waiter she was just kidding and informed his girlfriend that he already ordered for them. They ate octopus that was one bite but probably cost an arm and a tentacle. Phil said he pulled a few strings because it was booked full for a few more months and then he asked Amy if she had picked out a gown for the gala yet, which was a black-tie benefit for the opera. He reminded Amy that it was the following weekend after he got back from Abu Dhabi. Amy apologized that she couldn’t go because her work was sending her back to Lakeside, Washington, on an assignment. She laughed because the food was on fire beside their table and Phil said that it was as good as the steak Diane at Chez Jean in Paris. Amy returned home and Sammie Skyped her to tell her the news that she was getting married that weekend on the 4th of July and asked Amy to be her maid of honor. Amy said she had no idea Sammie even dated anybody and Sammie kept it a secret from her all that time, and Amy agreed to be the maid of honor. Amy then revealed that she was marrying Hank Lyons, Amy’s ex-boyfriend, and all Amy could saw was “Wow.” The next day, Amy called her mom to tell her that she was coming home to do a story on her parents and the business, and they would be photographed and they discussed Sammie and Hank and how Amy felt weird about it at first but Hank was ancient history because she hadn’t seen him in seven years and she was with Phil now. Phil stopped by Amy’s apartment then to give her a “forget me knot,” gift that he forgot to give her the night before. She asked him to go with her to Sammie’s wedding, but he said he would still be in Geneva on the Fourth, but then he said he would rearrange things and meet her in Lakeside in time for the wedding. After Phil left and Amy continued packing, a bunch of old photographs of her, Hank, and Sammy from their high school graduation literally fell at her feet. As soon as Amy arrived in Lakeside and was reunited with her parents, Sammie called Amy and told her she needed to come right away to Sammie’s house. One of the first things Amy saw at Sammie’s house was a yellow, orange, and green chair (again, Amy said wow) that Sammy reupholstered, and so Amy could understand why Sammie’s interior decorator business was slow. Sammie wanted Amy to like her “Sammie’s Designs,” on Facebook because she thought that might help her business boom. The girls got over their weirdness of Sammie dating Amy’s ex-boyfriend and marrying him, and Amy informed Sammie that Phil was coming to the wedding. Amy sympathized with Sammie that it must have been hard for Sammie to go through all of that without her mom, so as Sammie’s best friend Amy was there to help her plan the wedding. They went to see another wedding planner Marie because Sammie had seen two in the past and they weren’t what she wanted, and this planner didn’t like the red, white, and blue theme as intensely as Sammie and the planner told her to scale back on it red, white, and blue colors. The planner then went on to show the girls a picture of a Fourth of July wedding she did the previous year where everybody was dressed in black, except for the bride who wore white, because it was elegant as the planner described not to have red white and blue on the Fourth of July. Sammie told Marie it was a wedding, not a funeral. Sammie and Marie were not on the same page when it came to the plans, and so Marie left to take another appointment and left the two girls alone to look at pictures of other weddings she had previously planned. Meanwhile, at the Hank Lyons/Andy Nelson law office, Hank looked at tuxedos in a book where Sammie had marked up the pages for him to make a decision which one he wanted. Andy then asked Hank why he was marrying Sammie and not Amy, and Hank replied that he no longer had feelings for Amy and was happy with Sammie. Andy said that was fine and he was just doing his job as best man. One of their elderly clients who had yet to pay, Fred, dropped off some blueberry muffins and helped Hank pick out a tuxedo. The girls then stumbled across the boys at an outdoor eatery and joined them. That was when Hank found out that Amy was actually in his wedding because Sammie never told him she asked his ex-girlfriend to be her maid of honor (awkward moment). As Amy and Hank were both jogging around the pier, they met up and Amy was hoping to see him there because she remembered that Hank used to jog back in high school the same route as part of his daily routine from long ago and she told him so. At the dinner table with her parents, Amy’s parents were concerned that Amy rarely got to see Phil because he traveled so often and wondered how they could have a healthy relationship. They discussed how Amy had been feeling down in the dumps lately and it could have been because she was dealing with congested Lakeshore traffic and the windy city weather and the fact that the newspaper ratings were down. Then Sammie phoned and interrupted the family again and had Amy rush to her beck and call. Sammie told Amy that she just fired Marie and no doubt those were the only three wedding planners in the entire town to help Sammie. Sammie decided she didn’t want another wedding planner and that since Amy got her style and mojo that Amy (oldest and closest friend) and Sammie would plan the wedding. Sammie gave Amy a huge book then and told Amy to help in what little spare time Amy had leftover after her parents and writing her article work. The next day at Sammie’s house, Sammie told Amy she had a lot to do with wedding cake, china, bridesmaids and flowers. Amy told Sammie she would handle the fireworks with her dad later that day when she saw him again. In walked Sammie’s dad and Amy gave Ben a hug. Sammie gave her father the office chair and he didn’t want his daughter decorating anymore of his executive office and he left as soon as he came. Hank met Amy and Sammie at the cake store to decide upon which one they wanted for the wedding. Amy remembered that Hank’s favorite was the red velvet and he confirmed. Sammie liked the white chocolate but Hank and Amy were not fans of it. Amy liked the lemon cake but Sammie vetoed it. It was between the white chocolate and red velvet so Sammie said white chocolate and Hank and Amy said red velvet. Sammie told Hank white chocolate so he changed his opinion to white chocolate. Sammie then had her wedding planner book opened to page 377 and told the bakery person she wanted the 4 tier cake done in red, white, and blue as pictured with USA flags on top. Amy said it went with her theme, “stars and stripes and Sammie and Hank forever.” So, next they went shopping for dinnerware and Sammie told Hank that whenever she saw her China she would remember their wedding. Amy and Hank agreed on a plainer set where Sammie wanted something with red, white, and blue patterned. Amy left to check out more items and Dinah, the clerk, came over and wondered if Hank and Amy were getting married.  Amy then corrected the store employee and left to go meet her parents. On her way there, Amy bumped into Sylvia, an old friend from college and their college newspaper days. Sylvia worked on the air for the local Lakeside news. Amy asked her dad upon arrival to take photos of his fireworks for the article she was writing and also Amy needed some for her wedding. Dad revealed to his daughter then that they would need to order fireworks for Amy since he didn’t have much stock because things were tight the last couple of months and that is why they had low inventory. Dad said they had some cancellations. Amy pointed out the fact that this year’s fireworks would not arrive until the day before so her parents were putting a lot of pressure on themselves to get everything set up in one day for the 4thof July celebrations. Dad assured his daughter that once they receive the town’s payment then everything would be fine. Later on, the bridesmaids tried on their red and blue gowns. Amy was then elected by the other two females to talk Sammie out of her gown choice for them. Sammie then appeared out of the dressing room in her red, white, and blue stars and stripes gown. The women told Sammie that her arms looked great, her waist looked small and Sammie’s country salutes herafter she asked for their opinions and had a group hug afterward. At the florist shop, Sammie ordered red, white, and blue roses for the entire wedding party as Amy laughed at Hank’s having to do a 4th of July intervention on Sammie after Sammie walked away. Sammie told Hank to hang in there and said their goodbyes. Hank followed Amy out of the store and asked for her help with the rehearsal dinner and that Sammie asked him to ask Amy. Amy told him she would help in addition to the bridal shower she was planning for Sammie and her work article on her parents (who she is rarely around). Another time, Hank and Amy showed up at a fancy restaurant to meet with Mr. Roth, the manager in their not so fancy attire. So instead of staying because the male waiter was snotty, Amy and Hank bailed out on their 11 am appointment and got lost as Hank drove them to the Eagle’s Nest in his truck. They text the Eagle’s Nest for directions (even though they may not have been lost) and told the catering place they would be late so the two could stop and eat at Lew’s BBQ (the teens old hookup joint). Back at Sammie’s house, her two bridesmaids discussed how Sammie must have a mental lapse to let Hank and Amy plan alone together since the two might still have feelings for one another. Amy told Hank as they ate ribs that she would want that BBQ for her last meal with it dripping down her face so he wiped her face in an intimate moment with his napkin as she had some then on her mouth. Lew came out Hank told him that Amy was now writing for the Chicago Post. Lew offered them peach cobbler for dessert and added that Amy liked it with a scoop of ice cream so she said that Hank and her would split one together. Lew said he always remembered his best customers. Amy and Hank looked at the carving with “Amy and Hank” inside the heart on the bench outside with pretty flowers and were happy it was still there at their old hangout. Hank asked then if he thought it would be ok for the rehearsal dinner be held at Lew’s and Amy replied she didn’t know how Sammie would feel about it since Hank never took Sammie there. The two then discussed decorating at Lew’s as though planning their own wedding rehearsal dinner and not Hank and Sammie’s and then the two shared their idea with Lew. Afterward, Lew congratulated Hank and Amy on their upcoming wedding and thought it was about time they were hitched but was told it was Hank and Sammie’s wedding. Lew thought it was a joke and was flabbergasted to know that Amy and Hank weren’t the two tying the knot. Amy and Hank appeared to Lew as though time had stood still and the two high school sweethearts were just the same as seven years before. Hank dropped Amy off at her parents house and told her she was fearless for following her dreams to Chicago and was happy things worked out for her. Amy replied that it seemed pretty good on paper her whole hectic life she had but felt like none of it were real and if she looked beneath the surface she would not find anything. Amy told Hank that she had never met anyone who was easier to talk to then Hank and told him he had such a wonderful way about him and hoped she told him that when they were together. Amy went inside to find her parents working so late then and wondered why. Mom noticed that her daughter looked extremely happy and Amy told her that she was with Hank all day. Amy added that her parents were old school and had no website and barely used the computer for their business. Amy said word of mouth is not enough for survival anymore and suggested her parents get into social media to market their business and start tweeting. Amy volunteered to teach them the basics and get them up and running before she went back to Chicago. Later on at Amy’s parent’s house, they had Sammie’s bridal shower. Sammie thanked Amy for the red, white, and blue theme that Sammie wanted and was happy her friend went all out for her. Then the females played the toilet paper dress and veil game and Amy was picked as one of the bride’s that modeled the designer toilet paper gowns. Sammie picked team Amy as the winner that meant Amy would be married next. Hank walked in and Amy told him that she was going for T.P. chic. Sammie saw Hank enter and talking to Amy so she went over and started kissing him a lot in front of his ex girlfriend.Amy left to remove her hideous bathroom attire. When it was over, mom cleaned up the mess as Amy blankly stared in a depressed state of mind. Amy then told her mom that she sounded crazy for still having feelings for Hank. Amy said she is with Phil but she has feelings for Hank. Mom said she is going to lose Hank for good, which is making her feel that way. Amy said she had to grow up and face reality that Hank was marrying Sammie and Phil was her boyfriend and that cannot be changed. In walked Phil with Charlie then. Phil met Gloria (mom) then. Amy took Phil around the small town and showed him the sites while they held hands as though Amy were madly in love with Phil and not Hank. Phil wanted to know what else Amy hid from him because her parents had their names on the 4th of July signs in town. Sammie then showed up and hugged Phil as though she knew him for years as part of her bubbly act. Meanwhile, Hank and Andy tried on their tuxedos with red, white, and blue bowties and Andy did not want to wear his. Sammie, Amy and Phil arrived and introductions were then made. Phil was the only one to agree with Sammie that the matching cummerbunds were great for the 4th of July wedding. The next morning, Phil came down to breakfast in his nice suit and Charlie (dad) told him he might want to put on some Bermuda’s because it was going to be hot that day but Phil said he was more comfortable in a suit. Gloria then received a call from Bill at the City Council immediately because the water main broke last night and invited Charlie and Gloria to attend their special meeting. Phil told Amy that he had to wait at the house for a special conference call he had and Amy told him she would come back and pick him up after the meeting is over that she planned to go to with her parents. In front of the Via Mexico restaurant, the city workers tried their best to fix the water spouting out of the ground and had big piles of dirt dug up as a result around the city’s 4th of July decorations. The Peterson family met up with Hank who came out of his law office to investiage the situation himself. Hank tagged along to attend the meeting. Bill the town’s official then told the group that there was no funding to fix the water damage and had to reallocate funds slated for the fireworks. Charlie disputed that decision and spoke up. Bill said it was already decided that the 4th of July fireworks show was cancelled. Charlie and Gloria discussed having to sell their company when they were alone after the meeting. Amy emerged with Hank then and told her parents nobody was selling anything and suggested they raise the money on their own for the fireworks. Her parents said they didn’t like asking people for money. Amy said it wasn’t charity but tradition since the town has had fireworks for 4thof July fireworks at Lakeside every year since she had been alive and felt the town would rally around that and Hank added it was an ambitious idea but not impossible. Amy said nothing is impossible (and left out God). Hank said corporate sponsorship was the best way to go as the two walked away together alone. Hank offered to help by hitting up some of the big players in town since he was in rotary with a lot of those guys. Hank called Sammie then and asked her dad, Ben, to pitch in with a money donation, which Ben did and then Ben made a few calls to some of his wealthy associates to get more funding. As the wedding party gathered to setup for the wedding, Amy told Hank with Phil next to her that she doubts they will have enough funding to make the fireworks happen in time for the grand event. Phil chimed in and said he would contribute any amount needed to make the fireworks happen. Phil then spotted Sammie attempting to organize the chairs but having challenges so he excused himself to come to Sammie’s rescue and get things done for her, leaving Amy and Hank alone. Hank and Amy then discussed a kickstarter campaign that Hank saw on Facebook many times before that might help them out. Sammie complained the arch was black not white and Phil told them to replace it. Sammie then spotted Amy and Hank talking and ignoring her calls so she went over and interrupted the two, leaving Phil starring after her. Sammie told them to put the fireworks stuff on hold and Amy told her that she ordered the white arch. Sammie asked Amy to fix the mix up with the rental company but Phil joined them and told Sammie he already handled it. Sammie thanked Phil. Phil told everyone he was having fun in Lakeview (Lakeside). Later that day, Amy used her laptop at home to setup a funding website account online “Save the 4th.” Gloria (mom) was there when Amy launched the account and both hoped it would work. At Lew’s later that evening, everyone showed up for the rehearsal dinner. The couples switched upon arrival where Sammie and Phil hit it off while Amy and Hank talked like old chums but then split up with Ben came to get his daughter and future son-in-law, Hank. Phil went to get drinks so Lew spoke to Amy and asked Amy if she were OK with all of it with someone else marrying her guy, “Hank.” Amy obviously lied and told Lew her guy was Phil even though Amy’s eyes were on Hank as they talked. Lew told Amy his daughter was 12 years old then and Hank arrived on scene. Hank asked Amy to dance and cupid Lew told Amy when a man asked her to dance, she must dance. Amy and Hank slow danced for old times sake and discussed the contributions for the fireworks. Amy replied they were good but not enough to save the day. On the sidelines the bridesmaids told Sammie that the two ex’s looked awful chummy, which Sammie did not want to hear. Hank took that opportunity to then tell Amy that he was going to propose to Amy that night years ago on the 4th of July when she told him the news she was moving to Chicago and that he had a ring and everything. Sammie then stole her fiance’ for a dance and Phil danced with Amy. Amy and Hank starred at each other while dancing with their partners until Amy ran off the dance floor in her emotional state to sit outside on the bench with the carved heart of her and Hank’s name. Hank found Amy there later and told him to go back inside, but he stayed. Ben then called everyone around to toast Sammie and Hank…the almost married couple. Sammie appeared but Hank was nowhere in sight. Hank had to be called multiple times and he still didn’t show leaving Sammie embarrassed and alone on stage. Back on the bench, Amy cried to Hank that she went after the wrong dream and didn’t realize it until that moment and she ruined everything for her future and wished she had stayed and married Hank. By moving to Chicago, she lost the person she cared about the most and now she knows she is in love with Hank and told him so then. Sammie listened but then interrupted the couple on their love bench before they could kiss and Hank could declare his love for Amy. Sammie confronted backstabbing Amy and told Amy that was her whole game was to steal Hank away and the reason she came back to town. Amy denied that. Sammie turned on Hank and called him out for his smoke and mirrors behavior and the time they were together and plans they made that wasn’t in his heart to begin with. Sammie, in tears, left the two alone and Hank followed after Sammie. Sammie grabbed the microphone away from her dad and announced to the crowd that she was sorry to spoil the party but the wedding was off and it they wanted to know why then to ask Amy Peterson.Amy went after Sammie as Sammie stormed out of Lew’s. Sammie upset, did not want to listen to lying Amy any more in the parking lot so she drove off in her convertible coral Volkswagen bug. Hank ran out of the building and told Amy they needed to put whatever they had on hold to go and find Sammie and Amy agreed. Phil ran out of the building and Amy told him she would explain later and got in the truck with Hank to find Sammie and left Phil standing alone in the parking lot. The two finally found Sammie staring at a glass window in town looking at the red white and blue China set she wanted for the wedding, on the dark street. Amy told Hank to go talk to Sammie since Sammie would not speak to Amy, so Hank did. Amy got out of the truck to watch the two intimately conversing and hug so then Amy walked away. The city workers were still working hard in the street that night to fix the water breakage mess with Sylvia’s film crew filming as the city crew worked. Amy stopped and spoke to Sylvia and Amy asked Sylvia to interview her on camera then to get her family’s perspective of the cancelled fireworks show and possible the attention she needed to get the donation money for her online crowd funding account. Sylvia set everything up quickly and on the spot they had the interview underway televised live. Amy begged for help with money on TV and told people to donate that night to make their town’s fireworks celebration continue another year. Sylvia wrapped it up with hoping the town gets that miracle and donations flow in to save the 4th festivities. Phil watched Amy on TV with Charlie and Gloria from Amy’s home. Amy made it back to the house and Amy’s parents left the room so Amy and Phil could talk. Amy apologized to Phil for things getting out of control and explained that her old feelings for Hank came back all of a sudden. Phil stopped her then and told Amy that he never really thought Amy was the “one” for him even though they had a lot of good times together and sooner or later they were bound to go their separate ways. Phil told Amy that Lakeside was her home and where she belonged and not Chicago. Phil told her he would get a hotel that night and they were no longer a couple and asked Amy to thank her folks for the hospitality. The next day Gloria told Charlie and Amy that she was being a killjoy by telling them they ought not to order fireworks when they don’t have the money to pay for them yet. Amy told her mom to keep the faith while Charlie said he had to order the fireworks that were canceled. Amy and Gloria chatted over coffee where Amy told her mom she messed her best friend’s wedding up, and her own life too in one night and that Phil and her broke up too and the downward spiral she was on. Mom assured her daughter things would work out. Amy told her mom that Hank and her were on hold. Charlie then called Amy (not his wife) to the computer downstairs where fireworks went off and it showed “Thank you” on screen confirming that they reached their money donation goal and told his daughter she did it. Amy corrected him and said they all did it and that it was a great ending to her article but not sure she could say the same thing for her life. At Sammie’s house, Amy showed up with her and her friend, Sammie’s, traditional cupcake and also apologized to Sammie. Sammie told Amy that she wasn’t ready to forgive Amy yet for her revealing her true feelings to Hank. Amy told Sammie that her and Phil broke up. Sammie said that Hank and her talked last night and they both decided not to go through with the wedding and added she created a fictional fantasy about a great life with Hank in her head to begin with and that her own mom would have set her straight (had Sammie’s mom not been deceased) about how Sammie was only in love with wedding, not the groom, which is not the right reason to get married. Then Amy asked her BFF how long she planned to be mad at her as she slid her cupcake bribe (not bride) gift to Sammie. Sammie replied she might make Amy suffer a bit longer and then licked the frosting with her finger. Amy asked Sammie to help her with the plans for the 4th of July and Sammie picked up the cupcake and said she would as they both shared it together. Later on, Hank showed up at the picnic grounds and invited Amy, in her white mini dress, to walk with him. They discussed how they made a great team working together crowd funding since it was a success. Hank told Amy that when she moved away he and her friends went on living without her and that he was all right until Amy came back and that was when he realized how much he loved Amy. Amy told Hank there was no more Chicago for her because Phil and her broke up and she wasn’t going back to the big city because she wasn’t happy there and her home was in Lakeside with the people she loved, which included Hank. The red, white, and blue wedding cake was still served at the 4th of July picnic. Amy congratulated Sammie on pulling off the decorations for the festivities and encouraged her friend to give up interior decorating because she was great at party planning. Amy told her parents she sent her article to the Chicago Post and they printed it on the front page and showed them the printed copy of her mom and dad’s photo along with caption, “Family Fireworks.” Amy then told Gloria and Charlie that she also sent in her resignation too and said she would apply for the much-needed marketing position within her parents company. Charlie hired Amy on the spot and they high fived it out and worked together to set up the town explosives for later that evening. Wearing firemen jackets later that night, the trio and Hank set off the fireworks for the townspeople, with Amy doing the honors of lighting it up. Phil then approached Sammie, in her red, white, and blue attire in his red, white, and blue Uncle Sam hat. Phil told Sammie that his new favorite holiday was the 4th of July and sat cozily with Sammie to enjoy the rest of the fireworks show. A quiet moment alone found Amy telling Hank that if he ever wanted to pop the question she heard the 4th of July was a great time to do it underneath the fireworks. Hank got down on one knee then and the two were engaged on the spot that night.  The film lacked the true patriotic meaning of July 4th and our One Nation Under GOD USA freedom country (perhaps that was the intent of the producers.) It was filmed in Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada, according to online.


  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/23/23

TITLE: Designer Pups 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014 Engine 15 Media Group/Mill Creek Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in California, where a teenage girl named Stacy Leiman woke up in the morning and headed to an interview for a fashion job with a male Michel (pronounced Michelle), one of the top designers. Stacy’s parents let her take their home business van that they used for their mobile pet grooming to the interview because Stacy’s car was in the shop after she wrecked it. Mom called Stacy while she was driving and told her that their biggest customer, Mrs. Greenwood, had a grooming emergency and she needed Stacy to groom her dog, Princess, for the mayor’s ball the Greenwoods were hosting that night. In the waiting room, the obnoxious, valley girl Secretary Samantha didn’t want to know why Stacy was three and a half minutes late for her interview and told her to go sit down. A female ran out of celebrity Michel’s office in tears, and then Stacy was sent in. Michel flipped through Stacy’s designs and dissed all of them, commenting on the dog hair and grass stains on her clothes and the fake Michel basically put her down every chance he got with every breath he took. He then told Secretary to cancel the rest of the day’s appointments and rudely dismissed Stacy. In the parking lot, adult model Chloe Martel’s car was broken down and she needed a ride to a fashion event, so she decided to hitch a ride with teenage Stacy instead of wait for the backup car. Chloe looked through Chloe’s clothing sketches and thought they were great. Later that night, Stacy and her family watched the Clockwork TV show to see the top designers competing for the Spring Forward award. The show announcer said the worst dress was the one Chloe was wearing that belonged to Michel, and he added comments that Chloe should look in the mirror before she went out and Michel earned the Fall Back award. The next day, Secretary informed Michel that Chloe called and said she no longer needed his services, but she wouldn’t say who her new designer was. Once Secretary walked out of the room, Michel started hitting himself in the head with the couch pillows. It turned out Chloe got in contact with Stacy and wanted her to design a dress for Chloe. Stacy’s family all did a fist bump after they saw on TV that the dress their daughter designed for Chloe stunned everyone. When Michel saw Stacy’s dress on the TV, he had a mental breakdown and screamed like a madman for all of his employees to be fired and then started hitting things. Stacy met with Chloe the following day, and Chloe told her that she needed a new dress for the upcoming Hollywood Gala. She added that she had friends at upcoming red carpet events and told them to go to Stacy for dresses. Secretary told Michel that seven of his clients went to Stacy. Desperate Michel hired an intern named Eric full time and told Secretary and Eric to sabotage Stacy as their paid jobs. As the weeks passed, Stacy’s name moved up the chart of top ten designers (#1 Michel, # 2 James St. James, #3 Stacy Leiman, #4 Brandon Lee, #5 Regis Khan, #6 Teagan Summer, #7 Adi, # 8 Joe Matthews, # 9 Courtney Keller, and # 10 Anna) while Michel lost fans and his temper as male host was brutally criticizing Michel’s designs. Eric and Secretary spied over the fence on underage Stacy in her workshop in her parent’s backyard. The host said that the show would announce the third and final designer of the North American Designer Championship. The winner would receive a trip to Paris, where they would compete in the World Designer Finals. The announcer then declared that Stacy stitched her way into the championship. Secretary and Eric went to Michel with the news that they had been spying on Stacy and discovered that her dogs, Stella and Coco, were helping her design her dresses, so Michel told his hired goons to get rid of the dogs. While Eric broke into the workshop in the backyard and stole Stacy’s designs, Secretary lured Stella and Coco to her using a line of dog treats (however, Eric lost the peacock feather on his hat in the process at the home). Stacy and Chloe weren’t at home because they were at the spa, which Chloe explained was a perk from one of her fashion shows. In Michel’s office with Stella and Coco locked in crates, Michel told his minions to clip the dogs’ paws so they wouldn’t be able to sew anymore. Stacy came home and found her dogs missing, and when her mom called the police they informed her that it couldn’t be considered a dognapping for 48 hours. Stacy’s parents and brother, Caden, and Chloe told Stacy to focus on winning the championship while they took matters into their own hands and searched for Stella and Coco. While Stacy was in her workshop, she found the peacock feather. The next morning, Chloe gave Stacy a pep talk that everybody else saw she was a great designer and she needed to have more faith in herself. Meanwhile, Stella and Coco were put in the closet after they made an escape attempt. On TV, Stacy saw a picture of Michel and his minions and realized that the feather on Eric’s hat was the same one she found in her workshop. Stacy knew that Michel was behind it all, and the next day she went to his office and told the snotty secretary she needed to see Michel because he stole her designs and her dogs. Secretary played dumb and told Stacy that the next appointment with Michel concerning dognapping was in two months. However, Stacy stormed into Michel’s office anyway. Of course, he denied everything, and Stacy commented on how Michel’s newest dress design closely resembled one of her own, and she found a piece of dog hair attached to it. Michel basically said that after he won the competition, Stacy’s dogs would be returned to her. Stacy updated her parents on what happened and said she needed to let Michel win to get Stella and Coco back. Dad told her that she could do that or stand up for herself and beat Michel, and no matter what Stacy chose to do, her parents would back her up. Stacy decided she was going to win. The three remaining designers (Michel, Stacy, and James St. James) were given two weeks to design three unique dresses using fabrics sent to them by the competition officials. Michel had a plan that he said was like stealing candy from a baby because he sent Secretary and Eric to the seamstress with his designs and told them to spy on Stacy because he didn’t have the time to do that petty stuff himself. Secretary took photos of Stacy’s dresses in her workshop to bring to Michel. Backstage at the fashion show, Stacy told Michel that she didn’t know the meaning of the word “lose,” and he said that the school system had failed yet another child. Stacy and Chloe agreed that Michel was a creep because he knew their every move. Stacy said her family was weird sometimes to Chloe and her so-called designer model chums after they visited Stacey backstage to wish their daughter and sister good luck before the show started. Stacey had her family go back and sit in the audience almost as soon as they arrived behind scenes. Michel told Stacy that he hoped she wouldn’t get more points than him, otherwise she wouldn’t get her dogs back. The first round of cocktail dresses were short and revealing. Chloe distracted Secretary by using a deep voice that Michel would use to call her away so Chloe could find Stella and Coco. She set them free from their crates and took off their shock collars. The second round had evening dresses, and the last round was “garbage gone glam.” James St. James’s model wore black lipstick, black tights, and a very short dress. James was quietly watching and listening to Michel talk to Stacy and then telling Eric to get the dogs, so James was figuring out that Michel was shady in some way but kept it to himself. Michel’s dress literally looked liked it was made out of garbage shaving, and Stacy’s design was a newspaper dress. Chloe started flirting with Eric to distract him and cover up her reason for being in that area when Eric appeared to get the dogs. Secretary had gone to see if Michel needed anything else. Stacy beat Michel by one point and won the championship, so she was headed to Paris. Michel then came out on the runway and interrupted the announcer and told him that Stacy cheated and she had help designing her dresses from her dogs. He showed everyone the crate, but inside the crate were two stuffed dogs instead of Stacy’s actual dogs. Michel admitted on live TV that he sent his assistant and secretary three days before to copy Stacy’s designs, and so security was called to take Michel away for cheating. Stella and Coco then came onstage in their designer doggie outfits. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/20/23

TITLE: Alpha

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2018 Columbia Pictures/Sony Pictures/Studio 8/The Picture Company

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 2

REASON: This movie takes place in the last Ice Age, in Europe 20,000 years ago and began with a tribe hunting a herd of buffalo. They chased the buffalo over a cliff to their deaths, but Keda, the teenage son of the chief, Tau, was attacked by a bull who had Keda hooked on his horn and ran straight to the cliff. Father Tau pierced the bull in the side with his spear and it stopped right at the edge with the son dangling over the cliff side. One week before this, the young tribal men were tested on carving arrowheads to their leader’s satisfaction. Keda and one other teen male, Kappa, passed, but then they and those who failed were all beaten to a pulp by the adult tribesmen as part of the lesson. A ceremony was held by a female shaman to initiate them. Keda’s mom, Rho, told Tau that she was concerned her son wasn’t ready for the Great Beast hunt because he led with his heart, not his spear, but Tau replied that Keda needed to prove himself and support his tribe so they would survive the winter. Tau’s tribe met up with another tribe along the way and they joined together. That tribe’s leader, Xi, told Tau that his own son died and he hoped Keda would make his dad proud. The tribe then hunted a warthog for dinner, and Tau encouraged Keda to finish the kill quickly by telling him that he was taking a life to give life to his tribe. Keda hesitated and tried to apologize for taking the animal’s life, but Tau pushed him out of the way and killed the warthog himself. At their campfire that night, they heard a strange noise but didn’t know what it was, so leader Tau told them to stay alert. However, the moment they sat back down, a cave lion grabbed Keda’s friend Kappa and killed him and ate him for dinner.At another stop, Keda got tattoos on his hand to match Tau’s. His dad told him that the stone markers left by their ancestors would guide them to their destination during the day, and Keda’s marks would now guide him at night. Back in present day, Keda was thrown over the cliff by the buffalo but managed to grab onto the cliff wall. He slipped and landed on a ledge further down, unconscious after the hard fall onto the rock. Xi wouldn’t allow Tau to climb down and rescue Keda and instead convinced him to leave his son for dead, which upset Tau greatly. It turned out that Keda was not dead, but in fact passed out, and he woke up when a vulture tried to eat him by biting his lip and Keda threw it over the edge. He dangled from the cliff wall by holding onto it until it started raining very hard and made a fast-flowing river in the canyon below, which Keda jumped down into. The water eventually drained away, and Keda put a splint for his broken foot and made it back to the top of the cliff, where he discovered that his dad left a stone grave marker for him. He heard a pack of wolves and spotted them in the distance, so he headed in the opposite direction. Keda slept the night in a tree, and the next day he filled a container with water and ate a worm. He was then chased up the tree by the five wolves, and he stabbed the one who tried to grab his leg and pull him down. The wolves stayed by tree until morning, and Keda woke up to find the injured wolf (later to be named Alpha) barely alive. Keda was going to kill Alpha, but he couldn’t and instead muzzled the wolf and carried her to a cave safe from the hyenas. Keda treated his foot and leg injury using natural medicine he made, and Alpha was feeling better and used her paws to take the muzzle off. Keda cautiously gave Alpha a bowl of water, which calmed her enough for Keda to treat the wolf’s wounds. Keda hunted a rabbit and started a fire to cook it. Alpha tried to snatch the prey, but Keda smacked her and then ate a piece of the raw meat to show the wolf he was the dominant alpha. Keda made Alpha wait a while for her turn to eat. When Keda’s leg was better he started on his journey home, leaving Alpha, her injuries healed as well, behind in the cave. However, Alpha followed him, so Keda tamed the wolf to come to him when he whistled, and Alpha helped him hunt and became Keda’s companion. Winter came quickly, and Alpha left to join her pack again. Keda trudged on through the snow and eventually encountered Alpha and the pack. He ran towards the wolves, but then he fell through the ice and was trapped beneath it until he used his knife to break the ice and Alpha pulled him out of the water. Keda and Alpha later encountered a tent and a man who was frozen stiff sitting outside. Keda took the dead man’s bow and arrow. He and Alpha were later chased into a cave by a pack of hyenas, and then a cave lion appeared. Alpha fended the big cat off so it wouldn’t hurt Keda, and then Keda killed the lion with an arrow. They continued on their way, and Keda stumbled into his tribe’s camp carrying the injured Alpha in his arms. His parents were overjoyed to see that he was still alive, and inside the tent Alpha gave birth to a litter of five puppies, which grew within the tribe. On the movie cover art, the following were listed: “Captivating,” Owen Gleiberman, Variety. “Awe-inspiring,” David Fear, Rolling Stone. “Beautifully filmed and deserves to be seen,” Pete Hammond, Deadline.  The movie photography began in Canada 2016. It grossed over $99 million at the box office on a $51 million budget.


  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/20/23

TITLE: Uncle Nino 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2003 Questar Entertainment / Kick The Can Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 2

REASON: The movie began in the Italian countryside of Buon Convento, where an older man named Nino, in his 70’s, packed his bags (which included a picture of Abraham Lincoln and a bottle of his homemade wine that he hid in his shirt inside his suitcase) to leave for America and visit his nephew, Robert Micelli (in his mid 50’s), and his wife Maria and family in Glenview, Illinois. Meanwhile, three juvenile delinquent boys, Robert’s fourteen-year-old son, Bobby, and his delinquent friends, Joey and Bones, toilet papered in the dark the neighbor Jerry’s trees and bushes. Robert was stressed out because he was trying to get a promotion at work and he didn’t like Bobby blasting his electric guitar in the morning before school and his twelve-year-old daughter, Gina, slamming the doors and always begging for a dog. Robert was being picked up in a limo to go to the airport for business, and outside the house Bobby’s shady friends told him to ask Robert if they could have band practice at his house. However, Robert was on a business call and didn’t have time to listen to his son’s question, but he told Bobby to mow the lawn when he got home from school. Jerry confronted Robert and informed him that Bobby was with his druggie smoker friends the previous night toilet papering Jerry’s house. Robert replied that he meant to talk to his son about it, but he didn’t have the time. Nino arrived at the airport in America, but he was distracted reading his English phrasebook that he used the ladies’ bathroom. A female who spotted Nino there called security. At school, Bobby and his punks-without-parents boys, were then bullied by the older students who belonged to the boy band, Cobra. Cobra told Bobby’s band, Carp, that being in the upcoming battle of the bands wasn’t usually for freshmen or their class of people. When Robert finally arrived at his meeting, he found a letter from Nino in his briefcase. He got out of the meeting room and called Marie. His wife was at the pet store with Gina (who begged to go in and see the dogs) but Robert’s answer was again no. Robert quickly told Marie that his Uncle Nino from Italy was there in America and they needed to pick him up at the airport. Marie didn’t even know Robert had an uncle, and he told Marie they had three weeks’ notice about Nino’s coming but they didn’t know thanks to Gina, who had been holding onto the letter with the other mail for the past three weeks. Robert then had a private conversation with his boss, Stuart, who told Robert if he could follow it through with the project, Robert would get the promotion with stock, an executive compensation package, and a parking space in the building. Marie finally picked Nino up from the airport. Nino settled into his room and overheard Marie lecturing Bobby because he wasn’t supposed to have his friends over at the house while his parents were out, and Bobby argued that they weren’t in the house, they were having band practice in the garage. Bobby didn’t want to go meet Nino and instead shouted that he hated that place. Marie brought home Chinese takeout and she and Nino (Gina was at her friend’s house and Bobby said he wasn’t hungry) ate together and had wine from a box, which they could barely choke down. Marie said she loved wine (just not from a box), so Nino went to get a bottle of the Italian wine he brought with him, which Marie liked much better. The next morning, Nino was up before everybody else outside playing his violin. Nino then listened to Robert and Bobby bickering, and he was unsettled to say the least. Robert asked Bobby tough questions because he was concerned with what Jerry said, and Bobby said he didn’t smoke or take drugs, but he wasn’t sure if his friends were drug-users (he knew). He then lied that he didn’t participate in the vandalism across the street, and Robert told him to mow the lawn after school because he didn’t do it the previous day like he was told. Nino wanted to go to the cemetery with his nephew to visit his deceased brother’s grave, but Robert replied that he would be too busy with work for the next couple of weeks and offered for Marie to take Nino, but he only wanted to go with Robert. Marie took Nino grocery shopping, where he sampled things from the produce section and then put them back on the display after making disgusted faces. A store clerk came over and told Nino that it wasn’t a salad bar and he had to pay for that food before he could eat it. Marie was putting bagged salad in her cart, and she turned around to see Nino in a heated discussion telling the clerk that he wasn’t going to pay for no-good food. A crowd gathered around, and then Marie dragged Nino away. Later on, Bonnie Smith, (who lived down the street, was the president of the Homeowners Association and the Garden Club, and the vice president sales rep for a cosmetic company), felt the need to introduce herself to Nino, who was sitting on the porch. She also wanted to know if Marie was home so she could try to sell her makeup products, and Nino replied that Marie was gone and tried to offer Bonnie his wine, but she rushed off. Later on, Nino and Bobby connected with their love of music (violin and electric guitar), and Nino wanted to know where a picture of Abraham Lincoln was among Bobby’s posters in his room, which included Britney Spears. Bonnie then knocked on the door to tell Marie that somebody cut down the flowers at the entrance to the subdivision, and she told the police but didn’t think they would do much more than “look into,” the vandalism and patrol the area more. Later that night, when Robert came home late from work, Marie was staying up waiting for him and told him that Nino was the one who stole the flowers and gave them to her. Marie and Robert both agreed that Bonnie should get a life. Robert told Marie that because Stuart had to go to Toronto the weekend before the presentation, the company had to move everything up to Toronto for a final run-through. Robert wanted Marie to come to Toronto with him so they could spend time together, and she agreed. At her store clerk job, Marie and her female associate discussed getting a man to understand that sometimes life would be easier if he had a nine-to-five job and dinner with his family instead of working long hours and being away all the time. Bobby managed to convince his buddies to listen to Nino play his fiddle, and afterwards they all agreed that they wanted Nino to play in their band. Nino told Bones not to smoke because one of his friends died from smoking and Abraham Lincoln never smoked. Bones decided to get rid of his cigarette. When Marie and Robert got back home, they found Nino and the kids in the kitchen covered in flour because he was teaching them to make pizza. Robert wanted to know what a dog was doing on the table, and Gina replied that the dog’s name was Lucky (the same dog up for adoption in Petland that Gina had been eyeing) and Uncle Nino got her for Gina. Robert said he didn’t care and was taking the dog back, and Gina told her dad that she hated him and ran out of the room. Marie later told Nino that Robert wasn’t mad at him for getting the dog and that he was just under a lot of stress-related work. The topic turned to Robert’s younger sister, Dianna, and how they grew apart after their parents died and they never saw each other anymore. Robert decided not to return adopted Lucky, as he was a part of the family. Jerry collected Bones’ cigarettes that he found on his lawn and put them on Robert’s lawn. Robert and Marie left for Toronto and Nino was in charge of the kids. He immediately started digging up the entire front lawn for a garden, and Bobby freaked out because he didn’t think that was what his dad wanted, but Nino assured him that Robert gave his approval. The troubled neighborhood kids and siblings decided to help out, and Bobby was actually glad because he didn’t have to mow the lawn anymore. Bones told Nino that he was quitting his smoking and Nino was happy to hear that. Nosy Rosy Bonnie drove by watching the kids and Nino working together to dig the garden. Marie was in the Toronto hotel room when Robert called her (she was disappointed it wasn’t the kids) and told her he was delayed at work when they had been hoping to go out and tour the city. Stuart waited until Toronto to tell Robert that two days ago they hired John Cummings, who had connections to National Life, because Stuart thought Robert needed some help to seal the deal. His boss suggested Robert go and listen to what John had to say in his presentation because John was good for the company and Robert. When Robert and Marie arrived back home and saw that the entire lawn had been dug up, Robert took out his bad work experience on his son, who told Robert that all his dad cared about was work and Bobby didn’t even want to move into a bigger house, not to mention being the new kid in school and making friends wasn’t easy. Robert ended up taking Nino to the cemetery like he had wanted all along, where Nino had an emotional experience at his brother’s grave and told his brother that he never forgot him and loved him. Nino gave Robert an explanation about how he was a very bad man in Italy and went to prison.Robert told Marie about it when they returned home. Nino didn’t go to his brother’s funeral because he was in prison in his own country, Italy, for stealing (and possibly other things) and didn’t know about the accident his brother died from in the USA until two years after he got out of jail. However, Nino and his brother weren’t even in contact with each other for the majority of their lives after their dispute (when Nino got in with the wrong after the girl he fell in love with and she married someone else) and they lived in separate countries. That argument was the last time Nino and his brother, Robert’s father, they ever spoke. In his elder years, Nino had a heart attack six months ago and decided he now wanted to come to America (It did not show Nino’s family in Italy where he lived). Marie went to look for Nino because she knew more about him than Robert since Marie spent a lot of time with Nino, and could find him easier. Gina came home and saw Robert looking at the photograph of him and Dianna. Gina told him that they planted the garden because Nino said Robert loved being in the garden all the time when Robert was younger (under 10 years old). Later that night, Robert went into Nino’s room, where he was packing to leave, and told him that maybe he wasn’t meant to go to the funeral because he was meant to come to America now. Robert then asked Uncle Nino to stay with them for a while longer. Bobby unlocked his bedroom door to let his dad in, and Robert told Bobby that he loved him and apologized for not being there for his son before. Bobby then came clean that he helped toilet paper Jerry’s house with Bones and Joey, and he told his dad he loved him too. The next morning, Jerry came over to complain about how the garden was depreciating his property value, but Robert told him that his kids didn’t smoke (however, his son’s friends did) and then threatened that if Jerry put anymore cigarette butts in Robert’s new garden, then he was going to send his Uncle Nino over to Jerry with the rototiller. While Robert sat in his office, he left a message for his estranged litter sister telling her that he wanted to talk to her. Marie then gave Nino a gift that was a photobiography book of Abraham Lincoln. Nino said that Lincoln was a good man, and Marie said so was Nino. Stuart then walked into Robert’s office and told him the presentation was moved to the following night and asked what he was doing packing up. Robert explained that he was taking some vacation time, and when Stuart wanted to know when he was going to tell him, Robert said he was telling him now (the same way that his boss, Stuart, told him about the new guy John when they were in Toronto). Stuart argued that he needed Robert at the meeting, but Robert said no he didn’t because John would be there. Robert added that he hadn’t taken time off in the last two years and had always been there for the company when they needed him, and now they were going to return the favor because he had to be somewhere the following night for his family (Battle of the Bands.) Stuart said okay after Robert assured him the deal was already done, and then he walked out telling Stuart he would be back in a couple of weeks. Robert made it to the Battle of the Bands and joined his wife and daughter in the audience. After mean boy band Cobra, last year’s winners, gave their performance, a female announced Bobby’s band, Carp, negatively to the crowd by stressing the fact that they were the only freshmen band in the battle and the crowd booed. Nino came out on stage and the lead Cobra band member at the school event was disrespectful and told elder Nino that the nursing home was down the street. However, the crowd gave Carp’s performance a standing ovation with Nino playing his violin and Bobby singing (about a girl he hoped to date). One year later, Nino was back in Italy and received a letter from Robert, who told him that the garden was a hit at that year’s Garden Walk. Gina was teaching Lucky new tricks, Marie was doing more cooking and working in the garden whenever she could, and Bobby was writing more songs and getting serious (kissing) with his new girlfriend, who was impressed by Bobby’s band performance at the school’s battle. Bones hadn’t smoked a cigarette in almost a year and Bones and Joey were hanging out more and more at the Micelli residence. Robert said that the little boy in the garden in the photograph (Robert) was reborn and loved the garden once again. Robert took off from work the previous week and Dianna came for a visit. Robert and his family planned to go on vacation in Italy that November and stay with Uncle Nino. On the movie cover art: The Boston Globe, “An effortless heartwarmer.” USA Today, “Uncle Nino, a movie about moral values, is finally getting its due.” The Los Angeles Times, “A family film made with the kind of caring and commitment that will connect with viewers.” The Chicago Reader, “A breath of fresh air.” Winner, Crystal Heart Award – Heartland Film Festival.

