DATE REVIEWED: 5/11/24
TITLE: Mother’s Day
BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)
PRODUCTION YEAR: 2016 Universal Pictures / Open Road Pictures / Capacity Pictures / Wayne Rice / Gulfstream Pictures / Aperture Media Partners / Mayday Movies / Triad Films Works / Beatnik Films / Palmstar Media
RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1
REASON: This movie takes place in the Atlanta, Georgia area, where Sandy Newhouse had been divorced from her ex-husband for many years, but Henry still hung around her house to be around the young kids. He gave their sons, Mikey and Peter, and their friends donuts for breakfast and let them go to school with no underwear while mom Sandy only wore a bath towel after her shower as she came into the kitchen with many young boys since Henry was carpool. Meanwhile, Sandy’s friend, Jesse, had a gay sister named Gabi. Gaby and her gay wife Max made a Womb on Wheels float for the upcoming Mother’s Day parade, and their adopted son Charlie (the young boy told everyone he came from a sperm donor) had emerged from the vagina on wheels. Gabi and Max used GOD’s Rainbow as their gay adult sex symbol on their Rainbow Girls catering service vehicle, and the float represented that everyone came from the same place whether they were gay, straight, transgender, black or white. Another scene had Zack Zim (and it was said he was a British bartender from England…a country which gave everyone colonialism, Hugh Grant and the plague) and his young adult girlfriend and co-worker, Kristin, worked at the Shorty’s Saloon. Kristin arrived at the workplace bar with their baby Katie. Zack announced that he was accepted into the Buckhead Standup Comedy Contest with a top prize of $5,000 and he went there and gave his stand up comic performance. Another Georgia family, Bradley Barton, was a former Marine and his wife Dana, a lieutenant in the Marine Corps, died (didn’t say how she died) and they had two daughters, Rachel and Vicky. Bradley owned a local fitness gym and was the coach for his eldest daughter Rachel’s soccer team. At Bradley’s gym, three of his women friends tried to hook him up with a divorced, big-boobed teacher. Bradley wasn’t interested and decided to not celebrate Mother’s Day that year. As it turned out, Jesse hadn’t talked to her mom Florence “Flo” ever since Flo threatened to disown Jesse for dating an Indian doctor named Russell Kohli who Jesse was married to but kept it a secret from her Texan parents. Gabi made up a false story to tell her Texan parents, Flo and Earl, who lived in a trailer park, about how she was engaged to a man named Steven and didn’t tell her parents the truth about being married to a female, and lied like her sister Jesse. Jesse and Gabi skyped with their parents. Later on, Henry told Sandy (Sandy thought that Henry was going to get back together with her again) that he eloped and married Tina, who he dated a long time ago and broke up with because of a stripper but then he decided to get back together with Tina who moved back to Georgia from LA. Sandy was shocked, especially since Henry told the children Mikey and Peter first on the way to school. Sandy took Mikey and Peter to a sleepover at Henry and Tina’s house and told them not to call Tina mom since she was a very young model and was into Twitter tweets and Instagram. Henry wanted to have the kids for half of Mother’s Day since Tina was now a step-mom, and Sandy was upset and suggested he have the kids for Flag Day or anything else. Meanwhile, HSN TV celebrity, Miranda Collins, one of Forbes top 50 female entrepreneurs in the country, was on a book signing as it televised at Kristin and Zack workplace bar. Miranda sold Mother’s Day crystal mood pendants live on HSN in Atlanta, and Gabi bought one for her mom, Flo. It was then suggested to Miranda’s agent, Lance Wallace, that they hire Sandy as an interior designer for Miranda. Bartender Zack and Waitress Kristin (both in their early twenties) had been together for five years and he asked her many times to marry him, but she turned him down each time so he wanted to take a break, even though they had a young child of GOD to raise. Kristin asked Sandy and Jesse for marriage advice, and they told her that she would have to wait and see if it worked out and if she would get more space if divorced happened after marriage. Jesse wasn’t worried about her son Tanner, who was eating sand that possibly had cat poop in it because it was said that kids recover from practically everything as she hung with her girl pals. Kristin told Jesse that she felt her life was incomplete because she was adopted and her birth female (Kristin didn’t care to meet her birth sire) abandoned her (but in reality it was because her wonderful adoptive parents that raised her were both dead). Kristin considered going to meet the birth female but wasn’t sure if she could, so stranger Jesse encouraged Kristin to make contact. Sandy went to Mikey and Peter’s school play show. Brother Peter put Mikey’s lion body costume on backward so the tail dangled in the front of the costume resembling a male body part. Everyone laughed when Mikey touched and played with the “tail,” and Sandy was mortified for her son and upset that Tina took the seat next to her. The eldest daughter sent her dad, Bradley, shopping for her, and he was embarrassed to buy tampons for Rachel at the local Sprout’s store. At Sprouts, Bradley and Sandy met each other as actual cashiers were checking them out in line (not self check). Henry called Sandy then