GOD BLESS POLICE!

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MAKAYLA JANE:
GOD'S Spirit Reborn With
HIS Loving
JESUS HEart.

MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/28/24

TITLE:  So I Married An Axe Murderer

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1993 Tristar Pictures/Fried/Woods Films

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in San Francisco, where Charlie Mackenzie worked as a musical poet at a coffee house. Charlie had dated many women, but he came up with different excuses to break up with them because he couldn’t commit to marriage. Sherry was a klepto-maniac who supposedly stole Charlie’s cat, Jill was unemployed so Charlie suspected she was in the Mafia, and Pam smelled like beef soup. Charlie’s best friend, Tony Giardino, an undercover cop, argued that Charlie was paranoid and none of it was true. While out and about, Charlie picked up haggis from the world meat store for his Scottish parents Stuart and May. At the meat place, Charlie met Harriet Michaels who worked as the butcher. Charlie later had dinner with his parents, their young son William “Heed” and Tony. Stuart claimed that the queen, the Vatican, the Gettys, the Rothschilds and Colonel Sanders were members of a secret society that controlled everything including the newspaper. They were the five wealthiest people and they met three times a year at The Meadows in Colorado. May was upset that Charlie broke up with Sherry. May showed her son the latest issue of Weekly World News. It featured articles about a pregnant man who gave birth to a small baby and a mystery woman called Mrs. X who married three men under fake identities and then killed them with an axe. They were a lounge singer in Atlantic City, a Russian martial arts expert in Miami and Ralph Elliot a plumber in Dallas. Mrs. X’s real identity was unknown and she was still at large. Tony told the police captain that he had doubts about being a cop because there was no action and he was stuck in the office doing paperwork. Tony wished that he could be out on the streets catching bad guys and the captain would be tough instead of nice. Charlie was interested in Harriet and lied to her that he was a butcher, so she agreed to let him help her in the busy shop and he played pranks on the customers such as pretending to cut his arm off with raw meat dangling from his shirt. Charlie and Harriet went to her apartment, where they had sex and she found his collection of axes and clothing that belonged to a martial arts expert. Harriet screamed in her sleep about Ralph, and Charlie suspected that Harriet was Mrs. X but she claimed that Ralph was her female friend. The next morning in his underwear, Charlie tried to spy on Harriet in the shower but discovered that it was her sister Rose. Rose lived with her sister Harriet and acted strangely. Charlie and Tony went on a tour of Alcatraz, where John Johnson was their park ranger guide. John preferred to be called Vickiand explained that “Machine Gun” Kelly was imprisoned there. He went mad and cut out the eyes of his bit** lover there, and then he and the other inmates peed in the empty eye sockets. Charlie and Harriet continued dating and sleeping together, and they hung out with Tony and his girlfriend Susan and met Charlie’s parents. Charlie put the pieces of the puzzle together and believed that Harriet was Mrs. X because the men she talked about all had the same occupations and were in the same places as the men that Mrs. X murdered. Charlie told his officer buddy Tony, and he didn’t believe it but Tony agreed to look up Mrs. X’s victims in the police system. The men and their wives were reported missing during their honeymoons and not dead, but Charlie wasn’t convinced. Harriet made Charlie a strawberry shake and was adamant that he drink it, but he refused after he learned that most poison murders occurred between couples. Harriet considered what it would be like to kill Charlie in his sleep, so he freaked out and upset Harriet again. Charlie went to the San Francisco Globe to print an announcement for his parents’ wedding anniversary, and he learned that Ralph Elliot’s body was found in a sewer. Charlie broke up with Harriet and recited a poem about her at the coffee house. He then got the news from Tony that someone confessed to murdering Ralph, so Charlie tried to apologize to Harriet but she refused to take him back until he serenaded her outside her window with a poem. Harriet introduced Charlie to Ralph, who was in fact a woman. The towel that Charlie wore around his waist after a bath with Harriet came undone and exposed his bare butt, which Ralph touched. At Stuart and May’s anniversary dinner, Charlie realized that they still loved each other after 30 years of marriage. Charlie proposed to Harriet and she said no, but he was able to convince her to marry him. They had a Scottish-style wedding and the men wore kilts, where Harriet hesitated when saying her vows. May had the hots for Tony and held his butt while they danced while her husband sang on stage, but Tony was able to remove himself from May’s grasp. Charlie became worried again when Harriet sang a wedding song that Mrs. X was known for singing. At the police department, the police captain acted out a scene from a movie and pretended to be irate at Tony for being involved in the Ralph Elliot case. The captain threw Tony up against the wall and threatened him (for show), but then the captain let Tony take the case and revealed that the elderly lady who confessed to the murder was crazy because she claimed that she also murdered historical figures like Lincoln. The captain continued practicing his tough cop routine in the workplace and made snide comments about Tony’s Italian heritage. Tony sent out pictures of Harriet to the people who knew Mrs. X’s husbands before they were killed, and they responded and confirmed that Harriet was Mrs. X but her appearance was different when they knew her. Charlie took Harriet to the secluded Poet’s Corner hotel for their honeymoon, and she acted strange. Tony took a flight to the hotel during a thunderstorm, but he landed because the pilot had no clue what he was doing and nearly fell asleep in the cockpit. Tony interrupted Charlie’s dinner with a call informing him that Harriet was the murderer and the police were on the way. The phone lines then went down due to the storm and the lights went out, but came back on. Charlie tried to escape his killer bride, but the hotel staff and other couples wouldn’t let the newlyweds be apart and carried them to their room in the honeymoon chair. There was an axe waiting in the room, and Harriet had retrieved her three wedding rings and tried to tell Charlie about her husbands. He fended her off the axe and locked her in the closet. However, psycho sister Rose then appeared and tried to kill Charlie with the axe. She had left a note for Harriet to find and signed it with Charlie’s name telling Harriet that he was leaving her. Tony tried to commandeer a car to get to the hotel, but the driver refused and instead drove Tony to the hotel and then left. Tony was able to kick down the locked door as Charlie escaped out the window onto the roof and Rose followed him swinging at him with her axe. Tony arrested Harriet and settled down for a cigarette. She tried to explain that Rose killed her husbands and then forged breakup notes with their signatures, but Tony didn’t believe Harriet. They, the police and the hotel guests and employees then watched the drama unfolding on the roof. Charlie and Rose wrestled with the axe until she kicked him in the private parts, and he was able to fling her off the side of the roof where she hung onto him for dear life. Tony pulled Rose to safety through a window and arrested Rose. Back in San Francisco, Charlie and Harriet were back together and he performed a poem at the coffee house about how Harriet was innocent and her sister Rose was the murderer. This movie had a budget of $20 million and grossed $27 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Jeffrey Lyons, Sneak Previews, “Enormously funny!” Jay Carr, Boston Globe, “It’s hip, lively fun.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/28/24

TITLE:  We’re Back! A Dinosaur’s Story 

BOX OFFICE RATED: G (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1993 Universal Pictures / Amblin Entertainment / Amblimation 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie began in New York City, where Buster the bluebird was the runt of his family. His siblings were mean and boisterous, so Buster planned to leave the nest for Miami or Cuba. A T-rex dinosaur named Rex found buster. Rex played golf and told Buster his story that started when Rex was a vicious predator at the top of the jungle food chain. The human inventor Captain Neweyes and his alien assistant Vorb discovered Rex. Captain Neweyes visited Earth in their spaceship from the far future. The alien ship devices fed Rex with Brain Grain cereal, which Neweyes invented to make the cereal’s consumers be smart. Loner Rex was also given a new facial appearance and granted the ability to speak, and was required to socialize with three other dinosaurs who had also been fed the Brian Grain. The others on board were Woog the food-loving triceratops, Elsa the flirty pterodactyl and Dweeb the dimwitted parasaurolophus. They all regretted the wrong things they did in the past but accepted that they evolved into better creatures. They then met Neweyes, who showed them the wish radio that he invented to hear people’s wishes. There were several children in the middle future (present day) on Earth who wished to meet real dinosaurs, so Rex and the others decided to make the wishes come true. Neweyes took the transformed dinos to Earth and instructed them to find Dr. Juliet Bleeb, who worked at The Museum of Natural History and would help them accomplish their mission. They were warned to stay away from Neweyes’ madman brother Professor Screweyes, who lost one eye and it was replaced with a screw possessing strange powers. The dinosaurs parachuted down into NYC and sank the raft belonging to Louie, a young human boy. He couldn’t believe the dinosaurs existed, and he rescued Rex with a construction vehicle when Rex nearly drowned in the river. Louie was the boy who wished for a friend on the radio, and he was running away from home to join the circus in Central Park. Elsa took Louie for a wild ride around the city to find the circus, and then they met Cecilia Nuthatch, a young debutante who was crying because her wealthy parents were gone on Thanksgiving and deserted her. She was upset that her parents were never around because her dad was always busy with work and her mom was busy was social activities,so Cecilia agreed to leave with Louie and Elsa. The dinosaurs joined the NYC Thanksgiving Day parade and put on a singing and dancing show, and everyone realized that the dinosaurs were real and not robots. The kids who liked dinosaurs were excited, but the adults ran scared. Louie and Cecilia went to find the circus and the dinosaurs realized that it was Screweyes’ Eccentric Circus and the kids were in danger. The dinosaurs were chased by the police and ran, and in the process, the dinos (not police) apprehended a masked robber who was holding up a shopkeeper with his gun. The police had given up the chase and went out for donuts. Louie and Cecilia found the circus full of freakish charactersin the dark and creepy woods. Screweyes didn’t want the kids there until he learned that human Louie wanted to join them. Screweyes drew up an empty contract and pricked Louie’s (under 10 years old) finger so he could sign it with his blood. Cecilia (under 10 years old) pricked her own finger and put her blood on the document too, and then the words appeared on the contract and the blood became their signatures. Rex and the other dinosaurs found the kids, and Screweyes showed them his fright radio. He used it to hear people’s greatest fears, and then he made them come true in his dark circus acts. The loudest fears came from paranoid children who were afraid of being attacked by monsters. Screweyes offered the dinosaurs pills called Brain Drain that would reverse the effects of Neweyes’ Brain Grain and cause them to revert back to their monstrous selves. They refused to take it, so Screweyes wouldn’t let Louie and Cecilia leave and held the children hostage. The contract gave Screweyes the right to control the children’s willpower and have copyrights to their ideas, and he used his fake eye to hypnotize them. He gave the kids a temporary dose of the Brain Drain to demonstrate its capabilities, and they were turned into monkeys. Screweyes declared that he would release them from the contract if the dinosaurs took the Brain Drain drug; otherwise Screweyes would use the kids in his Hellzapoppin circus act. The dinosaurs agreed to Screweyes’ terms, and Rex touched Louie and Cecilia after they fell asleep. They returned to their human form and later met Stubbs the clown who was trying to perfect his comedy routines. The kids refused to leave without the dinosaurs, so Stubbs reluctantly brought them to the cages where Screweyes had chained the dinos up. They could no longer talk and were wild creatures once again. Clown Stubbs agreed to help sneak Louie and Cecilia into the show that night so they could rescue their prehistoric friends. Screweyes used special effects to create demons and monsters that frightened the show’s viewers. They were terrified out of minds at the sight of the fearsome dinosaurs that Screweyes put on display. Screweyes used his eye to hypnotize Rex into doing whatever the professor told him to, but then Rex broke free from his trance and went after Screweyes. Louie tearfully begged Rex not to eat Screweyes and Cecilia wished for nothing bad to happen, so Rex obliged and turned back into a smart and caring dinosaur. Louie and Cecilia hugged the other dinosaurs and the same happened to them. They received a standing ovation from the audience. Neweyes and Vorb appeared in their spaceship after they heard Cecilia’s wish. They freed the dinosaurs from their chains and destroyed the tent, and Cecilia convinced Louie to kiss her. Elsa was romantically interested in Rex and declared that the way he looked at her made her want to lay an egg. Stubbs the clown was fed up with Screweyes and finally quit the circus. Everyone boarded Neweyes’ ship, and Screweyes refused to go with them so he was covered in crows and then vanished leaving behind nothing but his fake eye. Neweyes took the dinosaurs and the kids to meet Juliet. Juliet helped the gang fulfill children’s wishes. They appeared in Juliet’s dinosaur exhibit, where they talked to and interacted with all the young dinosaur fans. Rex finished telling his story to Buster and explained that the dinosaurs were still at the museum. Louie and Cecilia became a couple and went home to their parents, and they made amends. Cecilia’s parents finally spent time with her, and Buster went home to his family as well. This movie had a budget of $20 million and grossed over $9 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/27/24

TITLE:  Freedom Writers 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2007 Paramount Pictures / MTV Films / Jersey Films / Double Feature Films / 2S Films 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is based on a true story and takes place in Los Angeles, California, where gangsters started riots over racial issues in 1992 after the Rodney King riots that resulted in more than 120 deaths. The gangs caused 38 deaths and thousands of fires with mass destruction. In 1994, Erin Gruwell from Newport Beach was hired as a first-time freshman English teacher at Woodrow Wilson High School in Long Beach. The school used to be A-list until the delinquent students arrived and most of the school’s best students left due to integration. Erin was excited about her new job but had no idea what she was in for, and she wore expensive pearls that were a gift from her dad, Steve, even though the department head, Margaret Campbell, warned her not to. Erin’s students in Room 203 were punks and gang members who were disrespectful to her and would lie in testimony to protect their own no matter what. Erin couldn’t handle her class of at-risk students when they fought in the classroom. It was said that anyone who was Latino, Asian or black was most likely to be targeted for violence, and there were shootouts that regularly occurred in the streets between gangs of different races. The school was separated by race into a complex system of tribes, with Little Cambodia for the Asians, Ghetto for the blacks, Wonder Bread Land for the whites and South of the Border/Little Tijuana for the Latinos. Violent fights frequently broke out between the tribes on school grounds. Steve believed Erin was in the wrong job, but Erin’s semi architect husband, Scott Casey, stood up for her. Erin tried to get through to her students using rap songs they could relate to, but they took advantage of Erin’s inexperience and disrupted the classroom. She rearranged their seats to better the control the unruly students. That night at a convenience store, the Latino gang tried to shoot black Grant Rice, a classmate. Latino Paco shot the Asian storekeeper dead instead and not black Grant. Teen (latino) Eva Benitez was the only witness and lied that black boy Grant was responsible for the Asian owner’s murder so she could protect her own race (latino Paco) so black Grant Rice went to jail for the crime latino Paco committed. Eva’s belief was that Aztec women were chosen as princesses because of blood and not the American way, which was by beauty. When she was younger, Eva witnessed Roberto being shot dead in a drive-by shooting. The police arrested Eva’s dad because they believed he was a gang member, and years later Eva became a third-generation Latino gang member with a brutally violent initiation. Principal Banning addressed the students at school about Grant’s arrest the following day. The students, starting with Tito, passed a rude picture of a black person around and laughed at it until it ended up in the hands of one of the black students. Erin compared it to the pictures of Jews and blacks that Hitler and the Nazis, a large-scale gang, printed in the newspapers to prove that Jews and Blacks were less than human and should die. The students believed that Erin’s teaching didn’t apply to their lives and she didn’t deserve respect in exchange for nothing just because she was a teacher and was white. Eva declared that whites were the great suppressors of other races, and she had a hatred toward all white people which stemmed from hating the white police who arrested her dad and shot her Latino friend in the back when he reached into his pocket just because the officers were white and could do whatever they wanted. The students believed they could graduate by just showing up to school, and they were living in a war and would live and die for their own to get respect. Erin argued that none of their gang-a-tudes would matter once they were dead in the ground because all they left behind was a world of hate. The students started being respectful, and Ben Samuels, the only white student in the class, was the only one who knew what the Holocaust was. All the other students confirmed that they had been shot at. Erin’s students had been given simplified versions of classic books, but she wanted them to have real books with stories they could relate to. However, Margaret and the principal had the authority to override Erin’s request and argued that the school couldn’t afford it anyway since the gang students had always torn up the books and not returned them to the library. Brian Gelford was the junior English teacher and teacher of the Distinguished Honor Students. Erin asked him about the situation, and he thought she was naïve about the kids and couldn’t judge the experienced teachers who were trying to survive in their neighborhoods filled with gang members. Erin played a game with her students and discovered that the majority of them were involved in gangs, drugs, had been to juvenile detention, lived in the projects, had family members in jail and knew several people who died in gang fights. Erin then handed out mandatory journals to the students and instructed them to write daily about whatever was on their mind. It was their choice if they wanted Erin to read their entries, and they all did and left their journals for Erin. Black Brandy Ross’s dad was abusive and beat her and her mom, and they ended up homeless because he couldn’t pay the rent. When black Marcus was younger, his under 10 year old friend accidentally shot himself dead with a gun he got ahold of. Marcus stayed with the body until the police found him, and they assumed Marcus did it and sent him to juvie, which he was in and out of after that. Andre Bryant’s brother taught him to be a pimp or drug dealer to survive as a black person, and black Jamal Hill saw a lot of dead bodies in his short life. Hispanic Gloria Munez had several boyfriends since before she was a teen, and she was hiding the bruises that one of them inflicted on her. She was expected to become a pregnant teen and drop out of school like her mom at did at 16 years old but she didn’t plan on letting that happen. A Hispanic boy and his mom were evicted from their home, and Sindy Ngor was from a refugee camp in Cambodia where her dad was abusive to her and her mom. Erin told her dad Steve her troubles, and he advised her to focus on teaching her students the best she could and then get a new job at the end of the school year. Erin got a part-time job selling bras at a department school to pay for copies of a book about gang violence that she gave her students to read outside their school curriculum. Erin met with school board member, Dr. Carl Cohn, to get support, but there was nothing Erin could do since there was a strict chain of command she had to go through in the unified school system. Erin was able to get Dr. Cohn’s backing and left her boss Margaret out of it, and Dr. Cohn gave Erin permission to take her class on a weekend field trip that she paid for using money from the second part-time job she got as a concierge at the Marriott. The class went to the Museum of Tolerance, where they learned about the Holocaust and children who died in concentration camps. They were deeply affected by it, and then Erin arranged for them to meet Holocaust survivors who shared their traumatic experiences at the hands of the Nazis. Erin’s students toasted to change at the start of their sophomore year. Brian’s class of honor students was predominately white, and he singled out a black girl named Victoria so she requested that Margaret transfer her to Erin’s class. The students weren’t allowed to read black literature in school because of the sex, drugs and profanity. Brian was angry about it, but there was nothing he or Margaret could do about it because Dr. Cohn was backing Erin. Scott was upset that Erin was so involved in her teaching and was working three jobs, and he was concerned that she wouldn’t be able to teach a very smart student like Victoria because she was used to teaching students who were below-average. Erin wanted Scott to go back to school and get his architect’s degree before they had kids, but he was no longer interested in that career. The students started reading The Diary of Anne Frank, and Eva was greatly interested in it until she discovered that Anne eventually died. She hated Erin for it, but Marcus checked out more books from the library and could relate to Anne’s story because she did things her way like their gangs did. Erin assigned her class to write letters addressed to Miep Gies, the woman who hid out Anne and her Jewish family from the Nazis. The students wanted to meet Miep in person since she was still alive in Amsterdam, so Erin and local restaurants helped the students raise money to fly Miep to Long Beach, CA and learn from the source how she successfully hid people. She read the students’ letters and declared that they were heroes in their own circles, and she told them about her experience and Anne. Erin went home to discover that Scott packed his bags, and he explained that he was leaving because she wasn’t the person he married and her priorities were now babysitting her students like they were her kids and driving them home from school because they had no real parents to take care of them. Marcus’ mom kicked him out when he became a gangster, but now he convinced her to take him back. Eva changed her mind and decided to tell the truth in the courtroom that Paco was the shooter and Grant was innocent. The rest of the Latino gang attacked Eva for not protecting her own and threatened her with a gun. Eva’s dad refused to talk to her and she had to leave the area because of the danger, so she went to stay with her aunt. Andre’s brother was sentenced to 15 years in prison, and Andre didn’t agree with it. The students were upset to learn that Erin couldn’t teach them in their junior year. Margaret and Brian brought a case against Erin and protested to Dr. Cohn that it was in violation of the teachers’ policy for Erin to teach upper grade classes and advance over more experienced teachers who had tenure (Margaret had 30 years under her belt). Margaret said that she would blame Erin for not doing her job if her students failed in someone else’s class when they advanced to a higher grade. Margaret believed that it didn’t matter if the teachers cared about the students like family as Erin claimed she did because teachers had many students and didn’t have time to give individual attention to every one. Andre gave himself an F on his evaluation assignment, but Erin believed that he deserved more than that so he redid the evaluation. Erin’s last assignment for her students was to combine their diary entries into a book called, The Freedom Writers, and they used donated computers from a businessman in the classroom. Erin and Margaret were called into a meeting and met with Karin Polacheck on the school board. Margaret bashed Erin but the school board allowed Erin to teach her freshmen and sophomore gang of students in their junior and senior years too. Most of the students were the first in their families to graduate high school. Some of Erin’s English class students attended college at the California State University in Long Beach. Erin left the high school too and taught at California State University in Long Beach, California. They started the Freedom Writers Foundation in hopes that other teachers and students around the country could accomplish what they did using their methods in class Room 203. This movie had a budget of $21 million and grossed over $43 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Jeffrey Lyons, NBC’s Reel Talk, “An inspiring, uplifting movie which pulls no punches.” Shawn Edwards, FOX-TV, “A must-see movie. Four stars.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/27/24

