DATE REVIEWED: 3/22/24
TITLE: Grown Ups 2
BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)
PRODUCTION YEAR: 2013 Columbia Pictures / Happy Madison Productions / Sony Pictures Releasing
RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1
REASON: This movie takes place in small town New England Stanton, Connecticut (filmed in Swampscott and Saugus, Marblehead, Massachusetts) and began with retired Hollywood millionaire Lenny Feder and his wife Roxanne Chase-Feder in their bed one morning. Lenny woke up to see a male buck in the room, and he told Roxanne that it was her mother from Mexico who came to visit and then the male deer peed all over Lenny. The stag then peed on 17-year-old Greg in the shower, and Roxanne screamed at the sight of her son’s private parts. Lenny lured the buck outside using his 8-year-old daughter Becky’s stuffed animal, and then the huge deer with massive antlers shredded the monkey. The buck got in because Becky left the front door open the night before so animals could come in. The mailman was at the door and then gave Lenny a high-five for Roxanne’s pink bra dangling from the stag’s antler. Meanwhile, Lenny’s auto repair shop owner friend, Eric Lamonsoff, watched as his wife, Sally, taught their 7-year-old son, Bean, math and spelling and told the young boy he got the answer correct when it was completely wrong because she didn’t want to hurt her son’s feelings (and the boy was in public school). Lenny’s other friend, Kurt McKenzie, a Quantum cable man, believed his year-old son Ronnie’s diaper was shaped oddly like Nicki Minaj’s butt implants. Kurt’s wife, Deanne, found a gift box in the diaper and inside was a necklace from Kurt as a gift for their 20thanniversary that he remembered and she didn’t. Lenny’s third friend, Marcus Higgins, was at the Stanton train station and had to pick up Braden, the 17-year-old son of Hiccups McGee, one of the women Marcus had a relationship with, because she insisted that Braden spend one summer with his deadbeat dad. Marcus brought along a teddy bear because he was expecting a young child, but it turned out Braden was a scary teen with tattoos and a switchblade and towered over Marcus and looked like him so he felt no need for a DNA test. Braden cut the head off the teddy bear. Lenny was a Hollywood talent agent taking a break from the industry to raise his kids in the hometown state that he grew up in and Roxanne was a fashion designer with her own store in town. Roxanne wanted to have another child and Lenny didn’t so she was mad at him. Greg had a crush on classmate Nancy Arbuckle, the most popular girl in school, and Greg’s younger brother 14-year-old Keithie believed Greg was fugly and too chicken to ask Nancy out. Lenny believed it was safe for Becky and Bean (under age 10) to ride alone to school on their bikes in the small town and not in the city where they used to live. Nick the school bus driver arrived to pick the older kids up and in front of the kids told Lenny that his wife was leaving him after three weeks because she caught him at her mom’s house eating a banana with his butt. Nick admitted that he was out of it because he was on pills given to him by a doctor he met at a Cypress Hill concert. Lenny helped his buddy out and Lenny decided to drive the school bus instead, and Kurt, the Quantum cable man, boarded the bus with his children, 17-year-old Andre and 14-year-old Charlotte. Kurt boasted that he now had a get-out-of-jail-free card and would use it endlessly on Deanne for her forgetting their anniversary. Kurt then tried to convince Lenny to have a first night of summer party at Lenny’s house because his house was the biggest and a mansion. Duffy bullied Keithie on the school bus and threatened to kill him and Lenny and Kurt told Duffy with the Mariah Carey hairdo and white Precious look alike to get down. Roxanne’s employee, Penny, at the Hermosa Boutique revealed that she and Lenny dated in the sixth grade. Penny believed that Lenny still had feelings for her and Penny still wore a barrette in her head from when Lenny told her he liked it as kids. Principal Tardio at Stanton High School was upset that the students sprayed “loser,” on his car and filled it with blue goo. After dropping the kids off at school, Lenny and Kurt picked on Eric for visiting with his elder mom. Nick was passed out in the back and Lenny drove recklessly so Nick ran into the back of the bus