as she was in her car in the Sprout parking lot to tell her that he and Tina were taking Mikey and Peter to Paris for summer vacation and he needed passports for the boys. Sandy was upset because she didn’t get to go and had an f-ing breakdown in her car that Bradley noticed as he walked to his vehicle and steered clear from. At Rachel’s next soccer game, Bradley told off the ref for not calling a play that caused them to lose. Bradley blew the ref’s own whistle and stormed off after the ref told him to go. Not long after, 16-year-old Rachel swore and told her dad that she was the mom now and had to do everything around the house and take care of younger sister, Vicky. Rachel then took off in a car with Tommy, a boy from school who liked her as her dad told her not to go and get out of Tommy’s car. Sandy got an interview with Miranda, but she was late and accidentally ripped her shirt badly as she entered the building. Sandy had a meltdown as to why she was late (broken down vehicle, wardrobe malfunction, ex husband issues) after she found out that she missed her interview in front of Miranda. Miranda was busy but overheard because Sandy made a huge scene, so then Miranda called Sandy back. After hearing about Sandy’s family life, Miranda hired Sandy and gave her a special gold bracelet and told her she got the job because she made a scene and that gets attention and told her she would get enough money to buy a nice vehicle. Jesse skyped with her parents again, as she changed her shirt because Gabi spilled liquid on it. Jesse was still getting dressed when Flo and Earl burst in the house and announced that they drove from Texas to Georgia in their RV for Mother’s Day. Jesse went into panic mode and told Russell and Tanner stay in the garage but they didn’t. There was a Jerry Springer moment when Flo and Earl learned that Max and Gabi were wives and Gabi lied about being engaged to the fictional Steven. Jesse had told Russell to stay in the garage, but he didn’t and revealed that Jesse was indeed his wife and told the racist Texans Earl and Flo not to call him a towel-head or Dr. towel-head. Russell had learned that both sisters Jesse and Gabi had lied to him for years about their parents and he could see that Earl and Flo were not mentally incapacitated in an Arizona dementia facility as the two had him believe. Earl and Flo were upset and shocked that both of their daughters had kids and Charlie was from a sperm donor. Dr. Russell was so upset about the lies and deceit from his wife that he packed to go stay next door with gay Gabi and Max. Jesse explained that she lied about her parents because she grew up in a trailer park. Earl and Flo’s RV had a flat tire so they were stranded for the night, otherwise they would have left Georgia. In another scene, Bradley asked the three women at the gym if he should let his teen daughter, Rachel, date teen Tommy, and they told him yes because if he said no it could lead to teen rebellion, running away, drugs and prostitution. The RV was sabotaged then so more repairs had to be done to it before Gabi and Jesse’s folks could leave the state. Sandy threw a party for Mikey and Peter to be mean to her ex, and when Henry came around he spotted Sandy’s new expensive SUV ride with personalized plates. Henry collected the boys because Sandy was intentionally keeping the children with her and not dropping them off with Henry and Tina at the right time out of spite. Mikey and Peter didn’t want to leave because of the petting zoo in their yard, and when Henry tried to go after one boy the waterslide deflated on top of him thanks to his ex-wife letting a young girl pull the plug. After her ex and children left the out of the blue for no reason party, a clown cheered Sandy up and said that was her kids’ mom no matter what. At Miranda’s book signing, Rory told Miranda that he bought Miranda’s jewelry for himself and his gay partner Jerald. Kristin appeared then and told Miranda that she was her daughter. It did not go so well as others claimed to be Miranda’s lost child in the past so it meant nothing to Miranda or Lance who said that Kristin’s birth certificate paperwork might be forged since Kristin wasn’t the first person who claimed to be Miranda’s daughter. Kristin realized that she made a mistake and left. Russell’s mom Sonia skyped with Flo, and neither moms were happy about their kids being of different races and marrying. Close to Mother’s Day, Lance gave Miranda a pep talk and told her that his real name was Ramone Navarro and he was from the Bronx where he collected soda bottles for food money before he changed his name and became an agent. Bradley spotted Rachel and Tommy kiss when he dropped her off at home and the bad behaved teen who often begged her dad for her mom’s car (dad said he was selling the car for money) came inside the house and ignored her dad and went to bed. Zack was in the finals of his comedy contest and called Kristin many times to talk to her about their relationship and him needing her help to watch the baby while he went on stage. Kristin listened to the messages but she didn’t call him back. Zack decided to take baby Katie onstage but then handed her over to an overweight gay man called Tiny when Katie started wailing. Katie stopped crying, and Tiny said he wanted to sleep with Zack while Kristin slept on the couch as payment. Kristin finally showed up. Zack had told everyone while he was onstage that a mom knew what was right for her children and their families but not necessarily a dad. Katie was