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MAKAYLA JANE:
GOD'S Spirit Reborn With
HIS Loving
JESUS HEart.

MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart. MAKAYLA JANE: GOD'S Spirit Reborn With HIS Loving JESUS HEart.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/30/24

TITLE:  Down to Earth 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2001  Paramount Pictures / Village Roadshow Pictures / NPV Entertainment / Alphaville / 3 Arts Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: The movie takes place in New York City, where Lance Barton was a bike messenger and struggling black stand-up comedian. Lance tried to perform at the Apollo club, but he was booed offstage while Asian Phil Quon’s singing act was applauded. Lance’s manager, Whitney Daniels, announced that the Apollo was being closed down permanentlyand replaced by a multiplex, and Lance asked Whitney to get him an audition for one of the amateur spots in the farewell show. After he left, Lance was hit and killed by a semi-truck on his bicycle because he was distracted watching a black woman cross the road. Lance woke up in heaven, where lines of people waited to be admitted into the club where they could party and drink with lots of women. Lance didn’t believe that he was dead and then learned that Keyes, one of the angels, had made a mistake and took Lance’s life before the truck actually hit him. He wasn’t due to arrive in heaven until 2044, so Mr. King the manager in heaven helped Lance find the body of a dead person that he could occupy temporarily, until a black body could be permanently found for him of Lance’s choice to fix the mistake. One choice of replacement life was a man that jumped out the window of a high-rise building, and another was the body and life of 53-year-old Charles Wellington III, the 15th richest man in America who was white and had a dog named Elle. Charles’ wife, Amber Wellington, and Charles’ private secretary, Winston Sklar, were having an affair and the lovers had just murdered Charles with pills in his drink. They put his body in the bathtub and waited for it to be discovered. Sontee Jenkins showed up at the home of Charles and she was the female in the street that distracted Lance before he died. Charles had failed to respond to Sontee’s past messages over the past few weeks and she was there to speak her mind about his company WellCo buying the Brooklyn Community Hospital she worked at (changed the elderly patients diapers). WellCo planned to privatize the hotel and kick out anyone who didn’t have insurance, which would leave the patients with nowhere to go within their community. Sontee planned to bring news reporters to a protest outside the WellCo board meeting. Ghost Lance wanted to help Sontee’s cause and date her, so ghost King agreed to let Lance use Charles’ (white) body until he found a different body (black) that he preferred. Lance saw his black self when he looked in the mirror, but everyone else saw white Charles. Lance-Charles caught Amber and Winston making out wildly on the pool table and about to have sex, so he revealed that he knew they tried to kill him. The two lovers (his female wife and his male secretary) offered to send thugs to take care of Sontee and kill her dog, but Lance-Charles agreed to keep their affair and the murder attempt quiet if they get him a date with Sontee. Lance-Charles overheard black maid Wanda and the Spanish maid talking trash about Charles again because he didn’t pay them enough, so Lance-Charles gave both of them a 200% raise. Lance-Charles then discovered that Charles’ butler, Cisco, wasn’t British like he pretended to be with a fake accent, and Cisco admitted that he was American and agreed to drop the accent. Cisco and Lance-Charles went to the Apollo, where Joe Guy was chosen as one of the comedians for the show. Lance-Charles did a comedy routine trashing black and white people, which angered the black attendees who thought it was a white guy. Lance-Charles left Sontee flowers and messages asking her out, but she ignored him. Charles had set up in advance before he died to lock the hospital staff and the press out of his board meeting, so Lance-Charles brought Sontee, the protestors and the cameras into the boardroom to interrupt the executives. Lance-Charles used a comedy routine to speak his mind at the hospital meeting, and he hated on insurance companies for not covering everything and doctors for charging too much and sending seriously injured patients and teens with bullet wounds to other hospitals because they didn’t have insurance. Lance-Charles with a change of heart and mind of Lance now wanted to supervise the company and make them change their ways and lose a few million dollars in the process. The protestors applauded Lance-Charles’ sudden change of heart, but the board members weren’t pleased and plotted to kill Lance-Charles. The board members recruited Winston, whose affair with Amber (wife of Charles) they knew about. However, Amber ended her relationship with Winston and then suggested that Lance-Charles participate in a threesome sex with her and another lady she had at the house, but Lance-Charles refused because he only wanted Sontee. Lance-Charles left and convinced Sontee to eat with him at Gray’s Papaya, where a few black guys blasted rap music as they drove up in their big yellow Hummer. Lance-Charles forgot who he was and rapped to the song with the other black dudes singing about niggers, and the black guys saw it was a white man so they suddenly took offense and punched white Lance-Charles unconscious. Lance-Charles and Sontee hung out at the park and then kissed. Keyes went to a black rap concert and found Lance another body after someone got shot dead. Lance-Charles decided that he wanted to stay in Charles’ body so he could be with Sontee. Lance-Charles invited Whitney (Lance’s manager) over, and he overheard Lance-Charles putting on a routine for the maids and other staff and thought Charles stole Lance’s routine. Whitney planned to give up show biz because of Lance’s death, so Lance-Charles tried to explain who he really was. Whitney didn’t believe him until Lance-Charles revealed something only he would know about how they got drunk with two girls who they thought were transvestites that ended up robbing the two men blind after they passed out drunk. Lance-Charles told Whitney that he hadn’t met God, but the devil had good dope weed. Lance-Charles later told his wife Amber that he wanted a divorce and she could have everything and she thought he had gone crazy. Lance-Charles and Whitney bought out a comedy club and renamed it Wellington, and Lance performed a routine as Charles and he was picked for the show at Apollo. The maids liked the new Charles (Lance), and they used their raises to buy fur coats but a group of protestors declared that fur was murder and dumped red paint on Wanda’s coat. At the Brooklyn County Hospital fair in the park, Lance-Charles forced the board members to participate and help the staff and patients. Lance-Charles (still married) proposed to Sontee but was interrupted by Keyes and King, who tried to warn him that something would happen. One of the board members then shot Lance-Charles dead, and he woke up in heaven and wanted to return to Earth and Sontee. It was fate that (black) Joe Guy would get into a car accident and die, so King put Lance in Joe’s body so he could play the Apollo. Lance-Joe tried to wave down a taxi, but everyone ignored him so he knew that he was black again. Winston was arrested as a suspect in Charles’ murder. Lance-Joe did his routine as Joe and everyone laughed, and Whitney knew that it was Lance. King and Keyes then explained that after they returned to heaven and left, Lance would stay in Joe’s body for good. However, he would no longer be himself because he was reincarnated and he would forget about everybody he met including the angels, Charles and Sontee. Asian Phil wanted to go on the road with Black Joe-Lance. Whitney then realized that Lance was really gone and he would help Joe’s career and be his manager as he was for Lance. Joe-Lance and Sontee ran into each other at Apollo and both had the feeling they had met before. Charles-Lance must have changed Charles’ will because Sontee now had money, and Sontee now owned the Brooklyn hospital. Sontee and Joe-Lance left with Wanda and Cisco blasting Snoop Dogg’s “Gin and Juice.” They were almost hit by a semi-truck, but King saved the day and stopped the truck from ending Joe-Lance’s life and scolded Keyes for almost messing up again from being distracted by tying his shoe. The constant crude language was behind obscene. This movie had a budget of $30-49 million and grossed over $71 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Shawn Edwards, FOX-TV “The funniest man in America will have you laughing until it hurts.” Joel Siegel, Good Morning America “Chris rocks!” Kimberly C. Roberts, The Philadelphia Tribune “Bold and brilliant comedy.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/30/24

TITLE:  Down and Derby 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2005  Feature Films for Families / Excel Entertainment Group / Freestyle Releasing / Pure Entertainment / Stonehaven Media

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Arizona. It began when Phil Davis was a kid and used to be number one until Ace Montana moved to town from California and beat him and his friends, Big Jimmy Scaldoni and Blaine Moosman, at everything. One race between young Ace and Phil that Ace won had Big Jimmy asking Phil if he wanted him to take care of Ace (bad way) but Phil told him no. Twenty-five (25) years later, all the men were married and had tween sons of their own. Ace’s son, A.J., won everything like his dad. A.J. (Ace coach) played on one team and competed against coach Phil’s basketball team that included Phil’s son (Brady), Big Jimmy’s son (Danny), and Blaine’s son (Todd). Big Jimmy, now a police officer, attended a ball game in his police uniform encouraged Danny to put the other kids in the hospital at the city finals. However, A.J. scored a long shot in the final seconds from half court for his team so Ace won again. Big Jimmy made up for his short stature by driving a monster truck with personalized “Big Dawg” license plates. A Japanese technology company owned by Uno Yakimoto saw an ad in a magazine they liked for the marketing company Phil worked for so they contacted Phil’s company. Phil’s boss, Larry Savage, put Phil in charge of creating an ad campaign that would get them $10 million in revenue in they landed the deal with the Japanese company. Phil’s wife, Kim, was a Boy Scoutstroop leader and gave all the boys Pinewood Derby car kits to make so they could compete. The competitor dads realized it was their chance to finally beat Ace, so they took over the building of the cars instead of just supervising their sons. The boys were disappointed because they had their own ideas for car designs and their dads wouldn’t let them help. The dads bought wood and built tracks and spent hours alone inside their houses to test different car models and find out which one was the fastest. They lied to each other about what they were doing with the stuff so they wouldn’t know it was for the derby. Phil set up workshop in his bedroom and built a supersize racetrack over their bed, and Kim was upset when she had to wear a face mask, earmuffs and eye protection while she slept and he stayed up all night playing around. The other dads (except Ace) made noise all day with power tools, and at night they stayed up and continued working on the cars that kept their wives awake. Brady, Danny and Todd conspired together, and they all offered to help their dads but the dads didn’t want their sons around and instead gave the boys money to get rid of them while the adults worked on the kid project. Big Jimmy was out of cash, so he gave Danny his PIN number and ATM card to get his own cash out of the ATM. Blaine was a dentist, and he and his assistants neglected the patients and used dental equipment to design the derby car wheels. Phil forgot his anniversary and almost caused a fire in the bedroom, so Kim was through with him and took Brady to her parents’ house to stay for a few days so she could get some decent sleep and Brady would not be subject to his dad’s ill treatment. Danny bought a bike with his money, and Brady planned to do the same but before he left for his grandparents house his mom told him his dad would soon be fired and needed the money so Brady gave Phil back his credit card and cash since it was obvious he would be out of the job because he stopped going to work. Big Jimmy’s wife, Angel, and Blaine’s wife, Charlotte, packed their bags and left with their kids as well until their husbands could get over their obsession. The men resorted to eating out of cans. Meanwhile Larry, Uno and his son, Kyoshi, went to Phil’s house to hear about his ideas for the campaign so before she left the house, Kim took the men upstairs to her bedroom and told her husband to explain to the Japanese guys and his employer what he had been doing for work and then she went to her parents house with her son. Phil came up with something on the spot called Derbymoto. He attached the Yakimoto mobile cell phones to derby cars that looked like rats, and Uno and Kyoshi were impressed and got hooked on their mobile phone always winning the rat race marketing campaign. The men stayed in the room for hours playing with the toy track above the bed. After his boss and the clients left Phil’s house, Big Jimmy and Blaine spied on Phil and then barged into his bedroom to see his workshop. Phil had ordered a copy of the Pinewood Derby Bible, and Big Jimmy and Blaine revealed that Ace wrote the book and didn’t have to work because of all the book sales. Ace set the world record for the fastest car when he was eight, and Phil was furious and agreed to help Big Jimmy and Blaine with their master plan. When Ace and his family left the next morning, Phil and Blaine snuck into Ace’s house through the open garage while Big Jimmy kept watch from another house. They found Ace’s derby car and trophy and discovered that his real name was Stacey Lynn. The men joked that Stacy Lynn Montana was a girl’s name and understood why Ace Montana changed his name when he moved from California. They took Ace’s derby car apart to study it and then put it back together so they could race their cars against it and find out why it was the fastest car in the world. Blaine went to the bathroom, and the toilet overflowed as Ace and his family came home. They tried to fix the toilet, and Blaine snuck out a window and onto the roof. He climbed down a tree and injured his neck while Phil was stuck in the house. Teri, Ace’s wife, took a shower and heard a noise and asked who she thought was her husband for a towel so Phil handed her a washcloth since he didn’t know where the towels were.  Phil then hid under Ace and Teri’s bed until nighttime, when Ace thought Phil was the family dog Champ in the dark. Phil escaped into the backyard, and Ace thought it was a burglar and called Big Jimmy, who went over with his gun and covered for Phil so he could get out. Phil, Blaine and Big Jimmy worked on building a car together and they were shocked when it was even faster than Ace’s. Blaine and Big Jimmy decided to let Phil and Brady race the car so he could finally beat Ace. The moms showed up to the derby, and Brady had built his own car called The Fluke that Kim insisted that Phil let Brady use. Phil reluctantly agreed, and Big Jimmy took the super-fast car for his son to race. Don Murphy, who founded the Pinewood Derby in California in 1953, made his appearance. Brady’s car won a race, so he and the other boys qualified for the finals. A wheel fell off Big Jimmy and Todd’s car and brought it to a stop, and Brady’s car beat Ace and A.J.’s. Brady won and set a new world record for speed with his Derby car. Ace was second place, and he shook Phil’s hand and pretended to take it like a sport in front of the bleacher crowd but then outside the gym Ace had a meltdown and screamed at his wife Teri, so she called him by his real name Stacy Lynn and told him to Teri told her husband to quit acting like a five year old and get in the car. Brady then revealed that he got help building his car from Grandpa’s neighbor, who turned out to be the man in the instructional video that the dads used to build their cars. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/29/24