hard. The wives went to their yoga class at Squats Fitness, where the janitor pretended to fill in for the new yoga instructor Kyle and had the women do exercises and spank their own butts so he could get stare at their bodies. The married women thought Kyle was hot and asked sexual questions, but then he revealed that he was gay. One yoga class attendee, a burly woman, had a jockstrap in her bag and lil’ Ronnie found it. Lenny and his buddies took Nick in the school bus to Kmart, where Kurt took his pants off and got in one of the beds. An elderly employee yelled at Nick to wake up, and Nick called him Grandma and then went to the bathroom on a display toilet and the employee called for cleanup. Marcus tried to buy a huge knife to protect himself from Braden, and the cashier in the hunting department suggested pepper spray and then the Kmart employee sprayed himself in his fake eye. Malcolm Fluzoo, another Kmart employee, told Kurt that his son Bumpty liked Charlotte and was going to ask her out since he was the only other black kid in the grade. Kurt argued that he would rather have Charlotte date a white guy than Bumpty, who he thought was bald like Malcolm and he got picked on for it. Malcolm added that he already had the dating talk with Bumpty about the sexual relationships Malcolm and Kurt had in high school and Kurt wasn’t happy about that and was concerned for his own daughter. The foursome and Nick left Kmart as a woman on her way inside screamed at her four kids that she wished she never had them. Small town police officers Fluzoo (Malcolm’s brother) and Dante (more chums of Lenny and his gang) were in the parking lot and joked around dancing and pulled a gun on the men for taking the school bus. Dante claimed that the old Dante in high school stole Lenny’s parents’ snowmobile and sold it to buy crack cocaine and Lenny couldn’t believe he was now a cop. Dante said he was the law and offered them a presidential police escort to Becky’s ballet recital at McDonough Elementary, and Nick rode on top of the bus on the raft but was then dragged behind it as the two questionable law enforcement officers abusing their power shot their guns out the window like gangsters and scaring the neighborhood citizens. The women bragged about how cute their young daughters were onstage as the men stared at the dance teacher’s revealing neckline and Eric videoed the teacher’s cleavage inside the school. The dance moves for the very young schoolgirls involved crawling across the floor in a sexy way and sticking their pelvises in the air.Afterwards, Tommy Cavanaugh, the guy from Texas who used to bully Lenny in ninth grade, came to New England and collected his dance teacher lover. Lenny took the incident out on his young daughter Becky and yelled at her and he almost peed his pants when biker bully Cavanaugh confronted him after so many years. Everyone then went to the Ice Cream House, where Marcus tried to tell Dickie Bailey how to fix the machine and it involved chocolate ice cream coming out of the machine and it looked like he was pooping. Eric recorded on video the stage drama scene the men knew would happen. Principal Tardio said goodbye to his students on the last day of school over the intercom as he picked a Froot Loop out of his belly button and ate it. The bell rang, and two boys dumped blue paint on the principal, turning him blue inside the school,from the ceiling above. Duffy continued bullying Keithie and called him an a**-tue. Instead of taking the bus, Braden convinced Greg and Andre to go into the no-trespassing area called Suicide 35 at the Quarry (Westford), where people, including their dads, included jumped off 35 feet below into water (Amoskeag Lake aka Chebacco Lake in Essex MA). A group of college kids were partying there, and one drunken adult bikini-clad female gave underage Greg and Andre beers and gave them both hugs. They planned to dump the beers and then pretend to be drunk, and as they dumped them it looked like they were peeing. The boys were across from the Suicide 35 jumping area, where Lenny and his buds just arrived so Eric could jump for the first time since he never did with them in high school. However, Andy and his Kappa Eta Sigma fraternity claimed it was their property, and Kurt commented that he hadn’t seen that many arrogant white college kids Eminem played Duke. Greg and Andrew danced with drunk bikini-clad and bra and underwear