TITLE: Calendar Girls 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2003 Touchstone Pictures / Harbour Pictures / Buena Vista International

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in England and is about the Women’s Institute (WI) in Knapely, Yorkshire. The meetings were boring over a period of many months, so some middle-aged attendees fell asleep and others laughed at the selected speakers that where chosen by their female Madame Chairwoman of the local chapter. Chris Harper wanted her husband, Rod, a florist to speak at the WI but he wouldn’t because he wanted nothing to do with their girl gang club.Chris found a dirty magazine in her teenage son Jem’s room. Jem saw his mom looking at the naked women in his magazine, and Chris knew that her son saw her, but she said nothing about it. Annie Clarke was best friend to Chris. Annie’s husband, John, kept his leukemia a secret from his wife until the day he packed up to go to the hospital for treatment. Not long after, there was a local town fair called the Kilnsey Show, where a male biker/dancer wore a woman’s dress. Annie forgot to bake a cake to enter in the WI contest, so Chris bought a cake and entered it even though it was against the rules because she wanted to finally outdo their competitors, the WI of Highgyll. The judges never knew about the store bought cake and awarded the deceiving Chris the May Wilkinson trophy and the 2002 Discretionary Award, both of which were undeserved. During her acceptance speech, Chris confessed that she bought the cake, but everyone thought it was a joke. The WI agreed to feature the churches of Wharfedale in their next calendar and turned down Chris’s idea of a George Clooney calendar, as Chris was obsessed with Clooney. John’s chemo had no effect on his cancer, so he contracted pneumonia and septicemia and then died. John had written a speech about his favorite flower the sunflower that wasn’t even native to his country and how he believed the last phase of life was the most glorious. Chris read it to the WI who then practiced tai chi. Jem wrecked his bicycle while on his paper route, so he and Chris took it to Ted’s garage. Chris borrowed Ted’s calendar featuring naked models and got the idea for the middle-aged WI members to pose in a nude calendar to raise money. They would use to buy a leather sofa for the hospital relatives’ room in John’s name. The women were unsure about selling that kind of calendar, but they tried it out and photographed topless Chris. Teen Jem and his school friend Gaz, who was obsessed with girls’ breasts, walked in and witnessed Chris as her breasts were exposed in the room with the women around her. Jem and Gaz were worried that Chris was a lesbian because she had been looking at Jem’s female nude magazine. The workers at the business that developed the photos saw the naked pictures that Chris had printed. The WI ladies hired John’s nurse, Lawrence Sertan, to be their photographer after they realized that nudity was considered art when an artist created it, like the famous museum paintings. Lawrence wanted to incorporate the ladies’ WI activities into their nude poses in the pictures and have them doing activities related to their every day lives. Marie, the chairwoman of the Knapely WI, was appalled to hear the idea because she believed it would ruin the WI’s reputation but a few more women joined the cause until they had eleven calendar females. To get ready for their photos, the women worked out, got makeovers and dieted in preparation for the photo-shoot. During all of this, Ruth Reynoldson’s husband, Eddie, a carpet-dealer, went away on a week-long business trip to meet with a carpet warehouse manager. The ladies didn’t want to be seen naked by Lawrence, so he gave them advice from the other room but he tried to look through the lock hole on the door so the females didn’t mess up his setting. The ladies had no success helping each other pose, so they invited Lawrence into their lives to take the naked pictures. They seemed more relaxed with Lawrence behind the camera. One female was Lawrence’s old junior school teacher unclothed and he didn’t like it when she pointed that out so he left the room to get a grip in order to get through his hired job. There was even a policeman that spied on the naked women through the window. For the Christmas month, the older females posed naked in Santa hats and tinsel for the December picture. Afterward, they had 500 copies printed of their black and white calendar. Marie tried to give Annie the guilt trip that John wouldn’t approve of how they were raising money, but Annie told Marie that she didn’t personally know her husband and to stay out of it. Chrisconvinced the Jennings beer company instead of the seed company to sponsor them and pay for everything including a press conference. Annie wasn’t pleased because John never drank beer and he loved flowers. Marie went to London to say bad things about the calendar girls to Brenda Mooney, Madam Chairman of the national WI Federation. Chris and Annie headed to London and lied that they were delegates to get a meeting with Brenda. Annie tried to speak in front of the large council of women, but she was too nervous so Chris confidently explained what they were about. Chris declared that they would produce the calendar with or without the council’s approval even though it would just be porn without the WI backing. The council discussed the situation, and Madam Chairman declared that they didn’t approve of nudity but approved a charity fundraiser and the decision was up to Marie who agreed. Chris and Annie missed the press conference, so Chris was discouraged and worried that they would lose money. However, they then learned that the conference was in a different room and was currently in progress. It was crammed with reporters, who put the England ladies that took their clothes off for publicity in the newspaper and on several TV stations. The reporters also bombarded them at home and at work, and they received hundreds of fan mail letters from people who liked the semi nude calendar. They quickly sold out and ordered more copies. Eddie returned home furious and left again after he discovered (not from his wife) that Ruth posed in the calendar. The kids at school heard about it and laughed at Jem, and he was embarrassed and threw bundles of the newspapers off a cliff. Jem and Gaz drank alcohol together and smoked pot, and they were caught by two police officers. However, teen Jem didn’t get charged for it and was let off the hook accordingly to England’s rule. Chris and Rod picked their son up from the police station where the officers asked Chris to sign their WI “charity” nudity calendar. Not long after that, a studio in Hollywood USA offered to pay for a first-class flight and limo ride to a high-dollar hotel in California for the WI England calendar females in exchange for an in-person interview. Rod was skeptical about it but the ladies were ecstatic. Ruth discovered that Eddie was cheating on her with another woman, and when she confronted the other women she found out that her husband told her that that Ruth had died and he was single. Chris stayed behind while five of the women were flown to California. Meanwhile, Rod’s face ended up on the front page of the newspaper with the caption that he confessed Chris wasn’t giving him sex for a long time because of her WI business and female friends. Chris was upset with Rod and flew from England to join her gal pals in Hollywood, where they lived it up and met the members of the American band Anthrax at the hotel poolside. They then went live on The Tonight Show with Jay Leno, who hoped that their abroad England actions would encourage American women to get naked. The British calendar women agreed to do an ad in the USA for washing powder in exchange for their sponsorship.  They were then skeptical when they discovered that they were expected to take their clothes off for it in the USA like they did in England and thought the Americans were trashy because of it.  Annie walked out and wasn’t pleased that Chris took it too far and wanted to continue their nudity that only gave Chris the fame she craved since Chris still had a husband whereas John was dead and it brought Chris closer in California to her obsession with George Clooney. Annie stated it didn’t honor Annie’s dead husband John as intended when the WI women thought to raise money for the hospital furniture in John’s memory. The British WI calendar linked ladies returned home to England.Rod revealed to Chris that he didn’t know the person he talked to about his marriage with Chris was an undercover England journalist that would publish part of his private conversation in the newspaper with a queer tabloid headline for profit. They made amends. Chris and Annie made amends as well and Jem was all right with Chris’s nude calendar actions because Rod had told him to be. The WI received $286,000 pounds from the sales of the calendars, and they went on to raise a total of $578,000 pounds that paid for a leukemia unit at the Knapely hospital and John’s memory sofa. This movie had a budget of $10 million and grossed over $93 millionat the box office. The movie cover art listed, Access Hollywood, “The Full Monty…Female style!” FOX-TV “One of the year’s ten best.” “A lovely, funny, heartwarming, beautifully told story,” Larry King 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/26/24

TITLE:  Superstar

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children. Full of ungodly teen sex addicts.) 

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1999 Paramount Pictures / SNL Studios / Lorne Michaels Production

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is about Mary Katherine Gallagher, who grew up in the small town of Besamee Heights. Young Mary saved a boy from drowning in the swimming pool and commented on his birthmark that was in the shape of poop. Mary’s parents, Rosemary and Thornton, had died in an accident when she was a baby. Mary’s grandmother, wheelchair-bound from a different accident, raised her. The one thing Mary wanted more than anything else in the world was a Hollywood-worthy kiss, so she prayed to God for someone she could tongue kiss.She eventually realized that she would have to be a superstar like the people in the movies who got kissed. When Mary was 17, she attended St. Monica’s Catholic School where she lifted her short skirt to expose her underwear to passing boys on school property. She tried out for different classes in hopes the boys would notice her, but it was disastrous and she kicked a nun in the head during ballet class. Evian Graham and her gal pals Autumn Winters and Summer Falls were cheerleaders and the most popular girls in school. The cheerleaders hated on Mary in the locker room while in their bras and underwear. Mary then flicked Evian’s nipple as the mean girl stood in her bra. Mary got an after-school job rewindingand watching Hollywood movies at Kip’s Video Warehouse. Mary copied an idea from a movie and unsuccessfully tried to use telekinesis to kill the girl who threw pig’s blood on her at the prom. Mary went to confess her sins to a priest during Mass, and she recited a disturbing script from the movie Sybil and screamed that she wasn’t a slut repeatedlyuntil she broke down the door of the confessional and embarrassed herself. Students at Catholic school called Mary a lesbo, dogface, panty stain, skid mark and nipple hair among other names. Evian was dating Sky Corrigan, the most popular male dancer at school and a football player, and the teens were always making out grossly at school. Mary was jealous and decided that she wanted to kiss Sky. Mary practiced by passionately making out with a tree by licking it and moaning and groaning. A nun caught Mary being nasty to the tree and took her to Father Tylenol Ritley. The holy man was horrified when Mary revealed her nervous habit of smelling her fingers after putting them in her armpits. Mary was put in Special Ed, where she became friends with Helen Lewengrub, the star player of the girls’ basketball team who played dirty. The other students included Howard Feinstein, who believed that all the boys and girls in school wanted to have sex with him. Owen Flanagan had OCD, Maria Ganitisis was a dark character obsessed with the deviland Thomas Smith pretended that he was high on drugs among other made-up addictions. Eric Slater never talked, and he was transferred there from public school with a rumor that he was a psycho who chopped up his parents. Hosted by St. Monica’s Catholic School for only their students, The Catholic Teenager Magazine planned to host the “Let’s Fight Venereal Disease” talent contest and the winner would receive a free trip to Hollywood to star as an extra in a movie with morals. Mary set out to win the contest and figured that Eric’s act would be killing people and using their skins to make himself a coat. Grandma wanted Mary to become a successful businesswoman and not a showgirl, so she refused to let Mary audition for the talent show. Mary and Sky were introduced to each other for the first time when he went to the video store in search of a movie about a boy who stayed in a plastic bubble to avoid germs. Evian and her girlfriends were mean to Mary and Helen and called Helen a man, so she told Evian to suck Sky’s private parts. Mary dropped her journal, and Eric picked it up but she refused to take it from him. Howard made sexual gestures at Mary by holding fruit to his chest and feeling them up like women’s breasts, so Mary squeezed a banana. Mary fantasized about her and Sky dancing with the other students in the cafeteria and Mary exposing her underwear. Jesus/God appeared to Mary that night in the form of a hippie Sky, and he rocked out to her music and advised Mary to follow her heart and audition. Mary tried to, but Evian refused to let her so Mary pushed her and they got into a shoving match. Mary punched Evian’s breasts and Evian whacked Mary in the head with a large book, so Mary kicked Evian in the face and dragged her by her hair. They both ended up in Father Ritley’s office, and he suspended Evian for the day. Mary often recited scripts that she memorized from movies to describe her feelings, so she ripped the front of her shirt apart and screamed at her daddy (Father Ritley) that she liked the attention she got from men and she wanted the world to see her body. Ritley was flabbergasted and touched Mary in the chest area until Grandma, who was called there to discuss Mary’s behavior, found them. Father Ritley recommended prayer and Ritalin to heal Mary’s hyperactivity, and Grandma argued that there was nothing wrong with Mary and she was a star. However, Grandma still wouldn’t let Mary audition so Mary screamed hate at Grandma because Mary didn’t get her way. Grandma decided to finally tell Mary how her parents died. Thornton and Rosemary entered the Besamee Heights Irish stepdancing competition, and Grandma would never allow Mary to take part in. They were the best dancers there until someone bumped into the record player and caused the music to play faster and faster. The dancers tried to keep up, but Mary’s parents fell and the other Irish dancers accidentally stomped them to death and their blood splattered all over everyone. Sky had witnessed Evian’s fight with Mary, so he broke up with Evian at school in front of everyone. Evian’s screams were loud enough to shatter glass, and she was taken out of school on a stretcher with an oxygen mask. Helen figured that Sky had his eye on Mary and wanted to have sex with her, so Mary grabbed onto Sky and the other football players dragged her off. Evian went to Sky’s house to see him, but he refused to talk to her and declared that he wouldn’t dance with her at the talent show as they had planned. Evian was furious and wished that she could kill Mary over her teen breakup. Meanwhile, Mary straddled a stop sign and kissed the pole moaning until she realized that Eric was watching her on his motorcycle. Eric followed her and returned her journal to her with a pressed flower inside the cover. Mary auditioned and sang “Sometimes When We Touch,” and everyone was impressed until Evian knocked a bucket of paint on Mary’s head like a scene from one of her favorite movies. Everyone laughed, and Father Ritley chased after Mary who ran embarrassed and upset. Mary left with Eric on his motorcycle, and he took her to the pool where he showed her his birthmark and revealed that he was the boy at the pool she saved many years ago. He explained that he had a stutter and didn’t want the other kids to make fun of him, so he kept his silence and let them make up stories about him being crazy. Eric and Mary hit it off and went swimming together, and then he took her home. Eric believed that Mary was beautiful and Sky was wrong for not wanting to kiss her, and Mary asked God’s forgiveness for secretly peeing in the pool. Grandma found out from Father Ritley that Mary went behind her back to audition, but Mary was happy to learn that she got a spot in the talent show. Grandma used to dance on Broadwayand decided to teach Mary how to put on a good show for herself and not Sky. Mary accidentally knocked the TV onto her little dog Frances while she practiced dancing. Frances died and woke up in heaven, but Jesus told her that it wasn’t her time yet so she went back to Mary. Grandma recruited Helen and the other outcast students from Special Ed to rehearse a dancing show with Mary. Grandma used the f-word to keep them in line, and Thomas and Maria smoked together while they danced. At the talent show, Father Ritley reminded everyone they were there to stop sexual VD and he quoted, “Girls have a button and boys have a pole, and wicked touching takes its toll.” Howard tried to do a police officer stripper routine and took his pants off, but Father Ritley dragged the officer (student) offstage. Helen’s act was using her strength to lift her younger brother Sean. The Catholic school therapist instructed Evian to apologize to Mary and Helen for the mean things she said to them, so she did and wished them luck. Eric tried to leave town, but Jesus caused signs to appear that confused Eric. Jesus then appeared to Eric and told him it was his choice if he wanted to leave or go see Mary. Evian and Sky did a sexy dance together after he made the announcement to everyone that they would remain separate and the teens were not dating again. Mary confessed to the priest that she was selfish because she only prayed to God for the things she wanted, but now she didn’t care about being a star and she only wanted to finish her performance alive and be there for Grandma. Eric arrived in time to see Mary’s performance. A nun bumped into the record player and caused the music to play fast like during the stepdancing contest. Mary fell while trying to keep up, but Jesus spoke to her and told her to get up. The show went on, and Jesus cheered Mary on in her short showgirl skirt that exposed her underwear. George and Moira McDaniels, the gossip columnists for Catholic Teen Magazine, where the judges and declared Mary the winner of the Hollywood trip. Evian stormed off and Sky kissed Mary, but it wasn’t as great as she thought it would be because she had no feelings for him. Sky and Evian left together, and then Mary and Eric kissed. Owen was gay and kissed Howard, and Thomas tried to kiss Maria but she pushed his head down to her private parts. Mary finished telling her story to the tree outside school. Mary groped and kissed the tree one last time before she set her sights on dating Eric. This movie had a budget of $14 million and grossed over $30 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Earl Dittman, Wireless Magazine, “You’ll laugh, you’ll cheer! A new queen of comedy is born!” Ruby Rich, Roger Ebert & The Movies, “This one has got a lot of heart along with its movie-savvy cleverness.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/25/24