TITLE:  Seven Years in Tibet

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1997 Columbia Tristar Pictures / Sony Pictures Releasing / Mandalay Entertainment / Reperage / Vanguard Films / Applecross Productions / Summit Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is based on a true story and began in 1939 as WWII began. The German Nazis ruled Austria, and they wanted a team to plant the German flag on the summit of Nanga Parbat in British India, the ninth highest mountain in the world. Four German expeditions had already failed and eleven people died. A new expedition was formed and led by Peter Aufschnaiter, and Austrian mountain climber and National Socialist Party member Heinrich Harrer joined the expedition. Heinrich’s wife, Ingrid, was pregnant and didn’t want him to go, but he didn’t want a child and left anyway. He planned to return in four months after the baby was born since it would be due when he was supposed to reach base camp. Horst Immendorf was there for Ingrid when her husband left her many months pregnant and he comforted Ingrid and took the place of her husband. The team attempted to scale Nanga, and Heinrich fell and cut his leg. The men roped themselves together, and Peter fell and was left dangling off a cliff. Heinrich had trouble with Peter’s weight tied to him because of his injured leg, but Peter made it to safety. Peter scolded Heinrich for downplaying his injury and threatened to kick him off the team if he did it again. Peter had the team hole up during bad weather and possible avalanches, which Heinrich thought was a mistake and a waste of time. Soon after the team encountered an avalanche and Peter ordered the team to give up and head back down the mountain. Heinrich was angry and wanted to continue scaling Nanga alone, but he wasn’t allowed. England and Germany were at war, so the British arrested the crew when they arrived back at camp because they were enemies in British India territory. They were taken to the British Dehra Dun POW camp on October 15,and Heinrich was unsuccessful in trying to escape. Heinrich continued to make escape attempts and when he was recaptured each time his whole team suffered for it. A year later in 1940 the other team members planned to make their escape into Tibet using Heinrich’s route and they already had hidden supplies for their journey. Heinrich told his team that he wanted to escape alone. Heinrich then mailed off a letter to Ingrid in 1942. However, Ingrid responded and sent back divorce papers for him to sign and explained that their son Rolf was born when Heinrich climbed the mountain two years before and she had no plans of ever reconciling with Heinrich. Ingrid and Horst planned to get married, and Rolf looked to Horst as his dad so Ingrid planned to tell Rolf that Heinrich was lost in the mountains. Heinrich and the others disguised themselves as Indians to get outside the gates, and then Heinrich set off on his own. Peter found Heinrich puking in the woods later and gave him medicine for his sickness and explained that the Italians were captured and two of the Germans fell ill and returned to the camp. Peter announced that the Japanese retreated to Shanghai and he was headed to Tibet and then China. Heinrich didn’t plan on returning to Austria, so he and Peter headed to Tibet and Heinrich won the bet he made with Peter about the distance there. Peter learned to speak Tibetan in prison (learn a lot of stuff in prison). Two Tibetans at the border found Peter and Heinrich. They wouldn’t let the foreigners into the country, so Heinrich scared them off by hitting their horses and told Peter he didn’t need to know the lingo to communicate. In a Tibetan village, Heinrich discovered that one of the men at the border crossing was the Garpon official so he gave the Garpon a picture of the child Dalai Lama as a gift. Heinrich and Peter were escorted to the Indian border by two guards who would shoot them if they tried to escape. Once there, the two traded for supplies at a bazaar and then made a run for it and got away from the guards. Heinrich convinced Peter to trade his watch that he received as a gift from his dad, and then Peter discovered that Heinrich had three Italian watches. The two argued and Peter left, so Heinrich gave him the three watches to make amends and they set off together back into Tibet with Peter in the lead. Peter convinced Heinrich to write a letter to Rolf claiming to be his dad. Tibetan bandits captured Peter and Heinrich, but they just barely escaped and ate one of their horses. They found a group of Tibetans headed for Lhasa where the young Dalai Lama lived. Foreigners weren’t allowed in the Holy City, so Peter gave the men a first aid kit that had a “red cross” on the pamphlet in another language and the men believed the white paper was a permit. Peter and Heinrich tried to steal food from the dogs but were found by Kungo Tsarong who welcomed them to dine with his family. Kungo went to the Lord Chamberlain, the regent and the ministers of the cabinet to achieve an audience with the Dalai Lama. The young boy Dalai Lama granted Tsarong permission to let Peter and Heinrich stay at his guesthouse so they wouldn’t be sent back to prison in India. The ministers’ secretary, Ngapoi Ngawang Jigme, asked female Pema Lhaki, the only tailor in Lhasa, to make new suits for Heinrich and Peter. Pema declared that gold medals like the one Heinrich won in the Olympics were egotistical and Tibetan men didn’t believe the medals were a standard of measurement for a real man. The Communist Chinese were stationed in Tibet, and Ngawang met with a Chinese official and delivered the message that Tibet no longer wanted China to give large gifts of money to the Tibetan monks as bribes. The official tried to recruit Ngawang to serve China, but he said that he was loyal to his country. Pema repaired Heinrich and Peter’s suits, and then they bought ice skates for Pema and taught her how to skate, along with the others. Both Peter and Heinrich were interested in Pema, but she married Peter. In May 1945, Peter and Perma preferred privacy and were living in a house outside the city so Heinrich told the couple that their home wouldn’t be featured on the map that Heinrich was making of Lhasa. The news came that Germany surrendered and the war was over, so Heinrich planned to return to Austria. Before he left, Heinrich received a letter from Rolf Immendorf stating that Heinrich wasn’t his dad and to stop writing letters to him. Heinrich was given a letter from the Dalai Lama’s mom the Great Mother, who offered Heinrich an audience on her monthly visit with the reincarnated Dalai Lama and explained the strict rules. The meeting was unconventional as Heinrich and the Dalai Lama maintained eye contact and Heinrich didn’t follow the rules. Heinrich agreed to come every day to build a movie theater for the Dalai Lama sine the young boy like to watch movies, and they became friends as they continued meeting to play games and teach each other about their different cultures and various lifestyles. The Tibetans believed all animals were sacred and were their mothers in a past life, so they removed the worms at the building site by hand and moved them to safety. A strange light appeared in the sky, and the Tibetans believed it was an evil omen and tried to scare it away with pots and pans. Mao Tse-tung became the leader of the new People’s Republic of China, and he declared that Tibet should join the republic. Ngawang, now minister and no longer in his brown garb but nicer clothing, and the other officials refused and sent all the Chinese in Tibet back to China. Heinrich and Peter brought Christmas to Lhasa, and Heinrich got Peter’s watch back for him and gave it to him as a gift. The Dalai Lama was scared by a dream he had of the Chinese attacking the Tibetan village where he was born and killing the people with guns and explosives. Heinrich comforted the Dalai Lama and told him why he liked mountain climbing. The Chinese then attacked the village just as their spiritual leader dreamed would happen. The few thousand Tibetans were against violence and were vastly outnumbered by the million Chinese troops, but they went to war anyway with the few weapons they had. The Tibetans raised the Chinese flag for the arrival of three Chinese generals and believed there was no honor in politics. The inside traitor Ngawang led the Chinese generals to Lhasa, where they stepped on the sand mandala and ruined it that the monks made to represent peace and spent the last several days working on. The China generals (General Chang Jing Wu, General Than Gua, General Than Gua San) refused to sit lower than the Dalai Lama, so the Dalai Lama boy moved to sit level with the Chinese. The young boy Dalai Lama explained that the Buddhists believed in peace and the regent would remain the political leader of Tibet and not the Chinese until the Dalai Lama was older and more experienced. The Chinese weren’t pleased and left. The Chinese got to Ngawang, and he was appointed governor and sent troops to defend Chamdo against the Chinese. The Chinese attacked the Tibetan camp with artillery and explosives, and the Tibetan retaliated with small guns and bows and arrows. The Tibetan people were slaughtered and Tibet fell to the mercy of the Chinese. A messenger rode to Ngawang with the news, so he issued surrender to China and the soldiers took over the country. The Tibetans believed they could have won and Ngawang made a mistake by blowing up their ammunition so they wouldn’t have a fighting chance. Heinrich returned his jacket to Ngawang and hoped he would suffer for selling out his country. The Tibetans hung signs wanting the Dalai Lama to rule the government. Heinrich wanted the Dalai Lama to leave and go somewhere safe after his enthronement ceremony, but he refused to leave. He declared that he was not Heinrich’s son and advised him to go back to Austria see Rolf. Heinrich attended the ceremony, and then he and the Dalai Lama said their goodbyes and he gave Heinrich his music box. Heinrich went to Ingrid and Horst’s house in Austria in 1951. Rolf didn’t want to see Heinrich and hid in the closet, so Heinrich left the expensive music box gift for Rolf. Henirch and Rolf didn’t speak. Years later Heinrich taught teen Rolf how to climb a huge mountain and pulled the boy to the top with a rope (dangerous for a child) and Henrich planted a Tibetan flag at the top of a mountain they scaled. The movie went on to say that one million Tibetans died and 6,000 monasteries were destroying during the Chinese conflict. The Dalai Lama fled to India in 1959, where he continued to try and make peace with the Chinese. He was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1989 and stayed friends with Heinrich to the present day. This movie had a budget of $70 million and grossed over $131 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Jim Svejda, KNX CBS Radio “One of the year’s best films.” Bill Diehl, ABC Radio Network “A passionate, courageous, and chilling journey. Brad Pitt delivers a magnificent performance.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/29/24

TITLE: Wallace & Gromit: The Curse of the Were-Rabbit

BOX OFFICE RATED: G (This is not suitable for GOD’s children. It is not “G“ material.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2005  Dreamworks Animation SKG / Dreamworks Pictures / Aardman Features / United International Pictures 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place in a British town. It began with Wallace and his dog, Gromit, working for Anti-Pesto, a humane pest-control company, and their job was to keep wild rabbits from devouring the villagers’ prized vegetables (vegs) that they were growing for the upcoming annual vegetable competition. The contest would take place at Tottington Hall, the place it had been held for over 500 years, where Lady Campanula “Totty” Tottington’s family lived. Wallace and Gromit kept the rabbits they caught contained in their house. Totty liked fluffy animals and called the duo to take care of her rabbit infestation humanely. Lord Victor Quartermaine was currently trying to woo Totty into marriage, and he wanted to shoot the rabbits dead. Wallace used one of his many inventions to vacuum the rabbits up inside a machine. Victor was infuriated when he got sucked up inside the vacuum and lost his toupee. Totty gave Wallace an idea, and he hooked up his Mind Manipulation-omatic invention (which he originally invented to control his cheese obsession) to the vacuum to brainwash the bunnies into not wanting to eat vegs. The experiment backfired and one of the rabbits named Hutch was trapped inside the manipulator that was on Wallace’s head. Gromit smashed it to destroy it. The rest of the wild rabbits were extremely traumatized by the experience and shock uncontrollably and refused to eat vegs. Hutch turned into a giant rabbit and escaped from his hutch that night. Giant Hutch terrorized Reverend Clement Hedges at the church, who was also competing in the veg contest. Reverend Clement passed out at the sight of the monster rabbit, which then jumped out the stained-glass window and raided all the neighborhood greenhouses. The townspeople were angry, so the veg growers’ council held a meeting. Reverend Clement declared that God sent a beast to punish them for their sins of growing vegs unnaturally large for the contest. Victor declared that the rabbit was an ordinary creature that he could hunt down and kill, but Totty wanted Wallace and Gromit to take care of the problem kindly and the townspeople agreed. Wallace and Gromit then drove around the neighborhood using a giant female rabbit dummy to lure the monster out of hiding, but the dummy bunny fell off at the bridge. Wallace left to retrieve the dummy while Gromit chased after the giant rabbit. Gromit used the car lasso on giant rabbit, but it dragged the car underground and burrowed through everyone’s yards to eat the veggies. The next morning, Wallace and Gromit discovered the broken hutch and realized that Hutch was transforming into a beast every night because they used lunar panels to harness the power of the moon and operate the manipulator. Wallace visited Totty and told her that he caught the beast while Gromit built a cage for Hutch. Totty took Wallace up her Jacob’s ladder that went to heaven to the secret garden in her estate where she grew vegs. Gromit found rabbit tracks in the house leading to Wallace’s room where he had stashed vegs. Gromit was suspicious and followed Wallace to the estate, where he noticed that Wallace could barely keep himself from eating Totty’s vegs. Gromit turned on the sprinklers to interrupt Wallace, and he thought Gromit was misbehaving. Victor had seen Wallace with Totty and threatened him if he tried to steal Totty away after Victor spent much time chasing Totty to get her money. When the moon came out from behind the clouds, Wallace transformed into the rabbit and ran off. Victor went to Clement, who showed him a book of monsters. The town’s monster was called the were-rabbit, and could only be killed by a bullet of pure gold. Victor stole the three bullets that Clement had planned to kill the beast himself. Wallace was back to his normal self the next morning except for bunny ears, and he didn’t believe that he was the were-rabbit until he and Gromit discovered that Wallace and Hutch swapped bodies during the experiment. Hutch could now talk and loved cheese like Wallace did, and Wallace had vegetables on his mind and regularly transformed into a rabbit. Totty still believed that Wallace and Gromit captured the rabbit, but the townspeople were angry that it was still on the loose and devoured their vegs. They planned to call off the contest even though it still occurred during the Great Duck Plague decades ago. Totty went to Wallace’s door and announced that she reluctantly decided to let Victor shoot the rabbit since Wallace was incapable of capturing it.Totty was even more upset when Wallace shut the door in her face as he transformed into the monster. Gromit lured Wallace out of the house by him dressing up as the female bunny as Victor broke the door down in search of the beast. He shot one gold bullet, and the townspeople celebrated what they thought was the death of the beast while Totty grieved. Victor discovered that he shot the bunny costume insteadof the beast, so he locked Gromit in a cage and went to the vegetable contest that was back on. Hutch helped free Gromit from his cage, and the two headed to the contest. Police Constable Albert Mackintosh was judging the vegs, and Victor told him that the rabbit wasn’t dead yet and Constable Albert blurted it to everyone. They panicked, so Victor shot off his second bullet to get their attention. He explained that the vegs would be used as bait to lure the were-rabbit to the contest where Victor could kill it. Wallace appeared and chased after Mrs. Mulch and her pumpkin, but before Victor could shoot the rabbit Hutch and Gromit lured Wallace away with the melon Gromit had been growing for the contest. Victor shot his last bullet but missed the mark, so he planned to use the golden carrot prize as another bullet. Totty protested so Victor fought her for the carrot. Wallace grabbed Totty and carried her away to safety, and she realized that the beast was Wallace. Victor had a run-in with a cotton candy machine and ended up with a pink afro. He revealed that he knew the monster was Wallace all along but he planned to kill him anyway. Victor chased Wallace across the rooftops, and Gromit followed in a small airplane. Victor’s dog, Phillip, chased after Gromit but then Phillip’s plane crashed and went up in flames. Phillip survived the crash and wrestled with Gromit, who fought him off and then deflected the golden carrot with his plane before it could hit Wallace. Gromit’s plane went down, and Wallace caught Gromit as they fell to the ground. Totty stunned Victor by hitting him in the head with her giant carrot, and Gromit dressed Victor up in the female bunny costume so the angry pitchfork wielding-townspeople chased him away. Wallace underwent a transformation back to his human self, and Totty and the bunnies thought he was dead and grieved. However, Wallace was just unconscious and Gromit used the scent of cheese to revive him. Wallace in male form was naked and exposed to Totty, so he covered himself with a box that had a label attached stating the contents may contain nuts. Lady Totty gave Gromit the golden carrot for using his melon to save the day. In the end, Lady Totty opened a bunny sanctuary at her estate for all of Wallace and Gromit’s captured bunnies. This movie had a budget of $30 million and grossed over $192 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Richard Corliss, TIME “The flat-out funniest movie in dog’s years.” Leonard Maltin, Entertainment Tonight “An ingenious, witty, wonderful film.” Jeffrey Lyons, NBC “One of the most enjoyable family films of the year.” Russ Leatherman, CNN and Moviefone.com “A terrific family movie.” Roger Ebert, Ebert & Roeper “Whimsical, funny and endlessly inventive.” Peter Travers, Rolling Stone “You will laugh yourself silly.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/28/24

TITLE:  Brain Donors 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1992  Paramount Pictures / Zucker Brothers Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with millionaire Lillian Oglethorpe’s husband, Oscar Winterhaven, dead in California.The family lawyer, Edmund Lazlo, came for the reading of the will, but Lillian wouldn’t start without her queer advisor, Roland T. Flakfizer. Lillian sent her handyman and groundskeeper servant Jacques to fetch Roland. Roland was a seedy a lawyer who showed up at the scene of an automobile accident and used ketchup and neck braces to fake injuries with both parties involved. He made one appear pregnant, and he advised a kid in the other car to sue his parents like Roland had sued his own parents did and told the underage kid to pretend his neck was injured. Roland and Jacques left in a cab driven by Rocco Melonchek. Rocco was a cab driver (without a driver’s license), pool cleaner, liposuctioner and owner of a toupee company. Rocco attacked Roland in the cab after he recognized Roland as the attorney who dated Rocco’s wife while handing their divorce case. Roland then recruited Rocco to his law firm as his chauffeur and offered him phony benefits. Once at Lillian’s house (Roland spoke about sex with the elder woman and tried to give her one of her own expensive vases but then said he would take it back for a refund when she said she already had it but it was hers to begin with.) Rocco read the will and joked that Oscar had a gay lover. Oscar left everything to Lillian and wanted her to spend half of his money founding a ballet company. Roland took the job as director of the ballet company to get the $500,000 yearly salary and said he would add a twist to the ballet to liven it up. Edmund wanted the job and was infuriated when Jacques and Rocco gave Edmund centerfold pictures of naked women to hold. Roland and Edmund competed to see who could sign the world-famous male Italian ballet dancer Robert “The Great” Volare to the new ballet company. Roland, Jacques and Rocco attended Volare’s ballet performance that night, where they set a lady’s hat on fire and fell asleep during the performance and made a huge mess with their junk food and one put his shoes under his shirt to look like shoulder pads of the female’s dress next to him. When Roland was awoken, he swore to an officer that he thought the underage girl was 18. Lisa Le Baron and her boyfriend Alan Grant were both dancers, but only Lisa had a part in Volare’s ballet. Alan would have to go back to Minneapolis because he was currently dancing for nonprofit and making no money. Lisa tried to ask Volare to get Alan a paying ballet job, but Volare wouldn’t hear Lisa out. Rocco offered Alan an audition with Roland, who would sign Alan to the Oglethorpe-Flakfizer ballet company and Roland would in turn receive high salaries from being the director and Alan’s manager. Roland was unable to sign Volare despite offering him a large sum of money, so Roland scared away Tina, the ballerina Volare planned to have sex with in his dressing room. Lisa and Alan danced together at Lillian’s charity bazaar, and she was impressed. Edmund appeared announcing that he signed Volare to dance for the company and be its director. Volare tried to sign Lisa to the company, but she didn’t want to dance there without Alan. Alan convinced Lisa to sign anyway. Lillian insisted that Edmund and Roland work together, and everyone headed to New York where the ballet company was based. Roland and his buddies spent their spare time in a limo with bikini-clad women. Roland gave a speech at the opening night of the ballet and once again called Lillian manly. Alan surprised Lisa by coming to watch her performance. Volare tried to feel Lisa up in the dressing room, but Alan fought him off so Volare and Edmund conspired together. Roland stayed at Lillian’s townhouse, where he found a note that he thought was from Lillian summoning him to her bedroom. Roland found Tina in Lillian’s bed and Tina tried to seduce him into the bed, but before they could have sex Rocco and Jacques warned Roland that Edmund and Volare set him up so Lillian would catch him with Tina. When Lillian arrived, the three guys tied Tina up and tried to hide her despite her screaming and struggling. Edmund searched the rooms for Tina and tried to convince Lillian that Roland was up to something. Roland and his accomplices stunned Edmund by smashing a vase over his head, and then they partially undressed him and put him in bed with Tina, and Roland lied to Lillian that Tina was 14 and had been drugged by Edmund. Lillian demanded that Edmund leave, and Edmund tried to knock Roland out with a vase but knocked Lillian out by accident. Edmund took Lillian to a private area of the hospital and threatened that he would show her a letter once she woke up that would tell her about Roland’s fraudulent lawyer business, debts and him being wanted by the police so Lillian would fire him. Roland, Jacques and Rocco followed Edmund to the hospital, where they impersonated doctors. They kept Lillian unconscious so she couldn’t read the letter, and they briefly sedated Edmund and took the letter. The real doctor knew the trio were up to no good and called security on them, and they resisted arrest as Edmund came to and charged them with trespassing, harassing Lillian, altering medical records and stealing.They were taken to jail, where Jacques threw all his belongings at an officer and wrapped a toy snake around the neck of the police officer. Lisa paid their bail with her severance pay that she received when Volare fired her. Lisa’s understudy took her place as the lead female ballerina, and Volare threatened to make sure neither Lisa or Alan would ever dance for a ballet company. They all headed to the theater for one of Volare’s performances. Jacques dressed up in disguise like a Native American headdress and put shoe polish in Volare’s cosmetics. To further make a circus out of things and cause delays and chaos on purpose to prevent success, dozens of people crowded into Volare’s dressing room and distracted him with many boxes of pizza, many flower bouquets, gifts, and live belly-dancers. Volare was able to finally exit the staged drama scene and go to work and dance. However, soon Roland gave commentary of the ballet as though a sports game. Jacques sabotaged the dancing by dressing up like a ballerina and he wore a tutu on stage and then he kissed Volare on the lips. Rocco put a whoopee cushion in Volare’s tights so it sounded like he farted and another time made a sound of ripping cloth when Volare leaped in the air. Jacques dressed up as a duck and Roland and Rocco shot at him. All the attendees started to leave when the ungodly sabotage trio of sped up the orchestra’s music so Volare spun circles until he vomited and was dragged off stage. Alan took Volare’s place with Lisa, and the attendees returned to watch their performance and throw food at the infuriated Volare. Alan and Lisa received a standing ovation from the crowd. Edmund ordered for the police to arrest Roland and his associates, but then Jacques planted a gun in Edmund’s hand so the police went after him instead. Roland, Jacques and Rocco chased after an ambulance until Jacques blew up the ambulance up by lighting a match. The trio rescued the sexy nurse out of the manhole. This movie grossed over $918,000 at the box office.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/27/24