 ONE OF TWO

DATE REVIEWED: 4/19/23

TITLE: Baby Mama 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2008 Universal Pictures/Relativity Media/Michaels/Goldwyn Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

 REASON: The movie started with Kate Holbrook telling her first date male how she chose her career over marriage and children, and now that she was a VP of her company, Round Earth Organic Market, she wanted to have a baby at thirty-seven years old. She asked her date if that was too much on their first date, and he excused himself to go to the restroom. Kate saw him out the window getting in a cab and speeding off. Everywhere Kate went there were babies so that didn’t help her situation because she was having no luck in her dating (such as, Kate went to her yoga class and it turned out to be a Mommy & Me class with a bunch of babies). She continued to be the boss of her workers (the majority men). She looked up at the workers and imagined babies sitting in their seats. Kate put her name as a single mom on an application at the Philadelphia Center for Adoption, but the man kind of shook his head after reviewing her application (why was she not approved for adoption?). Kate visited online the Pennsylvania Cryobank and reviewed the listed sperm donor files. She selected sperm donor #7238, who was a thirty-eight-year-old photojournalist whose height was 5’11” and he weighed 185 pounds and bought his sperm and took it to her doctor’s office. Later on, as Kate took a pregnancy test out of a bag, but she got another negative result. At a doctor’s visit, the male doctor informed Kate that her eggs but fine, but he just didn’t like her uterus because it was T-shaped, which was preventing her from becoming implanted. He went on to explain that the shape of her uterus was probably from medication that her mother took during her pregnancy with Kate because back then in the ‘70s, doctors used a lot of drugs on their pregnant patients, which today’s doctors knew now caused infertility so they didn’t use those drugs anymore. The doctor added that Kate’s chances of ever conceiving at her age were one in a million. At Rose’s dinner party (Kate’s mom), Rose explained that she did take some pills for liver spots, but didn’t see how that could have affected her daughter’s uterus in the womb. Rose went on to say she was thirty years old when she was pregnant with Kate and there was no way she wanted liver spots on her body so she signed a form to take the questionable drugs while she was pregnant. Kate admitted that she had tried nine times to conceive, and her brother in law recommended adoption. Kate said she applied for it, and Rose chimed in not to adopt a black baby and that she had it with all the movie stars showing off flaunting themselves and their black babies. Kate said she doubted that would happen because for a single woman like her, adoption could take up to five years. Kate told her sister to kill her and stab her with something because she didn’t want to listen to her mom anymore. As Kate’s sister and her family were leaving after dinner, Caroline suggested that Kate get a surrogate mother, but Kate replied that was for weirdos. Kate’s sister said that having a family was not like opening up one of her own stores, and Kate replied the hormone injections she was taking made her want to punch her sister in the face for saying that.Kate’s young niece four year old corrected her aunt and told her no hitting. Sister Caroline snagged her toddler Tyler as he ran by and wanted to know if he had poop or chocolate on his hand, so she licked it and figured out it was chocolate. At work, Kate’s odd boss Barry Waterman who flew in from Costa Rica that morning, taste-tested health drinks and picked “Health Monster,” to market in their stores and then announced that they were going to open a flagship store there in Philadelphia. He wanted it to be the biggest store they ever built, made out of 100% recyclable materials, and so beautiful that people would want to get married in it. He sat on top of the table in a zen pose and asked Kate to join him. She said she was wearing a dress, but Barry demanded that she join him. He then Eskimo-foreheaded Kate and told her that was him transferring his success to her because she was going to run their newest campaign as vice president. In the elevator, Kate touched and sniffed a little baby. She then headed to the Chaffee Bicknell Center for Surrogate Parenting, where she met with Chaffee, who told Kate that she started the business because everybody outsourced their taxes and didn’t program their own computers, and they didn’t want to have their own kids either. Chaffee clarified that Kate’s baby would not be carried by some poor, unpaid third world female. She said they charged $100,000, and Kate pointed out if cost more to have somebody born then somebody killed, and Chaffee pointed out that a birth took longer. She went on to say all of their surrogates underwent extensive background checks, which included criminal records, credit reports, medical histories, and psychological testing. She added that Kate did her job for the money, so if the women loved getting pregnant and they were good at it, then why shouldn’t they also make money having babies. Chaffee pointed out that a nanny was someone she would trust to take care of her baby after it was born while she was at work, so a surrogate mother was no different because she was someone Kate would trust to take care of her baby before it was born. Chaffee said that either way, it was Kate’s baby. Then, baby Sabrina was brought in, who belonged to Chaffee. Chaffee informed Kate that she and her husband conceived Sabrina the old-fashioned way even though Chafee was well into her middle-aged years. Outside Kate’s apartment, she got into a heated discussion with a staffer, Oscar, who told her that he had two baby mamas who he had relations with, but he never had relationships with them, which made them baby mamas (pays child support for the kids). Kate replied this was different because she was paying somebody and they had contracts and it was strictly business, and Oscar replied that if she was paying the bills for someone to have a baby, that was called a baby mama, and Kate could ask any black man in Philadelphia to confirm that. Kate’s surrogate, Angie Ostrowiski and her common-law husband, Carl Loomis, then arrived in their beat-up old Suzuki with custom license plate “Bring It.” Inside, they discussed how Angie and Carl had been living unmarried together since Angie discontinued high school. Angie told Kate that her place looked like Kate Hudson’s. Kate explained that she was vice president at her job, and ditzy Angie asked if that meant Kate would take over if the president were shot. It was mentioned that Carl was an inventor/entrepreneur, and they discussed the iPod and how he missed out on that one. Carl said if his wife was going to have sex with someone else’s husband in order for Angie to carry their child, then it was going to cost them extra. Angie and Kate had a heart-to-heart, where Angie said that they interviewed six or seven other couples before Kate. Kate told Angie she had a God-given ability that Kate didn’t have, which was to have a baby, and she hoped that she would be considered. Kate told Angie she needed her and couldn’t get pregnant without her. On the spot, Angie told Kate that she wanted her to put her baby inside Angie, and Kate agreed to. There was then a weird scene where a “Endless Love,” played in the background as Kate and Angie were smiling strangely at each other as Angie laid back in her stirrups at the doctor’s office with Carl no longer present. The doctor then injected Angie using a huge device. Dr. Manheim then told Kate and Angie that three of Kate’s fertilized eggs were transferred into Angie’s womb, and with the hormones Angie was taking the probability of success was about 60%. The doctor told Angie to take a home pregnancy test in two weeks. Kate dropped Angie off at her house in Dreery. Kate bought her some organic groceries, and Angie replied that that health food was for rich people who hated themselves. Inside, Kate met Carl’s iguana, Hellboy. Carl on the toilet didn’t know he had a visitor, so he opened the bathroom door yelling to Angie that when they played Red Red Wine, you had to be the 103.7th caller, which was what he was doing from his toilet seat. Carl and Angie argued back and forth about how Carl asked for his cigarettes when he wasn’t supposed to be smoking in front of his wife because she herself was trying to stop smoking. Kate left telling Angie to get some rest and she would be back in two weeks. At work, Kate told her team they were looking for a 15,000 square foot property to build the new store on. It could be open lots, building they would buy and tear down, but no historic buildings. She added that Barry wanted to use mostly found and recycled materials so that would affect them zoning-wise, and money wasn’t an option but they had to get the location right. Kate went into Super Fruity to get a smoothie, where the man behind them counter told her that business was slow because Jamba Juice were corporate juice pimps taking all of the little shop’s customers. As Kate was on the phone telling and employee, Ron, to look at available properties on West Catherine Street after getting info from Rob at Super Fruity, Angie called her and told her she was pregnant. Kate was excited when she got off the phone and shouted that she was having a baby. Carl got the mail and received a check from Chaffee in the amount of $10,000 (part of Kate’s $100,000 she needed to pay Chaffee total). Carl ran inside to celebrate and tell Angie about the check because they didn’t have any much money before that. Caroline’s four-year-old daughter, Alex, was in the background when Kate, buying pregnancy books at the store, called Caroline. Caroline told Kate that Alex wanted a Karaoke Revolution or a cell phone for her fifth birthday. Caroline told Kate to leave Angie alone and not badger her every day, which was what Kate wanted to do. Angie then showed up at Kate’s apartment telling her that she left Carl because she found out he was screwing around on her and things got really physical when they argued about it and she didn’t physically hurt Carl too badly. Angie moved in with Kate. The next day, Kate baby-proofed her whole home to the point where Angie couldn’t even figure out how to unlock the toilet and the doors bounced back when they were slammed shut. The man left and Kate walked by the bathroom to see Angie peeing in the sink because she couldn’t get the toilet open. Kate told Angie not to touch anything else in her apartment, and then she caught up with Barry who was having a smudging ceremony in front of a commercial space for sale they were interested in buying. After work, Oscar helped Kate carry her groceries into her apartment, where Angie was singing along “We’re gonna rock this town alive,” to an American Idol video game. The game turned out to be Alex’s birthday gift that Angie was playing with, and then Kate lectured Angie on the junk food she was eating and drinking (Dr. Pepper, Pringles, Tastykakes, and Red Bull). Oscar chimed in that if Angie listened to DMX, the baby was going to come out growling. Kate said that whatever Angie ate, the baby ate, and whatever Angie listened to, the baby listened to. Kate then spotted the cigarettes Angie had and said it was dumb to smoke at all, let alone when someone was pregnant. Angie denied smoking. Barry called Kate and told her that it was a go for the location they scoped out, and Kate replied it would be a good idea to get the community on their side before they involved the press and held a conference. Kate told Angie that her store had all kinds of health foods and those were what Angie should be eating during her pregnancy, and Angie replied there was such a thing as being too healthy and that was how Bruce Lee died. Kate then gave Angie the folic acid and pre-natal vitamins that Angie and the baby needed to be healthy. Angie decided to spit out water and food because she couldn’t swallow the horse pill. Barry addressed the community and told them that he grew up there, he went to the high school, and even smoked a joint with Hall & Oates during the bicentennial. He talked about his world travels in his later life that he wanted to share with the community by bringing his store to the area. He added that he talked to Jimmy Buffett that morning about trans fats. Kate interrupted and told Barry he was running out of time, so he added that he was sorry he couldn’t’stay longer but he had to swing by his son’s graduationand he would hand the podium over to the vice president of development, Kate Holbrook. Rob Ackerman who owned Super Fruity Smooties and was affiliated from WeBeSoCa Small Business Owners’ Association asked the question what portion of the profits would go toward the rebuilding and revitalization of their community. Everybody in the crowd clapped and wanted to know the answer too, and Kate thanked Rob for the question but never answered it. In the next scene, a man was stuffing his pockets full of sample foods, and Kate had to tell him they were free and he didn’t need to sneak them, but the man ran off after he grabbed more. Kate then had a one-on-one with Rob, who asked her how her smoothie was. She told him it was too much banana, and then she told him she didn’t want any issues with the Small Business Association and the building of the news store and said she would be happy to discuss it further with him. He wanted to know if that was Kate asking him out on a date, and she said it wasn’t. Rob called Kate out that she lied to him about the apartment before because she wasn’t really looking for an apartment but was just trying to find out information about available space in the community. Angie called Kate on her cell phone and said she would rather be shot in the face then eat the Monster Health Pea Soup in the fridge. Kate told Angie to eat it so she could get back on call with her sister talking about Rob. Kate told Caroline living with Angie was like living with a child, and Caroline pointed out she was soon to be living with an actual child and to get used to it as Caroline’s own children was trashing her house in the background with her ignoring them as she talked to her sister on the phone. Angie didn’t want to listen to any more Spanish CDs because Kate told her it was good for the baby to learn two languages, so Angie walked over slammed the CD player to make it skip and told Kate it was broken and she was going to watch TV instead. Angie tuned into America’s Funniest Home Videos and then stuck her gum under the coffee table. Kate caught her and told her she wasn’t at Arby’s, and then she looked under the table and saw at least a dozen other chewed pieces of gum Angie had stuck there. They got into a loud argument over it with mean words and ended up going to Chaffee to work it out in a support group. Chaffee announced that her hormones were out of whack as well because she was expecting another baby at her age. The two gay men in the session had issues with their surrogate female because one of them believed he was anorexic and the other man was fat, so he was having to deal with two fatties, his partner and the surrogate (actually pregnant), and felt left out. The two gay men ended up crying about it. A couple spoke up and said they were Methodists and their surrogate was a Wiccan, and the man admitted he was worried about a witch carrying his child, but he either came around to the idea or the Wiccan surrogate put a spell on him. The surrogate, dressed in all-black attire, glared evilly at the man. Per Chaffee, the bottom line was, Angie needed to stop falling asleep with hot curling irons in her hair, or otherwise Angie wasn’t going to collect a paycheck for the baby she was carrying. Chaffee went on to explain that a surrogate wasn’t an employee but a partner and Angie said like Tom and Jerry. Kate said that Tom and Jerry hated each other and children in Japan could understand that, but backhills Angie could not and thought the cat and mouse loved each other and had fun together in their staged drama scenes. Chaffee told Kate and Angie to spend more time together as a therapeutic prescription by picking out things for the baby and go shopping, and Kate needed to do all the things she would do if she were pregnant and do them with Angie. The next day, Kate awakened Angie by calling her “partner” and told Angie it was time for their birthing classes. At The Birthing Center, the instructor addressed the mommies and daddies and the mommies and mommies, and she addressed Kate and Angie as lesbian lovers. She then asked the class who was planning to do natural childbirth and who was planning on using toxic Western medications to drug their baby for their own selfish comfort. Angie bounced up and down on her balance ball and was the only one who raised her hand while the rest of the class stared horrified at her. Kate and Angie then went to buy a stroller where they saw a Lexus model with an iPod adapter and leather trim, and when Kate discovered it also had airbags, she immediately bought it because the salesman said it was very safe. As Angie sang more Wham American Idol karaoke, she had hair color on to touch up her roots, and once Kate found out she immediately put Angie in the bathtub with her clothes on and showered it out telling her that the chemicals would damage the baby.Afterwards, Kate apologized to Angie that she overreacted about what just happened and that she was jealous of Angie being the pregnant one while Kate just had to watch. In the next scene, Barry at work put a shell on the table and Kate and Rick that he found the shell while running barefoot through the Toronto airport and told them to make the flagship store like the shell. Rick upset Barry because he questioned him, but Kate jumped in and made it all better by saying that Barry wanted the store to have the essence of the shell, not to look like it. In the next birthing class, the teacher told the couples to massage the pregnant one’s private part with olive oil daily to help with the stretching and prevent tearing during labor. Angie asked if she could just spray PAM in that area before the baby came out and the teacher stared blankly at her. Later on, as Kate and Angie were eating a treat in the park, Kate told Angie that she dated a man named Scott for six and a half years and almost married him. He was the only guy she ever lived with, and it was an old female coworker of Kate’s who Scott now had three kids with. Angie then mentioned the one good boyfriend she had before Carl, Donny Landis, who used to work at Blimpie with her when they were sixteen years old. Donny went to the University of Scranton and Angie never heard from him again and that he was her Justin Timberlake. Later on, Kate sang, “Girls Just Wanna Have Fun,” by Cindy Lauper on the American Idol video game. Angie then joined in. When the song was over, Kate mentioned that her American Idol avatar in the game was dressed like a whore. The next day, Angie wore a halter-top that completely revealed her very flat midsection from right below her chest section down when she went to meet Carl at a café. Carl told Angie that he wanted her back and they hadn’t had sex in two weeks, to which Angie replied she had been gone a month. Carl said that Kate was just using Angie to have the baby and it was just business and they wouldn’t be friends otherwise. He went on to say that he was the one who talked Angie into the baby-making business and she had no right to cut him out of the deal and the money involved, and that when the pee-stick said no, he was the one who came up with the alternative. Angie told Carl that she shouldn’t have forged the pregnancy test, and he argued that Angie should never have moved in with Kate. Carl explained that their plan was to forge the pregnancy test, send Kate the ultrasound picture in the mail, and then cash the three checks (meaning they were getting paid $30,000 for Angie to be a surrogate mother). He admitted that the ultrasound was actually a squirrel that he found on the Internet. He said that Katie was going to notice Angie wasn’t getting any larger during her pregnancy, and when they went to the doctor’s office to take the test, Kate was going to know the truth. Carl told Angie she wasn’t smart enough to pull this off (which no doubt meant Angie was going to find a way). At the next birthing class, Kate informed another expectant mom that Angie was fourteen weeks into her pregnancy, and the other woman replied “Me, too!” and that Angie was lucky because she wasn’t showing at all. Angie then decided to start eating a bunch of Tastykakes to put on weight and fool Kate because Kate looked suspicious after that encounter. This made Angie throw up because she ate too many chocolate cakes, which convinced Oscar and Kate that Angie had morning sickness. However, Angie was just standing in the bathroom acting as though she was retching by dumping the pea soup into the toilet to make it sound like vomit. Kate left for work, while Oscar was still in the apartment putting together the stroller that arrived in a box and freaked out because Angie had vomit (pea soup) on her arm when Angie came out of the bathroom. At work, Kate and Rick presented the store model to Barry, and he loved it so he told Kate he was going to reward her with five minutes of uninterrupted eye contact with him. Rick walked away even though Kate wanted him to stay because her boss was creepy in his behavior. Back at the apartment, Kate bragged that in the last 24 hours, she got clearances on the titles and the permits, tax-incentive grants from the city and the states, and Barry on the plane to surf camp. She said this as Angie spit out her carrots on the table with a bottle of wine next to her. Kate added that she was on the top of her game, and then Angie wanted to take her out to celebrate. Kate said that she wanted to order food and watch the British documentary she got about a woman who gave birth to a 15-pound baby vaginally. Angie sarcastically said she couldn’t wait to not watch that movie and then suggested they go out clubbing so Kate could get out of her comfort zone and meet some dudes. Angie was then seen with a HE-TUS, an inflatable which she planned to use to make herself look pregnant (the instruction booklet had photos showing a man using the product). Angie had the HE-TUS on under her sexy shirt and convinced Kate to wear a sexy and revealing black minidress out clubbing, which had Oscar staring to say the least and saying that there was no good coming out of that. Angie ordered two margaritas for Kate and a bottle of water for herself, and they went to do sexy dancing to hip-hop music on the dancefloor with others. Angie was sipping other people’s alcoholic drinks when they weren’t looking as they danced. During their downtime sitting with a bunch of others, Angie convinced Kate to down more alcohol and get her drunk so she couldn’t realize that Angie was doing the shots all along with her. Kate then took over being the DJ playing songs for the ladies in the club, but nobody wanted to dance to the slow song so they threw stuff at her. Kate then told Angie there was nobody there she would ever go out with, and then Kate spotted her ex-boyfriend, Scott, dancing with his wife, Jean. Kate went to say hello because she still thought Scott was beautiful.Angie promised to watch Kate’s drink while she was gone, which meant pregnant Angie drank Kate’s alcoholic beverage. Scott told Kate that he and Jean bought a house in Bucks County, he was still doing stuff for Doctors Without Borders, they recently took in some Hurricane Katrina dogs, and Scott was in a bicycle accident that made his penis bigger. Kate went on to talk about her not being able to have children and the shape of her uterus. Angie rushed over to take Kate out of the building before she could finish telling Scott and Jean that she was paying Angie to have her baby. Angie tried to tell Kate that Scott was an a-hole and being married sucked. Kate pointed out Scott’s car (Silver Infiniti with a Penn State sticker and a baseball mitt in the backseat), and so Angie grabbed a trashcan as Kate talked and hurled into the back of Scott’s car, breaking the back window, sending trash all over the place, and setting the car alarm off. The two women then got in the back of a cab laughing about it and went to WeBeSoCa. Kate gave Angie money for the cab to go home and rest because she looked tired while intoxicated Kate went to get a ginger carrot juice from Rob. Rob said the store was closed, but she replied that it looked the same as when they were open because they had no customers. Rob then asked Kate if she was a prostitute by night because of the way she was dressed. Kate replied no and that it was the first time she had been out in a long time and she let her friend dress her. As Angie made it back to the apartment building, she rearranged her stomach inside the lobby area by moving it around, and Oscar saw her and hid so he could watch her continue adjusting the fake belly as she got into the elevator. Kate and Rob then sat down and discussed his logo because the banana looked like a penis. Kate said that Jamba Juice wasn’t exactly Wal-Mart, and Rob replied Jamba Juice was the Exxon of frozen juice companies. Kate replied that she saw a Michael Moore documentary about that, and then she pulled a clump of hair from the back of her head and said “oops,” because it was an extension. Rob then asked Kate out on a date and she said yes. The next day, Carl standing next to his red Camaro (with custom license plate MYGRLROX) was spying on Angie as she walked by. He told her he wanted his half of the money and held up the actual pee-stick with the negative result to threaten her. He said down at the lab it was going to raise a lot of questions when they started doing DNA tests and other things and they were going to connect the dots and Angie would be busted. Angie told Carl she didn’t want to play their game anymore and wanted to come clean with Kate. She then took off the ring that Carl made for her in metal shop and told him she wanted a common-law divorce. Carl wanted to say goodbye to Angie properly by having a quickie in his car, and she threw her books at him. He left saying he wasn’t going to be there for Angie when Kate kicked her out. Carl pointed to his license plate and said that his girl (Angie) did not rock and was a divorcée. He said he hoped Angie had Kleenex because she was going to be sorry that they said goodbye. Before he sped off squealing his tires, Carl told Angie that he was going to bang all of her friends. Later on, Angie packed her bags to leave while Kate was asleep on the couch. Oscar spotted Angie while he was on the payphone calling somebody collect and stopped Angie from leaving Kate. They both sat on the front steps, where Oscar told Angie that it wasn’t some scam where you call Domino’s and tell them you were doing a church youth event and needed ten free pizzas because this was life changing where Angie lied to Kate about being pregnant and having her baby. They argued about which one was going to tell Kate the truth, and Oscar said Angie was going to tell Kate herself. In the car as Kate was driving, Kate gave Angie a brochure for the Philadelphia School of Textiles, which had a great fashion program so Angie could be the clothes designer she hoped to be. Kate gave Angie another $10,000 check early so she could enroll, but Angie said no because Kate had to put that through the agency first. Angie then wanted to know where they were going, and Kate replied they were going for an ultrasound appointment even though it was supposed to be birthing class on Thursday. Kate answered that Angie was at eighteen weeks, so she needed another ultrasound as they drove by a couple of public school buses.  (SEE BELOW)

  TWO OF TWO (see above)

DATE REVIEWED: 4/19/23

TITLE: Baby Mama 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2008 Universal Pictures/Relativity Media/Michaels/Goldwyn Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

 REASON continued :  Kate went on and talked about how excited she was to see the baby, and Angie was in tears. At the doctor’s office as the ultrasound was taking place, Kate admitted that she held grudges for a long time when she got mad, and that worried Angie because she knew the doctor was going to find no baby. They then found out that Angie actually had a baby inside her, and back at the apartment Angie told Oscar that it wasn’t Kate’s baby, but Carl and Angie’s baby and that the procedure thing that Angie had didn’t take. After the pregnancy test, Carl and Angie had sex because she was upset that it was negative, so as a result it was Carl and Angie’s own child Angie was now carrying.Oscar was getting uncomfortable and did all he could to make a quick getaway because he didn’t want to discuss Angie’s lady business about how her body had changed. Angie told Oscar that she couldn’t take Kate’s money and cash her $10,000 check, but she would stay with Kate until she figured out what she was going to do with her life since she didn’t know anything about being a mother. Oscar replied that Angie better start learning. Angie said even though the kid would have better schooling and a better place to live if Kate were the mom, Angie wanted to keep the child. Angie started reading the maternity books, and Kate told her she was leaving for a date with Rob and she was not going to tell Rob about her situation with Angie because it turned out that guys didn’t like to hear that from the ladies on a first date. As Kate walked out the door telling Angie to read the chapter about hermaphrodites and that she wouldn’t sleep for a week if she did. Chet the waiter wanted to know if Kate and Rob were familiar with the raw food vegan movement, and they asked about the sea kelp pizza but decided on the blue algae instead. Rob said he used to practice corporate law and gave an example about how when you’re watching the news and see some bloated CEO in a scandal and wonder to yourself “How is this prick not going straight to jail?” and it was because of guys like Rob representing the criminals and getting them off. As they both had yeast in their mouths, Rob spit his out and told Kate that he was not vegan, but he took her to that restaurant because he thought she was based off from where she worked. Kate spoke up and said she ate meat like nobody’s business and they both ended up going to a food truck to order. As Kate ordered the very specific items and commenting on how they were running their business, she apologized to Rob for being bossy and controlling because that was who she was. Rob said it was only okay for a female to do that, but if it were a man doing the same stuff, he’d just be a dick. Afterwards, as Rob and Kate walked in the alley, he told her that it might be a deal-breaker for the relationship, but he had a twelve-year-old daughter who lived with him every other weekend. Kate replied that was great and then told Rob she didn’t have any kids because she had never been married, and Rob told her that she didn’t need to be married to have children. Kate and Rob kissed and then went back to his apartment. As Kate returned to her apartment the next morning, Oscar stopped her in the lobby and said look who got inducted into the walk of shame and asked her why she was all shiny like a soul food cook. Kate and Angie continued their birthing classes, and when they had to look at each other and repeat the words of the teacher (such as thanking the surrogate for giving them the baby), Kate had tears in her eyes because she knew she wasn’t going to be giving Kate her baby. As they walked in the park afterwards, they overheard another female calling the kids (Romaine, Cheyenne, Wingspan, and Banjo). Angie told Kate that those kids would have been beat up in her neighborhood for having names like that. Kate asked Angie what kind of cake she wanted because Caroline was going to throw a baby shower and Kate’s mom Rose wanted to meet Angie. Angie didn’t want to go, but then Barry interrupted them on Kate’s phone. Kate told him she was at the construction and then appeared there with Angie, who she told to wait in the car but Angie said she didn’t know how to use Kate’s weirdo air conditioning. Barry was upset that Kate was late and was having second thoughts about the location, so Angie chimed in that it was the weird vibes he was getting about that place, and Barry agreed and said if there was one thing that Oprah taught him (at her home in Maui), it was to trust his instincts and follow his fear. Angie told Barry that she was getting a green vibe from the building, which he interpreted as money and then joined hands with Angie to whisper to her the secret to success. Angie later told Kate that her boss Barry whispered to Angie that the secret to success was to have a big penis. Angie and Rob went on more dates, including one to the batting cages, and then while they were walking in the park Rob got down on one knee and pretended to propose marriage to Kate when he was actually tying his shoe. Kate was mad and hit him with her purse. In birthing class, Angie played with her breast pumps by holding them in front of her eyes and up to her ears, and she later tore up the second check of $10,000 she received for her 1sttrimester (that Kate gave her in the car). As Angie and Kate sat on the couch talking about what it felt like to carry a child, Kate decided she wanted to tell Rob about Angie and the baby since they had been going out for a month already. Kate said she was the worst liar and Rob was going to know she was hiding something. Angie tried to tell Kate she wasn’t lying to Rob, she just wasn’t telling him the truth, which was a big difference. Another day, Rob showed up at the apartment 9D to visit Kate early and Angie answered the door. He introduced himself and told Angie he was there to pick up Kate. Angie introduced herself as Angela and lied that she was Kate’s sister and that just a moment ago she was practicing the ancient Japanese art of karaoke. Angie continued her lies by telling Rob that she lived in New York City in a pied-à-terre apartment with her husband. She added that her husband was in the stock market so they traveled to different cities visiting other stock markets. Angie explained that she and Kate didn’t look alike because they had different dads, and then she excused herself to take a call from Europe on her cell that never rang and spoke gibberish into the phone to pass it off as another language. Rob asked Kate if her sister wanted to join them, but she replied that Angie wasn’t well. While they were gone, Oscar and Angie had their own birthing class while eating popcorn and watching the British documentary that Kate brought home earlier called Extreme Vaginal Delivery – The Miracle Of Really Big Childbirth. Oscar screamed at the TV swearing at what he saw and Angie commented that you couldn’t come back from that. After Kate stayed the night at Rob’s house, she told him that Angie wasn’t really her sister and he replied that he knew Angie was her half-sister because she told him that. Rob showed Kate a magazine article that his daughter, Jillian, wanted her dad to take her to, which was an exhibit of abnormal skulls at the Mütter Museum. Rob asked Kate to join him and his daughter, and as she answered she would love to. Kate looked at the Philadelphia magazine where Chaffee was on the front cover saying she was all for the American family. Rob asked Kate if she read that article, and then he went on to say that Chaffee woman was a con artist and her whole surrogacy business was a science-fictiony ordeal. He added that there were a bunch of children that needed to be adopted in the country. Kate chimed in that adoption could take years, but Rob kept going off on Chaffee saying that her victims would pay like $50,000 in order to have their baby custom-carried by a gestation assistant. Kate corrected Rob and said the fee was $100,000 and it was a lot more complicated that it seemed. Rob added that it was just a lot of rich people ordering what they wanted in the form of a baby. In the apartment lobby as the cake arrived, Oscar was questioned Angie about letting Kate continue on with the baby shower when, in the end, Angie was going to keep the child that wasn’t even Kate’s. Angie replied what was she supposed to do, tell Kate in front of all her friends and family that day, and Oscar replied no and to wait until the kid was nine years old and then tell her like Oscar’s first ex did to him. Oscar said the best day to tell somebody horrible news was yesterday because Angie still didn’t want to tell Kate the truth. At the shower baby party, the Methodist man was entertaining everyone by talking about pagan births being the most fascinating thing and now that he did it himself, it was crazy not to eat the placenta. Oscar clarified that it was the afterbirth that the Methodist man ate and walked away totally disgusted. Angie came outside and immediately met Caroline and Rose. Rose asked Angie that once the baby was born was Angie just going to go away or appear at Christmas, and Kate attempted to silence her mom from saying more. Angie and Kate said they hadn’t talked about what they may or may not do, which baffled Caroline and Rose. Angie ended with saying they were going to play it fast and loose to see how things would work out, and Rose said that had always been her motto. Rob happened to show up then and saw the sign that said Kate and Angie were having a baby shower, so he headed to the terrace. Rob addressed Kate because she had been ignoring his calls for the last few days and he wasn’t sure why, and she told him that they viewed the world differently. Carl then appeared and announced to everybody that there was bad news because the party was over. Angie tried to silence Carl from revealing their secret, but Carl said Angie wasn’t even pregnant and walked over to her to show everybody, but when he pulled her shirt up he saw that Angie was indeed pregnant. Angie told Carl to feel her stomach because it was his baby. Kate explained to Angie that it could still be Kate’s baby because the hormones had an effect on the pregnancy tests by giving you a false negative and although the baby might be Carl’s, it could also be Kate’s with Carl. Rob was trying to figure out what was going on because he knew nothing about the situation. Kate told Rob that Angie wasn’t her sister, but an ignorant white trash woman that Kate paid to carry her baby. Kate then said that was why she didn’t call Rob back because her life was a part of the selfish, science fiction BS that he didn’t want any part of it. Carl told everybody the upside was he was going to be a dad and then told Angie that he would only marry her if the baby were a boy, so Angie walked away. Afterward, Kate went to see Chaffee, who told her to wait a while before they did DNA testing and did anything drastic. Kate couldn’t understand how Chaffee could be pregnant at her age and called her out on it, and Chaffee just said that Kate was upset and was therefore saying hateful things. Chaffee added that they would have a DNA sample sent to the lab and the results would be handled in family court, and of course if the baby turned out not to be Kate’s, Chaffee’s agency would waive the fees. Chaffee said that Angie passed her background check with flying colors but they were still fooled by lying Angie. Kate booked Angie a room at the Marriott hotel until they sorted things out. In the car, the two females argued about the baby and Kate’s Audi hatchback space car that locked Angie in until Kate unlocked it and Angie left. Angie filled out a 2008 Fashion Design Application for Undergraduate Admission while Kate went to see an attorney about the ordeal. Carl was on the phone asking about a discount policy if he was related to one of the girls gone wild while Rob was moped around his workplace. Next was the grand opening of the new store, where Barry told Kate to enjoy it because the new store was her baby, and then he left to hide the shell somewhere in the store. Angie went to Rob’s juice store and ordered an Orange You Glad I Didn’t Say Banana. It turned out the real reason Angie visited Rob was because Angie wanted Rob to represent her in the maternity case (which the judge thought was a paternity case but Rob corrected him because they knew Carl was the father but didn’t know who the mother was, Kate or Angie). As Angie drank her Super Big Gulp from 7-Eleven, Rob explained the case and said he was formerly with the firm Swanson and Weisberg. Angie chimed in and said that Rob now made fruit smoothies like Jamba Juice and the judge said he liked Jamba Juice. Carl then came into the hearing with his own briefcase calling the judge Your Highness and saying he was there to get joint custody of that fetus. Carl told the judge that he provided a DNA sample (a hair follicle or vial of his blood) but then asked what that was. Carl replied no, not as it pertained to that case, so the judge told him to take a seat and be quiet or the bailiff was going to escort him out. Angie stood up and the judge told her there was no prosecution, but she was welcome to make a statement and have it put on the record. Angie apologized to Kate and thanked her for making her grow up, she knew she was supposed to help Kate have a baby, but Kate ended up teaching Angie how to be a mother. Angie told the judge that Kate would be a great mom and added that it was Angie’s freedom of speech to swear in the courtroom. Rob took over and told the judge that Carl lied to Angie, Angie lied to Kate, and Kate lied to Rob and so the whole predicament they were in was a big baby mess that never should have happened in the first place. Rob then told Kate that he never wanted to come back into another courtroom again, but he came there for her and rested his case. Kate told the judge that she was more than ready to hear him read the results. The results were that Kate was not the mother of the child and Kate ran out of the room. Rob was outside waiting for her when she finally made it outdoors, and they made plans to meet his daughter one day and Kate would eventually come by the store. Rob was about to kiss Kate, but she told him that she just threw up so he kissed her forehead instead. Kate walked away telling Rob he looked nice in a suit. Angie and Kate talked on the street, where Angie said she had been off Dr. Pepper for two weeks and she was drinking water from her Big Gulp cup. Kate said they probably wouldn’t see each other again, and then Angie’s water broke. Angie was surprised because she said she wasn’t due for three weeks and they rushed to the Hospital of the University of Pennsylvania in Kate’s car. In the hospital, Angie from her wheelchair said she felt like she was sh**ing knives, screamed at the bit** nurses for not helping her, and told them to give her some drugs as she yelled at an officer as she was being wheeled down the hall that he was a pig and he would never get her. Kate lied to the nurse that she was Angie’s sister so she could go with her. As they were wheeled down hall, Chaffee was in one of the hospital beds in a room and showed them the twins she just had. Dr. Manheim cracked jokes during the delivery as Kate passed out in the room. Kate was admitted too, and when she woke up in the morning Caroline was there, who told her that Oscar was bringing Kate a change of clothes and Rose was there in case Kate died. Rob then came into the room and told Kate that Angie called him ten times to get down there and take care of Kate and that the baby girl was beautiful. The doctor dismissed Caroline and Rob from the room to be alone with Kate and tell her that she was anemic and she was also pregnant. Kate didn’t believe him because she paid another doctor thousands of dollars who told her it was impossible for her to get pregnant, but this doctor told her she was eight weeks along and definitely pregnant. Kate added that her chances were one in a million, so the doctor told her to start buying lottery tickets then because she was so lucky. Through the window after the doctor left, Kate yelled to Rob that she was pregnant because he was waiting outside, and then he passed out. Kate went to see Angie, who told her that the newborn girl’s name was Stef, and Kate thought it was short for Stephanie, but Angie corrected her that it was Stefani like Gwen Stefani. Kate said that was even better. On Stefani’s first birthday a year later, they all got together at an arcade to celebrate. Angie explained that she and Carl weren’t together anymore, he was just taking parenting classes and trying to be a better father as he was playing machine gun games with the one-year-old strapped to his chest. Angie was excited that Carl bought their one-year-old a motorcycle because that was exactly what Stefani wanted. The movie ended with Angie, Kate, and their babies watching the episode of Tom and Jerry where the mouse blew up the cat.  The movie cover art listed Claudia Puig, USA Today, “the best female comedy duo since Lucy and Ehtel.” Pete Hammond, Hollywood.com stated, “Non-stop laughs!” This movie grossed $64 million at the box office on a $30 million budget. 