TITLE:  The Grace Card

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2010 Sony Pictures Releasing / Affirm Films / Provident Films / Samuel Goldwyn Films / Graceworks Pictures / Calvary Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Memphis, Tennessee and it began with two undercover officers busting a neighborhood drug deal that occurred between a black man on a bicycle called the mailman and a black man named Rand in the suspect car in the hood. Both suspects fled the scene (the bicyclist on foot) and Rand drove his car reckless and fast down the suburban street. Rand’s car hit and killed white Bill “Mac” McDonald’s five-year-old son, Tyler, who was learning to ride his bike without training wheels and rode it in front of his family’s house in the street as they were outside too (mom Sara and baby Blake). Rand was sentenced to a mere ten years in the state penitentiary for the second-degree murder of God’s child, Tyler. Seventeen years later, Blake planned to buy a car with his parents’ money instead of getting a job like Mac wanted him to after police dad Mac found a drug pipe in his son Blake’s bedroom, that the officer believed to have something to do with the Hispanic family that liked to party and just moved in next door. At work, the police department officers discussed stolen goods that might be sold on eBay, rookie cop Mitch Sanders hitting someone’s car and Officer Sam Wright the black pastor getting promoted to sergeant even though he never applied for the higher position and he didn’t have as much experience as some of the other seasoned officers. Lieutenant Briggs temporarily assigned Mac and Sam as partners, and Mac wasn’t pleased that he was passed over for another promotion because Sam was black and Mac was white and told his boss so. Sara went to family counseling to speak to Dr. Vines about her home situation because her police husband was very abusive to her and their son and had been for years and Blake also had anger and drug issues too and his school grades were below average. Mac refused to go to counseling and told his wife they couldn’t afford since he was the only one in the family with an income. Sara explained to the counselor that she had a work accident and was on disability, and the chiropractor made her injury worse so they were living off Mac’s single income. She said she would have a hard time paying for the counseling but she needed to talk to someone since things were bad at home and she didn’t want it to get worse. Sara went on to say that their family’s lives changed after Tyler’s death and Mac took his anger out on everyone including his partner at work Sam, who he couldn’t get along with and tolerated one another’s company to get their police work done everyday. At officer Sam’s home, Sam got a doctor’s note that he had high cholesterol and needed to have a healthier diet, and he had to have his levels tested every week. Mac was angry that Sara was visiting Dr. Vines because Mac could barely pay the bills or afford to send Blake to the high-dollar Ridgelake Academy private school where he was doing criminal things with his new friends and ignored his girlfriend Jenny. Meanwhile, Sam and Mac answered a domestic disturbance call at an apartment building, where black James Robert Bleams tried to kill his girlfriend’s baby. They were both covered in blood, and Sam took charge and went with Mac to search the apartment. Mac spotted the suspect from a window and went rogue to pursue the perpetrator outside between buildings alone without letting anyone else know. Bleams snuck up behind officer Mac and held his gun to officer Mac’s head and planned to shoot him as he called him a white boy. Sam arrived and pulled his gun on Bleams. Sam was able to talk James out of killing Mac and then Bleams killing himself because Bleams didn’t want to go back to prison and he wanted to take the white cop to hell with him. Mac had a flashback of his past and remembered Bleams was similar to the black drug dealer (Rand) that killed his innocent son Tyler so Mac held his gun to Bleams’s head (as the criminal did to the officer) after Bleams put his gun down. Sam stopped Mac from pulling the trigger as a female officer came on scene and only witnessed Mac and his gun pointed at the criminal’s head and not the part earlier where the criminal had his gun pointed at the officer’s head. Mac sat by the emergency vehicles to calm his nerves but that reminded Mac of Tyler being taken to the hospital just as the lil baby left in the ambulance because of the abuse inside the apartment home. At Sam’s house he discussed with his wife how he temporarily took a job as a cop until he could get his black Eternal Light Gospel Church going, and his wife Debra wanted him to quit and focus on the church but he couldn’t support his family because the church didn’t have enough money to pay his salary yet. During the couple’s nighttime prayers, Debra said a blessing for Mac because Mac was making her husband upset. Mac spied on Blake when he came home late and Mac also noticed the late-night party at the Hispanic house next-door. The next Sunday, Sam preached a sermon about loving people who didn’t love them back. Sam declared that he felt Mac’s “white eyes burning through my black skin just because of that black skin.” After service, Sam and the churchgoers were then unsure if preaching was Sam’s calling. Blake’s principal informed Sara that Blake’s grades were failing and he couldn’t make it up in time for graduation, which he hid from his parents. Ridgelake wouldn’t allow Blake to repeat his senior year there so he would have to enroll in public school. Sara took Blake to Dr. Vines, and he was disrespectful and hateful to Dr. Vines because she was a counselor and a Christian. She argued that Blake was wasting $20,000 of his parents’ money every year by partying instead of doing schoolwork. Dr. Vines told Blake after he accused her of overcharging his family for counseling that she wasn’t charging Sara for their session together because she knew that Sara was taking the brunt of the abuse from Mac and Blake and Sara needed help with the abusers in her life. The counselor got through Blake and they talked, and she gave him advice that Mac was drowning in his blame for Tyler’s death and she recognized that Tyler was the one to blame for coming between the family members all these years. The counselor advised Blake to be nice to Mac and reach out to him at home because his dad needed to stop blaming himself for Tyler’s death (Mac had told Tyler to keep practicing in the road without his training wheels when Tyler didn’t want to as dad washed his car). As his family was at the counseling service, Mac spent time drinking at the bar thinking about Tyler in his downtime. Sam’s grandfather, George, used to be a reverend, and he told Sam about the power of grace and gave him advice that Jesus had His ministry in the streets and not inside a church building. George knew that Sam wouldn’t leave the police department because he felt like he was making a difference there. Blake ate dinner with his parents for the first time in a long while and announced that he respected Mac’s police profession, which Mac appreciated. However, Blake then revealed that he was failing English, Spanish and trig again and would have to be held back and repeat his senior year. Mac was angry and considered selling the house and getting a second job to pay (an additional $20k) for another year at Ridgelake so Blake could get into a good college and not have to attend the crappy Oakdale public school. Mac threw his food across the room and screamed at Blake and Sara to kill him already after they told him that Ridgelake was no longer an option because the private school wouldn’t have Blake back to repeat his senior year. Blake stormed out and wasn’t seen again and didn’t come home that night. At work, Mac had Sam drive the squad car so Mac could use his cell phone to find his son. Sam told Mac that he hadn’t talked to his dad in twelve years and didn’t know where his dad was (and neither did his grandpa), so Sam warned Mac not to let his relationship with Blake get to that point. Sam and Mac answered a call at the house of an elderly lady named Mrs. Bradshaw, who thought she had a prowler and complained about the Hispanics moving into the neighborhood and wanted them all to return to Mexico. Mac and Sam didn’t find anything and Sam told Mac later that the elderly female was just lonely. They headed to another call but this was a silent alarm possible break-in at a warehouse where the culprits had taken out the whole power on the block so everything was dark. Mac and Sam spotted the suspects in the dark. One of the suspects fled into the dark warehouse and held a weapon up when Mac ran alone after the masked villain. Because of the darkness, officer Mac thought the device in the criminal’s hand was a gun. Mac shot the suspect in the stomach and it turned out to be his son Blake who was there doing criminal activity with his new friends from the private school he had planned in the parking lot since the day Sara picked Blake up from school before the session with Dr. Vines. Officer Mac was devastated by his mistake and horrified when he removed the ski mask and saw his missing son’s face and yelled for an ambulance. Blake was airlifted to the St. Francis hospital where Dr. Curry operated and removed the bullet. Sam drove to the McDonald’s house and took Sara to the hospital by squad car. Once there, Sara attacked Mac but Sam pulled her off and Dr. Vines comforted Sara. After the surgery, the doctor explained to Mac and Sara that Blake was lucky to be alive and others would not have survived the complicated surgery. However, one of Blake’s kidneys was damaged from the bullet and that had to be removed and unfortunately that was Blake’s only good kidney. Blake’s other kidney was bad and unusable because Blake had atrophic renal syndrome, which nobody ever knew about until this moment and his one good kidney kept Blake going all these years, which Blake now no longer had. The doctor explained that Blake needed an immediate kidney transplant, and Mac had the same type A positive blood as Blake but he was an unsuitable donor because he had hypertension. Sara had type O positive and not a match. There were no donors in the country, so Blake would suffer kidney failure and die if they didn’t find a kidney in the next few hours. Sam stayed around and drove Mac home, and he refused to listen to Sam’s preaching and declared that Tyler was killed by a Southside drug-dealing nig. Sara and Dr. Vines prayed at Blake’s bedside for a miracle while Mac battled his demons at home. Sam told Debra about his doubts about being a reverend because he felt hate and anger toward Mac who hated him because he was black and they had to work together 10 hours a day. Sam also felt sympathy for Mac because Mac lost his first son and now his second was on death’s door, and Sam declared that Mac showed him his true calling was being an officer and not a reverend. Debra advised Sam to help Mac because God put Sam in Mac’s life for a reason. Sam went to see Mac at the church, where Mac was drinking inside. Mac told Sam that he believed that Blake would die that night and Sara would leave him after that. Sam told Mac that he wasn’t to blame for his sons’ accidents and God didn’t want Mac to carry that burden anymore. Mac cried in Sam’s arms, and they prayed at the alter together that Blake wouldn’t die. Mac went to visit Blake at the hospital and joked that there was a kidney match in Canada, but Blake was serious and wanted Mac to take care of Sara after he died and be a better husband. They both apologized to each other and Mac told his son Blake he loved him. The doctor sat down with officer Sam at a table to take a break who was looking over his LDL cholesterol level medical report as he waited at the hospital for Mac. The doctor told Sam he would give him a second opinion and looked at Sam’s document. The doc noticed right away that Sam matched Blake’s blood type, so Sam donated his kidney to Blake and they went into immediate surgery. Debra came to the hospital with her daughters and in the waiting area Grace and Emily, ages 5 and 7, asked Debra how a kidney from someone of one race could work in the body of someone of a different race and Debra explained that everyone was the same on the inside. The kidney surgeries were a successful for Blake and Sam. Six weeks later, multiple races filled up Sam’s church on Sunday. Everybody was given grace cards with words written by Sam’s great-grandfather at age 8, and Sam recommended that everyone use the grace card on anyone who played the race card on them. George attended the sermon, and then ex-con Rand appeared and interrupted the church service in his African garb. Rand explained that he spent eight years in prison and then did years of mission work in Kenya, Africa. Rand asked forgiveness for killing Mac and Sara’s young son, Tyler. Sara stay seated on her church bench and Blake sat in his wheelchair as Mac stood up to address Rand. Mac gave Rand a grace card and the two men hugged in church. The movie ended with Ephesians 2:8.The movie cover art listed, Steve Persall, St. Petersburg Times, “…A solid, sincere affirmation of faith and forgiveness.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/25/24

TITLE:  Flywheel (Director’s Cut) 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2007 Sony Pictures Releasing / Sherwood Pictures (Sherwood Baptist Church of Albany, Georgia) / Kendrick Brothers / Provident Films / Carmel Entertainment 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Albany, Georgia, where Jay Austin owned the used-car dealership called Jay Austin Motors. Jay bought a classic 1958 Triumph TR3 and put his employee, Max Kendall, the mechanic in charge of restoring it. Jay was an overbearing lying greedy owner and he made his sales employees be the same dishonest person as he was. In example, Jay reeled in one potential customer, Scott Miller, with free oil change and free car washes and made it sound like a great deal to convince Scott to buy a car that would impress his future girlfriend with that was really a wrecked vehicle with many hidden problems. Jay sold the car for thousands over fair market value (like the current housing industry in today’s America). Jay was a crook and didn’t reveal to Scott that the vehicle had been in an accident and badly damaged. Jay’s pregnant wife, Judy, and young 3rd grader son, Todd, visited Jay at work, but he was busy and ignored them. Todd left his colored drawing for Jay, and because Jay was distracted on the phone with financial business issues with the bank as his company was behind on payments, he threw his son’s drawing in the trash, which Todd later found in the trashcan when he brought his dad food, and that upset Todd. Later on at the house when Todd had his friend over for a sleepover, Jay overheard Todd telling his friend, Jeff Stone, that he didn’t want to be a dishonest Moter car salesman like his dad and sell overpriced lemons. The Austins went to church that Sunday since they didn’t the week before, where Jay put another empty envelope in the collection plate. Judy went back to church that night while Jay went to the car lot. Jay was jealous of the relationship that his brother, Joey, had with their dad in Atlanta, so he refused to talk to his dad or spend time with Todd like Judy wanted. Reverend Dan Michaels, who performed Keith and Cindy’s wedding, showed up at Jay’s used car lot to a buy a car for his daughter, Lindsay who was going off to college. Bernie Meyers and Vince Berkley, the other two salesmen on Jay’s payroll, made a $20 bet as they watched from inside the office that Jay would stiff the reverend and rip the man of GOD off. Reverend Dan was interested in the Toyota Camry, and Jay lied that he bought it for thousands less than what he would sell it to his own church reverend for, so Dan bought the car. Outside in the car lot with Jay, the Reverend then said a prayer that Lindsay would be safe driving it and asked God to bless Jay the way Jay blessed Dan with what he thought was a good deal on the car. Later on, Bernie tried to give Jay the guilt trip for cheating the reverend even though Bernie himself sold junk cars to elderly ladies and Max overheard the conversation and wasn’t pleased that was how his employer and coworkers conducted business. George MacDonald from Franklin Bank and Trust called Jay on the phone and informed him that he was a month behind on his business mortgage and was in large debt. Judy was upset about Jay’s shady business practices as she questioned him at the dinner table where they drank cola (Todd had Fruit Loop cereal) and the way she had to pry information about his work out of him, so he yelled at her and silenced her. As he later flipped through the channels on TV, Jay’s attention was caught by a reverend preaching on TV and that seemed to have had an impact on Jay’s ungodly and shady behavior. Another day at work, Bernie lied to an older teen and sold her a vehicle knowing that she wouldn’t be able to afford payments and convinced her that he was doing her a favor as a nice guy. Jay listened to Bernie’s sales pitch that Bernie copied from him, and that was Jay’s turning point. When he was alone, Jay ripped up the dealership’s false slogan that mentioned honesty was their policy. Jay suddenly turned into a saint and confronted Bernie. Bernie argued that Jay (boss) taught his employees how to manipulate people and overcharge them. Max discovered that the Triumph wasn’t going anywhere without a new flywheel, and he talked to Jay about God which led to Jay praying and asking Jesus to be part of his life. Judy was happy to hear the news from her husband and Jay promised that he would honor God with his business practices and be a good husband and dad to Judy, Todd and the baby on the way. Jay started reading the Bible and being faithful, like his wife was all along. Jay held a company meeting with Bernie, Vince, Max and Sam Jones, and he apologized for his devious past ways and announced that they would only sell cars at reasonable prices so they could have clear consciences. Bernie (extremely unhealthy) argued that they wouldn’t be able to support their families if they did more work and got smaller commissions, so he quit and convinced Vince (lazy and overweight) to do the same. Max played a prank on Bernie before he left and connected the brake pedal to the horn in his car so when Bernie hit the brake leaving the parking lot and driving down the street the horn honked. Bernie and Vince got higher-paying jobs at competitor Butch Bower’s lot. Jay promoted Sam to salesman and put God in charge of the lot. Judy called Jay’s dad, and he came to visit Jay from Atlanta. Jay’s dad was glad that Jay turned his life around and found Jesus, so Jay’s earthly father said a prayer to give Jay back to his father in heaven. Jay hired Kevin Cantrell the college student that showed up out of the blue looking for a job as a salesman at minimum wage because he wanted his own lot and could only work for six weeks. Max got a new flywheel from a friend for free that exactly matched the classic car and was able to get the Triumph up and running. Kevin convinced Jay to take the Triumph for a spin and assured his boss that he was capable of locking up the dealership. However as soon as Jay drove off, Kevin snooped in his employer’s office files for the private information he was hired by another business to retrieve. Five weeks later, college age Kevin quit because he had the information that he needed for his other employer. George from the bank visited Jay and informed him that he was behind on all his payments and had to pay up by Friday or his cars would be seized. Jay had only been in the used car dealership business for the past two years. Mary Parker came in to return her car because she was too far behind in her payments to catch up since her husband was unemployed and their son was sick in the hospital. On the spot and without hesitation, Jay signed the title of the car over to Mary and marked it paid in full, and Todd witnessed it and realized there was hope yet for his dad. As Jay watched television at home with his wife in the room, NBS Nightly News in New York then broadcast a special report on TV and explained that they sent out paid reporters to pose as customers and employees at six used-car lots around the country and secretly conduct six-week investigations to figure out who was deceiving people into buying jalopies. The reporters slyly recorded private conversations between employers and employees and employers and customers to expose the criminal activity on the dealership lots, including two car places in Arkansas and Utah that were caught ripping off their customers. As it turned out, Kevin was one of the undercover reporters on the news network’s payroll s and assigned to work for Jay at his Georgia lot. NBS reported Jay’s used car business the only honest one in the country after Kevin recorded Jay making comments his policy was about only selling cars fairly and that partial clip of Jay’s conversation with his employee Kevin at the time was broadcasted on the news. Jay went in to work the next day (Friday) and only because of the major news report on TV, dozens of customers flocked to Jay’s lot that day to buy used cars. He was in shock and called in backup to help him for the day (Judy, Max and Sam) to sell cars. By that afternoon, the business made over $38,000, which was enough to pay their $32,000 debt due to the bank that day. When the banker showed up later that afternoon and noticed most of the cars gone from the car lot, Jay delivered the money to banker George, who couldn’t believe they sold all the cars in one day. Jay’s car lot received more publicity on several news stations after his car lot had so many sales in one day. Because of his wife’s words, Jay set out to return almost $40,000 of money that he cheated his customers out of over the past two years of his and his employees unethical sales practices. After all the bills and salaries were paid, the accounting books that Judy helped with showed the owners had the exact amount of money needed to pay back their customers the overcharges. Jay was flabbergasted, and Judy advised him to take it as a sign from God and she convinced Jay to do it even though he was skeptical and didn’t want to be found out as a con man and eat his Humble pie in the process. Jay went door-to-door to his customers with checks to return some money. Miss Wright lost her job that day and believed her prayer was answered by the $1500 that Jay gave her. Another lady thought she won a contest (like radio stations have) and screamed to her coworkers at work that she won a prize. One lady, Katie Harris and her sister (similar personalities to Diamond and Silk) told Jay off for cheating her when she worked hard for her money. A news reporter showed up out of the blue at Jay’s business so Jay agreed to a live interview with Hillary Vale the newscaster. Once he sat down with Hillary, Jay soon learned that Hillary had Bernie in her pocket and set Jay up to take a fall on live TV. A clip was played of Bernie in a previous interview with Hillary’s news team and Bernie claimed that he quit working for Jay because Jay wasn’t always an honest dealer. Jay confirmed in the news interview that behavior was a part of his past and he refused to answer any more questions from Hillary’s staged news attack since she didn’t have all the facts but went on live air with Bernie’s twisted story. Jay prayed to God for help in a quiet area of his workplace, while at home Judy and Todd did the same. Before Hillary and her news team could leave the used dealership, many of the customers that recently received money from Jay arrived on scene to report the whole story about how Jay settled up with them and made things right. Max held Jay back from interfering with the news and the customers and told Jay to let God fight for him using the customers. Hillary went live again on the news while still at Jay’s business a half hour later and updated her previous news story and interviewed Katie, Reverend Dan, Miss Carter and Alma Watts who threw Bernie under the bus because he overcharged her for a truck and not Jay. Judy then went into labor (Hillary reported Judy’s labor too on live TV giving more positive publicity to Jay and his family). Jay took his wife to the hospital and they named the baby girl Faith. Another day, Jay went to Todd’s school, where Todd read a paper he wrote about how his dad was his superhero and Todd now wanted to be like his dad. Jay got Todd out of school early by talking to the Principal and then took his son for a father/son ride in the classic Triumph car down the Georgia roadways. The movie ended with quotes from  2 Corinthians 5:17 and Romans 10:13. The movie cover art listed, Zig Ziglar, author and motivational teacher “Entertainment that packs a message right where we all live and work.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/24/24