TITLE:  Just Like Heaven 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2005  Dreamworks Pictures / Parkes / MacDonald Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in San Francisco, California. It began with exhausted and extremely overworked young doctor Elizabeth Masterson at St. Matthew’s hospital taking a six-minute nap in the break room. Elizabeth daydreamed about sitting in her private access rooftop flower garden, as she was the only tenant with access to the roof from apartment. Dr. Masterson was on a never-ending 23-hour shift to impress her boss in order to get permanent residency at St. Matthew’s. She was subject to endless emergencies and the high stress fast paced environment took a negative toll on her decisions and wore out her body from lack of decent food and rest, so she had little time to take care of herself and live healthy. She treated drug addicts out of control and violent, dealt with elderly patients such as Mr. Clarke pestering her about marrying him and wearing a robe that exposed his buttocks and injured children too. That night, Elizabeth’s older sister, Abby Brody, had a dinner date set up for Elizaabeth, but one of Abby’s daughters put a SpongeBob toy in the lasagna and Abby didn’t find it until after she baked SpongeBob. Before Elizabeth left the hospital, Dr. Walsh chose Elizabeth for the permanent position at the hospital, and Brett Rushton wasn’t pleased that Elizabeth got the job instead of him and he was being moved to a hospital in Phoenix. On her way to her sister’s house for her blind date, Dr. Elizabeth got in a car accident as she drove in the pouring rain right after she took her eyes off the road and looked down to switch the radio station and then collided head-on with a semi-truck. Three months later, David Abbott went shopping for fully furnished apartments with his realtor Grace. A flyer for an apartment across the street that was being sublet on a month-to-month basis flew into David’s face, and the family wouldn’t say why but David rented the place based on the comfy red couch and the private rooftop access. David moved in and spent most of his time drinking beer on the couch and doing nothing until Elizabeth appeared as a spirit and was adamant that the apartment was hers and David was an intruder. David went to see and talk to his friend Jack, a Berkeley shrink, who believed that David was hallucinating because he was alone and drunk and recommended that he keep drinking but only with other people because being alone was unhealthy. David asked realtor Grace to do research for him and find information about the previous tenants of the apartment, and she advised David not to worry about it because people would kill their grandmothers for a place like that. David got books from Darryl’s paranormal bookstore that Darryl recommended and did rituals, and Elizabeth continued appearing and disappearing. Darryl sensed a great deal of hostility and anger in Dr. Elizabeth’s spirit and told David to move out. Elizabeth was convinced she was alive until she found out she couldn’t touch anything and walked through tables. David hired a Catholic priest, the Chinese, and ghostbusters to try and exorcise Elizabeth’s spirit but they were all unsuccessful since Dr. Elizabeth was still there. Darryl was a paranormal expert and he called out David on his aura instead of Elizabeth’s. Darryl told David to let go of his wife Laura who died two years before. Elizabeth followed David to the bar, where she jumped inside his body and made him act crazy so he couldn’t drink his troubles away so when David left, JJ (Jack) stayed behind with the women. David agreed to help Elizabeth find out who she was and what happened to her. David asked the neighbors in the apartment building, but none of them knew Elizabeth. One female, Katrina, neighbor dressed in workout attire lied to David that her window was stuck but Elizabeth told David to leave because the feline was a trashy nasty girl and would basically use her feminine body parts and sex as a weapon of mass destruction to get what she wanted. The duo went back to the doctor’s apartment and then followed a set of leads they found in Elizabeth’s kitchen drawer to help identify her. The dry cleaner remembered Elizabeth, and an address led to Donald who believed that his wife hired David to expose Donald for cheating on her with a woman similar to Elizabeth’s description so she was worried that she was a home wrecker, whereas Donald offered David a lot of money and told him to meet up with him later that night and Donald would buy David’s silence. Another lead led to a restaurant that Elizabeth never had the chance to eat at because she was constantly at the hospital. Inside the eatery, a man had a medical emergency and could not breathe so Elizabeth instructed David how to diagnose the man with the lung problem and then told David to make an incision to help him get air by inserting an alcohol pour spout near his ribcage in the small incision he made. It was there that Elizabeth remembered that she was a doctor, so she and David went to St. Matthew’s Hospital since it was the closet hospital in the area. David told Elizabeth’s mentor, Fran Lo, at the hospital that he was Elizabeth’s boyfriend, so Dr. Fran (skeptical of David’s honesty) went ahead and explained about the car accident. Elizabeth felt drawn to a hospital bed, where she discovered that her body had been in a coma since the accident but she was still connected to it and was having an out-of-body experience. Elizabeth’s brain activity levels were steadily decreasing and it didn’t seem she would wake up. David told her she was pretty and had no scars from the accident and her body was healing so there was still hope. Elizabeth decided to stay at the hospital with her body. As Elizabeth walked through hospital walls she found the reason why Nurse Jenny was always disappearing because nurse Jenny was having an affair with a male nurse and the two nurses had sex in the supply closet at the hospital away from the cameras. It was then she learned that Brett got Elizabeth’s job, but he was too busy buying an expensive car over the phone at that moment instead of taking care of his sick patients. Abby and her two young daughters, Zoe and Lily, regularly visited Elizabeth at the hospital so they showed up to the hospital. Dr. Brett came in the room and explained that Elizabeth had signed a form stating that she didn’t want to be put on life support if anything ever happened to her. Dr. Brett believed that doctors should ask God’s forgiveness and take people off life support when they showed no sign of recovering, and then he gave Abby paperwork to sign and end her sister’s life if she decided to go through with it. David returned to the leased apartment, where Elizabeth’s impact on him led him to eat healthier and drink water. Soon Katrina neighbor came a knocking and said she was locked out of her apartment so she stayed at David’s while she waited for the locksmith. Katrina wore jeans that exposed part of her thong and came onto David complaining about all the gay men and Osama and communism. The spirit of Elizabeth returned to the home and encouraged David to have sex with Katrina, but he wouldn’t even after she undressed in his bedroom and exposed herself to him. David took Elizabeth to a beautiful garden estate that he designed when he used to own a landscaping company. Elizabeth realized it was the same garden she dreamt about the six minutes she was out in the hospital break room during her 26 hour shift that Dr. Walsh called her out on because the hospital chief claimed to know everything that went on inside the facility. Realtor Grace then called David to tell him that he could now have a long-term lease of Elizabeth’s apartment since sister Abby decided to sign the papers. David went to visit Abby at her home and he tried to talk Abby out of taking her sister off life support but Abby wasn’t changing her mind and Elizabeth’s life would end the following day. David told Abby that he was communicating with Elizabeth’s spirit and told Abby something only her sister would know about how Abby made out with her ex-boyfriend J.J. (Jack) right before she got married to her husband on her wedding day. Abby thought David was a crazy person and couldn’t believe she let him into her house so she put her two young daughters someplace safe and then chased David out of the house with a huge kitchen knife. After David left, Abby was surprised after her daughter Lily said that Elizabeth was just there with her at her tea party. David talked to Darryl again, but Darryl only cared about having the gift to sense spirits and not helping them. Darryl sold resources to help other people connect with the spirits themselves.  Elizabeth was moved by the gesture that David took a picture of her from her hospital room so he could remember her. The next morning, David planned to steal Elizabeth’s body out of the hospital before the doctors could kill her, and he recruited JJ (Jack) to help him. They robbed the hospital supply closet for medical supplies, and then David told Jack his plan and professed his love to Elizabeth (because Elizabeth was invisible it looked like David told JJ he loved him). Jack didn’t believe David but helped him move Elizabeth’s body because JJ said sometime in the future he would need David’s help moving a body and would call his friend in on that favor. Jack then recognized Elizabeth as the woman who he had planned to set David up with the night of the accident, and David was the blind date that Abby arranged for Elizabeth the same night (the two exes JJ and Abby obviously still keep in touch after many years of Abby being married with children). David revealed that he knew about Jack tonguing Abby before her wedding, so JJ knew that David was telling the truth. David impersonated a doctor and lied to Dr. Brett (showed up early to end his rival doctor’s life so he could stay in California and not be moved to Phoenix) that he had a signed order from Dr. Walsh to run tests on Elizabeth and find out if she could be revived. Dr. Brett called his superior Dr. Walsh to confirm it, so David gave Brett a bloody nose and he and Jack fled the room with Elizabeth’s body. Dr. Brett called security, and they were surrounded. Elizabeth had lost her breathing tube, so David kissed her before he was tackled to the floor by security and Elizabeth stopped breathing and the monitor confirmed it. Elizabeth then came back to life with a strong heartbeat and woke up, but she didn’t remember David but recognized sister Abby, so David left. David’s life felt incomplete without Elizabeth as he went back to the apartment, and planned on moving out of the apartment when Elizabeth moved back in. Abby dropped Elizabeth off one day after she was released from St. Matthew’s Hospital and left her sister alone. Elizabeth walked up to her private rooftop.  David was there and he had planted a garden for her like she always wanted and the reason why she got the place. Elizabeth remembered David and their time together after they touched hands when he returned to her the spare apartment key, and then the two kissed. This movie had a budget of $58 million and grossed over $102 million at the box office.” The movie cover art listed, Jeffrey Lyons, NBC-TV “A delightful romantic comedy. Reese Witherspoon is enchanting.” Paul Clinton, CNN “Makes you laugh out loud, but also touches your heart.” JP Sarni, Sirius Satellite Radio “one of the best romantic comedies to come along in years.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/26/24

TITLE: The Proposal 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2009 Touchstone Pictures / Mandeville Films / Kurtzman / Orci Productions / Walt Disney Studios Motion Pictures / Buena Vista Distribution

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in New York City, where Margaret Tate lived at Central Park West and worked as the editor-in-chief at the Ruick & Hunt Colden Books publishing company. The many office employees shared internal chat messages on their work computers to warn each other whenever Margaret the dragon lady was coming and going. Margaret took her male assistant with her and fired a long-term employee, Bob Spaulding, and told him she would keep it quiet and he could resign and would give him two months to find another job because he didn’t convince their client Frank to do an interview with Oprah and Margaret had to do it. Bob was irate and stormed after his boss and called Margaret a bit** in front of the officer workers. She argued that he cheated on his wife and she would put it on YouTube if he didn’t leave the building without further disruption. Soon after that, Margaret forced her assistant Andrew Paxton to do more work overtime and cancel his trip to his small hometown of Sitka, Alaska, for his grandmother Gammy Annie’s 90th birthday. Margaret’s board superiors, Bergen and Malloy, called her upstairs to their executive suite and informed Margaret that that she was being deported to Toronto, Canada, where she came from because the US government denied her visa and she couldn’t reapply for a year. The bigwigs brought up the fact that Margaret wasn’t supposed to leave the USA but she did anyway to Frankfurt, Germany for her job to close a deal with a writer. Immigration wasn’t happy about that and her employer told Margaret that she couldn’t work for any American company from Toronto as Margaret hoped, so Bob would be hired back (had 20 years experience and only person qualified to replace her) and take Margaret’s job. Her boss, Edwin Malloy had an affair with his secretary Laquisha, so Margaret used it to her advantage and announced that she and Andrew were getting married. Andrew interrupted that meeting as Margaret had instructed him to do and Bergen and Malloy told the two to make it legal marriage and fast so Margaret could stay employed with the company. Once the two made their way back to their work floor, everyone in the office knew through internal computer chat that the two were getting married and gossiped as they walked by. The two left the building and Margaret threatened to never publish the book Andrew wrote if he didn’t play along with him, and he reluctantly agreed even though it was illegal for Margaret to marry him just so she wouldn’t get deported. They planned to divorce soon after the marriage. Margaret and Andrew met with Mr. Gilbertson, an immigration agent who caught on that it was a fake marriagebecause Bob notified him and gave the government worker a tip. Gilbertson planned to interview Margaret and Andrew separately and have them answer questions about each other. Their phone records would be inspected and their neighbors and coworkers interviewed as well, and if things didn’t check out then Margaret would be deported indefinitely and Andrew would be fined $250,000 and sentenced to five years in federal prison. Andrew claimed that he was being promoted to editor of the company and he and Margaret were going to Alaska that weekend for Gammy’s birthday. Margaret insisted that they live in her apartment after they married because she lived in a nice area and believed Andrew lived in a poor place because she knew what his salary could afford. Andrew was serious about being editor and demanded that Margaret promote him and publish his book otherwise he would back out. She agreed, and they headed to Sitka, where Andrew’s parents, Joe and Grace Paxton, owned most of the businesses in town and thought the Paxtons must be the Kennedys of Alaska. They organized a welcoming party at their estate house, where Andrew announced his engagement to Margaret to get back at Joe for hating on his career choice of going to NYC and not staying in Sitka to run the family businesses. Andrew and Margaret made up a story about how their engagement came to be, and then the guests insisted that they kiss to the crowd’s satisfaction. Andrew’s parents and Gammy figured that he and Margaret were already sleeping together, so they were given a shared bedroom. Gammy warned Andrew and Margaret not to let the little white puppy, Kevin, outside or the four legged would get taken away by the eagles. However, that exact thing happened when Margaret took a phone call from Frank outside. An eagle snatched Kevin up but dropped him, and Margaret caught him and then tried to swap him for her phone that the eagle flew away. Andrew gave Margaret a hug and touched her butt to make their relationship seem authentic in front of his family, so she threatened to cut off his private parts while he was sleeping if he did it again. Andrew insisted that Margaret go out with Grace, Gammy and Andrew’s ex-girlfriend Gertrude the kindergarten teacher, so they took her to the bar for a bachelorette party. They insisted that she take part in the stripping performance of Ramone, who also worked as a waiter at the party (and he was ordained to perform marriage ceremonies). Ramone stripped to very small underwear and danced provocatively in Margaret’s face, and Gammy encouraged her to spank him and then Gammy had her turn and danced with Ramone. Gertrude revealed to Margaret that she and Andrew had dated since high school until college when he wanted to elope and go to New York, but she was a small-town girl and turned him down so he left anyway. Andrew was at home hollowing out a canoe when the women returned, so Grace knew that Joe set their son off again. She scolded Joe for having a bad relationship with Andrew because it meant he only visited his family every three years. Margaret left the bickering couple to go take a shower but couldn’t find a towel in the bathroom afterwards, so she covered her naked parts and used a hair dryer to calm Kevin the dog who wouldn’t let her out of the bathroom to get a towel. Meanwhile, Andrew undressed on the balcony in his shared bedroom, and then he and Margaret had an awkward moment running into each other (both) naked, and both of their bare butts were visible with Margaret’s bare breasts briefly visible (mirror). Later that night as she slept in the bed again and he on the floor, Margaret shared personal things with Andrew about herself, like how she hadn’t had sex with anyone in 18 months and she got the swallow bird tattoos on her back when she was 16 after her parents died and she was on her own. The next morning Andrew got in bed with Margaret when Grace, Joe and Gammy came to announce that they wanted the wedding to happen in the barn on Gammy’s birthday the following day so everyone could participate. Margaret went for a bike ride in the woods and found Gammy holding a Native American ritual to give thanks to Mother Earth for bringing Margaret and Andrew together. Gammy insisted that Margaret dance and chant to connect with mother earth herself, so Margaret sang “Balls” and danced until Andrew found her being weird in the woods. He and Margaret took a boat to town and went to Paxton’s general store to get her new phone, and Ramone worked at the store and let Andrew take whatever he wanted from the store since his parents owned it (go shopping without having to pay for it). Margaret went to the Internet café to check her emails while Andrew left to talk to Gertrude near the public school Kindergarten students. Gammy wanted Margaret to wear her wedding gown, and it was too big for Margaret because Gammy was pregnant when she wore her wedding dress, so she altered it for Margaret. Gammy insisted that Margaret keep an heirloom necklace that her Russian great-grandfather gave his Tlingit bride 150 years ago that led to a scandal. Margaret realized that Andrew had a loving family while she had been alone since she was 16, so she sped off in a boat with Andrew and explained that she didn’t want to ruin his life with the fake marriage and they should call it off. Andrew almost ran into a buoy, and Margaret fell into the water when Andrew swerved to avoid it. Margaret couldn’t swim, so Andrew rescued her out of the water. Once back at his parent’s house, Joe revealed that he knew about the fake love act and put government worker Gilbertson on a plane to Sitka to check up on Margaret and Andrew. The immigration official offered to let them get off easy and send Margaret back to Canada if they publicly announced that their marriage was a sham, but Andrew argued that he and Margaret were in love and the wedding was still on. The bride made her grand wedding entrance to Pachelbel’s Canon, and stripper Ramone performed the marriage ceremony as the reverend. Margaret interrupted Ramone and stopped the wedding ceremony and confessed that she was a Canadian and she blackmailed Andrew into marrying her so she could stay in America. She left, and Andrew found a note from her in his bedroom explaining that she didn’t publish his book because she wanted to keep him as her assistant but she would make sure she did before she left the country. Gertrude chased after Andrew and she knew that Andrew was in love with Margaret after listening to him talk about her and then encouraged her ex to go after the Canadian woman he loved. Andrew and Joe argued, and Gammy Annie faked a heart attack and told father and son to make amends. She insisted the paramedics go to the airport, where Andrew asked his buddy Chuck to do him a favor and stop Margaret’s plane before it left but Chuck couldn’t. Back in New York City Margaret packed up her office and planned to move back to Canada, but Andrew took a plane back to NYC and confronted her in their work place. Andrew professed his love to Margaret and asked her to marry him, and then they made out and everyone watched the drama unfold in the office. Soon after, Andrew and Margaret met with immigration officer Gilbertson and each did their interviews to prove they were serious about getting married this time. This movie had a budget of $40 million and grossed over $317 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Pete Hammond, Hollywood.com “The year’s best comedy.” Leonard Maltin, Entertainment Tonight “Laugh-out-loud funny.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/26/24

