MOVIE REVIEW 34

DATE REVIEWED: 5/19/25

TITLE: Mad Money

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2008 Anchor Bay Entertainment / Starz Media / Overture Films / Millennium Films / Lightspeed Media / Swingin’ Productions / Big City Pictures / Granada Productions / MMoney LLC / Grand Army Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Kansas City and began with Don Cardigan shredding stolen cash using a toilet in his home while his wife, Bridget, made a run for it in the dark of night with detectives on her trail. Three years before, Bridget learned from her neighbor friends, Mindy and Bryce Arbogast that her husband Don planned to sell their house because they were $286,000 in debt. Don’s corporation downsized and laid him off a year ago and he was an older employee so now the older couple had no health benefits. Bridget was hopeful they would find a solution, so she tried to get a job, but the only thing she was good at was Google and her college degree in comparative literature was useless. An employment agent informed Bridget that workers of her older age were annoying, and Bridget argued that the comment was illegal and discriminatory. Bridget searched the ads for a job but had no luck. Bridget and Don’s housekeeper, Selina, complained about another bounced check and demanded cash from Bridget for her work already completed, but Bridget had none and tried to pay her with silver. Selina recommended a job for Bridget from someone she knew but couldn’t work for so Bridget and her husband could get health benefits. Selina said she couldn’t work for the company because Selina revealed to Bridget only then that she had a criminal record of arson. Bridget was hired and trained to be a janitor at the federal reserve but couldn’t keep her mind off all the stacks of cash sent there by thousands of banks to be shredded and the money was monitored by the men in black on high tech camera systems. The cash was kept under lock and key until Nina Brewster disposed of the worn-out money in the shredding room. Bridget didn’t like cleaning having raised two children to adulthood with a maid (adult children she never heard from) got the idea to pull off a heist. Meanwhile, Mindy, a realtor, put Bridget and Don’s house up for sale. The reserve security officers often harassed the women working there by hitting on them as bags were checked after their shifts. Bridget soon crafted a scheme to steal millions of dollars before they were shredded to get her and her husband out of financial debt. Bridget set her sights on recruiting Nina from shredding after Bridget tried to recruit one male employee and he did the right thing and turned the money Bridget found on the floor into security instead of keeping it for himself since he knew it didn’t belong to him and he didn’t drop the cash . Nina and her sons lived in the ghetto with thugs and gangsters. One day, Nina had to sign a form that her son gave to her confirming that she knew what kinds of weapons the kids weren’t allowed to bring to Van Buren Unified School. Bridget pestered Nina to help her and even put education brochures in Nina’s locker in hopes of convincing her to get in on the heist so she could send her sons, Dante and Jimmy, to a better private school. Nina agreed to do the crime but threatened to kill Bridget if she lost her kids to foster care in the process. Jackie Truman was younger employee and worked in carts, where she spent most of her time jamming and dancing around to music on her headphones while working. Bridget and Nina told Jackie about their plan as they drank beer at Junior’s bar. Jackie agreed to the heist immediately without regard to any consequences. They came up with subtle hand gestures (sweep hand side of face end with peace sign) to communicate and then threatened to dump Jackie if her illegal drug use interfered with the heist because they found a needle in her purse after the contents dumped in the parking lot. Later after the feds caught Jackie she claimed that her needles were used to treat early onset diabetes that she was diagnosed with at age 9. At home as a single mom, Nina lectured her sons about going to jail for stealing candy bars just as Nina herself planned to commit a felony with her partners in crime at work. On the first attempt, Jackie sensed something was not right and wouldn’t go through with it because she had a bad feeling. Bridget and Nina were angry with her and told Jackie off in the bathroom but then later on in the day the employees’ bodies were randomly security checked and Nina and Bridget were thankful to Jackie’s vibes. Another time the trio gave each other the hand signal to begin the crime. Bridget pretended to clean and was able to switch out one of the locks on money cart 4937 with her own lock. Jackie took the cart while Nina retrieved a lock from the bathroom trash and then distracted the security guard with her extreme breast cleavage on the cameras. Jackie jammed to music on her headphones like she always did as she waited for the elevator, so the guards thought nothing of it when she unlocked the cart and snuck multiple bundles of cash into the trashcan. Jackie delivered the cart to Nina, and Bridget retrieved the cash from the trash. The three hid out in a bathroom stall and stuffed the wads of cash into their bras and underwear and once they made it safely out of work with it, they later counted the money and celebrated. They received $33,000 each despite the fact that Jackie smuggled out many one-dollar bills so it was decided to only get large bills from then on. Don found out as he walked in on the three women’s cash party and he wasn’t pleased that Bridget committed a felony. Don was worried that recycling the shredded money back into the system could throw off the balance of trade and cause major damage to the country. Bridget argued that she and her fugitive friends would pull off the robbery several more times until they were out of debt, so Don agreed to help them. Don took Bridget to the bank to deposit some cash, no more than $10,000 he cautioned, otherwise the IRS would investigate. Nina enrolled her two sons at the prestigious Mary Hoover Academy, and the principal argued that he couldn’t accept mid-term transfers or students on financial aid. He agreed to school Nina’s boys after Nina stated that she could pay for a full year of schooling and would make a large donation to their new library as a bribe. The female trio continued stealing more money at work. Bridget and Don were able to pay off their debts and keep their house. Six months later, Bridget, Don, Nina, Jackie and Jackie’s husband, Bob, had a celebratory dinner at a fancy restaurant (without Nina’s young children). Bridget announced that she wanted to keep going, and Jackie and Bob were greedy because he no longer wanted to work for Allen Brothers Meat Market. Jackie wanted to travel to Brazil, India and the Czech Republic. However, Don and Nina didn’t want to get caught and believed that the others were being too greedy. Nina declared that she wouldn’t participate unless they agreed to lay low and not make large purchases that would raise suspicion until enough time passed and they could all move away from the area to places where nobody would know or question their financial circumstances and assume they were always rich. However, Bridget then purchased a ring for $62,000 so Nina flushed it down the toilet at work when she found out. Nina then lost the key to the lock when the key went down the bathroom sink drain. Nina went back to the shredder and stalled the security guard, Barry Cobb, for time while Bridget stayed in the bathroom and called Don, who then showed up at Bob’s work and got Bob fired from his job for leaving to call Jackie. Bob told Jackie on the phone to give the spare key to Bridget somehow. Jackie then put her spare key in a piece of gum and threw it onto the wall of the elevator as she raged at the two men that she was married to cause a distraction when they did nothing at all. The boss, Mr. Glover, suspected Bridget was up to something in the bathroom, so he checked on her and she got him out of her business by waving the dirty plunger in his face and throwing a fit about the work she had to do despite her college education. Bridget retrieved the spare key from the elevator by telling the same men she wasn’t their maids and assaulted them further when the men in the elevator did nothing wrong again. Bridget then made it to Nina’s shredder area and distracted Barry. Bridget threw Nina the key so Nina could unlock the cart and steal more money. Barry figured out something wasn’t right so after work he talked to Nina and touched both her breasts to confirm that he knew she had money hidden there and it was over. Nina told her associates that Barry was interested in her and she believed that he wouldn’t rat them out if they gave it up now. Bridget and Jackie tried to convince Nina to have sex with Barry to get him on their side and it was not healthy that Nina hadn’t had sex in seven years, and Nina reluctantly agreed. Nina dressed up and went to Barry’s house after her female associates gave her his home address. Barry lived with his mom and was responsibly taking care of her as she had health conditions. Barry didn’t want to have sex with Nina in exchange for money, so she left. At work, Bridget cornered Barry in the men’s bathroom relieving himself. Barry said his peace that he was in but he wouldn’t have sex with Nina as part of the deal because Nina was worth more than that to him. Later on, Nina and Barry kissed and did more in Bridget’s mansion closet. Don came up with explanations for each of the members as to why they were spending the money in case anyone asked. Nina was to say she had a rich boyfriend out of town, Bob would say his fortune came from online trading, Barry’s mom got a huge healthcare payout, and Don would lie and tell people that he did freelance corporate consulting from home. The group drank to organized crime and how money really could buy happiness, and then they started spending the money and hiding the extra cash in food containers and bags that they buried in the ground. Jackie and Bob bought a motorcycle and a large RV camper. Nina bought a house in a better neighborhood. Bridget and Don remodeled their house and threw a party. Don announced that he got a job as a senior VP working for Tom Gaffney because of his consultant work was doing so well (not really since it was a farce). Nina announced her engagement to Barry. Bridget noticed a strange man spying on them who Jackie recognized when he appeared at the work. The man was a government agent named Richard Mandelbrot. Richard was onsite and informed Glover that the ladies were in possession of large sums of money that came out of nowhere and the Kansas City Police Department had been keeping tabs on them for months. Glover argued that the facility was too high-security for anyone to steal money, so he kicked out the agent who suspected Glover could be in on it and if so would be committing a serious federal crime. Don discovered that the agent was a Federal Bank examiner who was interrogating the neighbors to find out about Don and Bridget’s jobs and where they got all their money. Don wanted everyone to turn themselves in and give the majority of the money back in hopes they would lighter sentences, but Bridget refused because she didn’t want to die at the hands of Nina or Nina to lose her kids to foster care. The group then found out that Bob got them in caught and in trouble because Bob spent more than $10,000 in online investments and made 17% and didn’t understand that he was only supposed to pretend to be an online investor. They planned to get rid of the money that night in their houses before it could be used as evidence against them, but Bridget wanted to run away with the money. Don didn’t want to leave. Barry knew police officers and told Nina that the only criminal who got the plea deal was the one who came forward with truth first and added that Nina should think about doing it for her sons. Later that night, police officers staked out everyone’s houses, so Bob mooned them with his bare butt. Don shredded his cash in the toilet despite Bridget’s protests. Nina was out in her backyard and burned her cash and her sons were not sure what was wrong with their mom’s bizarre behavior. Jackie set up a bomb and used it to blow up their trailer house and some of the money inside to smithereens while she and Bob fled in their huge RV. However, they did not get far and were then arrested by a police helicopter. Jackie told her husband now they were being watched as Bob told her earlier that a suspicious blimp flew overhead but Jackie brushed it off as nothing. Barry was also arrested at his mom’s home. Nina kept burning her cash until she was surrounded by police officers who held guns on her, and her sons came out back and said they were scared. Nina didn’t put down her fire but instead used one flaming dollar bill to cause a stack of money to burn before she was taken in. Bridget made a run for it in her car as the police broke into her house and arrested Don. Bridget checked into a hotel room, but was followed by Richard Mandelbrot. Richard then questioned Bridget. Bridget slammed a wad of cash on the hotel restaurant table and told him to prove that she stole it. Richard admitted that the authorities had no idea how money was stolen. The police interrogated all the criminals. Nina finally decided to take the deal. However, a detective came in the room and informed her that a deal was already made because Jackie told them everything she knew in return Jackie only wanted totally immunity for Nina and her release so she could go home with her sons and get them released from state foster care. Bridget took her bag of money to Mindy and Bryce and threw it out on the table. Mindy told Bridget to get out and not to bring her criminal activity in their home. However, Bryce, a tax attorney, told his wife to be quiet and then agreed to represent all of the suspects in the case with the cash money Bridget gave him. Bryce and Bridget went to the police station. Bryce informed the agents and Glover that the money could never be proven stolen because no alarms went off during the three years the heist went on. Glover even refused to admit that the money could have been stolen and he remained adamant that his bank was secure and all the money was accounted for. A bigwig from a government office arrived on scene and announced that despite the lack of evidence, the suspects were in violation of code 7201 because they didn’t pay taxes. Bryce informed the guilty ones that the IRS would let them all go without jail time if walked away with nothing so they all agreed. Eight months later, Bridget, Nina and Jackie met back up at Junior’s bar. Nina and Barry were married and living in a small apartment with the two boys. Bob was able to get his job back and Jackie got a job as a waitress. Bridget and Don were moving away to the Caribbean. Bridget then revealed that she stashed her share of the money in garbage bags and trashcans in Junior’s bar freezer. The movie ended with all three female criminals throwing the stolen cash money around them and celebrating being rich again. The movie cover art listed, Jeanne Wolf, Parade Magazine, “Mad Money is mad fun!” Entertainment Weekly, “An ingenious crime caper with three winning performances!”

DATE REVIEWED: 5/17/25

TITLE: UglyDolls

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2019 Universal Studios/STX Family Films Entertainment (USA)/Alibaba Pictures/Reel FX Animation Studios/Original Force/Troublemaker Studios/VVS Films (Canada)/Huaxia Film Distribution (China)

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie is about a community of misfit UglyDolls of all shapes and sizes who spend their time partying and having food fights in their town called Uglyville. The dolls believed that everyone was equal despite their differences and the quirks that made them unique or freakish. Mayor Ox, a green rabbit-like UglyDoll with an “X” for an eye, convinced everyone that the Big World outside Uglyville that had human children didn’t exist and was just a fantasy. Moxy, a pink UglyDoll, spread her own news by delivering the local newspaper. She believed that the Big World was real and couldn’t wait to be given to a child who would play with her. Moxy confided in the red bat-like Lucky Bat about her doubts of the Big World’s existence, and he consulted a fortune cookie and seemed to advise Moxy to find her own truth. Lucky couldn’t read Moxy’s tea leaves, so she read the tea leaves herself and decided that the leaves were telling her to leave Uglyville and find her own kid. She recruited Lucky, orange Wage the baker, gray Babo, and the one-eyed blue cat-like dog named Uglydog. The group climbed up the cliff to a pipe where new arrivals like Wedgehead, the yellow UglyDoll, and red Oliver the British Uglydoll emerged from when they arrived in Uglyville. Moxy’s friends were skeptical about checking out the dark pipe, but Moxy believed that the Big World must be at the other end of the tunnel so she convinced them to join her. Once inside the pipe, they UglyDolls fell down a drop off and then slid down conveyor belts that had many creepy human-like dolls that appeared to be male and looked alike. The UglyDolls discovered that they arrived at the Institute of Perfection in the town of Perfection. This was where hundreds of human-like dolls were trained to be “perfect” so they could be given to children in the Big World as toys after they ran the Gauntlet test. All the “perfect” dolls were identical and looked more male in facial features until they were required to pass through the body scanner that transformed them into either a boy or girl “perfect” doll that looked like the human children they would belong to. They were given names and occupations like Meghan the lawyer/model and Michael the engineer/model. However, on UglyDoll Moxy’s turn, the robot scanner machine broke after it scanned Moxy. The Perfect Dolls disliked the Uglydolls on sight. The UglyDolls learned that Lou was the leader of Perfection and very stuck on himself. All the Perfect dolls were gaga over Lou and idolized Lou. There was one male doll that declared he wanted to be Lou’s “boo” aka boyfriend. Lou broke out in song and declared that the ugly truthof it was that he was perfection but there were some dolls who were not quite perfect enough because of their physical imperfections so they were declared ugly rejects, especially the Uglydolls, and therefore they couldn’t run the Gauntlet and be given to human kids. The UglyDolls were discouraged, but Moxy refused to leave. Lou allowed them to stay after learning that they were from Uglyville and because Lou secretly knew Ox from his past. Lou sent Mandy to take the UglyDolls to stay in the supply shed in the neighborhood that was mainly filled with cookie-cutter houses. Lou sent out three other Perfect Spy females, Kitty the British pink-haired doll, blue-haired Tuesday and purple-haired Lydia to spy on Uglyville and report back to Lou as Lou plotted against the UglyDolls. Mandy was upset when the UglyDolls discovered that she was hiding the fact that she needed glasses to see because glasses were for imperfect dolls and Lou would kick her out of the Perfect Institute. Moxy reassured Mandy that her glasses made her unique and wiggled her butt at Mandy. Meanwhile, the Spy Girls snuck into Uglyville and were able to easily capture Ox. Moxy and the UglyDolls went to class with the Perfect Dolls. Lou planned to teach them how to avoid spills and messes, but the UglyDolls made a mess since that was their character. Lou lied that they passed but then put the Uglydolls inside the washing machine to clean the mess they made of each other and make an example of them. Every time they did something wrong, they were put in the wash and that decreased their life as a doll so they would eventually be thrown away by the kids’ parents. Lou sabotaged the UglyDolls’ training to make them fail at everything and kept them in and out of the wash. The Spy Girls kidnapped Ox and delivered Ox to Lou, and the two reunited. The UglyDolls dressed up in outfits in an attempt to make themselves pretty, but it didn’t work so Mandy gave them makeovers to doll them all up. They emerged wearing wigs and the Perfect prep school outfits that the Perfect Dolls wore so they could fit in. Lou informed the UglyDolls that would never run the Gauntlet. The UglyDolls were shocked to discover that Ox was there. Ox explained that he came from the Doll Factory and somehow ended up at the Perfect Institute, where Lou befriended him and let him train for the Big World. However, Ox wasn’t as good as the Perfect Dolls and the Perfects hated him, so Lou helped Ox escape to safety through the recycle pipe. He discovered that UglyDolls were dolls that were thrown away by people and were destined for the trash, so Ox diverted the conveyor belt to Uglyville so the misfit dolls would have a place to live. Lou stated that the UglyDolls didn’t belong in existence at all and they would never go to the Big World to be loved by children. Lou banished the UglyDolls back to Uglyville. The UglyDolls then became very depressed back in Uglyville. Moxy and the others told in the newspapers to all about how they were the reject dolls that nobody wanted. Peggy, a male one-eyed pegacorn (flying unicorn), greeted Moxy the next morning by suggesting that she could wake up or not. Mandy followed the dolls to Uglyville, and inside Moxy’s house, she encouraged Moxy to run the Gauntlet because she and the UglyDolls were unbreakable no matter how others criticized them. The Spy Girls then kidnapped Moxy and Mandy and took them into the pipe, where Lou appeared. Lou planned to get rid of Moxy by throwing her down the Recycling pipe that Ox blocked off because it was certain that the other UglyDolls would never try to return to the Institute without the help of Moxy…the female that never gave up. Lou smashed Mandy’s eyeglasses and then pushed her and Moxy into Recycling. Meanwhile, the UglyDolls in Ugly town were rationing out soup that Oliver demanded more helpings of. Ox couldn’t find Moxy, but her broken printer, Buttons, then printed out pages depicting what happened to Moxy. Before the fiery jaws of the Recycling machine could smash Moxy and Mandy to bits, the UglyDolls joined hands in a line leading from Uglyville into the machine and they successfully pulled them out. Moxy gave the UglyDolls a pep talk to fly their freak flags and take Perfect Lou down so all the “different” dolls could live in peace. The UglyDolls all showed up to the Gauntlet, where the test took place in a model house that had simulated obstacles that the dolls would experience in the Big World. Lou let Nolan be snatched by the robot dog and Lou then pushed Tuesday into the vacuum, but Uglydog and Babo rescued them. The robot baby simulating a real baby grabbed Lou and Moxy, so Perfect Lou kicked the baby in the face and made it cry. The Perfection Dolls watched on cameras and discovered who Lou truly was. Moxy stayed behind and comforted the baby. The Exposition Robots who were in charge of the test bypassed the Gauntlet because Moxy demonstrated love the way a doll should. Lou explained that he failed because he wasn’t a real doll but in fact a prototype sent by the factory to mentor the dolls. Lou was jealous of the fact that Ox could go to the Big World despite being ugly while perfect Lou never could. Lou attacked Ox with a knitting needle, so Lucky Bat used his martial arts skills to subdue Lou and then the robot dog grabbed him and put him in the washing machine. Lou had already managed to crack and destroy the glass portal to the Big World so they were trapped at the Perfect Institute. Mandy, Moxy and the UglyDolls were able to repair the broken glass portal by putting all the glass shards back together. Back in UglyVille, mayor Ox then merged the cities of Uglyville and Perfection, which they renamed Imperfection. The UglyDolls and the Perfect Dolls lived alongside one another being whoever they wanted to be without law and order. The portal remained open so all dolls could pass through and be with their kids when they needed to. In the end, Moxy went through the portal, where she was given to a human girl named Maizy. This movie had a budget of $45-53 million and grossed over $32 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Naz Perez, Fandango, “Heartwarming, inspiring and hilarious!” and, “A movie you’ll want to watch again and again!” Owen Gleiberman, Variety, “Winsomely appealing.”