TITLE:  Escape 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2012 Pure FLix Entertainment / Chankin Entertainment / Sixty40 Productions / Marker Entertainment / Kaos Entertainment 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in Phuket, Thailand, where a group of four armed Thai human traffickers (the Captain, Narong, Lek and Chakan) kidnapped the wealthy Malcolm Andrew’s boat on the Andaman Sea. Malcolm offered the thugs money, so they knocked him unconscious instead of killing him, stole his boat and belongings and held him captive. In Cambridge, Massachusetts, Americans Paul and Kim Jordan were husband and wife doctors (new chapter in their lives) who were headed to Thailand to do disease prevention and health screenings at the mobile clinic run by Dr. Kiet until they could open their own clinic in Thailand. Before the childless couple left the country, they had Michelle and Steve Bacardi over for dinner. Michelle gave Kim a Bible even though Paul didn’t believe in God. Paul and Kim’s baby, Maddie, died at four months old from SIDS, so they sent the crib to the Hope Center and put everything else in storage. The doctor couple flew to Thailand, where they went shopping and rode elephants and at first believed it was paradise. The clinic was watched by the gang of traffickers who planned to take Dr. Kiet hostage and force him to treat Narong’s brother, the Captain, who got shot in the leg by one of the two young women that the criminal men had in their service and sex trafficked. The gang enlisted a young street homeless boy to run into the clinic and ask Paul for assistance with his pregnant mom who was in labor. The boy led Paul into a trap where he tried to fight off the traffickers and run, but they took him hostage at gunpoint. They realized their mistake but kept the American doctor instead of (Thai) Dr. Kiet. They rowed (American doc) Paul out to their hideout on a secluded jungle island. Meanwhile, Kim tried to call Paul when he never returned to the clinic after a period of time, but she got no answer. Dr. Kiet reassured Dr. Kim that Dr. Paul would return, but she was worried and handed out missing flyers on the streets and in shops to the locals. She found the street boy with Paul’s medical bag and chased him, but the locals stopped her from catching him, and she was able to get the medical bag back. Somsri was an English-speaking Thai lady that showed up at the clinic, and she prayed for Kim to find Paul and revealed that her (British) husband Malcolm was being held for ransom somewhere. Malcom and Somsri had donated money to the clinic to fund their work, and she was supposed to go with him out on the boat but she had to stay behind for her work at the adoption agency for the Thai Children’s Home. Dr. Kim reported Dr. Paul’s disappearance to the police, and the inspector suggested that Paul was out clubbing and partying because Thai culture had a lot of entertainment. The police began searching for the motherless boy in hopes he would lead them to Paul. Dr. Kim called Michelle and Steve in Massachusetts from Thailand to tell them the news and asked for prayers, and Kim’s dad and Paul’s brother were headed to Thailand to help search. The captain’s injury happened three days before, so he was suffering from a septic infection and was in severe pain. The boy had stolen Paul’s medical bag and it wasn’t on the boat with the smugglers, so Paul used what he had to remove the bullet. The gangsters understood and spoke minimum English, and they refused to give Paul the chance to escape and let him return to the clinic for antibiotics. They ordered Paul to keep the captain alive and then chained him up in a cage next to Malcolm, who was also a captive there on the island. Malcolm stayed sane by reciting Bible verses and Romans 8:32 instead of Paul’s method of using the periodic table. Malcolm explained that he was being kept alive for ransom money. An enslaved girl shot the Captain in the leg in hopes of escaping, so the other men shot her dead in the head. Malcolm kept God in his heart and declared that he and Paul must keep their spirits believing and not give up until they found a way to escape. Malcolm made money as a sailor in the British Royal Navy, but he left a trail of disaster in his wake. Malcolm was a big-time sinner until God turned his life around, and he hardly knew his son Charlie because he was always too busy with work to be around. Malcolm taught Dr. Paul how to express his feelings to God by shouting his words to God, instead of bottling everything up inside. American Dr. Paul believed that God was hateful for allowing bad things to happen to innocent people, and he cried out to God questioning why he was in that predicament and why lil Madison was taken away. Malcolm convinced the traffickers to give Paul food so he could do his job. Paul diagnosed the Captain with a Purpura rash, which meant he had blood vessels leaking blood under the skin and bacteria in his blood and required clindamycin, penicillin and an IV drip, which the traffickers agreed to get. Dr. Kiet and other medical staff were headed to another mobile clinic area, and the doctor gave Dr. Kim the guilt trip for staying at the clinic to wait for word about Dr. Paul instead of helping the other patients on the island. Dr. Kim refused to leave, and then a patient recognized Dr. Paul’s picture. The Thai lady told the police inspector that she witnessed the traffickers abducting Dr. Paul in the street from her storefront. The inspector announced that it was unlikely that Malcolm and Paul’s kidnappings were related. The British Embassy was already involved and had been searching for Malcolm, so Dr. Kim contacted the US Embassy. Sue Griggs from the US Embassy explained that there was little they could do without solid evidence of a crime. Paul and Malcolm plotted their escape and warned Lek that he would be blamed if the captain died, so Lek agreed to release Paul from his cage (Paul made up a story that the forgot to treat the Captain with something) and let him give the captain emergency care without the others knowing. Malcolm started a fire to distract Lek, and Lek left Paul alone. Paul found where Malcolm’s satellite phone was hidden, and the Captain and captive Kanya spotted him. Paul was worried she would tell on him, but instead Kanya gave the phone to Malcolm and Malcolm promised to rescue her when he and the doctor made their escape. The bad guys returned with the medicine Paul needed from a drug dealer instead of stealing it from the clinic, but they waited too long and the captain died when Paul gave him the medicine. Dr. Paul announced to the criminals that the captain was sleeping and needed to be left alone, and Dr. Paul was able to find a knife that he used to unlock his chains. Malcolm used the remaining battery on the phone to call Somsri, and he told her and Kim that they would try to escape to the eastern shore. Malcolm left the phone on so the police could trace the signal to his location, and they sent a rescue helicopter and Malcolm responded only when it was safe. The men discovered that the captain was dead, so they planned to kill Paul but Malcolm pitted the men against each other and made Narong believe that Chakan wanted to be leader and brought the wrong medicine so the captain would die. The two fought and accidentally shot Lek in the arm, and the police and the wives heard the gunshot. Paul treated Lek’s wound and then freed Malcolm from his cage, and they ran. Dr. Paul didn’t want to go back for Kanya, but Malcolm knew that she would be killed if her captors figured out she helped them escape. Kanya tried to retrieve a knife and leave with Malcolm, but Narong stabbed her in the stomach with the knife to kill her. The men realized that Dr. Paul and Malcolm escaped, so they chased them through the jungle with guns. Lek tried to shoot Malcolm, but Dr. Paul knocked Lek out and Chakan stepped in an animal trap that immobilized him. Narong cornered Dr. Paul and Narong almost shot Paul, but Malcolm distracted Narong and Paul was able to knock him off a cliff into the river where he drowned. Malcolm then took several bullets in the stomach for Dr. Paul, and his dying words were for God’s will to be done. Dr. Paul ran to the beach, where he prayed to Jesus for help and surrendered on his knees. Dr. Paul received a phone call that the helicopter was coming, and he delivered the news that Malcolm (Brit) gave his life to save Paul’s (American) and Somsri (Thai) was devastated. The helicopter rescued Paul and he thanked God. Paul was taken back to the mainland on a boat where he was reunited with wife Kim. American doctors Paul and Kim later started (with the financing from Thai citizen Somsri) The Good Cheer Vaccine Clinic dedicated to Malcolm. They vaccinated the children from the Thai Children’s Home, where Somsri worked to help get them adopted. Paul soothed one young girl who called Paul “dad” in Thai and then all the children received gifts to help lesson the pain from their vaccination needle shot. The movie cover art listed, The Dove Foundation, “A tremendous story of redemption.”

  

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/24/24

TITLE:  The Home Teachers

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2004 Halestorm Entertainment / End of the Month Productions / Halestone Distribution

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Utah. It began with President Mason, of the Latter-day Saints, (Mormons) church speaking and he encouraged the brethren to visit people at their homes in a process called Home Teaching to preach to them and help them through any difficult times, such as he mentioned doing with fellow Sister and her 17 children. Greg Blazer had no desire to be in that all men’s sermon and was desperate to leave church in time for Sunday football, so he dragged his wife Melissa and three daughters Josie, Jordan and Jani out, and then both parents let 11-year-old daughter Josie drive the family home like a maniac. Nelson Parker just moved to the area from Waco, Texas, and he worked as the manager of a company that produced Gorgonzola scripture CDs. Nelson was assigned as Greg’s home teaching partner, and he wanted Greg to join him and visit the three families on their list since it was the last day of the month since Greg hadn’t met his church quota. Greg lied to Nelson that Grandma and the family were over and begged Melissa to pretend she was pregnant and going into labor, but Melissa insisted that her husband stop being obsessed over football and go help others since he spent the majority of this time at home ignoring his own family. Greg told Nelson he was going to go change clothes but snuck out the back and deflated Nelson’s car tire. Nelson fixed the flat tire by changing to a spare, so Greg faked an injury like Josie suggested. Melissa locked Greg out of the house since she knew her husband would do anything to get out of helping out, so Greg reluctantly left with Nelson. The churchmen met with the Mori family, who planned to downsize to a smaller house since Pat lost his job. Greg wasn’t at all interested in the conversation so he excused himself from the boring family to use the restroom and went in the upstairs bathroom to hide out and listen to the football game on his portable radio. Greg’s touchdown celebration dance caused a gnome to be flushed down the toilet, and that caused the toilet water to overflow everywhere. Greg tried to mop up the water mess with Mrs. Mori’s wedding dress, but the gushing water dripped through the ceiling onto the turkey dinner and then the ceiling caved in and Greg crashed down to the first floor on top of the dinner table, which made the cooked turkey fly out the window. Pat and his wife were not happy because they had spent the past weeks fixing up their home and planned to use the equity in their current house to buy the smaller home and pay the bills until Pat found other employment, but the major destruction (thousands of dollars) caused by the church people ruined that for his family. Greg and Nelson left the house without praying for that family or offer to pay for the damages they caused.  Instead, they went to Donald Terry’s house, where his brother Disson Terry explained that Donald and his wife Bonnie were away at the memorial service of her grand-uncle Wally. Disson didn’t know Wally so he didn’t go to his uncle’s memorial. Nelson insisted that he and Greg drive hours away to attend the Terry service so outside the Terry house angry Greg kicked the gnome statue on the lawn. They stopped at a small-town bar, where Greg threw Nelson’s demo CDs in the trashcan. Nelson fished the scripture cds out of the trash while Greg called Melissa and told her not to be a virus and come pick him up, but she refused and insisted that he visit the Terrys. Nelson tried to read from a religious magazine at the service and discovered that Greg had hidden a Sports Illustrated football magazine inside the religious cover magazine that Greg had also read during the Sunday church sermon earlier that day. The churchmen fought over the magazine until it landed in Wally’s open casket, and Greg went to retrieve it and knocked over the casket. Wally’s dead body fell on Greg and he caused a scene, and in the process the funeral director fainted. As a result from the drama caused by Greg and Nelson, the funeral director, and an elderly lady were taken to the hospital. Bonnie and Donald asked Greg and Nelson to transport a stuffed deer head that belonged to Wally because they had no room in their own car to take it back to their house. As they drove back to their neighborhood, Greg explained to Nelson that he was obsessed with football because he used to be a star player in high school and got a sports scholarship, but he couldn’t go to college because his farmer dad died and he and his brothers took over the dairy farm. Nelson said he was the head of the DECCA and got accepted to Yale, but he went to BYU instead where he met his wife and she was back in Waco with their newborn son. Nelson said his dad was in the military. Nelson said that he was staying with his mother-in-law and it was her car that he was driving and told Greg to keep his feet off the dashboard because she didn’t want it scratched. Greg said that he met Melissa in third grade, and they got married when they were 17 and had their first daughter at 18. A rural police officer got a report about a deer poacher in the area so the officer spotted a deer head in Greg and Nelson’s car and he suspected they were poachers and pulled them over. The officer saw that the deer head between the men in the front seat was stuffed and realized they were not the poachers. Donkey Greg got out of the car and put the deer on his head, and the officer didn’t know what Greg was about so the officer pulled his gun on Greg and told him to take off the deer head mask. The officer then let the men go. Later on, Nelson refused to stop and get gas because it was the Sabbath, so Greg convinced him to take a logging road shortcut that he remembered from his childhood. However, the road was overgrown and they went speeding out of control down a hill. They lost the passenger door and hood on Nelson’s mother-in-law’s car, and then they flew off a cliff and crashed. They left the totaled car at the bottom of the cliff and set out on foot through the woods. Greg argued that the shortcut was better than being stranded on the side of the highway with no gas because the cops wouldn’t have helped them. Greg wore the deer head on his own head as they walked through the farmland and woods. Two men (poachers) were out illegally hunting deer and spotted the deer head moving around in the bushes. They both missed when they shot at the buck, so they took out the machine gun and repeatedly opened fire at Greg and Nelson who realized they were being shot at and ran. Greg the deer-man flagged down Karl and Sissy’s RV camper, by standing in the middle of the road. The driver slammed on the brakes and reluctantly picked up the hitchhikers. The police officer from earlier spotted the deer head out the window of the camper and thought it was the poachers again, so he chased the RV. Karl and Sissy were big-time thieves, so they refused to pull over and tried to run the police car off the road with the RV. They had told Greg not to use the bathroom, but he couldn’t hold it anymore and looked behind the curtain and discovered that Karl and Sissy stole the RV camper from the elderly couple that they had tied up in the back. The officer called for backup, and he and the highway patrol created a roadblock with a spike strip that stopped the RV. Karl and Sissy were arrested, and the elderly couple received medical attention from the ambulance. The police officer drove Greg and Nelson back to Salt Lake City,and he gave Nelson a business card for Moe and Stacie Huang to tow his mother-in-law’s wrecked car. Greg planned to finally go home once the officer dropped the churchmen off at the crossroads verses their houses as they requested. However, Greg joined Nelson and walked with him to visit the elderly Sister Schumann, who was the last person on their list. They read from her Bible to her and completed their quota, so they left. Greg sensed that something was wrong with the Sister because her little yappy dog, Joel, was no where around inside the house and she was always out and about in the hood with that dog. Greg and Nelson went back inside Sister Schumann’s home to have another talk with her to see if there was anything she needed help with. Sister Schumann broke down then and explained that Joel passed away but the ground was too hard for her to dig a hole and she hadn’t the heart to leave him outside the night before so Joel was under a blanket by his food bowls needing to be buried. Greg and Nelson dug a grave and gave Joel a burial and put a gnome on top of the gravesite. After that, the churchmen stayed much longer and kept Sister Schumann company that evening and ate cookies and looked at family photo albums (as the woman seemed to have no family in her life to help her in her elder years). After they left the house for a second time, Nelson revealed that he and his wife were separated and she wasn’t coming there to live with him because Nelson missed the delivery of his son because Nelson had a mission appointment with another family on his church list. Greg took Melissa and the kids out for a family night instead of staying home to watch Monday night football. Nelson drove up in his barely running mother-in-law’s car, which was falling apart. Nelson took two Retriever puppies out of the junkyard car, and he gave Greg and his family one and Sister Schumann the other. Greg told Nelson he crossed the line with getting an additional family member for him to take care of (earlier Greg explained that he had no idea what any of this girls interests were and hardly his wife’s either because he was too wrapped up in himself and his own wants). As it turned out, Nelson’s wife and son moved to Salt Lake four months later, and Nelson and Greg received an 83% home teaching score every year and only because Greg refused to teach on Halloween and New Year’s Eve. In the end, Greg and Nelson visited Fred Lampropoulos at his house, who was running for re-election Republican governor since the governor was on their church Home Teaching list.  Fred had his front yard full of signs voting for himself. Greg and Nelson didn’t have the chance to preach what their church sent them to preach and Greg pretended to sleep and then dramatically fell off the couch on to the floor because we was not interested in what the Republican governor had to say. Fred spent the entire session boasting about his accomplishments, talking about his gun collection and how he helped public schools and neither churchman seemed to care.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/23/24

TITLE:  Scooby-Doo 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2002 Warner Bros. Pictures / Mosaic Media Group

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is about the Mystery Inc. gang, a mystery-solving team from Coolsville, California, that worked together to track down villains who dressed up in monster and ghost costumes to commit crimes. The group consisted of the self absorbed leader Fred Jones, short-skirted Daphne Blake who starved herself to maintain her figure and was always the damsel in distress, smart Velma Dinkley who came up with all the plans, and Norville “Shaggy” Rogers and his talking Great Dane, Scooby-Doo, who were both food-loving scaredy-cats who ran from the monsters. Daphne was kidnapped by the Luna Ghost inside the Wow-O Toys factory, but the gang was able to stop the ghost and rescue Daphne. The police, Pam and teenage fans of Mystery Inc. arrived on scene with the gang’s van (the Mystery Machine) to arrest the ghost. The ghost was unmasked and revealed to be Old Man Smithers, the janitor who turned to the dark side because Pam refused to date him. Fred took credit for Velma’s plan again, and that led to the group splitting up over their differences. Two years later, Shaggy and Scooby lived in the Mystery Machine van. Emile Mondavarious invited them to his monster-themed Spooky Island amusement park to solve a mystery for a $10,000 reward. They wanted nothing to do with monsters or mysteries but quickly agreed when they learned there would be free food. The whole gang ran into each other at the airport because everyone received the invitation. Fred wrote a book about himself, Velma worked at NASA and Daphne got a black belt so she could protect herself. Scooby came dressed as Grandma so he could get on the plane, and he was catcalled.Shaggy unsuccessfully tried to convince everyone to work together, but they all wanted to solve the mystery by themselves. Shaggy hit it off with a girl named Mary Jane, and he forced Scooby to give up his seat to Mary Jane and then scolded Scooby as a bad Grandma when Grandma (Scooby) tried to eat a cat. Emile explained to the gang that he believed the college students who came to the park for spring break were put under a spell. The college young adults arrived as wild party animals, but now they were evil and possessed super-strength and other superhuman powers. N’ Goo Tuana and his wrestler accomplice Zarkos held a ritual and declared that Emile disturbed the ancient supernatural beings who lived on the island when he built the park and now the creatures wanted revenge. Scooby was gullible where food was concerned and was easily called away into the woods by a stranger who promised him hamburgers. Instead of burgers, there was monster that went after Scooby. He ran scared to Shaggy, who didn’t see the monster and thought Scooby was making it up. Daphne asked around about the students and interrupted Voodoo Maestro’s ritual to sacrifice a dead chicken. He refused to talk and warned Daphne to stay away from the castle theme park ride that was closed for construction. Daphne recruited Shaggy and Scooby to help her explore the castle park by bribing them with Scooby Snacks. Fred and Velma beat them to it and were already at the castle, so the group split up to search for clues. They were being watched, and then the creepy castle came alive. The food attacked Shaggy and Scooby, giant swinging axes went after Fred and Velma and Daphne was carried away on a roller coaster that nearly impaled her on sharp instruments. The attack stopped when Fred was thrown through a window and landed on the switches in the control room filled with desks from a classroom. Fred and Velma found a video that they believed was created by a cult to brainwash young people into having “manners” by talking like gangsters. Daphne found a room with a pyramid-shaped relic called the Daemon Ritus, and she was able to take it and escape before she was caught in a trap. Shaggy and Scooby found a kitchen and had farting and burping contests. The bad guys, led by Zarkos, chased after the gang but they made it out. They informed Emile that he was their third suspect in addition to N’ Goo, and Voodoo. Fred interviewed the park employees about the students and any strange goings-on at the park, Daphne looked up cults on the Internet, and Velma inspected the inscriptions on the Daemon Ritus. She discovered that they were similar to Pandaemonous texts, and the symbols translated into a description of an ancient race of creatures and instructions for a ritual called Darkopalypse. Scooby spotted another monster, and Fred scolded him for seeing things and told everyone that monsters didn’t exist. However, a group of monsters that weren’t people wearing masks then appeared and attacked everyone. They used their bad breath to knock Fred, Velma and other victims unconscious in order to them hostage. N’Goo tried to steal the Daemon, but Daphne retrieved it. The monsters tore up the hangout and chased Scooby, Shaggy, Daphne and Mary, but they escaped and joined forces to stop the monsters and rescue all the hostages even though Scooby and Shaggy wanted to leave. Mary Jane called the Coast Guard for help, and they agreed to meet the group at the pier but they were actually bad guys who never showed. The foursome fell asleep on the beach and woke up to discover that the island was normal again as if nothing happened because all of the college students were partying hard. However, Scooby and Shaggy then discovered that Fred and the other people who had been captured were under the monsters’ control and acted like gangsters. The monsters went after Shaggy and Scooby, who fled on Halloween decked out four-wheelers and picked up Mary Jane. Scooby realized Mary Jane was a man wearing a mask and tried to tell Shaggy, but he didn’t believe it so they got into a fight. Scooby fell down a tunnel into a cave, and Shaggy jumped in after him. Shaggy found a vat filled with the detached protoplasmic heads of the monsters’ victims. He fished Velma, Fred and Daphne’s heads out and released them, and the spirits returned to their bodies and forced the monsters out. Daphne’s monster tried to attack her, but Velma used sunlight to destroy it because she discovered that the monsters needed to use human bodies as hosts in order to survive in the sunlight. However, Fred’s spirit couldn’t get to his own body so he ended up in Daphne’s body while Daphne’s spirit went to Fred’s body. They spoke with each other’s voices, and Fred was excited to be able to look at Daphne’s body naked and repeatedly touched it. Shaggy stole the Daemon which had been taken by the monsters, and then all four of their protoplasm spirits started randomly switching because they were in the vicinity of the relic. The gang continued swapping bodies until the protoplasm found its way back to its own bodies, which eventually happened. The gang then found Voodoo Maestro, who was trying to perform a ritual to protect himself from the monsters. Velma realized that the monsters planned to use the protoplasm in the vat as the energy source for the Darkopalypse ritual, and the cult leader needed to absorb a pure soul in order to succeed and have his army of evil creatures take over the world for the next 10,000 years. There were no pure human souls in the world, so Scooby was captured and brought to the castle, Emile’s hideout. The gang realized that Emile was behind it all and N’Goo and Zarkos were his minions. Emile gained Scooby’s trust and convinced him to sacrifice his pure soul for the ritual, and Scooby didn’t know what it meant and agreed. The gang tried to tip over the vat, but Shaggy messed it up and the ritual started. It featured members dressed in tribal attire and then the zombified college students danced. Fred and Velma tried to participate in the dance but they were discovered. The Daemon was taken from them, and N’ Goo extracted Scooby’s protoplasm before Shaggy could free him. Emile used the Daemon to absorb Scooby’s energy, but then Shaggy knocked Emile out and Scooby’s protoplasm returned to his body. Fred and Velma removed Emile’s mask and discovered that he was a robot operated by Scrappy-Doo, a puppy who was a relative of Scooby. Scrappy used to be part of the Mystery Inc. gang until they ditched him because he was naughty, so he turned to the dark side. Scrappy had absorbed enough of Scooby’s energy to bulk up into a giant monster dog, and he went after Scooby who fought back. Monster Mary Jane tried to use her bad breath on Shaggy and delivered Scooby to Scrappy. Daphne used her martial arts skills to fight off Zarkos, who fell and knocked over the protoplasm vat. All the spirits of the college students returned to their bodies, and Shaggy used the pincer crane on Scrappy to remove the Daemon from him and return him to his puppy self. Fred and Daphne kissed. The gang then discovered that Scrappy locked Emile away on the island two years before so Scrappy could masquerade as Emile in robot form. The police arrived to arrest Scrappy, N’Goo and Zarkos. Fred let Velma take the credit for their success and tell the news how they solved the mystery. Mystery Inc gang were back in business and were celebrated as the heroes of the day, and they headed to London to stop the Mud Bog Ghoul. This movie had a budget of $84 million and grossed over $275 million at the box office.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/22/24