TITLE:  Sgt. Bilko 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’ children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1996  Universal Pictures / Imagine Entertainment / Brian Grazer Productions

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place at the US Army research base Fort Baxter in California and began with the arrival of mechanic PFC Walter “Wally” T Holbrook. Colonel John T. Hall sent Wally to the motor pool but took Wally’s $700 cash from his wallet and put it in his hat to hide the money from the his new sergeant boss who was a known gambler on base. Master Sergeant Ernest G. Bilko and the other soldiers secretly spent the majority of their time drinking, smoking and gambling on base. The military personnel placed bets on who would win a tug-of-war between a horse and Private Duane Doberman. Doberman lost, so Bilko lost money to the other Master Sergeant Stan Sowicki. They bet again, and Doberman won because he lost on purpose the first time so Bilko could double the bet to $1,000. The first assignment for Wally was when Bilko ordered Holbrook to change the mileage on Hall’s car back to what it was before SPC Tony Morales took it off-base to visit his girlfriend, but Holbrook refused. The military base DJ then played a specific song dedicated to the soldiers at the motor pool to alert them that Hall was on his way to their area. Bilko and company jumped into action and hid their mini bar, spa treatment room and gambling equipment and hid the actual horse by hanging the horse from the ceiling using mechanic equipment. Hall received the news that an official was being sent from the Pentagon to observe the test of a hover tank, and he was worried the fort would be shut down since it was happening at other forts. Baxter base had failed all weapons testing over the last nine years. Bilko remembered that he was late for his wedding to Rita Robbins, which had happened many times over the last seven years. Bilko, Holbrook and a few soldiers sped recklessly through traffic to get there and changed in the military vehicle on the way. Bilko stole a walker from an elderly woman the military vehicle almost ran over and upon arrival at the Catholic Church he used it to lie to Rita that he got injured. Bilko calmed Rita down and the two played gin in the now empty church. Bilko used to be stationed at Fort Dix, where he set up sporting events and paid people to throw the games so he could win money. At Fort Dix, Bilko was always in trouble with Lieutenant Colin Thorn, who was sent to Greenland after he suspected something was up with a boxing match and investigated but was caught with the money that he found in the locker room used to pay off the fighters and nobody believed he was innocent and instead thought he bought off the fighter. Thorn, now a Major and back in the USA from Greenland, arrived from the Pentagon to inspect the testing. However, the hover tank malfunctioned and the test was a disaster. Thorn planned to leave until he found out Bilko was there so he stuck around to get his revenge. Bilko canceled all the soldiers’ games and activities, and everyone was on their best behavior so they wouldn’t get caught. Thorn inspected the barracks and found a bra and high-heels in Henshaw’s locker. Henshaw refused to say who they belonged to and told his superior he wasn’t supposed to ask him about it, so Thorn thought Henshaw was a cross dresser. Rita was a drama teacher at the Roseville Jr. High School, and Bilko asked her out to the Rusty Spurs country bar where Travis Tritt would sing. She reluctantly agreed but gave Bilko thirty days to marry her otherwise their relationship was over. Lieutenants Oster and Monday arrived from the inspector general’s office to audit the motor pool accounts. Hall instructed Bilko to make sure they didn’t find anything out of the ordinary, so they hid all their entertainment amenities and passed the inspection. At the bar, Holbrook had his eye on a lady dancing, so Bilko got rid of the other soldier she was with by lying that his squad was getting shipped out and then Bilko introduced the lady and Holbrook. Thorn told Bilko to leave during the song he was supposed to dance to with Rita, so she was upset and left with Thorn. She didn’t answer the phone when Bilko called her because she was at the movies with Thorn. Thorn convinced Hall that he would get in trouble if he didn’t let Bilko and his platoon do desert maneuvers, so Hall sent them off and they drove to Las Vegas in their army tank. They stayed at the Mirage in Las Vegas and gambled while Thorn used Monday and Oster to hack into the computer system back at the base at the motor pool. They succeeded in hacking the army system within minutes even though Bilko encrypted the files, and Thorn dismissed Monday and Oster so he could change the files to show that Bilko was diverting the military funds intended for the hover tank into his personal account. Thorn gave Rita a cubic zirconia ring and kissed her trying to convince her that she should marry him because Bilko was an irresponsible schmuck who would never be serious about marrying her. Rita wasn’t interested in Thorn and decided to find out how much Bilko loved her and if he would come home from Vegas to marry her. Sowicki did Rita a favor and called Bilko to tell him that Rita was going out to dinner with Thorn at an expensive French restaurant. Bilko showed up at the high dollar restaurant with a female guest and made a loud entrance and talked about having sex with her. Thorn thought she was attractive, but she was actually a he, PFC Dino Paparelli in drag clothes. Thorn questioned how Bilko could afford to eat there on an Sgt salary. Rita left her table to go see Bilko and then discovered that Bilko loved her a great deal to get Paparelli in drag for her. Paparelli (drag queen) on his way out flirted with Thorn. Bilko argued that Rita couldn’t marry Thorn because she was Catholic and he wasn’t, so Rita gave Bilko twelve more days for him to marry her. Thorn showed Hall the files that he tampered with, and Hall planned to court-martial Bilko but Thorn suggested that they transfer (Hall guessed he was talking about transvestite not transfer) him to Greenland. BIlko did not want to be transferred. Holbrook’s plan was to schedule another demonstration and make it look like the hover tank was working to prove that Bilko didn’t divert the money. Bilko lied to Hall that the fort was being shut down and Hall would be transferred to the desert, so Hall agreed not to transfer Bilko if the test succeeded, and Bilko got that in writing from his boss and had it notarized. Paparelli and Sam Fender talked loudly at the bar about how Holbrook fixed the tank, and Thorn overheard and stole a part from the tank that night. However, the missing part had no effect on the tank because the tank never worked in the first place, Instead, Bilko’s soldiers hid in the area and pressed buttons at the demonstration to make the tank’s targets explode. One of the targets blew up in the wrong order, and Thorn noticed and tried to convince General Tennyson that it was a scam organized by Bilko. Tennyson wanted evidence for Thorn’s accusation, so he admitted that he removed a part to sabotage the tank. Bilko revealed that he had it on tape, so Thorn was sent back to Greenland. The soldiers celebrated and recruited Holbrook to their dark side so Wally reset Hall’s car odometer back. As Rita was about to cross off the thirtieth day, Bilko and the soldiers appeared outside her window singing a love song serenade. Bilko and Rita planned their wedding, but on the wedding day she was an hour late because of daylight savings time. The two played cards again inside the empty Catholic Church, and then all the guests that Bilko hid inside the church appeared and Bilko and Rita finally got married in record time by the priest. This movie had a budget of $39 million and grossed over $37 million at the box office. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/25/24

TITLE:  Dudley Do-Right 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1999  Universal Studios / Davis Entertainment / Joseph Singer Entertainment / Todd Harris Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is about Dudley Do-Right and his adversary Snidely Whiplash who had both been in love with Nell Fenwick since they were kids. Dudley grew up to be a member of the Royal Canadian Mounted Police (RCMP) like he always wanted while Snidely grew up to be a bad guy who robbed banks with his gang of 999 henchmen. Snidely led his associates to believe that he fled the country with most of the gold and money, so the criminals went all over North America to find and kill Snidely while he stayed behind in Canada and enacted his evil plan with the remaining gold. Snidely had an evil plan and shot gold bullets in the forest to plant it around and make people think there was gold there in Canada.However, the mineshaft caved in on him. Snidely was then found by Dudley because Dudley heard the mine cave in. Snidely knew that Dudley was gullible and made him believe that Snidely was hunting vampires. Snidely later tied a bank president to the train tracks with an oncoming train approaching and insisted that the man sign all the bank’s mortgages over to Snidely. The bank president agreed and was released, and then Snidely took the townsfolk homes and businesses away and the people were forced to leave town. Snidely took over Semi Happy Valley and renamed it Whiplash City, and the townspeople were angry and ran to Canadian Mountie Dudley who scared them away with the mention of vampires. Dudley’s white horse named Horse disappeared when Snidely scared him away. Nell had left years ago to travel the world, and she served as the US Ambassador to Guam and received degrees from Yale and Harvard. Now she returned to Canada and proved to Dudley that she wasn’t a vampire, so the two went to a festival at the Kumquat reservation, home of the South Brooklyn Native Americans. One of the natives told Dudley about his sightings of Snidely in the woods with a shotgun, but Dudley thought nothing of it. A poor man named Kim J. Darling was the first person to find gold in the woods, so Snidely made him famous and got him on TV for an interview with Regis and Kathie Lee. The owner of the land announced that whoever found the gold could keep it, so everyone headed to Northern Canada for the Canadian gold rush. Snidely’s former henchmen found him and held guns on him, but he convinced them to work for him again. Snidely had created a false gold rush to lure people from far and wide to Whiplash City where they could strike it rich, and Snidely in turn profited greatly from the tourism. Dudley caught on to Snidely’s plan and confronted him, and he denied it and stole Nell away. Snidely made an appointment with Dudley at his cabin, but Snidely never went and sent his right-hand man, Homer, to blow up the place with dynamite. Homer succeeded and reported back to Snidely that Dudley was dead. However, Dudley was actually in Ottawa with the Kumquat chief. They met with an official and told him about Snidely’s criminal business, but the official had been bought by Snidely (as were all the government officials within a 2,000-mile radius) and dismissed the claims and silenced the rumors about Snidely’s criminal activity. The Canadian government in Ottawa called Nell’s dad, Inspector Fenwick of the RCMP, out of retirement to personally fire Dudley and replace him. Snidely gained Inspector Fenwick and Nell’s trust by wining and dining them. Kim let Dudley stay at his shack in the woods, and they spied on Snidely and discovered that he had plenty more gold stashed away in a Manhattan reserve and it was being regularly delivered to be melted down and deposited around the area for tourists to find. The townspeople believed that Snidely was the good guy, so they threw a ball for him. Snidely danced with Nell, and Dudley competed with Snidely and they fought over Nell. Kim tried to teach Dudley how to be a warrior, but he just got beat up by his master so Kim suggested that Dudley “Do-Wrong” in order to do right since “do-wrong” sounded better with a French accent. Dudley became a dangerous daredevil and tied one of Snidely’s goons to a log threatening to chop him up with a sawblade if he didn’t reveal information about the next gold delivery. The man coughed up the info, and then the blade malfunctioned but Dudley punched it apart since it was papier mache as the blade was inches from the man’s head. Dudley interrupted the gold delivery by appearing on a dirt bike, and he grabbed the gold and shot at the black-clad henchmen with a machine gun while riding his dirt bike. They chased Dudley through the woods on dirt bikes at high speeds around trees and mountain terrain until Dudley escaped by jumping over a wide ravine with his dirt bike. Dudley then toilet-papered Snidely’s golf course. Kim thanked Dudley for helping him become a new man, and he gave Dudley a chainsaw and then Kim left to find his family that he deserted so he could find himself in the woods. Dudley crashed Snidely’s garden party, and Snidely was mad that Dudley was taking his place as the bad guy and wearing his signature black clothing. Dudley used the chainsaw to make a topiary shaped like Nell that rivaled Snidely’s paint-by-number portrait of her. Nell was impressed and left with Dudley on the back of his dirt bike. At a meeting, Snidely tried to turn the townspeople against Dudley and tell them that he was the enemy and should be killed, but the people disagreed. Dudley starred half-naked in one of the Vegas-style Kumquat dances at the Canadian Native reservation. Nell was now interested in Dudley after seeing his body and professed her love to him, and they kissed. When Snidely found Dudley’s whereabouts, he and his henchmen attacked the Kumquat tribe. They had no weapons, so they launched fireworks at the approaching Snidely boats. Snidely took over the village as Dudley and the natives escaped into the woods. The mercenaries shot at the natives with machine guns, and the rocks they retaliated with had little effect so they rolled giant boulders towards Snidely’s men. Snidely brought out the tanks, and the Kumquat planned to retreat until Horse (the only white horse on the Mountie force) reappeared and told Dudley to fight back. Dudley and Horse galloped toward the tanks through a field of explosions until two of the tanks shot each other and exploded. In the end, Kim said he found his family when he saw his wife on TV being sworn in as the new female Canadian prime minister. Mrs. Darling then called the other Mounties, and they appeared on black horses and arrested Snidely and his minions. Inspector Fenwick then gave Dudley his uniform back, and Nell moved into Dudley’s secluded Mountie cabin with him. This movie had a budget of $70 million and grossed $10 millionat the box office.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/25/24

TITLE:  The Secret of Roan Inish 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.) 

PRODUCTION YEAR: 1994 Columbia Tristar / Sony Pictures Releasing / First Look Pictures / Jones Entertainment Group / Peter Newman Productions / Skerry Productions / Samuel Goldwyn Company 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie took place in Ireland and began with a funeral being held for Brigid Coneelly, who died in 1946 at age 36. In present day, Brigid’s daughter, Fiona, around 8 years old, was sent to live with her grandparents Hugh and Tess on a farm by the sea. Brigid had been living with her father and older adult brother in the city but they worked a lot and hung out at the pub so that was not a healthy environment for the young child and took its toll on Fiona as she was too thin and often neglected. The Coneelly clan used to live on the island of Roan Inish years ago in their cottage houses. They all moved away from the island, some moved to the city while the grandparents lived a short boat ride across the sea and rented piece of country property. Roan Inish was now deserted and shrouded in mystery and legends. Hugh told a story about his great-grandfather Sean Michael, who was forced into an English school where he wasn’t aloud to speak Irish. When he did, the strict England schoolmaster punished him by making him wear a contraption around his neck and be humiliated by the other kids so Sean attacked the England schoolmaster. Sean and his dad, cousins, uncles and brothers went out to sea in four boats to fish. A storm killed everyone (his dad, uncles, brothers, cousins) except Sean, who made it to the shore of the island Tech Duin where he was found by women. They bound Sean to two cows to get the heat back in his body, and he claimed that a seal carried him to the island. Sean died in an English prison at age 50 after smuggling arms to the Fenians. Hugh later told Fiona how her dad, Jim, and her older brother left Fiona’s baby brother, Jamie, in his cradle on the shore when they all evacuated Roan Inish. The seagulls attacked Jim and the brother, and Jamie’s cradle drifted out to sea and was lost despite Jim’s efforts to save baby Jamie in a rowboat. Fiona’s cousin, Eamon, told her stories about how some claimed to have seen Jamie floating in his cradle like a ghost surrounded by seals and seagulls. Hugh took Fiona and Eamon to Roan Inish, where Fiona saw the seal that stared at her when she arrived at her grandparents’ place in a boat. She named the seal Jax and explored the abandoned houses while her cousin and grandfather left young Fiona alone on the island with the abandoned houses so they could take the boat and go fishing. Fiona found footprints on the beach and evidence that someone was living in the Coneelly cottage. Another day, Tess and Fiona went to town. When it was time to leave, grandmother left Fiona in the shop so she could get grandfather out of the pub. Once alone with the girl, Flynn the shopkeeper explained to Fiona that one dark-haired, dark-eyed person was born in every generation of the Coneelly family. Flynn brought Fiona out back to see for herself and speak to Tadhg, a distant relative who was one of the “dark ones.” He was considered special and had serious anger issues and threatened others with his knife while Fiona stood by him and Flynn went back to sell overpriced goods to poor customers in his shop. Tadhg told the little girl the story of Liam, another distant relative who lived on the island. Everyone was related there, so Liam went outside to find a wife. He married Nuala, a selkie who he witnessed transforming from a seal into a naked woman. Liam snuck up and took Nuala’s seal hide so he would have special magic power, and he kept it hidden from Nuala over the years so she was stuck on the island. Liam and Nuala had several children until finally one of them found Nuala’s hide and she returned to the sea. The cradle that Liam and Nuala built for their firstborn was passed on through the generations, and all the Coneelly babies were put in it with the last being Jamie. Fiona explored Roan Inish again when she and Eamon went out to deliver packages for the postman. She fell asleep in the Coneelly cottage and dreamed about Nuala, and then she saw Jax. Fiona found young Jamie picking flowers, and he was a naked toddler and it showed the boys nudity full frontal and backside on screen. He ran away and drifted out to sea in his cradle boat. Fiona told Eamon, but he didn’t believe her. Tess and Hugh had gone to visit the landlord, who was kicking them out of their house because wealthy people wanted to rent it for the summer, so the elderly couple would soon be homeless. Hugh became depressed about the idea of having to leave the sea and fresh country air and moving inland. Hugh and Eamon went fishing on a foggy day together. Fiona saw Jax again and took her own boat and followed the seal to Roan Inish. She searched for Jamie and found him in the cottage having tea with a seal. The little naked boy ran away again and left in his cradle when he saw Fiona. Fiona stayed on the island at dark and lit a campfire. Hugh and Eamon arrived in their boat because they saw the fire. Hugh wasn’t pleased that Fiona was chasing after Jamie and believed that Tadhg put the ideas in her head. Fiona was adamant that the sea took Jamie away to be raised by seals as punishment for the Coneellys leaving Roan Inish Island, and feared Jamie wouldn’t be returned to his human family until they moved back to Roan Inish. In secret to surprise the elder grandparents, Eamon and Fiona spent the next few days fixing up the old cottages on the island to make them livable again so they could convince Tess and Hugh to move back there. They lied to their grandparents about what they were really doing and came home tired each day. Hugh and Tess told Fiona that Jim met his wife Brigid, Fiona’s mom, when she 16, and married soon after. Brigid was from the mainland. Hugh had kept Fiona’s sightings of Jamie a secret from Tess, so Fiona told Tess and she believed her granddaughter. Fiona, Eamon and their grandparents rowed to Roan Inish to put out a blanket for Jamie as a huge storm rolled in. Tess and Hugh were happy about the work Fiona and Eamon did, and they all settled down in the newly remodeled thatched roof cottage. When the rain stopped, the seals brought Jamie to the island. Jamie tried to run away when he saw the humans, but the seals wouldn’t let him and pushed the naked boy toward the humans and the empty cradle out to sea. Jamie ran to grandma holding a dry blanket to cover him with, and the rest of the family, and the elders planned to live on the island again permanently and were happy to have a home by the sea they loved with fresh air and peace. The movie cover art listed, Peter Travers, Rolling Stone “Roan Inish is pure magic!”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/24/24