DATE REVIEWED: 5/6/25

TITLE: The Vatican Tapes

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2015 Lionsgate / Lakeshore Entertainment / Pantelion Films / H2F Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: The movie began by advising viewers that for 2,000 years the Vatican Catholics (who believed themselves to be God’s spiritual law and order police throughout the world over HIS people) have investigated unexplainable evil occurrences like demonic possessions of people throughout the world, many of which were captured on the Vatican Tapes since the early 1900s. CBN reported that courses were offered on exorcism due to it, and Pope Francis, Cardinal Mattias Bruun and Vicar Imani declared that the devil chose its target and they were on the hunt for the Antichrist. On May 7th, the two Catholic priests at the (own Country) Vatican in Rome, Italy reviewed recorded camera tapes of a young Californian woman named Angela Holmes who lived in the USA. Angela was involved in a car accident and was forced to stay in a hospital psychiatric ward, where Angela didn’t want to be. Her anger showed on tape (the tapes did not reveal the people, conversations, and things that caused the sudden change in Angela’s behavior prior to Angela’s angry reaction caught on camera). Based upon the small amount of footage, the Vatican priests believed that Angela was the Antichrist so they ordered Angela’s private USA hospital tapes for further review and had them sent to them at the Vatican in Italy. Two months earlier, Angela’s military colonel dad, Roger Holmes, told his daughter on video chat that he was headed to Fort Drum (New York) from Fort Benning (Georgia) and would miss Angela’s 25th birthday party planned by her boyfriend Pete Smith and their friends. Not long after, Angela was happily surprised when Roger showed up at the California home Angela shared with boyfriend Pete. Roger didn’t like Pete on sight (the two men never met before) because he was Irish Catholic and didn’t approve of their relationship living together. Dad had given his daughter a cake cutter to cut the cake with and suddenly a balloon popped, and Angela cut her finger with the cake knife and she bled onto the cake. Angela had a fear of hospitals despite not having been in one since birth, but outside the building, Father Oscar Lonzo was there with the trio and helped convinced her to have her finger treated inside the St. Mary’s Hospital. While waiting for his daughter, Roger spoke to Catholic Priest Lozano, who had a tattoo on his wrist from when he used to be a military chaplain and soldier in Iraq. Roger was called away to work, and Angela and Pete boarded the bus to return home. Angela found herself seriously dehydrated and drank a lot of water bottles. A raven, like the one present during Angela’s finger accident, then hit the bus window and cracked it near the spot where Angela and Pete stood inside the bus. But then, the black raven bird flew through the driver’s glass windshield and once inside bit Angela’s wounded finger. The finger instantly became infected, and Pete wanted Angela to go back to the hospital but she refused. At home, Angela behaved strangely and started talking like a man saying she had to take a leak (bathroom), and she continued to drink many bottles of water. Pete believed his girlfriend behaved like a drunk and told her to lay off the wine coolers, and then he and Roger found Angela unconscious and not breathing. Angela woke up and claimed that she came back from somewhere, so her boyfriend and dad took her back to the hospital where the doctors kept her overnight for observation. Angela woke up on March 11, and Pete brought her flowers that instantly wilted as he came into Angela’s hospital room. They and Roger went home in a cab and Dad and Pete had a disagreement in the back and Angela wasn’t happy about it as she sat in the front cab seat. Suddenly, Angela started screaming and grabbed the taxi wheel away from the driver and almost caused a fatal accident. They were all rushed to the hospital, where Angela was in a coma with a broken collarbone and other serious life-threatening injuries. The others were mostly unharmed, and Roger and Pete claimed it was an accident since the cab driver had no memory of the incident. Police detectives investigated and told the doctor to make a statement. Two months later, Angela was still in a coma and had no brain activity so Catholic Priest Lozano met with the hospital administrator with a British accent, the medical doctor, and another hospital staffer to discuss end of life. At the hospital chapel, Lozano talked to Roger about taking Angela off life support. Roger confessed to the Catholic priest then that the crash wasn’t an accident. Lozano with her dad and boyfriend then met at Angela’s bedside where the priest gave Angela her last rites (recited the Lord’s prayer). The hospital staff with the doctor calling the shots then removed Angela’s life support. However, Angela then started regaining consciousness while at the same time having visions of a black beast. The doctors stabilized her and she became responsive. Bizarrely, Angela left her hospital bed on April 20thand was seen inside the newborn hospital baby nursery. Disturbingly, Angela tried to drown one of the newborn babies, but the alarms went off so she took GOD’s child out of the water (no hospital staff on duty watching the newbies in the middle of the night) and then she was chased and tackled by the security guards. The hospital staff and Priest Lozano discovered that the babies were locked in a secure room unattended overnight, but somehow Angela was able to enter the nursery on camera while simultaneously she was still asleep in her own hospital bed (clone or robot since they say Angela in two different places in real time on two different cameras). The hospital planned to press charges against Angela for aggravated assault on a minor the Catholic priest told Angela’s dad. They called in two police detectives (Trent and Harris) to interview Angela and those involved. Detective Trent Simmons went into Angela’s hospital room and interrogated Angela. Angela crouched on her bed and pointed at her window where a raven appeared. Officer Simmons went into a trance then and walked out of the room ignoring Detective Harris in the hallway. Officer Simmons returned with two light bulbs that he smashed into his own eyes as he stood in front of Detective Harris. The doctors rushed to Simmons’ aid as Priest Lozano suspected Angela and the raven was behind it. The hospital couldn’t explain what was happening with Angela, so they sent her to the California Sacred Heart Psychiatric Hospital for evaluation. Roger protested and argued that Angela wasn’t crazy, and Priest Lozano told Roger that he planned to spend every day with Angela there. On April 22nd, Angela was restrained and recorded during her first meeting with her Catholic assigned shrink, Dr. Richards. The session didn’t go well so the meeting was short. At his house, Pete had a nightmare where he woke up to find Angela in bed with him but then she disappeared and that freaked him out. Peter then went to visit Angela at the mental ward for the first time and apologized for not doing so sooner. Angela confided that she felt like there was something inside her trying to take over her thoughts and actions. She said she was able to hear voices in her head speaking in a different language during her coma and they were not the people conversing in the room, and she also felt something bad would happen to her and she didn’t trust Priest Lozano and feared him. Later that night, Lozano went to the camera security room with the guard on duty and watched Angela in her room on the many hospital cameras. But then, Angela appeared to the Priest only in the security camera room and spoke only to him telling him it was almost time. Lozano left the camera room and went to Angela’s room to personally check on her and found her asleep, and after double checking the view window, she suddenly appeared staring back at him through the window which was unsettling to the holy man. In the next session with Dr. Richards, the hospital employee shrink informed Angela that the medical doctor at St. Mary’s hospital gave her the extended spectrum beta-inhibitor antibiotic because he was worried that he would be sued for stitching Angela’s finger wound wrong. Dr. Richards then said some things that Angela knew were private conversations between her and her loved ones so Angela was upset to learn that the doctors knew about her conversations with Pete and spied on her constantly. Dr. Richards further explained that it was put down on record that Officer Simmons committed suicide with the light bulbs at St. Mary’s hospital after leaving Angela’s room of his own free will. Dr. Richards asked Angela to be honest with her. Angela argued that the Catholic Dr. Richards wasn’t honest herself and called the doc out on her own personal behavior outside of work where the shrink herself went to her own psychiatrist and complained about her patients. Angela also somehow knew that the shrink had oral sex with a married man in his daughter’s school parking lot while his wife was inside the school with the children watching the school children’s theatrical drama playact performance. Angela snapped back to herself and apologized for blurting that out while Dr. Richards smoothly took control of the situation by hiding the truth of her actions knowing the cameras were rolling and told Angela that her outburst wasn’t her first rodeo from a delusional patient and then abruptly ended the session to turn off the camera. A male nurse later went to Angela’s room to administer the questionable psychiatric medicine that Dr. Richards prescribed for her all knowing patient. Angela instead flirted with the male nurse and touched him in his private parts as a distraction, and then she used her other worldly powers to cause the ceiling to collapse on top of him, which killed him. Roger was called in, and Priest Lozano reassured him that Angela wasn’t responsible for the male nurse’s death. Priest Lozano kept Roger outside the hospital and asked him about Angela’s mom. Roger explained that she was a call girl (prostitute) and when they met she had many men until it was just the two of them and then they had a sexual relationship. Roger went to Japan on military duty, and she called to inform him that she was pregnant with Angela and wanted an abortion. Roger told her not to get an abortion and sent the birth female money so she could have the baby. The birth female fled the hospital after HIS child was born and abandoned Angela so Roger phoned by the hospital and he came back to the USA and he raised Angela since birth. Roger then granted Priest Lozano permission to talk to the Italian diocese about Angela. On May 2nd, Angela whispered demonically through the wall of her hospital room, which caused the other patients to behave like zombie killers. They then went insane and violently attacked each other, and threw others through glass windows and some killed themselves (hung). The security guards tried to get the mentally challenged patients under control, but they too were assaulted. Priest Lozano witnessed Angela’s chanting on the cameras, so he took the keys from the security officer’s desk and unlocked Angela’s room and stopped her as the raven flew away. She snapped out of it as Priest Lozano held her, and then the hospital became a police crime scene (almost 10 dead bodies). Roger and Pete showed up, and Dr. Richards demanded to have Roger’s signature on the release forms so Angela could be sent home, before he saw his daughter. Dr. Richards refused to say where or how Angela was, and Priest Lozano convinced Roger to sign the forms and assured Roger that the Catholic church headquartered in Italy would help Angela in USA since the USA hospital couldn’t. Angela was then wheeled out in a wheelchair with her arms in a straitjacket and released to her dad. Meanwhile in Vatican City, Bruun and Imani received Angela’s private USA hospital tapes from the archbishop and the two Italians identified the raven in the footage as the devil’s messenger. Cardinal Bruun decided that he would leave for the USA alone on May 9th to conduct an exorcism with the help of local Priest Lozano. Cardinal Brunn insisted that Imani stay behind in the Vatican so he could protect the chambers and basement rooms full of system record archives and carry on the work in the event Bruun didn’t return to his Vatican home. Brunn explained to Pete upon arrival to Pete and Angela’s home that Cardinal Brunn himself was possessed by a demon when he was 12 and a priest exorcized him for six days, but Pete was skeptical of the entire Catholic demon control practice. Bruun questioned Pete about Angela’s true behavior and everything that she wasn’t so they could identify the traits of the demon inside that was deceiving people. Pete explained that Angela was always kind. Lozano was surprised when Bruun instructed him to prepare the Eucharist without the mass prayer and the Vatican Cardinal explained that it was necessary to move away from God to find the demon. The exorcism was performed on camera, and Angela was told to kneel before Cardinal Bruun in her white nightgown. She refused to accept the body of Christ in the form of bread and spit it out along with the wine. Queerly, Catholic Bruun then removed a whole egg that was lodged in Angela’s throat. She threw up two more eggs, and Cardinal Bruun declared that the three eggs represented the Holy Trinity (Father, Son, Holy Spirit Ghost). Angela then fell onto the bed in a trance, and the bed crashed through the wall. Her eyes changed into a strange shape, and then she began speaking in a language that the priests believed was Aramaic. They wrapped Angela in chains and Brunn flung holy water at her and she screamed in pain as Lozano asked forgiveness of sins and prayed the Lord’s Prayer for cleansing. Cardinal Bruun wasn’t fooled by Angela begging her dad for help, as Roger and Pete were. Cardinal Bruun was able to coax the demon side of Angela to the surface and the ugly one appeared. Angela broke free of the chains and spoke in the demon’s voice, and she claimed it was a new world and time and Catholic Bruun is her Omega and she is the Alpha and her kingdom of hell would replace his of heaven and earth (although the closed captions said it backward with Angela the devil as the low Omega and Catholic Bruun the lead Alpha which didn’t make sense unless they meant that the Catholics were leading the devil and taking over heaven and earth while ruling from hell). Angela then jumped into the rafters, and Cardinal Bruun pulled her down by her chains and she landed on the bed. He condemned Angela to the lake of fire and recited a prayer, as Priest Lozano continued throwing holy water on Angela. Angela appeared to snap out of it, and Cardianl Bruun left the room quickly to retrieve his holy knife. Priest Lozano followed and then questioned Cardinal Bruun about taking matters into his own hands and his plan to kill devil Angela in the name of Jesus since the devil took over her body and it was up to the Catholics to make sure demons didn’t walk the earth. Cardinal Bruun pulled rank on Priest Lozano and declared that he was with God and it was USA Priest Lozano’s job to support and believe in the Italian Vatican Catholic Bruun’s method. Cardinal Bruun returned to the room and then strangled Angela with a rosary and demanded the devil to show himself, and then Angela passed out but appeared dead. Cardinal Bruun was shocked, and Roger ordered Cardinal Bruun to do something. Angela’s body disappeared into thin air, so Roger held the knife to Cardinal Bruun’s throat but Priest Lozano stopped him. Angela then reappeared with wounds on her wrists (verses hands), the filmmakers’ depiction of Jesus’ wounds from the cross when crucified. The wounds were called stigmata, and the eggs from Angela’s body were now bloody and cracked open. Everyone realized that Angela was the Antichrist, and she then used her devil powers to paralyze everyone and start house a fire. Angela spoke in a foreign language, and Cardinal Bruun stabbed her in the stomach but she was unharmed. She removed the knife that Cardinal Bruun used (no blood on her robot body) and stabbed Bruun with it, and he collapsed dead. Angela declared that everyone would be with her in paradise, and she opened up the house to reveal the outside and spread her evil into the world. The house was left in ruins, and Priest Lozano was the only one who came out alive (other than Angela). Angela told him that she was alive and walked the earth, and then she left. Three months later, Priest Lozano took the secret tapes (USA exorcism) to Imani at the Vatican in Italy. He congratulated Priest Lozano on becoming a warrior of God, and then he showed Lozano the underground chambers of archives where all the files of the devil’s work on Earth were kept. There was a satellite system in place with possible spy cams and multi-news channel setup reporting the miracles that happened after Angela was seen emerging from the fire with no injuries or memory of anything that happened. WTN held an in person interview with Angela, who stated that she didn’t know how she got the power to help cure people but it was her goal to help as many as she could. Many people believed that Angela was a miracle worker like Jesus and became her followers not knowing that the she-devil was the Antichrist who came to the world as a false prophet to convert everyone to evil. The movie ended with Revelations 19:20 quoted. This movie had a budget of $13 million and grossed just over $13 million at the box office.

DATE REVIEWED: 4/26/25

TITLE: The Truth About Jane

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2000 Hearst Entertainment / Starlight Home Entertainment / Orly Adelson Productions / Lifetime Networks (A+E Global Media - The Walt Disney Company and Hearst Communications)

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is inspired by actual eventsand began with Jane being born at a hospital. Jane’s parents, Janice and Robert, did not wait long to have another child. One year later, Janice was pregnant again and gave birth to Jane’s brother, Brad. Four years later in 1989, Janice and Robert both wished their parents were still alive as they dropped Jane off at the local public school for her first day of kindergarten. Janice wondered if kindergarten was even necessary and was worried what Jane would be subject to, but Robert argued that Jane needed social skills so he walked his daughter into the school so he wouldn’t be late for his paying job outside the home. Jane participated in ballet classes that Jane didn’t like but her parents did. Four years later in 1993, Jane was sick in bed and Janice stayed by her side but Jane was ungrateful and couldn’t understand her mom’s devotion because Jane probably wouldn’t care for her mom the same way if mom got sick. Seven years later in 2000, Jane was fifteen and her parents dropped her off at her first day of high school. She was afraid of social suicide after she kissed kiss her parents goodbye, so she told them never again and advised her parents she would walk to school alone from that day on. The movie focused on English teacher Ms. Lynn Walcott’s classroom. Ms. Walcott was not only Jane’s teacher but also Jane’s school guidance counselor too. In English, Ms. Walcott taught that the students should respect ask questions, talk to her when they needed help and to remember that words would save them someday. Walcott then told the children to open their books to page 424 but then the bell rang so everyone left and ignored the reading page. Jane had friends, Elizabeth, Betsy and Claire, and hung around with them from previous school years. Ned, a new teen boy at school, was interested in Jane but Jane wasn’t interested in dating so the other girls thought Jane was weird because they were all scoping out the boys they hoped to date that new school year. Jane didn’t want a Sweet 16 party and told her parents so. Jane and Janice had a mother-daughter outing one weekend. Janice had always wanted to be a dancer but she wasn’t professional good, and she also wanted to be a writer but that didn’t work out either and instead devoted her time to her husband and children and helping them as needed. In Ms. Walcott’s English class, wild party girl spirit and always crop shirt-wearing Taylor was the new girl student and Taylor seated herself next to Jane. Taylor’s parents were divorced, but Taylor lived with her mom, who worked for the phone company. Taylor and Jane seemed to have an instant connection. The girls studied together outside on school grounds where oversexed Taylor reached into Jane’s lap area to write in a Jane’s notebook. Jane’s girl squad came on scene and invited Jane to the movies, but she responded that she couldn’t because she was stuck babysitting her little brother. After the old friends left, Taylor invited herself over to Jane’s house to study. Later that night, as Janice’s friends Beth and gay Jimmy arrived to pick up Janice and Robert, Taylor arrived too and was introduced. Once the adults left the house, Jane dismissed Brad from the room to go play on his computer in a different part of the house with a punch and threat of more violence if he didn’t listen, so the girls could hang out and sit close together on the couch. The more time Jane spent with Taylor she alone realized that her feelings could be romantic for the other girl. Jane and Taylor went to the movies where Ned wanted to talk to Jane but Jane was short with him so he left. Taylor gave Jane a flirty look then and confessed that she could understand why Ned had a crush on Jane. Another day at school, Ms. Walcott assigned her English class to read Wuthering Heights (unhealthy love triangle story in England about misery, destructive cruelty behavior, domestic abuse, pain and suffering, revenge, jealousy, betrayal, passion, vengeance, brain fever, teen death, mental and physical illnesses over broken relationships with star characters rejecting traditional Christian beliefs…) and about how love was complicated but there was beauty in the sadness. Taylor suddenly missed many days of school and didn’t return Jane’s calls, so Jane showed up at Taylor’s house and heard what Jane decided was Taylor’s mom having issues and that was what kept Taylor home. Jane left immediately and walked away stating that God was to be thanked that Taylor’s mom was not her mom. Jane was bored and missed not having Taylor around in and out of school. Ned asked Jane to the movies, and she didn’t want him as a boyfriend and told him so and they settled on just hanging out as friends. Because of Jane’s confused state of mind, she snapped at her family and wouldn’t confide in them about her same-sex attraction. Janice wanted Jane to eat her dinner, but Robert decided that his daughter could starve herself if she wanted so he excused Jane from the table and went against his wife, which Janice wasn’t happy about. Janice later went to see Jane to have a heart-to-heart with her, but Jane was standoffish until Robert announced that Taylor was there. Jane primped in her bedroom before Taylor was shown to Jane’s bedroom and the two teen girls were shut in the room together, with the parents oblivious of the same sex attraction. Once alone, Taylor told Jane that her mom was mentally challenged by having to raise Taylor as a single mom and blamed Taylor for the reason that her parents divorced. As they sat on the bed, Jane lovingly gazed at Taylor and reassured the other teen things would get better, and then the girls had a romantic moment. The two female underage girls held hands and made out kissing on the lips (on screen). Later on, Janice questioned why Jane no longer hung out with her old friends Elizabeth, Betsy or Claire and Jane replied because she was busy with Taylor. Elizabeth, Betsy and Claire couldn’t understand why Jane chose Taylor over them either. Meanwhile, Taylor and Jane walked home from school hand in hand. Janice told Robert her concerns about how Jane spent too much time with newbi Taylor and had no interest in boys, but Robert refused to discuss it and wanted to keep Jane away from boys. Ms. Walcott offered to help her students after school with the upcoming finals and announced that in class to see her if they felt they were behind. Jane and Taylor made plans to meet up at Taylor’s house because Taylor’s mom was out of town. Janice was upset when her daughter came home from school because she spent time cooking for her family and Jane didn’t want to eat because she off to Taylor’s house. Jane then cruelly told her mom (to get her way) that she would rather be with Taylor than Janice and left the house. Taylor had lit candles in her bedroom before Jane showed up for the crazy night of same sex with her next victim. Taylor began undressing Jane, who was skeptical about having sex the first time with a girl while Taylor seemed experienced and not the virgin that Jane was. The next scene showed the two later ended up unclothed in bed together covered by sheets. The next day at school, Jane told Taylor that them being together was a mistake and was distressed by her decision because it wasn’t normal. Jane was upset and worried that going out with a girl would make her gay which she didn’t believe she was, but Taylor argued that having sex with another girl didn’t make her gay. Taylor in her mind game way left Jane and abusively told her to go be with her old friends. Jane instead ate alone while she watched Taylor parade around school with a bunch of guys and holding one boy’s arm in a more than friendly way. Taylor also went to the movies happily holding hands with what appeared to be her new boyfriend while Jane showed up at the movies with Ned as a friend. After witnessing Taylor’s ungodly drama scene, Jane felt sick and had Ned take her home without seeing the movie. Janice met her friends again for lunch, and Beth and Jimmy told her she should be glad that Jane was growing up and doing her own thing and Jane required space to figure things out on her own because her mom was no longer needed. At school, Jane apologized to Taylor for getting scared, but Taylor announced that they had no relationship and she didn’t want to be with Jane because Jane didn’t want to be with her. Ms. Walcott witnessed the encounter from the hall and had seen the teen girls passing notes during her class, so she took Jane to her guidance office to talk. Jane confessed in tears that she had a sexual relationship for the first time with an unspecified person, and Ms. Walcott advised Jane to write a letter to the person and try again because she had to work at a relationship to make it work and couldn’t just quit. Jane holed herself up in her bedroom and wrote the letter to Taylor and when Janice came to check on her daughter and wanted Jane to eat, Jane was rude and asked Janice to leave and Jane refused to tell her mom what was bothering her. Jane’s old friends at school picked on her for not being with Taylor anymore but Jane wanted nothing to do with them so she walked away. Janice and Robert went out again, and Brad didn’t want to be left with his moody and mean older sister. Taylor arrived late that night while the parents were away and wore a cross necklace. As Brad slept on the couch, he awoke to see Taylor and Jane sneaking off to her bedroom, but the two teen girls left the door partially open. Taylor claimed there was never anyone else (boys she hung out with) so she kissed Jane. Brad peeked inside the room and spotted the girls and he witnessed them kissing. Brad did not tell his parents but instead told his friends at school and word got around to the girl gang. Soon after someone called Janice anonymously and told her that Jane was a lesbian with Taylor and Janice thought it was a prank and the other party hung up on mom. Jane believed that Janice couldn’t handle the fact that Jane had been gay as what Jane described as her entire life (and was clearly not true because Jane herself had serious doubts of being gay until other questionable souls convinced her otherwise). Janice was upset, and Robert suggested that the 16-year-old girls were learning how to kiss boys by practicing on each other. They discussed it with Jane because she needed protection in the event that the “lies” were spread everywhere. Janice was convinced that Jane wasn’t a lesbian, but Robert knew it might be true and signaled Jane with his eyes to agree with his words that she kissed Taylor to get experience for boys. Jane said it wouldn’t happen again, and her parents were relieved to know. After her parents left her bedroom, Jane felt sick for lying and behavior and threw up. Jane then went to visit Jimmy, her mom’s gay friend. She told him everything, and he explained that it was a don’t ask, don’t tell moment because it wasn’t a big deal and he assured her that he went through it himself and people would hate him more for being a black gay than Jane who was a white lesbian teen. Jimmy advised Jane to have a thick skin because people’s dislike of gays was based on ignorance and fear. Jimmy agreed to keep Jane’s a secret from Janice. Ms. Walcott scolded her students for calling Jane and Taylor lesbians at school. At dinner, Janice told Jane to stop seeing Taylor. Brad called Jane a dyke, so she pulled him across the glassware on the table and attacked him. Brad was sent to his room, and Jane confessed that she was gay to her parents. Janice and Robert agreed that a 16-year-old had no idea about gayness because she was too young and it wasn’t righteous. Janice declared that it wasn’t okay for her daughter Jane to be gay but it was fine for Jimmy. Robert reasoned with Janice that they had to help Jane through her hurt without tearing the family apart since neither of them wanted Jane to be a lesbian. Janice went to see Jimmy and was upset to learn that Jimmy knew about Jane but kept it a secret from her even though they were friends. Jimmy believed that it was up to Jane to tell her parents when she was ready, and Janice decided that she wouldn’t lose Jane. Jimmy believed that not accepting Jane’s gayness was the wrong decision and it would end Jane and Janice’s mother daughter relationship. Jane’s therapy sessions with Dr. Sanders didn’t go well because Jane refused to talk except to bash mom Janice and disrespect the licensed female counselor. Janice confided to Beth (without Jimmy present) that she tried to keep Jane away from Taylor and help her with counseling but it was a lost cause. Janice left upset and abruptly after Beth advised Janice to accept Jane’s gayness when Beth herself couldn’t hold stable relationships or raise children. On a park bench, Taylor told Jane they were trailblazers and they were setting an example for other teen gays to follow and come out. The girls later danced together at a gay clubbing place on the weekend, and Jane got home at four in the morning. Jane’s parents announced that Jane was grounded and they wouldn’t let her out of their sights, and Jane was mad and believed the strict punishment was akin to child abuse. Robert tried to talk to Jane about her ruining her life with her lesbian decision, but Jane twisted it around and controlled the situation by giving her dad a guilt trip that she didn’t feel his love because he didn’t support her as a lesbian. Ned told Jane at school that he was her friend no matter who she slept with so they hugged it out. Taylor then told Jane that it wasn’t working for her and she was never very attached to the people she dated anyway, so she broke up with Jane even though Jane had just professed her love for Taylor. Jane was in tears again, and she told Ms. Walcott what happened and how she wanted to die. On school grounds, Ms. Walcott sympathized with Jane because the first girl she dated dumped her as well and she was also a lesbian who was still dating girls. She asked Jane not to tell anyone because nobody at school knew, and Jane promised not to. Ms. Walcott explained that Barbara was her love interest when she was 16, but Barbara dumped her to date the star football player. Ms. Walcott knew from the start that she was gay even though she pretended she wasn’t to please her mom and others and it would take time to get over Taylor. Jane stormed away from the family dinner table that night after she announced that Taylor broke up with her because of Janice. Robert ganged up with Jane and accused Janice of not being a good mom or supporting their hurting daughter, so he left the room too. Jane snuck out of the house again and went to the gay club, and her parents were waiting for her when she snuck back in through her window. Jane fell because she was drunk. Robert announced that Jane was grounded again otherwise they would lock her up. Elizabeth got into Jane’s face at school and called her a dyke, so Jane tackled her until Ms. Walcott broke them apart. Principal Anderson suspended Jane from school, so Janice picked her up. Some boy told Jane as she and her mom walked out of the school building that Jane wouldn’t need to be a lesbian if she dated him. Janice saw the crude and hostile behavior that went on at the school facility without punishment because of lack of teen supervision. Jane at home argued with her parents and accidentally blurted out that Jimmy and Ms. Walcott were normal despite being gay. Jane’s parents believed that Ms. Walcott’s employment at the school was important because the teacher and guidance counselor influenced her students’ behavior. Out of control had a drama scene moment and screamed at Janice who left to talk to Ms. Walcott about her questionable behavior while Robert sided with Jane and didn’t want Janice to interfere. Janice showed up in Ms. Walcott’s classroom and threatened to report Ms. Walcott’s secret side to the school board if she didn’t stay away from Jane. Janice and Robert considered sending Jane away to boarding school, but Jane threatened to run away. Jane’s parents’ marriage continued to stand on shaky ground due to their minor daughter’s questionable sexual relationship preference that began in public school. Jane got Ms. Walcott’s address from a phone book in a phone booth on the street and snuck out of the house that night. Jane arrived at Ms. Walcott’s home where the teacher’s girlfriend was in her bathrobe. The lesbian adults kissed in front of the teen, and then the girlfriend went back to bed. Jane confessed that she had suicidal thoughts because her parents were kicking her out, and Ms. Walcott hugged and consoled Jane. Ms. Walcott left Jane with Ms. Walcott’s girlfriend at her house and went to see Janice and Robert to talk to them about the situation. Janice argued that school kids followed the examples of the teachers and counselors they were subject to, so a gay teacher was alarming since she was bound to affect students and help them be gay which Janice didn’t want to happen to Jane, but it already did. Ms. Walcott argued that Janice was too blind to see that Jane ran away and thought that suicide was a way out (when teens ought not to be dating to begin with especially on school property). Janice and Robert went to Ms. Walcott’s house, where Janice and Jane talked it out. Jane ended up getting her way and was allowed to carry on with her gay choice, even thought Jane wasn’t interested in dating girls until new student Taylor arrived and convinced Jane to be gay. Janice didn’t understand what Jane was doing or if she could accept it, but she would try harder and take it one day at a time so she wouldn’t lose the baby girl she raised all those years. Jane was happy that Janice didn’t oust Ms. Walcott, so she invited Janice to a PFLAG meeting for the Parents, Families and Friends of Lesbians and Gays. They were met by Dorothy, whose son was gay, and then other parents spoke up about how hard it was for them to accept their gay children but they finally did and therefore didn’t lose their kids. The parents believed the young people needed to make their own choices, and God seemed to be absent from that meeting and room. Jane’s family had a cookout with Ned, Jimmy and Beth. Brad called Jane a dyke, and this time Janice defended Jane and scolded her son. Everyone applauded Janice, and Robert later told her he was proud of her. Janice explained that she was just acting as if she accepted her daughter being a lesbian for everyone else’s benefit and Janice knew deep down that it wasn’t right. Ms. Walcott protected Jane from the students at school who called Jane names. Ned got into fistfights at school with others when he spoke out in favor of Jane. Jane and Robert watched a soccer game, but they left since she wasn’t interested and she was fine with Taylor moving back east. Jane later dictated how her parents need to act and told her parents to not try so hard to accept the fact that she was gay because she felt it was a bit much. Janice continued to attend the PFLAG meetings but she still wouldn’t announce Jane her daughter was gay. Out of the blue Jane gave Brad a present of a new video game and he was skeptical as to why and she replied kill them with kindness (buy her vote and support). At a friends and family gathering, Janice announced that she would not attend the upcoming gay pride festival because she wasn’t ready to wave her flag abusing God’s rainbow and everyone there felt tension. Jane then told her mom that she wasn’t really accepting unless her daughter as is unless Janice went to the festival. The family went with Ned, Jimmy and Beth and Ms. Walcott and her girlfriend joined them and they all made mom the odd one out since she was sticking to her moral ways. In the end, Janice showed up at the local pride fest because she realized that if she didn’t she would be ousted from the family. “The film was nominated for several awards, including Outstanding TV Movie by GLAAD…” Wikipedia