TITLE:  You’ve Got Mail 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1998 Warner Bros. / Lauren Shuler Donner Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in New York City where Joe Fox worked for his multi-million-dollar family business, Fox and Sons Books, and lived with his girlfriend Patricia Eden who worked at Eden Books. Kathleen Kellyowned the tiny West Side children’s bookstore called Shop Around The Corner, which sold classic children’s books such as Anne of Green Gables, Charlotte’s Web, Trumpet of the Swan, Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and Peter Rabbit. Kathleen lived with her boyfriend Frank Navasky who wrote for the local NYC Observer. To escape their everyday lives, Joe (NY152) and Kathleen (Shopgirl) met in an online chat room, and they snuck around behind their significant others’ backs to regularly exchange “You’ve Got Mail” emails sharing their thoughts and feelings and questioned their paths in life because neither seemed happy in their current relationships at home and were happy for the online companionship. NY152 and Shopgirl kept their identity and work and other things personal from one another and agreed to remain anonymous, so they didn’t know each other’s names but they passed each other on the street and both bought Starbucks coffee, Kathleen’s favorite was caramel macchiato. Kathleen’s employees, Christina Plutzker and George Pappas, were interested in Kathleen’s emails, and she considered ending the online chat sessions with Joe since she and her online friend didn’t have cybersex and it wasn’t anything serious. Fox Books was run by Joe, his dad Nelson and his grandfather Schuyler, and they built the next Fox Books Superstore across the street from Kathleen’s store (Joe didn’t know that Kathleen was his online soul friend that he connected to so easily). Meanwhile, dad (Nelson Fox) planned to marry a British lady named Gillian Quinn. Schuyler Fox (Grandpa) knew Kathleen’s mom Cecilia from when she owned the Shop Around The Corner store years ago before Cecilia died and passed it down to Kathleen. Joe refused to let Brit Gillian’s British nanny, Maureen, take care of the young kids when Gillian met up with Joe to drop off Annabel and Matthew Fox. Gillian told Joe that she was headed off to get her eggs harvested so the two female from across the pond disappeared together in the Big Apple. Joe took the kids to a fall festival and then story time at Kathleen’s children’s bookstore. Joe and Kathleen met in person (not knowing they were online chat mates), and Joe declared that he had a normal American family because Matt was his dad Nelson’s son (so ‘lil Matt was Joe’s young brother) and Annabel was Grandpa Schuyler’s daughter (so ‘lil Annabel was Joe’s aunt). Kathleen revealed to Joe that she was worried that she would go bankrupt because of Fox Books, so Joe hid the fact that he was a Foxdespite the kids trying to tell Kathleen that they were Fox people. A week after Fox Books opened, Kathleen’s store started losing money as told by Birdie Conrad, the elderly lady that kept track of the store’s accounting books. Kathleen’s writer friend, Miranda Margulies, believed that Fox would put Kathleen out of business, and she called Frank a nut for being in live with his typewriter. Kathleen and Frank attended the black-tie party involving Random House that Joe and Patricia went to. Kathleen discovered Joe’s last name of Fox at the party, and Joe compared her reaction to the appearance of the horse’s head in the bed in The Godfather. As it turned out, Patricia was a huge fan of Frank’s creative writing. Joe and Kathleen (NY152 and Shopgirl) couldn’t sleep and stayed up writing emails to each other because their minds weren’t on their current romantic relationships. Kathleen avoided Joe whenever she could until Joe appeared and saved the day at Zabar’s grocery store by convincing Rose the cashier to take Kathleen’s credit card even though it was a cash-only lane. Miranda chose to have her upcoming children’s book signing at Fox Books since they were a bigger store and had more publicity. At Christmastime, Shopgirl (Kathleen) wrote to NY152 (Joe) that her business was in trouble but she wouldn’t say what her business was. Joe (NY152) believed and told his online partner that The Godfather could answer any question and was a standard for which to live by, so he advised Kathleen (Shopgirl), and owner of a kid’s bookstore to go to the mattresses (go to war) because it was just business and take nothing personal. Kathleen decided to take Joe’s advice and asked Frank to write a piece about her children’s bookstore in the Observer, and her boyfriend agreed and then did a TV interview with Sidney-Ann about it but Kathleen wasn’t pleased that the two were sweating and flirting with each other on TV. Kathleen’s sales didn’t increase, so she recruited her customers to protest outside Fox Books which featured a coffee shop and discounted books that sold better than Kathleen’s full-priced ones. There was a news report about it, and Joe was mad that the news cut out his full speech and only aired the very small part where he invited Kathleen to sue him for selling cheaper books. NY152 and Shopgirl (Joe and Kathleen) agreed online that the online chatters would meet in person at a café. Kathleen could be identified because she would sit at a table with a book on top of her table. Joe’s coworker Kevin Jackson spied for him through the window and revealed that his mystery online date was Kathleen. Joe planned to leave Kathleen waiting, but Kevin didn’t think was cool so Joe walked inside to talk to Kathleen. Kathleen didn’t expect to see Joe there because she was waiting for her online chat friend. Kathleen was a huge fan of Pride and Prejudice and informed Joe that Elizabeth was the greatest character. Kathleen wanted Joe to leave, but he sat at the table next to her and he got the truth out of her how she felt about him and her online friend (that happened to be himself) and then Joe left the place. At work, Kathleen, Christina and George considered reasons why her cyberpal was a no-show. George believed that he was the Rooftop Killer who was arrested 2 blocks from the café that she was in the night before. George pointed out that in the past Kathleen was worried that Frank was the Unabomber. Shopgirl (Kathleen) wrote NY152 (Joe) another email and told him that she took his advice and was Godfather cruel like he said to be by telling someone (Joe the night before) the things she felt inside. Shopgirl (Kathleen) regretted hurting the man and wished she hadn’t. Shopgirl (Kathleen) added that she sensed it wasn’t NY152’s (Joe’s) real character to stand her up, and she hoped he had a legitimate reason for not showing up because their communication felt more real than Kathleen’s everyday relationships and she didn’t want to believe he was a fake. NY152 (Joe) tried to come up with an excuse for why he wasn’t there, like a trip to Vancouver, Canada or he had a business meeting, but then he emailed Shopgirl (Kathleen) and asked her for her forgiveness and refused to say why he didn’t show. Birdie said she was extremely rich from buying cheap Intel stock and offered to help Kathleen after she closed the store that had been open for 42 years. Birdie admitted that she fell in love with Generalissimo Franco, who was in charge of Spain until he died. Frank was shocked when he heard that about Birdie. Frank and Kathleen then went to the movies. As they sat in the movie theater, Frank forgave his girlfriend for going to the spa instead of voting for Rudy Giuliani for mayor against Ruth Messinger. Kathleen didn’t need to be forgiven so she got up and walked out. Right after that, the two ended their relationship over dinner and admitted that they didn’t love each other. Another day, Kathleen checked out the children’s book section at Fox Books, and Patricia planned to offer Kathleen a job as a children’s book editor at Eden Books. Joe and Patricia got stuck in an elevator with two other people, and Joe realized that his girlfriend was self-centered and whiny so he and his dog Brinkley moved out and took up residence in the Fox houseboat on the pier and ended his relationship with Patricia. Breakups ran in the family because dad Nelson didn’t marry Brit Gillian after she and Brit nanny Maureen ran off to have a lesbian relationship, so Nelson moved in with Joe on the boat. Kathleen closed her (and her mom’s) classic children’s bookstore for the last time. A couple of weeks later, Joe showed up at Kathleen’s home door with daisies, her favorite flowers. George had told Joe that Kathleen was home sick with the flu. Joe was nice to Kathleen and helped her by making her tea and tucking her in bed. Before he left Joe advised Kathleen not to say anything to him that she would regret later and encouraged her to meet her online guy. However, after that Kathleen’s opinion of Joe changed, so the two started hanging out and getting to know each other. They kept writing emails (Kathleen still not knowing NY152 was Joe), and Joe used their online conversations to keep their dating going and make Kathleen fall for him. They enjoyed each other’s company and became close friends instead of enemies over their rival businesses, which they couldn’t do until they both ended their other relationships. Kathleen started writing a children’s book, and NY152 (Joe) sent her (Shopgirl) an email that he wanted to meet her. Before Kathleen went to meet her online mystery person, Joe visited her and asked Kathleen in person to forgive him for putting her out of business, and he wished that they could get together but Kathleen told him she had to go otherwise she would be late but looked back at Joe as she walked away. Kathleen waited at the beautiful in bloom flower garden area of the park as “Somewhere Over The Rainbow” played. Kathleen was pleasantly surprised when Joe appeared with retriever Brinkley, and Kathleen revealed that she had hoped the mystery man would be Joe and the two online chatters “not so strangers” kissed. This movie had a budget of $65 million and grossed over $250 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Maria Salas, CBS-TV, “The best romantic comedy of the year!” Susan Wloszczyna, USA Today, “Tom Hanks and Meg Ryan should win the Nobel Prize for chemistry!”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/22/24

TITLE:  Bride Wars

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009 20th Century Fox / Fox 2000 Pictures / Regency Enterprises / New Regency Productions / Birdie Production / Riche Ludwig Productions / Dune Entertainment 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is about Olivia “Liv” Lerner and Emma Allan, two best friends from Rutherford, New Jersey. In childhood, the moms took their young tween daughters to the New York Plaza Hotel in June for tea. The two spied on a wedding at the fancy hotel away from their moms and both fantasized about having June weddings at The Plaza from that moment on. Around 16 years old, the two girls practiced with Liv as the bride and Emma as the groom getting married. Twenty years later, Liv and Emma were still friends and lived in New York City with their boyfriends. Liv was a cutthroat attorney and Emma was a middle school teacher. At school, Emma’s fellow teacher Deb Delgado continually dumped her own work on Emma to do it for her and Emma did it. Liv and Emma attended Amanda and Glen’s wedding, and then they discovered a Tiffany box in Liv’s apartment and realized that her boyfriend Daniel planned to propose to her. They used self-control and didn’t look at the ring, but they told their girlfriends Amie and Marissa and Liv’s brother Nate who wrote for the New York magazine. Liv was upset that her parents were dead and couldn’t attend her wedding, but was OK since Emma would be her maid of honor. Emma and her boyfriend, Fletcher Flemson, had Chinese takeout at their apartment and then he casually proposed. Fletcher put the ring inside a fortune cookie and told Emma that he wanted the proposal simple like their future years together ordering Chinese, and because she so wanted to be married and compete with her friend, she happily accepted. Emma planned to meet with Marion St. Claire, the most sought-after wedding planner in the city, to arrange an extravagant wedding at the Plaza that Emma had been saving money for ever since she was 16 years old. Liv, jealous that her girlfriend was already engaged and making fast wedding plans, was tired of waiting for Daniel to propose, so she burst into his office at work and asked him to marry her. He revealed that he had planned to propose that night and gave Liv the ring, and she accepted. Liv and Emma together met with Marion to plan their weddings and be each other’s maids of honor. There were three June openings at the Plaza, and Liv arranged hers for the 6th and Emma for the 27th while Stacy Kindred selected the second opening on the 6th. Liv and Emma spent the next three months planning their weddings without their fiancés. Liv bought the high dollar Vera Wang dress that she failed to convince Emma to buy because Emma wanted to wear her mom’s dress. Marion then contacted Liv and Emma announced that her receptionist Angela made a mistake and scheduled both Liv and Emma’s weddings on the 6th while Stacy’s would occur on the 27th. They couldn’t convince Stacy to swap dates because it was against the confidentiality agreement for Marion to reveal her identity. Marion fired Angela, and Liv and Emma threatened Angela to tell them who Stacy was so Angela told. Liv and Emma badgered Stacy to change her date while she did her gift registry, but Stacy refused so Emma and Liv were escorted out of the store by security. The adult besties since ‘lil girls agreed that one of them would change the date and have their wedding at a different venue, while Daniel, Fletcher and Nate couldn’t see the problem with a double wedding. Liv went ahead and ordered invites for a wedding on the 6th without waiting, so Emma sent out save the date invites to everyone for her wedding via email also on the 6th to arrive faster than Liv’s invites. Their girlfriends threw a bridal shower for the brides-to-be, where they got into an argument and both refused to change their date. They avoided each other for days and called around to find new maids of honor. Liv chose her work assistant Kevin to be her mister of honor, while Emma picked Deb who had been married and divorced several times. Emma had always wanted to have DJ Humble do her music, so Liv booked the DJ for her day and Deb called Liv a bit**. Emma and Deb realized that Vera dresses ran small compared to USA size, so Emma sent Liv chocolates and candy with notes she signed as Daniel in hopes that Liv would gain weight and not fit in her dress. Emma insisted that she and Fletcher take dance lessons with Ricky Coo even though Fletcher thought it was unnecessary. Liv sabotaged the dance lesson. Emma had an awful article printed about the double NYC wedding in their hometown Rutherford, NJ Press newspaper. It featured a normal picture of adult Emma but an awful picture of young Liv with braces. Liv soon gained five pounds and couldn’t zip her Vera Wang dress, and she was furious when she discovered that it was Emma and not Daniel who sent her the sweets. A week before the weddings, Liv snuck into the tanning salon and switched out Emma’s tan so her skin turned orange. Emma then snuck into the hair salon and switched out Liv’s hair dye so she ended up with Smurf blue highlights. Liv spread the rumor that Emma wanted to have her wedding so soon because she was pregnant, so people sent baby gifts to Emma and Fletcher’s apartment. Liv’s friends took her out for a bachelorette party at the club, where they got drunk and Liv danced with a male stripper dressed as a police officer. Emma crashed Liv’s party and Emma competed with Liv and both danced like trashy strippers, and mainly women judged Emma’s nasty dance style as the sexiest. Liv went into a meeting at work and forgot about her blue hair and wore a suit jacket that had one button and exposed her bra. She had a nervous breakdown at work in the conference room with her coworkers and boss and clients as her hair started falling out, and she was taken off the case and demoted. At home, Liv cried it out to Daniel and told him she no longer wanted to be perfect anymore, so he told her she didn’t have to be while Emma and Fletcher had a heated argument. Emma tried to call Liv’s office, but she was too busy to talk so Emma went tux shopping with Liv’s brother Nate (in love with Emma) and told him her troubles. On the big day, Emma’s dad, John, visited Liv at the Plaza and told her that his best friends (deceased parents of Liv) would have been happy for her. John’s visit was special to her and then Liv realized she had already sabotaged Emma by switching out her video montage with a video from Emma’s wild college days showing her as a drunken floozy on beach vacation. Liv had a change of heart and sent Kevin to swap the DVD/CD videos, but he didn’t do it. Thus, the embarrassing video played as Emma walked down the aisle. Fletcher wasn’t pleased that Emma hid her party girl side from him and showed it when he starred at his bride-to-be. Emma left the room and ran across to Liv’s wedding as Liv walked down the aisle and the two females had a catfight with both brides on the floor in their wedding gowns. They fought until they realized how ridiculous they were being. Emma got off the floor beside her girlfriend and walked over to Fletcher and realized that they weren’t right for each other so they called off the wedding. Emma gave Fletcher back his engagement ring and he left Liv’s wedding room.  Emma still had to waste her savings to pay for her big mistake wedding at The Plaza. Emma and Liv apologized and made amends. The two brides walked down the aisle together and Emma gave Liv away as her maid of honor. Amanda’s marriage from a few months before didn’t work out, so she got divorced and already Amanda planned to get married at the Plaza next time. The move ended one year later. Emma and Nate were already married. Liv and Emma discovered that they were both pregnant and were due on the same day. This movie had a budget of $30 million and grossed over $115 millionat the box office. The movie cover art listed, US Weekly, “A treat. Rivals last summer’s Sex and the City.” Maryland Gazette, “Will keep you laughing all the way down the aisle.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/21/24