TITLE:  The Brothers Grimm 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2005 Dimension Films / MGM Pictures / Mosaic Media Group / Daniel Bobker Productions / Atlas Entertainment / Vonton Film / Miramax International / Buena Vista International

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in 1796 and began in Germany, where little Lotte Grimm was sick. Her brother Jake was sent out to sell the family cow by his mom and get money for a doctor, but Jake got distracted and sold the cow for magic beans. Jake’s older brother Will was angry and attacked Jake, and from then on he blamed Jake for their sister Lotte’s death. Fifteen years later, the French occupied Germany. Will and Jake were known as the Brothers Grimm who traveled to different towns scamming townspeople out of their money by pretending to exorcise evil spirits and destroy monsters. They went to Karlstadt, where the mayor asked them to exorcise the spirit of a supposed witch that the townspeople burned at the stake and now she was haunting the mill. Will and Jake charged a hefty sum for their services, and they and their assistants Hidlick and Bunst set up a witch contraption which fooled the miller. The witch, one of the assistants in disguise, took control of the brothers’ weapons so Will pointed his gun at Jake. Jake was able to shoot the witch in the heart with an arrow of a child’s tears to destroy the witch and then the brothers sent the miller to bury her (her new form of chopped up snakes). Jake used to be a scholar and didn’t like deceiving people. Will and Jake spent the night at a tavern. Will took two women up to a room and had sex with both.  They were woke by the Italian Mercurio Cavaldi and his men Dax and Letroc, who took them to the French General Vavarin Delatombe of Westphalia to be executed for subterfuge and theft. Cavaldi threatened to execute two other men to get answers out of Will and Jake, but Delatombe decided to pardon the brothers if they agreed to work for the French military and travel to the town of Marbaden, where ten girls had disappeared including Little Red Riding Hood and Greta when she and her brother Hans ventured into the woods to find the other children. The villagers believed the enchanted Thuringian forest came alive and killed the girls, and Will and Jake were tasked with finding out what evil force was at play. A werewolf who shifted between wolf form and the form of an ax-wielding huntsman stalked the children and took them away. They and Cavaldi and his men received a welcoming of guns in their faces when they arrived in Marbaden. Mr. Krauss was supposed to be Will and Jake’s guide, but he was missing. His daughter, Angelika, didn’t want to help the brothers even though two of her sisters had disappeared. The brothers forced Angelika to take them to the forest where the forest people had been burnt to death by a Christian king who conquered them. On the queen and king’s wedding day, the plague arrived and killed the king. The queen built a tower in the forest where she hid away until she too died from the plague 500 years before. Out of the blue, Angelika licked Grandmother Toad to find the way back to the village, and then Angelika refused to return to the forest with the brothers and Cavaldi. That night, another village girl named Elsie comforted Jake’s neighing horse in the stable. The huntsman had fed the horse bugs from the forest that was crawling with them, and spiderwebs emerged from the horse’s mouth and ensnared Elsie. The horse then ate Elsie and galloped off. Angelika, the brothers and the others followed. The trees came alive and uprooted themselves to attack the group. Angelika tried to kill the werewolf huntsman with a bow and arrows until she realized that he was her dad, the woodsman who had been cursed by the Thuringian queen to do her bidding, wolves like Angelika thought did not kill her dad. Cavaldi found his men dead, so he held Angelika and the brothers at gunpoint and then went crawling back to Delatombe who was having dinner with his elite French guests. Angelika and the brothers were held in the torture chamber, and Cavaldi accused Will and Jake of leading a German uprising against Delatombe and using the disappearance of the girls to lure his soldiers into the cursed forest to kill them. Delatombe tried to execute the brothers, but Cavaldi wanted to get answers out of the brothers who claimed that the forest itself killed the men. Cavaldi was frightened by the appearance of a kitten, so he kicked the little kitten hard and it was ripped to shreds by the whirling blades of the drill that Angelika was trapped under. Delatombe ate the piece of bloody skin that landed on his cheek, and then the brothers changed their story and announced that a group of armed men killed Dax and Letroc. Will and Jake offered to return to the forest to stop the army, and Delatombe agreed to their terms but threatened to destroy everything and kill everyone if they tried to escape. Jake wrote down all the folklore and stories that he and Will heard in their travels, and he was adamant that they were now part of a real-life fairy tale and the queen was still in the tower. Will thought Jake was childish so the two got into a fight, and Angelika defended Jake. In the village, a girl named Sasha lost her eyes and mouth to a mud creature that grabbed her and then turned into a gingerbread creature that disappeared down the well. Jake climbed into the cobwebby tower room and found the queen’s centuries-old body on the bed along with her crown and throne and a spell book that she stole from the people. She cast the spell of eternal life on herself, but it didn’t include eternal youth so she turned old and ugly. Jake realized that the twelve crypts surrounding the tower were meant to hold twelve girls and the queen’s spirit planned to perform a ritual during the eclipse and blood moon to steal the twelve girls’ youth and beauty for herself. The huntsman took Sasha to her crypt and put her to sleep like he did with the other girls. The Mirror Queen reflected an image of herself in the mirror to seduce Jake while Will rescued Sasha and the huntsman went after him. Will licked Grandmother Toad, and she gave Will and Jake directions back to the village. Jake used the huntsman’s ax to hold the living forest at bay, and he and Will returned to the village with Sasha who stopped breathing. Jake explained about the queen, but then Delatombe arrived with his French soldiers and Cavaldi captured Angelika. The soldiers had arrested Hidlick and Bunst, and they confessed everything that Will and Jake did before the sidekicks were beheaded. Delatombe announced that Will and Jake were liars and frauds and they and Jake’s book of fairy tales would be burned along with the forest. The villagers protested, and Angelika was able to free the brothers before they went up in flames. The huntsman tried to kill Angelika, and Will fought him off but Jake was unable to save Angelika from the huntsman, who put her in the crypt to take Sasha’s place as the twelfth girl. The breath of the witch awakening was a powerful wind that blew out the flames in the forest, and Delatombe’s soldiers ran scared. Delatombe ordered Cavaldi to kill the brothers, but he refused so Delatombe injured Cavaldi. Will fought Delatombe off with a flaming cross and plunged a knife into him to kill him. Jake catapulted himself into the tower and Will followed as the eclipse began. The huntsman gave the queen the girls’ blood to drink, and she turned young and took control of the brothers’ knives to turn them against each other. Jake’s knife stabbed into his brother Will’s heart, and the queen took out the sharp instrument she had implanted in the huntsman’s heart to curse him and make him serve her. She put the instrument in Will’s heart so he would love her, and then Jake smashed the queen’s mirror and she broke apart into pieces. Will jumped out of the tower after the huntsman and they both died. Will’s dying words were servitude to his queen. The tower then crumbled apart, and Cavaldi rescued Jake out of the ruins and took him to Will’s body. The eclipse wasn’t over yet, so Jake delivered a true love’s kiss to Angelika despite the risk that it might not be true and she could die. Angelika woke up and was then reunited with her sisters and the other girls including Eva, Lily, Heidi, and Elsie. Jake planned to kiss Will, but he woke up on his own and Angelika kissed Will passionately. The village celebrated the defeat of the evil queen and the return of the girls. Cavaldi had saved Jake’s book from the burning forest and returned it to him. The brothers were now without country and were enemies of the state with the now free people. Will celebrated and hoped Angelika would be his by the end of the night.This movie had a budget of $80-88 million and grossed over $105 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Good Morning America “Absolutely enchanting. Matt Damon and Heath Ledger are terrific!” People “Enchanting!” Rolling Stone “Eye-popping fun!”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/24/24

TITLE:  Horse Crazy 

BOX OFFICE RATED: G (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2001 Pure Entertainment / Artist View Entertainment

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began with eight-year-old Tyler telling the story of when Stoney Davis moved to town and started school. Stoney showed off his lassoing skills on a girl by roping her in the classroom. Stoney claimed that he was a cowboy from a million acre cattle ranch in Texas. Teacher Mrs. Smith then showed everyone a movie about the wild mustangs of Nevada. Tyler’s college-age brother, Brad, was home for Christmas break and headed to Nevada to visit his long distance girlfriend, Jen, but planned to be back home for Christmas with his family. Tyler overheard his brother making plans and loved horses and realized that it was his only chance to get his own wild mustang in Nevada. Kate Williams told Tyler where to find Stoney’s house. As it turned out, Tyler lived in a trailer park. Tyler convinced Stoney to stow away in Brad’s SUV to Nevada so they could both catch mustangs and ride them home. Tyler’s 7-year-old little sister, Sam, overheard Tyler’s plans and threatened to tell their parents if he didn’t let her come. Tyler left a note for his parents, and he, Stoney and Sam hid in the back of Brad’s car. Meanwhile, Luke and Carl were two criminals watching TV and saw a news report about J.P. Anderson’s show horse, The General, who was worth $10 million. Luke and Carl planned to steal the million dollar horse when J.P. and his older teen granddaughter, Andi, drove back home to their Clarkston, Nevada, ranch to retire General. Luke and Karl worked for their boss Ray Wilson and the trio planned to sell the horse once they reached Mexicowith The General. Ray Wilson worked for J.P. as a foreman and the family knew nothing about Ray’s shady side as he kept his evil side hidden while around his employer and others. Brad stopped at a gas station to get gas and use the restroom. The young kids had to go potty so they snuck out of Brad’s car to go to the bathroom and ran into Karl and Luke. The boys both had to go badly so they agreed to go together but not cross swords. All three kids got back to the car ok, with little Sam first and as she waited alone, she overheard the bad guy close by plotting to steal the horse. Back on the road but only for a few minutes, Brad’s car broke down so he pulled over to the side. The kids were then discovered, and Brad was upset with them for stowing away and planned to take them home. Brad left the three young children in the back of his car while he went back to the gas station to buy a part, and he hitched a ride with J.P. and Andi in their horse trailer. The three little kids didn’t listen to Brad to stay put in the backseat. Tyler convinced Sam and Stoney to trek out into the Nevada desert on foot to get their horses, and they left a note for Brad to find when he returned. Andi was sweet on Brad so she had her grandpa drive him back to his car. Grandpa and Andi said their goodbyes and drove on down the road after dropping Brad off. However, criminals Luke and Karl were close by and pretended their truck was broken down so J.P. and Andi stopped thinking it was their day to help people alongside the road. The criminals tied up grandpa and granddaughter and tried to steal the General, but J.P. and Andi shouted at the horse to run away and so The General galloped off into the desert land. Brad saw the note his little brother left and went in search of the missing kids. Brad ended up rescuing Andi and J.P. and drove back to the gas station. As J.P. called the police for help, Andi went with Brad to find the kids since she was familiar with land and area. J.P. had called Sheriff Kirk Smith but he also called his foreman Ray not knowing Ray was a bad guy in on the plot to steal his high dollar horse. The kids had no luck finding the horses and planned to give up, but then The General appeared. Stoney revealed that he couldn’t lasso The General because he lied about being a Texas cowboy when he was really from Nevada and got all of his cowboy stuff from his neighbor who used to ride in the rodeo until he got injured. Tyler failed to lasso The General himself, so Sam fed the horse PB&J sandwiches and Stoney put the rope over The General’s head (which the kids could have done the whole time since the horse was very tame and ignored them while they threw ropes at him by eating what little grass there was). Luke and Karl had been following The General’s tracks on horseback, and then they found the missing prize horse and the kids. They claimed that The General belonged to them and he escaped from their ranch, so they gave the kids $5 each and took The General away which was upsetting. Sam then realized that Luke was the man she overheard on the phone at the gas station planning to steal a horse, and Stoney remembered that Karl was the one they encountered coming out of the bathroom. The trio planned to rescue The General, who they believed was female so they called him Beauty, and Stoney was reluctant about going but he went. Ray called his dimwit partners in crime accomplices, and Luke lied that he and Karl went to a lot of trouble to capture General. They threatened to release the horse if Ray didn’t pay them an extra $10,000, so he agreed and instructed Luke and Karl to hide The General in a cave until Ray arrived to take them to Mexico. Brad and Andi found footprints and realized that the kids were in danger from the horse thieves. Brad explained to Andi that his girlfriend Jen was a human planner who gave him a to-do list before he arrived at her parents’ house, and Andi thought that Jen was too controlling since she insisted that Brad cut his hair a specific way before he met Jen’s parents (which Brad had already done as well as bring the right candy for Jen’s dad). The kids found the bad guys’ cave and enacted their plan. Stoney made his presence known and lured Karl out of the cave, where Sam threw a coil of rope onto Karl’s back and shook a snake rattle the kids had found to make Karl believe it was a snake which Karl was afraid of. Luke left the cave to find Karl and show him that it was a rope, and then they returned to the cave to find Tyler trying to free The General. Luke captured Tyler while Karl chased after Stoney and Sam outside. He couldn’t catch them, but Brad and Andi found them and told them to stay hidden but the young kids didn’t listen again. Ray appeared in a moving van (in desert temps with no ventilation for horse), and Brad was skeptical about it but Andi said that Ray was their savior so they went to greet him. Ray and Luke took Andi and Brad hostage inside the cave. Sam and Stoney took the keys from Ray’s van, tied a rock to the wheel to blast the horn, and locked the door. Stoney lit flares in the back of the truck, and Karl climbed inside to put them out and Stoney locked him in. When Luke went to find Karl, Stoney tripped Luke with a rope so he fell and hit his head on a rock that Stoney put there. Sam untied Brad and instructed him to punch Ray in the face to knock him out when she told him to. Luke grabbed Andi, but then Stoney lassoed them. Brad, Andi and the kids rode off on The General and the other horses with all three bad guys tied and walking in tow. The police arrested the criminals at the highway, and J.P. gave the three little kids each their own horse as a reward that J.P. would keep at his ranch. In the end, Brad dumped Jen and spent time a lot of time with his new love interest (and certified mechanic) Andi on J.P.’s ranch. Brad took the kids there often to visit their horses. After Christmas break, public school teacher Mrs. Smith showed her class a movie about the wild llamas of Peru and Tyler and Stoney decided they wanted to go to Peru and get them a couple of llamas. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/23/24

TITLE:  The Dark Horse 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2008 Leap of Faith Productions / Longeline Productions 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 2