wearing college girls. The fraternity war whooped Native-American style and the Kappa brothers came over to back them up. University College man Andy insisted that Lenny and his gang had to all jump naked into the water in order to leave, so they all did. The college adults and high-schoolers across the way saw Lenny and the other men’s full-frontal penis while the camera and the fraternity saw the back bare butts. Heavyweight Eric landed in the water on Marcus’s head. The university men threw the clothes down to the men in the water. Kurt couldn’t believe nobody was scared of black people anymore and he damned Obama. Greg and Andre were shocked that they saw their dad’s penises. Braden, in the water on the other side, was angry and had on his arm “Soup kitchen my a**,” because he figured out Marcus lied about his whereabouts earlier when he sent him off to school for the day. They discovered that the tires on the Star Wars van were slashed and Marcus knew it was his son Satan who did it. They took the van to Eric’s garage, with signs out front Eldorado Tires, Goodrich and Interstate Batteries. Marcus went off about his one-night stand with Hiccups, and Beefcakes Kitty, the manly woman from the yoga class, and a mechanic employed at Eric’s garage didn’t want to hear it. The guys then convinced Marcus to sit inside a huge tire for fun while they rolled him a little way, but Lenny got distracted by a phone call and Marcus rolled through traffic and smashed over the local police car. Officer Fluzoo was directing traffic and danced while doing it, and then he jumped in the car with Dante and sped off after the runaway tire with Marcus. Beefcakes kicked the tire to go faster when it went past her since she was mad at Marcus, and then the large tire rolled over Nick in the park when it rolled through a kid’s playground. Officer Flu zoo (extremely tall) was able to stop the tire by standing in front of it and he hardly flinched when it ran into him and it came to a stop. Marcus threw up and his buddies all wanted a turn in the tire. Officers Fluzoo and Dante revealed that they arrested Braden for spray-painting the fraternity and trashing it and Braden was in the back of the squad car. Braden knew it would make college man Andy believe that the Lenny and his buddies vandalized the frat house and they would avenge it, and Andy did and chanted “kill,” to his homies. Lenny took Keithie to the football field to teach him some moves, and the Puritans coach was impressed by Keithie’s skills until Lenny tripped and fell on Keithie and broke his son’s leg. Kurt dropped Andre off at his class with drivers’ ed teacher Wylie, and Kurt pulled out into traffic as a bad example. Officers Fluzoo and Dante released Braden, and Marcus didn’t want to be home alone with his delinquent knife-wielding son and the man jumped into Officer Fluzoo’s arms for protection. Eric canceled coffee with his wife Sally to watch the Great Renaldo soap opera and nurses who tried to kill the fake male drama star at his mom’s house with her, and he got caught when Sally came over to bring Mrs. Lamonsoff a new floor fan to cool down her house. Lenny was hoping Dr. Larry could save him from his mad-cat Spanish wife who was going to chew him apart for his lies and deceit. Dr. Larry told Lenny that the cure for anger was Jack Daniels and the doctor then took a swig out of the canteen he carried with him and added he was tired and needed to rest after over 24 hours on duty. The fraternity men pulled up in a car next to Andre and told him they were getting revenge, and they threw a beer to the driver’s Ed teacher, Wylie, and accused Andre of being intoxicated. Wylie deducted points for that. Kurt was late for his cable install appointment on purpose, and he spied on the customer and waited for her to go to the bathroom before going to the door and left a sign that he would be back the following day and drove off in his cable van fast before she could get to the door. Marcus and Braden agreed to search the Internet for funny videos and spend some civil time with each other. Sally told Eric that it was fine he was looking at Becky’s dance teacher because Sally was looking at gay Kyle. Sally then proved she was okay with it and went to the car wash school event put on by young cheerleaders in their half-shirts and miniskirts exposing their butts as a fundraiser for the cheer team. However, the females then switched and