TITLE:  Crooked Arrows

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2012  20th Century Fox Home Entertainment / Peck Entertainment / Branded Pictures Entertainment / The Onondaga Nation / Sports Studio / Freestyle Releasing 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in New York, where the rough sport of lacrosse had been enjoyed by the Native American nations of Haudenosaunee since 1200 AD when they began playing it to entertain their Creator. On a Sunaquot reservation in Syracuse, the Native American Jackpots high school boys’ lacrosse team played a game against the white boys of Coventry Academy prep school. Ben Logan was the intern coach because the other coach quit. His teen daughter, Nadie, secretly took the place of Jimmy Silverfoot on the all boys team after Jimmy got injured on the field. However, Nadie soon broke her ankle during the game, which led to a fight on the field and Coach Ben was upset that Nadie put herself in the game. Ben had a pow-wow to attend so he left Jimmy to watch Nadie. Ben wasn’t pleased that Jimmy was present when Nadie changed clothes before he got back home but teen Jimmy said that he didn’t look when the teenager changed into her pj’s. Joe, Ben’s son and Nadie’s older brother, was the manager of the Lucky Indian Casino on the reservation. Geyer Enterprises partnered with the casino, and Mr. Geyer put Joe in charge of convincing the council to give up more of their land for an expansion in exchange for Joe getting a partnership. It was then revealed that Joe’s ex-girlfriend, Julie Gifford, was hired as a teacher at the Sunaquot high school that the casino paid to have built. Julie taught on the reservation to her class that the US government copied the idea of the branches of government from what Ben Franklin considered to be savage natives. When Joe and Julie reunited, Julie called Joe a pimp since his casino paid for the school, so Joe called her a prostitute for working at the school as a teacher. Ben was an elected official of the tribe, so Joe hounded him for more land for the casino but Ben wasn’t onboard. Joe’s mom died years before because there was no hospital on the reservation, so the casino planned to use their revenue to build a hospital in five years. The tribal council granted Joe’s request for more land only if he succeeded in a spirit quest and it had to be to his dad’s satisfaction. Ben decided that Joe’s quest would be coaching the Jackpots, and Ben assigned his mom, Grandma Skye (also a member of the council), as Joe’s spiritual advisor. Joe was distracted with the casino work and on his cell phone and not into coaching, so his sister Nadie took over the training of the team. Geyer wasn’t pleased that they couldn’t break ground on the casino expansion for another two months because Joe made up a fake tribal law to explain why they couldn’t start construction yet. Joe met with Chief Crooked Arrow, who reminded him of the story where the enemy eagle was defeated by an arrow made with his own feathers. Joe gave the high school team new gear helmets and Reebok “Jackpot” jerseys, courtesy of the casino. However, Crooked Arrow gave them wooden sticks and they renamed themselves Crooked Arrows. Joe wasn’t pleased when a former lacrosse player recognized him at a game and called him Logan the Legend. Joe used to be the star player for Coventry until Joe choked up in the state championship and Coventry lost. The Crooked Arrows didn’t know Joe could play lacrosse until he decided to show off his impressive skills, and he put his all into training the team with Nadie as his assistant coach. Joe wanted everyone to learn the plays he was calling in Sunaquot so they could have an advantage over the English-speaking teams. Julie agreed to help if Joe learned the language as well, so Joe used the book that Julie wrote about the Sunaquot to do so. Jimmy worked at Ben Logan’s mechanic shop, and Joe insisted that Jimmy pass his English test so he could graduate and be a better team captain. Joe recruited to the team Maug, a Sunaquot who lived in the woods and frightened the team with his large size and by taking their balls. Maug returned the balls to Joe. Joe convinced Maug to play for the team and Maug did so not for the girls but so he could hit the rich boys hard. Maug played aggressively and helped the team win, and they called out plays in Sunaquot that translated into the word vagina since Julie refused to help with the language in school. Coach Joe put the teens up to using dirty words at the game so when Julie attended and heard, she would agree to teach the students the correct words in class. Joe put Julie’s son, Toby, the only white boy on the team, in the game but he dropped the ball and the Dooley Devils won. Despite having won no games in the season, Joe took the Crooked Arrows out for a steak dinner at the casino filled with females dressed up like Halloween costume Native Americans. Joe started an after-game tradition where he handed out hawk feathers for their team spirit and good plays. Crooked Arrow required all the team members to go on a vision quest to find their spirit animals and birds that would guide them. Joe (part Sunaquot) was given the eagle, and some of the others were given squirrel, deer, bear, wolf, turtle and hawk. The teen high school girls stayed on the sidelines and swore to keep the boys in line.The Crooked Arrows won their first game after Reed’s girlfriend, Booty, told him to man up and play rough. Joe changed his Wampum personalized license plate on his vehicle to Crooked Arrows, and the team started their winning season. Casino boss Geyer then announced that he was changing the plan and he wanted to take more land away from the Sunaquot so the expansion could include a theme park, PGA golf course and 1,000-seat theater among other things. The new casino plan would then bring in $100 million annual revenue verses $10 million in the old casino expansion plan. The Crooked Arrows played against the undefeated Coventry Academy and lost, but then another team unexpectedly lost so it wasn’t over yet for the Crooked Arrows even though the season ended. Nadie barged into the boys’ locker room with the news where teen boys bare butts were exposed and announced that they were going to the playoffs. However, the next day, Geyer and his heavy-duty machinery tore up the lacrosse field to begin the expansion project for the casino (that Joe didn’t know included the lacrosse field.) Ben and the team didn’t know that Joe made a deal with Geyer to break ground the day after the season ended because Joe didn’t think they would make it to the playoffs. Ben and the team were upset, and the council didn’t want the casino to find other land so they voted against Ben and let Joe fulfill his obligation with the casino. The Crooked Arrows team played in the woods without a field the way their ancestors did, and they returned all their hawk feathers to Joe. Crooked Arrow gave Joe advice that a smart warrior fought on his own terms and in the location of his choice. Joe showed Nadie the footage from his Coventry championship game. Joe told his sister that he lost the championship game for him and his teammates on purpose because they loved him on the sports field but ignored him in the classroom so the white people at Coventry didn’t like Native Americans in general and were racist. Ben and Nadie coached the The Crooked Arrow team in their next few games, and they were victorious and were headed to the state finals against Coventry. Joe changed Geyer’s casino expansion plan back to the original and declared that the tribe was keeping the land for their lacrosse field. Geyer wasn’t pleased that Joe halted the construction and put the name of the Sunaquot Nation on the casino. Geyer threatened to sue but Joe told the man that he couldn’t sue the reservation people because they were a sovereign nation and the US laws weren’t applicable on native land. ESPN televised the state championship, and Coventry took the lead with the refs not making calls. Joe gave the team the encouraging halftime speech and declared that they were returning lacrosse to their tribe and it didn’t matter if they won or lost because their ancestors didn’t keep score. Ben sent for members of the Haudenosaunee Nations to watch the game, and the Crooked Arrows made a comeback and the natives cheered by using dirty words. Coventry played rougher and took one of their opponents out of the game. Joe put Toby in his place and he scored his first ever goal. The do-anything-to-win Coventry coach instructed one of his players to do an illegal hit on Jimmy to take Jimmy out of the game when Jimmy didn’t even have the ball, so the player did. The ref called it, but Jimmy dislocated his arm and Nadie planned to replace him even though her leg was still recovering. Nadie had the hots for Maug, and Jimmy wanted her attention back on himself so he went into the game and scored the winning goal despite his injury for the Crooked Arrows team. In the end, Toby was given his first hawk feather, and the natives celebrated the Crooked Arrows’ victory. This movie had a budget of $13 million and grossed under $2 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/21/24

TITLE:  Barnyard 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children. Cows are NOT male.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2006  Paramount Pictures / Nickelodeon Movies / O Entertainment / Omation Animation Studios 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: In the USA Merriam-Webster Dictionary, the definition of cow is, “the mature female of cattle.” In the New Oxford American (Apple laptop) Dictionary, the definition of a cow is, “a fully grown female animal of a domesticated breed of ox…” In the Glasgow Collins online dictionary, the definition of udder is, “A cow’s udder is the organ that hangs below its body and produces milk.” 

”This cartoon movie takes place on a farm, where the majority of male and female farm animals had secret private lives and talked and walked on two legs like humans whenever the farmer wasn’t around or watching. Queerly, not only did the female cows on the farm have udders but so did the male “cows” have udders so it was seriously bizarre and totally disturbing to hear a male voice coming from a so-labeled male cow walk around on two legs proudly strutting around with his female udder. Ben the male cow was in charge of the animals, and his son Otis, who he adopted as an orphaned calf, went out hill-surfing with his friends (Pip the mouse, Pig the pig, Freddy the ferret and Peck the rooster). They had a run-in with oil and chickens and were late to the farm animal meeting, where Otis was guilty of illegally buying a stolen human cell phone from the gophers. Ben scolded Otis for goofing off and not helping build the fence that would keep Dag and his pack of coyotes from eating the hens. Otis took an interest in pregnant Daisy and Bessy, two female cows who just arrived at the farm. Otis didn’t want to take Ben’s place as the leader of the farm, but the two made amends. Otis asked Ben to cover his shift keeping watch for the coyotes while Otis went to another one of the loud honky-tonk barnyard parties that the animals threw after the farmer went to bed. The farmer’s neighbor, Noreen “Nora” Beady, thought the all-night parties were strange and wanted to call someone, but her husband Nathan Randall thought nothing of it. The animals ordered pizza from Siren Pizza, which was delivered in a car with a police siren that freaked them out. They collected the pizza using plastic human arms, and the not-so-bright delivery guy thought nothing of it when one of the arms fell off. The coyotes tried to raid the henhouse and were confronted by Ben. They attacked him, and he had the chance to kill Dag but let the coyotes go free. The hens told Otis about the fight, and Ben died in Otis’s arms after the coyotes gave Ben severe and fatal injuries. The animals grieved at Ben’s gravesite and then held a meeting. Duke the sheepdog offered to take Ben’s place as leader, but the animals didn’t want a leader who licked their private parts or drank toilet water so they all voted for Otis since that was what Ben wanted. Otis didn’t yet know and joined the animals doing wild stunts and barn parties in the daytime. The farmer caught the animals. Ben’s friend, Miles the mule, kicked the farmer in the head to knock him unconscious. Otis was now in charge, so the animals left the farmer under a tree with a big branch on his head so he would believe the branch knocked him out when he woke up. The farmer didn’t believe the tree branch hit him so he went to the barn to check things out. Miles the mean donkey then kicked the farmer unconscious for a third time and the animals put the farmer back under the tree with two branches. The farmer woke up again and checked the barn, and since it was empty he thought nothing of it. That night, Otis and the male voiced Jersey cows with udders Eddy, Bud and Igg witnessed Nora’s nephew Eugene Golder and his friends tipping a sleeping cow. The other cows weren’t pleased and devised a plan to get even with Eugene, who was known as Snotty Boy because his nose was always running. They hotwired Nora’s car, and she spotted them sneaking around the house but Randall didn’t see the delinquent animals and thought Nora was crazy. The male cows followed Snotty Boy and his friends on their bicycles to their neighborhood in Happy Acres. Snotty Boy’s mom scolded him for staying out late on a school night, and he argued that he would do whatever he wanted. The male cows snuck into the house, where they revealed they could talk and “boytipped” Snotty Boy by pushing him out of bed. He was terrified, and his parents thought his neurotic behavior was a result of too much Red Bull. The male cows headed home and drove recklessly, drinking milk (from their own male cow udders) and toasting to a “new world order” where the “trans cows” were in charge. A police car chased them, and the officer hoped to impress the cameraman who was recording the chase so the officer announced that he would fix up the delinquent teen drivers with a strip-search. A helicopter and more police cars joined the chase, and Nora saw it on the breaking news report and realized that the male cows stole her car. She called to report it, but nobody believed Nora because it wasn’t the first time she made outrageous-sounding claims. The male cows swerved off the road and hit a tree, so they ran through the woods on foot and were chased by the police, but they escaped and returned the trashed car to the Beady house. Otis took a shift watching for the coyotes like Ben would do, and Daisy joined Otis. Daisy explained that she was married until the day that she and Bessy took shelter from a thunderstorm in the field and everyone was gone when they returned to the farm. The coyotes chased after a rabbit, and Otis fought them off but Dag, the coyote gang leader, tried to get into his head and make him believe it was his fault that Ben died because Otis wasn’t there to help him. Dag announced that things would change and Otis would let the coyotes get away with eating a few farm animals if he knew what was good for him. Otis realized that he couldn’t replace Ben, so he planned to leave the farm and put Duke in charge. Daisy kissed Otis in hopes of making him change his mind. Before Otis could leave, he discovered that the coyotes raided the henhouse in daylight and took six chickens and a chick named Maddie because they knew Otis would expect them to come at night. Miles agreed to take care of things while Otis went to the junkyard where the large coyote pack was hiding out. Otis tried to fight the coyotes off, and he was outnumbered but the male cow udderly stood his ground and was backed up by his friends. The Jersey male Cows went after the coyotes with a car. Donkey Miles kicked the daylights out of some of them and Otis called up the gophers to distract the coyotes. Otis could have killed Dag, but like Ben he let Coyote Dag go and ordered him to never come back. Otis then learned that Daisy went into labor after he left the farm, so he and the other animals stole motorcycles from the bar and sped off. They helped deliver the calf, which Bessy then cradled in her arms like an infant and proclaimed that it was a baby boy that clearly had teats and no male parts. Daisy named the newborn Ben, and the animals asked Otis to stay on the farm. Otis agreed and set out to make sure that none of the animals were ever harmed again. Otis the male cow then saw himself, Daisy the female cow and baby Ben the male cow dancing in the stars the way his dad Ben said the stars danced when he adopted Otis. This movie had a budget of $51 million and grossed over $116 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, WB-TV/Chicago, “Hilarious…families will love this movie!” UPN-TV/Portland, “Simply hysterical!” 

  

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/20/24

TITLE:  Justice for Natalee Holloway 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2011 Sony Pictures Television / Sony Pictures Home Entertainment / Peace Out Productions / Lifetime Original Movie 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is based on the unsolved and true story of Natalee Ann Holloway, a 18-year-old Mountain Brook Alabama High School graduate. Natalee disappeared while out of the USA during her high school planned field trip to Aruba on May 30, 2005. Natalie had just received her diploma on May 24th in Alabama at the Wright Performing Arts Center just days before she went missing. While in Aruba, teen Natalee got together with 22-year-old Joran (your-on) Van Der Sloot and he was the prime suspect for murdering Natalee. During the lengthy and expensive disappearance/murder investigation involving multiple country officials, Joran had been arrested and released twice because there was no body so Natalee’s murder couldn’t be proved. Joran lived in a mansion in Aruba with his dad Paulus, a Dutch nationalist, and mom Anita. Natalee’s mom, Elizabeth (Beth), gave the Aruban officials a videotape that she had of Joran confessing that he dumped teen Natalee’s body in the ocean, but they closed the case in the courthouse and decided that it was said to be another made-up story and thought that Paulus pulled strings to get his son off the hook. Paulus told Beth when in Aruba that Joran’s involvement couldn’t be proven and to leave him and his family alone. Beth told the Aruba news that Joran got away with the murder of her teen daughter on vacation in the Caribbean country fresh out of high school and Paulus used his contacts of judges and other high-powered officials and abused his government status to cover up his crime and do his bidding. Beth’s lawyer friend, John Kelly, advised her to drop the case, but she refused. Paulus then kicked Joran out of the country because he was bringing bad publicity to the family and Joran didn’t care what he did to get famous as long he was in the news. Beth returned to the USA and visited the FBI in Alabama and asked Agent Craig Delaney for news, but it was too hard to investigate since the crime didn’t happen on American soil. Beth went to see her ex-husband George “Jug” Twitty who was having a birthday party at his home for himself and he had many guests. Elizabeth and George divorced two years before in 2008. Beth left George’s house almost immediately after she got there because the partygoers questioned if she would return to her teaching job and she wasn’t able to move on from her daughter’s death like George obviously could. Joran left Aruba as his dad told him and went to school at Rangsit University in Bangkok, Thailand, where he befriended the dean’s son, Sam. They went to Sam’s uncle’s nightclub, where they partied with the female Thai strippers. Joran offered the females the chance to dance at clubs in Holland for money, and he introduced Sam to Martin and Wouter from Holland. The Holland guys wanted $20,000 up front with the girls and assured Joran that he would get his money back. One of the girls saw Joran’s dark side when he held her by the throat and called her a bit**. Joran called Debra Stanville at World Headline News and offered to tell them what happened to Natalee if they paid him $50,000. The network wouldn’t authorize it, but Joran sent Debra a chip from his cell phone with recordings of conversations with Paulus. Joran claimed that a casino guy offered to pay Joran $10,000 to find a blond that could be sold into sex trafficking in Venezuela. Debra from WHN headed to Thailand to interview Joran while Beth went with Alan from WHN to Aruba to authenticate Joran’s newest claims. The World Headline News gave Joran the money they agreed upon in exchange for the interview, and he made up a story that he sold Natalee and sent her away on a boat. When Joran discovered that Alan was interviewing Paulus, Joran revealed that he lied on the recording and in the interview and Joran walked out of Debra’s interview in Thailand with the World News money. Beth was informed in Aruba what Joran did in Thailand but she refused to leave and went to Paulus and Anita’s house and knocked on the door. They ordered Beth to leave their property. Before Elizabeth left the home she pleaded with Joran’s mom but Anita declared that teen Natalee was a questionable American girl for drinking and flirting with her island son Joran. Debra aired the Thai interview with the suspect Aruban Van Der Sloot and let the people decide what they thought about the psychopathic game Joran was playing by manipulating people and falsely confessing to things to get money and lying to get whatever else he wanted. The Holland guys didn’t want to be involved with Joran after they heard about him, so they refused to do the deal or take the Thai girls. The Holland thugs (possible pimps since prostitution and pot are legal in The Netherlands…a country that is a member of the European Union) kept Joran’s $20,000 and held a gun to his face to make him leave them in peace. Soon after Paulus (dad) in Aruba called Joran in Thai and told him that he was cut off from his parents financing and advised his son to get a job. Not long after that, Paulus suddenly had a heart attack while playing tennis alone and died. Meanwhile, back in the USA again, Elizabeth visited the FBI building again and this time went inside the men’s bathroom to tell Delaney that she would hunt Joran down if the FBI wouldn’t because Paulus could no longer protect Joran since his mob boss dad was dead. Joran returned to his mom’s home in Aruba, where Anita wanted him to turn over a new leaf and then called her son the man of the house since her husband was dead. Joran went to a bedroom and looked at the photos he had on his laptop of USA Natalee and considered trashing them, but he sent emails to John, Elizabeth’s attorney, instead. John showed up at Mayfield Elementary where Beth had returned to teaching what appeared to be a kindergarten class, and had left after Natalee’s death five years before. John explained to Beth outside the school building that Joran would take Beth to Natalee in exchange for money, so Beth planned to pay Joran. Beth hoped to get Joran on tape asking for money, and FBI Delaney agreed since Alabama was one of the three states in the US where wiretapping was legal. If they succeeded, Joran could be prosecuted for extortion in Alabama and face a long prison sentence. Joran called Beth in the middle of the night, and she recorded him asking for $250,000 in exchange for Natalee’s whereabouts. Beth and the FBI agents called Joran again to confirm that John would take $25,000 to Joran in Aruba up front and he would get the rest of the money after they found Natalee. Joran insisted on having a stipulation in the contract that attorney John drew up stating that Beth would have to pay $1 million if she revealed where the information came from. Beth later explained to her son Matt that she had to take some of the money out of his college fund to help bring his sister home and he agreed. Jug dropped Beth off at the airport and accused her of obsessing with Joran the same way Joran was obsessing with her. Jug had moved on and accepted that Natalee was gone, and he advised Beth to do the same because she was wasting her life living in the past and Joran was stringing her along and would never tell the truth because he was a pathological liar and seriously mentally disturbed. The FBI went with attorney John and mom Beth to Aruba, where John would meet with Joran in a hotel room that was filled with cameras while US agents covered the foreign hotel. Customs only allowed them to bring $10,000, and John planned to have the rest of the money wired to Joran’s account of choice but he called off the deal and left the hotel room. John ran after Joran because the FBI told him to get him back in the room where the recording devices and cameras were and so John was able to convince him to talk in the hotel room. They wire-transferred the other $15,000 to Joran’s account, and Beth wanted Joran to tell her over the phone what happened to Natalee but he refused and would only give her the story she paid for. Joran told John that Natalee died when she fell and hit her head on a rock at the beach after they were out partying, and she was a sweet and innocent girl whose death haunted him constantly. Joran went on to say that Paulus buried Natalee in the gravel of a foundation in the northeast corner where they poured concrete the following day because no one would believe it was an accident. Beth was tired of waiting on the FBI people after four days, so she and John went to the house that Joran claimed Natalee was buried under despite Delaney telling them not to. They discovered that Joran lied because the area was swampland until the houses were built two years ago, not five years when Natalee vanished. Beth called Joran, who was surprised to hear from her on his personal phone number and told her that she shouldn’t have been so dumb to trust that he would tell the truth because it would put him in trouble with serious criminals that was in his inner crime circle, but Beth threatened to nail him. The FBI searched Joran’s house, but he had already left and they later discovered that the Aruban officials who were supposed to be watching Joran let him flee to Colombia on a plane. FBI Delaney got Interpol involved to find Joran. Beth and Matt went to New York City for the five-year anniversary of Natalee’s disappearance on May 30, 2010, where Beth did a TV interview to promote the foundation that she started in Natalee’s honor to prevent more missing children. Beth didn’t want others to lose a child so young like she did and acknowledged it was over for her and Natalee. Joran went to Lima, Peru, where he left the Lavilla casino with 21-year-old Stephany Tatiana Flores Ramirez. They went to a hotel room and they held his Passport until he checked out, where Joran refused to tell Stephany his name so she took his ID and used Google to lookup his name from his ID on the Internet while he was in the bathroom. Joran came into the room and caught Stephany, and she tried to leave the hotel room and get away from the suspected murderer but he beat her up and then strangled her to death. Joran casually went to the lobby to get breakfast for him and his (absent) girlfriend, and he was told by the staff to move Stephany’s Jeep parked out front. Joran told the desk clerk on his way out not to have housekeeping clean his room that day because his girlfriend was sleeping and the employee told him OK. Joran ditched the young woman’s Jeep and hitchhiked, and he joked that he killed someone and he was leaving Peru because he lost his ID. Joran paid the driver and later his helper’s gang to sneak him across the border from Peru into Chile, and the police let the smugglers through without checking the back of the van where Joran was hiding. Beth and Matt returned home to Alabama from New York and had movie night, and then Beth visited her ex husband Jug and they had coffee in his house and both said they missed each other. Back in Peru, Stephany’s wealthy parents, Marielena (Maria Elena) Ramirez and Ricardo Flores (Ricardo ran for Peruvian president), reported Stephany’s two-day disappearance to the police. They reviewed the video footage at the casino, and Captain Martinez identified Joran. Joran’s hotel room hadn’t been cleaned for two days, and the clerk let the police in and they found Stephany’s dead body. Martinez informed Stephany’s parents that she was dead and Joran got away, and Michelle reported it on breaking news back in the USA. Beth heard the USA news talking about Natalee and now Stephany with the murder suspect Joran and Elizabeth blamed herself because she thought Joran used her money to kill Stephany. Mr. Flores contacted his friends in high places at Interpol so Joran wouldn’t get away with another murder. In Chili, Joran dyed his hair red and called Anita in Aruba, but she refused to send him money to come back to Aruba and told him to turn himself in to the police because she couldn’t believe he turned out a murderer when his brothers weren’t on the news as such. Interpol surrounded Joran’s motel, so he stood in the middle of the road until a female officer spotted him and her team arrested Joran. FBI Delaney told Elizabeth the news of Joran’s arrest, and Chris Hansen from Dateline reported from Lima. Joran wore a bulletproof vest on his way to the jail so he wouldn’t be shot dead by the crowd in the streets. Joran wanted to return to Aruba or Holland for trial but he would be tried in South America with no extradition. Joran was interrogated and he lied that his mom told him on the phone recently that Stephany was dead and he had planned to turn himself in to cooperate and prove his innocence. Joran then tried to get off the hook by offering to reveal where Natalee’s body was to get a lighter sentence. The Peru hotel cameras revealed that Joran was the only other person in the hotel room, so he confessed that he killed Stephany but he lied that he did it in self-defense after Stephany read about him and Natalee on Google’s search site on his laptop. Joran refused to sign the typed statement of his confession. At Stephany’s funeral, Mr. Flores told the news that his daughter was chosen by God so Joran could be arrested for the crimes he committed against innocent women and Ricardo hoped that Joran being put behind bars would give peace to the Holloway family in the USA. Elizabeth then flew to South America to visit Joran. Beth had wanted to peel the skin off Joran’s face for five years, so she was snuck into the prison to secretly do a wired interview with Joran and ask him questions about Natalee because he would be convicted no matter what so she thought now he might as well tell her the truth. Joran refused to tell Beth anything, and he wanted time to think up another story and asked for Beth’s address. Elizabeth gave criminal Joran her email instead to stay in touch with her. Joran commented that his gambling addiction caused him to tell lies and murder girls. Beth broke down in tears, but Joran still wouldn’t give her an answer so she explained that she lost her job, her husband and everyone else because of what he did to Natalee. Then Elizabeth realized that Joran liked the attention and would keep it going for many years and would never tell her the truth about Natalee, so Beth decided on the spot that she would move on and let Natalee go and told the murderer Joran so. Joran left the private chat room with Beth, and afterward Elizabeth stayed and told the cameras that she was done hating Joran and basically hoped he rotted in jail for the rest of his life. The movie ended with Joran awaiting trial in Peru for the murder of Stephany and it was said that he was never charged with teen USA Natalee’s disappearance in Aruba.  