  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/17/23

TITLE: Big Hero 6 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014 Walt Disney Animation Studios, Walt Disney Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place in San Fransokyo (like San Francisco and Tokyo), where a bot fight was taking place and bets were made to see which remote-controlled robot would win against the other (think Rock ‘Em Sock ‘Em wrestling toys and Battle Bots). A man, Yama’s, robot won the battle of the bots by using a blade to saw open the other robot controlled by a younger female contestant. Fourteen-year-old boy Hiro Hamada then challenged Yama to a fight. Yama laughed at Hiro’s homemade little robot, but it turned out to be violent and deadly and completely destroyed Yama’s robot. Yama was very angry and told a group of men to attack young Hiro in the alley, but Hiro’s older brother, Tadashi, rescued his brother and they made a getaway on his motorbike. Tadashi couldn’t believe that Hiro graduated from high school the previous year and was now spending his time doing illegal bot fights. Hiro countered that betting on bot fights was illegal, but he himself already made a load of cash on that one fight and there was nothing stopping him now. Or so he thought, because then the police showed up and arrested Hiro and Tadashi. Aunt Cass, who had raised them for the last ten years because their parents died when Hiro was three, picked them up from jail and brought them home. Hiro didn’t learn his lesson and was already planning to book another bot fight. Tadashi said he would drive his little brother to the bot fight because he couldn’t talk him out of it. On the way, Tadashi took them to the robotics lab at his school, the San Fransokyo Institute of Technology, where Tadashi’s science friends (Go Go Tomago, Wasabi, Honey Lemon and Fred) hung out and took classes from Professor Robert Callaghan. Tadashi introduced Hiro to Baymax, the personal healthcare companion robot that Tadashi invented. To demonstrate Baymax’s abilities, Tadashi used a piece of duct tape to create an abrasion on Hiro’s arm, which alerted the talking inflatable robot (made out of vinyl to look huggable like a walking marshmallow) to scan Hiro. Baymax used an antibacterial spray to clean Hiro’s wound, and Tadashi said that he programmed over 10,000 medical procedures onto Baymax’s healthcare chip to help people. Hiro wanted to get into the school and be taught by Callaghan, and Tadashi told him that the institute was having an upcoming student showcase, where he would get into the robotics program if he invented something amazing. Tadashi helped him with his project. Before Hiro presented his invention at the showcase, the others tried to calm Hiro’s nerves: Go Go told him to stop whining and woman up, Wasabi asked if Hiro needed a fresh pair of underpants, and Fred added that he hadn’t done his laundry in six months and one pair of underpants lasted him four days because he had four different ways to wear it. Hiro got the attention of everyone at the showcase when he demonstrated his invention of tiny robots called microbots. He wore a neurocranial transmitter around his head that controlled the microbots, and all he had to do was think of anything he wanted the bots to do, and the thousands of little robots worked together to do it. The only limit was the user’s imagination. Billionaire Alistair Krei then approached Hiro backstage and told him that he wanted to have the microbots at his company, Krei Tech. Callaghan chimed in and told Hiro his options were either to continue developing the microbots or sell the technology to Krei. Krei was only guided by his own self-interest and had cut corners and ignored sound science to get where he was. Callaghan said he wouldn’t trust the microbots or anything else to Krei Tech, and even when Krei offered Hiro more money, Hiro took Callaghan’s advice and politely turned Krei down. Hiro got into Professor Callaghan’s class. Later that day, everyone evacuated the building because it was in flames. Tadashi went inside to rescue Professor Callaghan, but the building exploded just seconds later. Both Tadashi and Callaghan died in the fire. Weeks later, Hiro was moping around the house and didn’t want to attend his classes at the university. Hiro discovered that Baymax was still active. Baymax diagnosed Hiro’s mood swings as being part of puberty and told him to expect an increase in body hair (Baymax listed the specific places). Hiro then found one microbot in his coat pocket that was trying to find the other microbots, but were destroyed in the fire. Baymax took the microbot outside to wherever it wanted to go, and Hiro chased after the robot, which was walking through the streets in front of cars. They arrived at a warehouse that appeared to be abandoned but actually contained thousands more microbots. The microbots then all came after Hiro and Baymax and they escaped out the window, but not before they caught sight of a man controlling the microbots. They went to the police station, where Hiro reported the incident to a police officer. The lawman didn’t believe Hiro’s story that a man in a kabuki mask attacked him with mini flying robots. Baymax then started powering down and becoming deflated because his internal battery was low, and Hiro dragged him back to the house to his charging station (imagine that happening to all the electric cars on the road simultaneously and the traffic jam that would create). Hiro told Baymax to lie and tell Aunt Cass they were at the university the whole day if she asked any questions, and Baymax, acting drunk, said they jumped out a window. Hiro snuck Baymax upstairs past Aunt Cass. She asked what the thudding noise was that was coming from his room, and Hiro didn’t want her to know it was Baymax so he fibbed that it was Mochi, the cat. Mochi then appeared at Hiro’s feet, and Hiro threw the cat upstairs before Cass would see. Hiro found Baymax comforting Mochi, who he called a hairy baby. Hiro and Baymax then talked about the fire, and Hiro realized that the man in the mask stole his microbots and set the fire to cover his tracks. Hiro then decided they needed to apprehend that man who was responsible for the deaths of brother Tadashi and Professor Callaghan. He made Baymax a suit of armor and uploaded karate moves onto a new programming chip. Hiro and Baymax headed back to the warehouse later that night, but it was empty. The university students then showed up and explained that Baymax contacted them because he said suffering a loss (Hiro losing Tadashi) required support from friends and loved ones. The masked man, being carried by the microbots, then appeared and chased Hiro, Baymax, and the others in their car. Wasabi was stopping at the red lights and using his blinkers, and Go Go decided that obeying the law was not part of a car chase and so she took the wheel and drove recklessly at full speed. However, they ended up driving off the dock into the ocean, and Baymax floated them all back up to the surface. Fred, a university student, then took them to the mansion that he said was his house, and when Go Go said she thought Fred lived under a bridge, he admitted that it belonged to his parents, who were on vacation on the family island. Fred’s theory was that Krei was the man in the mask and was stealing the microbots because Hiro refused to sell them to him. Hiro argued that Krei was too high profile to do that. Baymax announced that he gave the masked man a very brief medical scan as he was programmed to do. Hiro said he needed to upgrade Baymax’s sensor so he could scan the entire city at once and find the masked man, and he also wanted to upgrade the team into superheroes. Hiro thought that the transmitter the villain used to control the microbots must be inside his mask, so they planned to get it. Baymax, now upgraded with his own set of wings, found one match to the masked man’s medical scans, and the person was located on an island near the city. They landed in a fenced area with a quarantine sign, and they explored the government building and discovered that Krei had built teleportation portals that he called Project Silent Sparrow. However, the experiment went wrong when the pilot who went through the portal never returned. The government shut down the island, so now Krei was using the microbots to steal his machines back. The masked man then appeared and the group battled him. Hiro got the mask, and they discovered the face behind it did not belong to Krei, but in fact Professor Callaghan. Hiro was angry that Professor Callaghan let Tadashi die in the fire while he saved himself using the microbots, so Hiro removed Tadashi’s medical programming chip from Baymax and replaced it with a chip which Hiro had drawn a skull and crossbones on. This transformed Baymax into a destroying robot machine that went after Professor Callaghan. Evil Professor Callaghan got his mask back, and Hiro was upset that Honey Lemon put Baymax’s healthcare chip back in him and let Callaghan get away. Hiro and Baymax returned to the house to fix Baymax’s broken sensor, but when Hiro tried to remove the healthcare chip Baymax wouldn’t allow him to because his purpose was to heal sick and injured people, not destroy people. He then showed Hiro video footage he had of Tadashi testing Baymax, and it made Hiro happy to see his brother. The university students then showed up with more videos from the government facility. They learned that it was a revenge story because the pilot who never made it back out of the portal was actually Professor Callaghan’s daughter, Abigail. Meanwhile, Professor Callaghan confronted Krei and told him that because he took everything from Professor Callaghan, Professor Callaghan would now take everything from Krei. The microbots assembled one of the portals, which acted as a black hole and started destroying Krei’s tech building. The Baymax team arrived and Hiro told Callaghan to stop because what he was doing wouldn’t bring Abigail back, but Professor Callaghan refused to listen. The team battled the microbots until they were all suctioned into the portal, and Baymax rescued Professor Callaghan from the same fate. They started to run from the collapsed portal because it was still active, but Baymax stayed behind and said his sensors detected a female in hyper sleep in the portal. Baymax and Hiro flew into the portal and found Abigail. However, when they were near the entrance to the portal, a huge piece of debris smashed into Baymax, destroying his armor. Baymax used his rocket fist attachment to send Hiro and Abigail to safety while he stayed behind, and Hiro had to say goodbye to robot Baymax. They made it out safely and the portal exploded behind them. Abigail was taken to the hospital and Professor Callaghan was arrested. Hiro then discovered Baymax’s healthcare chip inside his rocket fist, and he used it to rebuild robot Baymax.  On the movie cover art, Elizabeth Weitzman with the NY Daily News said, “Big Hero 6 has it all: humor, heart and huggability.” The movie had a $165 million budget and it grossed over $657 million at the box office.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/17/23

TITLE: Every Day 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This movie is not suitable for GOD’s children.) The lead sixteen-year-old female actress had a romantic short-term relationship on screen with many different male and female children that included one mentally unstable boy portrayed as boy/girl (trans) and the majority of this happened on public school grounds in the Washington, D.C. area.

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2018 Warner Bros. Pictures/Orion Pictures/Likely Story/Filmwave Production/Silver Reel Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Maryland and began with a teenager named Justin waking up and setting alarms on his phone for midnight. Justin’s sixteen-year-old girlfriend, Rhiannon (Australian-born), was awakend by her mom, Lindsey. Rhiannon went to the shared bathroom and left the door open and as she relieved herself on the toilet, she texted Justin. Rhiannon made Lindsey a health shake and her mom ran off to work. Rhiannon’s older sister, Jolene, drove them to school. Jolene couldn’t drive very well and almost ran into the neighbor and then another person at school acting as though it was the other people’s fault when she was the one looking at her image in the mirror instead of paying attention to the road. Rhiannon suggested she should drive. Rhiannon and Justin decided to skip school that day and went to Baltimore to hang out at the aquarium and the beach. Justin wanted to know why Rhiannon never told him anything about Nick (her dad), and then she revealed that her dad had a manic episode a few years ago when he came home telling his family he got a promotion and took them out to eat and then to the movies when he was really lost his job. Nick had his breakdown and then Lindsey had to get a second job, since they almost lost their house, and Rhiannon wasn’t sure who would hire Nick now because he just sat around and made paintings of faces. The two teens opened their fortune cookies, both of which were “You have a nice smile.” They then kissed. A Caucasian female named Amy woke up the next morning and set a midnight alarm, and then she showed up at school as the new girl and Rhiannon agreed to show her around. Justin was acting strange in class and asked Rhiannon if they were drinking the previous day because he couldn’t remember anything that happened. Amy tucked Rhiannon’s hair behind her ear as Justin did the previous day to Rhiannon. Rhiannon excused herself and in the car on the way home, she told her eldest sister Jolene, still driving recklessly and now blasting rock music on the radio, that something was up with Justin. Jolene told Rhiannon that she could either break up with Justin or cheat on him with a crazy amount of other guys like (mom) Lindsey did. Rhiannon countered that her mom didn’t cheat. The next day, Caucasian Nathan woke up and set his alarm. Justin and Rhiannon went to Steve’s teen drinking party with red Solo cups, where Rhiannon played a song that she and Justin liked. However, Justin was busy playing party games and didn’t come over, and then Rhiannon started dancing to the song with Nathan. He introduced himself as Steve’s cousin and complimented her on her name, and she replied that she didn’t like it because it was too much like Rhianna, as in Bit** Better Have My Money. Justin then appeared and wanted to know who Nathan was, and Nathan replied that he was Steve’s gay cousin. Justin went upstairs to play video games, and then Nathan and Rhiannon went outside to talk. Nathan asked why Rhiannon was with Justin, and she replied that they loved each other and he was her type. She explained her type was tall and slim with nice shoulders, and Nathan replied that he was more of a butt guy. Upstairs, Justin told his friends that he didn’t care if Nathan was gay, Justin didn’t want him hitting on Rhiannon. Justin told Steve to keep his cousin in line, but Steve didn’t know what Justin was talking about because he didn’t have a cousin named Nathan. Nathan tucked Rhiannon’s hair behind her ear (just like Justin and Amy). Nathan’s alarm then went off and he ran away as fast as he could without any explanation with Justin and the other boys chasing after him. A blind Caucasian boy named David woke up and spoke to Siri on his phone. The next morning at school, Justin showed Rhiannon a video on the news about how Nathan Daldry was found asleep at one a.m. by the side of the highway with a broken back windshield. Nathan claimed Satan had possessed him. Another day, Rhiannon told her best friend, Rebecca, at lunch that she got a text that morning from a random number telling her to come alone to meet someone in a public place for an explanation. Rhiannon wasn’t sure if she should go, and bbf Rebecca told her that she had to. Rhiannon went to a bookstore café, where a native Canadian girl named Megan suddenly sat down at her table claiming that Nathan sent her there. Megan said that she was someone who woke up in a different body every day, and she was actually a boy named A. Today A was Megan, and the other days he was Nathan, Amy, and Justin. The body was always someone A’s own age, he was never the same person twice, and he had no control over any of it. A said that this was the first time he ever told anyone about it, but Rhiannon didn’t believe him and got up to leave. A added that it wasn’t the real Justin that Rhiannon was with that day in Baltimore, it was A in Justin’s African-American body. Rhiannon thought it was a prank and left. The next day at school, Rhiannon talked to Justin and Justin admitted that he didn’t remember anything that she told him about her dad (because that day, it was A in Justin’s body, not the real Justin. This explained why Justin was being so nice to Rhiannon that day when he didn’t usually care to be around her or kiss her very much, and also why he had no memory of anything that happened then). Rhiannon, shocked, walked away from Justin and she texted the mysterious number on her phone that belonged to A. She met with A, who was now in the body of an Asian boy named James. He explained that he named himself A, and he correctly answered what Rhiannon was wearing the day she was with Justin (A). She was surprised that A knew what a peasant blouse was, and he replied that he woke up as a girl half the time. He went on to correctly answer the questions Rhiannon asked about the details of the previous few days when she was with A in different bodies. She asked where A’s parents were, and he told her that he didn’t know if he had any, but every day of his life he woke up as a different person and tried his hardest to live that day for that person by not messing anything up for them, making marks, or leaving traces. He said he was never the same person again, even though he might see that person at school a week or a month later if he was in the same area. A said that when he was in another body, he wasn’t that person; he was himself with his own consciousness and his own memories. He could also access that particular person’s history and their memories. A then showed Rhiannon his Instagram page, which featured pictures of the people he had lived in. Rhiannon still wasn’t convinced, but she said she would meet with A again after she had thought everything through. Rhiannon met with the real Nathan at a church, and he agreed to tell her his story because she said she was writing for the school newspaper. He explained that “he,” who he thought was Satan (actually A) did something to his memory and made it all hazy. Nathan remembered dancing, being in an unnaturally tiny house, running for his life, and telling his mom about writing a musical about Jesus. Nathan said that the being who took over his body used his phone to access their Instagram account, which Nathan thought was Satan’s social media and was a record of all the other teenagers he had taken over. However, the password on the account was changed before Nathan could save any of the photos, and then he claimed that he recognized Rhiannon from one of the Instagram pictures and thought that Satan (A) had possessed her too. Rhiannon replied that she wasn’t possessed. At school, Rhiannon was able to recognize A, now in the body of an unidentifiable-sex transgender Asian named Vic, because of the way Vic looked at her. They went into a room, where Rhiannon was upset that A was still messing with her life and she said that she had only kissed A because she thought he was Justin. A replied that not everybody’s body aligned with their mind, and added that he wasn’t the Devil…like Nathan thought. Rhiannon met with A at the library, now in African-American George’s body. A told her he had been in homeschool situations before and most of them were great, but the one he was experiencing in this person’s body was a prison, and the warden was a mom who spoke very slowly. He explained that he didn’t realize that he was different from other people until he was about six years old, and then it always bothered him when people would talk about tomorrow because he knew his tomorrows would always be spent with different people. As Rhiannon and A (George) were kissing, George’s mom appeared and demanded to know what kind of whore (Rhiannon) was seducing her son. Rhiannon ran out of the building. The next morning, A actually woke up as Rhiannon. Mom Lindsey asked her daughter, A (Rhiannon), if she wanted to do some sightseeing and shopping in D.C. because Lindsey had to go there for a business trip, and A replied yes. In the shower, A (a boy) accidentally looked down at the girl’s naked body he was in and quickly apologized. At school, Justin came up behind A (Rhiannon) and started kissing who he thought was his girlfriend but was actually a boy in a girl’s body and not the real Rhiannon. Justin asked if she wanted to go to his house and hang out, and A (Rhiannon) snapped back that didn’t qualify as special like that day in Baltimore had. Justin replied that he was sick of hearing about that one special day, and Rhiannon (A) asked him if that was because he wasn’t really there before she (he) stormed off telling Justin not to talk to her again for the rest of the day. Back at home, A (Rhiannon) brought her dad, Nick, a Walmart bag and asked him about the faces he painted, and he replied that they were the faces of random people he had never seen that were stuck in his head. A left a note for Rhiannon to find that explained to her that he didn’t choose to be her because he would never choose to live in the body of someone he cared so much about. In the morning, the real Rhiannon found the note. Rhiannon found Justin and broke up with him, and he told her to have a nice life and stormed off. Rhiannon and A, now in Caucasian Xavier’s body, then went away to her uncle’s cabin in the woods (he was now in California) to spend the weekend. Rhiannon told A that he should make more of a mark in the lives of the people he lived in and leave memories for them. The two teens went inside the cabin and sat on the bed together, where they started kissing and A admitted that he had kissed a lot of people because he had been other people’s boyfriends and girlfriends. Outside, Rhiannon asked A if he considered himself to be a boy or a girl and he replied yes, meaning he considered himself to be both. The girl and boy (sometimes a girl but currently a boy) then made out. Rhiannon spent the night at the cabin and waited the whole next day for A to show up, but he never did. In the next scene, Rhiannon was in the car with Lindsey, who was upset that Rhiannon went away on the day she was supposed to spend with her mom in D.C.  Next, A woke up as Caucasian Michael and ran out on Michael’s parents. He called Rhiannon to tell her to pick him up at the Target in Silver Springs, otherwise he would have to fly to Honolulu with Michael’s family, leaving Maryland and possibly never seeing Rhiannon again. Michael’s parents found A in the Target parking lot just as Rhiannon showed up. A jumped into Rhiannon’s car with Michael’s mom chasing after him screaming for him to stop, and Rhiannon drove them back to the cabin. A explained that he couldn’t be with Rhiannon the previous day because he was in someone else’s body getting a lung transplant and he couldn’t get ahold of a phone to contact her. Rhiannon started making out with A (Michael). Another day, Rhiannon decided to explain to Jolene that she was in love with someone who woke up in a different body every day. Jolene didn’t believe her, of course. Rebecca (wearing a rainbow shirt) at school wanted to know who the “rando,” was that Rhiannon hooked up with over the weekend because Jolene told her friends that a guy abandoned Rhiannon in the woods with no car. Rhiannon wasn’t happy with her friend’s concern and didn’t tell her who the guy was. Then, A woke up as a teen suicidal druggie female Asian named Kelsea who had cut marks on his (her) wrist and arm (a suicide technique). Rhiannon then met up with A who was now the suicidal druggie female Asian named Kelsea. A found the unstable girl’s journal, where she had it all planned out that if her dad found her pills, she was going to drive into the side of an overpass. Rhiannon told A to call Kelsea’s father or a counselor, but A replied that he couldn’t do anything and it was Kelsea’s life, not his. Rhiannon confirmed that A would turn Kelsea in if she was planning to kill someone, and A said this was different because it wasn’t fair of him to make decisions for someone else and he couldn’t interfere in the lives of the people he inhabited. Rhiannon agreed to stay up with A until midnight so A could try and push back and stay in Kelsea’s body to prevent her suicidal attempt. It somehow worked, and in the morning, A showed Kelsea’s dad her notebook and told him that she needed help. Dad, Nick, checked on Rhiannon the next morning because Jolene told him what Rhiannon said about being in love with someone who lived in different bodies. Rhiannon said that was a joke (but it really wasn’t in her mind), and Nick said he loved his daughter and was there for her. He said he stilled loved Lindsey, but it was hard for people to understand how that love changed when the person changed. Rhiannon walked into the school basketball court, where Justin’s buddies called her a slut. Rhiannon then hooked up with A in the body of Hannah, a native Canadian female, in the school locker room. Rhiannon wanted A to stay in Hannah’s body since he stayed in Kelsea’s body and saved her life. A responded that he couldn’t because he had a date not with Rhiannon, but with Hannah’s boyfriend because it was their anniversary and he didn’t want to mess that up. A then tucked Rhiannon’s hair behind her ear and asked if he (she at the moment) could kiss the other girl on the lips, and they did, showing a teen female and female kiss on screen, on school premises. That night, Rhiannon waited up for mom Lindsey after she got off from her second job to tell her that everybody changed and Rhiannon, in a sense, stuck up for her dad by told her mom that her mom had changed, making it appear as if this out of control juvenile had all the answers to her parents’ marriage. Rhiannon asked for Lindsey to grow closer to Nick and walked away from her mom afterward. At school the next day, Rhiannon and A, in the body of Caucasian male student Alexander, discussed Alexander’s spirituality and positive outlook on life. Another boy chimed in who was sitting close by and told Rhiannon that he would date Alexander if Rhiannon didn’t want him, but they corrected the gay boy and said they were actually talking about Alexander. After school on the football field, Rhiannon and A used water machine guns to pop the huge bubbles they made. In the dark, Rhiannon and A kissed both holding sparklers.Afterwards, Rhiannon asked A to stay in Alexander’s body for one more day, and he said he wasn’t sure if he could. The next morning, Lindsey knocked on Rhiannon’s bedroom door to wake her up, but strangely Rhiannon was already up out of bed getting ready for school (because she wanted to find out if A was still Alexander). She waited outside before school started, and A, as Alexander, showed up and they both ran inside holding hands. Rhiannon had to study for a test, so they couldn’t hang out that night but they could the following day so they decided to have A stay in Alexander’s body for another day, which he did. Rebecca watched Rhiannon and Alexander (A) kissing from a distance. Later that night, Rhiannon’s family all had dinner together. A kept ignoring the missed calls from Alexander’s mom and continued hanging out with Rhiannon so he wouldn’t have to switch into another body. They professed their love for each other and then were going to call it a night when they arrived at Alexander’s house. Rhiannon said she would go inside with A for a minute, and they went into the house to see Alexander’s family sitting around the table waiting to celebrate his birthday with a happy birthday sign on the wall. Rhiannon left without saying anything and Alexander faced the music of his past behavior. The next day at school, Rhiannon and A made plans to hook up later that night at Alexander’s house since his parents went out of town and they would be alone. Rhiannon apologized to Rebecca for being a crappy friend, and Rebecca replied that she was happy Rhiannon and Alexander (imposter A) were together because she always thought they should be since Alexander was her Rhiannon’s type. A set up a candlelit dinner that he cooked and he and Rhiannon dressed up in nice clothing. She asked if it were, the Last Supper, and A replied that it was more like a first date. A told Rhiannon that Alexander was a great guy, a great cook, and he had a family that loved him and that was all A had ever wanted. However, A was damaging Alexander’s life by staying in his body. Rhiannon replied that they could go back to doing what they did before, which was A switching into different bodies and her following him, (she added that A shouldn’t even call her if he woke up in Flynn’s body. She then corrected herself and said it wasn’t a deal-breaker and A could be Flynn if that was the way it happened). A told Rhiannon the hard truth she didn’t want to hear. A was always blocking her from ever being with the right person and they couldn’t be together anymore. A agreed with Rebecca that the real Alexander was perfect for Rhiannon and he was her type (tall and slim with nice shoulders). He talked up Alexander by saying he was smart and interesting, which was everything that Rhiannon wanted, but she was still trying to hold onto A. A explained more about what would happen in the future in the event that they grew up still playing that game of finding what body he was in until A was suddenly in the body of someone who was married with children. Rhiannon might be left raising her own children that she had with A alone (and would not even be his kids), but that kid would grow up never seeing the missing parent or understanding why their mom had a male one day and a female the next in her romantic life. A added that most people knew their first love would not be their only love, but he said for him that Rhiannon was both. Rhiannon then told A that they had three hours until midnight and not to waste it, meaning she was going to let him go. They spent their remaining time talking and dancing and when Rhiannon asked A if he thought they would ever see each other again, A replied that he had to believe they would, but she had to believe they wouldn’t. A was going to go far away, either to New York or Chicago, just some big dense city where there were lots of people to be because he still had things to figure out about himself. Later on, in bed with digital cameras all around them, Rhiannon told shirtless A to make marks and leave traces in those people’s lives. They said they would both remember that night the next day and once A (Alexander) fell asleep, Rhiannon left. The next morning, A woke up as an African-American girl named Katie to a wealthy family. A ignored Katie’s mom and drove off in Katie’s high-dollar sportscar convertible listening to pop music. At their lockers, Rhiannon (with her hair now straight for the first time in the whole movie) said hi to Alexander, and he asked her if anybody ever told her that she had a nice smile and that he was just being honest when he said that. Rhiannon smiled back knowing this was the real Alexander and not A, and they walked down the hall together talking. The movie ended with A, now in New York, posting a picture of a sparkler in Central Park on his Instagram account (aaaaaaaaaa365) with #make_marks #leave_traces. Although the film was supposed to be set in the Washington D.C. area, scenes were filmed in Canada. On the movie cover art, Morgan Baila from REFINERY29 said, “This YA (young adult) novel turned teen drama is sure to fill that rom-com (romantic comedy) shaped hole in your heart.” 

 

 

DATE REVIEWED: 4/16/23

TITLE: Monster High – 13 Wishes 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2013  Universal Studios / Mattel Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This animated movie takes place at Monster High, a school where the young ghouls who are the children of famous monsters attend. Mr. Hack, a teacher, announced the first day of the new school year by wielding a butcher knife and saying the new students were new victims with fresh blood, then laughing evilly. Inside the school, the lockers were coffins with skull handles and the student body was called the student disembody. Lagoona was upset that Gil’s (her boyfriend) parents wouldn’t accept her because she was a saltwater monster and they were freshwater monsters. Howleen Wolf, the “annoying,” little sister of Clawd and Clawdeen Wolf, wanted more than anything to be popular. She put up a sign with her name on it and plugged it in, but she had jammed too many cords into one outlet and Headmistress Bloodgood’s head ended up flying off her body into Howleen’s hands. Bloodgood then made the girls clean out the attic as punishment. Howleen found an old lantern and rubbed it in her attempt to clean it, and then a genie named Gigi Grant appeared. Gigi called Howleen the “Finder,” of the lantern and said it was her job to grant Howleen thirteen wishes. However, there was a dark side to the wishes because the temptation to use them selfishly was powerful and dangerous. Howleen’s friends pressured her into using her first wish to get them out of detention. Abbey Bominable (Abominable Snowman’s daughter) decided to run for Student Disembodied President, and Draculaura (Dracula’s daughter) told her that politics were all about perception and if you looked good, people would listen. Now Gil’s parents wouldn’t let him and Lagoona be in the same classes because they didn’t want them spending time together. Howleen summoned Gigi and wished for Gil’s parents to like Lagoona, and so Lagoona was transformed into a freshwater monster. Howleen then wished that big brother Clawd, and his friends could be on their favorite stunt show, Die Trying. Abbey was in last place in the polls, and so Cleo de Nile (Cleopatra’s daughter) said she would endorse Abbey because Cleo was the most popular ghoul in school and everybody worshipped her. Howleen then appeared and wished for Abbey to instantly become the Student Disembodied President. In the bathroom, the mean ghouls tormented Howleen and told her she didn’t belong anywhere. Gigi’s evil shadow sister, Whisp, told Howleen to summon Gigi, and Howleen did so and wished to be popular. Cleo wasn’t happy about that and told Howleen that back in her day, the way to gain popularity was to be born into the right family. Howleen’s best friend, Twyla, told Frankie Stein (Frankenstein’s daughter) and Gigi that Howleen changed after she made her popularity wish. Gigi said she couldn’t influence Howleen to change her path, but others could so Frankie decided they would help her. Howleen then wished that Cleo would learn what it was like to be an outcast like Howleen was, and Cleo ran off in a screaming fit when her own boyfriend, Deuce Gorgon (Medusa’s son), didn’t even know who she was and everybody said they had never seen her before. At lunch, Twyla approached Cleo and addressed her as the new girl and made Cleo angry so she replied that she was the most popular girl there. Twyla said she couldn’t understand why everybody wanted to be popular instead of happy with who they were. Cleo declared that Twyla used reverse psychology on her and twisted Twyla’s words to scheme and get her popularity back. Cleo then planned to throw a royally epic comeback party at school on the night of the shadow eclipse so they could get back on top of the social scene (even though Twyla argued that she was never on the top to begin with). Clawdeen then spoke to Howleen and told her that her wish was wrong and that it was Clawdeen’s responsibility as a big sister to call her little sister out on her major mess-up. Howleen was about to make a wish to undo her previous wishes, but then Whisp whispered in her ear that Clawdeen was jealous of her sister. Howleen wished for her sister to disappear, and she did. Clawdeen was sent into Gigi’s lantern, and a shadow version of her appeared. Howleen, now completely under Whisp’s influence, listened to her every word and continued doing her bidding by making evil wishes. Gigi explained to Frankie, Ghoulia, and Dracalaura that Whisp was lurking in the shadows waiting for the shadow eclipse, when she would become real and try to convince Howleen to wish all power to the shadow genie. Whisp would then gain the powers of a dark shadow genie permanently and would banish everyone at Monster High into Gigi’s lantern eternally. They would be replaced with shadow versions of themselves, and Whisp would be their leader. The ghouls realized they needed to get into the lantern and free Clawdeen so she could stop Howleen from making that dark wish. Gigi gave them an orb to get out of the lantern, and then they set out to become an obstacle in Whisp’s path so she would send them to the lantern. The trio confronted Howleen in the bathroom and threatened to have Bloodgood kick her out of school for her behavior, but Whisp told Howleen to get rid of them. Howleen made a wish, and the other girls were sent to the lantern and replaced by shadow versions. Frankie and the others found Clawdeen inside Whisp’s palace. Clawdeen said she wasn’t sure their plan would work because Howleen never really listened to anything she said, so she showed them a book of genie-ology written by the Brothers Grimm. They read it and learned that after Gigi granted the thirteen wishes to each Finder, she always returned to the lantern and was lonely there. One of the Brothers Grimm whispered an idea to one of the Finders, and so they made a wish that transformed Gigi’s shadow into Whisp. They were best friends, but then Whisp became jealous of Gigi and wanted to be a genie like her. She convinced the Finders from then on to use their wishes to serve her needs by whispering ideas to them. Gigi used the magic mirror that the Brothers Grimm created to break Whisp’s spell over the last Finder, but the mirror was shattered into thirteen pieces, which were scattered across the palace. The ghouls decided they needed to find the shards of broken glass. Howleen and the shadow ghouls gathered the school together and turned them into mindless slaves, making them all wear Howleen’s masks and be like zombies. Howleen was then called to Bloodgood’s office, where the headmistress told her to take down all the banners with pictures of herself that she had put up. Howleen listened to Whisp in her ear and wished for Bloodgood to be fired so now Whisp had total control of the school. Howleen took over Bloodgood’s office, and they turned Cleo’s comeback party into an eclipse party. Clawdeen and the others joined up with Abbey and Cleo, who had also been banished to the lantern because of Howleen’s wishes. They gathered twelve of the mirror shards and used the orb to return to the school and get the final shard, which was in Whisp’s possession. As the eclipse passed overhead, Whisp became real but dropped her shard. Twyla grabbed it and it merged with the other pieces, restoring the mirror. Whisp’s spell over Howleen was broken when she looked into the mirror. Howleen wished for all her previous wishes to be undone, and then for her last wish she wished for Whisp to become the new genie in the lantern and Gigi to be released to stay at Monster High because that was all Whisp ever wanted. The lantern then fell into the deep end of the pool, where it sunk into oblivion and to be found one day by the next Finder. Cleo decided they could still have a party, and she even invited Howleen. 


  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/14/23

TITLE: A Christmas Wedding Tail 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for God's children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2011 Anchor Bay Entertainment/Hybrid/Lancom Television

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Los Olivos, a small California town. It began in October with Susan Davis walking her dog, Rusty, in the park. Rusty spotted a poodle named Cheri and fell head over paws in love with her at first sight. Susan met Cheri’s owner, Jake Campbell, who told Susan that he could give her a personal tour of the Bridlewood winery where he worked. Susan’s mom told her not to get hurt because she never told Jake about her three sons (Logan, Josh, and Ryan), and Jake’s friend, Frank, was wondering why Jake didn’t tell Susan about his two daughters (seven-year-old Emma and eleven-year-old Madison). During the tour, Susan learned that Jake actually owned the winery. She explained that she used to be a museum curator in LA until the budget cuts when her department got consolidated. She moved to Los Olivos temporarily and currently lived with her mom working in her mom’s antique shop, Gussied Up. They told each about their children, and when Jake showed Susan a picture of Madison, she thought it was a boy because the person in the photo was playing rugby. Susan mentioned that Josh was going to be the next Mark Zuckerberg. It turned out both Susan and Jake’s spouses died, and Ryan hadn’t spoken since his dad, Paul, died. Jake dropped Susan off at her house, and out front they already started kissing. Susan, Jake, and their kids all started having fun, and Rusty and Cheri spent time together. Jake had everyone over to his house for Thanksgiving, where Jake ended up falling backwards into the pool when he spotted Bridget, the girls’ pet mouse that they let out of her cage. They all ate peanut butter and jelly sandwiches for Thanksgiving. Jake got down on one knee and proposed to Susan in front of her mom and the kids, and she accepted. She then went to console her youngest, Ryan, who ran off because he was upset that his mom already wanted to remarry. Susan and Jake decided on Christmas day for their wedding day. Susan and the girls went dress shopping, and the saleswoman tried to talk Susan into one of the high-priced wedding dresses because she claimed you couldn’t put a price tag on the most important day of your life. Susan said the price was a down payment on a house, and Madison told her it was okay for her to buy that dress because the kids didn’t need to go to college. The saleswoman wasn’t happy that Susan wanted to look at the clearance dresses, and she ended up buying a discounted white wedding dress for her second marriage. Headhunter Pat later called Susan and told her there was a job opening for chief curator at a museum in New York (abbreviated MOCA and the second-largest museum in the country), and the interviews would be held the following day in LA. Pat declared that he pulled a few strings to get Susan an interview, and Susan said she would be there. She didn’t want her fiancé to know about the interview, so while she was sitting in traffic on the way to LA she lied on the phone to Jake that she out running errands and would be a little late for the appointment with the wedding coordinators because she had to pick up the kids. Susan and Jake interviewed the wedding planners, which included Santa Claus who was licensed to do weddings, a zen yoga dude, a likely Mafia member, a hillbilly, an eccentric female wanting to play hot booty-shaking music at the wedding, a female who said she was allergic to Rusty (and not Cheri because poodles are hypoallergenic), and a British male who suggested horse-drawn carriages and marrying and treating of the bride like a queen (with the exception of a subsequent beheading). However, Susan and Jake decided they would plan the wedding themselves. Ryan was still moping around the house about the wedding. At the country club, Hillary Spaulding told Susan and Jake their dogs weren’t allowed there, but they replied that unless the dogs were with them, they weren’t going to pay $150 a plate for their guests to attend the wedding, so Hillary changed the rules for them. A stray dog appeared, and Rusty and Cheri chased after him across the golf courses. While Susan, Jake, and the kids were inside a bakery ordering a wedding cake, they left the dogs in the car. Rusty smelled cake and snuck into the back of the store with Cheri following. They both ate a $2500 cake that they knocked onto the floor. The female baker found the dogs and screamed and chased them out of the store with a rolling pin in hand. Back at home, Pat called Susan to tell her that he just spoke to Bob Martinez from MOCA and Susan got the job because Bob said she was the best candidate. However, Susan wasn’t very enthusiastic and told Pat that she met someone, got engaged at Thanksgiving, and was going to get married on Christmas Day. Pat wondered why she did something silly like that and told her that he had already been married four and a half times (the half being an annulment in Vegas), so he figured he knew about marriage. Pat told Susan that her romance was fake like in the movies and it didn’t really exist. She replied that the relationship felt real too her, and Pat told her to go ahead and marry Mr. Mayberry and live in a small town for the rest of her life working in her mom’s shop. Susan told Pat to give her twenty-four hours to decide, and Pat replied she had twelve hours before he hung up on her. Susan then went to see Jake at the winery and told him about the job. He wasn’t happy to learn that she lied about going to LA for the interview, and when Susan told him she wanted him to come to New York with her he replied that he couldn’t leave his home there and make his kids move to a new school, not to mention the winery had been in his family for forty years and he was happy where he was. Susan argued that she didn’t get two master’s degrees to live in the country, and it had only been a temporary thing because she liked the city working life. She wanted something to define her other than just being a mom, and Jake walked away. Jake later told Frank that he wasn’t moving to New York, and Susan told her mom she was going to take the job. Madison and Emma told Jake that they had wanted Susan to marry Jake so he would be happy, and they didn’t want Rusty and Cheri to be separated. Rusty and Cheri led their kids to the winery so they would meet up. The kids came up with a plan and went to see Santa, where Ryan, now talking, told the Santa imposter that the only thing he wanted for Christmas was help to get his parents back together and married. Santa gave the kids a flyer for the upcoming Christmas fair and told them to bring their parents there. At the event, Frank and his band sang “Silent Night,” to get Frank and Susan to slow dance. Jake told Susan that he didn’t want to spend his life without her and he and his daughters would move to New York with her, but she had a change of heart and told him that she liked the small town and said yes when he asked her if she was still going to marry him. Susan called Pat and told him that she was turning down the job. The headhunter said that the small town was getting inside of her like a parasite when you go to a country and they tell you not to drink the water, but you drink it anyway. Pat offered Susan more money, an expense account, a company car, and longer lunchtime, but she still told him no and said that family was most important to her. Even though all the wedding people canceled, Jake and Susan still had a happy, simple outdoor wedding ceremony. Logan made two cakes, one for humans and one that was non-chocolate for the dogs. Before the ceremony, the reverend told Pat, who was attending the wedding, to get off his phone because the service was about to start. Pat pushed the reverend away and told the minister that he was off the phone (lied), but then he continued his business call until the reverend came back over and confiscated the phone because Pat was still screaming into the phone “Deal or no deal? Deal? Deal? Deal? Deal? Done,” (like Howie). After the ceremony, Pat gave the reverend his business card and the headhunter told the clergyman he could hook him up with a better job. The reverend then gave Pat his phone back, to which Pat said “germs,” and gave it to his male assistant to hold on to.. 