DATE REVIEWED: 4/16/25

TITLE: Salt

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2010 Columbia Pictures/Relativity Media/Di Bonaventura Pictures/Sony Pictures Releasing

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in North Korea. USA CIA agent Evelyn Salt was captured then tortured in her bra and underwear by socialist North Korean military agents. They believed Salt was a spy who planned to sabotage their nuclear activity, but the American woman argued that she worked for Rink Petroleum & Gas in Washington, D.C. Salt’s husband, Mike Krause, a German national, was unaware of Salt’s status as a USA government agent, because Evelyn hid that reality from him. Mike wanting his innocent wife in his eyes returned home to him unknowingly risked blowing the CIA’s cover by petitioning the government for his wife’s release. The government agency didn’t want publicity and planned on agent Salt dying in the hands of North Korea as standard operating procedure, so they arranged a prisoner exchange with Kim Jong II. Mike insisted on knowing Salt’s true identity as the two were reunited, so she told him she worked for the CIA and because of him showing up during the prisoner exchange his life was now in jeopardy, as the bad ones knew his identity. Two years later in D.C., Salt continued her work at the Rink building, which was a fake business cover for the CIA. Mike worked as an arachnologist (spider expert) at the Smithsonian museum. Salt was assigned to interrogate a Russian defector and KGB master spy named Oleg Vassilyevich Orlov, who was dying from cancer as the CIA concluded after a medical scan of his body. Orlov was a confirmed FSB member who used to work for Victor Barisovsky in Siberia. Orlov told Salt the story of how Lee Harvey Oswald emigrated to Russia in 1959, and he became the Russian spy Alek who returned to America in 1961 and then assassinated JFK in 1963. Orlov went on to say that a Soviet Olympic wrestler Sasha Fyorodovich Chenkov met chess grand master Anja Nurekyova in 1975 during the Cold War. The two were quickly married and soon had a baby. The baby girl was struck with fever soon after birth and was believed to have died, but was swapped with a different baby that the parents buried while the Russian KGB took Anja and Chenkov’s baby. The rogue Russians further planned a terrorist plot to eventually destroy America from the inside using Russia’s planted children as youths and waiting for them to grow up into adulthood, and Orlov was put in charge. Orlov took the baby alive Chenkov to an abandoned monastery in Russia, where she and other children were indoctrinated and trained to be KA spies. The kids were taught English before the Russian language, and they were substituted for American children and sent to America where they waited decades until Day X, when the spies would attack from within the USA. Chenkov was swapped with the child of an American family, who died in an “accident,” and Chenkov assumed a false identity in America. Orlov explained that Day X had arrived and Chenkov would kill Russian president Boris Matveyev at the funeral of the US Vice President Maxwell Oates at St. Bartholomew’s Church in New York City. The CIA didn’t believe Orlov, and he claimed that Salt was one of the Russian double agents and Orlov’s brain scan confirmed that he was telling the truth. Now that her cover was blown, Salt feared for husband Mike’s life and wanted to assign him protective services because families of other agents were murdered when the same happened to other agents within the broken government system. ONCIX agent Darryl Peabody suspected that Salt was a mole and wanted to question her, but Salt’s close friend Agent Ted Winter (there with Salt when she was released from N.K) doubted her involvement and convincingly said so. Two CIA agents escorted Orlov into the elevator, where Orlov attacked and killed them with a blade in his shoe since he wasn’t restrained. The building was put on lockdown, and a manhunt was organized to find Orlov as Salt tried to sneak out. Peabody blocked Salt’s escape routes, so she used the fire extinguisher on the cameras. Winter tried to help Salt and warned her about the tactical team just outside the door of the room she was in that planned to gas her. Salt quickly made a bomb and used it to fend them off and injured many in the process, and then she escaped from the building. She returned home to her apartment to find that Mike had been taken. Peabody, Winter and the other CIA agents broke in and searched for Salt, but she escaped out the window of the highrise apartment building. A young girl under 10 years old, who was home alone, let Salt into her apartment and agreed to take care of Salt’s little dog, Burt. The agents found Salt on the street and chased her through the metro station until they were able to corner her and held her at gunpoint. She insisted that she was innocent and was being framed, but Peabody and the others didn’t believe her. She jumped off the overpass onto the back of a Swift Link semi-truck, and then she leapt onto a tanker and then a van as the agents followed in hot pursuit and shot at her. They managed to graze Salt with a bullet, but then she commandeered a motorcycle after knocking the biker off into traffic. The agents lost Salt when they were held up in traffic, and Winter and Peabody notified the Secret Service in case Salt tried to assassinate Russian President Matveyev in New York at the VP’s funeral. They checked Salt’s background and discovered that her parents were teachers at the US Embassy in Moscow. Salt grew up in Russia as a child, and she was injured in the 1988 car accident that killed both her parents. Meanwhile, Salt tended her wounds in a nightclub bathroom and then took a bus to NYC, where she checked into a hotel room under the identity of Ms. Hernandez. She dyed her blond hair a black color and extracted the poison from one of Mike’s research spiders that she took from their apartment. The only reporter in NYC was The BBC news and the Brit broadcast the VP’s funeral procession live as USA President Howard Lewis delivered Oates’ eulogy and addressed his family members Eleanor, Joe, Marissa and Donald. The government agents were on high alert for Salt, who used smoke as a distraction so she could jump off a moving subway that traveled underneath the Catholic church. She snuck through the tunnel system and used hand-to-hand combat to take down all the male agents stationed around the Catholic church. As President Matveyev gave his speech, Salt set off a bomb that caused him to fall through the floor into the tunnels. She shot (tranquilizer) Russian President Matveyev and then Agent Peabody confronted Salt, but she didn’t shoot the other government department agent and instead let the NYPD officers arrest her. Russian President Mayveyev was declared dead, and CIA Agent Winter believed that Salt was the mole so he was angry with her and planned to bring her to justice. Agent Peabody questioned why Salt didn’t shoot him when she had the chance and instead gave herself up. In the back of the police car, Salt then attacked and tased the NYPD officers and caused several traffic accidents until the police vehicle drove over the overpass and crashed below on top of a group of taxis and other innocent citizens. Salt walked away from the accident unscathed, and soon after a new Russian president was quickly elected. People rioted outside the US Embassy in Moscow and bombed the US diplomats’ cars believing that the Americans staged a terrorist attack against Russina President Matveyev. Salt had flashbacks of when she was a child in Russia and Orlov told her in the hospital that one day she would attend Princeton University and then work for the USA CIA and then Orlov left. It was then that Martin Crenshaw from the US Embassy offered his condolences to young Salt in the hospital because her parents died from the accident. Back in real time, Salt’s secret identity was confirmed, so she met with Orlov and he took her to his hideout on a barge. The other spies who had been rooted into American society when they were children were gathered together for Day X, and Orlov would unite them all. Salt gained Orlov’s trust by killing Russian President Matveyev in hopes she could rescue her husband Mike, who Orlov had abducted and was holding hostage on the barge (and who Salt claimed to have married so she would seem normal and Salt seemed to show more affection for Orlov to trick him). Orlov believed that Salt fulfilled her mission, so he assigned her to get control of America’s atomic bombs. Salt thought she would be reunited with Mike, but then the rogue Russian gang shot Mike dead in front of her. Salt showed no reaction, so the spies figured they could trust her completely. Orlov met alone with Salt in a room and told Salt the majority of their plan and instructed her to meet with a NATO agent on a plane and receive further instructions from him. Salt then avenged her loving husband Mike’s death by brutally killing Orlov, and then went on and shot all the rest of the terrorist Russians on board dead and then blew up the barge with bombs. She left to meet with the undercover Russian spy NATO agent who had established himself as trustworthy and served as a liaison to the White House for three years under the identity of Colonel Edward Tomas. He was in fact Shnaider, who Salt recognized from her childhood in Russia as a fellow agent. Schnaider went to Prague after he left Russia, and now he planned to lure USA President Lewis into a bunker under the White House where Salt would assassinate him. Shnaider gave female Salt (trans) male identity of a NATO major, and she disguised herself as a man using a Hollywood type realistic face changer costume mask. Officer Hayes checked the identification and then gave them both the all-clear go ahead at the gate, so they entered the White House. Shnaider then revealed that he was going home and was the suicide bomber whereas Salt was the star assassin. Shnaider then created a distraction and shot up the White House and set off a large-scale bomb. Scnaider died in the process, and President Lewis was unharmed and was rushed to safety in the bunker that the Russians had planned for. Agent Winter recognized Salt, so she removed her mask disguise and went on the run taking out armed government agents as she went. Director Marion Medford informed USA President Lewis that the Russians were deploying missiles from Siberia, so President Lewis prepared to launch US nukes at Russia. Agent Winter then revealed that he was a Russian spy (USA CIA mole), and he shot dead everyone in the bunker but President Lewis, who refused to do what Winter wanted so he knocked President Lewis out and used his handprint to activate the nuke launch system. Winter explained to Salt that his real name was Nikolai Tarkovsky and she never knew him because he was a class ahead of her in Russia. Winter planned to launch the American nukes at Tehran, Iran and Mecca, Saudi Arabia to kill their 9 million citizens so that a billion angry Muslims would then avenge the deaths by killing America. Winter confessed that he was secretly in love with Salt but couldn’t do anything because she fell in love with and married Mike instead of recruiting him to their cause since his position at the Smithsonian gave him access to everything including North Korea. Salt convinced Winter that she felt the same about him and wanted to help him, but then he learned from the news report that Russian President Matveyev was alive as his plane arrived in Russia (spider venom temporarily paralyzed him) and figured out that Salt didn’t kill the Russian President with a bullet like she had everyone believe. Winter revealed that he was responsible for Mike’s capture and he persuaded Orlov to blow Salt’s cover, and then the blame fell on Salt while Winter looked like the hero. Salt was angry and unsuccessfully tried to shoot Winter through the bulletproof glass. She was able to break into the bunker, where she and Winter had a shootout and then resorted to their fists. Salt fended Winter off just long enough to abort the nuke launch before other agents shot at Salt. She was uninjured because of her bullet proof vest, and fake agent Winter pretended that he could still be trusted by the government agents. Agent Peabody was informed that Salt killed Orlov and all the other Russian spies on the barge. Salt was arrested and led away by government agents, but she realized that Winter planned to stab her with medical scissors as she walked by so she jumped over the stair railing and wrapped her chains around Winter’s neck and strangled him to death. Salt was put on a helicopter with agent Peabody before she would be handed over to the FBI. Agent Peabody punched Salt, and she reminded him that she could have killed him and Russian President Matveyev but she didn’t because Peabody didn’t want to believe that Winter was the mole. Agent Peabody received a message that Salt’s fingerprints were found on the barge, and he claimed that even if he tried to believe Salt nobody else would. She wanted him to find a way to help her assassinate the countless others like Winter who took Mike from her from she had nothing left, and Peabody agreed and freed Salt from her chains when he punched her in the face again. She jumped out of the helicopter and landed in the Potomac, where she made it ashore and escaped into the woods. This movie had a budget of $110-130 million and grossed over $293 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Pete Hammond, Boxoffice Magazine “Sizzling hot! It’s an explosive, nail-biting ride that doesn’t slow down.” David Basner, MTV-VH1 Radio Networks “More charm than Bond and more strength than Bourne.”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/30/24

TITLE: Policing the Police 2020

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2020 PBS / WGBH Educational Foundation / Frontline Productions / Left/Right Docs / CPB / MacArthur Foundation / Ford Foundation / Abrams Foundation/Park Foundation / JPB Foundation / Chasing the Dream