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/20/24

TITLE:  Pray TV

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children. Fake TV and radio junkie actors got rich and claimed to be born again Christian people but in real life they were ungodly souls.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1980  MGM / Orion Pictures / ABC Circle Films / Filmways Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in the small California town of San Poquito, whose local news station was KRUD Channel 17.The station was rundown and covered with graffiti, and it was in serious financial trouble with an overdue rent. The channel featured Fred Wilson the news anchor, gay-acting Jack and Joannie Chudnowski the exercise instructors and Alice Kidd’s cooking show where she struggled to host it in Spanish. Peebles Enterprises owned KRUD, and Millie Peebles was in charge of the station. Millie announced that they had only a month to solve their money problems before the radio TV business was shut down. Millie enlisted help from her wealthy friend Marvin Fleece. He declared that while the other stations gave away cars, KRUD would change their name to KGOD and give away God by hosting new religious TV programs with Marvin as the new president. Jack and Joannie changed their segment from “Fit as a Fiddle” to “Jump for Jesus,” Frank changed his ventriloquism puppet from Dr. Wood to Cardinal Wood, and Alice dressed as a nun and hosted her cooking show in French. Billy Bob Joe Brown Jr. owned the used construction vehicle lot in town, and he became a reverend and started selling “religious” vehicles. The station hired women who worked behind the cameras and were dressed trashy to operate the phones. New people auditioned as hosts, and Marvin and Millie turned down most of them including the rapping Hasidic Jew, Freedom Sunshine the hippie singer/guitarist, a farmer/auctioneer, and the Krishna Quartet. Frank and Henry Flood reported the news that young Bernie Olefson had supposedly been possessed by the devil, but his exorcism was unsuccessful. The ratings improved for the daytime show, so KGOD held more auditions for hosts so they could target a nighttime audience. The nighttime audition folks included an Elvis impersonator called Elvin singing about Jesus and a sexy showgirl singing about God. Millie’s son, Fletcher, worked at the station, and he asked Peggy Williams out to dinner where they kissed. Meanwhile, offsite, Buck Sunday, the popular evangelist, held a live mobile church sermon at the drive-in theater and collected money for God. Marvin attended and saw the enormous amount of cars lined up to get in and liked Buck’s character and made a deal with Buck to work at the TV station. Marvin and Fletcher then went to the black church, where Fletcher sat in on the sermon and got strange looks from the churchgoers while Marvin met with the director. Reverend Willie Washington preached that the country was white-washed and built by the beautiful black people, who were bleeding red blood in a white land. Back at the KGOD station headquarters, Marvin failed to pay the employees the overtime pay they earned, so they were disgruntled. Fletcher talked to Marvin about it, but Marvin believed they were just growing pains in their rapidly expanding corporation. Marvin planned to install a satellite to spread their message around the world and replace the broadcasting device they had been using on top of the local high school. Fletcher was concerned about where the money was going and was skeptically of Marvin fixing the books. Marvin was putting the business money and donations in to his personal bank account and he lied that he was reinvesting it in the station. As a distraction to stop his questioning, Marvin made plans to go fishing with Fletcher to get his mind off the money (but they never went fishing). KGOD featured several advertisements for products, including a Karma-Septic spray to help users achieve nirvana and a balance between yin and yang. Another was an Italian take on the New Testament and advertised Mother Momma Mary’s Bible-themed frozen meals that were served at the Last Supper. The third commercial was for life insurance and featured a Mormon man who died and left behind his many wives and children without income. One of the KGOD TV shows was a soap opera called One Life to Lose, which followed Mary and Joseph of Nazareth. They traveled to the doctor in Bethlehem after Joseph and Sarah learned that Mary was pregnant. Joseph thought Mary slept with John until Joseph learned that John was his dad. The new sports channel featured the Holy Roller Derby and sports events with competitors dressed as different religious leaders such a Rabbi, a Friar, a Nun, a Cardinal, and possibly Buddhist and Muslim. Comedian Frank Grimace and Mohandias Hani hosted the Pass the Plate Club, which featured controversial Biblical theories like Jesus being hung by the Rope of Rimini. Frank interviewed Leroy Washington, a convict from North Carolina who nearly died in the electric chair until he was born again. He wrote a book called “Axe Me About God” and police officers sang backup as Leroy broke out in song about his extensive criminal past and journey to salvation after he murdered people, raped Girl Scouts and dismembered the members of the LA Philharmonic. Fred reported the news that the Pope would appear live in concert, a gay San Francisco scientologist was caught in the Bermuda Triangle and Arabs turned out to be wealthy Mexicans. Marvin tried to bribe Peggy with money that she could use to buy whatever she wanted, but she ripped it up and told Marvin off for not believing in God himself and creating a circus act of crazy bots that would desecrate GOD for money and gifts. She quit and declared that Marvin was a crook who was making a joke out of God and using carnival stunts to get ratings and money and make a profit off HIS religion. Peggy stopped dating Fletcher because he was at Marvin’s beck and call man. There was also a game show on KGOD called Healed for a Day and was hosted by Dr. Ben Gay and his harlot nurses. Three sick people were chosen as contestants, and the winner would receive a trip for two to Nick and Ed’s dude ranch in Utah. Dr. Gay cut to commercial when Rock Flynn, the contestant who went the vacation, went into detail about his snot. The doctor used medicine to heal Rock’s sinuses and everyone celebrated it as a miracle of God so Rock was awarded the big prize Dude ranch trip. Later on, the first annual religious awards ceremony was held at the Cocoanut Grove, where Marvin would be speaking. Fletcher overheard Marvin in the bathroom making a deal to sell KGOD to the Unified Broadcasting Company and take a million dollars cash under the table. Fletcher told his middle-aged mom Millie that Marvin was a phony, but she refused to listen. Marvin then tried to sell the crowd on a story that he heard the voice of God and decided to sell KGOD to the UBC. Fletcher announced that Marvin was selling them out, and that led to chaos. Marvin broke his arm and his schemes were exposed in the news, and KGOD was shut down. Peggy was glad that Fletcher spoke out against Marvin, so she and Fletcher ran into each other’s arms and kissed. The old stars of the show came back along with Millie and Marvin, who confessed his wrongdoings and made amends with everyone, as they were all unemployed together. The gang then broke out in song and decided that it was enough to have each other (not GOD) and that made a happy ending. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/19/24

TITLE:  The Cowboy Way 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for God’s children. A baby calf sucked on an adult man’s private parts as the Cowboy Way with an NYC mounted police officer allowing it to happen.) 

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1994  Universal Pictures / Imagine Entertainment / Brian Grazer Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is about Pepper Lewis and Sonny Gilstrap, who were friends since boyhood and grew up together in the rodeo circuit as cowboys in New Mexico. They won the 1993 New Mexico State Championship as team ropers, and they continued to rodeo together until the national finals in Vegas. However, in Las Vegas, selfish Pepper didn’t show up to the National rodeo competition and knew the duo would win first prize if he and partner Sonny competed in team roping together, so Sonny lost out on his share of the prize money that he planned to use to buy a ranch. The two life long friends and cowboys stopped speaking to each other for the next year. Meanwhile, in New York City, Manny Huerta operated one of the thousands of illegal sweatshops that were in every big city. One of the workers, Carlos, stole money from the petty cash and then lied about it, so Huerta’s right-hand man John Stark got the truth out of Carlos by using a sewing machine needle on his hand. A group of Hispanic illegal workers arrived on the Miss Nancy boat at the docks, and Huerta questioned Stark smuggling in old ladies. There was a young woman named Teresa Salazar who asked for her dad Nacho in New Mexico, and Stark lied to his boss that he knew nothing about it. Back in New Mexico, Pepper was an irresponsible cowboy who cared only about himself and refused to pay his debts. Pepper and Sonny were friends with Nacho, who advised them to make amends. They competed against each other in the bronc riding division at a rodeo, and Pepper won. Nacho had already paid $5,000 for his daughter Teresa to be smuggled out of Cuba and into NYC, but then Stark called Nacho and demanded another $5,000. Nacho lived with Sonny and left him a note that Nacho stole and sold Sonny’s antique guns for the money to get his daughter in NYC. Nacho left Stark’s phone number behind in Sonny’s house. Pepper and his lover, a married rodeo girl named Melba, were naked together playing the Big Chief and naked paleface woman sex game at his house. Melba was topless and Pepper was bare-bottomed in his house. Sonny drove to Pepper’s house to borrow some prize money from his off-again friend and interrupted the Indian sex game. Pepper came out of the house naked except for his cowboy hat that covered his private parts.. Melba invited Sonny to play their sex game like he used to in the past but Sonny turned her down. Pepper refused to loan Sonny money unless he took Pepper to NYC with him to check on Nacho, so Sonny agreed but made Pepper ride in the back of the truck bed until it got cold at night and Pepper sat in the cab with Sonny. Once in NYC, the cowboys went to the La Habanita club, where Pepper had a disagreement with two of Stark’s thugs who noticed the cowboys asking about Nacho. That led to a full-out barfight until Pepper and Sonny were thrown out. The cowboys had dinner at the luxurious Waldorf-Astoria hotel where Pepper distracted the female cello player with sexual gestures using his tongue and wine bottle and caused her to mess up her part on stage. Margarette, the owner of a modeling agency was dining there too and loved cowboy Pepper’s bad boy sex act so she stuck her card down Pepper’s shirt summoning him to meet her at an upcoming work party with famous fashion designers from Italy and other places. Margarette then left the restaurant with her companions, Jacques and Gaston, two gay French designers. Pepper couldn’t pay the bill so he and Sonny ditched the hotel and it wasn’t until the staff ran after them did Sonny find out that his friend had no money to lend him. Mounted police officer Sam Shaw caught Pepper and Sonny sleeping in a NYC park and took them to the station, where they looked Nacho up in the extensive NYPD computer database system and identified him by a scar. He was in the morgue after he was shot in the head and thrown in the East River, and he was found with a pawnshop claim, that Sonny took. Pepper and Sonny went back to the club to investigate, and they kidnapped the homeless guy named Pop Fly who always hung around out front of the building spying. They bribed Pop Flywith food they cooked in the park over a campfire and half of a twenty dollar bill for information about Huerta and Stark’s smuggling business and told the homeless man he would get the other half of the twenty dollar bill when he gave them the information they needed. Pop Fly actually worked for Stark and another day took the cowboys to a house where he claimed Teresa was staying. It was a setup and Stark’s goons shot at the cowboys, but they escaped down the fire escape. Stark rolled up on scene in the ally where Sonny’s truck was parked and Pop Fly waited. Stark shot Pop Fly dead instead of paying him and then put the homeless man’s body in the back of Sonny’s truck to frame the cowboys. Sonny and Pepper noticed the dead body in the truck so the cowboys dumped the dead body in an alley next to some garbage and left the scene. Not long after, Pepper was a jerk about the situation and wanted to bail and let the police handle it because nothing the cowboys did could ever bring back their friend, Nacho. That didn’t sit well with Sonny because he loved Nacho’s daughter and wanted to find Teresa so he kicked Pepper out of his truck and drove off down the NYC street. Pepper followed in a cab (he paid for in some loose coins). Sonny drove to get his guns from the pawnshop. The owners of the shop tried to kick him out when Sonny protested to having to pay $4,000 for his own guns that Nacho stole, so Sonny traded his New Mexico belt buckle (only 2 in the world) made of silver and gold for his guns. Pepper watched from the window (as the cowboys had matching belt buckles) and then Pepper walked away. Stark gained Teresa’s trust by bandaging her injured finger she cut on a sewing machine needle, and he then lied that he didn’t know where her dad Nacho was. Stark offered to take Teresa to a safer place and protect her until Nacho came and the female reluctantly accepted his offer. Soon after that, Huerta and his goons arrived to collect Teresa from his employee Stark, who it seemed Stark was using Teresa for sex since he was dressed in his bathrobe. Stark lied that he killed Nacho because Nacho got out of control, but Huerta knew that Stark tried to get more money from Nacho and didn’t want to hear Stark’s idea sell Teresa for prostitution, because Huerta had other plans for the young female. Sonny snuck into the back of the club and held Chango, one of the goons, at gunpoint to find out where Teresa was. Sonny was knocked out and put in a back room, where Teresa climbed around the outside of the building and came through the window to tend Sonny’s wounds and cut his rope ties with the knife Sonny had on him in his pocket. She discovered that dad Nacho was dead and but Teresa and Sonny had an instant love connection since they watched one another grow up through photos Nachos had. Pepper showed up at Margarette’s party attended by celebrity designers and top models. Jacques and Gaston were there and hit on Pepper and tried to kiss him, which ticked the cowboy off. Margarette revealed that the designers wanted Pepper to model underwear for more than $500 an hour. Pepper and Margarette drank tequila shots and licked each other’s bodies. The criminal Stark arrived at the party and then Pepper punched Stark and told everyone there what Stark did with the slave labor and smuggling people. Pepper escaped the party and Stark’s thugs.  Huerta later fired Stark so Stark shot Huerta dead in front of his hired men and then Stark took his place and became the boss man. Stark took Teresa while Sonny fought with Chango. Pepper got help from police officer Sam and convinced the lawman to do things the cowboy way and allowed Pepper to drive Sonny’s truck through the walls of the nightclub. Sam followed on horseback and held everyone at gunpoint declaring himself Mad Dog Shaw since the officer’s idol was the cowboy Bill Pickett. Pepper rescued Sonny from the back of the building and took Chango hostage. Chango refused to talk, so with officer Sam’s help they did things “the cowboy way.” They took suspect Chango to the children’s zoo, where they tied Chango up, pulled his pants off  (had no underwear on) and let a baby calf suck on his private parts like a cow’s udder. Chango spilled the beans about where the sweatshop was at the docks after screaming in pain. Pepper and Sonny reconciled over their differences after “chicken-sh#” Pepper explained that he didn’t show up to the rodeo because he knew they would win and he didn’t want Sonny to buy a ranch because it would be the end of their “team” rodeo days together. The cowboys had a shootout with the bad guys at the sweatshop. Stark escaped on a boat with Teresa, and officer Sam got backup. A police boat chased after the boat and arrested some of the men onboard, but Stark made it back to shore and sped off in a car with Teresa. The cowboys and officer Sam chased after them in the truck, but they encountered traffic so they pursued on foot. Stark took Teresa on the subway, so Sam called for backup and commandeered a taxi to join the chase as Pepper and Sonny galloped off through the busy NYC traffic on two police horses. They caught up to the train at the Manhattan Bridge and jumped onto the back of it. Stark held the engineer at gunpoint and forced him to stop the train, and Stark shot at the cowboys but missed and then shot police officer Sam in the shoulder. Pepper took a bullet in the butt for Sonny, and then the cowboys lassoed Stark to the train and he was dragged to his death down the tracks. Officer Sam then let illegal Teresa leave NYC and ride off with the cowboys to go live in New Mexico. Pepper got the money to buy back Sonny’s New Mexico prize belt buckle by modeling as a cowboy in his Calvin Klein underwear for a huge NYC billboard. This movie had a budget of $35 million and grossed $25 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, ABC Radio Network “Wildly funny, edge-of-your-seat romp.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/18/24