 

DATE REVIEWED: 4/13/23

TITLE: Hannah Montana The Movie 

BOX OFFICE RATED: G (This is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009 Walt Disney Pictures/It’s A Laugh Productions/Millar/Gough Ink

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Santa Monica, California and the main character is teenager Miley Stewart who is also known as the mega popstar Hannah Montana to her fanbase. In the beginning of the movie, Miley couldn’t get into her own concert and had no tickets, so she and her best friend, Lilly Truscott, stole the security’s officer golf cart. Miley’s dad, Robby Ray, didn’t care what she did and told the security officer the girls were with him so he could quickly rush Miley into the dressing room be transformed into Hannah. Young Miley went out on stage to sing to the crowd of many thousands (lots of underage children) with her blond Hannah wig over her brunette hair and a short sequin dress on. Later on, after a music video rehearsal on the beach, a man who wanted to ask her a few questions and snap some photos followed Miley to her tent. Miley said okay, but then her publicist, Vita, interrupted and told Miley that the man was in disguise and was actually Oswald Granger from Bon Chic magazine in England. Oswald explained that he wanted to do a cover feature on Hannah Montana, but Vita kicked him out. However, England Oswald put his camera on video and left it on the couch videoing the two USA females in the USA. Vita told Miley that she needed to keep her secret a secret (the fact that Hannah Montana was her secret identity and she was actually Miley Stewart, a country girl from Tennessee). Vita then sat on the camera, and after she and Miley exited the tent, British Oswald snuck back inside and grabbed the camera, but all he heard was Vita talking about an unknown secret and all he saw was Vita’s behind. He then received a call from his female British boss, Lucinda, who told him to find out every detail he could about Hannah. Vita showed up at Miley’s high school (with her being herself and not Hannah at the moment) and told her she had good news because Beyoncé had double pneumonia and had to drop out of the New York Music Awards, meaning Miley (Hannah) would take her place. Hannah and Vita then went shopping, where Hannah was given free things at the store. Vita told Hannah that was because she was a star, and if she looked at something, touched it, or wore it, then the whole world had to have it. Hannah found a pair of shoes at one store that she thought would be perfect for Lilly’s Sweet Sixteen birthday party, but Tyra Banks (as herself) told Hannah that she spotted the shoes first and they were hers. The two females then started violently fighting over the shoes with Tyra throwing Hannah over the couch onto the floor and Hannah jumping onto Tyra’s back to get the shoes. Oswald, the spy from England, followed around the minor female Hannah, and he videoed the scene. However, Hannah didn’t have time to get the shoes from irate Tyra because she needed to rush to Lilly’s birthday party, which she was already late to. While Hannah was in the limousine with Vita (still being followed by Oswald), Lilly called Hannah and wanted to know where she was, and Hannah replied she was on her way. Lilly was angry that Hannah was late and hung up on her, and when Robby called her she immediately hung up on her dad saying he had the wrong number. Hannah and Vita arrived at the Yacht Harbor where the huge party was, and because Oswald was still hot on their trail, Miley was forced to make her entrance still looking like Hannah. Everybody forgot about the birthday girl and instead turned their attention to Hannah because she was their idol. Hannah was carried around by the crowd and told Lilly she would make it up to her somehow, but Lilly was very upset and told Hannah she could never make it up to her because she ruined Lilly’s birthday. A news helicopter appeared overhead and the crowd chanted for Hannah to sing “Let’s Get Crazy.” England Oswald confronted Lilly in the crowd, and she didn’t know who he was so she told him that Hannah grew up in Crowley Corners. After the party, Miley couldn’t get ahold of Lilly on the phone and Hannah was on the front page of the newspaper as having a cat fight with Tyra. Vita told Robby that Miley needed to get ready go to New York for the music awards, but he replied that wasn’t happening because he and Miley were flying to Tennessee for her Grandma Ruby’s birthday. Miley told Robby she needed to go to the music award, and her dad couldn’t believe that his daughter cared more about that than her grandma’s birthday. Robby eventually gave in and told Vita to buy the private jet that Miley wanted. On the jet, Robby was wondering why Miley was already dressed up as Hannah, and she replied that it was for the photo-op that was waiting for her because Vita told her it was all about the publicity. However, when the jet landed, Miley learned that Robby tricked her and had them flown to Tennessee instead of New York, so there were no cameras or screaming fans, and Miley’s limo was a beat-up old truck with her brother, Jackson, driving. Robby took the wheel, and he and Miley had an argument about how they created Hannah’s character so Miley could be a singing star and have a normal life at the same time. Robby said that Miley got too big for her britches and they were done with the Hannah thing, and Miley told him to stop the truck so she could go home and he screeched to a halt. Miley told Robby he couldn’t take Hannah away from her because the popstar character meant everything to her, and he said that was the problem and to ask him again in two weeks if Miley could keep being Hannah. Until then, he wanted Miley to undergo a “Hannah detox,” and be a country girl again.Miley sat down on her suitcases by the fence and told her dad she wasn’t getting back in the truck. A horse then reached over the fence and pulled Miley’s wig off, and Robby was surprised that Miley didn’t even recognize her own horse, Blue Jeans. Miley said hello to her horse as Robby and Jackson drove off telling her to meet them at the house a mile up the road. Miley tried to ride Blue Jeans. He took off and planted her on the ground, but then cowboy Travis Brody (who was in the first grade with Miley) lassoed Blue Jeans. They went to the house with Travis and Miley riding double on Travis’s horse and Blue Jeans trailing behind.Miley told Travis that she was a best friend with Hannah Montana, and Travis told her that he was working for Grandma Ruby for the summer. When Miley arrived at the house, friends and family were celebrating Ruby’s birthday with music. Miley tried to join in singing, but she stopped and told her dad that she wanted her life back. She then said happy birthday to her Grandma. Ruby thanked Miley for the Elvis Presley plate she got as a present, and she put it on the wall with her other celebrity plates that included Patsy Cline, Minnie Pearl, and George Jones. Ruby told single Robby to go introduce himself to single Lorelai, and when Robby tried to impress Lorelai he ended up tripping over the dog. Robby knocked all of Ruby’s plates off the wall and they went crashing to pieces on the floor. He managed to catch Minnie, but then he dropped her to catch Elvis. He held the plate up saying Elvis was alive and well, but then he put his hand up and accidentally smashed the plate against the chandelier. The next morning, Ruby told Robby to talk to the foreman and fix Ruby’s truck. Outside, the foreman was already working on the truck, and when the person pulled off their helmet Robby discovered the foreman was actually a forewoman, Lorelai, and she lived on the property in a separate house. Meanwhile, Jackson pulled a stunt for a crowd of young children by jumping into an alligator enclosure. The kids cheered and laughed as the alligator grabbed Jackson multiple times and tried to eat him as he climbed out of the water. Ruby and Miley went into town, where Grandma Ruby wasn’t pleased that a developer, Mr. Bradley, was trying to put a mall in Crowley (Miley was happy about that part) and turn the pond into a landfill. Miley spotted Brit Oswald at the farmers’ market and decided to switch out the sweet and mild bowl of chili that Oswald was sampling with a devil level hot bowl. He took a bite and started dancing around to stop the burning. He drank water out of a dog’s dish, but that didn’t help and to make matters worse, juvenile delinquent Miley opened the tailgate of a pickup truck and released a flood of nuts so they rolled down toward the Englishman and caused him to fall backwards onto the mall display, crushing it. With Miley snickering in the background, Mr. Bradley tried to get Oswald up, but he fell too and quickly got back on his feet so he could pick up the broken pieces from his display. Ruby and Miley (with a hick accent) then gave Oswald directions to a cabin in the woods making him think he was going to find Hannah. Oswald somehow didn’t recognize Miley and followed the directions, and he ended up rolling down a hill into a mud puddle when a couple of birds suddenly scared him. Oswald then juggled calls between Lucinda (currently taking a mud bath) and his two daughters, Phoebe and Clarissa (at their Catholic boarding school). Oswald mentioned Hannah to Lucinda, but the girls overheard and started screaming and asking their dad to get them Hannah’s autograph. Miley and Travis worked on rebuilding the old chicken coop so Travis could sell the eggs. They also put up flyers in town for a night of music at Meadow Hall to help save Crowley Meadows. After Robby’s performance of “Back To Tennessee,” at the fundraiser, Taylor Swift (as herself) took the stage to sing “Crazier,” which Miley and Travis danced to. Travis then told Miley that it was open mike night and dragged her up onstage to sing even though she told him no. Miley decided to sing a hip-hip/country song, “Hoedown Throwdown,” with lyrics for a line dance that the crowd performed. Mr. Bradley then appeared and told everybody that they would never be able to raise the money to save the Meadows unless the Beatles came and put on a benefit concert. Travis at the microphone announced that Miley was best friends with Hannah Montana, so maybe Hannah could help them by throwing a concert. The crowd told Miley to call Hannah, and she reluctantly said she would. Hannah then drove through town in a white limo with screaming girls chasing her down in the street and Oswald following. However, it turned out it wasn’t Miley, but in fact Lilly dressed as Hannah wearing her wig and sunglasses to hide her face. Oswald the British Reporter snapped pictures of Lilly, Miley, and Vita from a tree as they went into the house. Miley learned that Lilly was the one who told Oswald where Hannah went. Lorelai took over Miley’s job of giving Hannah (Lilly) a foot massage while she lay on Miley’s bed with a towel over her face. Lorelai said the mayor was hosting a dinner that evening in honor of Hannah, and Lorelai had lobsters flown in just for her. Miley ran outside to talk to Robby, who was climbing a ladder to fix Ruby’s gutter. He spotted Lorelai rubbing Hannah’s feet through the window, and Miley explained that they were actually Lilly’s feet. Miley and Lilly later decided to introduce Travis to Hannah. Miley donned her Hannah attire and talked to Travis (who somehow didn’t realize Hannah was Miley even though she talked and looked the same as Miley). Travis revealed that he liked Miley and was always thinking about her, and Hannah suggested that he ask her out on a date. Travis decided he was going to do that right now, but Hannah stopped him and told him that Miley was in the barn brushing Blue Jeans, not in the house, and she pushed him in the direction of the barn so she could quickly change. He found Miley, now herself, painting the chicken coop and told her he was just talking to Hannah about her and he wanted to ask her out to dinner that night. She pretended to not really care and replied that would be cool. Hannah and Lilly went to the dinner, where the mayor told Hannah that if she needed anything at all, “anything,” than to let him know because he would be glad to help her since she was putting on the benefit concert for the town. Lorelai was wondering why Miley wasn’t there yet, and Ruby told her that Miley had East Coast-West Nile disease and couldn’t attend. Lilly covered for Hannah so she could put on her Miley dress and meet Travis for dinner at the Italian restaurant. Travis was about to tell Miley his feelings for her, but then she ran out the back door and returned to the mayor’s dinner as Hannah once again. Almost as soon as she arrived, she hurried back to Travis. Both dinners continued in the same way with Miley changing her clothes back and forth and coming up with excuses to get out of each building to the next. Just as everybody was about to have dessert, Jackson’s pet ferret, Harlow, crawled up the mayor’s leg. He pulled his pants down in front of everybody and released Harlow onto the table. Travis ended up discovering whom Miley really was and he was angry that she lied to him and said they were done. This also resulted in Robby telling Lorelai that he didn’t want a relationship with her in his life at the moment, which clearly upset Lorelai. Back on the farm, Robby and Miley sang the daddy-daughter song, “Butterfly, Fly Away,” she wrote about the two of them. Right before the benefit concert, in Hannah’s tour bus, Ruby told Miley that putting on the concert was the right thing to do, and then she gave Miley her deceased mother’s necklace, which she put in her pocket. Travis decided to ride his horse to the concert. Hannah broke down on stage in the middle of a song and told everybody that she loved being Hannah, but she couldn’t be her there because that town was her home, her family, and where she was from. Miley then took her wig off and sang “The Climb,” song she wrote. Even though the audience loved her performance, they convinced her to keep being Hannah because that was part of who she was. Just as Hannah was putting her wig back on, the Reporter for England, Oswald, appeared and snapped a picture of her. Everybody chased after him, and then his daughters appeared and told their Brit dad that Vita gave them two free tickets to the concert. Phoebe and Clarissa freaked out when they discovered that Hannah Montana was standing right above them. Oswald then had a change of heart and called Lucinda to tell her that England’s Bon Chic magazine was run by a wretched, soulless succubus (Lucinda) who preyed on the misfortune of others and Oswald wasn’t going to put up with it anymore and quit. Travis then talked to Miley and told her that he wasn’t actually over the crush he had on her. The two teens made up and kissed kissed, and while Hannah was singing on stage again, Robby and Lorelai kissed in the crowd. This movie had a budget of $30 million and grossed over $155 million at the box office. On the movie cover art Scott Mantz with Access Hollywood states, “Charming, irresistible and a ton of fun!”



  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/11/23

TITLE: Mr. Popper’s Penguins

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2011 20th Century Fox/Davis Entertainment Company

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in New York and is about businessman Thom Popper, who worked for the Franklin, Reader & Yates Company. He went there with his personal assistant, Pippi with a British accent, and wanted become a partner with the company and have his name on the marble slab, but he was told that first he needed to buy the Tavern on the Green restaurant, the only privately held real estate property in Central Park where the corporation could build anything they wanted. Thom also needed to convince Selma Van Gundy to sell, which the trio of businessman warned Popper would be difficult because Selma had already received a thousand offers and turned them all down. Thom visited his estranged wife, Amanda, and their kids, Billy and Janie.Thom had a talk with teenage Janie, who liked Cooper Keegan but he didn’t like her back. Thom told Janie she was a powerful and independent lady and didn’t need a man, and he compared his daughter to Martha Stewart who was rich and slept with her dogs. Thom then went to see Reginald, who read Thom’s recently deceased dad’s will, where he left a “souvenir,” from Antarctica to Thom. The next morning, Thom found a crate outside his apartment door. He opened it and took out what he thought was a stuffed penguin, but then discovered that it was a live penguin. Not wanting to take care of the animal, Thom put the female penguin (later named Captain) in a tub filled with ice and headed to the Tavern to meet with Selma. She didn’t like Thom’s self-centered, all-about-business attitude and told him the Tavern was no longer for sale after telling him she was only going to sell it to someone who could prove his worth, and he asked if she meant his net worth. Back at his apartment, Thom called a man in Antarctica and told him five times that he needed to send the penguin back there and the man’s captain (Thom’s dad) was crazy. However, the man misinterpreted it as Thom wanting him to send five more penguins. Thom then opened the bathroom door and a torrent of water poured out all over the house because Captain had somehow turned the faucet on just minutes after she was put in the tub that morning and flooded the entire bathroom. Thom kept calling people from wildlife agencies in an attempt to get Captain taken off his hands, but nobody would help him. Thom looked at a website with recipes that included penguin, like Puffy Penguin Pizza. When another crate arrived at Thom’s door, he immediately opened it thinking the Antarctica man sent it to him to ship the penguin back. However, five more penguins waddled out of the crate and wrecked the house. Thom’s family then arrived to celebrate Billy’s birthday. Billy thought the penguins were his gifts from Thom, and Thom played along and named the birds Captain Popper, Loudy, Bitey, Stinky, Lovey, and Nimrod. Nat Jones from the New York Zoo then showed up at the door for the penguins, but Thom made him leave telling him that he couldn’t take the penguins yet because they were for Billy’s birthday. Thom found out that Selma was the chair of many charitable foundations, and he planned to attend a benefit hosted by one of those foundations at the Guggenheim on Saturday, where he would pretend to be someone with integrity and character (like Jimmy Stewart) who Selma was looking for to buy the Tavern. When Billy and Janie visited Thom again to see the penguins, they suggested to Thom that they take the penguins to the park, where they played soccer with them. Janie sat on the bench playing on her electronic device, and Thom tried to get her into the game by mimicking her voice “O-M-G, I’m too A-D-D to be with D-A-D.” That got Janie up off the bench. As Thom told Billy that girls were the weaker sex, Janie kicked the soccer ball and it knocked Thom unconscious when it hit him in the head. The penguins then copied Thom and fell backwards into the snow. At the apartment, Thom paid off the bellboy with cash to keep quiet and not report the illegal pets. Amanda later told Thom that it was okay for the kids to spend a few nights with him, but they would stay with her mom, their grandmother, for three weeks while Amanda and her boyfriend, Rick, were in Ghana celebrating that she got a grant. Later on, Janie was in tears having tween school romance drama (with Madison, Cooper Keegan, Brandon Yee, Brittany), and she didn’t like Thom’s advice that there would be many more crushes in her future and to get over the crush she had on Cooper and move on. Thom started training the penguins (to obey commands like a dog and to crap in the toilet with Thom holding them up), and he was shown saying grace (with the penguins climbing all over the table) and asking the Lord to use His mighty power to stop the melting of the polar ice caps. Janie later told Thom that Cooper asked her out to the Snowball Dance, and Thom took Janie shopping for a dress. When they got back to the apartment, they found that three of the penguins laid eggs. They called Amanda over to see the eggs and Rick decided to wait in the car for her to be done because Rick didn’t care for the birds. The kids told mom Amanda that Thom, their dad, wanted to go out with Amanda on a date. As Thom was getting ready and talking to his penguins, he told them he had reservations at Jean-Georges, which was almost impossible unless you were dating The Donald. After dinner, Thom and Amanda went ice-skating at the Trump Central Park Wollman Rink. Back at the apartment, Thom discovered that Nat was trying to put the penguins in crates. Nat informed Thom that he wasn’t taking care of the penguins right and they needed a proper home at the zoo. Thom replied that they needed love, but Nat argued they were animals, not children, and they needed food, snow, and every once in a while, one of them needed to be eaten by a whale. Nat added that the penguins loved whoever was holding a fish, and the penguins proved that by gathering around Nat and the fish in his hand. Nat left, and then Thom bought the penguins a variety of fish and shoveled snow into the apartment from outside in preparation for the penguin chicks. However, Captain’s egg didn’t hatch with the others. After Thom slept the night on the floor next to the egg, Pippi and the three businessmen from Thom’s company showed up at his door in the morning. They thought he was going insane and abandoning his work on the Tavern because of the penguins. Thom said he would come back to work once the last egg hatched, but the businessmen weren’t having any of it and fired Thom on the spot. Nat confirmed that the egg had no heartbeat, and then Thom agreed to let Nat take the penguins to the zoo. Thom showed up at work and told his associates who just fired him that he was back in the game because he told Selma’s kids their company was offering her $100 million, and Thom suggested that Selma’s offspring make Selma’s life difficult until Selma accepted the offer. A press conference with Selma was scheduled the following day, and the businessmen were happy with that and welcomed Thom back. The kids were very disappointed to learn that the penguins were at the zoo. Janie, in tears, told Thom that she wasn’t going to the Snowball Dance because Cooper asked somebody else last minute. The next day when Thom was supposed to go to the press conference, he instead took Billy and Janie to the zoo to get the penguins back. In the car, Thom called Amanda and told her not to go to Ghana with Rick yet because Thom wanted to have one more date with her. Amanda agreed and showed up at the zoo. However, their penguins weren’t in the exhibit, so they stormed into Nat’s office. Nat explained that they traded the penguins and the chicks to zoos in other countries in exchange for animals the NY zoo didn’t have. Nat lied the penguins were already gone, but then the family discovered the penguins were locked in a tank in the room. They let the penguins out and locked Nat inside the tank. To smuggle the penguins out of the zoo, the family put on face masks with Thom holding his driver’s license upside down like a badge and telling the crowd, who quickly scattered out of the way, that there was an avian infectious disease containment, which was Antarctic bird flu with diarrhea and vomiting (think Covid). In order for the Popper family and the penguins to sneak past the gate, Thom had Pippi collapse on the ground and distract the guards by telling them a porcupine in her posterior pricked her. The Poppers, with their penguins, drove to the Tavern with Nat, who called a guard to let him out of the tank, chasing after them. Selma told Thom she wasn’t selling, and then Nat appeared and told everybody that Thom had been trafficking in stolen penguins, and Nat made himself out to be the hero by saying that he saved the penguins and then Thom broke into the zoo and kidnapped the birds. They did a test to see if the penguins would choose a fish Nat was holding or the love of Thom and his family, and the penguins chose love. Nat was taken away, and Selma told Thom that the Tavern was now his because he proved himself worthy of it. The businessmen wanted to know when they were going to break ground on the property, but Thom replied that they weren’t tearing the Tavern down and they instead remodeled it into an even fancier restaurant. Thom then took his wife and kids to Antarctica, where they released the penguins into a flock of wild bird. Captain didn’t want to join the group just yet because she had an egg, and the family decided to call the unborn penguin chick Bald Eagle (after Thom’s dad’s radio code name) and promised they would be back to see him. The movie credits featured the song “Ice, Ice, baby.” On the movie cover art, Pete Hammond from Box office Magazine said, Hilarious and heartwarming.” Also, Jeanne Wolf from jeannewolfshollywood.com, “The family comedy you’ve been waiting for.” This movie had a budget of $55 million and it grossed $187 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/11/23

TITLE: The Fault In Our Stars

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2014 Fox 2000 Pictures/A Temple Hill Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Indianapolis, Indiana and started with seventeen-year-old Hazel Grace Lancaster in the doctor’s office with her mom, Frannie, telling Dr. Maria that Hazel was depressed, ate like a bird, and read her favorite book “An Imperial Affliction,” over and over again. Hazel said depression was a side effect of dying, which was what was happening to her because she had cancer. She was shown in a cafe reading her favorite book with her almost black painted fingernails. Dr. Maria said she might switch Hazel’s medication to Zoloft or Lexapro and increase the dosage to twice a day instead of one. Hazel said she didn’t want to be part of a support group because it wasn’t her thing, but Dr. Maria replied that it would help her on her “journey,” to death. Hazel decided to give it a chance and went to the support group of cancer patients at the St. Paul’s Episcopal Church. The group leader, Patrick, had his cancerous testicles removed, and Hazel described him as a Jesus freak who was divorced, friendless, and still lived with his parents. Patrick sang another song “Christ is our friend and he’ll be there till the end,” before the end of the class. Hazel said basically that was her life: reality shows, doctor’s appointments, eight prescription drugs three times a day, and the worst part of all was the support group. Hazel’s parents, Michael and Frannie, told her that she was being forced into going to her support group even though she wanted to experience teenage life by going out with other teenagers and drinking and doing drugs. Frannie dropped Hazel off at her group another day, where she ran into the new boy, Augustus Waters, and then he ran into a door as he walked away. In class, Isaac spoke up about his great friend Augustus (Gus) who helped Isaac because he was about to be blind. Augustus stood up and said he was eighteen years old and had a touch of osteosarcoma a year-and-a-half-ago. He lost part of his leg as a result and said he was now part cyborg because he had a mechanical leg. After class in the church parking lot, Isaac and his girlfriend, Monica, were making out crazily in the parking lot with him grabbing her breasts as they kissed. Hazel watched as she waited for her mom to pick her up, and Gus walked up beside her to speak to her because they had a connection in the room when they both agreed dying was inevitable and there were no humans in the beginning and there would be no humans in the end, so nobody would be remembered. Gus explained to Hazel that saying “always,” was Isaac and Monica’s thing because they would always love each other, and they texted the keyword to each other fourteen million times that year. Hazel, disgusted, commented that Isaac must be hurting Monica’s boob, and then Gus suggested they go watch a movie at his house. Hazel nearly had a heart attack when Gus ruined the moment by taking out a cigarette, but it turned out he didn’t smoke, he just held the thing that could kill him between his teeth but didn’t light it and give it the power to kill him. Frannie then drove up and asked Hazel if she was ready to go watch Top Model on TV, but Hazel replied that she was going to the movies with Gus and he smiled at Frannie with the cigarette between his teeth. As soon as they left the church, Gus pulled onto the roadway in his Jeep and didn’t even look both ways; so another car almost hit them as they listened to loud rock music on the radio. Gus told Hazel that he flunked his driving test four times, but because he had cancer the female instructor basically gave him his license. Hazel explained that when she was thirteen, she found out she had stage four-thyroid cancer and had all kinds of treatment with chemo and radiation. Later on, her lungs filled up with water, but when they thought she was dying something strange happened to her where her body accepted the antibiotics, she was able to get the fluid drained from her lungs, and things started to improve with her health. She was put on experimental trials after that and took Phalanxifor, which was called “The Miracle,” because it didn’t work for seventy percent of the patients but somehow worked for Hazel. She told Gus that she got her GED and was taking classes at MCC, and Gus was impressed that she was a college girl at seventeen. He knocked over the trashcans in his driveway and then took Hazel into his parents’ house. Inside Augusta’s house was Dolly’s quote “If you want the rainbow, you have to deal with the rain,” hanging on the wall. Gus introduced Hazel to his parents and then took her downstairs to his basement bedroom to watch a movie. They agreed to exchange their favorite books, where Gus would read Hazel’s favorite book (An Imperial Affliction), and she would read his favorite book, Counterinsurgence, which was a novelization of his favorite video game. As Hazel read Gus’s book, she waited for him to call because she had nothing else to do. Frannie told Hazel not to worry about it if he didn’t call. As Hazel wore her Pink Floyd t-shirt, she was rapidly receiving texts from Gus at the dinner table, and her parents told her to excuse herself so she could talk to Gus because she was disrupting their meal by texting Gus about the book and how hers ended in the middle of a sentence. Gus asked Hazel to come to his house because Isaac was there screaming lyrics about breaking all the rules. Hazel arrived and Gus explained that Isaac was currently having one of his psychotic episodes while he played war games as Gus and Hazel spoke. Gus then said that Monica broke up with Issac, and Isaac told Hazel he didn’t want to talk about it, he just wanted to cry and play video games. He then said that Monica didn’t want to be his girlfriend anymore and go all the way to support him because Issac was going to lose his eyesight completely after his next surgery. Isaac then stood up and started kicking at the TV, but Gus stopped him and gave him a pillow to hit. Gus then told Isaac that pillows didn’t break and he gave Isaac one of his old basketball trophies. Isaac smashed the trophy into pieces against the brick wall. Gus and Hazel tried to have a rational conversation about Hazel’s book where the female character Anna died, but he didn’t like the way it ended in the middle of a sentence. Isaac got permission from Gus to smash a bigger trophy to pieces in the room as he screamed like a madman. Hazel added that she would like to know what happened in the book after Anna died and what happened to Anna’s mom (as Isaac continued breaking more trophies). She said she tried to contact Peter Van Houten the author, but he moved to Amsterdam and became a recluse so she would never find out what happened. Gus later called Hazel and told her that he was able to contact Peter through his assistant, Lidewij, and Gus received an email from Peter (supposedly), who was happy to hear how much Hazel and Gus liked his book and answered their question that he didn’t plan to write anything else and had not further thoughts to share with his readers. Hazel then started writing her own emails to Peter asking him more questions about his book. Gus and Hazel decided that “okay,” would be their “always.” One morning, Hazel discovered on her Apple laptop that Peter replied in an email to her that he wouldn’t answer her questions in writing because the email wasn’t secure (hackers) and also the fact he didn’t know her, but he would like to speak to her in person if she was ever in Amsterdam. Hazel yelled for Frannie, and because Hazel was so excited Frannie was scared half to death for her daughter thinking she was having a medical emergency, but instead she was relieved to find out that Hazel’s favorite author emailed her. Frannie reminded Hazel that they didn’t have the money to get all the medical equipment to Amsterdam to meet Peter, and Hazel was disappointed to say the least but understood that and hadn’t been thinking through her excitement so she forgot her parents weren’t rich and were barely getting by with the medical bills. Frannie didn’t really want to say no and apologized before she left because she knew how much it meant to her daughter. Gus couldn’t believe later, when Hazel and him were alone again, that Hazel used her last dying “wish” at thirteen to go to Disney World and Epcot Center. After another doctor’s appointment, Gus brought Hazel tulips and asked her out on a picnic, and she replied that she would love to go. As Hazel changed first because she smelled like hospital, Michael and Gus talked in the living room about how Gus himself was a survivor. Michael tried to tell Gus that Hazel’s lungs weren’t going to be able to handle Gus because she would try to keep up with him no matter what. However, Hazel appeared and interrupted them. At the picnic, they discussed how Hazel didn’t save her wish, but Gus revealed that he saved his “make a wish” and he would take her to Amsterdam to meet Peter in a month. However, Hazel woke up in the middle of the night and had an emergency because she couldn’t breathe, so her parents rushed her to the children’s hospital. She woke up after a while, and Frannie told her that the usual happened: fluid filled her lungs and prevented oxygenation, so the medical staff put a tube inside her and drained the fluid. Michael chimed in that the good news was, there were no new tumors growing in Hazel’s body. Michael went out to the waiting room, where Gus wanted him to tell Hazel that he was there since he couldn’t visit her because it was family only. Michael said he would and told Gus to go home. Gus waited around and then snuck in to see Hazel but was run off by the staff a few minutes later. After released from the hospital, three doctors at a family medical meeting explained to Hazel and her parents that the Phalanxifor was an experimental drug only and wasn’t meant for long-term use, as Hazel was doing, because the side effects were unknown. Hazel had a flashback of when she was thirteen and Frannie was at her bedside telling Hazel she could let go and die. She saw her mom crying hysterically in her husband’s arms saying she wasn’t going to be a mom anymore after her child died. Hazel spoke up then and wanted to know if she could still go to Amsterdam. Dr. Maria and another doctor wanted to work something out, but the head doctor, Dr. Simmons, said no because Hazel was too sick and traveling on an airplane was not the same as going to the mall and posed greater risk because Hazel had stage four cancer. Hazel didn’t want to talk to Gus anymore, so when he called Michael told Gus that Hazel was asleep when she was actually awake sitting at the table. Hazel told Michael she knew he was thinking that she wasn’t being fair to Gus, so Michael’s joking reply was she was absolutely right because he and Frannie were just having a conversation that perhaps it was time to toss their daughter into the street or drop her off at an orphanage because they weren’t sentimental people. Then he walked out of the room, basically telling Hazel not to blow off Gus by not talking to him. Hazel continued ignoring Gus’s texts, but then Hazel decided to call Augusta and tell him that she really wanted to go to Amsterdam and find out what happened after the end of Peter’s book, and she really didn’t want to be dying and wished a chance at another life. She added that the sad, squeaky swing set didn’t improve her mood, so Gus came over to the backyard to see the “swing set of tears,” that Hazel’s dad installed for her when she was younger. Hazel compared herself to a grenade and said that one day she was going to explode and she didn’t want Gus around as one of the casualties. Hazel read another email from Peter’s assistant Lidewih, who thought the Gus and the Lancasters were still coming to Amsterdam. Hazel called her mom upstairs, and Frannie appeared naked with a towel wrapped because she had been taking a bath. She explained that she and Michael had planned to tell Hazel that the trip was back on because Dr. Maria helped them figure out how they could make everything work for a three-day trip instead of the original six-day trip. Hazel and Frannie hugged it out and exchanged love-yous. Frannie walked out of the room to get back in the bathtub and told Hazel to call Gus. Hazel spoke to her lungs and told her lungs to keep their sh** together for one more week so she could make her trip to Amsterdam and back. Gus showed up outside the house hanging out the top of a limo with a cigarette in his mouth to pick up Hazel and her mom. On the American airlines airplane, which was Gus’s first flight, he put another cigarette in his mouth, but the flight attendant told him he couldn’t smoke on any plane and made him take it out. Peter had made reservations for Hazel and Gus to go out to eat at the fancy Oranjee restaurant, and Frannie bought Hazel a new blue dress for the occasion. Gus picked Hazel up from the hotel room and they went out into the city alone on a boat ride. They arrived at Oranjee, where they were addressed as Mr. and Mrs. Waters and given complimentary champagne. They talked about his death suit he had on and Hazel’s death dress she had at home, and then later on, as they drank more and ate their dinner, Hazel said she maybe believed in God and didn’t believe in angels. Gus said he believed in something but he didn’t know what, but definitely not heavenly unicorns and mansions made out of clouds. He then told Hazel he loved her. Gus asked for the check, but the waiter replied that Peter paid for their meal. Hazel wore her pipe t-shirt from her favorite book and Frannie said she didn’t get it so Hazel explained that it wasn’t actually a pipe, but a drawing of a pipe (something from her favorite book). Hazel and Gus took the bus alone to visit Peter, and Lidewij answered the door. Inside the house, there was hundreds of unopened fan mail all over the floor that Peter never answered. Lidewij told Peter the Americans were there, and he replied that he left America so he would never have to encounter another American. As Peter drank his alcohol with his back turned to his visitors, he said he was incurably American and told Lidewij to get rid of Hazel and Gus. Peter turned out to be a very grumpy drunk who barked at Lidwij for buying Hazel and Gus dinner and champagne when he knew nothing about it. Peter seemed to have a chip on his shoulder and had something to prove by being a jerk to these teenagers. He blasted Swedish hip-hop music and expected them to understand what the voices were feelings, and then he used an example of the tortoise and the hare race where nobody really cared to know how the tortoise would win and that was the answer to the ending of the book, which clearly upset Gus to the point where he apologized to Hazel for taking her there because Peter wouldn’t answer her questions and be serious. Peter asked Gus if the cancer went to his brain because he seemed to be more intelligent in his email writing than in person. Hazel and Peter got into a heated argument where Peter told Hazel that he wasn’t going to succumb to her childish fantasies because the book was fiction and not reality, so the story didn’t have an ending and he wouldn’t invent one for Hazel. He told her it went too far with sick children dying and adults pitying them to the point where they paid for extravagant vacations and oxygen machines to make everything better before the kids died, which were all things they would never remember in the end. He added that Hazel was a side effect to an evolutionary process that cared little for individual lives and she was a failed experiment in mutation. Hazel stood up and called Peter a douchepants and told him she knew everything that was going to happen to her concerning her disease, but all she came there for was the ending to his book. Peter’s response was he couldn’t tell Hazel, so Hazel swore at him and knocked the glass of scotch out of his hand. Peter told the teens he wanted them to leave, and he followed them to the door and asked Hazel why she cared so much about her silly questions concerning his novel. Hazel turned around and told Peter to go fu** himself before she walked out the door with Gus behind her. On the walk back to the hotel room, Gus told Hazel that he would write a sequel for her with blood, guts, and sacrifice, and it would be better than anything that drunk Peter could write. Hazel then apologized to Gus that she spent his “wish” on that a-hole, and he corrected her that he didn’t spend it on Peter, but spent it on them. Lidewij then chased after Gus and Hazel down on the street and asked the two if they wanted to go sightseeing with her to the Anne Frank house, Peter was not invited. Even though there was no elevator, Hazel told Lidewij and Gus that she could make it up the many flights of stairs. Hazel barely made it up the stairs because there were many sets and she had to stop many times to catch her breath. Hazel then carried her oxygen tank on her back and climbed up a ladder, and even though Gus told her she had done enough, she wanted to prove she could do it. Lidewij then told Hazel that the only member of Anne’s family who survived was her dad, Otto, as they stared at the pictures of the rest of Anne’s family members who died. Hazel then kissed Gus as she heard Anne’s voice in recorded words telling her to think of all the beauty in everything around her and be happy. Everybody in the room touring the Anne Frank house applauded the kissing teen couple and congratulated them in different languages. Gus took a bow. The two young teens went back to Augusta’s hotel room and had sex, where Hazel took off her shirt, bra, and oxygen tank as well and professed her love for Gus and he told her his love for her. Hazel quickly put her nosepiece back on once her shirt was off though, because she couldn’t breathe. Gus woke up the next morning to find a note that Hazel left for him on the nightstand that was written on the Hotel De Vreugde stationary. During the picnic earlier, Gus drew a circle of virgins in the dirt. He put a dot inside the circle that represented Gus, meaning he was still a virgin because nobody wanted to date him since he was an 18-year-old dude with one leg. Hazel drew on the note the circle with the dot now on the outside because Gus was no longer a virgin. When they had a few hours left before returning to America, Hazel and Gus were being mean to Frannie and wanted to be alone, acting like mom was a third wheel in their newfound sexual relationship. Frannie went back to the room so the two could be alone. They went for a walk alone. Gus told Hazel that right before she went to the hospital, he had a pain in his hip and he went back to the hospital for a PET scan and it lit up like a Christmas tree, meaning he had cancer everywhere, including the lining of his chest and liver. Gus apologized for not telling Hazel earlier. They cried together on the bench and then they decided to make out to get through it. At the airport back in America, Michael waited to pick the trio up holding a sign welcoming his beautiful family (and Gus). Another day, in Gus’s room, Isaac, now blind, asked Hazel if she wrote Gus’s eulogy yet, and Gus said he hadn’t told her yet. He then asked Hazel to say something at his funeral because now he had cancer in his entire body. Isaac mentioned that he was in another support group, where Issac was now interested in a girl who had humongous boobs, so he wasn’t worried about Monica anymore and she never texted him to see how he was after his surgery. The trio went to Missy’s Get & Go to buy eggs, and then they headed to Monica’s house in broad daylight (of course, it was all dark to Isaac) and handed Isaac eggs to throw at her car. However, the first time he hit a tree with an egg, so Gus and Hazel coached him on where to throw it. The second time when Isaac hit Monica’s car, the alarm went off. Monica’s mom came outside and almost got hit by one of the eggs, and Gus told her that Monica had gone a great injustice so the trio had come seeking revenge. Gus added that they all three had disabilities and they had two dozen eggs, so if he were Monica’s mom he would go back inside, which she did, until they were finished egging her daughter’s car. In the middle of the night, Hazel received a call from Gus telling her he was at the gas station and he needed her to help him because something was wrong. Hazel drove to the gas station and found Gus sitting in his car retching, where he showed her an infected wound on his abdomen. She told him she needed to call 9-1-1, but he said he would never forgive her if she called 9-1-1 or his parents and he was only there trying to get cigarettes because somebody took his pack. Hazel dialed 9-1-1 anyway as Gus said no because he wanted to be able to do something on his own even though he was so sick. He said he hated himself and pounded on the steering wheel. Hazel said Gus didn’t keep his courage to the end and lost it along with himself in the disease that overtook his body. In the hospital waiting room, Hazel was all alone without her parents, and Gus’s mom told Hazel that they stopped the chemo and his blood pressure was low so he wasn’t doing good at all. She didn’t want Hazel to see Gus but said she would tell him Hazel was there. Hazel decided to hang out in the waiting room for a while. Now in a wheelchair, Gus and his parents came home where Hazel waited for him. Hazel wheeled Gus to the park for a picnic. They got into a heated conversation because Gus was down in the dumps and wanted everyone in the world to remember him and love him when he was gone, and Hazel told him that he couldn’t just be satisfied with her and his family loving him. Gus understood and told Hazel Grace it was a good life because she was in it, and she replied it’s not over yet. They then drank what looked like champagne. Another day, Hazel talked about how cancer patients had one Last Good Day and they didn’t know when that would be, and sometimes it was just another decent day. She received a call from Gus, who asked her if she finished the eulogy he asked her to write. She replied maybe, and Gus asked her to bring it down to the Heart of Jesus at the Episcopal Church and meet him there. Hazel went downstairs and asked her parents for the car keys, and they were concerned she hadn’t eaten all day. Hazel replied that she was dying, and then they got into a confrontation where Hazel said her biggest fear was her parents were going to kill themselves when she was dead, or they were going to sit around the house and wallow in their sorrows because she died, to which they replied when Hazel was gone from their lives, it was going to hurt like hell but they would go on living with the pain like she was doing. Frannie then told Hazel that she was taking classes in social work to help counsel families who were going through the same thing her own family was going through at the moment. Hazel’s parents said they didn’t tell her that because they didn’t want her to feel abandoned. Hazel said that was a great comfort to know and the best news they could ever give her that they both were going to be okay after she died. Hazel arrived at the empty church, where Isaac was at the podium. Gus told Hazel that he wanted to attend his own funeral while he was still alive in the event he didn’t come back as a ghost to see it then. Both Isaac and Hazel gave very personal and intimate eulogies, which put Gus at peace because he got to hear it from them before he died. Eight days later, Gus died when the cancer stopped his heart. Hazel’s parents consoled her as best they could, but as with any loss, it takes much time and an endless supply of God’s love to get through it. Holding a pack of cigarettes, Hazel sat next to Frannie at Gus’s funeral. Hazel was shocked to see Peter there, and Peter whispered to Hazel that what the minister was saying about Gus was a load of sh**. He then told her that they needed to fake-pray now and he bowed his head. Hazel put the cigarette pack on Gus’s coffin as she went to deliver her eulogy. The reverend said she was Gus’s friend, and Hazel corrected him, not that it mattered but she was Gus’s girlfriend. Hazel decided not to the read the eulogy she read to Gus and instead made it about his parents to help them through by quoting the Dolly plaque about the rainbow that hung in the Waters house. Afterwards, Hazel said that funerals weren’t for the dead, but for the ones who went on living. She told her parents that she was going to go drive by herself for a while and they went their separate ways after the funeral. As Hazel buckled up, Peter jumped into the passenger seat of her car and offered her a drink from his canteen. He explained that Gus wrote many emails to Peter in his last few days and insisted that he attend Gus’s funeral to tell Hazel what became of Anna and her mother. Peter gave Hazel the answer of “Life comes from life.” Hazel didn’t want any of Peter’s queer behavior so she tried to kick him out of her car, but he stayed and told Hazel that she reminded him of his eight-year-old daughter, who had leukemia like Anna. Peter apologized for ruining her trip to Amsterdam and the loss of Gus, but Hazel replied that she had an amazing “wish” trip. He brought up the Trolley Problem by an female English philosopher to try and explain something to Hazel about what she wanted, but she interpreted it as him being a drunk and so they got into another argument where Hazel said she wanted to go home and be by herself to grieve. Peter handed Hazel a piece of paper from his pocket and told her she would want to read it. She yanked it out of his hand and told him to get out of her car because she didn’t want to read anything from Peter. Peter complied and took another swig from his canteen and toasted her as Hazel drove off. Back at home, Michael went to console his daughter in her bedroom and then Frannie called to Hazel that she had a visitor, Isaac. Issac and Hazel sat out in the backyard, and Isaac said that Gus had been madly in love with Hazel to the point where it was annoying when Gus would constantly talk about her. Isaac told Hazel that he spoke to Peter at the funeral and wanted to know if she read the letter yet. She replied she didn’t want anything to do with that a-hole Peter and wasn’t going to read it. Isaac then explained that the letter wasn’t from Peter, it was sent to Peter by Gus, who asked Peter to deliver it to Hazel in person at Gus’s funeral, which Peter did. Later on, Hazel found the crumpled letter in her car and read the eulogy that Gus wrote for her. It was filled with kindness about Hazel and how she didn’t want fame and glory and only wanted one true love, which she found in Gus. In the end, the love they shared was enough for both of them. This movie had a $12 million budget and grossed over $307 million at the box office. Entertainment Weekly listed on the movie coverart, “The greatest romance story of this decade.”