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This documentary began with the death of George Floyd at the hands of Minneapolis police when the repeat felon resisted arrest. As a result of that one black man with a lengthy criminal past losing his life during arrest, the ungodly Black Lives Matter movement was birthed and it fueled unlawful protests and destructive riots in the streets that gang hated the police and caused nationwide BLM violence that endangered the lives of USA law enforcement officers and USA citizens. This all happened during the China Virus pandemic in which it was reported that more black people died than white people. New York reporter Jelani Cobb joined forces with FRONTLINE to travel to Newark, New Jersey, where in 1967 there was an upset between a white officer and a black man. In present day, the Department of Justice went after the city for racial profiling and targeting black citizens with a large number of incidents involving murders and gang violence on a weekly basis. The majority of the victims were black and Latino, as were the Newark officers. The DOJ used black Newark mayor, Ras Baraka, as a role model around the country to enforce police reform and change the way police were allowed to work inside the communities (In some convoluted scheme of running the city financed by the DOJ, Police were required to use past gang members as middlemen in order to do their police jobs and were seriously restricted from interacting directly with the citizens in the community they were assigned to protect, which interfered with justice and swept real crime under the rug from being reporting and off the books in the drug infested and crime ridden neighborhoods). Mayor Baraka claimed that he was also a target of police brutality when the police questioned him, Cobb and several other activists years ago after the black men all hiked down a mountain together. In 2016, Mayor Baraka with the “backing of the DOJ” used the “city council” to form a “civilian committee” that could “subpoena the police” and “hold them accountable for their abuses against citizens.” The Frontline backed NY Reporter Cobb went on a ride-along with Newark, NJ Detectives Ruiz and Reillo from the gang unit. The rogue officers on film with the reporter in the vehicle stopped and frisked random people for guns or drugs, including two disrespectful delinquent children (10-year-old and 13-year-old) out in the streets with their gang group in the late night. After the staged ride along, Cobb reported that the justice system’s records stated that police stopped 75% of the people they suspected were criminals without legal cause. Cobb interviewed Ruiz and Reillo, who believed that officers only pointed their weapons at people who they felt were threats and might be gang members in a city filled with criminals and no law and order. There was nothing racial or wrong about the officers doing their jobs on the right side of the law and respecting people’s rights in order to keep the community safe. With the cameras rolling for TV, the two officers then out of the blue stopped their squad car and threw a black man to the ground for no reason and handcuffed him claiming that he resisted before he was released. It was said the two officers in the ride along with the reporter never reported that incident. It was also said that the DOJ found hundreds of criminal accusations that the police didn’t investigate (Shall the citizens demand that the DOJ who work for the USA people make public every single incident they do as well and wear body cameras while on duty…and doctors too as they make life and death decisions daily and could murder innocent victims during surgery and bribe the staff to keep silent such as hating a patient who believed in Jesus?). Reporter Cobb and Mayor Baraka discussed the ride along, and right after that the gang unit was dissolved and Ruiz was fired while Mayor Baraka worked more intimately with the DOJ to accomplish police reform. Twenty-five years before, Congress wrongly gave the DOJ the power to police the police and force them to reform. This only occurred after the police officers involved in the Rodney King incident were set free from wrongdoing, violent riots broke out in LA so Congress passed the Crime Control and Law Enforcement Act. Assistant Attorney General Vanita Gupta was in charge of the civil rights unit of the DOJ, so they aggressively went after police departments across the country during the Obama administration. In 2016, DOJ Gupta used Mayor Baraka’s Newark as the model city for police reform nationwide. New disciplinary procedures were put in place for abusive officers and millions of DOJ dollars were invested into training new officers, imposing new methods and changing bodycams. The DOJ oversaw and kept a close watch on the police’s actions, investigations and their use of force in the way they treated minorities. NY Reporter Cobb spoke against President Trump and Trump’s intelligent decisions on giving the police what they needed in order to arrest and jail the dangerous criminals verses the criminals handcuffing the officers and making them wash the feet of the lawbreakers. Christy Lopez was the overseer of the Obama DOJ and handled the “consent decrees” that didn’t allow police to do their jobs and obstructed the arrest of criminals. Christy confirmed that there were bad apples (few) in police departments who either transferred to other departments or were allowed to keep their jobs and some were even promoted and/or awarded, which was harmful to the innocent citizens they served. The officer that killed criminal George Floyd was one of those “bad” officers, and it triggered the gang Black Lives Matter. BLM was formed in hopes of abolishing the police, but the few deaths of colored people at the hands of police didn’t make up for the thousands of crimes that required police to keep America safe. Around the country, BLM protests erupted and Mayor Baraka led the protests in Newark. In Newark, the protests were peaceful because of backing from the DOJ and consent decrees. Four years passed and it claimed that the police reform in Newark was successful, yet it didn’t allow officers to get the gangs off the streets so the cities were still infested with criminals. Newark was able to train its officers more using federal money after the DOJ stepped in. The federal “DOJ decrees” would NOT be necessary if cities stopped defunding and crippling police departments from training their officers, getting necessary equipment and tools needed to their jobs and stopped the DOJ interference in the communities with their designated go-between thugs that the mayor and city counsel put out on the streets to hide the crime verses letting the officers lawfully stop it and directly interacting with the citizens directly. BLM wasn’t pleased when the civilian committees no longer had unlimited subpoena power to go after the police. James Stewart Jr., the Newark’s police union’s spokesperson, fought against the civilian police committee since it was the police department’s job to discipline its officers and not the DOJ backed citizens who may or may not have a vendetta against police for past arrests or family member arrests. Stewart informed Cobb that there were a million police interactions in one night, but Reporter Cobb only picked out a few hundred cases that may or may not have resulted in unjustified violence. Stewart went on to explain that social media was out of control and blew up random incidents to cause violent protests. In fact, the majority of police officers’ actions were within the law and justifiable (can you saw the same for DOJ and Reporters who don’t get the facts and gang together to cover up the real crime and those criminals involved?) according to what they encountered in each situation, such as threats to their own lives. Cobb showed a video showing officers using force against a suspect on the ground when he resisted arrest. Stewart backed up the officers who had the right to use force in order to restrain the person (addicts are unpredictable, dangerous and violent and are a threat to not only the police but the citizens around so in the event when an officer doesn’t use force and the criminal runs off and then kills someone…the only people responsible for that death are those that prevent police from doing their jobs and then sue the department afterward for not stopping the crime that the police weren’t allowed to stop because of the BLM movement gangsters and liberals that want control and power with no law and order in hopes of destroying the USA from within and selling US out to ungodly socialist and communist countries that would no doubt silence JESUS and kill our freedoms). The police’s daily job is to protect and serve their country to keep its citizens safe, therefore they don’t patrol with the intention to target based on race, religion, gender, etc., nor do they create violence. Anti-police protests and individuals continuously made it difficult for the police to do their jobs. Anthony Ambrose, the director of the Newark Department of Public Safety, claimed that the numbers were the facts and there was no racial profiling involved even though the large majority of the criminals happened to be African America. Police reform and the DOJ could do nothing about the numbers. In 2020, the main goal of BLM with support in Congress from Kamala Harris during the China Virus was to reform and defund the police. Mayor Baraka believed that it was necessary to take the money away from the police and use it for social services as Newark’s method of reform (not a model city). Social services would then parent the children of criminals so those children wouldn’t grow up to be criminals like their criminal so-called parents who had little money to parent GOD’s children because their addiction problems and unhealthy lifestyle choices kept them in constant poverty. With the help of DOJ, city mayor Baraka diverted $11 million from police and gave the “we the people’s money” to a former gang member Aqeela Sherills so he could lead and form a “street team” gang that would replace officers and defuse community situations without law and order and have the community go first to the ex-gang member first before involving the police. It was said that Sherills “street team” gang in NJ had organized a peace treaty between the Crips and the Bloods in Los Angeles, CA instead of letting the police stop the gangs and clean up the streets. The 50-member “street team” gang was on Facebook and went door-to-door and encouraged people to call them first and not the police. In lieu of the “street team” formed by an ex Crip (blue) gang member, the violent crimes continued in the city (not sure if it was reported correctly since police did not have control in the area and the crime scene may have been tampered with by the mayors “street team” before the arrival of officers). Mayor Baraka’s DOJ “street team” members answered distress calls, surrounded city schools, provided people in the hospital with social, legal, and psychological services, and handed out brochures to citizens advising them to call the "pro BLM street team social justice gang" instead of the police who now relied on Aqeela and his gang team as middlemen. It is a no brainer…if legal with the Constitution cities and towns want a dependable and honest to GOD police department, the officials, without the DOJ, must invest money in their police departments and do the opposite of Mayor Baraka because all he wanted was to defund the police and take away the officer’s guns and allow the criminals to run the unlawful circus show of what the criminals believe is justice, which essentially to them is no jail time and punishment that does not equal the crime.

DATE REVIEWED: 11/27/24

TITLE: 12 Dogs of Christmas: Great Puppy Rescue

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2012 Sony Pictures Releasing / Kragen /Merrill Family Films

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place at Christmastime in 1937. 17-year-old Emma O’Connor traveled from Pittsburgh to the small town of Doverville for the funeral of Cathy Stevens, the mom of Emma’s friend, Mikey (Mike). Cathy was also like a mom to Emma since her mom died when she was 10. Emma lived in Doverville six years before when she was 11 and there was a no-dogs rule in the town. Emma and the kids had put on a singing and dancing Christmas show called, “The 12 Dogs of Christmas” (named after the 12 Days of Christmas from England) to make everyone love dogs. Emma’s train to Doverville was delayed, so she hitchhiked with a stranger adult female named Zoe. Zoe was an actress and hobby fortune tellerwho already knew who Emma was. Emma missed the funeral, and the local town tycoon Finneas James offered his condolences to Mike but he wouldn’t accept them. Mike and Emma went to Cathy’s farm dog orphanage home (Now Mike’s property and animals). Cathy had spent her life caring for dozens of rescue dogs (and a horse who would have been euthanized because of a broken leg) at the Stevens family farm. Mike believed that his mom wanted him to stay and continue her legacy by finding homes for the dogs instead of going to college to be a vet. Emma advised him to follow his dream and go to vet school. Emma stayed with single Zoe at her large home, who claimed to be clairvoyant but Emma knew she was an actress and singer. Cathy left Mike her debts and property, including envelopes that she mailed to Emma but were never delivered and returned to sender in the USPS. Mike got distracted with his bank appointment and learning about his dire financial situation so he sped off to catch Emma at the train station before she left to return to Doverville the next day. Mike was chased by the police but he didn’t stop, and then he swerved to avoid a dog in the road. His truck flipped over on top of him, but his dog Nessie escaped unscathed. Emma saw the accident and jumped off the moving train to go help Mike. She pulled Mike to safety before the truck went up in flames, and the police took Mike to the hospital. Dishonest local rural Dr. Splinter then convinced Emma that she was responsible for Mike’s broken back and lifelong paralysis that happened only because she pulled Mike from the truck (and had she not he would have burnt up in the flames). Back at Mike’s farm, Emma overheard Finneas’ plans to buy the farm and euthanize the rescue dogs so he could build a track (authorized by the politicians that Finneas bribed) and race his drugged greyhounds for profit. Finneas assigned Asper Pluto the animal control officer to do his bidding. Emma went to Thomas Burchess at the bank, and he gave her until Christmas to come up with over $2,300 to pay off the debts and save the farm from Finneas. Emma snuck Nessie into the hospital to see Mike and cheered him up. Underage teen Emma (had no adult supervision at all during the movie and lived like an adult) discovered that Asper had unlawfully quarantined the farm and lied that the dogs had rabies. Asper and Finneas lied that a rabid dog killed Cathy, and Finneas promised not to kill the dogs if he got the farm. Finneas offered to pay for Mike’s vet school if he sold the farm, but Mike refused and suggested that Emma put on another Christmas Eve dog show to sell tickets and raise money. Emma asked Dr. Splinter about Cathy’s death, and the shady doc backed up the lie that she died from a rabid dog bite. Emma was transferred to Doverville school, and her old friends Miranda and the ballerinas practiced dancing for the musical with Zoe as their pianist. The Bulldogs basketball played against the Leopards at a big game headed to the station champions. The Bulldogs were losing, but they made a comeback, and won when Emma and the other girls appeared as cheerleaders. Emma had been interested in Walker, so he kissed her but she pulled away. The girls agreed to cheer at the Bulldogs’ next game in exchange for a favor from the coach, so he made the boys participate in the Dog show. Emma realized that Walker was a jerk when he backed out, and he later explained that he stopped liking dogs when his childhood dog was run over. Emma and Miranda were determined to have the show at the theater, but the backstage guy Edgar refused to have dogs there. Zoe reacquainted herself with Edgar and convinced him to let the kids perform since the two used to perform vaudeville together. Emma learned from Mike that Walker was Finneas’ stepson, and Mike thought they were having a relationship. Finneas owned the theater and wanted Walker to pretend to be part of the show so he could spy for his step-dad Finneas. Walker refused but agreed when Finneas threatened to have him cut from the basketball team. Walker showed up to practice with the other boys, and Officer Jack brought Mike to practice for a visit. That night, Zoe had a feeling that something was wrong with the dogs and fire was involved. She and Emma headed to the farm, where Asper was there with syringes to harm the dogs. Nessie jumped on Asper and he dropped his lantern and started a fire in the barn. Zoe and Emma were able to get most of the dogs and the horse to safety before the fire department responded. Dr. Splinter came to help the dogs and told the truth that Cathy was treated for pneumonia but the doctor had lied that his patient Cathy died of rabies after Finneas donated money to the hospital (doctor took a bribe). Nessie went missing, so Zoe used Arachnomancy with a spiderweb. She saw the word “mill,” so Emma and Mikey (paralyzed legs) rode into the woods on horseback and found Nessie with two other dogs that escaped the burning barn. Asper then showed up at Mike’s farm and took the dogs away with a court order (bought off small town judge), and Dr. Splinter argued that the dogs weren’t rabid but Jack could do nothing because of the court order. Emma found the letter addressed to her from Cathy explaining that Cathy stored Mike’s vet college money close to her heart. Emma figured that Cathy’s heart was with the dogs and the money burned in the fire. Finneas shut the theater down and forced Edgar to cancel the show, and then Finneas tried to bribe Thomas but he refused. Walker overheard and decided to help Emma, so he revealed that Finneas’ weakness was celebrities and that celebrity weakness could be used to control his step-dad. Emma told the town that the show would still go on, and Zoe arranged for her friend Bing Crosby to star in the small town show. Bing planned to be in the show and embarrassed Finneas by announcing that he would sponsor it. People signed up for auditions and the price of the tickets was raised. That night, banker Burchess reluctantly signed the farm over to Finneas in exchange for large wads of cash under the table (bribe) to spend on his family for Christmas. Emma gave Mike the letter, and Zoe realized where the money was when a spider crawled across her Bible. Walker found a trapdoor in his step-dad’s shed where Finneas kept his greyhounds and discovered that all of Mike’s dogs were being kept in the underground storage room cages. Finneas found Walker and locked him in the cage with the dogs when he discovered that Walker wasn’t on his side. Nessie appeared so Walker attached his basketball pin to Nessie’s collar and sent her to find Mike and Emma, who were at the show. Emma realized where Walker was, so she and one of the boys went to find him and Emma drove even though she had no license. They rescued Walker and the dogs, and Asper tried to stop them with a dart gun but the dogs knocked him over and Asper tranquilized himself with a dart in the neck. The teen boys took care of things while Emma returned to the show. Bing sang the songs, and Edgar joined with his ventriloquist doll Charles. The boys and girls (ages ranging from preschool to teen) dressed up and danced and sang a dog-themed performance. The surprise on the twelfth day of Christmas was kids dressed up as cats, and the grand finale featured the arrival of the greyhounds and the rescue dogs. Finneas took the night’s earnings from Mike and the teens and declared that the farm was his. However, Emma noticed on the paperwork that it wasn’t legit because Burchess was on their side and signed the papers “Totally Bogus.” Teen Miranda was a fan of Bing and was happy when he announced that he wanted to make her dream come true and take her to Hollywood. In the end, Mike was able to walk with crutches (not paralyzed as the questionable ungodly doctor misdiagnosed), and Zoe found Mike’s college money which Cathy hid in a dog food bag with a heart on it. All of the dogs were adopted. The movie cover art listed, Francine Brokaw, LAFamily.com, “A charming, warm and fuzzy holiday film.”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/26/24

TITLE: Home Alone 2: Lost In New York

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1992 20th Century Fox / Hughes Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in Chicago, where Peter and Kate McCallister lived with their children, 10-year-old Kevin the youngest, Buzz, Megan, Linnie and Jeff. They packed their bags to take a Christmas vacation to Florida. Uncle Frank and Aunt Leslie joined them with their kids Tracy, Sondra, Fuller, Brooke, and Rod who was the son of Rob and Georgette. Before they left Chitown, they headed to a Christmas pageant at the St. Gerard’s School where Kevin would sing with the choir. Kevin hesitated to retrieve his tie from the bathroom where Uncle Frank was taking a shower, but Kevin’s dad (who is Frank’s younger brother) encouraged his son Kevin to get it without looking. Kevin poked his head in the bathroom and instead of getting his tie he recorded his Uncle on his recording device singing in the shower. Uncle Frank called Kevin a pervert and told the boy to get out. At the Catholic school Christmas concert, the audience laughed at Kevin when he sang his solo in a high-pitched voice, and then the pageant was ruined after Kevin pushed his eldest brother Buzz behind him in the choir, who was teasing him. At home, Buzz put on his best fake act and pretended to be apologetic, but Kevin spoke his mind in hopes of not going to Florida on vacation because it had no Christmas trees and it was too warm. Kevin’s large family accidentally(neglectfully) left him home alone at Christmas the previous year while they went on vacation, and Kevin apprehended two thieves named Harry Lyme and Marv Murchins (the Wet Bandits later named the Sticky Bandits) who tried to break into the house. Meanwhile in present day, the two large families hurried to catch their flight on American Airlines at the Chicago airport. Kevin took his dad’s carryon bag full f lots cash and it had Peter’s wallet and credit card. Kevin was separated from his family at the airport because he stopped to take batteries out of his dad’s bag for his recorder device (after his dad had told him to wait till they boarded the plane.) Kevin tried to catch up to the others but instead followed a man who he believed was his dad and ended up on a flight headed to New York City after he bumped into the gate lady and the tickets got messed up so she and the male employee let the kid on the AA plane unsupervised without his ticket. Kevin’s family landed in Miami on their AA flight and discovered at baggage claim that Kevin was missing (nobody noticed during flight Kevin was not with their party). The adults reported Kevin’s disappearance to Officer Bennett in Florida. At the New York airport, Kevin realized that his dream came true and he was on a vacation alone, so he roamed the big city streets and spent his dad’s money to see the sights. As it turned out, Harry and Marv had just escaped from prison and stowed away to NYC in the back of a seafood truck. Harry was the brains of the operation, and Marv was the dimwitted one. Kevin arrived at the Plaza Hotel. Inside the building, Donald Trump directed young Kevin to the hotel lobby a short distance away. Donald showed concern that the young boy had no responsible adult guardian with him. The Miami police worked on tracking Kevin’s location through Peter’s credit card company. Kevin paid for a room at the Plaza with his dad’s credit card. Kevin had used a phone inside the hotel and called the hotel reservation desk first and disguised his voice as his dad’s and made a reservation. Kevin then went to the reservation desk and lied to the desk clerk Hester Stone that he was there with his dad, and Mr. Hector the concierge was suspicious of Kevin’s intentions. Hester assigned Cedric the bellhop to find out who Kevin was, so Cedric snooped in Kevin’s bag inside the extravagant hotel room and was disappointed when Kevin gave him gum as a tip (but later Kevin flashed a ward a wad of his dad’s cash in $50s). Kevin ordered room service and watched the movie Angels with Even Filthier Souls. Johnny the gangster shot up his unfaithful girlfriend Dame with a machine gun on Christmas and laughed maniacally. Mr. Hector snuck into Kevin’s room to spy on him (the employee believed nobody was inside the hotel room), so Kevin used an inflatable clown in the shower and played Frank’s singing recording (called the employee a pervert and yelled to get out) to send Mr. Hector running. Mr. Hector did his research and was glad to discover that the credit card was stolen. Kevin rode around the city in a limousine provided by the Plaza, and he went to Duncan’s Toy Chest to buy toys. Harry and Marv planned to rob the cash drawer at Duncan’s on Christmas Eve before Mr. Duncan donated all the money to the St. Anne’s Children Hospital. Kevin donated some money when he bought toys, and he didn’t know the cashier was Mr. Duncan, the owner. In exchange for the donation, Mr. Duncan gave Kevin two turtledove ornaments so he could keep one and then gift the other to a special friend for life. Harry and Marv recognized Kevin and chased him through the streets. Kevin was horrified to see the men he put in jail in Chicago the following year now roaming free in NYC so he tripped them up with beads and then escaped into the Plaza, where he was confronted by Mr. Hector, Cedric, Hester and security for the stolen card. Kevin hid in his hotel room and played a recording of the Angels movie with gunshots, which scared the staff into believing Mr. McCallister was a trigger-happy psycho after the staff members came into the room to confront the young boy. They warned the other guests to get in their rooms and stay there and then the employees escaped from what they believed was a madman shooting at them. Kevin left the hotel and ran. Kevin was grabbed by Harry and Marv, and kidnapped the boy and ripped up his AA plane ticket to Miami. Kevin touched a lady’s butt (the same lady who slapped Marv for trying to steal her purse earlier) knowing that she would think it was the bad guys and punch them out, which she did. The escaped convicts gave up the chase. Kevin went to Uncle Rob and Aunt Georgette’s home in the city that was under construction. It was empty because they were still in Paris during the renovation. Kevin walked the streets at night and was terrified of the homeless guys, crazy people and prostitutes, so he regretted his vacation and didn’t want to be alone. Kevin stayed in Central Park. A homeless Pigeon Lady surrounded by many pigeons that she always fed found Kevin. Kevin was scared of her at first and had his foot in the rocks. The lady freed Kevin, so he realized that she was nice and the birds loved her so the two became friends. She explained that she lost her job and her lover so she hadn’t trusted anyone since, but Kevin cheered her up and told her not to be afraid to love because it was better than being alone. She suggested that Kevin do something good for other people that Christmas Eve, so the young boy set out to thwart Harry and Marv’s plan to rob the toy store. Kevin began Operation Ho-Ho-Ho and set up traps in Rob’s house and outside the store. Meanwhile, Kevin’s family in Florida was holed up in the hotel in Miami because of a constant downpour. They got a call from the police that Kevin was in NYC, so the entire family flew to New York and were offered a free room at the Plaza. Kate and Peter took the free room and blamed the hotel staff for Kevin’s disappearance and a young boy wandering the scary crime ridden NYC streets without his family on Christmas, when in reality it was because of the family’s own neglect that the child was missing and no longer with them. Harry and Marv hid out inside the toy store and broke into the cash drawer once the store was locked up for the night, as they planned. Kevin spotted the criminals through the glass window outside on the street and snapped instant Polaroid type pictures of the bad guys stealing the cash from the registers. Kevin then threw a rock with a note addressed to Mr. Duncan through and shattered the glass window to set off the alarm and alert the police. The prisoners chased after Kevin and jumped on a seesaw set up by Kevin, which sent Harry flying into the air and then crashing hard onto a car. Harry and Marv were determined to kill Kevin, so they followed him to Rob’s house which Kate had left seconds before in her search for Kevin, before Kate took a taxi out of the area. Kevin, now on the roof agreed to drop his camera and incriminating photos down to the criminals in exchange for them leaving him alone. Instead, Kevin threw four bricks at Marv’s head to stun him and make walking difficult. Kevin hid in the house and set off his traps, which included sticking Marv with pins when he tried to open the front door and releasing a bag of tools on Harry when he went through the back door. Marv slipped in sticky goop and ended up covered in paint, and he was electrocuted almost to death when he tried to wash himself at the sink that Kevin hooked up to a generator. A 100-pound bag of flour attached to a rope fell on Marv’s head when he tried to climb a rope. Harry’s hat caught fire, so he stuck his head in the toilet that Kevin filled with flammable liquid. There was an explosion, but somehow Harry survived with only a charred face. Kevin attached a tool chest to a door so it rolled down the stairs and crushed Harry and Marv against the wallwhen they opened the door. Kevin escaped outside using a rope, which was soaked in kerosene. The thieves tried to climb down the rope, which Kevin then lit with a match. They were unable to climb back up to the roof and fell to the ground covered in paint. Kevin finally called the police and told them to look for fireworks to find the criminals. Harry and Marv then grabbed Kevin when he slipped and fell on the ice. They took Kevin to the park, where they held a gun to Kevin’s head and planned to shoot him. The homeless Pigeon Lady saved Kevin when she appeared and threw a bucket of birdseed on the bad guys. The dozens of pigeons attacked Harry and Marv to get the food. That wasn’t the end of it because delinquent Kevin set off fireworks to alert the police to the location and left a recording he had taken of Harry and Marv revealing their plans to rob Duncan and kill Kevin. The officers arrested the prison escapees and returned the stolen money to Duncan, who read the rock note and understood the meaning when the police dismissed it as some kid breaking the window (even though Kevin put his name on it and apologized to the toy store owner for breaking the glass but had to in order to stop the criminals inside).Kate asked around to find Kevin and spoke with two police officers on the street in their patrol car. After the bad mom scolded the police for not caring about her missing son, they drove her to Rockefeller Center where she realized Kevin went to see the giant Christmas tree because he didn’t want to celebrate in Florida with a palm tree like his mom suggested. Kevin was there and had just asked to see his mom again, and then she appeared and he and Kate both apologized to one another for everything that happened. They returned to the Plaza and woke up on Christmas morning to find dozens of presents for everyone under a Christmas tree inside the hotel room that Mr. Duncan gifted them. Kevin ran out alone into the NYC streets away from his family again and gave one of his turtledoves to the homeless Pigeon Lady so they would be friends forever. Kevin then heard his dad’s screams from the park after Kevin’s eldest brother gave Peter inside their hotel room the hotel bill from the employee staff on Christmas day showing that Kevin spent almost $1,000 on room service during his stay. This movie had a budget of $28 million and grossed $359 million at the box office.