TITLE:  Bruce Almighty 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2003  Universal Pictures / Spyglass Entertainment / Shady Acres  / Pit Bull Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Buffalo, New York, where Bruce Nolan was a reporter for Eyewitness News Channel 7. Bruce covered a local story of how the Kowolski bakery, whose chef picked his nose in the background while filming, succeeded in breaking Buffalo’s record for the largest cookie after the health department shut them down for having rat poop in the food. Bruce was fed up with having to act goofy on TV to get ratings, and he was worried that his archenemy Evan Baxter would get the job offer as anchor because Pete Fineman was retiring. Bruce and his girlfriend, Grace Connelly, a daycare worker, lived together. They had a dog named Sam and neither wanted to take care of the four-legged family member. Bruce carried the peeing dog outside. Grace worked at the Small Wonders Day Care, where the kids ate paint and glue when she wasn’t watching them and was distracted with personal issues. Bruce was late to work because of traffic, so Evan got to do the sweeps about a sex scandal in the mayor’s office so Bruce gave Evan the middle finger. Bruce’s boss, Jack Baylor, let Bruce do live coverage of a story at Niagara Falls on a boat to get Bruce away from the office. Bruce was about to go live from Niagara Falls but back at headquarters they had a breaking news announcement where Susan Ortega announced that Evan was the new anchor. Bruce was in shock and took out his anger on the elderly woman he was supposed to be interviewing on the tour boat. He verbally abused her and dropped the f-bomb, so he was fired from his job. After his employer tossed him out in the street, Bruce tried to defend the homeless man outside the station from a group of gangsters, so they beat Bruce up instead. Bruce blamed his troubles on Sam and God, who Bruce believed was ganging up on him to make his life miserable. Bruce took everything out on Grace and upset her when he had a hateful hissy fit, screamed at her, and then he stormed off in his car. Bruce yelled at God as he drove and then crashed into a lamppost. He received messages on his pager from an unknown number. Bruce threw the pager out the window to destroy it, but it kept beeping so he called the number. The recording gave him an address of an empty white building, where he met a janitor/electrician who he refused to help mop the floor. The handyman turned into God in the form of a human man, and he showed Bruce the file cabinet containing records of all Bruce’s thoughts, actions and words in his life. Bruce wasn’t convinced and declared that God sucked, so God granted Bruce all his powers so he could try and do God’s job better than God himself. Bruce didn’t believe it was real until he discovered that he could make objects move, he could walk on water and he could part the soup in a bowl like God parting the Red Sea. God reappeared again and told Bruce the two rules that he couldn’t tell anyone he (Bruce) was now God and he couldn’t stop people from using their free will. God then went on vacation and left Bruce in charge. Bruce used his “God” powers to do what he wanted like create wind that blew up women’s dresses to expose their underwear. He encountered the gangsters and asked them to apologize, and the leader refused unless a monkey came out of his butt. Bruce made a monkey come out of the guy’s butt, and the other gangsters were terrified and ran scared. Bruce went to the top of the Empire State building and proclaimed that he was Bruce Almighty, and then he went home to have crazy, peace-disrupting sex with Grace. The next morning, Grace noticed that her boobs were much bigger thanks to Bruce (God). Bruce continued quoting Biblical sayingsand using his powers to his own advantage, like transforming his wrecked car into a sports car. A rival Channel 5 news reporter covered a story at the police dog training academy and told Bruce to beat it. Bruce used his “God” powers to make a police dog dig up the body of a man who had been buried, and Bruce covered the story and locked the reporter’s cameras inside the van, where he also planted marijuana so the reporter and his crew were arrested. Jack announced that he wanted Bruce back at the Eyewitness News Channel 7 station and told Bruce he would promote him. Bruce accepted the higher position and became the star reporter known as Mr. Exclusive. Bruce covered the biggest stories of events that he (God) caused to happen, like a meteorite crashing in Buffalo and a tsunami in Japan that happened when Bruce messed with the moon. Bruce sent Grace and her sister Debbie out for a spa day and he planned to take Grace to a fancy restaurant that night, and Debbie caught on that Bruce was going to propose. Grace was disappointed when Bruce didn’t propose and instead announced that he was replacing Evan as anchor after Bruce made Evan look like a fool on TV where he made Evan talk gibberish and say embarrassing things. Bruce made a scene in the restaurant when he started hearing the voices of thousands of people praying to God in his head. Bruce found himself at the top of Mount Everest with God, who advised Bruce to use his powers to help the world now that he used them to fix his own life. Juan Valdez brought Bruce a cup of coffee, and then he started a Yahweh! account where he received everyone’s prayers in the form of emails. Bruce (God) didn’t want to read the millions of prayers, so he answered yes to all of them. Jack threw a party at the Vanderbilt estate to celebrate Bruce’s new job, and Jack spent his time calling Grace and trying to convince her to come. Susan seduced Bruce in the bedroom and made out with him, and Grace did come and was upset to see them together. Grace left and announced that she was going to live with Debbie and her kids. Bruce (God) left lovey Bruce + Grace signs around town for her to see. He went to see her in person at the daycare, where the kids repeated Bruce’s (God’s) swear words. Grace refused to make up with Bruce, and he couldn’t use his powers to make her love him because of free will. Bruce made his debut on the air as anchor, but he left and discovered there were rioters in the streets setting things on fire because 400,000 people won the lottery and it was divided among them so they only received a few dollars each (Bruce’s aka God doing because he said yes to everyone’s prayers). Some believed that the strange natural eventshappening around the world were omens predicting the end of the world. Bruce found himself back at God’s house, where God told him that people could do things for themselves and didn’t need God to do it for them and it was everyone’s problem trying to talk to God. God disappeared, and Bruce became human again and decided to change his ways and start helping people without God’s powers. Bruce house-trained Sam and turned down the anchor job so Evan could have it. Debbie went to collect Grace’s things from the apartment and told him that Grace often prayed for him. Bruce checked his email and discovered that Grace had said over a thousand prayers and asked God to help her let Bruce go. Bruce got on his knees in the middle of the road and surrendered to God’s will for his life, and then a semi-truck hit him. Bruce found himself in heaven, where God told him to pray. He prayed that Grace would fall in love with someone and be happy even if that someone wasn’t Bruce. God agreed to do what he could, and then Bruce woke up in the hospital. Grace visited him and had given him her blood for the transfusion. Grace was happy that Bruce was alive, and they finally got engaged. Bruce covered the story of the first annual “Be The Miracle,” blood drive which became Bruce’s new sign-off slogan, instead of “That’s the way the cookie crumbles.” The characters in this movie took Jesus’ name in vain and repeatedly hated on God. This movie had a budget of $81 million and grossed over $484 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Gene Shalit, Today Show, “Wildly funny.” Ebert & Roeper, “Two thumbs up!” Jim Ferguson, FOX-TV, “Laugh a minute.” Leonard Maltin, Hot Ticket, “Jim Carrey at his best!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/17/24

TITLE:  The A-Team 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2010 20th Century Fox / Dune Entertainment / Top Cow Productions / Stephen J. Cannell Productions / Scott Free Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in Mexico, where dirty cops working for General Javier Tuco held military Corporal John “Hannibal” Smith captive. The Mexicans tortured Hannibal to get information, but he kept his silence so they tried to shoot him in the head with his own gun twice but it didn’t work because he had removed the firing pin. The men left Hannibal to be eaten by the vicious Rottweilers, so the corrupt police could deliver dirty money to Tuco’s ranch. Hannibal had the pin in his hand and used it to unlock his handcuffs and then cuff the dogs together. Also in Mexico, was Bosco “B.A.” Baracus who led the Mexican police on a high-speed chase in a stolen sports car. B.A. delivered the car to Jay’s chop shop and tried to trade it for his van, but the criminals there wanted B.A. to work more to pay off his debt or they would send him to a Mexican prison. B.A. wasn’t happy with them so he beat them all up violently and took his van. Hannibal went to rescue his friend Lieutenant Templeton “Faceman aka Face” Peck, who Tuco was about to light on fire using gasoline after Face tried to take down the bad guy and also had sex with Tuco’s wife. Hannibal hijacked B.A.’s van at gunpoint and shot him in the arm, but then they worked together when they discovered that they were both Army Rangers. Hannibal and B.A. had a shootout with Tuco’s men and rescued Face and Tuco’s wife. They ditched the van and left to pick up their helicopter pilot Captain H.M. “Howling Mad” Murdock, who was a patient in the psych ward and also a Ranger. Murdock posed as a doctor and stitched a lightning bolt in B.A.’s arm, and then Murdock flew them out of there. B.A. was furious when his van was flattened, and he developed a fear of flying after Murdock’s dangerous flying maneuvers nearly caused B.A.’s. death. Tuco’s helicopter chased the foursome (called the A-Team) and shot at them with guns and missiles, but Murdock avoided getting hit and led Tuco and his mercenaries over the border to the USA where Tuco and his goons were shot down by the USA military. Eight years later, the A-Team was stationed at F.O.B. ‘Headhunter’ in the final days of the American withdrawal from Iraq. CIA Agent Lynch wanted Hannibal’s help to stop a group of Fedayeen thugs, Saddam’s former minions, from stealing a billion dollars. They thought Saddam stole the mint belonging to the Shah of Iran, but it was the thugs who were using Iraqi engraving plates to make billions of unbacked US dollars. They planned to move the US currency metal plates and the printed money (a billion US dollars) out of Baghdad in an armored convoy run by former Iraqi special ops. The A-Team was ordered to stay out of Baghdad and not try to take down the Iraqis, but General Russell Morrison encouraged them and they plotted their attack. The A-Team stole car parts, news reporter passes and other equipment from around the base to accomplish their mission. Face traveled through the sewers and hitched a ride on the underside of the convoy, and B.A. took out the soldiers and hijacked the lead truck. Hannibal rescued Face and they had a shootout with the other trucks as Murdock shot their pursuers who went up in flames. Murdock used his helicopter to carry away the container filled with money back to the base. An army truck with Morrison inside it then exploded and killed him, and Brock Pike and the Black Forest soldiers exploded the money container to set up Hannibal and his A-Team men. Pike then escaped with the plates. Face’s old lover, Charissa Sosa, had left him three years before when their relationship didn’t work out. Since then she had been promoted to Captain, but she failed to keep the plates safe so she was demoted to Lieutenant. The A-Team were brought to court, where Morrison couldn’t confirm that he gave them the go-ahead for the mission so they were accused of being a rogue military unit. Black Forest couldn’t be tried because they were outside the jurisdiction, and the A-Team was discharged and sentenced to separate maximum-security prisons for up to ten years. Six months later, Hannibal was held at an army confinement facility at Fort Carson, Colorado. Lynch visited him and explained that Pike was last seen in Frankfurt, Germany, with an unknown Arab. Lynch agreed to help bust the A-Team out of prison and give them reinstatement and clean records if they succeeded in taking down Pike and getting the plates for Lynch. Lynch jammed the surveillance cameras and sent Hannibal a book with a Cuban cigar hidden inside it. Hannibal smoked the cigar, which dosed him with a toxin that made him appear dead. He was sent to the crematory after dying from a heart attack, but he escaped before he was burned alive. Sosa convinced Director McCready to let her hunt down the A-Team. Hannibal snuck Face out of his federal prison in Pensacola, Florida, hidden inside a tanning machine. Hannibal and Face headed to Lake Tahoe, California, where they freed B.A. from the back of a prison transport van. He agreed to help them clear their names, but he took a vow of non-violence and refused to kill anyone. Murdock was at an army psychiatric hospital in Mannheim, Germany, and he received a copy of the old A-Team show from Annabelle Smith. Sosa visited Murdock just as the A-Team crashed through the building with their truck and picked Murdock up. Lt. Sosa and her agents, Ravech and Gammons, chased the A-Team. The A-team stole a military plane and Murdock flew them out of there. Other military planes shot missiles at them and sent the plane up in flames despite Sosa’s warnings not to harm the federal fugitives. The A-Team parachuted out in a tank, and Face fired the machine gun at the drones while the tank landed in a lake in Germany. Lynch was informed at the CIA office in Frankfurt, and Sosa identified Lynch from the prison footage. She called Lynch and revealed her suspicions that he was helping the A-Team, so he had Sosa’s phones and computers tapped even though she was DoD. The A-Team figured it out before the military that Pike had spent the last month moving the plates to the Königsbank Tower in Frankfurt where the Arab collected them. They planned to retrieve the plates when the last of them were delivered, and they knew Sosa was onto them and Lynch would kill her to get the plates. Sosa and her team scoped out the train station for the A-Team, and a sniper nearly shot Sosa but Face grabbed her. He told her that his A-Team was innocent, and she believed him. Face then shot off bullets to cause panic and make everyone flee the station. Meanwhile, Hannibal shot up Konigsbank where Pike and the Arab were meeting. The Arab was knocked out the window and carried away by Murdock’s helicopter, and Hannibal dropped the case with the plates to the ground. B.A. retrieved the case and was chased by Pike, who shot him and then beat him up. B.A. wouldn’t fight back, so Hannibal rescued him in a getaway car and the police arrested Pike. The A-Team went to their hideout, where Hannibal revealed that the Arab was actually dirty General Morrison in disguise. He confirmed that he betrayed Lynch because the agent wasn’t going to let Morrison and Pike in on the deal with the plates. Hannibal called Lynch, who had suspected that Morrison was disguised as the Arab. Hannibal insisted on having amnesty agreements for his team from the White House and government before he turned over the plates. Hannibal wouldn’t kill Morrison like Lynch wanted him to because Morrison was the only one who could clear the A-Team’s names. Morrison advised them to give it up, but then Lynch sent a military plane to kill the A-team and Morrison. The plane exploded the hideout, and Morrison died but the A-Team made it out with the plates. Sosa interrogated Pike, but he was extradited to Lynch who took Pike at gunpoint and forced him to work for Lynch. He listened in on Sosa’s conversation with Hannibal, who made a false deal with Sosa that he would deliver Morrison and the plates to the docks in LA in exchange for a retrial and Morrison’s testimony that was in the A-Team’s favor. They headed to LA and injected B.A. with a tranquilizer to get him onboard the plane. They boarded a freighter at the docks, and Hannibal ditched the deal with Sosa when she called him to change the terms. The A-Team distracted Lynch’s men with cars and fireworks and then blew them up with explosives. Pike shot a missile through the freighter, and the team got off the ship as it went down and they were nearly crushed by the falling crates. Face and Pike had a shootout, and Face ran out of bullets so B.A. rescued him and then killed Pike. Hannibal used a recording of his voice to lure Lynch into a container where Murdock pretended to be Morrison with a sack over his head. Lynch had the upper hand in the fight, and he shot who he thought was Morrison and took the plates but Hannibal fought back. The container was then lifted and Lynch, whose real name was Vance Burress, was surrounded by Sosa and the police who arrested him for attempted murder, violation of the Civil False Claims Act and stealing the plates. Murdock was uninjured thanks to bulletproof equipment. The real Agent Lynch took the imposter away, and the military recovered the plates. Director McCready had the A-Team taken away for breaking out of jail, and he offered to promote Sosa again but she protested. Sosa kissed Face and planned to find a way to free the A-Team, but there was no need because Face held the handcuff key in his mouth and they escaped from the military van. This movie had a budget of $100-110 million and grossed over $177 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Boxoffice Magazine, “The best action film in years!” Jeff Craig, Sixty Second Preview, “A total blast!” Christy Lemire,, Associated Press “Flat-out fun!” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 10/17/24

TITLE:  My Father The Hero 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.) 

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1994  Touchstone Pictures / Cité Films / Film Par Film / D.D. Productions / The Edward S. Feldman Company / Buena Vista Home Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with Andre Arnel arriving at the Air France terminal in the closest New York City airport from his home in France where he worked. Andre was divorced from his wife, Megan, and he hadn’t seen their daughter Nicole for over a year and now. Megan was now 14 years old and a mean disrespectful teen to her single mom and treated mom as though she were an adult and mom had zero control over her life anymore. Andre had a cab waiting outside his ex wife’s apartment building to take out of control Nicole on summer vacation to the Bahamas. Before they left, Megan scolded Nicole for trying to take her clothes as she went through her daughter’s suitcase and found an expensive sweater without asking permission. Nicole was a spoiled brat who was hateful to both her parents, so she called her mom a bit** and her dad by his first name like her friends did at her school because it wasn’t cool to call parents mom and dad. At the Bahamas hotel, Nikki refused to sleep in the same room as Andre and forced him to sleep on the couch in their hotel room (two bedrooms were all booked up). In the next scene, young teen Nicole got up from her lawn chair dad then discovered that his daughter wore a thong bathing suit poolside and the young teen child exposed her bare butt to all and he tried to cover Nikki as they walked back to the hotel room for her to change.  There was a group of Americans vacationing there also and they were from the Small Business owners’ Association (SBA) because they received a great travel deal. A female from the SBA didn’t believe Andre when he said he was French earlier and after seeing Nicole (young girl) walking around naked bottomed she told the others that teen Nikki was definitely French. Nicole then hung out with Pablo, an adult worker at the resort, and he invited her to a party that she didn’t want Andre to attend. Nicole later walked a long distance to a secluded beach area; where 17-year-old resort employee Ben warned her about high tide and getting stranded there and not being able to get back to the resort and said his parents lived nearby. Nikki lied that she was 18 and was there with a friend. Nicole later tried to hook Andre up with Diana Blane so she could get her freedom and go where she wanted meet stranger adults on her own without the interference of her parent. Nicole (14 years old) hung out with older men at the resort who hit on her and bought her drinks. At the employee’s party, Nicole ran into Ben and changed her story that she was 16 and was there with her middle-aged adult boyfriend Andre. Nicole had watched adult TV shows at the resort the night before to come up with more lies that the teen copied from the questionable TV entertainment. Nikki told Ben that she ran away from home and Andre was her lover who saved her from a life of prostitution and drug addiction. Her added that her dad was in prison for armed robbery and her mom was a prostitute who ran off with her pimp (disgusting crap from learned from an ungodly fake Entertainment world that she turned into her sick reality life in order to get attention, use people to do her bidding and have sexual relationships at her incredibly young age). Meanwhile, Andre’s British girlfriend in France, Isabel, had left him a message that she was no longer in Paris and wanted him to seriously think about what they discussed about their relationship before they spoke again. Andre confided in Diana about his French relationship with girlfriend Isabel and how he didn’t understand the women in his life. Nikki talked her dad into going water-skiing with Ben and her, not knowing that Ben was on a mission to teach dirty old Andre a lesson not to abuse young females (based upon all the lies that teen Nikki had told Ben). Nicole and Ben then went out in a boat with Ben driving and Andre on water-skis. Ben believed that Andre was a pervert and took advantage of Nicole so teen Ben went dangerously fast and Andre almost collided with huge rocks, bridges and other watercraft multiple times at a super fast reckless speed. Ben stopped the boat after Nikki’s protests and the two teens argued. Andre was unable to swim to safety and frantically called for the kids to move their boat and him out of the way of a large boat in their path and at the last minute Nicole got the boat going again and her dad out of the direct hit from the cargo ship. Later on at the resort, Nicole wasn’t pleased when Ben danced with another girl, so she tried to dance with Andre to make Ben jealous but it didn’t work. Diana (single without children) told Andre to let Nicole go so teen Nikki could experience dating and romance and that was why Andre had issues with understanding women and young girls. Diana invited Andre to an upcoming island dance with her and he agreed. Nicole was worried that Andre would marry Isabel and have kids with her, so Nicole ran to Ben in tears. Ben obviously didn’t know the that truth as to why young teen Nikki was upset because he still thought Andre was her lover, so older teen Ben offered to hide her out from Andre on his parents’ boat, but she refused. Diana insisted that Andre play the piano for the vacationers, and he sang a song about little girls so everyone left thinking he was a dirty old man and pervert because all of Nikki’s lies she told about Andre to Ben spread to the people at the island resort. Andre searched for Nicole and thought she was sleeping with Pablo, so he demanded that another worker drive him to Pablo’s house where Andre found Pablo in bed with a different female. Andre went to Ben’s house next, where Ben punched Andre and refused to let Nicole leave with him. Andre and Ben fought over Nicole until she ran away. Nicole confessed to her dad once they were alone again that she was upset that Andre hadn’t been there for her most of her life and missed out on her because of his life with Isabel. Nicole and Andre made amends and then Nikki told her dad about the lies she told Ben about Andre. Andre was furious that Nicole let everyone there believe he was a child molester so she could impress Ben. Nicole refused to tell Ben the truth yet because she wanted to date him. Nikki insisted that Andre keep pretending to be her lover until she decided to tell Ben. Ben showed up at the hotel room and had a talk with Andre with Nicole hiding in the closest to hear what Ben would say about her. Ben announced that he had feelings for Nicole and wanted her to stay at his parents’ house for the rest of the summer and then they would find her a place to stay in New York away from lover Andre. Nicole eavesdropped. Ben left the room after Andre told Ben the two of them would let Nicole decide what she wanted to do with her life. Nicole continued to lie to Ben. Nikki told Ben that she had to stay with Andre because he was dying of a disease that he caught in Africa, and Ben didn’t believe it until Andre played along and pretended to be in severe pain from old war wounds as he lay in bed and the two teens left to go alone on the island somewhere private. Andre forgot about the dance with Diana, and she was upset but they quickly made amends. Andre read a magazine about, “The Gay White Way,” and told Ben about his years in Russia over some beers. Nicole was mad that Andre was telling his own lies that were too believable and made Ben more interested in Andre than Nicole. Nicole then convinced Andre to make a fool of himself in front of Ben, so Andre lost on purpose when he and Ben played golf and tennis so Ben would get his confidence back and look more in Nikki’s direction verses idolize Andre. Nicole was caught up watching Andre play the piano so beautifully. Ben left Nicole a note telling her that he didn’t want to see her again because he knew the teen loved older Andre in her own morbid way. Nicole was upset so she took a Windsurfer out in the reef in rough ocean waters and got stuck. Andre swam out to try to save his hellcat daughter and so did Ben but Ben was soon picked up in a resort boat. Andre got a cramp and nearly drowned because the current was too strong. Ben and another worker rescued Nicole with the boat as she held on to some rocks. The trio also brought Andre to the shore where Ben wasn’t pleased to discover that Andre was Nicole’s dad and she was a compulsive liar. A doctor showed up on the beach, Alberto Lenzi, vacationing from Italy. The Italian doctor said Andre would be fine and had him moved indoors. As it turned out, Alberto was going through a divorce so Diana picked him as her next victim. Ben refused to talk to Nicole, so Andre helped his daughter write a love letter to Ben. Andre threw the letter through Ben’s bedroom window that Nikki identified and broke the glass. Ben read the letter and went outside his parent’s house to speak to teen Nicole. From his hiding place, Andre dictated to Nicole romantic words that she repeated to Ben and she then asked Ben to go to the dance that he hadn’t planned on going to. Nicole was worried that Ben wouldn’t show up, but he did. The two teens danced on the tropical beach and then they kissed each other. Andre called his girlfriend and she didn’t answer again (he called her every day) so he started to leave Isabel a voice message. As Andre told Isabel that he wanted to marry her Isabel jumped and picked up the phone to speak to Andre. Andre added that he also wanted to have a (female) child with her, and the Brit was happy to hear that as she got what she wanted in the end, like teen Nikki did. This movie grossed $45 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Sneak Previews “Hilarious!” ABC Radio Network “Loads of laughs!” San Francisco Chronicle “Crowd-pleasing!” 


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