DATE REVIEWED: 4/10/23

TITLE: Rodeo Girl

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This movie is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2016 Vertical Entertainment / Taylor & Dodge / Be Your Own Hollywood / Rodeo Girl, LLC

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie begins in New England with fourteen-year-old Priscilla Williams riding her horse, Lucky Lass, at a showjumping competition. In the audience, people discussed how the family paid $75,000 for Lucky Lass. During Priscilla’s ride, she knocked down one rail. Backstage, the female competitors didn’t have their minds on the horses, but a new boy named Jake. Priscilla then used a paper bag to help herself breathe as the two mean girls dissed her in the stallway. Later, she had a one-on-one with her coach, Mr. Holloway, who reminded her that she needed to believe in herself if she was ever going to be a winner. At dinner at a fancy Italian restaurant, Priscilla told her mom, Abigail, and her boyfriend, Charles, that Mr. Holloway was going to resume Priscilla and Lassie’s training immediately. Abigail then showed Priscilla an engagement ring and announced that she and Charles were getting married and just the two of them were going on a world cruise for the next four months. This meant they were sending Priscilla to Michigan to spend the summer with her estranged father, Duke Williams, on his horse ranch. On the movie packaging it listed Mr. Williams lived in Texas, not Michigan for whatever reason. Priscilla said she didn’t even know her father for the majority of her life, and Charles chimed in that it was a good time to get to know Duke. Priscilla stormed out of the restaurant after Charles and Abigail told the underage girl that she was going to do what she was told even though Priscilla never had correspondence with the stranger man her entire life (that she remembered) and didn’t want to go. Charles was thoughtful enough to suggest sending Lassie along with Priscilla to Michigan and added that was something he wanted to do to help his new daughter through now that they were all family). Later on, in the barn, Abigail conversed with Priscilla and promised her it was just a short while they would be separated and she would be back for Priscilla after Priscilla’s summer adventure with Duke (who Abigail knew nothing about currently either). Priscilla was happy to learn that her horse could come along and knew that Lassie loved her unconditionally. Priscilla arrived at the very small-town airport and Duke picked her up in his Indiana-plated SUV. They arrived at the ranch house, and Duke showed Priscilla the barn where Lassie would be staying next to Honey Bee. He showed her the spare room where his girlfriend, Laura Mae, made up the bed for Priscilla’s arrival. The next day, a boy named Sage (wearing a Roanoke Ranch for Kids t-shirt) walked into the barn and told Priscilla, who was mucking out stalls, that he worked for her dad. Priscilla corrected him that he meant Duke (as she did not consider him a parent). Sage (older teen who lived on Duke’s property in a camper) invited Priscilla to go out with him and some other teens on the lake that weekend, but Priscilla replied that she didn’t have time to play with children because she was a serious rider and was concentrating on the World Hunter Jumper Finals in England. As Duke and Priscilla ate lunch, he told her that she couldn’t get beef like that in New England. Priscilla replied that she didn’t like it and her mom didn’t cook so she ate at the boarding school. Duke was flabbergasted that Priscilla could afford that lifestyle. She mentioned her favorite food was swordfish flown in from California and then topped with mango sauce. They were interrupted because Lassie arrived, and Duke left Priscilla alone to unload Lassie from the trailer and take her to the barn with Priscilla complaining that it wasn’t the high-dollar stables the horse was used to. Priscilla later took Lassie for a ride on the dirt country road alone. Three teen boys in a truck, with Rusty Davenport driving, came up behind her in the road. The passenger hung out the window with the truck way to close to the horse and rider and told Priscilla to get out of the road, girl, cause they all recognized her as Duke’s daughter. Luckily, the horse didn’t spook at the sound of their tires screeching as they sped off.As Duke cooked fresh trout, Priscilla walked in and slammed the door and told him she wasn’t hungry and stormed off to her room. Duke was wondering what he was going to do to feed his very pampered daughter because the trout wasn’t her high dollar swordfish. Duke called Laura Mae to come over and help out because he knew nothing about teen girls, so she brought chocolate cake, to which Priscilla said banana was her favorite. Laura Mae explained that she was a photographer and the press asked her to take pictures for the upcoming Roanoke Ranch rodeo that weekend. She invited Duke and Priscilla and added that Sage Matthews would be competing because he was trying to save money for vet school. They tried the chocolate cake, but it was disgusting and they threw it out. At the rodeo, Duke was hounded by Rusty’s millionaire dad, Carl Davenport, who wanted to buy Duke’s one hundred acres on the back of his property. Carl said he would give Duke the mineral rights if he sold him the land, but Duke again told Carl he wasn’t selling. Once the barrel races started and a bunch of females raced their horses, Priscilla was excited and wanted to try it, so Duke wasn’t happy with Laura Mae for taking them to the rodeo. Afterwards, Priscilla ran up to Sage as though they were best friends all of a sudden and complimented him on his performance. Rusty and his girlfriend, barrel racer Savannah Foster, appeared and gave Priscilla a hard time. After the mean duo left, Priscilla apologized to Sage for what she said to him and tried to convince him to teach her how to barrel race so she could compete in the rode. Duke and Laura Mae walked up, and Duke told Priscilla that wasn’t going to happen because the shenanigans going on around the rodeo ring in Michigan were no comparison to what she experienced with her high-dollar show-jumping back in New England. He said this as three teen girls dressed in daisy duke shorty shorts and cowboy boots with half-shirts walked by. Sage was then shown inside his camper (on Duke’s property) flipping through the ABC Veterinary School’s invoices with thousands of dollars due. He questioned how he was ever going to pay for all of that schooling unless he won the rodeo and risked his life in the process for the dangerous competition riding. Priscilla then knocked on the door and told Sage that she wanted to go ahead with the rodeo and him teaching her how to ride because she had a generous allowance from her mom that would help her with the entry fees since Sage said it was very costly. He shut the door on her and she walked away. Playing with the unruly ranch dog, Wyatt, and flipping cards around was how Priscilla got through her days of boredom because Duke was always busy. To get Sage’s attention, Priscilla saddled Lassie and challenged him to a race. Sage eventually caught up to Priscilla and told her they needed to get a proper saddle for Lassie if they were going to compete, and then they discussed how Sage going to vet school depended on his rodeo winnings. Priscilla slyly talked Sage into teaching her how to barrel race since Duke only said she couldn’t compete, not that she couldn’t learn, and that she called him Duke because he wasn’t her dad (Priscilla seemed to spend the majority of her time with Sage during her summer in Michigan). Another day, Sage began teaching Priscilla how to barrel race by keeping her heels down and the corners tight, and he told her that she needed to change her clothes because she kept wearing her English riding outfits instead of Western attire. Another day, in her jeans, Priscilla came into the house from training and saw Duke at the table. He asked her where she had been keeping herself all these days, and she replied she was just out riding. Duke went back to doing his paperwork and didn’t even notice Priscilla limp to her room. Duke later went outside to find Laura Mae standing by the fence. He told her that Sage wasn’t keeping up with his work around the ranch those days and Duke wasn’t sure why. Laura Mae told Duke to talk to Sage about it, and then together they went for a walk around the property holding hands. Later on, Sage was wheelbarrowing split logs to the woodpile when Priscilla came outside. Sage told her that he had work to do and he couldn’t teach her that day, so he was having two teen females (who just drove up in a silver SUV) train Priscilla that day. The next day, Duke was still busy splitting wood (because it was that cold in the wintertime) and told Priscilla that he couldn’t help her train, so she spent her time trying to lasso a steer skull attached to a pole. Another time, Priscilla went to see Sage and he told her again he had to do work all day, so this time she picked up logs and helped him stack the wood to get done sooner. Duke was in his large garden harvesting the crops when Priscilla got the mail. He asked if she got a letter from her mom, and she replied they were just bills as she got a call on her cell phone. It turned out to be Sage on the phone, and after Priscilla hung up Duke wanted to know why she was so excited about going to meet up with him. She replied that she was going to help Sage with the firewood, and then Duke asked if Priscilla wanted to go with him to the Wayland cattle auction and she said she would. However, Priscilla then backed into Laura Mae, who snuck up behind her, and made her drop her plate of chocolate chip cookies (she left one on the ground, though, with Wyatt nearby). Duke was a bit disappointed that Laura had more cookies in the house, if they were anything like her chocolate cake. Laura Mae and Duke discussed how he hadn’t seen Priscilla since she was one year old because Abigail moved away from Duke and knew Priscilla didn’t care much about having a dad in her life at that moment. The two argued about Duke taking Priscilla to a cattle auction when Laura Mae thought he should be taking her to the rodeo that she was interested in. Duke asked whose side Laura Mae was on. As they practiced, Sage told Priscilla that he wouldn’t be around that weekend because he was going to be in another county doing a rodeo. Priscilla wanted to compete too, but Sage replied that she wasn’t ready. She added that her male horse, Lucky Lassie, needed the experience and it was a good opportunity for more practice. Sage walked away telling Priscilla that she could only go if Duke said okay. Priscilla went shopping in town by herself for a rodeo outfit, and she decided on a red-white-and-blue, stars and stripes flag shirt. Priscilla then faked being sick and told Duke, on the day they were supposed to go to the cattle auction, that she had to stay home in bed where she already was and didn’t need a doctor because it was the menstrual cramps. Duke left immediately after that and said he left Laura Mae’s number on the fridge in case Priscilla needed anything. As soon as she heard Duke go out the door, she jumped out from under the covers with her rodeo outfit on and watched him drive away out her bedroom window. Sage showed up and couldn’t believe that Priscilla braided Lassie’s mane English style (with the name Lucky Lass on the male horse’s bridle nameplate), and he also had issues with Priscilla’s stars and stripes fringed Western shirt and said she needed to change. They walked outside and Priscilla said Sage couldn’t expect her horse (referred to as a female this time) to get into the rusty and run-down trailer, but Sage replied that was all he had. Priscilla tried to pull Lassie into the trailer, but she didn’t want to go. Priscilla told Sage that they needed music to coax Lassie into the trailer, so he put on country music from the radio. The horse still wouldn’t budge because she was used to listening to classical music, and once Sage switched the station to classical Lassie walked right into the trailer. Priscilla changed out of her stars and stripes shirt into a white Western shirt before she arrived at the rodeo, and the mean teens, Rusty and Savannah, addressed her as Miss Priss. Later on, another boy (Rusty fit the description) was then shown hurrying out of the barn and dropping a needle as he left. Brooke Douglas then withdrew from the competition because her horse was all drugged up. Rusty and Savannah taunted Brooke and asked her why she had to withdraw and Brooke said her horse was drugged so she could not beat Savannah now. Priscilla and Sage overheard what happened from their seats. Priscilla made fifth place, and Sage told her she did really good for her first time. That evening, at a barn dance, Priscilla and Sage danced to the slow song. While they danced, Rusty slashed a front tire on Sage’s truck where LL was inside the hitched trailer. When Duke returned home to find Lassie’s stall empty with Priscilla also gone, he was not happy because it had already been a long day. Sage later saw his flat tire and told Priscilla to call her dad so he wouldn’t worry, but she replied that she couldn’t because she left her cell phone at Duke’s, and added that Duke had no idea she was with Sage and went to the rodeo. Sage fixed the tire, and he, Lassie, and Priscilla eventually made it back to the ranch. They got out of the car, and Priscilla held up her yellow third-place (not 5th place as initially said) ribbon telling Duke, who was out on the front porch, that she won it at the rodeo, as though she wasn’t in trouble for lying and sneaking out. Duke went off and told Priscilla that she was a liar and to get in the house, and he told Sage that he didn’t want Priscilla in the rodeo and he was fired and to get off Duke’s property. Priscilla told Duke that he wasn’t her father so he couldn’t boss her around. She went inside the house telling Duke that Sage had no idea she lied to Duke, and she said that she hated Duke and he was mean and rotten because he said it was his house and he could do whatever he wanted and didn’t need the spoiled rich girl trying to tell him what to do. Duke confronted Sage, and he confirmed that he wasn’t aware Priscilla didn’t really get permission from Duke to go to the rodeo. Duke told Sage to unload the horse and they would talk about it in the morning (meaning Sage wasn’t fired). The next day, as Duke and Laura sat by the pond, he said Priscilla was pigheaded and he didn’t want her in a rodeo competition because that was how he got himself hurt and he didn’t want that to happen to Priscilla. He again reminded Laura Mae that she was supposed to be on his side. Sage was still stacking firewood on the pile, and Priscilla apologized to him for lying. He told her to stay away since he almost lost his job because of her. Duke saw from the kitchen window Priscilla riding Lassie past the paint horses in the field. He emptied the trashcan in Priscilla’s bedroom and found the yellow ribbon in it, so he hung it up on the wall. Priscilla returned from her ride and went to get a blanket in the tack room to put on Lassie. She noticed an unlocked trunk that she opened to find dozens of belt buckles and memorabilia from Duke’s rodeo days. She found several letters written to Priscilla-Sue in Delton, Michigan from Duke in Grand Rapids, Michigan, with return to sender on them, meaning the letters Duke wrote Priscilla as a toddler only never got to her. She called Sage over to look at the trunk as well. Sage picked up the newspaper article with a front-page listing “National Rodeo Champion Maimed in Accident,” and the caption ‘The Duke’s accident is tragic for the legend.” Later on, Priscilla took the letters to her room so she could read what her dad wrote to her that she never received in diaper stages, as that was where the relation ended. Duke then knocked on the door and Priscilla told him to come in, so he saw that she was reading the letters he had hidden away. She told Duke she didn’t know he wrote them. Apparently, the grandfather had told Priscilla that Duke was a mean-spirited person to Abigail, but Duke tried to explain that wasn’t the story at all and that he and Abigail had some good times together. However, once she got pregnant, she wanted to stay home, but Duke was at the peak of his rodeo career and wasn’t going to stop traveling the circuit. He added that Abigail was always too high and mighty for him anyway, and so one day she packed up with Priscilla and left him. Abigail never sent the letters back, it was Abigail’s father who did, and then Duke had his rodeo accident. He said he was going to protect Priscilla like her grandfather did back then, which was why Duke didn’t want her to compete in the rodeo now. Duke explained that when his saddle came loose, the bull fell on top of him and crushed his kneecap, and if it weren’t for Laura Mae he wouldn’t be walking because she was the one who nursed him back to health. He added that he had seen a girl break her neck on one of those barrel races. Priscilla informed Duke that she could ride well and that her horse would take care of her. He said good judgement came from experience and a lot of that came from bad judgement, and then Priscilla had a hissy fit and responded by jumping up and throwing the letters at Duke because she didn’t get her way and ran out of the room. She quickly saddled up Lassie and rode into the road, where the same truck from earlier with the three teen boys (with Rusty driving again) decided to give the rich girl a lesson. The truck chased the horse and rider down the narrow dirt road. The passenger hung out the window and tried to lasso Priscilla off the horse, but they drove on the wrong side of the road and almost crashed head-on with a car. Instead, they ran into a tree as a result and wrecked Rusty’s new truck. When Priscilla made it back to the ranch, she didn’t tell Duke what happened. Later that night, as Duke, Laura Mae, and Priscilla read quietly in the living room, Rusty and his dad, Carl, barged inside when Duke opened the door and went for Priscilla because Rusty lied and told his dad that Priscilla caused him to wreck his brand-new truck. Duke learned then that Priscilla was almost run down by the delinquent teens, and Carl wanted Duke to pay for a new truck. Carl said he was going to the rodeo board authorities to tell them the lie that his son told him and make sure Priscilla never competed in another rodeo. Duke spoke up and said she could ride in any rodeo she wanted, and he told Carl to use the door and leave, otherwise Duke would throw him out the glass window. Duke came into Priscilla’s room when she was in bed reading and confirmed what he said earlier. Priscilla thanked him for allowing her to be in the rodeo. With a palomino horse standing next to him at the fence, Duke started training Priscilla. In the garden, as Priscilla helped Duke harvest the crops, she said that next summer she wanted some watermelon, and he replied that he would like for her to come back next summer. As they fished later on after Laura Mae fed them lunch, Duke told Priscilla about the feud between his family and the Davenports and how it started when Duke’s grandfather in 1889 obtained the property that Duke was currently living on. At a rodeo, with a Terry camper in the background, one of the girls who helped train Priscilla earlier spoke to Rusty and told him the only reason why the trashy Savannah hung out with him was because his family was so rich. As Priscilla used another paper bag to calm down by the truck, Sage found her and rushed her to her event that was about to start. Priscilla Williams took third place behind Brooke Douglas in second and Savannah Foster in first. Another female (who appeared younger than Priscilla) showed up to help her with her training before the next rodeo. When Priscilla placed second and Savannah was third, Savannah wasn’t happy about that. Priscilla hung up her red second place ribbon to her collection of four yellow third place ribbons. At the next rodeo, Savannah and Rusty badgered Priscilla and Sage and told them Priscilla wouldn’t qualify for the NYR. After they walked away, Sage, with a sly grin, explained to Priscilla that if she beat Savannah one more time, she would qualify for the finals at the National Youth Rodeo. At the tack store, the storeowner wouldn’t take Duke’s money for a new saddle for the kitchen barstool telling Duke he was good for it because a twister was coming and the other man was about to take shelter in the basement. He told Duke he was smart if he joined the store owner in the basement, but Duke answered that he had his daughter at home with a boy and he needed to get back immediately, so he planned on driving through the storm. At the ranch, hysterical Priscilla wanted to run out to the barn and check on Lassie because she felt something was wrong, but Sage had to drag her into the basement. It turned out that Rusty was on the property, and he grabbed a bucket and filled it completely full with horse feed, which he gave to Lassie and then left. Duke made it home and went to the basement to check on the teens. Priscilla was seriously upset about Lassie and told Duke that Sage wouldn’t let her check on Lassie. Duke said the tornado had passed, but it could come back their way so it wasn’t safe to check on the horse. Priscilla ran outside anyway (with Wyatt the dog, who was left outside, followed her through the storm to the barn). She found Lassie lying in the straw in her stall not moving. Immediately, vet-wanna-be Sage diagnosed Lassie in a matter of seconds and announced that she had colic for a long time already and had been rolling, meaning she possibly had a twisted intestine. Duke told the kids they had to get to the basement and ignored Priscilla frantically asking if Lassie would die. Sage told Duke they needed to get a vet out there because the horse was suffering and they needed to help her right now. Duke called Sage “son,” and told him to go get Duke’s rifle. However, both of the teens said they weren’t going inside, so Duke left them in the barn to go monitor the storm from inside his house. Sage told Priscilla that the next twenty-four hours were crucial and they needed to get the horse up and moving with no food or water. They took turns resting and walking Lassie throughout the night and the storm, and once she seemed to be more alert they put her back in her stall and sat outside on the haybale cuddled together with Sage telling Priscilla it was now up to Lassie whether or not she would live. They woke up in the morning and Lassie was out of the woods and ready for her next rodeo. However, Duke, Priscilla and Sage had no idea about the intruder that tried to kill Lassie so she couldn’t compete again and beat Savannah. Behind a Cougar RV, Priscilla was using the bag again before her competition. Laura Mae found Priscilla and asked if she was sick, and Priscilla replied that Abigail had Priscilla go to a therapist because it made Abigail feel better, and the therapist told Priscilla that breathing into a paper bag before a competition would help her with her fear failure. Priscilla added that she would continue doing it if it made her mom happy. Laura Mae told Priscilla that she had winning first in her and she just had to trust herself and didn’t need a paper bag to settle her nerves. Another day, Abigail showed up. Inside the house, they talked about the rodeo and then Abby dismissed Priscilla to go check on Lassie so she and Duke could have a private conversation. Laura Mae arrived and Priscilla told her that Abigail was visiting with Duke inside, so his girlfriend decided to stick with Priscilla in the barn. Abigail told Duke that she didn’t send Priscilla to Michigan to be made into a cowgirl when she had been to the finest finishing schools, even though Priscilla seemed quite happy on the ranch. Abigail went on to explain that Charles only married her for her money, which explained why she wasn’t wearing a wedding ring at the time. She admitted that she really didn’t have any money (which Charles was very disappointed to learn), and that Abigail’s trust fund was barely enough to keep her and Priscilla going in addition to the $75,000 debt of Priscilla’s horse. Abigail explained that the boarding school put her in touch with a local sportsman who had agreed to buy Lassie and would be arriving there shortly. She then informed Duke that she and Priscilla would be going back to New England the following day. Duke asked about the upcoming rodeo nationals, and Abigail replied that rodeo wasn’t in Priscilla’s future, so she wouldn’t be competing. As Laura Mae was standing next to Duke inside the house, they looked out the window to see Abigail break the news to her daughter. Duke’s girlfriend told him that it was time he be a father (after 13 years of neglect). Later on, in the barn, spoiled Priscilla turned the situation on Duke and told him that he was doing nothing to stop it from happening and that he never wanted Priscilla in his life to begin with. She added that like when she was a baby, Duke could have come after her and Abigail when the letters were returned to sender, but he didn’t care enough to do that and he wasn’t a real father. Priscilla told Duke to go away and that she hated him. During the whole movie, Priscilla was calling this man Duke, so she never really imagined him as a dad before and only wanted his help to get her way even now, and when she didn’t get it, she kept on hating and abusing others because that was what haters did to get the things they crave, repeatedly. Laura Mae was listening in outside the barn, and she told Duke that he needed to stand up to Abigail and fight for what was right. She called him out on his habit of bailing out when he didn’t think he would reach the finish line. She told Duke that he didn’t quit competing because of his injuries and pointed out that Sage’s friend, Caleb, lost his leg in a car accident and rode bulls with one leg, so Duke quit because he couldn’t be at the top of his game anymore. Laura Mae then walked away disgusted and not quite sure about their relationship anymore, as neither was Duke. She sped away in her car as the sportsman arrived with a horse trailer. It turned out that Mr. Davenport was the buyer, and he and Rusty got out of the truck to pick up Lassie. Abigail gave the paperwork to Carl, and he told her that the horse would earn her keep. Duke told Abigail that he wasn’t happy about her decision since that man was crooked. Rusty came into the barn with a whip in hand, and Priscilla was shocked to see it was him. He went into the stall and said the horse was his now and he would whip her if he wanted to, and then Duke intervened and told Rusty to put the whip down and Priscilla to put Lassie in the Davenport trailer. Instead, Duke led Lassie into the trailer. Priscilla didn’t want Lassie to leave and chased after the trailer as it drove away. Abigail picked Priscilla up in the middle of the road and they left for New England without saying goodbye to Duke and the others. Abigail and Priscilla checked into a hotel, and spoiled Priscilla immediately locked herself into the bathroom. Sage showed up at Duke’s front door and yelled that he saw Duke through the door sitting in his chair. Sage said he didn’t want Priscilla to leave like that, and then he screamed through the glass that he didn’t care if he got fired for saying it because Duke was a quitter and that was the way he had been his whole life. Sage then stormed off. Abigail, in her silk PJs, told Priscilla it was fine if she wanted to sleep in the bathroom, and Priscilla replied that she was happy Charles left her mom. As Abigail slept, Priscilla opened the door and stealthily made her way out of the room to exit the building. She walked through town in the dark to the Davenport mansion, where she climbed over the fence and haltered Lassie and led her quietly out into the night. The next morning Duke awakened Safe and told him to hook up the horse trailer because they were going to get Lassie from the Davenports. Upon arrival at the mansion, it was revealed that Duke traded the hundred acres on his property for Lassie, the very expensive hunter jumper turned barrel racer. Carl led Duke to Lassie’s stall telling Duke that his son was an idiot and his employees were incompetent, and then they both discovered that Lassie was missing. Carl stormed off to find his bonehead son Rusty and figure out where Lassie went. Rusty said he knew nothing about the missing horse but assumed that Priscilla stole her. Duke then pulled out his cell phone and made a call to figure out where Priscilla was, and Abigail informed him that Priscilla went missing the previous night. Carl told Rusty to stay at the house while he went with Duke to the ranch to see if Priscilla was there. Duke unhitched the trailer from the SUV. However, as soon as they left, bad boy Rusty got in his dad’s truck and took off to find Miss Prissy on his own. Duke talked to Sage and said that Laura Mae had no idea where Priscilla went, but Sage replied he had an idea and he led the way in his own SUV to Priscilla. However, Rusty found Priscilla first and went into the barn with a rope while she was sleeping on the floor. He woke her up and tried to attack her to show her what they did to horse thieves in the area, but then Sage showed up and punched the daylights out of Rusty. Rusty grabbed a pitchfork and pointed the weapon at Sage. Priscilla grabbed the lasso and was made out to be the hero when she lassoed the pitchfork out of devil-hearted Rusty’s hands, which gave Sage the opportunity to tackle Rusty to the ground in a chokehold as the two dads walked into the barn. Priscilla explained that Rusty tried to kill Sage more than one time using a pitchfork, and so Carl told Rusty to be quiet because Duke threatened to call the sheriff. Duke then told Carl that if he saw Rusty within one hundred miles of the county, he really would call the sheriff, and so Carl said consider it done and dragged Rusty outside by the ear. Duke took Priscilla back to the ranch and Sage said he would ride Lassie there, leaving his vehicle at the barn for now and coming back for it later. Abigail was at the ranch with Laura Mae and received her daughter’s hug when she got out of the truck. Carl came to the ranch to make certain that Priscilla was okay. Abigail said she would still have to sell Lassie, but then Duke chimed in that wasn’t necessary and it was revealed that the deal was still on, Carl was still going to get the hundred acres, because Priscilla and Abigail were Duke’s family he would sacrifice his sacred land for Priscilla’s high-dollar horse at her young age. Abigail said that considering Duke gave up one hundred acres of precious land, she would stay a few more days in that desolate state of Michigan so that Priscilla could compete in the Nationals. When Sage rode Lassie to the gathering, Priscilla hugged Lucky Lass and said she now believed that Duke loved them (she got what she wanted again). The rodeo took place on the fairgrounds at the Tractor Supply Co. Taft Coliseum sponsored by Hollywood Casino, with the song “Let’s Start Living,” playing in the background. Savannah approached Priscilla at the teepee campfire the night before the competition and told Priscilla that she knew how Rusty was but overlooked it anyway because he was rich. Savannah informed Priscilla that Rusty’s dad sent him away to military school, and then she bragged that it didn’t take long to replace Rusty because now she had a college-age boyfriend. Laura Mae told Abigail, in her fancy dress, that she had a beautiful daughter and Priscilla looked a lot like her mom. Abigail complimented Laura Mae on her cake, and then she left to return to the hotel since she didn’t want to camp out with Duke and the others inside the trailer. Duke then made a lousy marriage proposal to Laura Mae, and she decided that was weak and she wanted something better than just sitting in a lawn chair casually making it official. He asked her if she wanted him to get down on his bad knee, and she replied no but she wanted something more romantic. Duke conjured up some mushy words (like he would be mighty lucky to have her as his wife to make their family whole) and made Laura Mae cry, so she said yes from her lawn chair. She admitted that she didn’t make that cake, she bought it, and Duke replied that he knew because it was good and he couldn’t say the same about her previous cooking attempts. Before the competition, Duke and Priscilla had a heart-to-heart talk and he told her that she was the most important thing in his life, not winning any darn rodeo. Priscilla finally said that she loved her daddy and he said it back and was happy that she decided to ride in the rodeo like he did. Priscilla took first place. Back at the ranch that evening, Sage told his employer Duke that he planned on going to vet school with the rodeo winnings and would be back next summer to work his part-time job. As Duke and Abigail walked outside together, they decided they, including Laura Mae and Priscilla, would spend more time together with holidays and summers in New England and Michigan. Abigail headed back to the hotel while Priscilla spent the night at Duke’s. The next day, Sage told Priscilla that getting a vet degree was harder than a medical doctor degree, so he was going to be pretty busy at school but not so busy that he couldn’t write her letters. The movie ended with another teen romance moment…Sage and Priscilla (Sage being a few years older than Prissy) kissing. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/7/23

TITLE: Dragonheart – A New Beginning

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2000 Universal Family & Home Entertainment Production/Raffaella De Laurentiis Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in a mythical kingdom eight days before a two-tailed comet was prophesied to cross the sky and bring an ancient evil to the kingdom using a dragon’s heart. Lord Osric was sworn in as the king’s new chief advisor. He bestowed upon the citizens of the kingdom two new tunics each that they were required to wear otherwise they would be whipped seven times. At a nearby monastery, Master Kwan and his son, Lian, from the Hebei Province in China visited Friar Peter. Kwan told Friar Peter that a new dragon had been born. Friar Peter knew this to be true because long ago, Sir Bowen killed the last dragon, Draco, and granted a dragon egg that he found in Draco’s cave to the monastery for safekeeping. The egg had already hatched, and Drake, the young talking dragon, was hidden in the dungeon. However, Friar Peter denied and said that he was a man of God and didn’t believe in superstitions about dragons. The monastery’s orphan stable boy, Geoff, encountered Drake in the dungeon. Kwan and Lian visited Osric, who also didn’t want to hear anything about the dragon legend because dragons supposedly no longer existed, and he told the strangers to leave the kingdom. Mansel later informed Drake that old Friar Peter passed away. Drake decided to venture outside for the first time because Friar Peter had always told him to stay in the dungeon. Osric continued creating strict rules about the tunics, and added that anyone who didn’t tell the truth would get ten lashes. Geoff tried to convince Drake that they could fly away from the kingdom and have adventures, but Drake didn’t want to leave. Geoff walked away from Drake and was then surrounded by the king’s men. Geoff tried to make up an excuse for why he wasn’t wearing his tunic, but he was told that he would receive seven lashes for the tunic and ten for the lie. Kwan and Lian appeared, and the white male warriors were completely defeated by the young Asian Lian, whose fat fell off during the fight and revealed “he,” was actually a girl. The guards then chased Geoff, and the man leading them used the tip of his sword to push Geoff over the edge of the cliff. Drake took flight and rescued Geoff right before he hit the ground. They flew over the castle, and Osric took some of his men to go investigate. Drake and Geoff landed him in a field, and Osric caught up and told Drake that the king wanted to appoint him protector of the realm and Geoff the adjunct protector of the realm. At the castle, Osric trained Geoff to swordfight and suggested that he live there at the castle so Osric could personally tutor him. Kwan and Lian prepared to test the purity of Drake’s heart. Kwan showed Drake an amulet that he said held the wisdom of ancient dragons, and that if Drake opened his heart and touched the amulet; he would receive that knowledge instantly. However, what Drake didn’t know was that Lian hid with a poisoned arrow pointed at Drake’s chest ready to shoot and kill him because it was a trick and Drake would be proven evil if he touched the amulet, which contained the heart of a dragon, Griffin. Drake walked away without touching the amulet because it was evil, so he passed the test and proved he had a good heart. Kwan tried to teach Drake to breathe fire, but it turned out this dragon farted fire and the flames destroyed the mill. At the castle, Osric had the king put his seal on an order of succession that granted the king’s powers and lands to Osric in case he died unexpectedly, and the king sealed it immediately. Osric and his men then took Geoff as a knight and Drake as the protector of the realm to fight the Teregoths who attacked their border house. This turned out to be all a set-up by Osric, who pretended to be hurt by a spear in the heart so Drake would give him his heart and he would become king. Geoff realized something was wrong because Osric wasn’t killed instantly and didn’t appear to be in serious pain, and when he and Drake learned of Osric’s true evil intentions, they escaped. Osric returned to the castle and tried to steal the amulet from Lian, and she and Kwan fought the soldiers off. Lian threw the amulet into the fire, but Osric retrieved it and threw a knife, which killed Kwan. Drake and Geoff showed up, and Lian put a knife through Osric’s heart. Just as the comet appeared overhead, Osric took the ancient dragon Griffin’s heart and put it in his own chest, which transformed him into a dragon. Osric tried to convince Drake, his “little brother,” to join him and fulfill the comet’s evil prophecy, but Drake replied that Geoff was his real brother because he stopped him from giving Osric his own heart, which would have enslaved him to Osric forever. The two dragons fought, and Drake used ice instead of fire to defeat Osric. Geoff was killed during this, and Drake decided to share his heart with Geoff and bring him back to life. It turned out Lian was an empress, and so she returned to China to resume her duties. Mansel went back to the monastery and safeguarded Brother Gilbert’s scrolls. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/6/23

TITLE: Emma

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This movie is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1996 Miramax/Matchmaker Films/Haft Entertainment/Buena Vista International