REASON: This movie began with Dana McSpadden teaching ballet to her adult students in Seattle. Dana went home to her small apartment and her brother Finn called her on the phone and explained that their elderly dad, Fiach, had something seriously wrong with him and asked his sister to come back to their childhood home. Dana returned to her family’s Dark Horse Farms where she grew up on Orcas Island on the ferry. Dana’s mom, Gwen, took in abused and misbehaved horses, and her newest horse was Taliesin, a Friesian she wanted to train to finally beat her long-term competitor Pam Griffin in the upcoming dressage competition. Gwen wanted Dana to ride horses again, but her daughter refused and was resentful toward Gwen because Dana’s dancing career was ruined by a riding injury. Dana wanted to go back to Seattle soon after she arrived, so she called her other brother Bran and asked him to come take care of Fiach. Bran was reluctant but came with his wife Cathy and kids Catrina, Rees and the youngest Dylan, who was special and in therapy. Dylan would hate his mom when he didn’t get what he wanted like a sandwich that his mom knew would make her son sick. Brothers Bran and Finn were at odds and had been feuding for years ever since Finn and Cathy used to date and then big brother attorney Bran had sex with Cathy and stole her away. Finn tried to leave when Bran arrived, but he ran over a log with his van and was stuck there at the ranch with his brother and his family. Dana and Bran found past due year-old bills that were never paid and foreclosure notices that Fiach hid and called junk mail. Their elderly parents only had three weeks to pay the bills before they would be evicted of their ranch property that they had for many years and would be homeless. Bran believed they should sell the farm so he and Elizabeth the realtor listed the farm and showed it to prospective buyers. Gwen wanted to sell the horse Taliesin to get some money, and Fiach was an inventor with several patents who was working on another invention to make money. Fiach sent Finn and Bran out to run errands and buy supplies in hopes they would make amends, but they didn’t. Dana was surprised to see her high school classmate Martin working around the farm as they were both in their 30’s. He used to work at the land trust office, so Dana asked him about setting one up but he didn’t think they had enough time. Dana met with the land trust president and got reacquainted with her old friend Kate Jones. Martin was a horse whisperer and helped Gwen train Taliesin, and Fiach believed that Gwen and Martin were having an affair so he was furious and threatened to kill Martin if he came around again. Bran wanted to send Fiach to the doctor for his dementia, but Gwen wanted her husband to finish his last invention, even though he was getting more angry and harder to help through his fits. Gwen was upset about selling the farm, so she cried in Fiach’s arms and he consoled her. Gwen fell off Taliesin when she was riding, and she broke her arm and couldn’t ride. Dana argued with Gwen, and Martin drove her to the ferry to return to Seattle. They stopped when they discovered that Taliesin escaped, and Martin couldn’t catch the horse because men had abused Taliesin. Martin encouraged Dana to catch the horse and she did. Martin told Dana that it wasn’t Gwen’s fault she got injured when she was younger after she fell off a horse. Martin then helped Dana train Taliesin so she could take Gwen’s place in the upcoming dressage competition. The troubled Taliesin threw Dana repeatedly, but Martin gave her pep talks and told her to get back on the horse. The land trust president announced that they needed a year to get a land trust so the court rejected their petition. Bran was desperate to get back to work at the law firm, and Cathy suggested that she and the kids stay on the island while Bran went home but he refused to leave her alone with Finn. Catrina took ballet lessons at school, and Dana gave her pointers. The family received an offer from a developer who wanted to build condos on the farm, and Bran was adamant that they accept it so his parents could buy another smaller property with savings in the bank leftover to live off from. Gwen and Fiach had second thoughts about selling their ranch home they built up and raised their children in. Dana wanted to sell Taliesin to pay the bills, like her mom had planned to do. Bran and Finn got into a fight, and Bran went for an angry kayak ride on the lake. Cathy realized that she made a mistake choosing Bran over Finn, so she kissed Finn away from the house but then left because she didn’t trust herself alone with her husband’s brother that she loved before her husband. Fiach spent time with Dylan on the lakeshore, but then the two disappeared. Dana found Fiach’s unfinished invention in his workshop when she went looking for him. The sheriff helped organize a search party, and hours later Dana and her brothers found Fiach and Dylan in a cave by the shore. Fiach had fallen and was hurt, and he couldn’t remember what happened. He was taken to the hospital, where he told Gwen that he was not healthy and she should be nice to Dana. Dana and Taliesin entered the dressage contest, but a squeaky speaker spooked Taliesin (hopefully not a devil competitor doing) before he started as they were out in the riding area. Dana fell and sprained her ankle, and Gwen encouraged her to ride anyway and lent Dana her boot. Dana and Taliesin won first place, and a lady was interested in buying Taliesin but she decided that he wasn’t the riding horse for her. The parents didn’t save their ranch home and got rid of most of the abused and rescued horses and packed up the house to move out since they sold the property to the condo people. The family left to find a new and smaller farm where they would live with Taliesin and another horse that they kept. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/23/24

TITLE:  A Father’s Choice 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2000  Columbia Tristar Television / CBS Network

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is inspired by a true story and takes place in California. It began with rodeo pro rider and former rodeo champion Charlie “Mac” McClain who lived in a tiny bunkhouse and worked on a rural cattle ranch owned by Dotty in Beckett. Charlie’s buddy, George, the owner of a local car dealership and some restaurants agreed to sponsor Mac in the rodeo circuit business if Mac did well in the upcoming Pacheco rodeo. Mac’s ex-wife, Jesse, lived in LA with her fiancé, Kallen, and Jesse and Mac’s two young daughters, 13-year-old Kelly and 10-year-old Chris. One night after returning home from a movie rental store, the Los Angeles family arrived home to their mansion to find the porch light off (Kallen claimed he just fixed) and their dog barking. Kelly went alone in the dark through the gate to get the dog. In the driveway, lil’ Chris then witnessed a criminal walk out of a dark area near their home and shoot her mom Jesse dead and shoot Kallen too (he survived multiple gunshot wounds). The shooter walked toward youngest Chris to getaway down the road and as he did he told Chris not to move and traumatized Chris did nothing but stare while her older sister arrived at the scene and started screaming for help. The black clothed shooter fled the scene with no valuables from inside the house. Since Jesse died, the girls were taken into CPS custody with social worker Lisa Everson. Detectives Ross and Cortez questioned the girls about their experience while at the police station, but the young ones were too traumatized to give details, except that the murder spoke to Chris. Mac was at a local bar at the time of the murders and his officer buddy pulled him aside and told him about his ex-wife and the kids in CPS. Mac drove to LA and went to the crime scene to talk to the detectives, who considered Mac a suspect and questioned him and he said his sheriff friend was his alibi in the small town and to look elsewhere. Mac was able to go inside the home where Anna the housekeeper let Mac secretly take the turquoise necklace from his ex-wife’s bedroom that he gave to Jesse when he proposed to Jesse. The shooter was still at large and had no motive, so Kelly and Chris were thought to be in danger by the officials and they wanted the girls out of the area and conducted a rush custody hearing. Mac hadn’t seen his daughters in years, but Judge White granted Charlie temporary custody for three months and then small town Beckett Family Services counselor Susan Shaw would evaluate him to determine if he would get final custody at a hearing. Aunt Gayle Miller attended the hearing from Chicago, Jesse’s questionable sister who married into enormous wealth. Gayle and Jesse were the daughters of a prestigious banker in Pasadena. Gayle’s husband was a wealthy surgeon who ran a hospital in Chicago, and they had two kids together. Gayle traveled alone to LA and petitioned for custody of her sister’s girls (since her sister was out of the picture) because she hated Charlie, and she threatened that she would get them because Charlie never wanted to be a dad. Mac’s friend, Sheriff Carl Dewitt, was at the ranch when Mac arrived home with the girls. The sheriff left behind an officer to keep the girls safe, and they moved into Mac’s one-bedroom bunkhouse with Mac on Dotty’s hundreds of acres cattle ranch with other ranch hands that appeared to live on the property too. Elder Dotty stopped by the bunkhouse too and introduced herself to the girls and told them to come up to the ranch house and get some sugary things if they had a craving. Kelly didn’t want Mac’s help and played mom to Chris, who had screaming nightmares about the shooting. Mac and the girls went to court appointed mandatory counseling with family counselor Susan twice a week, but the girls walked out because they weren’t satisfied with the bare necessities after living the spoiled rich life in Los Angeles. Kallen survived his gunshot wounds and was recovering, so he shipped the girls’ belongings to Charlie at the ranch. Mac and Susan (around the same age late 40’s to early 50’s and had a romantic connection) took the girls shopping for clothes at the western store. Los Angeles detectives Ross and Cortez had no leads so they drove to Beckett to ask Chris more questions about what the shooter looked like since she was the only one who saw him, but Chris was still traumatized and started crying with their recap of the murder scene and her mom falling dead in front of her, so Mac told the officers to leave Chris alone. The detectives told Mac that they researched Kallen and discovered that he backed out of a deal that cost 100 people their jobs so somebody may have tried to murdered Kallen and shot Jesse because she happened to be there with Kallen. Mac tried to teach the girls how to ride a horse, but out of control Kelly had a meltdown and screamed hate at Mac because Chris refused to tell anyone what she saw and therefore she was getting all the attention and not Kelly. Kelly said she didn’t want to take care of her little sister and do her mom’s work as it was Charlie’s job. Kelly stormed off, and Mac left little Chris (knew nothing about horses) standing there holding on to a ranch horse while he drove off to the bar and drank alcohol and got into a fight. The sheriff and his deputies were there too so they broke it up, and Mac spent the night in jail, leaving the girls home alone to fend for themselves in the middle of nowhere with strangers lurking about. Neither Mac nor the girls wanted to make it work, but Susan told Mac to try to be their dad. Chris found Georgia, the pregnant mare, having trouble in labor, but Mac was able to deliver the foal and assigned Chris to bottle-feed the newborn since Georgia wasn’t healthy to feed the young one. Susan’s coworker, Debra Wilkins, caught on that Susan was getting personally involved with Mac so Deborah encouraged Susan to have a romantic relationship with her assigned client, Charlie. Mac decided to install a phone inside his bunkhouse. He also got the girls paint for their newly built room Dotty paid for to add on to Charlie’s bunkhouse for the girls. LA detectives Ross and Cortez showed up again and brought a sketch artist to work with Chris so they could have a picture of the shooter, but Charlie refused to let them bother Chris anymore and he also ordered his sheriff buddy and deputies to leave the property too. Chicago Gayle appeared with her attorney David Winston soon after and way before the three months were up in the small town. Chicago Gay le threw her money and weight around and was successful in getting a hearing with local Beckett Judge Morgan and requested that he overrule the previous custody. During the hearing, Gayle boasted that Kelly and Chris would attend the best school in Chicago because Mac was an unfit first-time parent. Family counselor Susan represented her love interest Mac and recommended that Charlie keep custody of the children and let the girls attend the local public Beckett school. Judge Morgan (close with the small town family counseling center workers) decided in favor of Charlie and let him keep the girls until the end of the summer when the final custody hearing would take place. Mac gave Chris her mom’s turquoise necklace when they were alone on the ranch. Chris revealed that she didn’t see the shooter’s face but she wished she had done something to help and cried in Charlie’s arms. Soon after, Mac headed to the Pacheco rodeo that he had previously setup before the ex-wife’s murder and his daughters entered his life again, so Kelly accused Mac of not caring about her or Chris. Mac pulled out a box and showed the eldest a few letters that he wrote to the girls over the years but never mailed. Mac admitted that he once attended one of Kelly’s school plays when she eight years old and sang God Bless America. Kelly and Chris stayed with Dotty while Mac was gone. Charlie won a belt buckle in calf roping. George agreed to sponsor Mac, but then Charlie changed his mind and decided that he wanted stay with his daughters and not be on the road for months across several states and he was too old. At the hearing with Judge Morgan, Mac and the girls all agreed that they wanted to be together and Gayle wasn’t happy about that. Susan confirmed while inside the courtroom at the hearing with local judge Morgan that she would stay in contact with Charlie and his family after the hearing, so the judge granted Charlie final and full custody of Kelly and Chris. Outside the courthouse, Charlie and Susan made date plans for Saturday night, before he left to take the girls back to their bunkhouse. The end of the movie stated that Charlie and Susan fell in love, the girls stayed on the ranch, and Jesse’s murder was never solved.

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/22/24

TITLE:  One Last Prayer 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2020  Green Apple Entertainment / Eye-80 Media / Mfinity Media 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in Cleveland, where David Medford couldn’t sleep because he repeatedly had dreams about his dad beating up his mom. David and his wife Alexis invited Will and his wife Patricia over for their tween daughter Olivia’s birthday party. Olivia received a pet turtle that she named Gabriel at the party Patricia gave her a prayer book. David received a phone call from an old school chum, Connor, out of the blue. The party company arrived six hours late with the balloons so David manhandled the delivery guy when he brought them and because the guy also eyed his wife Alexis. Olivia passed out when the cake was served, so she was taken to the hospital and diagnosed with another but different kind of cancerous brain tumor after her other tumor was in remission. Alexis didn’t want to put Olivia though chemo again, so the doctor recommended a biopsy and since mom didn’t want her daughter to suffer through chemo again she suggested a different doctor that had experimental treatment. David and Alexis argued and didn’t agree on the treatment of their daughter’s sickness and were stressed over the possibility of losing her. Alexis nursed her daughter back to health after her past chemo treatment and her husband did little to help. David had an altercation with the homeless man who hung around his neighborhood going through the homeowners’ garbage cans. David worked as a salesman at Easy Electronics, and his boss Tyler was the belittling son of the company owner. He told David not to mess up closing the deal with Mr. Reid, the owner of a construction company, otherwise the company would lose money. Tyler claimed that a previous incident was David’s fault when it was in fact Tyler’s fault because Tyler failed to provide the correct information for David to do his job. Schoolteacher Pat gave Alexis a pep talk and talked about God and told her to deal with her problems and not walk away with them. She recommended that Alexia and David apply for the Angel Wings nonprofit program that would help pay for Olivia’s cancer treatment. Pat invited Alexis to her life group, and she convinced David to attend a life group meeting that Will invited him to. David cut his hand with glass and then agreed because Alexis didn’t want to deal with his drinking problem and anger issues in addition to caring for Olivia. David met with Will at the pool hall, where David liked the atmosphere of just being able to talk and occasionally read the Bible with no pressure but holding each other accountable to grow with God instead of a sit-down, Bible-thumping session with old men. Olivia complained to her dad that she didn’t want to eat her oatmeal, so David announced that Olivia should have whatever she wanted and told his wife Alexis to make her pancakes. At work, David spoke to Mr. Reid on the phone. Mr. Reid confirmed that he would make an additional purchase and they would have the purchase order before Mr. Reid left on vacation. Tyler interrupted David before he was able to complete the quote to Mr. Reid, which put him behind schedule as he promised to get the quote right over to him before Mr. Reid left on vacation. David’s old buddy Conner then showed up at his office unexpectedly, who he hadn’t seen in years. The two reminisced about when they were young kids together and how they stole a car and hid it in David’s grandma’s garage until Grandma caught them. David got a whipping for that.  Conner thought they were good times, but David knew they were the worst of his life. David said he had been married for 10 years and Conner lived with his girlfriend Allison and knew about David’s work because Alexis posted everything on Facebook. Conner offered David money from a wad of cash that he earned from his criminal business, but David turned him down. Alexis then called David to tell him that Angel Wings would pay for Olivia to have alternative treatments if they were approved and wanted her husband to fill out the paperwork. Connor left after David hung up with his wife. Tyler then came back into David’s office and Tyler instructed David to get him reports before he did anything else and announced that the company was in a slump and was downsizing. David would get a 20% reduction in pay that could last for a year, and he lost that much of his commission on the big sale because he hadn’t closed Mr. Reid’s deal yet. David finally got the quote over to Mr. Reid and then Mr. Reid called David and told him he was going to buy from a different company, so David was frustrated. David went to another life group meeting and walked out after a man explained that he had been sleeping on the couch because he called his wife a bit** had and the guy added that he would be lost without his children. Will recommended Ephesians 5:25 to the group. Will found David in another room and prayed with David. David left and immediately called Conner, who offered to get David a job on the streets but David wasn’t interested and just wanted a cash loan. David resorted to drinking water instead of alcohol, and he told Alexis about his pay cut. Pat helped raise $300 for them, and David was offended that Alexis was accepting charity. Alexis tried to convince David to fill out the Angel Wings application, but he refused so she filled it out and gave it to David to sign. David tucked Olivia into bed and they took turns reading the prayer book about angels and faith. Olivia started coughing and wanted to know how old she would be when she died and if it hurt, and she was worried about being sent to a nursing home like one her friend’s grandmother was sent to when she had cancer. Alexis was busy with her friends and forgot to pick up Olivia’s prescription, so David went to get it at Walmart. He overheard Dr. Peter Popavich discussing a divorce with his lawyer on the phone in the parking lot. Peter offered for David to sit in his high-dollar car that Peter bought for himself as a gift, and David was skeptical but agreed. Peter explained that he was getting divorced from his gold-digging wife, Lynn, who he regretted marrying because she turned out to be a hottie after his money, like Peter’s sister warned him she would be. Peter allowed David to pray for him so the two men held hands in the Walmart parking lot while David prayed. Afterward, they were both calmer and happier for it. Will explained to David as David fixed Will’s car that he became prayer leader after Will found God when he was in prison for 25 years for attempted murder and armed robbery. Will changed his tune after he had multiple sessions with a chaplain, and then the court had mercy on him and let him go after 8 years. David explained his recurring dream from an incident when he was 7 or 8 years old that still kept him up at night and interfered with not only his health but his family’s health too. David’s deadbeat dad was an alcoholic who beat his family when he was drunk, and one day he came home and took money from his wife’s purse while she was sleeping because it was her payday. She woke up and swore at her husband, and then she told him to pack his bags and told David and his sister to call the police. David hid in his parent’s closet and overheard, and then his dad knocked his mom hard and she fell to the floor. David picked up the gun off the floor in front of him told his dad never to hurt them again and pulled the trigger and shot his dad. His dad fell back but ran out of the house and he never saw his dad again and didn’t want to either. David’s mom blamed her son for her husband leaving, so she sent him to live with his grandmother who raised him. David learned how to fix cars when he was growing up on the street (stealing cars). David told Will he didn’t owe in anything for the repair job since Will helped him with therapy sessions. Later on, David called Conner to get a $10,000 loan while Alexis, not knowing who her husband saw or what her husband did, waited at the house for a nurse to make a home visit to see Olivia. David couldn’t make it and went to collect the money from Conner at his apartment with Allison and a supersized security guard Dane. David refused to do a criminal errand for Conner in exchange for the money, so Conner pulled a gun on David and threatened him while Dane recorded them. David grabbed the gun away from Conner and escaped, and then David was afraid for his family and prayed to God for help. David went home and tackled the homeless man near his house again to get his bag because David thought the guy stole it from his vehicle while he left the jeep to get the bicycle out of the way so he could park in his driveway. The man revealed that he knew Olivia was sick and he was praying for her because his wife had died from cancer and David realized that the bag belonged to the homeless man and wasn’t David’s. Peter’s wife, Lynn, came to deliver a letter from Peter to David at the family’s home. Alexis mistook Lynn for the nurse that was coming to see Olivia. Once Alexis realized inside the house that Lynn wasn’t the nurse she listened to Lynn explain that she and Peter weren’t getting divorced because David’s prayer saved their marriage and made her husband a better man and the two were headed to Italy to renew their vows. Lynn told Alexis to tell David she was thankful to him for helping save her marriage (David didn’t talk to Lynn since he left to get cleaned up from wrestling the homeless guy on the ground and wanted to look presentable to the nurse). Lynn left so Alexis started reading the letter and had David finish reading it when David joined her on the couch. Dr. Peter explained that he had planned to commit suicide to spite Lynn but he didn’t after David prayed with him in the Walmart parking lot. After that prayer, Peter felt like a new man and let God be in control of his life and marriage, and he was thankful that David gave him the time nobody else would and listened to his troubles. David had left his Angel Wings application in Peter’s car, and Peter found it. Peter said he was on the board for Angel Wings and many other charities and offered to push the application through to be approved if they decided to submit it. David and Alexis were happy to discover that Peter included a $50,000 check made out to David inside the envelope, signed by Dr. Peter Popavich. 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/21/24