the male cheerleaders wearing very tight and revealing shorty-shorts and washed the car. The male cheerleaders spanked each other and got all wet and soapy and took tips from Eric in their mouth and licked the white soap off the windshield.The car in front of them being washed by the female cheerleaders was the driver’s ed car, and Wylie drank beer and the teacher loved the young girls all soaped up and exposed. The dopey town police officers were there, and Fluzoo had his shirt off and the female cheerleaders scrubbed the officer Flu zoo’s bare chest down but Dante joined them and scrubbed down his male police partner’s chest with soap and water himself. At the supermarket to get supplies for the ‘80s themed party, young Becky called Kyle “Stud Muffin” since her mom did. Penny was there with her husband Wylie, and Penny ran into Lenny and passed him a note. Wylie said Andre just squeaked by (car wash helped em pass) on his Driver’s Ed test. Roxanne wasn’t happy about the note that told Lenny to meet Penny at his USPS mailbox at 11:00 pm, so Roxanne ate the note and got rid of the evidence. Greg got a job at the Ice Cream House, and his dream girl Nancy showed up. Greg followed his dad Lenny’s three-step method (make laugh, keep laugh, then ask out for same night date) and asked Nancy out, and she agreed. Dickie threw an ice cream scoop at his wife and hit her in the back of the head with it afterward because he remembered Lenny used the same three step date rules on his own wife back in high school. Most everyone had to dress up for the 80’s themed party. Lenny went as Bruce Springsteen and Roxanne went as Tina Turner. Lenny yelled at Roxanne again that he didn’t want any more kids and to drop it, so Roxanne ran off in tears. Roxanne then revealed that she was pregnant, so Lenny cursed the Motel 6 hot tub. Kurt went as Prince, Eric as Meat Loaf, Marcus as Oates and Braden as Hall. Papa Smurf was Principal Tardio and his wife Jackie was Smurfette and young daughters Sadie and Sunny were smurfs, Bean as ZZ Top, and young Ronnie as MJ…Michael Jackson. Another Prince was there and Kurt told him that he looked like Morgan Freeman as a transvestite. Beefcakes came as Hulk Hogan, Sally came as Madonna. Nick went as Boy George and Kyle came as Indiana Jones. Nick told Kyle that he was into pills and the Discovery Channel. Donald Trump (not Simon and Simon as you will read in another scene how they trashed Trump) in a black suit with red tie and white shirt (the guy with the fake eye) downed beers from the fridge with Magnum PI wearing Hawaiian shirt and tigers baseball cap (Thomas Magnum) handing them to him. Officers Dante (Crockett) and Fluzoo (Tubbs) from Miami Vice sat with Billy Idol and Lenny (Springstein) playing a drinking game. Roxanne insisted that Lenny put Becky to sleep and she took his spot and showed up the guys. Eric told Bean it was time for his young son to go to bed then discovered that Bean could play Fur Elise piano after the kid saw it in his dream even though he could not do math and therefore was a genius like himself. Wylie (Vanilla Ice) and his wife Penny (Debbie Gibson) showed up and Penny wanted to stay behind to meet Lenny at 11:00 pm as she arranged in her note at the grocery store. Lenny tried to give her children’s medicine to go to sleep with so he could party with the many people and band outside. Becky said no and she insisted on having her Mr. Gigglesworth stuffed animal. Nick was in the kitchen in his underwear (used global warming as excuse) and hit on gay Kyle. Kyle told Lenny that he sewed up the ripped stuffed monkey which he learned from his tailor dad since there was no such thing as gay camp. The whole lot of partiers in town seemed to be at the loud house party and joined in on what they deemed fun, which included giving Bowser the dog alcohol through a tube, the wealthy transplanted Hollywood Feder family in rural America did not seem to care what happened to their four-legged loved one. The live band J.Geils (The Vibrators) sang on stage, “Baby, Baby,” as Officer Dante skied off the rooftop shooting off guns in his bikini underwear and screamed that he was the law. When Officer Fluzoo jumped off the diving board he broke it, and then he peed in the pool and the water turned sapphire blue so everyone rushed to get out of the pool. Dickie attended the party as Tom Cruise from Top Gun “Maverick” and Greg was Tom Cruise “Joel” from