DATE REVIEWED: 11/24/24

TITLE: Mrs. Santa Claus

BOX OFFICE RATED: G (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1996 Hallmark Entertainment / Corymore Productions / CBS Network

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This musical movie takes place in 1910 during Christmastime. At the North Pole, Mrs. Anna Claus helped Arvo and the other elves finish all the toys for Santa’s Christmas Eve delivery and since they finished early, she gave them all permission to go home to their families. Mrs. Claus had ideas of her own (like taking different routes on Christmas Eve and responding to the letters to Santa herself), but Santa refused to listen and wanted to do everything the way he always had so Mrs. Claus felt unappreciated and unknown. With lead elf Arvo’s help, she took the reindeer and the sleigh out for a ride to test a new delivery route that she believed would save Santa time. However, Cupid injured his leg so Mrs. Claus landed the sleigh in New York City. Anna Claus took Cupid to the Delancey Stables, where Marcello D’Amoroso the stable boy who was an Italian immigrant, agreed to look after Cupid and the other seven reindeer for a week until Cupid’s leg healed. Marcello showed Mrs. Claus (who now went by Mrs. North) around the lively square known as Avenue “A” full of singing and dancing locals.He then took her to the boardinghouse run by Mrs. Lowenstein, a Jewish immigrant whose daughter Sadie passionately screamed about women’s voting rights in the streets. Marcello was secretly in love with Sadie but he had never spoken to her. Mrs. Claus had no money to pay for a room, so Mrs. Lowenstein agreed to let her pay later. Mr. Kilkenny and his eldest child Nora were Irish immigrants who stayed at the boardinghouse. Dad worked on the trolley and Nora worked at Tavish Toys so they could raise enough money to bring Nora’s mom and baby brother from Ireland to America. Naughty Nora was mischievous tween and got in trouble with the Irish police officer Doyle whose shin she kicked to get away and often did other mean and hateful things to the innocent officer of the law. Mrs. Lowenstein was worried that Sadie would also get in trouble with Officer Doyle for her loud disturbing the peace women’s rights public speeches in the street and they would be kicked out of the country. Nora stole Mrs. Lowenstein’s eggs and the delinquent female planned to throw them out the multi story window at Officer Doyle in the street below. The officer saw Nora and went into the building after Nora, so Mrs. Claus hid the guilty child in the closest. In return for the favor, Nora took Mrs. Claus to Tavish Toys to get a job supervising the kids. Augie Tavish, the owner of the company, forced the young children to work hard making toys in a cold, unheated, factory. The gang of unsupervised children got rid of the last supervisor by tripping him, but Mrs. Claus quickly made friends with the kids by singing and dancing and entertaining them. She brought the lack of heat and quality materials to Augie’s attention, but he refused to do anything because the owner was only interested in selling as many toys as possible for profits even though they didn’t last past Christmas. Meanwhile, Santa finally realized that Mrs. Claus was gone after two days on because the lead elf told him his wife was missing. Arvo revealed that he helped Anna leave, and Santa was worried that he wouldn’t be able to make the Christmas delivery in a few days without the reindeer. Mrs. Claus was determined to the make the working conditions at the factory tolerable for the kids, so Sadie suggested that they do a “work slowdown.” Mrs. Claus and Sadie then went door-to-door spreading the message to the local women without Sadie’s soapbox and her talking and not shouting her message to her targeted crowd of females. None of the women agreed, so Sadie and Mrs. Claus began their march to Union Square alone. Mrs. Shaughnessy and Mrs. Brandenheim joined their suffragist cause, and dozens of other women and Nora followed. Marcello invited Sadie to a Christmas Eve ball organized by the policemen at Foley’s Saloon, but she was too busy and declared that their personalities weren’t suited to each other. The two then realized that opposites attract, so they kissed. Nora took Mrs. Claus to the vaudeville show (burlesque dancers) where they secretly watched until they were kicked out so they tried on the dancers’ clothes in the costume room. Officer Doyle caught the factory kids with a Christmas tree that he believed was stolen, but they claimed it was theirs. Anna spoke on behalf of the underage children since they were always roaming around without parental supervision. Nora promised not to torment Officer Doyle anymore, so he let them keep the tree and then invited Mrs. Claus to the Police ball. Mrs. Claus bought a ticket for herself and asked Officer Doyle to give the second ticket to (Jewish) Mrs. Lowenstein. Arvo tried to cheer Santa up by recruiting the elves to do a dancing show, but Santa was unimpressed. Arvo suggested that Santa write a letter to Mrs. Claus about how he missed her and Santa realized that he was lost without his wife’s help, nurturing, and guidance. Mrs. Claus and the factory kids put into effect their plan to work as slow as they could in hopes of harassing Augie and making him change his business ways and beliefs. However, their plan backfired and Augie announced that the children must clean the factory on Christmas Day. The kids protested, so Augie agreed to lighten their sentence if they revealed who put them up to it. The majority of the child slave laborers confirmed that it was Mrs. Claus and agreed that they wanted her replaced with a new supervisor. However, Sadie stood up for Mrs. Claus and Sadie was also fired with Anna, but the two later snuck back into the factory. They tried to recruit the other kids to go on strike, and they were skeptical but the children agreed to strike. The kids and Mrs. Claus marched through town picketing and making it known to everyone in the city that Tavish toys were of poor quality and fell apart right after Christmas. They took Tavish toys off the shelf and then enlisted help from the mayor to make that child labor laws were put in place so no more children were subject to abuse in factories. Mrs. Lowenstein and Mrs. Claus attended the ball, where Sadie toasted to Mrs. Claus and then danced with Marcello. Mrs. Claus learned from Marcello that Cupid was healed, so she went to the stable to retrieve the reindeer and sleigh. However, Augie had taken the animals as hostages and he revealed that he knew she was Mrs. Claus and not Mrs. North. Anna realized that Augie was the child who wrote to Santa asking for a teddy bear one Christmas, but he never wrote again because Augie’s stepbrother stole his precious bear on Christmas. Augie was then set on ruining all other children’s Christmases for them from that day on and that was why he also stole the reindeer so Santa couldn’t delivery their toys. Mrs. Claus gave Augie a bear identical to his old one that his brother stole decades ago, and he was glad and returned the reindeer to Anna. Mrs. Claus went back to the North Pole and reunited with Santa, who gave her a red and white dress that matched his suit. Santa wanted his wife to join him on the Christmas Eve delivery using her map and new global direction. The Claus couple also made sure Nora’s mom and baby brother joined Nora and her dad in the USA by paying for the Ireland ones to relocate to NYC. The Kilkenny gang celebrated Christmas by erasing the blessed JESUS gifts and replacing HIM with the fake Santa presents ‘presence’ with Mrs. Lowenstein and Sadie. The movie cover art listed, Chattanooga Free Press, “Absolutely endearing.” Variety, “A welcome gift.”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/23/24

TITLE: Unstable Fables: Tortoise Vs. Hare

BOX OFFICE RATED: G (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2008 The Weinstein Company / The Jim Henson Company / Prana Animation Studios / Flame Ventures / Genius Products

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place in a world of animals and fables. It began with the Fables Cable Sports Network news anchors Rex and Bob Stork relaying Walter Tortoise’s victory over Murray Hare in a marathon fifteen years before. Murray was overconfident and convinced he would win because of his speed, so he took a nap and lost the race to the slow and steady Walter. Murray had a meltdown whenever someone used Walter’s motto (slow and steady), such as when he tried to sell lemons to not-so-unsuspecting customers at his car dealership. Walter and his wife Dotty attended their daughter Crystal’s dance routine for world peace and she won third place. Walter refused to accept it was good enough and wanted Crystal to be a winner since he had high hopes that she would become a lawyer despite his daughter’s aspiration to be a dancer that traveled the world. Murray was late to his son Butch’s science fair that he didn’t care about anyway because he believed that Butch should be a runner. Murray then learned about the upcoming Nature Adventure Race at Mount Impossible, so he was determined to enter Butch in it since he was interested in the nature aspect of science. The runners were required to race as teams, so Murray and Walter challenged each other to run the race with their kids. They convinced Butch and Crystal to race with them despite their earlier protests. Murray was bent on finally winning and hoped that the angry mobs would remove all tortoise statues and burn Walter’s house down. The Tortoise and Hare families were next-door neighbors and rivals. Murray’s wife Annette was a realtor at Bigwood and disapproved of Dotty’s stay-at-home mom lifestyle even though she was wealthy. Annette was more interested in her career than her family and was always on the phone with clients. FCSN covered the race, and other parent-child teams entered. Murray took along unpractical supplies and made sure to have plenty of “no naps” reminders. They set off on the first leg of the race which involved bicycling across tough terrain. Walter insisted that he and Crystal go slow, but Murray went fast to get ahead of his competitors despite Butch’s advice to converse their energy. The Hares won the first leg but were left behind in the second leg of canoeing where the Tortoises took the lead. They carried their canoe to the top of the waterfall while Murray used his newfound energy from a chocolate bar to paddle his canoe up the waterfall. He was exhausted when he reached the top, so the canoe crashed back into the river. The Hares took the lead again during the third leg of rappelling, and the Mexican Moles tunneled down the cliff while the Pigs ate too much garbage and couldn’t run. The Hares and Tortoises were neck and neck during the obstacle course with each of the teams excelling in different categories. The most dangerous task was crossing the Rickety Bridge over Uncrossable Gorge since a fall would result in instant death upon impact with the rocks. Walter rushed out onto the bridge without a thought, so Murray chased after him to get ahead. The ropes snapped, but Walter and Murray made it across to the other side before the bridge plummeted down to the rocks. Murray lost the map, so Butch and Crystal planned to go around the long way and meet their dads at Finger Rock. Their dads had told them that they were cannibals and prison escapees, but the kids didn’t believe it and agreed to work together. They couldn’t go around Lake Infinity or cross it because of the dangerous creatures lurking in the waters, so they built a glider and used the flare gun to launch themselves over the river. A snowstorm then blew in, and Butch and Crystal lost walkie-talkie communication with their dads. Murray wanted to wait it out, but Walter was determined to find the kids. The two dads fell off a cliff while trying to put up their tent and were left dangling from a rope, where a vicious wildcat confronted them. They took refuge on a ledge, but then their tent blew away. Walter started losing body heat from the freezing cold, so Murray shared his heat. Butch and Crystal found shelter in a cave. They were unable to get in touch with their dads, but they got a radio station featuring one of Crystal’s favorite songs about shaking bodies and getting naughty. She taught Butch to dance because she believed it was the solution to all problems. The kids agreed that they would forfeit the race and go home since it was Murray and Walter’s feud. The next morning, the race had dragged onto day two. Crystal woke up to find that Butch was gone and he left a note stating that he was getting payback. She believed that he set her up so he could win the race, so she set off into the snow. Butch then returned to the cave with the breakfast he had gathered as payback for Crystal’s dinner the previous night. He believed that Crystal set him up, so the two felt the same animosity that their dads felt for each other. Butch and Crystal quickly made amends after he explained. Murray and Walter spotted their kids in the distance and fought over the binoculars until they broke. That caused the ice to crack and kick started an avalanche, and Butch and Crystal rolled down the mountain in a giant snowball. They picked up Murray and Walter along the way and finally rolled to a stop lodged between the two sides of a ravine. Rex and Bob (the newscasters) started a countdown clock for the five minutes of oxygen the foursome had left before they would suffocate inside the snowball and posted a tribute video before they were even dead. Butch and Crystal brought their dads to their senses about the ridiculous rivalry and how they pushed their kids too hard to always win. They insisted that Murray and Walter hug, and they reluctantly did so. The racers dug their way out of the snowball seconds after the timer went off, and then the snowball started crumbling. They worked together to get off the snowball before it plunged to the ground, and they were left hanging from the cliff hand in hand. Murray went slow and steady and was able to pull everyone to safety. The Tortoises and the Hares decided to win the race together, so they scaled the mountain and were about to cross the finish line. However, the Moles beat them to it and boasted about their victory. Murray and Walter’s families held a picnic, and Crystal and Butch planned to enter the school talent show. They agreed to combine their talents into a routine where she danced the lambada (a sexual Brazilian dance involving touching stomachs) among other things and he recited the names of the stars. The movie cover art listed, Film Advisory Board, “Entertaining and pure fun!” Scholastic Parent & Child, “Parents will like this movie just as much as kids will!”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/22/24

TITLE: The Fighting Temptations

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2003 Paramount Pictures / MTV Films / Handprint Films

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in the small town of Monte Carlo, Georgia, in 1980 at the Beulah Baptist Church. Mary Ann Hill was an aspiring singer who sang sexual songs at R&B clubs, and Reverend Paul Lewis’ sister, Paulina Pritchett, the church treasurer, scolded Mary Ann with churchgoers in earshot for breaking the church’s bylaws which stated that the members must refrain from fornication, gambling and drinking. Mary Ann chose her singing gigs over being in the church choir, and she died in 1988 from a hit-and-run incident when her son Darrin was a teen. In present day New York City, Darrin was a junior advertising executive at Fairchild & Hirsch. Darrin was black and suggested that his company’s clients, the Lincoln & Gerald liquor company, establish a malt liquor division to cater specifically to black people and make larger profits. Darrin was instantly promoted, so he took his girlfriend out to dinner and lied to her about his life story in hopes of impressing her. Darrin’s credit card was declined, and then Mr. Fairchild fired Darrin for deception after an L&G rep checked Darrin’s background and discovered that he was expelled from Yale for faking his High School diploma at Andover. Darrin learned that his Aunt Sally Walker in Monte Carlo, Georgia died, so he took the last of his cash and caught a train back to his hometown to attend the funeral and will reading the following day. Darrin’s old friend Lucius picked him up and bragged about the butts of Southern women including the married ones. Lucius put a brief stop to Paulina’s grandson Jimmy B. blasting his gangster rap music out of respect for Sally’s death. Reverend Shirley Caesar and her choir performed, and Darrin said a few words after he disrupted the funeral service with a phone call. Later on, Reverend Paul read the will in which Sally left Darrin in charge of the choir. He wanted no part of it until he learned that he would receive Sally’s stocks in Georgia Telecom worth $150,000 if he and the choir performed in the annual Gospel Explosion singing competition in Columbus, Georgia. Paulina had been waiting for Sally’s death to lead the choir, so she argued that Sally went senile and it was up to her reverend brother, who was scared of his sister in charge of the money, to decide the choir leader. Darrin had lied that he was a music producer called Dr. Hill, so Paul gave him six weeks to prepare for the competition in hopes of winning the $10,000 prize. Paulina refused to give Darrin a ride to the Canaan Inn, so he walked there in the rain and discovered that Paulina owned the inn and looked after Jimmy. She charged Darrin for all the amenities in his room and confiscated his Cuban cigars. Lilly was a childhood friend of Darrin’s who wanted to marry Michael Jackson instead of date Darrin. He didn’t recognize Lilly at first but watched one of her performances at the club where she sang and danced provocatively with body-touching and sexy clothes. The church ladies disliked Lilly for using her body to make money, but Darrin was interested in her. Darrin lied that Aunt Sally’s dying wish was for him to be with Lilly, but she knew it wasn’t true. Darrin’s assistant Rosa Lopez in NYC held off the creditors and stalled for time until Darrin could receive his inheritance money and get back his repossessed belongings. Darrin was disappointed to discover that Shirley and her choir were just guests and Beulah’s choir consisted of a handful of members who were out of tune. Darrin returned to the club hoping to recruit Lilly to the choir, but she refused so Darrin announced the upcoming choir auditions on the local radio station AM WKEU with DJ Miles Smoke. However, none of the people that auditioned showed any promise so Darrin permitted atheists to apply (for the Baptist church choir). Lucius agreed to help Darrin in exchange for half of the prize money. Darrin discovered that Lilly wasn’t married and had a young son named Dean, so (broke) Darrin gave Lilly a loan to pay for her groceries when her credit card was maxed out. Reverend Paul gave Darrin a list of people in town that could sing, and he recruited the new members including an alcoholic organist that didn’t please the old organist Homer. The choir rehearsed but was still off-key, and Paulina’s feathers were further ruffled when she wasn’t picked for lead singer. Two church ladies got into a fight, and Tasha spent her time making out with her boyfriend. Darrin met Lilly’s grandfather and gave Dean a Sammy Sosa figurine, and Lilly again refused to join the choir. She then showed up to practice, and the church members called her a tramp so Darrin argued that Jesus loved Mary Magdalene even though she was a prostitute. (Mary Magdalene was never a prostitute and it was a evil lie told by Pope Gregory I that Hollywood keeps alive because otherwise all the married celebrities who get paid to cheat on their spouses during filming and calling it ‘acting’ would not have a clear conscious about the ungodly adultery sin they actually commit in real life.) Lilly told Paulina off, and three weeks later the choir had improved with Lilly as their lead singer. However, Paulina then announced that they missed the deadline by which to submit their audition tape to the Explosion judge Luther Washington. Darrin learned from Rosa that his credit card was traced and the authorities discovered that he fled to Georgia. He would be charged with felony and interstate fraud if he were arrested. Darrin and Lucius met with Luther, who was also the prison warden, in hopes of convincing him to let them enter the Explosion. After the choir put on a good show for the prisoners, Luther obliged and let three of the dangerous convicts join the choir and go to the Baptist church in chains to practice. An armed police officer stood guard during rehearsal to keep an eye on prisoners Mr. Johnson, Bee-Z Briggs and Lightfoot. The choir tried rapping about salvation, drug addiction and gang life, and Darrin and Paul approved. Paulina announced that all members of the choir must be baptized and attend Bible study, so Paul baptized Darrin (smoking his Cuban cigar) and the newcomers and prisoners in the waste-filled river. The next few Sundays, the choir put on toe-tapping, hand-clapping performances for their dead homie Jesus and the church attendance increased. Darrin and Lilly went to Sally’s house that Alma was taking care of to retrieve the box of letters between Mary Ann and Sally that she left for Darrin in her will. Darrin and Lilly kissed, but she stopped and wanted them to fight temptation. The creditors called the inn for Darrin, and Paulina lied that she was his family and then Paulina learned everything about Darrin that he hid. Paulina announced Darrin’s criminal activity at the church’s fundraiser in front of everyone and informed Darrin that his company agreed to take care of his credit card trouble and give him his job back since L&G wouldn’t do a malt liquor deal unless he was in charge. Darrin took the job and returned to NYC (after Lilly told Darrin she was just using him anyway to get a record deal and since he wasn’t in the music business she had no use for him anymore). In the NYC conference room at work, Darrin pitched a new idea to market their urbanite alcoholic drink to the young people in rural America who wished they lived in the city. L&G loved the idea, but Darrin had hoped they wouldn’t. Darrin left NYC and went back to Monte Carlo, Georgia and learned from Paul that the choir already left for the Explosion. Paulina took charge of the choir and kicked Lilly out, and Paul stayed behind when his sister learned that he helped Darrin find the singers. Darrin made amends with Lilly and convinced her to sing, and Lucius drove Darrin, Lilly, Dean and Paul to the Explosion. Paulina argued that it was her choice of the choir singers and Darrin no longer had the right to lead the choir since he gave up his inheritance when he left Georgia returned to NYC. Paul finally refused to back Paulina up and announced that she had lied about being a widow and her husband James left her to live in Patterson County with a younger wife. All the members of the Fighting Temptations choir voted to kick Paulina out. Darrin instructed Paul to keep his inheritance and use it to establish a daycare center named after Sally, but Paul revealed that Telecom recently went under and the inheritance was only worth a few hundred dollars and not 150k. The Fighting Temptations performed in the explosion and won with the prisoners singing too. Darrin proposed to Lilly, and eighteen months later they were married and had a baby and the Beulah Baptist choir kept singing every Sunday. This movie had a budget of $30 million and grossed over $32 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Kevin Thomas, Los Angeles Times, “‘The Fighting Temptations’ is a rousing warm-hearted comedy…” Roger Ebert, Ebert & Roeper, “Thumbs up!...A great, funny movie and audiences are going to love it.” Ann Hornaday, The Washington Post, “A guaranteed crowd pleaser! A movie that soars…”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/21/24