announced the winner of the $5,000 prize. The next morning on Mother’s Day, Mikey and Peter accidentally gave Sandy the gift that was meant for Tina. Sandy announced that she was okay with sharing the boys with step-mom Tina, and she dropped them off with Henry and Tina for the rest of the day. The parents scolded Jesse and Gabi for lying. The sisters complained about how Earl and Flo didn’t want Jesse to have a minority roommate at college and spanked Gabi for wanting to dress up like Liberace for Halloween when she was a young girl. Bradley found his girls missing that morning but then Kimberly from the gym called to tell Bradley the girls were with her and she took them to the cemetery to leave flowers on their mom’s grave. Jesse left Russell a message and lied that she and Tanner were going to live with Flo and Earl. That got Russell running out of the house in a female robe and into the RV, where Sonia was on skype and told Russell that he should make amends with Jesse. Russell didn’t want to make up and wouldn’t accept Jesse’s apology for lying. Gabi revealed that she had Charlie tamper with the RV so her parents would not leave, and then as Earl drove down a steep incline he announced that he didn’t get the brakes fixed and drove really fast downhill. The Womb on Wheels was in tow. The fear that that they were all going to crash got Jesse and Russell back together, and that’s when Earl stopped the huge recklessly driven RV and revealed that he lied and nothing was wrong with the brakes. A police motorcycle officer and police squad car had chased after them and the officers confronted dysfunctional mostly Caucasian American family. The Georgia officers signaled Russell out because of his skin color and made only him get on the ground but then the African American female officer cleared it up that the Indian American Russell was her doctor (nobody was arrested or ticketed). Everyone then had a picnic since they missed the queer Mother’s Day parade. When Kimberly took Rachel and Vicky home, Bradley had set up decorations and flowers to celebrate Mother’s Day. Bradley then gave Vicky a karaoke machine and his eldest daughter, Rachel, the keys to their mom’s car to drive. The guests arrived, and Tommy was among them because Bradley asked him to come. Tina called Sandy with an emergency because Mikey had Asthma and couldn’t breathe and was out of his inhaler while her husband and other step-son were away and not answering the phone. Sandy gave Tina instructions to have Mikey breathe in the cold air from the freezer until Henry came in the door and took Mikey to the ER since his son’s color didn’t look good. At the party, Bradley led the hump dance after doing his own rap song but he fell over the balcony and hurt his leg so Kimberly blamed it on a white boy wearing pink pants trying to be a rapper. Bradley was taken to the hospital too on Mother’s Day. As it happened, Miranda showed up at Kristin’s house and explained that she and her boyfriend were 16-year-old teens when Miranda got pregnant. His parents wanted nothing to do with Kristin and moved to another city, whereas Miranda’s parents pulled her out of school for a year and put the baby up for adoption and after that Miranda and her mom were never the same again. Kristin told her bio female that her adoptive parents in Hawaii were wonderful parents and there was a void in her world after they both died (didn’t say how both of the parents who raised her the majority of her life had died). Miranda said both her parents were also dead. Miranda told Kristin every year she received a photo of Kristin, but she was never allowed to contact Kristin since that was the adoption deal (obviously other adoptions are different when birth female and birth male endangered child’s life repeatedly and can not have contact with GOD’s child for life because of it). Miranda said she chose to be a career woman and not marry and have children. Miranda then met Katie and Zack, and soon after Miranda used her publicity and went on HSN to introduce Kristin and claimed to be her mom. Kristin enjoyed the spotlight and proposed to Zack on TV, but it turned out to be pre-recorded. As Zack watched in the bar, Kristin appeared and Zack accepted the short proposal on Kristin’s terms. Another young couple, also employees at the same drinking bar, left quickly to go to the hospital because she went into labor and was going to have a baby too. Sandy went to the Georgia hospital, where Mikey overcame his medical emergency. Mikey wanted candy, so Sandy went to the vending machine and got her gold bracelet caught in it after it got stuck when she reached in to grab the candy. Bradley was there to get his leg fixed with his girls, but he decided to stop and help Sandy. After Bradley untangled Sandy’s bracelet, Sandy stole exra candy from the vending machine while she had the chance. Bradley’s daugther’s told him to give Sandy his card for the gym where the females pole danced, but Sandy said she already signed up and went to his gym (Bradley saw Sandy at his gym but thought she was nutty so he hid from her). Vicky and Rachel were happy that Sandy would get together. Sonia came to Georgia from Las Vegasfor the picnic that Jesse’s family planned since they missed the parade. Sonia, Earl and Flo planned on staying awhile. At the bar saloon, Kristin and Zack got married by Lance, who had a license from the online church of Idaho to marry people and Miranda paid for it. This movie had a budget of $25 million and grossed over $48 million at the box office.