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Highbury, England and began at the wedding of Miss Anne Taylor marrying widower Mr. Weston with Mr. Philip Elton performing the ceremony. Mr. Henry Woodhouse complained that the church was too drafty, and he told Anne that serving cake was far too rich. He tried to back up his statement with Mr. Perry the apothecary, who was over on the other side of the garden eating cake himself. Henry’s daughter, Emma, had to take him home. She corrected herself that it was no longer Miss Taylor, it was dear Mrs. Weston now. Emma had painted a world globe ornament and gave it to the newlyweds as a gift. At the Woodhouse mansion named Hartfield, Henry and Emma sat at the dinner table and talked about his deceased wife. He told Emma that Anne didn’t need to get married because she used to be Emma’s governess, even though Emma was grown up now. Henry couldn’t believe that Anne truly wanted to give life to a mewling infant who would import disease each time it entered the house. In walked Mr. George Knightley, who was the brother of John Knightley, and husband of Emma’s sister, Isabella. Emma already missed her governess (she now lived half a mile away) and even though it had only been a short while they had been apart, Anne was Emma’s constant companion and friend. Emma bragged that she made the match between Charles Weston and Anne Taylor herself, even though people said the wealthy man would never remarry. Henry pleaded to Emma not to make any more matches because marriage was so disruptive to social affairs. However, Emma had other plans and told her dad that she had her sights on the preacher, Philip Elton, and believed that he wanted to be married too. George informed Emma that Philip was twenty-six years old and could take care of himself, but Emma argued that men knew nothing of their hearts, no matter their age, excluding her dad. Not long after, Emma threw a party and invited Philip to join her social group. She introduced him to a new member, Harriet Smith, and assigned the minister to help the new girl through the evening. Miss Bates and her elderly mother, Mrs. Bates, arrived. Miss Bates went on about how she very much enjoyed Philip’s sermon on Daniel and the lion’s den. As George spoke to Harriet, she informed him that Mrs. Goddard, her former teacher, was kind enough to let Harriet continue to stay at her residence. At dinner later on, Charles told Harriet about his first wife, who died three years after the birth of their son, Frank, and since Charles could not see to his business and care for an infant at the same time, he sent Frank to be brought up by his wife’s brother and his wife, the Churchills. Now the man was fully grown and lived in London and had never visited. Anne chimed in that his coming would be the final blessing on their marriage. However, Frank’s aunt was sick and didn’t want to part with the son she raised. Anne said she received a letter from Frank, and she shared the letter with everyone as entertainment after dinner. Emma walked around with Anne telling her about her new matchmaking endeavor with Philip and Harriet. Henry said goodnight to Miss Taylor, and Emma said goodnight to Mr. and Mrs. Weston. After they left, elder Henry didn’t get the story right and told Emma that Anne had so wanted to stay on with them. As Harriet and Emma talked another day, Harriet informed Emma that Mrs. Goddard was her true guardian and said she didn’t need to know where she came from in her early years to have a wonderful life. Miss Bates was walking down the street and they both ducked to hide so they wouldn’t have to talk to her. Emma said that Miss Bates got a letter every Tuesday from her niece, Jane Fairfax, and added there wasn’t much to be said for Jane. Emma and Harriet hid inside a market booth and put up their parasols so they wouldn’t be seen. The only other people Harriet said she knew were the Martins in the area, and the son, Robert, was unmarried and Harriet didn’t know why because he seemed perfect in every aspect. Emma wanted to know everything about Robert Martin, and Harriet explained that he read the agricultural reports, but she recommended he read The Romance of the Forest and he agreed to. Emma informed Harriet that because the Martins were farmers, below her status, they didn’t need her help, but if they were a bit more upper class, she might be able to assist them in some way. As she said this, Robert walked up to them. Emma didn’t say anything to Robert when they were introduced to each other, and then she let Harriet and Robert walk ahead of her as she had her own personal thoughts of Harriet being able to do better than that farmer man. As Harriet and Emma were out on the lawn underneath their shade doing needlework, Harriet asked what Emma thought of her friend, Robert. Emma said the farmer was far below her high standard of Mr. Knightley, and brought up Mr. Elton, who was a fine man and thoughtful in ways Robert could never be. Emma mentioned that Robert forgot to get the book that Harriet suggested he read, and Emma believed that made him an unthoughtful person. Emma got Harriet’s mind on Philip by saying he complimented her the other day, but she wouldn’t say what he said because it wasn’t her place to intrude on personal matters (playing mind games with her victims). She waited a few minutes and then said because Harriet was her friend, she could make an exception and gossiped freely as she had wanted to do all along. As Emma and Philip conversed, she was able to convince him that he would want to watch Emma drawing the beautiful, sweet, single Miss Harriet. George joined the party and watched Emma draw as well. After Emma finished the painting, Henry told her that it deserved to be displayed in the perfect frame and that would require being sent to London, so Philip offered to go himself. Harriet later went to tell Emma that she was getting married, and Emma thought it was Philip who proposed when in fact it was Robert. Emma put the farmer down and said it was a good letter of proposal, so one of his sisters must have helped him write it. Emma told Harriet she must answer the proposal immediately and refuse Robert. Harriet was very happy to receive the proposal from her dear friend Robert, but now she was unsure and Emma had her doubting herself by putting things in her head that didn’t belong (was there a reason why Emma herself had no suitors?). After Emma talked Harriet into the marriage refusal (making it sound like it was Harriet’s choice she made on her own when it wasn’t), Emma added that Harriet made the right decision by not choosing to marry Robert. To smooth things over, Emma told Harriet not to worry about Robert’s mother and sisters because Philip was more than likely at that moment showing his mother and sisters Harriet’s portrait in London. At Donwell Abbey, as George and Emma did archery, he told her that she did an improvement with Harriet. George said a tenant of his, Robert Martin, was madly in love with Harriet and would soon call on her hand in marriage. George encouraged the marriage because he told Robert he couldn’t do any better, and Emma agreed that the farmer couldn’t do better (meaning Harriet could do better than settle with Robert). Emma told George that Harriet refused Robert, to which George replied that Harriet was a greater simpleton than he imagined she was. Emma confessed that she replied refusal to Robert via letter on behalf of Harriet because Robert was not Harriet’s equal. They discussed the advantage of a match and whose name meant more than the other in that marriage. George told Emma that Harriet being an illegitimate and ignorant person marrying a respected and intelligent farmer was in her favor and not Robert’s. Emma countered that Harriet was a gentleman’s daughter, and George replied that whoever her parents were, they made no plans to introduce her into good society. George informed high and mighty Emma “Vanity working on a weak mind produces every kind of mischief.” Emma argued that George was dismissing Harriet’s beauty and good nature, yet Emma would be very much mistaken if his sex in general did not think those claims the highest a woman could possess. George replied that men of sense didn’t want silly wives, and that it was better to be without sense than to misapply it as Emma did by twisting facts and manipulating situations for her own cause. Emma then shot one of George’s dogs with an arrow and he told her not to kill his dogs. Later on, as they had tea, Mr. Knightley told Emma that if Mr. Elton was who she had in mind for Harriet, then she was barking up the wrong tree because Philip was a vicar and Harriet would bring him disgrace. George went on to say that at other parties, he had heard of Philip speak about many ladies from Bath who all had 20,000 pounds apiece to their names, and to trust him when he said that Philip might talk sentimentally, but he would act rationally (go for the gold). George then walked away because he didn’t want to hear anymore of Emma’s crazy matchmaking hobby. After Philip got back from London, they hung Harriet’s portrait in Henry’s parlor. At the gathering, Emma asked Philip for a riddle to put in a riddle book that Harriet was putting together. Emma visited Harriet with a letter that came for her from Philip. They read the riddle aloud to decipher it together, and the end result was the word “courtship,” and so Emma encouraged Harriet to find time to be alone with Philip so he could profess his love for her. Emma added if only George would walk by so he could read the riddle. Emma and Harriet went to see Mrs. Clark and her family and gave them soup to help with their sickness. Harriet felt uncomfortable and didn’t want to offer assistance inside because she was afraid she would make the sick person worse. They left after a short while as their duty to the lesser class was done. It seemed the reason they went there in the first place was because Philip’s house was only a couple of steps away. Emma told Harriet that she didn’t need to get married because she lacked neither fortune nor position and never could any a man look at her with as much importance as her dad did his daughter. They talked about Miss Bates being a poor old maid, and Emma added that it was only poverty that made celibacy contemptible and a single woman of good fortune was always respectable no matter her age. Philip appeared while they were talking and offered to walk them home. Emma lied through her teeth and tried to talk up Harriet telling Philip that Harriet was one who took care of poor Mrs. Clark who was sick in bed. Then Emma faked having to fix her shoelace and told Philip and Harriet to walk on ahead of her alone. Later on, at Hartfield, Isabella and her husband John visited from London. Emma held Isabella and John’s baby while Henry told her to be careful because it might have an infection and he didn’t want Emma to catch something. As Emma held the baby, she and George spoke about their age gap with him being sixteen years old when Emma was born (Emma was twenty-one now). They made a truce not to quarrel anymore, and they shook on it after George said that Robert was very disappointed in Harriet’s refusal. Emma told her sister Isabella that she could meet Harriet on Friday at the Westons’ Christmas Eve party. As they picked up Philip in their carriage to go to the party, Emma and Henry told Philip that Harriet would not be attending because she was ill. That didn’t sit well with Philip and he said he would miss her dearly, but his sadness didn’t last too long and he talked about the weather and how it could be worse and the party never happened at all. At the party, Emma lost patience with Philip at the least, because he didn’t want to leave her side and she was very frustrated that she couldn’t hear the gossip about Frank. At dinner, Charles told Emma, who sat next to him, that Frank was coming at last. Anne chimed in that Frank hadn’t mentioned a date for his visit yet and it all depended upon whether his aunt would share him with them. Afterwards, Emma, George, and Philip talked, where Philip was concerned about Harriet’s sore throat and her sudden illness and said that was why he had to recommend to Emma in the presence of her friend George that she stop visiting Harriet until her sickness was over so she didn’t put herself at risk. John interrupted and said the weather was distressing Henry, so he and Isabella would take him home. Philip assured John that he would keep Emma safe. As soon as they got in the carriage, though, Philip grabbed Emma’s hand and declared his love for her. Emma told Philip that she would be happy to deliver a message to Harriet for him, and he laughed in her face because he had no feelings for Harriet outside of friendship. Emma insisted that the wine weakened Philip’s mind, but he replied that if the wine had any effect, it only strengthened his love for Emma and he continued to follow her around the carriage in their cat and mouse game whenever she tried to sit across from him. Emma said it wasn’t right for Philip to address her after his behavior with Harriet as Emma further confused the details of reality with made up hogwash, and Philip clarified that he never cared if Harriet was dead or alive, except that she was Emma’s friend. Philip said he did anything for Emma’s attention, such as going to London to have her painting framed. Emma got on the opposite side of the carriage again and put her hand over her face and shook her head at the absurdity she caused with her childish matchmaking behavior, and then creepy Mr. Elton snuck back over and started breathing on her neck talking in whispers and she jumped. He further helped Emma understand the situation by telling her that the riddle letter he sent was to Emma at Emma’s house and had nothing to do with Harriet except to go in Harriet’s riddle book, meaning it was intended for flirtatious Emma all along. Then shallow Mr. Elton told Emma that Harriet was a good sort of girl and he was sure there were men who would not object to her level of social status. He added that everybody had their level, yet he didn’t want to limit himself to an equal alliance with Harriet and hoped to up his level by a marriage with Emma. Emma told Philip finally a truth that she had no romantic feelings for him, so he sat on the other side of the carriage from her while she stared out the window and he stewed silently. The next day, Emma went to see Anne and told her that she messed up royally by trying to match Philip with Harriet. Anne told Emma that she already knew Philip was in love with Emma from the way he acted at the party. Emma confessed that George was even cross with her for convincing Harriet to turn down Robert’s proposal, and Emma still believed she was right about Harriet and Robert not marrying each other in spite of all of this mess she created.Emma swore to her old governess that she would never play matchmaker again. Anne said Harriet would recover because she was young, but melodramatic Emma went on to say that she wished dearly she could ease the pain from her friend and wondered who might be the right match for Harriet (as though she were queen of the country marrying people off for sport). Emma suggested maybe William Coxe, and Anne reminded Emma what she just said about not interfering anymore. Anne said that the best way to tell somebody news was the honest, straightforward way and not beat around the bush. Emma went to visit Harriet and told her so-called friend that Philip had to leave and said he was going to Bath to relax and meet new people. Emma, after a moment of suspense, explained that by a twist of fate, it was not Harriet that captured Philip’s fancy, but indeed it was Emma herself. Emma assured Harriet that she naturally did not return his feelings, but that did not make it any less embarrassing. She said she would take all the responsibility for this turn of events, to which Harriet replied not to blame herself. Emma theatrically put her head in Harriet’s lap after she told her friend, who was very understanding about the situation, that she only hoped she could be a fraction of what Harriet was in character. In the barn, Emma and Harriet played with a litter of weaned puppies to help lift Harriet’s spirits. However, all thoughts of Philip were still in Harriet’s mind, thanks to Emma. Emma told Harriet to empty her mind of Philip because there was nothing in her future with that man, and to think of the puppies because they would help take Harriet’s mind off from her dreadful past few weeks of hoping. Emma decided to take Harriet to the Bates house because she knew Harriet would not get a word in edgewise there since Miss Bates constantly talked. As Miss Bates talked about another letter, Emma thought to herself that she didn’t want to hear another letter from that ninny Jane Fairfax and was happy to learn that the letter was from Mrs. Cole instead. Mrs. Cole had news of Philip. After Miss Bates read that Philip was in the eye of every young lady, she stopped because Harriet was looking pale and so Miss Bates offered some refreshments to her visitors. As it turned out, the subject got onto Jane, and even though it was Thursday and not Tuesday, the Bates’ received a letter from Jane. Miss Bates proceeded to read it to her company, much to Emma’s despair. Even though Jane had a cold, the good news was she was finally coming to visit. Miss Bates asked Emma to be there when Jane arrived because it wouldn’t be a proper visit without Emma. The next scene showed Emma sitting in the parlor again but with Jane and the Bates this time. Jane explained that the Campbells were gone to Ireland on holiday, so it allowed for Jane’s visit to her family, which was far better than any holiday. It was mentioned that Jane saw Frank Churchill in Weymouth. Later on, Emma told George how she thought Jane was an impossible person because she was private and wouldn’t gossip.George told Emma that Philip was going to marry. Harriet went to see Emma and told her about how it just rained, so she went into Mr. Ford’s store to wait it out. It was there she encountered Elizabeth Martin and her brother Robert, so Harriet hid behind a display and was embarrassed because they seemed to be talking about her. However, Elizabeth came over and introduced herself to Harriet and apologized that they never met formally before then. Harriet’s Mr. Martin came towards her and told Harriet that he read The Romance of the Forest and it was very good. Harriet ran out of the store into the rain because she was flabbergasted, but Robert followed her and told her to take the shortcut because the other road was flooded. She thanked him and left. Harriet copied her friend and put her head in Emma’s lap asking for advice. Emma gave Harriet some more horrible advice and told her to put farmer Robert out of her head for good since he was only being kind because it was the first that they saw each other since the refusal of marriage. Harriet agreed that she would do so immediately, and the two went to sketch the litter of puppies to pass the time. Harriet’s mind was filled with Robert again. The next morning, Emma decided to drive her horse and buggy right through a flooded roadway and got stuck in the middle of the water and broke the wheel. A man on a white horse appeared and told Emma that she would just have to live there in her buggy. He started riding past her to get to town, but then he decided he would help her home. He introduced himself as Frank Churchill, and he found out that she was Emma Woodhouse and that her ex governess Anne Weston had written to him of nothing but Emma. The next day, as Emma walked in town with Miss Bates, they discussed Frank being in town and Miss Bates not meeting him until the upcoming Coles’ party. Emma didn’t know anything about that because she wasn’t invited and Jane had already met Frank and thought he was good-looking. Emma later asked Henry if they got an invitation, and he replied no and Emma said they would have to decline anyway because the Coles were beneath them in social status. She lied to henry about the letters James brought to them and hid them from her dad. After complaining to Henry over a chess game about not being invited to the party because it would have been courtesy since the Westons were close friends with the Woodhouses, Henry must have mentioned it because the next day Emma was attending the party and thanking Mrs. Cole for the invitation. There was gossip around the room about how Jane mysteriously received a fancy piano and no one knew who sent it to her. The crowd broke up and left Frank and Emma alone together, and it seemed Frank was as gossipy as dear Emma. They had nothing better to do with their time, so they further discussed it and tried to figure out who could have sent Jane the mysterious pianoforte. They conspired to say the name Mr. Dixon in front of Jane, who had just arrived, to see her reaction because he was who they believed sent her the pianoforte.Anne pulled Emma aside and told her that Mr. Knightley was kind enough to offer his carriage to transport Jane and Miss Bates to the event that evening. Anne, who reminded Emma not to interfere in other people’s affairs, was now telling her student that she believed Jane Fairfax and George Knightley were now a couple. Emma pointed out that George wasn’t even with Jane, but Anne replied that perhaps the two stayed apart in public to keep their relationship a secret. Mr. Cole asked Emma to play the pianoforte. She said she had no talent, but once he said he was going to ask Jane, Emma decided to play. Not only did she play, she sang to the crowd, and eventually Frank stood up and started singing with her. Then Jane sat at the piano and Frank asked if she knew The Beggar’s Opera piece, and so they both sang that. George sat next to Emma during the other duet and discussed how Emma wasn’t very happy that his carriage brought Jane. Emma cleverly mentioned how a piano from the Campbells was a nice gift for Jane, and George replied that it was bad judgement on the Campbells’ part. This exposed that Mr. Knightley wasn’t the one who gave Jane the piano, so Emma slyly smiled knowing she had another clue. When Frank wanted to sing another song with Jane, George told Emma that Jane would get hoarse if she sang another song because Frank was a pompous show-off. Jealous George told Miss Bates to stop them because Jane was going to get ill from singing a second song. Frank got a message that his aunt was ill again, so he had to leave but he had already stopped at Miss Bates and Jane’s on the way and now wanted to say goodbye to Emma at her house. Frank’s dad Charles interrupted them, as he was about to profess the love that occupied his thoughts since his arrival.Afterwards, Frank said Anne wanted to continue correspondence with him at Highbury, and he wouldn’t be back to see Emma until his aunt was well again. Emma later thought about how Frank loved her and was going to tell her his feelings before Charles burst into the room, and she decided she must also love him because she was queasy after he left. She wished that Frank were there with her the following day because Mr. Elton was bringing his new wife, Augusta Hawkings Elton, to tea and Emma didn’t want to go through it alone. Augusta told Emma that her home reminded her of Maple Grove, which was where her brother, Mr. Suckling, lived. Emma said that Hartfield was overrated, but Augusta said that Surrey was “the garden of England.” They decided to go exploring the house because Augusta enjoyed large homes such as hers, and they found Henry sleeping in the library. Emma explained that they were quiet people and enjoyed staying home, and that her father had already tried going to Bath and nothing there helped him have more energy. Augusta recommended that Emma take Henry to Bath so she could introduce her to the upper-class people, and then Emma could go back home and have parties with her new friends in her house. Emma silenced Augusta by saying no. Augusta suggested that she and Emma start a musical club because she loved music so much and when she married Philip, she agreed to get rid of one of her two carriages and move into a smaller mansion, but she could never give up her music because that was what kept her going. With food in her mouth, Augusta told Emma that they met the Westons and couldn’t believe Anne was so ladylike. She also spoke about how they met George while they were visiting with the Westons. Mrs. Elton said that Mr. Knightley was Mr. E’s friend, and the one friend that he didn’t need to be ashamed about having. Later on, in a carriage ride, Emma vented to Harriet that Mrs. Elton was vulgar, base, conceited, and crass, and Emma doubted that George would call Augusta a lady. After Emma told Harriet that Augusta proposed they started a musical club, Emma wondered if Philip found Augusta while doing charity work in a mental infirmary. Emma then decided to throw a party for the person she liked the least (Augusta), otherwise everybody would know how much Emma disliked Mrs. Elton. As Augusta thanked Emma and Henry for the upcoming party in her honor, she told them that she adored Jane (when Emma thought she was going to say George). Augusta told Emma that she was simply going to adopt Jane (who was in her late twenties), and that Emma should adopt with Augusta. Later on, George, Emma, and Anne talked about Jane and how George seemed to have a lot of attention for her. When George figured out the females were trying to find out if he had romantic feelings for Jane, he called them out on it and Emma replied that he couldn’t come and sit with them if he were married. George said Jane was a grand young woman, but she lacked a temper, which a man looked for in a wife. He said he had admiration for Jane but no thought beyond that. He then ran off because he was a bit uncomfortable with the conversation, to say the least. At Emma’s party for Augusta, George thanked Emma for inviting Jane and told Emma she was capable of great kindness when she chose. Emma tried to play the poor-me card and hold George’s attention by making it appear as if she were the victim, when she was the mastermind of her own game. Augusta called George away from Emma to speak to Jane because she needed his help to convince Jane that she ought not to be so timid. Mr. Knightley dashed over in his knightly way to remedy the moment. Theatrical Augusta exaggerated what happened at the post office when Jane walked there in the rain to get the mail, as though the delicate female was soiled for the rest of her life because she got her shoes dirty in the mud puddles. Augusta demanded that George tell Jane to take care of herself, so Knightley looked into Jane’s eyes and told her so, and she smiled ever so brightly and thanked her dear prince Knightley for being concerned while Emma looked on because she was bored and nobody was paying attention to her. At the dinner table, Charles interrupted the meal to announce that Frank’s aunt was doing well and Frank was going to take a house at Highbury. Still talking with food in her mouth, Augusta discussed throwing Frank a party when he arrived in the neighborhood. In her diary, Emma wrote that she hadn’t thought of Frank since he left except in one instance, so she couldn’t be in love with him. She then had a thought that she would match Harriet and Frank together, and so she plotted to get the two together at the ball because it would relieve her so to get her friend Harriet matched to somebody socially higher than a farmer. George and Emma had a conversation about him not liking to dance and he would rather stay at his home alone. Emma showed up at the Weston house early so she could help prepare for the party, but Frank informed her that everybody was there early to help Charles with the preparations. Frank and Emma waited for Augusta’s arrival since Augusta was bringing Jane. Frank and Emma were still waiting to ask Jane about Mr. Dixon because they hadn’t had the chance to do that before then. Fast talking Miss Bates spoke to Emma, Anne, Jane, and Frank, thanking him for fixing elderly Mrs. Bates’s spectacles, and then she left to speak to another group of people. As the dancing began, Emma noticed that Harriet stood alone and whispered it into Anne’s ear, and then Emma danced with Frank. Anne set Harriet up with Philip for a dance after declining his invitation to dance with herself. Philip then declined to dance with Harriet because he said he was an old married man and his dancing days were over. George then danced with Harriet. Afterwards, Emma went and found George so they could be alone. George called out why the Eltons were not only snubbing Harriet but Emma as well, and Emma walked away because she didn’t want to tell him the truth that she had wanted Philip to marry Harriet, but she ended up telling him anyway in a way that made her look like the victim again of her own matchmaking scheme so Mr. Knightley would console her and give her compliments as she expected. Charles called out the window to have Emma come in and set an example for her companions since it was the last dance, so she gladly went inside and took her place high among them as though she were royalty. George wanted to know who she was going to dance with, and she replied him if he would ask her and it wouldn’t be improper for them to dance because after all, they were not brother and sister (accordingly…mother and son or father and daughter dances would be improper too). The couples danced their last dance with Harriet dancing with Frank and George and Emma leading the way. The next day, on their way to a house, Emma and Harriet walked in the wood and discovered a group of vagabonds camping out on the property. They started walking faster to get away, but the disheveled gypsy bunch went after the two females to steal Harriet’s purse and all attacked her on the ground. Frank appeared out of nowhere and told the rolling stones to get off Harriet, and he helped her up off the ground. At the house, Harriet thanked Frank and told him that she owed him everything, and he replied that Emma would set things right and dismissed himself to go see his father. After all of that and the girls were alone, Harriet decided that she was finally done with Philip and took out a small satchel from her purse titled “Harriet Smith – Most Precious Treasures.” She decided to destroy something Philip had given her that was inside the bag that she was going to hold dear to her heart forever because of the ball and the Eltons’ horrid behavior to her. It happened to be a bandage from when Philip cut his finger. It was an unused piece he had touched, so in her nonsense, Harriet made a treasure of it. She then pulled out another object that Philip left at the house and Harriet took and used to hold. Emma told Harriet that it was wise she wanted to burn things in Emma’s presence with her as Harriet’s witness, and added that would help relieve Harriet’s burden. As Harriet burned the objects in the fire, she said goodbye to Mr. Elton, and Emma thought in her mind hello, Mr. Churchill because Emma was back at it again and couldn’t stop meddling in the affairs of others that she had no business doing wrecking the lives of the people around her. The next day, everybody picked strawberries together. Emma told Harriet that she must eat strawberries at her wedding, but Harriet replied that she was never going to marry. They then discussed Frank and how Harriet was happy that he rescued her, and Emma said he was a fine choice for her and advised her to use caution and not express her interest for Frank until his was expressed so as not to make a fool of herself. At the outdoor picnic, Augusta told Jane that she found an excellent position for her in Bath, and Jane replied that she was obliged but she was not leaving Highbury. Augusta said that as Jane’s protector, she couldn’t allow Jane to feel that way and she thought that everyone agreed with her and then asked Jane what other options she would have there in Highbury. Frank cut in and told Augusta that the vittles were good. Before Augusta could harp on Jane anymore, Frank suggested they all play a game and commanded that everyone tell Emma something entertaining. Augusta didn’t like the silly game, so she excused herself saying it was a waste of time trying to make Emma laugh and be the center of attention. Philip also excused himself to leave with his wife, and mean Emma told Miss Bates that she was only allowed to say three dull things this time since there was a limit, which upset Miss Bates greatly. George decided to leave too and take Miss Bates with him to pick some more strawberries because he was not happy with Emma’s nastiness. George later caught up with Emma and schooled her on her high and mighty, better than everyone else character and making fun of Miss Bates’s situation with her age, lack of wealth, single status, etc., and he was very angry with Emma for embarrassing Miss Bates. He pointed out that Miss Bates had watched Emma grow from the time she arrived in the world to the present, and it was a shock to hear how Emma belittled Miss Bates that day after all those years of friendship in front of everybody who copied Emma’s behavior as a role model. Before he walked away, George said he had to say the harsh words to Emma because that was important to help her character grow and be somebody worth being around versus somebody to walk away from. Emma visited the Bates house but was delayed slightly by the maid so Miss Bates and Jane could make a quick exit from the room before Emma entered. Emma saw her leave through the other door anyway. Emma left without talking to Miss Bates and only visited with her elderly mom. Emma walked back into the house to find George there speaking to Henry, who was bragging about how Emma always showed the Bates much kindness. However, Emma corrected her dad and said it was the other way around. George chimed in that he hoped Emma would display more kindness toward her so-called friends in the future, and he kissed her hand and they made amends. George then announced that he was leaving for London to visit John and Isabella, and Emma replied that she was sorry that she was at the Bates house because she had wanted to spend time with George before he left. Mr. Knightly said that there was a complex situation he had to discuss with his brother John. Emma wrote in her diary that Frank’s aunt died and he went back to London for the funeral, and by that happening, it strengthened Harriet’s chances with Frank since his aunt was sure to object to him being with Harriet. Emma continued to try to make amends with Miss Bates, and even though they were still not on good speaking terms, Emma hoped for the best to remedy their friendship. Emma wrote about George and believed that he would see her as a different person and like her better now if he were there. Charles, out of breath, ran to Emma in her outdoor lawn refreshment table. Anne told Emma the news that Frank had been secretly engaged to Jane for some time and nobody knew, and Charles Dixon formed the engagement in Weymouth. Emma told her ex governess that at one time she had adoration for Frank, but now she felt nothing for him. She acted fake hurt because of Frank’s deceit and wanted revenge for his actions. When Charles came in and interrupted the two females, Emma put on a charade for Anne and happily hugged and congratulated Charles. Emma went to visit Harriet, who already heard the news about Frank, but she had no idea what Emma was talking about cautioning her friend on being with Frank because that wasn’t who was in Harriet’s heart. Emma then had a cow because she found out Harriet had harbored feelings all this time for Mr. Knightley, Emma’s love interest, and she had thought Frank, who rescued Harriet from the gypsies, was the one Harriet was in love with. Emma paced the room saying good God, this was a horrible mistake, and she didn’t know how to fix it. Emma asked Harriet if she had any indication from George that he felt the same way about her, and Harriet replied yes because Emma told Harriet to let his behavior be the rule of her own. Emma told Harriet that George would never freely lead a woman on, and unless he absolutely told Harriet to her face that he was in love with her, then he wasn’t at all. Emma sought out Mrs. Weston’s advice and told her that she loved George greatly and dearly. She confided that when Harriet professed her own love for George, Emma knew that no one could marry George but Emma. Emma angrily ranted about George’s brother helping him with his problems and giving him solid advice about marriage, and she brought up the point that the town knew nothing about Harriet’s parents, and they could be pirates. Anne told Emma to calm down because Harriet’s feelings had nothing to do with her estranged past, so to leave everyone else out of it and just deal with whoever was involved. Anne added to let George’s behavior when he returned be Emma’s guide. Emma, with a very troubled mind, went back into her raging lunacy and decided that she hated John for this and then loved him for something else because she was talking herself into a frenzy of misguided thoughts based upon fiction that had nothing to do with reality. She promised Anne that she would put George out of her mind until he returned, but later that evening she wrote about him. She tried to take her mind off George, but everywhere she went meant, people brought Mr. Knightley up in the topic of discussion. Emma plucked petals off a daisy to determine George’s feelings for Harriet and decided that she hated daisies after that. She thought about him as she lay in bed unable to sleep, so she got up and took Harriet’s photo off the wall, replacing it with a photo of a dog (resembling a Maltese). Another day, Emma made her way to the altar to pray to the Lord asking that if George couldn’t be with her, then not to let him be with anyone else. She added that if he would just stay single, she would be perfectly satisfied with that result…almost. As she walked away from the chapel on the property to her house, Emma encountered George and they decided to walk to Emma’s house together. They discussed Jane and Frank’s wedding, and George told Emma that time would heal her wound because she was probably cruelly disappointed by Frank’s secrecy, and George called Frank a scoundrel because of it. George added that Frank got everything he wanted at great expense to others and at no cost to himself. Before George could tell Emma his true feelings that he came to tell her, she was so out of her mind about Harriet and him that she told him to be silent. He said fine and walked away. However, Emma decided to catch up to George after he took his anger out on the weeds with his cane on the trip back. She told him that as his old friend, she didn’t want to silence him and she wanted to hear what he had to say to her no matter what. George came right out and told Emma that he wanted their relationship to be more than friendship. He explained that he did not befriend Frank because he knew Emma liked him, and George thought that Emma insulted Miss Bates at the picnic because of Frank’s bad influence on her He couldn’t stand being at his brother’s house because Isabella reminded him of Emma, and because of that he was thrilled when word came of Frank’s engagement to Jane. George rode back to Highbury through the rain, and he told Emma he would ride through worse than that if he could hear her voice telling him that there was a slight chance of hope to win her over. They both decided they were going to make a go of it, and George added that it was their imperfections that possibly made them perfect for each other. Mr. Knightley asked his wonderful, darling friend to marry him, and Emma gladly accepted and they kissed. George suggested they go to Henry and tell him, but then she freaked out and said she couldn’t marry George because she didn’t want to abandon her father. George quickly resolved the issue by telling Emma he would live at Hartfield with her so she could remain with her father. Henry and others were happy for Emma and George, but Harriet was very upset. They made it sound like Harriet was not in her right mind because she was in love with three men in less than a year, when all of that had to do with Emma’s crazy, mindless games that no true friend would ever do to another with God first in their lives. Weeks later, Emma got a visit from Harriet, who brought news that Emma probably wouldn’t like but Harriet herself was ecstatic over because Harriet finally decided to marry her true love, the farmer Robert Martin, and she ought to have listened to her inner voice from the beginning and not Emma’s very awful and toxic advice. Harriet explained that Elizabeth invited her to a get-together and that was when she reunited with Robert again and Robert and Harriet fell into friendly conversation as if they had never been apart and knew they belonged with each other, as they knew from the start. Emma came to her senses after all this time and told Harriet that she, Emma, was a failure matchmaker and was happy that, in the end, it turned out so wonderfully for her dear friend. Emma and George were married and all the country people in crowd and cream of society attended the dramatic ceremony.  On the movie cover art: Siskel & Ebert, “Two Thumbs Up;” USA Today, “Four Stars;” Rolling Stones, “Devilishly Funny;” New York Post, “The Year’s Best Film!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/5/23

TITLE: Sister Act 2 – Back in the Habit 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This movie is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1993 Touchstone Entertainment / Walt Disney Studios / Buena Vista Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in Las Vegas at the Luxurious Stars Desert Inn Hotel in Las Vegas, where Deloris Van Cartier went out on stage with her sister act. Deloris did dirty dancing with a man in a black and blue one-piece outfit, a sexy postal worker, and a man wearing a yellow tank with short red and white polka dot shorts (think Minnie Mouse bow). As three nuns, Sister Mary Robert, Sister Mary Patrick, and Sister Mary Lazarus, came into the hotel lounge to watch the show, Deloris changed out of her revealing red dress into a black robe. She then took that off and was left with a skintight black biker one-piece. After she sang that she had nowhere to hide, she changed her costume to a sparkly nun outfit and flew around the stage suspended from the ceiling singing “Nothing you could say could tear me away from my God.” (She changed the lyrics from the original “my guy”). Deloris brought the real nuns up on stage, and then there was a malfunction in the wire that Deloris hung from and she swung back and forth out of the control high above the stage. She was asking what the hell they were doing in her microphone while the song changed to “We are family…” Backstage after the performance, Deloris took the nuns to her dressing room and her manager, Joey, badgered the nuns about him representing them. Deloris told him that God represented them. The nuns told Deloris they had to hit the road that night because they were teaching now and it was a school night, and they only came to see Deloris. In Deloris’s hotel room, Sister Robert explained that the nuns were teaching at St. Francis Academy in San Francisco. Deloris said she went to that school and they needed good teachers. The Reverend Mother (Mother Superior) had sent the three nuns on a mission to retrieve Deloris that night and not come back to the school without her. Deloris, in her dusty rose VW bug convertible, followed the nuns in their St. Francis High School van to San Francisco from Las Vegas. Upon arrival at the school, Mother Superior hugged Deloris (a.k.a. Sister Mary Clarence) and was happy to see her. The Reverend Mother told Deloris that she wasn’t cut out to be a sister, but she brought a new spirit into the St. Katherine convent and community, and now St. Francis wanted Deloris to teach music to their students. Mother Superior said that Deloris was infectious, and Deloris replied that made her sound like a disease. Mother Superior told the sister gone wrong that the community needed her help because it was in a state of despair and the nuns were desperate women. She added to think of the children because they needed to invest in their futures, and the help from Deloris would be greatly appreciated. Even though Deloris was a lounge singer at a casino, Mother Superior pointed out that Deloris was the perfect example of a sow’s ear turned into a silk purse. She gave Deloris the guilt trip (even though she was a nun) and told the ex-sister that she wouldn’t be so successful as she was now if not for the church and their help. The nuns dressed Deloris up into a nun habit and explained to her that the school was very strict, meaning if the Fathers found out she was neither teacher nor nun, she would be asked to leave in a New York minute. Deloris complained that she was undercover again. They gave her a heads-up as they walked outside that sometimes the children’s recess time was battleground. The nuns told Sister Clarence that some of the kids called Mr. Crisp the school administrator the “devil incarnate,” because he had a bad temper. At a meal, Sister Mary Clarence was introduced to the staff, and they in turn introduced themselves to her as Father Ignatius the math teacher and Father Thomas the Latin teacher. Mr. Crisp went over and shook Mary Clarence’s hand, and he called her Clemens. She corrected him that it was Clarence as in Thomas…Clarence Thomas, Supreme Court Justice. Father Wolfgang the cook only knew how to cook German sausage (liverwurst, bratwurst, and bierwurst). Sister Clarence refused her sausage meal because she only ate Jenny Craig. The school principal, Father Maurice, later spoke to Sister Clarence about her last position at a women’s prison facility in the Louisiana bayou. She almost blew her cover but turned it around and used fake tears to convince the Father that the effect the prison had on her was a joyous, traumatic experience, even though nuns weren’t supposed to have enjoyable experiences because that led to all kinds of situations. Father Maurice then shared his theory of education from his years of experience at St. Franics as principal and it was basically all about discipline. Sister Clarence said she absorbed as much from him as she could and thanked his Eminenceship and Royal Pappyness, and kissed the Father’s hand goodbye. The Sisters were waiting for her outside, and Sister Clarence told them that they all lied to her about the prison and they were all going to hell before she stormed out the door. As Sister Clarence toured the school, she walked by the Latin room and saw the kids asleep and falling out of their chairs. She walked on to Sister Patrick’s classroom, where she was talking about promiscuity. All the students called out Sandra to tell the teacher that Sandra was the definition of that word. Sandra told the nun she couldn’t answer questions about sex, and Sister Patrick replied that you don’t have to bite the doughnut to know it was sweet, so she could answer questions on that topic. Father Ignatius then showed Sister Clarence where the music room was downstairs because the big school was a maze. When they got to the door, the “Cl,” was missing from the word “class,” on the window. Father Ignatius told Sister Clarence to fight the good fight and to “Lift up your heart,” in Latin. She walked into the room, where the students were being unruly and rapping out insults to each other. Sister Lazarus introduced Sister Clarence to the class as the new teacher. They wouldn’t listen as one girl told someone “Your mama is so fat, she sat on a rainbow and Skittles popped out.” Sister Lazarus told Sister Clarence congratulations because she was the new mayor of Sodom and Gomorrah and walked out of the room. The students kept rapping “Cold beans, hey and collard greens…That’s why your mother’s so fat. She’s on both sides of the rainbow.” Sister Clarence ran out into the hall, and Father and Sister were standing there telling her to keep the faith and be strong as nails. Sister Clarence went back into the room and used her nails on the chalkboard to silence the out-of-control high school teens. When they were asked to put their seats back in order they continued to be loud, so Sister Clarence used her nails again to get their attention. One of the male students, Fran-kay, was disrespectful, so Sister Clarence replied for them to talk about his mama because she was so dumb that she got hit by a parked car. She took attendance, and one boy named Wesley Glen James spoke about how the name James had slavery attached to it, and his parents picked out the name Wesley. However, he preferred to be called Ahmal M’jomo Jamaael, which meant “He who is spirited.” Fran-kay started rapping his own introduction, but Ahmal (Wesley) interrupted and told Fran-kay to come up with his own thing because he was continually stealing music styles and expression from Ahmal’s African people. Rita Watson introduced herself with attitude, so Sister Clarence told her that perhaps she needed to go by Rita-with-a-tude. Sister Clarence asked where the music books were, so the students pointed up because the pages from the books were torn out and wadded up and stuck to the ceiling. Rita explained that the class was called a bird course so they could fly right through it, and all they had to do was pass the class was show up. They said they didn’t exactly do nothing, they had a good time in class, so they all stood up and started rapping and being disorderly again. Sister Clarence went to the principal’s office and asked for the little green stuff that had the pictures of dead presidents on it that you buy things like instrument and songbooks with (money). Mr. Crisp told Sister Clarence that she was confusing St. Francis with Loyola Marymount or the University of Notre Dame because the school had no money, to which Sister Clarence replied how were they paying you, Crispy? As they discussed no money at all, one of the kids threw a baseball through the glass window from outside. Crisp told Sister Clarence to teach them to play soccer, but Father Maurice said they didn’t have the balls for that. Sister Clarence then found the kids dancing at recess to the rap song with lyrics “…Than Jackie Jackson talkin’ to Oprah Winfrey…” Later on, the delinquent kids all met up to discuss how they could get the nun to run because they didn’t want her around anymore. The parents broke it up by calling Rita Louise Watson inside after she tried to be the gang leader and tell the others they had to be all in on getting rid of Sister Clarence. The next morning, Rita put glue in Sister Clarence’s chair. When she arrived, the teens were all seated quietly at their desks and even wrote good morning on the chalkboard to Sister Mary Clarence. Sister Clarence knew something was up and wanted to know if the class drugged her water like she saw in a horror movie once. She went on to say that she liked all kinds of music, such as opera, rock and roll, and rap, but her favorite were the girl groups from the ‘50s and ‘60s. Sister Clarence started to sit down, but Tyler yelled out a question “like who?” so the nun wouldn’t sit down. The other classmates, especially Rita, hatefully told Tyler to shut up because they wanted the teacher to sit already. Sister Clarence answered that she liked Patti LaBelle and the Bluebells, and also the Supremes. After she talked about Diana Ross, she sat down and the students had to put their heads on their desks to cover their laughter. As Sister Clarence tried to stand up after speaking for a moment, the material on her habit could be heard ripping and the kids all started cheering and applauding. She wheeled her chair out into the hallway, leaving the dysfunctional and mean gang of students unattended. Later on, Mother Superior and the other Sisters knocked on Sister Clarence’s bedroom door and told her that they understood if she wanted to leave. They added that she would be much better off in show business and the money was better there anyway, and the bright lights and sequins were far prettier to look at than anything at St. Francis (this with a portrait of a Biblical figure in the background). Sister Clarence said what she hated most about the place was that there was nothing for her to throw (mad lady), and when she turned the nuns down for a cup of tea they left. The next day, Sister Clarence was on her way to the classroom and overheard a meeting in progress through the open door of the principal’s office. Father Maurice was told that the Archdiocese had decided St. Francis should close at the end of the semester, and it had to close down so quickly because the school was totally in the red with very little hope of recovery. Mr. Crisp chimed in that there were no community contributions and the school had no outstanding academic or achievement records. He revealed that he had been exploring other uses for the property and it was more valuable as a parking lot than a school. They went out into the hallway and Mr. Crisp wanted the Archdiocese to consider his application for retirement because he had put in almost thirty years of service already and he wanted his due. They all then went out to lunch. Sister Clarence told the other Sisters the situation. Mother Superior said the children would be bused to a public school in another district as a result of St. Francis’s closure. The Sisters decided they were going to do something about it. Father Maurice had a talk with Mother Superior about the disruption that Sister Clarence caused at a pep rally the night before. Mother Superior said that was Sister Clarence’s way of communication and contribution to the school by helping the students in her party ways. Mother Superior’s advice to Father Maurice was to give Sister Clarence a free hand and let her do whatever she needed to do go get through to the students because it was quite effective. Mother Superior said that Sister Clarence was not as radical as he thought and reminded Father Maurice that he and Mother Superior were considered radical in their own day and caused Bishop O’Malley much trouble. Mother Superior added that if the school were on the road to foreclosure, at least Sister Clarence would make it an interesting ride. In class, Sister Clarence told her students this was no longer a bird course and it was the first day of their scholastic lives, and to be quiet and take a seat because class was now in session. She added that if the kids wanted to pass the class, they needed to earn it because otherwise she would fail all of them. Sister Clarence got in one girl’s face and told her to stop passing notes in class, and then she told another girl to put her makeup away because she wasn’t Elizabeth Arden. She told Sketch, baby, save it for Oprah because he wasn’t going to sleep in her class. Sister Clarence announced that it was a brand-new day and they were going to start with respect, meaning the students were going to respect the teacher and she was going to respect them in return. All the boys had to take off their hats, and Sister Clarence told everyone to take off their sunglasses unless they were prescription because she didn’t want to look at the sunglasses, she wanted to look into her students’ eyes instead and see the coherent person. Rita stood up and said they didn’t want any new way because the old way was fine for them, and she told Sister Clarence to go ahead and fail her because she wasn’t going to do anything the teacher asked. Sister Clarence responded that there was the door if she wanted to leave. Rita tried to lead her gang out of the room, but nobody wanted to go with her because they realized they couldn’t afford to fail that class and their parents would no doubt discipline them at home if they did. Rita said so much for friendship and walked out the door alone. After Rita the gang leader left the building, Sister Clarence told the class, who were listening now, that if you wanted to make something of yourself in the world, you needed an education first and foremost. Later that evening, Sister Clarence held a meeting with the staff and discussed how boring the curriculum was and since they were all doing it for the children, they needed to fix that. The next day in class, Sister Clarence found out that the students could actually sing when she had them memorizie and recite positive words to help them through their daily life, which they put into song lyrics. She announced that she was going to turn them into a choir to get them through the music class, and so she took the students out in the school bus on a field trip. Once they arrived at the local senior center, Sister Clarence told one student to quit chewing her gum because she looked like Mister Ed. She keyed Alma on the piano and had her turn on the recording attached to her habit as the nuns stood around the instruments. All the Sisters began rapping (with weird lyrics like vote for me, and I’ll set you free and the color of the skin) with Sister Clarence leading the way. They went on about segregation, determination, demonstration, integration, aggravation, humiliation, and obligation to our nation, and that the world today was a ball of confusion, hey, hey. They continued singing that the sale of pills were at an all-time high, young folks walked around with their heads in the sky, cities were aflame in the summertime, and then evolution, revolution, gun control, the sound of soul, shooting rockets to the moon, kids growing up too soon, Gloria, around and around and around they went, Gloria, where the world was headed nobody knew. Afterwards as they left the building, the students told Sister Clarence that the nuns’ performance was okay. On the bus, they discussed the image and singing something that wasn’t for old biddies as they described the seniors in the old folks’ home. Sister Clarence said their friends were going to dictate their lives and it would be tragic if the students stepped away from that environment to find themselves in a choir singing something to help them in the world instead of hurting them in life. She told the kids not to disrespect the other Sisters who were about to get on the bus or embarrass Sister Clarence because they had a lot of courage to get up and sing in front of a bunch of people. The students clapped and showed respect as the Sisters got on the bus. As a Sister drove the bus out of the alley, she ran over trash in the way. Father Thomas waited for them outside the school when they returned and said that he was sent to give Sister Clarence a message like he was working for Western Union and not the Roman Catholic Church, and the message was to go talk to Father Maurice. The principal then told Sister Clarence that they were responsible for the children during school hours and they weren’t allowed on a field trip without parental consent. Sister Clarence apologized and said that would never happen again, and Father Maurice replied that it definitely wouldn’t happen again because all field trips, authorized or unauthorized, from then on were canceled. Some kids were eavesdropping at the door and learned about the school closing and told the others on their street corner. Ahmal told the group they needed to take pride and go out like Paul Laurence Dunbar did. Rita listened from her apartment window above. Everybody walked away as Ahmal told them that they were his brothers and sisters and how “they,” stole his people’s land, name, and mother. Sister Clarence later took the students to the old music room because the acoustics in the room were incredible, but the room was full of cobwebs, dirt, and junk. Sketch didn’t want to sing “Mary Had A Little Lamb,” because he rapped. Sister Clarence said she was a big fan of Run D.N.A., and Ahmal corrected her that it was Run D.M.C., my sister. She said it was a joke and to lighten up because she liked Big Daddy Kane. Sister Clarence had them sing solo first and then as a group, but they were very off-key. Maria didn’t know the lyrics to Mary Had A Little Lamb, and when Sister Clarence told her to sing whatever was in her heart, Maria sang The Love Boat theme. Rita showed up and watched through the window. Sister Clarence saw her and signaled for her to come in, but Rita walked away instead. Later on, Rita played the piano while Tanya practiced signing “His Eye Is On The Sparrow.” As the girls talked about Rita’s mom thinking singing was a dead end with no security, Sister Robert came into the cathedral room and eavesdropped. The girls decided they were both going to sing the song together then. Amazingly, Rita knocked it out of the park with her rendition but stopped when she spotted Sister Robert in the room. Tanya left and Sister Robert complimented Rita on her voice, but Rita said so what. When it was suggested Rita talk to Sister Clarence, Rita tried to walk away again but Sister Robert told Rita she was only seventeen and asked how she knew what she was going to get to do and not get to do. Rita replied to take a look around the neighborhood because they didn’t live in the land of opportunity, so even though she wanted to sing, it was never going to happen and there it was pointless. She told the Sister welcome to the real world and walked away. Sister Clarence came down the hall and told Sister Robert that Rita had a lot of attitude. Sister Robert said it was deeper than that and told Sister Clarence that she needed to help Rita the way that she helped Sister Robert. After Sister Robert got her way, she said God bless you to Sister Mary Clarence because she decided to help. Sister Clarence found Rita in the hood and confronted her. She pulled out a book called “Letters To a Young Poet,” by Rainer Maria Rilke that Sister Clarence’s mother gave her. She compared his story of if you woke up in the morning and thought of nothing but writing, then you were a writer, and told Rita that if she woke up in the morning and couldn’t think of anything but singing first, then she was a singer. She gave Rita the book to read and find out the point of Sister Clarence’s story. Rita read the book and showed up at school for music class. The students continued singing “la, la, la…” to get down the rhythm of music throughout the following days with many other nuns taking turns helping them. The teens’ behavior improved drastically and they acted more respectful and started to work together as a group versus trying to cause a behavior disturbance every second. Mr. Crisp spied on them while the Fathers took turns cleaning up the old music room. The students spray-painted pictures on the walls and cleaned the windows. Sister Clarence had a one-on-one with Ahmal because he was always talking about Shaka Zulu, so she asked him if S.Z. could repel a bunch of troops with a teeny-tiny voice like Ahmal was using. She told him to repel her by singing “Oh, Happy Day,” in a higher voice because his weak little voice wasn’t going to scare anybody. At a school rehearsal, the music class put on a performance of “Oh, Happy Day,” and greatly impressed the staff and other students present with their choir voices. As the nuns cleaned out the old boxes in the storage room, Sister Lazarus mumbled “Ashes to ashes and dust to dust, show me the man that a woman can trust,” and the others found trophies that the school won in music championships. They realized that they might be able to save the school by winning a music contest with their new choir. The three nuns told Sister Clarence and her choir that they just entered them in the All State Music Competition, six weeks from Saturday in Hollywood. The class discussed it where Rita said they didn’t want to sing in front of everybody at state level, but Fran-kay spoke up and told group that this was their opportunity to show people who they really were because nobody believed in them except for Sister Clarence and her homegirls. He added that the huge incentive was they could all go to Hollywood. Sister Patrick said that if they won, perhaps the Archdiocese would have no choice but to keep the St. Francis business open and not shut the school down. After they all decided they were going to compete, one yelled for them to turn this mother out and rock the house, dope. One Sister was then concerned because of the comment that the kids were going to bring drugs with them. Sister Clarence argued with Father Maurice because he said no field trips allowed and was committed to that. The Catholic principal told Sister Clarence that she was being insubordinate because she was still arguing with him about his ruling. The other clergy members were standing by the door and decided to chime in and agree with Sister Clarence when she said if they were going to close the school, they might as well go out with a bang. Because Sister Clarence had everyone’s support, the principal caved and gave his permission for the choir to go to Hollywood and compete. The principal told Sister Clarence they needed to raise their own money for their trip, and they needed to get written parental consent for every child. Sister Clarence said she would and thanked Father Maurice and her Brothers and Sisters and left the room. Rita was in her room practicing singing with her headphones on and her mom came home early to do Mrs. Gibbs’ hair and wanted to know why her daughter was fooling around with her singing again. She took away Rita’s song sheets and tape recorder. She told her mom it was music for the choir that her teacher, Sister Mary Clarence, wanted her to clean. Rita’s mom reminded her that singing didn’t put food on the table, it didn’t pay the bills, and it was no guarantee of a future. Florence went on to say that she was upset that her daughter didn’t tell her she was in a choir at Catholic school. Even though she knew Rita could sing, mom said so could Rita’s dad and he died still trying to make it with his singing career. Rita’s mom told her to stop living in her fake world and study her academics because in reality, singers were a dime a dozen and it took a great deal to become a successful professional and Rita could end up just like the homeless people down on the street singing for coins. Mom made up her mind that Rita couldn’t sing in the choir or competition. With food, lodging, transportation, and gas, the Sisters estimated that the entire school trip would cost them $2,000. They joked that the only person who ever-made money as a nun was Sally Field…God love her. Sister Clarence said they needed to get the community involved and it was about time the parents pitched in since their kids went to that school.Rita showed up and the Sisters tried to give her a consent form for her mom to sign. Rita apologized and told the nuns that she had to quit the choir and couldn’t explain her reasons. Sister Clarence went to Rita’s apartment to speak to her mom, who basically shut the door in the nun’s face and told Sister Clarence that as she could see, Rita’s mom had work to do because she was in the process of doing a woman’s hair as a second job. Rita glared at her mom after Sister Clarence left. Another day, the Sisters put on a benefit concert telling the crowd to donate because they weren’t there just for a free show. Father Maurice and Mr. Crisp showed up then. Minus the expenses, the Sisters earned from the concert $1,920.17. They were worried about Sister Lazarus driving the bus all the way to Hollywood. Sister Robert reminded everybody to get the consent forms from the kids because they had a lot to do in the next two days. Later on, the choir asked Rita why she quit because inquiring minds wanted to know.Fran-kay said he felt like the choir gig was a big joke to everybody. Sketch told Rita that they needed to stick together and this was likely the only opportunity they would have to show how well they could sing at a large event. Rita walked away, but later at home she forged her mom’s (Florence Watson) signature on the consent form. Just as the bus was about ready to leave, Rita ran to catch it and gave the Sisters the forged consent form and they left for the road trip to Hollywood. Meanwhile, back at the Catholic school, Mr. Crisp threw a Rolling Stones magazine on Father Maurice’s desk and said look what he found in the library. On the front cover was Deloris, a lounge singer, and Mr. Crisp said he had known he’d seen her perform in Vegas. In the article, Father Maurice read that Deloris was the girlfriend of a vicious mobster and called Sister Clarence a gun moll. Mr. Crisp called her Sister Mary Fake, and Father Maurice said he had to call the officials and remove St. Francis from the competition immediately. Mr. Crisp objected that wasn’t a good idea because they didn’t want that kind of attention. He added that Sister Clarence (Deloris) was the church’s responsibility and they needed to handle it personally and not involve any outsiders. The Latin teacher Father Thomas, who didn’t have a driver’s license, drove the school van with the Fathers (including the principal and Mr. Crisp) recklessly on the roadway to Hollywood to stop the choir from competing in the competition. Father Maurice tried to teach Thomas had to drive as Thomas broke all kinds of laws along their journey. When Thomas almost ran head-on into a semi-truck but swerved out of the way just in time, Thomas yelled at the truck driver by calling him or her a jacka** (not truck driver’s fault) and Mr. Crisp screamed at Thomas using Jesus Christ as a swear word. Florence arrived home to find Rita missing. She discovered on Rita’s desk a note from Rita to her mom telling her that she went to the high school music competition in Hollywood. Rita said that she never meant to hurt her mom, but she had to follow her heart, and she asked for forgiveness and told her mama she loved her. Margaret told Sister Patrick that she hated her outfit because it was baggy and she wanted something tighter and more form fitting. Sister Patrick corrected her and said she wasn’t there to impress the judges with her heinie, but her voice, and told Margaret to get her head in the singing game. Fran-kay had a uniform malfunction, so Sister Patrick quoted her mom that nothing was impossible if you carried a little bit of a faith and a big roll of electrical tape. She used the tape to fix his ripped costume. Sister Lazarus told another girl not to think about her queasy stomach, but the whole group of them going out on stage singing beautifully together. As the Fathers knocked on the backstage door to make entrance into the competition building, Mr. Crisp said they could find St. Francis school children easily by searching for the group that looked like they just robbed a convenience store. When the very large security guard opened the door and asked for passes from the men, Father Ignatius held up his cross to gain access to the building. As the St. Francis students watched the performances before them, they were concerned because the other school choirs seemed so good. The more they watched the competition, the worse their nerves became and their confidence dropped too. However, they then realized that one choir started singing the same song St. Francis was going to sing. The three sisters recognized Father Thomas as they wandered around backstage. Father Thomas explained that he was there with the other Fathers and Mr. Crisp not to support the children, but to pull them out of the competition. He said it was because Sister Mary Clarence was a liar and was actually a Las Vegas showgirl and not a Sister. The other Sisters acted surprised by what they already knew to be true and had been hiding all this time. Once they heard that Father Maurice and Mr. Crisp were looking for the choir at that moment, the Sisters excused themselves and pretended they would go look too but no doubt planned to warn the others of the newcomers and hiccup in their plans. The students went backstage again and Sister Clarence asked them why they weren’t ready, and they replied they weren’t going to go through with it because they would be laughed off stage. Sister Clarence told them it was their M.O. because when something better came along they were going to run away scared and forgot about everybody who helped them get to that moment in their lives which were also the ones who believed in them. She said if they continued running whenever they encountered anything scary, they were going to be running for the rest of their lives versus sticking around and seeing it through and doing the best performance that they knew how to do. After Sister Clarence left, the group decided that they were going to do it rightly so because their teacher was the reason why they were there to begin with and they owed her that at the very least to show the world what she taught them with all the time and effort Sister Clarence selflessly donated to their education that had no salary, perks or bonuses included. The students spotted Father Maurice by himself and were very happy to see him there and thanked him for coming. They added that they were sure to win now since their principal made an appearance. The principal said he was glad to be there to support the choir, but something had been brought to his attention. He delayed his reason for being there by telling the children they were amazing and they looked like angels. Sister Clarence came up behind Father Maurice and told him to wait until he heard the choir sing, and then she took the choir out onstage telling them to take their places because it was time for them to perform before the principal could say anything more. Mr. Crisp and the other Fathers made their way to the area, and Mr. Crisp called out Father Maurice on letting the kids sing. The principal explained that he changed his mind and the kids were going to sing. Mr. Crisp asked Father Maurice if he told the Archdiocese about Sister Mary Fake when he called the officials earlier. Father Maurice confessed that he never told the Archdiocese about that yet and had planned to wait to tell them in person at the event, and added that they were in the audience now and were still clueless about Sister Mary Fake. The Fathers decided to help Mr. Crisp find the Archdiocese officials, so they pointed them in the wrong direction. Father Ignatius tried to tell Mr. Crisp about some ventilation system and lead him toward a room out of the way of the stage, and Mr. Crisp wanted to know if the holy man was drinking too much of that sacramental wine again. The Fathers said they could hear voices in a room there, so they led Mr. Crisp into the unlit area and then asked for forgiveness as they closed the door and locked him in the storage closet using the German sausage roll from Father Wolfgang’s basket (for dessert) to put through the door handles so Mr. Crisp couldn’t escape. As Mr. Crisp said the room was dark and he couldn’t see, the three Fathers were making the cross symbol and asking for forgiveness as they walked away and left their protesting hostage in the closet. Father Maurice sat down in the audience next to Mother Superior and flirted with his longterm companion and said she was free to fool him anytime she wanted to and even complimented Sister Clarence (Deloris) on the great job she did with the kids. St. Francis took the stage then and performed their original rendition of “Joyful, Joyful.” Florence arrived and took a seat in the audience to see her daughter sing. Because Rita was all choked up at seeing her mom, Rita missed her cue twice so they had to keep restarting the music. Sister Clarence told the students to take off their robes because if they were going to go out there and sing they were going to do it in comfort and their own style. However, Rita was already singing with her robe on and so was the boy playing the piano, but discarded the robes once the other kids joined them onstage with ripped jeans and baggy clothes and form fitting attire (including cropped shirts). They even included rapping, which was very different from the first traditional performance of the song by the other choir, who stood still while singing. The St. Francis kids jumped and danced all over the stage to a high-energy rendition with a showbiz-type entertainment that demanded attention. Afterwards, the judges announced the Grand Prize Winner was St. Francis from San Francisco. The school members all went out onstage to receive their trophies and celebrated their victory. Sister Clarence was given a bouquet of red roses and the audience gave them a standing ovation. The Archdiocese met backstage with Father Maurice and Mother Superior and told them that they were no longer going to close the school but they had to get ready for next year’s competition because St. Francis’s music department was outstanding. Mr. Crisp got himself out of the locked closet and told the officials they were being deceived. Mother Superior interrupted him so he wouldn’t tell the truth and said that the whole thing was Crisp’s idea to keep the school from closing. It looked as though Mr. Crisp was a hero in the eyes of the Archdiocese and that he was just being modest by denying that he helped (even though he truly didn’t help at all). Mother Superior went on to say that the Archdiocese couldn’t let a prize bull like Mr. Crisp be put out to pasture and that there must be a higher position for him somewhere in the Archdiocese for his reward. He was angry because he knew he couldn’t say anything then, and Mother Superior told Crispy to go with God. Sister Patrick told the other nuns that she didn’t understand how Sister Clarence could put on a performance like that in Vegas every night. The kids overheard that comment. Rita confronted her mom backstage and apologized and said she didn’t mean to disobey her mom and would never do it again. Florence told Rita that she was incredible and she was proud of her daughter. They hugged it out with Sister Clarence smiling in the background. Mother Superior and Father Maurice appeared in the room and told everybody the good news that the school would remain open (made possible only because of fake Deloras aka Sister Clarence’s lies, deceit, and shenanigans). The kids confronted Sister Clarence because they heard a rumor about her being a Las Vegas showgirl. Sister Clarence informed the underage teens that she was never a showgirl, but was indeed a headliner in Vegas. The movie ended with them singing, “Babe…there ain’t no mountain high enough…to keep me from getting to you, baby...”Good Morning America was quoted as saying “Wonderful!” and NBC-TV, Los Angeles declared “A Package Of Pure Pleasure!” The movie grossed 125 million on a 38 million budget.