TITLE:  Uptown Girls 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2003 MGM Pictures / Greenestreet Films / 20thCentury Fox 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie takes place in New York City. It started with Molly Gunn receiving more flowers and gifts for her 22ndbirthday. They piled up in the hallway and lobby of her apartment building, so she gave the doorman a thong from one of the gift bags for his girlfriend and told him to donate everything else (without Molly ever looking at the gifts) to the Salvation Army. Molly celebrated at a club with her friends, Ingrid and Huey. Huey was there working an extra babysitting job which was watching 8-year-old Lorraine “Ray” Schleine because she couldn’t keep a nanny and her mom hung out nearby around the musicians. Ray brought her own soap to the bathroom so she wouldn’t catch bacterial diseases. Her sad excuse for a mom, Roma, owned the Schleine Records Company that Huey worked at. Ray pushed her mom Roma around and insisted that they leave when little Ray wanted to. After she got in the car once her mom was put inside, Ray gave Gooey Huey the middle finger. An Australian musician named Neal Fox sang a song for Molly, and she was interested in him and knew she could get any guy she wanted even though Neal was dedicated everything to his music and took vows of celibacy and sobriety. Molly took Neal to her apartment, and he was a fan of Molly’s dad Tommy the musician. She had her dad’s entire guitar collection, and Neal played the song “Molly Smiles,” that Tommy wrote for Molly but she asked Neal not to sing it because of her parents died on tour in a plane crash. Molly instead seduced Brit Neal, and he broke his vows and had sex with her and holed up in her apartment for many days with her. Molly plotted ways to get rid of Neal after several days, but he left on his own and then she wanted him back. Molly suddenly went bankrupt, so her lawyer Mr. Feldman explained to her and her best friend Ingrid that Bob Kopalski, the man that Molly’s parents put in charge of her finances, stole all of the money like he did to ten other people. He escaped to South America with $100 million and would be put away for life if he got caught, but Molly wouldn’t see any of the money for years if ever. Molly now forced into poverty got a job at the Henri Bendel store, where she bought expensive Egyptian cotton sheets and used them to tempt Neal into having a more serious relationship with her. Molly was fired after she was found sleeping on a bed in the store, so Huey did Molly a favor and got her a job as Ray’s new nanny. Ray was a demanding, bossy and a spoiled brat who regularly took pills, argued with Molly, and disinfected the things Molly touched for fear of germs. Molly wanted to quit, but Ray wouldn’t let her and declared that she was the boss since Roma was never around. Molly couldn’t pay her bills, so she and her pet pig Mu from Thailand were kicked out of the apartment with the blessing of Molly’s unhappy neighbor Mr. McConkey. Molly stayed with Ingrid, who insisted that she work to earn her keep and sell all her unessential belongings on the street. Molly apologized to Ray for not getting along, so Ray agreed to let her have her babysitting job back. Molly did her own laundry at the Laundromat and in a queer scene she took off the panties underneath her mini skirt that she had on and put the underwear in the washer with her other clothes. Molly kept calling Neal, who refused to talk to her. Ingrid and her girlfriends from the bake club put Molly in charge of baking cookies at their shared apartment but Molly caused a fire in the oven and injured her neck when the girls did yoga. Ray attacked a girl at school for calling Molly a slutbag whore, so Molly broke up the fight until she learned what caused it and then she also attacked the schoolgirl. Neal finally met with Molly and explained that he got a record deal with Roma and his first hit song was “Sheets of Egyptian Cotton.” Molly redesigned Neal’s old “lucky” jacket, and he didn’t like it and broke up with her. Molly ditched Ingrid and her tea tasting at the Asia Society to go on a date, so Ingrid kicked Molly out and Molly moved in with Huey. They partied at the club where Romawas, and Molly forgot to go to Ray’s ballet recital but Roma said she had no desire to go and instead sent a car to pick Ray up when it was over.Molly took Ray to Coney Island on Molly’s day off to cheer Ray up, but the park didn’t open for another week so Ray ran off upset. Molly explained that her parents died in a plane crash when she was about Ray’s age after they left Molly at home with a nanny and wouldn’t take her on tour with them. Molly ran away to live in Coney Island and rode the Spinning Teacups ride. Neal (without his shirt in the kitchen) was at Roma’s house the next morning, and Molly left in tears when she realized that Neil had sex with (married) Roma to get his record deal. Molly jumped off the bridge in the park into the shallow sewage water, and she ended up sick in bed. Ray nursed her, and then Molly took her to talk to her dad, David, a few rooms away in the house in bed and cared for by a full-time nurse after David had a stroke and ended up in a coma. Molly was mad when she saw the music video Huey designed for Neal featuring him wearing the jacket Molly made for Neal and singing with women in lingerie. David suddenly died (after his wife had sex with another man in the house with her husband in a coma and her neglected young daughter too). Ray told Roma that she didn’t want Molly around anymore so Roma let her go. Molly ripped up her severance pay and informed Roma that she didn’t know Ray and the child suffered from her mom’s horrible parental skills. Neal wanted to use Molly to get another hit song, but she wasn’t interested and knew the choice he already made. Molly took Ingrid’s advice and auctioned off her dad’s guitars to an anonymous buyer for $75,000. Molly moved into a low-end apartment that Huey thought was below her since it once basically one small room. Roma called Molly to tell her that she called the police because Ray was missing. Molly went to Coney Island to find Ray and console her, and they rode the Spinning Teacups together. At David’s funeral, other musicians asked Molly to design clothes for them because they liked Neal’s redesigned lucky jacket and Molly and Ingrid made amends. Molly tried to apply for four years of design school, but she was told to skip it because she had impressive references like Dalai Lama and could get started with help from one of her friends and use their power connections. Molly made it to Ray’s recital just in time for her performance. Neal was on stage and he revealed that he bought Molly’s guitar collection that was her dad’s, and he had the little girls dance using the guitars as props as he sang and played “Molly Smiles.”  Ray was the star of the show wearing the short tutu that Molly designed for her and dancing the way Molly taught her how freestyle that included cartwheels. This movie had a budget of $20 million and grossed over $44 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, US Weekly “Uptown Girls just wanna have fun!” Hot Ticket “Brittany Murphy is a charmer in this year’s funniest coming-of-age comedy!”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/20/24

TITLE:  Knight and Day 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG-13 (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2010  20th Century Fox / Regency Enterprises / Pink Machine / Todd Garner Productions / Tree Line Films / Dune Entertainment / New Regency 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began at the Wichita, Kansas airport, where CIA agent Roy Miller purposefully made sure that he and his target June Havens repeatedly bumped into each other. June lived in Boston where she owned a garage to restore classic cars. June traveled to Kansas to get parts as Kansas was the hot spot for auto parts and was now returning home to for her younger sister April’s Boston wedding.However, June couldn’t get on the flight after she cleared customs and had already got the ticket because she was told at the boarding gate that she wasn’t booked and the flight was full. Roy boarded the flight to Boston and walked past June and told June some things happened for a reason. CIA Director Isabel George sent her agents John Fitzgerald and others to watch Roy and retrieve from him the Zephyr battery that they thought he had. The government agents suspected that Roy planted the battery on June, so they made sure that June got a seat on the flight too and when she boarded, she saw that there were many empty seats and very little passengers. The plane encountered turbulence, but June and Roy hit it off and shared their traveling dreams. June went to the bathroom, and while inside Roy was attacked by everyone onboard who were all bad guys including the stewardess and the pilots. He fought them off and shot one pilot until both pilots were dead and every one else on the plane too, except June and Roy. June spent many minutes inside the bathroom trying to improve her appearance for her new love interested and suspected nothing when walked out of the small bathroom. Roy waited for her with drinks in a seat, and she walked to him and passionately kissed him. He told her what he did, and June thought it was a joke until she discovered everyone was dead. Roy crash-landed the plane in an Indiana cornfield, and then he drugged June and explained quickly before she passed out that questionable government agents would find her and would try to convince her that Roy was paranoid and mentally unstable. He instructed June to run away from anyone who told her she would be safe and secure because it meant they would kill her. The plane on the ground exploded and June passed out, and she woke up in her house in Boston. Firefighter Rodney Burris (her ex boyfriend) stopped by June’s and checked on her after he saw the news and knew she was returning from Kansas. He asked her out to dinner, and she said she would think about it and then she went to her dress fitting with April. June had been restoring an old GTO that belonged to her dad before he died, and she planned to give it to April as a wedding gift but April wanted to sell the car and use the money to buy a house with her husband-to-be Ben. June was coaxed outside the building and then surrounded by Fitz and the government agents, and she left with them in their car. They questioned June and used the keywords that meant they would kill her. Roy stole a police motorcycle and shot at the government vehicles. The driver of June’s car was shot and killed, and an agent jumped out of the back into traffic so June from the backseat steered the out of control government car. Roy jumped onto the roof of the car and shot more agents with a machine gun until he took the wheel and stopped the car. Roy continued shooting all the agents dead while June ran away from all of the violence. She went out with fireman Rodney Burris, and Rodney reminded her of the fun things they used to do as a couple like go camping in Vermont and see the Blue Man Group. The two broke up because she didn’t want to be engaged to him. June rapidly tried to explain everything that happened on the plane, but Rodney didn’t believe her and dismissed it as her being stressed out over the wedding because her little sister was getting married before her. The government believed that June was Roy’s partner in crime, so Roy planned to clear her name and make her look like his hostage. There were security cameras in the restaurant, so Roy handcuffed June at gunpoint and took her away threatening to kill himself and then her. Rodney followed them outside the cafe, so Roy knew just where to shoot Rodney in the leg that would miss a vital artery and go straight through but in the end fireman Rodney would look like a true-blue hero and get a promotion to lieutenant like he wanted. June didn’t feel safe with Roy, but she went with him when Roy stole another car from a parking garage. Roy showed June the Zephyr and explained that it was a battery with a perpetual energy source like the sun that would never run out. The battery was invented by Simon Feck, a genius just out of high school who worked at a lab in Wichita. Roy and Fitz were assigned to watch Simon, and Roy had discovered that Fitz planned to sell the Zephyr and kill Simon. Roy put Simon at a safe warehouse in Brooklyn and went after Fitz to retrieve the battery so CIA agent Fitz set Roy up and made him look like a rogue agent in Director Isabel’s eyes but she was now hunting Roy down. Roy and June searched for Simon at the warehouse, and he wasn’t there but left a message for Roy he was in Austria. Roy had a shootout with a group of armed men working for Antonio Quintana, the Spanish arms dealer who wanted the Zephyr. June freaked and almost shot Roy with the gun he gave her, so he tricked her into taking another drug to pass out. They were captured but Roy freed both of them, and by the time June woke up in a bikini that Roy had dressed her in while she was passed out. They were on Roy’s off-grid hideout in the Azores islands. April called June on her cell and she answered, but she lost the signal since they were supposedly off grid. Quintana’s men traced it to the island and shot missiles at Roy and June with a jet. June refused to be drugged again, so Roy squeezed her neck to make her pass out and they headed off in a helicopter. June woke up on a train in the Austrian Alps, where Quintana’s assassin, Bernhard, misled June to believe that he was Simon. Roy left June a note and she realized that the real Simon was with Roy, so she ran and Bernhard chased her and demanded to know where the Zephyr was. June tried to fight Bernhard off used a move that Roy taught her to escape and ended up stabbing Bernhard in the heart with a knife. Roy appeared and knocked Bernhard part of the way out the window and he was killed when a passing train struck him in the head. June, Roy and Simon got off the train undetected by Fitz and his men, and they checked into three rooms at a luxury hotel in Salzburg. Roy gave Simon instructions to stay in his room and then left the hotel. June followed Roy and overheard his dinner conversation with a female working for Quintana. Roy told her that June was just nobody to him, as Quintana listened to Isabel and Roy using the female’s earpiece. Isabel then picked up June. The CIA Director told June the lies that Isabel herself believed about how Roy was a liar and a spy who planned to sell the battery to Quintana and planted it on June at the airport to get it onboard the plane undetected. June agreed to turn Roy in to the government, so she gave them the hotel address and then had dinner with Roy. The agents and local police interrupted and went after Roy, who fled onto the rooftops. Roy fell into a lake with the Zephyr on his person, and he was presumed dead. June returned to Boston for April’s wedding while Fitz took Simon hostage in Germany and planned to deliver him to Quintana in Spain in place of the battery. June delivered car parts to the New Hampshire house of Frank and Molly Knight, and it was the same address that Roy had attached to a tracking device on his phone. Frank and Molly explained that their son Matthew Knight died in a helicopter crash and he could hold his breath underwater all the way across the lake Sunapee. June realized that Matthew Knight was Roy and he was alive and he would swim out of the lake in Salzburg. June left a message on her own answering machine telling Quintana’s men that she had the Zephyr because she knew they were hacking her phone and wanted Roy back in her life. They came as expected, and June tried to make a deal with them using a fake battery but she was captured. She awoke in Sevilla, Spain, tied up and drugged with a truth serum. Quintana questioned her about the real battery and insisted that Roy was dead. Roy was alive and was in Sevilla searching for Simon. Roy rescued June from Quintana’s men, and they kissed and instead of being afraid June was excited to see Roy’s killer glock. The bad guys chased the duo through the streets, and June shot at them from Roy’s motorcycle. Stampeding bulls at the bullring smashed Quintana’s car up, and Roy followed Fitz’s car with Simon hostage in the trunk. Fitz threatened to kill Simon, so Roy gave Fitz the battery. CIA agent Fitz shot at Simon, and Roy took a bullet to the chest for him while Fitz left on a plane. Simon had known that the battery was faulty and unstable, so it overheated and exploded with Fitz on his plane. Roy was taken to the hospital and woke up in DC, where CIA Director Isabel admitted her mistake in trusting Fitz and the others agents who were the real rogues. Isabel wasn’t pleased that Roy was distracted by June, so she sent June bug home so Roy could focus on his CIA work. However, June outfoxed the CIA Director and posed as a doctor and gave Roy a drug so she could sneak agent Roy out of the hospital as a dead person. Roy woke up in June’s GTO, and she drove them to Cape Horn as they discussed on their first plane so she could prove to him that sometime didn’t mean never. Roy’s parents Frank and Molly received free tickets to South America to join Roy and June there that they thought they won. This movie had a budget of $117 million and grossed $262 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, The Boston Globe “High-octane. Stylish, funny.” Newsweek “Easily one of the best films of the summer.” The Washington Post “Utterly delightful.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/20/24

TITLE:  A Letter To Dad 

BOX OFFICE RATED: NR (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2008 Bridgestone Multimedia Group / Skipstone Pictures