Risky Business. Charlotte (Cyndi Lauper) had a solo then when Greg (Joel) triped over the band’s cord and the music went out and the crowd cheered Cyndi on. Bumpty (Mr. T) told Charlotte singing wasn’t her thing as his mom, Mary, stood next to him in her grey business suit as herself and his dressed up Prince dad (Malcolm). Nancy came as Pat Benetar, and Tommy Cavanaugh was the Terminator with his girlfriend the dance teacher. Lenny challenged Tommy to a fight, and Tommy said his son was overseas in Afghanistan. Cavanaugh secretly told Lenny to hit him on the chin and he would go down so they could be down their 30-year battle and show Keithie how not to take the bullying any longer. Tommy Cavanaugh then changed his mind and put on a grand show and begged Lenny not to hit him. Kavanaugh totally tricked everyone into believing the fake stunt and the crowd loved it and thought-crying Cavanaugh was a joke for crying while Lenny walked away as a hero. Cavanaugh’s girlfriend in a her Robert Palmer girl’s outfit promised him a special hip-hop dance for him that night (with Mario and Luigi dressed men in costume as well as Richard Simmons and Devo in the background). The college kids then showed up, and Z-Dog (Braden) said that he trashed the frat house but they didn’t believe it. The college students claimed the swimming hole was theirs even though the people there grew up there and used it for years. The neighborhood women said some of the females had a penis and they pointed to Beefcakes, and then the two sides (townsfolk and the college students) clashed and everyone fought each other. The women ganged up and punched Trump in the face as Trump grabbed at them and told the women they were hot. Papa Smurf (Principal Tardio) jumped from a tree on top of them all and made Trump blue with the blue paint. Keithie knocked out one guy, so Duffy decided that he would always protect. One guy dressed as Celtics Larry Byrd put a frat guy’s head between his legs near his butt cheeks. Prince Eric and Deanne Tina beat another guy up and Ronnie Michael beat him up. Boy George screamed that he couldn’t breathe as a college kid strangled him and choked him out, and then Kyle Indiana Jones came to the rescue and fought off the student with martial arts. Boy George Nick tried to kiss Indiana Jones and ended up kissing the dog instead. Indiana Jones Kyle threw up at the sight. Tommy’s girlfriend fed him party food while Terminator Cavanaugh knocked out a bunch of college kids and piled them up on the ground. Greg kicked someone in the nuts, and the college girl who gave Greg and Andre the beer called Greg a traitor and kicked him there too. Nancy kicked the girl in the private parts, and teens Nancy and Greg kissed. A frat student pulled the wig off Malcolm, and his brother officer Fluzoo asleep in the pink playhouse broke it apart and and threw the frat man over the house. Becky got out of her bed and went outside and saved her dad who was getting beat up by ninja boy Andy. Becky gave Andy her stuffed monkey Gigglesworth, and the buck came at him, knocked him down and chewed apart the stuffed animal at Andy’s crotch. The college junkies retreated then. Penny shoved pregnant Roxanne out of the way to check on Lenny, but Roxanne got up from the ground and then kicked Penny in the face. Penny’s husband Wylie (Vanilla Ice) laughed at the crazy performance. The neighborhood men had dinner that night at Mrs. Lamonsoff’s house like they used to in high school and she told them to treasure the unexpected children in their lives because her Eric was an accident baby as a result of when she and her husband were in the men’s room at a Patriots game. Officer Dante was passed out on the lawn but before that he tried to arrest an anthill.Lenny welcomed the new baby to his family by talking to Roxanne’s stomach and then had sex with his wife. After sex, Lenny burpsnarted (burp, sneeze, fart) like Eric did throughout the movie (China virus…throw up, diarrhea, sneezing). This movie had a budget of $80 million and grossed over $247 million at the box office. Appallingly, In 2017 President Obama pardoned the four male major role players in this movie that clearly hated on Trump, exposed their naked private parts to children and had gangster officers that broke more laws then they enforced, and had medical workers, school officials and members of the community doing questionable if not illegal things.