TITLE: Wonder Park

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2019 Paramount Pictures / Paramount Animation / Nickelodeon Movies / Ilion Animation Studios

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie is about a young girl named June Bailey and her mom, who created rides for the imaginary Wonderland amusement park using stuffed animals as inspiration for the animals operating the park. Peanut the chimp was the park’s mascot, Greta the boat was the take-charge leader, Steve was the neurotic porcupine obsessed with safety, Boomer was the narcoleptic blue bear who fell asleep at the most inconvenient times and also welcomed guests to the park, and Gus and Cooper were the feuding brother beavers. June and Mom didn’t realize that Wonderland existed somewhere and Peanut created new rides based on June’s ideas that Mom whispered in the ear of her daughter’s stuffed animal. June recruited her the neighborhood kids to construct a rollercoaster, and she and her best friend Banky rode the coaster car. It went off its tracks and careened dangerously through traffic nearly colliding with a semi-truck before it crashed through the neighbor’s fence and garden. June’s parents paid for the damages and were scolded by the police and fire department, but they gave June no punishment for her delinquent behavior that caused damage for days to other people’s property and endangered their lives. She, Mom, and her friends built small-scale models of the Wonderland rides. Mom out of the blue fell ill, so Dad took her to treatment and she had to stay with them for many weeks until she was healthier. Aunt Albertine and Uncle Tony came for a visit, and they wanted to help June work on Wonderland but she was too upset. June burned the park blueprint in the fireplace and packed away all things Wonderland. June wanted to stay home for the summer, but Dad sent her to a math camp called Camp Awe Sum. June imagined that Dad would become a couch potato who couldn’t take care of himself without her and existed solely on pizza and soda. June convinced Banky to help her get off the bus, so he pretended to vomit and the driver slammed on the brakes. All the kids piled out screaming, and June set off through the woods back to her house while Banky and the bus continued to camp. June found a torn piece of the Wonderland blueprint that escaped the fireplace, and it evaded June’s grasp and led her through the forest. She rode a rollercoaster and discovered that Wonderland was real but was in danger. Greta and the other animals lured a group of psychotic WonderChimp dolls that came to life (dressed as knights, astronauts, princesses and firefighters, etc.) into a rocket and then launched it. The animals explained to June that Wonderland changed when the Clockwork Swings ride stopped and an evil force they called “the Darkness” appeared in the form of storm clouds looming over the park. The human guests disappeared, and the Darkness used its wicked powers to turn the WonderChimps into Chimpanzombies. They tore the park into pieces and offered them up to the Darkness to fuel it. Peanut left to try and manually restart the Swings but the chimps captured him and his fate was unknown. Another group of chimps now took control of the giant SkyFlinger ride and used it to attack June and the animals. They took down the chimps but only after another section of the park got destroyed. Greta was skeptical that June was the only one who could restore the park since she created it, but June proved that she knew everything about the animals so they took her to the clocks. However, June lost her blueprint when it blew away. She and the animals headed to Fireworks Falls, where they encountered the evil chimps. They set off fireworks and chipped away the glass to cause havoc, and June was caught up in it but made it to safety floating down the river. The bridge collapsed, and June discovered that Peanut was hiding out in Zero-G (candy) Land. He explained that he escaped from the chimps before they could take him to the Darkness, but he was lost without Mom’s voice whispering in his ear telling him what to do so now he spent his time sorting candy. June and Peanut were found by the wacky chimps, and he helped her escape while the chimps captured Peanut again. June found her way back to the other animals and realized that she was responsible for creating the Darkness because her fear and depression in the absence of her mom caused her to stop caring about the park. Greta no longer trusted June, so she and the others left to save the park themselves. June planned to return Peanut’s magic marker to him so he could fix the Swings even though he believed the marker was useless. June found the SkyFlinger ride and controlled it from the cockpit so she could cross the ravine, and then the animals decided to help June. Boomer fell asleep, so they sat him in a car at the top of a tall rollercoaster for their plan. Boomer was terrified of birds because of their talons and tendency to carry the flu, and then a raven landed on him and caused the rollercoaster to take off. It went the wrong way and Boomer was headed toward the end of the tracks, so Gus and Cooper rerouted the tracks. They failed, so June, Greta and Steve tried to stop Boomer’s wild ride using a rope of licorice. They and Boomer were catapulted through the air and crashed in the forest. Peanut was sucked up into the Darkness, so June went to rescue him even though nothing that entered the vortex ever came out. June dodged floating debris inside the vortex to get to Peanut, and she gave him his marker and whispered in his ear that he should build a giant slide using bendy straws. Peanut had inspiration again and used his marker to create the slide, and then he and June rode the slide out of the Darkness that chased them. June realized that the clock could be restarted and the gears turned by writing June’s name with the straw slide, so Peanut did so while the other animals fought off the swarming chimps. The clocks started back up, and the Darkness was destroyed. All the pieces of Wonderland returned to their rightful places in the park, the guests instantly reappeared and the WonderChimps returned to being harmless dolls in the gift shop. All the animals agreed that Greta was the glue that held them together and not Peanut, and Steve professed his love for Greta so she kissed him. June left Wonderland and found herself back in the forest where the park had disappeared, and then she returned home. Dad knew nothing about June’s adventure because no time had passed except 30 minutes from him leaving his daughter with the busload of children for camp. June started working on Wonderland again. June’s mom appeared in the doorway and she seemed OK and asked June “what are you waiting for” since June stayed motionless on the stairs. The two females then hugged each other. June built a miniature Wonderland in her backyard and invited all the neighborhood kids to it. The hood kids shared their ideas for new rides (replaced mom and daughter family time). June took over and whispered the ideas in Peanut’s stuffed animal ear so Peanut could make the rides real in Wonderland. This movie had a budget of $80-100 million and grossed over $119 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Dame Trumbore, Collider, “A fun and imaginative family adventure.”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/20/24

TITLE: Water For Elephants

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2011 20th Century Fox / Fox 2000 Pictures / 3 Arts Entertainment / Gil Netter Productions / Flashpoint Entertainment / Dune Entertainment / Ingenious Media / Big Screen Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in New York and began with the elderly Jacob Jankowski appearing at the entrance to the Circus Vargas after he left the Green Haven nursing home. His five senior kids forgot to visit him and the nurses gave the residents too many drugs to sedate the elderly residents. Inside the Circus building, Jacob drank hard liquor and told Charlie O’Brien his life story. Jacob began his story in 1931 during the Great Depression, when Jacob was a young man and his parents before that had immigrated to the USA from Poland. Jacob went through six years of school at Cornell to graduate as a large-animal veterinarian, but as he was in the classroom about to take his last exam before graduation, Jacob was pulled out of the room by the professor and learned that his parents (he had just seen earlier that day at their home) suddenly died in a car accident. Mr. Jankowski’s vet practice and his family’s house were used as collateral for Jacob’s expensive multi-year college loan, but it was never paid off so the bank was in possession of everything. Mr. Hyde the banker advised Jacob to take whatever he needed to survive and settle for nothing less in life, unlike Mr. Jankowski who took whatever his poor patients had as payment for his services. Jacob had planned to walk to Albany from Ithaca to find work in the city, but instead he hopped the Benzini Bros. circus train. Camel gave Jacob a job shoveling manure for the animals, and the other workers showed Jacob their way and introduced him to the female performers like Barbara who exposed her bare breasts to male crowds. Jacob was enthralled by the circus and believed that the Benzini brothers did better than God by creating heaven in one day. Marlena Rosenbluth, the showgirl wife of the owner August who bought the circus from the brothers, was the star attraction with her show featuring four horses. Camel and Earl took Jacob to see August, who accused Jacob of intruding on the circus and ordered him to leave. August changed his mind and hired Jacob as the circus vet after he identified Marlena’s horse Silver Star as being lame. Marlena didn’t want Jacob’s opinion and believed that Silver had a small abscess, but Jacob informed August that Silver was in severe pain from laminitis and must be put down or the condition would worsen. August refused and demanded that Jacob make Silver well enough to perform until he could no longer do so. Marlena was upset but agreed with Jacob, so Jacob shot Silver and Marlena was worried for Jacob’s safety at the hands of her unstable husband who was abusive to her and was an alcoholic and chain-smoker. August and his men scared Jacob by pretending they would toss him off the moving train to his death, but they didn’t and August announced that Jacob did him a favor because they would feed Silver’s fresh horsemeat to the lions and tigers which had been eating rotten meat. The circus was struggling and dropped several performers, so August bought an elephant named Rosie who he planned to feature in a new show with Marlena in hopes of selling more tickets. Marlena was skeptical, but she and Jacob bonded with Rosie. August and Marlena invited Jacob to a black-tie dinner, where they offered Jacob a higher-paying job training Rosie for the shows. Jacob revealed that he wasn’t licensed as a vet, but August wasn’t concerned because most of the performers were imposters who used tricks to draw crowds. Jacob took the job, and then he got drunk on liquor and had a wild night with his roommate Kinko (real name Walter) and the other performers. Jacob woke up wearing a dress and makeup and couldn’t remember anything that happened, and he noticed that Walter’s dog Queenie the Jack Russell was ill. August demonstrated his abusive training method of poking Rosie with a bull hook since Jacob didn’t want to. Jacob and Marlena treated the gash that the owner’s abuse caused, and then Marlena and Rosie performed their first show together. August jabbed Rosie to make her obey commands, so she ran away. Marlena made her dismount from Rosie’s back part of the show, but Marlena injured her foot. Jacob and Camel went to town to retrieve Rosie, who was being held by the police. Camel lured Rosie back to the circus with liquor, and then August violently attacked Rosie with the hook. Jacob tried to stop August, but his right-hand man heavy hitter Blackie and the others restrained Jacob until August had bloodied Rosie. Split personality (Jekyll/Hyde) August (he kept the dark side hidden from the outside world) then pretended to be regretful and offered up all his whiskey to ease Rosie’s pain. Jacob realized that Rosie only understood commands spoken in Polish, so he taught August the commands and Rosie responded well without need for abuse. Marlena explained to Jacob that she was abandoned as a baby but she found fame and attention she craved in the circus away from what she considered bad foster homes. She decided that the train life and stardom were for her so she married August when she was 17 years old. The police raided the party, and Marlena and Jacob hid out. They kissed, but then she left and didn’t tell August about it. Camel was paralyzed after he drank liquor containing a plasticizer, and Jacob and Walter hid Camel in their train car so August wouldn’t kick him out for being useless. Ever since Rosie was trained with Polish commands, the circus became popular with her and Marlena as the stars. August thanked the gods and Jacob for all their sold-out shows and promised to finally pay the performers. Jacob was “baptized,” into the circus family, and then August revealed that he knew about Marlena and Jacob’s secret relationship. She argued that she felt nothing for Jacob and she wouldn’t leave August for him, but he knew otherwise. Marlena slapped August, so he punched her in the face and Jacob fought August off. The performers held Jacob back but stopped August before he could break a bottle over Jacob’s head. Marlena warned Jacob that August would have him killed, so he convinced Marlena to jump off the train with him and find a better life elsewhere. They checked into a hotel room where Marlena and Jacob had sex. Jacob planned to return to Ithaca to get his vet license and then he and Marlena would join August’s rival circus the Ringling Brothers. August’s men then broke down the door, and they took Marlena and left Jacob bloody and beaten. Jacob hopped the Benzini train and went to kill August with a knife while he was passed out drunk in bed with Marlena. Marlena’s face was black and blue from more abusive violence from her husband. August had gone insane after Marlena and Jacob jumped so he threw the performers off the moving train. Wade and Grady hit the soft ground and survived, but Walter and Camel hit the rocks and died. Jacob couldn’t kill August, so Jacob and Marlena planned to meet at the church as the next show started. Wade and Grady got revenge on August by releasing the horses, big cats and bears from their cages as the big show got underway. The wild animals stampeded and attacked the crowd, and the people panicked. August attacked Jacob and Marlena tried to fight August off. He turned on Marlena and held her down trying to choke her to death with a stick while Blackie held Jacob back to protect August. Rosie used her stake to slice August’s neck and kill him, and then Wade and Grady saved Jacob by knocking Blackie out and taking care of him before he could use his knife on Jacob. The police made no arrests and nobody was charged with freeing the animals, and August’s cause of death was reported as being trampled. The circus disbanded, and Jacob took his finals at Cornell and sold Marlena’s act to Ringling. Jacob got a job at the Albany Zoo after the other vet dropped dead, and he and Marlena bought property where they lived with their horses, Rosie and their kids until Rosie and Marlena died. In present day, Charlie hired Jacob to replace Russ in operating the ticket booth at the Circus Vargas. This movie had a budget of $38 million and grossed over $117 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Jeff Craig, Sixty Second Preview “This year’s most ravishing romance…terrific film full of surprises, star power and smoldering passion.”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/19/24

TITLE: Music and Lyrics

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2007 Warner Bros. Pictures / Castle Rock Entertainment / Village Roadshow Pictures / Reserve Room

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in New York, where the British band PoP split up in the ‘80s. The two lead singers were Colin Thompson and Alex Fletcher. Colin was knighted by the queen as a sir and went on to be a movie star and sell millions of records, while Alex Fletcher became a has-been and resorted to making a living by performing at state fairs and small venues. Fifteen years later, his people pitched an idea for a new show called Battle of the ‘80s Has-Beens, where the singers would box each other and the winner would sing a song. Alex was disappointed, so his manager Chris Riley arranged for him to meet with Cora Corman, the newest chart-topper who was bigger than Britney and Christina. Sophie Fisher took Jane’s place caring for Alex’s plants for a few days. Sophie was a hypochondriac who left as soon as she arrived to have a cut on her finger looked at. For the shooting of her new video, teen Cora showed off her body in a skimpy two-piece and danced provocatively like a stripper with Buddhist men pawing at her. Cora announced that she and her boyfriend broke up after being together for two months, and she had a bad experience and wanted Alex to write her a new song called “A Way Back Into Love.” Cora and Alex would perform it together at Madison Square Garden to start her tour, and she gave Alex and her other writers a few days to write the music and lyrics. Alex was forced to take the demanding job, and might get to perform at Disneyland because Knotts Berry Farm and the Texas and Arkansas fairs dropped him and Indiana was left. Alex composed piano music but his weak spot was writing lyrics, so Chris hired Greg Antonsky to help Alex. Greg wanted to write about a bad hot witch and a nasty bit**, but Sophie overheard as she watered the plants and quickly came up with better lyrics so Greg stormed out. Sophie realized that Alex was a member of PoP, because her older sister Rhonda (seven years difference between the siblings) was obsessed with the band members. Sophie’s young niece (Rhonda’s daughter) was a huge fan of Cora’s, but Sophie wasn’t interested in helping Alex write Cora’s song because Sophie had to leave and babysit for Rhonda and her husband Gary’s kids. Sophie wrote slogans for her big sister’s weight-loss program called, Weight Not. When Rhonda came home from date night with husband Gary, she learned that Sophie was invited to one of Alex’s performances. Rhonda screamed, “Gary, I’m going out!” and had her younger sibling take her to see British Alex, who Rhonda was gaga over. Alex later insisted that Sophie be his lyricist, so she agreed to try and write lyrics but he was impatient. Alex had tried to write his own songs, but the solo album records wouldn’t sell so Chris set him up doing small performances to stay popular. Alex and Sophie went for a walk, and she explained that she used to be in a writing class taught by her professor Sloane Cates. Sophie liked Sloane but they stayed apart because he was engaged. Sloane then wrote a bestselling book about Sophie using the name Sally Michaels who he called an imitation of a writer (as the book was based on Sophie’s real life character). Alex and Sophie wrote lyrics and tried them out on Khan the apartment manager, who claimed that he was tone-deaf. They finished the music and lyrics and recorded the song together using their voices, and they gave it to Cora at the airport before she left and she liked it. Alex and Sophie went out to eat with Chris and Gloria, and Sloane was there. Sophie hid in the bathroom, but Alex convinced her to confront Sloane with a speech she had been preparing to tell him how awful it made her feel that he wrote a book using a shadow character of Sophie. Gloria gave Sophie a quick makeover and switched clothes to let Sophie wear her red dress, but Sophie froze up in front of Sloane. Sloane announced that he was going to write the script for the Sally Michaels movie that Hollywood was producing. Alex tried to tell Sloane to let Sophie speak to him and Sloane said Sophie seduced him but Alex said that it was the other way around and Sloane seduced Sophie so he could get published after he didn’t tell her he was engaged. Alex started a fight and Sophie broke it up. Sophie and Alex returned to the apartment, where he believed that she was better than a fictional character like Sally and she couldn’t let the fake Sally take hold of her life. Alex and Sophie then had sex, and the next morning he invited Sophie to his performance at the Adventureland amusement park. Alex only planned to sing one song for his crowd of middle-aged women but his manager buddy Chris told him his contract said he had to do an encore so Sophie convinced Alex to sing more of his catchy songs that people loved. Sophie was late to Rhonda’s family dinner, so she brought Alex as a date to smooth things over with Rhonda. Rhonda wore a low-cut red dress to show off for Alex and gave Sophie dating advice while alone in the kitchen together as Alex taught the kids and Gary shake your butt sexy dance moves in the living room. Cora came back to town the following day, and she wanted to include a steamy Indian belly-dancing routine that involved spanking herself, gyrating her body and moaning and groaning when performing Alex and Sophie’s song. Cora planned to do the song her way regardless what others thought and instructed Alex and Sophie to write another verse because she didn’t like the ending. They were invited to a party at Cora’s house, and Alex lied that the Cora’s idea was great to Cora. Sophie planned to tell Cora what she really thought of her ruining the song at Cora’s house party. Sophie spoke her mind despite Alex trying to prevent her. Cora wore a short dress slit to her waist at her party, and she refused to listen and argued that she would keep the sexy dancing because she wanted to move up from number two on the charts and replace Shakira as number one. Sophie was upset that Alex wouldn’t side with her and wouldn’t defend their song meaning. Alex argued that Cora would never change her mind because the music industry was about selling songs with thongs and bodies to make money even though the lyrics were destroyed in the process. Sophie drew a blank at finishing the song because she was upset and Alex wouldn’t get paid if he didn’t get music and lyrics to Cora by her strict deadline. Sophie had bought Alex’s solo album that didn’t sell and believed it was because he had no soul in his music. Alex declared that he read Sally Michaels and Sloane had been spot on about Sophie never finishing what she started. Sophie bailed on Alex, and he was worried that he would have to tell Cora there was no last verse but Cora revealed that Sophie faxed it to her already (Sophie didn’t tell Alex though). Cora liked the ending song lyrics “There are moments when I don’t know if it’s real. Or if anybody feels the way I feel. I need inspiration. Not just another negotiation.” Sophie packed up to move to Boca Raton, Florida, where she would manage the new branch of Weight-Not for her eldest sister’s new chain store. Sophie went with Rhonda, Gary and their young kids to Cora and Alex’s concert at Madison Square Garden. Rhonda convinced Sophie to watch the show even though she planned to back out. Some parents covered their children’s eyes at the sight of Cora’s Buddhist-themed sexy performance and showgirl attire, that featured her wearing an underwear bodysuit and doing close sexual moves with the men on stage. Cora announced that she and Alex would be singing a new song that he wrote, and Sophie was upset and started to leave because she believed that Alex was taking all the credit for the song they wrote together. However, it turned out to be a song that Alex wrote about his songwriting experience with Sophie and she was touched that he tried. Sophie met up with Alex backstage afterward. Alex said he had informed Cora that she took the purity out of his and Sophie’s song with her dirty dancing but Cora didn’t care. So Alex then told Cora that he wanted to sing the song romantically as it was intended to win Sophie back. Cora agreed because she was supposedly a romantic. Cora and Alex then performed A Way Back Into Love, as Sophie would have wanted. The crowd loved the song, and Cora finished it while Alex and Sophie kissed passionately backstage. This movie had a budget of $40 million and grossed over $145 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Thelma Adams, US WEEKLY,“Funny and enchanting. Hugh Grant and Drew Barrymore have great chemistry.” Dan Jewel, LIFE & STYLE WEEKLY, “As infectious as a great pop song. Hits all the right notes.”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/19/24