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie is based on a true story and began in 1994, where 27-year-old Dan Donahue approached stranger Sue Poland on the street at a hotdog stand and asked her out repeatedly until she said yes, for bowling and dinner. Susan was skeptical but agreed, and she and Dan had a good time and meant on many more dates. Dan and Sue had dinner with her parents on the night of their six-month anniversary. Dan had planned to propose to Sue, but then instead he left the house and outside on the porch he broke up with her over unexplainable anger issues he could not control. He went back to his home and threw up, cried, and prayed to God to help him. Dan wrote a letter to his 51-year-old dad Mike who lived in New York. Mike read the letter in which Dan reminisced about the old days and how close father and son were…some of the time. Mike was an alcoholic who used to hang out at the Red Rooster bar with his drinking buddies frequently after work. Mike and his wife, Erika, got divorced when Dan was nine years old because of Mike’s constant abuse to his wife and child. They had to sell their house as a result. Mike moved out of the house that he build first, but weeks later came back one day after living at a motel. Mike yelled at his wife Erika that he could do whatever he wanted, including abusing her every night he came home in a raging fit caused by his drunken state because he got a paycheck for his work and told Erika the house was his (his wife didn’t get a salary for her constant sacrifice and selfless support to help her unstable abusive husband through every day while raising HIS child with her GOD-heart too). Erika later married Tony Adams, and she and Dan moved in with Tony 150 miles away from the motel where Mike lived. Dan visited Mike every other weekend, but he left little Dan at the motel by himself to watch TV so dad could go drinking at the club with his unsober friends. Mike pinned the blame on Erika for Mike and Dan not being able to do much together anymore when in reality Dan didn’t want to spend time with his son and would rather go drinking with his bar gang. Young Dan believed Mike’s lying words and when he came back home in tears from the motel, he refused to tell his mom what happened. Mike later called to suggest that Dan take the bus to visit him since Mike was fed up with driving the long distance. Erika was reluctant but let Dan go when he promised to be careful. Sometimes during his visit, Dan and Mike played ball and did other things that Dan wanted to do instead of dad drinking at the bar and Dan stuck at the motel all alone. Erika and Tony started arguing frequently about how he refused to just let it be a mistake when she forgot that he didn’t like specific things. Tony was jealous of the attention Erika was giving Dan, so Tony padlocked the fridge and refused to let Dan eat. Abusive step-dad Tony told Dan to play in traffic and he took Dan’s bike away for three months. Dan and Erika were forced to eat TV dinners in Dan’s rooms until Erika filed for divorce and Tony moved out (of Tony’s house that Erika moved into with her son). Dan and Mike’s relationship suffered even more as Dan grew into a teen, and in his letter Dan included a photo of Mike keeping his distance from Dan and added the caption that that was the day that Mike had killed his son (Mike would not let Dan put his arm around him for the photo because Mike was raised by his dad that guys don’t hug but shook hands). Dan started hanging out with a group of delinquent teens that raced recklessly in an unauthorized areawith heavy cranes and mountain piles of rock. The police chase the teens one night around the dangerous site and the one of the teen cars escaped but Dan’s truck of teens did not and he eventually stopped. Dan was driving and got arrested with the teens in his vehicle, while the other car of teens got away. Kathy Brown was one of the girls, and the next day she skipped school with Dan and told him she hated her dad and wished her dad was dead for being an alcoholic and abusing her for getting arrested the night before. Kathy had no mom at the house. Another time, Dan and the teens drank beer and jumped off one of the cranes while holding on to a bottle of alcohol to slide down the mound of gravel. Later on they build a campfire, and then they bashed their deadbeat dads. 15-year-old Annie Stevens was late to their hate on dads party and drove up in her vehicle upset and read a poem she wrote about how she met her dad that she had not seen in many years but then wished for the day before back because it was a huge mistake to brink that horrible excuse for a parent back into her life and he wasn’t the prince she expected him to be. Annie then keeled over and dropped dead because she had already slit her wrists before she arrived and her coat covered it up, and the other teens were almost too drunk to carry her lifeless body away to get help. After Annie’s death, Dan avoided the teen gang he hung out with at his high school for two months because he wanted to get on track and make something of his life and himself and not end up like Annie. Dan’s friend, Norman Hill, who was still friends with Dan in 1994 and a lead singer of a Jamaican reggae band, thought Dan should just worry about being a kid. Erika regularly went to church, which Mike always believed was for hypocrites. One day Dan decided to attend church with his mom, meet with a preacher and become a Christian. In present time, adult Dan sent Erika a Mother’s Day card and thanked her for her endless sacrifice, constant love and undying faith in both him and his dad otherwise Dan would have turned out an ungodly man. With Erika’s help, mom bought a small apartment complex house that Dan became the landlord of and he repaired the damages himself (perhaps learned trade from Mike). After Mike read the letter, he and Dan met together to discuss how Dan wanted to have a family and not be bitter like his dad. Mike still blamed his ex-wife Erika for everything that happened, but Dan knew that mom was the glue that held the family together with GOD first, when Mike tore them apart with his alcoholism and told his dad to face that reality and stop lying. Mike lied that Erika ran off with Tony, but Dan argued that Mike lied and Erika divorced Tony because Tony was abusive to her and Dan like Mike was. Mike had found a new family too over the years and Mike refused to call Dan or have contact with him after that. Dan repeatedly told Mike that he loved him and forgave him, but Mike refused to say it back and was uncomfortable with what Dan had to say and said he was leaving as he had someplace else to go and basically he heard enough of Dan’s words. Dan told Mike that he was welcome to be a part of his life if he decided to later on in life. Mike explained that his dad never showed him any affection and shaking hands was the manly thing to do, so Mike and Dan shook and Mike left. Dan went back and proposed to Sue and they got married. Many years later Mike knocked on the door and decided that he wanted to be part of their lives and be a grandfather to their young son (around 10 years old), Mikey. The movie cover art listed, Edwin L. Carpenter, The Dove Foundation, “Five Doves. This is a powerful drama…awesome ending!” The Dove Foundation, “Many people will relate to this well-acted, tightly directed and edited film.” David Delk, National Coalition of Men’s Ministries, “Truly, this is an inspirational movie that demonstrates God’s desire for healthy relationships between a father and his son.” 

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/19/24

TITLE: The Incredibles 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG (This is not suitable for God’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR: 2004 Walt Disney Pictures / Pixar Animation Studios / Buena Vista Pictures Distribution 

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This cartoon movie takes place in the town of Municiberg and began with Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl, two superheroes, giving interviews about their views. He wanted to give up his superhero life and have a family, and she felt the opposite way and wanted to continue being the hero. Mr. Incredible used his super strength to stop a getaway car of thugs shooting with machine guns as the police cars that pursued the criminals, take down a tour bus robber with the help of Elastigirl and then save Oliver Sansweet who jumped off the roof of the bank to kill himself. Bomb Voyage, a French super villain, used bombs to blow up the vault and steal its contents. Bomb escaped when Buddy Pine, a young boy who was Mr. Incredible’s biggest fan and called himself IncrediBoy, tagged along and insisted on helping. He left with a bomb attached to him, which Mr. Incredible diverted. The bomb blew up the train tracks, but he used his strength to stop the train from crashing. Mr. Incredible made it just in time for his wedding to Elastigirl. Oliver Sansweet didn’t want to be saved and sued Mr. Incredible for interfering with his suicide attempt, and the people onboard the train also sued him. That led to other superheroes being sued, so the government created the Superhero Relocation Program and offered to pardon the superheroes (called supers) if they promised to assume normal human identities and never use their powers outside of their home. Fifteen years later, Mr. Incredible and Elastigirl were known as Bob and Helen Parr and they lived in the suburbs with their three children, teenage Violet, Dashiell “Dash” and baby Jack-Jack. Baby Jack-Jack didn’t have any superpowers yet. Bob worked as an insurance agent for Insuricare and pretended to deny elderly Mrs. Hogenson’s insurance claim but he went against the rules and secretly helped her. Helen was called to the principal’s office to take care of an incident where Dash’s teacher Bernie Kropp was adamant that Dash was a troublemaker and he had unclear footage of Dash putting tacks in Bernie’s seat using his powers of super speed. Dash wasn’t happy that his parents wouldn’t let him participate in sports because his powers would be discovered. Dash and Violet got into a fight at the dinner table when he revealed that she wasn’t eating because she had a crush on Tony Rydinger. Bob and his best friend Lucius Best, superhero Frozone, lied to their wives Helen and Honey that they were going bowling when they were doing superhero work. They rescued people from a burning building but ended up crashing into a jewelry store and looking like robbers with hostages. The police tried to apprehend them, but Lucius froze one of the officers and he and Bob escaped. A female named Mirage watched them and reported back to her boss. Bob’s boss, Gilbert Huph chewed him out for not following the rules and he wanted to leave and help someone being mugged. Huph threatened to fire Bob if he did, so the mugger got away and Bob threw Huph threw the walls. He ended up in the hospital, and Bob was fired and scolded by Rick Dicker, a government agent who covered for the Parrs whenever Bob blew their cover and cost the government millions in relocation fees and new identities for the family. Bob received a message from Mirage, who claimed that she was a member of a government organization that wanted to enlist Bob’s help for a top-secret mission as Mr. Incredible in exchange for a high salary. Bob agreed and lied to Helen that Insuricare was sending him on a business trip. Bob was assigned to shut down but not destroy an Omnidroid, a highly intelligent but dangerous battle robot prototype, which escaped into the jungle from a government facility on a remote volcanic island. Bob was able to complete his mission and was paid, but Mirage refused to reveal the name of her boss. Bob returned home, where he spent quality time with his family and worked out to get in shape. He visited Edna “E” Mode to have his old costume patched up. E didn’t look female and had a male voice, and was a fashion designer who created costumes for all the supers. She insisted on designing a new costume for Bob in addition to fixing his old one. Mirage called to give Bob another assignment, and Helen eavesdropped and thought Bob was having an affair. Bob returned to the volcano, where he was confronted by a bigger and better droid that overpowered him. Buddy, now a grown-up weapons inventor, appeared and revealed that he became the supervillain Syndrome after Mr. Incredible refused to let little Buddy help him with his missions as Mr. Incredible claimed he always worked alone. Syndrome had tested all his droid prototypes on dozens of other supers so he could improve them, and the heroes died when they battled the robots. Syndrome’s powers were stronger than Bob’s and he used them to knock Bob off a cliff into the water. Syndrome threw a bomb in after Bob and believed he was dead, but he wasn’t. Bob snuck into Syndrome’s facility later that night and used the computer system to learn that Lucius Best’s location was known but Helen’s wasn’t. Syndrome’s weapon of mass destruction was Kronos, a super robot that he planned to unleash on the world in eight hours. Meanwhile, Helen noticed that Bob’s suit had been fixed and went to see Edna, who showed off all the new costumes that she designed for Helen and the kids. Edna revealed that Bob was secretly in the superhero business again and she assumed that the rest of the family would follow suit. Helen called Insuricare, who confirmed that Bob no longer worked for them. Edna convinced Helen to go after Bob, and she used the homing device built into all the suits to track Bob down. Violet and Dash discovered their suits that Helen was hiding, so they stowed away on her jet and revealed that they left Jack-Jack with a young babysitter named Kari. Bob was captured by Syndrome and zapped with high voltages of electricity to get answers out of him. Syndrome tracked down the homing signal to Helen’s jet and then he sent out missiles destroy it. Violet wasn’t able to put a force field around the plane, so the missiles shot it down while Helen, Violet and Dash parachuted into the water. Helen transformed herself into a boat with her flexible body, and they headed to the island. Helen then retracted what she always said and now advised the kids to use their powers if they needed to. She left the kids in the jungle while she snuck into Syndrome’s secret facility. Bob thought his family was dead, so he threatened to kill Mirage and Syndrome encouraged him. Bob refused, so Mirage was angry at Syndrome for wanting to sacrifice her life and then calling Bob weak for backing out. Mirage freed Bob from the electric machine and they hugged and Helen spotted them and was upset but Bob proved that he was still faithful to Helen. Violet and Dash were found in the jungle by the security guards that chased them. Dash used his super speed to run away across the water and narrowly escape several explosions of the guards’ aircraft, and then Violet used her invisibility and bulletproof force fields to protect her and her brother from the guards’ firepower. Bob and Helen left to rescue the kids and the family battled all the bad guys. Syndrome captured the family foursome and explained that he released Kronos to cause destruction in the cities so then Syndrome could destroy the robot and look like the hero in the people’s eyes. He planned to later sell his inventions to the public so anyone could be superheroes without needing to have powers. Kronos wreaked havoc everywhere it went and the military were unable to destroy it with artillery. Syndrome came to the rescue and looked like a hero until the robot turned on him and he lost his remote control that controlled the robot. Bob and his family headed to the city in a stolen van to stop the robot, and they drove recklessly through traffic until they crashed. Bob and Helen went to fight off the robot and tore up the city in the process while also trying to retrieve Syndrome’s remote that controlled the robot. Lucius suited up as Frozone and ditched a special dinner with his wife Honey to help out. The kids got involved in the action, and they used the remote to make one of the robot’s detached arms blow a hole through the robot to blow it up. Syndrome was apprehended, and Rick announced that the government would take care of everything and the politicians would decide whether or not the family could come out of hiding. Meanwhile, Kari left them messages that she called a different babysitter because Jack-Jack was terrorizing her. The family returned home and discovered that Syndrome was holding the baby hostage and planned to train him to be an evil sidekick. Syndrome tried to kidnap Jack-Jack, who then revealed that he had superpowers too and the baby used them to turn himself into a demon. The angry baby attacked Syndrome and Helen was able to rescue Jack-Jack as Syndrome’s aircraft exploded with him onboard. Three months later, Dash joined the track team. He was able to run faster than everyone else and easily won a trophy at the track meet. Violet and her crush Tony agreed to go on a date at the movies. The family worked together to stop a supervillain called the Underminer from destroying the city with a construction drill. This movie had a budget of $92-145 million and grossed over $631 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Richard Corliss, TIME “The year’s wittiest, zippiest adventure, with each knockout action sequence eclipsing the last.” Peter Travers, Rolling Stone “It’s James Bond, Indiana Jones and the X-Men all rolled into one.”

  

DATE REVIEWED: 9/19/24

TITLE:  Big 

BOX OFFICE RATED: PG  (This is not suitable for GOD’s children.)

PRODUCTION YEAR:  1988  20th Century Fox / Gracie Films / American Entertainment Partners II L.P.

RATING [1 LEAST FAVORITE TO 5 HIGHLY RECOMMENDED]: 1

REASON: This movie began in New Jersey, where 12-year-old Josh Baskin lived with his family. Josh’s friend, Billy Francis Kopecki, boasted that he could see down his teacher’s shirt and added to stand close while she sat down so Josh can get a better view of her bare breasts. Josh and his parents and baby sister, Rachel, went to the carnival that night, where Josh tried to talk to young teen Cynthia Benson, who both he and Billy liked. Cynthia was know to have already had many boyfriends and had just broke up with Barry and brought along her new and older boyfriend Derek who could drive a car. Josh was upset that he wasn’t tall enough to ride the carnival ride with Cynthia, so he instead played with the Zoltar Speaks arcade game. Oddly, the machine wasn’t plugged in, but Josh was able to make a wish to be big and he was told that his wish was granted. There was a thunderstorm that night. The next morning Josh woke up in a 30-year-old man’s body wearing boys’ underwear and discovered that his wish came true. He borrowed his dad’s clothes and went to find Zoltar, but the carnival was gone. Josh returned home and tried to explain to his mom who he was, but Mrs. Baskin thought “big” Josh was a burglar and went after him with a knife. She called the police to report her son’s disappearance. “Big”Josh went to school to confront Billy and Billy thought “big” Josh was a bad guy. Josh was able to prove who he was by singing the goofy song that only he and his friend knew, so Billy stole his dad’s emergency cash stashed in the house and he and Josh headed to New York City to find a Zoltar machine and fix Josh’s wish. On the street, Billy and “big” Josh passed prostitutes and a crazy man ranting to himself that he would kill a bit** with a knife. They rented a room at the frighteningly dingy St. James Hotel because they thought it was religious, but it wasn’t and a man eyed Billy and Josh with gay interest. Billy went home alone while Josh stayed the night in the creepy hotel NYC room with gunshots, screaming and a Spanish-speaking man pounding on the door. Billy came back every day to visit Josh, and they requested a list of all the carnivals and fairs which might have Zoltar, which could take 6 weeks to arrive. Josh applied for a job as a computer operator at MacMillan Toys. Josh used Billy’s locker combination as a social security number, and Josh was hired. Coworker Scott Brennen told (12-year-old boy in 30-year old body) Josh not to work so hard and make everyone else look bad, and he pointed out which office girls would have sex with him the fastest. Josh still had his 12-year-old mindset and gave his boss Mr. MacMillan advice about his toys. The two had fun playing a piano with their feet, and then MacMillan gave Josh an office and a job in marketing to make easy money by playing with toys and giving his opinion on them. Paul Davenport gave a presentation on a building that turned into a robot, which Josh didn’t think was fun. “Big” Josh suggested a robot that turned into a bug, and Mr. MacMillan and all the executives except Paul loved the idea. “Big” Josh rented a NYC apartment in a nicer area, where he and Billy spent their time hanging out and playing with toys, a Pepsi vending machine inside the home, and they went out to baseball games. “Big” Josh called Mrs. Baskin to say that her son was safe, and she thought Josh had been kidnapped so he wrote a letter to his parents telling him that he was safe and would be home in a month. MacMillan hosted an employee company party event, and “Big” Josh (still 12 year old) and an adult coworker, Susan Lawrence, left together in her limo. They went to Josh’s apartment, where Susan wanted to sleep the night with “Big” Josh even though she was dating Paul. “Big” Josh didn’t understand Susan’s meaning, so they slept on bunk beds. Soon after, Paul took Josh to play squash, and Paul cheated so Josh refused to give him the ball. The two men wrestled and rolled around on the ground until Paul punched Josh, and Susan nursed Josh’s wounds. Susan broke up with Paul since he was just another one of the many men she dated at work and gave Paul his things back that he kept at her home. “Big” Josh and Billy went out for Josh’s (13th) birthdayand had dinner. Billy wanted to celebrate with beer and dirty magazines but Josh left Billy to hang out with Susan and wouldn’t tell Billy where he was going. “Big” Josh and Susan went to the carnival and then went dancing, and he didn’t notice the Zoltar machine as he walked by it with Susan. The two kissed at Susan’s place and then “Big Josh (13 years old) had sex with adult Susan after it showed him putting his hand on her breast and touching her bra (in man form). Another night, “Big” Josh accompanied Susan to a private home and had dinner with Susan and her friends, and a man refused to help his son, Adam, with his algebra so Josh got up from the table and helped Adam in his room using Larry Bird math examples. “Big”Josh and Susan worked together on a joint proposal for employer MacMillan, and Josh came up with the idea for an electronic comic book and Susan marketed it. Billy received the list of carnivals in the mail and tried to call Josh, but “Big” Josh ignored his NJ friend and was too busy to answer so Billy delivered it to him in person. “Big” Josh was more concerned about his work, so tween Billy called him an a-hole and swore the f-word before storming out of his friend’s work office. “Big” Josh visited his hometown and decided to tell Susan that he was really a 13-year-old and he couldn’t have a relationship with her. She misunderstood and thought Josh didn’t want to commit and thought he was interested in another woman. Billy visited “Big” Josh again and told him that he could find a Zoltar at Sea Point Park. “Big” Josh and Susan pitched the product to MacMillan and the executives, but then “Big” Josh walked out in the middle of it and went to the Sea Point park. Susan chased after him and found Billy outside the office building and Billy told her where to find “Big” Josh. Susan found him after he wished to Zoltar that he could be a kid again, so now Susan believed him. Josh wanted Susan to live in New Jersey with him, and she refused because she didn’t want to relive her childhood years again and instead drove Josh back to his New Jersey family and home. They said goodbye and as he walked away from the car, Josh turned back into a 13-year-old boy self and adult Susan returned to New York. Things went back to normal and Josh and Billy hung out like they used to. This movie had a budget of $18 million and grossed over $151 million at the box office. The movie cover art listed, Newsweek, “Hilarious!” The Hollywood Reporter, “nimble comedy.” 


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