  


  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/4/23

TITLE: a Dog Year 

BOX OFFICE RATED: TV-PG

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009 HBO Films/A Duopoly Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 2

REASON: This movie is based on the memoir by author Jon Katz. It began with a writer named Jon Katz in New York at the airport waiting to pick up a Border Collie named Devon who he was adopting. His agent, Richard, called him and told him he needed to write another book and honor the contract he signed, but Jon didn’t know what to write about. Jon had quite a time chasing the extremely high-strung Devon around the airport when he got free from his crate. At his New York home, Jon chased Devon around the house. He then took Devon to the vet clinic, where he told his female vet, Brenda King, that he got Devon from a dog breeder (Holly) in Texas who read one of Jon’s books and asked him to take care of the abused Devon. Brenda examined Devon and discovered that his eyes were infected, he had abrasions on his legs and back, and his back was hunched and crooked, likely from being locked in a cage for several months. She also informed Jon that his previous owner must have beaten Devon because he was very fearful. Later on, Jon tried to take Devon for a walk. Devon got off his leash and jumped up on the roof of an SUV that drove by. Jon chased after them, and when the SUV stopped for a moment Devon jumped down (the young males in the car hadn’t known Devon was on top of their vehicle and thought Jon was a weird old man running after them). Jon’s estranged wife, Paula, left a message on the answering machine asking Jon if he had written anything because she was giving him his space, but she was concerned that he wasn’t changing his clothes or feeding himself (which he was guilty of doing at that time). Jon called his marriage with Paula great even though they were independent from each other for weeks or months at a time and accepted what they considered to be “short absences.” Jon’s neighbor, Margo, cornered him in the grocery store while her gal pals waited down the aisle. She said she could give him training pointers because Jon and his new dog were unsafe for the neighborhood. Devon continued to misbehave, and so Jon called Holly and told her he was sending Devon back to her because he couldn’t be helped and he was the dog from hell. Devon got out of the house and Jon searched for him for hours. When he finally did find Devon, Jon decided he was going to keep Devon and called Holly back to tell her so. While Jon was taking a drive with Devon and his other two dogs, Julius and Stanley, Jon rolled the window down thinking Devon wanted some air, Devon tried to jump out the window. As Jon was taking a shower, Devon jumped into the shower with him (with the camera almost showing Jon’s private parts). Jon’s daughter, Emma, arrived home from college for the weekend. Shortly after Emma’s arrival, Stanley fell extremely ill. Emma and Jon took Stanley to Dr. King, who told them that the dog may have already had a small stroke, his x-rays confirmed he had severe hip dysplasia, which was common in Labradors like Stanley (and Julius), and Stanley’s heart rate was far below the norm and might give out soon. Back at home, Emma confronted Jon about his writing and said he was paying more attention to Devon than his work. Emma revealed that her mom (and her dad’s wife Paula) asked Emma to visit Jon because they were worried about him. Jon and Emma took Stanley back to the vet to be euthanized, and Emma left to go back to college. Jon then rented an old farmhouse “as is,” in the middle of nowhere in New York on a 42-acre property to get away from it all. Jon had called Emma and had his daughter take Julius to stay with her at college. Jon decided to contact an older female “dog-whisperer,” named Lois Blair to help him with Devon. Lois performed the instinct test on Devon to see how he could round up a flock of sheep on her farm. Devon failed miserably and chased the sheep all over, unlike Lois’s own well-trained Border Collie, Joe. Afterwards, she told Jon that Devon wasn’t the problem and that Jon was the problem. Jon wasn’t having any of that and called Lois words psychobabble. Lois had Jon get his “anger,” out by shoveling hay into a wheelbarrow. Jon started his book titled “A Dog Year,” and wrote a true story about his experiences with Devon up to that point. Jon decided that he would return home to suburbia NY, so he gave the farmhouse keys to a man named Anthony Armstrong, and asked him to take care of the property. Jon drove home with the window rolled all the way down and Devon, now much calmer, with his head out the window enjoyed the ride and no longer tried to jump out.  Jon and Paula were not mentioned again.


DATE REVIEWED: 4/3/23

TITLE: School Ties

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This movie is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1992 Paramount Pictures / Jaffe / Lansing Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: The movie started with Davie Greene driving down the Scranton, PA road listening to “Ain’t that a shame…” as he went past the Roxy theater in town where James Dean’s “Rebel without a Cause” movie played. He drove up to a bunch of school chums dressed in white t-shirts smoking cigarettes. He stopped at a local diner to say goodbye to everyone because he was off to the prep St. Matthew’s High School that gave him a quarterback scholarship. His buddy, Bear, and him talked about Kocus showing up then on his motorcycle with his biker gang and confides that the night before last Kocus’ sister gave him (Bear) a hand job. Then a very violent fight broke out because the boys talked trash about Jesus and Jews. Bloody David then picked his dad up where his dad worked hard at a factory job to provide for his family. Dad then saw the cuts and bruises on his son and told David that his new school was one that two Presidents went to and it was a pipeline to Harvard and didn’t want his son to mess it up. Dad then admitted he got into fights but nobody ever handed him Harvard. David picked up his younger brother and sister on the way to the bus station. Before David left, his dad said David didn’t have to tell anybody anything (meaning Jew heritage). His dad sends his son off with a hug and kiss then (there was no mom) and told David to make them all proud. David got off the bus in Cabot, MA,and was picked up by his coach McDevitt. David told him he got into an accident and it was nothing (face injury). They arrived at St. Matthews Academy and David said, “Jesus, this is a high school.” The coach asked David if he had any diet problems and he replied turnips. Coach warned David about the priviledged kids (rich parents) because they are usually the ones with chips on their shoulders. Coach basically repeated what dad said and told David not to tell people what they didn't need to know (religion). David found his room inside the massive dorms and met Chris Reece and Rip Van Kelt, Jack Connors and Charlie Dillon. Chris was David’s roommate. Charlie then gave David a hard time about being the best high school quarterback the school could buy. David told the boys about his fight with the motorcycle gang but did not tell them them it was over Jesus. Another schoolboy showed up then, Mack McGivern, who was Jack Connor’s roommate dressed in a long tan trench coat. Later on, Chris asked David how he ended up there when the two were alone in the room. Chris wanted to know if Coach McDevitt scouted him out. David said yes. Chris told him then that St. Luke whipped the team three years in a row and the Alumni were not happy. All the boys rush to Chapel then and David was told they have to go three times a week. Dr. Bartram, the headmaster, then spoke to the boys in the cathedral. Dr. Bartram told the students that they judge themselves at the school and they judge by the highest standards such as been done in the past two centuries. They then said the Lord’s Prayer. Afterward, the boys jammed out singing “Smokey Joe’s café,” in one of the rooms with their nightclothes on. Mr. Clearly, the new housemaster, then arrived on scene. McGivern told the man in charge that the music belonged to him. The headmaster then told him to shut off the music and explained that the music they listened to was as important to them as the air they breathed as far as culture goes and that the boys were not going to bring the jungle into his house. As Mr. Cleary walked out, David make jungle animal sounds and did a Tarzan call after the door was closed. Before David got into the shower that evening, he noticed his Jewish star of David pendent he had on underneath his shirt when he took it off so then David removed the necklace and hid it from his classmates in a Curad bandage box. The next day, the students entered their French 4 classroom to find Mr. Cleary teaching in place of Renard as Renard cut back on his teaching load. Obviously, the teacher picked on Mack and called him out in front of the class from last night’s music disturbance and Mack was rusty on his French to say the least. In practice later, Coach McDevitt told Charlie he would make a good half back even though Charlie wanted to play quarterback. The coach then introduced Greene as the new quarterback to the team and everyone went out on the field except Charlie. As the boys sat down to a very formal dinner, Greene was missing and one said he had not seen David since the library earlier that day. David called from a payphone inside the school and spoke to his dad who reminded him that Rosh Hashanah was coming up on Saturday and told his son to get to temple since it is a very holy day. David told his dad he had a game on Saturday and that he would get to temple. David and his St. Matthew’s Mustangs team won the game on Saturday and many then recognized David as the star quarterback. Coming back from a show with his wife, Mr. Bartram saw a light on inside the church and went alone to investigate. Inside the church, David was praying and told the headmaster it was for Rosh Hashanah. Basically, Mr. Bartram told his student that he was done and that he would overlook that incident the one time and sent David back to his dorm to retire for the evening. Mr. Bartrum asked David if it was worth breaking his tradition just to win a football game so David countered Mr. Bartrum’s tradition or David’s. As the boys head to church, Mac is sick and tired of the bells because he is flunking French. With a corgi dog in the classroom, Mr. Gierasch taught his students about history such as when Mary Queen of Scotts lost her head, and Bloody Mary Tudor, and persecution of Protestants with Catholicism restored and Issak Walton…the teacher’s personal favorite. As the boys were in the shared bathroom shower room later that evening getting ready to meet girls (showed a bare butt in the background of a boy in the shower), they discuss Princeton not being the only Ivy League school in the event Mac flunks French. As one boy relieved himself of urine, he told the others that he wouldn’t go to Harvard for anything because it is full of Jews and communists and that is just the faculty. Charlie said he didn’t want to be around the Jews and David was asked what about him then. David asked Charlie how would he know if he were with a Jew and Dillion replied it was not hard to miss a Hebe. At the Overbrook school for girls, the St. Matthew’s boys met up with the females for dancing inside their gym. An elder female chaperoned and told the dancing couples to “make room for the holy ghost,” as the underage children danced to a song with lyrics, “somewhere in the heart of Rome.” Across the room, David spotted a blonde female that Charlie danced with and seemed very interested in her. Chris told David the blonde was, Sally Wheeler. Sally later noticed David dancing to Rock Around the Clock and Charlie told her that David must be half “nigger” because the quarterback could dance so well. Chris then introduced Sally and David but got distracted when Rip got his attention from the punch bowl and showed his bottle of alcohol he brought to spike the drink. Charlie left to join Rip. Sally and David then danced to, “Earth Angel.” Sally explained that Charlie and her were just friends because their families go way back but everyone seemed to think they were more than friends. Charlie then interrupted the two after they both called each other pretty. Charlie thanked David for taking care of his girl and told him to go try the punch. As the boys walked out of the school the next day, they discussed how crazy it was for French class to be 25% of their grade. Later on, Mack ran out of the French class in tears because the Mr. Cleary tested him in front of the students and he did not do so well. Afterward, David received a call on the pay phone from his sister. However, it was Sally and not David’s sister on the phone. Sally then invited David to Skip’s Diner at 10:00 pm on the following evening for a date where the schoolers hung out. Meanwhile, talking in French to himself, Mack dressed in his suit and left his dorm room with his baggage in hand. He went to a classroom late in the evening and still spoke in his French as he did unknown things inside the classroom with a bucket. This happened while the other boys were out in the woods with flashlights and searched for missing Mack. As the boys were outside the school they then noticed the light on in the French classroom. They rushed inside and found Mack on the floor still speaking French but appeared to be out of his mind and possibly drugged. David told someone to get help while he calmed Mack when he recited the French words along with his schoolmate. As a crowd of students and teachers gathered after the ambulance took Mack away, David shouted at Mr. Cleary that he was responsible for Mack’s illness because the teacher rode him in class until Mack broke. Later on, Charlie and David sat outside and talked about Mack’s breakdown. Charlie told David that his attack on the teacher would be a permanent stain on his record. Charlie then added that the keys to the kingdom were, good grades, the right schools, the right colleges and the right connections. Charlie said you do what they tell you to at school and then they would give you the good life. Charlie told David that Mack wasn’t going back to their school. David responded that he thought women in there 40’s only had nervous breakdowns. As Charlie smoked his cigarette on school property, he told David about William Whitten in his old high school. William hung himself in the gym when Charlie was a sophomore and William was a senior because William didn’t get into Harvard. David responded he wanted to go to Harvard but he wasn’t going to kill himself if he wasn’t able to. Charlie told David that he envied him because David didn’t have to live up to anybody’s expectations and he is able to be himself. David said it didn’t matter about his family connections because people liked Charlie for who Charlie was and not his last name. One evening, Mr. Cleary left the building so one boy signaled with a flashlight to alert the other boys across the way that the coast was clear to begin their mischief. Mr. Cleary turned back toward the school and two boys addressed him then at different times but in the same manner, “evening, sir,” as they walked past the housemaster teacher. Once inside the building, all the boys gathered around the stairs to witness Mr. Cleary go into a downstairs room on the bottom floor and see a car smoking inside the room. All the boys celebrated with war cries after Mr. Cleary screamed. Later on, David lights Sally’s cigarette for her at the diner on their date. Sally told David he is different from the other boys because David had a serious side and one couldn’t know him like the other boys in five minutes. Sally took the bus home and kissed David goodnight. At Saturday’s football game, Charlie introduced David to Sally’s parents because Charlie’s parents and Sally’s parents went to the game together. David was invited to dinner after the game. Charlie’s brother, Grayson, who currently attended Harvard, was nominated to be in the school’s Mustang Hall of Fame before the football game began. The Mustangs won the game after a play where Charlie fumbled but then in another play David used Charlie to throw him into an opponent so David himself could make the touchdown that helped the team win the game. At dinner, Charlie’s dad asked David how he liked their little club. David responded it was better than Scranton where a club was three guys chipping in to buy an old Buick. Tom Keating, one of the trustees, made an appearance at the dinner table and shook David’s hand for a game well played. Mr. Dillion then introduced Keaton to both his sons but Keaton only shook Gray’s hand and walked away ignoring Charlie altogether and talking Grey with him to introduce the eldest son to his contacts. Sally’s parents went out to dance and Mr. Dillion held Charlie back from dancing so David could then dance with Sally. Mr. Dillion told Charlie the truth which was without Charlie’s block, they would have lost the game and not to sell himself short. Sally and David danced and told each other they thought constantly about the other. Charlie broke free from his dad and found Sally and David. Charlie called her his girl again and she told him that was not true and to quit telling everybody that. David and Sally told Charlie that they had feelings for each other and then Charlie stormed away unhappy. Charlie made it to the bar and Cal Reynolds and coach were there where Cal told Charlie that he wished he found Greene first. The coach replied St. Luke’s would never have taken David because he was a Jew. Charlie couldn’t believe David was a Jew then. Cal said he would never take a Jew, not even for a championship. As Charlie drank his alcohol, Dewars and soda, he looked over at David and knew how he could pay him back for taking Sally even though Sally wasn’t Charlie’s girl. David and Sally kissed on the patio. Later on, bare butt Charlie walked into the shower with other naked men shown in the film, and they all were still worked up over the football game win. Charlie told the older teen boys that the joke was on them. Charlie then told an awful mean joke about Catholics, Protestants and Jews so that he could reveal that David was a Jew to all present. David turned around after Charlie asked the Jew why he couldn’t take a joke. Charlie then pushed on David’s chest and told the boys that their golden boy was a lying backs-stabbing Kike.So then, the two naked teens, with other naked teens, start fighting inside the showers. Other boys tried to break it up. However, Charlie broke free and punched naked David out. Naked Charlie fell to the floor after David punched him out. Next, clothed David made it back to his room and retrieved his Jewish necklace from his Curad container and put it on. David confronted Chris who ignored David when he came into the room. Chris then told David he was a Methodist and told him it was different than being Jewish which made Jewish people out to be low on their wicked social scale. Chris tried to tell David that Lutheran and Methodist were similar but everything about Jews was vastly different. David said he hoped that he could make it through the senior school year there so he could get into Harvard because otherwise there was no other option coming from a Podunk high school back in Scranton. David tried to say David could have told them all he was Jewish but David reminded Chris about the first night they met and Mack made the hi-fi put down Jewish comment. The next day in class, Mr. Cleary told the students he graded their take home translations. Jack Connors was called out for cheating though. David tried to console Jack but Jack didn’t want a Jew in his life. As David served the boys at dinner, Richard Collins insulted Jews by pretending to sneeze, “Ah, Jew,” in the presence of David. David had enough so he grabbed one of the boys but Chris stepped in and David walked away. Another server reminded David he needed the job as much as the other boy did and to calm down and not let the mean boys get in his head. When David got back to his room, there were a bunch of boys playing in the hallway. David opened his dorm room door to find a red Swastika drawn on a white sheet with the words, “Go Home JEW,” hanging on the wall above his bed. David tore the offensive and abusive hate-filled item down and threw it at the boys standing around in the hall waiting to see David’s reaction. David went back inside his room and came out and pinned up his own sign in the hall next to the boys, “Whoever made the sign meet me tonight at 10:30 behind ISELIN Hall.” Later that evening in the rain, David stood outside alone because the boys responsible for their hate crime never showed up. David screamed, “cowards,” before he went back inside to sleep. The next day, David showed up at Sally’s school and interrupted her swim practice to speak to her. Sally was irritated to say the least to see David. Sally told David that her mother nearly died when she found out David was a Jew and that her friends kept pestering her to know what it was like to kiss a Jew). Sally told David that he was not the first Jewish guy she knew but David lied to her and didn’t want him complicating her life. David said he didn’t lie to Sally but he lied to his dad and to himself. David told Sally he is the boy she knew and she said she had to get back to practice so he let her go. Another evening, as Charlie sat at the desk in his dorm room with a Britain poster beside him, and girl in a skimpy bikini above on the wall, Rip decided to get to bed early while Charlie stayed up to study for their tests. However, once Rip was asleep, Charlie took Rip’s notebook from his chair and started to go through Rip’s notes and copy the information. The next day, the students were required to sign the “Honor Code,” form prior to taking their tests. The teacher left the room after he told the boys to start their timed tests. David saw Charlie cheating by using a hidden answer sheet in his palm. The teacher came back into the room after the time was up and told the students to stop. The students passed their tests forward to the teacher. As they exited the room, one boy jumped on Charlie and made him lose his cheat sheet without knowing inside the room and then the teacher found it after Charlie left, but didn’t know who dropped it.  David was basically on his own after the boys found out he was Jewish so he went for a walk that evening on school grounds. The next day in the classroom, the teacher announced that somebody had cheated on his previous day’s test. The teacher explained that it was Saturday and by Monday if the cheater was not revealed and had come forward then he would fail the entire class. (Why couldn’t the teacher match up handwriting on the cheat sheet?)Anyway, the students were not happy about that but the teacher replied they all signed the honor code and one of them brought dishonor to the school. The teacher told this class that whoever cheated robbed them of their honor and it was not right to retake the test or forget it ever happened. Also, he said he would keep the evidence he had to himself about the cheating for the time being and added if he ignored the cheating they would rob him of his honor as well and left it in the students hands as teacher Gierasch walked out of the room. The boys then tried to find the cheater among them. Richard turned around and mentioned Connors because Cleary all but accused him of cheating and he had been slacking off all semester. Connors wasn’t happy about the accusation and told them he didn’t do it. The boys then planned to meet the following day in the Founders Room to discuss it further. David then confronted Charlie in Charlie’s dorm room because he had seen Charlie cheat. David said he would also be in violation because he didn’t report it when he first saw Charlie cheat. Charlie didn’t want David to tell so he offered him money to pay David off. That was not David’s way so he told Charlie to either tell the officials that he cheated or David would tell that Charlie cheated. As David walked out of the room, he knocked Charlie’s wallet out of Charlie’s hand because David could not be bought. At the Founder’s meeting, the boys grilled Connors and tried to get a confession out of him but David had had enough and was about to stand up and tell the truth but Charlie saw him and stood up himself. Charlie then lied and said it was Greene who cheated. Then Greene stood up and called Charlie a liar because he had given him a choice yesterday to confess today and when Charlie lied again, David grabbed Charlie and was pulled off by the other boys. So then it was determined that the boys had to decide who was telling the truth and David had no other choice, since he was outnumbered, and had to go along with the other boys who would decide his fate. David then walked out of the room and left them all alone. The boys brought up the point that Charlie didn’t have to cheat because he was going to be fifth generation at Harvard. Connors pointed out then that Mac would have been fifth generation at Princeton and nothing was for sure. It was brought up that David lied about being a Jew but Chris pointed out that Greene didn’t lie because nobody ever asked him. Rip walked into the room and told everyone that the crib sheet was block printed so there was no way to know who wrote it and added that the reputation of the school and honor code was on their shoulders. Then they all started fighting about Jewish people. Connors told the boys that David was the first Jew he ever knew and David wouldn’t cheat. Richard couldn’t believe then that a few spoke up in favor of David and commented that they wanted to dump Charlie for a dirty Jew. Around 1 am in the morning, Chris wanted to vote out in the open but everyone else wanted secret ballots. Thus, they voted by ballot. A short time later, as head prefect, Rip announced their decision to Charlie and David with the other boys present, Rip told Mr. David Greene that he was requested to turn himself in to the headmaster. David said he would honor their school traditions and go to the headmaster and lie for them even though he was innocent. Later that morning, David showed up to the headmaster’s office where a bunch of executives gathered. David confessed to cheating on a History test but was corrected by Giersch that David did no such thing. Rip stood up from a chair he was in and told David he saw Charlie cheat and that Charlie was Rip’s roommate for four years and cheated other times. David breathed a little easier and sat down as requested then. Rip apologized to David and left. David told the gentlemen that he broke the Honor Code at the school. Headmaster Bartram replied so did Rip, and said the Honor Code is a living thing and it cannot exist in a vacuum so he absolved Rip and David on their accounts and Charlie was expelled. David was told he represented the best of what St. Mathew’s could hope for and they didn’t want him to leave the school. David then told the school headmaster that he used David to win football games so David was going to stay at the school and use him to get into Harvard. Outside as Charlie was leaving in his limo, Charlie told David that he would still get into Harvard but in 10 years David would still be a Goddamned Jew. David replied that Charlie would always be a prick and walked away. Susan Granger from WICC/American Movie Classics was listed on the coverart, “Like Taps and Dead Poet’s Society-only better! A haunting, hard-hitting ’10’.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/2/23

TITLE: Sheep & Wolves – Pig Deal 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2018 Vertical Entertainment/Cinema Fund Russia/Wizart Film/CTB Film Company/Pro Films/Koch Media/Nashe Kino 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 2

REASON: This cartoon is about a village of sheep and wolves led by a wolf named Grey. The movie began with the dark wolves, led by the evil dark wolf Gark, confronted Mami (Mommy), the gypsy hare (bright pink skirt with red and white polka dot kerchief), about the village. They told her that predator and prey living in peace with each other was against the laws of nature. Mami refused to tell the dark wolves where the village was, so they captured her. When Grey discovered a white fox named Simone, and an ewe named Josey, being chased by the dark wolves, Grey went to rescue the two and welcomed them to his village. Grey told his village that the dark wolves wanted things to go back to the way they were before and would attack if they didn’t get their way. Grey’s village started building a fortress, and the sheep and wolves were trained for the fight. However, the dark wolves sabotaged the building by altering the blueprint plans so the fortress came crashing to the ground. Grey decided they needed Mami’s help, and Simone informed him that Mami was Gark’s prisoner. Grey and his wife, Bianca, rescued Mami, and she made a potion for the villagers to use to defeat the dark wolves. She tested it first on Josey, and it worked and gave Josey super-strength. The next day, the dark wolves showed up and everyone drank their potions. However, they all turned into little pigs because a wolf named Skinny had betrayed his own village by swapping the strength potion with a transmutation the night before. Skinny regretted joining forces with the dark wolves when he discovered that they planned to feast on the pigs. Skinny was locked up with Grey, who hadn’t taken the potion, and Josey (still with super-strength) rescued them later on. Skinny got the original potion and turned everyone back to their normal selves while Grey confronted Gark, who had been giving a speech to the villagers who he called filthy pigs and telling them nobody was allowed to disagree with or disobey him. Grey and Gark fought it out, and Mami and Simone convinced the rest of the dark wolves that they could be whatever they wanted (like knitting and botany) and be in peace with the prey animals instead of being savage predators. Gark decided to drink the entire pot of potion thinking it was the strength potion, but he was transformed into an angry little pig. The movie ended with the village at peace, Grey and Bianca had a son named Duke, and Josey started transforming back into her crocodile self as she sat with Ike the ram on a hill.  

  

DATE REVIEWED: 4/1/23

TITLE: Paws P.I.

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This movie is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2018 Lionsgate/Ataraxia Entertainment/G It’s Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: The movie began with eleven-year-old Peter Williams home from the skate park late again for lunch again. Peter’s dad, Connor wasn’t happy about that, but Peter explained that he loved skateboarding and it helped him get through the recent death of his mother, Carol. Connor informed Peter that the following day, they would go to the cemetery for Carol’s one-year memorial service. Peter’s best friend, Madison, came over and told Peter that Connor shut down his private eye office in town, which he didn’t tell Peter about. Peter suggested that Connor reopen his office in their garage, and Connor agreed that was a good idea.Because Connor had to sell their car (and some of their belongings), Aunt Niki and Uncle George picked up Connor and Peter for the memorial service. Afterwards, Niki reminded Connor about her husband George’s offer for Connor to come work for him since there was no money in his PI business. Connor replied that he couldn’t do that because that’s not what Carol would have wanted. Connor and Peter cleaned the garage out and moved his office into it. Connor’s first customer was a veterinarian named Katherine Worthington, who told Connor that he was her last hope because no one else would take her case since her family owned half the town. Katherine explained that her Great Aunt Sally recently passed away, and Katherine was certain that somebody switched Sally’s will out with a fake one without her knowledge because the will left her mansion to Uncle Forrest instead of Katherine, and Katherine knew Sally would never do that because she didn’t trust her crooked and wealthy nephew. Sally had told Katherine the original copy of the will was inside her mansion, but Forrest wouldn’t let Katherine enter the building. Connor took the case and Katherine promised him $5,000 to get him started. Peter met with Forrest, who told him that Katherine was delusional and denied that the will had been altered, claiming that his aunt hadn’t been in her right mind near the end and Connor needed to drop the case. Crooked Forrest was in the process of tearing town buildings down for new construction and wanted all the squatters out of the buildings, and one of his paid henchmen, Clyde, reminded him that he even made Clyde throw his grand-mama out of the building she was squatting in, and Clyde still had the bruises to prove he did the job. Forrest told Clyde that he wanted his doctor to check Katherine’s mental state because she might need the help of a psychiatrist. He added that better yet, they could have Katherine committed “for her own good,” to get her out of Forrest’s hair.Forrest also planned to demolish the senior assisted living building and the rest of the block to build the Worthington mall. Connor told Katherine the news that he was going to have to drop the case because he couldn’t search the mansion for the will (which he suspected could be hidden in a false book that he had seen Forrest putting on the bookshelf), and he told Katherine to drop it as well. She replied that she wasn’t afraid of her uncle and wouldn’t be bullied by him, and then she left. Young Peter recruited young Madison and her poodle, Cleo, to join him and his dog, Jackson, so they could break into the Worthington mansion that night. They met Roscoe, a dog who Sally used to own but was now kept tied up outside by Clyde and Forrest’s other minion, Morris. Roscoe told them to get into the mansion through the side door that was unlocked, but the alarm went off and they fled the scene just as the two men came outside with their guns. Madison didn’t want to participate anymore after that. Peter’s parrot, Peabody (all the animals in the movie could talk, and Peabody spoke with a British accent while Cleo talked like a valley girl), overheard the minions telling the police that Connor broke into the mansion and stole items from it. The next morning, Detective Jim Harris and Detective Wanda Brown showed up at the door and questioned Connor. Because nobody could verify that Connor was at home when the break-in occurred, the detectives brought Connor to the police station. Jim told Connor that Forrest decided not to press charges, but he added that because Forrest could make things very difficult for Connor. Jim threateningly told Connor to stay away from Forrest and the mansion because next time he wouldn’t be so lucky. Crooked detective Jim then called Forrest and told him that Connor just left. At the vet office, Dr. Katherine and the receptionist, Cindy, watched the news report about Connor and learned there was a delay in the construction of the mall because there wasn’t enough land to build the parking lot on. Reporters showed up at Connor’s house asking him questions about the break-in, and he shut the door in their face and then opened it again a few minutes later to see Katherine. He made her promise to stay away from her uncle. However, Katherine immediately drove to the mansion afterwards and confronted Forrest, who informed her that the house was going to be torn down and it was too late to do anything about it because the city council already decided. Katherine said she would find proof that he changed the will to make it appear as if Sally left him everything, but he replied that he owned the town, every cop, and every politician in it, and nobody would believe Katherine anyway. Forrest then took the real will out of the false book and read that Sally did leave everything to her niece. Clyde locked Catherine in a room, where she remained until later that night when Madison, Peter, and their pets returned to the mansion and rescued Katherine. Katherine grabbed the will from the book and she and the kids escaped the house, but before they could get far, Jim appeared and told them they were all under arrest. Wanda and more police then arrived and arrested officer Jim, evil uncle Forrest, mobster Clyde, and the other criminal minded Morris. Connor showed up and was told that the kids solved the case, and he agreed to bring Roscoe home. One week later, the mansion was turned into Katherine’s own veterinary hospital and rescue. The cover art is very deceiving because the movie wasn’t really about Jackson the dog being a P.I., but the crazy awful drama of the adults. Also, on the front Cover Madison and Peter were riding skateboards, when in the movie only Peter rode a skateboard and Madison had a bicycle. 


DATE REVIEWED: 3/30/23

TITLE: Brother White 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2011 Pure Flix Entertainment/GMC Original Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 2