TITLE: The Money Pit

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1986 Universal Pictures / Amblin Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in Rio de Janeiro, where Walter Fielding, Sr., married a young local woman named Florinda with scantily-clad dancers at the wedding celebration. Walter Sr. used to work at a USA law firm with his son Walter Jr., but Sr. stole almost $3 million from a rock band so he fled New York City and refused to return. Back in NYC, Walter Jr.’s girlfriend Anna Crowley refused to marry him after her marriage to the self-centered Russian maestro Max Beissart ended in divorce. Anna was a violinist in the orchestra that Max conducted. Walter and Max were living in Max’s apartment while he was in Europe for the past year, but then the Russian returned to the USA and kicked the tenants out since the year Anna had to move out of the apartment had already passed. Max wanted to get back together with Anna and have sex but she refused. Walter bought into Roy Rogers’ restaurants and sold Tucson property to pay back half of his dad’s debt to the band, but the band’s brother/manager Jimmy told Walter he liked him better than his siblings and Walter didn’t need to pay the crazy rich band back. Walter got help from his realtor friend, Jack Schnittman, to find an apartment where Walter and Anna could live. Jack ignored his pulse alarm when he was jogging again and had to be rushed to the hospital for the eighth time. Jack recommended that Walter buy a million-dollar mansion that was being sold for $200,000 for unknown reasons. The Cheap Girls, a band consisting of men dressed like women, wanted to change their name to Meryl Streep but their lawyer Walter advised against it. Walter and Anna were given a tour of the house by the owner Estelle, who claimed to be a widow after her German husband Carlos died. She had left the house in disrepair and ignored the minor things that needed fixing that turned into major repairs that she hid. Estelle was desperate to sell because Israeli Intelligence discovered that Carlos was Hitler’s pool man and planned to extradite Estelle. Drama queen Estelle used fake tears to convince Walter and Anna to buy the house even though Anna was skeptical that it was too good to be true. Walter tried to get a loan of $200,000 from his child star client Benny, a tween boy living the high life after he topped the Billboard charts as an artist. He refused, so Walter threatened to not like Benny and be his friend so kid Benny lent Walter the money. Walter and Anna moved into their new (to them) house, which they quickly dubbed the “money pit” after they discovered that it was falling apart and had thousands of dollars in previous damage. The bathtub spouted out dirty water, the ceiling crumbled, the front door fell off its hinges, and the glamorous curved staircase fell apart, the bedroom chimney collapsed and a raccoon jumped out of the laundry chute and attacked Anna. Anna and Walter slept on the floor after the bed caved in, and rainwater leaked into the house during a thunderstorm. The outlets in the kitchen sparked and the appliances went up in the flames, and the bathtub fell through the ceiling and shattered. They hired Art Shirk as a carpenter, and he tried to sex assault Anna so he was dismissed. But, Walter passed Art’s behavior off as nothing when he learned that Art was the only carpenter who would take the job and his brother Brad was a plumber. However, both of the Shirk Brothers seemed to be imposterswho drove expensive cars and clothes. They pretended to be offended by Walter’s words and actions to have an excuse to leave, and they demanded large checks in advance without doing any work. Brad ran off to the south of France with his money and left Curly to supervise a group of freaks, rockers, biker dudes and ladies, bodybuilders and dwarf people while they worked on the house after they drew Walter and Anna’s number from the hat and decided today was the day they would all show up to work on a house. The unqualified workers left the house in a worse mess than they started by ripping holes in it and leaving piles of rubble outside in Walter and Anna’s absence. Anna convinced Max to buy some of their belongings from the divorce (paintings for $75,000) for repair money. Walter missed his appointment with the permit man Montgomery Shrapp, so he bribed Shrapp with cash to come out again.However, Walter then got stuck in a hole in the upstairs floor and was left dangling from the ceiling. Walter was too constricted to talk when Shrapp came to the door, and he thought Walter was laughing at him so Shrapp left and angrily tore up the permit. Walter couldn’t pick Anna up from the train station, so she hitchhiked back to the house with a big rig truck driver and freed Walter from his predicament by loosening the rug so he fell through to the first floor. Four months later, the couple had the NY permits and Curly’s workers finally fixed up the house but also made mistakes by painting the walls blue. Walter and Anna were ecstatic that the plumbing was working and a new staircase was built. The peeping tom workers watched Walter and Anna having sex through the window, and they kept track of her birth control pills. Anna plugged in the large builder saw accidentally and it powered on and fell onto a board and catapulted Walter out the glass window. Walter became covered in paint and tore down the workers’ scaffolding, and he landed in the fountain that had a statue of a naked little boy that squirted water out of his private parts onto Walter’s head. Walter left for Philadelphia on a one-night business trip, and Anna took up smoking again. Anna wouldn’t go home, so Max invited her to his house for dinner. The next morning, Anna woke up in bed with Max and he convinced her that she got so drunk she couldn’t remember sleeping with Max but this time the police didn’t come to the house like they had before. Walter returned home, and Anna lied that Max took her out to dinner after a successful Haydn performance. Walter suspected that Anna slept with Max and badgered her for the truth, and Anna was adamant that she did nothing. Anna ended up confessing to Walter later that night, and he pretended to be okay with it but then he screamed at Anna for being a whore. The two slept apart, and their argument about who would move out continued the next morning in front of the workers who sat back to watch the soap opera unfolding. Walter and Anna agreed that they would live with each other until the house was finished and then they would sell it and go their separate ways. Anna planned to quit the orchestra as well, so Russian Max confessed that he lied about the sex and admitted he had slept on the couch. Upon completion of the house, Walter and Anna made amends and Anna revealed that her night in bed with Max never happened. Walter and Anna were married in their NYC home, Max conducted the orchestra at the wedding, the rock band performed and the transgender Cheap Girls (guys) dressed up as bridesmaids. Meanwhile in Rio, Estelle and Carlos scammed Walter Sr. and Florinda into buying a money pit house in South America. This movie had a budget of $18 million and grossed $55 million at the box office.

DATE REVIEWED: 11/18/24

TITLE: All The Pretty Horses

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2000 Columbia Tristar Pictures / Miramax Films

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in 1949 and began in the remote desert of San Angelo, Texas. Grandfather Cole died and left behind the family cattle ranch, and his daughter planned to sell the ranch to the oil company for more than the land was worth. She moved to San Antonio with her new husband to perform in theater after she divorced the dad of her adolescent son John Grady Cole who didn’t want to lose the ranch. Now adult men, John and his best friend, Lacey Rawlins, headed to Mexico on horseback to work as cowboys on one of the large cattle ranches. A young teen boy named Jimmy Blevins, who lied that he was 16 years old, followed the Texan men South of the border. Jimmy rode a quality horse they suspected was stolen. Hotheaded ornery sharp shooter teen Jimmy said he ran away from his home in Uvalde County because his stepdad beat him. John and Lacey were impressed with Jimmy’s shooting skills and agreed to let him join them on the ride to Mexico where he could hide out. They crossed the Rio Grande and stopped in a Mexican town where they all got drunk on hard cider and could hardly stay astride their horses. Jimmy had a fear of lightning after he was struck twice and several of his relatives had been killed, so he hunkered down in a ditch until the thunderstorm passed. Mexican locals stole Jimmy’s horse and pistol and he was adamant that he gets them back. Lacey wanted to ditch Jimmy, but John wouldn’t. Jimmy snuck out of the camp and retrieved his fast horse without waiting for the plan and then led his mounted pursuers away planning to meet up with John and Lacey later since Jimmy had the faster horse. John and Lacey didn’t know what happened to Jimmy so they joined a cattle drive and were hired as ranch hands on the 27,000-acre family ranch owned by the wealthy Don Hector de la Rocha y Villarreal. John and Lacey took on the challenge to break 16 wild mustangs to saddle in four days. Hector asked John for advice about breeding his pedigree thoroughbred stallion to his Quarter mares to produce horses suitable for cattle work. John agreed with Hector that the mares were as important as the stallion, so Hector promoted John to work with the horses and gave John better living quarters in the ranch house. John had his eye on Hector’s daughter Alejandra, who seriously flirted with John to get him in trouble and convinced him to let her ride the stallion bareback as they returned to the ranch from the woods to make people think the two had been alone and sexually together. Alejandra’s aunt, Alfonsa, was in charge of her and informed John that her niece would be spending two weeks with her mom in Mexico City and then she would remain at the ranch for the summer. Alfonsa warned John to stay away from Alejandra because it was possible for Mexican men to regain their lost reputations but women could not. Alejandra was upset that John agreed to Alfonsa’s terms. Alejandra hated her Aunt’s meddling and strict rules so she convinced American John to go for a midnight ride and skinny-dipping, and start a sexual relationship that her family would never approve of. Lacey was worried that he and John would be fired because of his inappropriate relationship with the daughter of their boss. Meanwhile, Uvalde County, Texas Jimmy in Mexico had found work on a farm, but he shot three people dead when he went to retrieve his stolen pistol. John and Lacey were suspected of being accomplices, so they were arrested by Police Captain Raul and put in a Mexican jail cell with an older Mexican prisoner and Jimmy. The Mexican police injured Jimmy’s feet. Mexican Police Raul interrogated Lacey and beat him up when he refused to lie and tell them what they wanted to hear, verses the truth about what actually happened. John was interrogated too, and he told the truth that he knew from Jimmy’s words (that may not have been truth) that the horse belonged to Jimmy and he was good character and that Jimmy has the horse in Texas so there was no way that the horse belonged to the Mexican that stole it from Jimmy in Mexico. Raul argued that little Jimmy might be a pathological murderer, liar, and thief. A man had wanted justice for the supposed death of his brother at Jimmy’s hands, so the police captain took Jimmy out in the desert with the man to shoot Jimmy dead, but the man refused to shoot Jimmy so the Mexican police killed Jimmy. John and Lacey retrieved the money that Jimmy left for them in his boot before he was dragged away into the desert, and then John and Lacey were sent to the penitentiary in Saltillo. Raul advised them to pay the criminal in charge at the Mexican prison in order to stay alive because they would end up dead if they didn’t. The boss prisoner knifed Lacey as the guards did nothing to stop, but Lacey survived after the prison medical person nursed him and stitched Lacey up. John used Jimmy’s money and paid another inmate cash for a knife to use as protection. The prisoners were able to smoke inside the prison. Another inmate attacked John and sliced him with his knife, so John stabbed the man to death using his own knife as the other prisoners did nothing and there were no guards in sight. John and Lacey received medical attention and then they were abruptly set free and reunited as both thought the other dead. As it turned out, Alfonsa bailed the two USA men out of the Mexican prison for the sake of Alejandra, who promised in return that she would never see John again. Lacey was worried that he was half-Mexican because of the liter of blood he was given to replace the blood he lost. Lacey left Mexico and returned to Texas while John returned to Rocha’s ranch. Alfonsa allowed John and Alejandra to call each other, and he professed his love to her over the phone. The two lovers met secretly when he picked her up from the train station. Alejandra told the story of how her Aunt Alfonsa had threatened to tell Rocha about Alejandra and John’s sex relationship, so Alejandra told Rocha herself and he stopped loving her and her dad now hated his daughter and wanted nothing to do with her. Alejandra didn’t want to lose her honor (which by this point she already had), so she refused to break her promise to her family and refused to marry John and move to Texas with him. Alejandra left, and then John returned to the Mexican jail to settle the score. At gunpoint, John freed the other prisoner (older Mexican) and held a gun on Captain Raul and forced him to release the USA horses belonging to John, Lacey and Jimmy. Raul obliged, but then the dishonest wiley Mexican policeman alerted the others to his hostage situation by yelling for help. The police lieutenants and animal caretaker had a shootout with John. John was shot in the leg but escaped with the horses and took police captain Raul hostage. John treated his gunshot wound with hot tools from the campfire. Captain Raul tried to use the gun against John when he was weak with pain, but John overpowered the officer and told him he could leave dragging the saddle he was now handcuffed to through the desert. John passed out. The elderly prisoner that John set free from the jail and his Mexican gang then found John and Raul. They took Raul as their captive but helped John to survive before they left. John started his journey back to Texas from Mexico with the horses. He made it across the border into the USA by Thanksgiving. Deputy Smith in Texas took John to the local judge to be questioned about the three horses that were possibly stolen. The judge believed John’s story and let him go with the horses after seeing his gunshot wounds and praised John in his courtroom and thought more men ought to have character as John. John later showed up at the judge’s personal home to clear his conscience about killing the prisoner, holding Police Captain Raul hostage and not doing anything to stop Jimmy’s death. The judge thought that John was all right in his book and reassured John he did nothing wrong in his judgment. John left the area and rode to find Lacey. The movie ended with the two broke men back together again in Texas. John returned his male partner’s (Lacey) horse to him on his spread of Texas land. This movie had a budget of $57 million and grossed over $18 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Rex Reed, The New York Observer “One of the best films of the year!” Ebert & Roeper “Two thumbs up!”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/17/24

TITLE: Percy Jackson: Sea of Monsters

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2013 20th Century Fox / Fox 2000 Pictures / Sunswept Entertainment / 1492 Pictures / TSG Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie revolves around Greek mythology and began with four tween half-blood children (demigods which were the offspring of a god and often human) heading to the secluded Camp Half-Blood to live safe from the dangerous outside world. A Cyclops chased Annabeth Chase, Grover Underwood, Luke Castellan and Thalia Grace. Zeus’s daughter, Thalia, gave her life to fend off the Cyclops so the other three could live. Zeus turned Thalia into a tree and created a magical barrier around the camp to protect the half-bloods. Seven years later, the children were teens. Poseidon’s son, Percy Jackson, lost a dangerous game to Ares’ daughter, Clarisse La Rue, after Percy went back to help Tereus. Clarisse taunted Percy that he was a one-quest wonder champion after he successfully stopped Hermes’ son Luke from destroying Mount Olympus since Percy hadn’t accomplished any such feats since. A Cyclops named Tyson arrived at camp and was confirmed to be the other son of Poseidon and a sea nymph (resulting in a Cyclops). Poseidon sent him there, and Percy wasn’t thrilled to have a half-brother and Clarisse was mean to Tyson because of his single eye. An angry, fire-breathing Colchis bull then broke through the barrier. Everyone ran scared, and Tyson was able to slow the bull’s rampage with his super-strength and fireproof body. Percy was able to destroy the bull and it exploded, and then Luke appeared. He mentioned a prophecy involving Percy and revealed that he was responsible for letting the bull in and poisoning Thalia’s tree to disable the barrier. Chiron, the centaur directed the camp alongside the wine god Dionysus, worked on an antidote for the poison. Percy asked him about the prophecy that Luke mentioned, so Chiron took Percy to the Oracle of Delphi. The Oracle explained that Kronos, the lord of the Titans, ruled the world and destroyed all of his sons. Zeus, Hades and Poseidon were the three eldest gods, and they were able to kill Kronos and exile his remains to Tartarus. The prophecy was that Kronos would be resurrected and then Kronos would take revenge on the gods of Olympus, and only Percy could fight Luke for control of the Golden Fleece. Therefore, Percy was either the savior or the destroyer of Olympus and the world and it was up to him to decide which. The daughter of Athena, Annabeth, wanted to go on a quest and find the Golden Fleece. The Golden Fleece could cure anything including Thalia’s tree. Dionysus argued that it was too dangerous because the Fleece was located in the Sea of Monsters (aka the Bermuda Triangle), but then he took credit for the idea. Only a satyr could lead a hero on their quest to find the Fleece, but all others had died trying. Dionysus assigned Ichneutae to guide Clarisse, but Percy and Annabeth decided to go after the Fleece so they could save the camp and Thalia. They convinced Grover the satyr to guide them. Tyson wanted to join them so he could convince Polyphemus the Cyclops to give up the Fleece that he was guarding. Annabeth didn’t want Tyson to come along because a Cyclops was responsible for Thalia’s death, but Annabeth reluctantly agreed after she sprayed Tyson with mist that gave him the appearance of having two eyes. The foursome rode in the Chariot of Damnation to get to Florida. The three “Gray” sisters who were eyeless and only had one eyeball to go around drove the taxi recklessly. Percy threatened to throw it out if the sisters didn’t say what they knew about the prophecy, so they coughed up four numbers and then ditched the kids in Washington, D.C. when they revealed that they were out of drachmas to pay for the ride. Grover was taken hostage by Luke’s goons Chris Rodriguez (Hermes’ other son), Ethan Nakamura and Silena Beauregard, who needed Grover to lead them to the Fleece which they planned to use to bring Kronos back to life and destroy the world. Percy, Annabeth and Tyson went to the UPS store, which was actually the Olympic Parcel Service in disguise. Hermes, the messenger of the gods, ran the UPS Store. Hermes operated a high-tech delivery service in the back. Hermes gave the kids a Hercules thermos that could unleash the four winds and a Matter Eliminator tape gun that could erase anything. Hermes’ talking snakes Martha and George looked up Luke and discovered that he and his crew were leaving Chesapeake Beach on their yacht Andromeda. Tyson called on Poseidon for help, and he sent a hippocampus to take the kids to the yacht even though Poseidon never answered Percy’s requests. The trio was captured by Luke, who was in possession of the crypt containing Kronos’ remains that he retrieved from Tartarus. Grover was already on Cirecland, the Themepark Island where Polyphemus lived. The captives were locked in the brig, and Annabeth blamed Tyson for them getting caught because she believed that all Cyclops were evil. Percy used his powers to create waves that rocked the yacht until Annabeth was able to retrieve their bag and the magic tape gun. They used the tape gun to erase the cage bars of their cells that the teens were locked in, and then they fought off Luke and his goons. The trio escaped in the lifeboat using the four winds as a propeller after they lost the real one, and they made it to the Sea of Monsters. Tyson lost the thermos and the lifeboat was trapped in the whirlpool Charybdis that guarded the sea. The kids were sucked into the stomach, which they discovered was the resting place of all the boats and aircraft that went down in the Bermuda Triangle. Clarisse was trapped there with her ship and her team of Confederate soldier zombies. Scylla the sea monster had already eaten Ichneutae. Before Charybdis could swallow the ship, Percy used the cannon to shoot a hole in the side of the monster’s stomach and they escaped to the surface. Percy was able to read the map lines in the water and realized that the numbers given to him by the sisters were coordinates that coincided with West Palm Beach, Florida. The ship headed to Polyphemus’ island, which was home to the Circeland amusement park built by the goddess Circe. It was shut down and abandoned after Polyphemus scared away the customers. The kids rode the Plummet of Death ride to Polyphemus’ hideout, where they found Grover in disguise as a dress-wearing chambermaid as a survival tactic against Polyphemus, who was hungry for half-bloods but also bad eyesight and wouldn’t recognize Grover as a satyr. Polyphemus caught the kids, but they took the Fleece and were able to escape from the Cyclops and leave him trapped in his cave with a rock. Luke and his followers then surrounded them. Luke shot at Percy, but Tyson took the arrow in the heart for him and then fell off the cliff into the water below. The others were taken captive, and Luke put the Fleece on Kronos’ crypt. Percy freed himself and his companions from their restraints, and they fought off Luke’s goons while Percy wrestled with Luke. Luke got the upper hand and would have killed Percy, but Tyson, who was alive because the water healed his wound, rescued him. Kronos arose from his crypt formed of lava and rock, and he swallowed Luke and Grover. Percy realized that the sword given to him by Poseidon was the key, so he used it to rip Kronos apart and send his remains back to the crypt. Luke and Grover were released, but Polyphemus ate Luke. The stinger of the scorpion/dog-like monster that had joined forces with Luke stabbed Annabeth. Grover and Clarisse battled with the creature until they cut its stinger off and it was destroyed. Annabeth died, but the Fleece brought her back to life and she thanked Tyson for rescuing Percy. Clarisse admitted that she couldn’t have accomplished the quest without Percy’s help, so Percy gave Clarisse the Fleece. Everyone back at camp celebrated as the barrier was restored and Clarisse used the Fleece to heal Thalia’s tree. The Fleece also brought Thalia back to life, and Percy realized that Thalia was the child of the gods that the prophecy was referring to who would either save or destroy the world. This movie had a budget of $90 million and grossed over $200 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Kidsday/Newsday, “Action-packed fun for the whole family!”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/16/24

TITLE: Delivery Man

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2013 Dreamworks Pictures / Touchstone Pictures / Reliance Entertainment / Caramel Film / Walt Disney Studio Motion Pictures / Mister Smith Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Brooklyn, where David Wozniak worked as a meat delivery driver at the Wozniak and Sons meat market owned by his Polish dad Mikolaj. Aleksy and Victor, the brothers of David, also worked at the family’s meat business too. David tried to recruit Aleksy to help him grow marijuana in his apartment so David could pay off the $80,000 debts he was left with after borrowing money to invest in Newtech after someone got arrested for the scheme. Aleksy refused to get involved with drug dealing since his wife was due to have their first child soon. David met with several loan officers to get a loan, but he was denied each time. David picked up the Wozniak Meats jerseys for his basketball team picture that night, but in the process David received two parking tickets and his delivery truck with the jerseys inside was towed. David’s girlfriend, Emma, was a police officer and he was too busy to be with her. Officer Emma announced that she was pregnant and she didn’t want David around as the dad because he was irresponsible and in debt and only showed up at her place in the middle of the night when he felt like he wanted a girlfriend. David’s longtime friend/lawyer, Brett, had four children, and in front of them he advised David to convince Emma to get an abortion because Brett’s children were unruly and caused him to be stressed and have failed erections. Brett’s wife, Susan, devoted her time to her job and sleeping with several men outside her marriage and letting Brett deal with the children. David argued that he wanted to be a dad. After David returned home, an attorney named Mark Williams was there, and Mark represented the Graboski-Levitt Clinic. Mark explained that 20 years before, between the years 1991 and 1994, addict David donated sperm 693 times to the clinic using the anonymous name “Starbuck,” in exchange for almost $25,000. David denied it, but Mark said that was already confirmed. Mark went on to say that there was a mistake where only David’s sperm was used to impregnate the women, so he was the sire of 533 mostly adult children he never knew about. David was protected by documents that permanently kept him anonymous (he signed a legal document before each sperm donation), but now 142 of the 533 offspring disputed the legality of the documents because they believed that their human right to know the real name of their biological sperm donor trumped the confidentiality agreement. Brett agreed to be David’s attorney in the case but first had to reactivate his law license after he lost it for taking bribes. Brett gave David the profiles of the 142 children and warned him not to open it, but David looked anyway because he wanted to take the credit for fatherhood. David picked Andrew Johansson out of the many children, a professional basketball player, and he and Brett sat in on one of Andrew’s games and cheered Andrew on. Brett advised David to lie that he had mental issues to get out of the lawsuit. David kept tracking down the sperm donor children that belonged to other families. David went to the coffee shop where Josh Freedman, another one of the kids, worked and was rude because he was late to an acting audition. He took David up on his offer to take the meat delivery truck to the acting audition while David managed the coffee shop. David had no idea what he was doing and was caught by the shop owner, who announced that Josh was fired but David didn’t think that mattered because Josh got the acting part. David’s brothers chewed him out for not delivering the meat responsibly. David next posed as a pizza delivery guy and went to the apartment of Kristen, another of the sperm donor children. Kristen couldn’t pay her rent because a guy named Peter refused to contribute. Kristen went into her bedroom and tried to kill herself with drugs, so David called the ambulance and went with her to the hospital. Kristen called David her dad, and the doctor informed David that Kristen was a minor and it was his choice if he wanted to put Kristen in a rehab program. She wanted no part of it and claimed that she would stop using drugs on her own and work her new job at Bloomingdale’s, so David agreed to sign the release papers even though the doctor disagreed and believed the addict ought to be in rehab. David decided that he would be the sperm donor kids’ guardian angel, so he created chance encounters in their lives and made himself likable. Adam was a street musician, Taylor Matthews was a pool lifeguard and Tanya was a manicurist. Ryan had special needs and was confined to a wheelchair, and David reluctantly posed as Ryan’s adoptive dad Earl Monroe to visit him at the special kids home. David went with Emma to her first ultrasound, and she had second thoughts but decided to let David be the dad to their child. David discovered that Channing, another one of the sperm donor kids, was gay. Channing kissed his boyfriend on the lips and then hooked up with two more guys, one on the street and one at a gay bar. Channing went to a meeting at the Inter-Continental hotel with Sabrina, and David followed. He discovered that all the young people in attendance were “Starbuck’s” sperm donor kids and they were there to find him. David stood up and announced that they were all siblings even if they didn’t know Starbuck’s identity, and then everyone recognized David in the hallway and David left after he introduced some of the kids and told them he was the adopted father of handicapped Ryan. Brett spied on David and reminded him of the time he lost money importing Cuban cigars and married Mariouka, the Russian lady who promised to clean David’s apartment for a year if he helped her get into the country illegally. David did so, and then Mariouka ran off with her other husband soon after. When David returned to his apartment, he was attacked by three men he owed money to who tried to drown him in the bathtub. David’s debt was now $100,000, so he called everyone he knew and asked for cash but they turned him down. Viggo, a scholarly vegetarian from the Starbuck’s meeting, figured out who David was and followed his sperm donor dad. Viggo stayed at David’s apartment to get to know him and constantly badgered David with questions. Brett advised David to do whatever Viggo wanted so he wouldn’t expose David’s identity, so David spent time with Viggo and taught him to play basketball. Viggo was upset when David revealed that he didn’t believe the sperm donor kids mattered in his real family life because he had Emma and a child on the way. Viggo took David to a weekend retreat at the lake, where the misfit Starbuck’s young adults (needing JESUS in their lives and not a sperm donor who was never a part of the their lives for the long haul and chose not to be) joined together for a cookout, a bonfire and games. David took Ryan to the retreat and after he dropped the seriously handicapped boy off he whispered to him he was his sperm daddy and then left him at the home for special needs children. David and Emma went to dinner with David’s family. Mikolaj explained that he and his wife had wanted a honeymoon in Italy, but it never happened until she got sick and David paid for tickets to Venice for the whole family. Mikolaj was going to say a prayer before the meal but the sons objected and held up their alcohol glasses for a toast to silence HIM. Brett used the f-word and announced that CNN, FOX, BBC, Jay Leno and Bill Maher picked up on the “family reunion” among the sperm donor kids and gave it bad media attention, but that was actually good because attorney Brett planned to sue the clinic in a countersuit on behalf of David. David’s brothers and Mikolaj were angry about his huge debts, so David agreed to the countersuit. Some of the 142 sperm donor adult children showed up to the court hearings over the next few weeks and argued about their rights. Brett argued that there was no connection between the children and their donor parent because they were created by artificial insemination instead of David having a physical relationship with their moms (and it was strange that NONE of the children seemed to have healthy relationships with there mom and families that raised them but instead had to gang together to attack one). Therefore, it wasn’t right for the children to be raised into adulthood by their parents and then join forces to make a new family with someone who was never part of their lives. Judge Logan ruled that David had the right to remain anonymous according to his agreement and he would receive $200,000 in punitive damages from the clinic. The news interviewed Brett afterward on his successful case. Brett blurted out on live TV David’s name and amended it by claiming that David was his gay lover, as Brett’s young children watched on TV at home and believed it was cool, and Brett’s mom who he hated believed that Brett and David were a good match since she always suspected that Brett was gay. The sperm donor adult children believed that David might choose to reveal his identity now that he knew about them even though there was no legal obligation to do so. David asked Mikolaj for advice, and his dad told David to identify himself and use his share of his inheritance from his dad’s savings in cash to pay off his debts since David would lose his court damage money if he identified himself after the court hearing (David’s dad had to pay off David’s debts). During all of this, David neglected his pregnant girlfriend again. David posted his real name and his pride in being their dad on the Starbuck Kids social media page. David showed up at Officer Emma’s home and there was an ambulance outside. Emma was at the hospital in labor with a premature baby boy born with complications. David’s father and brothers and some sperm donor adult children showed up too. David quickly proposed to Emma and then revealed that he was Starbuck. She was upset, and David declared that it was his decision if he was the dad of the newborn and the 500 plus donor children and not the decision of a judge, lawyer or Dr. Phil. David and Emma kissed and she agreed to marry David with his incentive of having an endless supply of (questionable) adult babysitters. This movie had a budget of $26 million and grossed over $53 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Peter Rallis, Rallis Review “Hilarious and heartfelt.”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/15/24

TITLE: Dante’s Peak

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1997 Universal Pictures / Pacific Western Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with the massive eruption of a volcano in a Colombian town, where the citizens fled in terror and dodged fireballs. Harry Dalton a researcher and his research girlfriend Marianne tried to escape, but a fireball killed her. Four years later, Harry worked as a volcanologist for the USGS in Portland, Washington. The readings picked up seismic activity at Dante’s Peak in the Northern Cascades of Washington, so Harry’s boss Paul Dreyfus sent him to the small town during the Pioneer Days festival. Karen Narlington of Money magazine gave Mayor Rachel Wando an award for Dante’s Peak being the second-best place to live in the US with a population less than 20,000. Rachel and her young children (under 12 years old) Graham and Lauren lived in their house that was also the Blue Moon coffee shop that mayor Rachel owned. Graham never showed to the ceremony because he and his friends were in their hideout at the abandoned mine. Harry met with Rachel to investigate the volcano, and she tried to drop her kids off at their grandmother Ruth’s house but Ruth joined them to go swimming in the hot springs. Harry’s findings concerning the high levels of acidity in the water and the dead trees and squirrels in the area were troubling, but he didn’t let on. Graham almost jumped into the hot springs, but Harry grabbed the kid and stopped him when they discovered a dead couple from California floating naked after the water turned to acid and their bodies were boiled alive. Rachel held a city council meeting, and Harry explained that the volcano had been dormant for 7,000 years but the 7,400 residents of Dante’s Peak would have to be evacuated if it erupted and reached them within a minute. The council didn’t believe there was any danger and were worried that Elliot Blair from Blair Industries would take his $18 million investment and 800 jobs elsewhere. Paul and his team of USGS workers (Terry Furlong, Greg, Stan, and Nancy) arrived before the council could vote whether or not to put the town on evacuation alert. Paul announced that he had put out alerts for possible eruptions before, but they were false alarms so the USGS looked bad and Harry made a mistake by calling the meeting and putting everyone on edge. Harry didn’t agree with Paul’s decision to wait and monitor the volcano before considering an alert, but Paul took charge. They set up their operation in a motel room at Warren Cluster’s motel Cluster’s Last Stand, and they took readings of the volcano from a helicopter and it was idle. Rachel invited Harry to dinner to thank him for saving Graham’s life and being concerned about the town. Rachel’s husband, Brian, disappeared (deserted family) six years before, and his whereabouts were unknown so Ruth was now Rachel’s former mother-in-law. Harry and Terry took a NASA robot called Spider Legs onto the volcano to take readings and video footage. The robot was worth $450,000 and the said it ought to be able to fart the Star-Spangled Banner, but it malfunctioned. Terry went to fix it, but there was a landslide and Terry’s leg was trapped under the rocks and the rocks broke his leg. Paul and the rest of the team requested the emergency helicopter, and the pilot insisted on having a raise before he rescued Terry and Harry. He then carried Harry and Terry out of there after Paul told his assistant to agree to whatever the pilot asked for, and Terry then received medical attention. Harry again wanted to put the town on alert, but Paul dismissed the activity as microquakes. Paul and the team stayed for a week to monitor the volcano’s activity, but there was no change so they planned to return to Portland the following morning and continue their study from there even though Harry still had a feeling something was very wrong. Harry and Rachel returned to the house to have sex after Rachel paid the babysitter and the babysitter left the house. However, Lauren asked for water and interrupted them. The tap water was dirty and smelled, so Rachel took Harry to the town’s reservoir. They discovered that the town’s water was contaminated with sulfur dioxide which was a sure sign that the volcano would blow soon. The volcanic activity picked up, so Paul and the crew put the town on alert since the National Guard couldn’t arrive until the following day. The townspeople attended the meeting at the high school where Harry and Rachel explained about the evacuation. Everyone panicked and fled when there was an earthquake. Pandemonium ensued in the streets as the skies filled with ash, electrical wires fell, buildings collapsed, people were trampled exiting the high school and some threw each other through glass windows, the gas station went up in flames, one of the bridges collapsed and took cars down with it, and drivers rammed into each other in their rush to leave town. Harry and Rachel didn’t stay around but headed to the house to get Graham and Lauren because Rachel left the young kids home alone to pack and Rachel knew they were not happy about leaving town without Grandma. However, once at the Blue Moon coffee house, they discovered that the young children stole the truck and drove up the mountain toward danger to Ruth’s house on the mountainside since Grandma refused to leave her home. Harry drove off-road and waded through the river to get around the traffic on the bridge since the vehicle had a snorkel. The SUV became stuck, but they got free after they were struck when one of the other smaller cars that tried to follow them in the water hit their SUV, and the smaller car didn’t make it out. Some citizens paid the USGS helicopter pilot many of thousands in cash to fly them to safety. Paul tried to warn them that the helicopter would go down because of the ash, but the pilot wouldn’t listen and crashed with the millionaires on board and then it exploded after almost hitting Harry and Rachel’s vehicle on the way down. Harry’s coworkers warned him that he didn’t have enough time to rescue the kids, but he and Rachel went anyway to get Ruth and the kids. Grandma’s dog, Roughy, had disappeared out of Grandma’s house door when the kids arrived, and they couldn’t go back to town because a landslide had destroyed the road. They barely made it out of the house and fled into a motorboat onto Mirror Lake when molten lava flowed down the mountainside and engulfed the house. The volcanic eruption turned the water to acid, so the fish floated dead on the surface and the metal boat started melting. The kids were frightened, so the adults sang “Row Your Boat” to keep everyone calm and Graham gave Lauren his crystal to hold and they were told not to put their hands in the water. They lost their propeller and started sinking, so Harry tried to row the boat with his hand wrapped in his jacket but that wasn’t working so elderly Ruth jumped into the water and pulled them the rest of the way to the dock to safety. Ruth’s skin was severely burned by the acid, especially both legs, so Harry carried her until the pain was too much and she died so they left her on the mountain and continued their journey back to town. The National Guard arrived in town the next morning to evacuate people, and Paul and his crew left the motel with the Guard. The army vehicles made it across the bridge, but Paul’s van was stuck and he drowned when the acid water that broke through the dam washed the bridge away. Harry, Rachel, and the kids made it to the ranger station. Harry hotwired a truck. They drove across the dried lava and became stuck, but they got free just as lava started flowing. They found Roughy stuck on a rock along the way, and the four-legged family member jumped into the truck. Harry headed back to the motel to retrieve the ELF transmitter that Terry had removed from the NASA robot earlier to get it to work before he broke his leg. Harry hoped ELF could be used to transmit a signal to their location. A pyroclastic cloud then erupted from the volcano, and it topped over and destroyed everything (buildings, trees, roads, etc.) in its path. The truck just barely escaped into young Graham’s hideout playtime mine where he had it stocked with food and water. Harry went back to the truck that he had driven hard into the mine and caused bloody cuts on everyone in order to retrieve the NASA ELF. Before he left, he gave the kids hope that they would get out and he would take them and Rachel fishing in Florida. The mine crumbled down around Harry and broke his left arm, but he managed to crawl into the truck. The rocks collapsed on top of the truck and crushed the roof more. Harry was able to get the NASA ELF to work by kicking it multiple times. Thanks to NASA, the signal got through to the USGS team two days later. Harry, Rachel, Roughy and the kids were saved from the mine by fire and rescue. Harry and Rachel kissed, and everyone was helicoptered to safety as they planned their trip to Florida. This movie had a budget of $116 million and grossed over $178 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Michael Medved, New York Post, “Four stars. Unforgettable. The impact is truly awesome!”

DATE REVIEWED: 11/14/24

TITLE: All About Steve

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009 20th Century Fox / Fox 2000 Pictures / Radar Pictures / Fortis Films

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in California. It began with Mary Magdalene Horowitz who worked at The Sacramento Herald newspaper creating crosswords puzzles. Mary always wore red knee high boots and was bilingual with a large vocabulary. She wanted to feature her crosswords in the paper on a daily basis, but her boss, Soloman, refused and advised Mary to stop being a workaholic and go out on the blind date that her parents set up for her. Mary temporarily lived with her parents while her apartment was being fumigated. Mary went to career day at the Youngstrum School, but the kids weren’t impressed with her choice of career and Mary living with her parents so they asked her questions about her love life and lack of husband (which the questionable school teacher allowed). Mary had planned to cancel the date because she figured her parents wanted her to find out if their friends’ adult son Steve was gay, but then she reluctantly went through with it. Mary’s mom told her daughter that Steve was hot. Mary saw that Steve was a looker so she changed into a sexier outfit after she got a good look at Steve Miller, a CCN cameraman. Outside in front of her parent’s house, before Steve could drive Mary to Ernesto’s for their dinner date, she threw herself all over him in the vehicle and wanted to have sex with Steve immediately. He groped her breasts and they planned to have sex in the back of the car, but then Steve realized that Mary wasn’t all there. He got out of there by lying that he had a call summoning him to Boston for breaking news. Mary became obsessed with Steve and it showed in her work when she turned in a new crossword puzzle with clues “All About Steve,” and it was printed in the newspaper. None of the readers could solve the puzzle, so Soloman wasn’t pleased that Mary ruined the paper’s reputation so he fired her for the incident without giving her the chance to fix it. Steve went on the road with assistant Angus Tran and Hartman Hughes, the dufus reporter who improvised in an unconventional way when live on TV. They reported a hostage situation at a wild west ghost town in Tucson, so Mary headed there to find Steve because before he left in his vehicle he told Mary that he wished she could go with him on the road. The bus driver ditched Mary in a desert town café because she was a chatterbox who was always spouting off information stored in her head. She hitched a ride with a big rig truck driver named Norman James Durwood and she wrote his driver license number on her arm and told him that it would deter him from raping and killing her since the police would be able to hunt him down. CCN was gone from Tucsonby the time Mary arrived, so she followed them to the Wheeler Community Hospital in Oklahoma City. Hartman and other news reporter covered the story about Baby Peggy Aguero, a baby born with three legs. Her parents were separated, and her mom wanted to have the extra leg amputated while her dad wanted to leave it. Groups of pro-leg and anti-leg protestors camped outside the hospital. Hartman interviewed a pro-leg woman who was proud of the penis she was born with until she had it removed and she rubbed herself against Hartman so he could feel her penis scar. Hartman and Nick Vasquez from NNC were rivals and were always competing for the spotlight. Mary made it to Oklahoma to catch up with Steve, and she recognized Baby Peggy’s dad leaving the scene disguised a nurse so she gave Steve that pointer so he could get the scoop so he went after Peggy’s dad. Steve got the footage, and Mary joined the crowd of pro-leg protestors. Hartman believed that Mary and Steve were good for each other, so Hartman gave Mary advice about how to handle Steve calmly but firmly. Steve believed that Mary was a crazy stalker and told her to go away and leave him alone because he never meant what he said about wanting her around. Steve and Hartman got in a fight over their differences of opinion, and Steve ended up with a bloody nose when his coworker Tran accidentally hit him in the face with the camera. Baby Peggy’s parents decided to let the baby keep her leg until she was older and would make the decision herself. Mary pestered Steve during his broadcast and unintentionally tripped him, so he fell off the stand hard and believed that Mary was psychotic and out to kill him. Mary was taken away by security for questioning, and Danny sent CCN to Galveston to cover a story about Hurricane LaQuisha in the midst of an ongoing cicada migration. Hartman revealed to Mary where they were going much to Steve’s dismay. Mary declared that Galveston was a gay mecca and one of America’s 10 gay-friendliest cities. Mary hitched a ride to Galveston with Howard and Elizabeth, two other pro-leg protestors. Howard dropped out of psychics to become an apple sculptor, and now he sold the dried apple heads of people like Mother Theresa and Clay Aiken. The trio encountered a tornado and ditched their car to take shelter in a nearby storm drain as the tornado picked up the car and destroyed it. Steve, Hartman and Angus didn’t get good footage of the hurricane or the tornado so Danny assigned them to cover the aftermath. Danny then reluctantly sent them to cover the breaking news story in Silver Plume, Colorado, where a group of deaf kids fell into a mineshaft after their teachers let the special students all run on ahead through an unknown field to the fairgrounds. Steve was worried that Mary left poisoned food in the van for them, so he tossed the stuff out the window and littered. They passed through the area of storm damage, where Mary and company searched the field to find the car parts to put it back together. Hartman threw Mary a message out the window that he signed with Steve’s name telling her where they were headed. Steve was furious. Angus screamed at his co-workers and declared that Steve was crazy for believing that Mary was a psycho when she was just an airhead and had above-average intelligence and he told Harman to stop tanning because he looked awful. Vasquez beat the crew to it, but they made it to Colorado in time to cover the story of the fire and rescue saving the children out of the ground hole. Mary, Howard and Elizabeth pieced the car back together and drove it to Colorado. Mary ran to greet Steve during Hartman’s report. Mary fell into the hole and landed in the water many feet below. The crane broke in the rescue efforts from earlier so everybody waited on another crane to arrive on scene. Mary lit a lantern for light and discovered that the rescue workers forgot one deaf girl that had been sitting alone in the dark underground waiting for help. Mary’s parents sadly watched the updated news reports about Mary’s incident from home. The news press showed up outside and then bombarded the parents for private information and questioned if Mary was depressed and jumped into the hole as a suicide attempt to which they responded Mary would never do such a thing and they didn’t want their daughter’s reputation tarnished so they closed the door on the twisted press. A piece of paper was sent down to Mary with a fishing line, and she wrote that she was fine, corrected grammar on the note the rescue team sent down to her, and advised everyone above ground that one child was left behind in the dark hole (the teachers didn’t even know they had a child missing child). Geraldo reported it, and the news compared Mary to the Unabomber because of her freakish intelligence. Hartman interviewed Steve, who refused to say that Mary was his girlfriend like Dan wanted for publicity but Steve explained that Mary was smart and real and would never jump into the hole for attention or to end her life. The rescue crew had less than an hour to save Mary and the deaf girl because the ground around the hole could cave in and the poisonous air in the hole would soon kill them. Mary used her wits and tried everything she could think of to get herself and the girl to safety. Elizabeth handed out lit candles to the crowd and Howard carved an apple head for Mary. They organized a Mary watch party, which made Hartman feel guilty for causing Mary’s predicament by encouraging her to follow Steve. Hartman quoted Patton and jumped into the hole holding the fire hose, which soon became detached from the truck and left him trapped in the hole too just as Mary and the girl were about to rescue themselves. Mary had had a brilliant idea and filled the rail cart with rocks according to the weight of each person (an idea she got from learning physics instead of selling Girl Scout cookies). The trio attached themselves to the cable on the crane and pushed the cart away so it went down the mineshaft, so the pulley that Mary created catapulted them to safety on the surface (had to add more rocks for Hartman’s weight). Mary let Hartman take the credit for her plan, and he bragged to the cameras and rescue people and Mary’s watch partiers and teachers and students about being a hero and saving Mary and the young girl’s life even though Hughes was worried when underground about creepy crawly things. As a result, Dan considered giving Hartman the desk anchor job and promoting him for his hero behavior (when the newsman made things worse), and Soloman too planned to give Mary her job back creating crossword puzzles. Mary Magdalene and Steve went their separate ways and she told Steve she would be OK since she was a Jewish Catholic. Mary’s advice was to find someone as normal as yourself in life and believed that he or she wasn’t yours in the first place if you had to stalk him or her. Characters in the movie frequently took Jesus’ name in vain. This movie had a budget of $15 million and grossed over $40 million at the box office.

MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn WithHIS Loving JESUS HEart.

MAKAYLA JANE:
GOD'S Spirit Reborn With
HIS Loving
JESUS HEart.