REASON: This movie began with the song lyrics “What are you waiting for?” as Pastor James White and his family drove to church to teach his Sunday School class of toddlers at Pastor Johnny Kingman’s megachurch. Kingman and his wife walked out on stage like celebrities with a live band playing, and then Kingman made jokes about counting his blessings and telling the audience that him driving a Ferrari didn’t make him any more righteous than the 30,000 members in the audience and the millions more watching on TV. He went on to say that he was blessed because of who God is, not who Kingman is.James had been watching Kingman’s sermon on the TV during Sunday school at the church with the young ones, and now he shut the TV off and told the kids who Noah was. The very young children discussed how Noah and his family were safe inside the Ark while everybody else died and became bloated, floating corpses, which grossed out some of the kids (on the Noah’s Ark chart in the classroom, there was only the Ark, Noah and his family, and the animals, but no rainbow). James reported to Thad Nealy, Kingman’s secretary, where Thad said the problem with an outreach was they actually reached out because parents had phoned in when their toddlers had a problem with Sunday school. Thad told James it wouldn’t have been so bad if last week in Sunday school James had not explained to the kids where Cain got his wife (his sister). Thad announced that James was being bumped to a different position. Thad ran out into the hallway when he saw Kingman and his wife come into the room because Thad had been sitting with his feet on Kingman’s desk. Kingman told James that there was a difference between sharing God’s Word and scaring the world. As a result of the parents complaining, James was bumped back to 28th from number 12 on the list. He had planned to preach to the whole congregation next June, but now there were 27 other assistant pastors in front of him (many years of waiting).Outside, Thad pulled up to James in his sports car and told him he was lucky he had a job and he should have taken Thad’s advice about getting his pastoral degree with an MBA so he would have been indispensable like Thad. Lily (wife of James) replied that Thad was just Kingman’s secretary. He corrected that he was Kingman’s personal assistant and five years from then, he was going to be CFO. He added that the way to the top was through the pocketbook, not the pulpit. Later in the car, James and Lily’s fifteen-year-old daughter, Emma, called her mom, who told Emma that James would pick her up from the mall and not embarrass her in front of her friends. James picked up Emma and her friend, Carson, and both girls were on their cell phones in the backseat. Emma didn’t want to talk to her dad or even acknowledge him, and Carson told Emma that parents grew out of their dork stage and was also disrespectful to her friend’s, man of GOD, dad. The White family had dinner that night with Lily’s extremely wealthy parents, Howard and Victoria Chamberlain. At the table, Howard talked about the tsetse fly laying eggs in human skin (the same bloodsucking fly that transmits the deadly sleeping sickness disease to humans), and then the larvae becoming a butterfly. Howard then handed out presents to the kids. Emma received a myPHONE cell phone (a backup phone from the one grandpa gave her last month) and Cooper got a polo mallet. Emma and Cooper thanked Grandma and Grandpa for the presents and left the room with James telling Cooper not to kill anybody with his gift. Victoria told Lily she ran into Byron, Connie, and Blaine Cosgrove. She added that Blaine was always sweet on Lily from prom. Howard added laughingly that Victoria was only saying that because Blaine was now a senator. They discussed James in his current position teaching Sunday school kids, ages four to seven, and Howard said that he couldn’t argue with success when he drank his Cognac. Afterwards, out in the gazebo, James and Lily talked about his career and how he wished it were a bigger piece of God’s universe, but they both loved each other and that was most important. At church, Pastor Kingman preached about looking at each other as Jesus would, swimming in Lake You, climbing the summit of Mount You, and test-driving a brand-new, shiny, fully-equipped, victorious You (as Emma had to wake up Cooper who was sleeping). James suddenly got up from his chair and knocked over a Jesus painting, and ripped a hole in it, and tripped over other things as he tried to catch himself, which interrupted the sermon and silenced Kingman. James found himself in Kingman’s office, where Kingman said he hated to do this. James said he would pay for the damages, and even though it might take him a few years he was great with payment plans. Kingman told James that it wasn’t about the money, and James left. Kingman then called James back into the office and handed him a piece of paper that said the Divine Faith Apostolic Tabernacle Church in Atlanta, Georgia, with the slogan “Let the doors open wide and let the people rejoice.” James told Lily that meant he was going to be the pastor at that sister church. Lily questioned James on whether he read the details of the area he wanted to move to, and James replied he did and said he was going to be the pastor there, not an assistant pastor, so Lily supported her husband. However, Emma thought her dad was insane and said so, listing a bunch of reasons why the family shouldn’t live in Atlanta according to her girl world.Deacon Hill from Divine Faith picked up the White family from the airport. Hill explained that their last pastor got a better offer and moved to Hawaii. He told them their chariot awaited, and they all climbed into the back of his pickup truck (with Hill telling them it was like a hay ride) to be driven to their apartment above the church, which the single pastor had lived in, not a family of four. The next morning, as the movers brought the furniture into the very small living quarters, the church mechanical engineer, Clayton Hamilton, popped his head through the window and welcomed Lily to the neighborhood. Emma complained there was no refrigerator, and Clayton said he was going to scare up a freezerator. After he left through the second story window, Emma told Lily no wonder kids in her generation got tattoos. James was outside with one of the movers, Terry, and paused to speak to a homeless man who was sitting in the way. The man got up and sat in James’s chair, so James gave the guy the chair and he thanked the pastor and walked down the street with it. Mr. Spivey spied on them from a car and reported to Jacob Martin, the bank manager. Mr. Spivey told him that the church they were supposed to be tearing down next week had a new pastor, and added that it was impossible for him to demolish a building with people still in it, which also made it impossible for him to build his public housing and make money. Martin replied he would take care of it. James walked to the church, where he met his secretary, Delsey, who thought she was going to be fired on the spot for a reason she wouldn’t say. James assured her that she wouldn’t be fired and she pointed to his desk, which was not by the window but in the corner because she had the window desk. James was just happy to be a pastor. As the family got ready for the church service, Lily told James to go check on Cooper because he wasn’t getting ready. Cooper told James he was worried about the flood, not Noah’s flood, but the flood from the water dripping from the ceiling. The family was introduced to Veena Sharp, the choir director and organist, who was in the process of teaching a young girl named Nina how to sing. Veena wasn’t happy that the new pastor was not African-American and told Hill that when he was done playing The Waltons (introducing the White family) to please tell Veena what was going on. He explained the situation that Pastor White and his family had come a long way in the church’s time of need, and because James offered to be their pastor they were all very, very grateful for that. They were also introduced to Willy, Veena’s teenage son. In the office, Delsey started hyperventilating because she was nervous and didn’t like being around so many people. James said he was used to being of front of thousands of people, and then he was called out to the pulpit to preach to about a dozen people. He made a grand theatrical entrance asking the churchgoers if they could feel the Holy Spirit coming up out of them as he danced around. When he started lamely preaching that God wanted us to all be winners, people started leaving and saying “God help us.” James went to eat at the Silver Skillet restaurant, where the waitress called him an officer. He corrected her that he wasn’t a police officer, but she insisted on calling him one as she took his order because he was dressed in a suit and tie. Three men that were hanging around approached James, and he introduced himself as the new pastor of Divine Faith. Mr. E-zee Eight, a supposed record producer, handed James his card and said his mom used to work at the church and to call E-zee Eight if James needed anything. E-zee walked away, and Hill showed up. James told him that E-zee was a record producer, and Hill commented that was an interesting way to describe him. They had a talk, and James apologized for his debut that morning. Hill said that a few years ago, he went to Europe with his church and he saw the most amazing cathedrals there with stained-glass windows and spiral archways that appeared to reach all the way to Heaven. Hill said he could feel God’s presence there and added that the folks at Divine Faith operated on a much smaller budget. He said the difference was that in the small church, he could feel God working through the people and not the architecture. He recommended that James try to talk to the congregation, not at them, because they believed in the faith in James’s heart. Hill revealed that the church didn’t have time for James to get his act together, though, because they were late on the mortgage and the bank was going to foreclose. The church was flat-broke and had no money, and Hill speculated that the church would be absorbed by another church, and it would be a shame for them to lose the church, which was over 147 years old, on their watch because the neighborhood really needed Divine Faith. As James and Lily walked home with groceries, he told her that the church was in debt and about to foreclose. She asked if his idea of fixing the situation was calling her rich daddy. James replied no and that it was an opportunity for him to win the congregation over, and added that if he could get the church out of the jam they were in, they would start listening to him. Around the corner, there was a young child being reprimanded for something by his very mad father. James intervened and told the man to hit him under the condition that he wouldn’t hit the boy anymore, so while Lily consoled the young child, the out-of-control male told James he had a deal and knocked him unconscious with a punch to the face. In the church office, Veena put ice on James’s face and said that was what happened when the great white knight poked his nose where it didn’t belong. Delsey, Veena, and Hill spoke to James about how the bank would foreclose on Monday if a payment was not received before then. Hill said they got $150 a week in the collection plate, and Delsey chimed in that they were behind on their payments one year, four months, and two weeks. They discussed that they were always going to be in debt unless people were excited about church again. Clayton suggested they install a sports bar, and then James said they needed razzmatazz, which was music, so they would hold a concert and make a joyful noise until the Lord. They all discussed who they could have sing at their church event, and after James replied that he could contact some people he knew from L.A., Veena responded sarcastically that she just loved the Sheboygan Mary Rainbow singers. She told James to leave the booking and the music to her, and then Hill said he might know somebody at the bank who could help them. Hill and James went to see Martin to get an extension on their loan (little did they know, Martin already had plans to shut the church down permanently and would never give them the extension no matter what). Hill picked up on it and called Martin out on the land, asking if Martin had another buyer who wanted to put up another pawnshop or liquor store, which meant Martin was selling out his own community. Martin argued that public housing gave people a roof over their head, confirming that he was using the church land to make money. Hill commented that it was going to create more crime and despair in the neighborhood, but Martin replied that it was actually going to create more jobs and inject much-needed capital into the community. James spoke up and told Martin that churches gave people a reason to look up and think of somebody beside himself or herself, because who wanted to live in a community where everybody thought about himself or herself. Martin still wouldn’t budge, and the moment Hill and James left the office, Martin called E-Zee and told him that he needed him and his boys for another special eviction job. E-zee said he didn’t work for Martin anymore, and so Martin threatened E-zee that he made him and could break him and asked E-zee if he wanted the police to show up at his “recording studios.” Martin told E-zee he needed the church on Ashby and then hung up the phone. Emma called Carson and told her that she couldn’t handle the Georgia heat and had to get out of there because she lived in the hood now. Emma added that she was fifteen and her options were limited, and once she and Carson finished their conversation, Willy asked Emma if she thought they would save the church. She replied she hoped not because she wanted to go back to California. Willy told Emma that wasn’t a nice thing for her to say because if they lost the church, she still had a home to go to but they didn’t. Willy said there was a bus depot within walking distance where she could hop on a bus and leave anytime she wanted, but as long as Emma was there he was happy to be her friend. He gave her some of his mom’s original songs to give to James. Emma read the first title “God Happens,” and told Willy she saw a bumper sticker in his future. He handed her a lollipop and said he saw a cavity in her future. Later on, when James asked Emma where her mom was, she replied jokingly that Lily took Cooper back to L.A. James had a conversation with Emma and told her that he was proud of her for sticking it out with him. Emma wouldn’t accept a hug from her dad, so he left. At the office, James and Veena used the two phones to try and recruit people for the concert. Everybody kept hanging up on them and didn’t want to help. Veena had to explain to one person that it wasn’t a murder, it was involuntary manslaughter that happened at the church and they didn’t need to be afraid to help. Another person wanted to be paid, but James told them that it was a benefit concert, which was fundraising for the church. James decided to meet up with E-zee Eight, but on the way to the address on the card, he found a young boy with a busted chain on his LeMans bicycle. James fixed the bike easily, but the boy walked away with the bike (not riding it) without thanking James. As James walked into the bar where E-zee was drinking and hanging out with some friends, they addressed James as Snowman. James said he used to beat all the brothers in his seminary classes at pool, so E-zee stood up and told James to try to beat this brother and suggested they played a dollar a ball to make things interesting. James raised the stakes saying if he won, E-zee would do James a favor. He explained that the church was putting on a concert to pay off the bank and he needed E-zee to help get some famous acts to appear. E-zee said when he won…James had to move back to California. E-zee added that he and God had their differences and that was his problem with the church. The two men played pool, and James cleared most of the balls. E-zee held onto the pool table and wouldn’t move out of the way at one point, so James bent around him to make a shot and clear another ball.After James won that game, he suggested two out of three. When he won those, he said they could make it four out of seven, E-zee just accepted his loss. James invited E-zee to dinner at his place that night (with a “Witness For The Prosecution,” sign in the background hanging on the bar wall). Outside the apartment, Clayton tried to run off E-zee but he was told that James invited him to dinner.After dinner, the kids were sent off to bed, and E-zee told James and Lily that he thought a man would work hard to get away from the place like the one they moved to, not end up there. James replied that the Lord led them where they needed to be and they tried to follow. He said they needed to raise $10,000 to hold them over. E-zee gave James some advice to accept only cash at the gate and save the credit card fees, and he would handle the security at no charge. James and E-zee shook hands, and E-zee left telling Lily it was a nice dinner but most folks around there didn’t make mac and cheese with Brie cheese. E-zee’s boys were waiting for him outside and picked him up in their car. The next day, with no acts scheduled for Saturday night yet, Clayton barged into the church office and said that the good news was they had hot water, but the bad news was the air-conditioner was broken. James told everybody he thought he had a deal with a record producer, and Veena said there were no record producers in that area. Delsey gave James a message, which was from BeBe Winans telling them he heard about the benefit concert and was interested in performing there along with his sister CeCe. Everybody was freaking out at the mention of those names while James wasn’t familiar with the brother sister duo. Veena said it was a miracle, and Clayton chimed in that was a great thing because BeBe and CeCe were Grammy Award-winning, platinum-selling Gospel artists. At home, James and Cooper worked on flyers for the concert and Emma interrupted saying she needed to talk to her dad. Emma tried to tell James that she missed her friends and didn’t like the heat of Georgia with no air-conditioning. He tried to tell her that things would get better. Lily came in the door and saw the flyers and said now that was settled, James could work on his daughter and make her happy. James suggested that Emma take Willy to go put up the flyers in the hood. Emma left reluctantly to do what her dad asked. Lily followed Emma out of the house to make sure she was okay since it was a fairly run down area. As Clayton fixed Veena’s piano, he told her that the word on the street was James had asked E-zee for help and they had dinner together. Hill appeared and told Veena to not interfere because E-zee’s connections with the music industry would save their church even though E-zee was a shady character in the hood. Hill added that it wasn’t for them to decide who God used to do His work or how. Valley girl Emma complained about her dad trying to prove a point by moving them to Georgia from California, so Willy told her that he never had a dad because he died before Willy was born and his brother was killed in the Army. Willy told Emma to hang the flyers until her dad was done proving his point, which might take ten or twelve years. Everybody spent their time cleaning up the church, putting up posters, and handing out flyers in preparation for the big event. Shady banker Martin went to the church office to have a pow-wow with James. James asked what he could do for Martin, and Martin told him it was what he could do for James and pulled four tickets from his jacket pocket to wherever James and his family wanted to go, plus enough cash to start over when they got there. Martin started walking to the door as though James was going to accept the bribe, but he stopped when James said that now he knew what happened to the pastor before him, who took that same deal and went to Hawaii. Martin turned around and said James didn’t want to be there anymore than the people wanted him there, and it was in the best interest of everybody if the church cashed in. James responded that he had been sure of nothing in his life until that moment and thanked Martin for that, and then he asked how much they were paying Martin to offer James the deal. Martin asked if James wanted more money, and James replied no, he was curious about what a man’s soul went for these days and handed Martin the money back. Martin took the money and told James that the next time he saw him, it was going to be with the sheriff, and then said good day to BrotherWhite. Meanwhile, back in California Thad reminded Kingman that they sent James to their sister church in Georgia to be the pastor there, but Kingman replied that was only temporary. Thad told Kingman that the church James was pastoring was about to close, so Kingman responded for Thad to go to Georgia and if James showed any promise, then Kingman wanted Thad to bring James back to California to work at the mega church again. Bank employee Martin paid E-zee a visit at the pool hall bar, telling E-zee he was too at ease when his world was about to crumble down around him. E-zee told Martin to relax because he helped the church book the talent for the show in order to guarantee they would raise $10,000 in cash. As Martin was getting irritated that E-zee did that, E-zee explained that he was the one handling security that night at the ticket booth and he planned for the money to end up in the wrong hands. Martin called him a bona fide genius, and E-zee gave Martin a free drink from the bar. Delsey came by the apartment and dropped off some files for James. Lily had her Sunday dress out on the couch and called to Delsey from another room to come in. Delsey put the folders down and was dancing around holding the dress up to her. Lily came into the room and asked Delsey if she wanted to try the dress on. James came looking for Emma, and Lily said she hadn’t seen her since that afternoon and she was probably out in the hood somewhere with Willy. James then left to go pick up the tickets at the printer. Delsey stayed behind and tried on Lily’s dress, and Lily gave her a makeover sharing her makeup. Lily told Delsey she was beautiful and that nothing was more beautiful on a woman than self-confidence, and Maybelline hadn’t bottled that yet. On the evening of the big concert, Veena was missing in action and Clayton couldn’t believe that Delsey was Delsey because she had on Lily’s dress and was wearing makeup and he thought she was beautiful. California Thad showed up, and then BeBe Winans also appeared and introduced himself. Everybody seemed to act goofy around BeBe, except for James who held it together and helped everybody through his or her unusual behavior of meeting a celebrity (and equal to all of GOD’s children). BeBe announced that CeCe had to cancel because she came down with a bad case of bronchitis. Veena came into the room and in front of BeBe, lectured James that he had a low-life thug handling the money out front E-zee was the strongman of the bank manager Martin. She wondered how James could be so naïve, and Clayton chimed in that just because James had E-zee over for dinner didn’t mean he didn’t sucker James and James needed to find the money before it was too late. In the midst of all of that, Lily ran into the room and gave James a note telling him that Emma ran away. Veena and James went to the office, where E-zee and his boys had the money. Veena said that Emma and Willy ran off together in the streets and the boys joked they were going to get married. Veena told E-zee to go find them and she knew he could do it, and she was firm that he better find her son. E-Zee made one phone call to a bunch of his homeboys on a party line (Amber Alert system) and told everybody the description of Emma, her age and eye/skin color because she was missing. Out of the nine people on the line, nobody saw anything on their street corner, then one white guy told E-zee that he found Emma and Willy at the bus depot and James ad Clayton went to go get them. As soon as Veena walked out the door behind James, E-zee told his boys to lock the door because they weren’t finished with the money and didn’t want to be caught unexpectedly again. Veena went on stage to introduce BeBe, telling them that her husband preached there for many years until he died and it was taking a lot to keep the church going but it was important to the community. E-zee’s associate watched over the kids until Clayton and James arrived and wouldn’t let them leave on a bus. Clayton told Willy that his mother was going to skin him alive, and Willy replied that he hadn’t planned to go anywhere and was just trying to escort Emma to the bus station (like a knight in shining armor). After Willy and Clayton went to sit in the truck, James told Emma they could discuss her problem later but she screamed at him when was later, when he got a promotion, got to be a pastor at a megachurch, or did they all have to wait until he get his own pair of solid gold angel wings. Emma started crying and asked when he was ever going to be happy enough because James told her that he moved his family to Georgia so they could all be happy. She started asking her dad the question game Carson in L.A. played with Emma to make her feel better. James replied that his favorite color was green and his favorite food was cheeseburgers. He couldn’t answer his happy place because he said he was waiting for things that hadn’t happened yet before he could be happy, so he didn’t hold any happy memories in his head. James then told Emma that wasn’t true because he remembered the day he married Lily, and that when he looked into her eyes he saw his daughter and son. He remembered thinking that a family with his wife and kids would do for him and that was what he always wanted. Emma told James that since they were all there together, he no longer had to wait to be happy and he could start being that way at that moment. Willy arrived at the church and gave his mom a hug, and Emma also arrived and gave her mom a hug while BeBe sang his song with lyrics “I believe that love conquers all. Answers when you call. I believe, yes I do…” to the crowd with the choir. In the office, E-zee was contemplating on whether or not he wanted to take the briefcase of real money as previously planned with shady Martin. He opened up the preacher’s desk drawer and saw “Kenny 1994,” inscription carved into the wood that triggered a memory. As he traced the outline of the name with his finger, James appeared and asked E-zee if his name was Kenny. E-zee (Kenny) explained that he used to sit on the floor playing with his toys while his dad the pastor sat at that desk. He spent a lot of time in the office waiting for his turn, but then E-zee’s dad died, overworked and underpaid. E-zee said he never got his turn and that was how God paid his family back. James said that E-zee got mad at God and left Veena to raise Willy by herself. E-zee stood up and said that his mom told Willy his brother E-zee was dead like he was better off not knowing E-zee. E-zee said he was trying, but that neighborhood would only ever see him as E-zee Eight. James asked E-zee if he was just going to keep running because it was easy, and then he picked up the briefcase (that might have counterfeit money in it) and left the room with E-zee standing behind the desk silently. James told Kenny that sometimes you don’t get two out of three chances. James gave the briefcase to Hill, and Hill replied they would have to pry it from his cold, dead fingers meaning that was the church’s lifeline and he would fight to the death to make sure the payment made it to the bank in time. Hill informed James they didn’t have a second act and BeBe was finished his singing. Hill was afraid the people would start a riot. Thad asked if somebody was going to get punched, and Deacon Hill replied he was going to punch Thad because Thad was on his last nerve. James was sent onstage after BeBe and he told the crowd that CeCe was ill and had to cancel but they had a voice from their own neighborhood and the Lord blessed this young girl because she sang like an angel. He introduced Nina Maharez. As Nina sang, E-zee came into the room and started singing the song with Nina and the church choir to a faster tempo and everybody in the crowd stood up and cheered and sang along. After the concert and everybody left, Thad had a private conversation with James and told him that it was Thad’s idea to send James to Georgia to get him out of Kingman’s hair and it was temporary and now that James blossomed and was so successful by organizing the event with their sister church, Kingman wanted James back and was now moved way up on the list to preach instead of just a Sunday School teacher. James was shocked that the megachurch uprooted him and his family as an experiment and disciplinary action and he wasn’t too sure he wanted to be part of the circus act anymore. Later on at home, James told Lily that they were going back to California. She told him that they came to Georgia to help people and that Emma probably wasn’t going to be happy about moving now. The next day, Delsey gave James his appointments for the day and then he told her that he didn’t know if he would get to them because he and his family had decided to return to L.A. Delsey mumbled under her breath what Lily told her about being more confident in her speech and stood up and screamed at James “Look here, white boy!” and asked if any of them affected James’s life because she felt beautiful and she wasn’t the only one around there who felt that way because of James and his family’s presence. Later on, Hill told James the story about the rich businessman and the fisherman where the rich man thought he had a better life than the fisherman because he had more money and material things, but the fisherman replied that he enjoyed his life the way it was. Hill went on to say that there was a reason James was in Georgia and he didn’t think it would be a good thing if James left Georgia at that moment. James said that the church would survive without him, but Hill replied that he wasn’t talking about the church. James questioned where everybody was since it was time for church, and Hill replied they were outside waiting for their pastor to greet them like they did every Sunday. James opened the door to see a very long line of people attending church that morning that had not been in church prior to the concert. Laneer Dawson, his wife, Gloria, and his son Mark, showed up and Laneer shook hands with James and apologized to him for punching him the other day because he wasn’t himself when he had been drinking. Laneer thanked James for being a bigger man than he himself was and James welcomed them into the church with open arms. Tanika Jones had her son, Darnell, thank the pastor for fixing Darnell’s bike. The others followed, including Willy and E-zee, who was now going by Kenny Shaw and not E-zee Eight. Kenny said that he was thinking about going to church again and also changing his lifestyle and going to college to get an MBA and be a businessman. James went to the pulpit and thanked the audience for making his dream of being a pastor come true. He went on to say that God’s voice wasn’t always majestic and thunderous, and sometimes GOD whispered to us and we would miss it if we weren’t paying attention. He said he heard the voice of God the night before with Nina singing last night, when he was talking to his daughter, and in every corner of that room. James looked over at Cooper with thumbs-up and Lily and Emma as they all smiled, and then he told the churchgoers that if they would have him, he would remain there as pastor of that church and not move to California with his family. Everybody clapped and cheered around the congregation, and afterwards Lily told James she had no regrets that she married Reverend James White and not a senator. She kissed her husband as Veena came and sat down next to them and told them that the public display of affection wasn’t bad. James told Veena that if another lost soul like E-zee Eight came along again, he would just have to invite him or her to dinner too. On the movie cover art, the Dove Foundation added, “Funny…yet meaningful.” Dove Foundation’s seal of approval for ages and gave the film 5 doves. 



  

DATE REVIEWED: 3/29/23

TITLE: Heart Of The Country

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This film is not suitable for GOD’s children).

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2012 20th Century Fox/Bay Ridge Films/Masonboro Film Partners

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with a woman named Faith Carraday who lived in New York with her husband, Luke. Faith explained that she moved to New York to be a singer, but she ended up falling in love with Luke instead and they got married. Next, the news reported that the Securities and Exchange Commission announced a flurry of arrests stemming from a series of alleged frauds involving the Michov brothers’ investment firm. The charges shook Wall Street to the core, as nearly $14 billion invested with Michov were unaccounted for. Luke Carraday, the youngest son of Manhattan real estate mogul Austin Carraday, was arrested. Luke told Faith that he didn’t know what they accused him of, but he did know what was going on at his job and remained silent. Luke Carraday was charged with seven counts of securities fraud and conspiracy to defraud and he was currently in federal custody. A New York federal judge froze all of Luke’s assets that day, and the news spoke about the high profile that Luke and his wife Faith held in the city for the past few years. Luke told Faith that he didn’t tell her because otherwise she would be behind bars as well. She had no money or job, Luke’s family didn’t help her, and she had nowhere to go, so Luke told her to go home to North Carolina. Faith told Luke that she loved him, and he replied that he knew and not that he loved her too. Faith headed to the rural North Carolina countryside and put flowers on the grave of her mother, Catherine Bartlett 1956-2003. She settled into her old room in her dad, Calvin’s house, that hadn’t changed since she left and still had all of her horse ribbons. Faith wasn’t sure how Calvin would feel about her being there, but he replied that she would always be welcome there because she was his baby girl forever. Calvin told Faith that Lady, one of their horses, died a couple of years ago. Faith’s older sister, Olivia (Livy), drove up to drop off a casserole for Calvin that the dad didn’t like. Olivia asked Faith about Luke (currently in jail), and Olivia told Calvin she couldn’t go inside and chat with them because she had a church meeting and her husband, Hardy, decided to jam with his band. After Olivia left, Faith wasn’t pleased that Calvin told Olivia they would be over to Olivia’s house later. In the truck on the way to Olivia’s house, Faith told Calvin that Olivia hated her because when Faith was fourteen years old, Olivia put hair remover in her younger sister’s shampoo bottle. Calvin told Faith to get along with Olivia for his sake if not her own because it was the first time he had his girls under the same roof in a long time. When they arrived, Olivia and Hardy’s very young son, Jack, shot Calvin in the leg with a toy gun and Hardy, holding his baby girl, Maddie, told Jack he wasn’t supposed to shoot people. Olivia came out of the house with her eldest daughter, Victoria. As Faith walked around her parents’ house, she had a flashback from when she spoke encouraging words to Luke before he went to tell his father, Austin, that he was leaving the Carraday Company to go down the street and work for Michov. Luke’s brother, Jake, compared that to working for the Mafia and added that Michov was just a bunch of crooks. Luke told Austin he was going to use his inheritance of $71 million to buy into Michov. As Faith waited and heard Luke arguing with his family, even, bringing up Faith’s name in the conversation, Jake’s wife, Candace, offered Faith an alcoholic drink and told her it would help her get through. Faith declined it and listened to Candace tell her that Jake had said Faith would be the one to split the Carraday family right down the middle. Jake congratulated Faith for getting Luke all to herself before he collected his wife and left. Presently, Faith flipped open a Bible and saw an entry for Catherine and Calvin with their wedding date, March 27, 1977, and the caption “May the Music Never Stop.” Catherine’s engagement ring was also in the Bible. Calvin woke up from where he fell asleep on the couch and was startled to find Faith in his bedroom. They sat on Calvin’s bed and Calvin told his daughter that the music never stopped and it never would between him and his deceased wife. Back in her own bedroom, Faith took off her wedding ring and cried herself to sleep. The next morning after Faith walked out of church, a man approached Faith and called her out on her snakeskin shoes. Faith recognized Lee Miller from her past and he said that the last time he interacted with her was when she ignored his Facebook friend request, but he said that was okay because he was stalking her on Twitter. Lee explained that he was now a doctor at the ER in Whiteville, and Faith brought up how Lee used to burn ants with a magnifying glass in the church parking lot when they were kids and he was now a doctor, so she was a little concerned. Calvin saw his youngest daughter talking to the doctor, so he escorted Lee away from Faith. Miss Essie Mae gave Faith a hug then because she hadn’t seen her in a while. Olivia walked up and told Faith that the older woman was sick and Essie Mae was dying.Faith and Olivia made plans to meet up later at Olivia’s house. Olivia walked away, and when Calvin came back Faith told him they were talking about sister stuff. He gave a vase of red roses to Faith and explained that he put them on the altar every year on the day of the accident when Catherine died in memory of her. When Faith read the card on the bouquet “Love Never Forgets,” it triggered a childhood memory of her and Calvin fishing together when Faith was little. Young Faith told her dad that when she grew up, she wanted to marry him. Calvin explained that she couldn’t do that because her mama already beat her to it, and he told Faith that when she did grow up, the two of them would dance at Faith’s wedding, like a prince and princess. Later on that night, Faith found Calvin messing around with his fishing lures. Faith told Calvin that she believed Luke was going to be in jail for a very long time and she questioned her marriage. She told Calvin that she married Luke because she loved him, so he told her to go back to Luke then. Calvin told Faith to try harder with her marriage and knew she wasn’t ready to go back to New York quite yet, so he revealed that he was recruited by Olivia to sing in the choir and he invited Faith to join him. Back in New York, as Luke walked to meet with a visitor, another inmate told Luke he knew his identity and his family background and suggested that Luke think about what he was going to do for the other inmate in order for him to keep his silence about who Luke was to all the other people inside that facility that might gang up on his pretty boy celebrity self. The prison guard broke the inmates apart, and Luke’s visitor was Austin. Austin said he didn’t like seeing Luke like that, and Luke replied that it was his problem and Austin shouldn’t be there at the prison. Austin replied that since they were father and son no matter what, Luke’s problems would always be Austin’s problems. Austin explained that when Luke decided to go his own way and take his inheritance, Austin took it to mean Luke was deserting his family. He said Luke’s inheritance wasn’t money; it was the Carraday blood (which is God’s blood like every other child of GOD) running through Luke’s veins because he was Austin’s son. Austin told Luke his bail had been posted and that Luke was coming home with Austin so they could fix that mess as a family. At choir practice, Olivia got onto Faith for not singing, “Someone to Watch Over Me,” which was their mom’s favorite song, with the others. Faith started a solo, but Calvin interrupted and told Faith she didn’t have to if she didn’t want to while Olivia encouraged Faith to sing it for her mama. Faith left then because she had a memory of her and Catherine when Faith was about six years old, where Catherine sang to her and Faith said she wanted to sing just like her mom when she grew up. As the rest of the choir picked up a hymn, Calvin had a flashback of the accident and thought of his deceased wife, so he too got choked up and stopped singing. Dr. Lee, in his Passat with New York plates, noticed Faith crying on the steps outside the church. He explained to Faith that Pastor Jeff asked him to come by and fix a leaky pipe after he got off work. He added that the good thing about the church pipes was they didn’t talk back and didn’t sue you. Faith asked Lee about his car plates, and Lee replied that he went to medical school in New York. He went on to say that he went to Peru before he came back to North Carolina and originally knew he wanted to be a doctor to get rich because doctors were rich guys. However, in Peru, he learned that it was about medicine and helping people in need and not the money, so he changed his outlook of the reason why he wanted to be a doctor after he graduated college. Meanwhile, at a formal dinner engagement for the Carraday family, Austin made a toast to Luke telling him that no matter what happened they were going to love him forever because he was family. Afterwards, as Luke said goodnight to his dad and thanked him for the dinner, Austin told Luke that he heard the family attorney, Yates, got the courts to unfreeze Luke’s accounts. Luke said that Yates got him enough to cover the apartment. Austin asked if Yates was working on the immunity thing, and Luke replied they were talking and the Feds had a Carraday on the hook, and Luke didn’t believe that the Feds wanted to lose the worm (Luke). Austin responded that Luke wasn’t going back to prison and that he could take his dad’s word on that, and then he brought up Faith and asked Luke if he had talked to her. Luke replied no because there wasn’t much to say, so Austin told Luke to try apologizing to his wife, but like Faith told her father, Luke told his father now that it wasn’t that simple. Austin said there was only one thing harder than forgiveness in this life, and that was asking for forgiveness. The next morning, as Faith groomed the beautiful white horse, Silver, Calvin came outside and told Faith that he was up watching Dancing With the Stars and America’s Top Model the previous night. Calvin was going to go call Olivia to get his groceries for him because she was in town, but Faith jumped in and told Calvin not to do that because she would go get groceries for him. Calvin said, “You do realize I’ve had both a mama and a wife and they’re both dead?” to which Faith replied that was nothing to a daughter. As she drove, she had a memory of when she sang in a bar in New York and first met Luke, who was dressed in his suit and tie smiling at her, and then how they were inseparable afterwards which led up to their marriage. In the parking lot at Bo’s Food Store, Faith ran into a blast from the past, Heather, who was pregnant again with two young children hanging onto the shopping cart. Heather said she had just talked to Olivia in the store two minutes ago, and Heather already found out the scoop about Luke in jail and couldn’t imagine her husband, Jeremy, behind bars. Heather said that God knew what they did to Luke in there, and then added that she learned that Luke got out of jail either on the news or the internet, but Faith had no idea about that. Faith recognized the third child on the way and told Heather good luck with God’s child, and Heather pointed out that Faith didn’t have any of God’s children of her own. Heather (obviously a friend of eldest sis Livvy) said that divorce was an ugly thing and she hoped that everything worked out between Faith and Luke. Faith and Olivia met inside the store and both argued that they were shopping for daddy. Five-year-old Victoria asked Aunt Faith if she was getting divorced, and Faith told Victoria that she wasn’t getting divorced. Olivia chimed in that Victoria didn’t hear that from her, and Faith said that Victoria was the only one in Columbus County who didn’t because Olivia told everybody about Faith and Luke (who knows what she made up along the way). Jack finally surfaced from another area of the store where he was unsupervised and asked his mom if he could get some gumballs. Faith said those were bad for his teeth, and so Olivia told Jack she would buy the gumballs for him just this one time. Olivia commented that Faith was buying unsalted food for Calvin, and Olivia said that he liked it salted. Faith countered that salted was unhealthy for him. At home, Calvin watched TV when Luke called but hung up because he didn’t want to talk to Calvin. At church, Lee arrived late. Faith said he must have had quite a night and she hoped he remembered her name (assuming that he had a date with a woman the previous the night), and as Lee finished getting dressed by doing up his tie he explained that he remembered both their names, which were eighty-nine-year-old Agnes with a heart attack and six-year-old Bella in a car accident. Pastor Jeff preached about how we are all prodigals and runners, and the real question was how were you going to treat them when they run to you. Afterwards, as Faith waited in the truck for Calvin, she used her cell phone to accept Dr. Miller’s friend request on Facebook. Faith didn’t say goodbye to Olivia and her family, but Calvin did before he got in the truck to drive them home. He told Faith that Olivia wanted them to come over to Olivia’s house for supper that night. Faith said she would cook dessert. Another day, Calvin saddled up old Silver so Faith could ride him like the old days. As they walked with Silver, Calvin brought up Luke and asked Faith if she was ever going to call him, and she replied that he knew where she was. Calvin suggested that maybe she would never hear from Luke, and Faith responded that she and Luke were great at the fairytale; it was the real-life part they had trouble with. Faith confided in her dad and told him that she questioned Luke about a hundred times trying to figure out where all the money was pouring in from while everybody else was cutting back on their expenses. Luke’s only response was that his company was just looking in the right places or they were smarter. Faith said she even asked Luke point-blank about a Ponzi scheme, and he looked her right in the eye and denied it. Calvin reminded Faith that since he wasn’t at the wedding, he could only imagine that she took vows for better or worse so that was how she was supposed to work through it. Faith rode off on Silver, and when she arrived back at the house she spotted the ambulance outside. Calvin was brought into Dr. Lee’s hospital emergency room. Dr. Lee later came out into the waiting room where Faith and Olivia were sitting and told the sisters that Calvin’s test results showed a high-grade astrocytoma, which was a malignant form of brain cancer. He said he was just an ER doctor and they would have to verify it with a neurosurgeon, but it was pretty much basic textbook that Calvin was already diagnosed. Dr. Lee referred Calvin to a neurosurgeon, and his insurance referral was to Dr. Waylan in Wilmington. He said Calvin would have an appointment the following day and was okay to go home that night because Dr. Lee gave Calvin medication to take care of his seizures. Olivia went to Room 207 to see Calvin, and Faith stayed behind for a moment to thank Lee herself personally. He gave her his card and said that when he was in New York, he did his residency with a guy named Dr. Gordon, who was the best in treating stage four tumors. Lee added that Faith had to have some pretty serious weight to get her dad in to see Dr. Gordon, and Dr. Lee couldn’t do that but Faith could because she was Austin Carraday’s daughter-in-law. Faith confided that she hadn’t spoken to Luke since she left, and Lee replied that he didn’t know what to tell her, but all he knew was if it was his dad in there, he would call whoever he could to help his family member. He added that his phone number was on the back of the card. Meanwhile, the Carraday family had a meeting with Yates, who told them that they were willing to give Luke a plea deal, where he wouldn’t serve even one day of prison, just five years probation, some community service, and Luke would lose his brokerage license. Jake replied absolutely not because they needed full immunity with no admission of guilt of any kind. Yates said that would be difficult, and Jake responded that the family didn’t pay the attorney to do things that were easy. Jake took a look at the document, and then Luke excused himself from the room to look at a text message. Yates couldn’t believe he got up and left, so Jake told Yates not to worry about Luke, but the whole family. Jake carried on about the business of getting Luke off the hook. Yates told Jake it was a good deal because Luke wouldn’t have to do any prison time, which was most important. Back in North Carolina, Olivia came out on the porch and told Faith that Calvin was asleep and she gave him his medicine. She reminded Faith to make sure Calvin took the rest of his medicine, and added that she would be back in the morning to check on both of them. Faith said she was taking Calvin to New York because if he didn’t see the best surgeon in the country he was going to die, and that she talked to Lee about it. Olivia said they couldn’t afford that, but Faith replied that Luke could and she called him earlier that day. Faith said that Luke told her the usual things that he would do anything for him and he loved her and wanted her back. Olivia replied that her husband never said that stuff to her, and that one couldn’t expect a spouse to be honest all the time (this from a Christian female).She told Faith that she loved her and wanted her to be happy. The next day, Dr. Lee made a house call to see Calvin, who questioned his real motive for being there. Dr. Lee said if he wasn’t doing the right thing he wouldn’t be sending Calvin to New York. Dr. Lee replied that Faith was on thin ice because she was fragile from dealing with her marital problems. The doctor responded that he was the good guy there, and Calvin got upset and left the room. Later on, Lee and Faith talked out on the front porch about how that was the way Calvin was and not to mind his moody behavior because he didn’t hate the doctor. They discussed Catherine’s death then because Dr. Lee figured out that Calvin never told Faith what really happened after the accident. Lee explained that he was the EMT on that shift and was working the ambulance while he went to the community college, and he was with Catherine when she came into the hospital. He thought Calvin blamed him for not saving his wife’s life. Before Catherine died, she whispered in Lee’s ear “Faith. Play your song.” He told Faith he had no idea what Catherine meant, and Faith replied that she did, so he got up to leave telling her that he figured she would. Faith thanked Dr. Lee for everything and they hugged it out. He told Faith to let him know if Luke couldn’t get in to see Dr. Gordon because Dr. Lee knew some other doctors back in New York who could help. He then drove away. Meanwhile, in New York, Luke called Dr. Gordon’s office, but because of Luke’s recent arrest, Dr. Gordon didn’t take his call. Before Faith and Calvin left for New York, Olivia gave Faith a scrapbook that Calvin started when Faith was fourteen and Olivia kept adding to ever since. They arrived in New York, and Faith took Calvin sightseeing around the city. He wanted to go to a show, so they went that night. Around all that, Faith text Luke to see if he had any luck getting an appointment with Dr. Gordon. Luke and Jake had drinks at the bar, where Jake told Luke not to take the plea because it was an admission of guilt. Luke said he thought he deserved to be punished, and Jake replied maybe Luke did, but Austin didn’t and neither did Jake and his kids, meaning Jake didn’t want Luke to bring shame to the family by admitting guilt. As Luke looked at his phone again, Jake said he knew it was Faith and asked what she wanted. Luke spilled the beans about Calvin’s brain cancer and how Dr. Gordon wouldn’t make an appointment with Luke. A female named Maria then showed up and started hugging Luke as though they were best friends. He introduced her to his brother Jake, who ordered drinks for the three of them and invited Maria to join them so Luke would forget about Faith and his troubles. As they walked and talked about how Calvin liked show tunes because he was humming them, Calvin went to get a pretzel at a cart and Faith got a call. She told Calvin that it was Olivia, and he told Faith to tell Olivia that he died to see what she would say. Olivia told Faith that the hospital had just called the house and it looked like Faith’s Yankee boy (Luke) came through after all because they got an appointment with Dr. Gordon. Faith and Calvin sat on a bench so he could take his medicine, and he said that Luke did a nice thing for Calvin and it meant that Luke certainly loved Faith. Luke’s chauffeur, Gary, drove Maria home with Luke. He let her out of the car, but he didn’t want to come to her apartment with her so she purposefully left her purse in the backseat. Calvin and Faith talked about her going to speak to Luke and try to reconcile things between them. Calvin said he would be okay to be left alone that night, and that Faith had tonight but she might not have tomorrow. Calvin walked away from her so Faith could speak to her husband. When Luke was dropped off at his apartment, he told Gary that he would see him the following day, and then Luke had Gary hand him Maria’s purse that was left in the car so he could take it with him. Faith hailed a cab to go see Luke while Calvin stayed on the street. Maria showed up at Luke’s apartment to get her purse. Just as Faith arrived, Luke told Maria, who had just tried to kiss him, that he thought she should go home. However, Faith didn’t hear Luke’s words and only saw her husband and the other woman close together as she opened the door, so she fled the scene. Luke caught up to Faith outside. Apparently, Maria was part of Luke and Faith’s rocky past before, and so Faith said that she didn’t want to talk to Maria ever again and thanked Luke for helping her dad. She said their marriage was over and left in a cab. Back in the apartment, Maria had already poured drinks for herself and Luke, but he totally ignored her and then yelled at her to get out. Luke kept trying to call Faith but she wouldn’t answer her phone. Instead, Faith liked Facebook posts from Dr. Lee and responded to Lee thanking him for everything while sitting in the park with Calvin. Faith got up to go get some coffee and left her phone on the bench. As soon as she walked away, Calvin picked up her phone and made a call. He then appeared at Luke’s apartment door without Faith and met Luke for the first time. They sat down, and Calvin said he didn’t come there to grill his son-in-law. Luke blurted out that he had never been unfaithful to Faith and he didn’t commit fraud. Calvin said he just wanted to hear what Luke did, not what he didn’t do. Luke explained that when he took the job, he didn’t know they were a Ponzi and it wasn’t until after he worked there for quite a while and made some serious money that he found out the truth they were fraudulent. Luke added that his company didn’t know that Luke knew what they were about, and he went on to explain that most of the junior guys like him got fleeced for a major buy-in and they kept them legitimate. He said he never had a client whose money went into that fund and he went out of his way to make sure everything was legal and stayed that way. Calvin said Luke knew even though he didn’t participate, and asked him why he wasn’t taking a plea deal and testifying against his employer. Luke replied that his family had been a mainstay in the city for over 150 years and that a plea was admitting a wrongdoing and would taint all of his family members and any future Carradays that followed, including Calvin’s future grandchildren. Calvin stated that Luke was willing to abandon his wife to protect his family name, and when Luke said he was doing the right thing, Calvin lectured him that most of the people in the world thought they were doing the right thing when it was actually the wrong thing. Calvin asked Luke if he was religious, and Luke responded that he believed in God, sure. Calvin asked if God could redeem a man if that man would let Him, to which Luke replied yes. Calvin said good because he needed it since he was going to die. Luke argued that Calvin was going to get treatment, but Calvin said he wasn’t getting treatment and then let Luke in on a secret he had been keeping from his family, which was he didn’t come up to New York for cancer treatment. He added that he had a good life and wasn’t going to be filled full of poison just so he could live for another couple of months. He was really there because his daughter had a husband and she was going to need him when Calvin was gone. He told Luke to be there for Faith because he was failing miserably at the moment, and added that Faith and Luke were the same and were both runners, meaning they couldn’t make a family of their own if they were always running away from the family they already had. Luke apologized that he never went to North Carolina to meet Calvin, to which Calvin replied he wasn’t Luke’s family, but Faith was and he needed take responsibility and provide for Faith because he married her. Luke wanted to know where Faith was, but Calvin wouldn’t tell him yet because that time would come and until then, Luke needed to figure things out for himself before he brought Faith back into the picture, starting with resolving his criminal choices and figuring out why the music stopped between him and Faith. Luke didn’t understand, so Calvin replied that when he figured out what that meant to get back to Calvin. Calvin left the apartment. Next, Luke and Austin (Jake was not present during the meeting) met with Yates, and Luke decided to take the plea deal and responsibility for what he did. Yates explained immunity would keep Luke out of prison, but he would be a felon. Luke confirmed he was sure that was what he wanted, and when Yates asked Austin for his opinion Austin’s reply was that he stood by his son. Luke signed the document to make it official. Yates left, and Luke gave Austin a hug and apologized to him for everything. Austin said there was no place to go but forward and told Luke that Jake got the appointment for Calvin, not Austin, because they were family. Faith returned to North Carolina with Calvin and hung out with Dr. Lee, Silver, and Olivia and her family out on the porch (with baby Maddie inside the house). The family and what appeared to be the entire town held a birthday party for Calvin and celebrated with cake. Later that night outside the church, Hardy sang with his band. Dr. Lee held a music box gift for Faith with a card inside that read “To Faith, May You Always Hear The Music,” while Faith danced with Victoria. The band then played Catherine’s favorite song, Someone To Watch Over Me, and Calvin and Faith danced to it. That was the first song she ever sang and the church was the first place she performed it years ago. Calvin said that he missed the father-daughter dance most about not going to Faith’s wedding. Faith said she heard the music as she danced with her dad and cried. Calvin told her the music never stopped and thanked her for coming home because he missed her.Dr. Lee had planned to dance with Faith, but he saw that Calvin jumped in before he could so he stood in the background now and didn’t want to interrupt the father-daughter scene. Calvin then said that he needed to quit hogging the dance floor by dancing with Faith and that her husband was liable to get jealous if he didn’t get to dance with his wife. Luke then shook Calvin’s hand from behind his wife and thanked his father-in-law for the opportunity to work things out with Faith as Dr. Lee glared at the whole situation in the background. Calvin kissed Faith goodbye and handed her off to Luke before he walked away. When Luke asked Faith to dance with him, she responded that he didn’t like to dance in public, and he said that he changed and he did now. Faith said that she didn’t want to go home to New York, and Luke replied that he wanted her to “come home,” and wherever she was, that was his home so they were going to live wherever she wanted. Luke told Faith that he loved her and she danced with him then. Faith said the music playing was theirs, and Luke said it never stopped. Dr. Lee put the gift in his pocket and walked away from Faith who was never his to begin with, even though Faith insinuated there could possibly be something more during the many times they hung out together throughout the movie. At Calvin’s funeral shortly after, Pastor Jeff spoke kind words about Calvin always trying to get it right and no matter what, he always loved, especially his family. Later on, Luke and Faith walked Silver to Catherine and Calvin’s grave, and Faith was happy that her parents were together again and wished that they could have met her unborn son. She added they were going to stay on the farm and Silver would have somebody to play with. She said goodbye and told her father they were going to name God’s child after Calvin. 


Copyright © 2017 Makayla Jane - All Rights Reserved.

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